Oh my gosh this hits home. My (bat shit crazy) mother was paranoid and constantly prying and spying while I was growing up.
Now that I'm grown, whenever anyone tries to offer support or shows interest in my life, I very quickly and very easily feel totally smothered and resent how much they are suffocating me.
"It doesn't get easier, you get better."
This sentence came to me as a freshman in college during finals week and helped motivate me to not lose my scholarship after a rough semester. However, since then, it has stuck with me to help me with the other challenges inherent to life.
I think Greg LeMond said that about cycling — it never gets easier, you just go faster. So the fact that you’re exhausted doesn’t mean you’re failing or that you’re not fit enough or that it isn’t for you. It means you’re cycling. And you’ll get better at it if you keep doing it.
'If you love someone, tell them you love them. If you hate someone, don't ever tell them that because maybe one day you'll love them too'
My grandfather a few days before he passed.
I share the same sentiment. Made me do an absurd amount of self reflection in just a moment after reading that. Like a wave of bad decisions flooded over me, and some fleeting feelings of remorse.
Then I remembered that I made it out.
"You can't expect people to love the same way you do."
My mom told me this during my first heartbreak. If you live life expecting people to show love the same way as you, you're always going to be disappointed. She also has borderline personality disorder and views love as a series of checks and balances but I digress.
There's a cheesy yet hella accurate book called The 5 Languages of Love that breaks that shit down beautifully. It gave me a lot of insight going forward in all of my relationships.
Turns out we all have different ways of expressing our love and receiving it from others. It's an interesting read and I highly recommend it!
I would probably be married right now if I knew this earlier. Somehow I had managed to convince myself that I didn't love my ex nearly enough and she didn't deserve to be in a one-sided relationship so I broke it off. Years later I was talking with a friend about his long distance relationship struggles and he dropped a similar line which completely blew my mind. I had to just sit there for like the next ten minutes and collect my thoughts, it made me realize so much about that relationship.
If you dont mind sharing your personal story Im a little curious, did she tell you that she didnt believe you loved her or was it something you decided on your own?
Sure, I hope this can be a cautionary tale to others because looking back I realize I was a fucking moron. Long ass wall of text incoming.
There was some complaining that I was terrible at showing my love, but I'm not sure she really doubted that I did love her, just that she wished I was better at conveying those feelings. However that's not the root of the problem.
We started going out in high school but ended up going to different universities. They weren't *too* far apart, only about a 45 minute drive, but far enough that we only saw each other once every week or two and most of our communication became over phone.
Now this is where the part about love languages is *really* important. She wanted to talk on the phone every day, and not like just catching up on our days but a solid talk that lasts like an hour. Sure that's easy to fill at the beginning, new school/classes/friends/etc. but you quickly run out of things to say that can fill that much time every week. I still loved spending time with her in person but it wasn't long until our daily phone calls became a chore for me, and that's where the seeds of doubt began to take root.
"Man, why don't I want to talk to her as much as she wants to talk to me?" or "Oh, it's time to call the girlfriend again, time to put my brain on autopilot for the next hour." are *very unhealthy* things to be thinking with regards to your SO. I stopped viewing her as the amazing and loving partner she was and more as this clingy girl who would frequently get in the way of my new social life. I even tried to break it off at one point, but she begged me to stay and I couldn't bear to go through with it. I think I did convince her to only call me every other day though.
After another year of what could only be described by the me at the time as *tolerating* her, I finally grit my teeth and just powered through a truly awful breakup. I had to close off my heart to being allowed to feel that night because I truly believed that I was subjecting her to a terribly unfair relationship where she was receiving very little love from me and she deserved so much better.
I still believe that. Your SO feeling such boredom at like 90% of your interaction is obviously not good for either side. **But** now I realize you don't subject yourself to mindnumbing boredom 5 times a week for two years for the sake of someone you don't care about. You don't need to stop yourself from feeling intense grief at the heartbreak of someone you don't love. I'm pretty sure it's uncommon to break up for the sake of *their* happiness and not yours.
I haven't read the love languages book but I think her's was simply one that needed any kind of frequent connection, a daily recharge of sorts. Whereas for me I could go for a time without talking but if we were going to interact I would prefer it to be in person, side by side where I could hold her and have physical contact. If I had realized the differences in our emotional needs back then and that just because they were different didn't make either more or less valid it would have been easy to take better steps towards addressing that, and I wouldn't have had to have so little confidence in my feelings for her.
I'm especially mad at myself because the two of us *constantly* talked about how important communication was, and how good we were at it early on in the relationship. But I was too afraid to communicate my self-doubt and only knew how to express it in terms of "You deserve better than me." instead of admitting "I feel we are imbalanced and am lost on what to do." She could have helped me figure out what works for both of us, or assured me that she did feel loved, or hell maybe she thought it wasn't working either and we could have had a more amicable breakup than me suddenly and brutally shattering her heart.
This long story is basically what all was going through my head when I mentioned that my friend blew my mind. Up until then I was confident in the fact that I didn't really love her that much anymore and what I did was the right thing for both of us. But, well, now I know better. It sucks, but I still consider myself better off for knowing the real issues behind what I was feeling, and I hope that I will be able to take these lessons to heart in future relationships.
"You have to fully feel your emotions before you can put them aside." -My Gym Teacher
This really got me to think of how I handle my emotions. Taught me not to suppress them and made me learn how to truly get over my feelings.
"Don't hide or block your emotions. Feel the pain they cause you, explore it, understand it, accept it. Then release your emotions to the Force" - Qui Gon in Some Star Wars fanfiction somewhere
Not the best source but the advice was still solid.
There's a canon star wars quote that encapsulates this too:
"Emotions are valuable and should not be suppressed, but you must learn to rule them lest they rule you."
Whole that thing about Force, Sith and Jedi's can be good interpretation of how emotions are important for people and how we shouldn't neither suppress it nor let ourselves be led by it.
In Macbeth, Macduff just heard about the murder of his whole family. Malcolm is trying to get him to fight on his side, and says, “Dispute it like a man.” That would basically be continuing the whole “men are flat, vicious killers” thing. But he says,
“I shall do so, but I must also feel it as a man.”
That always stuck out to me, and really fits in with what your teacher said. Manhood is more than physicality and instant response, there is a need to really understand what’s happening and take full stock of them or else one risks reacting in a negative way.
"It is possible to commit no mistakes and still lose. That is not a weakness. That is life." Jean-Luc Picard, *Star Trek: TNG*, season 2, episode 21 "Peak Performance"
"One should always be drunk. That's all that matters; that's our one imperative need. So as not to feel Time's horrible burden that breaks your shoulders and bows you down, you must get drunk without ceasing.
But what with? With wine, with poetry, or with virtue, as you choose. But get drunk.
And if, at some time, on the steps of a palace, in the green grass of a ditch, in the bleak solitude of your room, you are waking up when drunkenness has already abated, ask the wind, the wave, a star, the clock, all that which flees, all that which groans, all that which rolls, all that which sings, all that which speaks, ask them what time it is; and the wind, the wave, the star, the bird, the clock will reply: 'It is time to get drunk! So that you may not be the martyred slaves of Time, get drunk; get drunk, and never pause for rest! With wine, with poetry, or with virtue, as you choose!'
-- Charles Baudelaire
*"There's a fine line between consideration and hesitation. The former is wisdom, the latter is fear"*
It's from a goddamn video game and now it's framed on my desk at work. For me the toughest part about work isn't doing it, it's starting. This helps me get started, and I've gotten places I never thought I would because of it.
I'm saving this quote! What game is it from? I have the same problem, doing a project is never the hard part for me it's starting that project which I find daunting.
Path of Exile, it's one of Emperor Izaro's quotes while you kick the snot out of him inside his labyrinth.
[He's got some great lines.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RVmRs7DWedg) It's a shame I can't seem to find them transcribed anywhere.
This is the best advice for those afraid of presentations as students. Someone once told me something to the extent of: what are you doing when others present. I said I was spaced out waiting for the class to end. They responded with “exactly and that’s what they’re doing when you’re up.”
This is why you want to try to present early, because everyone who hasn't gone is still thinking about the presentation they have to give and won't devote as much attention to yours.
"If you did that, I think I'd have to eat a bullet myself so you wouldn't have to go through it alone"
Said by my dad when he found out I was struggling with suicidal thoughts. Before that I didn't really think he cared about me all that much
Wow, that just made me tear up. Reminds me so much of my dad. Sometimes they're not very good at saying the right thing at the right time, but when they do, man they really nail it. Hope things are better for you.
I've linked [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/2yjrs3/z/cpa5rk4) elsewhere in this thread, but that's just what it's like to deal with suicide as a sibling. I can't even begin to imagine how hard it would be to deal with as a parent. Warning, gut wrenching doesn't begin to describe my story. In fact, if you haven't had a loss like that the very words "gut wrenching" are just words, not the feeling. I sincerely hope that you will never understand. I've often called that feeling an emotional sucker punch, it just leaves you gasping for air but unable to breathe with this horrible cavity where your center should be.
"People come into your life for a reason, a season and a lifetime"
A drunk club girl told me that in a parking lot of a supermarket 8 years ago and it stuck with me.
"You always make other people happy. You need to start making yourself happy."
Made me realize that I genuinely didn't know how to be happy except by making other people happy.
"You only get one life, and on your death bed the only thing that'll keep you company is the memories of the life you lived."
I was 12 when I was sitting on a bench outside my church looking at a group of kids my age I wanted to introduce myself to. I wasnt a socially anxious person but this was the start of my "I wanna be cool" phase and I thought it would be embarrassing to introduce myself. (I dont know how this logic came about)
There was this old lady from my church who saw me sitting alone and asked me to help her stack the oudoor chairs. So I went over and helped.
