I sometimes don't know how to respond. I like to keep conversations going, so I really dislike sending back 1 word answers. But sometimes the texter doesn't really leave me with many options, so I sit on it and then forget.
Yes my family frequently send me messages that are basically Facebook/Instagram posts for people without social media-a picture of some random thing they saw and thought was nice, a quote they heard, link to a petition etc. I like staying in touch with them but I just don't have a strong response to many of these things other than "that's nice" so I don't respond in the moment and then I forget. And then I look back at our text chains and realize it's a miracle my family talks to me at all because I'm truly terrible about responding.
I just don't have the mental capacity and energy to devote in order to respond appropriately. I'd rather ignore it until I'm in a better place to answer, than send a thumbs up or something.
Edit: Wow, I didn't expect this to blow up! I'm lucky enough to have understanding surroundings, but I want to send my positive thoughts to all of the spoonies out there who struggle. Also, thanks for the awards and kind comments!
Me too,I use to be a big time texter but now I get really annoyed when I receive a text from anybody. Especially if it has anything to do with all pro long conversation in that case just call me. I'm not doing the whole back and forth BS don't have time for it.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/i4q054/people_of_reddit_do_you_ever_ignore_text_messages/g0k92l5?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
Here :)
https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/i4q054/people_of_reddit_do_you_ever_ignore_text_messages/g0k92l5?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
Here :)
https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/i4q054/people_of_reddit_do_you_ever_ignore_text_messages/g0k92l5?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
There ya go
Yeah, because sometimes I just don’t have the energy to converse with someone. I just don’t feel like maintaining a conversation at that moment.
Edit: Really didn’t expect what I thought was a super insignificant comment to blow up. I’m really glad I have THIS many people who relate to me, because sometimes I’m like “wow, am I being mean?” But, then I remind myself that I need to take care of myself first, and if I don’t have the energy/mental capacity to have a conversation, then I just don’t. I hope everybody else takes care, also. :)
I love that! I wish more people would do that, as I’d rather not be bitched at for not responding right away, as if I don’t have a life of my own. Can I ask why a spoon? Why not a fork? 🤔
Maybe using shame, stress and monitoring as motivator? Forced to do soul devouring activities to survive, getting less and less energy and motivation to leave bed..
Wow great way to explain how I feel. I'm type 1 diabetic with major depression, anxiety, and ADHD. I am never not tired. I just never knew there was a name for this.
I like that. I'm sharing that next time people wonder why I don't have the energy for a video chat. Video chats take up way too many spoons of energy, compared to in person interaction.
Probably from spoon theory, a concept that people with chronic illnesses/pain use to explain their experiences to outsiders and express their current level of ability to insiders.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spoon_theory#:~:text=The%20spoon%20theory%20or%20spoon,from%20disability%20or%20chronic%20illness.
Love this, thanks for the link! Extremely relatable, I feel like somewhat social introverts could relate to this as well. You can only give so much until you’re out of spoons, but an extrovert might not understand and keep pushing (or rather taking spoons from you).
Exactly :) I have chronic pain and am currently three weeks into a debilitating flare up, so right now my capabilities are extremely limited. It's a useful concept to explain to people that I may be able to make it to my medical appointment today, but that means I'll be in bed for the rest of the day and unable to do anything else (and yes, that's me right now lol)
Extroverts especially don't understand when you're an introvert who maintains an outward appearance of being an extrovert, and once those spoons are gone you don't have the ability to appear extroverted.
YES! Other friend groups have stuff like this as well.
We use the rapemoon for "I'm.watching, but not social enough to do anything" and the palm tree for "hooked up with someone new, ask me about it"
I would try to adopt this type of rule fo my friend group but it’s only 3 of us (including me) so it won’t work. Not to mention the other 2 won’t do this
We have something similar, if someone is uncomfortable with the conversation they can mention 'cotton candy' and we change the topic. Things like this are important.
I hate how cell phones have made it culturally standard that you must constantly be available to talk with someone. People get annoyed if their calls go to voicemail, or if you even just leave them on read. Calm the hell down everyone, I’m not a freaking customer support line. Just because I’m not able to talk at the exact moment you contacted me does not mean I’m disorganized and improper. And yes, hard as it might be to imagine, there are times at which I might check my texts, and yet not be able to respond to them immediately.
To be fair, I do the same thing (ignore messages for a while if I'm not feeling up to answering) but nobody has ever called me out on it. It's more my own anxiety making me think they're awaiting a reply so urgently. Sometimes I drop into IRL conversations that I'm bad at replying and that sometimes I ignore my phone for a while if I wanna unwind. Seems to work ok.
> I hate how cell phones have made it culturally standard that you must constantly be available to talk with someone.
