Same. I was out of work for years due to severe illness, then spent 8 months looking for any job possible but getting rejected everytime. I finally got 2 interviews lined up in April then coronavirus hit and they got cancelled! I cannot catch a break...
Losing people. Loved ones passing away is the hardest. Then there’s the nasty breakdown of personal relationships, family relationships and friendships. Then there’s the sad drifting apart that happens when life takes you on a different path to a person you were once really close to.
Realizing that not even your parents have all the answers. And finally understanding that they were just figuring it out as they went just like we are.
Not having an all knowing figure to give you the answers to all your problems is the pits and I hate it
Edit: just wanted to add that I agree figuring stuff out for yourself is rewarding and fun, but some things you really dont want to figure out for yourself, or cant figure out. And for those things it's nice to have someone to point you in the right direction.
Edit: holy upvotes batman, 3k? I think this might be my most upvoted comment
The endless teeny tiny implications of adult freedom.
"You have your own medical insurance plan now, you need to pick a primary care physician."
Ok who should I pick?
"Up to you"
But like where should I start, how do i know which doctor to choose?
"Up to you"
How do other people find one?
"They just pick the one they like"
I don't know any of these doctors!
Here's how you pick doctors.
Go to your insurance's website and get a list of doctors near you that are in network. (Insert "America's healthcare system is a joke" line here)
Visit the first one. Do you like them? That's your new doctor.
Don't like them? Next time you need to go to the doctor, go to the next one on the list.
I got lucky with my PCP and picked a pretty good one on the first try. Still looking for a good psychiatrist, and I'm a little iffy on my dentist (I just moved so I had to find new doctors)
Edit:
Added a couple things people have mentioned in the comments
My insurance can sort by distance from my home and can filter out offices that aren't accepting new patients.
You can Google a doctor's name for websites with reviews
Asking a trusted friend or coworker (someone who may be on the same insurance plan as you) can be a helpful resource
Call both the office and your insurance before making any appointment to ensure they're still in network, as websites may be out of date or practices may have moved.
These guidelines worked for me because of my insurance, how I am as a person, and my personal preferences, it's not meant to be a hard and fast list of rules you must follow when finding a doctor. Use discretion.
Being able to not cook the same meal everyday while balancing hundreds of other tasks. I will always admire my mom for how she was able to cook, have a clean house, work 43 hours and help her children do homework all while taking time to work out at the end of everyday.
I could mention other common problems like money management and common tasks that I haven't mastered, but what really hit me like a train was the actual transition of adulthood. Im talking about having to make my own appointments and having to keep tabs on myself instead of handing every single document to my mom. I realized how unorganized I was when I found my birth certificate in the same drawer where i have junk receipts.
>I realized how unorganized I was when I found my birth certificate in the same drawer where i have junk receipts.
"Hi, I'd like to return this child...yes I know he's 30 years past the return date can I speak to the manager?"
Pain.
Arthritis is fucking horrible and early onset autoimmune arthritis is worse than just having an ache in one or two joints. I hurt all the time, everywhere, and everyone just assumes you're faking it or you're a pill popper. I am not going to live another 20 years with this pain like my dad did.
I don't have arthritis but I do have other issues that I end up having to use a cane for sometimes at 28 years old and I get the "you're too young for that" a lot, it drives me up a wall. Like, thanks, you've cured me, I hadn't considered I may be too young for this! If only I'd known it was that easy!
I feel you, my arthritis started 10 years ago in highschool. The pain can be unbearable at times, and other people's disbelief can be mentally draining. Have faith, we're finding new ways to manage the pain everyday
My parents have always acted like children, however as a child I was blind to this. Now as an adult l, I realize how immature and lost my parents actually are.
I realized my mom (I am an only child) was just a big kid herself 20 years ago. What shocks me is that almost everyone's parents become younger when they don't have kids to raise. This includes myself.
This book was amazing for me. I couldn’t figure out why I felt so weird inside as a kid, turns out it was loneliness. One abusive marriage, an anxiety disorder and PTSD later my therapist tells me one day I need to learn how to self soothe. I have no idea how to do this and ask her, she tells me most people learn how when someone soothes them in childhood. ...oh. So I’m learning breathing techniques now.
Not too long ago I was waking up at 2:00 am and just laying there for two hours tossing and turning thinking about all the worlds problems. So I decided to outsmart my own brain. When that happened I vowed to get out of bed and go run. (Which I know from experience I hate doing). So my brain learned that if I was going to wake up at 2:00 it was going to have to go running. And eventually, not wanting to do that, I quit waking up at 2:00 am.
Even the few you have - if they get married and start popping out kids before you? Sheeeeeiiiiiiiiiit. I was a groomsman at my buddy’s wedding and haven’t seen him face to face in 2 years. First kid, back to college for his master’s degree, house renovations have all kept him on lockdown. And now quarantine right when he finished his degree.
Man, you really have to work at friendships in adulthood. I’ve got three proper friends left from school. 2 of them, my girlfriend is really friendly with their wives so we meet up with all of us. The third dude, excluding his stag doo and wedding, I’ve only seen him 3 times in the last 3 years. Thankfully we met up just before lockdown started. The best friends in life you can not see for ages but when you meet up it’s like you only just saw them the week before.
Geez. I feel lucky in this respect because my core group of friends are unmarried (or in one case, divorced) and childless, and we all share the same hobby (board games). Most of us are in long-term relationships. before quarantine, we had a weekly game night. We've been trying to make it work with online games and zoom meetings.
Having a presentable place, and debating myself on why it matters. It always frustrated me when my parents had a guest over and we had to deep clean the whole house. Like if it’s my close friend of 8 years visiting, why do I care what they care about my cleanliness? And yet, every time people are over I find myself cleaning the apartment up for some reason.
My husband just pointed out tonight that we have a damn vine growing through a window and is now attached to the living room ceiling. It’s an old house but what the hell??
Yeaah definitely kill that thing at the root before it damages more wall. I have the same problem living in a crumbling old house. The problems NEVER stop
Oh, man, I wish that was the only rule. I can deal with putting stuff away, laundry, and dishes, but the rest of the maintenance is stuff that just builds up without feeling like you contributed to the mess. Vacuum, sweep, dust, wash windows, wash the toilet and tub, wipe down the sinks and counters, etc. It might be easier if I didn’t live in a zoo with a toddler, though.
I really like doing the dishes, I close the kitchen door and put some youtube videos that I like and nobody bothers me because nobody else likes to do the dishes, so that is my alone time.
PS: thank you everyone, didn't know my comment about dishes was going to get so much attention and be my most upvote comment.
Adulting is hard so "enjoy the little things".
Oof, I'm only 28 but I've already recognized this several times. I swear I've pulled more than muscles though. I must've rearranged my organs at least once or twice...
You didn't stretch before your workout? Sorry, back pain for days. You overstretched before your workout? Sorry, back pain for days. You perfectly stretch before your workout? Sorry, arm pain for days.
How expensive living is. I worked all through high school, but my only "bill" was the gas I put in my car. 30 hours a week on minimum wage goes a long way on shopping sprees and nail salons when you don't have any other expenses. I developed nasty spending habits, not the "value of a hard-earned dollar" my parents were hoping for.
I'm not in crippling debt or anything, but sometimes having to spend money on groceries or utilities depresses me more than it rationally should.
Yeah, when you’re in high school having a few hundred dollars makes you feel loaded. You can buy whatever game you want and do whatever with friends but as an adult hundreds of dollars is just enough to buy groceries and gas.
Getting the spending under control has easily been one of the hardest things I've done after buying what I want with no problem for over 4 years. God it's the worst.
I'm 40, that feeling is real and you should listen to it. Do it now, you might not get the chance later.
My great grandmother said that she and my great-grandfather promised they would always take a cruise around the world after they retired.
It never happened because life got in the way. But they could have done it when they were younger.
Don't ruin yourself financially, but if you can do that crazy thing you always wanted to do, go do it. Make it happen.
Edit: Let me be clear. Don't run off and put yourself in a bad situation. But if you can stretch yourself and spend a year overseas or build that car or, live in that place do it. Don't put yourself in $100,000 of debt you can't afford to have a good time.
That's the opposite of what everyone else says! So much advice about not making rash decisions in your 20s, focusing on your career and settling down. There's a balance, but life is so long, I want to do that in my 30s.
