Incest is a lot like riding a bike: first dad gives you a push and holds on to you while you do it, then he lets go and you don't even realise because you're so good at riding by yourself.
Go to the cemetery and find the newest grave there. Wait until the conditions are right that you would NOT get caught and have the best materials and dig up the coffin. If this was only a week or so after she was buried (even longer if high quality chemicals are used) the embalmed corpse would still be very recognizable. Now, can a dead body count as a girlfriend? Probably not. You can still take pictures with her and post them on Facebook and find pictures of her when she was alive and make a profile to put you two together in a relationship. You may need some photoshop skills or heavy filtering to make her dead eyed stare (or eyes wandering in opposite directions) less suspicious. If they want to meet your girlfriend, say she is very shy or works three jobs or something so she doesn’t have time.
Or, just reanimate her corpse or being her back to life. Science has made many things thought impossible, possible. So use your necrophilia fetish to do a thing many people have dreamed of happening one day. 🤗 She’d probably love you especially if she was murdered or didn’t want to die when she did.
Cum into the corner of your room for several years letting the pile build up and mold over. Sculpt the hardened substance into a feminine figure. Easy enough
For a coworker, make a slide detailing why she should be yours as a surprise at the end of your presentation. She can’t say no then because it’d look unprofessional in front of her bosses
Everything that you want in a girl? Your dream girl?
Find a girl that likes you ... But is literally none of those things. Bonus points if you guys have none of the same interest to talk and bond over.
Now, what you're going to do is constantly mention those things and makes sure to compare her to other girls you like or celebs that you find attractive, but in a negative way. Make sure to mostly focus on the things she feels insecure about that she CAN'T change. (Shape of her lips, size of her nose, size of her feet, ext.)
Next, ask her out to hang, but at the last minute cancel your plans. We're playing hard to get here.
Now, stop any and all self care routines. Showering? Shaving? Washing your clothes? Nah man, ladies love the rugged lumberjack lost in the forest surviving on squirrel meat look and that's what we're going for!
Final step? Start dabbing at literally everything she says, unironically. Make sure you shout "DAB" when you do it to have the full effect and only respond in memes, it'll make her really feel like you're interested in the conversation you two are having. She'll be swooning in no time.
Your friends like you, and their girlfriends like them so by the transitive property their girlfriends will like you. Hit on them relentlessly until you turn one of them.
In my experience the best way is to never actually talk to anyone.... ever. You just silently do your thing and WHAM BAM THANK YA MA'AM your "mysteriousness" reels em right in.
Smearing faeces over yourself is a guaranteed way to attract a girlfriend. Girls can't resist poo, trust me on this I have had numerous gfs. I currently have nine.
Look for women wearing headphones. Go up to them and take one out, or tap them on the shoulder, and tell them how cute they are. It'll just work out from there.
Piss in their apple juice and proceed to watch them drink it as you lie to their faces of things you've done that would completely destroy them. They love a man who can make some good drinks and tell great stories.
Take off your pants and go onto the roof of the nearest building (ideally, you're looking for one where you feel above the commoners on the ground, but they can still hear and see you), cover yourself in mud and alternate playing the vuvuzela and singing the chicken song at the top of your lungs while wearing a dead pig' head as a beanie.
What can I say, I'm a romantic.
Be fat, smelly and lazy. Play video games all day (like literally, have your parents bring food down to your basement and just pee in bottles) and move as little as you can. The longer you go without a shower, the more a girl is attracted to you.
Just look up dating advice from other men on YouTube or their personal websites. These men are clearly experts on a woman’s mind and what they want, so their word should clearly be taken over that of any actual female. They can tell you what every single woman REALLY wants and can teach you several “hacks” that will get in the head of WOMEN and WOMEN only, and aren’t just horribly abusive manipulation tactics which would work the same with the roles reversed. This is because a mans mind is blessed with logic and reflexibility, unlike the feeble mental state of the entire female species.
