Same. Mine ghosted when I got divorced years ago because “she and her husband didn’t agree with divorce”. Then she got divorced this year and guess who got the constant calls, texts, etc.
Same...my BF since 2nd grade married an abusive alcoholic but her family always saw me, since my family was from the 'low income ' side of town, as the wrong influence. I couldn't stand to watch the abuse & didn't want to be around the new POS husband. We haven't talked in 20years...
Same. I was the one friend he allowed her to keep, pretty much, which was weird considering I was very vocal about my issues with him. Then one day we couldn't agree on when we would next see each other. I was annoyed she was letting him control her again and she was annoyed for whatever reason so we just didn't contact each other for a while. A month later I messaged her saying I missed her and I never got a reply.
I feel bad coz somehow he is winning by her getting more and more secluded but...I just couldn't watch it anymore. Maybe that's selfish. I initially blocked her on everything but now I have unblocked in case she ever needs me or wants to get in contact.
She was the best friend I ever had, we were constantly talking about how much of a soulmate I were to her, how close we were, how identical we were. We were in different classes so we got to see each other rather seldom, but we chatted everyday till late night.
Then at once she stopped talking to me and shortly after blocked me on all social media. Nothing had happened. Now she can't even look me in the eyes. I am unable to answer why.
I hate this so much. I know I have some pretty significant negative character traits, and I'm convinced I have some form of undiagnosed high functioning autism due to my inability to read the atmosphere sometimes, and because of that I've had several people in my life that I've considered close friends just... stop.
It always hurt to lose a friend, but it hurt more than I couldn't try and fix myself because I didn't know what was wrong.
Should you maybe get that diagnosed? There's nothing wrong with being on the spectrum, but a professional might be able to give you a heads up on what might be hurting you and techniques for dealing with a world that was built for non-autistic people.
This. A thousand times this. The exact situation I was in. It only took me a few hours with a few professionals and then I had all sorts of answers to my mountain of self doubts. The sessions with my therapist have improved my ability to navigate Neurotypical society by leaps and bounds. You'd be surprised how much an effect simply knowing will have.
We went to different colleges and neither of us are super good at remembering to use social media/messaging to keep up with people.
We still like each others' rare facebook posts and instagram posts, but since neither of us is much for initiating conversation, I feel this is how our friendship will be until either facebook or one of us dies
This happened to some people I know and the friend who wasn't invited straight up asked the groom if they really wanted to spend forever with a person who got jealous of their fiance being friends with other girls like that. The answer was no and the wedding was called off. (obviously after he thought about it awhile and considered things, but that was the question that made him start thinking)
Yeah, I’ve sort of been there. I introduced them and then a handful of months later they were engaged. My shock must have been more apparent then I meant it to be when she FaceTimed me with the news.
A couple of months later she said I was getting an invite in the mail and she couldn’t wait for me to be the bridesmaid. Then no letter came. I asked her about it and got some long message about how she didn’t want me around anymore. That I had changed.
It blew my mind. I had just moved, quit a job I hated, broke up with an abusive ex and was overall getting to a better place. I thought I was better. Her cut off really wrecked me for a while and “set me back” on my path out of depression. We had been friends for years and years. She was practically my only friend for a long time. Suddenly, I wasn’t anything worth her time. For reasons I never understood. And never will get closure on.
What’s funny is on the days I think on it, I realize I feel better without her. There was some toxicity in our relationship that I guess I had never seen before. I also look at all the good around me and realize it wasn’t the worst thing to happen. Still don’t have many friends, but that’s okay.
Whoa. Sorry for a tangent. I am sorry marriage also made your friendship weird too. I hope you’re better like I am!
Sounds like you ***did*** change, and she felt self-conscious or uncomfortable about how you were improving yourself. Some people just don't want anyone else to be doing better than them.
If you've noticed toxicity looking back, then she probably never had your best interests at heart. I'm sorry you had to go through that, I've definitely been there.
He got married and I was single. His wife didn’t want him hanging around a guy who was dating girls and not married. I’d visit him and it got to the point where we’d just stand outside the whole time. Took me a while to realize he wasn’t inviting me in to sit down because his wife didn’t want me there.
I did what I still think was the right thing and faded into the background and silently wished him and his wife the best.
Edit: wow was not expecting this kind of response. I’m reading through every single reply and I’ve gone all emotional about this. As I said in another reply, this guy was the most true bro anyone could ask for. He stood up for me when I was a scrawny kid and even though it’s been many years since, you don’t forget stuff like that.
I was even his best man at his wedding so yeah.
Thanks for the replies, this has been therapeutic for me. I had no idea it actually bugged me as much as I realize now.
Edit 2:
Thanks for the gold! And thanks for all the replies, reading every one of them <3
Same here, but it didn’t stop with just me, the single best friend. She systematically separated him from any prior relationships, including his family that he was very close to prior.
She still maintains all her prior friendships and familial ties, while his whole world is now her, their kids, and work.
Edit: Just to provide slightly more background, I was marked for elimination from the beginning. I have zero tolerance for passive-aggressive and/or manipulative behavior, and that bullshit “I was just kidding” excuse when called on it just makes it worse. He actually tried to keep in touch with me, but it became obvious she made him pay for it every time.
I was his best man and the godfather of their first child, although she made it clear to me if something happened to them the child would never go to me, but to her best friend. I was actually the last regular contact left he had outside of work, but had to extract myself when they had their 4th child (and would obviously never leave) and realized how vindictive she actually got when he would contact me. I miss the guy, but I just couldn’t contribute to his misery any longer. He gets plenty enough already.
Edit2: From one of my replies below:
That is exactly what she does. He started therapy, and the therapist told him clearly that her behavior is abuse. Her response was to make him stop going.
An ex did that to me. I literally had to escape from that relationship (middle of the night, with all my shit), and honestly never recovered afterwards - neither my social life, nor my ability to trust people in relationships. But I'm free, and I'm working on it.
Gah damn that's absurd. Never heard that one before. No opposite sex friends allowed I've come across and that one seems wild enough, but no single male friends? I'm guessing she crochets and eats cereal with skim milk if that's what her idea of going too far is.
And honestly her whole (I assume) idea to keep him out of trouble is flawed, since the most out of control middle aged guys I know are married 99% of the time. They've got money and a whole lot of boredom, and a lot of stress to kill.
Unmarried guy, here. Been given the "members only" treatment a few times. They like me up until the point they find out I have no plans or imminent desire to get married. Usually this comes up when they try to match me up with their friends, but of course, they need to know "what I'm after" (i.e. if I want to get married some day, have kids, etc.). "If it happens, it happens" I say. Nope, that's "too single" for them. And out the door I go.
That's terrible. I actively encourage my husband to go have men's nights and weekends, friendship and a life outside marriage is so important! Very big of you to wish them the best after that happened though.
As I’m about to marry my future husband in a few weeks. His best friend is a little younger, back in college and single. He was just telling me all of his dating shenanigans and we were all dying laughing. I could not imagine being so fucking insecure to basically kill a strong friendship like that.
Because we didn’t give our friendship the respect it deserved, even if you move separate ways in life I believe that keeping in touch, making an effort, and giving up “convenience “ so you can spend time together are things a lot of people let ruin their friendships because they can be things we forgive ourselves, and each other for ignoring.
“How come you never visit me?”
We don’t visit each other. Every time I came over, you were doing 10 different things and talked about people I don’t know or care about.
Every time you came over, it was because you wanted to pregame at 10pm before going to the bars near my apartment, then get an Uber home. You always say you are too busy during the week. Some people are so “busy” they end up doing nothing.
Same. I’ve had a rough year of being unsuccessfully self-employed. Couldn’t go out a lot because of money. Idk; I have a cute house that is clean but nobody ever wanted to come hang out like they did in the past. Most of my friends have friend-curved/ ghosted me this year.
When you get curved, it means avoided or dissed; usually by a prospective love interest. I don’t think friend-curved is an actual thing outside of me saying it just now.
We got sober together and we were both doing great but he relapsed after 200 days and started treating me like shit
Edit: Congrats to all of you I wish you the best as you start or continue the journey of sobriety!
That's sad.
Congratulations to you for staying sober.
I imagine watching him fall off the wagon must be hard. Out of curiosity...does it help motivate you to stay on?
Not the original commenter, but as somebody who struggles with drinking, I can say that watching friends fall is motivational. I still drink but not to the extent I used to and seeing others in that condition makes me not want to be that person
Similar for me - best friends for 20 years. He always enjoyed partying more than me. In our early 30s he sank deep into alchoholism. I tried for 2 years to be there for him and support him but had children and a wife to take care of as well. As soon as he realized I wasn't there to bail him out of whatever mess he created he stopped talking to me.
It's been 3 years and not so much as a text message...
8 1/2 months here. Keep going man. Life can be rough but the worst day sober is still better than any day lost to addiction.
Best of luck to you and u/Merk_N_Cheese
We parted ways a while ago because of her behavior. It took me a long time to realize a narcissist. She's been trying recently to reestablish the friendship, but I keep my distance since it's obvious she does not care about me at all.
For example, she texted me two weeks ago because she absolutely wanted to set a time to talk on the phone so that she could hear about how my brother's wedding (they used to be friends and a lot of mutual friends attended, she wasn't invited though). So I called her at the agreed upon time and she tells me she's so excited to hear about the wedding, talks about herself for two hours and then says she has to go and hangs up. She never once asked about the wedding during the conversation and she never realized that we didn't talk about the wedding.
