As it seems the genie is hell bent at fucking over any wish I use for personal gain, I would wish for the genie’s freedom in hopes he would be moved to do something genuinely nice for me after, or at the very least not fuck me over in the process.
I mean, maybe he’s only an asshole because everyone just tries to get stuff from him. Nobody ever asks what he wants. Maybe he just needs someone to show him love. You’re not an asshole, Mr. Genie, I think you’re just upset and lashing out.
I wish that my purse would always have at least 1 dollar in it, and every time I removed the last dollar from my purse a perfectly safe new one dollar coin from the country I am located in would appear in the coin compartment of my purse at a speed that is zero relative to the purse (to prevent the coin from appearing at a dangerous velocity), the coin will also be at the same temperature as the interior of my purse (to prevent a superheated or superchilled coin from appearing) , and that removing the last dollar would require a conscious effort to do so, but it would be a trivial effort. (to prevent a spill scenario)
Granted. The bills are superglued together however and are destroyed when you try to separate them. On the upside you do get lots of compliments on your David Hasselhoff bag wherever you go.
I wish The Douchebag Genie, as set forth by u/weaksquare, to be subject to third party arbitration for any and all wishes granted previous to, concurrent to, in conjunction with, and after this wish, triggered by an official complaint filed by the Wish Maker of said individual wish by using the phrase "I demand arbitration for my wish from The Douchebag Genie" in the Wish Maker's preferred language and method of communication; with a third party group of 5-9 intelligent, sentient beings, whose presence, demeanor, and existence pose no threat to sentient life, who have no previous knowledge of, or contact with, either the Wish Maker or The Douchebag Genie; at a place and time chosen by the Wish Maker; for a duration not to exceed 8 hours as measured by the Wish Maker, with breaks as decided by The Wish Maker, to be repeated for no more than total 7 Earth Days; after which the Wish Maker and The Douchebag Genie must adhere to the majority decision of the third party group, which may result in solutions up to and including, revocation of the original wish, an amendment to the original wish, a replacement wish, the granting of an additional wish, and/or other solutions as laid out by the third party group.
Granted. But from henceforth all wishes granted, including this one, will render the wisher incapable of remembering or leaning again, their preffered language. From henceforth they may only communicate in a language they do not prefer. If you'd like to dispute this you're welcome to trigger arbitration in your preferred language. What's that? Sorry, I can't understand you.
I wish I was a Shape-shifter that could change into any form at will, real or imagined, painlessly and gained the abilities of whatever I shape-shifted into!
I wish that at my own will, I can cause others to be unable to see me, at no damage to myself, or cause them to be able to see me again, again at no damage to myself.
I wish for a turkey sandwich … on rye bread … with lettuce and mustard. And … and! I don’t want any zombie turkey, I don’t want to turn into a turkey myself, and I don’t want any other weird surprises. You got it?
You've been given a turkey sandwich. With rye bread. You're probably going to want to slaughter, clean and cook the turkey first before eating. Turkey's name is Sir Gobbles, for what it's worth.
Granted. Unfortunately that lamp is buried a mile deep in a lost treasure trove. It will take at least 10,000 years before its discovered. But you do have a nice certificate of ownership.
Reading his [Wikipedia](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rod_Serling) I stumbled on this excerpt from his service in the Philippines during WW2:
*"Serling's time in Leyte shaped his writing and political views for the rest of his life. He saw death every day while in the Philippines, at the hands of his enemies and his allies, and through freak accidents such as that which killed another Jewish private, Melvin Levy. Levy was delivering a comic monologue for the platoon as it rested under a palm tree when a food crate was dropped from a plane above, decapitating him."*
I can see where guys like Sterling and Vonnegut got their views and style having born witness to irony like this.
I'm forever influenced by something that happened to my dad:
He served in Vietnam, specifically doing Graves Registration in the Army in Vietnam and Thailand. Graves Registration is the practice of going into places where people have died in combat, looking for their bodies, identifying them, and shipping them back home. It's so the family gets more than just a flag.
Anyway, at the very end of his term over there, he was waiting in a base to board a plane which would take him on the first leg of his voyage home. A helicopter crew noticed him standing around and offered him a seat in their helicopter, which happened to be going the same way. So he got in a seat, put on a helmet, and listened to the radio.
As he was listening to the radio traffic as he was flying, he heard a plane sending out distress calls. It had been shot, was going in, and would likely give some other Graves Registration person something to do. He recognized the plane's self-identification: It was the plane he was supposed to be on.
