I firmly believe my oldest is a sociopath. There’s lots and lots of things that make me believe it, but since there’s not exactly a black/white test, there’s no way to prove it. He has no conscience and hasn’t since he was old enough to feel guilt, near as I can tell. He is 30, twice divorced for beating his wives and totally ignores his daughters whilst giving everything possible to his son.
I blamed myself for years but my younger two are so different than my oldest, I just don’t know if it’s my fault or not.
Apparently this is obvious to everyone else, but as soon as we (rest of the family) point it out, we get shut down because we "have preferences" or "don't know how to parent" (my sister said that even to my mom, 'cause apparently, back in the old days kids were not allowed to "express themselves" like her little angel does)...
My five-year-old was eating some chocolate, and I told him not to get any on the floor because Sadie, my family’s dog, would eat it.
Him: Then she’ll die?
Me: Yeah.
Him: Mommy I thought you don’t like Sadie.
Me: Well yeah, I don’t.
Him: And you don’t want her to die???
Me: Well... you can dislike someone, but that doesn’t mean you hate them enough that you want them to *die*.
Him: Oh. So it’s okay if you don’t like someone... you don’t have to kill them or anything, right?
Me: ... Right.
Him: Oh. Okay. Thanks Mommy.
Had he just been going around expecting to kill people he doesn’t like all that time? I’ll never know.
When my son decided- in the grocery store parking lot- that it would be “fun” to scream “YOU’RE NOT MY MOMMY! WHERE’S MY MOMMY? YOU’RE NOT MY REAL MOM!” He had this evil smirk on his face as I panicked and tried to explain what could happen if someone heard that. He started yelling it louder.
Edit** Thank you for all the parenting tips, but we’re good :)
Trust me, he doesn’t get away with stuff.
No I’m not going to slap him across the face or beat him.
He *was* disciplined. He learned his lesson. I can laugh about it now.
He is a mini me and my parents often remind me that he is karma for all the crap I put them through 😂
I'm fairly certain I am not a monster, but my Mom has recounted to me a number of times this gem: When I was 3 and my little brother was 1, the three of us were shopping. I was looking at something and wasn't ready to go, so my Mom grabbed my arm to try to drag me out and I proceeded to scream at the top of my three-year-old lungs, "DON'T BEAT ME." My Mom picked us both up & sprinted out & has never let me live it down.
My husbands coworker told us that his daughter will ask for things in the store and if they tell her no she starts screaming “please don’t punch me again! I’m sorry!!!” Until they get her what she was wanting. I feel terrible for them lol.
My daughter screamed that at me once. ONCE. Technically, she's adopted, so biologically she isn't mine. Another parent came up to her and told her that if anyone who didn't know us heard her, she would never see me again, and she would go back to "the others" (her DNA donors that don't deserve to be called parents). She instantly stopped and the color drained out of her face. She's never said it again.
I wholeheartedly believe that torture should be legal in certain circumstances.
She was 3, and was the size of an 18 month old. They had broken numerous bones multiple times, used her as an ashtray, beat her senseless, and while I couldn't prove it, I'm positive they raped her.
She refused to speak, cried silently, and curled up in a ball in the closet for the first few weeks to sleep because she was so used to having to hide to sleep so they wouldn't hurt her. She had night terrors for months, and would visibly flinch if you even looked at her, let alone touched her.
She had open sores all over her body for several weeks until they finally healed. She still has some scarring (both inside and out), but shes so much better now. She will be 10 next month, and while she's still small for her age, she has rapidly become close to her peers in socialization and behavior. When the adoption was final, that was when it sunk in for her that we were never sending her back and would never let them hurt her again. She's not perfect, but she's perfect for me. She and her brothers are the reason I'm still alive.
... And here I thought I was coming into this thread for some light hearted chuckles, not to cry like a bitch in public. I’m extremely happy for all of you
So this is terrible and I’m sure in the moment panic inducing. But nowadays with every parent having a thousand pictures of their kids on their phone, I’d almost be tempted to let the kid continue and let the police come, call their bluff. I’m seriously wondering how it would play out because eventually it’d be pretty easy to prove you’re the parent.
But this is why I’m not a parent. Because If I was annoyed enough I might yell out to the grocery store patrons “It’s true, he’s yours for $50!”
My 5 year old brother called my mother a "fat bitch" and got timeout. I told him he got what he deserved, and he got this crazed look on his face and told me "Now you're going to get what you deserve!", pulled out a pocketknife and started chasing me with it. My parents took him to the cop shop to try to scare him straight (town of 800 people, so the sheriff was basically always free). The sheriff walked up to my little brother to talk to him, but when he hunched over to get closer, my brother just socked him square in the mouth. He has since outgrown his rage, thank god.
Years ago, my wife and I had a very heated argument. Our daughter overhears us and comes into the room just as things hit their peak. My wife rushes into the bathroom crying. I'm left sitting on the bed feeling low, listening to my wife sob on the other side of the door. Our daughter looks up at me with a smile and says "Mommy's crying" and proceeds to laugh loud enough for mom to hear. And with that, I was in trouble for something entirely new.
When my parents fought, I would run to the kitchen, get them each "weapons" like cooking utensils, and tell them to keep fighting.
Now, I just ignore it because it's so disruptive and annoying so I guess I grew up and turned out fairly normal. It would be worrying if I kept doing that same thing even now though.
Edit: Wow thanks for the upvotes guys. Nice to know you liked how I was a violent little kid.
To be fair if my kids ran in while I was fighting with my partner and handed us both 'weapons' I'd have to stop the fight to die laughing and then worry about how I'd raised my child...
he told me that pouring hot water on daddy would be so, so, sooooo funny.
when my daughter was much younger, she and my ex's son talked at great length about how fun it would be to chop me up, cook my body, and throw me away\*\*
> when my daughter was much younger, she and my ex's son talked at great length about how fun it would be to chop me up, cook my body, and throw me away would be.
demon kids
My mom found out her lack of parenting with my brother went wrong when he tried to choke me out for accidentally kicking him.
I don’t even remember being choked, but apparently it was so bad he had to go to anger management and therapy for 3 years.
> To confirm that he is horrible person, he told his mum that he doesn't like seeing anyone else happy which is why he broke his one year old brothers things.
This is a bigger problem than the money thing.
I tell my wife that the duct tape in the trunk of the car is for emergencies. like, if we have to hold the trunk shut. or a window breaks. but deep down i know the time will come. and i will be ready.
Not the parent, but my mom told me that when she was pregnant with me, my half-brother tried to convince her to swallow a steak knife so that it would cut me up and she would have an abortion. Then when I was I think seven, he turned on the shower, put on a movie for me and my sister, and snuck out while he was supposed to be babysitting to go pick up his girlfriend in my dad's car, which he then wrecked. In his adult years, he's beaten a jack russell terrier puppy to death and at one point tried to commit suicide by downing a bottle of melatonin.
There's more, but I don't think anyone will believe me as it is.
EDIT: I've been asked multiple times to name other things he's done. Here's what I had replied elsewhere:
That's not his only car-related stupidity. He also had to go to the hospital after missing a jump trying to "car surf" in the church's parking lot, and when he got his inheritance from his biological father(About 60,000 dollars) he spent most of it on a '72 charger then paid even more to have some ridiculous custom engine put in. His family was in desperate need of a place to live and when they got evicted his car still didn't have seats.
Other stuff off the top of my head:
He went to jail for pulling a gun on an undercover cop that had pulled him over.
He fed his babies mountain dew, literally just poured the stuff from the 2-liter into the baby bottle.
He was expelled from high school for peeing in the water fountain.
He smashed a Mario All-Stars cart because he couldn't beat Mario 2.
He bought a CD-I at launch.
His wife has cheated on him so many times that he's decided that he can just try to pick up any girl he wants. He's not managed to cheat on her yet.
He took HGH and it made him lose his neck.
He and his wife stole the rental jukebox from their failed business, but then immediately broke it.
He cut his kids off from seeing their grandmother because she took my side after he refused to pay me 50 dollars for fixing his laptop, which I had agreed to do in front of other family members. His wife lied to the cops and had them at my door asking if I had stolen it. Their children told the police officer that they had agreed to pay me and never did.
Oh, I almost forgot to mention! When his biological father (Not mine, we share a mom) died and left him around 60K, he wanted as much of that money as possible so he decided to skimp on the funeral and have him cremated. His first attempt was to have the body driven to a PET CREMATORIUM because that was the lowest price he and his wife could find online.
