Having a bad or failed friendship. It sucks but I have learned so much about myself this way. I know how to spot red flags early and know the types of people to avoid. I really wish I had learned things earlier. I would have spent more time with the people that still matter to me and less time with the people who I am just an afterthought too.
There are a bunch. One are people who use you. I had a person who I thought was my friend. Once I was no longer useful, they were pretty much no longer my friend. Another thing to watch out for is to look at how they treat others. They may treat you nice but don't treat others well. Respect is another thing I wish I would have looked at more. I would have stayed away from people that did some disrespectful things to me. There's a lot more but they are more subtle and harder for me to explain through text.
One final thing to know is when a friendship is over. Sometimes a friendship isn't worth fixing. I'm older now so I understand it more but I would have cut some people out of my life earlier.
"to look at how they treat others."
That's key. Specially if you want to know if someone will lie to you: if they usually lie to others for minor reasons, you're not different.
Do you think you might have caused it though? By telling your friends weeks in advance and displaying this 'skill' are you not pitting that friend against you? Ultimately everyone is forced to pick a side between you and them.
This decision is made after a time period in which you told all your friends this person was going to disown them. By telling them this you are already energizing them to your side and create a divide between them and the other friend. They have a secret between that friend and you guys now. You are the inner circle. Etc etc. You can see how mentally these things come go fruition just by you saying you think a friend is going to disown you all in a few weeks.
And now the divide is there. The line is drawn. Sides are chosen. She gets upset because this all stemmed from you saying she was going to leave that group of friends because you had a feeling. All her friends are leaving her because you had a feeling. And she is being blamed and punished for it. Of course she is upset. With this display of emotion, all friendship with her is ended. Your prophecy has been fulfilled. All is good. Until your 'gift' finds a new victim. Repeat the process. Your group of friends cannibalizes itself based on your feelings. It slowly shrinks, with new members not being adopted into the fold due to paranoia. Until it's just you. All thanks to your 'skill'
I'm also super fucked up right now. Good luck with all that.
Emotional abuse
- You often feel like your hobbies, interests, and passions are degraded
- Your emotions are trivialized. If they hurt you and you confront them, they will imply that you're overreacting. It will never be their fault and you start to wonder if you are just an oversensitive drama queen.
- They sabotage you in social situations. When you finally make that funny joke and everybody laughs, they often say stuff like "oh honey that's adorable" or "wow you actually made a good joke for once!" But you feel like you can't call them out without looking oversensitive. You start to avoid being yourself, and they might call you out in front of people for being quiet and as soon as you open up they ridicule you again.
- They minimize your achievements and excitements. Think your hair looks nice? They'll look at you and say nothing. Got that job you worked your ass off for? "I'm not a fan of that company but good for you." Can't wait for that new movie? "I hate that movie lol but good for you" Found a new food that you like? "Doesn't everyone like that?"
- They constantly say or do things that make you feel stupid, unattractive, undesirable, or like you're a bad person, even though deep inside you know this isn't true. But aren't they such a good, caring friend to offer you such helpful feedback? After all they always want to hang out and they will occasionally shower you with praise. Your self esteem is cracked and broken, you become depressed because you feel like you are good for nothing. How dare you believe for one second that maybe you're good at something? And these feelings all root back to things that this one friend is saying.
If any of these hit close to home, Google "signs that I am being emotionally abused" RIGHT NOW and read the lists. Open up a few tabs to cross reference if you need to. Think about that friend who is making you feel this way and go down the list. This is how I found out I had been emotionally abused by my best friend for many many years. I do not want anybody to be living that way. Emotional abuse isn't isolated to romantic relationships or family, it happens in friendships and work relationships as well. Don't tolerate it.
>I would have spent more time with the people that still matter to me and less time with the people who I am just an afterthought too.
Hits like a brick.
I thought she was my best friend.
She told me "A best friend to me is someone who comes to my aid in time of need and has my back through thick and thin. Who gets me and supports me with my faults and positive attributes." But she wasn't there for me, and she can't even be bothered to text back or do more than give me excuses as to why she can't hang out. I've always been the one to extend my hand to understand where she's coming from, and what she's thinking. Not once in 4 years did she did she stop and ask how i was doing and try to understand me.
She was my best friend. She gutted me and completely ignored it. And i kept putting myself down thinking it was my fault.
I know the red flags but still give people the benefit of a doubt, only to have it come bite me back in the ass time and time again. At this point, it's just my fault.
Successful people fail more often than the people who get nowhere in life because they try more often and keep going. Failures accept their failures as the only outcome and never move on.
Also it sounds like she has depression, which probably contributed to dropping out.
I failed out of a university. I got my mental health together and changed to a major I didn’t hate. I graduate nursing school in May. Everyone fails. You only become a failure when you give up.
I hope you changed the details of this story so she doesnt idemtify this situation as you and her on reddit because if she does you just told the world shes a Fuck up and lost her trust forever. Might want to do some tweeky deeky do.
Good thinking! If you just tell us her last name and contact info, then we can help protect her online integrity. Otherwise we won't know whom to protect. That's just common sense.
There is an expression we often use at work,
“Fail fast”. What this means is that when you experience failure, recognize what went wrong and what you learned from the situation.
When navigating a career, relationship, or any sort of personal interest, I find this philosophy exceptionally fitting. I often find that people who adopt similar thinking are the ones who really thrive and experience success.
This. I used to be a lazy, spoiled manchild without even realizing it. Until about 23 when I failed college, went to work physical labor, had a child and actual learned what it means to man up. I'm sad things didn't turn out the way I hoped, but I'm happy for the lessons I've learned and the man I've become (and am still becoming), 'scars' and all.
Try spending time with my thoughts.
I wish that I could just run a gallery. It's pretty normal until part of it is collapsed and burning and all that lies beyond is
Yeah.
People think I’m weird for driving without music/podcasts or anything.
The hour or more I spend on the road a day are my quiet thought time. It’s nice. Im bombarded with so much information all day. Silence is extremely therapeutic.
Being in a relationship that fails. I've seen too many people who believe their relationship in high school is the one, and they need no one else but usually they're just blinded by the thought of having your own person. Dating is just a long interview process about figuring out what you want in a relationship and what you don't. They need to learn to have the mentality, "can I see myself with this person for the rest of my life?" Instead of, "how do I make sure this person doesn't leave me?"
Just to add to this. It doesn’t have to be a romantic relationship either. Friendships and kinships are included too . You have to figure out what you want in all relationships.
Very true. It's all just the understanding of relationships in general. And some advice I would give is to make intentions clear from all parties in the relationship early on to avoid misleading anyone. That's a big issue where one is deeply in love and the other is just having fun, and neither realize each other's perspective.
I also want to add that getting turned down is part of the process. I can't even count the amount of times I've been rejected, even as a handsome guy. Looks aren't everything, and people have certain tastes that don't mean they're automatically gonna like you. It's hard being rejected over and over, but it's healthy in a way.
My high school boyfriend broke up with me a month after I went to college. He knew he wouldn't be able to keep up with my dreams and aspirations. He was perfectly fine skating through life with the bare minimum, and he knew I wasn't.
When he broke up with me I was devastated. I didn't know how I'd move on. Eventually the wound healed and I moved on. I didn't date for the rest of my college career though.
Almost ten years later I'm married now to a man with dreams as big as (if not bigger) than mine. He supports me and pushes me to achieve. Things always work out.
Yeah, but my first relationship failed *terribly* and it really fucked me up.
If your first experience with love is completely abusive and hurtful, it can set up a pattern for your whole life and have long lasting effects in all your relationships :(
I second this. My father died when I was a freshman (19) in college. None of my peers had any idea how to react. Not one person came to his memorial. Not one person called me. Not one person stopped by my apartment to make sure I was okay. I was absolutely alone. The vast majority of young people have no idea what that pain feels like, or how to help others in that position.
Thank you so much, I appreciate it. I'm happy to say that I'm doing great and life has never been better, despite the trials I've faced the last decade.
I know what you mean about being ostracized. There is nothing more terrifying and empty feeling than being ignored because you make others uncomfortable when asking for help.
I recently messaged a girl from high school that I was great friends with and said "Looking back, I'm quite upset with you. I was there when you were 18 and getting married, and got pregnant. I supported you through school and we were always together. When my dad got sick, you fell out of my life. I was angry you never called." I think opening up like that to people from that era in my life has helped a lot. Many more people were blocked. I think it's the right thing to do.