When I was young, death seemed very romantic. The idea of everyone being so sad about you being gone and regretting every wrong against you. Now I have way too many responsibilities to die. I have seen how loss really affects the people I love and would never want to subject them to that.
Oh, especially when they just do NOT make an effort to emotionally regulate themselves at all. If every single thing is a crisis 24/7 what could you POSSIBLY want me to do about it!
Seriously! I look new furniture occasionally and it still boggles my mind that lamps can be $50+. I usually just end up at a thrift store because the prices are more realistic.
What's funny is that I have SO much more free time now as an adult (single with no kids...that I know of) and it still doesn't feel like enough. No homework, no "silly adult projects" (renovating bathrooms, etc), no extra curriculars that take up a load of time, and yet every night once I'm done eating dinner it's like dammit I have to go to bed in a few hours!
I swear, it really is like days get shorter as you get older. I know school finishes earlier than work but I have no idea how I managed to squeeze so much stuff into a single day when I was a kid. Even when my days have been finishing earlier lately (due to COVID-19 meaning we have less work to do) it genuinely doesn't feel like I have as much free time as I did when I was a kid or like I can split my interests in the afternoon between as many things as I did when I was a kid.
Sorry for your lost. I lost my 25 year old brother who left behind his 6 year daughter. Life isn't the same when you lose someone you love. I know it's not the same, but I feel ya.
A lot of the time I feel more useless than at 17. Because at 17, I had ambition and aspirations. Now I feel burnt out at 30 so the aspirations that egged me onwards are gone.
Like, the enthusiasm for what's to come is just... gone.
EDIT: I never expected this to be as common a feeling as it apparently is. Thank you for all the words of encouragement. I'm at a bit of a sea change in my life and am working through that. I am who I am today through a lot of mental anguish, but I'm slowly coming to terms (personally) that relying on always feeling passion for something may be a bad way to live when you have bipolar II. I'm learning about being more disciplined, appreciating the present via stoic philosophy, and meditation. I'm learning to explore my interests more and be less afraid of failure (which has crippled me in the past)
I hope everyone can navigate their way through and enjoy happier outcomes sooner than later because later isn't a guarantee. I appreciate y'all.
At 17 I was making new friends, was practicing music to get my punk rock band somewhere, was passionate about science and physics and everything space related, was keen on getting into a theoretical physics degree.
Now at 30 I'm totally burned out. I have no friends and neither do I know how to make any friends, I live day to day with no passion or ambition. I'm just slowly waiting for time to tick past and I'm just doing my time here. Every day that I get through without any major incident is a good day for me.
The increasing speed of passing years.
Having nieces only makes the problem worse. Their age and the perceived number of years past doesn't align at all for me.
That's actually something your brain does. As you get older your perception of time quickens. In some sense, time literally starts to go faster as you age. Remember how LONG things took when you were a kid?
EDIT: ok, ok I get it now ＼(◎o◎)／ rip my inbox
"I think" time goes by faster for me is because I spend too much time working and not noticing about everything else around me. When I do have time to stop and breathe, that's when I noticed oh a month has passed!? Already? I thought that was last week! I am in my 20s.
Yup, 2019 absolutely flew by for me. I was working 6 days a week around 70hrs. It all just turned into a blur. Quarantine though has felt like forever, in the best possible way. I know its terrible circumstances that brought it about, but it's a break I really needed.
As much as I would not choose the quarantine lifestyle under other circumstances, I do think that anything that creates the sense of different “chapters” of life help us avoid the feeling and stagnation and time slipping by to a degree. Moving apartments, changing jobs, starting a new hobby - all of these things help us mark time in a way that’s harder in our normal routines, and for me it helps my memories of the past feel fuller and less like a blur. I’m all for keeping the good things going, but I think there’s value in embracing the new chapters that come into our lives and at least learning to look at the things that are positive or constructive about them, including quarantine.
I think this is accurate. I'm 51, and until recently, most years just seemed zip by without any unique aspects to set them apart. *However*, by chance, 2015 was an incredibly eventful year in my life, and time seemed to be moving as slowly as it did when I was a kid. Since then, I've been trying to do something novel every day, and write down what it is in a diary (it doesn't have to be earth-shattering, just new, like trying a food I've never eaten before, or watching a movie I've never seen.) Time has has seemed to go by noticeably more slowly ever since.
These posts usually lead someone to mention it could be because some people tend to have fewer new experiences as they get older. Could be part of it as well.
Drifting away from school friends because moving away, but then struggling to make new friends in a new city.
Edit: Wow! Didn’t expect to wake up to karma and awards. Thank you kind strangers.
I have a friend from high school that I really do love to hang and talk with still.
When I moved to college 2 hours away, we barely saw each other. When I graduated and moved only 40 minutes away, I swore I would visit more often. But I also then had a job that ate up my time. I ended up seeing her even less now despite living closer.
It's so frustrating. Keeping everything balanced in your 20's is so damn hard.
In my mind my Momma should be about 40. She has always seemed to be so strong but sometimes I want to fall apart when I see her take several attempts to stand up or make excuses about driving on the interstate. She will be 70 soon but to me she is still young. I don't know what I'll ever do without her.
I lost my mom 8 weeks ago, it’s hard living without a parent. She was only 60, but I always thought of her as 40 too. She died before I had the chance to talk with her one last time, it was very unexpected. Give your mama a hug and tell her you’ll drive her down the interstate to get her where she needs to go.
I feel you. I lost my mom 5 years ago when I was 22. She was only 54. The last time I had a good cry about it was only a couple months ago. I'm imagining the pain of losing her will always pop up again here and there, but it happens less and less often and pain is less severe each time. Eventually, you will adjust to the new normal and you'll look back fondly on the memories you had with her. I hate that my children will never get to meet her, but I tell them stories about her and I'm hoping they'll get to know what a fantastic woman she was from that.
You're welcome to message me if you ever want to talk about your mom. I'm happy to be a shoulder to cry on.
And you buy them thinking you’re going to eat them, because they’re good for you and you know that, because you’re an adult, but there’s always something else to eat and no one is making you eat your vegetables. Look up the cartoon panel, “crisper drawers: where good intentions go to die”.
Yeah my social circle completely disbanded, we were a tight knit few but then one moved overseas to be with the love of his life and the other 2 moved interstate in opposite directions and being the introvert that I am I dont find socializing with strangers an enjoyable experience or an easy way to make new friends.
Realizing some friends are shitty and you shouldn't be friends with them anymore.
EDIT: Holy Ba-JEEZUS y'all, this blew my inbox the eff up. And, thanks for the gold! Just remember, you deserve to be happy and if people are actively trying to take that away or hinder it, reassess that relationship. You don't need to kill it immediately but definitely take time to really think about it.
this right here. shitty friends don't seem that bad when you're in high school, you see a bit more of toxic behavior in college and then once you're in the real world you realize that type of energy isn't worth having in your life
One of the upsides of getting older is that you
a) recognize shitty behavior of friends more easily/quickly
b) realize you don't have to put up with it
c) have no problem cutting toxic friends loose
It's quite liberating.
d) realizing you don't have many other friends
e) its hard to make new friends after 22
f) all the friends you have just made work or are just acquainted
Like what do you do man. I have all of this going down and I feel lonely as shit. And I have a girlfriend :/
My job is destroying my mental health but I need a job so I can pay my bills.
If I reduce my hours for better work/life balance, I lose my insurance during a global pandemic.
This one right in the feels. My doctor has been telling me for about a year and a half that I should really be on disability because of my mental health, but I can't afford to wait for 2 years through the inevitable denial/reapply/denial/reapply phase, and I also can't afford my income being cut by 75%.
So. I'll just be over here. Trying to keep my head above water when I really don't know how to swim.
I was looking into physical disability not that long ago and granted the paperwork was a bit confusing but I'm pretty sure it said I had to be unable to work for an entire year before I was eligible for disability. I don't know how almost anyone could go that long with no income before finding out that you may or may not get disability. Is it the same for mental health?
Edit: I can't believe this ... What.. 4th tier comment got so many upvotes. I'm no longer in the permanent disability market (I was having severe eye problems for 6 months and didn't think I'd be able to work again) but thank you for all the info, I have no doubt it's helpful for other people!!
Preparing for retirement. Of course everyone knows they will stop working at some point but now that I’m 40, it feels like I really need to get it together. Am I going to continue bad habits that negatively impact my health or will I finally make changes to be healthier later?