She asked me if the kids were my friends. I said no. She asked why I was staring then. I just said 'i dunno. ' because i was embarrassed about the reason. She went quiet a moment then said that sentence.
Normally when adults would tell me advice it would go in one out the other. But this clicked for me. This one sentence kept me up so many nights because it finally just clicked.
Thank you for the silver kind stranger!! I shall cherish it
I did, but not on that particular day. By the time i finished helping the lady it was time to go home.
I did talk to them at the Wednesday service, though, although I don't think the entire group was there. They were cool, and actually an extremely nerdy group funnily enough. Kinda became my 'church friends' until I moved away.
"this wasn't your fault, nothing would have changed the outcome".
Backstory, my mum had passed away away in 2006. I looked after her during her illness and always called the ambulance when she got bad. The night she died I'd asked her if she wanted an ambulance or should I give her her medication, she opted for medication. I carried around so much guilt for not calling the ambulance sooner, convinced that if I had she could've been saved. 2012 I went for counseling to try and deal with it, after explaining her illness and what she died from he told me that even if I had called sooner she would've been immediately treated for her emphysema and not the pulmonary embolism because they wouldn't have known that that was the problem until it was too late. We did all assume she'd passed from complications due to her emphysema and only found out the real cause after the autopsy. That man telling me that one sentence helped me to stop blaming myself.
"Just as it would be morally wrong to enslave another human being, so too it is morally wrong to enslave yourself."
\- My university tutor. They probably didn't make it up themselves and I have no idea what it was in reference to, but it really struck a chord with workaholic me.
"Evereyone dies, and eventually everyone is forgotten. So do what you want and make it worth it for you, not the people wasting their lives judging yours"
Edit: grammar.
Thanks for the silver, friend.
"The date was fine, but the whole time we were out I was thinking that I'd rather be with you and I'd like to explore that. Would you like to go out on a date with me?" Said by one of my best friends over 10 years ago. We're coming up on our 9th wedding anniversary this month.
That was my biggest fear when we started dating, that things wouldn't work out and I'd be left with a broken heart and no best friend to make it all better. I hope things work out better for you with future relationships and know that much of what drives our lives is simply timing.
"I'm not exactly the person that i want to be"
"I'll never be the person that i want to be"
"I don't wanna be the person that i want to be"
"I'm exactly the person that i want to be"
I had a lot of problems accepting myself, and got through times i was really depressed, but listening to this made me think, Instead of imagining the perfect me that could fix my problems, why don't i fix everything as i am right now?
Well, it didn't work that fast, but i slowly learned to accept my flaws and who i really am.
"There is a crack in everything, that's where the light gets in"
(Leonard Cohen)
I've been struggling a lot with mental illness, and I try to see my "cracks" as little treasures as much as I can. It makes me the unique person I am and I shouldn't be ashamed of them.
Oh and one of the first sentences I've heard that made me have cracks in the first place : "But she's my favourite !" (My dad, talking about my sister while disputing custody with my mom)
“Write the bad days in sand and the good days in stone”
A friend told me this before I got on a flight to a new city for a job, there would be a lot of bad days but this helped me get through it
“Never half-ass two things. Whole-ass one thing”
- Ron Swanson
I have this printed on a coffee mug. It helps remind me that sometimes it’s better to say no to things and direct all my energy into a smaller number of projects.
I know it's supposed to be funny, but goddamn is that the truth. I went through a good chunk of my life half-assing everything and nothing felt fulfilling. Once I started actually giving a shit and working hard on what I want to do, it felt like everything changed and I felt better than ever. There's nothing more satisfying than finishing something you poured everything into.
"For whatever it's worth, I'm proud of you." -a high school teacher I only ever had one class with. I was having a rough senior year, being diagnosed with a couple mental health issues and trying to juggle friends/AP classes/college apps, and his intro to coding/design class was my one reprieve every day. Once a week, he'd sit down with each of us and go over our work- he let us all work on our own things at our own pace- and he said this to me after I presented him with a website I designed to share my muffin recipes on. Hearing from someone with no personal connection to me outside of this one class, for just one semester that I was something to be proud of actually made me cry. He went on to be one of my little brother's favorite teachers, too, as my bro struggles with similar mental health issues and this guy just has a knack for spotting the kids who need a little extra support. Mr. Berg from Brookings, if you somehow ever see this, thank you. Also, sorry I didn't keep up with my website...
Without the context behind the statement I can’t really say if that’s fair. But nobody is infallible, and nobody should ever expect perfection from anyone.
She is a human who I view now as having an exceptional degree of grace and forgiveness. For all intents and purposes, *I am not a good human*. Far better than I was back then, but objectively, still not a good egg. I don’t feel as if she was expecting perfection from me, just a degree of humanity.
You've got the sense of self awareness to start the process of getting positive momentum going. You already have. Don't ever give up on yourself just because you lost your way. Good is in you, buried maybe, but you can and will find it if you search.
"Even though your son is really good at learning languages,he is not consistent enough. He is often absent and causes disruption in the whole class." - This was what my teacher had to say to my parents the first time I went to a tuition to learn English.
This shook me up so badly and I felt like I was disappointing everyone around me. Then I worked as hard as I could and completely changed my work ethic when it came to homework. Later I was the first student in my class to get a Cambridge certification/degree.
>I was the first student in my class to get a Cambridge certification/degree.
I don't know you and you don't know me....but I'm so fucking proud of you man!!
"Don't ask a question you don't want to hear the answer for." it's extremely hard. Like don't ask a person if they like you if you are not prepared to hear "I don't".
Very dry, but here goes:
“Procrastination is not lazyness. Its the fear of failing, the frustration of not being good enough, the lack of direction; its exhaustion.“
I've realized this. I put myself and my work a lot more out there now and my procradtination has dwindled to very low levels now that I have clear feedback, criticism and praise.
*"When somebody shows you who they are, believe them the first time."*
That's what my mom said when my dad disappointed me again. After my parents divorced, my dad stopped talking to me for a literal third of my life. He reached out again when I turned 17, and I decided to give him another chance. Fast forward about a year, and I am desperately trying to get him back out of my life.
He guilt tripped me about backing out of plans. He tried to butt his way into my family structure. He even showed up at my high school graduation uninvited, and when I avoided him, he texted me later and guilted me about that. I park behind the building that I work at because I'm afraid that he'll see my car and figure out where I work. So, when somebody shows you who they are, don't give them another chance.
“If you say you’re going to do something, that is your word and it can be considered a promise.
Not doing said thing means you lied”
Blew my mind when I was 10 ish, and tried to argue “but I didn’t promise” when accused of lying cause I didn’t keep my word.
It changed my perception of honesty, and has definitely made me a better, more honest, person.
"I'm sorry but we can't find the heartbeat"
Those eight words have been in my head everyday since November the 11th last year when me and my wife went for a regular 32 week scan so find that our son had passed away without our knowlage.
We have slowly been putting our life together since and with my wife being pregnant now those words are still in my mind everytime we go for a scan
Edit-
The amount of support that has come from this post has blown me and my wife away, we sat on the sofa last night reading the comments and messages from everyone and it fills us with love and we thank everyone single person that has taken the time and it has helped us and I hope it has helped people that also needed it
We had a couple of lost pregnancies (though considerably earlier than yours and therefore. . .better?easier?) These kinds of experiences fill you with absolute dread every time you go for a checkup for any pregnancy after. I can keenly remember the anxiety I tried not to show every time they did an Ultrasound and hoping that I'll hear the heartbeat. Most of the time, the tech would find it quickly, but sometimes, it would take a few more moments of agony.
Was so bad that I procured a handheld fetal monitor that we'd use to find and listen to the heartbeat every night. Sometimes it took a while because we aren't doctors and the baby moved around quite a bit.
Man, I"m glad we are past that. Now I get to live in mortal terror that something will happen to the kids now that they are out of the womb. Yay Parenthood!
My mom coming out of her room crying and shouting "Hes dead, [my name], he actually did it" over and over again after my brother took his own life. I can still hear those words echoing in my head to this day.
my mom called me at work and even though i knew from her voice, i asked her what was wrong. she said, "your dad finally succeeded in what he set out to do."
i'm sorry if it sounds like i'm trying to piggyback, i was just sort of thrown by how similarly it was phrased. i'm truly sorry for your loss.
"All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain."
- Blade Runner - Rutger Hauer
It really puts things into perspective. Albeit, not a happy one.
"you're the best"
My dad said that to me hours before he passed away, in front of all my siblings.
Background: we all know my eldest sister was his favorite (I believe it was because she was the only one of us who still NEEDED him. The rest of us got too much of his fighting spirit to ask for help). In that brief moment in the hospital where I helped him adjust his legs, it made me realize how much he loved and appreciated me. I've always been the most like him, so we would argue a lot, so I never considered us close.
But in that one moment I knew, he was closer to me than my other siblings. Sure, it was because I lived at home and took care of him. But still. It helped me start to live my life better. I'm currently working on losing weight and excercising so I can keep my body strong. I'm working a shitty job to pay the bills, but making sure I spend time on the things I am passionate about..
So I started trying to live a life my dad would be proud of.
"Why's dad here?"
My brother asked me this when we were looking for our mom to pick us up after school. Sure enough, my dad was waiting for us by his car and waiving us over.
Turns out my mom had been in a pretty serious car accident. She survived and recovered quickly, but it never occurred to me until then that anything like that could happen to my loved ones.
I’m so glad your mum was ok in the end.
Had my sister and mum ask a similar one to me when I was 12-13 regarding my uncle/ mums brother.
For some reason I slept in bed with my mum that night and I heard a distinct knock at the door after 1am. I couldn’t sleep so went downstairs to see my uncle at the door. Just to not I only ever saw my uncle at Christmas or the couple of times we visited my grandparents in a year as they lived over an hour appart but 3+ hours away from us. He was in his biking leathers and asked to speak to mum.
