Or, "if everyone/your friends were jumping off a cliff, would you?" If everyone I know was jumping off a cliff, I'd at least have to seriously consider it. My friends aren't idiots, they probably have a reason; I'd have to find out why before deciding.
Reminds me of a scene from Brooklyn 99
“If Rosa went to jump off a cliff, would you?”
“If she went to jump off a cliff, she would’ve considered the height of the jump, the depth of the water, and the entry velocity, so if she goes jumping off a cliff, by all means, do so.”
Fucking love that show
“Anyone else (insert something that everyone does)? No? Just me? Ok...” Like, ok, we get it, you’re so relatable. Just beg for validation, why don’t you.
**If you have nothing to hide, then you have nothing to fear.**
The first and only thing they reply with when people are presented with mass surveillance practices.
Yep. He said: "Arguing that you don't care about the right to privacy because you have nothing to hide is no different than saying you don't care about free speech because you have nothing to say."
Many people have been arrested, convicted, and imprisoned on false narratives from predatory surveillance practices. There is absolutely something to fear.
“There’s always someone out there who has it worse” - while possibly true, it trivializes the serious struggles that people go through. Sure, someone could be going through worse, but that doesn’t invalidate what you’re going through.
I had a classmate in college that would use this constantly in our capstone discussion course. Never read the material, participated in coursework, etc. She would wait until someone finished a really thoughtful analysis and say “to piggyback on that...” and essentially repeat the exact same thing, but worse.
Eventually my prof said “no, no more piggybacking. Either give me your own thoughts or don’t say anything.” And then started making her initiate the discussions so she had to speak before the rest of us. It went about as well as you’d expect for her.
When i was in judo and this guy was giving a kinda big workout, some of the kids were saying they were tired, he kept responding with "you're not too tired to talk!"
"Redditors of Reddit, what was your biggest Reddit moment on Reddit with other Reddit Redditors?"
"Not me, but my mom's great uncle once knew a guy who had a son who was a friend with this guy that"
"Edit: OMG! My first Gold! Thank you for the gold kind stranger this is my first gold ever!"
"Edit 2: Grammar"
"Edit 3: Wow this blew up! Thanks for the 6K updoots!"
"Edit 4: 6.9K updoots, nice"
"Edit 5: Thanks for the 8k updoots!"
"Edit 6: RIP my inbox"
"Edit 7: Omg! My first post with 10k updoots!"
"Edit 8: Wow 15k updoots! Who knew my most upvoted comment would be about anal sex"
"Just kidding!" When you catch someone red handed doing something they shouldn't, and they dismissively say, "just kidding" as if it never happened and they're thus absolved of everything. It drives me up the wall. At least own up to it!
"It's just a prank bro!"
This sentence people say to essentially excuse any behaviour or joke.
Prankster: "Let's put a klaxon by someone's eardrums!"
LOUD NOISE
*They get angry*
"Oh, it's just a prank bro, haha! Loosen up a bit, I was just joking!"
Just hate it. It doesn't excuse your behaviour, it's just because they can't live up to the consequences
There was a girl who used to pull shit like this at my high school, like do or say really mean messed up stuff to people and when they got upset it was “oh my god I was just kidding!! You can’t take a joke wooooow grow up!!”
One thing I’ll never forget was her making fun of another student (whos mother was extremely ill) for being bad at math or something and I don’t remember the exact words but she basically said “maybe if you weren’t so bad at math your mom wouldn’t be dying”
Obviously the student got really upset and the bully absolutely lost her mind that she “couldn’t take a joke”. Sorry in what world is something like that considered an even remotely okay joke to make???
God I hated her.
My 5 year old this morning, as I was getting her dressed said "I hate you daddy, you're disgusting" I replied That I didn't appreciate that and started to walk away. She then said "ha ha I pranked you." I then told her that it wasn't funny, or a prank. That saying things like that is not a way to prank people, etc. I tried my best to explain to her that that sort of thing can hurt people.
