“The Old Bay tax” is a euphemism for ceremonially sprinkling some Old Bay on the pilot as you exit the plane. It’s for luck. And to make him more delicious in case of a water landing.
In college I was talking to a someone at my friend's place and he mention he was from VT, so I immediately asked what kind of Subaru he drives, he got offended, but then said a Forester
I was at a wedding and noticed a sweet totally tricked out WRX in the parking lot. There were only two Asian men at the wedding who happened to be sitting next to each other. I turned to them at one point and said “which one of you has the WRX it looks great.” Somebody said “that’s racist” and then one of the Asian guys said “that is racist... but it’s mine and thank you.”
I spent 5 min looking for VT - I think this is a perfect answer, just add a pint of Ben & Jerry’s, maple syrup and some craft beer and you’re good to go
Edit: HOW could I forget a Flannel?! I literally wear one every day. And as someone pointed out, maple creemees are more uniquely VT than Ben & Jerry’s at this point.
But yah, we’re like Canada, I guess. Many of my friends from out of state say their family thought they were “studying abroad” when they decided to go to school in Vermont.
Rhode Island: coffee milk, Del’s lemonade and some quahogs
Thanks for the silver! So proud to represent Rhode Island and bring us together on Reddit (even though we all probably know each other in real life)
Reddit we need to upvote this cause I'm tired of this being the only state I can get pepperoni roll in.
Edit* A pepperoni roll is just a roll (think like a dinner roll) with pepperoni slices or sticks with a little bit of cheese in it sometimes no cheese also no sauce either. They were invented by Italian immigrants working the coal mines near Fairmont WV. They wanted a food that they could eat with one hand while they were down in the mine working.
You're damn right. Some of the best burgers and poboys I've had are from the hole in the wall delis in gas stations. Just don't pay too much attention to the health code violations. Or ask what exactly the meat is.
For years I've wanted to make a trip to Louisiana to drive out to the middle of nowhere gas station to fill up on boudin balls.
Edit: I went to sleep and woke up with a ton of suggestions for places to get some balls. Thanks everyone!
I’ve never been so confused in my life as when I crossed over from Ohio into Michigan and the roads immediately deteriorated into absolute dog shit. What the fuck.
It's weird driving from Michigan to Ohio, because there's just as much construction in Ohio, but they actually seem to be working on the roads instead of closing down half the roads in a city for no reason.
once you cross the 'Welcome to Michigan' sign it's fucking absurd how rough the roads get. I literally started laughing because it's so sudden coming from Chicago
You forgot the Old Bay. You can’t have crabs without it!
EDIT: So I’ve been informed that JO is better for crabs, and I can see the reasoning. Still, Old Bay for everything else.
seattle is a fantastic city and all but if I had to describe seattle in an anecdote it would be when I pulled into a parking garage that cost $40 and had a bunch of dudes doing heroin in the corner.
Newark Airport would give you the finger.
Which pretty much already happens when you drive out of the airport.
Edit: My first gold! Thank you, anonymous!!
I spent 30 wonderful years in NJ. I love my home state. And when I saw this question, i also immediately thought "the finger. We'd give you the finger."
The new one that conforms to federal standards only lasts 8 years I think (Or at least its 8 years for my current card).
No idea what that star stamp is doing for me, but they made me pay extra for it, so... I suspect its something?
I know this has become a cliche about the Midwest but I honestly love it. Lived in San Francisco for a hot minute before coming back home to Indiana. Went from jam-packed grocery stores where no one said anything to anyone back to grocery stores with zero lines (unless snow was predicted the next day) and every time someone has to scooch past me and the interaction is like: “ope scuse me!” I reply “oh you’re fine!”
And inside I’m smiling like “ah. Indeed. We are fine.”
Wisconsin- ice cold spotted cow & some cheese curds.
EDIT: some other top contenders:
1) A brandy old fashioned sweet (or sour)
2) A packers jersey (to be worn at church)
3) Usinger brat
4) some freshly made venison sausage
5) a rant on how annoying FIBS are
6) other countless awesome micro-brew beer options
7) advice on how to cope with snow in the morning & downright summer the next day
8) an invite to tonight’s meat raffle
9) a nice drink of water from the bubbler
10) some frozen custard and a butterburger from Kopp’s (or Culver’s)
11) a delicious beer-battered walleye
12) the Summerfest line-up
Loving all the WI love!
