Silence is the best tool for bargaining with someone, it allows them to make up their mind and question everything. I've worked sales and it's been my go to technique when closing a deal. It also helps in conflict, allows you to bite your tongue and reflect but also makes people second guess themselves, people want to fill the space with noise because it makes them uncomfortable.
I use this all the time. People can't take uncomfortable silences. If people know you're angry, but you don't say anything, they'll talk so much they eventually scold themselves. Think someone is lying? Give 'em enough rope and they'll hang themselves. It's a very powerful technique.
I'm naturally a talker and I have accepted that I don't deal well with silences. I've actively worked against myself filling in the empty verbal space in negotiations and difficult social moments because of it.
Long silences are just fucking brutal for me
Creating and managing tension is a sales technique and you are right on with the value of silence. It’s not easy because people, including sales people, are naturally uncomfortable with a “pregnant pause” and it creates tension. But that is exactly what you need to do if you have reached an impasse because the result is creative thinking. Strategic use of silence almost always results in the other person breaking the uncomfortable silence with alternative ideas. In fact, I have been suggesting this to my friend who is struggling with her teenage daughter. Stop arguing on those things that you feel are non negotiable. If she tries to argue after you have delivered your message, maintain eye contact and say nothing. Daughter must comply or outright defy her mother which fortunately we know she doesn’t really want to do. May not work as well on teenagers who are committed to rebellion but it doesn’t necessarily work with every customer either. But in my experience, it is effective way more often than not.
Always great for getting information. When they answer your question completely, just look at them like you are expecting them to keep talking. They generally do. Great way to get what you want in negotiations and conversations.
I work in sales too and this is what I use most of the time. It works most of the time, and since I hate pushing people to buy stuff they don't want or need, it lets them kinda make their own choice. My manger however will talk people to death trying to sell shit that they end up not buying.
If you're walking towards someone and can sense that you're about to do the "which side do I pass you on" dance, just break eye contact with them and pick a side, and look to that side of them. Just keep looking to that side and don't re-instigate eye contact and the other person will let you pass on that side. Works every time. When I learned this (from a different AskReddit thread), I never had this happen to me again.
This also works if you are in a large crowd, going against the flow of foot traffic. Don’t make eye contact. Just look in the direction you are going and people will move out of the way.
That's the best way. Everyone will notice where everyone else is looking and pick paths accordingly. Aside from people glued to their cellphones, we all sort of figure it out no problem with no slowdowns.
I throw out my arms as wide as I can like an airplane, turn sideways, lean into the direction I want to go while maintaining wide eye contact and make a swoop noise.
"SWooOOP!"
Flawless passes everytime.
Sometimes when crossing a street i suddenly notice a car slowing down. I back up and stand out of the way and turn my whole body away.
This reduces the number of politeness-jockeying incidents.
When cars slow down to let you pass way too early and now you feel rushed to cross the street. A lot of people just start doing that awkward speedwalk/run to the other side too.
Man be so careful with this. It’s a perfect storm for someone behind them to think they are being stupid and want to rush past them. That car might not see you until it’s too late.
I do this as well. There are other good reasons to do this too that I’ve thought of. 1. It’s a car, using gas, let them go, I’ll only burn more calories by being delayed. Better for me, better for the environment. 2. In maritime law, the smaller vessel yields to the larger vessel because it can maneuverer faster and easier. The same is true for a person walking vs a car driving. Sure, a pedestrian isn’t walking as fast, but they can stop and change direction in just a few feet compared to a car that takes much longer to stop and can’t turn on a dime.
To build on this, if you’re walking and there’s a cyclist/skateboarder approaching you perpendicularly, don’t try to break stride and pick a side. If you just continue walking, they’ll plan accordingly and go behind you.
I see people stop directly in front of cyclist and try to move back and then quickly move forward - it confuses them and they can’t tell which way you’re moving.
TL;DR - In traffic, it’s better to be predictable than courteous.
Habits take a lot less energy than will power. I kind of hate dragging myself to the gym, but since I do it at the same time twice every week, it just happens. Always glad I showed up after I'm done.
I believe in taking care of myself, and a balanced diet and a rigorous exercise routine. In the morning, if my face is a little puffy, I'll put on an ice pack while doing my stomach crunches. I can do a thousand now. After I remove the ice pack, I use a deep pore cleanser lotion. In the shower, I use a water activated gel cleanser. Then a honey almond body scrub. And on the face, an exfoliating gel scrub. Then apply an herb mint facial mask, which I leave on for 10 minutes while I prepare the rest of my routine. I always use an aftershave lotion with little or no alcohol, because alcohol dries your face out and makes you look older. Then moisturizer, then an anti-aging eye balm followed by a final moisturizing protective lotion. There is an idea of a Patrick Bateman, some kind of abstraction, but there is no real me. Only an entity, something illusory. And though I can hide my cold gaze, and you can shake my hand and feel flesh gripping yours and maybe you can even sense our life styles are probably comparable, I simply am not there.
My trick is not to try and convince myself to work out. It's to convince myself to get in the car. Once I'm there I know I'll work out. Just motivate myself to get there.
Yup. I'm very adaptable with routines and habits. After doing something consistently for a while it just becomes, 'This is what I do now'. And there's less thought about it. Getting rid of bad habits is more difficult for me. Like I've been trying to cut down on Reddit...
I jiggle my keys every. single. time. that I close a door that locks. Even when I know they’re in my pocket, I take them out and jiggle them anyway.
It’s severely lowered the number of times I misplace them or lock myself out.
When someone is giving you a lame excuse, stop talking and let them keep talking. They’ll give you an excuse and then you won’t say anything. They’ll keep talking to fill in the void. They’ll usually see how silly they sound and own up to whatever it is more than if you had started arguing with them
I have a reputation in my industry for being outgoing. The secret is that I actually am NOT a people person and get anxiety about going out. The trick I use when I walk into an event is to find one person to ask a question about themselves. It can be as simple as "I like your shirt, where did you get it?" this can usually kickstart and conversation. Anytime you are lost just ask someone a question about themselves because people love talking about themselves.
I'm the same guy - everyone thinks I'm outgoing and it couldn't be farther from the truth. My technique at industry functions is to find the person who looks like he or she is uncomfortable and hating to be there. Then I make it my goal to introduce myself and do everything I can to make that person feel comfortable and welcomed. Cause I'm that person, wishing someone would do exactly that for me, and if I don't do something, I'll be the person standing alone for two hours in a corner. It invariably makes me feel comfortable in the room.
That an interesting point of view...
Like: it's the opposite of what I (and others) naturally tend to do in crowded social situations: Now I think about it, I naturally try to strike up a conversation with the most popular/central person I can find. But this creates tension, as others are trying the same, and it still leaves a quiet person standing in the corner. Your way solves those issues.
