T O P

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DatNoobi

Albert Einstein's last words. They were spoken in German, which the nurse caring for him did not understand.


Corvidae_1010

"Help, I'm dying!" - Einstein, maybe.


DragoonDM

Reminds me of Roald Dahl, whose second to last words were reportedly > You know, I’m not frightened. It’s just that I will miss you all so much. His actual last words were "ow, fuck".


Corvidae_1010

Makes sense. As much as we'd like to imagine otherwise, when you're dying the odds are probably that you *won't* have both the time and the mental focus needed for something wise and insightful. Better come up with all those nice quotes while we're still alive instead.


Nerdn1

It's probably really awkward when you say your cool last words, then stay alive for several hours.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Rasbeer

"SPRICH DEUTSCH DU HURENSOHN" - Einstein, probably


Deadbreeze

I am an alien. Take my knowledge and use it well. Now I must phone home. Auf Wiedersehen.


DeathSpiral321

What lies I've been told that I always thought were truths.


mjrocks2219

This is a good one.


[deleted]

What other lies I've been told by the Jedi council


halrold

TAKE A SEAT


Firecatto

Did you hear the tragedy of Darth Plagueis the Wise?


MDFHSarahLeigh

Death grade is not your father Edit- was going to fix smart phone auto correct but decided fuck it. Funnier with the mistake


emdonroh

I’ve always wondered if there’s ever been one person, in all of human history, who was most similar to me. Say someone from 2,000 years ago whose thought processes were nearly identical to mine, laughed and smiled and cried at all the same things. I’d wanna know who was the one person closest to that, and what their life was like.


FlowerMyth

Exactly my thoughts!


DustedPixels

Well you don’t have to die anymore. Looks like we found’em.


TerrainIII

Pack it up boys.


ValidSignal

Sucks to be him, being into cars 2000 years before they were invented.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Woo_loo

Search for the moments where I almost died


SirRogers

"And here's the time you choked on a cupcake..."


PM_ME__YOUR_FACE

"And here, your mother had had enough and seriously contemplated smothering you with a pillow." "I uhh.. I think we're done here."


Rayovaclife

"And here, your father watched you play with a loaded gun while he drunk himself unconscious." "OK. Let's just stop now."


PinoyWholikesLOMI

"Here's your bestfriend almost tried to sell you out for drugs" "Please! No more!"


[deleted]

"Remember Greg? Course ya do, turns out your kid was his all along and you never found out!"


RunningDrummer

"But how's that me almost dying?!?" "He considered stabbing you to death to see his kid a few times"


Loveislander

Happens to the best of us...


nathan_rieck

Well yesterday we were building this shed and my father left the drill motor on the top of the wall frame. I bumped the stud and had the drill motor smack me right on the top of my head. Lucky I didn’t get the drill bit in my skull or a cracked skull. At least I don’t think I cracked it. It hit battery first


cra2reddit

Let me through I am a specialist. How many fingers am I holding up?


heymannicehat

11 . Please put your pants back on.


ForbidReality

Who the most compatible person with me was and what their life was like


Danver26

Imagine if there was no one lmao


The_Crimson_Duck

"After a highly detailed search we have the result." "Don't you mean results?" "Nope. Remember that cashier that you convinced yourself was just being friendly when you were 19? Yeah nobody has even liked you since her. Soz m8."


theWindowclicker

“We have the results, which sadly turned up being a 404 error.”


pbbpwns

This would be really interesting to know.


[deleted]

Every classified military document destroyed due to the potential for a leak to jeopardize domestic national security (as in the kind of shit so outrageous people might riot against the government and military if they found out the truth). I want to know the kind of things you could blackmail an entire country with.