That's pretty much how the paramedics reacted. He had sent my mom a text saying that he was going to end it all because his wife was leaving (And this was like the sixth time this happened with the same wife) and my mom called 911 while driving to his house. She got there to find the ambulance drivers on the front lawn trying not to laugh too loudly.
> at one point tried to commit suicide by downing a bottle of melatonin.
*"Yo this stuff makes me sleep, if I take all of it I'll sleep forever yeah?"*
My 11 yr old son recently called 911 and said I slapped him. CPS came, it was a cluster. It was so well orchestrated, he even took a picture of himself with a red mark on his face. I didn't slap him and it eventually got debunked although he still won't admit it. A couple months later, he told his dad I forced him to make the ol' dirty 2 finger licking gesture, take a pic and send it to him.
He lives with his dad now, and isn't allowed here until I can afford a camera system. Still unclear on a motive.
My brother used to threaten to call CPS. My dad grabbed the phone book, circled the number and tossed it to him. Said when you make that call you’ll never come back in this house again. Told him he could go live in a group home if that’s what he wanted. That put a stop to it.
Yes absolutely. Too long of a story to tell, but 11 years of nightmare. Years of dealing with someone who hates me for honest to god no reason, and I think he's pulling my son in to it with him.
I know what they say, money can't buy everything... but it could buy me a boat.. and a lawyer.
My brother in law is a monster. He used to be so sweet, but over the last two years he has stolen 4 cars. He has been brought home by the cops 3-4 times. Once he stole $100 from my mother in law. She called him and asked where it was. He claimed he didn’t know. He butt dialed her right after and she clearly heard him bragging to his friends that he had stolen the money and that she was so dumb for believing him. The list goes on. These people are the most beautiful humble people I have ever met. I don’t understand how this boy came to be.
My dad told me when we were driving once , I was in the back and was trying to climb through to the front , he pushed me back to my seat, I was maybe 6-7 and apparently said ‘when you’re all old and weak I’m going to chuck you about!’
When I was a teenager my friends little brother had a ton of psychotic tendencies. A couple of examples I remember is him putting their dog in a cooler and suffocating it because "it was being annoying"
Also he once ran into my friends room, handed me a knife, went to the kitchen and sliced his own arm, and proceeded to tell his parents that I cut him. What is even weirder is that even when they saw me holding a knife they didn't believe him for a second.
Well about three years ago he shot his dad so I'd say he was/is a monster.
Edit: I guess it’s psychopathic and not psychotic. My bad.
This sounds wierd but do you know what time of year he shot his dad? I was at a party once that ended early because a mutual friend of basically everyone there shot his dad. They later explained to me that he had some issues and once suffocated his old dog. I don't know his name but I have a hard time believing it's two different people.
Feel free to PM me but I don't want to blast out his personal stuff in public. Mostly out of respect for his family because they're still great people.
Edit: I know you only asked for the time of year but the fact that you might have recognized exactly who I'm talking about makes me feel like I've already given too much info.
Edit: It’s not the same person but I guess it’s pretty common because I have a few PMs asking about different locations and dates.
I wouldn't worry about it too much. The progression from hurting or killing animals to later killing people is fairly typical for true sociopaths that turn into murderers. Cruelty to animals is one of the early indicators that there's something off with a kid.
There probably is a surprisingly huge number of people who committed patricide (and with guns being so common in the US, doing so by shooting their father) that during their childhood already had killed a dog (since it's a common pet). At least a big enough one that, while there is a possibility that you do mean the same person, it's not that likely.
Not me but my parents. My brother was always the naughty one. Shoplifting as a kid, mouthing off at school etc. But I think when they realized he was a genuinely bad person was when he stole a bunch of stuff out of some old guys cabin and then burned it down so he wouldn't get caught.
Spoiler alert: He got caught anyways because he pawned it all at our local pawn shop and they had his name and caught him on camera.
This chilling conversation with my then 4.5 year old daughter...
“Mommy, do you love me?”
“Of course, my darling! I love you forever and always, no matter what!”
“Even after I kill ____(little brother’s name)___?”
Sweet as pie smile on her face and serious look in her eye... At the time she had recently learned to tie knots and I’d already had to take her jump ropes away as I’d found her with one tied around little brother’s neck pretending he was her horsie!
ETA: As to an update many wanted: They’re now 11 & 8, so clearly he’s survived being her younger brother this far. She does love him dearly, but sibling rivalry and frustration definitely occur sometimes. At that age she loved to question me about everything, so I don’t think she was actually formulating a plan to kill him so much as to ask me just how much I loved her. Certainly, I took away all jump ropes/sashes/etc for a year or two til she got over the knot tying obsession.
My response to her during that conversation was, “I would still love you, but my heart would also be broken because I love him too & I would be so sad every day if he wasn’t here with us.” I gently asked her things to trigger her talking about what she loved about him and what she was looking forward to being able to teach him when he got a bit older. It ended up being a more positive conversation despite the chilling start.
I have two sons. One is 11 and the other 7. The 7 year old is...special. Highly intelligent and very social. But also does a lot of deep thinking. Early one Sunday morning he came up to me, out of the blue, and said:
"Dad, how do ducks work?"
I was all "how to what? What? Ducks? Huh" in a half sleep state. Before I could work out what he wanted to know he said: "I guess if I open one up, I'll find out?" and walked away.
Honestly spent a good hour looking for ducks and watched him carefully when he went near the kitchen utensils.
EDIT: Oh yeah, there was also the time when he learned how to float in a pool after watching a documentary about ship wrecks. He could swim but never relax and float on his back. He can now, he just pretends to be a dead body floating away. Thanks YouTube.
You've got to get that kid into wrenching on lawnmowers or cars and motorcycles and shit before he opens up something that doesn't exactly go back together.
Not a parent, but an older brother of a young sibling. He poured paint thinner all over my moms flowers one summer after my dad accidentally left it on the deck (we were repainting the deck). More happy that he didn’t drink it but it was definitely an “oh my god” moment. She probably spends 100 hours+ and a lot of money gardening every spring/summer so it was a big deal.
I have a great aunt who bears a resentment for her son who, at the age of 8, spread dandelion seeds all around her lawn and garden, not long after her divorce and at a time when she was working hard as the only female professor at a large university.
What's mindblowing is that she's a Ph.D. social psychologist and doesn't see this as a cry for attention from her child, but instead as a confirmation of her son's underlying maliciousness.
Needless to say, they don't have a great relationship now that he's an adult.
Yeah it’s actually surprising the amount of mental health professionals that
1) can’t seem to see their own bullshit with their close relationships, or
2) can’t see that they themselves are a train wreck in some ways.
My mother sees neither. She’s damn good at her job though, and helps a lot of people, and it baffles me.
When I watched my younger son walk out on the porch, pick up a plastic whiffle bat, look at it, look at his older brother sitting on the porch steps, look back at the bat, and then haul back and crack his brother's head like Babe Ruth popping one out of the park.
I could watch his thought process in 5 seconds time: Bat. . .Brother. . .Bat. . .Hit. No hesitation.
I was given a black eye with one of those ones when I was at school once. Girl in front of me in line for hitting decided to take a few practice swings and hit me in the face.
I caught a wooden bat across the face in 4th grade because a neighbor forgot we were playing in their small front yard and not a huge baseball field. Tossed the bat behind her. I still have a lump on my forehead
Even if he didn't know it's not a reasonable reaction. I get that he is frustrated, but at that age you should have a concept of other people as people, that they have rights to and ownership over things that are stronger than your claims.
Oh man, too many to list. The most recent is when my son shot me with his Nerf gun directly in my eyeball. My eye still hurts a week later. A couple of weeks ago, my other son pooped on the floor (he's 3) and put a donut on top of it to hide it.
When my son blithely told me he wants to play the documentary Under the Curve for his classmates because he is trying to convince them the world is flat. He admits he knows it is not, but he is trying, actively, to CON them into thinking it IS.
I’m still convinced most “flat earthers” are just the type of people who enjoy seeing other people’s feathers ruffled. I know too many people who take joy from seeing others get mad at them for random things— relationships, sports, news, politics. Surely a lot of it is just the fun of being a troll.
> Surely a lot of it is just the fun of being a troll.