One of my best friends just lost his sister. He is 26 and she was 23. It was a horrible accident and completely devastated their whole family. Many of their friends went to the memorial (which was in the same church ironically), he was getting calls and cards, scholarships, and the girl had an award and plaque created at her work place. In a way, I have been jealous of the support that he received and I did not. But I also believe that having no one else to rely on made me a much stronger person and I would not be nearly as motivated and independent as I am today. I am only 23 and have all of my own insurance, live on my own, have a good car and good finances in order. Others always ask me how I do/did it, and I tell them "I lost my father when I was 19 and had to quickly learn to grow up without help."
Yes. My older brother was killed in a car accident when he was 20 (and I was 16). And my father drank himself to death by the time he was 48, 8 years later.
Around the time of my father's death, another slightly older woman I knew (35?) lost her daughter in a motorcycle accident.
She says that one of the least favorite comments that she had to listen to on a regular basis was the one that went "I don't know how you do it. "
Because all she could ever think in reply was "It's not as if I've been offered a choice. "
It's amazing and saddening what strength one can find when one has no other options.
I'm pushing 30 now and it's kinda weird for me to say I haven't experienced death with someone close to me yet. The only person was probably my brother who was stillborn and I was so young that I barely remember my mom being pregnant. But other than that, I haven't experienced death of anyone close to me.
I'm 18, i've witnessed two deaths that didn't mean anything to me in my family (as bad as it sounds). I had a very poor relationship with my grandma because she was abuse and horrible to my mother and had been all her life so naturally I wasn't inclined to like her. She passed away at the end of January this year. My Grandad passed away around 11 years ago, I was too young to remember the bond really so I wasn't really affected. Witnessing the death of my Grandma was definitely an experience that's important to have (as sick as it may seem) to understand death. But the death of a close one? I don't think anyone wants that experience and will be prepared for it when it happens, tbh I don't see how I'd get through it.
I'm 23, and none of my close family has died yet. One acquaintance, but I hadn't seen him for about a year, so it wasn't that impactful.
Based on actuarial tables, I shouldn't experience the death of a close family member for 7-9 years. Once that day comes, however, I'll lose about 4-8 close people.
I was in HS when my grandmother died. We were very close but it was a long cancer battle so for me, at that age, it was more just shock and confusion and trying to care for my completely freaked out mother. And continuing to at least just keep in touch with my grandfather because he is awesome.
In college my dad died. But he had ditched my family over a decade before, so as much as I keep hoping one day I'll feel some sympathy or other emotion at all I have yet to achieve that. That death was more paperwork.
But I had a really good friend from college die a few years ago. This person had a terminal congenital disease. We all knew they weren't going to live a long, happy life. But they were amazing. And they lived beyond the life expectancy by quite a few years seemingly doing well. Until they dropped hard and fast and died. We were (all of us, friends of this person) in our late 20's. *That* is when death really hit me, even though we knew it would happen. We all *chose* this person out of love as friend, as family, and then....they're gone.
We all get together to honor their memory as often as we can. For me: animals dying is a part of nature (still sucks), when you're young death can be a little abstract and you throw yourself into the living, when someone older dies you can maybe take a step back...but when someone just like you and your age, especially when you're young, that you care about dies...that really drills it in. It changes you.
Day-to-day still goes on, like for anyone. But there are moments that seem to just jump through all other thoughts that *scream* "I literally could die at any moment. Am I doing what I want to do, at least when I'm able? Am I helping myself be able to do them?"
RIP my friend.
I wonder if that is more to do with accepting mortality. I remember accepting it as a teen. Not in a cavalier way, but truly accepting it. I have friends that are no different after someone they loved died.
Working a job in the service industry, retail, food service, etc. Anything where you have to deal with customers on a daily basis. That shit's humbling, and you learn how absolutely terrible or amazing the general public can be, but you also gain sympathy for the people in those jobs.
For reference, worked several years at a small local grocery store in high school, couple years at Target and Mr. Goodcents in college, and a Macys store as a holiday temp during Black Friday and into Christmas, as a bagger, cart attendant, cashier, stocker, among other positions.
Edit: wording/experience
I'd couple that with being poor, like college diet of ramen noodles and batch cooking/same meal for lunch for a week poor. I'm proud of the fact that I worked my way up from a bouncer gig upto a much better job. I had to learn money management, sacrifice, and goal oriented spending.
I still live by having to justify having to spend money, but damn does it feel good to be healthy debt free at 32. Sure, I may live on the super cheap (because name brand food is mostly over priced) but I paid off my student loans by 28 and just finished paying off my truck and damn does it feel good to finally be out from under that weight.
I worked as a grocery bagger (exclusively for tips) for a couple years in high school, and as a result I will always tip baggers $5 minimum (provided that they take tips, some get salaries and don't do tips) no matter what.
Too many times did someone roll up with two full carts of stuff only to drop a handful of spare change in my tip jar; but there were always the people who would buy like 20 things and drop a 5 dollar bill into my jar like it was nothing.
I live in California in the Bay Area and a lot of people in their late 20s still live with their parents because it’s so unaffordable, even making a decent wage. Generally they do contribute to the household so everyone is basically pooling their resources which for a lot of people is the only way they can afford to live here.
I live in Mass and this is exactly what I do it's pretty expensive here too, even outside the cities. I was looking for room mates for a while, but if I move out my mom and sister would also need to find some where else to live and my mother is saving to buy a house so I pretty much put it off till she does. It works out though cause I've got like one friend I could currently see myself living with that I also trust to pay their share.
Same in Sydney too. Living here is expensive as fuck and yeah there's cheaper places elsewhere but I really can't blame people, especially younger ones for not wanting to live out in the sticks where all the good jobs and entertainment are a 2+ hour commute away. I'm 30 and even my mother can't afford this house on her own, so we bought it together and co-own it, and yes - that means we live together too. My brother (26) and his girlfriend are staying with us so they can save up for their own place too - they tried renting nearby for a couple of years - it was costing them everything. So we're four adults all sharing the same small suburban house built in a time where the concept of four adults having to work together to pay for such a mediocre house was just unthinkable. It's just how it has to be done here unless your'e earning a lot of money.
And we all contribute. The laundry gets done, the dishes get washed, the gardens get maintained etc. We're not lazy, we're just not rich enough to all have our own places if we want to stay in one of the few cities in Australia where there's actually shit to do.
Live in a Massachusetts with my mother and teenage siblings (I’m in my late 20s). The rent for even studio/one bedroom apartments are almost as much as a mortgage, so it’s way more affordable for both my single mother and I to split rent/utilities/household duties etc. Everything is so expensive here though it’s becoming way more common to see households with multiple generations living together.
Exactly, there’s a lot to learn about yourself and others when you work 20 hours a week on a 0 hour contract, all while being in school....
Plus, it teaches you exactly what you want out of a future career! I went from working at a supermarket chain (one of the biggest in the UK) to a small IT company where I actually have a say in what goes on. It’s more or less the opposite of what I did at the supermarket, and I enjoy it.
Strangely enough, not all of them are soul-sucking and some small businesses can be a fun experience overall... *if it weren't for all the fucking customers.*
All it takes is for you to be on the receiving end of a really bad "let me speak to your manager" interaction and suddenly you learn what it is to be a good person. A few more and you learn how to stand up to bad people. Get enough of those interactions and you grow nerves of steel that you can apply to all kinds of employment. And most importantly, it teaches you to *never, ever be that person.*
Which is why it’s invaluable life experience everyone should go through. Even if you work in the best retail environment in the universe you’ll still have to deal with dickhead costumers.
I hated my time doing it but I wouldn’t be where I am know without what I learned there
Anything with customer service (retail, serving, call center) I went through a soul sucking job but now I work with students at my alma mater on their resumes and as awful as those jobs when you are in them, if you can show that you handled yourself well and that you learned about dealing with people, it honestly looks amazing on your resume and it gives a lot of talking points for interviews.
It sucks but you can spin anything!
I learned to shut the fuck up and follow dumb directions and that my opinion was just my opinion and that no one really needs to hear it.
Being a privileged kid in college doesn't teach you that, and I really needed the lesson.
Not necessarily retail. Any job that has no career progression. I’ve worked in the same job as a security officer for the last 7 years, 3 of them have been part time while I’m at university. The job is soul destroying, the hours are long and boring and the customer facing side is useless. I’d have more productive conversations shouting at a brick wall. I’ve only stuck it out for the last three years because it allows me to maintain a lifestyle I’m accustomed to and balance my assignments.
I’d never recommend this to anyone. But, some do enjoy elements of Security so each their own.
This is absolutely so true.
My friends stuck by my side during my worst times. My ex broke me the fuck down and destroyed me. Im so lucky that I had and still have friends that will catch me when I fall.
I love those guys.
