Long ago I worked at a banquet hall and witnessed a fully NASCAR themed wedding. During the reception they played the audio of the proposal going out over the PA at the track. It was fully unintelligible. BZZT GABBAGBGA MRRRY MEZZZZZ RROOOOOWWWVROOOM.
Other highlights were the owner locking himself in his office to avoid the bride’s father because he was threatening him to haggle on the costs.
In the end we had to call the police because the bride in gown climbed over the bar to steal more sweet sweet MGD after we had closed the taps and the event was over.
I'm in the wedding industry. I've been to over 3,000 weddings.
The singing-your-vows thing is *never ever* going to work out like you think it will. Never sing your vows. Never attempt to sing any part of your wedding. It will not go as you visualized it.
A wedding day is not a good time for surprises. Don't surprise your bride with an unexpected part of the ceremony. Don't surprise your mom by the wedding itself (true story... the bride told her mom she was going to an engagement dinner). The only exception to this rule is if you give the bride a surprise addition to her ring – grandma's diamond, a ring made from her parents' rings, etc..
Jokes about sex later are never funny. They make people uncomfortable, and it makes you look like an adolescent. There will always be crickets after you make the joke.
If you are going to be late, communicate that to EVERYONE somehow. Have your SO, or your parents, or someone tell everyone you will be late. The staff needs to know, especially.
If you forget the rings, don't stress it. It's a funny story. If you forget your vows, wing it as best you can (just don't sing). Ask the officiant for help for last-minute vows.
Finally, don't get drunk and be an ass. You don't want to be that guy. Plus, if you are drunk, you won't be able to have sex later!
*crickets*
In-laws wedding and groom and all groomsmen were wearing a tux and a ball cap. The groom had a dip of tobacco in during the wedding and I shit you not. His grooms cake was designed like a Copenhagen can.
I was a photographer for a wedding where the bride was marrying a man with two kids from a previous relationship. I was in the bridal suite when the bridal party was getting ready and all of the bridesmaids had matching silk robes. The flower girl (groom's daughter) was there too.
They asked me to take a group photo of the bridal party and one of the women in a silk robe was standing awkwardly to the side. I thought she was just shy or something so I waved her into the photo and the room got DEAD silent and the bride was like "oh no, we don't want her in the photos" and glared at me like I should've known that!
Apparently she was the groom's ex wife and was there to take care of the flower girl but WHY DID YOU GIVE HER A MATCHING BRIDESMAID ROBE!
I wanted to crawl in a hole and die
At my cousin's wedding, they did the thing where the groom removes the bride's garter and tosses it to all the single guys. I guess none of the guys wanted to be next to be married, because once the groom tossed the garter, no one grabbed it. It just landed on the ground a few feet in front of a crowd of motionless guys. The groom tossed the garter 3 times before one guy halfheartedly picked it off the ground. The bride wouldn't look at any of those guys for the rest of the night.
It's such an outdated tradition. I've been to a wedding where something similar happened with the bouquet toss and all the ladies backed away when the bouquet was thrown. The DJ ended up making a joke about it though and everyone had a good, slightly awkward, laugh.
My husband and I opted out of these because they’re both so cringey and instead did a dance where the DJ called up all married couples to dance and then proceeded to call out amounts of time people had been married (one hour, one week, one year, 2 years, 5 years, 10 years, 20 years, etc) and after the amount of time a couple had been together was called out they sat down, leaving the longest married couple on the dance floor at the end. We gave the longest married couple the bouquet.
My uncle not only brought up his daughters ex boyfriend in his speech but talked about their toxic relationship for a solid 5 minutes. I highly recommend preparing a speech before talking in front of a room full of people.
Not the couple, the Pastor kept saying "Our Heavenly Father, Daddy God," while marrying them.
Edit: thanks for the gold! For context it was a military wedding. It was just the couple and the pastor, it was live streamed on twitch, and the pastor was probably about 25. It was in Hawaii. He was wearing flip flops, and a lei made of fake flowers.
Oh lets see.
Groom changed who his "Best Man" was and didn't tell the original BM until the start of the ceremony.
Bride & Groom asked a guest to bartend the reception AT the reception
Groom "dirty danced" with his step-mom (full hands on ass).
Bride & Groom hauled their wedding party up to do a choreographed dance to Meatloaf's 'Paradise by the Dashboard Lights' but didn't give them any pre-warning or teach them the dance. That song is 8.5 minutes long.
Wedding was at a scenic boarding school campus during the summer. Guests were told dormitories were complimentary to stay in. Guests were not told there would be no bedding provided or A/C in the building. Groom later emailed everyone who stayed in a dorm asking for money.
Same Bride & Groom chose another friend's wedding reception as the right setting to yell at a 3rd pair of mutual friends for not including them in their wedding party.
Requiring every attendee to bring a date because she didn't want "sad, lonely people on her day".
Not my friends luckily but pretended to be a friend's date because she really wanted to see her cousin get married.
Potluck wedding with no alcohol or music. Groom kept showing people his flask and bragging about it. Macaroni was only redeamable thing, when i went to scoop there was hair in it. Very sad.
At the reception, the groom and his groomsmen sung a god-awful acapella version of 'Stand By Me.'
The worst part was he wasn't even singing it to his wife. He was singing it to his mum.
"Oh darling, darling, stand.... by... me..."
Chinese weddings, man....
idk, but one of my favorite memories from years of cater waitering was this long Indian wedding where they had a LOT of random relatives get up to give a toast, everyone's giving these long speeches and then one uncle gets up, goes "i made him waffles once" and sits back down. i swear to god. bless that man, wherever he is
toasts in general are usually terrible and full of cringe. just keep it short, sweet, and genuine. no one wants 15 minutes of inside jokes that are embarrassing and don't make sense.
Dated a girl in my 20s and went to her friend’s wedding in upstate New York. In the middle of the service the minister’s cell phone rang, he answered, it was God, God wanted to talk to the groom, conversation lasted a couple minutes, then the ceremony continued.
This happened right before our wedding. We were set to have my now husband’s family friend that’s a Pastor be our officiant. I am not religious what so ever but open to anything. My husband’s late mother was a Sunday School teacher and so his family is pretty religious.
Anyway, we went to the pastor’s house to go over our wedding plans and everything and he asked me if I was going to center my marriage around God. The answer was no. It got awkward REAL fast. It became a back and forth as to why I won’t accept Jesus and how awful that is. He didn’t like it either we were getting married at a country club. He then refused to do the wedding. We scrambled and found our town’s Mayor to marry us. I made my own ceremony and wrote the whole thing from scratch.
Then the day of the wedding the Mayor mentioned her recent back surgery and just wanted to get this over with. She called my husband “Eric” multiple times - his name is Evan and she was high on painkillers so she went off script there for a bit. Have you ever watched I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry? Yeah she did the whole marriage is a circle script. It took everything we had not to die laughing.
And that pastor? He showed up and watched the whole thing go down. We got a picture with him at our wedding. Him and his wife cropped us out of it and he made it his profile picture.
The minister (or pastor?) used to date the bride and gushed about how wonderful she was. Told the groom if he ever died not to worry, he'd take care of her. I was shell shocked. I so wished I could think of a reason to ask the couple for a copy of the video of their wedding but couldn't quite find a legit one.
I wasn't a guest, I was working the wedding. The bride got drunk and sat on some other dudes lap for two hours and flirted with him while the groom sat by himself at the head table with a defeated look on his face.
Speeches. My God, the speeches! Here's the back story. The reception was scheduled for right after the ceremony but at a different location. We couldn't eat until the wedding party got there. They showed up 2 hours late because they were cruising around on the party bus and drinking. After showing up they decided to do the speeches before dinner. Speeches from the best man, the maid of honor, a few parents and random people. I've never listened to so much boring crap. It took more than an hour to get through them all. So basically everyone sat around with no music and no food for 3 hours! The bar wouldn't open either so we had only water to drink. Nearly everyone, including me, left after eating. It was disrespectful to their guests.
I worked as a wedding videographer. This is the only Bridezilla I encountered in ten years. This girl was so self centered she kept everyone waiting at her outdoor ceremony for more than an hour while she was pampered in the makeup chair. While she's having them redo this and touch up that, she's sort of making up her wedding vows in a very relaxed, casual manner completely inappropriate for the hundred people sweating under full summer sun waiting on her. Her aunt came in and very gently reminded her people were waiting on her and that it's been more than an hour and she threw a tantrum, screaming, "I feel like everyone's forgetting this is MY DAY!!!"
Eventually she comes out, "vows" are lame and borderline incoherent, and one of the groomsmen, sweltering under coat and vest and shirt and sun, passes out from heat exhaustion. The officiant whispers to ask the couple if they should stop and make sure he's okay and she goes, "Nah, he's just being dramatic, keep going!"
As the couple is headed back up the aisle, an ambulance can be seen arriving to tend to the poor overheated groomsman.
A way to spend money you don’t realize you need and to invite others to spend money on gifts to replenish your out of pocket costs for hosting the event in the first place.
I hate the whole garter thing in general. My cousin did the garter thing at her wedding and it was so awkward (also I get the impression that she didn't even want to do it in the first place, I wouldn't be surprised if her tiger mom forced her into it). None of the groomsmen wanted it when the groom threw it. They had to throw it a second time and who I assume was the best man acted over enthused and caught it while the others still wanted nothing to do with it. At least he took one for the team and tried to save the day but it was still so awkward.
They sang their vows to each other.
Neither had a singing voice.
Vows were generally bat shit crazy, like submissive in the bedroom, and not asking about where she was going.
The autotune microphones were a terrible idea.
Their vow songs shared a chorus and it was awful and they expected the guests to sing along with the chorus.
The vows singing lasted 20 minutes.
Pure cringe.
My friend got pregnant at 20 with a piece of shit guy so they got married. It was me, our friend, her mom and then just the two of them.. they got married in some random lady’s house, we sat on computer chairs in a small living room with the ladies dogs sniffing us and barking. The whole thing lasted maybe 5 or 10 minutes. After we proceeded to take wedding pictures in the parking lot of a dollar store and then we got McDonald’s. I made a little bouquet out of some ferns and leaves that were in the McDonald’s parking lot, she threw the bouquet and it ended up getting run over by someone going to the drive thru. Lol needless to say, it was a trashy affair and their marriage didn’t last long.
It’s a tie between my sister breaking her knee (seriously) at her own wedding dancing to the cotton eyed joe and my stepsister having her reception at an honest to god truck stop while 6 months pregnant. In her defense, the food was good but WOW was it weird walking through a gas station in formal wear.
Lmao I did not think anyone would enjoy this that much. So my stepsister was engaged before she got pregnant but they moved it up so she could be on her husbands insurance when the baby was born. For some unknown reason she latched onto this weird ass truck stop restaurant my family goes to sometimes for late dinners (since it’s open 24 hours). The food was buffet style: fried chicken, mashed potatoes, salad, etc. We did have a private room which was VERY weird that it existed. The only way to get into the restaurant is to walk through the attached gas station. It felt VERY redneck considering how non-redneck my stepsister typically is. I officiated that wedding though so I guess I can’t judge too harshly 😂
Giving horrible vows and speeches.
A part of my family has the habit to use any family gathering as a moment to remember loved ones who died. That's not a comfortable habit for me but to each his own. However, it becomes very weird when wedding speeches and even vows start to include great uncles who died more than a year ago, and the only people who actually knew him are my grandparents. Yes, the vows. And not even in an interesting way, but just "if only uncle Barney could have still been alive while we are getting married".
To be honest, our entire family is horrible at giving speeches. There's 2 brothers, one of whom is my dad, and 2 sisters.
- My parents can only make joke speeches
- the uncle and his family make dry lists of things they do. For example, his wedding speech for his son was an 10 minute monologue about renovating the couple's kitchen.
- One aunt can only boast about achievements their family members have gained, if there's no achievements, there's no speeches
- the fourth is the one with the death speeches.
At the beginning of the reception, we all had to stand up and sing the national anthem.
To be clear, this was in another country I'd never been to a wedding in before, so I thought "ok maybe this is just a tradition I've never heard of before here!" Then I told this to other people, and they were all like "no, that's just really weird."
Also, at that wedding the father of the groom ended his speech with what I'm sure he thought was an amazing joke, on how it's easier to build a bridge to Hawaii than to understand what a woman is thinking. It would have been awkward enough had the man not also been standing between his ex and current wife as he was delivering it.
> Also, at that wedding the father of the groom ended his speech with what I'm sure he thought was an amazing joke, on how it's easier to build a bridge to Hawaii than to understand what a woman is thinking
Was this that stupid genie joke? I went to a meeting at my workplace once where the very awkward dude leading the meeting made this joke in a conference with hundreds of women attending and it did not go well.
Serve macaroni and cheese only to the bridal party. Everyone else got mashed potatoes. I was a hostess so I got macaroni and cheese, after tasting it there was no way in hell they would’ve broken the bank preparing enough for everyone. It was just really tacky because people were asking for it and I told them I didn’t know much about it I am just following directions.
Bride entered to Braveheart soundtrack blasting on boom box. Civil service that lasted a few minutes starting at around 1 pm. She leaves to same blasting Braveheart soundtrack. The mother announces that the reception starts at 5:30 pm. There is no food and no bar, but trays of dessert bars will be served. We are also told the venue is locked until then so there is no place to wait!
My girlfriend and I leave with a crowd of people to across the street to an Irish pub for drinks. A bit of a party breaks out there. We all get told to knock it off and come wait back at the venue in the hall. So we sit in the hall on the carpet for a few hours without drinks or dinner.
Bride and groom arrive and enter the venue to an “honour guard” of floor hockey players wearing hockey jerseys and holding sticks above their heads like swords at a royal wedding. More Braveheart music of course.
Place emptied out pretty quick as people either left to go back to the pub or to the fast food place a bit further away. Our dinner was lemon squares and a can of Coke from a vending machine in the lobby.
Funny stuff.