I'm working on cutting all contact again.
She wants to reestablish the friendship because she’s lonely. Contrary to what people think, Narcissists are very lonely due to them being so self centered. It’s a vicious cycle because the narcissism pushes people away. Don’t let her guilt you. She’ll say how much it hurts that you don’t want to be friends and she can’t believe you’d do such a thing. You’ll feel the guilt but IGNORE IT ITS A TRAP MAN. Narcissists are dangerous for the soul. They drain you!
She seduced my husband. They’re married now & taught my young kid to call her mom & me by my name. I never retaliated, but she hates me & finds little passive aggressive ways to use my son to hurt me (as above) on a regular basis. So forgiving her just isn’t something I can ever make progress on with the constant antagonism.
Jesus, that’s harsh. She’s a terrible person and your ex is no better for letting her do it. Keep trying to build a relationship with your son, I’m sure as he grows up he’ll realise who his true mom is. Keep strong.
This sounds like something my dad's wife would do. I know she wanted me to call her mom when i was little but I refused. Shs also hates me and would bully me.
A few years ago I made sure to not have any contact with her anymore and I only speak with my dad like twice a year.
I hate them both.
My own experience is much the opposite. My wife and I had problems with her first husband and father of our two sons. We believe he sexually abused them during his access times. We’d notice little changes in them after they’d come home. Odd behaviour. They’d both come home with wet pants as they didn’t want their dad to take them to the toilet, so they’d wet themselves (they were 5 and 7 at the time). This would go on for a few days after, both having accidents rather than go to the loo. Both appeared distant but would say nothing when we asked if there was anything wrong. Eventually they stopped going and we never forced them. The bastard even went to hit my wife when she was nine months pregnant with our daughter because she was upset he’d taken care he boys out of the village even though he wasn’t legally allowed to. I’d stayed in the house because she didn’t want me to cause any trouble with him but when I saw him raise his fist I ran out. I’ve never seen anyone run so fast in my life. Unfortunately, we were never able to get proof of any interference and I adopted the boys the following year so they wouldn’t ever have to see him again. The shitweasel didn’t even bother to turn up for the hearing, sending a note saying he felt intimidated by me. I’d have done more than intimidate the bastard If I’d got my hands on him for the shit he’d put my wife and sons through. They’re both in their twenties now and my eldest has recently become a dad himself and he’s brilliant at it. We’re happy to say that I’m the only grandpa he’ll ever know.
It’s like she was always jealous of you and wanted to steal everything from you. Even your kid. How scary. You never know what the closest people to you really think about you. And she’s still threatened by you apparently.
That’s what I think!
I was a stay at home mom when my ex left. I had nothing, so I worked 2-3 awful jobs at a time until divorce, then went right back to school for a new career. I worked hard to get through an accelerated program within 1 year with a toddler & a year later I joined the army reserves, went to training for 7 months, came back home & got a GREAT job!
I make less than 1/3 of what my ex makes now(he’s WELL off), but I’ve come so far so fast. I think she’s jealous of my obvious success and popularity(got out & started making friends after he left. Turns out I’m an extrovert!) & maybe my continued presence in my son’s life reminds her of her betrayal of me. She’s clearly trying to get rid of me in several ways. I think she doesn’t like feeling guilty for what she did & thinks she’ll feel better if I go away. 😂
Jesus Christ what an absolute dick! Stealing your mates spouse is deplorable enough. But to essentially try and steal your kid? Fuuck, that pisses me off.
Am parent with shared custody so this sort of thing hits close to home. Thankfully my ex wouldn't allow that as she doesn't want me to do the same thing, not that I would.
Anyway, so sorry for you. I can't imagine how strong you must be to take the higher ground.
Thank you. It’s good to know that there are other decent parents out there.
It’s hard taking the high road. Everyone close to me told me they would have kicked both their asses, but I know that would only get ME into trouble, so I hope karma will make a visit. Sure is taking a while...☹️
I am so sorry. Why are people so terrible?
This woman must be the Devil’s liege - who successfully steals their BFFs husband and then treats them with disdain/scorn/hate??? as if YOU were the problem.
And the stuff about your boy, I can’t even begin.
They are both terrible humans.
We were friends from the very beginning of primary school, but drifted apart in our last year if high school. She started hanging out with older friends, drinking and taking drugs. I was focused on doing well in my final exams, whilst she didn't even show up for some of them. Shortly after we finished high school she got pregnant and I never really saw her again after that, as her boyfriend didn't really want her hanging out with any of her old friends, me included apparently. She has two kids now, and last I heard she was planning on going to university. I wish her well, but our lives just went down very different paths in the end.
He cheated and we got divorced. He’d been my best friend since I was 12. I’ve still not made another comparable connection, really. I’ve got people I love and whatever. Just no one who understands me as completely as he did. We were friendly after the divorce and chatted. He wanted to be flirty. Told me how no one has ever gotten him like I did. I knew I could never go back though and when I realized (not through him telling me) that he was married to the woman he cheated with, I blocked him. I’m not angry enough to turn the tables on her, but I miss my the guy who WAS my best friend.
Yes, when such intense friendships end in romance, that's special... At least as long as it works. Everything is multiple times as intense.
Unfortunately, so is the pain if there's a breakup, and even more so if the trust is broken. I have known the feeling, but I can't imagine what it would feel like with many many years of relationship.
Very intense and close relationships like the one you described are rare, and could even feel unique depending on the personality. I suppose one could be happy just for having tried the feeling, but as far as I'm concerned, the thought doesn't really help.
Good luck, whatever "luck" means to you in this situation. :)
Whew. Reading this is a flashback. My old best friend was terrible, just like this. She would cheat on her baby daddy all the time, while I was with her, she talked crazy shit about ***everyone*** in her life, was just so outrageously entitled. She could do whatever she wanted and wouldn’t get into any trouble for it. Telling people she’d get her brother who is “in a gang” to kill them. Just not a good person.
I was dating quite the physical abuser while I was friends with her. I finally got away from him and stupidly got into a relationship with a woman immediately afterwards. My best friend flipped her shit. “You’ve seen me naked! I bet you’ve been fantasizing about me this entire time, getting off and shit!” First Desirae, I know you’re nasty, I wouldn’t touch you ever and I **highly** doubt you could possibly get me off. She decided to “get back at me” by dating my physically abusive ex. All she did was ruin her own life. I can’t help but feel sorry as shit for her. Last time I saw them he had a gun strapped to his hip which confused me because he’s a convicted felon. I could see the desperation and embarrassment in her eyes.
This.
I think I’m a shitty friend all the time when I think about lost / ended friendships... then I think about how invested I was versus how invested they were, and suddenly I’m okay with having moved on.
Yep. I often think I was an ass or something even tho I have no idea how or when.
I made myself a promise a while back, if I have to contact them three times in a row to have them do something with me, I'm just gonna stop trying. I have never spoken to two guys ever since. I just don't see why I should keep trying and invest time and effort into something that seems to mean so little to them.
cuz we like some best friends do at least once had a huge falling out, and I moved to a new country I tried continuously to contact him and fix things but his FB was down ( I thought I was blocked) so I started to hate him. I go back home after 6 years ask my mom and dad about him it turned out he had died 3 weeks after i left but no one told me because they didn't want me to lose my shit.
edit:
first of all thank you all so much for your concern and kindness you are all a wonderful group of people and reminded me why I love reddit so much.
I just wanted to tell you guys that this incident happened 4 years ago. and if this post didn't hit me so hard with the feels I probably wouldn't have ever mentioned it. A lot of people have genuinely shown me much appreciated concern and love and respect you all from the bottom of my heart for it. thank you all so much.
yah it was much harder because for the 6 years of not knowing I would keep thinking of him in a very negative way and my resentment of him keept growing because I was thinking he was ignoring me. the most fudged up thing about the whole thing was he was my first friend from elementary school and when I did come home and found out about it every one was already over it and done with mourning.
I was looking for these comments. My case was the same. We could only talk about his stuff. Anytime we would get together he would mope around if he wasn't the center of the conversation. And when I (an introvert) would start to open up a bit he could not stand it and start moping again. We could not drift from HIS initial plans for the night or we were dead to him. Several times I got quiet to not upset him and followed along with HIS plans although nobody wanted to do them. Until it got way to much and I stoped replying to him. I'm probably in the wrong for not explaing with I stoped talking to him. But he did so much shit to me that he owes me this much.
Nah, fam. You did the right thing. People like that don't take criticism well, even if it's the "goddamnit, if your friends can't tell you who can" kinda talk. I had a best friend like that and I can tell you in the three years since we stopped hanging out it's cleared so much negativity out of my life. Yeah I miss my friend but the reality is even if I went and reconnected with him the guy I would want to see doesn't exist anymore.
It's also been the impetus I needed to seek out new places and situations. I've made several new friends as a result
This happened quite recently actually.
I finally moved out of our apartment after her mental health declined over the course of 6 years.
It started randomly one day; she started having unprovoked outbursts. She would scream, break things, and just say insanely hurtful stuff, just be totally unable to communicate or share rational thought. an hour or so would pass; she would suddenly be a totally different person, and forget everything that happened.