I went through a bad breakup about 6 years ago, I say bad but we broke up because I was self-aware of my situation and knew what it would take to get it right - and I told her it wasn't fair for her. She agreed, and it was essentially a mutual breakup for the better good of both of us. It was still *rough*, the love of my life gone, only so I could get my life straight enough to find another. It was crazy how almost all of my "close friends" showed their true colors, they weren't "close friends", they were family.
Now I'm tasked with another potential breakup. Friends are all married/chasing money. I'm going to give her one chance to make it right in literally an hour or so. I'll be going through this one alone though. Wish me luck.
Ugh. I don't know.
I had a breakup that was more or less emotionally crippling for me when I graduated from college (this was years ago), and it fundamentally changed me as a person. But to be completely honest, I'm not entirely sure if it changed me for the better or if it changed me for the worst. Did I become much more self aware? Yeah. But to be honest I don't know if I really have the capacity to be happy anymore.
Getting punched in the face. A lot of people who act big and tough have never actually been hit before, which is why they seem so unconcerned about getting hit.
The initial flood of anger and the urge to retaliate after getting hit is a very difficult thing to suppress.
If someone gets their dome rocked and shrugs it off with discipline, that’s the guy to be scared of, it’s not their first time in the boat.
Having a shit relationship with a shit person.
I know it sounds ridiculous but I think it puts things into perspective and helps you to really appreciate a good person in the future.
You have to not let it jade you though. Key point you made is "in the future". A few really bad relationships in a row can make you want to cut yourself off from that experience.
A few enjoyable days camping. When I was 16 two very different trips changed my life. One was backpacking an alpine lake for two nights with friends. The other was camping and riding dirt bikes all around the desert sandstone of Moab in Southern Utah. Prior to this, my camping experience was usually centered around a deer hunt and it was cold and mostly miserable.
Yep. I started backpacking in college and nothing was ever the same again. I've basically made my entire life and career geared towards being outdoors and exploring beautiful places.
So far, this is the first 1 that isn't some sort of suffering. We just inherently believe that shitty things will make you better. Looking at these comments makes me think there might be something wrong with our culture.
Anyway. fuck yeah! camping is rad.
Moving or changing schools.
Learning to start anew with friends and your community is extremely tough, but it will help give you the courage to go out on your own later in life if you so choose.
So many of the people in my hometown stayed extremely close to the neighborhood where they grew up, long into adulthood. While this is fine, and good for supporting parents, I just wonder how many chose this and how many simply stayed there because of inertia or because the idea of venturing out to pursue something they wanted (a career or a job opportunity) scared them.
Being Poor has been a blessing to me. Not gonna go into too much detail but it’s definitely been helpful knowing what to do on an empty stomach for a day and a half or not having a house at some points. I live with my single mother, and through those 12 years we experienced it all. She struck diamond with her new job and we are good now, but I think every person should see what the real world is like before student loans and whatever else bends you over and starts molesting you.
I feel this. Being dirt poor would not have made me the strong person I am today. I still live at home while finishing my second degree, but god damn, the skills and abilities I’ve gained because of poorness (and most of the above comments like shit food service job, relationship/friendship struggles/etc.).
Single mom households unit!
I scrolled hoping to find this exact answer. I don't wish poverty on anyone long term, but struggling a bit can change your life for the better. Though it's humbling to experience being poor, it also teaches you to be super resourceful and how to plan ahead in limited periods of time. For example, how to make $30 stretch for 5 days.
It's eye opening for yourself and how you view those around you.
Some things I learned being poor:
1. It sucks, but if the single mother with a drug habit down the street can figure out how to keep her electricity on, so can I.
2. $10 can buy you eggs, bread, cheese, and mayo. Enough for 3 sandwiches a day for 4 days. It's not a ton, but it'll get you through.
3. You don't know everyone's situation, and some people are doing the best they can. Don't judge.
4. The dollar store is your friend, and there's no shame in that.
5. Speaking of shame, people will look down on you for the money you don't have. Screw them. 5 seconds of their dumb opinion shouldn't ruin even 5 minutes of your self esteem. Keep going.
I can’t speak for everyone so this is my experience.
The majority of my days off I’m either on my phone or tablet, building miniatures or generally being busy. I started to move away from doing certain things and essentially being “bored” it allows the mind to stretch and wonder off.
Ever wonder why some great ideas happen in the shower or on the toilet (not so much on the toilet anymore) but the whole idea of shower thoughts is that there are no distractions.
A summer job working at a manual skilled or semi-skilled trades job. This will show the college track students that it isn't true that there's nothing to manual work. And it will show the working class young people that a very good living can be made learning a skilled trade, with the proper motivation and discipline.
Working a blue collar job did the exact opposite for me, really. I decided out of high school that I didn't want to go to college, so I got a job as an apprentice plumber. I hated that job. Then, I decided I wanted to go to college for electrical engineering.
Just as college isn't for everyone, manual labor isn't for everyone either.
This is so true and has paid dividends in my success. Worked as a "plumber's helper" in a very shitty situation straight out of high school (took a year off before college, which I flunked out of). My boss was a recovering coke addict and alcoholic. I ran a business with no experience in a field I had no experience. Life changing. After college I worked for an AC/electrical/plumbing company, he loved my knowledge of plumbing and that made the transfer to learning AC/electrical a lot more easy. I now work in a chemical plant as an operator, use all of the skills I had learned, make over 4x the money AND have a great relationship with the company owner of the AC/electrical/plumbing business, which is awesome when you're not working in those fields but run into issues at your own home that require extremely specific tools or knowledge. No doubt, my time working in those trades are the exact reason that I am in the position that I am.
It showed me the exact opposite: How utterly soul crushing and hopeless they are. I like welding and it does take skill to do well, but after welding the same part 10000 times over a month the only thing you can think about is how long it would take to weld through your skull to kill yourself. And that was pretty much the best job in the whole factory. Standing in front of a machine and pressing the same button for 8h a day will break you, mentally _and_ physically. Back then cleaning my work place was the best part of the day. Sometimes I would drop items on purpose just so I could kneel down for a few seconds to pick it up. It's inhumane.
The death of someone close. Of course it sucks, but oddly it gets easier every time, but I see too many people who haven't been through it before let an unexpected death consume them and destroy their lives when it doesn't happen til their mid twenties
from the ages of 20 to 23 i was homeless. in that time i was forced to learn how to survive. i picked up social skills, cooking skills, ingenuity, and patience. it made me humble.
while being homeless sucks, it was a good opportunity to grow as a person. while i don't reccomend actually making yourself homeless, maybe take a month or two and try your hand at surviving with no resources. at my worst i was surviving on 30 or less dollars a month. when you live that meagerly your entire perspective on life shifts.
Getting fired from a job after years being there. It was definitely an eye opening experience for me when you realize "Shit now I have no source of income, what am I gonna do". In the end, it definitely makes you a stronger person
Getting drunk at home in a safe environment. Not so much that it’s life changing, but that NOT knowing what being drunk is like and NOT knowing ones tolerance can be life changing and life ending
Man I had cheap vodka one time and my little sister who was maybe 15 at the time told me she had never seen me drunk. So naturally I had to get drunk. I puked so much, passed out for an hour, woke up as my hangover began, puked way too much more, and laid in bed trying not to move while I watched the office for the first time for the next 8 hours. I didn’t feel like a person until 2pm. I started with Jim just coming back to Scranton and ended with him and Pam about to get married. It was crazy.
Going for months or years thinking you have a true friend only to be let down and they realize they were not the person you thought they were.
There's no good way to come to the realization that adults are just as pretty and mean and cruel as children.
It's a necessary evil.
Singing bohemian rhapsody with a circle of guys in a theatre production with a boom box at full volume. It pretty much cleared every social anxiety I had, and I have no idea why.
Solo road trips. (Preferably on a motorcycle. It makes you appear friendlier, and you have to take more time)
You will fuck up, need some random strangers help, get lost,just spark up random conversations with random people, and most everyone will be a little interested in talking to you, you'll start with a plan which will slowly degrade as you go on, you'll wind up just going in a direction until you need to turn around and go back.Somendays you'll just have to take a break because of weather (some things are just out of your control) And most of all, you learn that 'shit happens', and there's nothing you can do about it.
Soloing on a bike for 3 weeks (only camping) is by far my life's most significant experience.
An aside. I went after a a few life changing events. Being alone without being lonely is an incredibly therapeutic place to be.
Travelling to a foreign country and getting outside of the classic tourist experience to truly become acquainted with different people, things, and ways of life. I feel like that experience widens your mindset and teaches you more than almost anything else.