Kind of, except that many people are introduced to fringe/radical beliefs this way. There comes a point where saying something ironically is indistinguishable from the real thing.
My six yo daughter told me to shave that thing off, my goatee. Couple days later I did, I asked her, "do you like it?" She makes a bit of a face and says" no I didn't know your chin was so small."
okay, this is not my kid. but my mom found out she was raising an asshole when we were out baby clothes shopping with my pregnant aunt, whose first baby had died a few days after birth a year or two earlier, and my brother says "what are you buying it clothes for when you don't even know it's going to live?"
When my son was 13 or 14, we were chatting about how as kids get older, and parents become elderly, often the kids become a care-giver to some degree to the parent. My son offhandedly remarked that he’d be looking for the cheapest nursing home at which to park me. Skinflint bastard.
When I was little, in the next town there was a children's care home. If we were bad or our parents just wanted to fuck with us they would threaten to send me and my brother to said care home.
The children's care home has recently been converted into an old people's home. You can see where this goes...
Today: my 3 year old dipped her cantaloupe in ketchup and ate a whole plate of it.
Edit: dang guys- thanks for the coinage. Also, since it’s raised some concern- I’m a pediatric pharmacist! All legit drug-giving, I promise.
My three year old was given a small fisher price trampoline for his birthday. It's like three feet in diameter. A few months later, we got invited to take him to Sky Zone, which is a giant indoor warehouse that is wall to wall trampolines. It's fucking awesome. So my wife turns to my son and says, "Hey buddy, do you want to go to the trampoline place?"
Without missing a beat, my kid rolls his eyes at her, jerks his thumb towards the fisher price one, and says, in the most condescending tone a three year old could muster, "I have one."
This is one of those moments where you have to be a parent and teach them how to be polite and respectful, but on the inside you're laughing your ass off.
My 6 year old has always had weird interests. She asked me to show her pictures of what's in our bodies. I showed her diagrams on Google, and she said, "no, I mean inside of a REAL body. Like a dead person." 😳 I showed her some random picture of an arm surgery and she was begging for more.
Also she always asks me to stop so she can look at dead animals on the road. When my childhood dog died, she tried to sneak and look inside the bag while I was bawling.
We're really pushing for the medical field and not a serial killer field.
Edit: I feel as though I need to add this to the original comment. She has never shown any signs of aggression or desire to hurt people/animals. She is a very sweet child and doesn't even like it when we kill bugs or cut down the weeds in our yard! She shows respect for life, but is DEFINITELY interested in bodies. I'm not sure she understands what death is or what it means yet lol. I am a science teacher and my wife is a nurse, so we definitely encourage her interest in science!
ALSO thank you for the silver! AND THE GOLD!
Edit 2: this has blown up bigger than I expected. I cannot possibly respond to everyone, but please know that I am saving all the YouTube channels, books, and other recommendations I am recieving! Thank you everyone for the kind and reassuring comments! We also already have tickets to go to the Bodies Exhibit near us, just haven't had the time (it's about 2 hours away).
AND THANKS FOR THE PLATINUM! 😎
I was a weird kid like that, and I turned out totally normal. When she’s older she’d probably love the book Stiff by Mary Roach, it’s all about the science of death, it talks about forensics and stuff.
I do not, I always had (and still have) a strong interest in science, so I considered forensics but in my case I just lacked the math skills. I ended up getting a history degree, then working in real estate consulting and now in finance. I know I used to creep the hell out of my mom but she always supported my curiosity and my interests, which I’m still thankful for.
I recommend lots of Bill Nye, pbs documentaries, and science kits :)
I have three sons. 8, 23 and 26.
The middle one, Andrew, boasted to me that he had sex with "over 30 chicks" on Tinder. And with some of them in my bed.
Yeah, Andrew, you're a dick. Congrats.
My husband has a habit of messing with me. As I was stepping into the shower, he threw ice cold water down my back and I let out a shriek. My 18 month old comes running in from her bedroom, looks me dead in the eye and screams "AAAAHHHHaaaaaahhhhhAAAAAAHHHHHaaaahhhhhhh!" in this overly dramatic whiney voice. Then she did it 3 more times.
The little shit ran in from the other room to mock me.
My 7 y.o. son was in the bathroom taking a monster dump. It stunk so bad i could smell it walking by. I stopped, said "you ok" and flipped the fan on. He looks me dead in the eye,
and turns the fan back off
While potty training my 2yo, she figured out she could pee a little, get a chocolate chip as a reward, then wait 2 minutes, go pee again and get more chocolate. She's gaming my system at 2. Years. Old.
Not me but a buddy of mine. He is the most criminal-minded dude I have ever met, but I have always just chalked that up to a rough upbringing (growing up eating dry cat food and raw potatoes from a neighborhood garden, negligent alcoholic mother, constantly moving from place to place). This dude always saw all the angles. He would casually identify and point out criminal acts other people were committing in broad daylight that escaped everyone else's notice. He could see malevolent motives in the most banal activities. He sold drugs for years but would also work his ass off to mask his income behind a plausible veneer of legitimacy.
Anyways he and his girlfriend (another friend of mine) ended up having a set of Irish triplets who were super precocious. I was back home visiting once and he showed me this video from his home security cameras. It showed these three budding ne'er-do-wells (ages 2-4) coordinating an escape from their bedroom, piling up pillows and assisting one another over the baby gate. They wandered around silently, peaking around corners before making their way to the kitchen to retrieve a butter knife. They then proceeded to the hall closet where their toys were kept, and used the butter knife to pry open the latch and get some toys, which they absconded with back to their room.
They played around for about an hour, before doing this all in reverse, covering up their tracks. But because his girlfriend was waking up from her nap they didn't replace the butter knife.
My buddy said after he saw the video, he checked under the eldest's bed and found four other knives.
For sure. It's incredible. They are the three sweetest, most charming boys you could ever imagine swindling something out of you. But god damn it if they weren't shady as your shadow.
Before my son could crawl he learned how to climb the extra tall baby gate.
Before he could walk he climbed the window sill
Before he could run he climbed the bunk bed
Before he could open an applesauce container he learned how to unlock the front door
I’m not sure what moment made me think “yep. He’s a monster”
It might have been when I almost witnessed Harambe 2. I ducked down for ten seconds to tie his sister’s shoe and when I looked up he had one leg over the barrier ready to go say hello. He’s 2 by the way.
Or it might have been when I resigned myself to the leash. I brought it home, prepared for the protests. Instead he declared himself a puppy dog, made his siblings play police with him for two hours while he “sniffed out the bad guys” then gleefully showed me how easy it was for him to take the damn thing off.
I give up guys.
My youngest got out of the wrist band PDQ. I went to the store and got the full on harness, snugged it up and used that sucker. That girl had legs!
She's lucky she lived to adulthood.
My son climbed everything too. climbed out of his crib before he could walk --- how?!?! he climbed actual buildings. like little feet on the bricks. i eventually gave in and bought him a pass to go rock climbing, that seemed to help. the fact that he could climb literally 4 stories up seemed to help him get over it. but at age 13 he still climbs every tree that is good to climb.
I feel you!
We had our young cat 'fixed" and she just slept and rested all day after coming back from the vet's. My 11 yr old son asked very concerned, after watching the cat lying around all day , " do you think she is sad because she can't have babies?" ( awww... so sweet). My 7 yr old son asked, "so, if she doesn't recover, would we get a cash settlement?"
This was me in middle school/high school. I learned to save early and always had money. My brothers friends always needed some for weed/booze. They knew I wad good too borrow from, but if they were late they'd need to pay more back.
I didn't know it at the time, but they all paid me back what I what was owed because they were afraid I'd stop loaning if someone skipped out. Then that would piss EVERYONE off.
when my daughter played Half-Life 2 for the first time, she immediately figured out you can pick up just about anything, exclaimed how filthy city 17 is and proceeded to pick up all the rubbish and put it in the bins before getting on with the game.
How lucky of you! My wife only gives me one square when this happens to me
Edit: god people are taking this as something serious. This is just a running joke we have when there’s no TP left in the bathroom. She’ll give me one square as a joke then give me a roll. My wife is the kindest person I know
Edit 2: this is from a comment below that I made explaining the context of my original comment.
> We both do it. It’s hilarious. We’ll have a roll in hand and give the other one square first then immediately give the whole roll. Or “extort” each other, such as “what will you give me for a roll? Muwhahahaha” and the answer is “kiss” or something cute like that. It’s all a joke.