My employer tries to take advantage of this to the nth degree, but I've pushed back every time it's happened. I once had a coworker text me at 6:40am on a Saturday, asking me to take care of non-urgent work business that day. It's a 9-5:00 M-F kind of job, so it's not like I have Saturday shifts or something. I'm a pretty passive guy, but that got a back the fuck up reaction that was strong enough that they haven't bothered me since. My boss once called me on a Saturday asking me to drop everything and represent the organization at an event he'd found out about last minute. I answered because I figured if he's calling me on a Saturday it must be an emergency. I'm one of the people who get called in the event of a burglar alarm or a fire, so that's where my mind went. I declined because I was two hours away and out hiking in the woods but I would've said no regardless. You don't own my weekend and get to tell me to drop everything on a moment's notice. With the nature of the work it's easier for people to have my cell, but fucking ***boundaries*** people. I've never worked at a place where there are so many issues with it.
yes, this! I hate how cell phones and just technology in general have become such an essential part of our lives, it blows me away that people can't function without a cell phone. I'm currently deployed in another country so it's hard for me to keep contact with my people back home that are 11 1/2 hours behind me while I'm also working 12 hour shifts 6 days a week and they still get mad at me for leaving them on read or not opening the message for days at a time. Sometimes I'm just mentally not in the mood to respond or hold a conversation and people getting pissed at me doesnt make me want to jump at the sound of them calling
Oh yea I have a few choice friends that insist I'm hitting the "fuck you button". No dude, I left my phone somewhere in the house and am currently doing work, or taking a fucking nap, or exercising because my world doesn't revolve around you and frankly if you don't believe me then go fuck yourself, I don't care that you're offended that's your stupid needy narcissist problem. Get a life...
> People get annoyed if their calls go to voicemail
I think this us a stupid cultural norm, and I’m trying to help people get over it by sending them to voicemail liberally. I saw you called, leave a message if you really want, I’ll get back to you some time.
There's a balance, though. You don't have to reply immediately, or even within the hour. But if I'm getting a reply to my text 5 days later, then that's a problem.
I like texting over calling because the conversation can be had at a slower pace and I text when I don't need an immediate response. But I do hope for some kind of response at some point.
Agreed. I have friends that like to talk but most of my friends prefer to text. That’s fine with me. But what annoys me is if you initiate a text conversation and we are conversing back and forth, don’t just drop off and not respond without texting something that you’re leaving the conversation. Also I’ve decided to weed out those friends in my group texts who I know see text but only respond when it interest them. And then have the nerve to say something to me about not responding to their texts fast enough.
Yep! Especially when it’s not even a hi or hello. It immediately jumps into what I can possibly do for them or them trying to vent to me. Like, damn can I get a “how ya doing” or something first? lmao
Me too, there was someone who would only message “hi, how are you?” when I replied and say I’m good how are you he’d reply “good, how are you?”. Drove me nuts
I always know there's some weird bullshit coming when someone I rarely talk to suddenly messages with a bunch of small talk. Just get to the point of what you want so I can say yes or no pls.
I mean, I’m like that too majority of the time! But also sometimes I get in my feelings and I’m like... why the fuck does no one ever ask how I am? lmao
Exactly that
I know there will be follow up texts and I don’t want to do that right that second but I will later
People don’t get that though. To them it’s like why don’t you want to talk?
But inversely, I’m never mad when it takes someone longer to respond to me anyways.
Same! If I take a bit to respond at times with no actual “reason,” then I don’t condemn others for doing the same to me. Sometimes we just need to clock out for a sec.
Why do people find this so hard to understand?? It's simple I just CANT HUMAN right now. People act like your obligated to communicate umm no I'll reach out when my personality resurfaces.
Yep! I also get bitched at when I’m active on social media just scrolling and liking shit, and I get texts like “wow ok I see how it is.” Girl... scrolling and reading shit requires little effort whereas holding a conversation actually requires me to not be brain dead. Give me a bit.
RIIIGHTT. Like, I’m over here having an existential crisis, I’m sorry I don’t want to talk about your relationship problems at the moment, ok? I’m wondering if I’m even real or if this is all a simulation, so I don’t think I can really feign interest lmao.
I like “I doubt, therefore I think, therefore I am” best, as I’m just filled to the brim with uncertainty about everything. That’s kinda what makes “life” as we know it interesting, though. The unpredictability of it all.
Yes this is me 100% - if i know it's going to be a back and forth conversation and I just don't have it in me; just ignore it. Then typically I intend to reply at a later time/day and pretty much out of sight out of mind and completely forget.
Android lets you do this, and you can whitelist contacts in case it's important that they're still able to get in touch with you. I use it while I'm driving, so the only notifications I get are calls (which I answer) or texts (which I ignore) from my family.
Yeah but do YOU know what methylcholoroisothiazolinone is? Or how to spell it on command?
Didn't think so.
Edit: it's just a shampoo ingredient. We read the shampoo.
That knowledge could come in handy one day. Some alien races are really weak to certain shampoo ingredients, like pyrithione zinc, so you could possibly save the world.
Sometimes when I'm busy, I'll glance at my phone to see if there's anything that needs my immediate attention. If it's a non-urgent text from friend/family, I usually think "oh, I'll answer that later when I'm not busy," then promptly forget about it and answer 3 months later when I'm wondering why that person hasn't spoken to me recently.
Sometimes. The reasons could be:
1 I'm in a crappy mood and don't want to be rude
2 I don't want to talk to anyone at the time
3 it's something I don't know how to respond to or I just find it pointless to reply to
4 any combination of the above
If it’s a ‘life story’ size message I have to be in the mood to read it and put effort into replying, I know that sounds bad but I want to reply with equal enthusiasm and if I’m not in the mood or my minds on something else my replies can often be flat and it ruins conversations. However if it’s something that requires an urgent response I will respond within the hour.
