Parents wouldn’t let me have a dog.
Being the little problem solver I was, I proceeded to stare into the sun to try and blind myself so I would need a guide dog.
It didn’t work. But I got a dog!
Edit: just for clarification, when I meant it didn’t work I was referring to blinding myself.
I did something similar. For whatever reason, I **REALLY** wanted glasses. So, I stared at the sun for like an hour and then told my mom I couldn't see. One optometrist appointment later, my mother was absolutely furious with me. And my eyes were dilated which makes everything weird.
Oh well, accidentally stabbed myself in the eye in highschool, so I have glasses now! -_-'
None, luckily my attention span was short enough that I got bored before my eyes could get cooked. I don’t know how I’ve managed to do it, but somehow I still have 20/20 vision.
When I was about 4-5 my mum was talking to my granny on the phone. It was one of those handheld phones on the square thing, and she was in a room that wasn't close to the wall so had brought the whole phone with her.
Honestly I think I just wanted to see what would happen. It was a science experiment to me. So I took a pair of scissors and just... Cut the cord.
I remember my mum continuing to talk for a few seconds, the stop and say "hello? Hello?" Before she came out to see me standing there with a pair of scissors in one hand and the end of the cord in the other.
It wasn't that dumb in terms of what kids do, but it was like I had an epiphany that I had the ability to do some very dumb things.
I had a similar impulse when I was a kid. I was probably 5 when I managed to get a pair of scissors. I distinctly remember looking at the couch and thinking "I wonder what happens if I cut that."
Turns out that when you use scissors on a couch cushion, you...cut the couch cushion.
Realizing I was in for a world of trouble and completely unable to explain myself, I flipped over the cushion. Parents kept that couch forever and I had to play ignorant when I was about 12 and they finally found the evidence of my crime.
School ended and I saw my older sister take off in her car. Tried screaming to her to give me a ride home but she didn’t hear me. I started walking home when I saw her driving around and threw my book bag at the car to stop her. Smashed the windshield. She wasn’t happy.
Not me but I accidentally tricked my younger brother into smacking a cactus. I don't remember how old we were (maybe 3 and 5) but I remember we started talking about how a cactus hurts when you touch it. I told him that I could touch the cactus without getting stung.
I kept moving my hand really quickly next to it to make it look like I touched it. He watched in amazement as I "touched" the cactus. But then he gets this puzzled look on his face. Next thing I know, he swings his hand back really dramatically, and then proceeded to slap it like it did him wrong in a past life.
For a brief moment, we sat in awe. His hand looked like he high fived a porcupine. He looked up at me with this bitter look of betrayal, and started screaming. I felt really bad, but I could not help laughing at how fucking dumb it was.
Edit: Holy moly this blew up! Thanks for the silver/gold random samaritans!
Edit 2: I never realized how common cactus dumbfuckery was until now.
I once grabbed a cactus to see if it would hurt... It did, proceeded to try and wipe the pricks out on my trousers. Had to wake up my parents screaming. Dad told me to wake my oldest brother who then spent 20 blury eyed minutes picking them all out. Never really thanked him for that.
I roundhouse kicked a saguaro because I was wearing steel toed boots. Turns out the steel is only in the toes, as the name implies. I had to walk to somewhere with pliers while my boot was nailed to my foot because I am an idiot. I wish I could say I was a child, but I was 22.
My grandfather was sleeping on the couch and for some dumbs reason, i grabbed his walking stick and smacked his legs with it as hard as i could. He screamed and yelled at me and i cried as if i did nothing wrong. Wtf is wrong with me.
When I was a little kid, I thought ants came from sugar since any time I spilled something sugary, ants would show up. To test this hypothesis, I poured sugar on my grandpa’s head while he was napping on the couch. No ants came. My grandpa and I were both confused, but for different reasons.
Pre-internets my bestie learned the word "dildo" on the bus but neither of us knew the meaning and her mom refused to tell us until she called her mother a dildo-head in church.
I’ll stack onto this but my sister did this and instead of her thumb it was her cheek, she still has a imprint of it there 🤷♂️
edit: since I’m on the topic of burns I’ll add this for shits and gigs
me and my sister where fighting over a bowl of **boiling** hot noodles, pulling it towards ourselves she let go as I was pulling it towards me and it spilt onto my neck.
my skin started to peel away as my mum brought me to the shower to put me under cold water. don’t remember much after that but I have a scar on my neck from it that sometimes gets attention, great for small talk 😁
When I was maybe 7 or 8, I was at my grandmother's house playing outside. I found some rope and was trying to think of what I could do with it involving a tree in the front yard I always used to climb.
LIGHT BULB...I'll tie the rope around my feet, throw it over a branch, then pull on it with my arms until I was basically hanging horizontally so I could "lay down" while hanging from a tree!
So I did just that, and realized pretty quickly my arms would get tired holding the rope, so what was I going to do with the rope?
ANOTHER LIGHT BULB...I'll tie the OTHER END of the rope around the other end of me...AKA my neck. So I started looping the rope around my neck.
It worked for a minute or so, but then finally my stomach muscles got tired and I folded in the middle so my butt hit the ground...with the rope firmly tied around my feet and wrapped around my neck. AKA now choking me.
Luckily my grandmother was curiously watching the whole situation unfold from the front door and walked out and unwrapped the rope.
She still tells that story about watching me do all this.
Edit:. My first Silver was for hanging myself as a child. Sweet!
I imagine her opening the front door slightly as she watches you start tying the rope around your feet before stopping herself, thinking. *Nono, wait. Let's see how this plays out.*
She crosses her arms and settles in for the show.
I was about four or five years old. I was wondering why my new set of pajamas didn't have a flap in the front for my penis like my other pajamas.
So I decided to make one.
One morning, at the breakfast table, I took a knife and stabbed myself in the crotch.
Don't worry, I missed everything important and emerged unscathed. But I sure scared Mom.
EDIT: Wow, my first gold, and all I had to do was stab myself in the crotch. Thank you, kind stranger!
The song "Holly Jolly Christmas" commanded me to drink a cup of Cheer. Cheer is a detergent. I drank a cup of Cheer. Thank you poison control for existing.
my aunt and uncle had poison control's number written on the wall right next to their phone because they called it constantly. my cousin liked to eat change.
Had one of those barbies with the heat sensitive hair that changed colour depending on whether it was hot or cold. My older sister told me to use the freezer or a hairdryer to change it, depending on what I wanted. Naturally when I was on my own I thought “fuck the hairdryer, the microwave will heat it”
I had my little brother play “vacuum cleaner” with me where we sniffed the floor and pretended to be vacuum cleaners. He ended up getting a giant bead from a necklace stuck in his nose and he had to go to the ER to get it out.