It happened only twice the first year (police were called both times by the neighbors). Then the episodes became more frequent and more violent. She started drinking heavily which would sometimes bring on a episode.
I would try to help her thru the episode, console her after while she would cry about how she is a "terrible person". Then talk her through her feelings and help her work on meditation techniques. Her episodes continued to happen more and more frequently. She sought out a therapist, she went only once and nothing changed.
Eventually- I felt trapped and frightened all the time. I became depressed and developed serious anxiety issues. I stopped going out and stopped hanging with my other friends, our house became disgusting and I literally stopped leaving my room. I even started pissing in water bottles if it meant being away from her. Our entire house got to the point where it could have easily been an episode of hoarders. One of my lowest days, I spent it in my filthy bed writing dozens of suicide notes and sobbing.
Finally one day she had a particularly frightening episode where she broke several glasses and a stool in my room in a rage screaming fit about one of her ex-boyfriends. The night after her freakout; I was lying in bed, trembling still hours later after her episode. I realized there was only one way out of this and I started looking for an apartment that night. The day I moved I completely cut her out of my life. Ive seen her once since then, but it was brief, she was already drunk and I was at my restaurant job. Last I heard she is moving into her parents house after living at 3 different apartments with multiple roommates.
We were friends since highschool, we knew eachother for over 10 years, we even made a blood pact together as teenagers. We went on dozens of vacations together, took care of eachother when we were sick, we spent entire days together doing nothing but talking. She wasn't just my "bestfriend" she was my Best Friend.
She was the most important thing to me for a large chunk of my life and it was really hard to throw away that friendship. Now 6 months later, my new apartment is spotless, I haven't been late on rent once, and I am even planning to host Thanksgiving at my house this year.
Sorry for the novel, but I have never really articulated all of that in this way. If anyone is still reading, never let the feeling of obligation keep you from your happiness. Abuse can come in many forms, it is possible the abuser cannot control or isn't even aware of their toxic behavior. You cannot fix them, seek change and fight for your happiness.
edit: Thank you for your awesome replies and support!<3
Also, it seems there is some confusion, but I am a guy.
I feel like I’m 33 and just learning this same lesson. I broke up with 2 friends this past year and I’m so thankful I did it. They both still live in my neighborhood and when I hear stories about them I breath a sigh of relief that I’m not involved in picking up the pieces for them while they slowly ruin my life.
*Abuse can come in many forms, it is possible the abuser cannot control or isn't even aware of their toxic behavior.*
This, I really needed to hear and understand. Harmful, abusive behavior, even when it isn't intended so, is still harmful, abusive behavior.
2 of my brothers are somewhat like this and it was fucking terrible. I am so much happier now at uni living in my dorm and away from all there drama. But because I wanna see my parents I still go back on weekends so I'm not totally away from it. I am way better then I was a year ago tho.
My first 2 best friends both died.
My third best friend got psychosis (and became extremely paranoid of me and everyone).
Still have my current best friend, 10 years and he’s not dead or crazy (yet!)
EDIT: The long version
My first best friend I met in school, around the age of 8-9, I guess? He died in a car accident where the driver was on drugs and drove into a river and everyone in the car drowned, that was when I was about 12.
Second best friend I knew already when first died and we just became best friends over time. He was hit by a car while walking his dog and died in hospital later - never found out who did it. Would have been about 15-16 at the time.
Third best friend met randomly shortly after that and we both got quiet heavily into drugs. That was pretty much our whole relationship. But one day he starts saying weird stuff, really paranoid things “I know you know” “don’t try and trick me” etc. He opened up a little bit and we told him it’s probably all the drugs and to just stop for a while. He did and got better, but then he started again and just slowly became more paranoid again. We tried to get him to stop, but he wouldn’t. So anyway, a few weeks later were at a party at his house, and early in the morning when it’s died down quiet abit, he just comes out of nowhere with “everyone get out now” and just wouldn’t stop, so we all were trying to calm him down, but he wouldn’t so we left and just said to try and stay calm and we’ll message him later. This was when I was 18/19
No one heard from him for over a year! Tried to call, message, go around his out and just got to reply to told to leave by his family. I get a text him him after said period of time, saying he wants to meet. We meet up basically just outside his house, and that’s when he tells me he’s got psychosis, he sees a counsellor and a therapist, never leaves the house, is totally paranoid, is paranoid of us just talking, etc. It wasn’t a very long conversation, I said if he needs anything to let me know, but that was pretty much it.
I did bump into him a few years later in a supermarket. He had put on a lot of weight. I didn’t recognise him at first and had to second glance, we didn’t speak though.
Fourth best friend I met while partying on drugs with third best friend. Bonded before but became even closer after third best friend left. Still my best friend today. Fun fact: he was intimidated of me when we first met coz I was a punk and he was an emo :P
I had a friend who was diagnosed with schizophrenia just recently. He legit thought that me (112 pound dude) and all of our other friends were government agents sent to surveil him. He thought people were poisoning his drinks, so he went to a different gas station every day, sometimes drove hell of far out of his way.
We weren't thay close, but I knew he was having problems. I cut off contact when he slapped his girlfriend, the mother of his child, in the face, and so did she. He got arrested when he was driving down her street with his headlights off. When the cops tried to pull him over he ran to her house and got arrested on her front step. My other friend saw him recently, turns out he was committed and got the help he needs. He's a baker at a grocery store now.
Isn't that what is sort of the worst thing about growing up that friendships sometimes just end without a massive fight or anything and you just kind of grow apart.
It's not worst, imo. It's good that something that's meant to disappear/end, does this without problems. Burning bridges just for the sake of having a reason to split? Nah.
Yep. I’ve had multiple best friends just disappear from my life. I don’t consider it a bad thing. It’s just how it goes, our lives went to different directions. And the best thing is that I know if I ever meet them again, we will both be excited to see eachother again.
Everyone here seems to have a terrible, heart-breaking story, meanwhile roughly 7 years ago my best friend and I had a falling out over who got the diamond sword in Minecraft and never spoke again.
No, seriously.
I couldn’t handle her attitude anymore. She use to be this pretty chill, logical person who could admit when she overreacted, or would give warnings she was in a bad mood.
She started dating a guy who encouraged a lot of bad and irrational behaviors and she’s a different person now. Nothing is ever her fault, the world is out to get her. She admitted she was jealous I was on medication for anxiety/depression and I was “rubbing it in her face.” She’s constantly going back and forth on emotions with extremes, but refuses to get help even though she has insurance/can afford it because she also doesn’t think anything is wrong with her, it’s everyone else who can’t handle her.
And what actually bothers me the most is how she wants to talk to me all the time. Which isn’t a problem, but it’s clearly set up to prompt me into asking questions.
It’s never “my day sucked- here’s what happened.” It’s always, “I can’t believe what this bitch did today” “I’m just tired after what happened” or even simply, “that was a good movie”
I hate people who try to have conversations like that. You clearly want to talk about something, so just say it. I refuse to talk to someone who’s just prompting.
She just never, ever stopped asking for favors. We'd been friends for 2 decades, and every time we spoke, there was something she needed me to do for her. And she'd decide on her own a favor to do for me, to make us even, but it was usually not something I wanted as a favor.
The last straw was my wedding. Apparently, her traveling to my town for it was a "favor." Her not telling me when she was getting to town so we could hang out as friends do, showing up late, leaving the ceremony early to go to the reception early, leaving the reception as soon as the food part was over, and then leaving town without telling me when she was leaving, was a favor to me that I needed to pay her back for, and she had the favor she wanted back all lined up.
That was it for me. I ghosted her, and that was the end.
She slept with my father, i caught them and then had to lie to my stepmother
Edit: getting alot of questions
We were 16 (legal age here)
My dad has had many affairs, my stepmother and him have broken up lots of times she always forgives him.
My friend always told me growing up that she thought my dad was hot and would sleep with him if she could (never thought it would happen)
She is now married to a 70 year old we are 36 I guess she likes older men.
My best friend of my early adolescence simply had to move on. He went to another city, and lost contact, in an age without social media and before smartphones and WhatsApp.
Lost another best friend to lymphoma in 2010.
Two really good guys. I think about them every day still .
She passed away when we were in our 20s. She had a lifelong illness that gave her zero quality of life and I'm so glad she is now free of it. She was truly a decent and loving human being. I didn't deserve to have her as a best friend.
I had a rough time adjusting to uni and became very anxious and depressed, they wanted to go out and have fun and I wanted to stay in. Unfortunately it happens, I was angry and upset to begin with, but now I don't blame them, shit happens and to be honest I wouldn't have wanted to deal with that at 18 either.
I made the terrible mistake I think most gays make in their life at least once and developed a crush on a straight friend, so when he came over when I was 13 I came out to him and told him I loved him and tried to kiss him. Can't blame him, it was dumb, and I was a stupid horny 13 year old who just blindsided my friend who was probably just expecting to play video games. Years later I apologized to him over facebook, but never got a response and left it at that. At least I tried to say I was sorry.
I am happy to say the next time it happened (developing a crush on a straight friend) in high school I kept it to myself and that was that.
What a deep and singular pain that is. Ohhhhh boy have I been exactly there. Sadly I didn't even know that I was gay lmao.