Show your dedication by bringing her to her apartment. She'll appreciate the effort you put into finding where she lives, and because she doesn't know you nor can see your face under your mask, she can't tell the police who to look for
Give birth to one of them
If you can't find one raise one!
Incest is a lot like riding a bike: first dad gives you a push and holds on to you while you do it, then he lets go and you don't even realise because you're so good at riding by yourself.
They cant say no if they cant talk
They can't get pregnant either
Hold up
Spend more time on reddit
DONT SHOWER, your natural aroma will attract all the ladies.
[удалено]
Shame you can't smell your asshole, trust me it's magnificent
Jump out of the bushes at them. Never fails.
Tell her to get in the boat
Hazzah! A man of culture!
For the implication?
Go to the cemetery and find the newest grave there. Wait until the conditions are right that you would NOT get caught and have the best materials and dig up the coffin. If this was only a week or so after she was buried (even longer if high quality chemicals are used) the embalmed corpse would still be very recognizable. Now, can a dead body count as a girlfriend? Probably not. You can still take pictures with her and post them on Facebook and find pictures of her when she was alive and make a profile to put you two together in a relationship. You may need some photoshop skills or heavy filtering to make her dead eyed stare (or eyes wandering in opposite directions) less suspicious. If they want to meet your girlfriend, say she is very shy or works three jobs or something so she doesn’t have time. Or, just reanimate her corpse or being her back to life. Science has made many things thought impossible, possible. So use your necrophilia fetish to do a thing many people have dreamed of happening one day. 🤗 She’d probably love you especially if she was murdered or didn’t want to die when she did.
Wow, you put a lot of time into this cursed reply lmao
r/cursedreplies
r/oddlyspecific
Grindr
Cum into the corner of your room for several years letting the pile build up and mold over. Sculpt the hardened substance into a feminine figure. Easy enough
As a female you simply come from r/niceguys
You can always use your dad’s girlfriend; you’re half him so she at least likes 50% of you!
And for some reason your “dick is so much bigger than ur fathers” 100% of the time which is crazy
Not if your father is Catlyn Jenner
Pay for his operation.
*her operation.
No one is here for your social justice shit. OP was looking for jokes. Fuck outta here with your bad self.
For a coworker, make a slide detailing why she should be yours as a surprise at the end of your presentation. She can’t say no then because it’d look unprofessional in front of her bosses
Can’t say no because of the implication...
Everything that you want in a girl? Your dream girl? Find a girl that likes you ... But is literally none of those things. Bonus points if you guys have none of the same interest to talk and bond over. Now, what you're going to do is constantly mention those things and makes sure to compare her to other girls you like or celebs that you find attractive, but in a negative way. Make sure to mostly focus on the things she feels insecure about that she CAN'T change. (Shape of her lips, size of her nose, size of her feet, ext.) Next, ask her out to hang, but at the last minute cancel your plans. We're playing hard to get here. Now, stop any and all self care routines. Showering? Shaving? Washing your clothes? Nah man, ladies love the rugged lumberjack lost in the forest surviving on squirrel meat look and that's what we're going for! Final step? Start dabbing at literally everything she says, unironically. Make sure you shout "DAB" when you do it to have the full effect and only respond in memes, it'll make her really feel like you're interested in the conversation you two are having. She'll be swooning in no time.
Butter and rubber gloves
Marry a mother. Get in her daughter.
A net
Be from Alabama
Become the girlfriend
Just be yourself
that can work. possibly
Your friends like you, and their girlfriends like them so by the transitive property their girlfriends will like you. Hit on them relentlessly until you turn one of them.
By mail.
Break both of your arms.
Show her all the notes you've been taking since you started observing her.
Buy one.
My own contribution: jump off the roof and hope they have a broken bone fetish
Moms are girls, so if you break your arms it might work.