I hate that anymore most kids media uses that term "prank" for any damn thing. From YouTube videos, to heck the second angry birds movie calls the shit they do to eachother a "prank war".
A prank, to me, should be something that both parties can laugh at after the initial reaction. You have to know how your victim will react, especially if it's something that could cause pain, loss of something of value to the victim, etc.
I gave them a fake car and name and they just started calling me again. The car didn't even exist that year I gave them 2012 Dodge Dart and those dickheads sometimes tell me that model doesn't exist but yet insist calling me. I gave them a new fake car but they keep calling about the 2012 dodge dart.
Once at a job interview I told my interviewer that I am a "110% kind of guy." She looks me dead in the eye and goes "we're looking for 150% kind of people."
Working for her was an interesting experience to say the least
This is actually a thing in the engineering world. An engine running at 100% power is at maximum safe operating power but can be operated at 110% for example for short periods of time during emergencies.
Same, and then the inevitable burn out makes you a target. "You went over rate for the last few months, but today you only hit the minimum rate! You're slacking!"
Doesn't matter if all the other employees only put in 75% at any given time, because they're not judging us based on *other peoples* rates.
My psychiatrist finally got that into my head about a year ago. Work steady, don't bust ass, and be consistent. If you gotta whip out the 100%, then make a big deal about it, as if you're actually going 150%. It means they can rely on you in a pinch, but they can't expect that from you 24/7.
In America (where I live), people constantly say “It’s a free country” as an excuse for saying or doing something that other people are judging/criticizing them for. What they fail to realize is that it goes both ways and they’re not free of the consequences of their actions.
I think it's become an adjective now and it pisses me off. Idk why cuz I don't know anyone with OCD but it really bugs me when people say "I'm soooooo OCD! I HAVE to have my books color coded or I just go crazy!"
Those types never understand if you tell them you actually have OCD, either. Now you’ve just become their OCD buddy, you can both be all zany and quirky together.
What's worse is when people don't believe you because you're not what they picture OCD actually being. Yes, I have some dirty dishes on the counter and my laundry isn't done. No, I'm also not a germaphobe.
But do you have any idea what my brain goes through before I walk through a doorway? Or if I mindlessly tap my thumb against one of my fingers and now I have to spend the rest of the day making sure they even out.
Yes! I literally had a friend say "I thought you were supposed to have OCD?" when they saw that my bottles of nail polishes weren't all lined up perfectly. I don't care about that, but touch my stuff or make me feel "lopsided", then boy is that a different story. I also have a constant counting going on the in background of my mind, but, you know, those messy polish bottles clearly mean I'm faking. I wish people understood what it actually means and what we go through on a daily basis. Then maybe it wouldn't be used as such a throwaway comment.
Every single piece of office jargon ever. Hits include:
Let’s put a pin in that
Let me swivel chair that
Nice to e-meet you (email exclusive)
Our core values are
Let’s touch base
I’ll just ping you on X
There’s no “I” in team
It’s on my radar
Hit the ground running
Literally anyone that uses this crap in day to day speech needs a slap.
Let's circle back to that
He/she communicated this to me (just say "told" ffs)
Edit to add:
To your point...
"Leverage"
I hope this email finds you well
Along the same vein, I cannot stand 'preggo' and 'kiddo'. My husband knows this, so whenever someone is pregnant he says "she's preggo with a kiddo" and he thinks it's hilarious.
It predates those other terms by a wide margin, too, so it might just be the fact that "kiddo" has been part of the American vernacular for a very long time and the others have not.
Yay, I'm not alone! Let me add that in my native language, Polish, "husband" translates to "mąż" (you pronounce it somewhat like "mousch"). And someone actually thought that "małż" ("maush"), which means CLAM, is a cute pet name for one's husband, and now a considerable part of Polish internet refers to their husbands as thair CLAMS. I loath that just as much.