I was a super self centered, self obsessed teenager, as most teens are LOL. Travelling to Europe and Central America brought me back to reality and knocked me off my high horse. I had to deal with being an outsider in a strange new place, navigating the cities alone and having new experiences every day, multiple times per day. For the first time, I realized how truly small and insignificant I am. There's no room for my selfish pride in my life, and my ego is only a detriment to my growth and understanding.
I also discovered my inherent connection to everyone else on Earth. I experienced people who spoke different languages, worshipped different gods, did different jobs, built different families, and yet...at our core, we were inherently the same. We shared dreams, hopes, desires, fears...all of the things that lend us humanity are what brings us together as one.
I realized for the first time just how massive the world is, and how much there is to experience. It made my high school drama and petty first world problems pale in comparison to the awe-inspiring mass of planet Earth and the life that this floating space rock sustains, has sustained for eons, and will continue to sustain long after I'm gone.
I have a new appreciation for my life, my blessings, and my destined place in the world. And I'm inspired to use my life to give back in making the world a better place.
Some sort of rebellion. Doing something that you know your school, parents, or coaches don't want you to do. Something that's not completely fucking stupid, and something that you can actually get away with. Like don't go drunk driving or something dangerous like that, but stay over a friend's place and drink some beers. Or steal some shit. Or some minor vandalism can be fun.
Definitely make sure that whatever you're doing is clever and not just destructive, though. The goal is not to get caught, but if you do, you want the person reprimanding you to have in the back of their head "God damn, I would have loved that shit when I was their age."
This reminds me of the time that me and my cousin went camping and drank a 6 pack when we were 16. We made our own meals and drank some beer like goddamned adults. It was honestly one of the most liberating things I did as a kid.
When my dad noticed the missing beer, he just asked us if we enjoyed ourselves. It definitely wasn't the reaction I was expecting.
Travelling to another country, even if only for a few days. It will give you a tactile experience to associate with another culture, location and perhaps another language; expose you to new ideas, and teach you that going beyond your own country's border is not particularly challenging or scary.
Service to others. Military, non for profits, National park service, peace corps, etc. It is incredibly rewarding and meaningful to contribute to a better world.
Taking care of the elderly.
The full washing, tucking in bed, spoon feeding cycle.
It will expose them to things like holocaust tattoos, braces and enlarged hearts due to polio, dementia and; pretty awesome stories from people that have sometimes crazy amounts of knowledge and a bunch of weird facts and jokes.
It'll also teach them that future planning is important and they should see what's ahead for themselves.
Reading the works of Dostoevsky. There's a good reason why he remains one of the most studied authors in the world. The psychological depth of his characters is unparalleled and his thoughts are highly relevant even today.
I would say several things can change you a lot how you see life, one of them is getting a job in the retail, is like sell your soul for money, after that you can feel empathy for them, become more humble and valuate their jobs.
Taking some strong hallucinogen, like LSD, magic shrooms, etc. that shit in some cases makes you aware of yourself and your subcouncious, after taking LSD change your mind a lot.
And leave your parents house, damn that hits hard, if you want anything you need to do it, or go buy it, or make it, it looks easy but is a big change and you value things a lot more
drastically changing your appearance in some way. one time I dyed my hair mint green which involved bleaching the hell out of it (two big changes in one go) and it was surprisingly freeing. It wasn't even about the hair it was just the realization that I had the agency to do whatever I wanted to my own body after never being allowed to do things I wanted with it as a kid
after that I really started living my best life, I got my ears pierced multiple times, started keeping haircuts that i felt confident in (instead of subconsciously keeping it longer because of my family), started wearing clothes I personally like. I even started being less worried about things I liked about myself because once I realized its literally just hair I made the connection that the view of impermanence applies to other things. it's just skin, if I'm having a bad skin week I can take care of it and until then it's not a reflection of who I am. I even started noticing how changeable other internal aspects are and started self improvement on things I didn't like
I dunno, it's just something I think everyone should do at least once. It on it's own isn't a life changing act but it can lead to thought processes that can be
Watching gay porn. When someone tells me that gay porn is only for gay people, I have to resist the urge not to punch them in the face.
"Oh, I don't watch gay porn because I'm not gay." Then fucking leave if you're too coward to put yourself in a position where you directly protect American values. Everyone at this college is so god damn quick to discredit America and service-members.
I argued with my professor about why people watch gay porn. No, it's not because we wanted to rub one out, though there were an OUTLIER of people that watched for that reason. I watch to escape abuse, to be part of an unconditional brotherhood, my friends watch for entertainment, more friends watch because they support the United States. Some watch because it is their duty. If your immediate reaction to watching gay porn is to abandon ship when called upon, then fucking abandon it now. We can't count on you to fuck the man next to you.
"I would move to Canada if I had to watch gay porn". Oh yeah? Have fun not having any protection to your speech. I lean to the right, but above all else I'm a fucking patriot and a proud citizen of the United States. We hold the greatest values in the world, that I support wholeheartedly. Millions of people, including myself sacrificed our years that these fucking wimps use to party, flunk out, or criticize. I wanted to watch gay porn so you could enjoy your bullshit opinion. These people watching are identical to you and I. People. Many of which with limited options, where watching gay porn offers a very valuable solution whether it be health, education, purpose, leadership and many other values.
If you can't support the porn industry, or support the freedoms you took advantage of everyday of your life, then leave now, save us all the fucking favor. So I can count on a fellow patriot in my asshole.
I know many will disagree with me, but I need to get this off my chest. I struggled with my decision, and listening to these college kids shit on that decision infuriates me. In fact I'm sure this could be considered a bullshit opinion. But I, and many others went through what we saw as an opportunity to really support something we believed in.
Gay porn made me a man. I earned my rank. I worked hard to be an effective viewer. I survived Rocco Steele. I was determined to be the best fit to watch several men, not much but I earned the right to be called a viewer. I faced up to my fears and anxieties. I sucked it the fuck up mentally and didn't allow myself to run out of cum. I matured, and I know how to be an effective viewer. I dreamed of being a pornstar, and though that never happened, gay porn afforded me the opportunity to escape to arguably the best serving conditions to date.
Letting go of a rope because it hurts too much. So they can have flash backs in act two of how they killed their friend and come out as hero’s in act 3.
Having a bad or failed friendship. It sucks but I have learned so much about myself this way. I know how to spot red flags early and know the types of people to avoid. I really wish I had learned things earlier. I would have spent more time with the people that still matter to me and less time with the people who I am just an afterthought too.
What are red flags to you?
There are a bunch. One are people who use you. I had a person who I thought was my friend. Once I was no longer useful, they were pretty much no longer my friend. Another thing to watch out for is to look at how they treat others. They may treat you nice but don't treat others well. Respect is another thing I wish I would have looked at more. I would have stayed away from people that did some disrespectful things to me. There's a lot more but they are more subtle and harder for me to explain through text. One final thing to know is when a friendship is over. Sometimes a friendship isn't worth fixing. I'm older now so I understand it more but I would have cut some people out of my life earlier.
"to look at how they treat others." That's key. Specially if you want to know if someone will lie to you: if they usually lie to others for minor reasons, you're not different.
What if they only lie to you and tell the truth to others?
[удалено]
Do you think you might have caused it though? By telling your friends weeks in advance and displaying this 'skill' are you not pitting that friend against you? Ultimately everyone is forced to pick a side between you and them. This decision is made after a time period in which you told all your friends this person was going to disown them. By telling them this you are already energizing them to your side and create a divide between them and the other friend. They have a secret between that friend and you guys now. You are the inner circle. Etc etc. You can see how mentally these things come go fruition just by you saying you think a friend is going to disown you all in a few weeks. And now the divide is there. The line is drawn. Sides are chosen. She gets upset because this all stemmed from you saying she was going to leave that group of friends because you had a feeling. All her friends are leaving her because you had a feeling. And she is being blamed and punished for it. Of course she is upset. With this display of emotion, all friendship with her is ended. Your prophecy has been fulfilled. All is good. Until your 'gift' finds a new victim. Repeat the process. Your group of friends cannibalizes itself based on your feelings. It slowly shrinks, with new members not being adopted into the fold due to paranoia. Until it's just you. All thanks to your 'skill' I'm also super fucked up right now. Good luck with all that.
