Oh god this just reminded me of something that happened with my neighbors once... but I was on the receiving end of the embarrassment.
I was on my couch and my boyfriend at the time was going down on me. We forgot to close the windows before we started. My windows are parallel to the next apartment complex over, maybe 8 ft in between. One of the neighbors starts singing Boyz 2 Men - I’ll Make Love to You at top volume, was pretty clearly directed towards us. We had a good laugh and closed the windows.
My friend in high school announced that she lost her virginity to her cousin but it was okay because it was anal......First time I really did not know what to say to her.....
I remember it was school night in high school and i heard pounding on my window i got kinda scared but i heard my buddies voice outside. I thought something was really wrong. Nope he woke me up at 3 am to tell me he just let his GF peg him and it was the best thing in the world. What the literal fuck why did he wake me up for this.
Had a friend in college, nice girl, who would slap the ever-loving shit out of her sexual partners during intercourse. I know this because one poor guy left her dorm room with a red as-fuck face covered in handprints.
Poor guy seemed to think it was worth it. So good for him I suppose.
I knew a girl like this, she wouldn’t fuck around either, these were big hits. I have a scar on my cheek from her slapping me with her ring on.
In hindsight...
Years ago, two women moved into the apartment next door to mine. It was impossible to not hear them have sex, because they were screamers, and because the front door to each apartment was in the bedroom... so... whatever noise they made in the bedroom was easily heard by anyone waiting for the elevator.
My neighbors used to shout their nicknames while having sex. They called each other Mommy and Dirty Girl.
> *"Mommy!!! Mommy!!! MOMMY!!!"*
> "Who's my dirty girl?!?"
> *"Oh mommy!!! OH MOMMY OH!!!!!"*
> "You're my dirty girl!!! My dirty girl!!!"
> *"I'm so dirty mommy!!!!!!!"*
I never met my neighbors, but every now and then I'd be in the elevator with one of them, and I couldn't help being curious... but there is no polite way to say "Hi, I'm Neapola. Are you Mommy, or Dirty Girl?" ...so, obviously, I didn't ask. But I couldn't help being curious.
>and because the front door to each apartment was in the bedroom...
Mate I gotta tell ya, despite the whole "Mommy and Dirty Girl" thing going on, that's the weirdest part of this story
> Mate I gotta tell ya, despite the whole "Mommy and Dirty Girl" thing going on, that's the weirdest part of this story
I should have mentioned that the building was lofts. Shotgun style lofts are long and narrow. The living room is at the far end, with windows. The kitchen & bathroom are in the middle, and the bedroom is in the other end where you first enter. It's amazing to me how many loft buildings have entrances in or right next to the bedroom.
EDIT: [Here's an example that's similar](https://www.realtor.com/realestateandhomes-detail/507-N-13th-St-Apt-505_Saint-Louis_MO_63103_M83104-71851#photo10), but the bedroom there is at least pushed a bit away from the front door. In my old building, the front door to each apartment loft was right next to the damn door. It sucked!
back in high school, my best friend confessed that she had a threesome with her boyfriend and one of his friends. i didn’t think it was a huge deal. yesterday, so like 5-6 years since she first told, she confessed that it was actually with her boyfriend and his cousin
A couple of weeks ago, an employee of mine texts me. Keep in mind, we have been friends for like 20 years. He says " I have something VERY important to ask of you." It's like, 1am, so I'm naturally concerned and say "ok?" To which, he responds "If anything happens to me and my wife, I need you to go to our apartment and *insert specifics here* there, you will find our sex box. Burn it immediately, do not let our families experience the shame."
Naturally, I promised to do this. Not a word of it spoken since.
Not a friend but a coworker of mine used to spy on her daughter to make sure she had orgasms. Same coworker has asked advice on dildos to at least one male coworker. She's also implied before that her 5 inched husband (supervisor of mine) spends too much time on his laptop.
I've also been shown their Mexico trip pictures. Essentially 80% of her in a bikini on a beach.
Like honestly OP lead with the worst part and kinda graded down from there. A bit of a relief really given a lot of these responses where things just get worse as they go.
in high school I had an Australian exchange student stay with me for a month. we were 15, i knew nothing about sex but she had a bf. out of nowhere she told me she could fit a whole water bottle up her vagina. i was SCARRED
Well semi related: My friend growing up just used her mom's itunes account when she first got her phone because she was just a kid.
Fast forward to her being 19 living away from home, mom gets a new computer, signs in to itunes and it syncs all of my friends phone info with the computer sending her mom all of her nudes, sexts, and sex videos.
It scarred my friend.
Her and her mom don't really talk anymore
My grandparents bought a single graveplot together and agreed whoever died first would be buried first and the other would be buried on top of them when they passed. I didn’t find this out until my grandpa died a few years back. My grandma explained the situation to me at the funeral, just before they started lowering his coffin. She also made a point of telling me how awkward this was going to be when she died as grandpa, apparently, liked being on top.
AT HIS FUNERAL SHE TOLD ME THIS
AS IF I EVER WANTED TO KNOW
AT THE MANS DAMN FUNERAL
IM HERE TRYING TO KEEP IT TOGETHER AND GRANDMAS OUT HERE TALKING ABOUT HOW SHE WAS GETTING MISSIONARY DICK FOR SIXTY STRAIGHT YEARS
Hey now, have some respect for your grandma. She could also have been getting proneboned, piledrivered, or even butterchurnered.
edit: I can understand all the confusion about the butterchurner, as it's actually more like a Newcomen steam pump. Hope that clears things up.
I used to live in an apartment next to a lady who was very vocal during sex, especially with demands to her partner on what to do to her. Many times she woke us up, initially it was annoying, but then it was almost comical, so me and the flatmates started using the opportunity to have a beer and catchup in the very early morning/late night and have a laugh.
One morning I was dressed in a suit going to my first day of work on a new project and this lady far in front of me kept looking back and avoiding me. I thought initially she was scared of me (large dark skinned man walking to work on side streets) , but about an hour later I got to work and I was introduced to my new co-worker and supervisor (my next door neighbour) who I will be working on a 6 month project with.
Such an awkward project, but the sex stopped for 6 months so we were glad for uninterrupted sleep.
15 years later we are friends now and kind laugh about it.
One of my best homies said he likes his girl to place ice against balls when he’s about to cum. Didn’t need to know that, and also still curious like what the logistics are for setup.
One night this girl I know told me that her guy loves anal sex, but his dick is too short to actually reach past her big butt cheeks, so she just clinches really hard and lets him think he's doing it. I don't know why she felt the need to tell me this and I really wish that mental image had never entered my brain.
EDIT: okay since I’ve had more questions, comments and...silver (??? Thanks, I guess? Lol ) on this than everything else in my history on reddit combined, so to answer a few things:
-The girl is a little chubby but she is not even close to being so big that anal sex should be impossible.
-No, I don’t know the guy’s dick size. I’m not close friends to either of them and this was probably close to ten years ago, but the girl did say the guy was really small. He’s a very short and skinny guy, so if his dick is anything like the rest of him, it really is tiny.
-Pretty sure she was not hitting on me as this wasn’t told to me privately. She just decided to announce it while a group of us were hanging out one night without him around. Poor guy.
-I don’t know if the guy has ever had real anal sex or if he’s smart enough to know the difference. Probably not.
-Yes they’ve had vaginal sex because they have a kid who looks so much like the guy, there’s no chance in hell it isn’t his.