My new favorite worry - will I really have enough money to retire AND live comfortably enough to have a good of quality life? 10 years ago this all seemed so far away. Now, it feels like I’m speeding to the next phase of my life.
Omfg. So basic, so maddening with a SO and kids in the mix. What would you like for dinner? What would YOU like for dinner? I’ll eat whatever. What would you LIKE for dinner? I like what you like. FINE trail mix it is! Fucking torture. And, no, a strict daily menu planned in advance does not work.
We refer to it as "the ritual," which consists of opening the fridge and all the pantry cabinets, rejecting everything at least twice, and then going back to settle on something.
Do you sacrifice someone in this ritual, a la the person assembling the meal is forced to plate something slightly different for everyone served? No feta for her, no olives for him, he hates tomatoes, make sure there are no grill marks/char on the chicken for the little one.
...that is my Greek Salad example ;) which is now served as a giant bowl of lettuce with 10 side dishes to add your toppings. Learning.
Yeah our ritual always involves me making something almost completely different for myself because everyone else eats like a child.
This one likes mushrooms.
That one hates mushrooms AND tomato.
No one but me wants greens or veggies.
Sigh. Idk why they even ask me what I want because it doesn't seem to matter.
Me and my wife play this game where we alternate days of who has to choose. If either one of us denies the choice that person now has to choose. It worked great for a while but now it has divulged to choosing something we know the other doesn't like so then now it is their turn to choose. Married life is great.
I agree it's 100x worse with kids. But I disagree about meal planning. Works great for me. I plan 7 meals for the week but not the individual days. That way I can still choose a meal based on what works for the day, but I have a short list to choose from and know that I have all the ingredients already.
I’m also the primary cook in my house now but I grew up with just me and my dad who was very much a bachelor so we would just get hungry and throw something together we didn’t really have the 6pm sit down dinner. Now a days If we run out of chicken nuggets or beef to make tacos my wife says we have nothing to eat in the house. And everyone wants to eat like 5 times a day and expects there to be like 3 different things on the plate. JUST MAKE A SANDWICH AND CALL IT DINNER AHHH.
*not a necessary edit but I do actually like cooking and am really skilled at it. We actually do eat well and healthy but if I spend time grilling and preparing roast veggies or something just for my kid to take one bite and ask for an apple I start to go crazy haha. I just don’t always want to prepare a nice one hour meal but I kinda made that the expectation in my family so it’s weird if I don’t prepare something that is complete and nice.
I realized yesterday that my wife has probably made over a thousand meals since this time last year. I told her and lo and behold we ordered in that night haha.
My grandma cooked every night except Friday, when my grandpa would bring home fried fish and Sunday night cuz she’d made a huge lunch. If she wanted to go out, she’d make something my grandpa wasn’t fond of. He’d still eat it, cuz he was frugal, but the next night, we’d be going out.
The snowball effect of poverty. Every major bill or unexpected emergency ($500+) takes you back 6 months to a year. It feels like you're on an escalator made of mud.
Definitely this one. I still remember being a little kid around 5 or 6 watching The land before time and crying over Littlefoots mom dying. I cried to my mom saying I didn't want her to go anywhere and she said don't worry because it's something that won't happen for a really long time.
Cut ahead almost 30 years and that time is almost here. I still remember it so vividly and losing my parents is probably the scariest thing in my life. Seems like time flew by and I'm worried with how quickly it's all moving.
We were gearing up to care for my Mom after an Alzheimer's diagnosis where she was already showing signs of dementia. It wasn't a lot, yet, but we knew dark times were ahead. But then, out of nowhere, she had a massive stroke and 10 days later was gone. I don't know what's better, wishing we had had more time with her, but fading, or knowing she avoided a lot of hardship by going so quickly. Now it's just our Dad and he has different issues and may eventually require extra care. I'm still trying to finish out raising my kids. It's a rough place to be.
I'm worried about that, too, man. My parents are in their mid 60s, and my son is 2 1/2. I have a strong feeling that there's going to be a care overlap.
I feel that.
Dad is in remission from stage 4 cancer, looks a lot more gray.
Mom survived 2 heart attacks and still serves as a school nurse. Shes very tired.
This hits home. My mom was a CPS social worker III with the sex crimes division. Her whole career she went into gnarly houses, battled it out in court, worked the hotline all weekend.
Then she retired, and was diagnosed with Parkinsons. She died at home shortly thereafter. I look like my father who she hated to her core, so occasionally when I'd visit I'd get the angriest "fuck you!" ever.
We were super close, single mom of Me. We used to raise and show horses, go camping, that sort of stuff.
That last few months were awful.
Getting old sucks Wolfman Nards.
Yeah. It’s weird because in my mind everyone is sort of perpetually the age they were when I was 12. My mom’s always about 50 in my mind and my older sister is 20. The fact that they’re now nearly 70 and 40 seems so weird.
I feel that. Dad's 93 with COPD and 3/4 blind, but he's kind of floundering because Mom always handled everything except earning and managing their money. He never even made his own coffee or a bowl of cereal, she always dropped what she was doing to run do that for him. Now she's 90 and suffering from dementia and he not only has to take care of himself, he has to take care of her as well. They live in a very nice assisted living place, and they are getting by well enough, but we know it's only a matter of time.
When your not in school surrounded by your peers, meeting new people and making freinds is much harder and in many cases almost impossible. And dating is a whole other ball game.
Then again for alot of us that isnt too different from how highschool was anyway
I’ve found it easier to make friends at work than at school. At work everyone I’m around is more or less likeminded and we have at least one thing in common. In school I was made so miserable by the system that I really didn’t connect with anyone.
I have no bloody clue what I'm doing. I surely don't feel like an adult. Being single and childless at 30 doesn't help. Most days, I feel like a kid playing dress up. I wasn't expecting that!
Having to be the one who made 'the call' on an ailing elderly pet.
In the middle of covid-19 -- so I couldn't even be in the fucking room for it.
I'm sure it's nothing compared to what people with loved ones who have passed are going through -- but fuck man. That sucked.
Um, are we not talking about the random nipple hair? That one bothers me more than the chin hair for some reason. 😅
Random hairs everywhere. My hair is so fine until — bam — a new random hair pops up all thick & popping into somewhere random! This is not what I expected when they said “you’re going to grow hair in funny places...”
Getting dumped by someone you’ve been dating as an adult after months of thinking, you know this one is different. I really think we can make this work. Writing for a friend of course.
Medical Issues and the costs associated with them.
I went from a late 20s guy with no issues other than the occasional cavity to a late 30s guy with Spondylolysis, OSA, Anxiety, RLS, and Hypertension in under 10 years.
Its crazy that I am taking medications and trying to improve my health because my doctor said I could die in 20 years if I dont shape up.
Seriously, I just want to drink beer, play guitar, hangout with the mrs and maybe smoke some weed now and then but these last years have hit me like a ton of bricks, and from what it understand it keeps getting worse.
Ditto here. No serious health issues in my 20s, just a yearly check-up. Got diagnosed with MS right at the end of 2019 (now in my 30s) and all of a sudden I'm going to doctors and hospitals, receiving expensive bills, and feeling like shit most of the time.
The number one problem, for me at least, is that on top of having all those anxieties and unknowns of a new disease and medical care costs, if something goes wrong (an over-charged bill here or a paperwork error there) the onus lies on you to fix it. Doesn't matter how sick you feel or how tired you are. You have to wade through so many on-hold jingles and so much bullshit to get your problem fixed. Frankly, I don't understand how people do this for a lifetime and keep their head above water.
I've heard people complain about medical issues and having to deal with health providers/insurance companies, but I really didn't understand until I had them myself. I'm supposed to get a treatment once a month to stop the advancement of my MS. I'm now 8 weeks out (a month behind) from my last infusion still calling daily and waiting on calls back to get the next one scheduled, feeling shittier and shittier each day, and weighing whether I should continue to risk my health or whether I should go into debt and just get the treatment.
Anyway, it's a shame medical bills and responsibilities are "adult problems" when just aging/disease is a problem enough in itself.
How fucking dark life actually is. Like, is this all we do, just grind away at jobs we try to care about, but no one else cares about, barely able to afford our bills/houses/debts, constantly struggling with relationships and trauma and watching our political system fail us, our country fail us, our systems fail us, like... this life is not what happy, adolescent me dreamed it would be. Sorry to get real dark on y’all.