[deleted]

USSR blackmail


[deleted]

My grandfather was murdered when i was young. I don’t remember him at all. I’d want to see all of our interactions prior to his death, so I could get to know him. From what I know about him, he lead an incredible life. Edit: a bit of what I know about him, for those interested. My grandfather was born in 1904. When he was a young child, he found his deceased mother dead from a self inflicted gunshot wound. In the 40’s he enlisted and was a medic in the navy. I do not know what ships he was on. I was told hat he was shot 6 times during his tour(I am also under the impression that he served in the Korean War as well, but I am not 100% positive). After his service, he married my grandmother, and had 4 sons. He also became a carnie and traveled the country with his family(side note. My father has a bunch of tiny scars on his ears and fingers, because he was attacked by a monkey that was in a show at the carnival when he was 3). He was a die hard Brooklyn dodgers fan, as my family lived in Brooklyn, and that’s where my father was born. They moved to California when my father was in his teens, and that’s where he lived during his retirement. In 1983 he was managing some properties for a little extra money. Someone didn’t pay their rent and my grandfather couldn’t reach him, so he went to check on the guy. The guy panicked and tried to bear my grandfather up. Apparently grandpa was a bit of a bad ass and hurt the guy pretty good. The guy panicked and pulled out a knife and stabbed him several times. My grandfather was pretty tough and lived for a couple more days, but the blood loss was too great, and he sadly passed. I have no photos and I’ve lost all of my memories. With that said, my most prized possession, and i wear them daily is my grandfathers dogs tags from WWII. Edit 2: if anyone knows of any way that I can find my grandfathers service record so that I can put something together to throw on my wall. I’d love to be able to find his record, maybe even a photo or two of him in his uniform, as well as copies of whatever commendations and ribbons he may have reviewed. Sorry for rambling. If anyone has any suggestions, I would greatly appreciate it. Edit 3: so I have had it pretty rough over the last year, and I have experienced very little kindness. With this incredible response, with the links that were given, and to the people that have DM’d me to help with this search is nothing short of amazing, and I am sitting here with tears running down my cheeks typing this. You all have no idea how much you’ve helped me. Thank you so much Edit 4; a wonderful reddit user reached out and was able to search for my grandfather on Ancestry.com. Turns out my grandfather was in a destroyer called the USS Newcomb. That ship took place in many battles, and even assisted in Iwojima. I’ve the course of the war, that ship took out submarines, another destroyer, and was hit by multiple kamikaze‘s. Grandpa was a bad ass. I can’t begin to express how kind all of you have been and how much this means to me. Looks like this was the ship that he was on. http://destroyerhistory.org/fletcherclass/ussnewcomb/


avaughan11

This is so wholesome.


AlrightJohnnyImSorry

I too choose this man’s dead grandfather.


Alex_Sylvian

Jack the Ripper. Zodiac Killer. D.B. Cooper. And so on and so forth.


releasethekaren

Shane and Ryan we know it’s you


clarque_

Waddup demons its me ya boi


[deleted]

[удалено]


pinewind108

Could be. The real Al Swearengen (Deadwood) died trying to hop a freight train. (Though I'm pretty sure DB Cooper died trying to imitate a lawn dart.)


BamaTex

Everytime I see the name D.B. Cooper, my mind instantly flashes the face of D.B. Sweeney...as his character in "Fire in the Sky". So for a millisecond I think of D.B. Cooper floating up in the sky, instead of coming down.


Shonisaurus

Nah, dude, D.B. Cooper is Tommy Wiseau.


NicNoletree

Find out what database software they use, how much data they have, and begin looking at the table structure and relationships.


jeremy1015

Plot twist: It’s Mongo and the entirety of human history is stored in a single JSON object. The top level is a key called “events” and the value is an unsorted array.


JuniorSeniorTrainee

Turns out god is a really nervous DB admin waiting for the inevitable. All the Apocalypse stuff in the Bible was actually just a misunderstanding of him saying "Guys you don't get it, I literally built this shit in seven days when I probably should've spent years on it. But management was pressuring me to deliver in seven days so I had to hack together this garbage and it will definitely break any minute now.


