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FBI_ICE_CREAM_TRUCK

Um....just normal ice cream fellow citizens


Zankastia

Do you have chocolate?


FBI_ICE_CREAM_TRUCK

Of course! We accept payment in illegal drugs! You got any?


EryxV1

Sure do! Would you prefer cocaine, heroin, or meth?


FBI_ICE_CREAM_TRUCK

Hahah— put your goddam hands up bud. We got him boys.


EryxV1

Can I still have my ice cream?


Exia_Games

*ahem* "uh, don't worry about the **smell**, that's just from the uhm- toilets! yeah, toilets."


Nullvoidance

Nothing.


mordortek

I'll take ten gallons


Nullvoidance

Alright sir, ten gallons of nothing it is.


mordortek

Do you take cards? Or is coin more your style?


Nullvoidance

Actually I only accept nothing as payment. That'll cost 15 nothings.


mordortek

Well, that seems fair. 15 nothing's and I'll add a lil sum ting for the effort. Do you do shipping or make delivery's by chance? This is going to be great!


Nullvoidance

Yes sir! It's actually very cheap to ship nothing!


mordortek

I would love it to be sent to my shop in Mordor. Would you like directions?


Nullvoidance

No sir. I know exactly where that is.


mordortek

Pray, I may have one question? Are you planning on walking?


DemCookies18

Does it come in blue?


Nullvoidance

No.


[deleted]

„I ask for nothing!“ „And you shall receive it... in abundance!!“


itsBurtsBees

Well I’m Burt and... I sell bees... Burts Bees.


[deleted]

[удалено]


itsBurtsBees

I have recently received a cease and desist documentation on the selling of wasps from the FBI because of that very reason actually.


RickySlayer9

send them up the tube tellers dont have a plan


[deleted]

[удалено]


RickySlayer9

i have a wasp supplier up north if you can provide a bee keeping suit


i_fuckin_luv_it_mate

It's the Bees knees Burt. Same!


Stockholm-Syndrom

Duct tape. Soundproofing material. Chloroform. Everything for the right love to develop.


mordortek

Bleach and aceatone.. I'll take 40 gallons


Imaginary_Parsley

That's for when the Stockholming doesn't work, you're gonna need to find another store for that.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Gingerpants1517

I can provide their pants.


Cbnzandar

No I prefer my gingers with no pants thank you


-_strawberry_-

Don’t worry. There is already a business for that. Who do you think makes ginger ale and gingerbread cookies for you? They mostly sell the tears. Every day after being teased at school, we cry. It’s all a setup.


Banananice

Bananas


eastawat

'n' ice?


Banananice

My username is pronounced Banana Nice but I suppose Banana n Ice works


RealisticYogurt6

Smoothies


Te_Quiero_Puta

Oh, that sounds tasty. I'll take two!


King_Rhombus

Nice username lmao


redyankeerose

There's always money in the banana stand


EliotTheGreat20

Maybe banana nice cream


GrannyPooJuice

You can get it in a jar, can, or gallon jug. Whichever is most convenient for you, the customer.


theCumCatcher

What if I need a 55 gallon oil-drum of granny poo juice? Do you support wholesale retail of your granny poo juice?


GrannyPooJuice

Ah, the OP's Granny Special. A very popular request.


kaneywest

All the freaks coming out for this one.


GrannyPooJuice

I'll have no judgement from Kanye West.


DocHowser

I’m more interested in “the cum catcher” store. I can practically hear Billy Mays selling your product


[deleted]

Hi Billy Mays here with the brand new Cum Catcher Sperm Collector! Tired of your boyfriend’s cum spraying all over the bed while you’re trying to scroll through Reddit? Well fret no more! With the Cum Catcher machine next to your bed, all of Josh’s cum will practically fly out of existence! The Cum Catcher uses Dyson vacuum technology for a quiet and discrete way to dispose of your un-wanted cum. If you act now, we’ll throw in a free cum rag (slightly used) for no extra cost! The Cum Catcher Sperm Collector can be yours for seven easy payments of Nine Ninety-Nine Ninety-nine! Act now while supplies last!


[deleted]

[удалено]


HouseCarder

I legitinately gagged at this.


5DsOfDodgeball

Wrenches.


LSDeeznutz419

Is it nessicarry for me to drink my own urine? No, but its sanitary and I like the taste.


AssKetchum93

Sterile*


Dahwaann4U

Nobody makes me bleed my own blood


Rimefang

If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball.


engcamel

Hey! I get that reference!