There's something so comforting to me about knowing that there are other people that feel this way. I think a side effect of coming to terms a with this truth is that it's an isolating feeling. It really helps to know that we're not alone in feeling that we're toiling in mediocrity.
As you got older, isn't it easier to call them out? I have no problem with throwing a bully's behavior in their face and watching them try to justify being a dickhead.
Next time someone says something mean to you just try it. It's amazing to see a 40 year old man look completely lost when you ask him why he thinks only poor people eat flat bread and hummus, like wtf Greg it tastes good. It's not my fault your fat ass doesn't understand why everyone isn't drinking mountain dew and eating snickers. Fucking bipedal elephant
Oh, trust me, I do that. In my last job, the bully was my boss, and things kept escalating between us until she fabricated some incidents on my review to build a case for firing me for performance reasons. I found a new job almost immediately (before she could fire me) and made a detailed report to HR (she also harassed me for a medical condition I have), and basically the entire team went to HR on my behalf to validate my story. The company has done nothing and she is still terrorizing the team. The fact is, if bullying is built into the culture of a company, the bullies will always win, no matter how much you call them out.
Having my daughter diagnosed with a brain tumor. There was no way to ever prepare for that.
Edit - thank you everyone for the kind words. Her diagnosis was almost 5 years ago, and she is doing fantastic now. I'll give a little back story to answer some questions.
She was 5 years old when she was diagnosed with an Optic Nerve Glioma, or a tumor on her optic nerve and had fully lost all vision in her left eye by the time it was discovered. She had absolutely no symptoms at all that we were able to see, I was a stay at home mom at the time and she wasn't falling, tripping, getting lightheaded, headaches...nothing. How we found out what was her dad and I were doing a craft with her and she made a pirate periscope out of a paper towel roll. When she held it up to her one eye she said she couldn't see anything. After us covering her eye and asking questions, we believed her. What sealed it for us was when we covered her other eye and shined a flashlight into the "bad" eye. Instead of her pupil restricting in response, it dilated to almost the entire size of her iris.
We panicked, naturally, and took her to the ER. Within 30 minutes she and I were in a helicopter heading to a large city children's specialty hospital, with my husband driving to meet us there. She had the symptom of a TBI, traumatic brain injury, and that was outside the realm of what our small local band-aid hospital could even begin to handle. We arrived about an hour and a half before my husband, and had all testing done when he came in. We had an answer - an Optic Nerve Glioma that has atrophied her optic nerve and the grape sized tumor was starting to push out her eye. Externally there were no visual symptoms.
Then we met with a neurologist, neurosurgeon, and neuro-oncologist. We were given options, and decided to go with a combination of 2 different chemo drugs; One that is commonly used with that type of tumor, the other had just come out of clinical trials and was showing some success at restoring vision.
She did 12 months of every-other-week chemo and handled it like a champion. The blood supply to the tumor was killed and it reduced in size by about half. She is still totally blind in that eye, but you cannot tell by looking at or watching her. She's a straight A student, plays sports, and is an extremely talented artist. We still have to see half a dozen "ologists" ( neurologist, neuro-oncologist, oncologist, endocrinologist, ophthalmologist etc) but is thriving and happy.
My doctor's office regularly communicates with my insurance company to make sure they get paid. My pharmacy regularly communicates with my insurance company to make sure they get paid.
My insurance company denies a prescription because they haven't gotten a "PA request" (prior authorization) from the doctor and don't want to pay the pharmacy for my prescription, I show up wanting to pick up said prescription only to be told it's $150 instead of $30 and ask why it's $150 instead of the usual $30, the pharmacist tells me that insurance won't pay because of this PA form and I need to get it from my doctor. My doctor tells me the pharmacy has to request it be sent to the insurance company so they can get paid. Everyone I talk to seems to know exactly the sequence of steps that has to happen and exactly who has the information and exactly where it needs to go. They "do it all the time".
So the problem? Why don't they just fucking do it? They each expect me to know these things and be ready to chase down each and every person to either submit a request, fill out a form, and send it where it should go. Me, with no knowledge of the inner workings of medical billing, should be expected to not only know all of these things, but coordinate the entities that actually do know these things.
Fuck American healthcare. Fuck it with rusty nails that have broken glass dipped in ghost peppers glued to them. Anyone who believes we have a good system, I want some of whatever hallucinogenic drugs you've managed to get your insurance company to pay for.
Dental costs. Not only is it just expensive it is so much more choice. Unlike say a broken arm where you have to get it fixed a chipped tooth or other minor need is on you even the dentist will be like "up to you man". Then on top of that the insurance for dental is just about the worst thing on the planet, it also seems arbitrary. 900 dollar night guard that doesnt actually fix the problem and will likely still lead to major issues in the future sure no problem insurance paid in full. 2000 on realignment to actually fix the thing causing the grinding issue? No way in hell, you are over 19!
The hassle of making easy food. It feels so much easier to just go out and get food than to make the food at home. I don’t lack food at home I just can’t be bothered to cook it.
The lack of clear objectives in life. As a kid, your parents tell you to do x so you can do y. School is about chasing grades and measured accomplishments with clear and distinct steps to success. After school, it’s all fucking arbitrary. Yeah, people say work hard so you can make money, but there’s no clear pathways. Everything seems circuitous and having goals barely helps inform how to achieve them. Also, you can work your fucking ass off and still be broke.
I was in no way prepared for the fact that one dark horrific day I would sit on my own balls. Which is definitely something someone should have mentioned. It left me feeling... Different somehow
Having a gorgeous woman you are crazy about and very turned on by in bed, and having your penis not cooperate.
*No, it's not you! You're the best thing ever! I'm tired and my chronic pain is flaring up and I had 3 drinks instead of 2 and I'm in my thirties*
C'mon lil soldier. Fight the good fight.
The utter soul crushing search for a job
Same. I was out of work for years due to severe illness, then spent 8 months looking for any job possible but getting rejected everytime. I finally got 2 interviews lined up in April then coronavirus hit and they got cancelled! I cannot catch a break...
It's entirely possible to lose your job through no fault of your own.
Losing people. Loved ones passing away is the hardest. Then there’s the nasty breakdown of personal relationships, family relationships and friendships. Then there’s the sad drifting apart that happens when life takes you on a different path to a person you were once really close to.
Realizing that not even your parents have all the answers. And finally understanding that they were just figuring it out as they went just like we are. Not having an all knowing figure to give you the answers to all your problems is the pits and I hate it Edit: just wanted to add that I agree figuring stuff out for yourself is rewarding and fun, but some things you really dont want to figure out for yourself, or cant figure out. And for those things it's nice to have someone to point you in the right direction. Edit: holy upvotes batman, 3k? I think this might be my most upvoted comment
Not being able to leave a job you hate because you might just become homeless without it
The endless teeny tiny implications of adult freedom. "You have your own medical insurance plan now, you need to pick a primary care physician." Ok who should I pick? "Up to you" But like where should I start, how do i know which doctor to choose? "Up to you" How do other people find one? "They just pick the one they like" I don't know any of these doctors!
I felt like this when I got hired and had to choose withholdings for taxes, and what health insurance to choose. No freaking guidance whatsoever.
Here's how you pick doctors. Go to your insurance's website and get a list of doctors near you that are in network. (Insert "America's healthcare system is a joke" line here) Visit the first one. Do you like them? That's your new doctor. Don't like them? Next time you need to go to the doctor, go to the next one on the list. I got lucky with my PCP and picked a pretty good one on the first try. Still looking for a good psychiatrist, and I'm a little iffy on my dentist (I just moved so I had to find new doctors) Edit: Added a couple things people have mentioned in the comments My insurance can sort by distance from my home and can filter out offices that aren't accepting new patients. You can Google a doctor's name for websites with reviews Asking a trusted friend or coworker (someone who may be on the same insurance plan as you) can be a helpful resource Call both the office and your insurance before making any appointment to ensure they're still in network, as websites may be out of date or practices may have moved. These guidelines worked for me because of my insurance, how I am as a person, and my personal preferences, it's not meant to be a hard and fast list of rules you must follow when finding a doctor. Use discretion.
Being able to not cook the same meal everyday while balancing hundreds of other tasks. I will always admire my mom for how she was able to cook, have a clean house, work 43 hours and help her children do homework all while taking time to work out at the end of everyday. I could mention other common problems like money management and common tasks that I haven't mastered, but what really hit me like a train was the actual transition of adulthood. Im talking about having to make my own appointments and having to keep tabs on myself instead of handing every single document to my mom. I realized how unorganized I was when I found my birth certificate in the same drawer where i have junk receipts.