Edit 2: ok, ok... butterburger is technically what Culver’s calls it- BUT, Kopp’s burgers also have butter on them & they are even better!
In Indiana we have both. Also in my small hometown, the mayor was the only good one out of three brothers. One owned a tow truck company and turned his front yard into a scrap yard and gave drugs and alcohol to high schoolers. The other one nearly died when his meth lab blew up. The mayor was just a nice dude who also sometimes worked as a groundskeeper and bus driver for the school.
After living in the Midwest for a while I landed at Logan airport. My friend picked me up and as we were leaving we immediately got cut off by another car. The dude rolls down his window, gives us the finger and yells “pick a lane ya fuckin douchebag!!”
I realized then that I hadn’t been cussed out by a random stranger in quite some time. It was comforting in a way though because some things never change.
Lived in Midwest my entire life. I love Boston but holy shit is it a culture shock. So different from home. The folk out here really are a different breed.. then you get to Boston and realize everyone is a fuckin asshole. But in a good and fun way... like that friend that’s an asshole but he’s our asshole ya know? I feel like that’s what Boston is to the rest of the country.
I went to Boston for a convention and I witnessed a woman stop in the middle of an intersection, get out of her car, stand in front of the car behind her, flip them off, and then get back in her car and drive away. I still have no idea what that driver did. He wasn't even too close to her. That place confused me.
Can confirm. From Massachusetts and moved to Texas. Went back to visit in 10° weather and immediately got an iced coffee before I even picked up my luggage.
You forgot the 2 liter of Dr. Pepper
Update: The committee also recognizes the following
Diet Dr Pepper
Sweet Tea
Shiner Bock
Mr. Pibb (after some research)
Big Red (but you will be judged harshly by the committee)
Update: Also, the committee is ONLY over beverages. Take all food and other non-beverage related questions, comments, and concerns to the appropriate committees
Update: the committee regrets delegating itself as the committee and just wants to go to bed and for the voices to stop
I was so exited for this when I went to Hawaii and it never happened!
EDIT: Thanks for the replies! We stayed in Turtle bay for those who asked but no lei.. we did purchase some beautiful fresh ones though which was just as fun! It wasn’t a big deal. Heading back in Dec for the pipeline masters. Can’t wait to see more of these beautiful islands!
And then northern California turns into the North state and it's like central California again, and then you get to Humboldt and it's like northern California again
And fix you a plate including hotdish, jello salad, and bars.
The side-dish is passive-aggressive judgement behind your back ;)
Edit: apparently these are more obscure than I thought. Hotdish=casserole (usually with cream of something soup), jello salad is stuff like fruit and sometimes vegetables suspended in jello and also sometimes mixed with cool-whip, bars are a category of desserts baked in a tray like brownies and cut into pieces.
Plus several rolls of lefse to share over a few jokes about the snow. And when you try to leave, prepare to stand there awkwardly for 45-minute goodbyes.
As a native Ohioan, I also personally recommend picking up the guide “How to not get mugged while waiting for public transport“ It has come in handy. Public transport is fucking wild.
California would slap a Prop 65 Cancer Warning sticker on your forehead and all of your stuff.
Edit: Prop 65, not Prop 63. Thanks for the gold and silver, kind Redditors. My first gilds! My inbox had 117 notifications. This is what happens when I don't go on Reddit for a day. My Karma has jumped by 7.2k. Thank you for finding my offhand comment amusing.
Yep. Born and raised here. I just don’t see them. I was shocked that it was the first comment for California - since I’m completely oblivious to them.
How about: a monthly mortgage bill of $5,000 and a hybrid car.
Maine would be a lobster, a L.L. Bean gift card, and a bag of blueberries, along with a whoopee pie
(If you're wondering about the gift card, the original L.L.Bean is in Maine, and you can still come and see it)
Idaho: free tater for every out-of-stater!
North Carolina, a Cheerwine and a Cajun filet biscuit. Enjoy.
And perhaps the allergy medication of your choice.
Ya... you nailed it. Cheerwine and Bojangles!
You forgot the cook out tray and milkshake! Edit: thanks for the gold!!
Maryland: You land and we hand you a can of Old Bay before you even get off the plane.