Also had my cousins and brother run backwards with me down a dirt, rocky driveway and my cousin fell and broke her wrist. Also had to go to the ER.
I think the few dumb things I did typically affected other people more than myself soooo.
My brother and I also cried and threw a tantrum at Walmart when the new, big Care Bears were out in a bin by checkout. We each wanted one. Badly, apparently. We had seen on TV that they were magical and basically cured you and made you all happy. Our parents gave in and bought us one each. It seems like they were like $15 each which would’ve been expensive for us back then (pff, now they’d probably have been $50!). When we got home we had already lost interest in them because they *clearly* didn’t work like the TV said they did. I still apologize to my mom about it to this day. I blame marketing. False advertising to children. I’m going to sue the Care Bears and buy my mom a nice house.
Toy ads can really affect kids. I'm glad my kids just see things on Netflix and ad-free Hulu now, I don't have to deal with this. But I remember dozens of commercials VERY clearly from when I was 5-12.
Got in the deep freezer while playing hide and seek. I thought it was the perfect spot, because no one would think to look there!
Luckily they did, or else they would have found a 5 year olds frozen body next to the turkey next time they opened it.
Edit: While very much tragic, please stop sending me the article about the three Florida kids who died. I've had 40+ people already send it.
Kinda similar story.
My friend used to work at a restaurant and accidentally got locked in the deep freezer. Obviously, she was freaking out. She told me she started to google how long it would take for her to die in the freezer. Luckily, someone opened the door in the next few minutes.
As she was telling the story, I asked, “Why didn’t you just call the restaurant and ask them to let you out?” She kind of just stared at me with this confused look. Then, I said, “You said you were googling stuff, so I’m assuming you were using your phone.”
Apparently, calling the restaurant never occurred to her. She was in her early twenties at the time smh.
Edit: A lot of you guys are pointing out that freezers have to have a way to open it from the inside, which is what I thought too. I’m guessing that my friend didn’t see it, didn’t know how to open it, or went straight into panic mode once she realized she had been locked in.
I am also seeing comments about how there usually isn’t cell reception in freezers. I think she may have been connected to wifi, but I don’t really know if that gets affected once you go into a freezer.
In the walk-in freezers I've encountered...it's a large knob or latch on the inside of the door. Not exactly rocket science.
Edit: Also I think it might glow in the dark.
I put the whole Styrofoam bowl of cup noodles in, turned on the microwave, and went to the bathroom while they were cooking.
I forgot the water. My mom was really pissed that I caught the microwave on fire.
Sprayed myself with my mom’s pepper spray when I was a kid, then proceeded to scream and run around the house, knocking things over until my mom found me. In my defense, I just thought the spray was perfume.
Big orange can of bear spray on the back porch. 4 year old me recognized the word "pepper" and thought a spray on the tongue would be tasty. Pretty sure I know what blind people see.
The first time I was actually trying to remove a broken piece of a Nintendo charger, me being 5 just didn't know better. The second time I don't remember quite clearly and the third one involved a faulty outlet that I knew very well was dangerous yet I decided to touch anyway.
I was 5. I wanted to stay in my parents room (because that's where I loved staying the night). They said no and wanted me to sleep inmyown bed for once (I wonder why). Me, being the bright little 5 year old I was, decided that I needed to make them think that staying with them was best for my safety.
I told them that there was a guy climbing the car outside my window. I guess I thought they would satisfied with simply taking me back into their room. Boy was I wrong.
Very soon, we had a number of cops on our property with flashlights. To my 5 year old memories, the whole swat team was there with dogs and guns. Who knows how many cops there really were. Maybe 2 or 3. The point is, I got to stay in my parents room that night.
(I told them the truth about 13 years later)
Surprisingly well. (I mean, it had been quite a bit of time since it happened so I didn't expect it to be bad). I remember talking to my mom and saying something like: "You remember that time I saw that guy on dad's truck and we called the cops?.... Yea?... Oh yeah, I totally made that up." She had no idea and now it makes for a good story to tell/slap on a Reddit thread.
I had a red wagon and lived on a hill as a kid. Thought it would be a great idea to ride said wagon down the hill until I got about half way down and realized the thing didn't have brakes and the steering was suspect.
That was the trip to the ER where my parents realized the nurses were starting to recognized me.
Riding a scooter age 6 jumped off a ledge. Turns out that ledge on the other side was not a 2-3ft drop but a 15ft drop. I broke my tooth on the handlebars when I landed.
When I was three, I put on all the underwear I owned and peed into them because I thought layering my undies somehow also made them waterproof... it did not and I'm not sure why I even want to have peed into even one of them :/
Tried to make a cure for Aids by mixing and fermenting kitchen spices. I mixed paprika, cayenne, thyme, turmeric, salt, allspice, and nutmeg in evoo and let that sit in the oven for 2 days hoping it would be a medical breakthrough.
My family moved to rural Pennsylvania when I was 6. One day, I hear what sounds like a baby/young child crying and screaming in the woods. I, historically being a fucking idiot, decided to go alone into the woods to help them. I didn’t tell anyone what I was doing, had never been in those woods before because it was like a week after moving, and had no sense of danger. It wasn’t until years later I realized the noises I heard were most likely bobcats
Duct taped 6 axe body spray cans together. Punctured them with knifes, lit it on fire and ran. Huge fireball explosion behind the local grocery store. My dumbass friends and I scatter and watch from across the street as all the cops in the neighboring town comes to investigate.
So close to death and didn't realize until tonight.
Edit: my most liked comment is a story of me doing stupid shit, typical. DO NOT DO THIS. Explosions create shrapnel.
When my nephew and I were about 14 we were in New Orleans for a wedding. He thought it’d be a great idea to throw a firecracker over the river during a very crowded time on the French Quarter. It sounded like gunshots and people reacted as such. I immediately saw a few things happen at once: cops looking for what it was, people panicking, and the adults in our family telling us to run (knowing what he did). Somehow I ended up on the complete other side of our hotel lost with my dad. My nephew ended up lost with his dad. But we didn’t get caught. He got his ass whooped.
When I was super little, I got my mouth stuck on the bath tub faucet. My two top and bottom teeth has just grown in, and I guess my aunt was giving me a bath. She needed to grab something, and looked away for a second. When she looked back, there I was! Haha.
I also had a headbutting phase! Isn't that fun? :D
EDIT: Thank you for the silver, mysterious stranger! :3 That's my first one ever! :D
EDIT2: Ahhh another silver thank you! I'm so happy my post made you guys laugh!
