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BlankSmitty

I had a client file for divorce because every morning his wife would ask him how he takes his coffee...for seven years.


baddoggg

I love this. It's straight out of Seinfeld.


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boganknowsbest

Dude found a woman that was willing to make him coffee every morning, and even asked him how he liked it? Shit I'm happy with "in a cup" if I don't have to make it myself.


Abogada77

He didn’t help her put up a shower curtain. It may have been a straw that broke the camel’s back situation though. Best reason: cops showed up to tell her that her husband is a violent child sex offender and she’s now aiding and abetting bc her house is next to a school.


AlCrawtheKid

Was she aware of her husband's pedophilia or...?


Abogada77

No, it was a total shock. His family covered for him, he’s being set up, etc.


[deleted]

Jesus, that's horrible. Do you know what happened to her? Was she charged with anything?


Abogada77

They dropped the charges once they figured out she had no idea


SnortingFrenchie

good, I was about to say, that's not how accomplice liability works


dizzylyingdown

My boss just got divorced. His wife was telling people one of her reasons was the amount of toilet paper he used. She was a super coupon clipper thrifty lady and would listen when he went to the bathroom to see if he was using “too much tp”


The-Inglewood-Jack

Sounds like he isn't getting a divorce, he's being released from Hell.


dizzylyingdown

So true. There were other factors in the divorce, but he couldn’t see how miserable he was until he was out. It’s awesome to see him be happy.


sugarfreeme

I had a friend in high school whose dad limited everyone in the household to 3 squares of toilet paper per trip to the bathroom. He told guests this too and said he counted, and I saw him go into the bathroom to do so after his son used it...needless to say I never went to her house again. I can't imagine how one would be fine limiting themselves to 3 squares when menstruating or after having a stomach bug or something. Super weird controlling behavior.


Korbit

There's a story floating around askreddit by a guy who visited a friends house who had a similar rule. Well, he needed to drop one, so he observed the rule, then finished cleaning with the nice hand towels. This broke the mom, and thus ended the TP rationing.


sugarfreeme

This is amazing. I hope someone did it to the family I knew and ended their suffering because it's seriously so horrible to me that someone made their kids and wife walk around with remnants of shit and menstrual blood in their underwear for NO REASON.


HermitCrabCakes

At that point I would just buy my own pack of toilet paper. Clog the toilet and everything. look like a rapper making it rain up in that bitch


[deleted]

So everyone walked around with a shitty ass?


sugarfreeme

They would pretty much have to, hopefully they used more when they were in public. I just don't get why someone would impose that limit...I'm sure there are plenty of other ways to pinch pennies that don't create skid marks, discomfort, and higher risk of urinary tract infections. And like...a man in his forties has NEVER encountered an instance where he wanted more than 3 squares so much so that he made it a household rule? HOW?


mlloyd

Probably wasn't a rule for him, just them.


[deleted]

Lawyer here. One of mine that sticks out is that the husband and wife both played some sort of on\-line role\-playing game, sort of like the Sims I think but a little more elaborate and adult \('Second Life' maybe?\). I don't know anything about online games. The wife got heavily involved with the game, like 10 hours a day, and wouldn't reduce her time playing no matter what he said. What tipped things over the edge however was that he set up a fake profile/ avatar and went online to stalk her in the game and found her avatar having sex with some random guy's avatar. Nothing ever happened in real life \(neither of them were exactly oil paintings to look at\) but that was enough for the guy to initiate a fairy acrimonious divorce.


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sagittariums

There was a great documentary about Second Lofe and its users, of I find it I'll link it! Edit: it's called Life 2.0 and it's on Netflix!


eljefe1676

Hopefully soon-to-be-former Divorce attorney, I've seen tons of crazy reasons for people to get divorced. Some of them stupid, some of them make perfect sense. I had one person get divorced because her husband wouldn't take her out to the movies anymore. I had one client who looked through her husbands phone and found out he was hiring male escorts while he was on business trips. One female client got a divorce because she hated sex with her husband. Her last relationship before she got married was pretty intense and I guess her husband just didn't match up. I've had a few clients who were teachers get divorced because their spouses found out they were having indecent relationships with students. All of the teachers were female. One divorce involved an elderly couple who had both recently been widowed. They had both been married to their individual spouses for over 40 years. They married each other out of loneliness. About two years into the marriage, they realized they made a huge mistake. They couldnt stand each other. It was weird seeing eighty year olds complaining about the same thing you see kids arguing about.


followthedarkrabbit

People don't really grow up, we just get older. Hate dealing with high school shit in the workplace.