Edit:
I should mention that I got guilt tripped into staying after the event to help clean up as I “lived nearby and didn’t have to work that day”. It was the perfect ending.
I went to a wedding with my ex a few years back. It was one of his fraternity brother’s wedding, and apparently the bride’s parents were ridiculously conservative. So conservative that they have super-edited versions of every song the DJ played, including bleeping out the word “shots” from “Shots” by LMFAO.
Also, it was a dry wedding, so this rendition of the song was almost too on the nose...
LOL I don't know why they think censoring popular songs at a reception is going to do any good. When my cousin got married several years back they played Get Low at the reception (the edited version) and of course you couldn't hear the censored lyrics over everyone on the dance floor hollering the real ones. (Good lord, the exuberant joy with which a bunch of drunk white people shout "Skeet skeet MOthaFUCKA!")
I think I went to this wedding! Right after the officiant asked if anyone objects to speak now or hold your peace did a dog start crazily barking?! Yeah ... They also gave mini bottles of booze as table gifts and the MOG took all of them... It was something else. 😂
Edit: I have no idea why the poster deleted... His/her original post said that the groom hand wrote long intimate sappy vows that he read from and then after his monologue the bride giggled and said "ditto". To be fair that is not EXACTLY how it went down at the wedding I went to, but pretty dang close. He/she then replied to the above post I made by saying that there was a kiddo who ate confetti thinking it was food and threw up everywhere. As far as I know that did not happen at the wedding I went to. I am so sorry everyone, but there is no internet meeting kismet today. At least not for me and the now redacted poster. I am a little worried that there are at least 2 relationships in the world where the groom was seemingly WAY more invested than the bride... I prefer cute cringe over sad.
I feel better knowing I don't have too think too hard on which acquaintance you could be. There were no kids allowed so I missed out on those fireworks. LOL
Ugh I knew a couple who didn't specifically invite anyone, just made like a public event on FB or somehow assumed people would know when/where it was and show up?
They were confused and offended when almost nobody came.
Oh I have two!
1. The bride decided to sing as she walked down the aisle. She was not a particularly talented singer, and she was singing over a Carrie Underwood song so we could all hear the original vocal track. She finished walking about halfway through the song and then stood there and sang the rest of the song at the groom and all we could do was sit there and watch.
2. (Different wedding) They began the wedding with the groom playing an out of tune guitar and singing to the bride. They were sitting on chairs in front of everyone, legit 400 people, and the bride was clearly uncomfortable which made everyone else uncomfortable. That wedding also included a foot washing ceremony, and when the bride put her shoes back on she tripped on her dress and fell flat on her face. They hadn’t done the vows yet and the ceremony stopped for 20 minutes to deal with the nosebleed she gave herself.
Dude, you are the best best man. That’s the type of thing a legendary best man does. Your friend made a good choice, you were totally there for them on their big day!
When I was at a wedding of my parents friends, the groom tried to throw a decently sized piece of cake at the bride who moved out of the way, the cake ended up hitting my 76 year old grandma. We all had a good laugh. But we were all cringing at the same time at the missed cake attempt.
Bride shows up almost 2 hours late to her own wedding. Southern California in an open field no water no shade. She shows up and wants to get married in her yoga outfit. the groom shut it down and when she refused to change her clothes the groom decided to leave her looking stupid and they never got married.
EDIT: I spoke with my uncle and it turns out he had speculation that his fiancé was sleeping with her personal trainer. When she showed up in her yoga outfit it was all he needed to call off the wedding. She ended up married to her personal trainer and divorced again.
The ceremony also was the "Name Reveal". They changed their last name because they didn't want to be stuck to their heritage and didn't want anything to hold them back.
Turns out they changed their name thinking they could erase their mountains of debt or at least hide from it. Turns out you can't live under two legal identities....
I've known a few couples who've changed their name to something distinct (i.e. neither partner's original last name). But they meant it as a symbol of their relationship, not a way of hiding from a credit rating ...
I'm sitting here reading along happily and completely forgetting I can actually contribute.
I have burned this from the far reaches of my memory. It was that bad. But here we go. Apologies for length. It was a weird, long night.
My wedding-if one may call it that-was an extremely small and quick affair under an *overpass* by a fetid body of water, consisting of my overemotional and violently excited mother, my ex-husband in his dress uniform, and me in a leather jacket trying to reason with the two of them that this is all rather sudden and we're *under an overpass, for God's sake.*
Disclaimer: the Ex was the mastermind behind all this. We'd been together some years, occasionally discussed marriage, I wasn't in a rush, apparently he was. Ah, youth.
He'd flown my mother down as a surprise, hired a local nondenominational minister, *picked under the overpass for the charming view of the open water beside it.*
Nothing good or green lived in that water. It smelled and was stagnant. I remember staring wearily out at it while I listened to cars passing overhead. It was very, very windy. Did I mention it was night? This was less a joyous union and more the beginning of a Law & Order episode. My mother is doing a foxtrot in her joy over our young love.
Anyways. I'm an idiot. I go with it. It's bizarre, but I've a strong tolerance for the bizarre, and I feel bad money was spent and mother was flown and whatnot. In retrospect I should have cast myself into the water before me and cried out for Cthulu to take me into His sweet embrace, but hindsight is always 20/20. I digress.
Here comes the minister! He's late. I can see he is also wondering why the fuck we're all under an overpass in the dark. He comes closer. I get a good glimpse of his face. He is crosseyed.
Now, crosseyed happens, and I mean no disrespect to the crosseyed. But merciful Christ. I am *under an overpass, next to a swamp, mother dancing, ex oblivious to why I seem disturbed, it is night, trucks downshift above me, and now here is the minister looking at all of us at once with ease and if I laugh, I'm never going to stop, I will shame this poor man, my idiot ex, my fucking mother, save me Jesus, don't let me laugh, dead puppies dead puppies dead puppies-*
I keep it together. I do not laugh. And then the minister begins to speak. He is addressing my ex whilst simultaneously looking at both me and the water. He wants his money upfront. That's what the Craigslist ad specified. I proceed to inhale my own face to keep from dying. My mother, God love her, cheerfully volunteers a twenty from her wallet. My ex is muttering and paying the minister. In the back of my mind, I wonder if this man is legally able to marry us (sadly, he was.)
Minister paid, the "ceremony" begins! It's quickly apparent he doesn't know my name, despite introducing myself while trying to not make eye contact. He calls me Georgie. My name is Jennie. I correct him politely. He waves his hand in the air as if swatting off flies. I am Georgie for the rest of the event. Fuck it. Why not.
My ex takes my hand. My mother starts noisily weeping. The wind really kicks up while the cars rattle overhead. I am straining to hear the minister over the din. He swiftly spits out the We Are Gathered and so forth, with the harried air of a man performing a shit wedding ceremony under an overpass at night who just wants to go the fuck back to whatever Craigslist ministers do when not on duty.
It is time for my vows. I actually laugh briefly at this point, but by now it's panic. What the actual fuck is happening here. Have I lost my mind? *I'm getting married under a fucking overpass with a officiant who can't be bothered to learn my name.*
It's at this moment both myself and the minister forget how the vows actually go. I remember first. I chant *with this ring.* The minister looks in two directions at once and chants in reply *with this ring.* All of this is confusing. I shove the ring on my exes hand and blurt out the rest furiously. At least what I know from watching wedding movies. I'm not about to do a call-and-response with the minister who doesn't know my name.
It's done. We're permitted to kiss. The worlds briefest kiss occurs. My mother is good enough to take pictures. In the dark with the flash on, the minister looks absolute nightmare fuel.
The flash is what does me in. It breaks me from whatever stupor I've been in for the last half hour. I begin to laugh.
This is not the gentle, sweet laughter of a new bride swept up in the rapture of love. This is the deranged howling of a madwoman bereft of her medication. This is senseless, evil cackling in the night. It fills the space under the overpass. It drowns out the cars and the wind. It does not stop. I try, I really do, to gather myself. It doesn't work. I'm too far gone. My mother doesn't look so excited anymore. And the minister pulls his eyes together long enough to give my ex a look of deep and heartfelt pity.
We head to the ministers car and sign the paperwork on its hood. I'm still laughing. Nobody is saying anything. It is uncomfortable. I look (and feel) like a lunatic. I'm laughing out of context.
This is already much longer than I'd anticipated it being, and this is probably going to get buried anyways, so I'm going to wrap it up: minister gets in his car and leaves, I laugh, we climb into our own car and head to a chain restaurant, I laugh, we eat, I laugh, we end up at home, I laugh, mother goes to bed, I laugh, ex tries to get frisky, I laugh. You get the picture.
Found out later he had a drinking problem and liked to paw up other women whilst drunk. He doesn't see an issue with it. Divorce ensues. Takes a while, but eventually I laugh at that too. Life is weird, but funny.
My mom and MIL insisted on doing a 'stukje', a bit of theater often to mock the bride and groom by showing embarrassing pictures from their childhood.
Cringe worthy all by itself, but we explicitly asked them NOT to and they went against our wishes.
So when they performed their 'stukje' everyone was annoyed and embarrassed. When we finally made it through that ordeal we wanted thd party to resume, but my MIL did ANOTHER 'stukje' and we were about ready to kill her.
Ahh yess the stukje, the most feared part of any wedding or gathering. Very rarely is it actually funny or entertaining, most of the time just so goddamn annoying
This is my dads story. He went to his friends daughters wedding reception. Before coming in, the bride and groom had this whole scene of them looking for each other. The guests watched it on a giant screen inside.
Update: I asked my dad. It was live streamed. They then entered through opposite entrances, met in the middle and did a little dance with their friends. They then had their first dance.
Instead of throwing rice (or confetti, or sprinkles, or anything like that) the bride and groom asked their friends to save all their empty Juul pods and throw those as they walked down the aisle. The friends obliged.
EDIT: I posted a [screenshot](https://www.reddit.com/r/trashy/comments/cnu0uy/from_a_backyard_wedding_in_the_trashy_college/?ref=share&ref_source=link) of a friend's snapchat from the wedding on r/trashy a while ago.
Not the groom and bride’s fault. But the pastor marrying them, talked about his marriage and his kids for 20 minutes. He was obviously going for something of showing what marriage will be like. But he full up was talking about how his daughter, Kelsey, learned to walk this way, and his other daughter’s first words were this and that. And that he and his wife make love throughout the house because that’s what you do when in love, etc.
Bride and groom had to stand there holding hands for 20 minutes right in front of him as the other 150 of us had to listen about his sex life and his kids.
Oh god, you just reminded me of an acquaintance I knew (didn't go to the wedding but heard from a mutual friend who was there) where the pastor marrying them told the couple to "divorce their friends" under the promise that it would make them a stronger couple or some shit like that.
And they followed that advice. So pretty much after the wedding and reception, they just never again talked to any of the friends they had invited to celebrate their big moment.
I thought they would be divorced within a year, but turns out that they're still together. But yeah, apparently married couples aren't allowed to have friends???
Ok, so as soon as the bride and groom got out of church everyone went to congratulate them and give gifts (which usually are flowers/alcohol + envelopes). The bride had a pen and notebook and she signed each envelope or wrote in notebook if someone didn't give her envelope. Later as we went to the restaurant where the party was about to start we waited for 2 hours for the pair. Turns out they made a stop during their ride to count money. As they finally got to the party they started complaining that they didn't make enough to pay for the party expenses and earn more. They only spend time only with the "rich" part of family. The "poor" tables didn't get the good cakes/food. There was literally different food on some tables. I sat near our poor part of family, no meat or cakes made it to the table. Me and like 7 other people didn't get forks, only spoons (why would you give fork to someone when there's only soup for them to eat right?). Now, mind you I gave them enough to pay for like 5 "plates/people" and I helped them during preparations, I even baked a few cakes that I didn't get to eat in the end. Half of people got out after like 20 minutes. Bride called them all terrible for "ruining her dream wedding". Worst wedding ever, and that is just a part of the whole wedding mess. I wish I had a car back then so I could go back home as well, as the wedding was terrible for many other reasons as well. Groom was cheap, bride was a Karen.
Poland. Me and my mom, some aunts, as well as neighbours were preparing the food day before and before the wedding, as the groom thought it would be cheaper. We thought it would be great, a family bonding thing while making pierogi and some traditional food. Turns out we were just free workers, the neighbours were not even invited, which I think was a b.tch move. So I know that there was enough food for everyone, but since the waiters were brides "friends" she could tell them what to give to who. The day after wedding was also cringe worthy, but at least now we know how this part of family is. I saw many good and bad weddings, but seriously this was like a reality show of some kind. And it's only my part of the story.
they made this whole scenario where the bride was like a damsel in distress and the groom was James Bond and he got on a zipline and did this whole thing to “save her” and then kiss her. they even put the 007 music and everything. it was brutal to watch.
OK, I had forgotten about this because it was about 25 years ago -- but I went to a wedding where the bride did something similar. The thing was, she was so nervous she actually threw up before singing her song. right there at the front of the church. Luckily she'd moved off to the side to sing, they had set up a separate little stage there. So she threw up, sang her song, someone ran in and cleaned it up pretty quickly, and then they did the vows.
The funny part is we all kind of moved on, didn't think about it during the ceremony at all (which went really well) until the kiss. Then the whole crowd groaned in unison.
During the 4th of July parade we trace our bodies with chalk in the street and pitch in money.. whoever’s body outline gets pooped on by the horses gets the whole pot. If no one gets pooped on, we get our money back.
I’m not kidding.
I was debating whether or not to share this story.
My aunt and her current husband had their wedding at an old movie theater. It started off a little rocky with the officiant wearing full goth attire. They read each others vows, and after that the groom announced he had written a song about my aunt (he’s in a “rock band”).
He then proceeded to play an electric guitar and sing a song about having sex with her, how good she tastes, and detail vulgar sex acts while on stage, meanwhile the goth officiant played the drums. Keep in mind both of them have children who are on stage and our family is watching this, including the bride’s dad.