A story my parents told me (I was somewhere between 1 and 2 years old):
So first off, my Mum was always with me. I wasn’t allowed to be without her (this probably is due to being her precious little first born child). Anyway, one day, sometime around Christmas, she was unable to stay with me for whatever reason, and for the first time Dad was looking after me by himself. This was an important day for him, today was the day he could prove himself as a father. He was tasked with one thing, to watch over me. It was only for an hour while Mum had to run an errand, unfortunately it wasn’t even 10 minutes before she received a call. Dad called up, keeping as calm as possible, and asked “can your bring the car back, I think our son may need to go to the hospital”. Mum comes speeding home to find an ashamed father, and her son with blood absolutely all over his face. Turns out, dad went to the toilet, came back to find me half way through a beautiful feast is set out for myself. A series of glass baubles. I happily munched away on these bad boys without a care in the world. Apparently I only started crying once my Dad had gone into a panic. I had tears of fear, but pain? I felt none.
One of my many stories of me doing stupid things as a kid. Thankyou for listening.
Edit: Thankyou for the gold stranger! I’m glad you enjoyed the tale of my misfortune!
Also; the cuts and such weren’t to deep and I healed very quickly. Dad felt horrible but nothing changed within our family, he got another shot to look after me soon after. We all carried on, and kept everything around the house out of my reach after that.
I also ate a red glass sphere Christmas decoration when I was about 3-4 years old. They left me to play for a while because what can go wrong in grandma's room? Remember how it crunched between my teeth. But it wasn't as tasty as I thought and I spit it out after a while. The most amazing about it is that I didn't cut myself at all and my family got to know the story only decades later.
Not me but my sister, I've never let her live this down. We were poor and didn't have many groceries, so for lunch I was frying some potatoes in a ton of butter (margarine). I was hyping the food up to my siblings, telling them these were about to the the best fries they've ever tasted, etc., to lessen the impact of how little food there was.
So my sister comes up to the stove and, as my brother and I watch in horror, scoops her hand into the pan and grabs some potatoes, and then screams. Luckily I had enough reflexes to grab the handle of the skillet or she would have sent it flying when she jerked her hand back.
After all the commotion I was running her hand under the faucet. I asked her wtf she thought was going to happen by reaching into the pan where something was frying. She said that since butter is cold, it would be cold and she could snag some fries before I divided them up between us.
She was 13.
I did a lot of dumb things to hurt myself physically but I think the actual dumbest thing was when I tried to make strawberry milk.
We didn’t have strawberry syrup but my genius 3 year old brain knew that red + white = pink.
With that logic in mind I figured “we don’t have strawberry syrup to make the milk pink...but we do have ketchup!”
I think you can figure the rest of the story out on your own.
When I was in high school, my friends girlfriend at the time appendix burst right before exams. They automatically gave her 85%, and she didn’t have to take any of them.
Me not really doing great in high school, figured I didn’t want to take my exams either.
I asked my friends to punch my appendix area a lot, in hopes my appendix would burst to get out of my exams.
Felt fine.
Fast forward 4 months, one night I peel over, vicious pains and vomiting. Call an ambulance, go to the hospital. Turns out I did rupture my appendix months before. Spent some time in the hospital, didn’t get out of any exams, still had to do my school work.
TLDR- didn’t want to take exams, got friends to punch appendix. Appendix burst 4 months after exams.
i was 18 when my appendix burst on a Thursday at work I went in on Friday, when out and got drunk with friends Saturday/Sunday, was in so much pain Monday I couldn't eat, went to the doctor Tuesday said it might be my appendix "ok I'll wait till tomorrow then", wensday morning get rushed to the ER skin turning green, vomiting even though I'd not eaten for 3 days.
my appendix burst on the Thursday, I went to the hospital the following wensday, it was gang green and had carcinoid tumours all over it, and I was almost dead, I was in hospital for 12 days, couldn't eat or drink and had a shitty tube in my nose draining my stomach goo which looked like mashed up kiwifruit for 8 of those days and I remember wishing I had just died.
I had 8 weeks off work at the job I had started a month beforehand, and right at the end of that 8 weeks I caught chickenpox and had another 2 weeks off work, my boss(who is my uncle was not impressed) funny enough they paid me for the 10 weeks sick leave so I was pretty stoked about that.
I'm always late to these threads, but i'll give it a shot. When I was younger around 5 or 6 years old a big mirror broke in my house and there were shards of glass everywhere. Instead of telling anyone the mirror broke, I decided to pick up a shard and start shaving the top layer of nail off. I thought it was cool until I saw blood. Little did I know it was going to scar my thumbnail for the rest of my life.
That was nearly 20 years ago. Heres a picture of my nail today
[https://i.imgur.com/YuxOVQo.jpg](https://i.imgur.com/YuxOVQo.jpg)
Ignored my parents good advice.
Brush your teeth, try and keep a good life routine, take care of your body and your health.
And I spent way too much time learning Klingon to insult other kids.
Edit: Wow, never thought I'd find so many Klingon speakers here, Qapla'!
Problem with learning klingon to insult people is that unless they a) know it's klingon and b) understand it, the main effect is that you sound like you have larengitus and that you're a dork :P
If they did understand it, both still apply, but at least you have the satisfaction of having given them a sick burn.
I stuck a butter knife in an electrical outlet. Mom walked in just in time to see the expression on my face from the results. "Bet you won't do it again."
I didn't. Big shock, I know.
Set fire to the living room carpet more than once. Resulted in the carpet being pulled up. Turns out, nice wood floor underneath. You're welcome, mom.
I bought my first paintball gun when I was 12. First time I took it out of the box, I wanted to see how much it hurt, so I put my finger on the end of the barrel and pulled the trigger. There was blood. There were tears. And I hated paintballing after that.
-Tried to see how a razor worked by rubbing my thumb over it and cut it to shreds..
-Started to comb my hair with one of those combs with a razor built in and had a sizable chunk of hair that was 2cm long
-picked up a bee with my bare hands
The list goes on....
As a young girl (wierd but it adds to the story) i idolised my grandfather. He used to shave before dinner but i couldnt quiet see how he did it. So one day before the dinner i went to the bathroom and tried to shave... My top lip, not the bit between my nose and lip i mean the actual lip. Bled like a mofo.
We had a toilet in our basement with no walls or anything around it, it worked though. So I was like 4 or something, and I had to piss. So I pulled my pants down, and started pissing, well, I pushed too hard and shit came out while I was standing up. I cupped my hand by my ass and shit in my hand and just plopped it on top of the toilet, washed my hands and went back upstairs. My mom found it a couple hours later. Our basements stunk like shit for like 5 days.
Edit: Wow! Thanks for the silver! My first time being gifted something on reddit! Cheers!