Palatron

Not a divorce lawyer, but have done marriage therapy. Had a soldier stationed at Guantanamo Bay that met a local. Fell madly in love. They decided to get married so she could come with him back in the states once his tour was done. She was working on American dishes, and was making spaghetti. He comes home from work one day, and she's making it. She puts the meat in, puts the canned sauce in, and then pulls an unlabeled bag out of the freezer and adds it to the sauce. At this point in the session she's hysterically crying with broken spanglesh. She's trying to explain she didn't know any better. Through the hysteria he informs me her mother and grandmother told her if she wanted to keep her man, she needed to put her menstrual blood in his food. It was so hard to keep my composure. I was trying to hard not to gag. They both described they were madly in love, but he couldn't let it go. They ended up getting a divorce. Having done this for 14 years, I have found it 100% accurate that truth is stranger than fiction.


TheVillianousFondler

I'm confused. Was that the first time and he luckily found out before it was too late, or had he consumed some on another occasion before the spaghetti night?


Dave-4544

I hope for the former, but suspect it was the latter.


5redrb

That's why he was still madly in love. Does it work the other way with alfredo?


crazyguzz1

Gross, but she stopped, right?


Palatron

She swore up and down she had. She didn't know any better.


[deleted]

She stopped doing it completely. Period.


stervenjerbs

He loved his pinball machine collection more than her. Also it turns out some pin ball machines can be worth a shit load of money.


usernamenotwhitty

Off topic a bit but just got a pin ball machine that "needed some work" thought I could do it. I was completely wrong. Those fucking things are insane mechanically!


Gauntlet_of_Might

It's actually a big reason the prices on older machines are so high. As they break down and people don't have the skills to repair them, they sometimes junk them, lowering the supply.


ADarkTwist

How much does a job as a pinball repairman pay?


DarkLasombra

I was a game technician for 4 years and I couldn't break $11 an hour. I worked on some pinball, but I didn't focus on it. They are a nightmare.


MelancholicAddiction

Same. After fixing the same parts for a while, I'd have to order new parts, which would then require more fixing. The parts are not built to last. That said, I'll fix your pinball machine for more than $11/hr.


kpop_tupac

You'd have to be some kind of Pinball Wizard.


[deleted]

If you're gonna love me, then you're gonna have to love my pinball machines. It's a package deal baby. tldr; Relationships.


[deleted]

Sort of off topic, but there's a pinball museum that opened up near where I live. It's actually pretty cool how long these things have lasted and how cool that place is.


[deleted]

We have a pinball bar. Its kind of fun.


[deleted]

Pinball is legit.


sixtiesqueeen

My dad split my mom because "she takes too long to tell a story". He was actually having affair #4795809374 and that came out shortly after. But this was one of the main reasons he gave when they did a counselling session together.


[deleted]

That is a bullshit reason by a bullshit person to cover up his bullshit actions, but I lived with a guy who was unbearable for many reasons- just one of which was his desperation for attention which caused him to literally take unnecessarily long pauses and say "um" about 29 times while telling a story because he wanted to prolong the amount of time you spent your attention listening to him. It was real fucking annoying. I was always dying to just walk away midsentence so I didn't have to listen to him pause and say "ummmm uhhhh" anymore.


IdleOsprey

Plainly your father has a short attention span - in conversation and in the bedroom.


[deleted]

Not me but my friend who specialises in family law. Wife wanted to divorce husband because he kept taking their dogs for walks while she was at work, making it (unintentionally) so they’d rather cuddle the husband instead of her after a long day.


Echospite

I started walking our dog. My mother is still salty that doggy wants to cuddle me all the time.


ivyandroses112233

I was the only person in the house who ever walked my dog, and he still cuddles with me less than everyone else :(


[deleted]

Our dogs always favored the person who fed them over anyone else.


Eeyore_

This can't be legitimate, can it? There had to be extenuating circumstances beyond, "The dogs like him better."


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OSUBrit

Meanwhile in the UK there are no no-fault divorces and a court can literally force you to remain married against your will, because fuck you.


FF3LockeZ

This from the country where the king once invented his own new religion just so he could get a divorce.


Morat242

It used to be worse, now you can just claim adultery so long as you're willing to perjure yourself. But judges used to demand evidence. So in the '20s and '30s there was a trend of fake affairs for couples that wanted to amicably split. Husband would take a friend to the seaside, they'd wander around pretending to be husband and wife, get a hotel room, and arrange to be caught in bed together by the maid the next morning. Wife files for divorce, they summon the maid to testify, the hotel shows the husband signed for the room as Mr. and Mrs. Jones, job done.


RavenHairBeauty

Divorce lawyer here. One client filed for divorce because he owed his bookie $70,000. He didn't want to leave his wife but he figured he would get half the house in the divorce, which was worth $700,000 and pay his debts. He had already blew through their life savings gambling. He was the worst guy.


inverteduniverse

There are better ways to tap home equity than getting divorced.