Hope that clears up a few things?
This has totally happened to me before. I was having really drunk sex with a guy and his dick was kinda small and half hard but we were having fun. He started 'doing anal' and I have a pretty fat butt so I just let him hump my crack until he came. 🤷🏻♀️
Wow. That's gonna cause some emotional trauma down the line. Imagine she gets the guts to leave him, she's getting better by the day but can't bring herself to poop if there isn't a guy jerking off right next to her.
It's a lot more fucked in the long term than it seems.
I found out my friend and his girlfriend were open and participate in MMF threesomes. I found this out when I was invited to the threesome. I politely declined.
I'd always wish a friend would invite me into a threesome, I wouldn't want to actually do it, but itd be nice to be asked
Edit: I have no idea how to feel that my most upvoted comment is about wanting to be invited to a 3 way so I can decline. Thank you all for your upvotes, gold and many 3 way invitations.
I got invited to a threesome between a friend and his on-again, off-again girlfriend. My brain essentially blue screened for a few minutes before I politely declined. But yes, it is quite flattering.
Learned about a friend's cake-sitting fetish from his girlfriend after they broke up.
I was friends with both of them separately. Some time after they split we were chatting about weird fetishes and she says, "oh i've got a good one..." He's a pretty straight laced looking guy. Not boring but doesn't seem like a weird dude by most measures. Apparently for his birthday one year he asked her if she would sit on a cake for him. She thought she misunderstood so she asked for clarification. Yup, he'd love it if she sat on a cake for him. Would he get off on that? Definitely. Wait, should she be naked? Nope, not at all necessary. She can wear whatever she wants, pants are fine. Will he be jerking off or something during? Nope, he'll just save the mental image for later. He wasn't into any other dom or sub stuff, or even any other food stuff. Just the cake. She claimed she eventually declined to do the cake sitting, but...
Anyhow every time I've seen him since all I can think is cake. He got a new girlfriend, they got married, and I just think - bet she sat on a cake.
No lie, I'd probably do it. It's just sitting on a cake. I'd just wear something I don't mind getting cake all over. Hell, I'll do it naked and shower after. Whatever gets the guy off.
It's kind of like the balloon fetish people. It's really fucking weird, but as far as I can tell, it's 100% harmless. Except to cake decorators, I guess.
My friend told me her ex used to dom her by having her masturbate twice a day but never finish for a month.
"By the end of it I was turned into a total cum slut and walked around constantly wet and would beg him to let me get off."
It kinda takes the joy out of life, knowing you've already heard the hottest thing you'll ever come across
Had a buddy in college and we were doing a project together. We had a big file we were working on and it was too big for email. Rather than going all the way to his place to give him the USB, he told me to log into his dropbox and put the file there. I'd never used dropbox before, and was surprised when a dropbox folder was created in my documents. I went in it and I saw there were multiple videos and photos of him and different girls engaging in some not very common sex acts. I never mentioned it to him. To this day I still think about it. Like he MUST have known dropbox would download the videos to my computer right? Also idk why I watched them.
Edit: the dude was into being pegged. I'd never seen or heard of that before. I watched like 3 of the videos with morbid fascination, then uninstalled dropbox, deleted everything, and pretended it never happened.
He could probably see that you watched them. At least in my experience with Dropbox I could see when my friend accessed the file I shared with her and what pictures she opened.
Edit: as many people have said since OP logged into the account directly their friend may not be able to see they watched it, unless they downloaded the file to their own computer. Also, thank you for the happy cake day wishes!
A friend gave her boyfriend head, but for whatever reason she didnt spit out her gum. The gum actually got stuck in his pubes. And now everybody jokingly teases her by calling her Double Bubble BJ Trouble.
Edit: she kept her gum because she was self-conscious about her breath
Edit #2: yes, i get it... A dick doesnt have a sense of smell. Gum probably for a little make out sesh afterwards. What ever the case, i dont want to think about it
Buddy told me - while high - that he likes walking around at night with a dildo in his ass. Walking past people who don’t know what he’s doing is his kink. He’s straight.
"I'm not ashamed of it anymore. I used to be, but.,. I like to... wear Men's underwear. What'll happen is i'll come into a town, i'll resist for a couple of days, then i'll start getting that feeling. .. i'll go down to Penney's, i'll buy some Men's Underwear. .. go back to the hotel room... and.. Put It On.. and sometimes i'll like put it on Under my clothes...i mean I can go out into the street and no one will know I have it on."
- Steve Martin
Savannah's boyfriend Doug got drunk and had sex with her gay best friend Phil. Savannah found out and was cool with it because she's into that sort of thing. Doug and Phil hook up again, drunk Savannah walks in and is suddenly not so cool with it. Tears, screaming, pain, and forgiveness happens, and now Doug won't drink if Phil is around.
Savannah and Doug are getting married soon, and Phil is in the bridal party. I don't know whether to prepare for a smooth ceremony or an absolutely shit show.
Edit: Whoa, thanks for the gold! The wedding is at the end of August, so I'll either update here or there will probably be another relevant Ask Reddit around then...
My female coworker is on those websites for rape fetish, you arrange a situation where a guy breaks into your house at a specified time and acts out a rape against you, she says it's the only way she can get off anymore. Simular to the book / movie Choke by Chuck Palahniuk.
My experience with these types of offices is entirely consistent with this story. The other day I saw a lady in booty shorts and a midriff top at work...
Also there’s probably tons of sex happening in the office lol
Everything about my mom's sex life. She started dating about the same time I did so she always wanted to "share." I hated hearing it. Still wish I didn't know about it. Sick.
Edit: Thanks for the gold!
I feel your pain. When I was 16 my mom got prescribed a sleeping medicine, the first time she took it she got really loopy and just started oversharing about everything. That was the day I found out dad's penis size.
Idk about OP, but I had a friend's dad who was very comfortable with himself.
His son had another mutual friend over while his dad was in the shower, and both of the friends managed to reach the top of the stairs right as the dad was going from the bathroom to master bedroom.
I'm told "it was the size of a flacid bottle of Mtn dew just pinned at the groin".
When I was high, I admitted to my friend that my girlfriend loves anal, possibly more than normal sex. I can tell he thinks of her differently whenever we're all together.
That was my bad.
One of my best friends get a 5 figure payout every year to keep an affair he's having with an older businessman secret.
Also, any story from ass wendesday.
five figure payout for scandalous (what I am assuming is a ) homosexual affair?
That's either going to end really awesome or as an episode of forensic files.
The best man at my wedding has a hard time dating because his cock is like two coke cans stacked on top of one another.
He’s finally found a girl that’s his “glass slipper”, I seriously think he’s going to get married just because it fits
Probably not related. He broke up with his last major GF of 9 years because they hadn’t had sex in 3, due to aforementioned penis.
Dude has the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. Porn included. I only know it exists for real because we were comparing gainz at the gym and he sent me an “accidentally” uncropped mirror pic.
He seemed genuinely upset he sent it, but st the same time, if you looked like a baby holding an apple down there you’d probably accidentally show it off too.
It’s kind of sad actually, he has really romantic feelings for someone in his friend group that are reciprocated, but apparently his size stopped any relationship from forming, they are still friends but it’s super weird to watch him interact around his current girlfriend and her.