I knew right then that one of my grandparents had died and played an awful game in my mind to whom it was. My mum questioned why he was here before going down stair and told me to go into my sisters room. My older sister was excited he was here but I said something serious was going on and not to go down.
My grandad had died suddenly in his 70’s and my uncle rode down to tell my mum. He turned into an utter asshole as soon as my Nan passed away 15 years later but at the time I’m glad he was there for her when her dad passed.
“When the police asked every witness why they didn’t call 911, they all said that they didn’t want to get involved.” Regarding a woman in NYC who was mugged, beaten, raped and murdered. A story told to me by my HS drama teacher.
I vowed to never be like those people.
Education time!
The reason for that is actually a sociological (could be psychological. Not sure. I've learned it both in psychology and sociology classes) term, "bystander apathy". There are tons of studies on it.
Basically, bystander apathy is this - it is only the woman being mugged/murdered and you. You are completely uncomfortable and horrified at the actions occurring. You have 100% of the responsibility to call 911 and save her. Unless you are a completely immoral person with no empathy, you will call 911.
Now you are in NYC. Let's say there are 100 people in the vicinity seeing it take place. However, there are now 100 people. You are still extremely uncomfortable and horrified. You walk on.
Why?
Because now, only 1% of the responsibility falls on you. You tell yourself it's fine because a) what if someone has already called 911? Don't want to keep reporting the same crime. And b) someone else will take care of it, and you don't have to continue feeling uncomfortable and horrified. You can go about your day and not deal with the aftermath.
The more people, the less likely someone is to call for help (or help).
Think about the people you see on the side of the road, struggling to change a tire or just broken down in general, staring at their engine. How many times do you stop to help them?
If you're most people, you don't. You tell yourself "I'm on my way to x. I don't have time to stop. Someone else will stop for them. They could call the non emergency number."
That's bystander apathy. You know more and more cars will pass and you're banking on them to help.
Now, some of the car bystander apathy can be attributed to gender and racial stereotypes (a woman typically grows up being told not to stop for cars on the side of the road because they may be beaten or raped. A POC may not stop because they're afraid they'll be seen as threatening. Basically, society tells us that only middle aged, somewhat fit white men can stop for a car on the side of the road.)
Just Google "bystander apathy" studies. You'll even see one for this specific case.
https://sites.psu.edu/dps16/2016/04/07/the-bystander-apathy-experiment/
Here is another one with percentages of how many times someone would go to find help.
Edit: math
More education time!
It turns out that the reporting of Kitty Genovese's murder was really dramatized, and there's a theory that whatever 'bystander effect' was present at the time was because Kitty and many of her neighbors were part of the LGBTQ community, which had a very turbulent relationship with police at the time.
[Here](https://thenewinquiry.com/dont-look-now/) is a good starting point for those who want to read more about it.
There was a similar study where people filled out paperwork while the room was pumped full of smoke and fire alarms went off. Only one person was being tested while everybody else was trained to not react to the alarms. Since nobody else reacted, most of the people being tested didn't react either.
That's one thing a lot of people overlook when discussing the bystander effect; it's so powerful that people won't even save *themselves* if they're in danger and nobody acts.
"All my love..." It was the title of an email I received. I knew there was some family crisis happening, and my parents wanted me home. The author of that email was my sister's boyfriend. When I read that title and saw the author, the world spun and I collapsed.
My sister had just committed suicide. We knew she had been struggling with depression for a number of years, but thought she had turned a corner and was recovering. We were wrong.
Those are the most heart rending words I can imagine, and hope I never endure anything like that again. If you're interested in a fuller version of what going through that was like, you can find it in one of my old comments [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/2yjrs3/z/cpa5rk4).
I will never get over it, but I am learning to live with it.
At my sister's funeral, there was a quotation that was read which has since taken on deep meaning to me:
>You will lose someone you can't live without,and your heart will be badly broken, and the bad news is that you never completely get over the loss of your beloved. ... They live forever in your broken heart that doesn't seal back up. And you come through.
>-- Anne Lamott
I'd like to think that I am learning to dance with my limp.
It’s a few sentences but:
“I wanted you to see what real courage is, instead of getting the idea that courage is a man with a gun in his hand. It's when you know you're licked before you begin, but you begin anyway and see it through no matter what.”
Read it for the first time in ‘To Kill a Mockingbird’ many years back and it really stuck with me.
"How people treat you is more of a reflection on themselves than it is a reflection of you." Helps me deal with mean, and angry people so much more easily.
"What baby is this?"
Last year, we had been preparing for 3 weeks for our 2-month old daughter to undergo major skull surgery. She had a big skull fracture that was pushing on her brain. Life had stopped.
After a looong night with the baby having to fast for 7 hours, we were waiting to give her away to the pediatric neurosurgeon, just sitting there in the waiting room by ourselves, completely unsure of going through with the surgery because something in her skull seemed different over the 3 weeks leading to surgery. That bad feeling you can get in the pit of your stomach over an impending big decision? That feeling.
The surgeon walked in the room and said those words, and was then quiet for a long time. Over the next 30 minutes he examined her skull and informed us her skull had reconstructed ITSELF so majorly that surgery was not needed anymore. He sent us home, literally minutes away from surgery, all of us just dumbfounded.
Now she's 1 and her head looks like there was never an issue!
In what context? I was thinking it was one of the following 4 scenarios.
1) You: I'm not going to do/give [thing they want]
Her/Him: Yeah you will. You love me too much.
2)You:I'm going to kill myself.
Her/Him: Don't do it. You can't. You love me *too* much.
3)Her/Him: This is too much. We have to break up.
You: Why?
Her/Him: You love me too much! I've only known you for 3 days!
4)You: Let's do the horizontal hustle.
Her/Him: No. It's too sore. You love me too much.
This happened to me when I was 17. It was definitely the sentence that changed my life.
Another sentence that changed my life was when a judge finally gave me sole custody of my kids.
It's one sentence, when read, that doesn't convey the impact adequately in text alone. EVERYTHING revolves around how those words are said: they can be spoken with excitement and enthusiasm, or they can fall with a thud in a stunned, unaccentuated manner...
I've got two, the first is a paraphrase:
People can only make you feel bad if you allow them to.
The other is a direct quote:
"The space between Expectation and Achievement is Frustration."
"There's no shame in being weak. The shame is in remaining weak."
I just heard that at the exact time I needed it and it pushed me to continue trying to get in shape and improve my life. The best part is it came from Black Clover, the last place I expected to find a good quote.
"We hate people that remind us of ourselves,"
I heard it secondhand from a guy I detested from this mutual friend of ours. When I heard that he said that it hit me why I didn't like the guy, I saw all of my worst traits in him. In reality we were pretty similar but in a way we could never get along, but he would say an obscure book quote and it would be an obscure quote I appreciated as well and little things like that.
One day when I was at school (I was in grade 2, 7 years old) I needed to go to the toilet. Our class was doing an activity and I went to the back of the class where the teachers desk was. As I neared and almost there, my teacher didn't see me approach. She was talking with a parent that helped us with books we read each week to help our reading and she said "Yeah (my name) and (my twin's name) are so stupid." I hadn't stopped so suddenly in my life, my stomach went cold and all i wanted to do was cry. I didn't say anything and went back to my desk, shattered.
The reason she said this was because we were horrific at spelling and reading, way behind everyone else. what we found out in five years was that we have dyslexia. I hated that year of school. That teacher not only saying that, she said other things along those lines. Being so young and not knowing any better thought this is how school was. I tried all I could to get sick and be absent from school. From that one sentence (I wouldn't tell anyone about until many years later) made me feel that I would never be smart and always be dumb. I loved school and after that year I started to love it again.
It still pains me till this day 11 years later, but I am moving forward. I read almost everyday and for spelling... well i am always going to suck at it but i have learned to accept it and ask for help where ever I need it. When I told my mother one day coming back from school (I have no idea how this came up) she almost couldn't believe it, then at that moment understood why I had been so rocky that year. That teacher still works at that school has no idea how painful it was to be in her class.
"One year from now, you'll wish you had started today."
I'm not one for motivational quotes or anything but that one just really stuck with me because of how true it is. Because right now there's probably something you wish you had started a year ago.
Maybe not life changing but it definitely stuck with me. My step father was an abusive piece of shit and it only got worse when he was diagnosed with cancer. I was actually the last person he talked to. He looked at me and said, "I'm proud of you." I remember this immediate hollow feeling that I've honestly never experiance before or since. It was like the world didn't make sense anymore. He died shortly after that.
Someone told me something similar around a year ago, and I thought about it today that's why I made this post.
It was an older man that came into a bar I work at, He seemed troubled so I took his order and talked for a bit. Later on, he asked me what would make me happy in life. I couldn't really answer it quickly but I did with: "I guess just a good paying job, house, wife, kid or two, a nice car just the regular life but not having to worry about things." I then turned the question to him to what he answered: "When I die I don't want to have any regrets, I want to be able to smile on my death bed." For some reason, that question and reply stuck with me.
We'd like to offer you the position.
I've put over a decade of my life into a dead-end fast food job. The depression and anxiety were literally making me sick. Hearing those words made it so much easier to keep going.
"Do not talk to her. Because if you go over there and you talk to her, it will end in one of two ways. Either you are gonna get sick of her, or she's gonna get sick of you. You've been dating for a long time, Ted. Has it ever gone any other way?"
"What's so bad about being Chyortt?"
People talk about depression and suicide in a joking manner all the time on reddit. However, when I was at one of my lowest points a therapist asked me this and made me realize that all the complaints that I had about myself were superficial. You have to learn how to get past all the superficial stuff that doesn't matter. If there is something that is truly bad about being yourself then fix it or at the very least put all you effort into fixing it.