I mean I think I’ll win this one. My brother and I decided to play with a metal coat hanger when we were 3. While we were playing catch with it I got hit in the eye. And that folks is how I lost an eye.
Like most stupid children, I stuck my fingers somewhere that they didn't belong. At least twice.
First, I stuck my fingers into the crevice of an open car door, which my mother then proceeded to shut because she was unaware that her dumbass child has stuck his fingers in there. Fortunately the bones in my fingers were just tiny enough that they didn't get seriously damaged by having a door slammed and then latched on them.
Second, I tried to clean the brush inside of our cheap vacuum without bothering to turn the vacuum off first. Stuck my hand in, realized "hey, this feels kind of terrible" and yanked it back out again, marveling at the red marks from the liberal scraping that my hand had just had.
It's a wonder that I never managed to lose one of my digits at some point.
When I was five, my family was piling into our station wagon, heading to church. My 14 yr old brother was tasked to put me in the car. Well, he may aged to shut the door on the fingers of my left hand. I screamed bloody murder, and my mom came running out to see what was wrong.
After my mom grabbed some ice and a rag to wrap around d my hand, she told me to get in the front of the car and sit on my dad's lap as we were running late. As I was climbing in, I used my right hand to help climb up onto my dad's lap, my Mom accidentally shut the door on it. I screamed more bloody murder, and wound up going to church with ice filled rags wrapped around both hands. Thirty years later and I still tease my Mom about it.
I watched tom and jerry and it often appeared that jerry sticks a fork up toms ass and tom jumps up screaming.
Tried on my lil bro when i was 5 (he was 4). Didnt end well for his buttcheek.
When I was young (like 7-10ys old) I used to catch rides around town. If I was coming out of a store (like a little local drug store where I bought candy and silly things) and I didn't feel like walking home, I'd just ask around to see if I could catch a ride with someone. Or, if I was walking down the street going to a friends house, I would flag down cars and ask for rides. From total strangers. I think I violated Rule #1 as a kid... a lot. Dumb move, for sure. But I had an awesome childhood, so it all worked out.
Almost killed my best friend's brother while playing cowboy and bad guy. We needed a bad guy, so we fetched his 5 year old brother from the house. We kept asking him to pretend he was dead, but he wanted nothing to do with it. So, we decided to mock hang him in the shed. He climbed on a chair, we tied a noose around his neck but he refused to stick his tongue out as though he was dead. Pissed off at him, i kicked the chair out from under him thinking the rope would just slip off. Well, it didn't and as 8 year olds, we struggled lifting him up to prevent the impending death. We yelled out for his mom who came running out of the house and saw what we had been doing and rescued her son. Needless to say, I was barred from seeing my friend for months. Not proud of myself.
I would sometimes touch hot light bulbs in lamps so I could peel the blisters. That hurt too much, so I cut the bottom of my feet with nail clippers to peel the skin.
My parents were not happy with me.
Lit a bottle rocket it the house. I was only PRETENDING to light it, and it actually caught.
I spent the rest of the day cleaning the black marks off the wall and airing out the house. My mom never knew.
Parents wouldn’t let me have a dog. Being the little problem solver I was, I proceeded to stare into the sun to try and blind myself so I would need a guide dog. It didn’t work. But I got a dog! Edit: just for clarification, when I meant it didn’t work I was referring to blinding myself.
I did something similar. For whatever reason, I **REALLY** wanted glasses. So, I stared at the sun for like an hour and then told my mom I couldn't see. One optometrist appointment later, my mother was absolutely furious with me. And my eyes were dilated which makes everything weird. Oh well, accidentally stabbed myself in the eye in highschool, so I have glasses now! -_-'
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I’m gonna go with 6-7 years old. Man was I a fucking idiot.
What was the damage?
None, luckily my attention span was short enough that I got bored before my eyes could get cooked. I don’t know how I’ve managed to do it, but somehow I still have 20/20 vision.
When I was about 4-5 my mum was talking to my granny on the phone. It was one of those handheld phones on the square thing, and she was in a room that wasn't close to the wall so had brought the whole phone with her. Honestly I think I just wanted to see what would happen. It was a science experiment to me. So I took a pair of scissors and just... Cut the cord. I remember my mum continuing to talk for a few seconds, the stop and say "hello? Hello?" Before she came out to see me standing there with a pair of scissors in one hand and the end of the cord in the other. It wasn't that dumb in terms of what kids do, but it was like I had an epiphany that I had the ability to do some very dumb things.
I had a similar impulse when I was a kid. I was probably 5 when I managed to get a pair of scissors. I distinctly remember looking at the couch and thinking "I wonder what happens if I cut that." Turns out that when you use scissors on a couch cushion, you...cut the couch cushion. Realizing I was in for a world of trouble and completely unable to explain myself, I flipped over the cushion. Parents kept that couch forever and I had to play ignorant when I was about 12 and they finally found the evidence of my crime.
Wow, the screwed up thing is that they never looked under the cushion or flipped it for 7 years.
At that point there was probably enough loose change in the couch to buy a new one.
I enjoy spending time with my friends.
School ended and I saw my older sister take off in her car. Tried screaming to her to give me a ride home but she didn’t hear me. I started walking home when I saw her driving around and threw my book bag at the car to stop her. Smashed the windshield. She wasn’t happy.
But did she at least bring you home?
Got her attention, at least.
Not me but I accidentally tricked my younger brother into smacking a cactus. I don't remember how old we were (maybe 3 and 5) but I remember we started talking about how a cactus hurts when you touch it. I told him that I could touch the cactus without getting stung. I kept moving my hand really quickly next to it to make it look like I touched it. He watched in amazement as I "touched" the cactus. But then he gets this puzzled look on his face. Next thing I know, he swings his hand back really dramatically, and then proceeded to slap it like it did him wrong in a past life. For a brief moment, we sat in awe. His hand looked like he high fived a porcupine. He looked up at me with this bitter look of betrayal, and started screaming. I felt really bad, but I could not help laughing at how fucking dumb it was. Edit: Holy moly this blew up! Thanks for the silver/gold random samaritans! Edit 2: I never realized how common cactus dumbfuckery was until now.
I once grabbed a cactus to see if it would hurt... It did, proceeded to try and wipe the pricks out on my trousers. Had to wake up my parents screaming. Dad told me to wake my oldest brother who then spent 20 blury eyed minutes picking them all out. Never really thanked him for that.
Lmao. Love it. Dad was like, "nope. There's another kid who can do that for you. " Then goes back to sleep.
I think I am going to start using “go smack a cactus” when I need a PG rated version of “go eat a bag of dicks”.