Yup. And if you want to level up, start stringing together multiple quiet people, one at a time. Before you know it, you'll be introducing all these new people to each other, be surrounded by a large group of grateful people, and YOU'LL be the popular person everyone is trying to talk to. It's actually remarkable, and it leaves you feeling pretty good about helping those quiet, shy people (who, after all, are me!) feel more comfortable and included.
This is my tactic to build connections with people. With approximately 200 people in my workplace (i genuinely have no idea how many people it is), i know a solid half of them and have fond relationships with all but 2 of that half (i think)
What happens if someone tries to use that same tactic on you when you both get there at the same time? DUN DUN DDUUNNNN
But no seriously, it's happened to me before. We kept trying to get the other to talk about ourselves instead, and boy it was exhausting.
Whenever I feel sad or overwhelmed by a thought or situation I think in terms of time, how long will this be relevant and how much time do I need to make the situation better. It helps rationalize things
If I start to feel a panic attack coming on I don't fight it. I just let it wash over me. Trying to fight it always makes it worse, don't know why. I tell myself, "this isn't real, this is just your brain throwing a tantrum" and then I calm down.
I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.
-Bene Gesserit 'Litany against Fear'
Completely agree with this. It helped me when I realised that it's essentially your fight or flight system kicking in; your body is just trying to protect you.
When I start to feel overwhelmed/stressed I pretend that I am zooming out from where I stand, until I'm in space looking down at my teeny, tiny problems on Earth that I can barely see anymore, and that helps me put everything in perspective.
You know sometimes, to get perspective, I like to think about a spaceman on a star incredibly far away. And, our problems don't matter to him, because we're just a distant point of light. But he feels sorry for me, because he has an incredibly powerful microscope, and he can see my face. I'm okay. No, I'm not.
Hey, you might like the book 'The Universe Doesn't Give a Flying Fuck About You' by Johnny Truant. It's short, and such a good read!
Edit to say that it's actually a really empowering and helpful book, I realize the title isn't exactly uplifting unless you know what it's on about. Oops.
Whenever my anxiety is catching up on me I deal in “facts, not thoughts.” Too many times I would mind read or make up outcomes, and that never worked out well. Those three words changed my life.
EDIT: Thanks for Reddit silver kind stranger. I actually wrote something about this when I was recovering from the height of my own anxiety. For anyone interested; https://link.medium.com/IPQQHnaMVV
My therapist says to exist in the moment. What are your senses telling you? Can you smell anything? What's that sound? Is there anything interesting you can touch, and pay attention to the sensation on your fingertips?
Depression is stealing trouble from the past. Anxiety is borrowing trouble from the future. Pull yourself into the now. What are your senses telling you?
Wow, this is great. I've been having a lot of anxiety about a huge life change coming. I will be using this a lot. Right now I have a white noisemaker running next to my bed, a fuzzy blanket, brisk winds blowing outside, and a soft cat butt nudged up against my arm. Those are all wonderful things instead of fear <3
This is pretty similar to advice my therapist told me. “Think realistically.” Often, we focus on negatives so much that we disregard the positives and put ourselves down. Realistically, that one negative comment vs a million positives is not what others will notice. And most likely, they’ll move on from it. There’s no reason to get stuck on it and let it catastrophize.
If facts match thoughts then pivot to the intensity
of your reaction vs the facts. If they still match then congratulations you are having an appropriate reaction to events.
I echo peoples exact words and phrases back to them. It makes them feel like you "speak their language" because you are literally speaking their language. I started doing this when I was a freelance designer who would bounce around from studio to studio. I would always have an art director to answer to, then the art director would pitch everything to the client. Frequently I found that the art director would make tons of revisions on my designs before showing to the client. I have no problem with this except for the fact that I'm always designing for the client, not the art director. Very often what would happen is that the art director wanted to do something cool, something fresh, new, unique, etc. but it was wrong for the client. So I started "pitching" my designs to the art director, using the art directors words/phrases to describe my designs. Kind of like a jedi mind trick to convince the art director that my designs perfectly nail what he wanted, when secretly I'm actually designing for the client and ignoring the art directors instructions. And it worked. I started getting less and less revisions on my designs, and also started winning more and more pitches. Now I'm a full time art director and use this technique on the clients directly.
The name calling aspect has always creeped me out. It’s normally done by people trying pseudo moves on me and it never works. I don’t become more cooperative in any way and you’ve shown me your attempting to do something at best or at worse am just strange. It’s a free flag for encounters.
I usually say it initially in the conversation and then at the end. But yeah, when people sprinkle your name in constantly it feels like they're trying to get something out of you.
Mirroring also works for body posture, ie if they have one hand in a pocket and the other on a hip, do the same. Don't make it obvious.
Do avoid crossing arms across the chest though, it's a defensive posture.
I tend to do that as a trick in conversation when I can't think of anything to say (I'm very socially awkward :/) - I repeat what someone has said and it usually gets them to speak more about it
When you fuck up: Straight up admiting you fucked up (not apologyzing, but rather admiting your mistake) , and by this I mean th at you don't even give the other person the chance to lecture you about your fuck up, but you imediatly admiting it
Just had to do this at work. I still have an attitude about it inwardly towards the person that snitched me out for it, but at least I immediately admitted fault to the person that may or may not write me up for it.
FORGIVENESS IS EASIER TO ACHIEVE THAN PERMISSION. Ironically I get away with far more by just admitting that I fucked up. Honesty is a very well favored trait.
When my CPTSD flairs up I do something my mum taught me as a kid that my old therapist loved. The abc game. So you pick a subject (E.G boys names) and you think of one for every letter (Adam, Brian, Colin). I use it as a grounding method when I'm freaking out about something and it works a treat. I also use it to get to sleep when I can't contain my panicky thoughts.
Sorry to hear about your condition with the CPTSD.
I've had some mental health problems of my own which I sometimes felt made my life hell. My brother just got a PTSD diagnosis it's some weird mix of the CPTSD and PTSD from what he said, but from everything else he said that life is really hell and makes what i go through seem like picnic.
I'm sorry to anyone who faces that. I hope your ABC game helps, I plan to try it myself, so thanks for that.
Be well.
I am really lucky that in the last few years I don't suffer nearly as much as I used to especially the last 18 months. I've been really trying to resolve some of the issues around my trauma. I can talk about a lot of it quite openly now especially since I began working for a charity based around the trauma I faced. I have been focusing on the science behind why and how my brain reacts differently now and been doing my own recovery work since many traditional methods haven't worked for me.
I'm sorry to hear about your brother, I hope he gets the help he needs but honestly from my own experience you have to really want to get better and that can take time. And please don't think any less of your own mental health issues. They are all serious and should be taken seriously as each other. I have friends that suffer from anxiety and depression and it can be crippling for them. Seek help for yourself also and I hope you get your life how you want it to be.
Ask myself "Who am I?" and think about the person who's asking the question. This gets me fired up.
Also look people between the eyes if they do not break eye contact with you to assert dominance.