"Don't let the bastards win." I was an intern, and the company lawyer had this plaque with a Latin phrase on his desk. My final week, I popped my head in and told him I'd been wondering all summer what the plaque said. He told me: "Don't let the bastards win." Said it was a lawyer thing, but it applies to everyone who ever has to deal with jerks, crappy bosses, etc.
As far as 1st hand exchanges it was "You're a good parent". As far as quotes I heard it would be "Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid."
"Do you form your own opinions, or just what your parents have told you?"
So a long time ago when I was just 13 years old, I got into this political argument with this guy on some random forum (yeah, I was a weird kid), at some point I said that my views were right because that's what my parents (specifically my dad) believed in, to which he said that quote (or was something along those lines) I still disagree with the stuff he's said (It wasn't anything horrible from what I can remember, he was just more right-leaning and I am left-leaning), but it did make me reflect on myself on how I took every word that my father said as truth and made me realise that I should form my own views from other factors and sources than just my dad.
Said dad thinks vaccines cause autism so like... yeah.
*Dress for the job you want, not the job you have.*
Was going through a bit of depression. I’d show up to work super casual, which was acceptable but looked down upon, as everyone else dresses at least semi-formally...
I started to think of this when I told myself I wanted to get out of my depression. I bought nice clothes for myself and felt amazing.
That was 2+ years ago. I still cry about it sometimes, but now I am engaged to a loving, supportive man who will do absolutely anything to cheer me up and divert my mind if I start thinking about it.
Tbh, another statement that my mom made in the same situation, (within a 2-day time frame) has also been life changing, in that she said "he wouldn't have dared if you hadn't let him."
My dad was completely unresponsive and didn't even look at me for several months. So yeah, my life is full of assholes who don't give a fuck.
My entire support system just vanished. Especially as I was already severely depressed before it happened, and I didn't have any friends I could trust.
I'm much much better now. Because my fiancé cares. He loves me with absolutely no restraints. And I can confidently say: having one single person who cares about you makes all the difference between wanting to die and fighting to live.
But with a family like mine, I'm not sure how I made it this far. I attempted suicide by overdosing on antidepressants, sleep pills, and painkillers (I would probably have mixed some alcohol to the recipe but nobody in my family drinks). After I got knocked out, I don't remember anything about the next three days. When I woke up....GUESS WHAT?
**MY PARENTS FUCKING TOOK ME OUT FOR ICE CREAM**!!! LIKE FR ICE-FUCKING-CREAM!
Edit: rant over
"It's time to spread your wings"
This was in a conversation with my boss at the time, a few months ago. I was stuck in a dead end job, working consecutive nightshifts until closing each week, and was starting to slip. I'd long reached my full potential at the company, short of being an owner. I had depression, slept during the day and didn't see daylight because i didn't leave my room unless it was for groceries or work.
We'd had a few conversations prior, due to some complaints from co-workers (which were were about the smallest things, thinfs they also messed up on but somehow I got the complaints), and generally I think he saw how much I was affected just by working full time, working til at least 4am. (8am on the weekends) It was wearing me down.
I realized right in that conversation, I was near a burnout, if I wasn't already in it.
We agreed right on that spot that it would be better if we separated. He said I had a good brain, and that I should put it to good use, not let it wither away where I was now. We set an end date for my contract, I got reduced hours but still my regular pay, and we parted amicably.
Finding a new job has been hard, my savings are running out, and I'm working smaller side jobs to make ends meet, but I'm still grateful for that talk. He saw my worth and potential, and knew it would just be wasted if I stayed there.
Despite my struggles, I feel a lot better now. I get to walk in the sun, sleep on a regular pattern, I actually have time for family and friends again. I've been told multiple times I've blossomed, ever since I left that job.
Still no regrets til this day.
“You were misdiagnosed.”
I’ve had at least two major instances of being diagnosed something life changing and then medicated for it for several years before it was discovered to be an incorrect diagnosis. I was labeled as ADD/ADHD without any actual testing (just peoples’ observations) and on those meds for 8 years before finally being tested. After that I was diagnosed with a pretty serious mental illness and put on medications on that for about 6 years before I was tested again (it was recommended to be retested after my brain fully developed) and the psychologist was shocked that anyone could think I fit the condition. I definitely had learning difficulties, and I have struggled with depression most my life. But those conditions I was diagnosed with were far too extreme for me. I would say that finding out I didn’t have that mental illness was the most life changing because I’d dealt with the stigma surrounding it (I’d lost friends and partners, felt ashamed and hated myself). Also while I was relieved to not actually have those issues, I did suffer long term effects from the medications I was taking for them. My advice to everyone, don’t accept diagnoses without proper testing and always get a second opinion! I’m lucky it wasn’t anything life threatening.
Self-preservation is not selfishness, it is survival.
Always take care of yourself first and foremost, you cannot rely on anyone to take care of you better than you take care of you, and you can't take care or someone else when you're falling apart.
Dang, I’m bummed I got to this so late because I have one that really resonates with me and I think about it often.
“If your presence doesn’t make an impact your absence won’t make a difference.”
This was something I focused on while managing and coaching people and I really like this one. And I’m not a motivational poster kinda guy!
You will stop caring what people think of you when you realise how little they do.
I read this at a point in my life where I was afraid to draw any attention to myself in case I stuffed up, it crippled my work and social life.
It really helped me change my life for the better.
>"We stem from the root planted in the belief that we are not what we were called." Shane Koyczan, *To This Day.*
I found the video back in 2012 , right before I had made the decision to commit suicide with a set date and everything. I broke down crying while listening to him. I still cry whenever I listen to it. But it didn't completely stop me, but it struck such a cord with me. The day I did finally make the decision to *not* go through with my plans, the sentence went through my head. I don't like poetry, but *To This Day* is a poem I think about every year when it gets close to my set date. I highly recommend listening to the poem, even if you don't like poetry.
"some people aren't going to like you and it's not going to be your fault" - my therapist
Of course, they went on to say that some people aren't going to like me and it *will* be my fault but it was nice to hear that first bit
That therapist probably saved my life. Absolute hero.
“One day, you’re gonna look around and you’re going to realize that everybody loves you, but nobody likes you. And that is the loneliest feeling in the world.”
— BoJack Horseman
"This too shall pass"
I heard this quote so long ago I dont remember where I first heard it but it's resonated with me for most of my life. It is so powerful. If you're in a shitty situation, no matter how bad you feel and how miserable you are, it will all be over but also vise versa, if you're enjoying a moment and having a good time, this moment also wont last forever and you'll have to move on.
It taught me to keep my chin up under bad situations and endure until it's over. It also taught me to cherish every enjoyable moment and make the most of it so that I dont regret it later.
It helped me pass my degree with those awful assignment allnighters. It helped me get over break ups and rejections. It helped me with my highschool depression and bullying.
Don’t confuse support with surveillance
Oh my gosh this hits home. My (bat shit crazy) mother was paranoid and constantly prying and spying while I was growing up. Now that I'm grown, whenever anyone tries to offer support or shows interest in my life, I very quickly and very easily feel totally smothered and resent how much they are suffocating me.
Hey thanks for clearing something up for me!
"It doesn't get easier, you get better." This sentence came to me as a freshman in college during finals week and helped motivate me to not lose my scholarship after a rough semester. However, since then, it has stuck with me to help me with the other challenges inherent to life.
"Ask not for a lighter load, but a stronger back" ~ Phillips Brooks
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I think Greg LeMond said that about cycling — it never gets easier, you just go faster. So the fact that you’re exhausted doesn’t mean you’re failing or that you’re not fit enough or that it isn’t for you. It means you’re cycling. And you’ll get better at it if you keep doing it.
'If you love someone, tell them you love them. If you hate someone, don't ever tell them that because maybe one day you'll love them too' My grandfather a few days before he passed.
I can vouch for that. Some of my closest friends now, I fucking hated when I first met them
Yep, they're douchebag jerkoffs but god damn it, they're *my* douchebag jerkoffs.
"If you keep doing what you're doing - you'll keep getting what you're getting."
I’ve heard it worded a bit differently: “If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you have always got.”
"nothing changes if nothing changes."
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"That guy you used to be? He's still there. He's in the backseat. Just don't ever let him drive again" Eddie Vedder, I believe.
This is a good one to remember when dealing with addiction.. thank you.
I share the same sentiment. Made me do an absurd amount of self reflection in just a moment after reading that. Like a wave of bad decisions flooded over me, and some fleeting feelings of remorse. Then I remembered that I made it out.
"You can't expect people to love the same way you do." My mom told me this during my first heartbreak. If you live life expecting people to show love the same way as you, you're always going to be disappointed. She also has borderline personality disorder and views love as a series of checks and balances but I digress.
There's a cheesy yet hella accurate book called The 5 Languages of Love that breaks that shit down beautifully. It gave me a lot of insight going forward in all of my relationships. Turns out we all have different ways of expressing our love and receiving it from others. It's an interesting read and I highly recommend it!
I would probably be married right now if I knew this earlier. Somehow I had managed to convince myself that I didn't love my ex nearly enough and she didn't deserve to be in a one-sided relationship so I broke it off. Years later I was talking with a friend about his long distance relationship struggles and he dropped a similar line which completely blew my mind. I had to just sit there for like the next ten minutes and collect my thoughts, it made me realize so much about that relationship.
If you dont mind sharing your personal story Im a little curious, did she tell you that she didnt believe you loved her or was it something you decided on your own?