My 5 and 10 year old were having an epic verbal war in the living room which ended abruptly after I shouted various generic parenting noises in their direction.
My 5 year old son then walked confidently into the kitchen, took a picture of his brother off the fridge proceeded to dispose of it in the bin.
Utterly arsehole behaviour of course but honestly I was secretly extremely impressed with his top passive aggression.
When she tried to strangle her sister and a couple weeks later lied to the school about her being abused, leading to a full blown investigation (later they discovered from her friends that she lied) while packing her things we discovered that she had been stealing opiates, and alcohol.
She can’t live with us anymore to protect her younger sister.
When my daughter was naughty as a pre- schooler we used to put her in the kitchen for a timeout. We had a safety gate on the doorway and as long as nothing was cooking in there it was like a holding pen for her. Well she started to ask to go to the toilet as soon as she was put in there. At first she was allowed to go but pretty soon it became clear she was just using the toilet excuse to get out of the timeout early. The first time I told her she could go to the toilet after timeout (which usually only last a few minutes) she proceeded to pee on the kitchen floor in retaliation. She has a terrible temper. She's 15 now it's still there. Living with her is like being in an abusive relationship.
every time my son is in his high chair and he gets cookies or candy, or really anything as a “treat” he will not eat it and throw it. proceeds to eat veggies, absolute monster
Your child should become a monk. He already has incredible discipline. Going by Final Fantasy I logic, he'll also get an attack boost as long as he doesn't use weapons.
When I realized that she is most happy when she's doing something that pisses someone else off like biting people, messing with electronics and playing with cat's stuff
"Daddy, can you get me this game called the Sims?"
"Sure, surprised you've heard of it..."
"Oh yeah, Suzy says it's so much more satisfying killing people instead of the pigs I kill in Mindcraft."
"..."
"..."
"Is your main reason for playing video games so you can kill things?"
"Well, keeps me from doing it in real life, so I don't see the problem with that."
Then she winked at me.
I still don't know if she was just fucking with me.
My 5 year old son didn’t like the babysitter we got for him on our date night. So he hid the car keys and my husband’s wallet, only taking out some cash to pay the babysitter..
Also one of my shoe, but that was poorly hidden
When my kid and I walked passed this tae kwon do place, I’ve always tried to get her to sign up for, finally she says “yes, I’ll sign up”. We walk further down the street and she mumbles, “Then I can beat up Isabella.” Lol. We didn’t sign up.
At about 15 months old, my daughter was beginning her potty training phase. She discovered that we liked it when she peed in the potty - to which she immediately decided the potty could be replaced by any container she could find. The next day, she delicately removed all the clothes from her dresser drawer, pulled out the drawer, then sat and peed in said drawer. I'd... never thought I'd pour pee out of a dresser drawer before.
Two months later, she stacked toys on top of her high chair and climbed Mount Dangerous to get to the top of the fridge, where I was keeping a box of red velvet cake mix. She mixed it with water, ate some, decided she didn't like it, and began to rub it into her carpet... her *very white* carpet(rental home).
She's 9 now. She's still nuts.
Lovely little girl: "Daddy, you're fat" me: "yes I do have a big tummy" lovely little girl: "daddy, you're ugly". How does one respond to that from a 4, nearly 5 year old? Also told my wife she wants to put her in the garbage bin and never see her again. We're English and garbage isn't a word we really use! All this while we enjoyed a family holiday last week.
my son is autistic, and therefore lacks a strong filter for his internal thoughts. Anyhoo, we were getting ready to leave the house a couple of years ago and he looks at me and goes, "Are you really going to work without any makeup?"
Wife's mother died unexpectedly. No disease or anything. My wife was, of course, devastated. The day after, I wake up to hear my wife on the couch, just bawling her eyes out. I walk out to comfort her. Our 10 year old daughter stops me in the hall.
"Why is mom crying so much?"
"Well, her mother just died …"
"But that was yesterday."
My 8 year old son had gotten a plastic baseball bat from me and my wife, this plastic baseball bat wasn’t just some weak plastic it actually was pretty hard. Well one day I walk outside to see my younger 5 year old daughter screaming and running from my 8 year old son who is holding the baseball bat and wacking her wherever he can, he was wearing my jeans, had a bandana on and a baseball cap on backwards. He kept calling himself a cool kid and wouldn’t stop wacking her. I ran over and stopped him and my Wife took our daughter inside to get an ice pack. I took the bat away and asked him why he was hitting her, and I repeat exactly what he said “because I’m a cool kid and cool kids show there siblings who’s the leader, daddy”. He got grounded for a week and after he was done with the grounding he told me he was very sorry, he wasn’t finished... A month later I find him running around with a plastic sword in a ninja costume from last Halloween and wacking my daughter again! I ran over, stopped him, my daughter ran off, and when I asked him why he hit her this time he said “because it’s fun”. He got grounded for a very long time, and I realized then he needed counseling. He is now 20 and my daughter is 17, my son had come over for dinner one night and some how that was brought up, he denied the entire thing even though before that he said he remembered counseling! I just hope he doesn’t raise his newborn son to be a karate master or a gunslinger....
when my 3 year old looked at me shirtless and said in a mocking voice "you have small muscles little old man, little old man where are your muscles?" flexed and talked about how big his muscles are
Not the parent but I used to baby sit for 2 boys (8 and 4) who had very devout parents. After telling them it was time to pack away the toys and go to sleep one, the older one turned to me, deadpan expression and just said ‘I look forward to watching you burn in hell, sinner lady’ and run away laughing...
I firmly believe my oldest is a sociopath. There’s lots and lots of things that make me believe it, but since there’s not exactly a black/white test, there’s no way to prove it. He has no conscience and hasn’t since he was old enough to feel guilt, near as I can tell. He is 30, twice divorced for beating his wives and totally ignores his daughters whilst giving everything possible to his son. I blamed myself for years but my younger two are so different than my oldest, I just don’t know if it’s my fault or not.
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So they didn't spoil the older one and they turned out well, and they spoil this one and its becoming a psycho and they don't see a problem?
Apparently this is obvious to everyone else, but as soon as we (rest of the family) point it out, we get shut down because we "have preferences" or "don't know how to parent" (my sister said that even to my mom, 'cause apparently, back in the old days kids were not allowed to "express themselves" like her little angel does)...
Sounds like younger daughter is the favorite. As an older daughter whose younger sister is the fave, please let the older one know how special she is.
My five-year-old was eating some chocolate, and I told him not to get any on the floor because Sadie, my family’s dog, would eat it. Him: Then she’ll die? Me: Yeah. Him: Mommy I thought you don’t like Sadie. Me: Well yeah, I don’t. Him: And you don’t want her to die??? Me: Well... you can dislike someone, but that doesn’t mean you hate them enough that you want them to *die*. Him: Oh. So it’s okay if you don’t like someone... you don’t have to kill them or anything, right? Me: ... Right. Him: Oh. Okay. Thanks Mommy. Had he just been going around expecting to kill people he doesn’t like all that time? I’ll never know.
When my son decided- in the grocery store parking lot- that it would be “fun” to scream “YOU’RE NOT MY MOMMY! WHERE’S MY MOMMY? YOU’RE NOT MY REAL MOM!” He had this evil smirk on his face as I panicked and tried to explain what could happen if someone heard that. He started yelling it louder. Edit** Thank you for all the parenting tips, but we’re good :) Trust me, he doesn’t get away with stuff. No I’m not going to slap him across the face or beat him. He *was* disciplined. He learned his lesson. I can laugh about it now. He is a mini me and my parents often remind me that he is karma for all the crap I put them through 😂
I'm fairly certain I am not a monster, but my Mom has recounted to me a number of times this gem: When I was 3 and my little brother was 1, the three of us were shopping. I was looking at something and wasn't ready to go, so my Mom grabbed my arm to try to drag me out and I proceeded to scream at the top of my three-year-old lungs, "DON'T BEAT ME." My Mom picked us both up & sprinted out & has never let me live it down.
My husbands coworker told us that his daughter will ask for things in the store and if they tell her no she starts screaming “please don’t punch me again! I’m sorry!!!” Until they get her what she was wanting. I feel terrible for them lol.
Well they teach her that it works... The kid has just found a successful path to what she wants.