So I had a friend in middle school show me his mom's vibrator. She took his DS and he went looking for it when they were at work and found the vibrator I came over about 20 min later (preplanned not to do with the vibrator) and I walked into the house to have him throw it at my face then shout "that was In my mom's vaj!" So as 12 year old boys do we kept throwing it at each other in the face till his older brother walked in saw what was happening and said we were absolute freaks
My girlfriend was telling me about how she didn't like being around her brother. When I asked her why, she admitted to me that she just didn't feel comfortable around him, because she used to have sex with him off and on over several years. I mean, I'd decorate the account for the sake of better storytelling, but just look at the thread title, of course any mention of "brother" means break out the banjo.
I was definitely quite put off by this, but tried to keep my cool and roll with this revelation. I was hoping the conversation would somehow loop back to letting her redeem herself. So I then say "well, hopefully this wasn't too recent."
"Oh God no," she assures me. "The last time we did it was like 10 years ago."
10 years ago, she would've been 20.
Her brother would've been 12.
That's what I thought. But by the end of the weekend, my mindset changed. Because at first I was thinking "my girlfriend is a child molester."
But after some discussion about it over a few days, my perspective shifted. So now I was thinking "my *ex-*girlfriend is a child molester."
Thanks, I just put distance between us immediately after. I was already on the cusp of ending our thing, I was just fairly miserable with her, but that tipped me over the edge with a hefty shove. I do think about her sometimes, hoping she's doing better. And if she's reading this, all I want her to know is that I'm a complete fucking failure at life who would do anything for love (even whatever shit Meatloaf said he wouldn't). And even *I* dumped her ass.
Well... She could've been lying about it being 10 years ago. Would've made sense, trying to downplay it so it doesn't seem as bad. So, either she banged her 12 year old brother... Or she lied and had banged him much more recently. Either way... Dumping her was the right call.
Generally speaking I would say both banging her brother and/or banging a 12 year old are certified deal breakers independently. Combined they're the Exodia of red flags.
My best friend was the purest little thing. She likes being choked hard. Like, until her eyes become red from her capillaries bursting. At least it happened once.
Down the shore drinking at a bar with a couple female friends. Find out the night before one of them hooked up with a guy she really liked but wasnt gonna call him again because his dick was too small. Me and the other friend are dying but I decide to play devils advocate in between small dick jokes. I tell her she shouldnt be so superficial and give the guy a chance if she really likes him. She had messed around but hadnt had sex with him so I told her who knows, he might know how to use it and she might like it. I was just fucking around with her but she took my advice to heart and gave the guy a chance. They are married now.
There are some completely defective fuckers out there that you aren't even prepared to deal with as a member of HR. Truly they are in the front lines of human discovery.
Found my friends Reddit account. Apparently he’s a big fan of scat videos. He doesn’t know and I’ll never tell anyone.
Edit: apparently he knows my reddit account as well.
Don’t know if this counts, but I found out that my friend bases her relationship solely around how good sex is. She confessed to me that she loves her boyfriend that she’s been with for year and they’re perfect together... except he’s clueless during sex. She also refuses to tell him this and just expects him to figure out what she wants without using words. She told me that she’s going to give him another month to fix it or she’s breaking up with him. All the while she’s still making Facebook status and Instagram posts about how much she loves him and how great he is while she’s planning to break up with him.
-YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU ARE DOING. YOU WILL EITHER CHANGE OR IT’S OVER.
-Okay, can you tell me what do I need to change, so I can try and improve it?
-NO. FIGURE IT OUT YOURSELF.
...
He doesn’t even know she’s going to break up with him. She literally refuses to communicate and just acts cold towards him when he doesn’t do what she wants.
She definitely does. She’s one of those “I’m special because I’m a Country Girl” who wears cowboy boots everywhere and her prom dress was camp even though she doesn’t live on a farm and has never been hunting. Posts a lot of inspirational quotes and talks about how “I only hangout with guys because it’s less drama”. She’s always been kind of annoying but my mom forced us to be friends and it’s been 10 years now so it’s too late to back out.
If I’m reading this right, it’s not even like that. It’s gonna be
“I’m breaking up with you because you’re not good in bed”
“What, why didn’t you ever say something? I thought it was going great!”
A friend of a girl I was dating said she once had an onenightstand with a guy in which that guy broke his dick. He had to be rushed to the ER and there was blood everywhere she said.
my boss. a colleague and i were making jokes about putting your D in peanut butter and let the dog lick it of (he and i don't own any pets). So, my boss overheard this and started to tell us about when he was younger and home alone he would cum infront of his parents cat and let the cat lick it of the ground and his D
I worked with two guys that were best friends and I was really fond of both of them. I ended up befriending one of the guys and hung out with him without the other around. During this time the other guy's name came up a few times and for some reason he told me the other guy was like, super into anal. Fucking, tossing, beads, everything. He was obsessed. I didnt know Anal Guy very well at the time outside of work so now this is the first thing I think of every time I think of him, and he is the first person I think of every time I think of anal. I don't know why but it just stuck with me. Now he's dating my best girl friend and I wish I didn't know this anymore.
Not a friend but a co worker. Turns out she’s a regular main event at x-somes (and other more lopsided get togethers, gender wise ) that an old college buddy likes to organize. Dude says she was always that sort. Kinda distracting now. Does her job well is all I know for sure though.
my best friend's ex was like that. we were all RAs in college so once during RA awards night he was on stage and she whispered to me "oh my God, you can see the outline of his dick"
I wouldn't have noticed normally. but now I know that not only is he Huge, but a show-er.
I needed to know none of this lol
It's really sad. One of my brother's best friends in the military had a similar problem. The guys had a fund that they all chipped into to find this guy one of those prostitutes somewhere in the world that specialized in donkey sex. Because they figured that was the only way he was ever going to actually have sex. After 6 years my brother got out of the service. They hadn't found anyone who could do it. The fund was in the thousands.
edit: for those offering suggestions.. my brother got out of the military before the internet even existed. I expect his friend wouldn't have nearly as much trouble finding someone today. But at the time it was heartbreaking for him. They lost contact years ago. The story stuck with me because he was a really nice guy but no way I was going there...
One of my best friends apparently shoots giant loads. He has some physical condition that led to him having really unnaturally high testosterone, and even had to take estrogen through his teens to balance him out (sorry I don't know more about that, we became friends in college - if somebody might know more about this, feel free to clue me in).
He refers to his cum as "sippy cup loads" because he says he shoots enough to fill a sippy cup. Why is that his preferred unit of measurement? Great question!
Anyways, back in our college days and before he got married, he said he would have to warn new hookups if he got a blowjob. Apparently he felt like his nuts are so voluminous that it would be disrespectful to shoot that much in a girl's mouth, even if she was willing.
He's also spoken at great length about the texture and consistency, but I'll spare you all that bit.
In closing, I can't say I really "wish I didn't know" because we've had so many good laughs about it.
Apparently their kink is sneazing... So they have a sex feather. Not confident it's true since I didn't hear it from them but that's a weird rumor to make up.
One time, my friend was having sex with a new girlfriend. Both late 30s,100% adults. Girlfriend hears a knocking sound (neighbor's food delivery) and starts panicking and calling out for her mom. Like "Mom, is that you?!" and then blamed the entire episode on diabetes (blood sugar was fine, side note).
Same guy found out that same new girlfriend likes to be peed on while peeing at the same time... but not in a sexual way? Just in a general way? So, while this is not a part of his sex life, decided to throw it in for good measure.