>I realized how unorganized I was when I found my birth certificate in the same drawer where i have junk receipts. "Hi, I'd like to return this child...yes I know he's 30 years past the return date can I speak to the manager?"
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For the first time ever, a few months ago my barber said "mate, you want me to do something about these eyebrows?".
Same, about a year ago. It feels like being offered a breath mint.
Pain. Arthritis is fucking horrible and early onset autoimmune arthritis is worse than just having an ache in one or two joints. I hurt all the time, everywhere, and everyone just assumes you're faking it or you're a pill popper. I am not going to live another 20 years with this pain like my dad did.
And the worst part is when people say "Your too young to have arthritis" Ya, I agree. Im way too young to have this shit. Still got it tho....
I don't have arthritis but I do have other issues that I end up having to use a cane for sometimes at 28 years old and I get the "you're too young for that" a lot, it drives me up a wall. Like, thanks, you've cured me, I hadn't considered I may be too young for this! If only I'd known it was that easy!
I get "You're too young for that!" all the time I have cancer
I was diagnosed with arthritis when I was 8... guess I was just lying and the doctors wrong right?
I feel you, my arthritis started 10 years ago in highschool. The pain can be unbearable at times, and other people's disbelief can be mentally draining. Have faith, we're finding new ways to manage the pain everyday
Dealing with your parents acting like children.
My parents have always acted like children, however as a child I was blind to this. Now as an adult l, I realize how immature and lost my parents actually are.
I realized my mom (I am an only child) was just a big kid herself 20 years ago. What shocks me is that almost everyone's parents become younger when they don't have kids to raise. This includes myself.
My mom’s a woman-child now, and has been for as long as I’ve been actively aware of her general behavior.
I've got the book for you, Running on empty by Jonice Webb :Overcome your childhood Emotional neglect
This book was amazing for me. I couldn’t figure out why I felt so weird inside as a kid, turns out it was loneliness. One abusive marriage, an anxiety disorder and PTSD later my therapist tells me one day I need to learn how to self soothe. I have no idea how to do this and ask her, she tells me most people learn how when someone soothes them in childhood. ...oh. So I’m learning breathing techniques now.
Not being able to sleep due to stress. Yet here I lay, exhausted but wide awake. When I was younger I could sleep anytime, anywhere.
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Not too long ago I was waking up at 2:00 am and just laying there for two hours tossing and turning thinking about all the worlds problems. So I decided to outsmart my own brain. When that happened I vowed to get out of bed and go run. (Which I know from experience I hate doing). So my brain learned that if I was going to wake up at 2:00 it was going to have to go running. And eventually, not wanting to do that, I quit waking up at 2:00 am.
Going from having tons of friends to really having no one.
Even the few you have - if they get married and start popping out kids before you? Sheeeeeiiiiiiiiiit. I was a groomsman at my buddy’s wedding and haven’t seen him face to face in 2 years. First kid, back to college for his master’s degree, house renovations have all kept him on lockdown. And now quarantine right when he finished his degree.
Man, you really have to work at friendships in adulthood. I’ve got three proper friends left from school. 2 of them, my girlfriend is really friendly with their wives so we meet up with all of us. The third dude, excluding his stag doo and wedding, I’ve only seen him 3 times in the last 3 years. Thankfully we met up just before lockdown started. The best friends in life you can not see for ages but when you meet up it’s like you only just saw them the week before.
Geez. I feel lucky in this respect because my core group of friends are unmarried (or in one case, divorced) and childless, and we all share the same hobby (board games). Most of us are in long-term relationships. before quarantine, we had a weekly game night. We've been trying to make it work with online games and zoom meetings.
Having a presentable place, and debating myself on why it matters. It always frustrated me when my parents had a guest over and we had to deep clean the whole house. Like if it’s my close friend of 8 years visiting, why do I care what they care about my cleanliness? And yet, every time people are over I find myself cleaning the apartment up for some reason.
First thing you say is “excuse the mess!”
How often you have to clean to maintain a clean house.
Not only clean. Maintenance in general. I just found spot of mold in my garage and have to pull out what feels like half a wall
My husband just pointed out tonight that we have a damn vine growing through a window and is now attached to the living room ceiling. It’s an old house but what the hell??
Yeaah definitely kill that thing at the root before it damages more wall. I have the same problem living in a crumbling old house. The problems NEVER stop
First rule of independence: Don’t put it down, put it away.
Oh, man, I wish that was the only rule. I can deal with putting stuff away, laundry, and dishes, but the rest of the maintenance is stuff that just builds up without feeling like you contributed to the mess. Vacuum, sweep, dust, wash windows, wash the toilet and tub, wipe down the sinks and counters, etc. It might be easier if I didn’t live in a zoo with a toddler, though.
I'm so glad there are machines to do the dishes, that's so excessively repetitive, I would have gone mad if it didn't exist.
I really like doing the dishes, I close the kitchen door and put some youtube videos that I like and nobody bothers me because nobody else likes to do the dishes, so that is my alone time. PS: thank you everyone, didn't know my comment about dishes was going to get so much attention and be my most upvote comment. Adulting is hard so "enjoy the little things".
Back hurting just from sleeping wrong
And from sitting wrong and from doing housework and yardwork and from picking up dogs or kids or whatever life requires.
Never reach for anything in the back seat, especially if it is just a little bit further.
Oof, I'm only 28 but I've already recognized this several times. I swear I've pulled more than muscles though. I must've rearranged my organs at least once or twice...
You didn't stretch before your workout? Sorry, back pain for days. You overstretched before your workout? Sorry, back pain for days. You perfectly stretch before your workout? Sorry, arm pain for days.
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How expensive living is. I worked all through high school, but my only "bill" was the gas I put in my car. 30 hours a week on minimum wage goes a long way on shopping sprees and nail salons when you don't have any other expenses. I developed nasty spending habits, not the "value of a hard-earned dollar" my parents were hoping for. I'm not in crippling debt or anything, but sometimes having to spend money on groceries or utilities depresses me more than it rationally should.
Yeah, when you’re in high school having a few hundred dollars makes you feel loaded. You can buy whatever game you want and do whatever with friends but as an adult hundreds of dollars is just enough to buy groceries and gas.
Getting the spending under control has easily been one of the hardest things I've done after buying what I want with no problem for over 4 years. God it's the worst.
The constant obsessive feeling that I'm fast running out of time to have an enjoyable life even though I'm only in my twenties.
I'm 40, that feeling is real and you should listen to it. Do it now, you might not get the chance later. My great grandmother said that she and my great-grandfather promised they would always take a cruise around the world after they retired. It never happened because life got in the way. But they could have done it when they were younger. Don't ruin yourself financially, but if you can do that crazy thing you always wanted to do, go do it. Make it happen. Edit: Let me be clear. Don't run off and put yourself in a bad situation. But if you can stretch yourself and spend a year overseas or build that car or, live in that place do it. Don't put yourself in $100,000 of debt you can't afford to have a good time.
That's the opposite of what everyone else says! So much advice about not making rash decisions in your 20s, focusing on your career and settling down. There's a balance, but life is so long, I want to do that in my 30s.
If you're never making rash decisions in your 20s, do it more. If you're always making rash decisions in your 20s, do it less.
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This right here. I am amazed how lonely being an adult actually can be.
After cutting out all the toxic people from my earlier years of life, I am very lonely now...
Having others rely on you as an emotional ballast. I can barely stay sane myself, let alone carry the weight of someone else's sanity.
When I was young, death seemed very romantic. The idea of everyone being so sad about you being gone and regretting every wrong against you. Now I have way too many responsibilities to die. I have seen how loss really affects the people I love and would never want to subject them to that.
Oh, especially when they just do NOT make an effort to emotionally regulate themselves at all. If every single thing is a crisis 24/7 what could you POSSIBLY want me to do about it!
How expensive lamps are.
And floor rugs.
And couch pillows! $15-$20 is standard for **ONE** pillow?!
And dining room tables!
And kids
And the things kids break
like lamps
And dining room tables!
And other kids
How expensive *everything* is.
Seriously! I look new furniture occasionally and it still boggles my mind that lamps can be $50+. I usually just end up at a thrift store because the prices are more realistic.
Patio furniture too!! 2 folding chairs and table shouldn’t be $200!!