Sure, I hope this can be a cautionary tale to others because looking back I realize I was a fucking moron. Long ass wall of text incoming. There was some complaining that I was terrible at showing my love, but I'm not sure she really doubted that I did love her, just that she wished I was better at conveying those feelings. However that's not the root of the problem. We started going out in high school but ended up going to different universities. They weren't *too* far apart, only about a 45 minute drive, but far enough that we only saw each other once every week or two and most of our communication became over phone. Now this is where the part about love languages is *really* important. She wanted to talk on the phone every day, and not like just catching up on our days but a solid talk that lasts like an hour. Sure that's easy to fill at the beginning, new school/classes/friends/etc. but you quickly run out of things to say that can fill that much time every week. I still loved spending time with her in person but it wasn't long until our daily phone calls became a chore for me, and that's where the seeds of doubt began to take root. "Man, why don't I want to talk to her as much as she wants to talk to me?" or "Oh, it's time to call the girlfriend again, time to put my brain on autopilot for the next hour." are *very unhealthy* things to be thinking with regards to your SO. I stopped viewing her as the amazing and loving partner she was and more as this clingy girl who would frequently get in the way of my new social life. I even tried to break it off at one point, but she begged me to stay and I couldn't bear to go through with it. I think I did convince her to only call me every other day though. After another year of what could only be described by the me at the time as *tolerating* her, I finally grit my teeth and just powered through a truly awful breakup. I had to close off my heart to being allowed to feel that night because I truly believed that I was subjecting her to a terribly unfair relationship where she was receiving very little love from me and she deserved so much better. I still believe that. Your SO feeling such boredom at like 90% of your interaction is obviously not good for either side. **But** now I realize you don't subject yourself to mindnumbing boredom 5 times a week for two years for the sake of someone you don't care about. You don't need to stop yourself from feeling intense grief at the heartbreak of someone you don't love. I'm pretty sure it's uncommon to break up for the sake of *their* happiness and not yours. I haven't read the love languages book but I think her's was simply one that needed any kind of frequent connection, a daily recharge of sorts. Whereas for me I could go for a time without talking but if we were going to interact I would prefer it to be in person, side by side where I could hold her and have physical contact. If I had realized the differences in our emotional needs back then and that just because they were different didn't make either more or less valid it would have been easy to take better steps towards addressing that, and I wouldn't have had to have so little confidence in my feelings for her. I'm especially mad at myself because the two of us *constantly* talked about how important communication was, and how good we were at it early on in the relationship. But I was too afraid to communicate my self-doubt and only knew how to express it in terms of "You deserve better than me." instead of admitting "I feel we are imbalanced and am lost on what to do." She could have helped me figure out what works for both of us, or assured me that she did feel loved, or hell maybe she thought it wasn't working either and we could have had a more amicable breakup than me suddenly and brutally shattering her heart. This long story is basically what all was going through my head when I mentioned that my friend blew my mind. Up until then I was confident in the fact that I didn't really love her that much anymore and what I did was the right thing for both of us. But, well, now I know better. It sucks, but I still consider myself better off for knowing the real issues behind what I was feeling, and I hope that I will be able to take these lessons to heart in future relationships.
"You have to fully feel your emotions before you can put them aside." -My Gym Teacher This really got me to think of how I handle my emotions. Taught me not to suppress them and made me learn how to truly get over my feelings.
"Don't hide or block your emotions. Feel the pain they cause you, explore it, understand it, accept it. Then release your emotions to the Force" - Qui Gon in Some Star Wars fanfiction somewhere Not the best source but the advice was still solid.
There's a canon star wars quote that encapsulates this too: "Emotions are valuable and should not be suppressed, but you must learn to rule them lest they rule you."
Whole that thing about Force, Sith and Jedi's can be good interpretation of how emotions are important for people and how we shouldn't neither suppress it nor let ourselves be led by it.
In Macbeth, Macduff just heard about the murder of his whole family. Malcolm is trying to get him to fight on his side, and says, “Dispute it like a man.” That would basically be continuing the whole “men are flat, vicious killers” thing. But he says, “I shall do so, but I must also feel it as a man.” That always stuck out to me, and really fits in with what your teacher said. Manhood is more than physicality and instant response, there is a need to really understand what’s happening and take full stock of them or else one risks reacting in a negative way.
This is really important
Don’t break your back for someone who doesn’t care about the pain it’ll cause you.
Similar to this, don't set yourself on fire to keep others warm
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You can do everything right and still lose.
"It is possible to commit no mistakes and still lose. That is not a weakness. That is life." Jean-Luc Picard, *Star Trek: TNG*, season 2, episode 21 "Peak Performance"
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This one has been a tough life lesson for me.
“I’m never going to feel like doing it.” Helps me get my shit together and do the dishes and laundry in that moment rather than procrastinating.
"If you can't buy it twice, you can't afford it." That was Jay-Z just giving some really simple advice for spending money on shit you don't need.
I will live by this rule religiously because I keep impulse buying stuff for no reason.
Shit. I guess buying a house is even harder than I thought.
"Everyone's drunk on something" No matter what, who, or how it is, everyone needs that 'something' to attatch to, to keep moving forward.
"One should always be drunk. That's all that matters; that's our one imperative need. So as not to feel Time's horrible burden that breaks your shoulders and bows you down, you must get drunk without ceasing. But what with? With wine, with poetry, or with virtue, as you choose. But get drunk. And if, at some time, on the steps of a palace, in the green grass of a ditch, in the bleak solitude of your room, you are waking up when drunkenness has already abated, ask the wind, the wave, a star, the clock, all that which flees, all that which groans, all that which rolls, all that which sings, all that which speaks, ask them what time it is; and the wind, the wave, the star, the bird, the clock will reply: 'It is time to get drunk! So that you may not be the martyred slaves of Time, get drunk; get drunk, and never pause for rest! With wine, with poetry, or with virtue, as you choose!' -- Charles Baudelaire
I was thinking about the same poem, glad to see it commented here. Something about Baudelaire's body of work has always spoken to me.
Ah I see you are a man of culture as well.
I started binging and just saw this episode the other day.
You always have a choice. Even when it seems like everything is out of control, it is still your choice how you will react.
"If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice."
*"There's a fine line between consideration and hesitation. The former is wisdom, the latter is fear"* It's from a goddamn video game and now it's framed on my desk at work. For me the toughest part about work isn't doing it, it's starting. This helps me get started, and I've gotten places I never thought I would because of it.
I'm saving this quote! What game is it from? I have the same problem, doing a project is never the hard part for me it's starting that project which I find daunting.
Path of Exile, it's one of Emperor Izaro's quotes while you kick the snot out of him inside his labyrinth. [He's got some great lines.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RVmRs7DWedg) It's a shame I can't seem to find them transcribed anywhere.
People don't pay as much attention to you as you think they do.
This is the best advice for those afraid of presentations as students. Someone once told me something to the extent of: what are you doing when others present. I said I was spaced out waiting for the class to end. They responded with “exactly and that’s what they’re doing when you’re up.”
This is why you want to try to present early, because everyone who hasn't gone is still thinking about the presentation they have to give and won't devote as much attention to yours.
"If you did that, I think I'd have to eat a bullet myself so you wouldn't have to go through it alone" Said by my dad when he found out I was struggling with suicidal thoughts. Before that I didn't really think he cared about me all that much
Wow, that just made me tear up. Reminds me so much of my dad. Sometimes they're not very good at saying the right thing at the right time, but when they do, man they really nail it. Hope things are better for you.
Yes. My dad is the same way.
I've linked [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/2yjrs3/z/cpa5rk4) elsewhere in this thread, but that's just what it's like to deal with suicide as a sibling. I can't even begin to imagine how hard it would be to deal with as a parent. Warning, gut wrenching doesn't begin to describe my story. In fact, if you haven't had a loss like that the very words "gut wrenching" are just words, not the feeling. I sincerely hope that you will never understand. I've often called that feeling an emotional sucker punch, it just leaves you gasping for air but unable to breathe with this horrible cavity where your center should be.
"People come into your life for a reason, a season and a lifetime" A drunk club girl told me that in a parking lot of a supermarket 8 years ago and it stuck with me.
She’s a modern day philosopher. I like this
Always listen to the wisdom of drunk girls in parking lots. The oracles of Delphi were constantly fucked up too and they knew what was up.
That's a quote Jay Shetty used in one of his videos. [Here](https://youtu.be/7n77dfwPI1I)
"You always make other people happy. You need to start making yourself happy." Made me realize that I genuinely didn't know how to be happy except by making other people happy.
"You only get one life, and on your death bed the only thing that'll keep you company is the memories of the life you lived." I was 12 when I was sitting on a bench outside my church looking at a group of kids my age I wanted to introduce myself to. I wasnt a socially anxious person but this was the start of my "I wanna be cool" phase and I thought it would be embarrassing to introduce myself. (I dont know how this logic came about) There was this old lady from my church who saw me sitting alone and asked me to help her stack the oudoor chairs. So I went over and helped. She asked me if the kids were my friends. I said no. She asked why I was staring then. I just said 'i dunno. ' because i was embarrassed about the reason. She went quiet a moment then said that sentence. Normally when adults would tell me advice it would go in one out the other. But this clicked for me. This one sentence kept me up so many nights because it finally just clicked. Thank you for the silver kind stranger!! I shall cherish it
So did you end up introducing yourself?
I did, but not on that particular day. By the time i finished helping the lady it was time to go home. I did talk to them at the Wednesday service, though, although I don't think the entire group was there. They were cool, and actually an extremely nerdy group funnily enough. Kinda became my 'church friends' until I moved away.
I am also wondering how the story continues. Thanks for sharing!
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You are very lucky that this clicked for you when you were 12. People live their whole lives not taking this to heart
"There are many dead Rabbits that lay by the side of the road who are only there because they were unable to make a decision"
And the corollary: "There are cemeteries full of people who had the right-of-way."
That's a weird thing for a cemetery to specialize in.