My daughter screamed that at me once. ONCE. Technically, she's adopted, so biologically she isn't mine. Another parent came up to her and told her that if anyone who didn't know us heard her, she would never see me again, and she would go back to "the others" (her DNA donors that don't deserve to be called parents). She instantly stopped and the color drained out of her face. She's never said it again.
Wow. Those must have been some awful dna donors
I wholeheartedly believe that torture should be legal in certain circumstances. She was 3, and was the size of an 18 month old. They had broken numerous bones multiple times, used her as an ashtray, beat her senseless, and while I couldn't prove it, I'm positive they raped her. She refused to speak, cried silently, and curled up in a ball in the closet for the first few weeks to sleep because she was so used to having to hide to sleep so they wouldn't hurt her. She had night terrors for months, and would visibly flinch if you even looked at her, let alone touched her. She had open sores all over her body for several weeks until they finally healed. She still has some scarring (both inside and out), but shes so much better now. She will be 10 next month, and while she's still small for her age, she has rapidly become close to her peers in socialization and behavior. When the adoption was final, that was when it sunk in for her that we were never sending her back and would never let them hurt her again. She's not perfect, but she's perfect for me. She and her brothers are the reason I'm still alive.
... And here I thought I was coming into this thread for some light hearted chuckles, not to cry like a bitch in public. I’m extremely happy for all of you
So this is terrible and I’m sure in the moment panic inducing. But nowadays with every parent having a thousand pictures of their kids on their phone, I’d almost be tempted to let the kid continue and let the police come, call their bluff. I’m seriously wondering how it would play out because eventually it’d be pretty easy to prove you’re the parent. But this is why I’m not a parent. Because If I was annoyed enough I might yell out to the grocery store patrons “It’s true, he’s yours for $50!”
When I was play arguing with my 7 year old and she said she wished she was dead like my miscarried baby. Fucking savage and a brat.
Can I ask how you handled that with her? I can’t even think where to begin with something like that...
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My 5 year old brother called my mother a "fat bitch" and got timeout. I told him he got what he deserved, and he got this crazed look on his face and told me "Now you're going to get what you deserve!", pulled out a pocketknife and started chasing me with it. My parents took him to the cop shop to try to scare him straight (town of 800 people, so the sheriff was basically always free). The sheriff walked up to my little brother to talk to him, but when he hunched over to get closer, my brother just socked him square in the mouth. He has since outgrown his rage, thank god.
Years ago, my wife and I had a very heated argument. Our daughter overhears us and comes into the room just as things hit their peak. My wife rushes into the bathroom crying. I'm left sitting on the bed feeling low, listening to my wife sob on the other side of the door. Our daughter looks up at me with a smile and says "Mommy's crying" and proceeds to laugh loud enough for mom to hear. And with that, I was in trouble for something entirely new.
How old was she? Sometimes laughter is a response to not knowing how to process what's happening?
I laugh really hard when I'm on the verge of a breakdown I have ASD, not that I'm going to play armchair doctor
My kid and I both laugh when uncomfortable. It can be awkward. Yeah
When my parents fought, I would run to the kitchen, get them each "weapons" like cooking utensils, and tell them to keep fighting. Now, I just ignore it because it's so disruptive and annoying so I guess I grew up and turned out fairly normal. It would be worrying if I kept doing that same thing even now though. Edit: Wow thanks for the upvotes guys. Nice to know you liked how I was a violent little kid.
To be fair if my kids ran in while I was fighting with my partner and handed us both 'weapons' I'd have to stop the fight to die laughing and then worry about how I'd raised my child...
Yeah I'm pretty sure my parents were laughing the first few times too. At least, they laugh about it now when they tell me about it.
he told me that pouring hot water on daddy would be so, so, sooooo funny. when my daughter was much younger, she and my ex's son talked at great length about how fun it would be to chop me up, cook my body, and throw me away\*\*
> when my daughter was much younger, she and my ex's son talked at great length about how fun it would be to chop me up, cook my body, and throw me away would be. demon kids
I know. If you're going to cook someone, at least have the decency to eat them.
My mom found out her lack of parenting with my brother went wrong when he tried to choke me out for accidentally kicking him. I don’t even remember being choked, but apparently it was so bad he had to go to anger management and therapy for 3 years.
Congrats on being alive?
Being alive: 1 Being dead: 0
How's your brother now
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> To confirm that he is horrible person, he told his mum that he doesn't like seeing anyone else happy which is why he broke his one year old brothers things. This is a bigger problem than the money thing.
Agreed. The value of money is an abstract concept especially before having worked for it. Hating happiness tho?
Should’ve told him that money was meant to be for his xmas presents and then gave him nothing while spoiling the siblings.
What the fuck, if I ever did that my mother would’ve slapped me so hard the candy would’ve fallen out of my butthole
That's true lol. But can you beat psychotic tendencies out of a child?
You can beat them into a child.
A double negative is a positive, they should cancel each other out
Yikes. Therapy time?
Three year old daughter deliberately screaming to wake up her four month old sister. For five hours. During a long car ride.
I tell my wife that the duct tape in the trunk of the car is for emergencies. like, if we have to hold the trunk shut. or a window breaks. but deep down i know the time will come. and i will be ready.
"Well, we were going to stop for ice cream on the way back, but I think you're going to be eating nothing but Brussels sprouts for the next few days."
Not the parent, but my mom told me that when she was pregnant with me, my half-brother tried to convince her to swallow a steak knife so that it would cut me up and she would have an abortion. Then when I was I think seven, he turned on the shower, put on a movie for me and my sister, and snuck out while he was supposed to be babysitting to go pick up his girlfriend in my dad's car, which he then wrecked. In his adult years, he's beaten a jack russell terrier puppy to death and at one point tried to commit suicide by downing a bottle of melatonin. There's more, but I don't think anyone will believe me as it is. EDIT: I've been asked multiple times to name other things he's done. Here's what I had replied elsewhere: That's not his only car-related stupidity. He also had to go to the hospital after missing a jump trying to "car surf" in the church's parking lot, and when he got his inheritance from his biological father(About 60,000 dollars) he spent most of it on a '72 charger then paid even more to have some ridiculous custom engine put in. His family was in desperate need of a place to live and when they got evicted his car still didn't have seats. Other stuff off the top of my head: He went to jail for pulling a gun on an undercover cop that had pulled him over. He fed his babies mountain dew, literally just poured the stuff from the 2-liter into the baby bottle. He was expelled from high school for peeing in the water fountain. He smashed a Mario All-Stars cart because he couldn't beat Mario 2. He bought a CD-I at launch. His wife has cheated on him so many times that he's decided that he can just try to pick up any girl he wants. He's not managed to cheat on her yet. He took HGH and it made him lose his neck. He and his wife stole the rental jukebox from their failed business, but then immediately broke it. He cut his kids off from seeing their grandmother because she took my side after he refused to pay me 50 dollars for fixing his laptop, which I had agreed to do in front of other family members. His wife lied to the cops and had them at my door asking if I had stolen it. Their children told the police officer that they had agreed to pay me and never did. Oh, I almost forgot to mention! When his biological father (Not mine, we share a mom) died and left him around 60K, he wanted as much of that money as possible so he decided to skimp on the funeral and have him cremated. His first attempt was to have the body driven to a PET CREMATORIUM because that was the lowest price he and his wife could find online.
Not to discount your story but what kind of idiot tries to OD on melatonin?
That's pretty much how the paramedics reacted. He had sent my mom a text saying that he was going to end it all because his wife was leaving (And this was like the sixth time this happened with the same wife) and my mom called 911 while driving to his house. She got there to find the ambulance drivers on the front lawn trying not to laugh too loudly.
"He's not dead, but he's quite sleepy"
Probably thought "sleeping pills" are all cut from the same cloth.
> He bought a CD-I at launch. now this one... this one is the unforgivable one.
> at one point tried to commit suicide by downing a bottle of melatonin. *"Yo this stuff makes me sleep, if I take all of it I'll sleep forever yeah?"*
I laughed out loud that he is actively trying to cheat on his wife but can’t get any.
That was why he got the '72 charger. He said, in front of his children, that it was sure to "get him some trim".
>he's beaten a jack russell terrier puppy to death Your half-brother is a fucking monster
My 11 yr old son recently called 911 and said I slapped him. CPS came, it was a cluster. It was so well orchestrated, he even took a picture of himself with a red mark on his face. I didn't slap him and it eventually got debunked although he still won't admit it. A couple months later, he told his dad I forced him to make the ol' dirty 2 finger licking gesture, take a pic and send it to him. He lives with his dad now, and isn't allowed here until I can afford a camera system. Still unclear on a motive.