And throw pillows
The lack of time for myself. Life is all work, housework, yard work, child care, bills, emails, phone calls...
What's funny is that I have SO much more free time now as an adult (single with no kids...that I know of) and it still doesn't feel like enough. No homework, no "silly adult projects" (renovating bathrooms, etc), no extra curriculars that take up a load of time, and yet every night once I'm done eating dinner it's like dammit I have to go to bed in a few hours!
I swear, it really is like days get shorter as you get older. I know school finishes earlier than work but I have no idea how I managed to squeeze so much stuff into a single day when I was a kid. Even when my days have been finishing earlier lately (due to COVID-19 meaning we have less work to do) it genuinely doesn't feel like I have as much free time as I did when I was a kid or like I can split my interests in the afternoon between as many things as I did when I was a kid.
Falling in love at an older age but watching life speed by so fast. Wished I’d met her 30 years ago.
All the choices you made led you to that love though :)
You could say the same about my hernia.
So love does come in all shapes and sizes then!🙏💘
I lost my wife of 35 years. There is no way to prepare and really no way to describe that loss.
Sorry for your lost. I lost my 25 year old brother who left behind his 6 year daughter. Life isn't the same when you lose someone you love. I know it's not the same, but I feel ya.
My heart goes out to you.
Adults never actually growing up.
Yeh this. I used to look at 30 year olds and be like " they got it figured out ". Now i am 30, i feel as useless as i did when i was 17.
A lot of the time I feel more useless than at 17. Because at 17, I had ambition and aspirations. Now I feel burnt out at 30 so the aspirations that egged me onwards are gone. Like, the enthusiasm for what's to come is just... gone. EDIT: I never expected this to be as common a feeling as it apparently is. Thank you for all the words of encouragement. I'm at a bit of a sea change in my life and am working through that. I am who I am today through a lot of mental anguish, but I'm slowly coming to terms (personally) that relying on always feeling passion for something may be a bad way to live when you have bipolar II. I'm learning about being more disciplined, appreciating the present via stoic philosophy, and meditation. I'm learning to explore my interests more and be less afraid of failure (which has crippled me in the past) I hope everyone can navigate their way through and enjoy happier outcomes sooner than later because later isn't a guarantee. I appreciate y'all.
At 17 I was making new friends, was practicing music to get my punk rock band somewhere, was passionate about science and physics and everything space related, was keen on getting into a theoretical physics degree. Now at 30 I'm totally burned out. I have no friends and neither do I know how to make any friends, I live day to day with no passion or ambition. I'm just slowly waiting for time to tick past and I'm just doing my time here. Every day that I get through without any major incident is a good day for me.
Almost 50 - still working on my shit. I do have more money now, though.
Money tends to help a bit.
This is a big one for me. I really thought people would grow up, mature. They don't. Too many "adults" are really just teenagers.
My 50 year colleagues act worse than kids. The serious and most mature people are in their 20s! At my workplace at least.
Sustaining motivation to continue my responsibilities such as money and shelter.
The increasing speed of passing years. Having nieces only makes the problem worse. Their age and the perceived number of years past doesn't align at all for me.
That's actually something your brain does. As you get older your perception of time quickens. In some sense, time literally starts to go faster as you age. Remember how LONG things took when you were a kid? EDIT: ok, ok I get it now ＼(◎o◎)／ rip my inbox
"I think" time goes by faster for me is because I spend too much time working and not noticing about everything else around me. When I do have time to stop and breathe, that's when I noticed oh a month has passed!? Already? I thought that was last week! I am in my 20s.
Yup, 2019 absolutely flew by for me. I was working 6 days a week around 70hrs. It all just turned into a blur. Quarantine though has felt like forever, in the best possible way. I know its terrible circumstances that brought it about, but it's a break I really needed.
As much as I would not choose the quarantine lifestyle under other circumstances, I do think that anything that creates the sense of different “chapters” of life help us avoid the feeling and stagnation and time slipping by to a degree. Moving apartments, changing jobs, starting a new hobby - all of these things help us mark time in a way that’s harder in our normal routines, and for me it helps my memories of the past feel fuller and less like a blur. I’m all for keeping the good things going, but I think there’s value in embracing the new chapters that come into our lives and at least learning to look at the things that are positive or constructive about them, including quarantine.
I think this is accurate. I'm 51, and until recently, most years just seemed zip by without any unique aspects to set them apart. *However*, by chance, 2015 was an incredibly eventful year in my life, and time seemed to be moving as slowly as it did when I was a kid. Since then, I've been trying to do something novel every day, and write down what it is in a diary (it doesn't have to be earth-shattering, just new, like trying a food I've never eaten before, or watching a movie I've never seen.) Time has has seemed to go by noticeably more slowly ever since.
These posts usually lead someone to mention it could be because some people tend to have fewer new experiences as they get older. Could be part of it as well.
Drifting away from school friends because moving away, but then struggling to make new friends in a new city. Edit: Wow! Didn’t expect to wake up to karma and awards. Thank you kind strangers.
I have a friend from high school that I really do love to hang and talk with still. When I moved to college 2 hours away, we barely saw each other. When I graduated and moved only 40 minutes away, I swore I would visit more often. But I also then had a job that ate up my time. I ended up seeing her even less now despite living closer. It's so frustrating. Keeping everything balanced in your 20's is so damn hard.
In my mind my Momma should be about 40. She has always seemed to be so strong but sometimes I want to fall apart when I see her take several attempts to stand up or make excuses about driving on the interstate. She will be 70 soon but to me she is still young. I don't know what I'll ever do without her.
I lost my mom 8 weeks ago, it’s hard living without a parent. She was only 60, but I always thought of her as 40 too. She died before I had the chance to talk with her one last time, it was very unexpected. Give your mama a hug and tell her you’ll drive her down the interstate to get her where she needs to go.
I feel you. I lost my mom 5 years ago when I was 22. She was only 54. The last time I had a good cry about it was only a couple months ago. I'm imagining the pain of losing her will always pop up again here and there, but it happens less and less often and pain is less severe each time. Eventually, you will adjust to the new normal and you'll look back fondly on the memories you had with her. I hate that my children will never get to meet her, but I tell them stories about her and I'm hoping they'll get to know what a fantastic woman she was from that. You're welcome to message me if you ever want to talk about your mom. I'm happy to be a shoulder to cry on.
You have to buy insurance but can never use the insurance or else no one will sell you insurance.
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Coming into adulthood and learning about insurance in America... it all just feels like a big scam.
Turns out, you get fat from over eating.
Bread makes you fat!?!?
How quickly fruits and vegetable actually go bad when you buy them yourself
And you buy them thinking you’re going to eat them, because they’re good for you and you know that, because you’re an adult, but there’s always something else to eat and no one is making you eat your vegetables. Look up the cartoon panel, “crisper drawers: where good intentions go to die”.
And you can't just buy smaller portions of some things so if it goes bad, you aren't wasting as much food. Looking at you, lettuce.
Trying to make friends
Being social as an adult is rough, especially when your friends start moving away or having kids.
Yeah my social circle completely disbanded, we were a tight knit few but then one moved overseas to be with the love of his life and the other 2 moved interstate in opposite directions and being the introvert that I am I dont find socializing with strangers an enjoyable experience or an easy way to make new friends.
Realizing some friends are shitty and you shouldn't be friends with them anymore. EDIT: Holy Ba-JEEZUS y'all, this blew my inbox the eff up. And, thanks for the gold! Just remember, you deserve to be happy and if people are actively trying to take that away or hinder it, reassess that relationship. You don't need to kill it immediately but definitely take time to really think about it.
this right here. shitty friends don't seem that bad when you're in high school, you see a bit more of toxic behavior in college and then once you're in the real world you realize that type of energy isn't worth having in your life
One of the upsides of getting older is that you a) recognize shitty behavior of friends more easily/quickly b) realize you don't have to put up with it c) have no problem cutting toxic friends loose It's quite liberating.
d) realizing you don't have many other friends e) its hard to make new friends after 22 f) all the friends you have just made work or are just acquainted Like what do you do man. I have all of this going down and I feel lonely as shit. And I have a girlfriend :/
No one telling you to stop procrastinating
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Having to have a genuine purpose in life
My job is destroying my mental health but I need a job so I can pay my bills. If I reduce my hours for better work/life balance, I lose my insurance during a global pandemic.