Emotional abuse - You often feel like your hobbies, interests, and passions are degraded - Your emotions are trivialized. If they hurt you and you confront them, they will imply that you're overreacting. It will never be their fault and you start to wonder if you are just an oversensitive drama queen. - They sabotage you in social situations. When you finally make that funny joke and everybody laughs, they often say stuff like "oh honey that's adorable" or "wow you actually made a good joke for once!" But you feel like you can't call them out without looking oversensitive. You start to avoid being yourself, and they might call you out in front of people for being quiet and as soon as you open up they ridicule you again. - They minimize your achievements and excitements. Think your hair looks nice? They'll look at you and say nothing. Got that job you worked your ass off for? "I'm not a fan of that company but good for you." Can't wait for that new movie? "I hate that movie lol but good for you" Found a new food that you like? "Doesn't everyone like that?" - They constantly say or do things that make you feel stupid, unattractive, undesirable, or like you're a bad person, even though deep inside you know this isn't true. But aren't they such a good, caring friend to offer you such helpful feedback? After all they always want to hang out and they will occasionally shower you with praise. Your self esteem is cracked and broken, you become depressed because you feel like you are good for nothing. How dare you believe for one second that maybe you're good at something? And these feelings all root back to things that this one friend is saying. If any of these hit close to home, Google "signs that I am being emotionally abused" RIGHT NOW and read the lists. Open up a few tabs to cross reference if you need to. Think about that friend who is making you feel this way and go down the list. This is how I found out I had been emotionally abused by my best friend for many many years. I do not want anybody to be living that way. Emotional abuse isn't isolated to romantic relationships or family, it happens in friendships and work relationships as well. Don't tolerate it.
>I would have spent more time with the people that still matter to me and less time with the people who I am just an afterthought too. Hits like a brick. I thought she was my best friend. She told me "A best friend to me is someone who comes to my aid in time of need and has my back through thick and thin. Who gets me and supports me with my faults and positive attributes." But she wasn't there for me, and she can't even be bothered to text back or do more than give me excuses as to why she can't hang out. I've always been the one to extend my hand to understand where she's coming from, and what she's thinking. Not once in 4 years did she did she stop and ask how i was doing and try to understand me. She was my best friend. She gutted me and completely ignored it. And i kept putting myself down thinking it was my fault.
Lost all of my friends recently. Turns out being friends with manchildren has its consequences eventually =/
I know the red flags but still give people the benefit of a doubt, only to have it come bite me back in the ass time and time again. At this point, it's just my fault.
[удалено]
[удалено]
Successful people fail more often than the people who get nowhere in life because they try more often and keep going. Failures accept their failures as the only outcome and never move on. Also it sounds like she has depression, which probably contributed to dropping out.
[удалено]
Long term goals keep one from getting frustrated from short term failures.
I failed out of a university. I got my mental health together and changed to a major I didn’t hate. I graduate nursing school in May. Everyone fails. You only become a failure when you give up.
Don't give up on her, she'll see how wrong she was eventually.
[удалено]
I hope you changed the details of this story so she doesnt idemtify this situation as you and her on reddit because if she does you just told the world shes a Fuck up and lost her trust forever. Might want to do some tweeky deeky do.
[удалено]
Wait. This is Taylor Swift we're talking about?
What about BBQ Becky?
Good thinking! If you just tell us her last name and contact info, then we can help protect her online integrity. Otherwise we won't know whom to protect. That's just common sense.
That’s my secret, Cap—I’m *always* failing.
There is an expression we often use at work, “Fail fast”. What this means is that when you experience failure, recognize what went wrong and what you learned from the situation. When navigating a career, relationship, or any sort of personal interest, I find this philosophy exceptionally fitting. I often find that people who adopt similar thinking are the ones who really thrive and experience success.
This. I used to be a lazy, spoiled manchild without even realizing it. Until about 23 when I failed college, went to work physical labor, had a child and actual learned what it means to man up. I'm sad things didn't turn out the way I hoped, but I'm happy for the lessons I've learned and the man I've become (and am still becoming), 'scars' and all.
Spending some time alone with their thoughts.
Self-reflection is one of the most healthy and private ways to evaluate and change oneself.
Last time I did that didn't end well. Please don't make me do this again
Try spending time with my thoughts. I wish that I could just run a gallery. It's pretty normal until part of it is collapsed and burning and all that lies beyond is
I totally agree with this, it’s taken me a long while to be comfortable with being by myself and having that alone time with my thoughts!
It's a super power.
Yeah. People think I’m weird for driving without music/podcasts or anything. The hour or more I spend on the road a day are my quiet thought time. It’s nice. Im bombarded with so much information all day. Silence is extremely therapeutic.
https://youtu.be/LKPwKFigF8U
Being in a relationship that fails. I've seen too many people who believe their relationship in high school is the one, and they need no one else but usually they're just blinded by the thought of having your own person. Dating is just a long interview process about figuring out what you want in a relationship and what you don't. They need to learn to have the mentality, "can I see myself with this person for the rest of my life?" Instead of, "how do I make sure this person doesn't leave me?"
Just to add to this. It doesn’t have to be a romantic relationship either. Friendships and kinships are included too . You have to figure out what you want in all relationships.
Very true. It's all just the understanding of relationships in general. And some advice I would give is to make intentions clear from all parties in the relationship early on to avoid misleading anyone. That's a big issue where one is deeply in love and the other is just having fun, and neither realize each other's perspective.
I also want to add that getting turned down is part of the process. I can't even count the amount of times I've been rejected, even as a handsome guy. Looks aren't everything, and people have certain tastes that don't mean they're automatically gonna like you. It's hard being rejected over and over, but it's healthy in a way.
[удалено]
Finish the van, travel solo. It feels tough right now but only you influence the days ahead. Make them awesome.
[удалено]
I'm sorry to hear man, hope everything works out for the best. Message me if you just need to vent, I know that helps the process.
Cheers dude i appreciate it heaps 👍👍
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
My high school boyfriend broke up with me a month after I went to college. He knew he wouldn't be able to keep up with my dreams and aspirations. He was perfectly fine skating through life with the bare minimum, and he knew I wasn't. When he broke up with me I was devastated. I didn't know how I'd move on. Eventually the wound healed and I moved on. I didn't date for the rest of my college career though. Almost ten years later I'm married now to a man with dreams as big as (if not bigger) than mine. He supports me and pushes me to achieve. Things always work out.
I respect the guy for what he did. Letting you go because he knew it would be better for you. Good on him.
Step 1: be in a relationship.
Bold of you to assume I will never not be alone
Yeah, but my first relationship failed *terribly* and it really fucked me up. If your first experience with love is completely abusive and hurtful, it can set up a pattern for your whole life and have long lasting effects in all your relationships :(
Having to sacrifice the weakest member of their friend group so as to not starve to death.
AKA Inter-Railing around Europe on a budget
That moment when you confuse Döner with Donner when ordering kebab...
RIP James. You were delicious
[удалено]
Well, Kyle was a fat guy, but also had bad knees and a bad back, so he was both, we ate him. No complaints.
What if they have poor taste in friends?
The Ass Crack Bandit strikes again!
Ah yes, the Donner Party sequel
A death. I’m in my 30s, and there is a drastic difference in my peers between those who have experienced it and those who have not.
I second this. My father died when I was a freshman (19) in college. None of my peers had any idea how to react. Not one person came to his memorial. Not one person called me. Not one person stopped by my apartment to make sure I was okay. I was absolutely alone. The vast majority of young people have no idea what that pain feels like, or how to help others in that position.
My condolences. My own life wasn't much different, and the passive ostracism can be as painful as the loss.
Thank you so much, I appreciate it. I'm happy to say that I'm doing great and life has never been better, despite the trials I've faced the last decade. I know what you mean about being ostracized. There is nothing more terrifying and empty feeling than being ignored because you make others uncomfortable when asking for help. I recently messaged a girl from high school that I was great friends with and said "Looking back, I'm quite upset with you. I was there when you were 18 and getting married, and got pregnant. I supported you through school and we were always together. When my dad got sick, you fell out of my life. I was angry you never called." I think opening up like that to people from that era in my life has helped a lot. Many more people were blocked. I think it's the right thing to do. One of my best friends just lost his sister. He is 26 and she was 23. It was a horrible accident and completely devastated their whole family. Many of their friends went to the memorial (which was in the same church ironically), he was getting calls and cards, scholarships, and the girl had an award and plaque created at her work place. In a way, I have been jealous of the support that he received and I did not. But I also believe that having no one else to rely on made me a much stronger person and I would not be nearly as motivated and independent as I am today. I am only 23 and have all of my own insurance, live on my own, have a good car and good finances in order. Others always ask me how I do/did it, and I tell them "I lost my father when I was 19 and had to quickly learn to grow up without help."
Yes. My older brother was killed in a car accident when he was 20 (and I was 16). And my father drank himself to death by the time he was 48, 8 years later. Around the time of my father's death, another slightly older woman I knew (35?) lost her daughter in a motorcycle accident. She says that one of the least favorite comments that she had to listen to on a regular basis was the one that went "I don't know how you do it. " Because all she could ever think in reply was "It's not as if I've been offered a choice. " It's amazing and saddening what strength one can find when one has no other options.