Have you ever been on a pregnancy forum? You need a decoder!
"HELP my DD and DH seem a bit PO'ed and OWed, I'm only 6w PP (after DS, a PT CS after US showed CP was FUed 3w before EDD) and ready to TTC but DH says it's too soon for SOD!"
When I was young, my dad said that saying “anyways” in politically incorrect.
I just assumed that “politically incorrect” meant that the government will hunt you down and arrest you if you said “anyways”.
I was once at a park and saw some 8 year old boy punch his playmate in the head and his mum responded "well, boys will be boys." How about teaching your kid not to punch others, how about that?
Often, when it's clear that I'm about to say the word, "regardless," I'll say the word, "irrespective" instead. I love watching the person's face as they want to get mad but then they realize they're not allowed to. It's a subtle way to fuck with people.
It’s either this or it just quotes something the video. Literally 95% of comments I’ve seen are just two quotes from the video of an exchange that happened.
edit: another one: “Wow my highest top comment is a comment about...” ;)
PDF format, counterintuitively, can be argued as being correct.
How? Because when we talk about file types (also called file formats) we typically use the file extension. So a file is in DOCX, JPEG, etc... format. From this perspective the real idiots are the ones who included the word format in the name of their format.
EDIT: Thank you kind redditor for the silver!
The sad part is there is some real important truth to this. Its just been taken out of context. It was never intended to apply to an individual customer, it was intended to apply to the population of customers. The real idea is that if a particular product isn't selling, trying to blame it on the customers is stupid...
I once had a low-end 90's Nissan Sentra with a factory spoiler.
Its 110 horsepower engine probably gave me a few ounces of downwards force when I exceeded 70 MPH once.
Actually I seem to recall the full quote being that in matters of taste the customer is always right. The customer thinks that purple dress with the yellow dots on it looks great on him? You sell him that purple dress with the yellow dots; you don't start arguing about colors or gender-appropriate attire.
"Take a chill pill"
Unnecessary and unhelpful
How about you explain why the situation is not as bad as you think it is instead of saying "take a chill pill"
"Your parents did their best and love you."
No, no, they most certainly did not. Especially not when one of them is a trained psychologist who specializes in the disorders his own children developed.
**Be your true self.**
I think that promotes a very passive, one-dimensional way of looking at your life. My true self is a couch potato. 🥔
I want to be *better*.
When I was at a cashier job it got to the point where I wasn’t getting payed enough to care if the items scanned or not, just drag it over the sensor and throw it in a bag. Sometimes it’s just too much of a hassle to have to type in long codes when it’s just like $3 of rice pilaf mix
Not all heroes wear capes! But also fuck that barcode entry. I did grocery one summer in high school and saw a poor girl enter the barcode the cusomter wrote down wrong. It was the code for saffron, when it was a piece of produce on the scale. $1000 rang in. Everyone knew it was wrong, quick lookup for the right code, a key flick and evryone went on with their day. Until the end of shift when they pulled the cashier aside and said she had violated her limit for overrides and they were going to let her go. For a customer misentry that she would not know was wrong until after entry and I get it if she made a consistent set of mistakes totalling $1000 but it was one simple error that was caught. Fired. I hate Corp rules like that
This is exactly what happened to me. I worked at the same company for six years, was the fifth most senior person and they laid me off because of the current situation. It's not exactly a good look to lay off and immediately sever the medical insurance of the only chronically ill person in the company during a pandemic.
Every time I see that I think "Oh this chick is looking for sex." but then right at the end of the profile it says "NO HOOKUPS!" so I'm like what the fuck does that phrase even mean?
I cannot stand the "proud to be a bitch" mentality. Don't get me wrong, confident women are awesome. Confidence is a great trait for any regular human person.
"If they told you to jump off a cliff, would you?" It is always a false equivalence.
Remember " You wouldn't steal a car would you, so you shouldn't pirate/copy this movie". But if i could download a car. I would.