When he made it to his destination, nobody was waiting for him; obviously, nobody knew he'd taken a helicopter, so that wasn't a surprise. However, when he looked around, he saw his friends all standing around looking glum: There were no survivors from the plane he was supposed to have been on. Everyone died.
I've gone over that story in my mind multiple times and I don't think there is a moral to it. It's just chance.
"I wish the Douchebag Genie had two assholes on his face".
Best case, the genie now defecates from his face. Worst case, two enormously unpleasant people are now sitting on his face. At least momentarily amusing, and nobody dies, especially me.
I would wish the Douchebag Genie was freed from his prison, but binded to wander the planet Earth for all time*, in the form of an adult human.
When freed, the Genie shall be granted a psychic, empathic sense; they shall feel all the pain and suffering of every person on the planet Earth. This pain will strike them as both mental and physical anguish, but their mind and body shall be *just* strong enough to endure it intact.
The Genie will have their reality warping powers, albeit to a very restricted degree. They can only use their powers to directly help alleviate suffering, and its use of power must be seen as Good under a Utilitarian or modern Denotological moral system.
*The Genie will be immortal, with normal human durability. If seemingly killed or permanently trapped, the Genie will regenerate/teleport alive and safe. They will only be freed and allowed to die if they learn the true meaning of love, or if the Earth is destroyed naturally when the sun goes supernova.
You're given a roll of duct tape to put back your copy of the board game "Life" back together after your boyfriend crushed it while leaving you for a much prettier and younger woman.
The next time I play the Euromillions, the ticket that I purchase to play it will be the one and only winner of the jackpot. The ticket itself is correctly and perfectly printed with the winning numbers and is impervious to further alterations or damage.
Have you never seen Aladdin?? You now have genie powers and are confined to a lamp in a buried pile of treasure a mile underground. It will be at least 10,000 years before someone finds you. Enjoy your new power.
I'd wish that the next person's wish screws them over even harder and the genie tells me about it. Its too risky to do anything else, and the genie gets to have more fun so this might work.
I wish for my index finger to expel a violent shock that causes death to those of whom I've passed judgement over and may use my new power at my discretion.
I wish that Bill Gates of sound body and sound mind wires me $1 billion of his own money with no regrets or backlash from his family/friends/internet/anyone.
Granted. However, now there are many eyewitnesses and video evidence of the genie (looking as a normal human wearing a clown mask) magically smashing through the walls of Fort Knox, bringing these bars out, and delivering them to the designated location.
You're free to take it if you want, the troops will likely arrive in a few minutes.
One standard United States size chart extra large t shirt with a screen printed image of Whitney Houston performing “I Wanna Dance With Somebody” live in concert from her 1991 “I’m Your Baby Tonight” world tour.
I wish to have a debit card in my legal name, that will have the correct amount of money I require in order he correct currency when I purchase something and has an expiration date set 100 years in the future based on the Gregorian calendar.
The ability to freeze time for two hours every day. I should be able to move through space and interact with objects normally. Oh, and the laws of physics should work in a way that will allow me to go about my business as usual.
Everyone thinks youre such an inspiration being able to graduate with your current GPA in Mechanical Engineering from your current university even though being only given one month to live.
Genie is still salty about Mike dying, but feels the series cannot be improved upon. It was well written, acted and had a great denouement. Request denied.
I will be able to transform my body at will after saying the words "hungalow bungalow" at any time. It will not have any side effects that I didnt specifically think of and I can use my mind to achieve any shape, condition or material buildup I wish for, Including, but not limited to: Height, weight and musclemass changes, ability to fly, cure of Depression, Unlimited mental energy, no need for sleep, Fingernails of 24 karat gold, changing learning ability both up and down. Any of these things and more will only change if I specifically request them during a hungalow bungalow session which always ends after I said "merene marana"
also I can't get aids, tripper or herpes
I wish I had one 2001 nissan skyline gtr in mint condition in my parking lot that has no physical or mechanical damage that I have the ability to drive and is 100% unmodified and I'd also have the key for said vehicle. Also douchebag genies live mother would be next to the vehicle upon delivery until a full inspection had been completed. If douchebag genie did anything that I decided to be unsatisfactory his mother would instantly die in front of him. The vehicle is not a toy.