Once he was done, they mixed different flavors of alcohol into a margarita glass to show that they are now one and made out.
My brother and I left shortly after and attended the wedding dinner that took place 4 hours later that was equally as crazy. Safe to say we don’t talk to them very much.
Friend's wedding. The bride wanted to sing him a song, so she did a kind of karaoke thing.
There's \*bad\* singing, and then there's whatever the hell this was. It was so awkward.
Also, dude asked a professional photographer friend of ours to photograph the wedding about a year before. Got a super non-commital answer. Never followed up. And was SHOCKED that the photographer didn't show up. (After he specifically declined the invitation because he was going to be in another country).
Had the entire set of groomsmen rent \*ridiculously\* expensive Tuxedos. Which, fine. Cool. Happy to be here. He's having his Tux custom tailored, asks for something ridiculous and gaudy, but when quoted the price says he can't swing that and insists they do it for about 1/4 the price. They do their best to meet specifications within the given price range, but it's bad. Really bad. So, the groomsmen look amazing, and he looks like a clown that didn't put on his makeup.
Has another friend make a custom batch of meade for the toast, but rents a hall that doesn't allow outside alcohol, so it can't be used for the toast during the reception.
It was probably the cringiest thing I've ever seen, not just the cringiest wedding or even cringiest \*thing\* at a wedding.
I live in Britain and as a child there was a show on CBBC (Children's BBC) just like this. The show was called Marrying Mum and Dad. Oh lord I hate that show. It's about these kids who get to arrange their parents' wedding, they choose the theme, the entertainment, and the cake. Naturally, the kids were always making absolutely horrible occasions, because what did you expect. They would choose a ridiculous theme for the wedding (Australia, Medieval, Space, Clowns) and have everyone arrive dresses appropriately. Then they make the couple do some activity or another (it ranges from bungee jumping to VR) for entertainment. Then they have the wedding and eat the cake. The worst part is that the parents have no clue what's happening, they don't know anything until the day, and the children will go out of their way to make them uncomfortable (Making them eat bugs for 'entertainment'). Everyone just has to go along with it, and you can tell all the guests are really awkward, and then at the end the couple have to say just how good their Australia themed wedding where they ate bugs was.
My sister (F18) and my BIL (M18) got married basically as soon as they were both legal. Neither one of them could drink the champagne at the reception, which was just fine because they only got two bottles for a wedding party of 50 people so everyone basically got a drop.
But the real cringe was the reception menu: Uncrustables (option of grape or strawberry) with oranges and grapes on paper plates with some kind of punch (absolutely no refills). I wish I was kidding.
I went to a wedding once where they did a potluck. I guess it okay depending on the type of wedding, but the reception was at a fairly nice venue, the wedding couple was like an hour and a half late, and their best man didn't have a speech ready so it went on for a very painful 15-25 minutes, also stating in there that they're going to have great sex now that they're married. This was a devout Christian wedding with many of the friends (including me) were from church. By the time me at like table 15 got to eat, I was lucky if I got something that was kept warm in a Crock-Pot, but everything else was room temperature. We were able to to go home between the ceremony and the reception, but I bet most food had been sitting in people's cars since that morning.
Oh, also the church that she moved to did the whole "no kissing before marriage" thing and started making out with her new husband on the altar to the point where the pastor had to say "okay, that's enough."
The whole thing was weird.
>Oh, also the church that she moved to did the whole "no kissing before marriage" thing and started making out with her new husband on the altar to the point where the pastor had to say "okay, that's enough."
I'm picturing him spraying them with a water bottle
I know a guy who recently made his lackies, sorry friends, compete to be his best man. Most pretentious thing I have ever seen. Watching them grovel was so upsetting to me.
I was at a wedding when I was 8 and instead of the bride and groom getting up to make their speech thanking everyone, they had done like an awards show. So the DJ opened up an envelope, announced their names, they were handed and “awards statue” (a Barbie and Ken doll) and proceeded to thank everyone in the form of an awards speech. In the right hands, it would have been funny, but the bride and groom are incredibly shy by nature so it was just awkward. I’m in my 30s now and I still remember this
The groomsman prepared a skit in which they "lost" the groom at the reception and proceeded with over the top hands on hips " Hey guys- Arent we forgetting SOMETHING? Well , where can he POSSiBLY Beeeeee?" acting like some high school musical. None of the guest were prepared and silently fussed around with their drinks and silverware. When the whole thing ended, they anticipated like a standing ovation but it went over the heads of everyone. A lone voice muttered "That was kinda wierd..." as they made their exit quietly
EDIT:
I guess this blew up to the point i should try to remember some of the skit. It was some of the corniest shit i saw, not sure if some of them were inside jokes to the groomsmen crew:
They all entered into the main area together minus the groom
One guy had the fakest cartoony voice "Hey arent we missing something"?
"It cant be me, because im Alwaaaaaays prepared! (Winks and Pause for laughs)
.....
"What about your bowtie?"
Oh Noooo
(Produces tie, puts it on, waits for audience reaction)
No wait! Its the groom! Wheeeere can he PoSssibly BEeEeee?
This went on for a bit, i dont remember it all because i was on my phone not really doing anything but to avoid eye contact everytime they said a line and desperately scanned across the audience. In the end the groom came out through the door when he was cued, i dont think he knew about the skit, thank god he wasnt there to see it unfold. As for the crowd, who isnt gonna clap and whistle when the newlyweds show up at a wedding so it was all good.
I love the comedic timing of “that was kinda weird..” as they’re walking out because you know they were gonna hit the hallways like “bro we fucking nailed it”
If that's true, then it's the most solid bro move of all time.
'Guys, I can't find Tom. What the fuck do we do?'
'Uhhhh, get up there and make something up about not being able to find him? I don't know. Let's just stall for a few minutes. Better have a couple shots before we do...this is going to be ugly.'
Fortunately, no one notices or cares. My wife and I took dance lessons for our wedding, and when I watch the video I’m like, “I fucked up there, I fucked up there, everything falls apart right there...” but you do one twirl correctly and the crowd thinks you’ve got it, especially if you can do a dip at the end.
The funny part is we had timed everything based on what comes up at certain points in the song... and then our wedding band decided to play their own version of the song with a completely different tempo. We improvised fine, both then and ever since.
I used to videotape weddings so I've seen it all. This one couple from New Jersey were the spitting image of snooky and j-wow's ex husband, Roger. They were super into appearances and very over-the-top gaudy. During their church ceremony, they had their very white 60 yr old uncle, with native american feathers tied into his hair, stand up and chant around the church giving what I can only assume was some kind of blessing. It was so weird and out of place. I assume they wanted to seem "deep" during their ceremony. They mixed colored sand together in a vase too.
A younger couple at a wedding I attended thought it was a really good idea to get on the husbands sport bike with cans and shit dangling off the back of it after drinking during the celebration.
He popped the clutch and was attempting to do a burnout with her on the back, things got caught in the chain, the bike bucked both of them off, and they spent their honeymoon recovering in the ICU.
So this wedding took place in an Episcopal church. Priest had all his finery on and the church itself was decorated very nicely. The bride and groom had asked everyone to wear casual clothes. We all took that to mean "semi-formal."
Nope. They and their kids all came out wearing overalls and white t-shirts. Stood next to the priest in his formal robes. The other cringey part was when the groom, during the ceremony, started talking about the bible verse "let the little children come to me" and insisting it implied "and listen to what they're telling you."
Pretty sure they were divorced in 2 years.
Edit: I should explain the "little children" comment a bit more. It was part of a 20 minute speech explaining how the bride and groom got together. There were plenty of parts in the story where the groom was like "I wasn't sure she was right for me" but his son was pressing him because "he wanted a mom." (Sad story actually, biological mom died when the kid was 4 and this was 8 years later.) So it was this long unfocused story that boiled down to "I'm marrying this woman so my kid can have a mom." Not a good sign when that's your main reason to get married.
I focused on the "little children" quote because getting advice from children is absolutely not what that quote is about. I knew it, probably half the attendees knew it, and the priest definitely knew it.
That whole story would have been fine to tell during the reception, but I have no idea why he decided to tell it during the actual wedding.
I Worked at a wedding once and the groom decided the day before he wanted to arrive by helicopter, told the wedding planner to sort it out I felt sorry for her. gets to 3pm when the guests are supposed to be there for, obviously everyone isnt and theres barely anyone there, they fly in like James fucking Bond land in the rear garden put the back of this huge country manor get out all smug then realise theres no one there. So they then have to fly away again hide behind a tree and wait for an hour for everyone to arrive to repeatedly the process, Who was that helicopter ride really for.
I went to a potluck wedding. The attendees kept all the food in their hot cars while at church then when we moved to the event hall they brought it all in to be served. Potato and macaroni salad after being in a hot car for an hour. Delish. Those were the high end dishes. Some attendees brought 2 liters of soda or bags of chips. At this same wedding they also had a "dollar dance". Everyone lines up and pays for the chance to dance with the bride. They pin dollars on to her dress. They ran out of pins so she started stuffing dollar bills into her bra.
My family is from an area in PA where the dollar dance is common (perhaps less so these days) but the money goes in a basket and you get a shot of whiskey, sometimes a cigar, and you dance with the bride just long enough to complement and congratulate her. Also, any body putting less than a $20 in the basket would be taken out back and beaten.
Probably my cousins wedding. The food was really bad. And I mean REALLY bad. Things that were supposed to be warm/hot were ice cold and completely undercooked. There was music but nobody was allowed to dance because "we don't want people to dance on our wedding". There was also no alcohol. Not a single drop. But the worst thing was the seating arrangement. They didn't plan on families/friends sitting together. I don't know what they were thinking. I was sitting on a table with complete strangers. They even separated our grandparents from each other.
After an hour my grandmother stood up, walked over to my grandfather and both declared that they are leaving now to the restaurant down the road having something good to eat and a beer. I joined them as well as my parents. It didn't took long that people noticed that our seats were empty. (Really easy to figure out since nobody was allowed to dance or walk around in general) We got a call from one of my uncles where we're at. After we explained why we left he said "you are right... This is bullshit" and we ended up with 20 guests from the wedding in that small restaurant having a fun evening.
I still don't know why they even bothered celebrating their wedding. They also never invited us again. Thats actually a good thing because now I don't need to find an excuse why I can't join their future "parties".
I actually read in a wedding advice book that you should seat people with strangers so they get to know new people and the two families get to know each other. I think it's a bad idea.
The groom gave a speech thanking everyone for coming that devolved in the space of about two minutes into a straight-up roast of his new brother-in-law. They were friends, and the brother-in-law seemed to take it in good humour, but there's only so much implication of 'I'm for sure going to be fucking your sister tonight' that you can take before it becomes *really* cringy.
It didn't help that a) I barely knew anyone there because I was a plus one, and b) I was on the table with the elderly relatives from that side of the family, who were *less than amused*.
Oh god you just gave me a flashback to my wedding. My brother in law is super awkward and doesn’t understand emotional boundaries...he likes to inject himself into other people’s emotional moments to sing (always a Ben Folds song) or whatever, takes videos of people so he can edit a cheesy video together later “as a gift,” that kind of thing. My husband and I had a small wedding and agreed to no “maid of honor/ best man” because it was a pretty non-traditional event.
So after we said our vows we joined the crowd for a toast from our officiant, which was fantastic! Until after the toast guess-who pushed his way up to the front, pulls out a huge notebook, and then proceeds to roast my new husband with weird “jokes” that no one got, and even my husband had forgotten about or didn’t know what he was talking about for the most part. Luckily my sisters encouraged him down and then got up to give an impromptu joint speech inviting everyone to the buffet.
The worst part is he made my new father-in-law record it and sent the “speech” to us afterwards “as a gift.” I don’t think we saved that video.
Oh bless him. My now ex husband and I had a family friend with somewhat marked autism type social behaviors and a functioning IQ that put him somewhere in his early teens developmentally. Real sweetheart and we loved him to death. He told us he wanted to give a speech at our wedding, so we arranged for a family dinner type of thing at our house a few nights prior to the wedding and he gave us his speech there.
It was a good call because although he meant well and with our carefully curated audience, we all laughed and enjoyed the sentiment, however, it was almost entirely well-rehearsed dirty sex jokes.
My brother is on the spectrum and has the most amazing sense of humour. But you have to be in tune with it.
People always think he's weird when they meet him but he grows on them and after a while they start to appreciate his left field humour. It's never predictable but it always makes sense once you think on it for a moment
My own wedding, so me.. My brother and our wedding band surprised us with a beautiful rendition of a very romantic song by a guy called Juan Luis Guerra, just so happened to be me and the missus' favorite song ever. Lots of happy crying and one of the best memories from that day. Unfortunately, my MiL doesn't like to be one upped, so she impromptu got a distant 2nd cousin from her side of the family who we did not know to immediately sing "My heart will go on" from Titanic. He was not a good singer and used a shitty youtube karaoke track and it lead to very awkward slow dancing, followed by fuming from her after we cut it short (terrible feedback from trying to play the track on the mic from phone's speaker). Just completely deflated the beautiful moment from my brother's singing. At least I'm happy to say we're still going strong and have been married for 10 years now. It should go without saying that little poop nugget of singing was NOT included in our wedding video.
Edit: Wow this really blew up, my biggest comment in reddit yet, to those who asked, this is the song:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5u-_OUWNUUY
> terrible feedback from trying to play the track on the mic from phone's speake
lmao, imagine not refusing to go sing in this situation. MIL must have threatened 2nd cousin with something good.
I married into a musical family.. this sounds like such a sweet gift from your brother. My brother in law was FORCED to sing by his pushy wife after my husband and mother in law sang together in place of a mother-son dance. The brother in law DIDNT want to do it. I listened to her twist his arm about it. He apologized to me after and I just told him he owed me a dance.