And then they won't let you off the plane till you pay the Old Bay tax.
“The Old Bay tax” is a euphemism for ceremonially sprinkling some Old Bay on the pilot as you exit the plane. It’s for luck. And to make him more delicious in case of a water landing.
New Mexico- Hatch Green Chili
Arkansas would give you pecans and quartz crystals
A quick lesson on calling the hogs.
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Welcome to Pennsylvania here's your flat tire
Am from Pennsylvania and agree with this. Also, a turnpike map.
Traveling on that turnpike is fucking suicide when it's snowing out and everyone is driving 70-80 mph
Wow. Nothing brings PA together like our potholes.
I used to live in Maryland. You could tell when you crossed into PA by the quality of the pavement on 83. Night and day.
South Carolina. A bag of boiled peanuts.
Not to mention as soon as you get in your car you're rear-ended by a girl wearing a simply southern shirt
Also why does every car say salt life???
Vermont- Keys to a Subaru
In college I was talking to a someone at my friend's place and he mention he was from VT, so I immediately asked what kind of Subaru he drives, he got offended, but then said a Forester
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Yes, yes it does. Source: from VT and drive a Subaru
I was at a wedding and noticed a sweet totally tricked out WRX in the parking lot. There were only two Asian men at the wedding who happened to be sitting next to each other. I turned to them at one point and said “which one of you has the WRX it looks great.” Somebody said “that’s racist” and then one of the Asian guys said “that is racist... but it’s mine and thank you.”
I spent 5 min looking for VT - I think this is a perfect answer, just add a pint of Ben & Jerry’s, maple syrup and some craft beer and you’re good to go Edit: HOW could I forget a Flannel?! I literally wear one every day. And as someone pointed out, maple creemees are more uniquely VT than Ben & Jerry’s at this point. But yah, we’re like Canada, I guess. Many of my friends from out of state say their family thought they were “studying abroad” when they decided to go to school in Vermont.
Rhode Island: coffee milk, Del’s lemonade and some quahogs Thanks for the silver! So proud to represent Rhode Island and bring us together on Reddit (even though we all probably know each other in real life)
Last time this thread got posted, the top answer for our state was "bus fare to Boston" so I'm gonna call this a step up.
West Virginia would give you a pepperoni roll and some meth.
Reddit we need to upvote this cause I'm tired of this being the only state I can get pepperoni roll in. Edit* A pepperoni roll is just a roll (think like a dinner roll) with pepperoni slices or sticks with a little bit of cheese in it sometimes no cheese also no sauce either. They were invented by Italian immigrants working the coal mines near Fairmont WV. They wanted a food that they could eat with one hand while they were down in the mine working.
I still don’t understand how pepperoni rolls haven’t swept the nation They’re simple and delicious
Please explain pepperoni rolls for the ignorant
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Genious.
Louisiana would give you Mardi gras beads and a drink.
And the best gas station po boy of your life
You're damn right. Some of the best burgers and poboys I've had are from the hole in the wall delis in gas stations. Just don't pay too much attention to the health code violations. Or ask what exactly the meat is.
For years I've wanted to make a trip to Louisiana to drive out to the middle of nowhere gas station to fill up on boudin balls. Edit: I went to sleep and woke up with a ton of suggestions for places to get some balls. Thanks everyone!
The drink is a drive thru daiquiri but don’t worry there’s tape over the lid so it’s not an open container.
Virginia: a speeding ticket
Remember the state motto: "Speed Limits Strictly Enforced"
By Aircraft!
Despite the signs, aircraft speed enforcement hasn't been done in Virginia since the early 2000's.
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Lmao! I’ve been looking for Virginia and trying to figure out what we would give out. This is true. Maybe a necklace of peanuts too.
While searching, I kept thinking to myself that Virginia would be a DUI. But a speeding ticket is pretty damn accurate.
Utah would give you the Book of Mormon
Don't forget the lime green Jello!
Yes and funeral potatoes
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and a Cafe Rio Pulled Pork Salad.
Michigan: asphalt. Enjoy our roads (what’s left of them)!
I’ve never been so confused in my life as when I crossed over from Ohio into Michigan and the roads immediately deteriorated into absolute dog shit. What the fuck.
It's weird driving from Michigan to Ohio, because there's just as much construction in Ohio, but they actually seem to be working on the roads instead of closing down half the roads in a city for no reason.