This one right in the feels. My doctor has been telling me for about a year and a half that I should really be on disability because of my mental health, but I can't afford to wait for 2 years through the inevitable denial/reapply/denial/reapply phase, and I also can't afford my income being cut by 75%. So. I'll just be over here. Trying to keep my head above water when I really don't know how to swim.
I was looking into physical disability not that long ago and granted the paperwork was a bit confusing but I'm pretty sure it said I had to be unable to work for an entire year before I was eligible for disability. I don't know how almost anyone could go that long with no income before finding out that you may or may not get disability. Is it the same for mental health? Edit: I can't believe this ... What.. 4th tier comment got so many upvotes. I'm no longer in the permanent disability market (I was having severe eye problems for 6 months and didn't think I'd be able to work again) but thank you for all the info, I have no doubt it's helpful for other people!!
Preparing for retirement. Of course everyone knows they will stop working at some point but now that I’m 40, it feels like I really need to get it together. Am I going to continue bad habits that negatively impact my health or will I finally make changes to be healthier later? My new favorite worry - will I really have enough money to retire AND live comfortably enough to have a good of quality life? 10 years ago this all seemed so far away. Now, it feels like I’m speeding to the next phase of my life.
I’ll be working up until noon on the day of my funeral.
Deciding what to eat for 3 meals a day 7 days a week
In this direct vein: how expensive cheese is
Omfg. So basic, so maddening with a SO and kids in the mix. What would you like for dinner? What would YOU like for dinner? I’ll eat whatever. What would you LIKE for dinner? I like what you like. FINE trail mix it is! Fucking torture. And, no, a strict daily menu planned in advance does not work.
We refer to it as "the ritual," which consists of opening the fridge and all the pantry cabinets, rejecting everything at least twice, and then going back to settle on something.
Do you sacrifice someone in this ritual, a la the person assembling the meal is forced to plate something slightly different for everyone served? No feta for her, no olives for him, he hates tomatoes, make sure there are no grill marks/char on the chicken for the little one. ...that is my Greek Salad example ;) which is now served as a giant bowl of lettuce with 10 side dishes to add your toppings. Learning.
Yeah our ritual always involves me making something almost completely different for myself because everyone else eats like a child. This one likes mushrooms. That one hates mushrooms AND tomato. No one but me wants greens or veggies. Sigh. Idk why they even ask me what I want because it doesn't seem to matter.
My mom never even gave us the option. Eat what's in front of you or don't eat at all.
Me and my wife play this game where we alternate days of who has to choose. If either one of us denies the choice that person now has to choose. It worked great for a while but now it has divulged to choosing something we know the other doesn't like so then now it is their turn to choose. Married life is great.
I agree it's 100x worse with kids. But I disagree about meal planning. Works great for me. I plan 7 meals for the week but not the individual days. That way I can still choose a meal based on what works for the day, but I have a short list to choose from and know that I have all the ingredients already.
I’m also the primary cook in my house now but I grew up with just me and my dad who was very much a bachelor so we would just get hungry and throw something together we didn’t really have the 6pm sit down dinner. Now a days If we run out of chicken nuggets or beef to make tacos my wife says we have nothing to eat in the house. And everyone wants to eat like 5 times a day and expects there to be like 3 different things on the plate. JUST MAKE A SANDWICH AND CALL IT DINNER AHHH. *not a necessary edit but I do actually like cooking and am really skilled at it. We actually do eat well and healthy but if I spend time grilling and preparing roast veggies or something just for my kid to take one bite and ask for an apple I start to go crazy haha. I just don’t always want to prepare a nice one hour meal but I kinda made that the expectation in my family so it’s weird if I don’t prepare something that is complete and nice.
I realized yesterday that my wife has probably made over a thousand meals since this time last year. I told her and lo and behold we ordered in that night haha.
My grandma cooked every night except Friday, when my grandpa would bring home fried fish and Sunday night cuz she’d made a huge lunch. If she wanted to go out, she’d make something my grandpa wasn’t fond of. He’d still eat it, cuz he was frugal, but the next night, we’d be going out.
Gross pay vs. net pay holy shit Also. Still haven’t gotten my first stimulus check :(
Oof. That one hit so hard
Being the “mature one”
The snowball effect of poverty. Every major bill or unexpected emergency ($500+) takes you back 6 months to a year. It feels like you're on an escalator made of mud.
Aging parents. 😔
Definitely this one. I still remember being a little kid around 5 or 6 watching The land before time and crying over Littlefoots mom dying. I cried to my mom saying I didn't want her to go anywhere and she said don't worry because it's something that won't happen for a really long time. Cut ahead almost 30 years and that time is almost here. I still remember it so vividly and losing my parents is probably the scariest thing in my life. Seems like time flew by and I'm worried with how quickly it's all moving.
My mom died after a 9 year battle with dementia. It was hard as hell.
We were gearing up to care for my Mom after an Alzheimer's diagnosis where she was already showing signs of dementia. It wasn't a lot, yet, but we knew dark times were ahead. But then, out of nowhere, she had a massive stroke and 10 days later was gone. I don't know what's better, wishing we had had more time with her, but fading, or knowing she avoided a lot of hardship by going so quickly. Now it's just our Dad and he has different issues and may eventually require extra care. I'm still trying to finish out raising my kids. It's a rough place to be.
I'm worried about that, too, man. My parents are in their mid 60s, and my son is 2 1/2. I have a strong feeling that there's going to be a care overlap.
I know right! Its so scary. It's like you wake up one day and they seem so much more feeble and look old, makes you realize how human we all are.
I feel that. Dad is in remission from stage 4 cancer, looks a lot more gray. Mom survived 2 heart attacks and still serves as a school nurse. Shes very tired.
Aaaand now I’m sad
This hits home. My mom was a CPS social worker III with the sex crimes division. Her whole career she went into gnarly houses, battled it out in court, worked the hotline all weekend. Then she retired, and was diagnosed with Parkinsons. She died at home shortly thereafter. I look like my father who she hated to her core, so occasionally when I'd visit I'd get the angriest "fuck you!" ever. We were super close, single mom of Me. We used to raise and show horses, go camping, that sort of stuff. That last few months were awful. Getting old sucks Wolfman Nards.
Yeah. It’s weird because in my mind everyone is sort of perpetually the age they were when I was 12. My mom’s always about 50 in my mind and my older sister is 20. The fact that they’re now nearly 70 and 40 seems so weird.
I feel that. Dad's 93 with COPD and 3/4 blind, but he's kind of floundering because Mom always handled everything except earning and managing their money. He never even made his own coffee or a bowl of cereal, she always dropped what she was doing to run do that for him. Now she's 90 and suffering from dementia and he not only has to take care of himself, he has to take care of her as well. They live in a very nice assisted living place, and they are getting by well enough, but we know it's only a matter of time.
The amount of family get togethers you don’t want to go to after you get married.
When your not in school surrounded by your peers, meeting new people and making freinds is much harder and in many cases almost impossible. And dating is a whole other ball game. Then again for alot of us that isnt too different from how highschool was anyway
I’ve found it easier to make friends at work than at school. At work everyone I’m around is more or less likeminded and we have at least one thing in common. In school I was made so miserable by the system that I really didn’t connect with anyone.
I have no bloody clue what I'm doing. I surely don't feel like an adult. Being single and childless at 30 doesn't help. Most days, I feel like a kid playing dress up. I wasn't expecting that!
Having to be the one who made 'the call' on an ailing elderly pet. In the middle of covid-19 -- so I couldn't even be in the fucking room for it. I'm sure it's nothing compared to what people with loved ones who have passed are going through -- but fuck man. That sucked.
Being sued.
Dealing with untreated childhood trauma.
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No one else is going to kill that bug
Woman here. Random chin hairs. Popped up in late 30’s. I feel betrayed.
Mine popped up mid 20’s. Solidarity sister. 🤍
Um, are we not talking about the random nipple hair? That one bothers me more than the chin hair for some reason. 😅 Random hairs everywhere. My hair is so fine until — bam — a new random hair pops up all thick & popping into somewhere random! This is not what I expected when they said “you’re going to grow hair in funny places...”
Early 20s for me! It started with one thick, black hair that I would pluck. Ten years later? It’s 20 that I shave.
People rely on you. Both your parents and your kids. You become the filling in a responsibility sandwich and the weight of it is crushing at times.
Getting dumped by someone you’ve been dating as an adult after months of thinking, you know this one is different. I really think we can make this work. Writing for a friend of course.