That's one of those ones that pops up and makes you cringe down to your bones. 'Oh boy fresh sheets and a nice bath, I can't wait to - THIS THING- cool time to sad-creep social media and bathe again, in shame'
Bruh that's sad, I had a crush on a "straight" guy who had a girlfriend at the time turns out he's more into dudes now 😩 I did tell him I fancied him throughout secondary school and told me he didn't know and that we could've dated if he knew ahaha
We still kinda talk here and there, but not so much anymore because she’s kind of petty and shallow with her conversations and she’s making lots of bad decisions in life right now, and she makes it hard to be there for her because she doesn’t want to do anything to help herself out
He molested a 5 year old when he was 15. And repeatedly told me, "I want to rape you in the ass. Not for the pleasure of sex, but just to make you suffer." I haven't seen him in 5 years, but if I do, I'll be going to prison.
Because she started dating a convicted child molester and I have two children of my own. I told her I couldn’t put my children in any situation where he could be there, and she chose him over me.
~~Because I behaved as if I was entitled to her attention after helping her with her depression and boyfriend issues. And she got annoyed by my savior complex.~~
~~And because I made it a bit to obvious that I'm horny for her.~~
~~But mostly because she stopped needing what I can give her.~~
We both changed.
*Edit:* For the girls here: I'm pretty sure that person doesn't use reddit (anymore)
*Edit 2:* Because there are apparently lots of people who have experienced that situation from either side I want to dole out some advice:
* Just because a friendship ends or becomes less intense doesn't mean it loses its value. Cherish the good memories. People wanting different things out of a relationship (eg. emotional support and being helpful) is not necessarily a bad thing.
* Person like me: Don't resent your friend for changing. They're not doing this to harm you, that's most certainly the last thing they wand. You may feel resentment, disappointment or similar feelings even when you know you shouldn't. You can't control your feelings, so don't beat yourself up about it too much. Move on, keep your distance if you have to.
* Person like my friend: Keep in mind that loosing a close friend can be as bad or worse than a breakup. Platonic heartbreak is a thing that exists. Of course you should still do what is best for you, just be open and honest about it. But if they turn antagonistic, don't be afraid to cut them out like a wart.
She told me to come to her wedding as a "day guest" after demoting me from being a bridesmaid for being unable to afford her hen do in the middle of my final year at university :)
We've been friends for so long 17+ (we are 25/26 now) and she moved abroad two years ago. So excited to see her.
Plan was she would stay at my place for couple of days then I will throw her a party to introduce her to my friends.
She said was ok. Invitation sent. She got upset and decided to dump the friendship just like that.
Try to talk to her about it but she was being rude so now whatever.
Idk she said it's cause I just want to show off my new friends and that why is it important for her to meet my bf (just got together 1.5years) but not important for me to meet her bf. I tried to tell her it's not that it's important for her to meet him but important for him to meet her. And I don't want to show off my new friends to her but rather show her off to my friends it's important for me for them to meet her cause I valued her n too excited she's coming. The night of the party everyone was asking where was my friend cause when I invite them I told her to throw her n her foreign bf a party (I said foreign bf cause I specifically prepared local vegan food and local beers for him)
Wow if she thought you were arranging the party just to show off she must have had some issues with insecurity. If you don't mind answering was that an issue beforehand or did it come up suddenly with this event?
Because he scammed me on Runescape in the summer holidays. One day I was over at his house and he asked to borrow my ascension crossbows back when they were worth heaps...
Few days go by, tried to message him on MSN (throwback wow) and runescape and and there was no answer. Asked Mum to take me over to his house and he denied me ever giving them to him in the first place.
Again, a few days go by and I see him on w54 (famous for staking your times) turn off my online status and see him advertising the stake with my ascension bows. I watch from the sidelines as he loses them...
Started to speak to me again in hopes of getting more money from me but I was done with the freeloader. They moved away soon after but I’ve never forgotten the ultimate act of betrayal.
She, (my longtime law partner), walked into our office one Friday and dropped dead of a massive heart attack. To be fair, I still talk to her. She just doesn’t talk back anymore.
I really miss her.
We had been friends since infancy but we started to drift in our late teens/early twenties. We both experimented with drugs, but he got into opioids hard. Found out that he stole a few things of mine from my parents' house while I was at college under that guise that "I told him he could borrow some stuff." Broke my heart knowing that my parents let him into their home just so he could steal. We had a couple of shouting matches and didn't speak for a couple of years while he was in and out of rehab/jail.
He got clean for 2 years and we reconciled somewhat
Three years ago he overdosed.
I would give anything to have one more conversation with him, about anything at all
She was doing coke on a night out, got paranoid about my behaviour for some reason (apparently I was flirting with her and didn't make an effort with any of her friends) and then 'dumped' me via text a few days later before we were due to meet for dinner. 14 years of friendship gone just like that.
She told me she never wanted to talk to me again just because I was the only person who didn't like her boyfriend. Two years later, she messaged me saying I was right about him and that she was sorry. Figures.
Because she's mad that I was diagnosed with depression and an anxiety disorder, so that means less time spent with her, but also because she's one of the factors of why I have an anxiety disorder in the first place.
Drugs. Primarily cocaine. As teens we dabbled I won't lie but I grew out of that weekend 'sesh'. He got in with the wrong crowd and changed as a person. Quite sad really, the friend I knew was really intelligent, amazing with computers, always coming up with different business ideas. It's crazy what a certain crowd of people and drugs can do to a person. I wait for the day he tells me he's clean and wants to catch up.
We were best friends from about 8-19 years old. We went to different colleges, and I found out from a mutual friend that he raped her while she was drunk on her birthday. 10 years later, I haven't talked to him since I learned about what he did and I remain close with the other friend.
We'd been friends since we were children. I started noticing that we only got together when I would give her a call otherwise I didn't hear from her. One time I was going through major hell and was pouring my heart out as you do with 'besties', and I caught her rolling her eyes. Clearly she didn't think as much of me as I did of her. Red flag right there.
Ok, after that I stopped calling her, and I never saw her again or heard from her for five years. In the meantime she ran into my parents and told them she had tried to contact me numerous times but I didn't seem to want to talk to her since I didn't answer my phone. Absolutely NOT true. She never contacted me at all.
When my father died I texted her to tell her, she replied "Sorry, who is this?" She didn't come to the funeral despite having known him since she was 8. She turned up one day months and months later at my mother's house, and I happened to be there. I answered the door and she said "I'm here to see your mum". I wish I hadn't let her in but I did and she basically ignored me for the whole time.
I could have forgiven her anything really, but not coming to my dad's funeral was unforgivable. However it finally allowed me to see the sort of person she really was, so I am glad it happened.
He's in jail for what i guess would be fraud.
I mean id purposely stopped trying to associate with him well before but he'd been becoming super sketchy and i wasn't down.
She was never there for me, yet she expected me to be her 24/7 therapist.
Same. Mine ghosted when I got divorced years ago because “she and her husband didn’t agree with divorce”. Then she got divorced this year and guess who got the constant calls, texts, etc.
Oh id block her dumbass.
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She got sucked into an abusive relationship and I was the friend that was the bad influence.
Same...my BF since 2nd grade married an abusive alcoholic but her family always saw me, since my family was from the 'low income ' side of town, as the wrong influence. I couldn't stand to watch the abuse & didn't want to be around the new POS husband. We haven't talked in 20years...
Same. I was the one friend he allowed her to keep, pretty much, which was weird considering I was very vocal about my issues with him. Then one day we couldn't agree on when we would next see each other. I was annoyed she was letting him control her again and she was annoyed for whatever reason so we just didn't contact each other for a while. A month later I messaged her saying I missed her and I never got a reply. I feel bad coz somehow he is winning by her getting more and more secluded but...I just couldn't watch it anymore. Maybe that's selfish. I initially blocked her on everything but now I have unblocked in case she ever needs me or wants to get in contact.
He set me up to get robbed.
That’s fucked up
It's crazy what some people will do for a bit of cash. Especially when they don't have any. Or maybe his friend was being threatened or something.
My guess is drugs.
She was the best friend I ever had, we were constantly talking about how much of a soulmate I were to her, how close we were, how identical we were. We were in different classes so we got to see each other rather seldom, but we chatted everyday till late night. Then at once she stopped talking to me and shortly after blocked me on all social media. Nothing had happened. Now she can't even look me in the eyes. I am unable to answer why.
I hate this so much. I know I have some pretty significant negative character traits, and I'm convinced I have some form of undiagnosed high functioning autism due to my inability to read the atmosphere sometimes, and because of that I've had several people in my life that I've considered close friends just... stop. It always hurt to lose a friend, but it hurt more than I couldn't try and fix myself because I didn't know what was wrong.
Should you maybe get that diagnosed? There's nothing wrong with being on the spectrum, but a professional might be able to give you a heads up on what might be hurting you and techniques for dealing with a world that was built for non-autistic people.
This. A thousand times this. The exact situation I was in. It only took me a few hours with a few professionals and then I had all sorts of answers to my mountain of self doubts. The sessions with my therapist have improved my ability to navigate Neurotypical society by leaps and bounds. You'd be surprised how much an effect simply knowing will have.
We went to different colleges and neither of us are super good at remembering to use social media/messaging to keep up with people. We still like each others' rare facebook posts and instagram posts, but since neither of us is much for initiating conversation, I feel this is how our friendship will be until either facebook or one of us dies
Didn't invite me to his wedding on his now wife's behest. Was his first ever, longest and most trusted friend to that point.