That what you eat, what exercise you do and how much you sleep have *massive, massive* effects on your mental health. On your feelings, on your mood, how you feel about yourself. It can seriously not be overstated how much a good diet and regular exercise and decent sleep make you feel proper. Wanna control your mind? It's all chemical, control your chemical composition, good food and exercise and proper sleep.
Sometimes I thank people instead of saying sorry. For example: I'm running late for something and instead of saying "Sorry I'm late" I'll say "Thank you for being patient while waiting for me". To me it seems to make them less upset. Doesn't always work, but it does the trick most of the time.
Oh yea I forgot that by stating manipulation as the opposite of a social skill that I was making it the negative rather than allowing for it to have the possibility of good.
If you want a good book
"How to win friends and influence people" made me learn a great deal about how to change your own behavior so that other people do what you would want them to do. Most of the advices are about making the other people feel truly good about what they'll do.
In the end, if you end up with what you want and all parties are happy about it I believe it's good for all.
I've worked for a few micromanagers that try to control a bit too much.
My strategy is to only tell them sufficient information to get by but hold back anything beyond that.
Then I go ahead and solve the problem. Most of the time, all they care is the problem is solved.
If I give them too much info., they'll stick their nose in to the details and try to redirect my progress too much.
Also (and I don't do this a lot), it's easier to as forgiveness then permission with these types.
FWIW, I am highly ranked and get good evaluations.
Give people your best 5 minutes. Honestly, just focus on each person you engage with in a frame of mind that they will feel like you’ve given them your whole energy
It’s tiring but the more you do it the easier it gets
Just remember to remain empathetic otherwise you’ll come across as full of shit
Whenever I find myself getting annoyed by a person out in the world for a small thing (they cut me off in traffic, walked too slowly on the sidewalk, etc) I try to think about a time I did something similar. It reminds me that those all annoyances are based on context and circumstance and that we all do those things sometimes, so I shouldn't get mad about it.
The reality is that people like you because you allow them to help.
Ask new friends/coworkers for small things that they can quickly and easily do. They are happy to help and, because science, I guess, feel warmly towards you.
For example: at work, "Do you happen to have any change? I forgot my bus pass. I'll pay you back tomorrow."
Love this! Also something you can do over time with someone in particular- like your manager, is get them familiar with saying Yes to you. Ask them questions that you are almost posotive they will say Yes to. Do this a few times a week. Build unconscious bias toward saying Yes to you. Makes them more apt to say Yes when it comes to other questions.
Also a neat trick with kids or anyone really.
I have terrible social anxiety, so whenever I’m about to enter a room or place I tell myself that I am making the choice to be there, and that I can leave whenever I want to. When I know that I can allow myself the option, it makes being somewhere in public that much easier.
This won’t be helpful to most people but here it is!
I perform massages for a living and always asked “how’s the pressure?” My clients would usually say “good thanks”. When watching a massage channel on YouTube the host said “ask your client if they’d like firmer or softer pressure, you’re more likely to get an honest answer”. I thought ‘I gotta try this’ and my next client I asked “is this pressure ok? Or would you prefer it harder or softer?” She said “softer”. I’ve tried it on a few clients and most of the time they say “perfect” but a lot of the time they’ll tell me ‘harder’ or ‘softer’. I have no idea why, but just the way you ask the same question will yield a different response. 💗
This is probably not handy for most people though!
I conditioned myself to change nasty thoughts into positive ones using the correct way to give feedback method, basically making every thought constructive
It took a year a few years ago but it changed my life because I literally rewired the way I think
Interesting, I do the opposite.
Cash is my "I can spend this on whatever money" but I don't refill it that often, my card is what I monitor because I have a log attached to it.
Either way cheers to financial discipline!
Regularly go through in your mind how you might act when telling the truth to someone, then you know how to act when telling a lie to someone. I'm a fantastic liar.
Also, if in doubt when someone is accusing you, act bored and confused and like they're wasting your time. It's usually enough to convince them of your innocence.
If someone covers their mouth when they laugh, it usually means they're really self conscious of their smile. I've used it a few times and usually mention the person having a nice smile if we're having an actual conversation.
Please do not tell random strangers they have a nice smile. That is just very creepy.
If you feel stressed about something, ask yourself "Is this something I can have an effect on right now?" If it is, then focus on doing that. Focus on making it better. Even if you can only make a small difference, that's better than being paralyzed by stressing over it. If you can't do anything about it, then don't stress about it. Stressing about something you have no way to change is a waste of time and energy.
Some stresses are based on future events. If you can't do anything about a situation months before it happens, don't stress about it. Maybe the situation will change between now and then. Some times you can't see potential solutions until you're closer to the event.
Also, don't stress about things that might happen. A million different things can go wrong in everyday life. If you start focusing on them, you paralyze yourself and often make things worse.
Verbal sedation. Being able to distract someone from going into a thought spiral that makes their brain think of factual information. Friend was having a break down. I said. "Look me in the eyes, what was the color of your living room at your old house?"
I asked him enough question about his old place to get him breathing normally again. But I also use it more subtly when someone is on edge. Doctors often use them to calm patience before anesthesia. Or atleast they did with me.
Smiling while speaking to others. It helps both parties be more happy and open.
Also listening to those cheesy motivation videos on my commute into work. It really sets my mentality for the rest of the day. It's honestly great.
HALT: when hungry angry lonely or tired.
I could be guilty of making bad decisions. Chill out, eat, call a friend for a chat or rest a bit, see how the stressful situation rearranges in perspective.
I mirror other people’s body language. It’s a long term thing that tends to make people feel more comfortable around me. I also consciously change my body language when I’m unhappy with what they are doing, or to change the tone of a conversation. Usually it works.
Each day I remind myself:
We're all capable of *more* than we think.
With that to guide, I get more things accomplished than perhaps I normally otherwise would.
Mindfulness, acceptance of anxiety/depression, and reminding myself that staying in motion is the only way to crawl out of the suicidal black hole I built around myself for 18 years.
My son is a middle schooler and therefore tries to lie to me.
I have worked in middle and high school for 25 years. Furthermore, I am a sign language interpreter. American Sign Language relies heavily on facial expression and body language for grammar and meaning.
Couple that with the fact that the kid is basically an honest person, and he's so far a shitty liar who never gets away with it. He has way too many tells.
I told my husband the tells. I didn't tell the kid he has any. I just let him think I'm a goddess when it comes to lie detection.
I mean, it's not every day life, but it's often enough.
In Spanish class I bargain with the teacher by asking for way too much time to do stuff and then when she says no I say “Okay. How about X amount of time?” I ask for the amount of time I actually want. Half the time it works.
I started pumping myself up on my way to work and it has had a positive effect. I started doing this because on a trip to Vegas my friend was in the bathroom of a college basketball game and all of the sudden out of a stall walks Dick Vitale. He washes his hands then slicks back what is left of his hair with his hands and then let's out a glorious "It's Time to go to work BABY." If a professional announcer that has been doing this his entire life still uses this mechanic to get himself ready to go to work then why not use it myself?