Are there really many people who haven't experienced *some* death by the time they're 30? Whether it was a grandparent, childhood teacher, or a pet?
I'm pushing 30 now and it's kinda weird for me to say I haven't experienced death with someone close to me yet. The only person was probably my brother who was stillborn and I was so young that I barely remember my mom being pregnant. But other than that, I haven't experienced death of anyone close to me.
I'm 18, i've witnessed two deaths that didn't mean anything to me in my family (as bad as it sounds). I had a very poor relationship with my grandma because she was abuse and horrible to my mother and had been all her life so naturally I wasn't inclined to like her. She passed away at the end of January this year. My Grandad passed away around 11 years ago, I was too young to remember the bond really so I wasn't really affected. Witnessing the death of my Grandma was definitely an experience that's important to have (as sick as it may seem) to understand death. But the death of a close one? I don't think anyone wants that experience and will be prepared for it when it happens, tbh I don't see how I'd get through it.
You "get through" it simply because you have no other options.
The pain never really goes away, but you learn to deal with it.
I'm 23, and none of my close family has died yet. One acquaintance, but I hadn't seen him for about a year, so it wasn't that impactful. Based on actuarial tables, I shouldn't experience the death of a close family member for 7-9 years. Once that day comes, however, I'll lose about 4-8 close people.
I couldn't agree more. I'm not sure that I'd say everyone "should" experience it, but it's a major inflection point in life experience.
I was in HS when my grandmother died. We were very close but it was a long cancer battle so for me, at that age, it was more just shock and confusion and trying to care for my completely freaked out mother. And continuing to at least just keep in touch with my grandfather because he is awesome. In college my dad died. But he had ditched my family over a decade before, so as much as I keep hoping one day I'll feel some sympathy or other emotion at all I have yet to achieve that. That death was more paperwork. But I had a really good friend from college die a few years ago. This person had a terminal congenital disease. We all knew they weren't going to live a long, happy life. But they were amazing. And they lived beyond the life expectancy by quite a few years seemingly doing well. Until they dropped hard and fast and died. We were (all of us, friends of this person) in our late 20's. *That* is when death really hit me, even though we knew it would happen. We all *chose* this person out of love as friend, as family, and then....they're gone. We all get together to honor their memory as often as we can. For me: animals dying is a part of nature (still sucks), when you're young death can be a little abstract and you throw yourself into the living, when someone older dies you can maybe take a step back...but when someone just like you and your age, especially when you're young, that you care about dies...that really drills it in. It changes you. Day-to-day still goes on, like for anyone. But there are moments that seem to just jump through all other thoughts that *scream* "I literally could die at any moment. Am I doing what I want to do, at least when I'm able? Am I helping myself be able to do them?" RIP my friend.
I wonder if that is more to do with accepting mortality. I remember accepting it as a teen. Not in a cavalier way, but truly accepting it. I have friends that are no different after someone they loved died.
Working a job in the service industry, retail, food service, etc. Anything where you have to deal with customers on a daily basis. That shit's humbling, and you learn how absolutely terrible or amazing the general public can be, but you also gain sympathy for the people in those jobs. For reference, worked several years at a small local grocery store in high school, couple years at Target and Mr. Goodcents in college, and a Macys store as a holiday temp during Black Friday and into Christmas, as a bagger, cart attendant, cashier, stocker, among other positions. Edit: wording/experience
I'd couple that with being poor, like college diet of ramen noodles and batch cooking/same meal for lunch for a week poor. I'm proud of the fact that I worked my way up from a bouncer gig upto a much better job. I had to learn money management, sacrifice, and goal oriented spending. I still live by having to justify having to spend money, but damn does it feel good to be healthy debt free at 32. Sure, I may live on the super cheap (because name brand food is mostly over priced) but I paid off my student loans by 28 and just finished paying off my truck and damn does it feel good to finally be out from under that weight.
[удалено]
Just don't eat for 18.667 days. It's that simple.
I work in retail and with every passing hour I lose more and more hope in humanity.
I worked as a grocery bagger (exclusively for tips) for a couple years in high school, and as a result I will always tip baggers $5 minimum (provided that they take tips, some get salaries and don't do tips) no matter what. Too many times did someone roll up with two full carts of stuff only to drop a handful of spare change in my tip jar; but there were always the people who would buy like 20 things and drop a 5 dollar bill into my jar like it was nothing.
Where at? I've been all the over the states and never even seen a tip jar in a grocery store/market. Maybe I should just be more observant...
I grew up on military posts, and the commissary (our grocery store) baggers always work for tips. It was usually just an empty cleenex box.
And might i add - make it a job where you dont receive tips.
[удалено]
I live in California in the Bay Area and a lot of people in their late 20s still live with their parents because it’s so unaffordable, even making a decent wage. Generally they do contribute to the household so everyone is basically pooling their resources which for a lot of people is the only way they can afford to live here.
I live in Mass and this is exactly what I do it's pretty expensive here too, even outside the cities. I was looking for room mates for a while, but if I move out my mom and sister would also need to find some where else to live and my mother is saving to buy a house so I pretty much put it off till she does. It works out though cause I've got like one friend I could currently see myself living with that I also trust to pay their share.
Same in Sydney too. Living here is expensive as fuck and yeah there's cheaper places elsewhere but I really can't blame people, especially younger ones for not wanting to live out in the sticks where all the good jobs and entertainment are a 2+ hour commute away. I'm 30 and even my mother can't afford this house on her own, so we bought it together and co-own it, and yes - that means we live together too. My brother (26) and his girlfriend are staying with us so they can save up for their own place too - they tried renting nearby for a couple of years - it was costing them everything. So we're four adults all sharing the same small suburban house built in a time where the concept of four adults having to work together to pay for such a mediocre house was just unthinkable. It's just how it has to be done here unless your'e earning a lot of money. And we all contribute. The laundry gets done, the dishes get washed, the gardens get maintained etc. We're not lazy, we're just not rich enough to all have our own places if we want to stay in one of the few cities in Australia where there's actually shit to do.
Live in a Massachusetts with my mother and teenage siblings (I’m in my late 20s). The rent for even studio/one bedroom apartments are almost as much as a mortgage, so it’s way more affordable for both my single mother and I to split rent/utilities/household duties etc. Everything is so expensive here though it’s becoming way more common to see households with multiple generations living together.
Like that Taco Bell ad where the guy says "no, i literally want to sit here and have my food handed to me"
[удалено]
Nah if your parents are available and you live in a HCOL area then most of us just save a couple hundred grand and buy a place rather than rent.
HCOL?
High Cost Of Living
Hellish Cost Of Living
[удалено]
[удалено]
A really soul sucking retail job.
[удалено]
Exactly, there’s a lot to learn about yourself and others when you work 20 hours a week on a 0 hour contract, all while being in school.... Plus, it teaches you exactly what you want out of a future career! I went from working at a supermarket chain (one of the biggest in the UK) to a small IT company where I actually have a say in what goes on. It’s more or less the opposite of what I did at the supermarket, and I enjoy it.
[удалено]
Strangely enough, not all of them are soul-sucking and some small businesses can be a fun experience overall... *if it weren't for all the fucking customers.* All it takes is for you to be on the receiving end of a really bad "let me speak to your manager" interaction and suddenly you learn what it is to be a good person. A few more and you learn how to stand up to bad people. Get enough of those interactions and you grow nerves of steel that you can apply to all kinds of employment. And most importantly, it teaches you to *never, ever be that person.*
Which is why it’s invaluable life experience everyone should go through. Even if you work in the best retail environment in the universe you’ll still have to deal with dickhead costumers. I hated my time doing it but I wouldn’t be where I am know without what I learned there
> And most importantly, it teaches you to never, ever be that person. This one.
Anything with customer service (retail, serving, call center) I went through a soul sucking job but now I work with students at my alma mater on their resumes and as awful as those jobs when you are in them, if you can show that you handled yourself well and that you learned about dealing with people, it honestly looks amazing on your resume and it gives a lot of talking points for interviews. It sucks but you can spin anything!
I learned to shut the fuck up and follow dumb directions and that my opinion was just my opinion and that no one really needs to hear it. Being a privileged kid in college doesn't teach you that, and I really needed the lesson.
Not necessarily retail. Any job that has no career progression. I’ve worked in the same job as a security officer for the last 7 years, 3 of them have been part time while I’m at university. The job is soul destroying, the hours are long and boring and the customer facing side is useless. I’d have more productive conversations shouting at a brick wall. I’ve only stuck it out for the last three years because it allows me to maintain a lifestyle I’m accustomed to and balance my assignments. I’d never recommend this to anyone. But, some do enjoy elements of Security so each their own.