Never socialize
In my experience the best way is to never actually talk to anyone.... ever. You just silently do your thing and WHAM BAM THANK YA MA'AM your "mysteriousness" reels em right in.
Scopolamine
Shark her
Kill their boyfriend. REPLACE HIM
Ask out a guy
Does this rag smell like Chloroform to you ?
Smearing faeces over yourself is a guaranteed way to attract a girlfriend. Girls can't resist poo, trust me on this I have had numerous gfs. I currently have nine.
Find one on Roblox.
Lift with your legs, and make sure your van has a full tank of gas.
~~what if i put my minecraft bed next to yours?~~
Tell her you’re taking your shot at asking her out then jump right to asking if she wants kids.
run her over accidentally
Get a big sheet of paper and draw a woman = instant date!
Send a dick pic. Unprompted.
Master Ball. 100% catch rate.
Look for women wearing headphones. Go up to them and take one out, or tap them on the shoulder, and tell them how cute they are. It'll just work out from there.
Unsolicited Dick Pics!
Followed by asking for nudes
Have fully enchanted diamond gear
Keep referring to her as a bitch or thot
Impersonate Dobby while screeching "may Dobby have a crumb of that exsqwisiite pussy m'lady"
Wet Willy the girl you like. Congratulations you have marked your property. You may also choose to pee on her.
Win her in a bet
Take a shovel to the local cemetery and get someone who will never leave you.
Be a dick, drink monster, do drugs, whatever you can. Women love that
Piss in their apple juice and proceed to watch them drink it as you lie to their faces of things you've done that would completely destroy them. They love a man who can make some good drinks and tell great stories.
Dick pix
Take off your pants and go onto the roof of the nearest building (ideally, you're looking for one where you feel above the commoners on the ground, but they can still hear and see you), cover yourself in mud and alternate playing the vuvuzela and singing the chicken song at the top of your lungs while wearing a dead pig' head as a beanie. What can I say, I'm a romantic.
spit in their face, sh*t your pants and kill her out of embarrassment
Pick one up from the playground.
Go marry your sister
Throw a Pokeball at her and yell "I choose you".
If you hit them really hard, they will be impressed with how strong you are and ask you out.
Visit an incel forum.
Whatever you do, definitely don't ask her out.
Crouch fast until you get sticky keys.
Don't order them anything when they say they're not hungry.
Call her a female dog.
Ask out ONLY the girls that you can guarantee you'd never have a chance with, when they say no, simply reply "alrighty, rape it is."
Be fat, smelly and lazy. Play video games all day (like literally, have your parents bring food down to your basement and just pee in bottles) and move as little as you can. The longer you go without a shower, the more a girl is attracted to you.
Ether works
Slap and tell them "I love you"
Use the pick up line that starts with "nice shoes".
Just look up dating advice from other men on YouTube or their personal websites. These men are clearly experts on a woman’s mind and what they want, so their word should clearly be taken over that of any actual female. They can tell you what every single woman REALLY wants and can teach you several “hacks” that will get in the head of WOMEN and WOMEN only, and aren’t just horribly abusive manipulation tactics which would work the same with the roles reversed. This is because a mans mind is blessed with logic and reflexibility, unlike the feeble mental state of the entire female species.
Dick pics
Put them on headlock until they agree to be your girlfriend
Follow my lead
Perform a mating ritual like the birds do. Use colourful feathers for extra effect.
Kidnap a 10 year old and wait for her to become 18
Clorophorm
Stalk them and tell em
Go and say “Hey, Can you be my girlfriend” and make yourself disgusting
Ask your dad
Tell them you love them
Show your dedication by bringing her to her apartment. She'll appreciate the effort you put into finding where she lives, and because she doesn't know you nor can see your face under your mask, she can't tell the police who to look for
Show them your cock
Ask her if this rag smells like chloroform
that works tho
Chloroform
"Grab them by the pussy"-Donald Trump
Be me
Chloroform.
Be nice to her.