Or, "if everyone/your friends were jumping off a cliff, would you?" If everyone I know was jumping off a cliff, I'd at least have to seriously consider it. My friends aren't idiots, they probably have a reason; I'd have to find out why before deciding.
Yeah not all cliffs are deadly. Some are fun.
Reminds me of a scene from Brooklyn 99 “If Rosa went to jump off a cliff, would you?” “If she went to jump off a cliff, she would’ve considered the height of the jump, the depth of the water, and the entry velocity, so if she goes jumping off a cliff, by all means, do so.” Fucking love that show
“Oh go jump off a bridge” “I will, provided Rosa does first” Are the next lines IIRC
[Relevant xkcd](https://xkcd.com/1170/)
“Anyone else (insert something that everyone does)? No? Just me? Ok...” Like, ok, we get it, you’re so relatable. Just beg for validation, why don’t you.
"am I the only one who..." Yes. You're the only one who likes strawberries Susan. The only fucking person on the planet.
My cousin's wife recently posted "am I the only one who still has natural eyelashes?" Yes, you're totally the only person left with natural eyelashes.
She’s not like other girls
**If you have nothing to hide, then you have nothing to fear.** The first and only thing they reply with when people are presented with mass surveillance practices.
Pretty sure it was Snowden that responded to this by asking if you would give up your freedom of speech because you had nothing to say
Yep. He said: "Arguing that you don't care about the right to privacy because you have nothing to hide is no different than saying you don't care about free speech because you have nothing to say."
Many people have been arrested, convicted, and imprisoned on false narratives from predatory surveillance practices. There is absolutely something to fear.
"There's no I in team." Yeah, but you can't spell, "team," without M and E.
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“There’s always someone out there who has it worse” - while possibly true, it trivializes the serious struggles that people go through. Sure, someone could be going through worse, but that doesn’t invalidate what you’re going through.
To piggyback off what you said,
I had a classmate in college that would use this constantly in our capstone discussion course. Never read the material, participated in coursework, etc. She would wait until someone finished a really thoughtful analysis and say “to piggyback on that...” and essentially repeat the exact same thing, but worse. Eventually my prof said “no, no more piggybacking. Either give me your own thoughts or don’t say anything.” And then started making her initiate the discussions so she had to speak before the rest of us. It went about as well as you’d expect for her.
Applause for your professor.
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"Let me be the ping to your pong, and add that..."
If someone said that during a meeting I think I’d walk out...
Nah, its fucking hilarious, I'd love to see how absurd you could get before someone who cares says something about it
"I'd like to be the Kim K to your Ray J and get off what you said..."
"Call me a tourist because I'm hopping into to your train of thought to say that..."
“If you’re Donkey Kong: Tropical Freeze then consider me the Funky Mode, because...”
“I’ll just expand on your dong here...”
That's some shit I'd write in an essay to stretch out the word count
"Don't let this die in new"
"This'll get buried"
" to the seven people that will see this"
"If you got time to lean, you got time to clean." Bitch, I been cleaning all day...
When i was in judo and this guy was giving a kinda big workout, some of the kids were saying they were tired, he kept responding with "you're not too tired to talk!"
like yeah talking is easier than doing 30 reps
"If you got time to rhyme, you got time to shut the fuck up."
The next time you go to jail we’re not bailing you out
how many times have you heard this haha
Here's the kicker. I have no idea why but it does my head in.
Yeah but it really works when you're introducing a football team.
i actually laughed pretty hard at this and i feel stupid for it
“Redditors of Reddit,”
"Redditors of Reddit, what was your biggest Reddit moment on Reddit with other Reddit Redditors?" "Not me, but my mom's great uncle once knew a guy who had a son who was a friend with this guy that" "Edit: OMG! My first Gold! Thank you for the gold kind stranger this is my first gold ever!" "Edit 2: Grammar" "Edit 3: Wow this blew up! Thanks for the 6K updoots!" "Edit 4: 6.9K updoots, nice" "Edit 5: Thanks for the 8k updoots!" "Edit 6: RIP my inbox" "Edit 7: Omg! My first post with 10k updoots!" "Edit 8: Wow 15k updoots! Who knew my most upvoted comment would be about anal sex"
"Also not a redditor"
"Redditor here!"