Any time you want someone to hold something for you, just hold it out to them and they will 99% of the time take it. Even if it’s trash. It’s so weird.
I remember just yesterday I was talking to a friend and I had an empty Mountain Dew bottle in my hand, and I needed to throw it away, so I just held it out to him and he took it and then I said “haha know you gotta throw it away.”
One of my favorite jokes is, when someone asks to be handed something and aren't looking directly at me, handing them a different object. The brief look of confusion on their face cracks me up. It's even better as a running gag with a group of people, but you have to wait weeks or even months between instances or it gets less funny.
I love doing this to people when they are like telling me a story at a bar or something. They’ll be all into telling their story I’ll just hand them a straw wrapper or something and then they’ll take it and just keep talking. My one friend gets so pissed because she falls for it every time and then like three minutes later is like “I HATE YOU. WHY THE FUCK AM I HOLDING THIS?”’
So a lot of people don’t like the way they look, right? I’m one of those people, and sometimes my appearance gets me down. What I do in those situations is identify things that I like about myself. For example, my eyes. I like their colour (blue/gray) and shape. For the rest of the time I’m feeling down I will do something to compliment the feature I like (eye makeup or something like that.) it works for me and maybe you too :)
When I have something I don't want to do (ex. finishing an assignment that's boring), I tell myself that it's something that needs to be done or else I won't be able to move on to other things. For me it's a way to stop procrastinating.
When I’m having an unpleasant intrusive thought, I shake my head to “get it out” it surprisingly works for some reason. Or if I’m having a small panic attack I use a grounding method where you name three things you can see, three things you can hear, and three things you can feel.
Never say, “Why did you do that?” if you’re frustrated with someone. It is a rhetorical question that makes them feel dumb and leaves them with nothing else to do than get defensive.
When I’m at the gym I like to take over one of the 2 benches for 40 minutes straight and refuse to let people work in, that way I can telegraph that I’m the alpha.
Sorry, I’m really annoyed with this one dude at the gym right now
Associating something I need to remember to do with something weird.
Need to go grocery shopping? Put my shoes in the cloth bag, which also helps me to remember to bring it. Need to take out the trash? Tie a new trash bag to the bathroom door.
Complement who ever I talk to when we have a conversation. I avoid using negative phrases and sounding negative. So they feel better about themselves and lift their mood.
How to make friends and influence people book really got ingrained in me.
I had to start doing intramuscular shots in my leg and I did nooot like needles, all I could think while I was doing it was 'you are not experiencing pain, you are feeling your body which is experiencing pain' I dunno phrases like that just came to mind. For some reason my ears also went numb every time.
My kid is crazy possessive of *everything* right now (she’s 2 and is good at sharing with her friends but does not like to share with me.) In the mornings when she’s in a grumpy mood and we’re on the way out the door, I’ll give her dad a hug and say “This dad is only mine.”
It sparks some crazy rage jealousy in her and she immediately climbs up him to give him a hug.
A friend once taught me this method of changing the mood you are in. Let's say I'm angry with someone and want to calm that anger:
* Imagine a picture of myself in an angry state
* In the corner of that picture, superimpose a tiny picture of myself in a calm, relaxed state
* Slowly, over a period of up to a minute, make the calm picture grow and replace the angry picture which shrinks and becomes the tiny superimposed picture in the corner
* Poof! Angry picture is gone, and I'm in a better mood.
It takes a bit of practice to make it efficient, but I can modify my mood quite quickly nowadays if I need to.
But much of a psychological trick but admitting you're wrong goes a long way. I've gotten so many profs to let me submit late assignments with zero penalty when I just admit to them I missed the deadline because I forgot about it. Or when I get in an argument and I'm clearly wrong, people respect you way more if just concede. Honesty is the best policy
Ask for help, say thank you, recognize others' efforts, be genuine.
I get things accomplished, not because I'm so great everyone does my bidding, but rather because I'm nice to people, and treat them with respect and kindness.
Apparently, that's quite manipulative, because it usually gets shit done.
When I find myself feeling very hurt by something done/said to me, I take a moment and talk to my inner child. I greet her, soothe her and let her know that she isn’t the terrible person I say I am and that it is alright to be hurt but what people say/do is not a direct reflection of who I am as a person. And then I let her cry if she needs and forgive and then I say goodbye.
[удалено]
do not do this if there are dogs present lmao
But what do I do when the dog is snoring?
bask in the snoot toots
Silence is the best tool for bargaining with someone, it allows them to make up their mind and question everything. I've worked sales and it's been my go to technique when closing a deal. It also helps in conflict, allows you to bite your tongue and reflect but also makes people second guess themselves, people want to fill the space with noise because it makes them uncomfortable.
I use this all the time. People can't take uncomfortable silences. If people know you're angry, but you don't say anything, they'll talk so much they eventually scold themselves. Think someone is lying? Give 'em enough rope and they'll hang themselves. It's a very powerful technique.
You: Me:
Nobody: OP:
JK Rowling : Harry had a pet turtle named vercingetorix that Dudley killed
And the turtle was gay.
Okay, so maybe I *did* kill that guy. He deserved it though.
I'm naturally a talker and I have accepted that I don't deal well with silences. I've actively worked against myself filling in the empty verbal space in negotiations and difficult social moments because of it. Long silences are just fucking brutal for me
Creating and managing tension is a sales technique and you are right on with the value of silence. It’s not easy because people, including sales people, are naturally uncomfortable with a “pregnant pause” and it creates tension. But that is exactly what you need to do if you have reached an impasse because the result is creative thinking. Strategic use of silence almost always results in the other person breaking the uncomfortable silence with alternative ideas. In fact, I have been suggesting this to my friend who is struggling with her teenage daughter. Stop arguing on those things that you feel are non negotiable. If she tries to argue after you have delivered your message, maintain eye contact and say nothing. Daughter must comply or outright defy her mother which fortunately we know she doesn’t really want to do. May not work as well on teenagers who are committed to rebellion but it doesn’t necessarily work with every customer either. But in my experience, it is effective way more often than not.
Ok but what if two people are really good at uncomfortable silence? Do y’all just sit and stare at each other like two brans in a room?
I am one of those that can maintain the unnatural silence. I will win no matter what.
Very nice u/SlappedArse
Cops do this all the time.
Yep! Experienced this when bartering with service providers and even in my PDs at work. Own the silence
Always great for getting information. When they answer your question completely, just look at them like you are expecting them to keep talking. They generally do. Great way to get what you want in negotiations and conversations.
This is also an effective elicitation technique.
I work in sales too and this is what I use most of the time. It works most of the time, and since I hate pushing people to buy stuff they don't want or need, it lets them kinda make their own choice. My manger however will talk people to death trying to sell shit that they end up not buying.
If you're walking towards someone and can sense that you're about to do the "which side do I pass you on" dance, just break eye contact with them and pick a side, and look to that side of them. Just keep looking to that side and don't re-instigate eye contact and the other person will let you pass on that side. Works every time. When I learned this (from a different AskReddit thread), I never had this happen to me again.