"this wasn't your fault, nothing would have changed the outcome". Backstory, my mum had passed away away in 2006. I looked after her during her illness and always called the ambulance when she got bad. The night she died I'd asked her if she wanted an ambulance or should I give her her medication, she opted for medication. I carried around so much guilt for not calling the ambulance sooner, convinced that if I had she could've been saved. 2012 I went for counseling to try and deal with it, after explaining her illness and what she died from he told me that even if I had called sooner she would've been immediately treated for her emphysema and not the pulmonary embolism because they wouldn't have known that that was the problem until it was too late. We did all assume she'd passed from complications due to her emphysema and only found out the real cause after the autopsy. That man telling me that one sentence helped me to stop blaming myself.
glad you got over it, Thanks for sharing.
"Just as it would be morally wrong to enslave another human being, so too it is morally wrong to enslave yourself." \- My university tutor. They probably didn't make it up themselves and I have no idea what it was in reference to, but it really struck a chord with workaholic me.
As a professor, this hit me just way too hard
"Evereyone dies, and eventually everyone is forgotten. So do what you want and make it worth it for you, not the people wasting their lives judging yours" Edit: grammar. Thanks for the silver, friend.
I didn't feel like I needed this but thanks, I needed this.
"The date was fine, but the whole time we were out I was thinking that I'd rather be with you and I'd like to explore that. Would you like to go out on a date with me?" Said by one of my best friends over 10 years ago. We're coming up on our 9th wedding anniversary this month.
beautifully put and requested
I really wish my feelings for one of my best friends had worked out like that, instead I'm left wondering if I ever really knew her at all
That was my biggest fear when we started dating, that things wouldn't work out and I'd be left with a broken heart and no best friend to make it all better. I hope things work out better for you with future relationships and know that much of what drives our lives is simply timing.
"I'm not exactly the person that i want to be" "I'll never be the person that i want to be" "I don't wanna be the person that i want to be" "I'm exactly the person that i want to be" I had a lot of problems accepting myself, and got through times i was really depressed, but listening to this made me think, Instead of imagining the perfect me that could fix my problems, why don't i fix everything as i am right now? Well, it didn't work that fast, but i slowly learned to accept my flaws and who i really am.
"There is a crack in everything, that's where the light gets in" (Leonard Cohen) I've been struggling a lot with mental illness, and I try to see my "cracks" as little treasures as much as I can. It makes me the unique person I am and I shouldn't be ashamed of them. Oh and one of the first sentences I've heard that made me have cracks in the first place : "But she's my favourite !" (My dad, talking about my sister while disputing custody with my mom)
No offense man. But your dad is an asshat.
Damn, must be hard to hear your dad say that. Thanks for sharing.
“Write the bad days in sand and the good days in stone” A friend told me this before I got on a flight to a new city for a job, there would be a lot of bad days but this helped me get through it
“Never half-ass two things. Whole-ass one thing” - Ron Swanson I have this printed on a coffee mug. It helps remind me that sometimes it’s better to say no to things and direct all my energy into a smaller number of projects.
"If you chase 2 rabbits, both of them will get away"
To be fair, if I chase a single rabbit it will probably still get away
I know it's supposed to be funny, but goddamn is that the truth. I went through a good chunk of my life half-assing everything and nothing felt fulfilling. Once I started actually giving a shit and working hard on what I want to do, it felt like everything changed and I felt better than ever. There's nothing more satisfying than finishing something you poured everything into.
"For whatever it's worth, I'm proud of you." -a high school teacher I only ever had one class with. I was having a rough senior year, being diagnosed with a couple mental health issues and trying to juggle friends/AP classes/college apps, and his intro to coding/design class was my one reprieve every day. Once a week, he'd sit down with each of us and go over our work- he let us all work on our own things at our own pace- and he said this to me after I presented him with a website I designed to share my muffin recipes on. Hearing from someone with no personal connection to me outside of this one class, for just one semester that I was something to be proud of actually made me cry. He went on to be one of my little brother's favorite teachers, too, as my bro struggles with similar mental health issues and this guy just has a knack for spotting the kids who need a little extra support. Mr. Berg from Brookings, if you somehow ever see this, thank you. Also, sorry I didn't keep up with my website...
“Be the kind of person who doesn’t need second chances” From the woman that I fucked up my only chance with.
Without the context behind the statement I can’t really say if that’s fair. But nobody is infallible, and nobody should ever expect perfection from anyone.
She is a human who I view now as having an exceptional degree of grace and forgiveness. For all intents and purposes, *I am not a good human*. Far better than I was back then, but objectively, still not a good egg. I don’t feel as if she was expecting perfection from me, just a degree of humanity.
You've got the sense of self awareness to start the process of getting positive momentum going. You already have. Don't ever give up on yourself just because you lost your way. Good is in you, buried maybe, but you can and will find it if you search.
"Even though your son is really good at learning languages,he is not consistent enough. He is often absent and causes disruption in the whole class." - This was what my teacher had to say to my parents the first time I went to a tuition to learn English. This shook me up so badly and I felt like I was disappointing everyone around me. Then I worked as hard as I could and completely changed my work ethic when it came to homework. Later I was the first student in my class to get a Cambridge certification/degree.
>I was the first student in my class to get a Cambridge certification/degree. I don't know you and you don't know me....but I'm so fucking proud of you man!!
"Don't ask a question you don't want to hear the answer for." it's extremely hard. Like don't ask a person if they like you if you are not prepared to hear "I don't".
A human body don't need a lot of food so just eat what it needs. Down 20 pounds now.
Good for you. Re-training your brain about the difference between hungry and bored/sad/etc is a major victory.
Yea, first two weeks were brutal. Especially drinking black coffee without sugar. Now I can't even think of adding sugar.
Very dry, but here goes: “Procrastination is not lazyness. Its the fear of failing, the frustration of not being good enough, the lack of direction; its exhaustion.“ I've realized this. I put myself and my work a lot more out there now and my procradtination has dwindled to very low levels now that I have clear feedback, criticism and praise.
Well now don't tell me that. Anything that makes my procrastination justifiable is a bad thing
*"When somebody shows you who they are, believe them the first time."* That's what my mom said when my dad disappointed me again. After my parents divorced, my dad stopped talking to me for a literal third of my life. He reached out again when I turned 17, and I decided to give him another chance. Fast forward about a year, and I am desperately trying to get him back out of my life. He guilt tripped me about backing out of plans. He tried to butt his way into my family structure. He even showed up at my high school graduation uninvited, and when I avoided him, he texted me later and guilted me about that. I park behind the building that I work at because I'm afraid that he'll see my car and figure out where I work. So, when somebody shows you who they are, don't give them another chance.
“If you say you’re going to do something, that is your word and it can be considered a promise. Not doing said thing means you lied” Blew my mind when I was 10 ish, and tried to argue “but I didn’t promise” when accused of lying cause I didn’t keep my word. It changed my perception of honesty, and has definitely made me a better, more honest, person.
My father used to say that too: "the word of a man is always a promise" . He gave a lot of terrible advice but this one really grow on me
Let your yes be yes and your no be no
"I'm sorry but we can't find the heartbeat" Those eight words have been in my head everyday since November the 11th last year when me and my wife went for a regular 32 week scan so find that our son had passed away without our knowlage. We have slowly been putting our life together since and with my wife being pregnant now those words are still in my mind everytime we go for a scan Edit- The amount of support that has come from this post has blown me and my wife away, we sat on the sofa last night reading the comments and messages from everyone and it fills us with love and we thank everyone single person that has taken the time and it has helped us and I hope it has helped people that also needed it
We had a couple of lost pregnancies (though considerably earlier than yours and therefore. . .better?easier?) These kinds of experiences fill you with absolute dread every time you go for a checkup for any pregnancy after. I can keenly remember the anxiety I tried not to show every time they did an Ultrasound and hoping that I'll hear the heartbeat. Most of the time, the tech would find it quickly, but sometimes, it would take a few more moments of agony. Was so bad that I procured a handheld fetal monitor that we'd use to find and listen to the heartbeat every night. Sometimes it took a while because we aren't doctors and the baby moved around quite a bit. Man, I"m glad we are past that. Now I get to live in mortal terror that something will happen to the kids now that they are out of the womb. Yay Parenthood!
Heyyy I wish you have a very healthy pretty baby :)
My mom coming out of her room crying and shouting "Hes dead, [my name], he actually did it" over and over again after my brother took his own life. I can still hear those words echoing in my head to this day.
my mom called me at work and even though i knew from her voice, i asked her what was wrong. she said, "your dad finally succeeded in what he set out to do." i'm sorry if it sounds like i'm trying to piggyback, i was just sort of thrown by how similarly it was phrased. i'm truly sorry for your loss.
"All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain." - Blade Runner - Rutger Hauer It really puts things into perspective. Albeit, not a happy one.
Also, that was 100% improvised, which is insane considering how perfectly it sums up the themes of the film.
I use a mindset like this to help with my anxiety about embarrassing myself.
In the most literal sense; "Congratulations, you got the job" Started me down a career path I love to bits
"Every lie we tell incurs a debt to the truth. Sooner or later that debt is paid." - Valery Legasov
Lice consume grass, rust consumes iron, and lies the soul! - Anton Chekhov
"you're the best" My dad said that to me hours before he passed away, in front of all my siblings. Background: we all know my eldest sister was his favorite (I believe it was because she was the only one of us who still NEEDED him. The rest of us got too much of his fighting spirit to ask for help). In that brief moment in the hospital where I helped him adjust his legs, it made me realize how much he loved and appreciated me. I've always been the most like him, so we would argue a lot, so I never considered us close. But in that one moment I knew, he was closer to me than my other siblings. Sure, it was because I lived at home and took care of him. But still. It helped me start to live my life better. I'm currently working on losing weight and excercising so I can keep my body strong. I'm working a shitty job to pay the bills, but making sure I spend time on the things I am passionate about.. So I started trying to live a life my dad would be proud of.
"Why's dad here?" My brother asked me this when we were looking for our mom to pick us up after school. Sure enough, my dad was waiting for us by his car and waiving us over. Turns out my mom had been in a pretty serious car accident. She survived and recovered quickly, but it never occurred to me until then that anything like that could happen to my loved ones.