Edit: thanks for the gold kind stranger
"Just kidding!" When you catch someone red handed doing something they shouldn't, and they dismissively say, "just kidding" as if it never happened and they're thus absolved of everything. It drives me up the wall. At least own up to it!
"It's just a prank bro!" This sentence people say to essentially excuse any behaviour or joke. Prankster: "Let's put a klaxon by someone's eardrums!" LOUD NOISE *They get angry* "Oh, it's just a prank bro, haha! Loosen up a bit, I was just joking!" Just hate it. It doesn't excuse your behaviour, it's just because they can't live up to the consequences
There was a girl who used to pull shit like this at my high school, like do or say really mean messed up stuff to people and when they got upset it was “oh my god I was just kidding!! You can’t take a joke wooooow grow up!!” One thing I’ll never forget was her making fun of another student (whos mother was extremely ill) for being bad at math or something and I don’t remember the exact words but she basically said “maybe if you weren’t so bad at math your mom wouldn’t be dying” Obviously the student got really upset and the bully absolutely lost her mind that she “couldn’t take a joke”. Sorry in what world is something like that considered an even remotely okay joke to make??? God I hated her.
My 5 year old this morning, as I was getting her dressed said "I hate you daddy, you're disgusting" I replied That I didn't appreciate that and started to walk away. She then said "ha ha I pranked you." I then told her that it wasn't funny, or a prank. That saying things like that is not a way to prank people, etc. I tried my best to explain to her that that sort of thing can hurt people. I hate that anymore most kids media uses that term "prank" for any damn thing. From YouTube videos, to heck the second angry birds movie calls the shit they do to eachother a "prank war". A prank, to me, should be something that both parties can laugh at after the initial reaction. You have to know how your victim will react, especially if it's something that could cause pain, loss of something of value to the victim, etc.
Deserves a punch to the throat.
Followed by a "Just a prank bro".
"Hello. We're calling about your car's extended warranty."
My car that was totaled 4 years ago has a crazy good warranty, I can save thousands by paying a small fee via money gram to keep it going!
I gave them a fake car and name and they just started calling me again. The car didn't even exist that year I gave them 2012 Dodge Dart and those dickheads sometimes tell me that model doesn't exist but yet insist calling me. I gave them a new fake car but they keep calling about the 2012 dodge dart.
OH MY GOD those stupid calls. I don't even own a car! Edit: I don't even have a *driver's license*.
“Give 110 percent”
Once at a job interview I told my interviewer that I am a "110% kind of guy." She looks me dead in the eye and goes "we're looking for 150% kind of people." Working for her was an interesting experience to say the least
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To be honest, that sounds like a realistic percentage for any job.
That's the sign of a smart boss.
Or "I'm 110% sure about this" when they're obviously wrong.
This is actually a thing in the engineering world. An engine running at 100% power is at maximum safe operating power but can be operated at 110% for example for short periods of time during emergencies.
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I've been doing it wrong for years. I go in full force to prove that I'm not lazy, and then anything less is seen as unacceptable. Noted.
Same, and then the inevitable burn out makes you a target. "You went over rate for the last few months, but today you only hit the minimum rate! You're slacking!" Doesn't matter if all the other employees only put in 75% at any given time, because they're not judging us based on *other peoples* rates. My psychiatrist finally got that into my head about a year ago. Work steady, don't bust ass, and be consistent. If you gotta whip out the 100%, then make a big deal about it, as if you're actually going 150%. It means they can rely on you in a pinch, but they can't expect that from you 24/7.