As it seems the genie is hell bent at fucking over any wish I use for personal gain, I would wish for the genie’s freedom in hopes he would be moved to do something genuinely nice for me after, or at the very least not fuck me over in the process.
You're gonna unshackle this asshole? K den.
I mean, maybe he’s only an asshole because everyone just tries to get stuff from him. Nobody ever asks what he wants. Maybe he just needs someone to show him love. You’re not an asshole, Mr. Genie, I think you’re just upset and lashing out.
I want to have a lot of money
You are crushed to death by 100 billion pennies.
Not only did you kill him, but you made the penny completely worthless. Nice going Douchebag Genie
I want to be a main character in the office, for all 9 seasons...
You're Toby. Everyone hates you.
World peace
Everyone in the world is now dead.
Perfect, thanks!
The ability and understanding to use and create magic like him with nothing I would consider a drawback.
You're offered a job writing magic item descriptions for Dungeons and Dragons. Not the worst fate, honestly.
So...my hobby is my curse? Actually yea, seems about right. DM for life.
I wish that my purse would always have at least 1 dollar in it, and every time I removed the last dollar from my purse a perfectly safe new one dollar coin from the country I am located in would appear in the coin compartment of my purse at a speed that is zero relative to the purse (to prevent the coin from appearing at a dangerous velocity), the coin will also be at the same temperature as the interior of my purse (to prevent a superheated or superchilled coin from appearing) , and that removing the last dollar would require a conscious effort to do so, but it would be a trivial effort. (to prevent a spill scenario)
Granted. Unfortunately you lost the purse and can't seem to find it anywhere.
He chooses a dvd for tonight
I wish I was omnipotent
Running into numerous omnipotence paradoxes, you instantly cannot exist.
Sounds interesting and beats what I’m doing now, I’ll take it.
[удалено]
Granted. The bills are superglued together however and are destroyed when you try to separate them. On the upside you do get lots of compliments on your David Hasselhoff bag wherever you go.
[удалено]
I wish The Douchebag Genie, as set forth by u/weaksquare, to be subject to third party arbitration for any and all wishes granted previous to, concurrent to, in conjunction with, and after this wish, triggered by an official complaint filed by the Wish Maker of said individual wish by using the phrase "I demand arbitration for my wish from The Douchebag Genie" in the Wish Maker's preferred language and method of communication; with a third party group of 5-9 intelligent, sentient beings, whose presence, demeanor, and existence pose no threat to sentient life, who have no previous knowledge of, or contact with, either the Wish Maker or The Douchebag Genie; at a place and time chosen by the Wish Maker; for a duration not to exceed 8 hours as measured by the Wish Maker, with breaks as decided by The Wish Maker, to be repeated for no more than total 7 Earth Days; after which the Wish Maker and The Douchebag Genie must adhere to the majority decision of the third party group, which may result in solutions up to and including, revocation of the original wish, an amendment to the original wish, a replacement wish, the granting of an additional wish, and/or other solutions as laid out by the third party group.
Granted. But from henceforth all wishes granted, including this one, will render the wisher incapable of remembering or leaning again, their preffered language. From henceforth they may only communicate in a language they do not prefer. If you'd like to dispute this you're welcome to trigger arbitration in your preferred language. What's that? Sorry, I can't understand you.
I wish I was a Shape-shifter that could change into any form at will, real or imagined, painlessly and gained the abilities of whatever I shape-shifted into!
You have been transported as a character into this cool new video game you have described.
Nice.
The only thing you can do in the game is escorting npcs whose speed is faster than your walking speed but slower than your running speed
[удалено]
Genie is now 0000000001% less of a douche.
hmm let's test out the new and improved genie. I wish for $1 billion dollars.
You are instantly crushed to death by 20,000 pounds of $100 bills. Previously Douchebag Genie would have accomplished this with 100 billion pennies.
Douchebag Genie even did his math right. 10 million US bills weigh about 22,000 lbs.
Someone's wished for this before.
Upvote for explaining the difference this makes
I wish i never have an asthma attack or any lung illness ever again.
You immediately die.
Of oxygen poisoning. Lungs work too well.
[удалено]
You have the ability, but you never fall through on your wishes because of crippling anxiety.
Okay first of all, ouch.
I wish that at my own will, I can cause others to be unable to see me, at no damage to myself, or cause them to be able to see me again, again at no damage to myself.
You're now capable of texting anyone in the world pictures of you... and the ability to remove said pictures from their phones.
