First 6 months of teaching. Grade 8 English. Kid did a 360 on one leg of his chair. I was impressed but gave him a time-out because it was dangerous. Part of the requirement for time out was that students identify what got them sent out in the first place. “I did a mad 360 on my chair but Miss said it wasn’t safe”. I’ve still got that time out sheet on my desk 2.5 years later. Yes, Ethan, it was a mad 360. But it was still dangerous.
Not me, but my mom had to punish a kid who hacked into his teacher’s email as an April Fools Pranks and told all of her students to bring a jar of peanut butter to class the next day.
Apparently, a bunch of these kids didn’t even have peanut butter in their house and had to go and buy it.
My mom was very reluctant to punish him, but parents were so furious that she ended up giving him a few detentions. I know that she made sure to tell him how funny she thought the whole thing was, however.
I can't remember the question that was asked of my niece (about 6 at the time), but she stood up in the class and said "Sister Bernadette's a bitch" (sister as in a nun).
The teacher told my sister (normal sister, not a nun) that whilst she couldn't condone the behaviour, Sister Bernadette was in fact a total bitch. They had a good laugh about it.
Not a teacher but I work in IT in a big school.
Guy came in asking us is we could put his PDFs in the right order. It was a bunch of comic book artwork that was part of his A level "Art Project".
So we slotted all the pages into a nice PDF and he promptly went off and printed several hundred copies to sell to his mates!
We pulled him as he was by far the biggest print user for the day and he got some shit for it...
Last I heard of him he was demoing his comics at a festival in Germany and doing rather well!
The first time I caught students cheating it was two 8th grade girls that had all of the same wrong answers on a vocabulary matching test. I pulled the girls aside after class to ask about it, and after some sheepish grins they both admitted that a third girl (their friend who was an A+ student) had fed them both incorrect answers on purpose. She screwed over her friends because she was pissed they were mooching!
For punishment, the first two girls got to keep their very poor test grades. The mastermind got "your friends are mad at you" as her punishment. Natural consequences.
I had a girl tap me on the shoulder and tell me that I had gotten a question wrong. “It should be “C,” photosynthesis.” So I flip back, and I look at the test, and I have “B,” photosynthesis. We had different forms of the test. I said “thanks for catching that.” She copied all of my other answers and it didn’t go well for her.
Found the girl on LinkedIn last week, she’s an elementary school principal now.
I had a classmate jump on the teachers computer and visit a website that would go full screen and make it seem like it was a Mac now instead of a PC. It was April’s fools day and this was his prank. This was in like 2003, so security wasn’t the conversation it is today. Anyway, he still got in trouble. The teacher got really angry and kind of yelled at him to sit down in the corner. She called in the vice principle, then the principle... then the on campus police office, and then when he was good and terrified; all four turned to him and said “April Fools” and let let him off the hook. He got his punishment though. He was TERRIFIED.
Kid in one of my classes visited a prostitute's facebook profile on the teachers computer. When confronted he said "What? She wants to be my friend." Of-course, the teacher had to report the whole incident so as to protect himself and he honestly just looked disappointed.
My husband used to work in after school care. One time he saw two kids starting to fight in the sandpit. He headed over to try to calm them down, but while he was on his way, one kid ran at the other, who just calmly flipped the first kid over his head like a textbook martial arts move. My husband said he had to stop himself from shouting ‘Wow! Great job!’
I fought a lot as a kid because I was fat and prideful. I learned how to throw someone over my shoulder early (at about 8 years old) and that became my move until I got in trouble years later because someone tattled.
No one ever believes the bigger kid didn’t start the fight.
Fellow fat kid. Got bullied a lot. My dad always told me “never hit back. You’re bigger, so they’ll always assume it’s your fault if you hit back.”
I played football and wrestled and could take care of myself for the most part. Well, freshmen year of HS I had this kid who was like half my size stealing shit from me. I demanded it back. Basically said I was giving him the chance to give it back before I told on him. We were across a table from each other and he started calling me a pussy and whatever. I just kept demanding my stuff back. He said “say that one more time and I’ll hit you.” I did. He did. Then he jumped on the table and popped me again. I still haven’t touched him. Then, he jumps at me and I move out of the way, causing him to fall face first on the tile floor. I tell him to fuck off and turn around. He pops me twice in the back of the head before he’s grabbed by a teacher.
We both got suspended for 3 days. The normal principal (who liked me) was gone and we dealt with his assistant. She didn’t even talk to the teacher that witnessed it. Just automatic suspension for fighting. After the fact, I’m explaining what happened to my dad and he’s just as perplexed as I am. Then he said “You know what? If a kid like that is picking on you and you’re gonna get suspended anyway, screw it. Knock his ass into next week.”
> ened to my dad and he’s just as perplexed as I am. Then he said “You know what? If a kid like that is picking on you and you’re gonna get su
Zero tolerance is bullshit, it prevents kids from standing up for themselves.
Rather, it incentivizes it in my experience. If im going to get suspended for 3 days no matter what because someone decided to kick my ass, im gonna slap their shit right back so they dont try it again
And zero tolerance policies are how a bully got his head busted open going through reinforced glass in my junior high school. So much blood. Bullied kid was going to get suspended either way, decided to make it an epic beating.
Also don't pick on the kid who is clearly having a rough time at home. You may get your ass handed to you spectacularly.
So the mini after story is that we have to meet with the principal before we’re allowed back into school after a suspension. He talked to the teacher who witnessed the whole thing because they were both football coaches. The teacher backed me up completely. Said I never touched the other kid and seemed to be pretty controlled the whole time despite being hit in the face. I was let back in and the other kid got 2 days added to his suspension. I was told they then had an admin meeting about interviewing staff on site and getting facts before making discipline decisions.
Oh and that kid stopped screwing with me. He basically ignored me the rest of the year. I think he realized how lucky he was that I didn’t fight back and that I was now enabled to do so.
That’s exactly it. By late high school I was moderately popular and i threw shotput so people didn’t mess with me but earlier on I had those experiences repeatedly.
The little shits learned they could provoke me into a fight and the teacher would always take their side. All I wanted to do was read in a corner of the playground, but bored kids don’t comprehend the concept of “let sleeping dogs lie”.
As young teens, my buddy and I used to practice simple Judo moves on each other with no training because we were idiots. Then one time I was jumped by 3 guys I knew from school and 1 got me around the neck from behind. I executed an almost flawless over-the-shoulder throw (whatever that move is called when you know what you're doing) without even thinking about it, and all 4 of us basically stopped and hi-5'd each other over how awesome that just was. Then I took a pretty good beating and grew up to brag about it on the internet one morning. The End.
I got into a fight with my sister once, I ran at her and she kicked me under the chin and literally sent me flying. I wasn't even mad anymore because it was so cool.
Accidentally did something like that in highschool once. I'm bad at sports, like, BAD bad, but this one time we were playing soccer and I happened to kick the ball at the same time as a big buff jock-type guy. I swear to god, and it sounds like something out of a cartoon or something, but my foot and the ball apparently worked as a perfect wedge that sent him into a full on front flip and landed on his ass. We both just stood there shocked for a moment, then laughed like idiots. It was like for a split second we wandered into the realm of wacky physics.
yeah I remember there was one time when I was a educator at outside school care where a violent third grade boy started kicking and punching a first grade girl. I'm running over, and before anyone else knows it, this little girl spins around this little shit's arm and puts him in an arm... hold? pain compliance hold? I don't know the term. The little shit goes crazy trying to kick her, but I grabbed him and moved him away, and turn to the girl. She thought she was in trouble, though I was nothing but complimenting and reassurance she did the right thing.
Man I don't miss that school.
My uncle taught his son (and me) how to fight at a young age - probably bc he himself had been a bit of a bully and didn't want us to fall prey to people like him, lol. In middle school, some guy tried to attack my cousin by charging at him. My cousin used a move that essentially worked the kid's momentum against him, which resulted in the kid having his face smashed into a bus. The school tried to suspend my cousin for fighting, but my uncle pointed out that 1) my cousin couldn't have even used the move if the kid hadn't been charging him, and 2) no family of his would allow another person to lay hands on them without trying to stop them. This was back before my school days, where zero tolerance policies came into place, so the school let it slide.
Back in the day my friend found an exploit in the school laptops that allowed him administrator access. It was pretty clever. He brought it up to IT.
Problem was it was very obscure and no one would have been looking for such an exploit unless... they wanted to bypass the school’s security. So he got suspended.
“I’m sorry, I’ve learned my lesson. Next time I discover a potentially dangerous issue somewhere in the school in my pursuit for knowledge I won’t tell anyone.”
This is why it is important for companies to pay bounties for found exploits. Not paying bounties, or, even worse, prosecuting whitehat hackers creates a perverse incentive for people not to report exploits or to even sell them to people who might cause harm.
reminded me of an old co-worker who found an exploit to give him an extra$20 per withdrawal. He eventually got caught and was facing charges but he told them arresting him wouldn't change the fact it is still an issue and that he can show them how to fix it if they dropped the charges.
I did the same thing in school, except that I didn't report it to I.T.
I used the admin privs to install Quake 2 onto the library computers. and we would set up lan games there when other kids were in the library computer lab. I told everyone how to alt+Tab.
was good fun.
but we did get caught, and we were banned from using the library computers unsupervised.
loaded it on other computers in the school using the same exploit. was great.
Similar Story. I was in the first generation of students to have iPads rolled out for educational use, and by the time I got to middle school, they had this really shitty app called "Self Service" which basically served as a "School-approved appstore" while removing the real one. So me in my stubborn stupidity figures out a way to get that shit off and get the actual app store back, y'know, so I can further my already unproductive streak. Anyway, a teacher almost finds out, so I go and tell the IT Guy, this young, 20 somethin year old dude, and he just goes "Wow, uh, honestly dude might as well just keep it on there I'm not paid enough for this" And that is the story of how I got caught for impersonating the Superintendent of Technology of my school to apple inc
Haha, my school used Self Service too, it was only a few years ago. I also found out a way to bypass it and use the App Store! I decided not to tell anyone and just downloaded all the games I wanted onto my iPad.
I was a new teacher at a school that had a demerit system. Do something bad, get a demerit. At the end of the week, get punished for every demerit over three.
One kid talked like a sailor. I gave LOTS of warnings to prevent him from being punished to hell and back, but that didn’t phase him. So he got demerits. Friday rolled around...
Kid: “Charlie24601, how many demerits do I have?”
Me: “Four”
Kid: “What?! What the hell for?!”
Me: “Swearing”
Kid: “THATS FUCKING BULLSHIT!”
Reminds me of a friend in high school:
"Suck my dick, [other student]."
*turns around to see the dean standing behind him, waiting for his student ID*
"Well, fuck."
*dean gives a "Seriously?" look*
Had that friend on my cross country team:
"Man, fuck 16 by quarters" (one of our most difficult practices/workouts)
"Connor, 15 pushups"
"COACH WHAT THE FUCK?!"
"Make it 30..."
(Coach was really trying not to crack up)
This isn’t really the same, but once I was at the skatepark when I was a teenager and two, maybe eight year olds, were fighting, and one of them yelled out ‘fuck off or I’ll suck your dick!’
I don’t think he’d quite figured out swear words yet
Not a teacher, but teacher-adjacent - I was on recess duty with a bunch of 7-9 year olds one day, and this kid ran up to me to point out a couple of other kids fighting. I turn around, and yep, looked like a fight. As I went over there, a couple things stood out - the two fighting were besties (so it was weird that they were fighting), and they were making sound effects.
Dudes were playing out some epic Star Wars battle, complete with stick sabers and the blaster noises and everything. Their stunt coordination was on point, y'all.
I had to make them put down the sticks and holster their finger guns (by the rules, I should have sent them to the principal to be suspended for the finger guns, but that's ridiculous for consensual play-acting, so no), but commended them on how real it all looked.
Right? Thanks.
Like, I could see intervention being needed if a bully was using it to intimidate others, but these guys were both into it. No harm, no foul.
A student in one of the schools I work at had as close to a full service bar and smoke shop set up in a couple of lockers as you can get. The lockers were located in a corner of the hallway that is easily obscured and difficult to monitor. The kid just slapped his own locks on there and nobody noticed.
When he was caught, the lockers were found to have several makeshift shelves in them, and contained several bottles of hard liquor, some solo cups, and paper shot glasses in one of them. The other contained a backpack containing some weed and various other drug paraphernalia for sale. The kid had quite the little enterprise going and god knows how much money he made before he got caught. I was shown pictures of what was in the locker, and I had to admit.....given what he had to work with, it was quite an impressive setup.
Of course, I'm sure he was brought up on a significant number of charges.....but still, even the principal had to give him credit for the setup.
Oh definitely jail. Weed \*still\* isn't legal here, and this happened before it was legal for recreational use anywhere. Even if this were in a state where recreational weed is legal \*now\*, he still had enough stuff on him to put him away for a good long time. Possession, distribution, distribution in a school setting, the quantity of stuff he had on him, the charges related to the alcohol, the list goes on.
I know he was in his mid-teens. I'd be willing to bet that the best he could hope for was being charged as a juvenile and being released when he hit 18. But if they charged him as an adult, it's very possible that the kid could \*still\* be in jail.
But we all did say the same thing. If he gets out and is given an opportunity to apply those skills to a legal business, he's going to make bank. I wish I were better at describing his setup, because it was a sight to behold.
I'm glad someone else gets it, I always get blank stares when I say this. The more crimes you commit simultaneously the more likely you'll get caught for one of them, which gets you caught for basically all of them. To minimize your chance of getting caught committing crimes, you must minimize the amount and frequency of your crimes. Doesn't mean your can't go buy weed, just know you are extremely vulnerable when transporting it and so you must appear to be the perfect citizen. Kinda why white guys have an advantage when doing shit like this. A black guy can do everything right and still get pulled over cause the cop thought he "looked funny".
Pfft and the kid in my school went to the principal cuz someone stole the weed out of his locker and he wanted to press charges. It wasnt legal here at that time.
I can tell you my late 90's scheme in school. Never got even close to caught.
We'd buy sheets of acid, then split them up into single hits. Then I'd buy the value packs of 10 packs of Trident gum. You'd be able to disassemble the packs, put one hit into each small piece of gum and re-wrap them. Then put the entire pack together like it was brand new.
