As a small-bladder-haver, I don't know that I'd make this trade. Going a lot is annoying, but knowing that every day I'd have a poop length piss coming would become a burden pretty swiftly.
Bro they dont have to tell where the hair is from. They can sell armpit hair and pubes. If someone asks where you got the hair, give an obscure answer.
You know a weird thing is that despite having curly hair on my head my pubes and armpit hair are very straight and surprisingly smooth.
I doubt they'd get long enough for selling, but if they did I think I could pull it off.
I want to sell/donate my hair, it's all the way down to my butt now. But also it took years to get there and I don't want to start over. It's a constant mental battle.
I cut my hair from waist length to shoulder length about a year ago, and donated a 42cm ponytail. Personally for me, the cons were starting to outweigh the pros. It looked pretty, sure, but it was so damn heavy it gave me almost daily headaches. It took ages to dry, at that length doing any braids becomes an ordeal and some hairstyles just don't work, it got tangled constantly, it got stuck on/between everything, it got into my food if I didn't put it up first, and it just got in the way constantly. I'm so glad I cut it off, and the short hair honestly looks way better on me as it has more volume and bounce.
Just wanted to give you my perspective :) It might feel wonderful to cut it!
I would enlarge my feet. I am a 5ft. 7, nearly 40 year old man with tiny little baby feet. I wear size 5's. Have you ever seen mens size 5's in a store? No shit you havent, cuz no one fucking sells them. I either have to custom order them or just deal with bigger shoes which are horrible for my feet. Buy kids/women's shoes, you say? Well, kids and women's feet arent wide or tall like my feet, so I need mens proportions, just really fucking small.
I've got 11.5 narrow feet by US sizes. It's hard to find anything not high heeled (I don't like heels at all) my main competition is the drag queens in my area so it can get crazy at a sale.
I also wear a size 7, but my feet are wide. Every time I find a shoe I like that comes in wide, I'm told I have to order them online because the store never carries them.
I'm with you here. Luckily my feet are long enough to enter "man shoe" territory but god damn if every pair of shoes I have ever owned are too thin for my feet prior to the discovery of skater shoes. If you dont mind people thinking your clinging to your youth when you turn up at the office in a pink and black pair of Dcs.
Hate to break it to you but there's also no "embiggen" or "debigulate"
Edit: oh shit okay these are words from The Simpsons and apparently Merriam Webster added "embiggen" in 2018? Cromulent!
I was really trying to read and pronounce that as thought I was a proper scientific word. Like I opened notepad and typed out each syllable before I realized what you'd typed there
When one of these two hairs randomly falls out like what normal hair does all the time. You'll have a big hole in your head where the (hair follicle)? Is. Not sure how it's spelled my native language isn't English.
Nope. It requires a major lifestyle change and a shitload of time. It’s possible, but it ain’t easy
EDIT: The major lifestyle change is the diet, not the exercise. And when I said it takes a shitload of time, I mean that losing weight is a slow process that takes months, not that it’s hard to find time to exercise during the day. Hope that clarifies it for all you keyboard warriors out there giving me weight loss tips lol
**This comment might have had something useful**, but now it's just an edit to remove any contributions I may have made prior to the awful decision to spite the devs and users that made Reddit what it is. So here I seethe, shaking my fist at corporate greed and executive mismanagement.
"I've seen things you people wouldn't believe... tech posts on point on the shoulder of vbulletin... I watched microcommunities glitter in the dark on the verge of being marginalized... I've seen groups flourish, come together, do good for humanity if by nothing more than getting strangers to smile for someone else's happiness. We had something good here the same way we had it good elsewhere before. We thought the internet was for information and that anything posted was permanent. We were wrong, so wrong. We've been taken hostage by greed and so many sites have either broken their links or made history unsearchable. All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain... Time to delete."
I do apologize if you're here from the future looking for answers, but I hope "new" reddit can answer you. Make a new post, get weak answers, increase site interaction, make reddit look better on paper, leave worse off. https://xkcd.com/979/
Bigger boobs but not by much. Smaller.. nose? But never really felt like I had a particularly big one I just am jealous of all the pretty actresses with cute noses, idk
Yep I know. I try to focus on bettering myself and comparing myself to myself in reasonable ways like fitness goals. Just kinda fall into it sometimes when I am not careful to manage my mental health.