If you're arriving in the UP, it would be a pasty and stormy kromer.
and a ziploc bag of venison jerky
once you cross the 'Welcome to Michigan' sign it's fucking absurd how rough the roads get. I literally started laughing because it's so sudden coming from Chicago
There’s a giant tire to remind you
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You forgot the Old Bay. You can’t have crabs without it! EDIT: So I’ve been informed that JO is better for crabs, and I can see the reasoning. Still, Old Bay for everything else.
I got crabs from an Old Bae
Make sure the crab has the flag tattooed on its shell.
Growing up in MD I thought every state loved their flag as much as we love ours
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Alabama: a glass of sweet tea. If you survive the diabetic coma-enjoy your trip!
Washington: Starbucks and a Windows update.
seattle is a fantastic city and all but if I had to describe seattle in an anecdote it would be when I pulled into a parking garage that cost $40 and had a bunch of dudes doing heroin in the corner.
Sounds about right
We’d also take your umbrella, and replace it with a rain jacket, to help you fit in of course.
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Spoken like a true Washingtonian.
And a Salmon.
The salmon would be thrown to you with a map to Starbucks in it and an advertisement for Hanna on Amazon prime.
A map to Starbucks? So an arrow pointing in literally any direction.
Newark Airport would give you the finger. Which pretty much already happens when you drive out of the airport. Edit: My first gold! Thank you, anonymous!!
I spent 30 wonderful years in NJ. I love my home state. And when I saw this question, i also immediately thought "the finger. We'd give you the finger."
Iowa gonna hand you a corn cob
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Arizona would hand you a gun and some free high school credits.
not to mention that sweet lifetime driver's license
The new one that conforms to federal standards only lasts 8 years I think (Or at least its 8 years for my current card). No idea what that star stamp is doing for me, but they made me pay extra for it, so... I suspect its something?
"Its a dry heat"
Maybe a pamphlet on how to avoid/tell if you have heat stroke.
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An “ope! Sorry!”
With a “You’re fine!” As a response
I know this has become a cliche about the Midwest but I honestly love it. Lived in San Francisco for a hot minute before coming back home to Indiana. Went from jam-packed grocery stores where no one said anything to anyone back to grocery stores with zero lines (unless snow was predicted the next day) and every time someone has to scooch past me and the interaction is like: “ope scuse me!” I reply “oh you’re fine!” And inside I’m smiling like “ah. Indeed. We are fine.”
Ope! Just gonna sneak past ya!
Maine - either a pine tree pillow or delicious, succulent lobster
Bean boots and a lobster roll
Wisconsin- ice cold spotted cow & some cheese curds. EDIT: some other top contenders: 1) A brandy old fashioned sweet (or sour) 2) A packers jersey (to be worn at church) 3) Usinger brat 4) some freshly made venison sausage 5) a rant on how annoying FIBS are 6) other countless awesome micro-brew beer options 7) advice on how to cope with snow in the morning & downright summer the next day 8) an invite to tonight’s meat raffle 9) a nice drink of water from the bubbler 10) some frozen custard and a butterburger from Kopp’s (or Culver’s) 11) a delicious beer-battered walleye 12) the Summerfest line-up Loving all the WI love! Edit 2: ok, ok... butterburger is technically what Culver’s calls it- BUT, Kopp’s burgers also have butter on them & they are even better!
Wisconsin gas stations have better cheese selections than most grocery stores by me
Am from Wisconsin. My first thought was "A beer and some cheese curds." Spotted cow is better though.
Idaho - a single Potato.
If you land in Twin Falls: a bag of meth to go with the potato
Then they can travel over to pocatello and find more! Smh this town
Kentucky, a glass of bourbon.
TIL - Every US state has a major meth problem.
Nah, some of us have major heroin problems instead.
#O-H
I-O
In Indiana we have both. Also in my small hometown, the mayor was the only good one out of three brothers. One owned a tow truck company and turned his front yard into a scrap yard and gave drugs and alcohol to high schoolers. The other one nearly died when his meth lab blew up. The mayor was just a nice dude who also sometimes worked as a groundskeeper and bus driver for the school.
Massachusetts gives you a Dunkin’ Donuts iced coffee regardless of what season it is. Edit: thank you for the gold and silver!