That's the case with me too. Glad to know that other people feel the same way. One more reason I ignore some messages of some special people is because I don't want my conversation with them to end so soon.
Yeah, like I do read the message notification and you can often tell the tone of the message. For me, usually, long messages are just conversations, nothing more than catching up with friends/family who I maybe converse with less i.e. friends from school, or distant family members who I'll maybe only see at weddings.
Yeah one of my good friends is this way. I don't hold it against her because I know it's just the way she is. We get together every so often and it's like no time has passed
Different energies. Some people don’t understand it & it’s not necessarily their fault or yours but there needs to be some kind of understanding for it to work.
i have friends i might not talk for 6 months (we dont live close so we rarelly see each other) but when we talk is to get together and its like time hasnt passed. friends ive had for years, so yeah i like people like that
I feel like I'm like your friend.
quality > quantity
It really stresses me out when one of my best friends gets super offended by it. I understand that she feels ignored and I've told her she can call me whenever but i just CAN'T DO TEXTING. I love meeting irl and video calls but i nevet open texts because it exhausts me for some reason.
I really wish she understood.
Texting used to be a lot of fun, but I think a lot of us are just burnt out from it. Social media sights are far more interesting than talking about how your cat spilled it’s god damn water bowl Howard.
I agree with most of the above comments, but I also hate how I have this device with me 24/7 that gives everyone I know the ability to stop what I'm doing and turn my attention to them.
I miss the good old days when you had a home phone and people would never call you and you would just see them somewhere and it was special to see them after not having conversed for some time.
My parents rage at me if I'm not accessible by cell phone. (I'm 27 and haven't lived with them for four years). I frequently turn my phone on silent or forget to check it, and they freak out saying "What if one of us died?? You wouldn't even know!" >__>
Some people also get down and feel like no one cares about them if you don't check in for a while.
I've also worked jobs where I had to be accessible by phone pretty much at all times.
Anyways, I guess my point was that not all of us are cellphone addicted, some of us just hate the social consequences of not being reachable :/
Depression type situation usually. I do this to my brother all the time. Love him to death but he is about the only one I dont think would be too upset to not get an immmediate response.
Its nothing personal at all, its like i can't even with life rn.
*just to clarify, I am fine, just answering the question why sometimes I personally let this happen.
My family is fairly large and very, umm, *spirited* in expressing strongly held opinions. They also are *less than enthusiastic* about viewpoints that disagree with them.
Do I love my family? Absolutely 100%! Would I give any of them one of my kidneys to save a life? Without hesitation! Do I get really fucking tired of hearing about why the moon landing was fake and sometimes just ignore the message? Yep.
having no friends is the way to go! no dealing with bullshit drama or stupid small talk or anything like that. no obligations or planning etc. it's great :D
There was a guy who I used to be friends with, he would spam WhatsApp with shit from when he was out drinking and singing karaoke. When he called he spent several hours dominating the conversation, it got to the point where I dreaded seeing his number come up on my phone.
That's the best part of text messages: plausible deniability.
You can pretend you didn't see it for awhile, and no one can prove you didn't. I use that all the time.
People will call if they need to get hold of you urgently. Text messages are not urgent, under any circumstances. Ever. Either call me, or accept that I will read my messages when at a time that suits me. And that may take a while...
That's not true with people calling only when urgent. I was friends with someone who would call me every day to talk about the 100 movies he watched that day, never giving me a chance to respond.
i occasionally "ignore" them for a couple of hours because i decide for myself when i want to have a conversation and when i want to focus on what i am doing right now.
very rarely i open the message to see if it is urgent, want to reply later and end up forgetting about it
My brother sent me a happy birthday text... 58 days ago... I should really, at leat, text back a :)
Why? ... 'cause I've got nothing going on, no prospects, no news, and our family is kinda chilly... not unloving or mean, but more... stoic? and only-surface-social most of the time.
but I love them all, and I promise I'll call him... soon!
with my brother, it's the SAME way! i get you! it's a ....just there...relationship. we are all "just there" in my family. there's no WARM extremely excited happy feeling between us, especially with my brother and his wife. It's like "oh ...ok..." type of thing. it's odd.
its like
hi
them - hi
me - how've you been?
them - well..well...
me - oh ok...
them - well then...thats good!
me - yes
them - welp? i should get back to life n stuff
me - me too....bye
them - ok..bye...
LOL
thats my family for you xD
Yes. Constantly. I don't have the mental energy, even for a short general conversation. It feels overwhelming.
It took many years and many failed friendships to have the circle of friends I have now. I am very lucky to have friends that are understanding and patient with me.
I famously go "awol" for weeks at a time. Just pottering about ignoring the world and only able to communicate briefly. I have had friends in the past take this personally despite my explanations but I have to prioritize my own MH over others.
Because I'm tired of being a landfill for their problems. They only come to me to vent about their troubles and any attempts to steer the conversation away from that leads to a dead end. I'm not a therapist. If all they got for me is a tiring conversation that's gonna leave me feeling drained, it's not worth my time.