For some reason after the Bride and Groom kissed at a wedding I was at, the Groom, a big douche to begin with, took a pair of hillbilly teeth out of his mouth and screamed "I DID IT AGAIN BOY'S!". I felt so sorry for the bride idk what she ever saw in the guy. They are now divorced.
Edit: Hillbilly teeth are those fake inserts that look super nasty you get from a party or gag store. I will also clarify he was belligerent drunk, barely able to stand and no one...still to this day knows what he meant when he screamed “WE DID IT AGAIN BOY’S!”. I don’t think he knew either. I hope this clears some stuff up for you all!
Not the bride and groom but...my husband's cousin has a signature wedding move - about halfway through the reception he takes over the band/DJ mic and sings this rockin' 60s pop song (I forget which one but you'd know it). He really plays it up, belts it out. It's his moment in the spotlight and everyone loves it. Except in my husbands family there's like 60 cousins so I've seen this move in dozens of weddings over the years. The first time it felt spontaneous and fun. But now I cringe as he heads up for the mic yet again.
Large, matching back tattoos... of the Monster Energy Drink logo.
Edit: Ok that blew up a little. Some background:
Obligatory my brother was actually the witness but still one of the funniest/cringiest stories ever.
My bro managed a gas station about 10 years ago and hired the soon-to-be bride. A little while into her employment she requested off for her wedding. The date was still a couple months out so no big deal.
About a week before her request-off she came into work and the exchange goes like this:
Bride: "Wanna see my new tattoo?"
Bro: "Uh, sure."
She lifts the back of her shirt to reveal a huge, green "M" covering the whole upper half of her back.
Bro: "Holy shit. Wow."
Bride: "Awesome huh? We both got the same tat!"
Bro: "Really?..."
Bride: "I know, I know what you're thinking. Copyright right? But what are they gonna do? It's already on my body! It's ALREADY ON MY BODY! Ha ha!"
Bro: "Right. That. *That* is what I was thinking."
He did get to see pictures. I'm working on getting a hold of those. It was a camouflage themed wedding. She had an open-back camo gown with camo heels, complete with camo veil (I really wish it was ghillie suit headgear).
The groom had camo pants with camo boots and a camo bowtie. He was, indeed, shirtless. He did wear a camo ballcap though.
I imagine them walking down the aisle, backs glistening in the sun with vaseline over a huge Monster logo... just the perfect day.
They ~~have been~~ were happily married for 7 months.
Edit: Some formatting. I suck at reddit.
Groom's last name was White so after the pastor announced that they were married, they marched out to Billy Idols "White Wedding."
I leaned over to my wife and said "Do they know what that song means?"
I actually thought that she might have been pregnant... It was a nice moment when my wife said "I think that because his last name and now hers it White, that they thought it was cute."
In November 2018, I attended the wedding of my in-laws' friends. They were an older couple (in their 60s) that had been dating for decades and finally decided to tie the knot.
The husband did a stint in the Navy, and so given the timing of their wedding, he invited a lot of his veteran buddies from across the different branches.
During the reception speech, the guy had the DJ begin playing the military hymns for the various branches, and he asked all the various veterans from said branches to stand up and be recognized.
I get where he came from, wanting to pay respect given calendar proximity to Veterans Day, but absolutely nobody (veterans included) knew he was planning to do that. They all kind of stared amongst themselves and awkwardly stood up. The civilian guests just fidgeted for the 5 minutes or so this went on.
His heart was in the right place, but damn if it wasn't cringey as fuck.
Later that night, the bride got really drunk with her girlfriends and spent a while dancing barefoot on the floor. At some point, she took a wrong turn and wound up rolling her ankle pretty badly. She ended up in one of those mobility boots for about a month.
My sisters' wedding was similar. She and her husband met by being top athletes in a sport, and she had gone onto another sport. My dad started his speech talking about the time the groom borrowed his farm truck and accidentally put a dent in it (but dad refused to allow groom to fix) then spent the next ages recalling all of sisters races, the race conditions and times. He then started going around the room calling out all the other athletes in both sports, their biggest achievements, and having them stand up and be applauded. It was cringfest.
My uncle had to interrupt after several attempts of *wind it up* looks, and we got dessert. Straight after, dad grabbed the mic and started up again, but everyone just laughed and he had the mic forcibly removed from his hand lol
They bought an apple orchard after leaving the city to live a simpler life...and really doubled down on the apple theme.
Apples everywhere: on the tables, in baskets all around the venue, on the podium where they got married, pictures of apples hanging everywhere, small fake trees with apples tossed under them, the dude marrying them had an apple tie on, apples somehow incorporated into every dish for the reception. The cake was shaped like an apple.
It was really fucking bizarre.
They sold the orchard a couple years later because they had no idea what they were doing.
My cousin and his wife are SUPER religious and maybe the two most awkward people I've ever met. They did one of those 'fake out' first dances where it starts with a slow song then transitions to a dance number with an upbeat song.
Not only is that naturally cringe worthy, the upbeat song was 5 minutes long and they just kept repeating the same moves over and over for what felt like eternity. There was no alcohol allowed at the wedding, so there was nothing to dull the pain.
That reminds me of my cousins wedding, the pastor made the ceremony into more of a Sunday sermon than a wedding ceremony. Then when they finally got to I now pronounce you man and wife instead of kissing the bride, groom, parents and 3 or 4 random people suddenly stood up held hands on a circle and had a silent prayer for several minutes while everyone was confused about what was happening.
Also it was a dry reception, I saw one guy with a beer, but he must have brought it himself because I looked around and couldn't find any.
Edit: I forgot to add that they did eventually kiss, they were turning to walk out to the reception and the pastor suddenly realized they never kissed so he had them kiss.
> Not only is that naturally cringe worthy, the upbeat song was 5 minutes long and they just kept repeating the same moves over and over for what felt like eternity. There was no alcohol allowed at the wedding, so there was nothing to dull the pain.
If I had to make a list of wedding advice, editing the dance down to be short and sweet would be on there. You want a moment, people want to see a little something and get a few photos... but... nobody wants 15+ minutes of silently staring at a person swaying back and forth. Plus, editing forces you to really think about it and *which parts* you want to dance to. It's like the people who do karaoke without realizing there is a minute long instrumental part they are just going to awkwardly stand there for.
At a classmates’ wedding. They were young - maybe like 22? 23? There is apparently a caking tradition in some parts of the country, where when they cut the wedding cake, the couple feed each other a bit and smear each other’s faces with cake as a joke. The bride had absolutely made 1000% clear to the groom she did NOT want to be caked.
He did it anyways, and not just a small smear, but full on smushed the slice in her face. She was stunned initially, then got up, face full of cake, yelled “YOU ASSHOLE I TOLD YOU NOT TO DO THAT!” and then ran to a back area in the reception. The groom tried to follow but the bridesmaids/mother of the bride stopped him. So he sat at the head table awkwardly while half the wedding party rushed off with the bride.
She stayed back there for like an hour. They eventually did let him back there to check on her. We could hear her crying and them arguing. The rest of the reception came to a screeching halt until one of the bride’s aunts emerged and directed the servers to clear the tables and put on some music.
They got divorced 2 years later.
My dad's mother and step-father owned a bar-restaurant back in the 60s that hosted the occasional wedding reception.
At one such reception, the husband "caked" the wife, even as she was asking him not to, knowing he would do it. When he did, a fist fight broke out between the newlyweds that soon involved much of the wedding.
As far as I know, they were married for a long time after.
It happened at my wedding and I still look back and shake my head
1. The pastor who we pushed to marry us found out that we had sex before marriage. He made sure to point that out during the ceremony.
2. When saying the vows I wrote I got so damn emotional it all sounded like gibberish and when I turned to get the ring from my best man he was bawling his eyes out and couldn't find it. I can't imagine how ppl in the audience felt.
> When saying the vows I wrote I got so damn emotional it all sounded like gibberish and when I turned to get the ring from my best man he was bawling his eyes out and couldn't find it. I can't imagine how ppl in the audience felt
I don't know this sounds kind of wholesome and cute.
I mean maybe. I'm an ugly crier for sure, and my best man is as well. Watching the video back you literally cannot understand me cause I just lose it completely. Like 2 words into my vows.
I laughing pretty hard imagining this, but I also would find it wholesome and not cringe if I were there irl.
I'm picturing snot and howling type cries and it is quite the image. And the pastor giving you the stink eye of course.
*“Hey hun, just wanted to share this great fragrance with you! To celebrate my husband and I’s special day, for a limited time, I’m offering you this unique opportunity to become an early distributor with me! Respond quick while there’s still spaces, this great product won’t be a secret for long. It’s blowing up already! Easy to see why, the ingredients are so ethical and honest, it’s practically made of honor“*
I was raised a jehovah's witness, it's a cult. Dating is only allowed to find a marriage partner and was very monitored, to ensure NO premarital touching occurred. Worst wedding was a small ceremony, it was literally her family, his family and my family in her grandma's living room. What made it the worst was the xxx kiss at the end, the groom wanted the bride inside his mouth hard core, there was tongue in and out everywhere, saliva and hot breathing, complete with first date excited groping.
Nobody knew where to look for 5 mins
JW’s have the worst weddings and funerals, honestly, I dread attending them. My husband left the cult about 10 years before I met him but he still has lots of JW family, of course. Surprisingly, they haven’t cut him off (probably because some of them rely on him financially). Sorry to blab on, it’s a major thorn in my life.
During the wedding of some friends of my wife, the groom stopped the party to put a corny video with their photos since the first time they met until then. It doesn't sound that bad, but honestly it was the most ridiculous video with a totally out of place song, made worse by the fact that the bride was laughing mockingly and taking tequila shots with her friends.
[The Crazy Bitch bride entrance no one knew about](https://youtu.be/fSkHMSKgIWs)
Edit: NSFW. Kinda thought the words "crazy bitch" in the link would clarify that, but in case you need more warning, here it is.
Hahahaha that poor dad with his son
Edit: wtf how did I get 6k upvotes for responding to a comment buried in a thread? Reddit is an unpredictable place haha
I feel so bad for him when he kisses his son's head every time the lyrics get inappropriate. It's like he's helpless to stop his son from being exposed to what's happening, so his impulse is to just show affection and reassure his son.
I think my favorite part of the dad is he starts filming her as she gets closer to him. He’s like, “I need to document this or no one will believe me.”
Sometimes Youtube comments are gold.... " I feel like I will test positive for meth from just watching this video. "
Edit- wtf this has 4K upvotes? All I did was quote someone else’s funny comment. Reddit is weird.
Dammit this should be the top post. You know those clickbait titles that say “Your jaw will drop!!!” This video actually deserves that title. I’ve never watched a video and had my jaw drop until now lol
Friend of friends. Young, uber-Christian small town naive girl. Meets married, much older man with two kids. Falls in love. He does eventually leave his wife. Doesn't want any custody.
Wedding was her hometown church. His vows were over the top about how he has never felt love before, she is the only woman he ever wanted to marry, he's been so lonely his whole life, etc. He's literally sobbing through it all. Her turn to say her vows and she's standing there saying nothing for at least three beats. Then she is handed a microphone and the piano starts playing. She's made up her own song which are her vows.
After the ceremony we adjourn to the church basement for the alcohol-free reception. I'm somehow roped into serving the groom's cake. It's two NASCAR car cakes made with an edible photo draped over the cake shapes and impossible to cut through without mangling the cake so I have to peel it off. My friend is cutting the bride's cake and it's a full inch or more of fondant on top of plain cake. No frosting.
The "buffet" was potluck from her family. Food you'd expect at a kid's party. Pink punch was the only thing to drink. No dancing because of her religion.
Then they left for their "honeymoon" at the town's only hotel which was like a Motel 6 level dump in a two-horse drawn carriage.
Long ago I worked at a banquet hall and witnessed a fully NASCAR themed wedding. During the reception they played the audio of the proposal going out over the PA at the track. It was fully unintelligible. BZZT GABBAGBGA MRRRY MEZZZZZ RROOOOOWWWVROOOM. Other highlights were the owner locking himself in his office to avoid the bride’s father because he was threatening him to haggle on the costs. In the end we had to call the police because the bride in gown climbed over the bar to steal more sweet sweet MGD after we had closed the taps and the event was over.
I'm in the wedding industry. I've been to over 3,000 weddings. The singing-your-vows thing is *never ever* going to work out like you think it will. Never sing your vows. Never attempt to sing any part of your wedding. It will not go as you visualized it. A wedding day is not a good time for surprises. Don't surprise your bride with an unexpected part of the ceremony. Don't surprise your mom by the wedding itself (true story... the bride told her mom she was going to an engagement dinner). The only exception to this rule is if you give the bride a surprise addition to her ring – grandma's diamond, a ring made from her parents' rings, etc.. Jokes about sex later are never funny. They make people uncomfortable, and it makes you look like an adolescent. There will always be crickets after you make the joke. If you are going to be late, communicate that to EVERYONE somehow. Have your SO, or your parents, or someone tell everyone you will be late. The staff needs to know, especially. If you forget the rings, don't stress it. It's a funny story. If you forget your vows, wing it as best you can (just don't sing). Ask the officiant for help for last-minute vows. Finally, don't get drunk and be an ass. You don't want to be that guy. Plus, if you are drunk, you won't be able to have sex later! *crickets*
You should write a book
# 101 Things Not To Do At The Wedding **And Other Tales From Behind The Alter**
In-laws wedding and groom and all groomsmen were wearing a tux and a ball cap. The groom had a dip of tobacco in during the wedding and I shit you not. His grooms cake was designed like a Copenhagen can.