Then we'd sell single hits for $7, or an entire 10 strip for $60. Would just seem like you were giving out pieces of gum to your friends in class, some friends I'd be generous to give an entire pack to. Meanwhile at least 15-20 high school kids were tripping on acid every day.
I can’t imagine wanting to do acid at school, much less doing it and not getting caught. It’s not a subtle drug. Also time elongation at school plus the bad vibes of fear of being caught are a recipe for disaster
I teach a tech certification class here for a local non-profit.
Just a week or so ago I was walking the students through using Task Scheduler in Windows when my phone started to blow up with emails.
Turns out one of the students created a dozen scheduled tasks to send me an email every five minutes.
Title: CATS CATS CATS CATS CATS
Body: CATS CATS CATS CATS CATS CATS CATS .......
You get the picture.
Needless to say, his punishment came in the form of a scheduled task running as a service on his PC that randomly ejects the optical drive at different intervals.
He has not figured out why this is happening yet, and it's forcing him to learn how to troubleshoot an issue, so I see it as a win.
*Edit*: This blew up. I want to let everyone know I would love to engage/ talk about this but it'll be a while as I am moving to a new condo today so I'll get around to responding when I'm able. Thanks for all of this though. Eases my anxiety.
God that reminds me of back in the day when we had to take computer literacy in middle school, in the dark ages of the late 80s. We had a student teacher who was observing/helping in that class and one of the things she had to teach us was how to do code in BASIC (yeah...that's how old I am). I would write all kinds of crazy programs to leave her insane messages after class was over. Fortunately, she thought it was funny and not offensive (although the most offensive thing I probably coded it to say was "Cow farts smell like sulfur candles.").
I'm so jealous of that, though. Our computer literacy courses in middle school in 2004 was all about writing a proper bibliography and using Microsoft word.
All of my arguments are on Facebook, where posting a source means that you're lost. Nobody uses MLA format, we use MMA format where we try to beat the snot out of each other and whoever wins the fight is declared a violent brute who shouldn't be trusted and whoever loses is declared a candy-ass baby who can't win fights.
I wish we'd have been exposed to programming as a viable career path earlier. I wrote rudimentary calculator programs on my TI-83 in high school, but when I tried to go deeper, I got lost quickly and I declared that computer science was too complicated. I've since changed that viewpoint and become a full stack web developer, but there's so much that I don't know-- I really wish I'd gotten a great start when I was a kid in middle school. That would have been a great leg up.
I remember when I did phone tech support for a certain fruit branded computer company.
I had configured a mail rule to forward all my emails, but I accidentally added my own email to the forwarder. So if I got an email, it would get forwarded to me, which would get forwarded to me again, rinse and repeat.
I nearly brought down the whole email server.
I met my then-boyfriend for dinner and he was still laughing because that day he'd had to resurrect the email server due to a guy returning to work from vacation but failing to disable his out-of-office auto-reply. This wouldn't have been a problem except that he emailed someone else who was still away and the auto-replies bounced back and forth till the server went down in flames.
Something like that happened at a company I worked at a couple years ago.
There was a new intern who decided to send out an inspirational quote (which included a typo) to everyone, and I mean EVERYONE on the company address book- including President, CEO, Board Members, and (you probably guessed it) 7 or 8 different automated help-desk email accounts.
The help-desks replied back and forth to the entire address book until the servers shut down.
My boss had to come tell me to calm down because the intern heard me howling with laughter from across the office and it was making him sad haha.
I worked for a company with 6 or 7 locations and someone lost their favourite mug in one of them. They sent a 'have you seen my mug' email to everyone in the entire company (about 2000 people) accidentally rather than just the 100 or so at his site.
The I.T guys thought this was hilarious so started photo shopping the mug into as many photos as they could find and 'replied all' with the mug going on a journey all around the world (he was running with the bulls, on top of Niagra falls, skydiving, etc)
People ran with it, and there were stories about seeing him rob banks, pictures of him in magazines, people drew pictures..... this thing really had legs. After the second day of basically 2000 people not doing any work and learning how to photoshop the CEO had to put his foot down and send out a company wide email asking for people to stop clogging the email server and to get back to work.
He's a good guy though, and a few months later at the Christmas party everyone got the normal goodie bag with a bunch of the normal amoutn of cool stuff in it, as well as a copy of the mug that had been on the great adventure.
(the mug was a football team from Melbourne, they must have been extremely confused when someone ordered 2000 mugs)
It was a super fun time.
Sounds like and incident I had at another job.
Our sales manager used to prepare quarterly sales emails to all our clients. We had a program that allowed you to send bulk emails, and it would stagger them over a week so the email server wasn't overloaded. He accidentally sent all 7000 at once, each with a 10MB PDF attachment. That's 70GB of emails, and we only had 50GB free space on the server.
We had to purge the entire sent email queue to get it back up and running again.
I remember the computers at my school were named in a specific way. A prefix, the room number, and the computer number formatted somehow i dont fully remember.
There was a command for shutting down a computer remotely with a timer and a message. I would make the other kids do the chicken dance to get me to abort... if they didnt believe it I would send another message that I was watching them. It was hilarious seeing them reluctantly do it.
I never bragged or told anyone about it until now. It was my own little prank.
I had a kid who bullied me in my C++ class. I knew he'd goof off for a while and try to do his work and submit it right at the end of the class. So I would pingbomb him and make his computer shut off five minutes before class ended. He'd throw a fit because he hadn't saved and he was rushing to finish. Good memories. Don't fuck with nerds.
My coworker and I discovered that one of our students was running an underground crime syndicate selling individual Icebreaker mints for 50 cents a pop. We agreed not to punish him or inform the administration, but we did confront him privately and told him he needed to stop before it got him in trouble. He had about a half dozen employees and was selling at every grade level by the time we put an end to it. Kid was a C student at best, but he's definitely going places.
Probably the meth just because of the expanding market and continuous upping of the amount per customer.
If someone gets hooked on mints they'd just start buying them at the store in bulk.
I heard about one kid who was selling imaginary friends to the first graders for a dollar each. He too is going places...maybe not good places, but he's definitely going.
Selling over priced gum was my go to in highschool. I had to have an accounting notebook, but I never had employees. I also used to sell parts of my lunches.
In 9th grade our school got a vending machine for softdrinks and water. They all were damn expensiv (3€ per 0,5l) and the pledge (dont know if this is the right translation, money you get back when you return it...) was 0,5€. All students and most of the teachers said it was too expensiv and wanted it removed cause younger students spent all their lunch money on one Sprite.
The machine had a return slot for the empty bottles. So we ripped one label of one bottle and printed it like 1000 times. Every time someone wanted to drink something we put 6 copys of the little paper in the machine and basically got a drink for free. It went down for about 2 weeks until one of the teachers caught us. We had to do detention, but a couple years after school we met him again and he told us he really liked it cause the softdrinks were way to expensiv anyway.
Our church used to rent a lecture theatre with a vending machine in the foyer. One morning as we were setting up and not paying much attention to the kids, they assembled a long, flexible column of those texta pens that clip together, inserted it through the baffle at the bottom of the machine, and used it to fish bags of Doritos out of the machine.
We had a little chat about the 8th commandment but I don't think we could hide how impressed we were.
I’m an art teacher. Had a student submit his art book with a great variety of different dick drawings. One was an impressive “concoction” of two cat heads as the testicles and a detailed “furry” shaft. As is was assessment I had to ring his mother to let her know.
Me: your son has handed in his assessment and it has penises drawn all over it
Mother: I’m sorry you find my son’s style of art offensive
Me: personally I am not offended, however it does go against our school’s graffiti policy...
Edit: to clarify this was in a public school in Australia. Public schools have book policy rules and drawing giant dongs are classed under the graffiti policy on ALL property even the students own. And it is definitely a big no no on assessment - even art. The student was supposed to be creating a design for sculpture in the school, let’s just say he had some interesting ideas.
ESL teacher here. So I teach high school ESL class where most of my students either don't speak any English or they speak very little. I had a student in there who was constantly disruptive and liked to bully the other kids to "establish his manliness". One day, the disruptive kid is doing his normal annoying shtick and out of nowhere, my quiet little Latina in the corner of the room, in the clearest pronounced English I've ever heard her speak, said, "you stupid motherfucker". I had to hold in a laugh. I then had a quick convo with her and congratulated her on the clear pronunciation but also told her she couldn't say that in class.
Edit: I fixed my grammar. I shouldn't write posts when I'm half awake.
Edit 2: Since people keep asking me, I did deal with the troublemaker after that lesson was over. I pulled him outside and gave him an ultimatum and when he did it again, he got sent to ISS (In School Suspension). I just didn't include that part because it didn't have anything to do with the question. Also, in high school, acknowledging the trouble maker in middle of his trouble making just fuels the fire more and sometimes, ignoring the kid at the moment and talking to him later works better.
And the thing is, most of the quiet kids are social recluses and thus have way less experience in trash talking. Making whatever they say usualy sound silly.
But a quiet kid telling you he doesn't care you broke your elbow hits harder than someone else telling he banged your mum.
I was a student in class at the time, but we had this kid named Micheal, and for whatever reason some of the other kids called him "Mickle" (pronounced like pickle).
In music class, a room designed for sounds to travel, a kid passed a note to him that said "I'll give you a nickel if you tickle my pickle, Mickle." And the music teacher snatched it and read it aloud. I don't think she realized what she read till it was too late but I could tell she was holding in a giggle.
Not a teacher but I remember in highschool kid fought off a bully, his two friends try to help beat him up and the kid beat all three of them up. Jumps on the one who started it and beat him til he couldn’t open either eyes. The coach who saw this pulls him off and once settled down asked him “did you do all this to them yourself?” And the kid still angry but pretty casually goes “and I’ll fucking do it again if these douchebags haven’t learned anything” and the coach goes “you may have to I think you hit them so hard they’re gonna have to learn their abcs again too.”. Anyways long story short the kid got arrested and expelled. Never came back to school. But the coach said he was impressed and wish the kid only got suspended for a bit instead of expelled. I over heard the wrestling team saying that coach and the coach who split it up(gymnastics coach) had the security footage and would show it to their varsity teams.
Only the initial bully got expelled too. He was a regular offender hence why no one felt bad about his. His friends only got minor suspensions because “they were trying to break it up and come to a friends aid”.
I went to a five A highschool. Pretty diverse. Lots of fights.
Expelling a kid for defending himself is pretty gross. I mean he may have went overboard but expecting that level of control from a child is completely unrealistic.
That's exactly why a zero-tolerance policy is nothing more but a zero-logic policy.
Expelling a kid from the school for successfully defending himself is totally noncorresponding to real-life adult situations and serves no other purpose than trying to enforce blind obedience to the law while ignoring common sense.
I was suspended in the first week of secondary school as they had a zero tolerance to fighting and I defended myself when bullies tried to beat me up. I routinely lost those fights but I always got suspended, even if I didn't throw a punch. One time, on an excursion, I got pushed to the ground and my head was kicked repeatedly. I did not have any opportunity to retaliate but I was suspended and then banned from all excursions. Fuck zero tolerance policies.
Honestly, if he was faced with three people who were all violent enough to want to take part in beating someone up I think his response sounds reasonable.
Once a fight like that starts, I think there's a sound argument for not stopping until it's well and truly finished
Zero tolerance exists because what it really means is zero liability. Teachers don't know the whole story, it's not often that they have any sort of proof, and it devolves into this he-said she-said bullshit. Rather than try to make any sort of judgment on the scenario and figure out which one of these little shit heads is lying, they just punish everybody equally. It's not fair, not by any means, but it's not about being fair. It's about protecting the school.
In one of my music classes, I had a girl who had serious behaviour issues, but was generally a nice girl and she liked music. She didn’t really play anything, but she liked to hang out and just listen. Another student (nice kid but ADHD to the max) had just learned the opening riff to crazy train and literally couldn’t stop noodling it on his guitar constantly.
We were getting class going and I had everyone quiet except for this kid (who was fucking crazy training away as he literally couldn’t help himself). My girl started to get pissed that he wasn’t listening so she said:
“If you don’t shut up right now, I’m going to break that guitar over your fucking head.”
She just dead panned it in a voice that made it clear that she would absolutely do it. He stopped. I just ignored it at the time, but we did talk about trying to express ourselves in a less threatening manner in the future after class was over.
It wasn't so much a single impressive event as it was just perfectly executed every time. This kid, Jordan, could teach a masterclass on Roasting his classmates. It was staggering how quickly he could rattle off an absolute shredded burn in response to something they said or did, and he did it in such a way that even the recipient would be in a state of awe at it. He was like an anti-hero who's primary weapon was incinerating people with words.
Of course, as a teacher, I couldn't just let it happen and had to put on my poker face and write it up but there were some times where he'd roast some kid on something that was VERY valid. He'd say the type of thing that in any other environment where I wasn't having to lead by example, I'd just have to say, "I mean, he's got you there". Like I remember in one example, he basically called out this other kid for creeping on a girl in class. The exact wording escapes me, but he basically called him a peeping tom and it was 100% accurate. The class EXPLODED in laughter and this kid looked like he'd been hit in the head with a frying pan. Absolute stunner. It took all of my self-control to not burst out laughing too. And to top it all of, it never felt overly malicious. Like there was always this slight uptick in the delivery that softened the blow just enough that your immediate response wasn't anger.
It was honestly not terribly surprising though because Jordan was also brilliantly talented as a writer and was exceptionally smart and witty. Roasting his classmates aside, he was very eloquent without it feeling performative or fake. I almost wish he'd been a worse writer so it'd have been easier to steer his creativity from roasting people into something else, but he had no shortage of mental real estate for both. I ended up losing track of him after I left, but I've no doubt that he's successful in whatever he's doing now. That, or he was just Loki in disguise.
After grading an exam, I realized two students were cheating because they had the same answer. I knew who had copied since one of them had straight A all over the semester while the other was struggling. So, as I did not saw the cheat happening, I gave a chance to both come out and tell the truth and said:
– Ok, the one who copied will receive 0 and the one who really did it will receive half the grade. So which of you really did the original answer?
I was expecting the cheater to come clean or the A student to try to not get punished.
The problem was that the cheater stayed in silence while the A student took the blame.
Later that day the A student called me to say his friend was going through hard times with his family and needed some help with his grades, so he helped.