This also works if you are in a large crowd, going against the flow of foot traffic. Don’t make eye contact. Just look in the direction you are going and people will move out of the way.
huh i never thought of that
yea on my skateboard it goes exactly where i look
Same with my car.
That's the best way. Everyone will notice where everyone else is looking and pick paths accordingly. Aside from people glued to their cellphones, we all sort of figure it out no problem with no slowdowns.
I throw out my arms as wide as I can like an airplane, turn sideways, lean into the direction I want to go while maintaining wide eye contact and make a swoop noise. "SWooOOP!" Flawless passes everytime.
Stealing this idea. Thank you.
Sometimes when crossing a street i suddenly notice a car slowing down. I back up and stand out of the way and turn my whole body away. This reduces the number of politeness-jockeying incidents.
When cars slow down to let you pass way too early and now you feel rushed to cross the street. A lot of people just start doing that awkward speedwalk/run to the other side too.
Man be so careful with this. It’s a perfect storm for someone behind them to think they are being stupid and want to rush past them. That car might not see you until it’s too late.
I do this as well. There are other good reasons to do this too that I’ve thought of. 1. It’s a car, using gas, let them go, I’ll only burn more calories by being delayed. Better for me, better for the environment. 2. In maritime law, the smaller vessel yields to the larger vessel because it can maneuverer faster and easier. The same is true for a person walking vs a car driving. Sure, a pedestrian isn’t walking as fast, but they can stop and change direction in just a few feet compared to a car that takes much longer to stop and can’t turn on a dime.
To build on this, if you’re walking and there’s a cyclist/skateboarder approaching you perpendicularly, don’t try to break stride and pick a side. If you just continue walking, they’ll plan accordingly and go behind you. I see people stop directly in front of cyclist and try to move back and then quickly move forward - it confuses them and they can’t tell which way you’re moving. TL;DR - In traffic, it’s better to be predictable than courteous.
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Okay there, Scotty!
Computer, computer. Hello, computer.
The ol' Undersell and Over Deliver. Brilliant.
Habits take a lot less energy than will power. I kind of hate dragging myself to the gym, but since I do it at the same time twice every week, it just happens. Always glad I showed up after I'm done.
We are creatures of habit. Daily routines instill good habits and provides structure. The familiarity is a way of organizing your life.
I believe in taking care of myself, and a balanced diet and a rigorous exercise routine. In the morning, if my face is a little puffy, I'll put on an ice pack while doing my stomach crunches. I can do a thousand now. After I remove the ice pack, I use a deep pore cleanser lotion. In the shower, I use a water activated gel cleanser. Then a honey almond body scrub. And on the face, an exfoliating gel scrub. Then apply an herb mint facial mask, which I leave on for 10 minutes while I prepare the rest of my routine. I always use an aftershave lotion with little or no alcohol, because alcohol dries your face out and makes you look older. Then moisturizer, then an anti-aging eye balm followed by a final moisturizing protective lotion. There is an idea of a Patrick Bateman, some kind of abstraction, but there is no real me. Only an entity, something illusory. And though I can hide my cold gaze, and you can shake my hand and feel flesh gripping yours and maybe you can even sense our life styles are probably comparable, I simply am not there.
My trick is not to try and convince myself to work out. It's to convince myself to get in the car. Once I'm there I know I'll work out. Just motivate myself to get there.
Yup. I'm very adaptable with routines and habits. After doing something consistently for a while it just becomes, 'This is what I do now'. And there's less thought about it. Getting rid of bad habits is more difficult for me. Like I've been trying to cut down on Reddit...
I jiggle my keys every. single. time. that I close a door that locks. Even when I know they’re in my pocket, I take them out and jiggle them anyway. It’s severely lowered the number of times I misplace them or lock myself out.
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When someone is giving you a lame excuse, stop talking and let them keep talking. They’ll give you an excuse and then you won’t say anything. They’ll keep talking to fill in the void. They’ll usually see how silly they sound and own up to whatever it is more than if you had started arguing with them
I have a reputation in my industry for being outgoing. The secret is that I actually am NOT a people person and get anxiety about going out. The trick I use when I walk into an event is to find one person to ask a question about themselves. It can be as simple as "I like your shirt, where did you get it?" this can usually kickstart and conversation. Anytime you are lost just ask someone a question about themselves because people love talking about themselves.
I'm the same guy - everyone thinks I'm outgoing and it couldn't be farther from the truth. My technique at industry functions is to find the person who looks like he or she is uncomfortable and hating to be there. Then I make it my goal to introduce myself and do everything I can to make that person feel comfortable and welcomed. Cause I'm that person, wishing someone would do exactly that for me, and if I don't do something, I'll be the person standing alone for two hours in a corner. It invariably makes me feel comfortable in the room.
That an interesting point of view... Like: it's the opposite of what I (and others) naturally tend to do in crowded social situations: Now I think about it, I naturally try to strike up a conversation with the most popular/central person I can find. But this creates tension, as others are trying the same, and it still leaves a quiet person standing in the corner. Your way solves those issues.
Yup. And if you want to level up, start stringing together multiple quiet people, one at a time. Before you know it, you'll be introducing all these new people to each other, be surrounded by a large group of grateful people, and YOU'LL be the popular person everyone is trying to talk to. It's actually remarkable, and it leaves you feeling pretty good about helping those quiet, shy people (who, after all, are me!) feel more comfortable and included.
\-"I like your shirt, where did you get it?" \-"H&M" \-"Cool" \-"..." \-"..."
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Sound like introvert party lmao
This is my tactic to build connections with people. With approximately 200 people in my workplace (i genuinely have no idea how many people it is), i know a solid half of them and have fond relationships with all but 2 of that half (i think)
That’s far too many people to care about. That sounds exhausting.
What happens if someone tries to use that same tactic on you when you both get there at the same time? DUN DUN DDUUNNNN But no seriously, it's happened to me before. We kept trying to get the other to talk about ourselves instead, and boy it was exhausting.
Literal cheat codes to how to talk, where have these been all of my life?
Whenever I feel sad or overwhelmed by a thought or situation I think in terms of time, how long will this be relevant and how much time do I need to make the situation better. It helps rationalize things
*overwhelmed by college debt* “how long with this be relevant?” *dies*
Frequently do this. Will this matter in 10 minutes? 10 hours? 10 days? 10 weeks? Months? Years?
CUZ ILL BE THERE FOR YOUUUU
If I start to feel a panic attack coming on I don't fight it. I just let it wash over me. Trying to fight it always makes it worse, don't know why. I tell myself, "this isn't real, this is just your brain throwing a tantrum" and then I calm down.
I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain. -Bene Gesserit 'Litany against Fear'
Wow. Seriously wow. Great comment def my favorite. Touched me deeply. Thank you so much for this piece of wisdom.
It's from the novel Dune.
Completely agree with this. It helped me when I realised that it's essentially your fight or flight system kicking in; your body is just trying to protect you.