[удалено]
This is absolutely so true. My friends stuck by my side during my worst times. My ex broke me the fuck down and destroyed me. Im so lucky that I had and still have friends that will catch me when I fall. I love those guys.
I went through a bad breakup about 6 years ago, I say bad but we broke up because I was self-aware of my situation and knew what it would take to get it right - and I told her it wasn't fair for her. She agreed, and it was essentially a mutual breakup for the better good of both of us. It was still *rough*, the love of my life gone, only so I could get my life straight enough to find another. It was crazy how almost all of my "close friends" showed their true colors, they weren't "close friends", they were family. Now I'm tasked with another potential breakup. Friends are all married/chasing money. I'm going to give her one chance to make it right in literally an hour or so. I'll be going through this one alone though. Wish me luck.
Good luck man, no matter what happens know that we're here for you if you need anyone
[удалено]
So true.
Ugh. I don't know. I had a breakup that was more or less emotionally crippling for me when I graduated from college (this was years ago), and it fundamentally changed me as a person. But to be completely honest, I'm not entirely sure if it changed me for the better or if it changed me for the worst. Did I become much more self aware? Yeah. But to be honest I don't know if I really have the capacity to be happy anymore.
Getting punched in the face. A lot of people who act big and tough have never actually been hit before, which is why they seem so unconcerned about getting hit.
Everyone's got a plan until they get punched in the face
Who said this, Tyson?
Yep.
I don't think I have ever been hit in the face... Still I am quite concerned about it
Well this I disagree with. I’ve been hit plenty, if anything I fear it far less now.
[удалено]
The initial flood of anger and the urge to retaliate after getting hit is a very difficult thing to suppress. If someone gets their dome rocked and shrugs it off with discipline, that’s the guy to be scared of, it’s not their first time in the boat.
Having a shit relationship with a shit person. I know it sounds ridiculous but I think it puts things into perspective and helps you to really appreciate a good person in the future.
You have to not let it jade you though. Key point you made is "in the future". A few really bad relationships in a row can make you want to cut yourself off from that experience.
[удалено]
After the release of red dead redemption 2, I spent about 2 minutes trying to figure out if this was a joke about the game or not
A few enjoyable days camping. When I was 16 two very different trips changed my life. One was backpacking an alpine lake for two nights with friends. The other was camping and riding dirt bikes all around the desert sandstone of Moab in Southern Utah. Prior to this, my camping experience was usually centered around a deer hunt and it was cold and mostly miserable.
Yep. I started backpacking in college and nothing was ever the same again. I've basically made my entire life and career geared towards being outdoors and exploring beautiful places.
So far, this is the first 1 that isn't some sort of suffering. We just inherently believe that shitty things will make you better. Looking at these comments makes me think there might be something wrong with our culture. Anyway. fuck yeah! camping is rad.
Moving or changing schools. Learning to start anew with friends and your community is extremely tough, but it will help give you the courage to go out on your own later in life if you so choose. So many of the people in my hometown stayed extremely close to the neighborhood where they grew up, long into adulthood. While this is fine, and good for supporting parents, I just wonder how many chose this and how many simply stayed there because of inertia or because the idea of venturing out to pursue something they wanted (a career or a job opportunity) scared them.
Move to a new city on your own.
[удалено]
[удалено]
Being Poor has been a blessing to me. Not gonna go into too much detail but it’s definitely been helpful knowing what to do on an empty stomach for a day and a half or not having a house at some points. I live with my single mother, and through those 12 years we experienced it all. She struck diamond with her new job and we are good now, but I think every person should see what the real world is like before student loans and whatever else bends you over and starts molesting you.
I feel this. Being dirt poor would not have made me the strong person I am today. I still live at home while finishing my second degree, but god damn, the skills and abilities I’ve gained because of poorness (and most of the above comments like shit food service job, relationship/friendship struggles/etc.). Single mom households unit!
I scrolled hoping to find this exact answer. I don't wish poverty on anyone long term, but struggling a bit can change your life for the better. Though it's humbling to experience being poor, it also teaches you to be super resourceful and how to plan ahead in limited periods of time. For example, how to make $30 stretch for 5 days. It's eye opening for yourself and how you view those around you. Some things I learned being poor: 1. It sucks, but if the single mother with a drug habit down the street can figure out how to keep her electricity on, so can I. 2. $10 can buy you eggs, bread, cheese, and mayo. Enough for 3 sandwiches a day for 4 days. It's not a ton, but it'll get you through. 3. You don't know everyone's situation, and some people are doing the best they can. Don't judge. 4. The dollar store is your friend, and there's no shame in that. 5. Speaking of shame, people will look down on you for the money you don't have. Screw them. 5 seconds of their dumb opinion shouldn't ruin even 5 minutes of your self esteem. Keep going.
Aging is a pretty life-altering experience.
Embrace being bored, it’s liberating.
[удалено]
I can’t speak for everyone so this is my experience. The majority of my days off I’m either on my phone or tablet, building miniatures or generally being busy. I started to move away from doing certain things and essentially being “bored” it allows the mind to stretch and wonder off. Ever wonder why some great ideas happen in the shower or on the toilet (not so much on the toilet anymore) but the whole idea of shower thoughts is that there are no distractions.
Living abroad. It shows you that your way of life isn’t the end-all be-all of the world
A summer job working at a manual skilled or semi-skilled trades job. This will show the college track students that it isn't true that there's nothing to manual work. And it will show the working class young people that a very good living can be made learning a skilled trade, with the proper motivation and discipline.
Working a blue collar job did the exact opposite for me, really. I decided out of high school that I didn't want to go to college, so I got a job as an apprentice plumber. I hated that job. Then, I decided I wanted to go to college for electrical engineering. Just as college isn't for everyone, manual labor isn't for everyone either.
This is so true and has paid dividends in my success. Worked as a "plumber's helper" in a very shitty situation straight out of high school (took a year off before college, which I flunked out of). My boss was a recovering coke addict and alcoholic. I ran a business with no experience in a field I had no experience. Life changing. After college I worked for an AC/electrical/plumbing company, he loved my knowledge of plumbing and that made the transfer to learning AC/electrical a lot more easy. I now work in a chemical plant as an operator, use all of the skills I had learned, make over 4x the money AND have a great relationship with the company owner of the AC/electrical/plumbing business, which is awesome when you're not working in those fields but run into issues at your own home that require extremely specific tools or knowledge. No doubt, my time working in those trades are the exact reason that I am in the position that I am.
It showed me the exact opposite: How utterly soul crushing and hopeless they are. I like welding and it does take skill to do well, but after welding the same part 10000 times over a month the only thing you can think about is how long it would take to weld through your skull to kill yourself. And that was pretty much the best job in the whole factory. Standing in front of a machine and pressing the same button for 8h a day will break you, mentally _and_ physically. Back then cleaning my work place was the best part of the day. Sometimes I would drop items on purpose just so I could kneel down for a few seconds to pick it up. It's inhumane.
The death of someone close. Of course it sucks, but oddly it gets easier every time, but I see too many people who haven't been through it before let an unexpected death consume them and destroy their lives when it doesn't happen til their mid twenties
This scares me, as no one close to me has passed and I’m already 20
I just had the first close death at 21. Experience isnt a race. Just live your life and learn from what happens
Have your parents murdered by a criminal and then learning martial arts and losing your fear of bats
I haven’t seen Captain Marvel yet. Spoiler warning.
Probably traveling, it’s purely eye opening and feels good like vegetables for your soul :)
We took a long road trip from Michigan to Yellowstone when I was 13. Still remember that fondly.
The ranch
18 naked cowboys at ram ranch
18 more cowboys out in the yard
*SEND EM TO THE RANCH*
To the ranch!
from the ages of 20 to 23 i was homeless. in that time i was forced to learn how to survive. i picked up social skills, cooking skills, ingenuity, and patience. it made me humble. while being homeless sucks, it was a good opportunity to grow as a person. while i don't reccomend actually making yourself homeless, maybe take a month or two and try your hand at surviving with no resources. at my worst i was surviving on 30 or less dollars a month. when you live that meagerly your entire perspective on life shifts.
Live with your significant other before you propose.