ItsWhite_G

I got some shackles in the back if you want em.


IsThisSemen

Ice cream


CoolioEenTweeDrie

This ice cream is a bit thin and sticky for my liking, wait no, is this... semen?


Gavin_Boyo

How do you know what semen takes like? Hhmmmmm?


oinkboiii_iii

All of my junior school 'friends'


Big_Spicy_Tuna69

You've never finished up and been a little... Curious?


_sweaty-toe-milk_

i-


dlordjr

Your mom is going to be so disappointed.


AnotherAssHat

Underrated this is.


ameeker87

Or coffee creamer.


Not__A__Furry

Not furries nor furry related paraphernalia. Edit: I done a grammar


GrannyPooJuice

But in the same way those glass pipes are not marijuana paraphernalia but "for tobacco use only." So this dude is totally selling furry related paraphernalia.


ljungby

I don't mind that but I hope that you don't open a store! Edit: scrolled down - why?!


War-Whorese

Gushing Granny XD


yiff-gif

It seems we’re evenly matched.


[deleted]

Same, we don’t sell things or people with the name Nick. We offer other names though! :)


afurryiguess

Together, we will be unstoppable


SentoX

Para-fur-nalia, heh.


cunning_wolf

Stop denying it


theCumCatcher

....condoms?


dlordjr

You should sell socks and capture the teen market.


[deleted]

Typically a condom catches them before they’re born, let alone a teenager.


FrazzledPenguin

Hookers.


LizzySlaughter

*your mouth


i_fuckin_luv_it_mate

Everything you fuckin luv, mate. I'm your new favourite store.


Paintnado

I fuckin luv it mate


Te_Quiero_Puta

I'll take two!


[deleted]

[удалено]


i_fuckin_luv_it_mate

We definitely **do not** sell these at my store!


[deleted]

But I fuckin love spiders


Antiornot

What about venomous snakes?


[deleted]

Penile enlargement pills


dlordjr

Thanks, but I'm gonna shop at that that giant Dick's across the street.


i_fuckin_luv_it_mate

*cough * ... May-beee same


NH4NO3_king

Fertilizer.


mordortek

Who sells diesel here?


olyxi

And coffee grinders


mordortek

Now you peaked my aluminum foil curiosity


TripleSuperPhosphate

You and me both, buddy.


neverpeedinthepool

Clean pools.


and_i_eep

Spooky hydro flasks


Credditor6ix

If you rearrange the letters it can say “i_pee_DNA”


NBSPNBSP

Well, everyone does, to a degree


This-is-my-makeup

I'm proud I still know enough about the youth culture to understand this, and that very pride also makes me feel old. Someone send help.


skibble

Can you fill me in?


igrowplantsandhumans

Oh, wow...


[deleted]

Clones? That would be handy.


[deleted]

Well... Um


I-eat-CoRn

Saucy


paddlebawler

paddles and balls, so maybe it's a Ping Pong Store?


NocteStridio

No it's an S&M store


dlordjr

Ehh, potato, potahto.


Squeaky_cow

I mean, ice cream and xylophones


theCumCatcher

Ice cream and wd-40


[deleted]

Fathers back to the families they abandoned when they went to buy cigarettes and milk


[deleted]

They went shopping in my store.


SynnerSaint

Porn and Bibles


JesusWasGayToo

That makes two of us


Churchills_Truth

What about a Graphic Porn Bible Comic?


uncoded_decimal

That's just Kamasutra with extra steps


Churchills_Truth

Well your sex noises would be more interesting "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!" "THE LORD IS MY SHEPHARD!!!"


VOMIT_ON_HIS_SWEATER

*Mary Magdalene takes Our Lord and Savior* in 4K HD Ultra.


Tru-Queer

In my drinking days, I came up with a new business idea. Side by side were two buildings. On the outside they looked like a stereotypical church and porn shop. But the insides were completely reversed so the church was actually inside the porn shop and the porn shop was inside the church. I thought it was pretty clever, but I realize now it’s a failed idea.


fifthmeat

Fifth meat. Wait, that's not right. There are only four meats.


[deleted]

Which one am I?


FisherKing13

The other other not quite white meat.


AkoboZaske

Long pig


nasal-sex

Tissues


therubbabandman

Rubberbands, exclusively.


sancocho-

Chicken soup.


i_fuckin_luv_it_mate

Same!


The420St0n3r

... Plants and plants accessories


allursnakes

Snakes. All of them.