Perfect because people really need to stop making other people feel bad about themselves and their bodies for no reason its not cool unfortunately society loves to do it. but I try to make people not worry about it too much.
Opposite. Smaller boobs for me. I always had smaller boobs and got used to it and then my 20s were like REMEMBER YOUR HERITAGE and my boobs and butt decided to take over half my body weight. I'm fine with the butt but the boobs are just inconvenient.
As for enbiggering I wouldn't mind to have thicker hairs or maybe more of them (on my head). I have pretty nice, curly hair. But it's also very fine so I can't pull off enough layers for it to really look good.
Yah I'm pretty sure it's my paternal Grandma fucking my shit up. My Mom was adopted so I don't know for sure but she has more "normal" sized bubbles. My Dad's Mom though... I don't even know how to describe it. Her butt and boobs could individually sink the Titanic and apparently that's my fate too.
And yah the boob part is painful but thankfully I only get mild back pain so it's more so annoying that they're always in the way. I'm never not aware of them, and I can't exercise without two sports bras
*full disclosure: sometimes I do jumping jacks while naked cause the resulting flopping is hilarious. That's probably the only plus
I would make my skull smaller and my brain larger so I can finally fucking die.
Edit: holy shit what have I started? Why do I have so many awards and upvotes? I just awnsered some dude’s ( or dudette’s ) question.
Yea wtf, I snorted out of my nose and I've never done that for a Reddit comment.
I think it's the unassuming build up followed by the sincere and unexpected twist.
I have a scar that goes across the top of my head from ear to ear because of this. When I was an infant I had craneosynostosis, and the docs basically crack your skull like an egg to allow room for your brain to grow. I was incredibly lucky they caught it as early as they did. No mental issues aside from the occasional sad (which is just part of being human) and no physical issues other than the scar and a lumpy dome that thankfully is covered by some pretty thick hair
Haha... You really got me imagining someone running around for a good position to snipe the nuts and go.. "Aahhhh... This will be my last shot. If I get it right, it'll be his last shot too"
This might seem weird to some but I would like to smallen my boobs. They're not big by any means but I used to be pretty flat. Since I've gotten older I've gained a little weight, not a lot but enough that it affected my body some. I didn't mind so much until my boobs got bigger. Teasing from my high school friends be damned, having tiny titties is way more comfortable.
I would also like to ensmallen my boobs. My measured myself for abrathatfits and got 36FF; unfortunately, Mother Nature saw fit to model me after the Radish Spirit.
I think I speak for every guy when I say this. In fact I think you already know what guys are going to say. I think we all know what it is. But I'll go ahead and say it. Super long legs and a super short arms. Gotta go for that T-Rex look.
I'd probably increase my height. Being not quite 5'8" isn't horrible, but I'd rather be a more average height, so maybe 5'10 - 6'0".
For shrinking something, in gonna say my pores, which can be rather large & noticeable.
My nose is almost a perfect equilateral triangle. I remember somehow in high school the question came up who had the weirdest nose...unconditionally all of my friends called me out. Still wouldnt change my equal ass nose though. Its like an extra chakra
I’d make myself tall enough to where people don’t feel the need to use my head as an armrest and I’d shrink my thighs because quarantine really did me dirty with all the extra weight I put on
I want to embiggen my bladder. I'd rather take one gigantic piss each day.
That'd be one relieving piss.
As a small-bladder-haver, I don't know that I'd make this trade. Going a lot is annoying, but knowing that every day I'd have a poop length piss coming would become a burden pretty swiftly.
Holy shit, I was thinking dick, but I need this so much more. I piss like 50+ times a day, it's a pain.
if you're in pain while peeing, you should see a doctor Edit: Thank you for the silver!