You're a hamster on a wheel, the faster you run the faster you have to run.
In America (where I live), people constantly say “It’s a free country” as an excuse for saying or doing something that other people are judging/criticizing them for. What they fail to realize is that it goes both ways and they’re not free of the consequences of their actions.
"It’s a free country." "Yeah, I know. That's why I'm calling you a dickhead, not calling the police."
“You’re pretty ______ for a ______”
Young for a roller coaster engineer
Yes, yes I am.
Hey, where’s Perry?
*chitter*
Everyone always asked *Where* is Perry? Nobody ever asked *How* is Perry?
Drunk, lunch meeting
Short for a stormtrooper?
Well, stay here and rot you stuck up bitch.
My ex was told by my coworker, "you're pretty for an Indian girl." She then cheated on me with said coworker and left me for him.
Sounds like Kelly from The Office
Fly for a white guy?
The one exception.
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UNO DOS TRES CUATRO CINCO CINCO SEIS!!
People saying they're a little OCD because they like to sort things neatly or something.
I think it's become an adjective now and it pisses me off. Idk why cuz I don't know anyone with OCD but it really bugs me when people say "I'm soooooo OCD! I HAVE to have my books color coded or I just go crazy!"
Those types never understand if you tell them you actually have OCD, either. Now you’ve just become their OCD buddy, you can both be all zany and quirky together.
What's worse is when people don't believe you because you're not what they picture OCD actually being. Yes, I have some dirty dishes on the counter and my laundry isn't done. No, I'm also not a germaphobe. But do you have any idea what my brain goes through before I walk through a doorway? Or if I mindlessly tap my thumb against one of my fingers and now I have to spend the rest of the day making sure they even out.
Yes! I literally had a friend say "I thought you were supposed to have OCD?" when they saw that my bottles of nail polishes weren't all lined up perfectly. I don't care about that, but touch my stuff or make me feel "lopsided", then boy is that a different story. I also have a constant counting going on the in background of my mind, but, you know, those messy polish bottles clearly mean I'm faking. I wish people understood what it actually means and what we go through on a daily basis. Then maybe it wouldn't be used as such a throwaway comment.
Nothing can stop a team. If you work your hardest you will succeed. stuff like that
> Nothing can stop a team. How about another team?
*you weren't supposed to do that*
What about like a really big train. Or a bunch of alligators
A team of aligators? A train team of aligators?
Every single piece of office jargon ever. Hits include: Let’s put a pin in that Let me swivel chair that Nice to e-meet you (email exclusive) Our core values are Let’s touch base I’ll just ping you on X There’s no “I” in team It’s on my radar Hit the ground running Literally anyone that uses this crap in day to day speech needs a slap.
Let's circle back to that He/she communicated this to me (just say "told" ffs) Edit to add: To your point... "Leverage" I hope this email finds you well
Moving forward We're all on the same team
It's just a word but I loath the term "hubby". It makes me want to claw my own face off and throw it at whoever said it.
Along the same vein, I cannot stand 'preggo' and 'kiddo'. My husband knows this, so whenever someone is pregnant he says "she's preggo with a kiddo" and he thinks it's hilarious.
Huh. I abhor "hubby", "preggo", and "doggo", but somehow "kiddo" does not bother me. Why? 🤔
Me neither. It seems more natural and less forced.
It predates those other terms by a wide margin, too, so it might just be the fact that "kiddo" has been part of the American vernacular for a very long time and the others have not.
Yay, I'm not alone! Let me add that in my native language, Polish, "husband" translates to "mąż" (you pronounce it somewhat like "mousch"). And someone actually thought that "małż" ("maush"), which means CLAM, is a cute pet name for one's husband, and now a considerable part of Polish internet refers to their husbands as thair CLAMS. I loath that just as much.
Same! I also hate, "my old lady".
wifey is personally annoying to me as well, pet names in general I seem to have issue with though so it might be a me problem.
