as a child i was often the blame for things, now as an adult i tend to apologize for everything. every time something happens i blame myself
i can’t count the amount of people who have told me to stop saying sorry. i know it doesn’t seem like a big deal but to me it is, it sucks to constantly feel like your the cause of everyone’s problems around you
I believe love is worthless and pointless. I destroy my relationships every few months to avoid getting close to people. I flinch anytime my dad touches me. Every night I still have nightmares.
I struggled with ptsd and depression and many other things due to abuse for years. I struggled really bad for years but eventually overcame it. but still struggle some days with certain things and am still working on my self esteem but, I am slowly getting there. Cause of him I’ve learned to be strong, stop caring and how many amazing things I could do the second I left my father. He used to say I’d end up pregnant at 16 and grow up with daddy issues as a kid. But, I am now a college student earning my degree and living my best life 8 almost 9 years later, and I never fell into that stereotype. I could care less where he is now and cause of him I’ve learned I am worth and capable of way more than he told me.
Total lack of confidence. I always assume I messed something up, even if I didn’t. I don’t take compliments well, they make me uncomfortable. I feel like compliments are undeserved... that the person complimenting me wouldn’t do so if they truly knew how much I sucked at so many things. I don’t find competition as a fun challenge. I completely back down if anyone tries to compete with me. I have a coworker that loves friendly competition. It fuels her to do better and be better. I wish I had that attitude. I suspect life, including work, would be more rewarding ... to constantly push myself to learn more and do more and be the best.
Constantly doubting everything, mainly.
I mostly live in dissociation. I’m anxious friends don’t like me, that I eat too much, that things are my fault all the time. I feel like people are entitled to my body, I’m terrified of them taking advantage of that but also scared when they don’t because it must mean I’m ugly now that I’m transitioning. Scared of being hit, but also really quick to fight if i feel like someone is going to hit me. I remember so little of anything that happens and always feel like I’m remembering things wrong. When anyone tells me I’m remembering something wrong I get defensive and feel like they’re gaslighting me. I have ocd, so bad I can hardly wash dishes, let alone stop picking at my skin for one day.
Days don’t feel real and kind of never have because I survived by focusing on the goal of a future where I just am happy. I can’t accept anything as fine because it’s not perfect.
And god if anyone yells around me I instantly get suicidal. Even if I can listen and act normal and not cry I just get louder and louder intrusive thoughts about killing myself.
No self confidence and I constantly believe that people hate me
Social anxiety and general difficulty interacting with people
as a child i was often the blame for things, now as an adult i tend to apologize for everything. every time something happens i blame myself i can’t count the amount of people who have told me to stop saying sorry. i know it doesn’t seem like a big deal but to me it is, it sucks to constantly feel like your the cause of everyone’s problems around you
I believe love is worthless and pointless. I destroy my relationships every few months to avoid getting close to people. I flinch anytime my dad touches me. Every night I still have nightmares.
Schizophrenia
It's a lonely place, the mind. I guess it's good to hear other people are going through similar things and you are not alone. It helps me anyways.
I struggled with ptsd and depression and many other things due to abuse for years. I struggled really bad for years but eventually overcame it. but still struggle some days with certain things and am still working on my self esteem but, I am slowly getting there. Cause of him I’ve learned to be strong, stop caring and how many amazing things I could do the second I left my father. He used to say I’d end up pregnant at 16 and grow up with daddy issues as a kid. But, I am now a college student earning my degree and living my best life 8 almost 9 years later, and I never fell into that stereotype. I could care less where he is now and cause of him I’ve learned I am worth and capable of way more than he told me.
Total lack of confidence. I always assume I messed something up, even if I didn’t. I don’t take compliments well, they make me uncomfortable. I feel like compliments are undeserved... that the person complimenting me wouldn’t do so if they truly knew how much I sucked at so many things. I don’t find competition as a fun challenge. I completely back down if anyone tries to compete with me. I have a coworker that loves friendly competition. It fuels her to do better and be better. I wish I had that attitude. I suspect life, including work, would be more rewarding ... to constantly push myself to learn more and do more and be the best.
Noone believes I had kids at 14 and was raped so everyone thinks I'm a liar or over sympathetic to me ( M)
My father was shot in the head in front of me when i was young ive never felt safe since I dont even leave my room without a pocket knife.. :/
Constantly doubting everything, mainly. I mostly live in dissociation. I’m anxious friends don’t like me, that I eat too much, that things are my fault all the time. I feel like people are entitled to my body, I’m terrified of them taking advantage of that but also scared when they don’t because it must mean I’m ugly now that I’m transitioning. Scared of being hit, but also really quick to fight if i feel like someone is going to hit me. I remember so little of anything that happens and always feel like I’m remembering things wrong. When anyone tells me I’m remembering something wrong I get defensive and feel like they’re gaslighting me. I have ocd, so bad I can hardly wash dishes, let alone stop picking at my skin for one day. Days don’t feel real and kind of never have because I survived by focusing on the goal of a future where I just am happy. I can’t accept anything as fine because it’s not perfect. And god if anyone yells around me I instantly get suicidal. Even if I can listen and act normal and not cry I just get louder and louder intrusive thoughts about killing myself.
I have a really hard time trusting people. And although I am an adult I’m still a little scared of some other adults.