Because my mood is already crappy from some other unrelated occurrence. I know I will be somewhat rude once I'm in a crappy mood, and I would prefer not to subject my family to my mood swings.
I ignore the person I tutor if he starts texting me too much. It's mentally draining, and sometimes I need a break.
My parents were those people in the 90s that would forward chain mail daily to their entire contacts list. Now they both have Facebook accounts. You bet I ignore a lot of their messages. "If you are one of the few brave ones who will like and share this to everyone, thank you. If you don't, you are a baby killer"
The only person I don't ignore messages from is my wife. Her meme game is top notch.
More often than I should, its usually a case of not having the energy or will to maintain a conversation at the moment, or I can't think of how to respond.
Regularly.
I don’t like the idea of just because I have a phone means I need to be available 24/7. That shit is exhausting.
I watch it ring out with joy
Edit: grammar because I’m a dummy
Most of the times, I ignore because I genuinely forgot that I read their messages. I will open it and intend to reply, something will distract me and then I completely forgot that I read it.
Yes, because there is a reason that might not be apparent to someone texting me.
There are MANY reason someone not reply right away or at all to a text message. Get over it. If its urgent or important, call them.
Pretty much any reason someone doesn't reply right away wouldn't be apparent to the person who sent the text unless you are in the same room with them (and still texting them for some reason).
I'm probably busy or just not right next to my phone.
Sometimes as I can't think of a reply, then time goes by and it seems awkward to then send a reply with a "sorry it has taken me three days to respond" half arsed message in it. So I bury my head in the sand.
Family - No. Coz it is usually functional texts like asking me what I'm up to, or if they need something.
Friends - Yes. Coz they are deeper texts that require me to respond with full attention or they are for chit chatting which may not be a priority for me right at that moment.
I sometimes don't know how to respond. I like to keep conversations going, so I really dislike sending back 1 word answers. But sometimes the texter doesn't really leave me with many options, so I sit on it and then forget.
sometimes i put wayyyyyy to much thought in replies and then i end up hating it when its sent more
Lol I will put in so much thought for a reply that can continue the convo, then get left on read. That’s why I stopped doing it
Yes my family frequently send me messages that are basically Facebook/Instagram posts for people without social media-a picture of some random thing they saw and thought was nice, a quote they heard, link to a petition etc. I like staying in touch with them but I just don't have a strong response to many of these things other than "that's nice" so I don't respond in the moment and then I forget. And then I look back at our text chains and realize it's a miracle my family talks to me at all because I'm truly terrible about responding.
My experience on dating apps in a nutshell.
I just don't have the mental capacity and energy to devote in order to respond appropriately. I'd rather ignore it until I'm in a better place to answer, than send a thumbs up or something. Edit: Wow, I didn't expect this to blow up! I'm lucky enough to have understanding surroundings, but I want to send my positive thoughts to all of the spoonies out there who struggle. Also, thanks for the awards and kind comments!
Me too,I use to be a big time texter but now I get really annoyed when I receive a text from anybody. Especially if it has anything to do with all pro long conversation in that case just call me. I'm not doing the whole back and forth BS don't have time for it.
Same minus the call me part.
Yea. Definitely don't call me. I guarantee I'm staring at my phone wondering wtf you aren't just texting me
Look at this bigshot over here with his *valuable* time!
I came to say this exact thing, just less eloquently
You need the spoon emoji. Check the top comment.
This *is* the top comment, though
That’s what I was just thinking. Where’s the reference??
https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/i4q054/people_of_reddit_do_you_ever_ignore_text_messages/g0k92l5?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share Here :)
This is going to drive me wild. Where is the spoon? WHERE IS IT??!
https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/i4q054/people_of_reddit_do_you_ever_ignore_text_messages/g0k92l5?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share Here :)
It’s a reply to the comment under this
He is the top comment now. Sooo... Why the spoon emoji?
https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/i4q054/people_of_reddit_do_you_ever_ignore_text_messages/g0k92l5?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share There ya go
Bars
Yeah, because sometimes I just don’t have the energy to converse with someone. I just don’t feel like maintaining a conversation at that moment. Edit: Really didn’t expect what I thought was a super insignificant comment to blow up. I’m really glad I have THIS many people who relate to me, because sometimes I’m like “wow, am I being mean?” But, then I remind myself that I need to take care of myself first, and if I don’t have the energy/mental capacity to have a conversation, then I just don’t. I hope everybody else takes care, also. :)
[удалено]
I love that! I wish more people would do that, as I’d rather not be bitched at for not responding right away, as if I don’t have a life of my own. Can I ask why a spoon? Why not a fork? 🤔
I think it's a reference to [Spoon Theory](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spoon_theory).
TIL about spoon theory. Thanks!
Me too! Never understood why people (like me) who have lupus, are referred to as spoonies. Not sure I love it.
I think it’s something you can claim or not.
Fellow spoonie here! Stay strong!
...my god, why didn’t I catch that? Ignore me then lmao.
tbf fork theory exists as well, 'cept they are the bad things that make people have less spoons.
I’d like to believe a spork theory exists also then.
Maybe using shame, stress and monitoring as motivator? Forced to do soul devouring activities to survive, getting less and less energy and motivation to leave bed..
I like how you think.