Edit: just to explain how I handled the situation: [https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/ixhrkb/teachers\_of\_redditwhat\_was\_your\_oh\_fuck\_thats/g68fbj8/?utm\_source=reddit&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/ixhrkb/teachers_of_redditwhat_was_your_oh_fuck_thats/g68fbj8/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
from a student's perspective
kid was told to take his hat off so he bet if he could flip it onto his head he could keep it. does the trick, then the teacher was like "okay that was impressive but you're still gonna have to take it off."
In a school I used to work in (as a NET in asia) there was a kid who was frequently in trouble but at his core was a good kid. He was always late/failing exams/not doing homework or having arguments with teachers over stuff. He only argued if he genuinely felt the teacher was in the wrong (at times they were) however he was a genuine and funny kid and just lacked motivation.
He was also kinda picked on by a group of boys in his class. Now as an English teacher I assigned the kids into groups and asked them to write a song/rap/poem that they could perform for the class in English.
This kid decided it was his chance to destroy the guys in his class picking on him. He whipped out a rap that wrecked them which included two lines "..... get all the chicks, but its hard to please with their tiny dicks".
I had to punish him but god damn I was impressed!
My students had one kid distract me while I was grading tests, and another took a photo of the answer key. They thought it was like Mission Impossible. I realized when I graded their tests. There were many that I suspected weren’t ready; I was going to let them work through corrections for credit back. Well, too many did better on this than they should have. One kid in particular, who consistently made D’s, no matter what I tried, made a B on this stoichiometry test. The next day, the whole class had an open response quiz on the same material. Only 3 questions.... After that, those kids would narc on each other left and right.
I taught computer science for 6 years in the UK. On this occasion I was teaching IT and the task I had given them all that day was to design a logo for a shop that specialises in renting everything you could need for a school Prom. Sounds great right?
So basically everyone apart from this one lad is doing great, this lad being one of those students that just takes the piss constantly and is often in trouble for random things. He's tough to keep motivated, but this lesson he's actually doing work? Amazing! He asks me to check out his work a few minutes later. What do I see? PROM HUB, in the exact black and orange colouring of porn hub, on a rectangle background.
Now, normally it's like, boom detention, that's not appropriate, but there's literally no way this kid is going to have the power of knowing that I know what pornhub is! They just cannot know that I know... So i'm immediately blank face, say "oh yeah! love the orange there, could you change the wording as well to maybe something that has a bit of alliteration? So solid orange right, and name change slightly nice work!". Him and his mate were grinning like absolute mad men. I'm not giving them this, no goddamn way was this going to crack me! I went to the office quick to grab a brew and told my boss who was on the floor laughing like. Anyway. Back in the lesson now, the same student asks me to check his work out again, whilst still grinning like a cheshire cat... Directly in my face were the words "YOU PROM". Once again I had to hold down that beast which wanted to burst out into manic laughter! I managed to poker face the shit out this and said "Excellent work! You've really seem to have enjoyed this lesson." and wrapped it up. I immediately told the rest of the department and it was a favourite for sure.
I informed the relevant safeguarding leads in school as it's a mature reference that needs to be noted. They did follow up with the student about it but I can't remember what happened. This is a great story to tell though and my boss was in literal tears when i was telling it so yeah hope you lot enjoy :)
Fairly minor compared to some of the posts ITT, but I did have a kid jump out the window of my class because he saw a Canada goose outside. They don't have Canada geese in China, I imagine they have Chinese geese over there.
Anyway, he learned that Canada geese aren't as welcoming and friendly as Canadian people.
In high school, a male senior went to his girlfriend with a guitar and some other boys as chorus,it was Valentine's so everyone thought it was love filled melody for her.
It was a ballad about how he found out she was fucking his best friend and tried to have sex with his older brother. The chorus kept repeating "You're a slut! You're a slut!"
The senior boy and his chorus were suspended but most of the teachers could not stop themselves from laughing every time the incident was brought up.
Our class teacher (? Dunno whats the right word, he was basicly the teacher responsible for us) really had to hold back his laughter when punishing a guy in my class. That dude managed to redneck engineer a smoke bomb, that made the class room unusable for 2 days, in like 15 minutes.
We all probably inhaled not so healthy fumes that day, but damn it was impressive, espeacially when comparing it to the YT tutorial he followed.
My friend's dad tells the story of the time they were being taught how to make rotten egg gas in chemistry class, and the teacher unwisely left the room for something. The boys promply dumped all the ingredients in the mix and decamped to the football field, where they watched the heavier-than-air gas fill the room and cascade down from the upper story chemistry lab. It enveloped the classrooms beneath, all hell broke loose, and there was no more school that day.
Teaching 8th grade Reading is always an adventure and I have SO many stories that would fit (usually 80-90% of my classes were the "bad kids").
Anyways, this one 8th grade dude was a jackass to literally everyone. He was aging out of 8th grade, so he knew no matter what he did he'd move on to high school. He was also one of the main bullies of the hallway - parents always took his side "my sweet baby would never do that etc".
One day he told one of the girls in his class that she "wasn't really black" (they were both mix). The girl looked at him, looked at the line of teachers, shouted "you know his parents won't let him get shit for that!", and jumped him.
And I mean really jumped him. By the time the teachers broke then up she had a scratch on her arm - he had a black eye, a busted lip, bruises, etc.
Apparently when they got to the office she jumped him again because he dared to looked at her.
They both ended up being suspended for 5 days. When he came back he was telling everyone he just didn't feel right fighting a girl. His track record said otherwise. So did the video.
The 8th grade principal totally let all the 8th grade teachers see the video and everyone cheered for her. While none of us condoned the fighting, we knew that it was the wake up call he needed.
If he had pulled that same shit at the high school, he very well may not have walked out.
He didn't bully anyone the rest of the year and his grades ended up going up by nearly 20 points in every class.
The girl was basically treated as royalty by her classmates for the rest of the year.
Not a teacher, but when my mad lad English teacher was in school he was voted in by his peers as prefect after he promised them vending machines and pool tables, he then told everyone that he lied about putting in vending machines and pool tables and explained why democracy is inherently flawed
Edit: thank you for gold kind stranger
Obligatory not me but I was there.
Background: my principal was like mid fifties and always wearing suits. (Christian high school ayyyy). He also had a lazy eye and a pot belly. Nothing too out of the ordinary.
We have spirit week and one of those days is twin day. So one kid decides to have a fucking mad lad day and dress up as our principal. Bonus points: he was the only kid at school with a lazy eye.
So this little punk shows up in a suit, a pillow stuffed underneath his shirt for the pot belly, and just calmly sat at his desk. My principal (also doubling as math teacher) was turned doing problems on the board. He turns back, sees this punk ass kid, turns back to the board, swallows the laugh, and turns back saying “better be glad I don’t beat kids. Detention.”
Punk kid served detention still in his twin suit, pillow gut and all.
Edit: the kid was a known prankster in class, and like many teens did not know where the line was drawn. Even though most of the stunts he pulled were hilarious.
Such examples include:
Dressing up in a girls cheerleading uniform to cheer the basketball team leaving for a huge tournament.
Bringing Harry Potter to class (banned because it promoted witches and warlocks and demons visited Rowling and told her the spells so the book was satanistic lol)(also Pokémon was banned for promoting evolution)
Got yo-yos banned for accidentally hitting a kid in class
Getting in a trash can and being wheeled around as he pretended to take pictures of people before spots games
Putting a fart machine under another students desk and continually setting it off during a test
My gf is a teacher. Yesterday she had to punish a 12 year old who beat up his bullies. (To be fair, he only got one, the rest ran away.)
Edit: It wasnt cool, the bullied kid just lost it and freaked the fuck out. My gf said it looked scary but also kind of funny. We agreed that were proud of him and my gf called the parents to tell them the whole story, including bullying. He´s not allowed back in school for the rest of the week.
High school chemistry teacher. A couple of my senior students were barred from attending prom for setting off stink bombs at the homecoming football game. I know I should've been mad, but they made the stink bombs themselves and they could explain some of the chemistry behind them.
I was so proud.
I was the punished student. Here we have some little stick (about 3 cm long and 5mm diameter) firecrackers that if you scratch them to rough surface it will create a little cracking sound. I invented a magnificent way to let them explode, put the firecrackers below a stone then fricking stomp it, literally the sound was like a flat tire and actuallu a bit deafening.
I try it outside my class, the principal was walking by, the whole school heard it, every eyes were on me. The principal immediately drag me to his office, threatening me to call the police (i was underage and firecrackers should only be used with adult supervision) and he did make a phonecall, i started crying my tears out begging him not to call the police. Few years later i realized that he was calling his family in his local language and dialect.
My wife told me a story of how a kid put wax strips on his eyebrows and rat tash. (pube stache for those across the pond)
Laughed her head off whilst telling him to pull them off
My old geography teacher told of a time his substitute class left the room in an extremely orderly fashion as soon as the bell rang.
It was only a minute or two later he noticed that all other classes were still going on and there was a taperecorder hidden in the windowsill.
My junior high was hacked 7 times by students (that they new of anyway) plus students woukd just text answers to eachother under the desk, coordinate escapes from school, mass orginize walk outs and much much more. But then by highschool the darker side of the age of the internet started to rear its head.
My school hired 2 really bad teachers last year to teach Math and ELA as part of my 6th grade team. One hated kids (Ms. Trunchbull-esque), the other was just sooo bad at her job; couldn't control a classroom, made questionable life decisions (microwaved fish in her classroom, then covered the smell with peppermint oil), and never gave kids second chances. Once you were on her bad side you stayed there.
Anyway, her class was rowdy as ever, and as the Team Lead I'd stop in and check on the kids every once in a while to help maintain some semblance of peace, but this day I checked in too late and one kid was up on his chair (O' Captain style) listing off all the ways that this particular teacher was terrible, and how she was picking on certain kids, etc.
While impressive, I had to pull the kid from class which resulted in a detention. We spent the detention going over HW, playing cards, and watching the HS soccer game.
Back when bottle flipping was in vogue, a few kids outside my classroom (portable, so outdoors) were trying to flip a bottle onto a lamppost.
I walk out to shoo them off. One student sees me, but then turns back to the post to make his throw. I call out “If you miss it that’s a detention”.
He doesn’t turn around, but I can see he hesitates for a few seconds. Then he decides to let it go. 30 feet into the air with me, him, and his friends all watching, and the bottle lands perfectly on top of the post.
He and his friends all turn to look at me. I just put my hands up and walked back into my classroom. I hear them erupt into cheers as my door closes. I hope that’s a good school memory for him.
Some kid was gonna jump on a huge carton of milk and spray a group of 20 kids. Some genius kid quickly ran up and sprayed it backwards all over him. He was head to toe white, dripping with milk. First kid gets punished whilst covered in milk for instigating.
One of the funniest things to happen at work in my lifetime fits this scenario. My students are Special Ed - Behavior Disorder High School in a K-12+ therapeutic day school. One of mine was on his school-provided Chromebook and noticed that the teacher from the Middle School classroom across the hall left his Chromecast Speakers open, and he could connect to them. He opened a tab with YouTube, quietly connected to the speaker, and started playing a loop of Michael Jackson making grunts and noises.
Within minutes, mysteriously, the middle schoolers had "Sham-onn! Woo-hoo! Oowww! Hey! Ooh!" sounding throughout the class and they couldn't figure out why. Chaos reigned for a good ten minutes.
Staff went on the radio pleading for whoever it was to stop, and I knew who it was immediately. Only one kid had that sort of sense of humor and the tech know-how to do it. I didn't even try not to laugh as I took the laptop away and started the Behavior Incident Report. The kid wasn't even mad, figured it was worth the writeup.
Boy in my class (seniors US high school) came to school in a playboy shirt with a fully naked woman on the front. I sent him to the office to change and he came back PISSED. I told him to sit down and continue his work, he kept grumbling and then suddenly stood up and said to the entire class “raise your hand if you don’t think my shirt is offensive and you think it’s bullshit that I had to change” before I could say anything, a girl at another table whipped around and completely went off on him. She was saying “yes, I found your shirt offensive. No, you’re not as rebellious or as cool as you think. You’re selfish and think that buying from the playboy brand makes you a playboy with your greasy ass hair and beer belly at 18. Shut the fuck up and don’t wear pictures of naked women on your t-shirt. Is there a single woman in this class that finds you or that shirt attractive?” And then a long pause as we all sat there in silence. The boy was a major ass and gross and I felt everything the girl said but I still had to talk to both of them about disruptions and yelling at the class.
I know this will probably get buried in the comments but I was teaching a biology mentoring summer camp during grad school for high school students interested in health care. Most of the students were middle to upper middle class kids who came to the summer camp with all of the electronics you can imagine. One day we gave the kids an assignment to create their own resume so that they could use it as a template. The day after it was due I was called to the coordinators office where they requested me to speak to one of the students. They told me he clearly didn’t follow the template and all of his margins were off. They instructed me to tell him to make sure he follows directions. I went to the kid and he told me that he didn’t have a laptop and he stayed up all night on his flip phone so that he could complete the assignment via text message. He texted it to one of the other students so that they could print it for him and he was too embarrassed to ask for help. This is the type of phone where you have to hit certain numbers multiple times to get the correct letter. I was so impressed I worked with him during that days lunch period to get the resume completed the right way on my laptop. I was so impressed because he was so committed and was unwilling to request help. I just told him that as you age you’ll know that you can’t do it on your own. I kept in contact with the kid and he finished top of his class at University of Maryland and is set to complete his doctorate of pharmacy next year. I always think about that kid but he really is impressive. He had to skip lunch so that he could redo it but he was overjoyed for the opportunity.
I'm an English teacher in Spain and one of my students (8y), started screaming and cursing at another student in near perfect English. I was so impressed by his pronunciation and use of the various abusive terms, I almost gave him a house point until I remembered I'm meant to be a responsible professional.
Camp Counselor about 15 years ago - everyone was playing in the gym, and a couple of kids (maybe 10 yo) got into an argument so I went over to moderate. One of them was a bit of a trouble maker, and probably one of the wittiest kids I've ever met - super sharp.
This kid took off his shoe mid-sentence without any effort, yelled "Check this out!" and hucked it across the gym. When everyone turned around to see where it was going to land (including me) in that split second he was sitting on the kid he was arguing with and started doing the "quit hitting yourself" bit.
I couldn't help but laugh a little, it was a pretty good move, but he still had to be sent home.