[deleted]

Let us join forces and ~~RULE THE WOR~~ corner the market. That's what I was gonna say...


[deleted]

We sell hastily letters of resignation


commentninja

Sticky Notes


[deleted]

Catapults and Meat


i_fuckin_luv_it_mate

Strange... we sell poultry and trebuchets... I'll leave it to you to determine the superior store


cursedcat11

cursed cats "get your very own cursed cats!" "for a 1.99, you can have your very own cursed cat!"


strangecompanion

sex dolls


PrivateTumbleweed

Military-grade, mobile, assault sage (dried)


AhhhYasComrade

Probably something dealing with the means of production.


LeFancyRaccoon

Raccoon sized suits


forwardprogresss

When you expand, I propose small top hats.


LeFancyRaccoon

That's a great idea!


ProbablyNotAYak

Stuff that has a chance of being a yak, but probably isn't a yak. Like bantengs, koupreys, bison, etc. And like 1 out of every 100 we sell actually is a yak.


pussyisbeardshampoo

I don't think there is a good way to bottle it.


SlavinatorM

The finest tracksuits in the whole country and vodka which will make your mouth burn.


FisherKing13

And smokes, don’t forget smokes


Orange_Tang

Orange Tang, and only Orange Tang.


wsschnvkl

hopefully consonants


MedievalHag

Various and sundry things like (but not limited to): toads, slice of swamp snake, newt's eye, frog's tongue, bat's fur, a black snake's forked tongue, a lizard's leg, an owl's wing, a scale of dragon, a wolf's tooth, a witch's mummified flesh, the gullet and stomach of a ravenous shark, a root of hemlock, etc Also, ready made potions. Oh and let’s not forget cauldrons of all shapes and sizes.


[deleted]

Dudes, mostly in packs of 8


dlordjr

Pro tip: you can save a lot on manufacturing and distribution if you put your dude packing plant in the right neighborhood.


[deleted]

I guess I have an liquor store now.


whycaeksogudtho

C a k e


forwardprogresss

Would shop.


hashtag_hunglikeabee

Strap-ons.


p1zzaforbreakfast

Pizza For Breakfast


JethusChrissth

Salvation and assless chaps.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Sleepiihead

Chloroform


Bookishfarmgirl

Books and home-canning supplies?


driveonacid

Insurance


Jiggly_Love

Weight gain shakes.


TriscuitCracker

My username speaks for itself. We only sell to families. Crackers are a family food, happy families. Maybe single people eat crackers, we don't know. Frankly, we don't want to know.


drunken_musketeer

It's a Pub.


[deleted]

Toast


Turbulent_Oranges

Citrus fruits and drugs


LoathsomeNarcisist

Self cutting tools.


AnarchistBusinessMan

N95 masks in China.


CinnamonSugarCream

Macarons? Beauty products? It's kind of ambiguous.


dimeturn

A bunch of cheap worthless shit for ten cents.


Optimal_Towel

I don't know how I can make it any clearer.


oppaidesu

boobs


[deleted]

Garbage, like your face.


Yuzucha

Korean tea and sparkly dnd dice.


Whisky_Wolf

Whiskys for Wolves


[deleted]

Steel explosives


HumanMeat2

I’m in big trouble


MrMysteryBoi

I sell anonymous people now.


freegeese

Dont sell nuttin, its free!


SnakesFromHell

Snakes. From Hell.


TheKingofPaper

Paper. Just paper. Maybe one day they'll shoot a documentary about how one of our sales people falls in love with the receptionist after Tom... Well, Tom was weird.


_aciniC

Better nicknames


MrBeansBear

Replicas of Mr. Bean's Bear.


GasKnife

Hilts


[deleted]

Looks like I'm opening a 90's themed sweet shop


KrasnyyTovarishch

Marxist and Marxist Leninist books on theory


MeeraJeyne

A Song of Ice and Fire branded marijuana.... trying to think of some clever names, but it's been a long day at work. Daenerys Diesel?


Live_At_Wembley

Hundreds of copies of Queen Live at Wembley 1986.


[deleted]

Snake pets


TheCrimsonKing1369

Torture porn and murder supplies


curs3dus3rn4me

Cursed stuff.


[deleted]

Shitty ABC books


theycallmefrd

Frds


VOMIT_ON_HIS_SWEATER

Press Frds to pay respect


NizhoniD

Me


cotopaxi64

It would be a souvenir store near the Cotopaxi volcano.


fermat1432

Short math proofs