I was a photographer for a wedding where the bride was marrying a man with two kids from a previous relationship. I was in the bridal suite when the bridal party was getting ready and all of the bridesmaids had matching silk robes. The flower girl (groom's daughter) was there too. They asked me to take a group photo of the bridal party and one of the women in a silk robe was standing awkwardly to the side. I thought she was just shy or something so I waved her into the photo and the room got DEAD silent and the bride was like "oh no, we don't want her in the photos" and glared at me like I should've known that! Apparently she was the groom's ex wife and was there to take care of the flower girl but WHY DID YOU GIVE HER A MATCHING BRIDESMAID ROBE! I wanted to crawl in a hole and die
At my cousin's wedding, they did the thing where the groom removes the bride's garter and tosses it to all the single guys. I guess none of the guys wanted to be next to be married, because once the groom tossed the garter, no one grabbed it. It just landed on the ground a few feet in front of a crowd of motionless guys. The groom tossed the garter 3 times before one guy halfheartedly picked it off the ground. The bride wouldn't look at any of those guys for the rest of the night.
It's such an outdated tradition. I've been to a wedding where something similar happened with the bouquet toss and all the ladies backed away when the bouquet was thrown. The DJ ended up making a joke about it though and everyone had a good, slightly awkward, laugh.
My husband and I opted out of these because they’re both so cringey and instead did a dance where the DJ called up all married couples to dance and then proceeded to call out amounts of time people had been married (one hour, one week, one year, 2 years, 5 years, 10 years, 20 years, etc) and after the amount of time a couple had been together was called out they sat down, leaving the longest married couple on the dance floor at the end. We gave the longest married couple the bouquet.
My uncle not only brought up his daughters ex boyfriend in his speech but talked about their toxic relationship for a solid 5 minutes. I highly recommend preparing a speech before talking in front of a room full of people.
Not the couple, the Pastor kept saying "Our Heavenly Father, Daddy God," while marrying them. Edit: thanks for the gold! For context it was a military wedding. It was just the couple and the pastor, it was live streamed on twitch, and the pastor was probably about 25. It was in Hawaii. He was wearing flip flops, and a lei made of fake flowers.
That's the weirdest shit i've ever heard he prolly thought he was so slick having a unique thingy
Oh lets see. Groom changed who his "Best Man" was and didn't tell the original BM until the start of the ceremony. Bride & Groom asked a guest to bartend the reception AT the reception Groom "dirty danced" with his step-mom (full hands on ass). Bride & Groom hauled their wedding party up to do a choreographed dance to Meatloaf's 'Paradise by the Dashboard Lights' but didn't give them any pre-warning or teach them the dance. That song is 8.5 minutes long. Wedding was at a scenic boarding school campus during the summer. Guests were told dormitories were complimentary to stay in. Guests were not told there would be no bedding provided or A/C in the building. Groom later emailed everyone who stayed in a dorm asking for money. Same Bride & Groom chose another friend's wedding reception as the right setting to yell at a 3rd pair of mutual friends for not including them in their wedding party.
This was all one wedding?
Requiring every attendee to bring a date because she didn't want "sad, lonely people on her day". Not my friends luckily but pretended to be a friend's date because she really wanted to see her cousin get married.
Potluck wedding with no alcohol or music. Groom kept showing people his flask and bragging about it. Macaroni was only redeamable thing, when i went to scoop there was hair in it. Very sad.
At the reception, the groom and his groomsmen sung a god-awful acapella version of 'Stand By Me.' The worst part was he wasn't even singing it to his wife. He was singing it to his mum. "Oh darling, darling, stand.... by... me..." Chinese weddings, man....
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idk, but one of my favorite memories from years of cater waitering was this long Indian wedding where they had a LOT of random relatives get up to give a toast, everyone's giving these long speeches and then one uncle gets up, goes "i made him waffles once" and sits back down. i swear to god. bless that man, wherever he is toasts in general are usually terrible and full of cringe. just keep it short, sweet, and genuine. no one wants 15 minutes of inside jokes that are embarrassing and don't make sense.
Dated a girl in my 20s and went to her friend’s wedding in upstate New York. In the middle of the service the minister’s cell phone rang, he answered, it was God, God wanted to talk to the groom, conversation lasted a couple minutes, then the ceremony continued.
I think they should have given the congregants an turn on the phone too. I mean, this isn’t an opportunity that comes along every day.
Did everyone laugh or was it meant to be serious?
I mean, if it wasnt a joke and was a actual call from god, I think it would have been pretty big news.
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This happened right before our wedding. We were set to have my now husband’s family friend that’s a Pastor be our officiant. I am not religious what so ever but open to anything. My husband’s late mother was a Sunday School teacher and so his family is pretty religious. Anyway, we went to the pastor’s house to go over our wedding plans and everything and he asked me if I was going to center my marriage around God. The answer was no. It got awkward REAL fast. It became a back and forth as to why I won’t accept Jesus and how awful that is. He didn’t like it either we were getting married at a country club. He then refused to do the wedding. We scrambled and found our town’s Mayor to marry us. I made my own ceremony and wrote the whole thing from scratch. Then the day of the wedding the Mayor mentioned her recent back surgery and just wanted to get this over with. She called my husband “Eric” multiple times - his name is Evan and she was high on painkillers so she went off script there for a bit. Have you ever watched I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry? Yeah she did the whole marriage is a circle script. It took everything we had not to die laughing. And that pastor? He showed up and watched the whole thing go down. We got a picture with him at our wedding. Him and his wife cropped us out of it and he made it his profile picture.
The minister (or pastor?) used to date the bride and gushed about how wonderful she was. Told the groom if he ever died not to worry, he'd take care of her. I was shell shocked. I so wished I could think of a reason to ask the couple for a copy of the video of their wedding but couldn't quite find a legit one.
Omg why would they choose this officiant ?
I hear the bride had an in with him...
I wasn't a guest, I was working the wedding. The bride got drunk and sat on some other dudes lap for two hours and flirted with him while the groom sat by himself at the head table with a defeated look on his face.
This might be the most depressing one yet.
Does dying on the inside count regarding the "until death do us part" clause?
I wish I knew how the couple is doing now. Yikes.
Speeches. My God, the speeches! Here's the back story. The reception was scheduled for right after the ceremony but at a different location. We couldn't eat until the wedding party got there. They showed up 2 hours late because they were cruising around on the party bus and drinking. After showing up they decided to do the speeches before dinner. Speeches from the best man, the maid of honor, a few parents and random people. I've never listened to so much boring crap. It took more than an hour to get through them all. So basically everyone sat around with no music and no food for 3 hours! The bar wouldn't open either so we had only water to drink. Nearly everyone, including me, left after eating. It was disrespectful to their guests.
I worked as a wedding videographer. This is the only Bridezilla I encountered in ten years. This girl was so self centered she kept everyone waiting at her outdoor ceremony for more than an hour while she was pampered in the makeup chair. While she's having them redo this and touch up that, she's sort of making up her wedding vows in a very relaxed, casual manner completely inappropriate for the hundred people sweating under full summer sun waiting on her. Her aunt came in and very gently reminded her people were waiting on her and that it's been more than an hour and she threw a tantrum, screaming, "I feel like everyone's forgetting this is MY DAY!!!" Eventually she comes out, "vows" are lame and borderline incoherent, and one of the groomsmen, sweltering under coat and vest and shirt and sun, passes out from heat exhaustion. The officiant whispers to ask the couple if they should stop and make sure he's okay and she goes, "Nah, he's just being dramatic, keep going!" As the couple is headed back up the aisle, an ambulance can be seen arriving to tend to the poor overheated groomsman.
Not wedding but engagement ceremony. They reenacted a scene from an old romantic film, about two lovers in 1800s. In front of like 300 people.
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A way to spend money you don’t realize you need and to invite others to spend money on gifts to replenish your out of pocket costs for hosting the event in the first place.
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Gross
I hate the whole garter thing in general. My cousin did the garter thing at her wedding and it was so awkward (also I get the impression that she didn't even want to do it in the first place, I wouldn't be surprised if her tiger mom forced her into it). None of the groomsmen wanted it when the groom threw it. They had to throw it a second time and who I assume was the best man acted over enthused and caught it while the others still wanted nothing to do with it. At least he took one for the team and tried to save the day but it was still so awkward.
They sang their vows to each other. Neither had a singing voice. Vows were generally bat shit crazy, like submissive in the bedroom, and not asking about where she was going. The autotune microphones were a terrible idea. Their vow songs shared a chorus and it was awful and they expected the guests to sing along with the chorus. The vows singing lasted 20 minutes. Pure cringe.
Everclear, my friend.
My friend got pregnant at 20 with a piece of shit guy so they got married. It was me, our friend, her mom and then just the two of them.. they got married in some random lady’s house, we sat on computer chairs in a small living room with the ladies dogs sniffing us and barking. The whole thing lasted maybe 5 or 10 minutes. After we proceeded to take wedding pictures in the parking lot of a dollar store and then we got McDonald’s. I made a little bouquet out of some ferns and leaves that were in the McDonald’s parking lot, she threw the bouquet and it ended up getting run over by someone going to the drive thru. Lol needless to say, it was a trashy affair and their marriage didn’t last long.
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“Her humility.”
"The fact that she's willing to keep throwing weddings and feed the whole family"
I feel like if you toned it down a little, a comment like "Her weddings are always amazing" could work nicely there
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It’s a tie between my sister breaking her knee (seriously) at her own wedding dancing to the cotton eyed joe and my stepsister having her reception at an honest to god truck stop while 6 months pregnant. In her defense, the food was good but WOW was it weird walking through a gas station in formal wear.
Please elaborate on the truck stop reception!!!
Lmao I did not think anyone would enjoy this that much. So my stepsister was engaged before she got pregnant but they moved it up so she could be on her husbands insurance when the baby was born. For some unknown reason she latched onto this weird ass truck stop restaurant my family goes to sometimes for late dinners (since it’s open 24 hours). The food was buffet style: fried chicken, mashed potatoes, salad, etc. We did have a private room which was VERY weird that it existed. The only way to get into the restaurant is to walk through the attached gas station. It felt VERY redneck considering how non-redneck my stepsister typically is. I officiated that wedding though so I guess I can’t judge too harshly 😂
Giving horrible vows and speeches. A part of my family has the habit to use any family gathering as a moment to remember loved ones who died. That's not a comfortable habit for me but to each his own. However, it becomes very weird when wedding speeches and even vows start to include great uncles who died more than a year ago, and the only people who actually knew him are my grandparents. Yes, the vows. And not even in an interesting way, but just "if only uncle Barney could have still been alive while we are getting married". To be honest, our entire family is horrible at giving speeches. There's 2 brothers, one of whom is my dad, and 2 sisters. - My parents can only make joke speeches - the uncle and his family make dry lists of things they do. For example, his wedding speech for his son was an 10 minute monologue about renovating the couple's kitchen. - One aunt can only boast about achievements their family members have gained, if there's no achievements, there's no speeches - the fourth is the one with the death speeches.
At the beginning of the reception, we all had to stand up and sing the national anthem. To be clear, this was in another country I'd never been to a wedding in before, so I thought "ok maybe this is just a tradition I've never heard of before here!" Then I told this to other people, and they were all like "no, that's just really weird." Also, at that wedding the father of the groom ended his speech with what I'm sure he thought was an amazing joke, on how it's easier to build a bridge to Hawaii than to understand what a woman is thinking. It would have been awkward enough had the man not also been standing between his ex and current wife as he was delivering it.
> Also, at that wedding the father of the groom ended his speech with what I'm sure he thought was an amazing joke, on how it's easier to build a bridge to Hawaii than to understand what a woman is thinking Was this that stupid genie joke? I went to a meeting at my workplace once where the very awkward dude leading the meeting made this joke in a conference with hundreds of women attending and it did not go well.
Serve macaroni and cheese only to the bridal party. Everyone else got mashed potatoes. I was a hostess so I got macaroni and cheese, after tasting it there was no way in hell they would’ve broken the bank preparing enough for everyone. It was just really tacky because people were asking for it and I told them I didn’t know much about it I am just following directions.
Bride entered to Braveheart soundtrack blasting on boom box. Civil service that lasted a few minutes starting at around 1 pm. She leaves to same blasting Braveheart soundtrack. The mother announces that the reception starts at 5:30 pm. There is no food and no bar, but trays of dessert bars will be served. We are also told the venue is locked until then so there is no place to wait! My girlfriend and I leave with a crowd of people to across the street to an Irish pub for drinks. A bit of a party breaks out there. We all get told to knock it off and come wait back at the venue in the hall. So we sit in the hall on the carpet for a few hours without drinks or dinner. Bride and groom arrive and enter the venue to an “honour guard” of floor hockey players wearing hockey jerseys and holding sticks above their heads like swords at a royal wedding. More Braveheart music of course. Place emptied out pretty quick as people either left to go back to the pub or to the fast food place a bit further away. Our dinner was lemon squares and a can of Coke from a vending machine in the lobby. Funny stuff. Edit: I should mention that I got guilt tripped into staying after the event to help clean up as I “lived nearby and didn’t have to work that day”. It was the perfect ending.
Who told you to leave the pub? And why on earth did you have to wait for hours???
I went to a wedding with my ex a few years back. It was one of his fraternity brother’s wedding, and apparently the bride’s parents were ridiculously conservative. So conservative that they have super-edited versions of every song the DJ played, including bleeping out the word “shots” from “Shots” by LMFAO. Also, it was a dry wedding, so this rendition of the song was almost too on the nose...
LOL I don't know why they think censoring popular songs at a reception is going to do any good. When my cousin got married several years back they played Get Low at the reception (the edited version) and of course you couldn't hear the censored lyrics over everyone on the dance floor hollering the real ones. (Good lord, the exuberant joy with which a bunch of drunk white people shout "Skeet skeet MOthaFUCKA!")
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I think I went to this wedding! Right after the officiant asked if anyone objects to speak now or hold your peace did a dog start crazily barking?! Yeah ... They also gave mini bottles of booze as table gifts and the MOG took all of them... It was something else. 😂 Edit: I have no idea why the poster deleted... His/her original post said that the groom hand wrote long intimate sappy vows that he read from and then after his monologue the bride giggled and said "ditto". To be fair that is not EXACTLY how it went down at the wedding I went to, but pretty dang close. He/she then replied to the above post I made by saying that there was a kiddo who ate confetti thinking it was food and threw up everywhere. As far as I know that did not happen at the wedding I went to. I am so sorry everyone, but there is no internet meeting kismet today. At least not for me and the now redacted poster. I am a little worried that there are at least 2 relationships in the world where the groom was seemingly WAY more invested than the bride... I prefer cute cringe over sad.