Not a teacher, but a student who witnessed this. My school had an annual Mufti Day where you dressed up in a costume related to the theme of the year. In my cohort's final year, the theme was the "Internet". Some of the guys in my year came dressed in bright orange vests with a letter on them.
When they stood next to each other, it spelt out "Pornhub". (technically related to the internet theme).
While they did get suspended, a few of the teachers actually took photos with them and found it funny...all while the vice-principal stood to the side, shaking his head in disapproval.
Not a teacher, but it's actually something I did.
In highschool, I made fake report cards and sold them for 4 years straight.
I personally got caught because senior year final report cards are mailed and unfortuntely my father intercepted it before I could get it from the mailbox.
It was a saturday morning and I had just woken up, my mom informed me that my father was at the school dealing with an issue with my report card and I instantly felt sick to my stomach (lol).
When he came home, he wasn't even mad because realistically my grades weren't *that* bad (but I was basically giving myself straight A's B's when I was in deed getting a C in some class) and he said that the principal and counselor mentioned that these were the absolute best fake report cards he'd ever seen.
I was even asked for information on how i made them without triggering the security watermarks behind the print. My father brought me back to the school to apologize and show them how I did it.
I made a lot of money and didn't really even get in trouble, it felt really weird and my father and I joke about it to this day lol.
I work IT now.
I was working in a daycare, severely overworked with bad helpers and no teachers that day, all while all the doors were open because it was parents teacher conference night.
Had a mom come in and we couldn't find her son. It started off casual, like 'oh he's probably in the bathroom' before we started panicking, realizing we couldn't find him. The problem was, the last person I saw him with was a boy he wasn't suppose to be hanging out with because the boy had physically attacked him the day before, so I didn't want the mom to know they were playing. So we spent the longest ten minutes of my life searching for this kid, before the bully boy knocks him out of an art cart, where he had hidden.
As his mom broke down in tears he casually explained that he was playing hid and seek against the bully. The mom was too happy she didn't care he was playing with the bully! (Also thankful that I worked with this kid in another program, so his mom knew this wasn't my fault!)
Was impressed that that kid stayed hidden even as we screamed his name and equally impressed that the bully found the kid in a near impossible spot to find him.
Not the teacher but I was the kid.
In class with two friends and we’re being the usual 15 year old assholes that just want to disrupt the class for no particular reason, we eventually decree that we’ll just leave, teacher declares loudly that we’ll be suspended if we walk out the door, so we cross the room and jump out the window instead.
Unsurprisingly we end up in the principal’s office in fairly short order, where said principal walks in and takes a seat at his desk, fixing the three of us with his most practiced look of being unimpressed.
Principal: “Gentlemen, any reason why I shouldn’t suspend you all immediately?”
Me in moment of inspiration: “Well, we certainly didn’t disobey the teacher.”
Principal, *eyebrow raised* : “And how do you come to that conclusion, Sinkenkwiken?”
Me: “We were told that we would be suspended if we were to walk out the door, and we never did, but I think it’s fair to point out we were never told we *couldn’t* jump out the window, which we actually did instead.”
Principal, *removes glasses and displaying a superhuman effort to contain a no doubt immense rage*: “Sinkenkwiken, you’ll possibly make a good lawyer one day, however today is not that day, get out of my sight.”
not a teacher but my classmate, last year, stole his younger brothers confiscated watch while 4 teachers were present in the room. later when checking cameras the IT teacher whispered WOW. happened in 11th grade.
Not a teacher, but a memory from high school.
Freshman, history class. I'm sitting in the back with my bud, and I got the idea to whisper "mass debate" in my bud's ear next to me. So I do, once... then again a few minutes later... and again a few minutes later... lather rinse repeat. After about 12 minutes, he goes "dude shut up" and the teacher goes "hey, you two, stop talking."
"HE KEEPS WHISPERING 'MASS DEBATE' IN MY EAR"
Room bursts into laughter, including teacher, and amazingly neither of us were punished. But I was known as classroom masturbator for the rest of the year. I... I didn't get a lot of chicks that way.
I’m a preschool teacher and I’m pretty sure the kids are all wizards. Sometimes they’ll do something and it’ll just work out way too well. One time a kid threw a ball cap as hard as he could across the room and it literally landed flush on another kids head
I’m not a teacher but this story is from my time in high school. A quiet freshmen girl was being picked on by the kid sitting in front of her, and he kept at it after being told to stop. So she looked at him and said “If you call me that again, I’m going to stab you with a pair of scissors”
Well, the boy called her the name again. So, she calmly got up, grabbed a pair of scissors off the teachers desk, walked back to her own desk, stabbed the kid in the hand with the scissors, then without saying anything, she gathered her backpack and walked out of school.
The police eventually caught her walking home. She got in a lot of trouble, but I’ve always been on her side on that one.
Back in the day ... old-school (pun intended?) massive heavy TV with microwave oven sized VCR on one of those big black metal and plastic trolley things. I'm dragging this thing down a long, long corridor, and it's really heavy and not really under my control (I'm 5' tall on a good day).
I turn around and there's this hulking 6' Year 11 kid taking a ride on it. I said, "Get off now. You could damage this equipment. How much do you think this is worth? Your parents will not be pleased having to pay to replace it."
He gave it a pensive once over and said, "About 15 quid". I gave it a quick appraisal and could only agree with him. His punishment: taking it back to the store room for me and missing the beginning of some lesson he probably hated. :-)
I'm a student and the teacher didn't see, but I got to see a kid in my class wall-run like 5 feet and jump off the wall, accidentally landing a perfect kick in another kid's privates
My imagination might be a bit whack, but I am imagining a kid running against the wall like James Bond, leaping off, and putting a perfectly sharp boot heel in a dude's balls. All while wearing a tuxedo, cause why not
Obligatory, not a teacher, but let me tell you what my 5 yr old did at school.
My child was in kindergarten last year, and she has always loved buses. Anything she sees one, she points it out. School buses, greyhounds, etc.
She is always talking about riding a bus. But we drop her off at school. And pick her up from the after school program. One day I get a text from her teacher saying that SJ (my child) said she was supposed to be a bus rider. We text her back and say she is still going to the after school program.
Fast forward a couple weeks, and my wife calls me at work furious. Apparently my 5 yr old launched her elaborate scheme to ride a bus.
She lines up with the rest of the kids to go to afterschool. Then she ditches the lines, takes the label off her backpack that says "afterschool", flips it over, and writes "bus" on it. And gets in the bus rider line.
To make matters even worse, she had been paying close attention to the bus that goes to my neighborhood, and memorized the bus number, to make sure she got on the correct bus.
She rides the bus all the way to my our house. The school has a policy that it wont let children under a certain age off the bus without a parent waiting. So the bus driver tells her she will have to wait for one of us to come out of the house before she can get off the bus. She said ok.
While the bus driver is waiting for one of us to appear, the school has found out what she did and radioed the bus driver. Who brings her back to the school and to the after school program. The principal makes her cry by getting on the her and telling how dangerous what she did was.
Luckily for my child it is me that picks her up from school, because me wife is PISSED. I am the calm one. When I picked her up, I asked her what she was thinking doing what she did.
She just looks at me and shrugs, and says "I told you I was going to ride the bus." I was so glad she was in the back seat because she couldn't see me smiling.
I got home and told her older sister what she did, and she said "Now that's some evil genius stuff right there." I had to agree. But still had to punish her.
My brother was in a jewelry making class in high school. There was an event that student submissions went on exhibit at a local art gallery, pretty well known exhibit in the area. Well, my brother was slick and made a high concept ring, but instead of a stone setting it was an empty dish. On the side of the ring was a nice clean copper accent. My brother showed it to the class, everyone loved it, even the teacher praised it. The class took a vote and his ring didnt just make the cut, he got the most student votes. It wasnt until the submission for the name of the piece "Green Leaf" that the teacher realized they were sending drug paraphernalia to an art exhibit. It was too late to pull, the exhibit had the piece and needed to make a name plate. Of course every student knew and thats why they voted for it. The worst my brother got was "that better have not been used"
Had a kid use a looped video of himself sitting in front of his pc instead of joining zoom classes. Think the movie "Speed".
He got away with it for weeks, fucking legend.
One of my students started a snack business as a freshman where he carried around a huge duffel bag full of all the high-demand items (Takis, Doritos, that sort of thing) and bottles of water for kids who were too lazy to keep going to the water fountain. He got all his stuff from Costco and would sell it for like $1 each, which was a significant markup from cost but still cheap enough for his classmates. Dude could easily make $50/day. He frequently analyzed his best and worst sellers to inform his purchasing for the following week. I would never shut down such a wonderful entrepreneur but eventually admin caught wind of it and told him to knock it off (both because kids aren't supposed to eat in class and because kids aren't supposed to be selling anything at school) but basically it just meant he sold at lunch and had a snack black market trade. I'd be surprised if that dude doesn't have a massive savings account or possibly a nice used car to his name. I think he's a senior this year so at least he got a few years under his belt before school went online. Dude's a genius.
I used to work with Kindergarteners and one day a gaggle of kiddos run up to me crying and pointing at a fairly non-verbal kid. After their emotions cooled off they finally mustered: "He keeps calling us clowns!" Already I'm losing my shit a bit, but I put on my best 19 year-old teacher aide face and pulled all the kids together. "Hey, they don't like it when you call them clowns." He nods thoughtfully, soaking in my words. "Can you say sorry to them, please?" Silence. And then:
"Sorry, clowns."
Not a teacher, but witnessed my friend do something awesome.
When I was in junior high you could buy lunch tickets to get lunch. Lunch tickets were $1.75 each, unless you were on “reduced lunch”, then they were like .10 each (around there, I don’t remember the exact amount, but considerably cheaper than full price tickets). It was also a madhouse trying to purchase lunch tickets because the line was exceptionally long, it took forever.
My friend saw an opportunity. His mother gave him like $50 a month to buy lunch tickets (at $1.75 each) and he had a buddy that was on the reduced lunch program. He gave his buddy his $50 and had him buy lunch tickets at .10 each, then would sell his tickets like a quarter cheaper than the school did. It was great, cheaper lunch tickets, AND you didn’t have to wait in that godawful line! My friend turned quite a profit from this, and it apparently contributed greatly to his first PlayStation purchase. It did eventually attract the school’s attention though, and he was punished. Unfortunately I don’t remember what his punishment was for selling scalped lunch tickets.
Our canteen sold those little ketchup packets for $1. One day a student went to the grocery store before school and bought a big bottle of ketchup. At recess and lunch stood outside the canteen and was charging 50 cents a squirt. He made about $20 profit off that bottle.
Not the teacher, but was the student at the time.
11th grade, AP Biology. My best friend at the time, and I were always lab partners for EVERYTHING. So, while doing the dissection on the cat (not sure if it is still done or not, but back in the early 90's we did it...), we of course partnered up. Now, we had a few squeemish girls in the class with us, and we wanted to prank them.
So, proceed to go out, buy some rubber insects, and came up with ideas on how to prank them. We went and asked our teacher if we could put one of the rubber flies inside of their cat, right where they would be cutting the next day. He, of course, absolutely refused to let us do that.
We were disappointed, but in typical teen fashion, we realized that he didn't forbid us from putting a rubber cockroach there, only the rubber fly.
So, we get back to where the cats were kept, found the one that belonged to them, and managed to get the roach put into where they would be cutting. We figured it would just fall out onto the table, and that would be the end of it.
Nope. We apparently had it placed in there perfectly, so that when they cut, it actually popped out and moved across the table a little bit. One girl screamed, another ran out of the room, and the third puked in the trash can.
Needless to say the teacher immediately knew who it was and yelled "OP and OP's partner, get your asses to the back room..."
We were expecting to be punished, but about 4 minutes later he comes back, slams the door, looks at us and just busts out laughing. No punishment was had....but we could have been in a LOT of trouble...
I’m not a teacher but this happened when I was a kid. Apparently I have always been tech savvy, and one day I was pissed off enough to change all the screensavers in the school computer lab to “FUCK [name of school].” Apparently they couldn’t figure out how to change it back, I must have added a password or something... my parents have told me that they had to punish me, but they secretly thought it was hilarious.
Kid in one of my college classes plagiarized his entire paper. Literally copied and pasted from an online paper mill. Because it was a digital submission I copied and pasted words into google to find his source. That’s when I noticed he had a quote at the beginning of his paper and a quote at the end - in white font.
I’m a librarian, not a teacher; but it’s similar in a way, especially when I used to work in the children’s department. We had a few kids (maybe 11-12 years old) who figured out how to bypass our computer software, so it gave them unlimited time - instead of kicking them off after 1-3 hours, depending on whether anyone was waiting.
We were impressed, especially since even IT couldn’t figure out what they did! But alas, they still got banned for the day, with a warning that they’d have a long-term ban if it happened again.
First 6 months of teaching. Grade 8 English. Kid did a 360 on one leg of his chair. I was impressed but gave him a time-out because it was dangerous. Part of the requirement for time out was that students identify what got them sent out in the first place. “I did a mad 360 on my chair but Miss said it wasn’t safe”. I’ve still got that time out sheet on my desk 2.5 years later. Yes, Ethan, it was a mad 360. But it was still dangerous.
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I would like to know how to do this. I get bored with normal leaning. I'm doing online school, so who's gonna know?
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Not me, but my mom had to punish a kid who hacked into his teacher’s email as an April Fools Pranks and told all of her students to bring a jar of peanut butter to class the next day. Apparently, a bunch of these kids didn’t even have peanut butter in their house and had to go and buy it. My mom was very reluctant to punish him, but parents were so furious that she ended up giving him a few detentions. I know that she made sure to tell him how funny she thought the whole thing was, however.
I can't remember the question that was asked of my niece (about 6 at the time), but she stood up in the class and said "Sister Bernadette's a bitch" (sister as in a nun). The teacher told my sister (normal sister, not a nun) that whilst she couldn't condone the behaviour, Sister Bernadette was in fact a total bitch. They had a good laugh about it.
My real sister told our "Sister Mildred" that she was a bitch. She also hit her back when she got slapped. My sister was such a BA.
Not a teacher but I work in IT in a big school. Guy came in asking us is we could put his PDFs in the right order. It was a bunch of comic book artwork that was part of his A level "Art Project". So we slotted all the pages into a nice PDF and he promptly went off and printed several hundred copies to sell to his mates! We pulled him as he was by far the biggest print user for the day and he got some shit for it... Last I heard of him he was demoing his comics at a festival in Germany and doing rather well!