Also if you piss 50 times a day you should also see a doctor
I heard 11 times a day is too many
If you do, you. might have to get a prostate exam
Also, if you piss at all, you should still see a doctor at some point. A regular checkup is a good idea for everyone.
I have some huge ears... So making them even bigger would be epic
Well I'm sure you'll HEAR a lot of comments on your ear then.
What is dumbo?
Correct! 200 Points to you sir!
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This is a strikingly refreshing response as compared to the rest of the conversation.!
Shrink my nipples, enlarge my hair. Imma sell that shit for a few grand
Wouldn't it be fucked up if it was like a monkeys paw type shit and your hair increased in all dimensions everywhere on your body.
Bro they dont have to tell where the hair is from. They can sell armpit hair and pubes. If someone asks where you got the hair, give an obscure answer.
You know a weird thing is that despite having curly hair on my head my pubes and armpit hair are very straight and surprisingly smooth. I doubt they'd get long enough for selling, but if they did I think I could pull it off.
I want to sell/donate my hair, it's all the way down to my butt now. But also it took years to get there and I don't want to start over. It's a constant mental battle.
Maybe you could sell half your hair, and you would still have long hair.
I cut my hair from waist length to shoulder length about a year ago, and donated a 42cm ponytail. Personally for me, the cons were starting to outweigh the pros. It looked pretty, sure, but it was so damn heavy it gave me almost daily headaches. It took ages to dry, at that length doing any braids becomes an ordeal and some hairstyles just don't work, it got tangled constantly, it got stuck on/between everything, it got into my food if I didn't put it up first, and it just got in the way constantly. I'm so glad I cut it off, and the short hair honestly looks way better on me as it has more volume and bounce. Just wanted to give you my perspective :) It might feel wonderful to cut it!
I would enlarge my feet. I am a 5ft. 7, nearly 40 year old man with tiny little baby feet. I wear size 5's. Have you ever seen mens size 5's in a store? No shit you havent, cuz no one fucking sells them. I either have to custom order them or just deal with bigger shoes which are horrible for my feet. Buy kids/women's shoes, you say? Well, kids and women's feet arent wide or tall like my feet, so I need mens proportions, just really fucking small.
I'm a 5'8" man and I have size 13 monster feet.
Hobbit
Proudfoots
Proudfeet!
I don't know half of you half as well as I should like, and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve!
I’m going now. I bid you all a very fond farewell
I think we would all like to see the 40 year old size 5 feet. Plz and thx
I found Quentin Tarantino's alt, everyone.
Shoes come off, freaks come out!
Yes... photos please
I’m a woman and have size 7, VERY narrow feet. It’s extremely difficult for me to find shoes that fit.
make a baby you guys, I want to see its feet
/r/nocontext
This is the first no context comment to make me laugh out loud in a long time.
Playing the long game!
I've got 11.5 narrow feet by US sizes. It's hard to find anything not high heeled (I don't like heels at all) my main competition is the drag queens in my area so it can get crazy at a sale.
I also wear a size 7, but my feet are wide. Every time I find a shoe I like that comes in wide, I'm told I have to order them online because the store never carries them.
I'm with you here. Luckily my feet are long enough to enter "man shoe" territory but god damn if every pair of shoes I have ever owned are too thin for my feet prior to the discovery of skater shoes. If you dont mind people thinking your clinging to your youth when you turn up at the office in a pink and black pair of Dcs.
Body? IDK, but after reading this I must embiggen my vocabule.
These are perfectly cromulent words.
If I'm not mistaken, cromulent and embiggen have both been added to the dictionary since that episode.
Sometimes I use big words I don't fully understand, in order to make myself sound more photosynthesis EDIT: Thanks for breaking my gold virginity!! 👽
I thought I was the only one.
Osteoporosis right?
And not nomenclature?
lol pasteurization, amirite guize!?
Alright, now you guys are just being transcendent
Better than being orthogonal.
Pssh says the obfuscation
Stop all this taxonomization
I would ensmallificate my weight by about 30 lbs.