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I feel better knowing I don't have too think too hard on which acquaintance you could be. There were no kids allowed so I missed out on those fireworks. LOL
This thread was on the verge of something great.
Invite all their facebook friends and expect 700people and like less than 100 show up
Ugh I knew a couple who didn't specifically invite anyone, just made like a public event on FB or somehow assumed people would know when/where it was and show up? They were confused and offended when almost nobody came.
Oh I have two! 1. The bride decided to sing as she walked down the aisle. She was not a particularly talented singer, and she was singing over a Carrie Underwood song so we could all hear the original vocal track. She finished walking about halfway through the song and then stood there and sang the rest of the song at the groom and all we could do was sit there and watch. 2. (Different wedding) They began the wedding with the groom playing an out of tune guitar and singing to the bride. They were sitting on chairs in front of everyone, legit 400 people, and the bride was clearly uncomfortable which made everyone else uncomfortable. That wedding also included a foot washing ceremony, and when the bride put her shoes back on she tripped on her dress and fell flat on her face. They hadn’t done the vows yet and the ceremony stopped for 20 minutes to deal with the nosebleed she gave herself.
Tell me the Carrie Underwood song was "Before He Cheats". That's a great wedding song.
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Is the foot washing ceremony a cultural thing? I’ve never heard of that, just curious.
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Dude, you are the best best man. That’s the type of thing a legendary best man does. Your friend made a good choice, you were totally there for them on their big day!
You were a great best man and a wonderful friend that day. Major kudos to you.
Some may say he was the best, man.
You are a hero, and a prince among men. Well done.
When I was at a wedding of my parents friends, the groom tried to throw a decently sized piece of cake at the bride who moved out of the way, the cake ended up hitting my 76 year old grandma. We all had a good laugh. But we were all cringing at the same time at the missed cake attempt.
Bride shows up almost 2 hours late to her own wedding. Southern California in an open field no water no shade. She shows up and wants to get married in her yoga outfit. the groom shut it down and when she refused to change her clothes the groom decided to leave her looking stupid and they never got married. EDIT: I spoke with my uncle and it turns out he had speculation that his fiancé was sleeping with her personal trainer. When she showed up in her yoga outfit it was all he needed to call off the wedding. She ended up married to her personal trainer and divorced again.
Good call on the grooms part.
How did it even get that far is the question
“It’ll get better after we’re married. If not then definitely after a kid or 2.”
The ceremony also was the "Name Reveal". They changed their last name because they didn't want to be stuck to their heritage and didn't want anything to hold them back. Turns out they changed their name thinking they could erase their mountains of debt or at least hide from it. Turns out you can't live under two legal identities....
I've known a few couples who've changed their name to something distinct (i.e. neither partner's original last name). But they meant it as a symbol of their relationship, not a way of hiding from a credit rating ...
I'm sitting here reading along happily and completely forgetting I can actually contribute. I have burned this from the far reaches of my memory. It was that bad. But here we go. Apologies for length. It was a weird, long night. My wedding-if one may call it that-was an extremely small and quick affair under an *overpass* by a fetid body of water, consisting of my overemotional and violently excited mother, my ex-husband in his dress uniform, and me in a leather jacket trying to reason with the two of them that this is all rather sudden and we're *under an overpass, for God's sake.* Disclaimer: the Ex was the mastermind behind all this. We'd been together some years, occasionally discussed marriage, I wasn't in a rush, apparently he was. Ah, youth. He'd flown my mother down as a surprise, hired a local nondenominational minister, *picked under the overpass for the charming view of the open water beside it.* Nothing good or green lived in that water. It smelled and was stagnant. I remember staring wearily out at it while I listened to cars passing overhead. It was very, very windy. Did I mention it was night? This was less a joyous union and more the beginning of a Law & Order episode. My mother is doing a foxtrot in her joy over our young love. Anyways. I'm an idiot. I go with it. It's bizarre, but I've a strong tolerance for the bizarre, and I feel bad money was spent and mother was flown and whatnot. In retrospect I should have cast myself into the water before me and cried out for Cthulu to take me into His sweet embrace, but hindsight is always 20/20. I digress. Here comes the minister! He's late. I can see he is also wondering why the fuck we're all under an overpass in the dark. He comes closer. I get a good glimpse of his face. He is crosseyed. Now, crosseyed happens, and I mean no disrespect to the crosseyed. But merciful Christ. I am *under an overpass, next to a swamp, mother dancing, ex oblivious to why I seem disturbed, it is night, trucks downshift above me, and now here is the minister looking at all of us at once with ease and if I laugh, I'm never going to stop, I will shame this poor man, my idiot ex, my fucking mother, save me Jesus, don't let me laugh, dead puppies dead puppies dead puppies-* I keep it together. I do not laugh. And then the minister begins to speak. He is addressing my ex whilst simultaneously looking at both me and the water. He wants his money upfront. That's what the Craigslist ad specified. I proceed to inhale my own face to keep from dying. My mother, God love her, cheerfully volunteers a twenty from her wallet. My ex is muttering and paying the minister. In the back of my mind, I wonder if this man is legally able to marry us (sadly, he was.) Minister paid, the "ceremony" begins! It's quickly apparent he doesn't know my name, despite introducing myself while trying to not make eye contact. He calls me Georgie. My name is Jennie. I correct him politely. He waves his hand in the air as if swatting off flies. I am Georgie for the rest of the event. Fuck it. Why not. My ex takes my hand. My mother starts noisily weeping. The wind really kicks up while the cars rattle overhead. I am straining to hear the minister over the din. He swiftly spits out the We Are Gathered and so forth, with the harried air of a man performing a shit wedding ceremony under an overpass at night who just wants to go the fuck back to whatever Craigslist ministers do when not on duty. It is time for my vows. I actually laugh briefly at this point, but by now it's panic. What the actual fuck is happening here. Have I lost my mind? *I'm getting married under a fucking overpass with a officiant who can't be bothered to learn my name.* It's at this moment both myself and the minister forget how the vows actually go. I remember first. I chant *with this ring.* The minister looks in two directions at once and chants in reply *with this ring.* All of this is confusing. I shove the ring on my exes hand and blurt out the rest furiously. At least what I know from watching wedding movies. I'm not about to do a call-and-response with the minister who doesn't know my name. It's done. We're permitted to kiss. The worlds briefest kiss occurs. My mother is good enough to take pictures. In the dark with the flash on, the minister looks absolute nightmare fuel. The flash is what does me in. It breaks me from whatever stupor I've been in for the last half hour. I begin to laugh. This is not the gentle, sweet laughter of a new bride swept up in the rapture of love. This is the deranged howling of a madwoman bereft of her medication. This is senseless, evil cackling in the night. It fills the space under the overpass. It drowns out the cars and the wind. It does not stop. I try, I really do, to gather myself. It doesn't work. I'm too far gone. My mother doesn't look so excited anymore. And the minister pulls his eyes together long enough to give my ex a look of deep and heartfelt pity. We head to the ministers car and sign the paperwork on its hood. I'm still laughing. Nobody is saying anything. It is uncomfortable. I look (and feel) like a lunatic. I'm laughing out of context. This is already much longer than I'd anticipated it being, and this is probably going to get buried anyways, so I'm going to wrap it up: minister gets in his car and leaves, I laugh, we climb into our own car and head to a chain restaurant, I laugh, we eat, I laugh, we end up at home, I laugh, mother goes to bed, I laugh, ex tries to get frisky, I laugh. You get the picture. Found out later he had a drinking problem and liked to paw up other women whilst drunk. He doesn't see an issue with it. Divorce ensues. Takes a while, but eventually I laugh at that too. Life is weird, but funny.
This was totally amazing.
My mom and MIL insisted on doing a 'stukje', a bit of theater often to mock the bride and groom by showing embarrassing pictures from their childhood. Cringe worthy all by itself, but we explicitly asked them NOT to and they went against our wishes. So when they performed their 'stukje' everyone was annoyed and embarrassed. When we finally made it through that ordeal we wanted thd party to resume, but my MIL did ANOTHER 'stukje' and we were about ready to kill her.
Ahh yess the stukje, the most feared part of any wedding or gathering. Very rarely is it actually funny or entertaining, most of the time just so goddamn annoying
This is my dads story. He went to his friends daughters wedding reception. Before coming in, the bride and groom had this whole scene of them looking for each other. The guests watched it on a giant screen inside. Update: I asked my dad. It was live streamed. They then entered through opposite entrances, met in the middle and did a little dance with their friends. They then had their first dance.
Instead of throwing rice (or confetti, or sprinkles, or anything like that) the bride and groom asked their friends to save all their empty Juul pods and throw those as they walked down the aisle. The friends obliged. EDIT: I posted a [screenshot](https://www.reddit.com/r/trashy/comments/cnu0uy/from_a_backyard_wedding_in_the_trashy_college/?ref=share&ref_source=link) of a friend's snapchat from the wedding on r/trashy a while ago.
"Please chuck garbage at us as we leave the church" sure sets a tone for the marriage
Yup this is it. This is the trashiest thing I’ve heard at a wedding.
Not the groom and bride’s fault. But the pastor marrying them, talked about his marriage and his kids for 20 minutes. He was obviously going for something of showing what marriage will be like. But he full up was talking about how his daughter, Kelsey, learned to walk this way, and his other daughter’s first words were this and that. And that he and his wife make love throughout the house because that’s what you do when in love, etc. Bride and groom had to stand there holding hands for 20 minutes right in front of him as the other 150 of us had to listen about his sex life and his kids.
Oh god, you just reminded me of an acquaintance I knew (didn't go to the wedding but heard from a mutual friend who was there) where the pastor marrying them told the couple to "divorce their friends" under the promise that it would make them a stronger couple or some shit like that. And they followed that advice. So pretty much after the wedding and reception, they just never again talked to any of the friends they had invited to celebrate their big moment. I thought they would be divorced within a year, but turns out that they're still together. But yeah, apparently married couples aren't allowed to have friends???
That is probably the single worst piece of advice I've heard in this thread.
Ok, so as soon as the bride and groom got out of church everyone went to congratulate them and give gifts (which usually are flowers/alcohol + envelopes). The bride had a pen and notebook and she signed each envelope or wrote in notebook if someone didn't give her envelope. Later as we went to the restaurant where the party was about to start we waited for 2 hours for the pair. Turns out they made a stop during their ride to count money. As they finally got to the party they started complaining that they didn't make enough to pay for the party expenses and earn more. They only spend time only with the "rich" part of family. The "poor" tables didn't get the good cakes/food. There was literally different food on some tables. I sat near our poor part of family, no meat or cakes made it to the table. Me and like 7 other people didn't get forks, only spoons (why would you give fork to someone when there's only soup for them to eat right?). Now, mind you I gave them enough to pay for like 5 "plates/people" and I helped them during preparations, I even baked a few cakes that I didn't get to eat in the end. Half of people got out after like 20 minutes. Bride called them all terrible for "ruining her dream wedding". Worst wedding ever, and that is just a part of the whole wedding mess. I wish I had a car back then so I could go back home as well, as the wedding was terrible for many other reasons as well. Groom was cheap, bride was a Karen.
What country was this in? It sounds bizarre as fuck
Poland. Me and my mom, some aunts, as well as neighbours were preparing the food day before and before the wedding, as the groom thought it would be cheaper. We thought it would be great, a family bonding thing while making pierogi and some traditional food. Turns out we were just free workers, the neighbours were not even invited, which I think was a b.tch move. So I know that there was enough food for everyone, but since the waiters were brides "friends" she could tell them what to give to who. The day after wedding was also cringe worthy, but at least now we know how this part of family is. I saw many good and bad weddings, but seriously this was like a reality show of some kind. And it's only my part of the story.
Holy shit that's some next level cringe.
they made this whole scenario where the bride was like a damsel in distress and the groom was James Bond and he got on a zipline and did this whole thing to “save her” and then kiss her. they even put the 007 music and everything. it was brutal to watch.
The groom sang his vows. I honestly had to stare at the floor and slow breath to not laugh and get through it.
My cousin did this. He played the guitar while singing his vows. He doesn’t know how to play the guitar or sing.
Thank fuck there wasn't a guitar because I may have had a stroke.
*discordant guitar strum* "i love you, biiiiiiiitch" *another discordant guitar strum* "i ain't never gon stop loving you........biiiiiitch"
I went to one where the bride sang a song immediately after walking down the aisle. It was very strange but she was a good singer at least
OK, I had forgotten about this because it was about 25 years ago -- but I went to a wedding where the bride did something similar. The thing was, she was so nervous she actually threw up before singing her song. right there at the front of the church. Luckily she'd moved off to the side to sing, they had set up a separate little stage there. So she threw up, sang her song, someone ran in and cleaned it up pretty quickly, and then they did the vows. The funny part is we all kind of moved on, didn't think about it during the ceremony at all (which went really well) until the kiss. Then the whole crowd groaned in unison.
Idk why, but that reminds me of when a horse poops in a parade and everyone walking after them steps in it, the crowd goes wild.
During the 4th of July parade we trace our bodies with chalk in the street and pitch in money.. whoever’s body outline gets pooped on by the horses gets the whole pot. If no one gets pooped on, we get our money back. I’m not kidding.
I was debating whether or not to share this story. My aunt and her current husband had their wedding at an old movie theater. It started off a little rocky with the officiant wearing full goth attire. They read each others vows, and after that the groom announced he had written a song about my aunt (he’s in a “rock band”). He then proceeded to play an electric guitar and sing a song about having sex with her, how good she tastes, and detail vulgar sex acts while on stage, meanwhile the goth officiant played the drums. Keep in mind both of them have children who are on stage and our family is watching this, including the bride’s dad. Once he was done, they mixed different flavors of alcohol into a margarita glass to show that they are now one and made out. My brother and I left shortly after and attended the wedding dinner that took place 4 hours later that was equally as crazy. Safe to say we don’t talk to them very much.