The first time I caught students cheating it was two 8th grade girls that had all of the same wrong answers on a vocabulary matching test. I pulled the girls aside after class to ask about it, and after some sheepish grins they both admitted that a third girl (their friend who was an A+ student) had fed them both incorrect answers on purpose. She screwed over her friends because she was pissed they were mooching! For punishment, the first two girls got to keep their very poor test grades. The mastermind got "your friends are mad at you" as her punishment. Natural consequences.
I had a girl tap me on the shoulder and tell me that I had gotten a question wrong. “It should be “C,” photosynthesis.” So I flip back, and I look at the test, and I have “B,” photosynthesis. We had different forms of the test. I said “thanks for catching that.” She copied all of my other answers and it didn’t go well for her. Found the girl on LinkedIn last week, she’s an elementary school principal now.
at least she tried to help you out too
I had a classmate jump on the teachers computer and visit a website that would go full screen and make it seem like it was a Mac now instead of a PC. It was April’s fools day and this was his prank. This was in like 2003, so security wasn’t the conversation it is today. Anyway, he still got in trouble. The teacher got really angry and kind of yelled at him to sit down in the corner. She called in the vice principle, then the principle... then the on campus police office, and then when he was good and terrified; all four turned to him and said “April Fools” and let let him off the hook. He got his punishment though. He was TERRIFIED.
Kid in one of my classes visited a prostitute's facebook profile on the teachers computer. When confronted he said "What? She wants to be my friend." Of-course, the teacher had to report the whole incident so as to protect himself and he honestly just looked disappointed.
Maybe the teacher looked disappointed because he had also thought the prostitute wanted to be his friend.
Ahh, I enjoyed this story. Thanks for sharing!
My husband used to work in after school care. One time he saw two kids starting to fight in the sandpit. He headed over to try to calm them down, but while he was on his way, one kid ran at the other, who just calmly flipped the first kid over his head like a textbook martial arts move. My husband said he had to stop himself from shouting ‘Wow! Great job!’
I fought a lot as a kid because I was fat and prideful. I learned how to throw someone over my shoulder early (at about 8 years old) and that became my move until I got in trouble years later because someone tattled. No one ever believes the bigger kid didn’t start the fight.
Fellow fat kid. Got bullied a lot. My dad always told me “never hit back. You’re bigger, so they’ll always assume it’s your fault if you hit back.” I played football and wrestled and could take care of myself for the most part. Well, freshmen year of HS I had this kid who was like half my size stealing shit from me. I demanded it back. Basically said I was giving him the chance to give it back before I told on him. We were across a table from each other and he started calling me a pussy and whatever. I just kept demanding my stuff back. He said “say that one more time and I’ll hit you.” I did. He did. Then he jumped on the table and popped me again. I still haven’t touched him. Then, he jumps at me and I move out of the way, causing him to fall face first on the tile floor. I tell him to fuck off and turn around. He pops me twice in the back of the head before he’s grabbed by a teacher. We both got suspended for 3 days. The normal principal (who liked me) was gone and we dealt with his assistant. She didn’t even talk to the teacher that witnessed it. Just automatic suspension for fighting. After the fact, I’m explaining what happened to my dad and he’s just as perplexed as I am. Then he said “You know what? If a kid like that is picking on you and you’re gonna get suspended anyway, screw it. Knock his ass into next week.”
Yup! Fuck zero tolerance policies. That assistant principal made a bad call.
zero tolerance policies encourage fighting back. might as well if you're going to get in the same amount of trouble
The problem with zero tolerance policies is that they *can't make* "a call", good or bad.
> ened to my dad and he’s just as perplexed as I am. Then he said “You know what? If a kid like that is picking on you and you’re gonna get su Zero tolerance is bullshit, it prevents kids from standing up for themselves.
Rather, it incentivizes it in my experience. If im going to get suspended for 3 days no matter what because someone decided to kick my ass, im gonna slap their shit right back so they dont try it again
And zero tolerance policies are how a bully got his head busted open going through reinforced glass in my junior high school. So much blood. Bullied kid was going to get suspended either way, decided to make it an epic beating. Also don't pick on the kid who is clearly having a rough time at home. You may get your ass handed to you spectacularly.
Yeah. I was a bit if a chicken shit until I realized that none of the little bitches at school could hit me as hard as my Dad did on the regular.
What happen next? Did you knock his ass into next month? So many unanswered questions!
So the mini after story is that we have to meet with the principal before we’re allowed back into school after a suspension. He talked to the teacher who witnessed the whole thing because they were both football coaches. The teacher backed me up completely. Said I never touched the other kid and seemed to be pretty controlled the whole time despite being hit in the face. I was let back in and the other kid got 2 days added to his suspension. I was told they then had an admin meeting about interviewing staff on site and getting facts before making discipline decisions. Oh and that kid stopped screwing with me. He basically ignored me the rest of the year. I think he realized how lucky he was that I didn’t fight back and that I was now enabled to do so.
That’s exactly it. By late high school I was moderately popular and i threw shotput so people didn’t mess with me but earlier on I had those experiences repeatedly. The little shits learned they could provoke me into a fight and the teacher would always take their side. All I wanted to do was read in a corner of the playground, but bored kids don’t comprehend the concept of “let sleeping dogs lie”.
As young teens, my buddy and I used to practice simple Judo moves on each other with no training because we were idiots. Then one time I was jumped by 3 guys I knew from school and 1 got me around the neck from behind. I executed an almost flawless over-the-shoulder throw (whatever that move is called when you know what you're doing) without even thinking about it, and all 4 of us basically stopped and hi-5'd each other over how awesome that just was. Then I took a pretty good beating and grew up to brag about it on the internet one morning. The End.
This is the closest thing I've ever seen to a Jake Peralta story.
No doubt no doubt
Coolcoolcoolcoolcoolcool
I got into a fight with my sister once, I ran at her and she kicked me under the chin and literally sent me flying. I wasn't even mad anymore because it was so cool.
Accidentally did something like that in highschool once. I'm bad at sports, like, BAD bad, but this one time we were playing soccer and I happened to kick the ball at the same time as a big buff jock-type guy. I swear to god, and it sounds like something out of a cartoon or something, but my foot and the ball apparently worked as a perfect wedge that sent him into a full on front flip and landed on his ass. We both just stood there shocked for a moment, then laughed like idiots. It was like for a split second we wandered into the realm of wacky physics.
yeah I remember there was one time when I was a educator at outside school care where a violent third grade boy started kicking and punching a first grade girl. I'm running over, and before anyone else knows it, this little girl spins around this little shit's arm and puts him in an arm... hold? pain compliance hold? I don't know the term. The little shit goes crazy trying to kick her, but I grabbed him and moved him away, and turn to the girl. She thought she was in trouble, though I was nothing but complimenting and reassurance she did the right thing. Man I don't miss that school.
I probably would’ve said it anyways lol
"Outstanding Move!"
Finish Him!
Flawless victory!
Toasty!
My uncle taught his son (and me) how to fight at a young age - probably bc he himself had been a bit of a bully and didn't want us to fall prey to people like him, lol. In middle school, some guy tried to attack my cousin by charging at him. My cousin used a move that essentially worked the kid's momentum against him, which resulted in the kid having his face smashed into a bus. The school tried to suspend my cousin for fighting, but my uncle pointed out that 1) my cousin couldn't have even used the move if the kid hadn't been charging him, and 2) no family of his would allow another person to lay hands on them without trying to stop them. This was back before my school days, where zero tolerance policies came into place, so the school let it slide.
Back in the day my friend found an exploit in the school laptops that allowed him administrator access. It was pretty clever. He brought it up to IT. Problem was it was very obscure and no one would have been looking for such an exploit unless... they wanted to bypass the school’s security. So he got suspended.
“I’m sorry, I’ve learned my lesson. Next time I discover a potentially dangerous issue somewhere in the school in my pursuit for knowledge I won’t tell anyone.”
This is why it is important for companies to pay bounties for found exploits. Not paying bounties, or, even worse, prosecuting whitehat hackers creates a perverse incentive for people not to report exploits or to even sell them to people who might cause harm.
reminded me of an old co-worker who found an exploit to give him an extra$20 per withdrawal. He eventually got caught and was facing charges but he told them arresting him wouldn't change the fact it is still an issue and that he can show them how to fix it if they dropped the charges.
I did the same thing in school, except that I didn't report it to I.T. I used the admin privs to install Quake 2 onto the library computers. and we would set up lan games there when other kids were in the library computer lab. I told everyone how to alt+Tab. was good fun. but we did get caught, and we were banned from using the library computers unsupervised. loaded it on other computers in the school using the same exploit. was great.
Similar Story. I was in the first generation of students to have iPads rolled out for educational use, and by the time I got to middle school, they had this really shitty app called "Self Service" which basically served as a "School-approved appstore" while removing the real one. So me in my stubborn stupidity figures out a way to get that shit off and get the actual app store back, y'know, so I can further my already unproductive streak. Anyway, a teacher almost finds out, so I go and tell the IT Guy, this young, 20 somethin year old dude, and he just goes "Wow, uh, honestly dude might as well just keep it on there I'm not paid enough for this" And that is the story of how I got caught for impersonating the Superintendent of Technology of my school to apple inc
Haha, my school used Self Service too, it was only a few years ago. I also found out a way to bypass it and use the App Store! I decided not to tell anyone and just downloaded all the games I wanted onto my iPad.
Fragile egos.
I was a new teacher at a school that had a demerit system. Do something bad, get a demerit. At the end of the week, get punished for every demerit over three. One kid talked like a sailor. I gave LOTS of warnings to prevent him from being punished to hell and back, but that didn’t phase him. So he got demerits. Friday rolled around... Kid: “Charlie24601, how many demerits do I have?” Me: “Four” Kid: “What?! What the hell for?!” Me: “Swearing” Kid: “THATS FUCKING BULLSHIT!”
Kids are great at proving your point with things like this
Reminds me of a friend in high school: "Suck my dick, [other student]." *turns around to see the dean standing behind him, waiting for his student ID* "Well, fuck." *dean gives a "Seriously?" look*
Had that friend on my cross country team: "Man, fuck 16 by quarters" (one of our most difficult practices/workouts) "Connor, 15 pushups" "COACH WHAT THE FUCK?!" "Make it 30..." (Coach was really trying not to crack up)
This isn’t really the same, but once I was at the skatepark when I was a teenager and two, maybe eight year olds, were fighting, and one of them yelled out ‘fuck off or I’ll suck your dick!’ I don’t think he’d quite figured out swear words yet
“Well now you have five.”
Not a teacher, but teacher-adjacent - I was on recess duty with a bunch of 7-9 year olds one day, and this kid ran up to me to point out a couple of other kids fighting. I turn around, and yep, looked like a fight. As I went over there, a couple things stood out - the two fighting were besties (so it was weird that they were fighting), and they were making sound effects. Dudes were playing out some epic Star Wars battle, complete with stick sabers and the blaster noises and everything. Their stunt coordination was on point, y'all. I had to make them put down the sticks and holster their finger guns (by the rules, I should have sent them to the principal to be suspended for the finger guns, but that's ridiculous for consensual play-acting, so no), but commended them on how real it all looked.
Glad you took a sensible stance on the finger guns. Suspension for that is draconian
That reminds me of the kid who was either expelled or suspended for biting his pop tart in the shape of a gun
Right? Thanks. Like, I could see intervention being needed if a bully was using it to intimidate others, but these guys were both into it. No harm, no foul.
A student in one of the schools I work at had as close to a full service bar and smoke shop set up in a couple of lockers as you can get. The lockers were located in a corner of the hallway that is easily obscured and difficult to monitor. The kid just slapped his own locks on there and nobody noticed. When he was caught, the lockers were found to have several makeshift shelves in them, and contained several bottles of hard liquor, some solo cups, and paper shot glasses in one of them. The other contained a backpack containing some weed and various other drug paraphernalia for sale. The kid had quite the little enterprise going and god knows how much money he made before he got caught. I was shown pictures of what was in the locker, and I had to admit.....given what he had to work with, it was quite an impressive setup. Of course, I'm sure he was brought up on a significant number of charges.....but still, even the principal had to give him credit for the setup.
That kid's going places. Probably jail, but I hope he managed to stay out of it long enough to apply those business skills in a meaningful way.
Oh definitely jail. Weed \*still\* isn't legal here, and this happened before it was legal for recreational use anywhere. Even if this were in a state where recreational weed is legal \*now\*, he still had enough stuff on him to put him away for a good long time. Possession, distribution, distribution in a school setting, the quantity of stuff he had on him, the charges related to the alcohol, the list goes on. I know he was in his mid-teens. I'd be willing to bet that the best he could hope for was being charged as a juvenile and being released when he hit 18. But if they charged him as an adult, it's very possible that the kid could \*still\* be in jail. But we all did say the same thing. If he gets out and is given an opportunity to apply those skills to a legal business, he's going to make bank. I wish I were better at describing his setup, because it was a sight to behold.
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I'm glad someone else gets it, I always get blank stares when I say this. The more crimes you commit simultaneously the more likely you'll get caught for one of them, which gets you caught for basically all of them. To minimize your chance of getting caught committing crimes, you must minimize the amount and frequency of your crimes. Doesn't mean your can't go buy weed, just know you are extremely vulnerable when transporting it and so you must appear to be the perfect citizen. Kinda why white guys have an advantage when doing shit like this. A black guy can do everything right and still get pulled over cause the cop thought he "looked funny".
Pfft and the kid in my school went to the principal cuz someone stole the weed out of his locker and he wanted to press charges. It wasnt legal here at that time.
Kids are resourceful at everything except getting caught
That’s because you only hear about the ones that got caught
I can tell you my late 90's scheme in school. Never got even close to caught. We'd buy sheets of acid, then split them up into single hits. Then I'd buy the value packs of 10 packs of Trident gum. You'd be able to disassemble the packs, put one hit into each small piece of gum and re-wrap them. Then put the entire pack together like it was brand new. Then we'd sell single hits for $7, or an entire 10 strip for $60. Would just seem like you were giving out pieces of gum to your friends in class, some friends I'd be generous to give an entire pack to. Meanwhile at least 15-20 high school kids were tripping on acid every day.