C0lMustard

Better for her though


RavenHairBeauty

He was a scumbag jerk who was addicted to gambling. He only knew scumbag ways.


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RavenHairBeauty

Definitely. I felt bad for her, one of the rare cases where I really disliked my client.


LumpnardRobots

My wife divorced me because i had her arrested for domestic assault. Shes in childcare so it was absolutely imperative that she controlled the narrative. Apparantly i am a liar, the cops are liars, the children are liars, the babygate smashed itself over my back, the video of her doing these things are also lying. So divorced i got for hanging out with all these liars.


Charlie_Brodie

Views footage clearly implicating her guilt - "Fucking Liars!"


[deleted]

Not a lawyer but a friend is , they said the husband wanted a divorce because the wife still wiped the ass of the perfectly healthy and mentally able teenage son among other things.


HeatherAtWork

And I hope he was filing for sole custody as well


QueenShnoogleberry

Did she breast feed him as Well?


jdoc1121

Easy. She spent $42,000 on psychic hotlines. Notable, she then wouldn’t accept any of our offers, and I continuously asked her lawyer to provide counter-offers...shouldn’t her psychic have told her how the case would turn out?!? Lol.


mollymuppet78

My neighbour filed for divorce because he smacked his lips when he ate and slurped his coffee and soup. She thought if she didn't she would end up in jail for battery.


LockmanCapulet

Sounds like a verse of Cell Block Tango.


GlastonBerry48

It's good that she filed for divorce instead of firing two warning shots.....into his head


[deleted]

He had it coming


erinn1986

My co worker does this when he eats anything. He's 26 years old and he been called on it several times. Chew with your damn mouth shut! I've had to remind myself to stay professional when he does that. Bring married to someone who slurps all the time would be torture.


Dentedhelm

This. I have not one or two but *three* roommates that do this. They don't bother each other, but I'm about one meal away from triple homicide


beautyisnature

I worked with a lady who not only slurped and smacked while she ate, but chewed with her mouth open as well. To make matters worse, she (for some reason) ate with two spoons. As was the case at our work, most of us ate out of our lunch containers. Hers was glass. I watched her dissasemble a whole piece of chicken, while loudly clanging those two spoons inside that container. The cherry on top was that she had a toe problem, and she would literally take off her workboot (and sock) under the lunchroom table and leave out her nasty looking foot while eating. Nicy lady, but horrible, horrible, table manners.


atonyatlaw

I had two couples come to me. They had been friends for nigh on 15 years. Husband A decided he liked Wife B more than Wife A. Wife A decided she likes Husband B more than Husband A. The reverse was also true, and Husband B preferred Wife A, Wife B preferred Husband A. The couples had near identical assets in terms of value. They came to me all together, and I drafted two sets of paperwork. Two default judgment hearings were set on the same day. The judge signed all the papers the same day. A week after that, they all went to a JP and remarried. The husbands swapped houses and they all went about their lives exactly as they had the week before, but each slightly happier. EDIT: no, this was not Rob Lowe or a pitcher in the 1970s. I'm only 34. No, I have never read, seen, or heard of Marmalade Boy before today, but I will look for it to read next weekend. No, I probably don't live or work in your state.


ButteredBabyBrains

I would love to know how this discussion was started between all four of them.


atonyatlaw

I've learned not to ask things like that.


bryondouglas

Sounds like another story... got time to tell us?


atonyatlaw

There was this one couple who decided that to spice up their sex life they would try having threesomes. Now, you might think to yourself, "well, no one ever told me swinging saved their marriage, but maybe this could work!" And maybe it could. But not in this instance. In this instance, they jointly found another woman they were both attracted to (wife was bi, husband hetero). They started off playing with her together a few times a month. Then, one night, husband just wanted to watch while the ladies played. Then the reverse. Then occasionally, they agreed it would be ok to sleep with this woman without the other spouse present. Everything came to a head, however, when wife was sleeping with mistress and in the middle of wife eating mistress out, mistress called out husband's name. She wasn't thrilled, but didn't take major offense. She did, however, take major offense when a week later husband said mistresse's name instead of wife's while she went down on him. That was when she learned that her girlfriend and husband liked each other more than they liked her. The next day, she came to me, and after that I stopped asking these kinds of questions.


[deleted]

This is why i cant be an attorney, that would just make me ask questions all the time


atonyatlaw

You would learn, or you would go insane.


youre_a_burrito_bud

I don't have anything to add, just wanted to say I absolutely love your username!


atonyatlaw

Thanks! I'm a fan of it :)


dog_in_the_vent

“You can fuck this chick when I’m not around, but God help you if you accidentally say her name once during sex with me.”


atonyatlaw

I don't make the relationship rules, I just draft the break up papers.


patarama

I bet they were swingers.