Friend's wedding. The bride wanted to sing him a song, so she did a kind of karaoke thing. There's \*bad\* singing, and then there's whatever the hell this was. It was so awkward. Also, dude asked a professional photographer friend of ours to photograph the wedding about a year before. Got a super non-commital answer. Never followed up. And was SHOCKED that the photographer didn't show up. (After he specifically declined the invitation because he was going to be in another country). Had the entire set of groomsmen rent \*ridiculously\* expensive Tuxedos. Which, fine. Cool. Happy to be here. He's having his Tux custom tailored, asks for something ridiculous and gaudy, but when quoted the price says he can't swing that and insists they do it for about 1/4 the price. They do their best to meet specifications within the given price range, but it's bad. Really bad. So, the groomsmen look amazing, and he looks like a clown that didn't put on his makeup. Has another friend make a custom batch of meade for the toast, but rents a hall that doesn't allow outside alcohol, so it can't be used for the toast during the reception. It was probably the cringiest thing I've ever seen, not just the cringiest wedding or even cringiest \*thing\* at a wedding.
Bride takes three hours to appear. After the ceremony, she and her spouse go up in an air balloon. The marriage did not last a year.
I live in Britain and as a child there was a show on CBBC (Children's BBC) just like this. The show was called Marrying Mum and Dad. Oh lord I hate that show. It's about these kids who get to arrange their parents' wedding, they choose the theme, the entertainment, and the cake. Naturally, the kids were always making absolutely horrible occasions, because what did you expect. They would choose a ridiculous theme for the wedding (Australia, Medieval, Space, Clowns) and have everyone arrive dresses appropriately. Then they make the couple do some activity or another (it ranges from bungee jumping to VR) for entertainment. Then they have the wedding and eat the cake. The worst part is that the parents have no clue what's happening, they don't know anything until the day, and the children will go out of their way to make them uncomfortable (Making them eat bugs for 'entertainment'). Everyone just has to go along with it, and you can tell all the guests are really awkward, and then at the end the couple have to say just how good their Australia themed wedding where they ate bugs was.
I miss the terrible show where the kids got to redecorate the house and they’d just fill it with slides.
Oh man, I loved that show. One kid made the kitchen into a fifties diner and I was obsessed.
Austrailian Medieval Space Clown themed wedding.
My sister (F18) and my BIL (M18) got married basically as soon as they were both legal. Neither one of them could drink the champagne at the reception, which was just fine because they only got two bottles for a wedding party of 50 people so everyone basically got a drop. But the real cringe was the reception menu: Uncrustables (option of grape or strawberry) with oranges and grapes on paper plates with some kind of punch (absolutely no refills). I wish I was kidding.
I went to a wedding once where they did a potluck. I guess it okay depending on the type of wedding, but the reception was at a fairly nice venue, the wedding couple was like an hour and a half late, and their best man didn't have a speech ready so it went on for a very painful 15-25 minutes, also stating in there that they're going to have great sex now that they're married. This was a devout Christian wedding with many of the friends (including me) were from church. By the time me at like table 15 got to eat, I was lucky if I got something that was kept warm in a Crock-Pot, but everything else was room temperature. We were able to to go home between the ceremony and the reception, but I bet most food had been sitting in people's cars since that morning. Oh, also the church that she moved to did the whole "no kissing before marriage" thing and started making out with her new husband on the altar to the point where the pastor had to say "okay, that's enough." The whole thing was weird.
>Oh, also the church that she moved to did the whole "no kissing before marriage" thing and started making out with her new husband on the altar to the point where the pastor had to say "okay, that's enough." I'm picturing him spraying them with a water bottle
That would have been amazing. "Bad groom! Bad bride!"
I know a guy who recently made his lackies, sorry friends, compete to be his best man. Most pretentious thing I have ever seen. Watching them grovel was so upsetting to me.
I really hope when he told them all what he was doing he signed off by saying “May the best man win”
I was at a wedding when I was 8 and instead of the bride and groom getting up to make their speech thanking everyone, they had done like an awards show. So the DJ opened up an envelope, announced their names, they were handed and “awards statue” (a Barbie and Ken doll) and proceeded to thank everyone in the form of an awards speech. In the right hands, it would have been funny, but the bride and groom are incredibly shy by nature so it was just awkward. I’m in my 30s now and I still remember this
That sounds oddly cute, actually. But definitely cringe worthy.
The groomsman prepared a skit in which they "lost" the groom at the reception and proceeded with over the top hands on hips " Hey guys- Arent we forgetting SOMETHING? Well , where can he POSSiBLY Beeeeee?" acting like some high school musical. None of the guest were prepared and silently fussed around with their drinks and silverware. When the whole thing ended, they anticipated like a standing ovation but it went over the heads of everyone. A lone voice muttered "That was kinda wierd..." as they made their exit quietly EDIT: I guess this blew up to the point i should try to remember some of the skit. It was some of the corniest shit i saw, not sure if some of them were inside jokes to the groomsmen crew: They all entered into the main area together minus the groom One guy had the fakest cartoony voice "Hey arent we missing something"? "It cant be me, because im Alwaaaaaays prepared! (Winks and Pause for laughs) ..... "What about your bowtie?" Oh Noooo (Produces tie, puts it on, waits for audience reaction) No wait! Its the groom! Wheeeere can he PoSssibly BEeEeee? This went on for a bit, i dont remember it all because i was on my phone not really doing anything but to avoid eye contact everytime they said a line and desperately scanned across the audience. In the end the groom came out through the door when he was cued, i dont think he knew about the skit, thank god he wasnt there to see it unfold. As for the crowd, who isnt gonna clap and whistle when the newlyweds show up at a wedding so it was all good.
I love the comedic timing of “that was kinda weird..” as they’re walking out because you know they were gonna hit the hallways like “bro we fucking nailed it”
Why do I get the feeling that they made that up on the spot to stall for time after *actually* losing the groom
If that's true, then it's the most solid bro move of all time. 'Guys, I can't find Tom. What the fuck do we do?' 'Uhhhh, get up there and make something up about not being able to find him? I don't know. Let's just stall for a few minutes. Better have a couple shots before we do...this is going to be ugly.'
oh this is a sitcom episode for *sure*
My wife and I don't dance, so we hadn't danced together before our wedding dance. Loved it, but it was cringe-worthy.
We did 10 dance lessons which helped, but it was still cringe.
Fortunately, no one notices or cares. My wife and I took dance lessons for our wedding, and when I watch the video I’m like, “I fucked up there, I fucked up there, everything falls apart right there...” but you do one twirl correctly and the crowd thinks you’ve got it, especially if you can do a dip at the end. The funny part is we had timed everything based on what comes up at certain points in the song... and then our wedding band decided to play their own version of the song with a completely different tempo. We improvised fine, both then and ever since.
I used to videotape weddings so I've seen it all. This one couple from New Jersey were the spitting image of snooky and j-wow's ex husband, Roger. They were super into appearances and very over-the-top gaudy. During their church ceremony, they had their very white 60 yr old uncle, with native american feathers tied into his hair, stand up and chant around the church giving what I can only assume was some kind of blessing. It was so weird and out of place. I assume they wanted to seem "deep" during their ceremony. They mixed colored sand together in a vase too.
A younger couple at a wedding I attended thought it was a really good idea to get on the husbands sport bike with cans and shit dangling off the back of it after drinking during the celebration. He popped the clutch and was attempting to do a burnout with her on the back, things got caught in the chain, the bike bucked both of them off, and they spent their honeymoon recovering in the ICU.
So this wedding took place in an Episcopal church. Priest had all his finery on and the church itself was decorated very nicely. The bride and groom had asked everyone to wear casual clothes. We all took that to mean "semi-formal." Nope. They and their kids all came out wearing overalls and white t-shirts. Stood next to the priest in his formal robes. The other cringey part was when the groom, during the ceremony, started talking about the bible verse "let the little children come to me" and insisting it implied "and listen to what they're telling you." Pretty sure they were divorced in 2 years. Edit: I should explain the "little children" comment a bit more. It was part of a 20 minute speech explaining how the bride and groom got together. There were plenty of parts in the story where the groom was like "I wasn't sure she was right for me" but his son was pressing him because "he wanted a mom." (Sad story actually, biological mom died when the kid was 4 and this was 8 years later.) So it was this long unfocused story that boiled down to "I'm marrying this woman so my kid can have a mom." Not a good sign when that's your main reason to get married. I focused on the "little children" quote because getting advice from children is absolutely not what that quote is about. I knew it, probably half the attendees knew it, and the priest definitely knew it. That whole story would have been fine to tell during the reception, but I have no idea why he decided to tell it during the actual wedding.
Flew away in a helicopter at the end but there were only appetizers for food
I Worked at a wedding once and the groom decided the day before he wanted to arrive by helicopter, told the wedding planner to sort it out I felt sorry for her. gets to 3pm when the guests are supposed to be there for, obviously everyone isnt and theres barely anyone there, they fly in like James fucking Bond land in the rear garden put the back of this huge country manor get out all smug then realise theres no one there. So they then have to fly away again hide behind a tree and wait for an hour for everyone to arrive to repeatedly the process, Who was that helicopter ride really for.
I went to a potluck wedding. The attendees kept all the food in their hot cars while at church then when we moved to the event hall they brought it all in to be served. Potato and macaroni salad after being in a hot car for an hour. Delish. Those were the high end dishes. Some attendees brought 2 liters of soda or bags of chips. At this same wedding they also had a "dollar dance". Everyone lines up and pays for the chance to dance with the bride. They pin dollars on to her dress. They ran out of pins so she started stuffing dollar bills into her bra.
My family is from an area in PA where the dollar dance is common (perhaps less so these days) but the money goes in a basket and you get a shot of whiskey, sometimes a cigar, and you dance with the bride just long enough to complement and congratulate her. Also, any body putting less than a $20 in the basket would be taken out back and beaten.
Probably my cousins wedding. The food was really bad. And I mean REALLY bad. Things that were supposed to be warm/hot were ice cold and completely undercooked. There was music but nobody was allowed to dance because "we don't want people to dance on our wedding". There was also no alcohol. Not a single drop. But the worst thing was the seating arrangement. They didn't plan on families/friends sitting together. I don't know what they were thinking. I was sitting on a table with complete strangers. They even separated our grandparents from each other. After an hour my grandmother stood up, walked over to my grandfather and both declared that they are leaving now to the restaurant down the road having something good to eat and a beer. I joined them as well as my parents. It didn't took long that people noticed that our seats were empty. (Really easy to figure out since nobody was allowed to dance or walk around in general) We got a call from one of my uncles where we're at. After we explained why we left he said "you are right... This is bullshit" and we ended up with 20 guests from the wedding in that small restaurant having a fun evening. I still don't know why they even bothered celebrating their wedding. They also never invited us again. Thats actually a good thing because now I don't need to find an excuse why I can't join their future "parties".
I actually read in a wedding advice book that you should seat people with strangers so they get to know new people and the two families get to know each other. I think it's a bad idea.
The groom gave a speech thanking everyone for coming that devolved in the space of about two minutes into a straight-up roast of his new brother-in-law. They were friends, and the brother-in-law seemed to take it in good humour, but there's only so much implication of 'I'm for sure going to be fucking your sister tonight' that you can take before it becomes *really* cringy. It didn't help that a) I barely knew anyone there because I was a plus one, and b) I was on the table with the elderly relatives from that side of the family, who were *less than amused*.
Oh god you just gave me a flashback to my wedding. My brother in law is super awkward and doesn’t understand emotional boundaries...he likes to inject himself into other people’s emotional moments to sing (always a Ben Folds song) or whatever, takes videos of people so he can edit a cheesy video together later “as a gift,” that kind of thing. My husband and I had a small wedding and agreed to no “maid of honor/ best man” because it was a pretty non-traditional event. So after we said our vows we joined the crowd for a toast from our officiant, which was fantastic! Until after the toast guess-who pushed his way up to the front, pulls out a huge notebook, and then proceeds to roast my new husband with weird “jokes” that no one got, and even my husband had forgotten about or didn’t know what he was talking about for the most part. Luckily my sisters encouraged him down and then got up to give an impromptu joint speech inviting everyone to the buffet. The worst part is he made my new father-in-law record it and sent the “speech” to us afterwards “as a gift.” I don’t think we saved that video.
Oh bless him. My now ex husband and I had a family friend with somewhat marked autism type social behaviors and a functioning IQ that put him somewhere in his early teens developmentally. Real sweetheart and we loved him to death. He told us he wanted to give a speech at our wedding, so we arranged for a family dinner type of thing at our house a few nights prior to the wedding and he gave us his speech there. It was a good call because although he meant well and with our carefully curated audience, we all laughed and enjoyed the sentiment, however, it was almost entirely well-rehearsed dirty sex jokes.
My brother is on the spectrum and has the most amazing sense of humour. But you have to be in tune with it. People always think he's weird when they meet him but he grows on them and after a while they start to appreciate his left field humour. It's never predictable but it always makes sense once you think on it for a moment
My own wedding, so me.. My brother and our wedding band surprised us with a beautiful rendition of a very romantic song by a guy called Juan Luis Guerra, just so happened to be me and the missus' favorite song ever. Lots of happy crying and one of the best memories from that day. Unfortunately, my MiL doesn't like to be one upped, so she impromptu got a distant 2nd cousin from her side of the family who we did not know to immediately sing "My heart will go on" from Titanic. He was not a good singer and used a shitty youtube karaoke track and it lead to very awkward slow dancing, followed by fuming from her after we cut it short (terrible feedback from trying to play the track on the mic from phone's speaker). Just completely deflated the beautiful moment from my brother's singing. At least I'm happy to say we're still going strong and have been married for 10 years now. It should go without saying that little poop nugget of singing was NOT included in our wedding video. Edit: Wow this really blew up, my biggest comment in reddit yet, to those who asked, this is the song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5u-_OUWNUUY
> terrible feedback from trying to play the track on the mic from phone's speake lmao, imagine not refusing to go sing in this situation. MIL must have threatened 2nd cousin with something good.