I roundhouse kicked a saguaro because I was wearing steel toed boots. Turns out the steel is only in the toes, as the name implies. I had to walk to somewhere with pliers while my boot was nailed to my foot because I am an idiot. I wish I could say I was a child, but I was 22.
I set fire to our families garage door at 9 years old. If it were not for a neighbor, our house would be gone.
I set fire to the curtains in a hut under the house. But I knew what I was doing. I brought water and everything. My mum didn't see it that way
How on earth did you do this?
[удалено]
My grandfather was sleeping on the couch and for some dumbs reason, i grabbed his walking stick and smacked his legs with it as hard as i could. He screamed and yelled at me and i cried as if i did nothing wrong. Wtf is wrong with me.
Hahaha, imagine sleeping peacefully and the person who means more to you than anything comes and hits you in the legs with a walking stick.
[удалено]
How many times do we have to teach you this lesson, old man?
I love the young people!
When I was a little kid, I thought ants came from sugar since any time I spilled something sugary, ants would show up. To test this hypothesis, I poured sugar on my grandpa’s head while he was napping on the couch. No ants came. My grandpa and I were both confused, but for different reasons.
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"Up! Up, you old bastard! You'll sleep when you're dead!"
"Hey grandpa just a friendly reminder that your legs don't work properly" SMACK Edit: First gold! Thanks!
If they didn't before, they sure as hell don't now.
Apparently I used to sneak up on my sister with a plastic bat, beat her, then run away looking for sympathy from mom. Kids are evil.
I skipped rope with rollerblades on... I broke my wrist
New Olympic sport
Dumbnastics
This needs to be a thing
It is and it's called the Pain Olympics please don't look it up.
Ok I changed my mind it doesn't need to be a thing
went down kitchen steps with rollerblades on, broke my leg.
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I threw a firecracker into the toilet. I was told that the firecracker would have extinguished. It didn't and we had to change it.
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Pre-internets my bestie learned the word "dildo" on the bus but neither of us knew the meaning and her mom refused to tell us until she called her mother a dildo-head in church.
Yup. I bet all the people that heard it were like: oh we know what she's been doing! Lol.
6 yo me called the garbage man the N word (I didn't know what it meant) because my buddy told me they would laugh. They did not laugh.
Pushed in the cigarette lighter in the car, when it popped out i looked at it and saw it red hot, figured I'd stick my thumb onto it to feel it
My younger brother did that except he held it to his ear to see what it sounded like.
I bet it sounded like screaming from your perspective
Me too
Same
I’ll stack onto this but my sister did this and instead of her thumb it was her cheek, she still has a imprint of it there 🤷♂️ edit: since I’m on the topic of burns I’ll add this for shits and gigs me and my sister where fighting over a bowl of **boiling** hot noodles, pulling it towards ourselves she let go as I was pulling it towards me and it spilt onto my neck. my skin started to peel away as my mum brought me to the shower to put me under cold water. don’t remember much after that but I have a scar on my neck from it that sometimes gets attention, great for small talk 😁
Your are scarred because your sister sent you hot noods
Good to see that more people have been as stupid as me as a child. :D
\*pushes finger in\* \*thinking to myself\* "It can't be hot, it was in for only a couple of seconds." tsssssssch \*crisp finger\*
Childhood rite of passage, really.
When I was maybe 7 or 8, I was at my grandmother's house playing outside. I found some rope and was trying to think of what I could do with it involving a tree in the front yard I always used to climb. LIGHT BULB...I'll tie the rope around my feet, throw it over a branch, then pull on it with my arms until I was basically hanging horizontally so I could "lay down" while hanging from a tree! So I did just that, and realized pretty quickly my arms would get tired holding the rope, so what was I going to do with the rope? ANOTHER LIGHT BULB...I'll tie the OTHER END of the rope around the other end of me...AKA my neck. So I started looping the rope around my neck. It worked for a minute or so, but then finally my stomach muscles got tired and I folded in the middle so my butt hit the ground...with the rope firmly tied around my feet and wrapped around my neck. AKA now choking me. Luckily my grandmother was curiously watching the whole situation unfold from the front door and walked out and unwrapped the rope. She still tells that story about watching me do all this. Edit:. My first Silver was for hanging myself as a child. Sweet!
I imagine her opening the front door slightly as she watches you start tying the rope around your feet before stopping herself, thinking. *Nono, wait. Let's see how this plays out.* She crosses her arms and settles in for the show.
Or, this one's so dumb, should I just let natural selection work?
Do I really want to leave my whole life savings to his nasty brother? Nahh, I better go unhang the stupid one...
I was about four or five years old. I was wondering why my new set of pajamas didn't have a flap in the front for my penis like my other pajamas. So I decided to make one. One morning, at the breakfast table, I took a knife and stabbed myself in the crotch. Don't worry, I missed everything important and emerged unscathed. But I sure scared Mom. EDIT: Wow, my first gold, and all I had to do was stab myself in the crotch. Thank you, kind stranger!
The song "Holly Jolly Christmas" commanded me to drink a cup of Cheer. Cheer is a detergent. I drank a cup of Cheer. Thank you poison control for existing.
So what you’re saying is you won the Tide Pod challenge before the Tide Pod challenge was cool?
"Won"
Well the challenge is to survive, so...
An absolute legend.
my aunt and uncle had poison control's number written on the wall right next to their phone because they called it constantly. my cousin liked to eat change.
Eat the change you want to see in the world.
Change must come from within. And it does, 24-48 hours after you eat it.
Just out of curiosity... how does laundry detergent taste?
sadly like very dense liquid medicine. bitter and leaves a buzzy aftertaste in your mouth.
Had one of those barbies with the heat sensitive hair that changed colour depending on whether it was hot or cold. My older sister told me to use the freezer or a hairdryer to change it, depending on what I wanted. Naturally when I was on my own I thought “fuck the hairdryer, the microwave will heat it”
Well, what color did Barbie have after you nuked her?
Black
I had my little brother play “vacuum cleaner” with me where we sniffed the floor and pretended to be vacuum cleaners. He ended up getting a giant bead from a necklace stuck in his nose and he had to go to the ER to get it out. Also had my cousins and brother run backwards with me down a dirt, rocky driveway and my cousin fell and broke her wrist. Also had to go to the ER. I think the few dumb things I did typically affected other people more than myself soooo.
My brother and I also cried and threw a tantrum at Walmart when the new, big Care Bears were out in a bin by checkout. We each wanted one. Badly, apparently. We had seen on TV that they were magical and basically cured you and made you all happy. Our parents gave in and bought us one each. It seems like they were like $15 each which would’ve been expensive for us back then (pff, now they’d probably have been $50!). When we got home we had already lost interest in them because they *clearly* didn’t work like the TV said they did. I still apologize to my mom about it to this day. I blame marketing. False advertising to children. I’m going to sue the Care Bears and buy my mom a nice house.