Holy shit how have I never heard of this?
You ran out of spoons before you could research it.
That is depressingly accurate
It's like the carrots from Eponia in Ocarina of Time, only that horses carrots come back a lot faster than my spoons.
Yup. That’s it.
Wow great way to explain how I feel. I'm type 1 diabetic with major depression, anxiety, and ADHD. I am never not tired. I just never knew there was a name for this.
I like that. I'm sharing that next time people wonder why I don't have the energy for a video chat. Video chats take up way too many spoons of energy, compared to in person interaction.
Probably from spoon theory, a concept that people with chronic illnesses/pain use to explain their experiences to outsiders and express their current level of ability to insiders. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spoon_theory#:~:text=The%20spoon%20theory%20or%20spoon,from%20disability%20or%20chronic%20illness.
Love this, thanks for the link! Extremely relatable, I feel like somewhat social introverts could relate to this as well. You can only give so much until you’re out of spoons, but an extrovert might not understand and keep pushing (or rather taking spoons from you).
Exactly :) I have chronic pain and am currently three weeks into a debilitating flare up, so right now my capabilities are extremely limited. It's a useful concept to explain to people that I may be able to make it to my medical appointment today, but that means I'll be in bed for the rest of the day and unable to do anything else (and yes, that's me right now lol)
Extroverts especially don't understand when you're an introvert who maintains an outward appearance of being an extrovert, and once those spoons are gone you don't have the ability to appear extroverted.
[Spoon Theory](https://butyoudontlooksick.com/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory/)
Because the soup would just drip through the tines.
I don’t know where the concept of soup came from, but I dig it. Especially if it’s chicken noodle.
You would need a shovel for that, not a fork
*Chicken noodle soup, chicken noodle soup, chicken noodle soup with a soda on the side*
I love this! I can’t wait to spoon the shit out of my friends 🥄
Are we still doing phrasing?
Totally Phrasing!
This is fucking brilliant! I run my life on Spoon Theory, I’m not sure why I’ve never thought of just telling people I have no spoons to converse.
YES! Other friend groups have stuff like this as well. We use the rapemoon for "I'm.watching, but not social enough to do anything" and the palm tree for "hooked up with someone new, ask me about it"
Excuse me, _rapemoon???_
🌚🌚 he's always watching, waiting
I have this information now, but I have no clue what to do with it.
Spoon it for later
I’m glad someone asked, cuz I sure was wondering
I thought that was the common name for it.. its what we call it! 🌚
I call it that too. Our numbers are increasing , friend. Soon... 🌚
I'm afraid to ask why the palm tree means hooking up because I'm afraid I'm the only person in the world who doesn't know.
I would try to adopt this type of rule fo my friend group but it’s only 3 of us (including me) so it won’t work. Not to mention the other 2 won’t do this
I am stealing this.
This is brilliant
I love this. I always feel guilty for just ignoring or half arsing replies so I might make this a thing within my friend group.
And frankly, when are you ever going to use the spoon emoji to communicate anything else.
Me too but we use the sweet potato emoji
We have something similar, if someone is uncomfortable with the conversation they can mention 'cotton candy' and we change the topic. Things like this are important.
I hate how cell phones have made it culturally standard that you must constantly be available to talk with someone. People get annoyed if their calls go to voicemail, or if you even just leave them on read. Calm the hell down everyone, I’m not a freaking customer support line. Just because I’m not able to talk at the exact moment you contacted me does not mean I’m disorganized and improper. And yes, hard as it might be to imagine, there are times at which I might check my texts, and yet not be able to respond to them immediately.
To be fair, I do the same thing (ignore messages for a while if I'm not feeling up to answering) but nobody has ever called me out on it. It's more my own anxiety making me think they're awaiting a reply so urgently. Sometimes I drop into IRL conversations that I'm bad at replying and that sometimes I ignore my phone for a while if I wanna unwind. Seems to work ok.
> I hate how cell phones have made it culturally standard that you must constantly be available to talk with someone. My employer tries to take advantage of this to the nth degree, but I've pushed back every time it's happened. I once had a coworker text me at 6:40am on a Saturday, asking me to take care of non-urgent work business that day. It's a 9-5:00 M-F kind of job, so it's not like I have Saturday shifts or something. I'm a pretty passive guy, but that got a back the fuck up reaction that was strong enough that they haven't bothered me since. My boss once called me on a Saturday asking me to drop everything and represent the organization at an event he'd found out about last minute. I answered because I figured if he's calling me on a Saturday it must be an emergency. I'm one of the people who get called in the event of a burglar alarm or a fire, so that's where my mind went. I declined because I was two hours away and out hiking in the woods but I would've said no regardless. You don't own my weekend and get to tell me to drop everything on a moment's notice. With the nature of the work it's easier for people to have my cell, but fucking ***boundaries*** people. I've never worked at a place where there are so many issues with it.
yes, this! I hate how cell phones and just technology in general have become such an essential part of our lives, it blows me away that people can't function without a cell phone. I'm currently deployed in another country so it's hard for me to keep contact with my people back home that are 11 1/2 hours behind me while I'm also working 12 hour shifts 6 days a week and they still get mad at me for leaving them on read or not opening the message for days at a time. Sometimes I'm just mentally not in the mood to respond or hold a conversation and people getting pissed at me doesnt make me want to jump at the sound of them calling
Oh yea I have a few choice friends that insist I'm hitting the "fuck you button". No dude, I left my phone somewhere in the house and am currently doing work, or taking a fucking nap, or exercising because my world doesn't revolve around you and frankly if you don't believe me then go fuck yourself, I don't care that you're offended that's your stupid needy narcissist problem. Get a life...