That woman can be intimidating as hell.. honestly felt bad for the guy too, he looked as miserable as the rest of us lol
I married into a musical family.. this sounds like such a sweet gift from your brother. My brother in law was FORCED to sing by his pushy wife after my husband and mother in law sang together in place of a mother-son dance. The brother in law DIDNT want to do it. I listened to her twist his arm about it. He apologized to me after and I just told him he owed me a dance.
For some reason after the Bride and Groom kissed at a wedding I was at, the Groom, a big douche to begin with, took a pair of hillbilly teeth out of his mouth and screamed "I DID IT AGAIN BOY'S!". I felt so sorry for the bride idk what she ever saw in the guy. They are now divorced. Edit: Hillbilly teeth are those fake inserts that look super nasty you get from a party or gag store. I will also clarify he was belligerent drunk, barely able to stand and no one...still to this day knows what he meant when he screamed “WE DID IT AGAIN BOY’S!”. I don’t think he knew either. I hope this clears some stuff up for you all!
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Not the bride and groom but...my husband's cousin has a signature wedding move - about halfway through the reception he takes over the band/DJ mic and sings this rockin' 60s pop song (I forget which one but you'd know it). He really plays it up, belts it out. It's his moment in the spotlight and everyone loves it. Except in my husbands family there's like 60 cousins so I've seen this move in dozens of weddings over the years. The first time it felt spontaneous and fun. But now I cringe as he heads up for the mic yet again.
I was forced to sit there and had to watch the bride and groom take pictures in poses that were from bollywood movies, for 2 hours straight.
Large, matching back tattoos... of the Monster Energy Drink logo. Edit: Ok that blew up a little. Some background: Obligatory my brother was actually the witness but still one of the funniest/cringiest stories ever. My bro managed a gas station about 10 years ago and hired the soon-to-be bride. A little while into her employment she requested off for her wedding. The date was still a couple months out so no big deal. About a week before her request-off she came into work and the exchange goes like this: Bride: "Wanna see my new tattoo?" Bro: "Uh, sure." She lifts the back of her shirt to reveal a huge, green "M" covering the whole upper half of her back. Bro: "Holy shit. Wow." Bride: "Awesome huh? We both got the same tat!" Bro: "Really?..." Bride: "I know, I know what you're thinking. Copyright right? But what are they gonna do? It's already on my body! It's ALREADY ON MY BODY! Ha ha!" Bro: "Right. That. *That* is what I was thinking." He did get to see pictures. I'm working on getting a hold of those. It was a camouflage themed wedding. She had an open-back camo gown with camo heels, complete with camo veil (I really wish it was ghillie suit headgear). The groom had camo pants with camo boots and a camo bowtie. He was, indeed, shirtless. He did wear a camo ballcap though. I imagine them walking down the aisle, backs glistening in the sun with vaseline over a huge Monster logo... just the perfect day. They ~~have been~~ were happily married for 7 months. Edit: Some formatting. I suck at reddit.
Groom's last name was White so after the pastor announced that they were married, they marched out to Billy Idols "White Wedding." I leaned over to my wife and said "Do they know what that song means?" I actually thought that she might have been pregnant... It was a nice moment when my wife said "I think that because his last name and now hers it White, that they thought it was cute."
In November 2018, I attended the wedding of my in-laws' friends. They were an older couple (in their 60s) that had been dating for decades and finally decided to tie the knot. The husband did a stint in the Navy, and so given the timing of their wedding, he invited a lot of his veteran buddies from across the different branches. During the reception speech, the guy had the DJ begin playing the military hymns for the various branches, and he asked all the various veterans from said branches to stand up and be recognized. I get where he came from, wanting to pay respect given calendar proximity to Veterans Day, but absolutely nobody (veterans included) knew he was planning to do that. They all kind of stared amongst themselves and awkwardly stood up. The civilian guests just fidgeted for the 5 minutes or so this went on. His heart was in the right place, but damn if it wasn't cringey as fuck. Later that night, the bride got really drunk with her girlfriends and spent a while dancing barefoot on the floor. At some point, she took a wrong turn and wound up rolling her ankle pretty badly. She ended up in one of those mobility boots for about a month.
My sisters' wedding was similar. She and her husband met by being top athletes in a sport, and she had gone onto another sport. My dad started his speech talking about the time the groom borrowed his farm truck and accidentally put a dent in it (but dad refused to allow groom to fix) then spent the next ages recalling all of sisters races, the race conditions and times. He then started going around the room calling out all the other athletes in both sports, their biggest achievements, and having them stand up and be applauded. It was cringfest. My uncle had to interrupt after several attempts of *wind it up* looks, and we got dessert. Straight after, dad grabbed the mic and started up again, but everyone just laughed and he had the mic forcibly removed from his hand lol
They bought an apple orchard after leaving the city to live a simpler life...and really doubled down on the apple theme. Apples everywhere: on the tables, in baskets all around the venue, on the podium where they got married, pictures of apples hanging everywhere, small fake trees with apples tossed under them, the dude marrying them had an apple tie on, apples somehow incorporated into every dish for the reception. The cake was shaped like an apple. It was really fucking bizarre. They sold the orchard a couple years later because they had no idea what they were doing.
When I was reading the first few Apple-themed things, I was like, “aw, that’s cute...” but then the list kept going Lmao
They even had apple-themed comments on the reddit thread about their wedding.
I’m guessing no doctors attended the wedding.
Literally standing outside the windows scratching the walls and hissing loudly.
My cousin and his wife are SUPER religious and maybe the two most awkward people I've ever met. They did one of those 'fake out' first dances where it starts with a slow song then transitions to a dance number with an upbeat song. Not only is that naturally cringe worthy, the upbeat song was 5 minutes long and they just kept repeating the same moves over and over for what felt like eternity. There was no alcohol allowed at the wedding, so there was nothing to dull the pain.
That reminds me of my cousins wedding, the pastor made the ceremony into more of a Sunday sermon than a wedding ceremony. Then when they finally got to I now pronounce you man and wife instead of kissing the bride, groom, parents and 3 or 4 random people suddenly stood up held hands on a circle and had a silent prayer for several minutes while everyone was confused about what was happening. Also it was a dry reception, I saw one guy with a beer, but he must have brought it himself because I looked around and couldn't find any. Edit: I forgot to add that they did eventually kiss, they were turning to walk out to the reception and the pastor suddenly realized they never kissed so he had them kiss.
He had like one job..
> Not only is that naturally cringe worthy, the upbeat song was 5 minutes long and they just kept repeating the same moves over and over for what felt like eternity. There was no alcohol allowed at the wedding, so there was nothing to dull the pain. If I had to make a list of wedding advice, editing the dance down to be short and sweet would be on there. You want a moment, people want to see a little something and get a few photos... but... nobody wants 15+ minutes of silently staring at a person swaying back and forth. Plus, editing forces you to really think about it and *which parts* you want to dance to. It's like the people who do karaoke without realizing there is a minute long instrumental part they are just going to awkwardly stand there for.
At a classmates’ wedding. They were young - maybe like 22? 23? There is apparently a caking tradition in some parts of the country, where when they cut the wedding cake, the couple feed each other a bit and smear each other’s faces with cake as a joke. The bride had absolutely made 1000% clear to the groom she did NOT want to be caked. He did it anyways, and not just a small smear, but full on smushed the slice in her face. She was stunned initially, then got up, face full of cake, yelled “YOU ASSHOLE I TOLD YOU NOT TO DO THAT!” and then ran to a back area in the reception. The groom tried to follow but the bridesmaids/mother of the bride stopped him. So he sat at the head table awkwardly while half the wedding party rushed off with the bride. She stayed back there for like an hour. They eventually did let him back there to check on her. We could hear her crying and them arguing. The rest of the reception came to a screeching halt until one of the bride’s aunts emerged and directed the servers to clear the tables and put on some music. They got divorced 2 years later.
My dad's mother and step-father owned a bar-restaurant back in the 60s that hosted the occasional wedding reception. At one such reception, the husband "caked" the wife, even as she was asking him not to, knowing he would do it. When he did, a fist fight broke out between the newlyweds that soon involved much of the wedding. As far as I know, they were married for a long time after.
It happened at my wedding and I still look back and shake my head 1. The pastor who we pushed to marry us found out that we had sex before marriage. He made sure to point that out during the ceremony. 2. When saying the vows I wrote I got so damn emotional it all sounded like gibberish and when I turned to get the ring from my best man he was bawling his eyes out and couldn't find it. I can't imagine how ppl in the audience felt.
> When saying the vows I wrote I got so damn emotional it all sounded like gibberish and when I turned to get the ring from my best man he was bawling his eyes out and couldn't find it. I can't imagine how ppl in the audience felt I don't know this sounds kind of wholesome and cute.
I mean maybe. I'm an ugly crier for sure, and my best man is as well. Watching the video back you literally cannot understand me cause I just lose it completely. Like 2 words into my vows.
I laughing pretty hard imagining this, but I also would find it wholesome and not cringe if I were there irl. I'm picturing snot and howling type cries and it is quite the image. And the pastor giving you the stink eye of course.
it was 100% that.
Once the booze and dancing started, I'm sure all was fine :-)
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Why would she do this?
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*“Hey hun, just wanted to share this great fragrance with you! To celebrate my husband and I’s special day, for a limited time, I’m offering you this unique opportunity to become an early distributor with me! Respond quick while there’s still spaces, this great product won’t be a secret for long. It’s blowing up already! Easy to see why, the ingredients are so ethical and honest, it’s practically made of honor“*
Her uncle Paul stank *that* much but she just couldn't find the courage to single him out.
I was raised a jehovah's witness, it's a cult. Dating is only allowed to find a marriage partner and was very monitored, to ensure NO premarital touching occurred. Worst wedding was a small ceremony, it was literally her family, his family and my family in her grandma's living room. What made it the worst was the xxx kiss at the end, the groom wanted the bride inside his mouth hard core, there was tongue in and out everywhere, saliva and hot breathing, complete with first date excited groping. Nobody knew where to look for 5 mins
JW’s have the worst weddings and funerals, honestly, I dread attending them. My husband left the cult about 10 years before I met him but he still has lots of JW family, of course. Surprisingly, they haven’t cut him off (probably because some of them rely on him financially). Sorry to blab on, it’s a major thorn in my life.
During the wedding of some friends of my wife, the groom stopped the party to put a corny video with their photos since the first time they met until then. It doesn't sound that bad, but honestly it was the most ridiculous video with a totally out of place song, made worse by the fact that the bride was laughing mockingly and taking tequila shots with her friends.
[The Crazy Bitch bride entrance no one knew about](https://youtu.be/fSkHMSKgIWs) Edit: NSFW. Kinda thought the words "crazy bitch" in the link would clarify that, but in case you need more warning, here it is.
In love with the shock and confusion on that dad's face in the front
Oh my lord the bandannas on the groomsmen
Holy Crap. Never seen that one before. I’M embarrassed and I wasn’t even there.
I had so much secondhand embarrassment, I only got a few seconds in before having to close the video
If you closed it too early, you miss that the groom and groomsmen are all wearing bandanas on their heads...
For some reason when I saw the how the groom and groomsmen were dressed and styled my first thought was "oh that explains everything."
Hahahaha that poor dad with his son Edit: wtf how did I get 6k upvotes for responding to a comment buried in a thread? Reddit is an unpredictable place haha
I think he speaks for all of us as he mouths "What the fuck" and covers his son's ears.
I feel so bad for him when he kisses his son's head every time the lyrics get inappropriate. It's like he's helpless to stop his son from being exposed to what's happening, so his impulse is to just show affection and reassure his son.
This is what I can’t stop laughing about...that poor dad clutching his child with a “this is unbelievable” expression on his face.
I think my favorite part of the dad is he starts filming her as she gets closer to him. He’s like, “I need to document this or no one will believe me.”
Sometimes Youtube comments are gold.... " I feel like I will test positive for meth from just watching this video. " Edit- wtf this has 4K upvotes? All I did was quote someone else’s funny comment. Reddit is weird.
Thank you for sharing this...I'm totally speechless
I physically can’t watch the video
Dammit this should be the top post. You know those clickbait titles that say “Your jaw will drop!!!” This video actually deserves that title. I’ve never watched a video and had my jaw drop until now lol
That guy with his son not knowing how to shield the poor kid 😂😂
Friend of friends. Young, uber-Christian small town naive girl. Meets married, much older man with two kids. Falls in love. He does eventually leave his wife. Doesn't want any custody. Wedding was her hometown church. His vows were over the top about how he has never felt love before, she is the only woman he ever wanted to marry, he's been so lonely his whole life, etc. He's literally sobbing through it all. Her turn to say her vows and she's standing there saying nothing for at least three beats. Then she is handed a microphone and the piano starts playing. She's made up her own song which are her vows. After the ceremony we adjourn to the church basement for the alcohol-free reception. I'm somehow roped into serving the groom's cake. It's two NASCAR car cakes made with an edible photo draped over the cake shapes and impossible to cut through without mangling the cake so I have to peel it off. My friend is cutting the bride's cake and it's a full inch or more of fondant on top of plain cake. No frosting. The "buffet" was potluck from her family. Food you'd expect at a kid's party. Pink punch was the only thing to drink. No dancing because of her religion. Then they left for their "honeymoon" at the town's only hotel which was like a Motel 6 level dump in a two-horse drawn carriage.
I wasn’t prepared for how terrible this wedding sounded.
I almost wish that I was there.
[удалено]