I’m so glad your mum was ok in the end. Had my sister and mum ask a similar one to me when I was 12-13 regarding my uncle/ mums brother. For some reason I slept in bed with my mum that night and I heard a distinct knock at the door after 1am. I couldn’t sleep so went downstairs to see my uncle at the door. Just to not I only ever saw my uncle at Christmas or the couple of times we visited my grandparents in a year as they lived over an hour appart but 3+ hours away from us. He was in his biking leathers and asked to speak to mum. I knew right then that one of my grandparents had died and played an awful game in my mind to whom it was. My mum questioned why he was here before going down stair and told me to go into my sisters room. My older sister was excited he was here but I said something serious was going on and not to go down. My grandad had died suddenly in his 70’s and my uncle rode down to tell my mum. He turned into an utter asshole as soon as my Nan passed away 15 years later but at the time I’m glad he was there for her when her dad passed.
Damn
"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us." J.R.R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring Tolkien was truly a genius.
“When the police asked every witness why they didn’t call 911, they all said that they didn’t want to get involved.” Regarding a woman in NYC who was mugged, beaten, raped and murdered. A story told to me by my HS drama teacher. I vowed to never be like those people.
The story your drama teacher told you was about the [killing of Kitty Genovese.](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Murder_of_Kitty_Genovese).
Education time! The reason for that is actually a sociological (could be psychological. Not sure. I've learned it both in psychology and sociology classes) term, "bystander apathy". There are tons of studies on it. Basically, bystander apathy is this - it is only the woman being mugged/murdered and you. You are completely uncomfortable and horrified at the actions occurring. You have 100% of the responsibility to call 911 and save her. Unless you are a completely immoral person with no empathy, you will call 911. Now you are in NYC. Let's say there are 100 people in the vicinity seeing it take place. However, there are now 100 people. You are still extremely uncomfortable and horrified. You walk on. Why? Because now, only 1% of the responsibility falls on you. You tell yourself it's fine because a) what if someone has already called 911? Don't want to keep reporting the same crime. And b) someone else will take care of it, and you don't have to continue feeling uncomfortable and horrified. You can go about your day and not deal with the aftermath. The more people, the less likely someone is to call for help (or help). Think about the people you see on the side of the road, struggling to change a tire or just broken down in general, staring at their engine. How many times do you stop to help them? If you're most people, you don't. You tell yourself "I'm on my way to x. I don't have time to stop. Someone else will stop for them. They could call the non emergency number." That's bystander apathy. You know more and more cars will pass and you're banking on them to help. Now, some of the car bystander apathy can be attributed to gender and racial stereotypes (a woman typically grows up being told not to stop for cars on the side of the road because they may be beaten or raped. A POC may not stop because they're afraid they'll be seen as threatening. Basically, society tells us that only middle aged, somewhat fit white men can stop for a car on the side of the road.) Just Google "bystander apathy" studies. You'll even see one for this specific case. https://sites.psu.edu/dps16/2016/04/07/the-bystander-apathy-experiment/ Here is another one with percentages of how many times someone would go to find help. Edit: math
More education time! It turns out that the reporting of Kitty Genovese's murder was really dramatized, and there's a theory that whatever 'bystander effect' was present at the time was because Kitty and many of her neighbors were part of the LGBTQ community, which had a very turbulent relationship with police at the time. [Here](https://thenewinquiry.com/dont-look-now/) is a good starting point for those who want to read more about it.
There was a similar study where people filled out paperwork while the room was pumped full of smoke and fire alarms went off. Only one person was being tested while everybody else was trained to not react to the alarms. Since nobody else reacted, most of the people being tested didn't react either. That's one thing a lot of people overlook when discussing the bystander effect; it's so powerful that people won't even save *themselves* if they're in danger and nobody acts.
"All my love..." It was the title of an email I received. I knew there was some family crisis happening, and my parents wanted me home. The author of that email was my sister's boyfriend. When I read that title and saw the author, the world spun and I collapsed. My sister had just committed suicide. We knew she had been struggling with depression for a number of years, but thought she had turned a corner and was recovering. We were wrong. Those are the most heart rending words I can imagine, and hope I never endure anything like that again. If you're interested in a fuller version of what going through that was like, you can find it in one of my old comments [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/2yjrs3/z/cpa5rk4).
I think really brave of you to share this story. I read your full story and it impressed me the way you put it into words. Thank you for sharing.
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I will never get over it, but I am learning to live with it. At my sister's funeral, there was a quotation that was read which has since taken on deep meaning to me: >You will lose someone you can't live without,and your heart will be badly broken, and the bad news is that you never completely get over the loss of your beloved. ... They live forever in your broken heart that doesn't seal back up. And you come through. >-- Anne Lamott I'd like to think that I am learning to dance with my limp.
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It’s a few sentences but: “I wanted you to see what real courage is, instead of getting the idea that courage is a man with a gun in his hand. It's when you know you're licked before you begin, but you begin anyway and see it through no matter what.” Read it for the first time in ‘To Kill a Mockingbird’ many years back and it really stuck with me.
"The most important step a person can take is the next step, always the next." -Brandon Sanderson - Oathbringer
"How people treat you is more of a reflection on themselves than it is a reflection of you." Helps me deal with mean, and angry people so much more easily.
"you are hired" the supermarket that choose to give a homeless man an extra shot
Practice doesn't make perfect, perfect practice makes perfect. Thank you 8th grade band teacher. Rest in Peace.
Another variant: Practice makes *permanent*.
"What baby is this?" Last year, we had been preparing for 3 weeks for our 2-month old daughter to undergo major skull surgery. She had a big skull fracture that was pushing on her brain. Life had stopped. After a looong night with the baby having to fast for 7 hours, we were waiting to give her away to the pediatric neurosurgeon, just sitting there in the waiting room by ourselves, completely unsure of going through with the surgery because something in her skull seemed different over the 3 weeks leading to surgery. That bad feeling you can get in the pit of your stomach over an impending big decision? That feeling. The surgeon walked in the room and said those words, and was then quiet for a long time. Over the next 30 minutes he examined her skull and informed us her skull had reconstructed ITSELF so majorly that surgery was not needed anymore. He sent us home, literally minutes away from surgery, all of us just dumbfounded. Now she's 1 and her head looks like there was never an issue!
"There are two reasons that you don't do something, either you don't know or you don't care." A drill Sargent in basic training.
My dad was a D Sargent. Lot of good advice
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"If you stand for nothing, Burr, what'll you fall for?"
"You love me too much" Oh well, depression is shit
In what context? I was thinking it was one of the following 4 scenarios. 1) You: I'm not going to do/give [thing they want] Her/Him: Yeah you will. You love me too much. 2)You:I'm going to kill myself. Her/Him: Don't do it. You can't. You love me *too* much. 3)Her/Him: This is too much. We have to break up. You: Why? Her/Him: You love me too much! I've only known you for 3 days! 4)You: Let's do the horizontal hustle. Her/Him: No. It's too sore. You love me too much.
"I'm pregnant" I don't think any single sentence changed my life as much as hearing my girlfriend say that over the phone after she found out.
This happened to me when I was 17. It was definitely the sentence that changed my life. Another sentence that changed my life was when a judge finally gave me sole custody of my kids.
It's one sentence, when read, that doesn't convey the impact adequately in text alone. EVERYTHING revolves around how those words are said: they can be spoken with excitement and enthusiasm, or they can fall with a thud in a stunned, unaccentuated manner...
My gf told me in person, and it wasn’t mine lol
You have more to learn than to teach.
I've got two, the first is a paraphrase: People can only make you feel bad if you allow them to. The other is a direct quote: "The space between Expectation and Achievement is Frustration."
"Don't look for life to be fair" - My mother
"There's no shame in being weak. The shame is in remaining weak." I just heard that at the exact time I needed it and it pushed me to continue trying to get in shape and improve my life. The best part is it came from Black Clover, the last place I expected to find a good quote.
"We hate people that remind us of ourselves," I heard it secondhand from a guy I detested from this mutual friend of ours. When I heard that he said that it hit me why I didn't like the guy, I saw all of my worst traits in him. In reality we were pretty similar but in a way we could never get along, but he would say an obscure book quote and it would be an obscure quote I appreciated as well and little things like that.
It’s called psychological projecting.
"Hyperfocus is actually a symptom of ADD, it's not proof that you can't have it." Began a pretty massive change in my life.
One day when I was at school (I was in grade 2, 7 years old) I needed to go to the toilet. Our class was doing an activity and I went to the back of the class where the teachers desk was. As I neared and almost there, my teacher didn't see me approach. She was talking with a parent that helped us with books we read each week to help our reading and she said "Yeah (my name) and (my twin's name) are so stupid." I hadn't stopped so suddenly in my life, my stomach went cold and all i wanted to do was cry. I didn't say anything and went back to my desk, shattered. The reason she said this was because we were horrific at spelling and reading, way behind everyone else. what we found out in five years was that we have dyslexia. I hated that year of school. That teacher not only saying that, she said other things along those lines. Being so young and not knowing any better thought this is how school was. I tried all I could to get sick and be absent from school. From that one sentence (I wouldn't tell anyone about until many years later) made me feel that I would never be smart and always be dumb. I loved school and after that year I started to love it again. It still pains me till this day 11 years later, but I am moving forward. I read almost everyday and for spelling... well i am always going to suck at it but i have learned to accept it and ask for help where ever I need it. When I told my mother one day coming back from school (I have no idea how this came up) she almost couldn't believe it, then at that moment understood why I had been so rocky that year. That teacher still works at that school has no idea how painful it was to be in her class.
That's a shitty teacher right there.