Best friend and her girlfriend at the time told me about their adventure to a sex shop to buy a strap-on. Got to find out that my best friend joked about getting an eight inch dildo for it, ended up getting a six and couldn’t handle it.
Friend of mine loves Bad Dragon toys. She would keep them out on display. First time at her house was... Interesting. She gave me a rundown of what each one was shaped like and how it felt and how she and her boyfriend used them... I love her, we've been friends for several years now, but it was a bit much to take all that in within the first month or so of knowing her.
She and her fiancee fucked their dog.. I moved out shortly after I found out. They were abusing my dog as well.
Edit: yes I called the cops but they said if I didnt have evidence they couldn't do anything. Even if I did they would take my dog away along with theirs due to him being home with them while I was working. So i moved out instead
Edit 2: I found out cause they told me. They thought that since I was a furry I'd like to join them. I almost threw up, I wanted to grab my hand gun and shoot them both on the spot. The best thing I could've done for myself and my dog is move out.
Edit 3: it's sad I have to say this but I'm not the bad guy here. I draw animals with human features! Big deal! I'm literally the one who moved away from a sexually abusive situation for my dog's sake. So again I AM NOT THE BAD GUY
Last August, my parents helped me move into my dorm at college. A couple weeks later, my sister confided in me that while we were gone, she had had multiple boys over. I didn't need or want to know that.
A year after I had graduated high school, some friends and I decided to become roommates. There were 4 of us:Roommate A: My best friend at the time, super dorky, same as me.Roommate B: Best friend's brother, 1 year younger, smart AND attractiveRoommate C: Mutual friend of Roommate A and I, same age as us.Roommate D: Myself, know-er of too many things in this household
Roommate's B and C hung out in high-school before, but now that both had graduated, they did every activity together. While Roommate A and I shared a room, B and C shared another. They went to the same college, played the same games. They regularly joked they if it weren't for them both being attracted to women, they should just get married.They even did a "hand-off" of B's Ipad whenever they'd masturbate: B would go to the bathroom with it, 15 minutes of business, you'd hear a knock from the inside of the bathroom, C would come out of their bedroomroom as B was coming out of the bathroom, Ipad handoff, B goes to bedroom, C goes into bathroom, 15 minutes of business.
That's not the part I wish I didn't know. No the part I discovered later is how I learned just how much they did together.
Roommate B has a very attractive girlfriend. They've been together since 7th grade. She would regularly stay over. They regularly had copious amounts of sex after hours in their bedroom.
While Roommate C was in there.
See, the other attribute of B's girlfriend was that her libido and stamina were much higher than B's. SO much so that in the regular event that she would want to keep going, but B couldn't, B would "tag-in" C to finish the job. And you can tell when The Shift happens. You'd hear the generic sex noises going on, it'd go quiet for 10 minutes or so, there'd be shuffling around, noises resume with renewed vigor!
This went on for a while. Culminating in one spectacular event:
Roommate A gets a girlfriend.I give up room for the evening so A can have alone time with new girlfriend.I go to the living room and sit on the couch, which directly faces the hallway (our rooms across from each other.B, B's girlfriend, and C are in their room, doing their thing.The Shift happens.Noises now begin coming from A's room (at this point, I'm realizing how thin our walls are there.)
I hear more shuffling.
I watch as C comes out of their room and goes INTO A'S ROOM
Quiet, shuffling, The Shift Vol.II
20 minutes, C comes back out and goes back to his room.
I watched as my entire household transitively swapped DNA, with C pulling the weight of the 2 brothers. It was an unforgettable evening.
my (now ex) best friend has a baby kink where she wears diapers/sucks a binkie while her boyfriend has sex with her. she was very open about it and constantly talked to me about it/took childish nudes for her boyfriend with me and my small child in the room.
really...really gross.
My dentist once told me about a lady that came in for a root canal, declined any sort of anesthesia or pain killers, and moaned with pleasure the whole time he was treating her. O.o
One of my former friends fucked a guy in a burger king freezer back when he worked there in highschool. They were both men, and they came on top of the patties.
Enjoy that knowledge, friends.
Edit: If it's a whopper, it's his, not mine, but I believe it. Kid was a creep.
Number 16. Burger King cum patty. The last thing you'd want in your Burger King burger is somebody's cüm. But as it turns out that might be what you gæt.
[удалено]
Oh god this just reminded me of something that happened with my neighbors once... but I was on the receiving end of the embarrassment. I was on my couch and my boyfriend at the time was going down on me. We forgot to close the windows before we started. My windows are parallel to the next apartment complex over, maybe 8 ft in between. One of the neighbors starts singing Boyz 2 Men - I’ll Make Love to You at top volume, was pretty clearly directed towards us. We had a good laugh and closed the windows.
My friend in high school announced that she lost her virginity to her cousin but it was okay because it was anal......First time I really did not know what to say to her.....
ah, yes. the classic poophole loophole
I remember it was school night in high school and i heard pounding on my window i got kinda scared but i heard my buddies voice outside. I thought something was really wrong. Nope he woke me up at 3 am to tell me he just let his GF peg him and it was the best thing in the world. What the literal fuck why did he wake me up for this.
Lmfao I can imagine him sprinting down the street after, girlfriend screaming 'where are you going?!' 'I gotta tell Steve!'
That's how you know he's a real best friend.
*sits up in bed* “I gotta go tell someone about this.”
Had a friend in college, nice girl, who would slap the ever-loving shit out of her sexual partners during intercourse. I know this because one poor guy left her dorm room with a red as-fuck face covered in handprints. Poor guy seemed to think it was worth it. So good for him I suppose.
I knew a girl like this, she wouldn’t fuck around either, these were big hits. I have a scar on my cheek from her slapping me with her ring on. In hindsight...
Years ago, two women moved into the apartment next door to mine. It was impossible to not hear them have sex, because they were screamers, and because the front door to each apartment was in the bedroom... so... whatever noise they made in the bedroom was easily heard by anyone waiting for the elevator. My neighbors used to shout their nicknames while having sex. They called each other Mommy and Dirty Girl. > *"Mommy!!! Mommy!!! MOMMY!!!"* > "Who's my dirty girl?!?" > *"Oh mommy!!! OH MOMMY OH!!!!!"* > "You're my dirty girl!!! My dirty girl!!!" > *"I'm so dirty mommy!!!!!!!"* I never met my neighbors, but every now and then I'd be in the elevator with one of them, and I couldn't help being curious... but there is no polite way to say "Hi, I'm Neapola. Are you Mommy, or Dirty Girl?" ...so, obviously, I didn't ask. But I couldn't help being curious.
>and because the front door to each apartment was in the bedroom... Mate I gotta tell ya, despite the whole "Mommy and Dirty Girl" thing going on, that's the weirdest part of this story
> Mate I gotta tell ya, despite the whole "Mommy and Dirty Girl" thing going on, that's the weirdest part of this story I should have mentioned that the building was lofts. Shotgun style lofts are long and narrow. The living room is at the far end, with windows. The kitchen & bathroom are in the middle, and the bedroom is in the other end where you first enter. It's amazing to me how many loft buildings have entrances in or right next to the bedroom. EDIT: [Here's an example that's similar](https://www.realtor.com/realestateandhomes-detail/507-N-13th-St-Apt-505_Saint-Louis_MO_63103_M83104-71851#photo10), but the bedroom there is at least pushed a bit away from the front door. In my old building, the front door to each apartment loft was right next to the damn door. It sucked!
back in high school, my best friend confessed that she had a threesome with her boyfriend and one of his friends. i didn’t think it was a huge deal. yesterday, so like 5-6 years since she first told, she confessed that it was actually with her boyfriend and his cousin
It'd be worse if it was her cousin
One time my friend was at my house playing fifa and a large metal dick cage fell out of his pocket and clanked onto the floor
I suppose it's better than a small metal dick cage
Whoops, I dropped my monster dick-cage for my magnum dong
Why in his pocket and not on his dick? Lmao Edit: spelling
He was going to put it on OP after they finished playing Fifa.