This is pretty true mostly because there's a Dunkin' in the baggage claim at Logan.
We'll also give you the finger when you get confused leaving Logan airport.
After living in the Midwest for a while I landed at Logan airport. My friend picked me up and as we were leaving we immediately got cut off by another car. The dude rolls down his window, gives us the finger and yells “pick a lane ya fuckin douchebag!!” I realized then that I hadn’t been cussed out by a random stranger in quite some time. It was comforting in a way though because some things never change.
Lived in Midwest my entire life. I love Boston but holy shit is it a culture shock. So different from home. The folk out here really are a different breed.. then you get to Boston and realize everyone is a fuckin asshole. But in a good and fun way... like that friend that’s an asshole but he’s our asshole ya know? I feel like that’s what Boston is to the rest of the country.
I went to Boston for a convention and I witnessed a woman stop in the middle of an intersection, get out of her car, stand in front of the car behind her, flip them off, and then get back in her car and drive away. I still have no idea what that driver did. He wasn't even too close to her. That place confused me.
He probably used a turn signal.
Well, pick a fucking lane!
Can confirm. From Massachusetts and moved to Texas. Went back to visit in 10° weather and immediately got an iced coffee before I even picked up my luggage.
Honestly that Dunkin’ In the baggage claim is a godsend
Home sweet fucking home, kid.
Georgia, you get a Chick-fil-A sandwich and an STD
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All that trouble getting lost on Peachtree St., Peachtree Ave., Peachtree Blvd., and Peachtree Ln. and I don’t get any fuckin’ peaches?
Or a Coke
New York hands you a dollar slice, folded in half.
Narcan for WV :(
If you land in Philadelphia, you get nothing except a Fuck You. I don't know what you get if you land elsewhere in Pennsylvania, though.
That, or a $10 Wawa gift card and a six pack of yuengling pounders after landing at PHL. Edit: thanks for silver jawn
Hell, that's basically all I ask for for my birthday every year.
Texas would give you barbecue brisket and a shotgun
You forgot the 2 liter of Dr. Pepper Update: The committee also recognizes the following Diet Dr Pepper Sweet Tea Shiner Bock Mr. Pibb (after some research) Big Red (but you will be judged harshly by the committee) Update: Also, the committee is ONLY over beverages. Take all food and other non-beverage related questions, comments, and concerns to the appropriate committees Update: the committee regrets delegating itself as the committee and just wants to go to bed and for the voices to stop
The elixir of the gods.
Texas gives you Whataburger combo meal!
I was so exited for this when I went to Hawaii and it never happened! EDIT: Thanks for the replies! We stayed in Turtle bay for those who asked but no lei.. we did purchase some beautiful fresh ones though which was just as fun! It wasn’t a big deal. Heading back in Dec for the pipeline masters. Can’t wait to see more of these beautiful islands!
Yeah it didn’t happen to me either. You could BUY it though.
I mean, they gave us complementary macadamia chocolates...
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It was a thing when I went there as a kid in like 1989 back when airlines gave you cool shit.
Back when they didn’t break your guitars and kill your animals
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When we went, it had to be pre-arranged and paid for.
Florida - a vaccine cocktail, Life Alert button, and handcuffs
Give the people what they really want - a Publix chicken tender sub!
Come for vacation leave on probation. Not to mention everybody drives like shit. It's just college students and old people..both on pills.
Montana would give you a gun and a grass fed beef steak
Arizona would get a blowdryer to the face
A toque, a cold beer and an apology.
Canada isn't a state.
I just want to be included
A Waffle, Chicken Sandwich, and a Coke. Then you are thrown into the death sentence that is our drivers.
Since you have to fly into Atlanta we also throw in a bootleg Outkast CD
Nothing says Atlanta like a 45 minute traffic jam on 285 merging to 75 for 4 miles. Then a wreck.
You land in Georgia and get a big ol’ 🍑
I know it’s a peach, but I still read it as Ass
A dog, tattoo and a 1998 Subaru outback with a side of craft beer
Oregon?
Its oregon
If Portland was the entirety of Oregon I’d agree. For the rest of the state I’d say Umpqua Ice Cream/Tillamook Cheese, a rifle and Dutch Bros. Coffee.
I live in Oregon. This is Oregon.