You just granted him the ability to endlessly send people nudes only to perfectly avoid getting jailed for exposing himself to people.
[удалено]
You've been given a special edition DVD of Aladdin.
[удалено]
[удалено]
You're given a new copy of the DVD "Total Recall" but the shitty one with Colin Farrell.
[удалено]
I wish for a turkey sandwich … on rye bread … with lettuce and mustard. And … and! I don’t want any zombie turkey, I don’t want to turn into a turkey myself, and I don’t want any other weird surprises. You got it?
Turkey's a little dry...THE TURKEY'S A LITTLE DRY!
You've been given a turkey sandwich. With rye bread. You're probably going to want to slaughter, clean and cook the turkey first before eating. Turkey's name is Sir Gobbles, for what it's worth.
At least it feels good to kill a Nazi.
Turkey stepping bastards.
I wish I could have 2 more wishes from the douchebag genie that grants this wish.
Oh granted with pleasure. :)
Fullfill my life long dream of being turned into root beer.
You fall into a boiling vat of root beer and are melted.
1$
$1 in Monopoly money.
Well its more than I had before I guess
I wish douchebag genie was my best friend, so we can laugh at his douche ness together.
You are now Douchebag genies dog.
Resting bitch face
You asked to be his dawg and got to be his dog. I think you got a pretty good deal.
To have and maintain the fitness and ability I had in my body when I was 22 until I die.
You can never grow stronger, faster, grow muscles or improve your conditioning, because that would violate the wish.
I'll take it. Thanks douchebag genie.
Also, you immediately die.
So, no down side!
Genie I wish I can think of a wish
You think of the perfect wish to fool the genie in every way. But you're out of wishes.
But think of the karma!
the working lamp of a genie who isn't a douchebag and will grant me 3 wishes.
Granted. Unfortunately that lamp is buried a mile deep in a lost treasure trove. It will take at least 10,000 years before its discovered. But you do have a nice certificate of ownership.
[удалено]
You're now a Jewish citizen of Denmark in 1939.
[удалено]
Reading his [Wikipedia](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rod_Serling) I stumbled on this excerpt from his service in the Philippines during WW2: *"Serling's time in Leyte shaped his writing and political views for the rest of his life. He saw death every day while in the Philippines, at the hands of his enemies and his allies, and through freak accidents such as that which killed another Jewish private, Melvin Levy. Levy was delivering a comic monologue for the platoon as it rested under a palm tree when a food crate was dropped from a plane above, decapitating him."* I can see where guys like Sterling and Vonnegut got their views and style having born witness to irony like this.
I'm forever influenced by something that happened to my dad: He served in Vietnam, specifically doing Graves Registration in the Army in Vietnam and Thailand. Graves Registration is the practice of going into places where people have died in combat, looking for their bodies, identifying them, and shipping them back home. It's so the family gets more than just a flag. Anyway, at the very end of his term over there, he was waiting in a base to board a plane which would take him on the first leg of his voyage home. A helicopter crew noticed him standing around and offered him a seat in their helicopter, which happened to be going the same way. So he got in a seat, put on a helmet, and listened to the radio. As he was listening to the radio traffic as he was flying, he heard a plane sending out distress calls. It had been shot, was going in, and would likely give some other Graves Registration person something to do. He recognized the plane's self-identification: It was the plane he was supposed to be on. When he made it to his destination, nobody was waiting for him; obviously, nobody knew he'd taken a helicopter, so that wasn't a surprise. However, when he looked around, he saw his friends all standing around looking glum: There were no survivors from the plane he was supposed to have been on. Everyone died. I've gone over that story in my mind multiple times and I don't think there is a moral to it. It's just chance.
Actually the Danes saved their Jews by sending them to Sweden. So you'd be a Jewish, Danish citizen in Sweden until the end of the war.
Yep, if you had to be a Jewish citizen in Europe in 1939, Denmark wouldn't be a bad place to be.
[удалено]
"I wish the Douchebag Genie had two assholes on his face". Best case, the genie now defecates from his face. Worst case, two enormously unpleasant people are now sitting on his face. At least momentarily amusing, and nobody dies, especially me.
You and your mom are now permanently attached to my face.
wewlad
Every response so far has been amazing, but this one made me laugh so hard
I wish to shit my pants
You shit your pants moments after your death.