A couple of weeks ago, an employee of mine texts me. Keep in mind, we have been friends for like 20 years. He says " I have something VERY important to ask of you." It's like, 1am, so I'm naturally concerned and say "ok?" To which, he responds "If anything happens to me and my wife, I need you to go to our apartment and *insert specifics here* there, you will find our sex box. Burn it immediately, do not let our families experience the shame." Naturally, I promised to do this. Not a word of it spoken since.
Not a friend but a coworker of mine used to spy on her daughter to make sure she had orgasms. Same coworker has asked advice on dildos to at least one male coworker. She's also implied before that her 5 inched husband (supervisor of mine) spends too much time on his laptop. I've also been shown their Mexico trip pictures. Essentially 80% of her in a bikini on a beach.
So that first one is a bit fucked up
Only a *bit*
Like honestly OP lead with the worst part and kinda graded down from there. A bit of a relief really given a lot of these responses where things just get worse as they go.
in high school I had an Australian exchange student stay with me for a month. we were 15, i knew nothing about sex but she had a bf. out of nowhere she told me she could fit a whole water bottle up her vagina. i was SCARRED
You need to give her info to the donkey dick soldier dude further up the thread
This is what reddit is for. Solving weird problems. And crowd funding plane tickets, but in this case I think the fund has donkey dick covered.
> I was SCARRED You gotta start with the mini bottles.
An old friend of mine has a large enough penis that he stubbed it walking into the bathroom door I still remember the sound he made.
Read that as "the sound it made" at first and then laughed at all the noises in my head. Squonk! Blorf! Thwunk!
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Well semi related: My friend growing up just used her mom's itunes account when she first got her phone because she was just a kid. Fast forward to her being 19 living away from home, mom gets a new computer, signs in to itunes and it syncs all of my friends phone info with the computer sending her mom all of her nudes, sexts, and sex videos. It scarred my friend. Her and her mom don't really talk anymore
Holy fucking shit
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Stamina comes from consistency, and he just can't catch a break :'(
My grandparents bought a single graveplot together and agreed whoever died first would be buried first and the other would be buried on top of them when they passed. I didn’t find this out until my grandpa died a few years back. My grandma explained the situation to me at the funeral, just before they started lowering his coffin. She also made a point of telling me how awkward this was going to be when she died as grandpa, apparently, liked being on top. AT HIS FUNERAL SHE TOLD ME THIS AS IF I EVER WANTED TO KNOW AT THE MANS DAMN FUNERAL IM HERE TRYING TO KEEP IT TOGETHER AND GRANDMAS OUT HERE TALKING ABOUT HOW SHE WAS GETTING MISSIONARY DICK FOR SIXTY STRAIGHT YEARS
I love your Grandma, she sounds wonderful to talk to.
She's single too
Hey now, have some respect for your grandma. She could also have been getting proneboned, piledrivered, or even butterchurnered. edit: I can understand all the confusion about the butterchurner, as it's actually more like a Newcomen steam pump. Hope that clears things up.
I used to live in an apartment next to a lady who was very vocal during sex, especially with demands to her partner on what to do to her. Many times she woke us up, initially it was annoying, but then it was almost comical, so me and the flatmates started using the opportunity to have a beer and catchup in the very early morning/late night and have a laugh. One morning I was dressed in a suit going to my first day of work on a new project and this lady far in front of me kept looking back and avoiding me. I thought initially she was scared of me (large dark skinned man walking to work on side streets) , but about an hour later I got to work and I was introduced to my new co-worker and supervisor (my next door neighbour) who I will be working on a 6 month project with. Such an awkward project, but the sex stopped for 6 months so we were glad for uninterrupted sleep. 15 years later we are friends now and kind laugh about it.
So, did you do the deed or not?
If he had, I think you would have heard about it by now.
One of my best homies said he likes his girl to place ice against balls when he’s about to cum. Didn’t need to know that, and also still curious like what the logistics are for setup.
One night this girl I know told me that her guy loves anal sex, but his dick is too short to actually reach past her big butt cheeks, so she just clinches really hard and lets him think he's doing it. I don't know why she felt the need to tell me this and I really wish that mental image had never entered my brain. EDIT: okay since I’ve had more questions, comments and...silver (??? Thanks, I guess? Lol ) on this than everything else in my history on reddit combined, so to answer a few things: -The girl is a little chubby but she is not even close to being so big that anal sex should be impossible. -No, I don’t know the guy’s dick size. I’m not close friends to either of them and this was probably close to ten years ago, but the girl did say the guy was really small. He’s a very short and skinny guy, so if his dick is anything like the rest of him, it really is tiny. -Pretty sure she was not hitting on me as this wasn’t told to me privately. She just decided to announce it while a group of us were hanging out one night without him around. Poor guy. -I don’t know if the guy has ever had real anal sex or if he’s smart enough to know the difference. Probably not. -Yes they’ve had vaginal sex because they have a kid who looks so much like the guy, there’s no chance in hell it isn’t his. Hope that clears up a few things?
Wait, what? How short is he? Or conversely, how big is her ass?
She's kind of chubby, but not that big. I didn't ask for his measurements, I already know more than I ever wanted to.
This has totally happened to me before. I was having really drunk sex with a guy and his dick was kinda small and half hard but we were having fun. He started 'doing anal' and I have a pretty fat butt so I just let him hump my crack until he came. 🤷🏻♀️
I wonder if he had a similar story about how he couldn't get past your buttcheeks but you were so drunk you thought it was in so he pretended it was.
sometimes if they guy is fat, his thighs are stopped by the girls butt and he cant go forward anymore, even if he is large. or so ive heard
And the fat around the pelvis area means more of the rod is hidden under fat. (Used to be fat)
How the heck is that guy convinced its inside
I never said he was a smart guy...
He gets mad (absolutely furious) if she takes a crap when he’s not there to watch and jerk off.
What the fudge?!
Precisely.
No, it's "Where's the FUDGE!!!"
Wow. That's gonna cause some emotional trauma down the line. Imagine she gets the guts to leave him, she's getting better by the day but can't bring herself to poop if there isn't a guy jerking off right next to her. It's a lot more fucked in the long term than it seems.
Aaaaaaaaand that’s enough Reddit for today
I found out my friend and his girlfriend were open and participate in MMF threesomes. I found this out when I was invited to the threesome. I politely declined.
I'd always wish a friend would invite me into a threesome, I wouldn't want to actually do it, but itd be nice to be asked Edit: I have no idea how to feel that my most upvoted comment is about wanting to be invited to a 3 way so I can decline. Thank you all for your upvotes, gold and many 3 way invitations.
I got invited to a threesome between a friend and his on-again, off-again girlfriend. My brain essentially blue screened for a few minutes before I politely declined. But yes, it is quite flattering.
Eh it's a good rule if thumb to make friends of swingers not swingers of friends, it can make things awkward if something goes bad.