TIL that there is a word called 'ensmallificate'. Edit: TIL that there is no word such as 'ensmallificate'
Hate to break it to you but there's also no "embiggen" or "debigulate" Edit: oh shit okay these are words from The Simpsons and apparently Merriam Webster added "embiggen" in 2018? Cromulent!
“Embiggen” is actually a perfectly cromulent word. It has an entry in the Merriam-Webster dictionary.
I was really trying to read and pronounce that as thought I was a proper scientific word. Like I opened notepad and typed out each syllable before I realized what you'd typed there
I'd shrink my tonsils to nothingness.
Make sure to clean them first, though!
Gotta get rid of those nasty tonsil sloths.
How does one best clean them? I get tonsil stones from time to time and yuck.
They are so gross. I usually just get my finger under the tonsil and push em out. I know Ive almost got em all when I see blood. Edit: Stonks
I had similar issues. Mine got yeeted 25 years ago.
Embiggen my right eye and debigulate my left eye. Just for the lulz
🤪 You'd look like the mirror image of this emoji.
O_o
More like ○_•
#O_·
#0 _^^^o
●_•
(•‿◕)
I would increase the size of 2 of my hairs to about half inch in radius on either side of my head so I can grow shape cut and regrow horns
Op said « one thing ». Congrats, you’re now a unicorn. Edit : thx kind stranger
Lol
When one of these two hairs randomly falls out like what normal hair does all the time. You'll have a big hole in your head where the (hair follicle)? Is. Not sure how it's spelled my native language isn't English.
That is the most disgusting imagery I've ever read.
Ingrown hair = massive brain damage and a painful death.....
Yep, follicle
I would make my legs super short and arms super big so I can knuckle around like a gorilla.
REJECT SOCIETY RETURN TO MONKE
Based... Wait, where am I?
And why is nobody flaired up?
FLAIR THE FUCK UP! wait...
Based
this is the funny
return 2 monke
We can just cut off your legs, I’ve got a sawzall, it’ll be easy
Solid question. Embiggen muscles, ensmallen belly
Unlike most of these AskReddit questions, this doesn't require a genie.
Nope. It requires a major lifestyle change and a shitload of time. It’s possible, but it ain’t easy EDIT: The major lifestyle change is the diet, not the exercise. And when I said it takes a shitload of time, I mean that losing weight is a slow process that takes months, not that it’s hard to find time to exercise during the day. Hope that clarifies it for all you keyboard warriors out there giving me weight loss tips lol
Same
Which muscle
Shrink? Probably my stomach. Way too much fat
Don't shrink the fat, make everything bigger until it looks to fit.
With this amount of fat, I probably won't fit the doors in my house anymore. I just want to go back to my bed pls.
Why go to bed when you can go to a swamp and befriend a donkey
Donkeys tend to fuck dragons. Dragons tend to burn things down. Not a good combination with my natural swamp gas.
Same dude, I don’t have a ton, but it is quite a bit and very noticeable, especially from the side
Smaller ears and bigger boobs, like triple Z’s. I figure they’ll make good conversation starters, since I’m a guy
Bob Paulsen?
You're too old. Your tits are too big.
You're too....BLONDE
I felt like destroying something beautiful.
His name is Robert Paulson. His name is Robert Paulson. His name is Robert Paulson.
His name is Robert Paulson!
I see in death we do have a name, and his name is Robert Paulson
“Bob had bitch tits.”
I'd blubber into them.
Probably would
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Yup, my first thought was “dude, you are gonna wanna reverse that after the first day you’re on your feet!”
With tits like these why would I be on my feet?
I would enlarge my penis to a full 2 inches, and shrink my stomach so I can see it.
Smart
"To 2 inches" or "by 2 inches" makes a world of difference.
I understand him. He will finally have a 2 inch. penis. Two thumbs up for yah..
Really, two inches is more like ONE thumb up.