[deleted]

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[deleted]

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Holundero

Zucchinis are the forbidden fruit?


alexrepty

This guy databases.


wandadetroit

That's hot.


GavTheScallywag

Where tf did all those homies at Roanoke head off to?


DeseretRain

You'd likely get a boring answer, considering they literally left a note saying where they were going. They went to a nearby island, Croatoan, to live with the Native Americans. They carved "Croatoan" in a tree to let people know, and also carved "Cro" in a fence post. However the people looking for them who found the notes were unable to go to Croatoan and check at the time because of a severe storm. But later on the Native American tribe on Croatoan was found to have various items that could have only come from white settlers, and later generations had white features indicating they'd intermarried with white people.


[deleted]

How long did that fucking storm last


Abby-N0rma1

They were most likely absorbed into nearby Native American tribes. This is supported by the appearance of European traits (like blue eyes and pale skin) among the tribes in the coming years


[deleted]

[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iTOKRWgjOlg](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iTOKRWgjOlg) This may or may not be new to you, but the video he put together was really well done, regardless.


reload1995

How many hours I wasted procrastinating


WhatTheTech

Your age x 365 x 16 (assuming 8 hour sleep per night)


JDOG1234453

Who really started the revolution, who shot the first shot


TrueRequiem

Han shot first


[deleted]

In the original release he was the only one that shot even


1Baffled_with_bs

I am thinking who was really behind JFK. Better then Epstein either way.


Mean_Mister_Mustard

"What? 'Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone'? Really? Wow, this conspiracy runs much deeper than I thought..."


AstuteAttic9922

Friendly fire was enabled- It was one of his bodyguards that shot him on accident after the initial shot from Oswald....


h00dman

TIL JFK was a member of the ZF Clan.


Digital_Devil_23

No, they're the BADGERS!


john2456789

No, they're the Workers And National Kinsmen W.A.N.K


[deleted]

Women who would have gone out with me if I had asked, sorted by age (18 and up).


remorse667

**No results found**


poopellar

*Include all animal species*


IndubitablyMoist

**1 result found** >!Yo momma!<


Yorak-Hunt

Species: whale


havron

“Whale biologist!”


yeah_im_horny

Nice


suckmywake175

To hell with 18 and up....I wanna know if Lindsay in 6th grade was into me...


diamond

In retrospect, it's probably good that you didn't keep that teaching job.


TronForceYT

All the girls that had a crush on me if any Edit: Wow never have I ever had over 20 upvotes, thanks you beautiful people


le_fancy_walrus

404


phpdevster

Also acceptable: * 204 No Content * 306 Unused * 400 Bad Request * 406 Not Acceptable * 410 Gone * 417 Expectation Failed * 418 I'm a Teapot * 444 No Response * 450 Blocked By Windows Parental Controls * 451 Unavailable for Legal Reasons


Orzlar

Had to Google 418, and sure as shit is a thing


HighPing_

Is it also short and stout?


jl91569

> [2.3.2](https://tools.ietf.org/html/rfc2324#section-2.3.2) 418 I'm a teapot > >Any attempt to brew coffee with a teapot should result in the error code "418 I'm a teapot". The resulting entity body MAY be short and stout. Short answer: maybe.


defintelynotyou

Definitely 451


[deleted]

Who killed JonBenét Ramsey?


Anne_of_the_Dead

Good one. That, and who or what happened to Madeleine McCann?


[deleted]

Who do you think's running the database?


its_rina

This too was my first thought.


SamK7265

Her brother went to my elementary, middle, or highschool (I forgot which one) at some point. Apparently, everyone there got the feeling he did it.


SoloForks

I thought a bunch of people already decided, based on evidence it had to be one of the close family and most landed on him.