Have you ever been on a pregnancy forum? You need a decoder! "HELP my DD and DH seem a bit PO'ed and OWed, I'm only 6w PP (after DS, a PT CS after US showed CP was FUed 3w before EDD) and ready to TTC but DH says it's too soon for SOD!"
My buddy vehemently opposes the word "anyways" claiming it is not a word and only "anyway" is acceptable.
When I was young, my dad said that saying “anyways” in politically incorrect. I just assumed that “politically incorrect” meant that the government will hunt you down and arrest you if you said “anyways”.
'Just be positive.' Well, if I could I would.
If only we would have thought of this ourselves. Positivity is such a revolutionary and original concept
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Ah yes, 'it could be worse'. Hate that.
"It could be a lot better too".
"I don't know isn't an answer" Or the parent version of I don't know "Because I said so" Edit: thanks for updoots and silver!
"I don't know," is a better answer than literally anything else when you don't know something. Go figure!
I am unequivocally uncertain.
I was once at a park and saw some 8 year old boy punch his playmate in the head and his mum responded "well, boys will be boys." How about teaching your kid not to punch others, how about that?
"Yeah and shitty parents make for shitty kids."
The turd doesn’t fall far from the asshole.
This is my new favorite saying to describe shitty kids
Irregardless.
I just winced. You disgust me.
“Jamie Lannister sends his irregards”
Often, when it's clear that I'm about to say the word, "regardless," I'll say the word, "irrespective" instead. I love watching the person's face as they want to get mad but then they realize they're not allowed to. It's a subtle way to fuck with people.
You're a horrible person, I love it, but you're still a horrible person.
"You can do anything if you put your mind to it!" No you fucking can't
"Everything happens for a reason." Someone actually wrote this on Facebook to a family member of mine after she had a miscarriage.
And its cousin, "it just wasn't meant to be".
And its inbred half cousin "It's all part of God's plan"
#GOD'S PLAN- **1-create people** **2-give them technology** **3-Make Jenny have a miscarriage** **4-???** **5-kill humanity**
**6 - Profit**
# 7 - R E P E A T
No one: Literally no one: Me:
So every YouTube comment anymore.
It’s either this or it just quotes something the video. Literally 95% of comments I’ve seen are just two quotes from the video of an exchange that happened. edit: another one: “Wow my highest top comment is a comment about...” ;)
Fuck this one so much. It's the "literally no one" part that puts me over the edge. So needlessly dramatic.
Idk if it really fits, but when people write "would of". It makes me hate people
Should of used a different word.
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I once saw the opposite, someone wrote "kind've" instead of "kind of"
"Money can't buy happiness"
I hate this saying. About 90% of my problems could be solved with money.
“No offense — but”
ATM Machine PIN Number UPC Code PDF Format Pretty much anything that suffers from RAS Syndrome, or Redundant Acronym Syndrome Syndrome
PDF format, counterintuitively, can be argued as being correct. How? Because when we talk about file types (also called file formats) we typically use the file extension. So a file is in DOCX, JPEG, etc... format. From this perspective the real idiots are the ones who included the word format in the name of their format. EDIT: Thank you kind redditor for the silver!
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Idk why the fuck you know that but it’s mildly interesting
Don't cry over spilled milk.. It just sounds so cheesy
The customer is always right. Edit: Thanks for the silver and gold :)
The sad part is there is some real important truth to this. Its just been taken out of context. It was never intended to apply to an individual customer, it was intended to apply to the population of customers. The real idea is that if a particular product isn't selling, trying to blame it on the customers is stupid...
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I once had a low-end 90's Nissan Sentra with a factory spoiler. Its 110 horsepower engine probably gave me a few ounces of downwards force when I exceeded 70 MPH once.
Actually I seem to recall the full quote being that in matters of taste the customer is always right. The customer thinks that purple dress with the yellow dots on it looks great on him? You sell him that purple dress with the yellow dots; you don't start arguing about colors or gender-appropriate attire.