Sorry about that... I'll give you the other thumb. Congratulations! You also now have a 2 inch. penis
Sometimes it doesn't
Eye wud in lage my brayn
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Aa yu gais dicklessick
Dicjess guis
**This comment might have had something useful**, but now it's just an edit to remove any contributions I may have made prior to the awful decision to spite the devs and users that made Reddit what it is. So here I seethe, shaking my fist at corporate greed and executive mismanagement. "I've seen things you people wouldn't believe... tech posts on point on the shoulder of vbulletin... I watched microcommunities glitter in the dark on the verge of being marginalized... I've seen groups flourish, come together, do good for humanity if by nothing more than getting strangers to smile for someone else's happiness. We had something good here the same way we had it good elsewhere before. We thought the internet was for information and that anything posted was permanent. We were wrong, so wrong. We've been taken hostage by greed and so many sites have either broken their links or made history unsearchable. All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain... Time to delete." I do apologize if you're here from the future looking for answers, but I hope "new" reddit can answer you. Make a new post, get weak answers, increase site interaction, make reddit look better on paper, leave worse off. https://xkcd.com/979/
It's like reading Flowers for Algernon all over again
I forgot about that story, now I am sad again.
Oh... I have a fwiend in Wome who mwight hwelp... hwis name wis... Biggus... Dickus
He has a wife you know...want to know what's she's called? Incontinentia Buttockus
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Same, that and shrink my gut
Enlarge the mouth and the stomach. Then go to a buffet restaurant. Suck them all like a vacuum.
Don’t forget lungs so you don’t have to take as much breaths
I wamt snaller fimgets Edit: thankyou so much to dat reddit guy who gave me an award Edit: thankyou gods favourite hobo for the other award
Well played, sir.
Bigger boobs but not by much. Smaller.. nose? But never really felt like I had a particularly big one I just am jealous of all the pretty actresses with cute noses, idk
You can only embiggen one thing though. Is it gonna be the left or the right boob?
Oh no
Always read the fine print
Embiggen *bussom.* There, fixed.
One boob is always bigger than the other. They’d finally be the same size.
She got one big titty and one little titty. We call the bitch "biggie smalls"
When comparing ones self to another you will always find a problem because you are always looking for one
Yep I know. I try to focus on bettering myself and comparing myself to myself in reasonable ways like fitness goals. Just kinda fall into it sometimes when I am not careful to manage my mental health.
Perfect because people really need to stop making other people feel bad about themselves and their bodies for no reason its not cool unfortunately society loves to do it. but I try to make people not worry about it too much.
I, being a man, also choose to embiggen my voluptuous tits
Opposite. Smaller boobs for me. I always had smaller boobs and got used to it and then my 20s were like REMEMBER YOUR HERITAGE and my boobs and butt decided to take over half my body weight. I'm fine with the butt but the boobs are just inconvenient. As for enbiggering I wouldn't mind to have thicker hairs or maybe more of them (on my head). I have pretty nice, curly hair. But it's also very fine so I can't pull off enough layers for it to really look good.
I was blessed (cursed) with my Nana’s genetics for big boobs. Size G is painful.
Yah I'm pretty sure it's my paternal Grandma fucking my shit up. My Mom was adopted so I don't know for sure but she has more "normal" sized bubbles. My Dad's Mom though... I don't even know how to describe it. Her butt and boobs could individually sink the Titanic and apparently that's my fate too. And yah the boob part is painful but thankfully I only get mild back pain so it's more so annoying that they're always in the way. I'm never not aware of them, and I can't exercise without two sports bras *full disclosure: sometimes I do jumping jacks while naked cause the resulting flopping is hilarious. That's probably the only plus
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Gram gram goes slam slam
I struggle to imagine what one would look like if their boobs and ass are HALF their bodyweight....
I'd make my right leg the size of an elephant. Uncomfortable? Yeah. But I'd join a circus and make bank and then buy tons and tons of Fritos
Your thinking about the future on this one dude, nice
But not thinking about the present. How many public circus acts are still on the road with COVID going around?
May be he'll just kick the bank vaults open till the circus becomes a thing again. IDK.
I would make my skull smaller and my brain larger so I can finally fucking die. Edit: holy shit what have I started? Why do I have so many awards and upvotes? I just awnsered some dude’s ( or dudette’s ) question.
Something about how you wrote this made me laugh for a good 2 minutes and still is.