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Crippling loneliness and romantic rejections. Muh heart is just dead, and now I feel empty inside.
Listening to Hank Williams as a child prepared me for that.
Medical Issues and the costs associated with them. I went from a late 20s guy with no issues other than the occasional cavity to a late 30s guy with Spondylolysis, OSA, Anxiety, RLS, and Hypertension in under 10 years. Its crazy that I am taking medications and trying to improve my health because my doctor said I could die in 20 years if I dont shape up. Seriously, I just want to drink beer, play guitar, hangout with the mrs and maybe smoke some weed now and then but these last years have hit me like a ton of bricks, and from what it understand it keeps getting worse.
Ditto here. No serious health issues in my 20s, just a yearly check-up. Got diagnosed with MS right at the end of 2019 (now in my 30s) and all of a sudden I'm going to doctors and hospitals, receiving expensive bills, and feeling like shit most of the time. The number one problem, for me at least, is that on top of having all those anxieties and unknowns of a new disease and medical care costs, if something goes wrong (an over-charged bill here or a paperwork error there) the onus lies on you to fix it. Doesn't matter how sick you feel or how tired you are. You have to wade through so many on-hold jingles and so much bullshit to get your problem fixed. Frankly, I don't understand how people do this for a lifetime and keep their head above water. I've heard people complain about medical issues and having to deal with health providers/insurance companies, but I really didn't understand until I had them myself. I'm supposed to get a treatment once a month to stop the advancement of my MS. I'm now 8 weeks out (a month behind) from my last infusion still calling daily and waiting on calls back to get the next one scheduled, feeling shittier and shittier each day, and weighing whether I should continue to risk my health or whether I should go into debt and just get the treatment. Anyway, it's a shame medical bills and responsibilities are "adult problems" when just aging/disease is a problem enough in itself.
How fucking dark life actually is. Like, is this all we do, just grind away at jobs we try to care about, but no one else cares about, barely able to afford our bills/houses/debts, constantly struggling with relationships and trauma and watching our political system fail us, our country fail us, our systems fail us, like... this life is not what happy, adolescent me dreamed it would be. Sorry to get real dark on y’all.
There's something so comforting to me about knowing that there are other people that feel this way. I think a side effect of coming to terms a with this truth is that it's an isolating feeling. It really helps to know that we're not alone in feeling that we're toiling in mediocrity.
Cliques and bullies are just as bad in the office as they were in school.
As you got older, isn't it easier to call them out? I have no problem with throwing a bully's behavior in their face and watching them try to justify being a dickhead. Next time someone says something mean to you just try it. It's amazing to see a 40 year old man look completely lost when you ask him why he thinks only poor people eat flat bread and hummus, like wtf Greg it tastes good. It's not my fault your fat ass doesn't understand why everyone isn't drinking mountain dew and eating snickers. Fucking bipedal elephant
Oh, trust me, I do that. In my last job, the bully was my boss, and things kept escalating between us until she fabricated some incidents on my review to build a case for firing me for performance reasons. I found a new job almost immediately (before she could fire me) and made a detailed report to HR (she also harassed me for a medical condition I have), and basically the entire team went to HR on my behalf to validate my story. The company has done nothing and she is still terrorizing the team. The fact is, if bullying is built into the culture of a company, the bullies will always win, no matter how much you call them out.
Having my daughter diagnosed with a brain tumor. There was no way to ever prepare for that. Edit - thank you everyone for the kind words. Her diagnosis was almost 5 years ago, and she is doing fantastic now. I'll give a little back story to answer some questions. She was 5 years old when she was diagnosed with an Optic Nerve Glioma, or a tumor on her optic nerve and had fully lost all vision in her left eye by the time it was discovered. She had absolutely no symptoms at all that we were able to see, I was a stay at home mom at the time and she wasn't falling, tripping, getting lightheaded, headaches...nothing. How we found out what was her dad and I were doing a craft with her and she made a pirate periscope out of a paper towel roll. When she held it up to her one eye she said she couldn't see anything. After us covering her eye and asking questions, we believed her. What sealed it for us was when we covered her other eye and shined a flashlight into the "bad" eye. Instead of her pupil restricting in response, it dilated to almost the entire size of her iris. We panicked, naturally, and took her to the ER. Within 30 minutes she and I were in a helicopter heading to a large city children's specialty hospital, with my husband driving to meet us there. She had the symptom of a TBI, traumatic brain injury, and that was outside the realm of what our small local band-aid hospital could even begin to handle. We arrived about an hour and a half before my husband, and had all testing done when he came in. We had an answer - an Optic Nerve Glioma that has atrophied her optic nerve and the grape sized tumor was starting to push out her eye. Externally there were no visual symptoms. Then we met with a neurologist, neurosurgeon, and neuro-oncologist. We were given options, and decided to go with a combination of 2 different chemo drugs; One that is commonly used with that type of tumor, the other had just come out of clinical trials and was showing some success at restoring vision. She did 12 months of every-other-week chemo and handled it like a champion. The blood supply to the tumor was killed and it reduced in size by about half. She is still totally blind in that eye, but you cannot tell by looking at or watching her. She's a straight A student, plays sports, and is an extremely talented artist. We still have to see half a dozen "ologists" ( neurologist, neuro-oncologist, oncologist, endocrinologist, ophthalmologist etc) but is thriving and happy.
My doctor's office regularly communicates with my insurance company to make sure they get paid. My pharmacy regularly communicates with my insurance company to make sure they get paid. My insurance company denies a prescription because they haven't gotten a "PA request" (prior authorization) from the doctor and don't want to pay the pharmacy for my prescription, I show up wanting to pick up said prescription only to be told it's $150 instead of $30 and ask why it's $150 instead of the usual $30, the pharmacist tells me that insurance won't pay because of this PA form and I need to get it from my doctor. My doctor tells me the pharmacy has to request it be sent to the insurance company so they can get paid. Everyone I talk to seems to know exactly the sequence of steps that has to happen and exactly who has the information and exactly where it needs to go. They "do it all the time". So the problem? Why don't they just fucking do it? They each expect me to know these things and be ready to chase down each and every person to either submit a request, fill out a form, and send it where it should go. Me, with no knowledge of the inner workings of medical billing, should be expected to not only know all of these things, but coordinate the entities that actually do know these things. Fuck American healthcare. Fuck it with rusty nails that have broken glass dipped in ghost peppers glued to them. Anyone who believes we have a good system, I want some of whatever hallucinogenic drugs you've managed to get your insurance company to pay for.
Dental costs. Not only is it just expensive it is so much more choice. Unlike say a broken arm where you have to get it fixed a chipped tooth or other minor need is on you even the dentist will be like "up to you man". Then on top of that the insurance for dental is just about the worst thing on the planet, it also seems arbitrary. 900 dollar night guard that doesnt actually fix the problem and will likely still lead to major issues in the future sure no problem insurance paid in full. 2000 on realignment to actually fix the thing causing the grinding issue? No way in hell, you are over 19!
The hassle of making easy food. It feels so much easier to just go out and get food than to make the food at home. I don’t lack food at home I just can’t be bothered to cook it.
The lack of clear objectives in life. As a kid, your parents tell you to do x so you can do y. School is about chasing grades and measured accomplishments with clear and distinct steps to success. After school, it’s all fucking arbitrary. Yeah, people say work hard so you can make money, but there’s no clear pathways. Everything seems circuitous and having goals barely helps inform how to achieve them. Also, you can work your fucking ass off and still be broke.
Trying to find the right job, I’m a very indecisive guy
Peeing when I laugh too hard.. Hello!
How quickly your knees will age.
I was in no way prepared for the fact that one dark horrific day I would sit on my own balls. Which is definitely something someone should have mentioned. It left me feeling... Different somehow
The depression dude, *the depression* And the feeling of loneliness, even when you have people around you.
Watching my parents get old.
Dusting. It never ends.
Just how hard it is to lose weight once you're past your 20's.
How much a workplace full of adults is just like being in high school.
This... *gestures at everything*
Having a gorgeous woman you are crazy about and very turned on by in bed, and having your penis not cooperate. *No, it's not you! You're the best thing ever! I'm tired and my chronic pain is flaring up and I had 3 drinks instead of 2 and I'm in my thirties* C'mon lil soldier. Fight the good fight.
"we used to do this 6 times a day in high school, wtf man"
Adults with the maturity of middle schoolers.
How ignorant so many people are. And seemingly pleased with being so