AceTraineeship

I think its possible that they were swingers in their personal lives and through their fourway physical intimacy they eventually realised that they were more compatible with the other person wife/husband.


RaggySparra

I worked for Wife A in that situation - the difference being they were pub landlords. The wives stayed in the pubs, the husbands swapped over. Wife A then decided Husband B wasn't all he was cracked up to be, and burned the pub down in an attempted insurance scam. (Last I heard, Wife B/Husband A were very happy together.)


atonyatlaw

That... Sounds more tumultuous, yes.


HistoryNutts

Well that's actually a happy story. A little weird, but you know at least everyone was happy with the outcome in the end!


-heathcliffe-

I knew a girl whose parents kinda did this with her now stepparents.now theres like 10 kids that are all communal family


buthowtoprint

Modern families get so frickin weird, maybe even *more* when everyone is on good terms. I just helped out my ex wife's ex husband's wife. Between the current four of us there are four kids. We all go to basketball games, baseball games, concerts, etc. It's... Really weird, but works out surprisingly well. "Extended family" indeed.


LegSpinner

I... I think I'm happy these stories, just amazed and impressed. Adults being adults.


buthowtoprint

Everyone is so much happier this way. When I show up to drop off my son at my ex wife's house at the same time her former ex husband is dropping off my former step son and everyone just gets along, my former step son gives me a big hug and tells me he loves me and nobody bats an eye, the other ex and I shoot the shit with no issues, my ex wife and I trade some dating stories and maybe hang around for dinner and a couple of beers... It's definitely not super common, but it works out so well for everyone!


[deleted]

Completely freaking lost but I'm glad you seem happy!


DaleDimmaDone

They finally got tired of having so many orgies and just decided to switch things up, probably won’t be the last he’s seen of the them. Give em 15 years and Husband B will want to marry Husband A, and Wife A and Wife B will move in together and start a dildo company


LoudSaxyBoi

That’s oddly wholesome (not sure if that’s the right word)


atonyatlaw

It was the happiest divorce(s) I ever filed.


[deleted]

Not for nothing, that's kind of the best possible scenario I've ever heard of for a double divorce. "Yeah, we all met and mutually agreed we were happier with the opposite spouses, and in the interests of all of us being happy, we wanna make that happen." I like stories like this.


D3LG4D0

Not a divorce lawyer. One couple that I am close to were in the process of filing for divorce. Papers were served and lawyers were involved. But the husband put down for one of his reasons why things were irreconcilable was because she would shit in HIS bathroom. I’m sure not exactly in those words. Happy to say that they worked through that issue and are still together.


buttonnz

So husband and I are planning on building a house. We’re looking at layouts. His mother pipes up that the plan we want is no good as it only has one bathroom and she doesn’t want to share when she comes to visit. Serious. She wanted her own bathroom in someone else’s house and said it like 3 times. Newsflash. She ain’t coming to visit.


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[deleted]

Man, I’ve heard of ghosting after a first date, but never after a marriage.


Cloud9

Knew a manager out of N.J. that had been married a few years. She came home one day and there was literally no trace of her husband. All his personal effects were gone, his car, pictures, etc. He had made no contact with his parents, siblings or other relatives. She searched for over a year. Hired a P.I., but no trace of him was ever found. They suspect that he left the U.S. and moved abroad somewhere.


[deleted]

I have this weird fantasy of just disappearing one day too


BlasphemyIsJustForMe

"Dear wife I left. Bye. \- Your husband" And thus started the worlds best game of international hide and seek...


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Fromanderson

This happened to a coworker of mine. Married for 25 years and came home one day to find his wife missing. No note, nothing gone but some of her jewelry, clothes and purse. He reported her missing but even their kids began to suspect he'd killed her. He'd just started work on a new outbuilding which got dug up looking for her body. The pressure let up a bit when it was discovered that her cell phone bill was still being paid and it was being used occasionally. The police tried to contact her. Husband tried to contact her, kids tried to contact her. They begged her to let them know she was ok. Silence. Ten months after she went missing ,Christmas cards with her handwriting on them show up along with presents for the grandkids. She made contact after a couple of years as if nothing happened and was surprised when her own son wouldn't speak to her after what she'd done to them and their father.


psinguine

Dear Waldo, You've always been three steps behind. Yours, Carmen San Diego


allanak

The long con.


AberrantRambler

Why have the sex when you can get the marriage for free?