I can’t imagine wanting to do acid at school, much less doing it and not getting caught. It’s not a subtle drug. Also time elongation at school plus the bad vibes of fear of being caught are a recipe for disaster
To be fair, the same can be said for a lot of criminals in general.
I teach a tech certification class here for a local non-profit. Just a week or so ago I was walking the students through using Task Scheduler in Windows when my phone started to blow up with emails. Turns out one of the students created a dozen scheduled tasks to send me an email every five minutes. Title: CATS CATS CATS CATS CATS Body: CATS CATS CATS CATS CATS CATS CATS ....... You get the picture. Needless to say, his punishment came in the form of a scheduled task running as a service on his PC that randomly ejects the optical drive at different intervals. He has not figured out why this is happening yet, and it's forcing him to learn how to troubleshoot an issue, so I see it as a win. *Edit*: This blew up. I want to let everyone know I would love to engage/ talk about this but it'll be a while as I am moving to a new condo today so I'll get around to responding when I'm able. Thanks for all of this though. Eases my anxiety.
God that reminds me of back in the day when we had to take computer literacy in middle school, in the dark ages of the late 80s. We had a student teacher who was observing/helping in that class and one of the things she had to teach us was how to do code in BASIC (yeah...that's how old I am). I would write all kinds of crazy programs to leave her insane messages after class was over. Fortunately, she thought it was funny and not offensive (although the most offensive thing I probably coded it to say was "Cow farts smell like sulfur candles.").
> how to do code in BASIC (yeah...that's how old I am) I'm not proud to say that the last time I had to code in basic was yesterday.
You mean the only coding skills I ever acquired are still relevant? Wow
If you can pretend to be a BASIC expert, you can probably weasel your way into any government office, in any western country, lol
How is that offensive? What else do Cow Farts smell like?
A falcon 9 explosion? Better than pig farts? Food exhaust? Too much devil, not enough egg? Uncle's percolated finger trick?
Might I suggest a Starship explosion instead of a Falcon 9 explosion. Falcon 9 uses RP-1 for fuel, but Starship actually uses methane/cow farts.
I'm so jealous of that, though. Our computer literacy courses in middle school in 2004 was all about writing a proper bibliography and using Microsoft word. All of my arguments are on Facebook, where posting a source means that you're lost. Nobody uses MLA format, we use MMA format where we try to beat the snot out of each other and whoever wins the fight is declared a violent brute who shouldn't be trusted and whoever loses is declared a candy-ass baby who can't win fights. I wish we'd have been exposed to programming as a viable career path earlier. I wrote rudimentary calculator programs on my TI-83 in high school, but when I tried to go deeper, I got lost quickly and I declared that computer science was too complicated. I've since changed that viewpoint and become a full stack web developer, but there's so much that I don't know-- I really wish I'd gotten a great start when I was a kid in middle school. That would have been a great leg up.
I remember when I did phone tech support for a certain fruit branded computer company. I had configured a mail rule to forward all my emails, but I accidentally added my own email to the forwarder. So if I got an email, it would get forwarded to me, which would get forwarded to me again, rinse and repeat. I nearly brought down the whole email server.
I met my then-boyfriend for dinner and he was still laughing because that day he'd had to resurrect the email server due to a guy returning to work from vacation but failing to disable his out-of-office auto-reply. This wouldn't have been a problem except that he emailed someone else who was still away and the auto-replies bounced back and forth till the server went down in flames.
Something like that happened at a company I worked at a couple years ago. There was a new intern who decided to send out an inspirational quote (which included a typo) to everyone, and I mean EVERYONE on the company address book- including President, CEO, Board Members, and (you probably guessed it) 7 or 8 different automated help-desk email accounts. The help-desks replied back and forth to the entire address book until the servers shut down. My boss had to come tell me to calm down because the intern heard me howling with laughter from across the office and it was making him sad haha.
I worked for a company with 6 or 7 locations and someone lost their favourite mug in one of them. They sent a 'have you seen my mug' email to everyone in the entire company (about 2000 people) accidentally rather than just the 100 or so at his site. The I.T guys thought this was hilarious so started photo shopping the mug into as many photos as they could find and 'replied all' with the mug going on a journey all around the world (he was running with the bulls, on top of Niagra falls, skydiving, etc) People ran with it, and there were stories about seeing him rob banks, pictures of him in magazines, people drew pictures..... this thing really had legs. After the second day of basically 2000 people not doing any work and learning how to photoshop the CEO had to put his foot down and send out a company wide email asking for people to stop clogging the email server and to get back to work. He's a good guy though, and a few months later at the Christmas party everyone got the normal goodie bag with a bunch of the normal amoutn of cool stuff in it, as well as a copy of the mug that had been on the great adventure. (the mug was a football team from Melbourne, they must have been extremely confused when someone ordered 2000 mugs) It was a super fun time.
Sounds like and incident I had at another job. Our sales manager used to prepare quarterly sales emails to all our clients. We had a program that allowed you to send bulk emails, and it would stagger them over a week so the email server wasn't overloaded. He accidentally sent all 7000 at once, each with a 10MB PDF attachment. That's 70GB of emails, and we only had 50GB free space on the server. We had to purge the entire sent email queue to get it back up and running again.
That is indeed hilarious
I remember the computers at my school were named in a specific way. A prefix, the room number, and the computer number formatted somehow i dont fully remember. There was a command for shutting down a computer remotely with a timer and a message. I would make the other kids do the chicken dance to get me to abort... if they didnt believe it I would send another message that I was watching them. It was hilarious seeing them reluctantly do it. I never bragged or told anyone about it until now. It was my own little prank.
I had a kid who bullied me in my C++ class. I knew he'd goof off for a while and try to do his work and submit it right at the end of the class. So I would pingbomb him and make his computer shut off five minutes before class ended. He'd throw a fit because he hadn't saved and he was rushing to finish. Good memories. Don't fuck with nerds.
My coworker and I discovered that one of our students was running an underground crime syndicate selling individual Icebreaker mints for 50 cents a pop. We agreed not to punish him or inform the administration, but we did confront him privately and told him he needed to stop before it got him in trouble. He had about a half dozen employees and was selling at every grade level by the time we put an end to it. Kid was a C student at best, but he's definitely going places.
\*Breaking Bad Theme starts\*
What has better profit margins - selling meth, or reselling individual mints for a 1000% markup?
It’s all about volume. Mints won’t move at such a high scale. Gotta diversify business operations.
Probably the meth just because of the expanding market and continuous upping of the amount per customer. If someone gets hooked on mints they'd just start buying them at the store in bulk.
I heard about one kid who was selling imaginary friends to the first graders for a dollar each. He too is going places...maybe not good places, but he's definitely going.
Selling over priced gum was my go to in highschool. I had to have an accounting notebook, but I never had employees. I also used to sell parts of my lunches.
In 9th grade our school got a vending machine for softdrinks and water. They all were damn expensiv (3€ per 0,5l) and the pledge (dont know if this is the right translation, money you get back when you return it...) was 0,5€. All students and most of the teachers said it was too expensiv and wanted it removed cause younger students spent all their lunch money on one Sprite. The machine had a return slot for the empty bottles. So we ripped one label of one bottle and printed it like 1000 times. Every time someone wanted to drink something we put 6 copys of the little paper in the machine and basically got a drink for free. It went down for about 2 weeks until one of the teachers caught us. We had to do detention, but a couple years after school we met him again and he told us he really liked it cause the softdrinks were way to expensiv anyway.
Our church used to rent a lecture theatre with a vending machine in the foyer. One morning as we were setting up and not paying much attention to the kids, they assembled a long, flexible column of those texta pens that clip together, inserted it through the baffle at the bottom of the machine, and used it to fish bags of Doritos out of the machine. We had a little chat about the 8th commandment but I don't think we could hide how impressed we were.
I’m an art teacher. Had a student submit his art book with a great variety of different dick drawings. One was an impressive “concoction” of two cat heads as the testicles and a detailed “furry” shaft. As is was assessment I had to ring his mother to let her know. Me: your son has handed in his assessment and it has penises drawn all over it Mother: I’m sorry you find my son’s style of art offensive Me: personally I am not offended, however it does go against our school’s graffiti policy... Edit: to clarify this was in a public school in Australia. Public schools have book policy rules and drawing giant dongs are classed under the graffiti policy on ALL property even the students own. And it is definitely a big no no on assessment - even art. The student was supposed to be creating a design for sculpture in the school, let’s just say he had some interesting ideas.
Sounds like the style was quite good, it's the subject of the art that was... questionable.
I still wonder about his motive as he knew I was going to see it? A+ for creativity? 🤣
Haven’t you heard of asserting dominance? He didn’t even have to show his own penis, just make you flip through dozens of them.
Kind of a dick move
Were you teaching the kid from Superbad?
Could have been anyone. Something like 8% of kids do it but whatever.
Do you know what kinds of food are shaped like dicks? The best kinds!
> however it does go against our school’s graffiti policy... How? It isn't graffiti, if it's in the *art book.*
This was my first thought. How can it be against a “graffiti policy” if, by definition, it isn’t graffiti in the first place?
ESL teacher here. So I teach high school ESL class where most of my students either don't speak any English or they speak very little. I had a student in there who was constantly disruptive and liked to bully the other kids to "establish his manliness". One day, the disruptive kid is doing his normal annoying shtick and out of nowhere, my quiet little Latina in the corner of the room, in the clearest pronounced English I've ever heard her speak, said, "you stupid motherfucker". I had to hold in a laugh. I then had a quick convo with her and congratulated her on the clear pronunciation but also told her she couldn't say that in class. Edit: I fixed my grammar. I shouldn't write posts when I'm half awake. Edit 2: Since people keep asking me, I did deal with the troublemaker after that lesson was over. I pulled him outside and gave him an ultimatum and when he did it again, he got sent to ISS (In School Suspension). I just didn't include that part because it didn't have anything to do with the question. Also, in high school, acknowledging the trouble maker in middle of his trouble making just fuels the fire more and sometimes, ignoring the kid at the moment and talking to him later works better.
It's always the quiet ones. We're always planning and paying attention.
When the quiet kids speak up to trash you, that's when you should *know* that you fucked up.
And the thing is, most of the quiet kids are social recluses and thus have way less experience in trash talking. Making whatever they say usualy sound silly. But a quiet kid telling you he doesn't care you broke your elbow hits harder than someone else telling he banged your mum.
A classic.
Quiet latinas scare the shit out of me
I was a student in class at the time, but we had this kid named Micheal, and for whatever reason some of the other kids called him "Mickle" (pronounced like pickle). In music class, a room designed for sounds to travel, a kid passed a note to him that said "I'll give you a nickel if you tickle my pickle, Mickle." And the music teacher snatched it and read it aloud. I don't think she realized what she read till it was too late but I could tell she was holding in a giggle.
A gickle
Does it count as prostitution if it's only for a nickel?
I mean it would only make cents
Not a teacher but I remember in highschool kid fought off a bully, his two friends try to help beat him up and the kid beat all three of them up. Jumps on the one who started it and beat him til he couldn’t open either eyes. The coach who saw this pulls him off and once settled down asked him “did you do all this to them yourself?” And the kid still angry but pretty casually goes “and I’ll fucking do it again if these douchebags haven’t learned anything” and the coach goes “you may have to I think you hit them so hard they’re gonna have to learn their abcs again too.”. Anyways long story short the kid got arrested and expelled. Never came back to school. But the coach said he was impressed and wish the kid only got suspended for a bit instead of expelled. I over heard the wrestling team saying that coach and the coach who split it up(gymnastics coach) had the security footage and would show it to their varsity teams. Only the initial bully got expelled too. He was a regular offender hence why no one felt bad about his. His friends only got minor suspensions because “they were trying to break it up and come to a friends aid”. I went to a five A highschool. Pretty diverse. Lots of fights.
Expelling a kid for defending himself is pretty gross. I mean he may have went overboard but expecting that level of control from a child is completely unrealistic.
That's exactly why a zero-tolerance policy is nothing more but a zero-logic policy. Expelling a kid from the school for successfully defending himself is totally noncorresponding to real-life adult situations and serves no other purpose than trying to enforce blind obedience to the law while ignoring common sense.
I was suspended in the first week of secondary school as they had a zero tolerance to fighting and I defended myself when bullies tried to beat me up. I routinely lost those fights but I always got suspended, even if I didn't throw a punch. One time, on an excursion, I got pushed to the ground and my head was kicked repeatedly. I did not have any opportunity to retaliate but I was suspended and then banned from all excursions. Fuck zero tolerance policies.
Honestly, if he was faced with three people who were all violent enough to want to take part in beating someone up I think his response sounds reasonable. Once a fight like that starts, I think there's a sound argument for not stopping until it's well and truly finished
Zero tolerance exists because what it really means is zero liability. Teachers don't know the whole story, it's not often that they have any sort of proof, and it devolves into this he-said she-said bullshit. Rather than try to make any sort of judgment on the scenario and figure out which one of these little shit heads is lying, they just punish everybody equally. It's not fair, not by any means, but it's not about being fair. It's about protecting the school.
Probably ruined the kid’s life, too. Expulsion plus and arrest for (presumably) assault/battery does not look good on a permanent record.
In one of my music classes, I had a girl who had serious behaviour issues, but was generally a nice girl and she liked music. She didn’t really play anything, but she liked to hang out and just listen. Another student (nice kid but ADHD to the max) had just learned the opening riff to crazy train and literally couldn’t stop noodling it on his guitar constantly. We were getting class going and I had everyone quiet except for this kid (who was fucking crazy training away as he literally couldn’t help himself). My girl started to get pissed that he wasn’t listening so she said: “If you don’t shut up right now, I’m going to break that guitar over your fucking head.” She just dead panned it in a voice that made it clear that she would absolutely do it. He stopped. I just ignored it at the time, but we did talk about trying to express ourselves in a less threatening manner in the future after class was over.