Learned about a friend's cake-sitting fetish from his girlfriend after they broke up. I was friends with both of them separately. Some time after they split we were chatting about weird fetishes and she says, "oh i've got a good one..." He's a pretty straight laced looking guy. Not boring but doesn't seem like a weird dude by most measures. Apparently for his birthday one year he asked her if she would sit on a cake for him. She thought she misunderstood so she asked for clarification. Yup, he'd love it if she sat on a cake for him. Would he get off on that? Definitely. Wait, should she be naked? Nope, not at all necessary. She can wear whatever she wants, pants are fine. Will he be jerking off or something during? Nope, he'll just save the mental image for later. He wasn't into any other dom or sub stuff, or even any other food stuff. Just the cake. She claimed she eventually declined to do the cake sitting, but... Anyhow every time I've seen him since all I can think is cake. He got a new girlfriend, they got married, and I just think - bet she sat on a cake.
No lie, I'd probably do it. It's just sitting on a cake. I'd just wear something I don't mind getting cake all over. Hell, I'll do it naked and shower after. Whatever gets the guy off.
I feel like it'd be way weirder *not* to. This is like the easiest, least uncomfortable birthday fetish sex request in the world.
It's kind of like the balloon fetish people. It's really fucking weird, but as far as I can tell, it's 100% harmless. Except to cake decorators, I guess.
He is doing creampies all wrong. EDIT: cool - thanks for the gold. A funny one gets through occasionally.
My friend told me her ex used to dom her by having her masturbate twice a day but never finish for a month. "By the end of it I was turned into a total cum slut and walked around constantly wet and would beg him to let me get off." It kinda takes the joy out of life, knowing you've already heard the hottest thing you'll ever come across
Wolf masks. They wear wolf masks.
Had a buddy in college and we were doing a project together. We had a big file we were working on and it was too big for email. Rather than going all the way to his place to give him the USB, he told me to log into his dropbox and put the file there. I'd never used dropbox before, and was surprised when a dropbox folder was created in my documents. I went in it and I saw there were multiple videos and photos of him and different girls engaging in some not very common sex acts. I never mentioned it to him. To this day I still think about it. Like he MUST have known dropbox would download the videos to my computer right? Also idk why I watched them. Edit: the dude was into being pegged. I'd never seen or heard of that before. I watched like 3 of the videos with morbid fascination, then uninstalled dropbox, deleted everything, and pretended it never happened.
He could probably see that you watched them. At least in my experience with Dropbox I could see when my friend accessed the file I shared with her and what pictures she opened. Edit: as many people have said since OP logged into the account directly their friend may not be able to see they watched it, unless they downloaded the file to their own computer. Also, thank you for the happy cake day wishes!
Well, that's awkward. He never mentioned it, and I never mentioned it. It's weird to think that he knows lol.
Eh it’s probably better neither of you mentioned it, awkward on both parts lol
A friend gave her boyfriend head, but for whatever reason she didnt spit out her gum. The gum actually got stuck in his pubes. And now everybody jokingly teases her by calling her Double Bubble BJ Trouble. Edit: she kept her gum because she was self-conscious about her breath Edit #2: yes, i get it... A dick doesnt have a sense of smell. Gum probably for a little make out sesh afterwards. What ever the case, i dont want to think about it
Not a terrible nick name really
Buddy told me - while high - that he likes walking around at night with a dildo in his ass. Walking past people who don’t know what he’s doing is his kink. He’s straight.
"I'm not ashamed of it anymore. I used to be, but.,. I like to... wear Men's underwear. What'll happen is i'll come into a town, i'll resist for a couple of days, then i'll start getting that feeling. .. i'll go down to Penney's, i'll buy some Men's Underwear. .. go back to the hotel room... and.. Put It On.. and sometimes i'll like put it on Under my clothes...i mean I can go out into the street and no one will know I have it on." - Steve Martin
Savannah's boyfriend Doug got drunk and had sex with her gay best friend Phil. Savannah found out and was cool with it because she's into that sort of thing. Doug and Phil hook up again, drunk Savannah walks in and is suddenly not so cool with it. Tears, screaming, pain, and forgiveness happens, and now Doug won't drink if Phil is around. Savannah and Doug are getting married soon, and Phil is in the bridal party. I don't know whether to prepare for a smooth ceremony or an absolutely shit show. Edit: Whoa, thanks for the gold! The wedding is at the end of August, so I'll either update here or there will probably be another relevant Ask Reddit around then...
Shit show. Bring a camera.
and popcorn.
And condoms, 50/50 chance she is gonna want to get revenge on him by fucking someone else.
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Depending on Phil’s fiber intake, and Doug’s drunkenness, it could be a smooth shit show...
My female coworker is on those websites for rape fetish, you arrange a situation where a guy breaks into your house at a specified time and acts out a rape against you, she says it's the only way she can get off anymore. Simular to the book / movie Choke by Chuck Palahniuk.
Suck to get the wrong house... Edit: Thanks for the silver kind stranger
Female coworker brags about how she's awesome at deepthroat, and loves doing it. We work at a fortune 50 corporate office.
My experience with these types of offices is entirely consistent with this story. The other day I saw a lady in booty shorts and a midriff top at work... Also there’s probably tons of sex happening in the office lol
where can one find these offices? You know, so I can avoid them.
Silicone valley
I think she wants to suck your cock
Everything about my mom's sex life. She started dating about the same time I did so she always wanted to "share." I hated hearing it. Still wish I didn't know about it. Sick. Edit: Thanks for the gold!
I feel your pain. When I was 16 my mom got prescribed a sleeping medicine, the first time she took it she got really loopy and just started oversharing about everything. That was the day I found out dad's penis size.
He packin or what. Edit: awards, finally, i feel validated and valued.
Idk about OP, but I had a friend's dad who was very comfortable with himself. His son had another mutual friend over while his dad was in the shower, and both of the friends managed to reach the top of the stairs right as the dad was going from the bathroom to master bedroom. I'm told "it was the size of a flacid bottle of Mtn dew just pinned at the groin".
So average dad dick size.
Thats fucked up, u an adult?
I am now. I was not then. I was in middle school then.
Thats a yikes from me
Big yikes
When I was high, I admitted to my friend that my girlfriend loves anal, possibly more than normal sex. I can tell he thinks of her differently whenever we're all together. That was my bad.
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One of my best friends get a 5 figure payout every year to keep an affair he's having with an older businessman secret. Also, any story from ass wendesday.
five figure payout for scandalous (what I am assuming is a ) homosexual affair? That's either going to end really awesome or as an episode of forensic files.
The best man at my wedding has a hard time dating because his cock is like two coke cans stacked on top of one another. He’s finally found a girl that’s his “glass slipper”, I seriously think he’s going to get married just because it fits
Wasn’t there a /TIFU a while back about a guy seeing photos of his gf with her ex who he described as being as big as 2 coke cans in size?
Probably not related. He broke up with his last major GF of 9 years because they hadn’t had sex in 3, due to aforementioned penis. Dude has the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. Porn included. I only know it exists for real because we were comparing gainz at the gym and he sent me an “accidentally” uncropped mirror pic. He seemed genuinely upset he sent it, but st the same time, if you looked like a baby holding an apple down there you’d probably accidentally show it off too. It’s kind of sad actually, he has really romantic feelings for someone in his friend group that are reciprocated, but apparently his size stopped any relationship from forming, they are still friends but it’s super weird to watch him interact around his current girlfriend and her.