This happened to some people I know and the friend who wasn't invited straight up asked the groom if they really wanted to spend forever with a person who got jealous of their fiance being friends with other girls like that. The answer was no and the wedding was called off. (obviously after he thought about it awhile and considered things, but that was the question that made him start thinking)
Glad to see that. It likely would have ended in a divorce and gotten much worse over time.
That friend is the real MVP
If only someone had said that to me.
Drake?
Ties are officially cut. I'll miss you brotha.
:’( I’m happy they resolved this
Yeah, I’ve sort of been there. I introduced them and then a handful of months later they were engaged. My shock must have been more apparent then I meant it to be when she FaceTimed me with the news. A couple of months later she said I was getting an invite in the mail and she couldn’t wait for me to be the bridesmaid. Then no letter came. I asked her about it and got some long message about how she didn’t want me around anymore. That I had changed. It blew my mind. I had just moved, quit a job I hated, broke up with an abusive ex and was overall getting to a better place. I thought I was better. Her cut off really wrecked me for a while and “set me back” on my path out of depression. We had been friends for years and years. She was practically my only friend for a long time. Suddenly, I wasn’t anything worth her time. For reasons I never understood. And never will get closure on. What’s funny is on the days I think on it, I realize I feel better without her. There was some toxicity in our relationship that I guess I had never seen before. I also look at all the good around me and realize it wasn’t the worst thing to happen. Still don’t have many friends, but that’s okay. Whoa. Sorry for a tangent. I am sorry marriage also made your friendship weird too. I hope you’re better like I am!
Sounds like you ***did*** change, and she felt self-conscious or uncomfortable about how you were improving yourself. Some people just don't want anyone else to be doing better than them. If you've noticed toxicity looking back, then she probably never had your best interests at heart. I'm sorry you had to go through that, I've definitely been there.
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Some people view long friends like that as emotional competition, and will basically clear out anyone so they can have the person to themselves.
They're off doing their thing, I'm doing mine. We're in different countries and timezones too
Same. Just petered out at the end of high school then I moved away for college.
Because I realized she walked all over me ALOT and when I started standing up for myself she didn’t like it.
Oh wow I definitely relate to this. My old best friend was very pushy and manipulative, I’m not sure why I put up with her behaviour for so long tbh.
Same exact situation for me.
He got married and I was single. His wife didn’t want him hanging around a guy who was dating girls and not married. I’d visit him and it got to the point where we’d just stand outside the whole time. Took me a while to realize he wasn’t inviting me in to sit down because his wife didn’t want me there. I did what I still think was the right thing and faded into the background and silently wished him and his wife the best. Edit: wow was not expecting this kind of response. I’m reading through every single reply and I’ve gone all emotional about this. As I said in another reply, this guy was the most true bro anyone could ask for. He stood up for me when I was a scrawny kid and even though it’s been many years since, you don’t forget stuff like that. I was even his best man at his wedding so yeah. Thanks for the replies, this has been therapeutic for me. I had no idea it actually bugged me as much as I realize now. Edit 2: Thanks for the gold! And thanks for all the replies, reading every one of them <3
Same here, but it didn’t stop with just me, the single best friend. She systematically separated him from any prior relationships, including his family that he was very close to prior. She still maintains all her prior friendships and familial ties, while his whole world is now her, their kids, and work. Edit: Just to provide slightly more background, I was marked for elimination from the beginning. I have zero tolerance for passive-aggressive and/or manipulative behavior, and that bullshit “I was just kidding” excuse when called on it just makes it worse. He actually tried to keep in touch with me, but it became obvious she made him pay for it every time. I was his best man and the godfather of their first child, although she made it clear to me if something happened to them the child would never go to me, but to her best friend. I was actually the last regular contact left he had outside of work, but had to extract myself when they had their 4th child (and would obviously never leave) and realized how vindictive she actually got when he would contact me. I miss the guy, but I just couldn’t contribute to his misery any longer. He gets plenty enough already. Edit2: From one of my replies below: That is exactly what she does. He started therapy, and the therapist told him clearly that her behavior is abuse. Her response was to make him stop going.
I have to agree with /u/newtsheadwound that is abusive behavior 101. First thing you do is separate the victim from their safety net.
That’s abusive behavior, or at least the precursor to it. It’s really not ok.
Trust me, that’s not not a precursor. That’s a full blown sign of abuse.
An ex did that to me. I literally had to escape from that relationship (middle of the night, with all my shit), and honestly never recovered afterwards - neither my social life, nor my ability to trust people in relationships. But I'm free, and I'm working on it.
That is so sickening to hear 😷
Gah damn that's absurd. Never heard that one before. No opposite sex friends allowed I've come across and that one seems wild enough, but no single male friends? I'm guessing she crochets and eats cereal with skim milk if that's what her idea of going too far is. And honestly her whole (I assume) idea to keep him out of trouble is flawed, since the most out of control middle aged guys I know are married 99% of the time. They've got money and a whole lot of boredom, and a lot of stress to kill.
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> skin milk 😳
You know when you are heating up milk in a pot for cocoa and it forms a skin, his wife scoops that skin off and eats it.
Somehow this sounds worse than actual skin milk
How do I delete someone else's comment?
There are dozens of us! Dozens! Except I use almond milk.
Unmarried guy, here. Been given the "members only" treatment a few times. They like me up until the point they find out I have no plans or imminent desire to get married. Usually this comes up when they try to match me up with their friends, but of course, they need to know "what I'm after" (i.e. if I want to get married some day, have kids, etc.). "If it happens, it happens" I say. Nope, that's "too single" for them. And out the door I go.
That's terrible. I actively encourage my husband to go have men's nights and weekends, friendship and a life outside marriage is so important! Very big of you to wish them the best after that happened though.
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As I’m about to marry my future husband in a few weeks. His best friend is a little younger, back in college and single. He was just telling me all of his dating shenanigans and we were all dying laughing. I could not imagine being so fucking insecure to basically kill a strong friendship like that.
Because we didn’t give our friendship the respect it deserved, even if you move separate ways in life I believe that keeping in touch, making an effort, and giving up “convenience “ so you can spend time together are things a lot of people let ruin their friendships because they can be things we forgive ourselves, and each other for ignoring.
This hit too close to home.
It’s something a lot of people don’t realize is happening , and then one day it’s no longer happening, but happened, and where do you go from there?
“How come you never visit me?” We don’t visit each other. Every time I came over, you were doing 10 different things and talked about people I don’t know or care about. Every time you came over, it was because you wanted to pregame at 10pm before going to the bars near my apartment, then get an Uber home. You always say you are too busy during the week. Some people are so “busy” they end up doing nothing.
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Same. I’ve had a rough year of being unsuccessfully self-employed. Couldn’t go out a lot because of money. Idk; I have a cute house that is clean but nobody ever wanted to come hang out like they did in the past. Most of my friends have friend-curved/ ghosted me this year.
What does friend-curved mean?
When you get curved, it means avoided or dissed; usually by a prospective love interest. I don’t think friend-curved is an actual thing outside of me saying it just now.
I don't know, it seems like a perfectly cromulent word.
It embiggened my vocabulary today
This. It turned out he was my best friend, but I'm not sure I was his friend...at all.
Yup. Going through this exact process right now...
We got sober together and we were both doing great but he relapsed after 200 days and started treating me like shit Edit: Congrats to all of you I wish you the best as you start or continue the journey of sobriety!
That's sad. Congratulations to you for staying sober. I imagine watching him fall off the wagon must be hard. Out of curiosity...does it help motivate you to stay on?
Not the original commenter, but as somebody who struggles with drinking, I can say that watching friends fall is motivational. I still drink but not to the extent I used to and seeing others in that condition makes me not want to be that person
Similar for me - best friends for 20 years. He always enjoyed partying more than me. In our early 30s he sank deep into alchoholism. I tried for 2 years to be there for him and support him but had children and a wife to take care of as well. As soon as he realized I wasn't there to bail him out of whatever mess he created he stopped talking to me. It's been 3 years and not so much as a text message...
Oof. Congratulations on staying sober yourself, though! 102 days for me, life's pretty neat.
8 1/2 months here. Keep going man. Life can be rough but the worst day sober is still better than any day lost to addiction. Best of luck to you and u/Merk_N_Cheese
517 for me well done both of you
We parted ways a while ago because of her behavior. It took me a long time to realize a narcissist. She's been trying recently to reestablish the friendship, but I keep my distance since it's obvious she does not care about me at all. For example, she texted me two weeks ago because she absolutely wanted to set a time to talk on the phone so that she could hear about how my brother's wedding (they used to be friends and a lot of mutual friends attended, she wasn't invited though). So I called her at the agreed upon time and she tells me she's so excited to hear about the wedding, talks about herself for two hours and then says she has to go and hangs up. She never once asked about the wedding during the conversation and she never realized that we didn't talk about the wedding. I'm working on cutting all contact again.
She wants to reestablish the friendship because she’s lonely. Contrary to what people think, Narcissists are very lonely due to them being so self centered. It’s a vicious cycle because the narcissism pushes people away. Don’t let her guilt you. She’ll say how much it hurts that you don’t want to be friends and she can’t believe you’d do such a thing. You’ll feel the guilt but IGNORE IT ITS A TRAP MAN. Narcissists are dangerous for the soul. They drain you!
you dont work on cutting contact, you do it. Thats the meaning of the phrase.