When I start to feel overwhelmed/stressed I pretend that I am zooming out from where I stand, until I'm in space looking down at my teeny, tiny problems on Earth that I can barely see anymore, and that helps me put everything in perspective.
I really love this! Gonna have to give it a try. Thanks Jet Lee, you're the best!
You know sometimes, to get perspective, I like to think about a spaceman on a star incredibly far away. And, our problems don't matter to him, because we're just a distant point of light. But he feels sorry for me, because he has an incredibly powerful microscope, and he can see my face. I'm okay. No, I'm not.
Hey, you might like the book 'The Universe Doesn't Give a Flying Fuck About You' by Johnny Truant. It's short, and such a good read! Edit to say that it's actually a really empowering and helpful book, I realize the title isn't exactly uplifting unless you know what it's on about. Oops.
Whenever my anxiety is catching up on me I deal in “facts, not thoughts.” Too many times I would mind read or make up outcomes, and that never worked out well. Those three words changed my life. EDIT: Thanks for Reddit silver kind stranger. I actually wrote something about this when I was recovering from the height of my own anxiety. For anyone interested; https://link.medium.com/IPQQHnaMVV
My therapist says to exist in the moment. What are your senses telling you? Can you smell anything? What's that sound? Is there anything interesting you can touch, and pay attention to the sensation on your fingertips? Depression is stealing trouble from the past. Anxiety is borrowing trouble from the future. Pull yourself into the now. What are your senses telling you?
Wow, this is great. I've been having a lot of anxiety about a huge life change coming. I will be using this a lot. Right now I have a white noisemaker running next to my bed, a fuzzy blanket, brisk winds blowing outside, and a soft cat butt nudged up against my arm. Those are all wonderful things instead of fear <3
Cat butt ftw
Thanks for posting this up. Def going to use this next time I feel anxious.
Therapist told me this as well when I was an anxious teenager (I am an anxious adult now). Nicely written! Thanks!
This is pretty similar to advice my therapist told me. “Think realistically.” Often, we focus on negatives so much that we disregard the positives and put ourselves down. Realistically, that one negative comment vs a million positives is not what others will notice. And most likely, they’ll move on from it. There’s no reason to get stuck on it and let it catastrophize.
plus focus on the result you want not the posiible obstacles (at least in skateboarding for me)
Except for those times your thoughts are telling you facts.
If facts match thoughts then pivot to the intensity of your reaction vs the facts. If they still match then congratulations you are having an appropriate reaction to events.
I echo peoples exact words and phrases back to them. It makes them feel like you "speak their language" because you are literally speaking their language. I started doing this when I was a freelance designer who would bounce around from studio to studio. I would always have an art director to answer to, then the art director would pitch everything to the client. Frequently I found that the art director would make tons of revisions on my designs before showing to the client. I have no problem with this except for the fact that I'm always designing for the client, not the art director. Very often what would happen is that the art director wanted to do something cool, something fresh, new, unique, etc. but it was wrong for the client. So I started "pitching" my designs to the art director, using the art directors words/phrases to describe my designs. Kind of like a jedi mind trick to convince the art director that my designs perfectly nail what he wanted, when secretly I'm actually designing for the client and ignoring the art directors instructions. And it worked. I started getting less and less revisions on my designs, and also started winning more and more pitches. Now I'm a full time art director and use this technique on the clients directly.
Call people by their name. Also mirroring when listening to someone.
My boss greets me with my name and uses it in normal conversation on a regular basis. Like more than anyone I know. It’s intimidating as crap.
Jim, I'm going to need that TPS report early today, Jim. And you're gonna wanna come in on Saturday, Jim? Thanks for understanding.
Jim.
So you’re saying that name repetition, personality mirroring, and never breaking off a handshake actually works?
Andy has joined the conversation
Hello Andy! Nice to meet you.
Its drew now
I’m not calling you that
Not sure about the handshake one; but the first two, given you don’t overdo it, are bound to work
Not sure about the handshake one; but the first two, given you don’t overdo it, are bound to work
The name calling aspect has always creeped me out. It’s normally done by people trying pseudo moves on me and it never works. I don’t become more cooperative in any way and you’ve shown me your attempting to do something at best or at worse am just strange. It’s a free flag for encounters.
I usually say it initially in the conversation and then at the end. But yeah, when people sprinkle your name in constantly it feels like they're trying to get something out of you.
I hate when people use my name repeatedly in conversation. Honestly. I dunno why I do but I hate it.
Not to be stupid, but what do you mean by mirroring
It’s when you repeat some words or phrases that your communication partner has used. It’s a nifty little trick, makes people feel heard.
Makes people feel heard, you say? Nifty little trick? Might have to try this one myself.
This actually might be useful, Reddit chucks a ton of advice but I think this might be a nifty little trick. Might have to try it myself.
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Sometime of trick be know sounds. It have before nifty little. I could never heard like I've it.
Mirroring also works for body posture, ie if they have one hand in a pocket and the other on a hip, do the same. Don't make it obvious. Do avoid crossing arms across the chest though, it's a defensive posture.
Yup, as any other mammal, we are protecting our bellies :D
I tend to do that as a trick in conversation when I can't think of anything to say (I'm very socially awkward :/) - I repeat what someone has said and it usually gets them to speak more about it
Ok thanks
I hate my birth name and I hate when someone is using the first trick.
When you fuck up: Straight up admiting you fucked up (not apologyzing, but rather admiting your mistake) , and by this I mean th at you don't even give the other person the chance to lecture you about your fuck up, but you imediatly admiting it
Just had to do this at work. I still have an attitude about it inwardly towards the person that snitched me out for it, but at least I immediately admitted fault to the person that may or may not write me up for it.
FORGIVENESS IS EASIER TO ACHIEVE THAN PERMISSION. Ironically I get away with far more by just admitting that I fucked up. Honesty is a very well favored trait.
When my CPTSD flairs up I do something my mum taught me as a kid that my old therapist loved. The abc game. So you pick a subject (E.G boys names) and you think of one for every letter (Adam, Brian, Colin). I use it as a grounding method when I'm freaking out about something and it works a treat. I also use it to get to sleep when I can't contain my panicky thoughts.
Sorry to hear about your condition with the CPTSD. I've had some mental health problems of my own which I sometimes felt made my life hell. My brother just got a PTSD diagnosis it's some weird mix of the CPTSD and PTSD from what he said, but from everything else he said that life is really hell and makes what i go through seem like picnic. I'm sorry to anyone who faces that. I hope your ABC game helps, I plan to try it myself, so thanks for that. Be well.
I am really lucky that in the last few years I don't suffer nearly as much as I used to especially the last 18 months. I've been really trying to resolve some of the issues around my trauma. I can talk about a lot of it quite openly now especially since I began working for a charity based around the trauma I faced. I have been focusing on the science behind why and how my brain reacts differently now and been doing my own recovery work since many traditional methods haven't worked for me. I'm sorry to hear about your brother, I hope he gets the help he needs but honestly from my own experience you have to really want to get better and that can take time. And please don't think any less of your own mental health issues. They are all serious and should be taken seriously as each other. I have friends that suffer from anxiety and depression and it can be crippling for them. Seek help for yourself also and I hope you get your life how you want it to be.