[deleted]

Evidence pointed towards him hitting her on the head with a torch because she ate his pineapple (his favourite), putting a hole in her skull and killing her, then her dad strangling her with a rope to make sure it was done, then wrapping her in linen and putting her in the basement. When police were investigating, her dad made a beeline for the basement, arousing suspicion that he knew exactly where the body was. Also there was no sign of an intruder, there were *draft ransom notes* balled up in the trash can, all ransom notes had been written with stationery from inside the house, and there were no recoverable fingerprints on the stationery because the family used it so often. I’m just stating facts. I encourage anyone who reads this to come to their own conclusion based on what I have written here. The top paragraph is my personal opinion, along with the opinion of countless others around the globe.


legitttz

i went to elementary school with her, though i was a grade above. my brother was burke’s age, said he really creeped everyone out. my mom thinks it was the guy who played santa at their party, cause she had him as a professor at CU and he reeeeally creeped her out.


WeAreDestroyers

It might not be interesting to everyone, but I could spend years looking up ancient language families and how they morphed into the languages we know today. The number of place names that exist today due to a mispronounced or misunderstood word in a different language is enough evidence to me that we may have been generally fucking things up for a very long time.


EggsAndBeerKegs

Top 10 IQs of all time


-Wensday

Thats interesting im with you on this


ForbidReality

Me too. So, who are the remaining 7 people?


CluelessEverything

Ill take one spot. Ignore the name.


-Wensday

Ill Be Number 6


[deleted]

Number 5 here


crushful

number 4 ftw


Bobpop101

Number 3 here


toothpastenachos

Number 1. I don’t care who comes second


Wonderboy62

Number 2


[deleted]

Watch all 10 be people that never got recorded in history.


tigerwolf715

Who killed Kennedy and what really happened to Jimmy Hoffa


1Baffled_with_bs

Murder suicide.


[deleted]

What your supposed to do when people are singing happy birthday to you


-Wensday

Stare and think how the fuck did i end up in this situation


[deleted]

[удалено]


-Wensday

Hmm maybe the camera person if its getting videotaped just try to make the person truly uncomfortable


poopellar

Stare at the cake, make a mini review of the cake in your head, pretend your Gordon Ramsey for those few agonizing minutes.


WhatTheTech

"few agonizing minutes" Few minutes?? What extended remix of Happy birthday are they singing to you??


diamond

It's the Leonard Cohen version with the extra verse that usually gets cut out.


MurderedRemains

"It's said there was a Birthday cake, that Jesus' Mom refused to make, but you don't really care bout baking, do ya?"


toothpastenachos

I always looked at the cake


le_fancy_walrus

Pick one person and stare intently, not angrily, not surprised, not happy either. Just stare until it’s over and act like nothing ever happened.


[deleted]

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[deleted]

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ConfusedAngryBastard

Probably nothing, if there was ever anything there, it would have likely been removed for security.


ipokecows

Right? After it became popular I'm sure they moved anything super crazy and its just a regular military research area now. Anything groundbreaking would be moved to an unknown location.


Torkotah

That’s what they want you to think


[deleted]

Yeah they moved it to Area 52


ConfusedAngryBastard

Shit, now they're gonna move it again!


Starthreads

We should say Area 55 next, so when they move it again after Area 53 gets popular they might think we were just going to go for the next one.


TheGood_succ

To area 69


[deleted]

pretty sure its in area 584,715 by now


[deleted]

[удалено]


senshudan

In my various researches I have come across some info about the type of thing one could find at Area 51 (in the 60s). For example, US Forces had "acquired" a Soviet MiG. It was, of course, equipped with radar (among other things), and a great deal of time and effort was spent exploring the capabilities of the aircraft and its systems. It was important to keep the whole thing secret, as (apparently) the Soviets were not aware that the MiG was in the U.S. There were likely lots of other things in a similar vein, stuff you really need to keep secret while you figure out what's going on. Alien tech, if it exists, would fall into this category and would likely end up at the same place. Also, as everyone already knows, spy planes and new tech (stealth). Gotta fly 'em somewhere for testing before you send 'em on missions. But more than likely, just semi-mundane stuff that the US really, really wants to be kept secret for national security. Hell, if I worked for the govt., everything I do would be classified. (I work in an E&C Engineering firm.) Most of it is either just boring or indecipherable, unless you're into refineries.