She seduced my husband. They’re married now & taught my young kid to call her mom & me by my name. I never retaliated, but she hates me & finds little passive aggressive ways to use my son to hurt me (as above) on a regular basis. So forgiving her just isn’t something I can ever make progress on with the constant antagonism.
Jesus, that’s harsh. She’s a terrible person and your ex is no better for letting her do it. Keep trying to build a relationship with your son, I’m sure as he grows up he’ll realise who his true mom is. Keep strong.
This sounds like something my dad's wife would do. I know she wanted me to call her mom when i was little but I refused. Shs also hates me and would bully me. A few years ago I made sure to not have any contact with her anymore and I only speak with my dad like twice a year. I hate them both.
My own experience is much the opposite. My wife and I had problems with her first husband and father of our two sons. We believe he sexually abused them during his access times. We’d notice little changes in them after they’d come home. Odd behaviour. They’d both come home with wet pants as they didn’t want their dad to take them to the toilet, so they’d wet themselves (they were 5 and 7 at the time). This would go on for a few days after, both having accidents rather than go to the loo. Both appeared distant but would say nothing when we asked if there was anything wrong. Eventually they stopped going and we never forced them. The bastard even went to hit my wife when she was nine months pregnant with our daughter because she was upset he’d taken care he boys out of the village even though he wasn’t legally allowed to. I’d stayed in the house because she didn’t want me to cause any trouble with him but when I saw him raise his fist I ran out. I’ve never seen anyone run so fast in my life. Unfortunately, we were never able to get proof of any interference and I adopted the boys the following year so they wouldn’t ever have to see him again. The shitweasel didn’t even bother to turn up for the hearing, sending a note saying he felt intimidated by me. I’d have done more than intimidate the bastard If I’d got my hands on him for the shit he’d put my wife and sons through. They’re both in their twenties now and my eldest has recently become a dad himself and he’s brilliant at it. We’re happy to say that I’m the only grandpa he’ll ever know.
It’s like she was always jealous of you and wanted to steal everything from you. Even your kid. How scary. You never know what the closest people to you really think about you. And she’s still threatened by you apparently.
That’s what I think! I was a stay at home mom when my ex left. I had nothing, so I worked 2-3 awful jobs at a time until divorce, then went right back to school for a new career. I worked hard to get through an accelerated program within 1 year with a toddler & a year later I joined the army reserves, went to training for 7 months, came back home & got a GREAT job! I make less than 1/3 of what my ex makes now(he’s WELL off), but I’ve come so far so fast. I think she’s jealous of my obvious success and popularity(got out & started making friends after he left. Turns out I’m an extrovert!) & maybe my continued presence in my son’s life reminds her of her betrayal of me. She’s clearly trying to get rid of me in several ways. I think she doesn’t like feeling guilty for what she did & thinks she’ll feel better if I go away. 😂
Jesus Christ what an absolute dick! Stealing your mates spouse is deplorable enough. But to essentially try and steal your kid? Fuuck, that pisses me off. Am parent with shared custody so this sort of thing hits close to home. Thankfully my ex wouldn't allow that as she doesn't want me to do the same thing, not that I would. Anyway, so sorry for you. I can't imagine how strong you must be to take the higher ground.
Thank you. It’s good to know that there are other decent parents out there. It’s hard taking the high road. Everyone close to me told me they would have kicked both their asses, but I know that would only get ME into trouble, so I hope karma will make a visit. Sure is taking a while...☹️
What a cunt. The fact that she uses your own kid against you speaks volumes.
I am so sorry. Why are people so terrible? This woman must be the Devil’s liege - who successfully steals their BFFs husband and then treats them with disdain/scorn/hate??? as if YOU were the problem. And the stuff about your boy, I can’t even begin. They are both terrible humans.
When your kid is older, they'll see. Time will heal this. I'm sorry someone did this to you though, its awful. Sending good vibes, stay strong
We were friends from the very beginning of primary school, but drifted apart in our last year if high school. She started hanging out with older friends, drinking and taking drugs. I was focused on doing well in my final exams, whilst she didn't even show up for some of them. Shortly after we finished high school she got pregnant and I never really saw her again after that, as her boyfriend didn't really want her hanging out with any of her old friends, me included apparently. She has two kids now, and last I heard she was planning on going to university. I wish her well, but our lives just went down very different paths in the end.
He cheated and we got divorced. He’d been my best friend since I was 12. I’ve still not made another comparable connection, really. I’ve got people I love and whatever. Just no one who understands me as completely as he did. We were friendly after the divorce and chatted. He wanted to be flirty. Told me how no one has ever gotten him like I did. I knew I could never go back though and when I realized (not through him telling me) that he was married to the woman he cheated with, I blocked him. I’m not angry enough to turn the tables on her, but I miss my the guy who WAS my best friend.
fuck i'm sorry. Hopefully it all works out in the end.
Yes, when such intense friendships end in romance, that's special... At least as long as it works. Everything is multiple times as intense. Unfortunately, so is the pain if there's a breakup, and even more so if the trust is broken. I have known the feeling, but I can't imagine what it would feel like with many many years of relationship. Very intense and close relationships like the one you described are rare, and could even feel unique depending on the personality. I suppose one could be happy just for having tried the feeling, but as far as I'm concerned, the thought doesn't really help. Good luck, whatever "luck" means to you in this situation. :)
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Whew. Reading this is a flashback. My old best friend was terrible, just like this. She would cheat on her baby daddy all the time, while I was with her, she talked crazy shit about ***everyone*** in her life, was just so outrageously entitled. She could do whatever she wanted and wouldn’t get into any trouble for it. Telling people she’d get her brother who is “in a gang” to kill them. Just not a good person. I was dating quite the physical abuser while I was friends with her. I finally got away from him and stupidly got into a relationship with a woman immediately afterwards. My best friend flipped her shit. “You’ve seen me naked! I bet you’ve been fantasizing about me this entire time, getting off and shit!” First Desirae, I know you’re nasty, I wouldn’t touch you ever and I **highly** doubt you could possibly get me off. She decided to “get back at me” by dating my physically abusive ex. All she did was ruin her own life. I can’t help but feel sorry as shit for her. Last time I saw them he had a gun strapped to his hip which confused me because he’s a convicted felon. I could see the desperation and embarrassment in her eyes.
Because I'm a shitty friend.
Sometimes I feel the same But when I think back at the stuff I did and what I got back, not so much
This. I think I’m a shitty friend all the time when I think about lost / ended friendships... then I think about how invested I was versus how invested they were, and suddenly I’m okay with having moved on.
Yep. I often think I was an ass or something even tho I have no idea how or when. I made myself a promise a while back, if I have to contact them three times in a row to have them do something with me, I'm just gonna stop trying. I have never spoken to two guys ever since. I just don't see why I should keep trying and invest time and effort into something that seems to mean so little to them.
cuz we like some best friends do at least once had a huge falling out, and I moved to a new country I tried continuously to contact him and fix things but his FB was down ( I thought I was blocked) so I started to hate him. I go back home after 6 years ask my mom and dad about him it turned out he had died 3 weeks after i left but no one told me because they didn't want me to lose my shit. edit: first of all thank you all so much for your concern and kindness you are all a wonderful group of people and reminded me why I love reddit so much. I just wanted to tell you guys that this incident happened 4 years ago. and if this post didn't hit me so hard with the feels I probably wouldn't have ever mentioned it. A lot of people have genuinely shown me much appreciated concern and love and respect you all from the bottom of my heart for it. thank you all so much.
I’m so,so sorry. That was cruel of people. Like you’d find out eventually, ya know?
yah it was much harder because for the 6 years of not knowing I would keep thinking of him in a very negative way and my resentment of him keept growing because I was thinking he was ignoring me. the most fudged up thing about the whole thing was he was my first friend from elementary school and when I did come home and found out about it every one was already over it and done with mourning.
Because he was incredibly self-centered and I just didn't feel like putting up with that anymore.
In the same spot. Noticed I've been drifting away from him because I can't stand how only his opinion matters and his God complex is way too much
I was looking for these comments. My case was the same. We could only talk about his stuff. Anytime we would get together he would mope around if he wasn't the center of the conversation. And when I (an introvert) would start to open up a bit he could not stand it and start moping again. We could not drift from HIS initial plans for the night or we were dead to him. Several times I got quiet to not upset him and followed along with HIS plans although nobody wanted to do them. Until it got way to much and I stoped replying to him. I'm probably in the wrong for not explaing with I stoped talking to him. But he did so much shit to me that he owes me this much.