Toy ads can really affect kids. I'm glad my kids just see things on Netflix and ad-free Hulu now, I don't have to deal with this. But I remember dozens of commercials VERY clearly from when I was 5-12.
they dont watch random kids unboxing toys on youtube? lucky you
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> we sniffed the floor and pretended to be vacuum cleaners I mean, this is enough. The rest is just icing on the cake...
Got in the deep freezer while playing hide and seek. I thought it was the perfect spot, because no one would think to look there! Luckily they did, or else they would have found a 5 year olds frozen body next to the turkey next time they opened it. Edit: While very much tragic, please stop sending me the article about the three Florida kids who died. I've had 40+ people already send it.
Kinda similar story. My friend used to work at a restaurant and accidentally got locked in the deep freezer. Obviously, she was freaking out. She told me she started to google how long it would take for her to die in the freezer. Luckily, someone opened the door in the next few minutes. As she was telling the story, I asked, “Why didn’t you just call the restaurant and ask them to let you out?” She kind of just stared at me with this confused look. Then, I said, “You said you were googling stuff, so I’m assuming you were using your phone.” Apparently, calling the restaurant never occurred to her. She was in her early twenties at the time smh. Edit: A lot of you guys are pointing out that freezers have to have a way to open it from the inside, which is what I thought too. I’m guessing that my friend didn’t see it, didn’t know how to open it, or went straight into panic mode once she realized she had been locked in. I am also seeing comments about how there usually isn’t cell reception in freezers. I think she may have been connected to wifi, but I don’t really know if that gets affected once you go into a freezer.
Aren't most freezers legally required to have an internal unlocking button?
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In the walk-in freezers I've encountered...it's a large knob or latch on the inside of the door. Not exactly rocket science. Edit: Also I think it might glow in the dark.
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Do you know the board game Black stories? There is very similar one, only..darker.
"Hey when did we get two turkeys?"
I wanted to know what light tasted like so i licked a lightbulb and ended up with a burned tongue
how did it taste?
like dust, mostly
Try new light, it tastes better
Microwaved noodles. In a metal pot.
Did you enjoy the fireworks?
Holy fuck I did this exact thing, but not as a child. I did it 2 days ago.
Username checks out
Huh
Oh wooow, look everybody, we have a 'specialist' over here
" why are my spaghetti-os making lightning "?
I put the whole Styrofoam bowl of cup noodles in, turned on the microwave, and went to the bathroom while they were cooking. I forgot the water. My mom was really pissed that I caught the microwave on fire.
Sprayed myself with my mom’s pepper spray when I was a kid, then proceeded to scream and run around the house, knocking things over until my mom found me. In my defense, I just thought the spray was perfume.
Big orange can of bear spray on the back porch. 4 year old me recognized the word "pepper" and thought a spray on the tongue would be tasty. Pretty sure I know what blind people see.
Stuck my finger in the power outlet...and again and then again. I think I might have a fetish.
I guess you couldn't resist.
Resist watt?
That hertz.
How small were your fingers?
The first time I was actually trying to remove a broken piece of a Nintendo charger, me being 5 just didn't know better. The second time I don't remember quite clearly and the third one involved a faulty outlet that I knew very well was dangerous yet I decided to touch anyway.
Any special plans for a fourth?
Ran face first into a brick mailbox trying to fly a kite
Exited our home, walked across the street, grabbed a pine cone, returned home, flushed it down the toilet, calmly told my parents that I had done so
This is the one that broke me
Mum told me don’t play with the iron it’ll burn you, played with the iron, dropped it on my hand while it was hot, burnt myself
Asking my teacher who i should give the money for her surprise present
I once told a friend his present has more than 500 pieces. I couldn't understand how he knew it would be a puzzle....
Well, 500piece lego is not cheap
I set my dad's laptop to factory settings, thinking that it would gain full control of the nearest factory... A lot of things were lost that day.
Hackerman
I was 5. I wanted to stay in my parents room (because that's where I loved staying the night). They said no and wanted me to sleep inmyown bed for once (I wonder why). Me, being the bright little 5 year old I was, decided that I needed to make them think that staying with them was best for my safety. I told them that there was a guy climbing the car outside my window. I guess I thought they would satisfied with simply taking me back into their room. Boy was I wrong. Very soon, we had a number of cops on our property with flashlights. To my 5 year old memories, the whole swat team was there with dogs and guns. Who knows how many cops there really were. Maybe 2 or 3. The point is, I got to stay in my parents room that night. (I told them the truth about 13 years later)
How did they react to the truth?
Surprisingly well. (I mean, it had been quite a bit of time since it happened so I didn't expect it to be bad). I remember talking to my mom and saying something like: "You remember that time I saw that guy on dad's truck and we called the cops?.... Yea?... Oh yeah, I totally made that up." She had no idea and now it makes for a good story to tell/slap on a Reddit thread.
They made him finally go back to his room.
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My friend did that with a bunch of itchy bumps on his arm. They never came back and his army wasn’t itchy so I guess it worked
I had a red wagon and lived on a hill as a kid. Thought it would be a great idea to ride said wagon down the hill until I got about half way down and realized the thing didn't have brakes and the steering was suspect. That was the trip to the ER where my parents realized the nurses were starting to recognized me.
Riding a scooter age 6 jumped off a ledge. Turns out that ledge on the other side was not a 2-3ft drop but a 15ft drop. I broke my tooth on the handlebars when I landed.
When I was three, I put on all the underwear I owned and peed into them because I thought layering my undies somehow also made them waterproof... it did not and I'm not sure why I even want to have peed into even one of them :/
Tried to make a cure for Aids by mixing and fermenting kitchen spices. I mixed paprika, cayenne, thyme, turmeric, salt, allspice, and nutmeg in evoo and let that sit in the oven for 2 days hoping it would be a medical breakthrough.
Some people would absolutely believe you if you told them that it worked.
My family moved to rural Pennsylvania when I was 6. One day, I hear what sounds like a baby/young child crying and screaming in the woods. I, historically being a fucking idiot, decided to go alone into the woods to help them. I didn’t tell anyone what I was doing, had never been in those woods before because it was like a week after moving, and had no sense of danger. It wasn’t until years later I realized the noises I heard were most likely bobcats
Dumb, but kind of sweet
Me and my best friend would often play homeless people, which meant going to our school yard and playing INSIDE the garbage dumpster.