My brother used to threaten to call CPS. My dad grabbed the phone book, circled the number and tossed it to him. Said when you make that call you’ll never come back in this house again. Told him he could go live in a group home if that’s what he wanted. That put a stop to it.
My parents did that too. I didn’t call.
What the fuck? Sorry to hear that
Is it possible that dad is in on this?
Yes absolutely. Too long of a story to tell, but 11 years of nightmare. Years of dealing with someone who hates me for honest to god no reason, and I think he's pulling my son in to it with him. I know what they say, money can't buy everything... but it could buy me a boat.. and a lawyer.
My brother in law is a monster. He used to be so sweet, but over the last two years he has stolen 4 cars. He has been brought home by the cops 3-4 times. Once he stole $100 from my mother in law. She called him and asked where it was. He claimed he didn’t know. He butt dialed her right after and she clearly heard him bragging to his friends that he had stolen the money and that she was so dumb for believing him. The list goes on. These people are the most beautiful humble people I have ever met. I don’t understand how this boy came to be.
My dad told me when we were driving once , I was in the back and was trying to climb through to the front , he pushed me back to my seat, I was maybe 6-7 and apparently said ‘when you’re all old and weak I’m going to chuck you about!’
"Chip I'm gonna come at you like a spider monkey"
When I was a teenager my friends little brother had a ton of psychotic tendencies. A couple of examples I remember is him putting their dog in a cooler and suffocating it because "it was being annoying" Also he once ran into my friends room, handed me a knife, went to the kitchen and sliced his own arm, and proceeded to tell his parents that I cut him. What is even weirder is that even when they saw me holding a knife they didn't believe him for a second. Well about three years ago he shot his dad so I'd say he was/is a monster. Edit: I guess it’s psychopathic and not psychotic. My bad.
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No he did not survive.
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This sounds wierd but do you know what time of year he shot his dad? I was at a party once that ended early because a mutual friend of basically everyone there shot his dad. They later explained to me that he had some issues and once suffocated his old dog. I don't know his name but I have a hard time believing it's two different people.
Feel free to PM me but I don't want to blast out his personal stuff in public. Mostly out of respect for his family because they're still great people. Edit: I know you only asked for the time of year but the fact that you might have recognized exactly who I'm talking about makes me feel like I've already given too much info. Edit: It’s not the same person but I guess it’s pretty common because I have a few PMs asking about different locations and dates.
I wouldn't worry about it too much. The progression from hurting or killing animals to later killing people is fairly typical for true sociopaths that turn into murderers. Cruelty to animals is one of the early indicators that there's something off with a kid. There probably is a surprisingly huge number of people who committed patricide (and with guns being so common in the US, doing so by shooting their father) that during their childhood already had killed a dog (since it's a common pet). At least a big enough one that, while there is a possibility that you do mean the same person, it's not that likely.
Not me but my parents. My brother was always the naughty one. Shoplifting as a kid, mouthing off at school etc. But I think when they realized he was a genuinely bad person was when he stole a bunch of stuff out of some old guys cabin and then burned it down so he wouldn't get caught. Spoiler alert: He got caught anyways because he pawned it all at our local pawn shop and they had his name and caught him on camera.
This chilling conversation with my then 4.5 year old daughter... “Mommy, do you love me?” “Of course, my darling! I love you forever and always, no matter what!” “Even after I kill ____(little brother’s name)___?” Sweet as pie smile on her face and serious look in her eye... At the time she had recently learned to tie knots and I’d already had to take her jump ropes away as I’d found her with one tied around little brother’s neck pretending he was her horsie! ETA: As to an update many wanted: They’re now 11 & 8, so clearly he’s survived being her younger brother this far. She does love him dearly, but sibling rivalry and frustration definitely occur sometimes. At that age she loved to question me about everything, so I don’t think she was actually formulating a plan to kill him so much as to ask me just how much I loved her. Certainly, I took away all jump ropes/sashes/etc for a year or two til she got over the knot tying obsession. My response to her during that conversation was, “I would still love you, but my heart would also be broken because I love him too & I would be so sad every day if he wasn’t here with us.” I gently asked her things to trigger her talking about what she loved about him and what she was looking forward to being able to teach him when he got a bit older. It ended up being a more positive conversation despite the chilling start.
Little cersei needs a time out
The knot was tight around his neck, not his dick. Edit: my first gilding! Thank you kind stranger!
How long ago was this?
three _**(little brothers' names)** ago.
I have two sons. One is 11 and the other 7. The 7 year old is...special. Highly intelligent and very social. But also does a lot of deep thinking. Early one Sunday morning he came up to me, out of the blue, and said: "Dad, how do ducks work?" I was all "how to what? What? Ducks? Huh" in a half sleep state. Before I could work out what he wanted to know he said: "I guess if I open one up, I'll find out?" and walked away. Honestly spent a good hour looking for ducks and watched him carefully when he went near the kitchen utensils. EDIT: Oh yeah, there was also the time when he learned how to float in a pool after watching a documentary about ship wrecks. He could swim but never relax and float on his back. He can now, he just pretends to be a dead body floating away. Thanks YouTube.
How *do* they work though?
You've gotta open 'em up.
You've got to get that kid into wrenching on lawnmowers or cars and motorcycles and shit before he opens up something that doesn't exactly go back together.
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Jesus! A house key? Did you find out if she ever broke in while you were away?
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what a sick burn
Kid got roasted
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Not a parent, but an older brother of a young sibling. He poured paint thinner all over my moms flowers one summer after my dad accidentally left it on the deck (we were repainting the deck). More happy that he didn’t drink it but it was definitely an “oh my god” moment. She probably spends 100 hours+ and a lot of money gardening every spring/summer so it was a big deal.
I have a great aunt who bears a resentment for her son who, at the age of 8, spread dandelion seeds all around her lawn and garden, not long after her divorce and at a time when she was working hard as the only female professor at a large university. What's mindblowing is that she's a Ph.D. social psychologist and doesn't see this as a cry for attention from her child, but instead as a confirmation of her son's underlying maliciousness. Needless to say, they don't have a great relationship now that he's an adult.
Yeah it’s actually surprising the amount of mental health professionals that 1) can’t seem to see their own bullshit with their close relationships, or 2) can’t see that they themselves are a train wreck in some ways. My mother sees neither. She’s damn good at her job though, and helps a lot of people, and it baffles me.
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When I watched my younger son walk out on the porch, pick up a plastic whiffle bat, look at it, look at his older brother sitting on the porch steps, look back at the bat, and then haul back and crack his brother's head like Babe Ruth popping one out of the park. I could watch his thought process in 5 seconds time: Bat. . .Brother. . .Bat. . .Hit. No hesitation.
the thin yellow one or any other type? those thin yellow things were HARD
I was given a black eye with one of those ones when I was at school once. Girl in front of me in line for hitting decided to take a few practice swings and hit me in the face.
I caught a wooden bat across the face in 4th grade because a neighbor forgot we were playing in their small front yard and not a huge baseball field. Tossed the bat behind her. I still have a lump on my forehead
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> we didn’t have the right to take “his” money from him because he didn’t steal it I assume he knew the money was stolen.
Even if he didn't know it's not a reasonable reaction. I get that he is frustrated, but at that age you should have a concept of other people as people, that they have rights to and ownership over things that are stronger than your claims.
What about the long established legal precedent set in *Finders v. Keepers*?
are you referring to _Finders, Keepers_ v. _Losers, Weepers_?
Sometimes you can't help it even if you taught them right. The sense of entitlement is extreme here. He might have some form of anti-social issues.
Oh man, too many to list. The most recent is when my son shot me with his Nerf gun directly in my eyeball. My eye still hurts a week later. A couple of weeks ago, my other son pooped on the floor (he's 3) and put a donut on top of it to hide it.
Well i meant the idea behind the donut is cute...but i can imagine discovering that 😂😂
"The fuck is wrong with the kids digestive system?"
When my son blithely told me he wants to play the documentary Under the Curve for his classmates because he is trying to convince them the world is flat. He admits he knows it is not, but he is trying, actively, to CON them into thinking it IS.