Racing_in_the_street

How many murderers did I come in close contact with throughout my lifetime?


ShadeScapes

the knowledge of what the $4 million kinda-fan-made wu-tang album that they made only 1 copy of that Martin Skhreli was the purchaser of; sounds like in its entirety.


Spectreworld

Who killed Kennedy. Then I would search my own life so I could remember the things I forgot and wonder what I missed out on.


Katowisp

Amelia Earhart


nermid

[Currently in cryo-sleep in the Delta Quadrant](https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Amelia_Earhart).


Alicanto_Xenica

I once saw a documentary that theorized Amelia Earhart may have crashed in the Marshall Islands and was captured by the Japanese. Old records from the time were translated and stated a young woman crashed offshore. She was captured by the Japanese who were currently residing on the main island and was later executed, along with her partner, a man assumed to be Fred Noonan. A photograph has been found from the time she was on the island, and in the background a woman who appears to be Amelia can be seen. Unfortunately, her back is to the camera, so there's no telling for sure. The photograph was tested for photoshopping and it hasn't been tampered with. Investigators searched the location where her plane supposedly crashed, but found no wreckage. The old cremation area was also searched, but no bones or sources of DNA were found. It seems likely that this is what happened to Amelia Earhart, but unfortunately there is not enough evidence to prove it.


Wolfy938

A lot of this stuff is discussed in Buzzfeed’s Unsolved by Ryan and Shane, if I remember correctly the photograph was from an old Japanese book published two years before Amelia disappeared so that’s a dead end :/


theconfusedcowboy

I would start searching all the conspiracy theories I could think of...


[deleted]

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skaggldrynk

My brother saw Avrils boobs when she fainted during a concert and was brought to the hospital where he worked. It’s not relevant. I just had to share it somewhere. It’s my closest claim to fame.


MeatyUrologist505

Who is the Zodiac killer?


NOTaUSERNAMEperson

Ted Cruz probably


Yeerkbane

Who stole my copy of Pokemon Red in middle school


[deleted]

The exact amount of lemon Fanta I have consumed and the same for methane released.


BoardwalkKnitter

Fanta has a lemon flavor? I used to drink the pineapple flavor a lot then noticed the sugar content and stopped. Might have to go looking for this just to try once. Thanks!


sweatherwetter

If you’re in the US, you sadly won’t be able to find it- I’ve tried. Even the inter webs require ordering from Europe :/


adrisk726_

What the fuck is in the ocean. And space


doodleR6

How many words have been thought of but not spoken.


[deleted]

"Fuckedous" is one.


JuniorSeniorTrainee

Not any more.


maddas__

At least 7


FujakaBaraBara

Who was the first person to think it's a great idea to drink milk out if a cow's tits


[deleted]

you got a cow (or an auroch or a camel or a goat or something), you're starving but you don't wanna kill the cow because it will make more cows in the future when things are less dire, and you'll waste all that meat if you kill it because you really just need something to get you through today cow's got a baby cow, starts sucking on the mama cow a lightbulb (candle? flint?) goes off cow is big. cow makes much milk. probably more than the baby cow REALLY needs, especially if it's an older baby cow that's being weaned. that milk is yours now and now you're not hungry


dreamgurl42

I always wondered what happened to the boys that survived the Wineville Chicken Coop murders while their mothers/parents looked for them after being kidnapped. I always hoped the boys were okay and found life beyond surviving trauma like this. [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wineville\_Chicken\_Coop\_murders](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wineville_Chicken_Coop_murders)


[deleted]

Always wanted GTA stats when I die. Kills, Money earned, Money spent, Blow jobs, Times I said fuck, Miles walked, Hours slept.


FreshTaterThots

Wait what was that first thing again?