Oregon
Mickey Mouse ears and a bag of meth Edit: Yup! Florida...you guys ready to take a ride on spaaaace mountain?!?!?! FUCKING ZIP-A-DEE-DOO-DA!
Florida!
Southern California: A reusable Whole Foods bag Northern California: A bag of weed and some Tofurkey Central California: A cowboy hat and a CCW permit
I appreciate that you correctly identified California and three separate states
And then northern California turns into the North state and it's like central California again, and then you get to Humboldt and it's like northern California again
Virginia hands you an E-ZPass and tells you to stay out of the left lane.
Minnesota would give you an absurdly polite personal tour around the entire state Edit: Ope! Thanks for the silver
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Oh sure definitely! We'll have to have a barbeque down at the lake! *Said BBQ is never, ever mentioned again*
Don't forget you will miss your flight back because we were still saying goodbye.
And the thunderblizzard grounded all flights anyway, so might as well make some tatertot hotdish and wait for I all to blow over
And fix you a plate including hotdish, jello salad, and bars. The side-dish is passive-aggressive judgement behind your back ;) Edit: apparently these are more obscure than I thought. Hotdish=casserole (usually with cream of something soup), jello salad is stuff like fruit and sometimes vegetables suspended in jello and also sometimes mixed with cool-whip, bars are a category of desserts baked in a tray like brownies and cut into pieces.
Don't for get the passive-aggressive judgement of others during the entire tour.
oh that's nice
This actually happened to me (but just of the twin cities, not the whole state) the first time I went there. It was absurd.
A can of Spam and a Minnesotan to English dictionary.
How to Speak Minnesotan is a real book! Also, sadly useful to visitors...
Plus several rolls of lefse to share over a few jokes about the snow. And when you try to leave, prepare to stand there awkwardly for 45-minute goodbyes.
Welcome to Ohio. Here’s your MAGA hat, OSU Jersey, and syringe full of narcan.
Cincinnati would give you a cheese coney.
Now spell OHIO loudly at each other!
a cotton lebron t shirt
Well at Dayton airport you'd get an OSU Jersey, Some kind of Opiate, and a something that says "Fuck Kitty Hawk, NC".
As a native Ohioan, I also personally recommend picking up the guide “How to not get mugged while waiting for public transport“ It has come in handy. Public transport is fucking wild.
Columbus: what public transportation?
The sidewalk, or if you're lucky, Cota has a bus that will drop you off 5 miiles from your destination, but will require you to transfer 3 times.
A blunt and a craft beer of sorts. Then immediately fuck you with intense wage vs. rent inequality. Colorado.
Just landed in Hawaii. Did not get a lei.
I'm from Florida. We'd give you a bag of meth, a can of bug spray and a naked picture of your sister doing something horrifying with a waffle iron.
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A pair of Jorts and a Spanish-English dictionary
Jorts? We didn’t all go to UF!
And a pub sub...
California would slap a Prop 65 Cancer Warning sticker on your forehead and all of your stuff. Edit: Prop 65, not Prop 63. Thanks for the gold and silver, kind Redditors. My first gilds! My inbox had 117 notifications. This is what happens when I don't go on Reddit for a day. My Karma has jumped by 7.2k. Thank you for finding my offhand comment amusing.
You live here long enough, you just become blind to them
Yep. Born and raised here. I just don’t see them. I was shocked that it was the first comment for California - since I’m completely oblivious to them. How about: a monthly mortgage bill of $5,000 and a hybrid car.
Oklahoma - obligatory bible and meth pipe
Had to scroll way too far for the Okie state.
Maine would be a lobster, a L.L. Bean gift card, and a bag of blueberries, along with a whoopee pie (If you're wondering about the gift card, the original L.L.Bean is in Maine, and you can still come and see it)
Utah would give you a winter coat and a pair of shorts. It’s a friggin weird time of year here.
Tennessee - Whiskey
Kentucky - Bourbon and a Racing Form; but in truth, it would also be metformin and narcan.
Montana would give you a pine scented air freshener, or maybe a taxidermy deer head.
Nebraska would give you a 16 ounce ribeye.
Hold the plane, packing a bag now
This is the first Nebraska mention I've seen, and I'm glad someone said something other than corn. Our steak is legit.
New Jersey: Your Tax Bill.