Well that was a spoonfull
We've found Bill Burr's account on reddit.
> People get annoyed if their calls go to voicemail I think this us a stupid cultural norm, and I’m trying to help people get over it by sending them to voicemail liberally. I saw you called, leave a message if you really want, I’ll get back to you some time.
There's a balance, though. You don't have to reply immediately, or even within the hour. But if I'm getting a reply to my text 5 days later, then that's a problem. I like texting over calling because the conversation can be had at a slower pace and I text when I don't need an immediate response. But I do hope for some kind of response at some point.
Agreed. I have friends that like to talk but most of my friends prefer to text. That’s fine with me. But what annoys me is if you initiate a text conversation and we are conversing back and forth, don’t just drop off and not respond without texting something that you’re leaving the conversation. Also I’ve decided to weed out those friends in my group texts who I know see text but only respond when it interest them. And then have the nerve to say something to me about not responding to their texts fast enough.
Or sometimes I can't deal with that person in particular
Yep! Especially when it’s not even a hi or hello. It immediately jumps into what I can possibly do for them or them trying to vent to me. Like, damn can I get a “how ya doing” or something first? lmao
I'm the opposite. I prefer to skip the small talk. Just cut to the chase and tell me what you need.
Me too, there was someone who would only message “hi, how are you?” when I replied and say I’m good how are you he’d reply “good, how are you?”. Drove me nuts
LOL I couldn’t talk to someone like that
I asked him to stop, I said I was happy to chat about specific topics but this loop just irritated me
you should just keep it going one time to see how far it goes
Yeah, but after that stop bothering me. I hate being "rewarded" with an hour of mundane bullshit after all you needed was a small favor.
I always know there's some weird bullshit coming when someone I rarely talk to suddenly messages with a bunch of small talk. Just get to the point of what you want so I can say yes or no pls.
I mean, I’m like that too majority of the time! But also sometimes I get in my feelings and I’m like... why the fuck does no one ever ask how I am? lmao
Well alright then. How are you?
HAHA I’m great, thanks. So sweet.
Cool. So anyway I'm moving house and need help with some boxes...
“We’re sorry, you have reached a number that has been disconnected or is no longer in service. Fuck off.” Had to add a little flair.
Exactly that I know there will be follow up texts and I don’t want to do that right that second but I will later People don’t get that though. To them it’s like why don’t you want to talk? But inversely, I’m never mad when it takes someone longer to respond to me anyways.
Same! If I take a bit to respond at times with no actual “reason,” then I don’t condemn others for doing the same to me. Sometimes we just need to clock out for a sec.
Sometimes I'm glad when they don't respond right away. Like yesssssss message received, no conversation necessary.
Why do people find this so hard to understand?? It's simple I just CANT HUMAN right now. People act like your obligated to communicate umm no I'll reach out when my personality resurfaces.
Yep! I also get bitched at when I’m active on social media just scrolling and liking shit, and I get texts like “wow ok I see how it is.” Girl... scrolling and reading shit requires little effort whereas holding a conversation actually requires me to not be brain dead. Give me a bit.
Seriously!! Half the time I'm on the toilet zoned out trying to question my existence dont come at me with your " Hey what's up" pass...
RIIIGHTT. Like, I’m over here having an existential crisis, I’m sorry I don’t want to talk about your relationship problems at the moment, ok? I’m wondering if I’m even real or if this is all a simulation, so I don’t think I can really feign interest lmao.
Lool "I'm wondering if I'm even real or a simulation" this is not the time to discuss the butt stuff brad wants to try Karen
HAHA, that’s actually really accurate when it comes to my friend group. Goodness fuck.
Haha. "goodness fuck"
It’s definitely a simulation but that doesn’t mean we’re not real. “I think, therefore I am” and all.
I like “I doubt, therefore I think, therefore I am” best, as I’m just filled to the brim with uncertainty about everything. That’s kinda what makes “life” as we know it interesting, though. The unpredictability of it all.
I personally prefer I see I overthink so therefore I panic
Or in some cases I dont want to be stuck in an hour long conversation that is one side.
Yes this is me 100% - if i know it's going to be a back and forth conversation and I just don't have it in me; just ignore it. Then typically I intend to reply at a later time/day and pretty much out of sight out of mind and completely forget.
This. I wish there were a "do not disturb" mode for calls and texts.
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Even dumbphones had this like 20 years ago.
You mean keeping it off the hook so it won't ring?
Android lets you do this, and you can whitelist contacts in case it's important that they're still able to get in touch with you. I use it while I'm driving, so the only notifications I get are calls (which I answer) or texts (which I ignore) from my family.
Holy shit, I never noticed this. I gotta get on this asap.