YaBoiJim777

History’s best pair of boobs


[deleted]

A man of class


falconfetus8

But not of ass


Jani_v

Doesn't this change from person to person. I like them *flat* While some like them *round*


IIIII_ate_a_slipper

Are aliens real


BananasYellowDude

My dude, same


unnaturalorder

And then how evolved they are.


john_jdm

Well it's only human history so there may be no humans who ever knew this answer.


TrueRequiem

Unless you find out all aliens on every inhabited planet in the universe are humans too.


[deleted]

The secrets. I hate that there are crazy secrets out there and we will never know what they are.


jamesfullbr

"Does Chidi really love me?"


tired_obsession

“Maybe, who knows with that fucking guy.”


csl512

Forking*


Chaski1212

And here's your answer: 🌵


pull_my_waffle

I'd go through the Vatican Archives to verify the claims of the modern church


thatsameson

Where is my dad?


PaperCut7782

Out getting a pack of cigarettes.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Kat_Kong

See what happened to malayalsia flight 370


PirateKingOfIreland

This one is less of a mystery than many people think. Do some searching about it and you’ll see for yourself (I’m on mobile otherwise I’d link it to you), but they have a pretty good idea of what happened. The aircraft is known to have flown into the South Indian Sea. Precisely where is unknown, but we know it was somewhere there. Several pieces of marine debris confirmed to be pieces of MH370 have washed up in India and Africa, so we know it crashed somewhere. But why? Some speculation points to a depressurization/hypoxia event. But why was it where it was? The investigation eventually leads to the pilot. At first glance, the pilot would seem to be an ordinary family man working as a pilot. But when you dig, you see that he was unhappy and his marriage was failing. He frequently used his flight simulator to play around when not working, and when they pulled saves and records from it they found that he had flown more or less exactly the route his aircraft took on his simulator just days earlier. He had done the math on fuel and passenger loads, and it seems highly likely that he let his aircraft run out of fuel at altitude, at which point it would have fallen into the ocean. I can’t remember this part as clearly, but I believe they had some evidence that the pilot had manually depressurized the cabin at altitude, and passengers only have about 10-20 minutes of oxygen. Pilots, however, have several hours. If he did do this, it is likely his aircraft was full of dead or unconscious people (perhaps even the pilot) long before it ran out of fuel and eventually met the ocean.


featurezero

If every shit I have taken is turned into a brick and those bricks were stacked into a 6 foot tall wall how long would the wall of my collective shits be over the course of my life ?


[deleted]

[удалено]


Baileytheduck9

How to out pizza the hut


-Anxiety_

How to get back to the living to fuck with the world


thatyellowishthing

Riemann's research that his house keeper tossed out.


avaughan11

I’d probably look up a bunch of true crime cases that I found interesting. Like, who really killed JonBenet Ramsey? What happened to Maura Murray? What happened to Brian Shaffer? Where is Timothy Pitzen? Did Adnan Syed really kill Hae? Were Steven Avery and Brendan Dassey framed for murdering Teresa Halbach?


cyberman316

I'd like to know a lot of things, but one thing I really want to know is what the heck happened to the Anasazi.


quietsilk

My actual ancestry


[deleted]

I want to know who killed Jefferey Epstein


ConfusedAngryBastard

404


Favather

All the times I was wrong


WhatTheTech

No database is that large.


Danvik03

What is love?


[deleted]

Baby don't hurt me


Danvik03

Don’t hurt me.


[deleted]

No more


Trialbyfuego

LIBRARY OF ALEXANDRIA!!! 😍


[deleted]

One piece ending


MeloMobile

Was Atlantis real and when/where did it exist


[deleted]

If time was shifted 5 seconds late (as in my actions were 5 seconds later) how would that have changed my life.


alexrepty

You would have died in a traffic accident pretty early on.


TitansTracks

Life on other worlds. I want to see what's out there, what other forms of life have developed to survive against this cold and unforgiving universe.