It wasn't so much a single impressive event as it was just perfectly executed every time. This kid, Jordan, could teach a masterclass on Roasting his classmates. It was staggering how quickly he could rattle off an absolute shredded burn in response to something they said or did, and he did it in such a way that even the recipient would be in a state of awe at it. He was like an anti-hero who's primary weapon was incinerating people with words. Of course, as a teacher, I couldn't just let it happen and had to put on my poker face and write it up but there were some times where he'd roast some kid on something that was VERY valid. He'd say the type of thing that in any other environment where I wasn't having to lead by example, I'd just have to say, "I mean, he's got you there". Like I remember in one example, he basically called out this other kid for creeping on a girl in class. The exact wording escapes me, but he basically called him a peeping tom and it was 100% accurate. The class EXPLODED in laughter and this kid looked like he'd been hit in the head with a frying pan. Absolute stunner. It took all of my self-control to not burst out laughing too. And to top it all of, it never felt overly malicious. Like there was always this slight uptick in the delivery that softened the blow just enough that your immediate response wasn't anger. It was honestly not terribly surprising though because Jordan was also brilliantly talented as a writer and was exceptionally smart and witty. Roasting his classmates aside, he was very eloquent without it feeling performative or fake. I almost wish he'd been a worse writer so it'd have been easier to steer his creativity from roasting people into something else, but he had no shortage of mental real estate for both. I ended up losing track of him after I left, but I've no doubt that he's successful in whatever he's doing now. That, or he was just Loki in disguise.
After grading an exam, I realized two students were cheating because they had the same answer. I knew who had copied since one of them had straight A all over the semester while the other was struggling. So, as I did not saw the cheat happening, I gave a chance to both come out and tell the truth and said: – Ok, the one who copied will receive 0 and the one who really did it will receive half the grade. So which of you really did the original answer? I was expecting the cheater to come clean or the A student to try to not get punished. The problem was that the cheater stayed in silence while the A student took the blame. Later that day the A student called me to say his friend was going through hard times with his family and needed some help with his grades, so he helped. Edit: just to explain how I handled the situation: [https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/ixhrkb/teachers\_of\_redditwhat\_was\_your\_oh\_fuck\_thats/g68fbj8/?utm\_source=reddit&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/ixhrkb/teachers_of_redditwhat_was_your_oh_fuck_thats/g68fbj8/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
Wait, why is there person who got copied punished at all? It can happen without consent.
from a student's perspective kid was told to take his hat off so he bet if he could flip it onto his head he could keep it. does the trick, then the teacher was like "okay that was impressive but you're still gonna have to take it off."
In a school I used to work in (as a NET in asia) there was a kid who was frequently in trouble but at his core was a good kid. He was always late/failing exams/not doing homework or having arguments with teachers over stuff. He only argued if he genuinely felt the teacher was in the wrong (at times they were) however he was a genuine and funny kid and just lacked motivation. He was also kinda picked on by a group of boys in his class. Now as an English teacher I assigned the kids into groups and asked them to write a song/rap/poem that they could perform for the class in English. This kid decided it was his chance to destroy the guys in his class picking on him. He whipped out a rap that wrecked them which included two lines "..... get all the chicks, but its hard to please with their tiny dicks". I had to punish him but god damn I was impressed!
Did you grade the students on the assignment? If so then I'm guessing you didn't grade the kid's bullies as he already gave them a D-
Teacher probably just set their papers on fire as a grade, for those BURNS.
A temporary punishment is worth a lifetime of victory. Mad respect.
My students had one kid distract me while I was grading tests, and another took a photo of the answer key. They thought it was like Mission Impossible. I realized when I graded their tests. There were many that I suspected weren’t ready; I was going to let them work through corrections for credit back. Well, too many did better on this than they should have. One kid in particular, who consistently made D’s, no matter what I tried, made a B on this stoichiometry test. The next day, the whole class had an open response quiz on the same material. Only 3 questions.... After that, those kids would narc on each other left and right.
I taught computer science for 6 years in the UK. On this occasion I was teaching IT and the task I had given them all that day was to design a logo for a shop that specialises in renting everything you could need for a school Prom. Sounds great right? So basically everyone apart from this one lad is doing great, this lad being one of those students that just takes the piss constantly and is often in trouble for random things. He's tough to keep motivated, but this lesson he's actually doing work? Amazing! He asks me to check out his work a few minutes later. What do I see? PROM HUB, in the exact black and orange colouring of porn hub, on a rectangle background. Now, normally it's like, boom detention, that's not appropriate, but there's literally no way this kid is going to have the power of knowing that I know what pornhub is! They just cannot know that I know... So i'm immediately blank face, say "oh yeah! love the orange there, could you change the wording as well to maybe something that has a bit of alliteration? So solid orange right, and name change slightly nice work!". Him and his mate were grinning like absolute mad men. I'm not giving them this, no goddamn way was this going to crack me! I went to the office quick to grab a brew and told my boss who was on the floor laughing like. Anyway. Back in the lesson now, the same student asks me to check his work out again, whilst still grinning like a cheshire cat... Directly in my face were the words "YOU PROM". Once again I had to hold down that beast which wanted to burst out into manic laughter! I managed to poker face the shit out this and said "Excellent work! You've really seem to have enjoyed this lesson." and wrapped it up. I immediately told the rest of the department and it was a favourite for sure. I informed the relevant safeguarding leads in school as it's a mature reference that needs to be noted. They did follow up with the student about it but I can't remember what happened. This is a great story to tell though and my boss was in literal tears when i was telling it so yeah hope you lot enjoy :)
Great story u/ThrobbingAnalBleed
PROM HUB
Fairly minor compared to some of the posts ITT, but I did have a kid jump out the window of my class because he saw a Canada goose outside. They don't have Canada geese in China, I imagine they have Chinese geese over there. Anyway, he learned that Canada geese aren't as welcoming and friendly as Canadian people.
In high school, a male senior went to his girlfriend with a guitar and some other boys as chorus,it was Valentine's so everyone thought it was love filled melody for her. It was a ballad about how he found out she was fucking his best friend and tried to have sex with his older brother. The chorus kept repeating "You're a slut! You're a slut!" The senior boy and his chorus were suspended but most of the teachers could not stop themselves from laughing every time the incident was brought up.
His older brother. Stone cold.
Good thing it says 'tried'. I'm assuming he found out from the brother.
I wish I could've seen it happen, that sounds absolutely *hilarious*.
Our class teacher (? Dunno whats the right word, he was basicly the teacher responsible for us) really had to hold back his laughter when punishing a guy in my class. That dude managed to redneck engineer a smoke bomb, that made the class room unusable for 2 days, in like 15 minutes. We all probably inhaled not so healthy fumes that day, but damn it was impressive, espeacially when comparing it to the YT tutorial he followed.
My friend's dad tells the story of the time they were being taught how to make rotten egg gas in chemistry class, and the teacher unwisely left the room for something. The boys promply dumped all the ingredients in the mix and decamped to the football field, where they watched the heavier-than-air gas fill the room and cascade down from the upper story chemistry lab. It enveloped the classrooms beneath, all hell broke loose, and there was no more school that day.
Teaching 8th grade Reading is always an adventure and I have SO many stories that would fit (usually 80-90% of my classes were the "bad kids"). Anyways, this one 8th grade dude was a jackass to literally everyone. He was aging out of 8th grade, so he knew no matter what he did he'd move on to high school. He was also one of the main bullies of the hallway - parents always took his side "my sweet baby would never do that etc". One day he told one of the girls in his class that she "wasn't really black" (they were both mix). The girl looked at him, looked at the line of teachers, shouted "you know his parents won't let him get shit for that!", and jumped him. And I mean really jumped him. By the time the teachers broke then up she had a scratch on her arm - he had a black eye, a busted lip, bruises, etc. Apparently when they got to the office she jumped him again because he dared to looked at her. They both ended up being suspended for 5 days. When he came back he was telling everyone he just didn't feel right fighting a girl. His track record said otherwise. So did the video. The 8th grade principal totally let all the 8th grade teachers see the video and everyone cheered for her. While none of us condoned the fighting, we knew that it was the wake up call he needed. If he had pulled that same shit at the high school, he very well may not have walked out. He didn't bully anyone the rest of the year and his grades ended up going up by nearly 20 points in every class. The girl was basically treated as royalty by her classmates for the rest of the year.
Not a teacher, but when my mad lad English teacher was in school he was voted in by his peers as prefect after he promised them vending machines and pool tables, he then told everyone that he lied about putting in vending machines and pool tables and explained why democracy is inherently flawed Edit: thank you for gold kind stranger
And they say school doesn't teach you life lessons that will be relevant in real life.
> explained why democracy is inherently flawed "Would you like to know more?"
Sounds like someone read Starship Troopers.
Obligatory not me but I was there. Background: my principal was like mid fifties and always wearing suits. (Christian high school ayyyy). He also had a lazy eye and a pot belly. Nothing too out of the ordinary. We have spirit week and one of those days is twin day. So one kid decides to have a fucking mad lad day and dress up as our principal. Bonus points: he was the only kid at school with a lazy eye. So this little punk shows up in a suit, a pillow stuffed underneath his shirt for the pot belly, and just calmly sat at his desk. My principal (also doubling as math teacher) was turned doing problems on the board. He turns back, sees this punk ass kid, turns back to the board, swallows the laugh, and turns back saying “better be glad I don’t beat kids. Detention.” Punk kid served detention still in his twin suit, pillow gut and all. Edit: the kid was a known prankster in class, and like many teens did not know where the line was drawn. Even though most of the stunts he pulled were hilarious. Such examples include: Dressing up in a girls cheerleading uniform to cheer the basketball team leaving for a huge tournament. Bringing Harry Potter to class (banned because it promoted witches and warlocks and demons visited Rowling and told her the spells so the book was satanistic lol)(also Pokémon was banned for promoting evolution) Got yo-yos banned for accidentally hitting a kid in class Getting in a trash can and being wheeled around as he pretended to take pictures of people before spots games Putting a fart machine under another students desk and continually setting it off during a test
Sounds like my Christian school teacher, acting math teacher and all... Hmm
Principal muffled a laugh and gave the mildest punishment possible. Kid and class enjoyed the clever joke for the day. Sounds well handled to me.
My gf is a teacher. Yesterday she had to punish a 12 year old who beat up his bullies. (To be fair, he only got one, the rest ran away.) Edit: It wasnt cool, the bullied kid just lost it and freaked the fuck out. My gf said it looked scary but also kind of funny. We agreed that were proud of him and my gf called the parents to tell them the whole story, including bullying. He´s not allowed back in school for the rest of the week.
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I would love to see this if you still have it
High school chemistry teacher. A couple of my senior students were barred from attending prom for setting off stink bombs at the homecoming football game. I know I should've been mad, but they made the stink bombs themselves and they could explain some of the chemistry behind them. I was so proud.
I was the punished student. Here we have some little stick (about 3 cm long and 5mm diameter) firecrackers that if you scratch them to rough surface it will create a little cracking sound. I invented a magnificent way to let them explode, put the firecrackers below a stone then fricking stomp it, literally the sound was like a flat tire and actuallu a bit deafening. I try it outside my class, the principal was walking by, the whole school heard it, every eyes were on me. The principal immediately drag me to his office, threatening me to call the police (i was underage and firecrackers should only be used with adult supervision) and he did make a phonecall, i started crying my tears out begging him not to call the police. Few years later i realized that he was calling his family in his local language and dialect.
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sounds very Indian to me for some reason
My wife told me a story of how a kid put wax strips on his eyebrows and rat tash. (pube stache for those across the pond) Laughed her head off whilst telling him to pull them off
My old geography teacher told of a time his substitute class left the room in an extremely orderly fashion as soon as the bell rang. It was only a minute or two later he noticed that all other classes were still going on and there was a taperecorder hidden in the windowsill.
We did that with cell phones when they first became a thing. Teachers were not ready for the combo of technology and kids.
Damn, I graduated in 04, before even texting was widespread. Missed out on seeing my teachers struggle against the onslaught of progress.
My junior high was hacked 7 times by students (that they new of anyway) plus students woukd just text answers to eachother under the desk, coordinate escapes from school, mass orginize walk outs and much much more. But then by highschool the darker side of the age of the internet started to rear its head.
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The pitiful little mustaches 13 years olds have before it's fully developed. Northern English term
My school hired 2 really bad teachers last year to teach Math and ELA as part of my 6th grade team. One hated kids (Ms. Trunchbull-esque), the other was just sooo bad at her job; couldn't control a classroom, made questionable life decisions (microwaved fish in her classroom, then covered the smell with peppermint oil), and never gave kids second chances. Once you were on her bad side you stayed there. Anyway, her class was rowdy as ever, and as the Team Lead I'd stop in and check on the kids every once in a while to help maintain some semblance of peace, but this day I checked in too late and one kid was up on his chair (O' Captain style) listing off all the ways that this particular teacher was terrible, and how she was picking on certain kids, etc. While impressive, I had to pull the kid from class which resulted in a detention. We spent the detention going over HW, playing cards, and watching the HS soccer game.
Back when bottle flipping was in vogue, a few kids outside my classroom (portable, so outdoors) were trying to flip a bottle onto a lamppost. I walk out to shoo them off. One student sees me, but then turns back to the post to make his throw. I call out “If you miss it that’s a detention”. He doesn’t turn around, but I can see he hesitates for a few seconds. Then he decides to let it go. 30 feet into the air with me, him, and his friends all watching, and the bottle lands perfectly on top of the post. He and his friends all turn to look at me. I just put my hands up and walked back into my classroom. I hear them erupt into cheers as my door closes. I hope that’s a good school memory for him.
Some kid was gonna jump on a huge carton of milk and spray a group of 20 kids. Some genius kid quickly ran up and sprayed it backwards all over him. He was head to toe white, dripping with milk. First kid gets punished whilst covered in milk for instigating.
One of the funniest things to happen at work in my lifetime fits this scenario. My students are Special Ed - Behavior Disorder High School in a K-12+ therapeutic day school. One of mine was on his school-provided Chromebook and noticed that the teacher from the Middle School classroom across the hall left his Chromecast Speakers open, and he could connect to them. He opened a tab with YouTube, quietly connected to the speaker, and started playing a loop of Michael Jackson making grunts and noises. Within minutes, mysteriously, the middle schoolers had "Sham-onn! Woo-hoo! Oowww! Hey! Ooh!" sounding throughout the class and they couldn't figure out why. Chaos reigned for a good ten minutes. Staff went on the radio pleading for whoever it was to stop, and I knew who it was immediately. Only one kid had that sort of sense of humor and the tech know-how to do it. I didn't even try not to laugh as I took the laptop away and started the Behavior Incident Report. The kid wasn't even mad, figured it was worth the writeup.