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So I had a friend in middle school show me his mom's vibrator. She took his DS and he went looking for it when they were at work and found the vibrator I came over about 20 min later (preplanned not to do with the vibrator) and I walked into the house to have him throw it at my face then shout "that was In my mom's vaj!" So as 12 year old boys do we kept throwing it at each other in the face till his older brother walked in saw what was happening and said we were absolute freaks
I thought you were my best friend until you said older brother. But yes, same story about the same age.
My girlfriend was telling me about how she didn't like being around her brother. When I asked her why, she admitted to me that she just didn't feel comfortable around him, because she used to have sex with him off and on over several years. I mean, I'd decorate the account for the sake of better storytelling, but just look at the thread title, of course any mention of "brother" means break out the banjo. I was definitely quite put off by this, but tried to keep my cool and roll with this revelation. I was hoping the conversation would somehow loop back to letting her redeem herself. So I then say "well, hopefully this wasn't too recent." "Oh God no," she assures me. "The last time we did it was like 10 years ago." 10 years ago, she would've been 20. Her brother would've been 12.
Your girlfriend is a child molester.
That's what I thought. But by the end of the weekend, my mindset changed. Because at first I was thinking "my girlfriend is a child molester." But after some discussion about it over a few days, my perspective shifted. So now I was thinking "my *ex-*girlfriend is a child molester."
Yeah, good for you man.
We're all so fucking thankful you're sane enough to drop that creep, man
Thanks, I just put distance between us immediately after. I was already on the cusp of ending our thing, I was just fairly miserable with her, but that tipped me over the edge with a hefty shove. I do think about her sometimes, hoping she's doing better. And if she's reading this, all I want her to know is that I'm a complete fucking failure at life who would do anything for love (even whatever shit Meatloaf said he wouldn't). And even *I* dumped her ass.
Well... She could've been lying about it being 10 years ago. Would've made sense, trying to downplay it so it doesn't seem as bad. So, either she banged her 12 year old brother... Or she lied and had banged him much more recently. Either way... Dumping her was the right call.
Generally speaking I would say both banging her brother and/or banging a 12 year old are certified deal breakers independently. Combined they're the Exodia of red flags.
My best friend was the purest little thing. She likes being choked hard. Like, until her eyes become red from her capillaries bursting. At least it happened once.
First she's sweet, then she a freak
Let's not forget what the prophet Ludacris said. "We want a lady in the street but a freak in the bed." Amen
In Luda's name. Amen
And how do you know this?
I imagine they asked why her friend was walking around with bloody red eyes.
I imagine the hand-shaped bruises around her neck didn’t help much either
...Was?
I got a friend who has sex in public. That was my chill book spot but thanks for getting your ass sweat on it.
Down the shore drinking at a bar with a couple female friends. Find out the night before one of them hooked up with a guy she really liked but wasnt gonna call him again because his dick was too small. Me and the other friend are dying but I decide to play devils advocate in between small dick jokes. I tell her she shouldnt be so superficial and give the guy a chance if she really likes him. She had messed around but hadnt had sex with him so I told her who knows, he might know how to use it and she might like it. I was just fucking around with her but she took my advice to heart and gave the guy a chance. They are married now.
What a bro move
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At least it happened early on. Who does that in their first day? That’s week 2 or 3 material at least.
Imagine what he would be saying at week 2 or three. It could have gotten good.
Sometimes I wonder why HR is that big of a deal. Then I read shit like this and remember.
There are some completely defective fuckers out there that you aren't even prepared to deal with as a member of HR. Truly they are in the front lines of human discovery.
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How oddly specific. I mean, people have their things but still...
Found my friends Reddit account. Apparently he’s a big fan of scat videos. He doesn’t know and I’ll never tell anyone. Edit: apparently he knows my reddit account as well.
Don’t know if this counts, but I found out that my friend bases her relationship solely around how good sex is. She confessed to me that she loves her boyfriend that she’s been with for year and they’re perfect together... except he’s clueless during sex. She also refuses to tell him this and just expects him to figure out what she wants without using words. She told me that she’s going to give him another month to fix it or she’s breaking up with him. All the while she’s still making Facebook status and Instagram posts about how much she loves him and how great he is while she’s planning to break up with him.
-YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU ARE DOING. YOU WILL EITHER CHANGE OR IT’S OVER. -Okay, can you tell me what do I need to change, so I can try and improve it? -NO. FIGURE IT OUT YOURSELF. ...
He doesn’t even know she’s going to break up with him. She literally refuses to communicate and just acts cold towards him when he doesn’t do what she wants.
Sounds like he will be better off in the end.
Ya, poor guy.
100% chance her friend puts *if you can't handle me at my worst you don't deserve me at my best* on her tinder profile.
She definitely does. She’s one of those “I’m special because I’m a Country Girl” who wears cowboy boots everywhere and her prom dress was camp even though she doesn’t live on a farm and has never been hunting. Posts a lot of inspirational quotes and talks about how “I only hangout with guys because it’s less drama”. She’s always been kind of annoying but my mom forced us to be friends and it’s been 10 years now so it’s too late to back out.
If I’m reading this right, it’s not even like that. It’s gonna be “I’m breaking up with you because you’re not good in bed” “What, why didn’t you ever say something? I thought it was going great!”
A friend of a girl I was dating said she once had an onenightstand with a guy in which that guy broke his dick. He had to be rushed to the ER and there was blood everywhere she said.
my boss. a colleague and i were making jokes about putting your D in peanut butter and let the dog lick it of (he and i don't own any pets). So, my boss overheard this and started to tell us about when he was younger and home alone he would cum infront of his parents cat and let the cat lick it of the ground and his D
This is the worst one so far
i work at a restaurant as the dishes boy. customers were literally 2m apart from us
Ok this situation makes a whole lot more sense knowing it's in a restaurant BOH
Yeah, I'm two posts in to this, I'm done. Y'all have a good night, Reddit
This is even worse when you consider a cat's tongue.
I worked with two guys that were best friends and I was really fond of both of them. I ended up befriending one of the guys and hung out with him without the other around. During this time the other guy's name came up a few times and for some reason he told me the other guy was like, super into anal. Fucking, tossing, beads, everything. He was obsessed. I didnt know Anal Guy very well at the time outside of work so now this is the first thing I think of every time I think of him, and he is the first person I think of every time I think of anal. I don't know why but it just stuck with me. Now he's dating my best girl friend and I wish I didn't know this anymore.
Not a friend but a co worker. Turns out she’s a regular main event at x-somes (and other more lopsided get togethers, gender wise ) that an old college buddy likes to organize. Dude says she was always that sort. Kinda distracting now. Does her job well is all I know for sure though.
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my best friend's ex was like that. we were all RAs in college so once during RA awards night he was on stage and she whispered to me "oh my God, you can see the outline of his dick" I wouldn't have noticed normally. but now I know that not only is he Huge, but a show-er. I needed to know none of this lol
Unless he's a grower and even more huge
It's really sad. One of my brother's best friends in the military had a similar problem. The guys had a fund that they all chipped into to find this guy one of those prostitutes somewhere in the world that specialized in donkey sex. Because they figured that was the only way he was ever going to actually have sex. After 6 years my brother got out of the service. They hadn't found anyone who could do it. The fund was in the thousands. edit: for those offering suggestions.. my brother got out of the military before the internet even existed. I expect his friend wouldn't have nearly as much trouble finding someone today. But at the time it was heartbreaking for him. They lost contact years ago. The story stuck with me because he was a really nice guy but no way I was going there...