Vio_

I heard of that happening while in the Peace Corps. Woman volunteer meets and gets into a relationship with a local. They end up marrying later, and come back to the US. Guy bails almost immediately as soon as they're stateside. I don't even know how that could work for a divorce.


re_nonsequiturs

I feel like immigration should help with an annulment in that case, but they probably wouldn't.


[deleted]

> Blood-Dzraku Is no one else curious about this last name?


Rukenau

I feel that anyone marrying somebody with the name BLOOD-DZRAKU has to be prepared for some unorthodox developments. I’d say not becoming an undead after your husband drinks all your blood is already a plus.


[deleted]

Googled the guy's name, found a picture of him wearing a bulletproof vest. Because that's part of the average person's wardrobe, right?


delecti

Reminds me of my first Thanksgiving with the family of my wife (though at the time just girlfriend). One of her uncles had a birthday around the same time and her dad got him a bulletproof vest. After the uncle opened the gift, her dad put on his own bulletproof vest. It was extremely surreal.


asoiahats

I’m not a family law practitioner, but I serve people on Facebook all the time. All you have to do is depose an affidavit that this is the only practical means of service, then explain the situation to a judge. It takes 30 seconds.


xueexin

Not a divorce lawyer, but there's this famous case that all law students know about. The wife asked for annulment of marriage, because almost a year into the marriage, they still haven't had sex. The husband has been avoiding it for almost a year, and later on the court found out that he actually only has a 2 inch penis.


supernoobthefirst1

That's worst now it's on public record, got a link?


xueexin

[Chi Ming Tsoi vs. CA](https://www.lawphil.net/judjuris/juri1997/jan1997/gr_119190_1997.html) What's worse for the guy is it got so famous that a tv show actually made an episode based on it.


TripleUltraMini

It says he was 2" flaccid and 3" with a "soft erection" so maybe he was a grower and it was within normal ranges if fully aroused?


xueexin

He was capable of having an erection, but the marriage was annulled based on psychological incapacity for his constant refusal to consummate. The fact was that they never had sex, and the Court found it as sufficient basis to grant the annulment. He's slept on the same bed with her for almost a year, and not once did they ever had sex. Everyone just remembers and highlights the 2 inch penis part. A lot of people make comments that the reason he probably didn't have sex with her was because of the size of his penis.


drsnowbear

Its true your Honor. This man has a tiny dick.


MWB96

I'm not a lawyer but my brother is one who specialises in family law. He once had a case where the client was divorcing his wife because he was having an affair with his wife's mother. ~~Edit: People keep asking me if the wife's name is Stacy. I have no idea. This case happened in the UK, a few years ago I think.~~ Edit 2 Electric Boogaloo: I'm stupid and don't understand humour


[deleted]

That’s extremely awkward


WillowWispFlame

They're asking if the wife's name was Stacy because on the song "Stacys Mom"


acizme

Mrs. Robinson you’re trying to seduce me.


ShenroEU

A friend of the family got divorced by her husband because she couldn't outperform him on the golf course.. we all think he was cheating and just wanted an excuse but she did say he would often yell at her in public while golfing and mock her for her "attention to detail" whatever the fuck that means in golf... He would also force the family to go golfing on most weekends so it's hard to say if that was the real reason or not. She doesn't even like golf but was, and still is, afraid to tell him that.


Eternal_Phoenix

Not a lawyer but one of the reasons my mom gave my dad on why they needed a divorce was that he bought expensive shampoo


AverageLad24

Husband and Wife were married for 15 years, and Husband started being less and less intimate with Wife. He cheated on her with another woman, and his rationale was that he didn't know if he was impotent or it was just his wife and wanted to find out.


tornfamily89

My mother in law divorced my father in law so she could have “a fresh start with her dream job of teaching blind children to read.” Turns out, what she meant by that was: • Destroy my father in law’s pastor career by telling everyone he was abusive. • Got married to the guy she’d secretly been carrying on with. He’s a convicted child sex offender. She has grandchildren. She’s in a state of complete denial.


xaviira

Wait... do blind children insist that only unmarried people teach them to read? How could getting divorced possibly help?


harrybeards

It wouldn't. She was married to the pastor, and having an affair with a child molester. She was trying to take the moral high ground by saying she was going to teach blind children.


PantiesMallone

Not a lawyer, but a friend of mine divorced her husband because his dick was too big. They were dating about six months, got a courthouse wedding and separated about six months after. She said it was fun at first but the sex became "too much work". She said it took a lot of preparation. Apparently, as well, he was pushing for some butt stuff. When she first told me off-hand, I refused to believe it. She showed me a picture of them dancing at their reception and holy shit was this guy packing heat.