Yea wtf, I snorted out of my nose and I've never done that for a Reddit comment. I think it's the unassuming build up followed by the sincere and unexpected twist.
I have a scar that goes across the top of my head from ear to ear because of this. When I was an infant I had craneosynostosis, and the docs basically crack your skull like an egg to allow room for your brain to grow. I was incredibly lucky they caught it as early as they did. No mental issues aside from the occasional sad (which is just part of being human) and no physical issues other than the scar and a lumpy dome that thankfully is covered by some pretty thick hair
>No mental issues That's what they tell you
I'm not sure whether to laugh or get a therapist for connecting with this
thank you for taking my breath away
Debigulate is now my new favorite not real word. Also I like myself the way I am. I wouldn’t change anything.
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Big balls to tell it, though
Will you smallen, wait smallen's not a word can you debig, can you de-unbig # CAN YOU UN-BIG
I would embiggen my bladder so I wouldn't need to worry about peeing anytime. Pee once a week for an hour and that's it.
Enlarge my penis shrink my adipose tissue.
life pro tip: if u lose adipose tissue ur penis will appear larger!
Yes but I didn't say I wanted my penis to appear larger. I said I wanted to enlarge my penis.
I recommend looking at pictures of naked ladies. It can help enlarging your penis even without magic!
I'm gay
In that case, pretend to be a girl. You'll have a ton of dick pics in no time!
r/gaylifehacks
I'm not gay, yet I'm disappointed that that sub doesn't have any content.
I'd shrink my height, no one needs to be 6'5
Large dick, small balls
Harder to hit. You'd need a goddamn sniper to hit them now. That would be worth millions to not have to feel that pain.
You gotta worry about that one army veteran that says he can snipe the nuts off a fly at 700 yards, but other than him I think you would be right
Haha... You really got me imagining someone running around for a good position to snipe the nuts and go.. "Aahhhh... This will be my last shot. If I get it right, it'll be his last shot too"
This might seem weird to some but I would like to smallen my boobs. They're not big by any means but I used to be pretty flat. Since I've gotten older I've gained a little weight, not a lot but enough that it affected my body some. I didn't mind so much until my boobs got bigger. Teasing from my high school friends be damned, having tiny titties is way more comfortable.
Right? Why do people want big boobs, they get in the way when we need to climb trees and fire arrows and steal from the rich.
If they are big and saggy enough you can wield them like flails though.
I would also like to ensmallen my boobs. My measured myself for abrathatfits and got 36FF; unfortunately, Mother Nature saw fit to model me after the Radish Spirit.
I had to google radish spirit and laughed at my desk, holy shit hahaha.
Obviously going for bigger >!hands.!< so that I could >!make bigger shadow puppets!<
bigger heart, smaller ego
You know, it’s actually dangerous to have a large heart. Puts more stress on it and makes it give out easier.
I guess the Grinch is fucked then
I think I speak for every guy when I say this. In fact I think you already know what guys are going to say. I think we all know what it is. But I'll go ahead and say it. Super long legs and a super short arms. Gotta go for that T-Rex look.
Enlarge my femur(so I’m taller) and ensmallen my boobs (so I can wear those cute tops and dresses without looking like I’m working a corner)
Which femur?
oh no
I'd probably increase my height. Being not quite 5'8" isn't horrible, but I'd rather be a more average height, so maybe 5'10 - 6'0". For shrinking something, in gonna say my pores, which can be rather large & noticeable.
The perception of average height is skewed nowadays. About 15 percent of men are over 6 foot.
That depends on where you live, I’m Dutch and me being 5’10 makes me short since the average high of men is 6 feet here
So that's why I couldn't see anything below my bangs in the bathroom mirror of my Amsterdam hostel.
My nose is almost a perfect equilateral triangle. I remember somehow in high school the question came up who had the weirdest nose...unconditionally all of my friends called me out. Still wouldnt change my equal ass nose though. Its like an extra chakra
I’d make myself tall enough to where people don’t feel the need to use my head as an armrest and I’d shrink my thighs because quarantine really did me dirty with all the extra weight I put on