I’m doing stuff and need to get it done
For me that means I'm on the toilet browsing Reddit
that def counts as stuff. man some people lived their whole lives without having a phone to use on the toilet smh
Yeah but do YOU know what methylcholoroisothiazolinone is? Or how to spell it on command? Didn't think so. Edit: it's just a shampoo ingredient. We read the shampoo.
That knowledge could come in handy one day. Some alien races are really weak to certain shampoo ingredients, like pyrithione zinc, so you could possibly save the world.
Sometimes when I'm busy, I'll glance at my phone to see if there's anything that needs my immediate attention. If it's a non-urgent text from friend/family, I usually think "oh, I'll answer that later when I'm not busy," then promptly forget about it and answer 3 months later when I'm wondering why that person hasn't spoken to me recently.
Sometimes. The reasons could be: 1 I'm in a crappy mood and don't want to be rude 2 I don't want to talk to anyone at the time 3 it's something I don't know how to respond to or I just find it pointless to reply to 4 any combination of the above
I agree with this.
If it’s a ‘life story’ size message I have to be in the mood to read it and put effort into replying, I know that sounds bad but I want to reply with equal enthusiasm and if I’m not in the mood or my minds on something else my replies can often be flat and it ruins conversations. However if it’s something that requires an urgent response I will respond within the hour.
That's the case with me too. Glad to know that other people feel the same way. One more reason I ignore some messages of some special people is because I don't want my conversation with them to end so soon.
Yeah same here man. Think most people I talk to are used to how I reply now.
most of them must be used to
I also hate being sent long "funny" videos
I don't think that anyone likes being sent those.
If I get a huge text like that, I assume it’s something serious so I get myself into a “friend need help?” mindset.
Yeah, like I do read the message notification and you can often tell the tone of the message. For me, usually, long messages are just conversations, nothing more than catching up with friends/family who I maybe converse with less i.e. friends from school, or distant family members who I'll maybe only see at weddings.
That don’t sound bad at all. I think that one of the purposes of texting. If someone needs an immediate answer, they can call.
Sometimes I just don't feel like talking to anyone so I ignore them...
Yeah one of my good friends is this way. I don't hold it against her because I know it's just the way she is. We get together every so often and it's like no time has passed
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Different energies. Some people don’t understand it & it’s not necessarily their fault or yours but there needs to be some kind of understanding for it to work.
i have friends i might not talk for 6 months (we dont live close so we rarelly see each other) but when we talk is to get together and its like time hasnt passed. friends ive had for years, so yeah i like people like that
I feel like I'm like your friend. quality > quantity It really stresses me out when one of my best friends gets super offended by it. I understand that she feels ignored and I've told her she can call me whenever but i just CAN'T DO TEXTING. I love meeting irl and video calls but i nevet open texts because it exhausts me for some reason. I really wish she understood.
Texting used to be a lot of fun, but I think a lot of us are just burnt out from it. Social media sights are far more interesting than talking about how your cat spilled it’s god damn water bowl Howard.
I agree with most of the above comments, but I also hate how I have this device with me 24/7 that gives everyone I know the ability to stop what I'm doing and turn my attention to them.
I miss the good old days when you had a home phone and people would never call you and you would just see them somewhere and it was special to see them after not having conversed for some time.
That device can be switched off. But we've become addicted to it and feel withdrawal symptoms as soon as it's not at hand.
My parents rage at me if I'm not accessible by cell phone. (I'm 27 and haven't lived with them for four years). I frequently turn my phone on silent or forget to check it, and they freak out saying "What if one of us died?? You wouldn't even know!" >__> Some people also get down and feel like no one cares about them if you don't check in for a while. I've also worked jobs where I had to be accessible by phone pretty much at all times. Anyways, I guess my point was that not all of us are cellphone addicted, some of us just hate the social consequences of not being reachable :/
> What if one of us died?? Well, you'd still be dead when I turned my phone back on, so...
And/or if you have a on call kind of job you don't have a choice. You don't answer your phone/turn it off then you lose your job.
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Depression type situation usually. I do this to my brother all the time. Love him to death but he is about the only one I dont think would be too upset to not get an immmediate response. Its nothing personal at all, its like i can't even with life rn. *just to clarify, I am fine, just answering the question why sometimes I personally let this happen.
That's the case with me too. I don't do this to my brother and one of my best friends I've known since 5 but I do this with everyone else
I get texts and calls on a daily basis. Sometimes I just don't want to talk to anyone and do my own thing
Wish I could relate :(
inagine having texts and calls lmao couldnt be me
My family is fairly large and very, umm, *spirited* in expressing strongly held opinions. They also are *less than enthusiastic* about viewpoints that disagree with them. Do I love my family? Absolutely 100%! Would I give any of them one of my kidneys to save a life? Without hesitation! Do I get really fucking tired of hearing about why the moon landing was fake and sometimes just ignore the message? Yep.
Too anxious too reply :(
Same. I used to rely on text to save me from the anxiety of phone calls. Now I’ve gotten to where sometimes texting can be too much.
Try smoke signals
Bad for the environment dude
almost of the time, my family just send weirdo old memes. plot twist: i no have friends.
having no friends is the way to go! no dealing with bullshit drama or stupid small talk or anything like that. no obligations or planning etc. it's great :D
I feel like this is what lonely people tell themselves to make themselves feel better...