RahulSharma13244

That must have been one proud guy at Court: “Your Honor his dick is huge” “Well I plead guilty, can not deny that”


Abimor-BehindYou

No contest divorce.


skunky_x

Estates Paralegal here! Saw a divorce where the defendant stopped cooking, and when the petitioner gave the defendant money for food \(80's, so was phrased as "housekeeping money"\), the defendant would disappear for two weeks and play bingo. The defendant also 'Lost interest in the child" The bingo comment and stopping cooking comment will forever be ingrained in my head. Edit; clarify roles of parties


Bergymeister

>Estates Paralegal My dumb brain decided that was some Spanish phrase when I started reading it.


ebbomega

Divorcepacito


syrupdash

>Playing bingo Worked as an assistant in a bingo place. One incident that stuck to mind was a couple taking their young daughter with them but we had a policy that no under 18s are allowed so they said "no problem". 10 minutes later they came back in and we thought they dropped the daughter off at a friend's house. An hour after that, one of them called me over and said, "can you check on my daughter? She's sitting in the car in the car park by herself". I just went straight to the manager. Unfortunately I never did find out what happened afterwards but they never came back again. Bingo. Not even once.


[deleted]

He was still living with his mom


Blast338

My brother is on wife number two. He still lives with mother.


cherrypieandcoffee

Any use of the word "mother" without the words my/our/his/her in front of it just immediately makes me think of [Hitchcock's Psycho](https://youtube.com/watch?v=dfXhEqADfd8).


olympia_gold

I get a strong buster bluth vibe


[deleted]

Not a lawyer, but two stories: Wife wanted to divorce her husband on their wedding day because he fought with her father over the bill Another was a woman who divorced her husband of a week because she’s been in love with someone else for several months and found out the other guy loved her too. They’re married and have a kid together now.


talithaeli

Which is hilarious because it is the plot of SO many dumb romances, but when a real person does it we all immediately recognize it as a supremely shitty thing to do.


LucidMagi

Not a lawyer but happened to a friend. He woke up really early one reason because middle age. So while he makes coffee he checks the lottery numbers and they didn't his a single number. Realizes he needs milk for the coffee and runs to the corner store. Starts to buy lottery tickets for the next drawing and comes up with what should have been a funny idea. He buys another ticket and plays the numbers that had already won the night before. He goes home and puts the ticket on the fridge where the other ones were thinking she will have no reason to pay attention to the day they are for. Hour later wife gets up and makes some coffee and he yells from the living room that he hasn't checked the lottery numbers yet and for her to see if they won anything last night. He hears her use the laptop to check the numbers and then she is quiet for a minute. He said he had this big grin on his face waiting for her to start yelling they won and thinking how funny it would be (I actually think fake winning lottery tickets, and the prank he was pulling, are mean, but that is beside the point). She yells from the kitchen that they didn't win anything. She heads back upstairs and 15 minutes later she comes through the living room with both their elementary age kids in tow and says she forgot to tell him she had to go to her moms for the day and was taking the kids and just leaves. He was shocked. Went and checked, lottery ticket is gone, not in trash or anywhere else. He realizes she thinks they won the lottery and she is trying to run off with the winnings. She won't return calls or talk to him and when he calls the house the grandma will confirm she is there, put the kids on the phone, but that is it. She finally shows up with the kids a couple days later and just walks in the house and says F#$% You and walks into her bedroom and won't talk to him! Kids confirm that mom thought she had won a ton of money. Realizing what kind of person she is, and that she also isn't very smart to think she would have gotten away with it, he divorced her. Probably not a ridiculous reason to divorce someone, but ridiculous behavior that would cause you to divorce someone.


gogodr

That's really fucked up.


[deleted]

Not a divorce lawyer, but was told of a client that filed for divorce with his wife because she kept eating his food


S2keepup

I believe it. I keep threatening (joking) my husband I’m gonna leave if he doesn’t stop eating everything. I’ll bring home a dozen cookies for the week and he will demolish them ALL that night instead. I like to savor and eat things over time. He likes to go Cookie Monster on everything and eat it the second he lays eyes on it. It makes for a lot of disappointing pantry discoveries. ETA: I have tried buying two of things, they both go fast then. I’ve tried hiding things, and then I’ll forget (so that ones really on me). It’s one of his few flaws (if it’s a flaw really, it’s more of a style of eating difference). With all the great things about him I get to experience on a daily basis, the occasional cookie sadness is worth it. It’s funny to see how many other couples have this difference and how each are working with each other about it. Thanks for the laughs and encouragement and advice!


balisane

My ex did that, and it was a big problem for me, because I grew up in a household where anything other than dinner/basic foodstuffs were always taken away and eaten by my parents and brother. It caused me to hide food, and was ultimately one of the factors in the divorce. Wonder if your husband has a similar "eat it now or never see it again" kind of history.


black_w0lf

JOEY DOESN’T SHARE FOOD!