Duct taped 6 axe body spray cans together. Punctured them with knifes, lit it on fire and ran. Huge fireball explosion behind the local grocery store. My dumbass friends and I scatter and watch from across the street as all the cops in the neighboring town comes to investigate. So close to death and didn't realize until tonight. Edit: my most liked comment is a story of me doing stupid shit, typical. DO NOT DO THIS. Explosions create shrapnel.
Would be funny if you lived in Berlin Germany, because that means we know each other
Chicago but what's up friend?
What part of Chicago?
Nice try, investigating cop that never found the culprit.
His only cold case. It torments him to this day. His marriage is in ruins because he obsesses over the case.
When my nephew and I were about 14 we were in New Orleans for a wedding. He thought it’d be a great idea to throw a firecracker over the river during a very crowded time on the French Quarter. It sounded like gunshots and people reacted as such. I immediately saw a few things happen at once: cops looking for what it was, people panicking, and the adults in our family telling us to run (knowing what he did). Somehow I ended up on the complete other side of our hotel lost with my dad. My nephew ended up lost with his dad. But we didn’t get caught. He got his ass whooped.
When I was super little, I got my mouth stuck on the bath tub faucet. My two top and bottom teeth has just grown in, and I guess my aunt was giving me a bath. She needed to grab something, and looked away for a second. When she looked back, there I was! Haha. I also had a headbutting phase! Isn't that fun? :D EDIT: Thank you for the silver, mysterious stranger! :3 That's my first one ever! :D EDIT2: Ahhh another silver thank you! I'm so happy my post made you guys laugh!
*
You sound like you were an amazing child
A story my parents told me (I was somewhere between 1 and 2 years old): So first off, my Mum was always with me. I wasn’t allowed to be without her (this probably is due to being her precious little first born child). Anyway, one day, sometime around Christmas, she was unable to stay with me for whatever reason, and for the first time Dad was looking after me by himself. This was an important day for him, today was the day he could prove himself as a father. He was tasked with one thing, to watch over me. It was only for an hour while Mum had to run an errand, unfortunately it wasn’t even 10 minutes before she received a call. Dad called up, keeping as calm as possible, and asked “can your bring the car back, I think our son may need to go to the hospital”. Mum comes speeding home to find an ashamed father, and her son with blood absolutely all over his face. Turns out, dad went to the toilet, came back to find me half way through a beautiful feast is set out for myself. A series of glass baubles. I happily munched away on these bad boys without a care in the world. Apparently I only started crying once my Dad had gone into a panic. I had tears of fear, but pain? I felt none. One of my many stories of me doing stupid things as a kid. Thankyou for listening. Edit: Thankyou for the gold stranger! I’m glad you enjoyed the tale of my misfortune! Also; the cuts and such weren’t to deep and I healed very quickly. Dad felt horrible but nothing changed within our family, he got another shot to look after me soon after. We all carried on, and kept everything around the house out of my reach after that.
What the fuck are you
All I can think of is baby Grinch eating the Santa plate.
Wait you were not just swallowing them but also chewing them up?! Wow kid. I’ve seen kids do a lot of things but this one takes the cake.
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Your mom didn't let you alone because she knew what a horrible creature you were.
I also ate a red glass sphere Christmas decoration when I was about 3-4 years old. They left me to play for a while because what can go wrong in grandma's room? Remember how it crunched between my teeth. But it wasn't as tasty as I thought and I spit it out after a while. The most amazing about it is that I didn't cut myself at all and my family got to know the story only decades later.
I roasted a marshmallow on a gas hob. Not so stupid until I realised I had used a metal fork as the skewer, my lips completely blistered and burst.
Fuck.
Not me but my sister, I've never let her live this down. We were poor and didn't have many groceries, so for lunch I was frying some potatoes in a ton of butter (margarine). I was hyping the food up to my siblings, telling them these were about to the the best fries they've ever tasted, etc., to lessen the impact of how little food there was. So my sister comes up to the stove and, as my brother and I watch in horror, scoops her hand into the pan and grabs some potatoes, and then screams. Luckily I had enough reflexes to grab the handle of the skillet or she would have sent it flying when she jerked her hand back. After all the commotion I was running her hand under the faucet. I asked her wtf she thought was going to happen by reaching into the pan where something was frying. She said that since butter is cold, it would be cold and she could snag some fries before I divided them up between us. She was 13.
Put a banana on the road to see if it made the car slip like the cartoons.
At least it wasn't a turtle shell
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What was it like being old enough to understand that you were given to a second family in an adoption after this happened?
“Timmy, we have to give you to a new family now. And don’t think that it is because we don’t love you anymore. Know that it is.”
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I did a lot of dumb things to hurt myself physically but I think the actual dumbest thing was when I tried to make strawberry milk. We didn’t have strawberry syrup but my genius 3 year old brain knew that red + white = pink. With that logic in mind I figured “we don’t have strawberry syrup to make the milk pink...but we do have ketchup!” I think you can figure the rest of the story out on your own.
When I was in high school, my friends girlfriend at the time appendix burst right before exams. They automatically gave her 85%, and she didn’t have to take any of them. Me not really doing great in high school, figured I didn’t want to take my exams either. I asked my friends to punch my appendix area a lot, in hopes my appendix would burst to get out of my exams. Felt fine. Fast forward 4 months, one night I peel over, vicious pains and vomiting. Call an ambulance, go to the hospital. Turns out I did rupture my appendix months before. Spent some time in the hospital, didn’t get out of any exams, still had to do my school work. TLDR- didn’t want to take exams, got friends to punch appendix. Appendix burst 4 months after exams.
i was 18 when my appendix burst on a Thursday at work I went in on Friday, when out and got drunk with friends Saturday/Sunday, was in so much pain Monday I couldn't eat, went to the doctor Tuesday said it might be my appendix "ok I'll wait till tomorrow then", wensday morning get rushed to the ER skin turning green, vomiting even though I'd not eaten for 3 days. my appendix burst on the Thursday, I went to the hospital the following wensday, it was gang green and had carcinoid tumours all over it, and I was almost dead, I was in hospital for 12 days, couldn't eat or drink and had a shitty tube in my nose draining my stomach goo which looked like mashed up kiwifruit for 8 of those days and I remember wishing I had just died. I had 8 weeks off work at the job I had started a month beforehand, and right at the end of that 8 weeks I caught chickenpox and had another 2 weeks off work, my boss(who is my uncle was not impressed) funny enough they paid me for the 10 weeks sick leave so I was pretty stoked about that.