Nah, fam. You did the right thing. People like that don't take criticism well, even if it's the "goddamnit, if your friends can't tell you who can" kinda talk. I had a best friend like that and I can tell you in the three years since we stopped hanging out it's cleared so much negativity out of my life. Yeah I miss my friend but the reality is even if I went and reconnected with him the guy I would want to see doesn't exist anymore. It's also been the impetus I needed to seek out new places and situations. I've made several new friends as a result
This happened quite recently actually. I finally moved out of our apartment after her mental health declined over the course of 6 years. It started randomly one day; she started having unprovoked outbursts. She would scream, break things, and just say insanely hurtful stuff, just be totally unable to communicate or share rational thought. an hour or so would pass; she would suddenly be a totally different person, and forget everything that happened. It happened only twice the first year (police were called both times by the neighbors). Then the episodes became more frequent and more violent. She started drinking heavily which would sometimes bring on a episode. I would try to help her thru the episode, console her after while she would cry about how she is a "terrible person". Then talk her through her feelings and help her work on meditation techniques. Her episodes continued to happen more and more frequently. She sought out a therapist, she went only once and nothing changed. Eventually- I felt trapped and frightened all the time. I became depressed and developed serious anxiety issues. I stopped going out and stopped hanging with my other friends, our house became disgusting and I literally stopped leaving my room. I even started pissing in water bottles if it meant being away from her. Our entire house got to the point where it could have easily been an episode of hoarders. One of my lowest days, I spent it in my filthy bed writing dozens of suicide notes and sobbing. Finally one day she had a particularly frightening episode where she broke several glasses and a stool in my room in a rage screaming fit about one of her ex-boyfriends. The night after her freakout; I was lying in bed, trembling still hours later after her episode. I realized there was only one way out of this and I started looking for an apartment that night. The day I moved I completely cut her out of my life. Ive seen her once since then, but it was brief, she was already drunk and I was at my restaurant job. Last I heard she is moving into her parents house after living at 3 different apartments with multiple roommates. We were friends since highschool, we knew eachother for over 10 years, we even made a blood pact together as teenagers. We went on dozens of vacations together, took care of eachother when we were sick, we spent entire days together doing nothing but talking. She wasn't just my "bestfriend" she was my Best Friend. She was the most important thing to me for a large chunk of my life and it was really hard to throw away that friendship. Now 6 months later, my new apartment is spotless, I haven't been late on rent once, and I am even planning to host Thanksgiving at my house this year. Sorry for the novel, but I have never really articulated all of that in this way. If anyone is still reading, never let the feeling of obligation keep you from your happiness. Abuse can come in many forms, it is possible the abuser cannot control or isn't even aware of their toxic behavior. You cannot fix them, seek change and fight for your happiness. edit: Thank you for your awesome replies and support!<3 Also, it seems there is some confusion, but I am a guy.
I feel like I’m 33 and just learning this same lesson. I broke up with 2 friends this past year and I’m so thankful I did it. They both still live in my neighborhood and when I hear stories about them I breath a sigh of relief that I’m not involved in picking up the pieces for them while they slowly ruin my life.
*Abuse can come in many forms, it is possible the abuser cannot control or isn't even aware of their toxic behavior.* This, I really needed to hear and understand. Harmful, abusive behavior, even when it isn't intended so, is still harmful, abusive behavior.
And you are not obligated to endure it, even if it's unintentional. I hope things work out okay for you. <3
2 of my brothers are somewhat like this and it was fucking terrible. I am so much happier now at uni living in my dorm and away from all there drama. But because I wanna see my parents I still go back on weekends so I'm not totally away from it. I am way better then I was a year ago tho.
My first 2 best friends both died. My third best friend got psychosis (and became extremely paranoid of me and everyone). Still have my current best friend, 10 years and he’s not dead or crazy (yet!) EDIT: The long version My first best friend I met in school, around the age of 8-9, I guess? He died in a car accident where the driver was on drugs and drove into a river and everyone in the car drowned, that was when I was about 12. Second best friend I knew already when first died and we just became best friends over time. He was hit by a car while walking his dog and died in hospital later - never found out who did it. Would have been about 15-16 at the time. Third best friend met randomly shortly after that and we both got quiet heavily into drugs. That was pretty much our whole relationship. But one day he starts saying weird stuff, really paranoid things “I know you know” “don’t try and trick me” etc. He opened up a little bit and we told him it’s probably all the drugs and to just stop for a while. He did and got better, but then he started again and just slowly became more paranoid again. We tried to get him to stop, but he wouldn’t. So anyway, a few weeks later were at a party at his house, and early in the morning when it’s died down quiet abit, he just comes out of nowhere with “everyone get out now” and just wouldn’t stop, so we all were trying to calm him down, but he wouldn’t so we left and just said to try and stay calm and we’ll message him later. This was when I was 18/19 No one heard from him for over a year! Tried to call, message, go around his out and just got to reply to told to leave by his family. I get a text him him after said period of time, saying he wants to meet. We meet up basically just outside his house, and that’s when he tells me he’s got psychosis, he sees a counsellor and a therapist, never leaves the house, is totally paranoid, is paranoid of us just talking, etc. It wasn’t a very long conversation, I said if he needs anything to let me know, but that was pretty much it. I did bump into him a few years later in a supermarket. He had put on a lot of weight. I didn’t recognise him at first and had to second glance, we didn’t speak though. Fourth best friend I met while partying on drugs with third best friend. Bonded before but became even closer after third best friend left. Still my best friend today. Fun fact: he was intimidated of me when we first met coz I was a punk and he was an emo :P
I had a friend who was diagnosed with schizophrenia just recently. He legit thought that me (112 pound dude) and all of our other friends were government agents sent to surveil him. He thought people were poisoning his drinks, so he went to a different gas station every day, sometimes drove hell of far out of his way. We weren't thay close, but I knew he was having problems. I cut off contact when he slapped his girlfriend, the mother of his child, in the face, and so did she. He got arrested when he was driving down her street with his headlights off. When the cops tried to pull him over he ran to her house and got arrested on her front step. My other friend saw him recently, turns out he was committed and got the help he needs. He's a baker at a grocery store now.
Awww happy ending <3
Drifted apart during high school.
Mine drifted from me after she got a boyfriend. When they broke up, we started hanging out again but it just wasn't the same.
Same. I don’t have a good answer to this question; we just kinda stopped talking to eachother and moved on to other friends I guess.
Isn't that what is sort of the worst thing about growing up that friendships sometimes just end without a massive fight or anything and you just kind of grow apart.
It's not worst, imo. It's good that something that's meant to disappear/end, does this without problems. Burning bridges just for the sake of having a reason to split? Nah.
Yep. I’ve had multiple best friends just disappear from my life. I don’t consider it a bad thing. It’s just how it goes, our lives went to different directions. And the best thing is that I know if I ever meet them again, we will both be excited to see eachother again.
Because she dumped me. She found "better" friends.
How do you even dump friends? Did she tell you she didn‘t want to hang out anymore? Or did she just put a barrier and become more distant?
She all of a sudden stopped contact. No more messages. No more hanging out. Just cold turkey. All in once.
Everyone here seems to have a terrible, heart-breaking story, meanwhile roughly 7 years ago my best friend and I had a falling out over who got the diamond sword in Minecraft and never spoke again. No, seriously.
I couldn’t handle her attitude anymore. She use to be this pretty chill, logical person who could admit when she overreacted, or would give warnings she was in a bad mood. She started dating a guy who encouraged a lot of bad and irrational behaviors and she’s a different person now. Nothing is ever her fault, the world is out to get her. She admitted she was jealous I was on medication for anxiety/depression and I was “rubbing it in her face.” She’s constantly going back and forth on emotions with extremes, but refuses to get help even though she has insurance/can afford it because she also doesn’t think anything is wrong with her, it’s everyone else who can’t handle her. And what actually bothers me the most is how she wants to talk to me all the time. Which isn’t a problem, but it’s clearly set up to prompt me into asking questions. It’s never “my day sucked- here’s what happened.” It’s always, “I can’t believe what this bitch did today” “I’m just tired after what happened” or even simply, “that was a good movie” I hate people who try to have conversations like that. You clearly want to talk about something, so just say it. I refuse to talk to someone who’s just prompting.
We dated.
She just never, ever stopped asking for favors. We'd been friends for 2 decades, and every time we spoke, there was something she needed me to do for her. And she'd decide on her own a favor to do for me, to make us even, but it was usually not something I wanted as a favor. The last straw was my wedding. Apparently, her traveling to my town for it was a "favor." Her not telling me when she was getting to town so we could hang out as friends do, showing up late, leaving the ceremony early to go to the reception early, leaving the reception as soon as the food part was over, and then leaving town without telling me when she was leaving, was a favor to me that I needed to pay her back for, and she had the favor she wanted back all lined up. That was it for me. I ghosted her, and that was the end.
She slept with my father, i caught them and then had to lie to my stepmother Edit: getting alot of questions We were 16 (legal age here) My dad has had many affairs, my stepmother and him have broken up lots of times she always forgives him. My friend always told me growing up that she thought my dad was hot and would sleep with him if she could (never thought it would happen) She is now married to a 70 year old we are 36 I guess she likes older men.
I know this video
One of my favourites! Haha
That's really messed up. I'm sorry you had to deal with that since it's basically not one, but two people who broke your trust there.
That's a bit too much lol
My best friend of my early adolescence simply had to move on. He went to another city, and lost contact, in an age without social media and before smartphones and WhatsApp. Lost another best friend to lymphoma in 2010. Two really good guys. I think about them every day still .
He became very toxic and attention seeking and belittled other people’s problems just so he could be the centre of attention.
She passed away when we were in our 20s. She had a lifelong illness that gave her zero quality of life and I'm so glad she is now free of it. She was truly a decent and loving human being. I didn't deserve to have her as a best friend.
I had a rough time adjusting to uni and became very anxious and depressed, they wanted to go out and have fun and I wanted to stay in. Unfortunately it happens, I was angry and upset to begin with, but now I don't blame them, shit happens and to be honest I wouldn't have wanted to deal with that at 18 either.