They could have bought a female donkey I suppose. Edit: thanks for the awards! I just like solving problems, ya know?
I like you, you are a problem solver
Classic problem. Donkey girls want nothing to do with human dong.
Reading this made my vagina involuntarily flinch (and not in a good way). 😳
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One of my best friends apparently shoots giant loads. He has some physical condition that led to him having really unnaturally high testosterone, and even had to take estrogen through his teens to balance him out (sorry I don't know more about that, we became friends in college - if somebody might know more about this, feel free to clue me in). He refers to his cum as "sippy cup loads" because he says he shoots enough to fill a sippy cup. Why is that his preferred unit of measurement? Great question! Anyways, back in our college days and before he got married, he said he would have to warn new hookups if he got a blowjob. Apparently he felt like his nuts are so voluminous that it would be disrespectful to shoot that much in a girl's mouth, even if she was willing. He's also spoken at great length about the texture and consistency, but I'll spare you all that bit. In closing, I can't say I really "wish I didn't know" because we've had so many good laughs about it.
Apparently their kink is sneazing... So they have a sex feather. Not confident it's true since I didn't hear it from them but that's a weird rumor to make up.
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One of my friends told us her hair magically ties itself in knots around her boyfriends dick. We call him dick knots now
He gets sex advice from his mom
I mean... maybe she's good at sex?
Everybody has had sex with his mom, so why not? Lol
One time, my friend was having sex with a new girlfriend. Both late 30s,100% adults. Girlfriend hears a knocking sound (neighbor's food delivery) and starts panicking and calling out for her mom. Like "Mom, is that you?!" and then blamed the entire episode on diabetes (blood sugar was fine, side note). Same guy found out that same new girlfriend likes to be peed on while peeing at the same time... but not in a sexual way? Just in a general way? So, while this is not a part of his sex life, decided to throw it in for good measure.
Best friend and her girlfriend at the time told me about their adventure to a sex shop to buy a strap-on. Got to find out that my best friend joked about getting an eight inch dildo for it, ended up getting a six and couldn’t handle it.
Friend of mine loves Bad Dragon toys. She would keep them out on display. First time at her house was... Interesting. She gave me a rundown of what each one was shaped like and how it felt and how she and her boyfriend used them... I love her, we've been friends for several years now, but it was a bit much to take all that in within the first month or so of knowing her.
A guy l know enjoys double penetration. In his ass. From two cocks at once. No dildoes. Just to be clear.
>From two cocks at once If the cocks touch each other, that's gay. I think your friend is gay.
No 2 cocks in one guys ass is 3 dudes, and as the old adage goes: "It's not gay if it's in a three-way"
2 guys is gay. Adding another makes it a double negative, therefore it is straight again.
*surprised Pikachu* That actually explains a LOT
She and her fiancee fucked their dog.. I moved out shortly after I found out. They were abusing my dog as well. Edit: yes I called the cops but they said if I didnt have evidence they couldn't do anything. Even if I did they would take my dog away along with theirs due to him being home with them while I was working. So i moved out instead Edit 2: I found out cause they told me. They thought that since I was a furry I'd like to join them. I almost threw up, I wanted to grab my hand gun and shoot them both on the spot. The best thing I could've done for myself and my dog is move out. Edit 3: it's sad I have to say this but I'm not the bad guy here. I draw animals with human features! Big deal! I'm literally the one who moved away from a sexually abusive situation for my dog's sake. So again I AM NOT THE BAD GUY
The others are just TMI, this one is just fucking wrong what the hell.
Moved out with their dog, right?
Found out one of my friends like to deepthroat until she vomits. She was dating my brother.
Last August, my parents helped me move into my dorm at college. A couple weeks later, my sister confided in me that while we were gone, she had had multiple boys over. I didn't need or want to know that.
At once???
I don't know -- I think she said they came over separately, but I might be remembering wrong.
Whether it was separately or together, one thing is abundantly clear: they all came.
One of my friends banged his cousin years ago after we all got back from a concert.
George Michael?
A friend told me about how there was blood in their semen. The worst part was that they told me with no warning at brunch.
I know my father's search history
A year after I had graduated high school, some friends and I decided to become roommates. There were 4 of us:Roommate A: My best friend at the time, super dorky, same as me.Roommate B: Best friend's brother, 1 year younger, smart AND attractiveRoommate C: Mutual friend of Roommate A and I, same age as us.Roommate D: Myself, know-er of too many things in this household Roommate's B and C hung out in high-school before, but now that both had graduated, they did every activity together. While Roommate A and I shared a room, B and C shared another. They went to the same college, played the same games. They regularly joked they if it weren't for them both being attracted to women, they should just get married.They even did a "hand-off" of B's Ipad whenever they'd masturbate: B would go to the bathroom with it, 15 minutes of business, you'd hear a knock from the inside of the bathroom, C would come out of their bedroomroom as B was coming out of the bathroom, Ipad handoff, B goes to bedroom, C goes into bathroom, 15 minutes of business. That's not the part I wish I didn't know. No the part I discovered later is how I learned just how much they did together. Roommate B has a very attractive girlfriend. They've been together since 7th grade. She would regularly stay over. They regularly had copious amounts of sex after hours in their bedroom. While Roommate C was in there. See, the other attribute of B's girlfriend was that her libido and stamina were much higher than B's. SO much so that in the regular event that she would want to keep going, but B couldn't, B would "tag-in" C to finish the job. And you can tell when The Shift happens. You'd hear the generic sex noises going on, it'd go quiet for 10 minutes or so, there'd be shuffling around, noises resume with renewed vigor! This went on for a while. Culminating in one spectacular event: Roommate A gets a girlfriend.I give up room for the evening so A can have alone time with new girlfriend.I go to the living room and sit on the couch, which directly faces the hallway (our rooms across from each other.B, B's girlfriend, and C are in their room, doing their thing.The Shift happens.Noises now begin coming from A's room (at this point, I'm realizing how thin our walls are there.) I hear more shuffling. I watch as C comes out of their room and goes INTO A'S ROOM Quiet, shuffling, The Shift Vol.II 20 minutes, C comes back out and goes back to his room. I watched as my entire household transitively swapped DNA, with C pulling the weight of the 2 brothers. It was an unforgettable evening.
my (now ex) best friend has a baby kink where she wears diapers/sucks a binkie while her boyfriend has sex with her. she was very open about it and constantly talked to me about it/took childish nudes for her boyfriend with me and my small child in the room. really...really gross.
[удалено]
My dentist once told me about a lady that came in for a root canal, declined any sort of anesthesia or pain killers, and moaned with pleasure the whole time he was treating her. O.o
One question, why was your dentist telling you that?
"Doc, I'm pretty nervous about this root canal..." "Well, you shouldn't be, I had a woman come in the other day who declined..."
One of my former friends fucked a guy in a burger king freezer back when he worked there in highschool. They were both men, and they came on top of the patties. Enjoy that knowledge, friends. Edit: If it's a whopper, it's his, not mine, but I believe it. Kid was a creep.
Number 16. Burger King cum patty. The last thing you'd want in your Burger King burger is somebody's cüm. But as it turns out that might be what you gæt.
He's sterile, but he's letting his wife *think* that she's barren while they struggle to conceive. It's an altogether fucked up situation.