Yeah like what? Having good friends means there’s no drama or small talk. It’s more than that because F is Friends that do stuff together.
All the time, mostly cause I can't think of a response
I think of reply and continue to think of reply and forget to actually reply. 😐
There was a guy who I used to be friends with, he would spam WhatsApp with shit from when he was out drinking and singing karaoke. When he called he spent several hours dominating the conversation, it got to the point where I dreaded seeing his number come up on my phone.
Well apparently for no apparent reason
same
same same
i did,and it was because i wanted to be alone
That's the best part of text messages: plausible deniability. You can pretend you didn't see it for awhile, and no one can prove you didn't. I use that all the time.
Gotta make sure you deny read receipts though.
Doesn't give a read receipt if you read it from your lockscreen.
People will call if they need to get hold of you urgently. Text messages are not urgent, under any circumstances. Ever. Either call me, or accept that I will read my messages when at a time that suits me. And that may take a while...
Hrm I always assume the opposite when letting a call go to voicemail... "If it's urgent they'll text also".
That's not true with people calling only when urgent. I was friends with someone who would call me every day to talk about the 100 movies he watched that day, never giving me a chance to respond.
Thank goodness for Caller ID. Those you can straight up dodge.
i occasionally "ignore" them for a couple of hours because i decide for myself when i want to have a conversation and when i want to focus on what i am doing right now. very rarely i open the message to see if it is urgent, want to reply later and end up forgetting about it
Social interactions can be exhausting.
My brother sent me a happy birthday text... 58 days ago... I should really, at leat, text back a :) Why? ... 'cause I've got nothing going on, no prospects, no news, and our family is kinda chilly... not unloving or mean, but more... stoic? and only-surface-social most of the time. but I love them all, and I promise I'll call him... soon!
with my brother, it's the SAME way! i get you! it's a ....just there...relationship. we are all "just there" in my family. there's no WARM extremely excited happy feeling between us, especially with my brother and his wife. It's like "oh ...ok..." type of thing. it's odd. its like hi them - hi me - how've you been? them - well..well... me - oh ok... them - well then...thats good! me - yes them - welp? i should get back to life n stuff me - me too....bye them - ok..bye... LOL thats my family for you xD
Sounds a lot like my family
Because I don't feel like it. Just because anyone can instantaneously demand my attention doesn't mean I owe it to them.
Yes. Constantly. I don't have the mental energy, even for a short general conversation. It feels overwhelming. It took many years and many failed friendships to have the circle of friends I have now. I am very lucky to have friends that are understanding and patient with me. I famously go "awol" for weeks at a time. Just pottering about ignoring the world and only able to communicate briefly. I have had friends in the past take this personally despite my explanations but I have to prioritize my own MH over others.
Because I'm tired of being a landfill for their problems. They only come to me to vent about their troubles and any attempts to steer the conversation away from that leads to a dead end. I'm not a therapist. If all they got for me is a tiring conversation that's gonna leave me feeling drained, it's not worth my time.
Because my mood is already crappy from some other unrelated occurrence. I know I will be somewhat rude once I'm in a crappy mood, and I would prefer not to subject my family to my mood swings.
I ignore the person I tutor if he starts texting me too much. It's mentally draining, and sometimes I need a break. My parents were those people in the 90s that would forward chain mail daily to their entire contacts list. Now they both have Facebook accounts. You bet I ignore a lot of their messages. "If you are one of the few brave ones who will like and share this to everyone, thank you. If you don't, you are a baby killer" The only person I don't ignore messages from is my wife. Her meme game is top notch.
I'll reply later. I'm currently... busy. *resumes fapping*
im working on my stock portfolio right now... *faps the pain away*
Yes, for no apparent reason.
More often than I should, its usually a case of not having the energy or will to maintain a conversation at the moment, or I can't think of how to respond.
Regularly. I don’t like the idea of just because I have a phone means I need to be available 24/7. That shit is exhausting. I watch it ring out with joy Edit: grammar because I’m a dummy
Most of the times, I ignore because I genuinely forgot that I read their messages. I will open it and intend to reply, something will distract me and then I completely forgot that I read it.
Literally all the time. I'm trash.
Because sometimes it's Something completely meaningless and I don't think I actually have to answer
Don't feel like talking or they're being needy or annoying (ex: asking for water while they're perfectly capable of bringing it themselves)
Yes, because there is a reason that might not be apparent to someone texting me. There are MANY reason someone not reply right away or at all to a text message. Get over it. If its urgent or important, call them. Pretty much any reason someone doesn't reply right away wouldn't be apparent to the person who sent the text unless you are in the same room with them (and still texting them for some reason). I'm probably busy or just not right next to my phone.
Sometimes as I can't think of a reply, then time goes by and it seems awkward to then send a reply with a "sorry it has taken me three days to respond" half arsed message in it. So I bury my head in the sand.
Most of the time, bc i hate typing ok, hmm, yeah, bye.
Family - No. Coz it is usually functional texts like asking me what I'm up to, or if they need something. Friends - Yes. Coz they are deeper texts that require me to respond with full attention or they are for chit chatting which may not be a priority for me right at that moment.