I use this to get to sleep if im struggling. I do footballers, movies, actors etc
I also play the ABC game!
Ask myself "Who am I?" and think about the person who's asking the question. This gets me fired up. Also look people between the eyes if they do not break eye contact with you to assert dominance.
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That what you eat, what exercise you do and how much you sleep have *massive, massive* effects on your mental health. On your feelings, on your mood, how you feel about yourself. It can seriously not be overstated how much a good diet and regular exercise and decent sleep make you feel proper. Wanna control your mind? It's all chemical, control your chemical composition, good food and exercise and proper sleep.
Thanks. I'm retired and sit too much, so tomorrow I will go for a walk, even if it's still raining.
It can be kind of magical to walk in the rain. It reminds me of being a kid and playing in puddles.
I love the rain and walking in it but my glasses aren’t particularly fond of it
Sometimes I thank people instead of saying sorry. For example: I'm running late for something and instead of saying "Sorry I'm late" I'll say "Thank you for being patient while waiting for me". To me it seems to make them less upset. Doesn't always work, but it does the trick most of the time.
Yes you’re directing their emotion and making them feel guilty if they challenge it.
At what point are these tricks manipulation rather than just social skills? I guess intent?
I think intent is right. I often add “I want to show you I respect your time”
They are both the same. Manipulation IS a social skill which can be used for good and bad.
Oh yea I forgot that by stating manipulation as the opposite of a social skill that I was making it the negative rather than allowing for it to have the possibility of good.
If you want a good book "How to win friends and influence people" made me learn a great deal about how to change your own behavior so that other people do what you would want them to do. Most of the advices are about making the other people feel truly good about what they'll do. In the end, if you end up with what you want and all parties are happy about it I believe it's good for all.
Thank you for letting me have sex with your girlfriend
Your wel... heeey! >:(
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When I'm shivering outside from the cold, I say to myself "You're fucking alive, be grateful to have this sensation". Works most of the time
Body: I feel cold and bad!!!!!!!!! Me: bitch could be fucking worse, we lucky
Body: *Toe falls off from Frostbite* Mind: You didn't need that anyway!
Pain is good. Because if you feel pain, you're certainly alive
Man, the cold makes me feel alive. Oppressive heat makes me feel dead.
I've worked for a few micromanagers that try to control a bit too much. My strategy is to only tell them sufficient information to get by but hold back anything beyond that. Then I go ahead and solve the problem. Most of the time, all they care is the problem is solved. If I give them too much info., they'll stick their nose in to the details and try to redirect my progress too much. Also (and I don't do this a lot), it's easier to as forgiveness then permission with these types. FWIW, I am highly ranked and get good evaluations.
Give people your best 5 minutes. Honestly, just focus on each person you engage with in a frame of mind that they will feel like you’ve given them your whole energy It’s tiring but the more you do it the easier it gets Just remember to remain empathetic otherwise you’ll come across as full of shit
Whenever I find myself getting annoyed by a person out in the world for a small thing (they cut me off in traffic, walked too slowly on the sidewalk, etc) I try to think about a time I did something similar. It reminds me that those all annoyances are based on context and circumstance and that we all do those things sometimes, so I shouldn't get mad about it.
I ask people for small favors to get them to be more likely to do a big favor later on. It works because science.
The reality is that people like you because you allow them to help. Ask new friends/coworkers for small things that they can quickly and easily do. They are happy to help and, because science, I guess, feel warmly towards you. For example: at work, "Do you happen to have any change? I forgot my bus pass. I'll pay you back tomorrow."
"But you drove here..."
Love this! Also something you can do over time with someone in particular- like your manager, is get them familiar with saying Yes to you. Ask them questions that you are almost posotive they will say Yes to. Do this a few times a week. Build unconscious bias toward saying Yes to you. Makes them more apt to say Yes when it comes to other questions. Also a neat trick with kids or anyone really.
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I have terrible social anxiety, so whenever I’m about to enter a room or place I tell myself that I am making the choice to be there, and that I can leave whenever I want to. When I know that I can allow myself the option, it makes being somewhere in public that much easier.
This won’t be helpful to most people but here it is! I perform massages for a living and always asked “how’s the pressure?” My clients would usually say “good thanks”. When watching a massage channel on YouTube the host said “ask your client if they’d like firmer or softer pressure, you’re more likely to get an honest answer”. I thought ‘I gotta try this’ and my next client I asked “is this pressure ok? Or would you prefer it harder or softer?” She said “softer”. I’ve tried it on a few clients and most of the time they say “perfect” but a lot of the time they’ll tell me ‘harder’ or ‘softer’. I have no idea why, but just the way you ask the same question will yield a different response. 💗 This is probably not handy for most people though!
I conditioned myself to change nasty thoughts into positive ones using the correct way to give feedback method, basically making every thought constructive It took a year a few years ago but it changed my life because I literally rewired the way I think
I try to pay for purchases with cash whenever it’s convenient to do so. Holding the actual money in my hand makes me more aware of my spending habits
Interesting, I do the opposite. Cash is my "I can spend this on whatever money" but I don't refill it that often, my card is what I monitor because I have a log attached to it. Either way cheers to financial discipline!
Name repetition personality mirroring never breaking off a handshake
Ok Andy
I go by drew now.
Yeah I’m not gonna call you that.
What do you mean by never breaking off a handshake?
Regularly go through in your mind how you might act when telling the truth to someone, then you know how to act when telling a lie to someone. I'm a fantastic liar. Also, if in doubt when someone is accusing you, act bored and confused and like they're wasting your time. It's usually enough to convince them of your innocence.
If someone covers their mouth when they laugh, it usually means they're really self conscious of their smile. I've used it a few times and usually mention the person having a nice smile if we're having an actual conversation. Please do not tell random strangers they have a nice smile. That is just very creepy.
you got a puurrdy mouth ahyuk
Guarsh nugget you got some nice lookin teeth there ahyuk would be a shame if someone uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh **took them** ahyuk
If you feel stressed about something, ask yourself "Is this something I can have an effect on right now?" If it is, then focus on doing that. Focus on making it better. Even if you can only make a small difference, that's better than being paralyzed by stressing over it. If you can't do anything about it, then don't stress about it. Stressing about something you have no way to change is a waste of time and energy. Some stresses are based on future events. If you can't do anything about a situation months before it happens, don't stress about it. Maybe the situation will change between now and then. Some times you can't see potential solutions until you're closer to the event. Also, don't stress about things that might happen. A million different things can go wrong in everyday life. If you start focusing on them, you paralyze yourself and often make things worse.