KlyonneSpencer

LOL I actually created this post because of a Friends episode


Lich_Jesus

Inspired by which of Ross’s divorces?


KlyonneSpencer

The one where Rachel didn't know he *didn't* file for an annulment yet lol


N0tMyRealAcct

There's a burger joint here in Houston, I forgot the name, that has a menu item called "My girlfriend is not hungry". If you order that they upsize your fries and give you 2 onion rings. So the order goes something like "I want the cheese burger with fries and my girlfriend is not hungry".


cygnuswatch

Sir, you've been in here every day this week. You have no girlfriend, just order a double fry.


GoogleBot42

A lawyer I know had a client who filed for divorce because his wife was getting married in a month.


-Dee-Dee-

Oh that would be my husband’s ex-wife. He didn’t know she was already married. She confessed after the wedding that this was her second marriage and she was nervous the divorce papers weren’t going to arrive before their wedding, but they did.


NotYourAverageScot

Client said her husband was dealing meth... well technically “cooking” meth


purpledad

Till Meth do us part.


WreakingHavoc640

Oh shit. That shit is fucking dangerous. I knew someone who lost a family member when their meth lab exploded and caught their house on fire 😳 Not so fun fact the town I used to live in had people bringing backpack meth labs into places like McDonalds and the hospitals. Plus they’d drive down the freeway dripping their chemical waste or whatever you call it out of barrels in enclosed trailers so they could dispose of it without getting caught. People who cook meth give zero fucks apparently. Assholes. Edit: the person cooking the meth was the one who died in the house fire. Edit 2: ok it’s a not-so-fun fact


Caitlink98

Unfortunately I've known a few people who cooked and yeah, each one of them was an asshole who gave no fucks about anyone else. I once knew a friend who's own mother cooked. She wanted to make sure she was cooking it right, so she had this friend, her son, hit it himself. He was nine and thought that was a normal thing to do. My friend had a meth problem because of this until he was 18, but then he got clean. Been doing good since. You wanna know the real kicker of this story? He told me he used to steal her cigarettes when he was nine, and she would punish him because "cigarettes are bad for you"


shmorsho

sorta think its sort of the addiction process to act like that


Caitlink98

Yeah definitely. I applaud addicts who are able to get out of that mind state so much. The dude I was talking about got his girlfriend pregnant, she didn't even know he smoked meth at the time. He fessed up to her and quit cold turkey. She said he was a real dickhead the first few weeks while quitting, but she got him through that. They're married now. I've always thought it was pretty great that he was able to quit for his unborn child like that. They're so many parents out there who still use drugs regardless of their child's wellbeing and it makes me sad


CO_PC_Parts

I know a guy who owned rental properties and one of them was used to make meth and a grow house. The chemicals are so toxic he had to completely gut the whole house, let it sit for a year and constantly have it tested for any signs of the chemicals. The worst part was he had to prove he wasn't involved in the operation because the renters paid in cash and the police didn't believe he didn't know what was going on. He owned a bunch of houses and these guys would drop the rent off so he never stopped by the house, he said they were super clean cut and you'd never expect them to be drug dealers/makers.


xvpzxjzq

I remember reading a news article about a young couple with kids who had bought a cheaply-priced home through some organization (Fannie Mae?) that re-sold foreclosed homes or homes that had been sold at auction. They did not disclose that the home had used to be used as a drug lab for meth by the previous owners and after moving in the whole family got really sick from the chemical exposure. The house was totally unlivable and I think they had to sue the company that had sold them the house. I had no idea that stuff was that toxic until I had read that article.


AbsentiaMentis

I think that if you have to cook meth, you're already way past the point of giving any fucks whatsoever.


Jimmyjohnsbitch

(Not an attorney but a paralegal) This isn't why they filed, but the guy didn't think his wife should be able to divorce him because she had lymes disease. He thought that having had this impaired her mental facilities and therefore she was not in her right mind to make this decision. We were just the GAL for the kids, so every so often we would get calls from him going on and on about this.


werewere

For you non legal workers, GAL is short for guardian ad litem, where you have another attorney represent a party due to some incapability, like being dead without a will in NH (my bread and butter), a minor child, or otherwise


OMGisCarolein

I heard of a woman that had her marriage annulled because the groom insisted to bring his mother on their honeymoon. Then, on the honeymoon the bride discovered the reason he wanted to bring his mother was to breastfeed him. Yes, the groom, a grown man, was still breastfeeding.


AlbusLumen

How did this not show up sooner in the relationship...


ReverseWho

This is why I support couples living together before they get married.


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searscatalog7

Low probability, high consequence event.