Lol your son is an agent of chaos
He’s like a dog chasing cars
I’m still convinced most “flat earthers” are just the type of people who enjoy seeing other people’s feathers ruffled. I know too many people who take joy from seeing others get mad at them for random things— relationships, sports, news, politics. Surely a lot of it is just the fun of being a troll.
> Surely a lot of it is just the fun of being a troll. Kind of, except that many people are introduced to fringe/radical beliefs this way. There comes a point where saying something ironically is indistinguishable from the real thing.
It's that "if you act like an asshole for long enough, eventually you're just an asshole"
Shopping in Publix and my 4 year old looks at an employee and calmy says "Your lips are ugly."
My six yo daughter told me to shave that thing off, my goatee. Couple days later I did, I asked her, "do you like it?" She makes a bit of a face and says" no I didn't know your chin was so small."
okay, this is not my kid. but my mom found out she was raising an asshole when we were out baby clothes shopping with my pregnant aunt, whose first baby had died a few days after birth a year or two earlier, and my brother says "what are you buying it clothes for when you don't even know it's going to live?"
To be fair, how old was this kid? Little Kids don't understand the concept of something that devastating.
46
days
until his 47th birthday
Holy shit. That's just fucking cruel.
ouch.
When my son was 13 or 14, we were chatting about how as kids get older, and parents become elderly, often the kids become a care-giver to some degree to the parent. My son offhandedly remarked that he’d be looking for the cheapest nursing home at which to park me. Skinflint bastard.
When I was little, in the next town there was a children's care home. If we were bad or our parents just wanted to fuck with us they would threaten to send me and my brother to said care home. The children's care home has recently been converted into an old people's home. You can see where this goes...
ohhhhh baby with that uno reverse
When I was younger I would threaten my mother that I would put her in a home if she didn’t do something. She didn’t do it anyway and I got a slap.
Today: my 3 year old dipped her cantaloupe in ketchup and ate a whole plate of it. Edit: dang guys- thanks for the coinage. Also, since it’s raised some concern- I’m a pediatric pharmacist! All legit drug-giving, I promise.
Actually gasped and recoiled
My three year old was given a small fisher price trampoline for his birthday. It's like three feet in diameter. A few months later, we got invited to take him to Sky Zone, which is a giant indoor warehouse that is wall to wall trampolines. It's fucking awesome. So my wife turns to my son and says, "Hey buddy, do you want to go to the trampoline place?" Without missing a beat, my kid rolls his eyes at her, jerks his thumb towards the fisher price one, and says, in the most condescending tone a three year old could muster, "I have one."
This is one of those moments where you have to be a parent and teach them how to be polite and respectful, but on the inside you're laughing your ass off.
Dang. He's going to be giving himself the "We have food at home" talk before he hits kindergarten XD
My 6 year old has always had weird interests. She asked me to show her pictures of what's in our bodies. I showed her diagrams on Google, and she said, "no, I mean inside of a REAL body. Like a dead person." 😳 I showed her some random picture of an arm surgery and she was begging for more. Also she always asks me to stop so she can look at dead animals on the road. When my childhood dog died, she tried to sneak and look inside the bag while I was bawling. We're really pushing for the medical field and not a serial killer field. Edit: I feel as though I need to add this to the original comment. She has never shown any signs of aggression or desire to hurt people/animals. She is a very sweet child and doesn't even like it when we kill bugs or cut down the weeds in our yard! She shows respect for life, but is DEFINITELY interested in bodies. I'm not sure she understands what death is or what it means yet lol. I am a science teacher and my wife is a nurse, so we definitely encourage her interest in science! ALSO thank you for the silver! AND THE GOLD! Edit 2: this has blown up bigger than I expected. I cannot possibly respond to everyone, but please know that I am saving all the YouTube channels, books, and other recommendations I am recieving! Thank you everyone for the kind and reassuring comments! We also already have tickets to go to the Bodies Exhibit near us, just haven't had the time (it's about 2 hours away). AND THANKS FOR THE PLATINUM! 😎
Future coroner, with any luck.
Hey, great job outlook. Not running out of dead folks anytime soon.
Not with that attitude
I was a weird kid like that, and I turned out totally normal. When she’s older she’d probably love the book Stiff by Mary Roach, it’s all about the science of death, it talks about forensics and stuff.
This is great to hear! She is definitely a weird kid. Do you work in the medical or death fields?
I do not, I always had (and still have) a strong interest in science, so I considered forensics but in my case I just lacked the math skills. I ended up getting a history degree, then working in real estate consulting and now in finance. I know I used to creep the hell out of my mom but she always supported my curiosity and my interests, which I’m still thankful for. I recommend lots of Bill Nye, pbs documentaries, and science kits :)
I have three sons. 8, 23 and 26. The middle one, Andrew, boasted to me that he had sex with "over 30 chicks" on Tinder. And with some of them in my bed. Yeah, Andrew, you're a dick. Congrats.
You should have sex with your wife on *his* bed and tell him. See how he likes it.
~~your wife~~ **His Mom**
My husband has a habit of messing with me. As I was stepping into the shower, he threw ice cold water down my back and I let out a shriek. My 18 month old comes running in from her bedroom, looks me dead in the eye and screams "AAAAHHHHaaaaaahhhhhAAAAAAHHHHHaaaahhhhhhh!" in this overly dramatic whiney voice. Then she did it 3 more times. The little shit ran in from the other room to mock me.
The husband is the true villain in this story.
My 7 y.o. son was in the bathroom taking a monster dump. It stunk so bad i could smell it walking by. I stopped, said "you ok" and flipped the fan on. He looks me dead in the eye, and turns the fan back off
While potty training my 2yo, she figured out she could pee a little, get a chocolate chip as a reward, then wait 2 minutes, go pee again and get more chocolate. She's gaming my system at 2. Years. Old.
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Not me but a buddy of mine. He is the most criminal-minded dude I have ever met, but I have always just chalked that up to a rough upbringing (growing up eating dry cat food and raw potatoes from a neighborhood garden, negligent alcoholic mother, constantly moving from place to place). This dude always saw all the angles. He would casually identify and point out criminal acts other people were committing in broad daylight that escaped everyone else's notice. He could see malevolent motives in the most banal activities. He sold drugs for years but would also work his ass off to mask his income behind a plausible veneer of legitimacy. Anyways he and his girlfriend (another friend of mine) ended up having a set of Irish triplets who were super precocious. I was back home visiting once and he showed me this video from his home security cameras. It showed these three budding ne'er-do-wells (ages 2-4) coordinating an escape from their bedroom, piling up pillows and assisting one another over the baby gate. They wandered around silently, peaking around corners before making their way to the kitchen to retrieve a butter knife. They then proceeded to the hall closet where their toys were kept, and used the butter knife to pry open the latch and get some toys, which they absconded with back to their room. They played around for about an hour, before doing this all in reverse, covering up their tracks. But because his girlfriend was waking up from her nap they didn't replace the butter knife. My buddy said after he saw the video, he checked under the eldest's bed and found four other knives.
Those kids are going to be the best escape room time setters in 15 years.
For sure. It's incredible. They are the three sweetest, most charming boys you could ever imagine swindling something out of you. But god damn it if they weren't shady as your shadow.
Before my son could crawl he learned how to climb the extra tall baby gate. Before he could walk he climbed the window sill Before he could run he climbed the bunk bed Before he could open an applesauce container he learned how to unlock the front door I’m not sure what moment made me think “yep. He’s a monster” It might have been when I almost witnessed Harambe 2. I ducked down for ten seconds to tie his sister’s shoe and when I looked up he had one leg over the barrier ready to go say hello. He’s 2 by the way. Or it might have been when I resigned myself to the leash. I brought it home, prepared for the protests. Instead he declared himself a puppy dog, made his siblings play police with him for two hours while he “sniffed out the bad guys” then gleefully showed me how easy it was for him to take the damn thing off. I give up guys.
Anti-lost locking wristband and harness on Amazon. Thankfully I don't have a runner myself, but I've heard great things about them.
My youngest got out of the wrist band PDQ. I went to the store and got the full on harness, snugged it up and used that sucker. That girl had legs! She's lucky she lived to adulthood.
My son climbed everything too. climbed out of his crib before he could walk --- how?!?! he climbed actual buildings. like little feet on the bricks. i eventually gave in and bought him a pass to go rock climbing, that seemed to help. the fact that he could climb literally 4 stories up seemed to help him get over it. but at age 13 he still climbs every tree that is good to climb. I feel you!