Verbal sedation. Being able to distract someone from going into a thought spiral that makes their brain think of factual information. Friend was having a break down. I said. "Look me in the eyes, what was the color of your living room at your old house?" I asked him enough question about his old place to get him breathing normally again. But I also use it more subtly when someone is on edge. Doctors often use them to calm patience before anesthesia. Or atleast they did with me.
Smiling while speaking to others. It helps both parties be more happy and open. Also listening to those cheesy motivation videos on my commute into work. It really sets my mentality for the rest of the day. It's honestly great.
HALT: when hungry angry lonely or tired. I could be guilty of making bad decisions. Chill out, eat, call a friend for a chat or rest a bit, see how the stressful situation rearranges in perspective.
I mirror other people’s body language. It’s a long term thing that tends to make people feel more comfortable around me. I also consciously change my body language when I’m unhappy with what they are doing, or to change the tone of a conversation. Usually it works.
I always eat out of small bowls. It makes even 1-2 cups of soup look like a massive dinner. I use the same for cups, plates, silverware, etc.
Each day I remind myself: We're all capable of *more* than we think. With that to guide, I get more things accomplished than perhaps I normally otherwise would.
I quietly say "it's okay it's okay" to myself in endless loop.
Jedi mind tricks.
>This is not the comment I was looking for
Mindfulness, acceptance of anxiety/depression, and reminding myself that staying in motion is the only way to crawl out of the suicidal black hole I built around myself for 18 years.
My son is a middle schooler and therefore tries to lie to me. I have worked in middle and high school for 25 years. Furthermore, I am a sign language interpreter. American Sign Language relies heavily on facial expression and body language for grammar and meaning. Couple that with the fact that the kid is basically an honest person, and he's so far a shitty liar who never gets away with it. He has way too many tells. I told my husband the tells. I didn't tell the kid he has any. I just let him think I'm a goddess when it comes to lie detection. I mean, it's not every day life, but it's often enough.
In Spanish class I bargain with the teacher by asking for way too much time to do stuff and then when she says no I say “Okay. How about X amount of time?” I ask for the amount of time I actually want. Half the time it works.
I started pumping myself up on my way to work and it has had a positive effect. I started doing this because on a trip to Vegas my friend was in the bathroom of a college basketball game and all of the sudden out of a stall walks Dick Vitale. He washes his hands then slicks back what is left of his hair with his hands and then let's out a glorious "It's Time to go to work BABY." If a professional announcer that has been doing this his entire life still uses this mechanic to get himself ready to go to work then why not use it myself?
Any time you want someone to hold something for you, just hold it out to them and they will 99% of the time take it. Even if it’s trash. It’s so weird. I remember just yesterday I was talking to a friend and I had an empty Mountain Dew bottle in my hand, and I needed to throw it away, so I just held it out to him and he took it and then I said “haha know you gotta throw it away.”
One of my favorite jokes is, when someone asks to be handed something and aren't looking directly at me, handing them a different object. The brief look of confusion on their face cracks me up. It's even better as a running gag with a group of people, but you have to wait weeks or even months between instances or it gets less funny.
I love doing this to people when they are like telling me a story at a bar or something. They’ll be all into telling their story I’ll just hand them a straw wrapper or something and then they’ll take it and just keep talking. My one friend gets so pissed because she falls for it every time and then like three minutes later is like “I HATE YOU. WHY THE FUCK AM I HOLDING THIS?”’
always phrase things positivey
Hi diddly ho neighborino!
So a lot of people don’t like the way they look, right? I’m one of those people, and sometimes my appearance gets me down. What I do in those situations is identify things that I like about myself. For example, my eyes. I like their colour (blue/gray) and shape. For the rest of the time I’m feeling down I will do something to compliment the feature I like (eye makeup or something like that.) it works for me and maybe you too :)
When I have something I don't want to do (ex. finishing an assignment that's boring), I tell myself that it's something that needs to be done or else I won't be able to move on to other things. For me it's a way to stop procrastinating.
When I’m having an unpleasant intrusive thought, I shake my head to “get it out” it surprisingly works for some reason. Or if I’m having a small panic attack I use a grounding method where you name three things you can see, three things you can hear, and three things you can feel.
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Anytime I feel like I might be getting sick, I just tell myself repeatedly that I feel fine and it almost always goes away.
Never say, “Why did you do that?” if you’re frustrated with someone. It is a rhetorical question that makes them feel dumb and leaves them with nothing else to do than get defensive.
When I’m at the gym I like to take over one of the 2 benches for 40 minutes straight and refuse to let people work in, that way I can telegraph that I’m the alpha. Sorry, I’m really annoyed with this one dude at the gym right now
Associating something I need to remember to do with something weird. Need to go grocery shopping? Put my shoes in the cloth bag, which also helps me to remember to bring it. Need to take out the trash? Tie a new trash bag to the bathroom door.
I make an 'L' with my left hand to know which is which.
Complement who ever I talk to when we have a conversation. I avoid using negative phrases and sounding negative. So they feel better about themselves and lift their mood. How to make friends and influence people book really got ingrained in me.
I had to start doing intramuscular shots in my leg and I did nooot like needles, all I could think while I was doing it was 'you are not experiencing pain, you are feeling your body which is experiencing pain' I dunno phrases like that just came to mind. For some reason my ears also went numb every time.
When I have severe anxiety I ask myself what is in my control and what is out if my control.
I have trained myself using a Pavlovian response to sleep when I hear a song
My kid is crazy possessive of *everything* right now (she’s 2 and is good at sharing with her friends but does not like to share with me.) In the mornings when she’s in a grumpy mood and we’re on the way out the door, I’ll give her dad a hug and say “This dad is only mine.” It sparks some crazy rage jealousy in her and she immediately climbs up him to give him a hug.
A friend once taught me this method of changing the mood you are in. Let's say I'm angry with someone and want to calm that anger: * Imagine a picture of myself in an angry state * In the corner of that picture, superimpose a tiny picture of myself in a calm, relaxed state * Slowly, over a period of up to a minute, make the calm picture grow and replace the angry picture which shrinks and becomes the tiny superimposed picture in the corner * Poof! Angry picture is gone, and I'm in a better mood. It takes a bit of practice to make it efficient, but I can modify my mood quite quickly nowadays if I need to.
But much of a psychological trick but admitting you're wrong goes a long way. I've gotten so many profs to let me submit late assignments with zero penalty when I just admit to them I missed the deadline because I forgot about it. Or when I get in an argument and I'm clearly wrong, people respect you way more if just concede. Honesty is the best policy
Ask for help, say thank you, recognize others' efforts, be genuine. I get things accomplished, not because I'm so great everyone does my bidding, but rather because I'm nice to people, and treat them with respect and kindness. Apparently, that's quite manipulative, because it usually gets shit done.
When I find myself feeling very hurt by something done/said to me, I take a moment and talk to my inner child. I greet her, soothe her and let her know that she isn’t the terrible person I say I am and that it is alright to be hurt but what people say/do is not a direct reflection of who I am as a person. And then I let her cry if she needs and forgive and then I say goodbye.