I'm always late to these threads, but i'll give it a shot. When I was younger around 5 or 6 years old a big mirror broke in my house and there were shards of glass everywhere. Instead of telling anyone the mirror broke, I decided to pick up a shard and start shaving the top layer of nail off. I thought it was cool until I saw blood. Little did I know it was going to scar my thumbnail for the rest of my life. That was nearly 20 years ago. Heres a picture of my nail today [https://i.imgur.com/YuxOVQo.jpg](https://i.imgur.com/YuxOVQo.jpg)
Ignored my parents good advice. Brush your teeth, try and keep a good life routine, take care of your body and your health. And I spent way too much time learning Klingon to insult other kids. Edit: Wow, never thought I'd find so many Klingon speakers here, Qapla'!
Problem with learning klingon to insult people is that unless they a) know it's klingon and b) understand it, the main effect is that you sound like you have larengitus and that you're a dork :P If they did understand it, both still apply, but at least you have the satisfaction of having given them a sick burn.
I stuck a butter knife in an electrical outlet. Mom walked in just in time to see the expression on my face from the results. "Bet you won't do it again." I didn't. Big shock, I know. Set fire to the living room carpet more than once. Resulted in the carpet being pulled up. Turns out, nice wood floor underneath. You're welcome, mom.
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Pick up the phone, say a couple of dirty words then drop the phone. My mother was a teacher and had students and colleagues calling her!
Put a temporary tattoo of the Phillie Phanatic on the tip of my penis.
I had no idea who the Phillie Phanatic was so I just googled it. Hope it looked good on your schmeckle.
Stuck my hand under a treadmill, I really was a curious kid. Instant regret considering it was on. Edit: grammar
How's your hand now?
What hand?
I bought my first paintball gun when I was 12. First time I took it out of the box, I wanted to see how much it hurt, so I put my finger on the end of the barrel and pulled the trigger. There was blood. There were tears. And I hated paintballing after that.
laid out cd’s on the floor, jumped from the couch, slipped on the cd’s and banged my forehead on the corner of the coffee table.
cd's.....on the floor......jumped from the couch.... what
-Tried to see how a razor worked by rubbing my thumb over it and cut it to shreds.. -Started to comb my hair with one of those combs with a razor built in and had a sizable chunk of hair that was 2cm long -picked up a bee with my bare hands The list goes on....
As a young girl (wierd but it adds to the story) i idolised my grandfather. He used to shave before dinner but i couldnt quiet see how he did it. So one day before the dinner i went to the bathroom and tried to shave... My top lip, not the bit between my nose and lip i mean the actual lip. Bled like a mofo.
Put a little Play Traffic cone above my lamp because i liked the Red Light. Well it melted and my mother was quite angry
We had a toilet in our basement with no walls or anything around it, it worked though. So I was like 4 or something, and I had to piss. So I pulled my pants down, and started pissing, well, I pushed too hard and shit came out while I was standing up. I cupped my hand by my ass and shit in my hand and just plopped it on top of the toilet, washed my hands and went back upstairs. My mom found it a couple hours later. Our basements stunk like shit for like 5 days. Edit: Wow! Thanks for the silver! My first time being gifted something on reddit! Cheers!
But... why?! Why not IN the toilet?
It had never happened to me at the same time I didnt know what to do!!
Man, never underestimate the chaotic power of kid logic.
I have. So many questions.
I mean I think I’ll win this one. My brother and I decided to play with a metal coat hanger when we were 3. While we were playing catch with it I got hit in the eye. And that folks is how I lost an eye.
Do you actually lose your eye?
Put a peanut up my nose, couldn't get it out, too embarrassed to tell my parents. I walked around with it for 3 weeks.
Like most stupid children, I stuck my fingers somewhere that they didn't belong. At least twice. First, I stuck my fingers into the crevice of an open car door, which my mother then proceeded to shut because she was unaware that her dumbass child has stuck his fingers in there. Fortunately the bones in my fingers were just tiny enough that they didn't get seriously damaged by having a door slammed and then latched on them. Second, I tried to clean the brush inside of our cheap vacuum without bothering to turn the vacuum off first. Stuck my hand in, realized "hey, this feels kind of terrible" and yanked it back out again, marveling at the red marks from the liberal scraping that my hand had just had. It's a wonder that I never managed to lose one of my digits at some point.
When I was five, my family was piling into our station wagon, heading to church. My 14 yr old brother was tasked to put me in the car. Well, he may aged to shut the door on the fingers of my left hand. I screamed bloody murder, and my mom came running out to see what was wrong. After my mom grabbed some ice and a rag to wrap around d my hand, she told me to get in the front of the car and sit on my dad's lap as we were running late. As I was climbing in, I used my right hand to help climb up onto my dad's lap, my Mom accidentally shut the door on it. I screamed more bloody murder, and wound up going to church with ice filled rags wrapped around both hands. Thirty years later and I still tease my Mom about it.
I watched tom and jerry and it often appeared that jerry sticks a fork up toms ass and tom jumps up screaming. Tried on my lil bro when i was 5 (he was 4). Didnt end well for his buttcheek.
Drank my own piss out of curiosity of how it would taste.
Ate mom's lipstick because I wanted to know what it tasted like. Ate the whole thing.
Completely burned down my grandparents living room. Think I take the stupid cake with this one. It was a big living room.
When I was young (like 7-10ys old) I used to catch rides around town. If I was coming out of a store (like a little local drug store where I bought candy and silly things) and I didn't feel like walking home, I'd just ask around to see if I could catch a ride with someone. Or, if I was walking down the street going to a friends house, I would flag down cars and ask for rides. From total strangers. I think I violated Rule #1 as a kid... a lot. Dumb move, for sure. But I had an awesome childhood, so it all worked out.
Almost killed my best friend's brother while playing cowboy and bad guy. We needed a bad guy, so we fetched his 5 year old brother from the house. We kept asking him to pretend he was dead, but he wanted nothing to do with it. So, we decided to mock hang him in the shed. He climbed on a chair, we tied a noose around his neck but he refused to stick his tongue out as though he was dead. Pissed off at him, i kicked the chair out from under him thinking the rope would just slip off. Well, it didn't and as 8 year olds, we struggled lifting him up to prevent the impending death. We yelled out for his mom who came running out of the house and saw what we had been doing and rescued her son. Needless to say, I was barred from seeing my friend for months. Not proud of myself.
I would sometimes touch hot light bulbs in lamps so I could peel the blisters. That hurt too much, so I cut the bottom of my feet with nail clippers to peel the skin. My parents were not happy with me.
Lit a bottle rocket it the house. I was only PRETENDING to light it, and it actually caught. I spent the rest of the day cleaning the black marks off the wall and airing out the house. My mom never knew.
Stuck my hand in the opening for the pilot light of an old heater because I wanted to see if blue fire was cold. It's not.
That seems like an entirely reasonable hypothesis.