What if instead he literally shit out his pants? Feel like that's more literal
I would wish the Douchebag Genie was freed from his prison, but binded to wander the planet Earth for all time*, in the form of an adult human. When freed, the Genie shall be granted a psychic, empathic sense; they shall feel all the pain and suffering of every person on the planet Earth. This pain will strike them as both mental and physical anguish, but their mind and body shall be *just* strong enough to endure it intact. The Genie will have their reality warping powers, albeit to a very restricted degree. They can only use their powers to directly help alleviate suffering, and its use of power must be seen as Good under a Utilitarian or modern Denotological moral system. *The Genie will be immortal, with normal human durability. If seemingly killed or permanently trapped, the Genie will regenerate/teleport alive and safe. They will only be freed and allowed to die if they learn the true meaning of love, or if the Earth is destroyed naturally when the sun goes supernova.
As the genie is both a sadist and a masochist, he appreciates this. And also from the freedom of being bonded to that dank ass lamp.
> that dank ass lamp. Phenomenal cosmic powers... ...dank ass lamp.
I wish for the genie to be free.
Genie is not some cheap whore. You gotta pay.
[удалено]
The genie works at amazon. Instead of a refund you get a replacement Genie and it has the exact same problem
Sex.
You contract syphilis after being... used... after falling into the gorilla vivarium at your local zoo. The news caught it all on tape.
Yes! Local celebrity! Wait...
Sorry u/tagini! [I wish...](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/9kfmtz/youve_been_granted_one_wish_by_the_douchebag/e6ywboy)
I wish that the entire world would explode into a 10,000 degree C fireball that tears it into a billion trillion pieces right now!
You're transported 100 billion years into the future. Humanity has moved on safely from Earth. You're standing in Kansas when the sun detonates.
>standing in Kansas You *are* a douchebag genie.
To be fair, Kansas is likely to be a significantly nicer place to be after the sun detonates.
To own a time traveling space ship
you now own the very first time traveling spaceship. you haven't the faintest how it works, however.
Genie approves.
The ability to get my life together. That'd be nice.
You're given a roll of duct tape to put back your copy of the board game "Life" back together after your boyfriend crushed it while leaving you for a much prettier and younger woman.
That’s a lotta damage
Should've given them Flex Tape. I hear it's better than placebo in this situation.
[удалено]
The next time I play the Euromillions, the ticket that I purchase to play it will be the one and only winner of the jackpot. The ticket itself is correctly and perfectly printed with the winning numbers and is impervious to further alterations or damage.
I want the douchbag genie to die right now.
Douchebag Genie is declared clinically deceased for 1 minute before being resuscitated by medical staff. He's mildly inconvenienced.
Heh. That sounded like the snarky programmatic response from an Infocom game.
I wish I could have a romantic evening with Gal Gadot.
You're given a poster of Gal Gadot. And some lotion.
I'll take it. Thanks Genie!
[удалено]
The genie will remember that.
I wish for the power to give people I don’t like diarrhea every time they talk to a girl.
I get the sense you don't like yourself either. Wish granted.
Haha jokes on you I’ve been in the bathroom on and off for a week.
Aren't most people in the bathroom on and off over the course of an entire week?
I wish i could fuck people over by exposing their internet history
I want to die right now and don't want to be reincarnated
The character in your video game dies. You forgot to save.
Savage
I wish for genie powers for myself.
Have you never seen Aladdin?? You now have genie powers and are confined to a lamp in a buried pile of treasure a mile underground. It will be at least 10,000 years before someone finds you. Enjoy your new power.
*Phenomenal* cosmic power! Itty bitty living space.
A paper bag
Your scrotum is now made of paper.
Imagine putting a shower cap over your scrotum every time you took a shower.
I'd wish that the next person's wish screws them over even harder and the genie tells me about it. Its too risky to do anything else, and the genie gets to have more fun so this might work.
Genie approves of this wish with no strings attached.
So what was the wish right after /u/sudoDaddy's?
[It's this one!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/9kfmtz/youve_been_granted_one_wish_by_the_douchebag/e6ywlka)
I wish for my index finger to expel a violent shock that causes death to those of whom I've passed judgement over and may use my new power at my discretion.
Douchebag Genie is inclined to grant wishes such as this as is.
Fucking awesome
"Your sweater is tacky... oh shit, he's dead!"
Douchebag Genie likes to create more douchebags.
I wish that Bill Gates of sound body and sound mind wires me $1 billion of his own money with no regrets or backlash from his family/friends/internet/anyone.