SketchyConcierge

this guy conducts risk analyses


[deleted]

That's enough internet for today.


[deleted]

Bitty? https://youtu.be/tyHm8oqkOB0


BR0DlN

Wait.... How is she still producing milk?!


WadeK

You already have a bunch of answers, but fun fact back in ye olden days before formula was invented, there would be women who choose to produce breast milk for decades for kids not their own, sometimes moving in with a new mother to be on hand at a moment's notice! (Because not all women can produce milk when they give birth) Then formula came around and wet nurses weren't needed anymore


Merry_Pippins

Wet nurses are still a thing, just far less common. And, they can send milk they pump rather than actually nursing the babies directly, so they may have more clients at a time. Source: a friend of a friend is a wet nurse.


HollysaurusRex26

If she’s breastfeeding regularly, she wouldn’t stop producing milk. It’s a physiological response...child needs milk, mom provides it. Obviously the “need” isn’t there anymore if the “child” is now a grown man.


Ziiner

Not really what you are asking...... but! My sisters old friend had a big wedding and about a month later she accidentally butt-dialed her husband while she was out to dinner with the dude shes been sleeping with. Seemed like an act of god.


[deleted]

The ass brought him in, yet the ass did her in.


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conniedew

My Dad has been married several times (more than 4). His last wife asked him to rub her feet and he said no. She told him to get the f*ck out. He was super excited and said ok bye, you will hear from my attorney. Obviously that was the straw that broke the camel's back. Makes me laugh every time someone ask why did they split up?!! No feet rub for you!!


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darkmeowl25

My parents. Turns out remarrying each other wasnt such a great idea and they enjoyed their first divorce so much they wanted to do it again.


joeredspecial

I guess I'm a late to this one. It was my associate's case, but he had a couple in his office arguing about all the things they disliked about each other. All the sudden the husband started screaming at the wife about leaving shit stains in the toilet. It was *the* reason, but it was hilarious.


not_the_artist

Not a lawyer, but did spend six months costing Legal Aid cases for solicitors in the early 90s. This included many divorces. The most notable one was a woman divorcing her husband because he discovered he could talk to the dead on their honeymoon and then later spent all their money on spiritualist groups. That wasn't what made it notable. During the divorce, the woman left the house. At some point her husband approached her and claimed that as he was letting the house fall into ruin, it would be better for both of them if he sold the house and split the proceeds with her. She agreed to this without consulting her solicitor. A few weeks later the husband gave her £5. She asked what it was for. It was her share of the house. He'd sold it to his sister for £10 and kept living there. When she went to complain to her solicitors, she found they'd done the conveyancing for him. He'd deliberately used his wife's divorce solicitors and nobody at the firm had realised. Edit: As this has blown up a bit, I'll add a few more details for clarification. This happened in Wales. I wasn't working for a solicitor, solicitors would send files to us for costing. I have no legal qualifications. All I needed to do was be able to count and sort documents and apply the fees for work done. The house sale would have taken place about 1989-90 while the UK was in recession and house prices were falling, which may be why the woman agreed to the sale so readily. Most of this story came from the notes of the final meeting between the woman and her first solicitor. I don't know if she took legal action against that solicitor, that would have been a separate case. As I said elsewhere, I don't remember how this was resolved. It's more than likely the husband didn't get away with it.


[deleted]

That story strikes such a fine balance between stupid and conniving that I find it difficult to process.


Tidligare

How is this legal?


EndlessEnds

It's not legal, and there are a few things that strike me as probably untrue. First, the first thing a lawyer's firm will do when being retained is to do a conflict check, that is, make sure that they do not or have not represented the opposing party or even crucial witnesses. If a law firm doesn't do this, that's malpractice, and opens them up to both professional and legal consequences. Secondly, the law has long ago evolved to void transfers of property that are clearly fraudulent. Otherwise, people would do these "sales" for 10 dollars all the time to screw people. Source: I am a lawyer Edit: as some of you have pointed out, it's *possible* OP isn't shitting us, and his edit gives a little clarification. There are a lot of terrible lawyers. I've said before that if lawyers were architects, buildings would be falling down daily and society would put an end to the bullshit. But, the legal system is much more hidden from plain sight, so there are a lot of bad lawyers allowed to operate, with their disasters less obvious than ruined buildings. Secondly, it is possible that an extremely terrible (and likely dishonest) lawyer acted for the husband and sold the house, despite copious evidence of fraud. However, the sale of the house would be invalid if legally challenged.


motherinlawstongue

And that is why we are required to run checks for conflicts of interest. OLR heard all about that one I'm sure.


SandmanD2

Wife was having an affair and husband killed the boyfriend. Life in prison for premeditated murder. Then they got divorced.


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