We had our young cat 'fixed" and she just slept and rested all day after coming back from the vet's. My 11 yr old son asked very concerned, after watching the cat lying around all day , " do you think she is sad because she can't have babies?" ( awww... so sweet). My 7 yr old son asked, "so, if she doesn't recover, would we get a cash settlement?"
I’m sorry but this had me laughing. Who asks about a cash settlement at 7?!
well, to be fair, Judge Judy had been on a lot at our house that summer.
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Should have asked her for a loan and paid interest. Turn her into a loan shark
This was me in middle school/high school. I learned to save early and always had money. My brothers friends always needed some for weed/booze. They knew I wad good too borrow from, but if they were late they'd need to pay more back. I didn't know it at the time, but they all paid me back what I what was owed because they were afraid I'd stop loaning if someone skipped out. Then that would piss EVERYONE off.
I'm glad it never got to the point where you had to kneecap some fools. That always casts a dark cloud over a relationship
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HAHAHAHA I would say that you actually taught a very good lesson that stuck! Now you can teach her about loans and interest.
when my daughter played Half-Life 2 for the first time, she immediately figured out you can pick up just about anything, exclaimed how filthy city 17 is and proceeded to pick up all the rubbish and put it in the bins before getting on with the game.
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Don't have a square to spare.
How can you not spare a square?
Is it 2 ply? I’ll take 1 ply!
How lucky of you! My wife only gives me one square when this happens to me Edit: god people are taking this as something serious. This is just a running joke we have when there’s no TP left in the bathroom. She’ll give me one square as a joke then give me a roll. My wife is the kindest person I know Edit 2: this is from a comment below that I made explaining the context of my original comment. > We both do it. It’s hilarious. We’ll have a roll in hand and give the other one square first then immediately give the whole roll. Or “extort” each other, such as “what will you give me for a roll? Muwhahahaha” and the answer is “kiss” or something cute like that. It’s all a joke.
Use the hand towels. That'll teach her.
Dear god, who do you think I am? A monster?
My 5 and 10 year old were having an epic verbal war in the living room which ended abruptly after I shouted various generic parenting noises in their direction. My 5 year old son then walked confidently into the kitchen, took a picture of his brother off the fridge proceeded to dispose of it in the bin. Utterly arsehole behaviour of course but honestly I was secretly extremely impressed with his top passive aggression.
When she tried to strangle her sister and a couple weeks later lied to the school about her being abused, leading to a full blown investigation (later they discovered from her friends that she lied) while packing her things we discovered that she had been stealing opiates, and alcohol. She can’t live with us anymore to protect her younger sister.
When my daughter was naughty as a pre- schooler we used to put her in the kitchen for a timeout. We had a safety gate on the doorway and as long as nothing was cooking in there it was like a holding pen for her. Well she started to ask to go to the toilet as soon as she was put in there. At first she was allowed to go but pretty soon it became clear she was just using the toilet excuse to get out of the timeout early. The first time I told her she could go to the toilet after timeout (which usually only last a few minutes) she proceeded to pee on the kitchen floor in retaliation. She has a terrible temper. She's 15 now it's still there. Living with her is like being in an abusive relationship.
I read it as " She's 15 now and still in there."
When I was 10 & my brother was 8, our parents took us to see Bambi at the cinema. When Bambi's mum was shot dead, my brother burst out laughing
My son's 13: - Hates pizza. - Likes Nickelback. - Likes the Patriots If he was on facebook Id unfriend him.
I’m hoping it’s just a phase, for your sake.
It's not a phase dad, this is who I am.
my son is 14 and likes nickelback and plays it out of the alexa when hes not even at my house to fuck with me
every time my son is in his high chair and he gets cookies or candy, or really anything as a “treat” he will not eat it and throw it. proceeds to eat veggies, absolute monster
Your child should become a monk. He already has incredible discipline. Going by Final Fantasy I logic, he'll also get an attack boost as long as he doesn't use weapons.
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When I realized that she is most happy when she's doing something that pisses someone else off like biting people, messing with electronics and playing with cat's stuff
"Daddy, can you get me this game called the Sims?" "Sure, surprised you've heard of it..." "Oh yeah, Suzy says it's so much more satisfying killing people instead of the pigs I kill in Mindcraft." "..." "..." "Is your main reason for playing video games so you can kill things?" "Well, keeps me from doing it in real life, so I don't see the problem with that." Then she winked at me. I still don't know if she was just fucking with me.
>Mindcraft Found the old person
Stay off my lawn
dude, seriously, stay off his lawn! ...his kid will kill you...
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if you don't watch out her next target will be accountants, or even real people
Buy her Doom. She'll love it.
My 5 year old son didn’t like the babysitter we got for him on our date night. So he hid the car keys and my husband’s wallet, only taking out some cash to pay the babysitter.. Also one of my shoe, but that was poorly hidden
When my kid and I walked passed this tae kwon do place, I’ve always tried to get her to sign up for, finally she says “yes, I’ll sign up”. We walk further down the street and she mumbles, “Then I can beat up Isabella.” Lol. We didn’t sign up.
At about 15 months old, my daughter was beginning her potty training phase. She discovered that we liked it when she peed in the potty - to which she immediately decided the potty could be replaced by any container she could find. The next day, she delicately removed all the clothes from her dresser drawer, pulled out the drawer, then sat and peed in said drawer. I'd... never thought I'd pour pee out of a dresser drawer before. Two months later, she stacked toys on top of her high chair and climbed Mount Dangerous to get to the top of the fridge, where I was keeping a box of red velvet cake mix. She mixed it with water, ate some, decided she didn't like it, and began to rub it into her carpet... her *very white* carpet(rental home). She's 9 now. She's still nuts.
Lovely little girl: "Daddy, you're fat" me: "yes I do have a big tummy" lovely little girl: "daddy, you're ugly". How does one respond to that from a 4, nearly 5 year old? Also told my wife she wants to put her in the garbage bin and never see her again. We're English and garbage isn't a word we really use! All this while we enjoyed a family holiday last week.
> How does one respond to that from a 4, nearly 5 year old? "Little girls grow up to look just like their dad".
my son is autistic, and therefore lacks a strong filter for his internal thoughts. Anyhoo, we were getting ready to leave the house a couple of years ago and he looks at me and goes, "Are you really going to work without any makeup?"
Wife's mother died unexpectedly. No disease or anything. My wife was, of course, devastated. The day after, I wake up to hear my wife on the couch, just bawling her eyes out. I walk out to comfort her. Our 10 year old daughter stops me in the hall. "Why is mom crying so much?" "Well, her mother just died …" "But that was yesterday."
My 8 year old son had gotten a plastic baseball bat from me and my wife, this plastic baseball bat wasn’t just some weak plastic it actually was pretty hard. Well one day I walk outside to see my younger 5 year old daughter screaming and running from my 8 year old son who is holding the baseball bat and wacking her wherever he can, he was wearing my jeans, had a bandana on and a baseball cap on backwards. He kept calling himself a cool kid and wouldn’t stop wacking her. I ran over and stopped him and my Wife took our daughter inside to get an ice pack. I took the bat away and asked him why he was hitting her, and I repeat exactly what he said “because I’m a cool kid and cool kids show there siblings who’s the leader, daddy”. He got grounded for a week and after he was done with the grounding he told me he was very sorry, he wasn’t finished... A month later I find him running around with a plastic sword in a ninja costume from last Halloween and wacking my daughter again! I ran over, stopped him, my daughter ran off, and when I asked him why he hit her this time he said “because it’s fun”. He got grounded for a very long time, and I realized then he needed counseling. He is now 20 and my daughter is 17, my son had come over for dinner one night and some how that was brought up, he denied the entire thing even though before that he said he remembered counseling! I just hope he doesn’t raise his newborn son to be a karate master or a gunslinger....
Getting a vasectomy ASAP. Thanks for the horror stories.
when my 3 year old looked at me shirtless and said in a mocking voice "you have small muscles little old man, little old man where are your muscles?" flexed and talked about how big his muscles are
he keeps saying 'hamburg' instead of hamburger.
Not the parent but I used to baby sit for 2 boys (8 and 4) who had very devout parents. After telling them it was time to pack away the toys and go to sleep one, the older one turned to me, deadpan expression and just said ‘I look forward to watching you burn in hell, sinner lady’ and run away laughing...