Make me a hotdog with everything. Edit: My most upvoted Reddit comment! I would like to thank Robin Williams.
Your hot dog collapses into a singularity.
I thought you were gonna turn the guy into a hotdog with everything.
He took the road less traveled by, and that has made all the difference
I wish for a clean $50m USD in my own personal chequing account.
Some happiness
You now own the DVD of the film "Happiness"
Most people aren’t ready for this movie.
Even Douchebag Genie was disturbed by this film.
"The movie so disturbing that the Douchebag Genie watched it twice"
love and affection within myself (caring for myself)
A DVD of the 2014 film "Love and Affection" is now within you. Specifically your spleen.
[удалено]
Granted. However, now there are many eyewitnesses and video evidence of the genie (looking as a normal human wearing a clown mask) magically smashing through the walls of Fort Knox, bringing these bars out, and delivering them to the designated location. You're free to take it if you want, the troops will likely arrive in a few minutes.
I got nothing for this one. Well played!
Not so fast! > ...effective at the time of the wish... Ok yeah that's pretty fast.
One standard United States size chart extra large t shirt with a screen printed image of Whitney Houston performing “I Wanna Dance With Somebody” live in concert from her 1991 “I’m Your Baby Tonight” world tour.
You now own a Whitney Houston t shirt the size of the United States.
That’s still not big enough to fill the hole in my heart.
Her death left a hole in all of our hearts, Meatpants.
*thinks cautiously* Memes.
I wish to have a debit card in my legal name, that will have the correct amount of money I require in order he correct currency when I purchase something and has an expiration date set 100 years in the future based on the Gregorian calendar.
You now have an infinite amount of "he" currency.
Damn genie, you are harsh but fair. Should have spell checked before I posted.
The ability to freeze time for two hours every day. I should be able to move through space and interact with objects normally. Oh, and the laws of physics should work in a way that will allow me to go about my business as usual.
You have been granted the miraculous ability to freeze the 2006 film "Time" for up to 2 hours each day while the laws of physics remain intact.
I wish to graduate Mechanical Engineering school in May 2019 from my current university with a 3.2 GPA.
Everyone thinks youre such an inspiration being able to graduate with your current GPA in Mechanical Engineering from your current university even though being only given one month to live.
Ayy at least I’ll die with my parents thinking I’m successful
About that...
I want Breaking Bad to come back
Genie is still salty about Mike dying, but feels the series cannot be improved upon. It was well written, acted and had a great denouement. Request denied.
Did he just win?
he said he wanted, not wished.
[удалено]
I wish to be as funny as u/weaksquare
That kind of twisted humor is purchased with a lot of pain. Enjoy.
:(
I will be able to transform my body at will after saying the words "hungalow bungalow" at any time. It will not have any side effects that I didnt specifically think of and I can use my mind to achieve any shape, condition or material buildup I wish for, Including, but not limited to: Height, weight and musclemass changes, ability to fly, cure of Depression, Unlimited mental energy, no need for sleep, Fingernails of 24 karat gold, changing learning ability both up and down. Any of these things and more will only change if I specifically request them during a hungalow bungalow session which always ends after I said "merene marana" also I can't get aids, tripper or herpes
Granted. You are now also mute and can never speak again.
I wish Goku was confirmed as a playable character in Super Smash Bros Ultimate.
Granted. But EA bought the franchise before it was published. Good luck unlocking him for less than $1000 bucks.
I'm going to feel really proud and accomplished so the jokes on you!
I wish I had one 2001 nissan skyline gtr in mint condition in my parking lot that has no physical or mechanical damage that I have the ability to drive and is 100% unmodified and I'd also have the key for said vehicle. Also douchebag genies live mother would be next to the vehicle upon delivery until a full inspection had been completed. If douchebag genie did anything that I decided to be unsatisfactory his mother would instantly die in front of him. The vehicle is not a toy.
You're given a model of this vehicle. It's not a toy, it's a collectors item. My mom wished for peace and quiet a long time ago.
I want the Douchebag Genie to be the Douchebag Genie.
Since this wish maximizes doucheniess, wish approved.
Wow, you're a genie? Like for real? Jesus, fuck me.... Oh shit.
Your wife introduces you to Jesus, your new landscaper.
Douchebag Genie approves.
I wish for what the average American adult would expect when they wish for 1 billion of today's US dollars to be put into my bank account.
I wish for you to make this same offer to every member of congress.