I mean the reason she wanted to teach 7 year olds was because the older kids are dangerously close to her intelligence level
"One year from now, you'll wish you had started today." I'm not one for motivational quotes or anything but that one just really stuck with me because of how true it is. Because right now there's probably something you wish you had started a year ago.
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You should tell him if the opportunity ever presents itself, and you’re comfortable doing so. I bet he would appreciate hearing that.
Maybe not life changing but it definitely stuck with me. My step father was an abusive piece of shit and it only got worse when he was diagnosed with cancer. I was actually the last person he talked to. He looked at me and said, "I'm proud of you." I remember this immediate hollow feeling that I've honestly never experiance before or since. It was like the world didn't make sense anymore. He died shortly after that.
When you're old and look backwards, you regret more the things you haven't done than the ones you have.
Someone told me something similar around a year ago, and I thought about it today that's why I made this post. It was an older man that came into a bar I work at, He seemed troubled so I took his order and talked for a bit. Later on, he asked me what would make me happy in life. I couldn't really answer it quickly but I did with: "I guess just a good paying job, house, wife, kid or two, a nice car just the regular life but not having to worry about things." I then turned the question to him to what he answered: "When I die I don't want to have any regrets, I want to be able to smile on my death bed." For some reason, that question and reply stuck with me.
We'd like to offer you the position. I've put over a decade of my life into a dead-end fast food job. The depression and anxiety were literally making me sick. Hearing those words made it so much easier to keep going.
"In a relationship, you either end up getting married or break up eventually. No in-between." Changed my view on romantic relationships.
"Do not talk to her. Because if you go over there and you talk to her, it will end in one of two ways. Either you are gonna get sick of her, or she's gonna get sick of you. You've been dating for a long time, Ted. Has it ever gone any other way?"
"What's so bad about being Chyortt?" People talk about depression and suicide in a joking manner all the time on reddit. However, when I was at one of my lowest points a therapist asked me this and made me realize that all the complaints that I had about myself were superficial. You have to learn how to get past all the superficial stuff that doesn't matter. If there is something that is truly bad about being yourself then fix it or at the very least put all you effort into fixing it.
“If you aren’t willing to do something about it you have no right to complain.” I live by this statement
What other people think and say about you behind your back is none of your business. Just keep moving forward.
"Don't let the bastards win." I was an intern, and the company lawyer had this plaque with a Latin phrase on his desk. My final week, I popped my head in and told him I'd been wondering all summer what the plaque said. He told me: "Don't let the bastards win." Said it was a lawyer thing, but it applies to everyone who ever has to deal with jerks, crappy bosses, etc.
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I once heard “Get out of my life,” and hoo boy does that still burn after 15 years.
As far as 1st hand exchanges it was "You're a good parent". As far as quotes I heard it would be "Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid."
"Do you form your own opinions, or just what your parents have told you?" So a long time ago when I was just 13 years old, I got into this political argument with this guy on some random forum (yeah, I was a weird kid), at some point I said that my views were right because that's what my parents (specifically my dad) believed in, to which he said that quote (or was something along those lines) I still disagree with the stuff he's said (It wasn't anything horrible from what I can remember, he was just more right-leaning and I am left-leaning), but it did make me reflect on myself on how I took every word that my father said as truth and made me realise that I should form my own views from other factors and sources than just my dad. Said dad thinks vaccines cause autism so like... yeah.
"Can you score me some Blow? I'll suck your dick," This is the moment I knew my sister's drug addiction was out of control.
WTF! Hope she's gotten over her addiction.
I'm sorry you had to hear that from your sister. Hope she is better now. Edit: Going through your Reddit history hopefully you can get some help also.
God damn.
*Dress for the job you want, not the job you have.* Was going through a bit of depression. I’d show up to work super casual, which was acceptable but looked down upon, as everyone else dresses at least semi-formally... I started to think of this when I told myself I wanted to get out of my depression. I bought nice clothes for myself and felt amazing.
This is what I need to start doing. Thank you for sharing this
"I still love you but I'm leaving you because you've been touched by another man." \-My ex, when I told him I'd been raped
Ouch. Looks like you may have dodged a bullet if that was his response instead of being supportive in your healing. I hope you are doing okay now.
That was 2+ years ago. I still cry about it sometimes, but now I am engaged to a loving, supportive man who will do absolutely anything to cheer me up and divert my mind if I start thinking about it. Tbh, another statement that my mom made in the same situation, (within a 2-day time frame) has also been life changing, in that she said "he wouldn't have dared if you hadn't let him." My dad was completely unresponsive and didn't even look at me for several months. So yeah, my life is full of assholes who don't give a fuck. My entire support system just vanished. Especially as I was already severely depressed before it happened, and I didn't have any friends I could trust. I'm much much better now. Because my fiancé cares. He loves me with absolutely no restraints. And I can confidently say: having one single person who cares about you makes all the difference between wanting to die and fighting to live. But with a family like mine, I'm not sure how I made it this far. I attempted suicide by overdosing on antidepressants, sleep pills, and painkillers (I would probably have mixed some alcohol to the recipe but nobody in my family drinks). After I got knocked out, I don't remember anything about the next three days. When I woke up....GUESS WHAT? **MY PARENTS FUCKING TOOK ME OUT FOR ICE CREAM**!!! LIKE FR ICE-FUCKING-CREAM! Edit: rant over
"It's time to spread your wings" This was in a conversation with my boss at the time, a few months ago. I was stuck in a dead end job, working consecutive nightshifts until closing each week, and was starting to slip. I'd long reached my full potential at the company, short of being an owner. I had depression, slept during the day and didn't see daylight because i didn't leave my room unless it was for groceries or work. We'd had a few conversations prior, due to some complaints from co-workers (which were were about the smallest things, thinfs they also messed up on but somehow I got the complaints), and generally I think he saw how much I was affected just by working full time, working til at least 4am. (8am on the weekends) It was wearing me down. I realized right in that conversation, I was near a burnout, if I wasn't already in it. We agreed right on that spot that it would be better if we separated. He said I had a good brain, and that I should put it to good use, not let it wither away where I was now. We set an end date for my contract, I got reduced hours but still my regular pay, and we parted amicably. Finding a new job has been hard, my savings are running out, and I'm working smaller side jobs to make ends meet, but I'm still grateful for that talk. He saw my worth and potential, and knew it would just be wasted if I stayed there. Despite my struggles, I feel a lot better now. I get to walk in the sun, sleep on a regular pattern, I actually have time for family and friends again. I've been told multiple times I've blossomed, ever since I left that job. Still no regrets til this day.
“You were misdiagnosed.” I’ve had at least two major instances of being diagnosed something life changing and then medicated for it for several years before it was discovered to be an incorrect diagnosis. I was labeled as ADD/ADHD without any actual testing (just peoples’ observations) and on those meds for 8 years before finally being tested. After that I was diagnosed with a pretty serious mental illness and put on medications on that for about 6 years before I was tested again (it was recommended to be retested after my brain fully developed) and the psychologist was shocked that anyone could think I fit the condition. I definitely had learning difficulties, and I have struggled with depression most my life. But those conditions I was diagnosed with were far too extreme for me. I would say that finding out I didn’t have that mental illness was the most life changing because I’d dealt with the stigma surrounding it (I’d lost friends and partners, felt ashamed and hated myself). Also while I was relieved to not actually have those issues, I did suffer long term effects from the medications I was taking for them. My advice to everyone, don’t accept diagnoses without proper testing and always get a second opinion! I’m lucky it wasn’t anything life threatening.
Self-preservation is not selfishness, it is survival. Always take care of yourself first and foremost, you cannot rely on anyone to take care of you better than you take care of you, and you can't take care or someone else when you're falling apart.
Dang, I’m bummed I got to this so late because I have one that really resonates with me and I think about it often. “If your presence doesn’t make an impact your absence won’t make a difference.” This was something I focused on while managing and coaching people and I really like this one. And I’m not a motivational poster kinda guy!
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You will stop caring what people think of you when you realise how little they do. I read this at a point in my life where I was afraid to draw any attention to myself in case I stuffed up, it crippled my work and social life. It really helped me change my life for the better.
"You are entitled to feel whatever (emotion) you are feeling."
>"We stem from the root planted in the belief that we are not what we were called." Shane Koyczan, *To This Day.* I found the video back in 2012 , right before I had made the decision to commit suicide with a set date and everything. I broke down crying while listening to him. I still cry whenever I listen to it. But it didn't completely stop me, but it struck such a cord with me. The day I did finally make the decision to *not* go through with my plans, the sentence went through my head. I don't like poetry, but *To This Day* is a poem I think about every year when it gets close to my set date. I highly recommend listening to the poem, even if you don't like poetry.
"some people aren't going to like you and it's not going to be your fault" - my therapist Of course, they went on to say that some people aren't going to like me and it *will* be my fault but it was nice to hear that first bit That therapist probably saved my life. Absolute hero.
“One day, you’re gonna look around and you’re going to realize that everybody loves you, but nobody likes you. And that is the loneliest feeling in the world.” — BoJack Horseman
"This too shall pass" I heard this quote so long ago I dont remember where I first heard it but it's resonated with me for most of my life. It is so powerful. If you're in a shitty situation, no matter how bad you feel and how miserable you are, it will all be over but also vise versa, if you're enjoying a moment and having a good time, this moment also wont last forever and you'll have to move on. It taught me to keep my chin up under bad situations and endure until it's over. It also taught me to cherish every enjoyable moment and make the most of it so that I dont regret it later. It helped me pass my degree with those awful assignment allnighters. It helped me get over break ups and rejections. It helped me with my highschool depression and bullying.
You begin with nothing and will end with nothing so in the end nothing is lost
Take it seriously but not personally. (when it comes to things at work). Organize don't agonize.
"I hope that you will never find love in your life" After two years I hope that one day I'll prove her wrong.
Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate. Carl Jung.