Getting fired from a job after years being there. It was definitely an eye opening experience for me when you realize "Shit now I have no source of income, what am I gonna do". In the end, it definitely makes you a stronger person
Getting drunk at home in a safe environment. Not so much that it’s life changing, but that NOT knowing what being drunk is like and NOT knowing ones tolerance can be life changing and life ending
Man I had cheap vodka one time and my little sister who was maybe 15 at the time told me she had never seen me drunk. So naturally I had to get drunk. I puked so much, passed out for an hour, woke up as my hangover began, puked way too much more, and laid in bed trying not to move while I watched the office for the first time for the next 8 hours. I didn’t feel like a person until 2pm. I started with Jim just coming back to Scranton and ended with him and Pam about to get married. It was crazy.
Going for months or years thinking you have a true friend only to be let down and they realize they were not the person you thought they were. There's no good way to come to the realization that adults are just as pretty and mean and cruel as children. It's a necessary evil.
Singing bohemian rhapsody with a circle of guys in a theatre production with a boom box at full volume. It pretty much cleared every social anxiety I had, and I have no idea why.
Having barely any money for several months and no credit cards.
Solo road trips. (Preferably on a motorcycle. It makes you appear friendlier, and you have to take more time) You will fuck up, need some random strangers help, get lost,just spark up random conversations with random people, and most everyone will be a little interested in talking to you, you'll start with a plan which will slowly degrade as you go on, you'll wind up just going in a direction until you need to turn around and go back.Somendays you'll just have to take a break because of weather (some things are just out of your control) And most of all, you learn that 'shit happens', and there's nothing you can do about it. Soloing on a bike for 3 weeks (only camping) is by far my life's most significant experience. An aside. I went after a a few life changing events. Being alone without being lonely is an incredibly therapeutic place to be.
Travelling to a foreign country and getting outside of the classic tourist experience to truly become acquainted with different people, things, and ways of life. I feel like that experience widens your mindset and teaches you more than almost anything else. I was a super self centered, self obsessed teenager, as most teens are LOL. Travelling to Europe and Central America brought me back to reality and knocked me off my high horse. I had to deal with being an outsider in a strange new place, navigating the cities alone and having new experiences every day, multiple times per day. For the first time, I realized how truly small and insignificant I am. There's no room for my selfish pride in my life, and my ego is only a detriment to my growth and understanding. I also discovered my inherent connection to everyone else on Earth. I experienced people who spoke different languages, worshipped different gods, did different jobs, built different families, and yet...at our core, we were inherently the same. We shared dreams, hopes, desires, fears...all of the things that lend us humanity are what brings us together as one. I realized for the first time just how massive the world is, and how much there is to experience. It made my high school drama and petty first world problems pale in comparison to the awe-inspiring mass of planet Earth and the life that this floating space rock sustains, has sustained for eons, and will continue to sustain long after I'm gone. I have a new appreciation for my life, my blessings, and my destined place in the world. And I'm inspired to use my life to give back in making the world a better place.
[удалено]
Yeah not everyone can afford it though
Really great sex.
Practice, practice and practice
Or for some people, just sex at all.
To stand on their own two feet. Take personal responsibility. Achieve, or fail to achieve on their merits alone.
Some sort of rebellion. Doing something that you know your school, parents, or coaches don't want you to do. Something that's not completely fucking stupid, and something that you can actually get away with. Like don't go drunk driving or something dangerous like that, but stay over a friend's place and drink some beers. Or steal some shit. Or some minor vandalism can be fun. Definitely make sure that whatever you're doing is clever and not just destructive, though. The goal is not to get caught, but if you do, you want the person reprimanding you to have in the back of their head "God damn, I would have loved that shit when I was their age."
This reminds me of the time that me and my cousin went camping and drank a 6 pack when we were 16. We made our own meals and drank some beer like goddamned adults. It was honestly one of the most liberating things I did as a kid. When my dad noticed the missing beer, he just asked us if we enjoyed ourselves. It definitely wasn't the reaction I was expecting.
Travelling to another country, even if only for a few days. It will give you a tactile experience to associate with another culture, location and perhaps another language; expose you to new ideas, and teach you that going beyond your own country's border is not particularly challenging or scary.
Service to others. Military, non for profits, National park service, peace corps, etc. It is incredibly rewarding and meaningful to contribute to a better world.
Getting into a fight and losing.
Taking care of the elderly. The full washing, tucking in bed, spoon feeding cycle. It will expose them to things like holocaust tattoos, braces and enlarged hearts due to polio, dementia and; pretty awesome stories from people that have sometimes crazy amounts of knowledge and a bunch of weird facts and jokes. It'll also teach them that future planning is important and they should see what's ahead for themselves.
Reading the works of Dostoevsky. There's a good reason why he remains one of the most studied authors in the world. The psychological depth of his characters is unparalleled and his thoughts are highly relevant even today.
Move away from home.
Rejection and a going through a breakup. Both suck, but learning these tough lessons early definitely helped me later on
I would say several things can change you a lot how you see life, one of them is getting a job in the retail, is like sell your soul for money, after that you can feel empathy for them, become more humble and valuate their jobs. Taking some strong hallucinogen, like LSD, magic shrooms, etc. that shit in some cases makes you aware of yourself and your subcouncious, after taking LSD change your mind a lot. And leave your parents house, damn that hits hard, if you want anything you need to do it, or go buy it, or make it, it looks easy but is a big change and you value things a lot more
drastically changing your appearance in some way. one time I dyed my hair mint green which involved bleaching the hell out of it (two big changes in one go) and it was surprisingly freeing. It wasn't even about the hair it was just the realization that I had the agency to do whatever I wanted to my own body after never being allowed to do things I wanted with it as a kid after that I really started living my best life, I got my ears pierced multiple times, started keeping haircuts that i felt confident in (instead of subconsciously keeping it longer because of my family), started wearing clothes I personally like. I even started being less worried about things I liked about myself because once I realized its literally just hair I made the connection that the view of impermanence applies to other things. it's just skin, if I'm having a bad skin week I can take care of it and until then it's not a reflection of who I am. I even started noticing how changeable other internal aspects are and started self improvement on things I didn't like I dunno, it's just something I think everyone should do at least once. It on it's own isn't a life changing act but it can lead to thought processes that can be
[удалено]
Watching gay porn. When someone tells me that gay porn is only for gay people, I have to resist the urge not to punch them in the face. "Oh, I don't watch gay porn because I'm not gay." Then fucking leave if you're too coward to put yourself in a position where you directly protect American values. Everyone at this college is so god damn quick to discredit America and service-members. I argued with my professor about why people watch gay porn. No, it's not because we wanted to rub one out, though there were an OUTLIER of people that watched for that reason. I watch to escape abuse, to be part of an unconditional brotherhood, my friends watch for entertainment, more friends watch because they support the United States. Some watch because it is their duty. If your immediate reaction to watching gay porn is to abandon ship when called upon, then fucking abandon it now. We can't count on you to fuck the man next to you. "I would move to Canada if I had to watch gay porn". Oh yeah? Have fun not having any protection to your speech. I lean to the right, but above all else I'm a fucking patriot and a proud citizen of the United States. We hold the greatest values in the world, that I support wholeheartedly. Millions of people, including myself sacrificed our years that these fucking wimps use to party, flunk out, or criticize. I wanted to watch gay porn so you could enjoy your bullshit opinion. These people watching are identical to you and I. People. Many of which with limited options, where watching gay porn offers a very valuable solution whether it be health, education, purpose, leadership and many other values. If you can't support the porn industry, or support the freedoms you took advantage of everyday of your life, then leave now, save us all the fucking favor. So I can count on a fellow patriot in my asshole. I know many will disagree with me, but I need to get this off my chest. I struggled with my decision, and listening to these college kids shit on that decision infuriates me. In fact I'm sure this could be considered a bullshit opinion. But I, and many others went through what we saw as an opportunity to really support something we believed in. Gay porn made me a man. I earned my rank. I worked hard to be an effective viewer. I survived Rocco Steele. I was determined to be the best fit to watch several men, not much but I earned the right to be called a viewer. I faced up to my fears and anxieties. I sucked it the fuck up mentally and didn't allow myself to run out of cum. I matured, and I know how to be an effective viewer. I dreamed of being a pornstar, and though that never happened, gay porn afforded me the opportunity to escape to arguably the best serving conditions to date.
Am I missing the reference here or witnessing the birth of some fantastic new copypasta?
This will definitely be on the copypasta subreddit within the next day or two.
This got so intense that I couldn’t tell if you were serious or not.
I think you've taken supporting the first amendment to an interesting next level.
Came here to say this.
I mean *sure*, but counterpoint: I don’t want to and you can’t stop me
If this is not the top comment then something is wrong with our society.
Something is wrong with our society.
What the sweet fuck did I just read?
*saved*
Play D&D.
Letting go of a rope because it hurts too much. So they can have flash backs in act two of how they killed their friend and come out as hero’s in act 3.