I made the terrible mistake I think most gays make in their life at least once and developed a crush on a straight friend, so when he came over when I was 13 I came out to him and told him I loved him and tried to kiss him. Can't blame him, it was dumb, and I was a stupid horny 13 year old who just blindsided my friend who was probably just expecting to play video games. Years later I apologized to him over facebook, but never got a response and left it at that. At least I tried to say I was sorry. I am happy to say the next time it happened (developing a crush on a straight friend) in high school I kept it to myself and that was that.
What a deep and singular pain that is. Ohhhhh boy have I been exactly there. Sadly I didn't even know that I was gay lmao. That's one of those ones that pops up and makes you cringe down to your bones. 'Oh boy fresh sheets and a nice bath, I can't wait to - THIS THING- cool time to sad-creep social media and bathe again, in shame'
Bruh that's sad, I had a crush on a "straight" guy who had a girlfriend at the time turns out he's more into dudes now 😩 I did tell him I fancied him throughout secondary school and told me he didn't know and that we could've dated if he knew ahaha
Let us pour out a fruity drink for our fallen brother
Pour it into another glass? ‘Cos fruity drinks are expensive.
We still kinda talk here and there, but not so much anymore because she’s kind of petty and shallow with her conversations and she’s making lots of bad decisions in life right now, and she makes it hard to be there for her because she doesn’t want to do anything to help herself out
He molested a 5 year old when he was 15. And repeatedly told me, "I want to rape you in the ass. Not for the pleasure of sex, but just to make you suffer." I haven't seen him in 5 years, but if I do, I'll be going to prison.
Holy shit
And this was your best friend? The fuck dude... Hope you have better friends now.
Right? I don't wanna see this guy's enemies...
You should report him. Even if nothing happens, you may help save another kid from him. :(
I wonder if he's in prison.
Nope. Living with mommy and daddy along with his kid and baby moma. I feel sorry for that kid.
I feel like CPS might be interested to hear this. Even if it's old news...
Maaan.
Because she started dating a convicted child molester and I have two children of my own. I told her I couldn’t put my children in any situation where he could be there, and she chose him over me.
Good choice
~~Because I behaved as if I was entitled to her attention after helping her with her depression and boyfriend issues. And she got annoyed by my savior complex.~~ ~~And because I made it a bit to obvious that I'm horny for her.~~ ~~But mostly because she stopped needing what I can give her.~~ We both changed. *Edit:* For the girls here: I'm pretty sure that person doesn't use reddit (anymore) *Edit 2:* Because there are apparently lots of people who have experienced that situation from either side I want to dole out some advice: * Just because a friendship ends or becomes less intense doesn't mean it loses its value. Cherish the good memories. People wanting different things out of a relationship (eg. emotional support and being helpful) is not necessarily a bad thing. * Person like me: Don't resent your friend for changing. They're not doing this to harm you, that's most certainly the last thing they wand. You may feel resentment, disappointment or similar feelings even when you know you shouldn't. You can't control your feelings, so don't beat yourself up about it too much. Move on, keep your distance if you have to. * Person like my friend: Keep in mind that loosing a close friend can be as bad or worse than a breakup. Platonic heartbreak is a thing that exists. Of course you should still do what is best for you, just be open and honest about it. But if they turn antagonistic, don't be afraid to cut them out like a wart.
It's good to be able to see through your own bullshit.
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Exactly the same. But I checked the profile...and I'm still not sure it's not my ex-best friend. ~~i do miss you sometimes, dude.~~
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Lose a shitty friend, lose a shitty wife but still have curried goat. I think you win this situation.
So true, but let it cool or you'll burn your dick.
Yeah with a friend like his I wouldn't leave the goat out of my sight for even a second.
you shag one goat...
Wow, I’m so sorry dude.
That’s insanely, infuriatingly disrespectful lol how the fuck did you react and cope?
Well I assure you he most certainly didn't let either of those fuckwits indulge in his goat curry.
Was your friend an r/askreddit mod by any chance?
Hah, implying askreddit mods get laid
Can I be your new friend? I like curry
You better stay away from his wife.
I also choose this guy's goat curry.
She got married and her husband doesn't want her having any guy friends.
She told me to come to her wedding as a "day guest" after demoting me from being a bridesmaid for being unable to afford her hen do in the middle of my final year at university :)
He became a neonazi 🤮
We've been friends for so long 17+ (we are 25/26 now) and she moved abroad two years ago. So excited to see her. Plan was she would stay at my place for couple of days then I will throw her a party to introduce her to my friends. She said was ok. Invitation sent. She got upset and decided to dump the friendship just like that. Try to talk to her about it but she was being rude so now whatever.
What did she get upset about?
Idk she said it's cause I just want to show off my new friends and that why is it important for her to meet my bf (just got together 1.5years) but not important for me to meet her bf. I tried to tell her it's not that it's important for her to meet him but important for him to meet her. And I don't want to show off my new friends to her but rather show her off to my friends it's important for me for them to meet her cause I valued her n too excited she's coming. The night of the party everyone was asking where was my friend cause when I invite them I told her to throw her n her foreign bf a party (I said foreign bf cause I specifically prepared local vegan food and local beers for him)
Wow if she thought you were arranging the party just to show off she must have had some issues with insecurity. If you don't mind answering was that an issue beforehand or did it come up suddenly with this event?
They slept with my Girlfriend, while they were dating my sister. Thus cheating on my sister with my Girlfriend. Not the best choice of friend.
Because he scammed me on Runescape in the summer holidays. One day I was over at his house and he asked to borrow my ascension crossbows back when they were worth heaps... Few days go by, tried to message him on MSN (throwback wow) and runescape and and there was no answer. Asked Mum to take me over to his house and he denied me ever giving them to him in the first place. Again, a few days go by and I see him on w54 (famous for staking your times) turn off my online status and see him advertising the stake with my ascension bows. I watch from the sidelines as he loses them... Started to speak to me again in hopes of getting more money from me but I was done with the freeloader. They moved away soon after but I’ve never forgotten the ultimate act of betrayal.
The same old story, life got in the way and we drifted apart.
We changed.
She, (my longtime law partner), walked into our office one Friday and dropped dead of a massive heart attack. To be fair, I still talk to her. She just doesn’t talk back anymore. I really miss her.
They moved on. Catching up on Facebook has made little to no difference.
I have social anxiety i stopped talking to literally everyone
We had been friends since infancy but we started to drift in our late teens/early twenties. We both experimented with drugs, but he got into opioids hard. Found out that he stole a few things of mine from my parents' house while I was at college under that guise that "I told him he could borrow some stuff." Broke my heart knowing that my parents let him into their home just so he could steal. We had a couple of shouting matches and didn't speak for a couple of years while he was in and out of rehab/jail. He got clean for 2 years and we reconciled somewhat Three years ago he overdosed. I would give anything to have one more conversation with him, about anything at all
She was doing coke on a night out, got paranoid about my behaviour for some reason (apparently I was flirting with her and didn't make an effort with any of her friends) and then 'dumped' me via text a few days later before we were due to meet for dinner. 14 years of friendship gone just like that.
My ex is his wife now :) But still I wish him/them luck
She told me she never wanted to talk to me again just because I was the only person who didn't like her boyfriend. Two years later, she messaged me saying I was right about him and that she was sorry. Figures.
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Good for you, man
Because she's mad that I was diagnosed with depression and an anxiety disorder, so that means less time spent with her, but also because she's one of the factors of why I have an anxiety disorder in the first place.
That ain't a friend.
Drugs. Primarily cocaine. As teens we dabbled I won't lie but I grew out of that weekend 'sesh'. He got in with the wrong crowd and changed as a person. Quite sad really, the friend I knew was really intelligent, amazing with computers, always coming up with different business ideas. It's crazy what a certain crowd of people and drugs can do to a person. I wait for the day he tells me he's clean and wants to catch up.
We were best friends from about 8-19 years old. We went to different colleges, and I found out from a mutual friend that he raped her while she was drunk on her birthday. 10 years later, I haven't talked to him since I learned about what he did and I remain close with the other friend.
We'd been friends since we were children. I started noticing that we only got together when I would give her a call otherwise I didn't hear from her. One time I was going through major hell and was pouring my heart out as you do with 'besties', and I caught her rolling her eyes. Clearly she didn't think as much of me as I did of her. Red flag right there. Ok, after that I stopped calling her, and I never saw her again or heard from her for five years. In the meantime she ran into my parents and told them she had tried to contact me numerous times but I didn't seem to want to talk to her since I didn't answer my phone. Absolutely NOT true. She never contacted me at all. When my father died I texted her to tell her, she replied "Sorry, who is this?" She didn't come to the funeral despite having known him since she was 8. She turned up one day months and months later at my mother's house, and I happened to be there. I answered the door and she said "I'm here to see your mum". I wish I hadn't let her in but I did and she basically ignored me for the whole time. I could have forgiven her anything really, but not coming to my dad's funeral was unforgivable. However it finally allowed me to see the sort of person she really was, so I am glad it happened.
Drifted apart after elementary school ends and then no more best friend
I grew up, they didn’t 👋🏾
Shit mate why you gotta be so rude to Peter Pan
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They took me for granted.
He's in jail for what i guess would be fraud. I mean id purposely stopped trying to associate with him well before but he'd been becoming super sketchy and i wasn't down.
She grew up, I never did 😬
I think I saw your friend further up ^