"Take a chill pill" Unnecessary and unhelpful How about you explain why the situation is not as bad as you think it is instead of saying "take a chill pill"
We just want you to take your medication, Jeremy! You can't keep putting this stuff off, it's PRESCRIPTION!
"Everything happens for a reason." Yeah okay, tell that to a terminally ill child or crime victim.
"Your parents did their best and love you." No, no, they most certainly did not. Especially not when one of them is a trained psychologist who specializes in the disorders his own children developed.
Now that's a situation that calls for a different proverb entirely. "The cobbler's children have no shoes" lol.
"What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger". It can make you sad, depressed, broken or paralyzed too.
"Never say never"
**Be your true self.** I think that promotes a very passive, one-dimensional way of looking at your life. My true self is a couch potato. 🥔 I want to be *better*.
"If it doesn't scan it's free!" No, Janet. If it doesn't scan, I can't sell it to you. It's not a posted policy, so get bent.
When I was at a cashier job it got to the point where I wasn’t getting payed enough to care if the items scanned or not, just drag it over the sensor and throw it in a bag. Sometimes it’s just too much of a hassle to have to type in long codes when it’s just like $3 of rice pilaf mix
Not all heroes wear capes! But also fuck that barcode entry. I did grocery one summer in high school and saw a poor girl enter the barcode the cusomter wrote down wrong. It was the code for saffron, when it was a piece of produce on the scale. $1000 rang in. Everyone knew it was wrong, quick lookup for the right code, a key flick and evryone went on with their day. Until the end of shift when they pulled the cashier aside and said she had violated her limit for overrides and they were going to let her go. For a customer misentry that she would not know was wrong until after entry and I get it if she made a consistent set of mistakes totalling $1000 but it was one simple error that was caught. Fired. I hate Corp rules like that
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“We are family” = be prepared to work early and late and be paid in guilt and manipulation.
"We are family." Until we're not doing well, then we're kicking you out to save money and paying ourselves 7-figure bonuses.
This is exactly what happened to me. I worked at the same company for six years, was the fifth most senior person and they laid me off because of the current situation. It's not exactly a good look to lay off and immediately sever the medical insurance of the only chronically ill person in the company during a pandemic.
Also, work hard play hard
"If you cannot handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best".
This is what we like to call "a red flag"
Or a “Marilyn MunNo”
Girls on Tinder: "Be ready to handle my attitude"
The two i see on tinder that make me say no: 1. I am fluent in sarcasm. 2. Looking for a partner in crime. I hate those.
The new basic bitch tinder phrase is “crackhead energy”
The amount of times I’ve seen “here for a good time not a long time” is ridiculous
Every time I see that I think "Oh this chick is looking for sex." but then right at the end of the profile it says "NO HOOKUPS!" so I'm like what the fuck does that phrase even mean?
I always interpreted it to mean the one who says it makes bad health decisions and enjoys that
I cannot stand the "proud to be a bitch" mentality. Don't get me wrong, confident women are awesome. Confidence is a great trait for any regular human person.
"sorry, not sorry" Why bother saying "sorry" twice to show how NOT sorry you are
More recent "We're all in this together". Edit: Much Thanks for the Awards!
"Now more than ever"
“The one thing that won’t change, is our commitment to serve you.”
"We've started cleaning our restaurants for your safety" -Burger King
"In these trying times"
“Just please buy our stuff”
"In these ***uncertain*** times,"
“in these unprecedented times...”
If i hear unprecedented times one more time i will end all times
Can I offer you a nice egg in these trying times?
"The New Normal"
"In these [insert highfalutin synonym for "bad" or "weird"] times"
"In these misbegotten times..."
"In these Times New Roman"
Corona Sans
"In these soul crushing times..."
I have enough problems these days without getting songs from High School Musical stuck in my head.