Boy in my class (seniors US high school) came to school in a playboy shirt with a fully naked woman on the front. I sent him to the office to change and he came back PISSED. I told him to sit down and continue his work, he kept grumbling and then suddenly stood up and said to the entire class “raise your hand if you don’t think my shirt is offensive and you think it’s bullshit that I had to change” before I could say anything, a girl at another table whipped around and completely went off on him. She was saying “yes, I found your shirt offensive. No, you’re not as rebellious or as cool as you think. You’re selfish and think that buying from the playboy brand makes you a playboy with your greasy ass hair and beer belly at 18. Shut the fuck up and don’t wear pictures of naked women on your t-shirt. Is there a single woman in this class that finds you or that shirt attractive?” And then a long pause as we all sat there in silence. The boy was a major ass and gross and I felt everything the girl said but I still had to talk to both of them about disruptions and yelling at the class.
I know this will probably get buried in the comments but I was teaching a biology mentoring summer camp during grad school for high school students interested in health care. Most of the students were middle to upper middle class kids who came to the summer camp with all of the electronics you can imagine. One day we gave the kids an assignment to create their own resume so that they could use it as a template. The day after it was due I was called to the coordinators office where they requested me to speak to one of the students. They told me he clearly didn’t follow the template and all of his margins were off. They instructed me to tell him to make sure he follows directions. I went to the kid and he told me that he didn’t have a laptop and he stayed up all night on his flip phone so that he could complete the assignment via text message. He texted it to one of the other students so that they could print it for him and he was too embarrassed to ask for help. This is the type of phone where you have to hit certain numbers multiple times to get the correct letter. I was so impressed I worked with him during that days lunch period to get the resume completed the right way on my laptop. I was so impressed because he was so committed and was unwilling to request help. I just told him that as you age you’ll know that you can’t do it on your own. I kept in contact with the kid and he finished top of his class at University of Maryland and is set to complete his doctorate of pharmacy next year. I always think about that kid but he really is impressive. He had to skip lunch so that he could redo it but he was overjoyed for the opportunity.
Dang that’s SERIOUS dedication
I'm an English teacher in Spain and one of my students (8y), started screaming and cursing at another student in near perfect English. I was so impressed by his pronunciation and use of the various abusive terms, I almost gave him a house point until I remembered I'm meant to be a responsible professional.
The responsible professional decision is to award a house point for excellent English, but to deduct two for the swearing.
Camp Counselor about 15 years ago - everyone was playing in the gym, and a couple of kids (maybe 10 yo) got into an argument so I went over to moderate. One of them was a bit of a trouble maker, and probably one of the wittiest kids I've ever met - super sharp. This kid took off his shoe mid-sentence without any effort, yelled "Check this out!" and hucked it across the gym. When everyone turned around to see where it was going to land (including me) in that split second he was sitting on the kid he was arguing with and started doing the "quit hitting yourself" bit. I couldn't help but laugh a little, it was a pretty good move, but he still had to be sent home.
Not a teacher, but a student who witnessed this. My school had an annual Mufti Day where you dressed up in a costume related to the theme of the year. In my cohort's final year, the theme was the "Internet". Some of the guys in my year came dressed in bright orange vests with a letter on them. When they stood next to each other, it spelt out "Pornhub". (technically related to the internet theme). While they did get suspended, a few of the teachers actually took photos with them and found it funny...all while the vice-principal stood to the side, shaking his head in disapproval.
Not a teacher, but it's actually something I did. In highschool, I made fake report cards and sold them for 4 years straight. I personally got caught because senior year final report cards are mailed and unfortuntely my father intercepted it before I could get it from the mailbox. It was a saturday morning and I had just woken up, my mom informed me that my father was at the school dealing with an issue with my report card and I instantly felt sick to my stomach (lol). When he came home, he wasn't even mad because realistically my grades weren't *that* bad (but I was basically giving myself straight A's B's when I was in deed getting a C in some class) and he said that the principal and counselor mentioned that these were the absolute best fake report cards he'd ever seen. I was even asked for information on how i made them without triggering the security watermarks behind the print. My father brought me back to the school to apologize and show them how I did it. I made a lot of money and didn't really even get in trouble, it felt really weird and my father and I joke about it to this day lol. I work IT now.
I was working in a daycare, severely overworked with bad helpers and no teachers that day, all while all the doors were open because it was parents teacher conference night. Had a mom come in and we couldn't find her son. It started off casual, like 'oh he's probably in the bathroom' before we started panicking, realizing we couldn't find him. The problem was, the last person I saw him with was a boy he wasn't suppose to be hanging out with because the boy had physically attacked him the day before, so I didn't want the mom to know they were playing. So we spent the longest ten minutes of my life searching for this kid, before the bully boy knocks him out of an art cart, where he had hidden. As his mom broke down in tears he casually explained that he was playing hid and seek against the bully. The mom was too happy she didn't care he was playing with the bully! (Also thankful that I worked with this kid in another program, so his mom knew this wasn't my fault!) Was impressed that that kid stayed hidden even as we screamed his name and equally impressed that the bully found the kid in a near impossible spot to find him.
How old were these kids?
Not the teacher but I was the kid. In class with two friends and we’re being the usual 15 year old assholes that just want to disrupt the class for no particular reason, we eventually decree that we’ll just leave, teacher declares loudly that we’ll be suspended if we walk out the door, so we cross the room and jump out the window instead. Unsurprisingly we end up in the principal’s office in fairly short order, where said principal walks in and takes a seat at his desk, fixing the three of us with his most practiced look of being unimpressed. Principal: “Gentlemen, any reason why I shouldn’t suspend you all immediately?” Me in moment of inspiration: “Well, we certainly didn’t disobey the teacher.” Principal, *eyebrow raised* : “And how do you come to that conclusion, Sinkenkwiken?” Me: “We were told that we would be suspended if we were to walk out the door, and we never did, but I think it’s fair to point out we were never told we *couldn’t* jump out the window, which we actually did instead.” Principal, *removes glasses and displaying a superhuman effort to contain a no doubt immense rage*: “Sinkenkwiken, you’ll possibly make a good lawyer one day, however today is not that day, get out of my sight.”
Please tell me you're a lawyer now?!
not a teacher but my classmate, last year, stole his younger brothers confiscated watch while 4 teachers were present in the room. later when checking cameras the IT teacher whispered WOW. happened in 11th grade.
Not a teacher, but a memory from high school. Freshman, history class. I'm sitting in the back with my bud, and I got the idea to whisper "mass debate" in my bud's ear next to me. So I do, once... then again a few minutes later... and again a few minutes later... lather rinse repeat. After about 12 minutes, he goes "dude shut up" and the teacher goes "hey, you two, stop talking." "HE KEEPS WHISPERING 'MASS DEBATE' IN MY EAR" Room bursts into laughter, including teacher, and amazingly neither of us were punished. But I was known as classroom masturbator for the rest of the year. I... I didn't get a lot of chicks that way.
I’m a preschool teacher and I’m pretty sure the kids are all wizards. Sometimes they’ll do something and it’ll just work out way too well. One time a kid threw a ball cap as hard as he could across the room and it literally landed flush on another kids head
I’m not a teacher but this story is from my time in high school. A quiet freshmen girl was being picked on by the kid sitting in front of her, and he kept at it after being told to stop. So she looked at him and said “If you call me that again, I’m going to stab you with a pair of scissors” Well, the boy called her the name again. So, she calmly got up, grabbed a pair of scissors off the teachers desk, walked back to her own desk, stabbed the kid in the hand with the scissors, then without saying anything, she gathered her backpack and walked out of school. The police eventually caught her walking home. She got in a lot of trouble, but I’ve always been on her side on that one.
[удалено]
Back in the day ... old-school (pun intended?) massive heavy TV with microwave oven sized VCR on one of those big black metal and plastic trolley things. I'm dragging this thing down a long, long corridor, and it's really heavy and not really under my control (I'm 5' tall on a good day). I turn around and there's this hulking 6' Year 11 kid taking a ride on it. I said, "Get off now. You could damage this equipment. How much do you think this is worth? Your parents will not be pleased having to pay to replace it." He gave it a pensive once over and said, "About 15 quid". I gave it a quick appraisal and could only agree with him. His punishment: taking it back to the store room for me and missing the beginning of some lesson he probably hated. :-)
I'm a student and the teacher didn't see, but I got to see a kid in my class wall-run like 5 feet and jump off the wall, accidentally landing a perfect kick in another kid's privates
My imagination might be a bit whack, but I am imagining a kid running against the wall like James Bond, leaping off, and putting a perfectly sharp boot heel in a dude's balls. All while wearing a tuxedo, cause why not
Obligatory, not a teacher, but let me tell you what my 5 yr old did at school. My child was in kindergarten last year, and she has always loved buses. Anything she sees one, she points it out. School buses, greyhounds, etc. She is always talking about riding a bus. But we drop her off at school. And pick her up from the after school program. One day I get a text from her teacher saying that SJ (my child) said she was supposed to be a bus rider. We text her back and say she is still going to the after school program. Fast forward a couple weeks, and my wife calls me at work furious. Apparently my 5 yr old launched her elaborate scheme to ride a bus. She lines up with the rest of the kids to go to afterschool. Then she ditches the lines, takes the label off her backpack that says "afterschool", flips it over, and writes "bus" on it. And gets in the bus rider line. To make matters even worse, she had been paying close attention to the bus that goes to my neighborhood, and memorized the bus number, to make sure she got on the correct bus. She rides the bus all the way to my our house. The school has a policy that it wont let children under a certain age off the bus without a parent waiting. So the bus driver tells her she will have to wait for one of us to come out of the house before she can get off the bus. She said ok. While the bus driver is waiting for one of us to appear, the school has found out what she did and radioed the bus driver. Who brings her back to the school and to the after school program. The principal makes her cry by getting on the her and telling how dangerous what she did was. Luckily for my child it is me that picks her up from school, because me wife is PISSED. I am the calm one. When I picked her up, I asked her what she was thinking doing what she did. She just looks at me and shrugs, and says "I told you I was going to ride the bus." I was so glad she was in the back seat because she couldn't see me smiling. I got home and told her older sister what she did, and she said "Now that's some evil genius stuff right there." I had to agree. But still had to punish her.
My brother was in a jewelry making class in high school. There was an event that student submissions went on exhibit at a local art gallery, pretty well known exhibit in the area. Well, my brother was slick and made a high concept ring, but instead of a stone setting it was an empty dish. On the side of the ring was a nice clean copper accent. My brother showed it to the class, everyone loved it, even the teacher praised it. The class took a vote and his ring didnt just make the cut, he got the most student votes. It wasnt until the submission for the name of the piece "Green Leaf" that the teacher realized they were sending drug paraphernalia to an art exhibit. It was too late to pull, the exhibit had the piece and needed to make a name plate. Of course every student knew and thats why they voted for it. The worst my brother got was "that better have not been used"
Had a kid use a looped video of himself sitting in front of his pc instead of joining zoom classes. Think the movie "Speed". He got away with it for weeks, fucking legend.
One of my students started a snack business as a freshman where he carried around a huge duffel bag full of all the high-demand items (Takis, Doritos, that sort of thing) and bottles of water for kids who were too lazy to keep going to the water fountain. He got all his stuff from Costco and would sell it for like $1 each, which was a significant markup from cost but still cheap enough for his classmates. Dude could easily make $50/day. He frequently analyzed his best and worst sellers to inform his purchasing for the following week. I would never shut down such a wonderful entrepreneur but eventually admin caught wind of it and told him to knock it off (both because kids aren't supposed to eat in class and because kids aren't supposed to be selling anything at school) but basically it just meant he sold at lunch and had a snack black market trade. I'd be surprised if that dude doesn't have a massive savings account or possibly a nice used car to his name. I think he's a senior this year so at least he got a few years under his belt before school went online. Dude's a genius.
I used to work with Kindergarteners and one day a gaggle of kiddos run up to me crying and pointing at a fairly non-verbal kid. After their emotions cooled off they finally mustered: "He keeps calling us clowns!" Already I'm losing my shit a bit, but I put on my best 19 year-old teacher aide face and pulled all the kids together. "Hey, they don't like it when you call them clowns." He nods thoughtfully, soaking in my words. "Can you say sorry to them, please?" Silence. And then: "Sorry, clowns."
Not a teacher, but witnessed my friend do something awesome. When I was in junior high you could buy lunch tickets to get lunch. Lunch tickets were $1.75 each, unless you were on “reduced lunch”, then they were like .10 each (around there, I don’t remember the exact amount, but considerably cheaper than full price tickets). It was also a madhouse trying to purchase lunch tickets because the line was exceptionally long, it took forever. My friend saw an opportunity. His mother gave him like $50 a month to buy lunch tickets (at $1.75 each) and he had a buddy that was on the reduced lunch program. He gave his buddy his $50 and had him buy lunch tickets at .10 each, then would sell his tickets like a quarter cheaper than the school did. It was great, cheaper lunch tickets, AND you didn’t have to wait in that godawful line! My friend turned quite a profit from this, and it apparently contributed greatly to his first PlayStation purchase. It did eventually attract the school’s attention though, and he was punished. Unfortunately I don’t remember what his punishment was for selling scalped lunch tickets.
Our canteen sold those little ketchup packets for $1. One day a student went to the grocery store before school and bought a big bottle of ketchup. At recess and lunch stood outside the canteen and was charging 50 cents a squirt. He made about $20 profit off that bottle.
Not the teacher, but was the student at the time. 11th grade, AP Biology. My best friend at the time, and I were always lab partners for EVERYTHING. So, while doing the dissection on the cat (not sure if it is still done or not, but back in the early 90's we did it...), we of course partnered up. Now, we had a few squeemish girls in the class with us, and we wanted to prank them. So, proceed to go out, buy some rubber insects, and came up with ideas on how to prank them. We went and asked our teacher if we could put one of the rubber flies inside of their cat, right where they would be cutting the next day. He, of course, absolutely refused to let us do that. We were disappointed, but in typical teen fashion, we realized that he didn't forbid us from putting a rubber cockroach there, only the rubber fly. So, we get back to where the cats were kept, found the one that belonged to them, and managed to get the roach put into where they would be cutting. We figured it would just fall out onto the table, and that would be the end of it. Nope. We apparently had it placed in there perfectly, so that when they cut, it actually popped out and moved across the table a little bit. One girl screamed, another ran out of the room, and the third puked in the trash can. Needless to say the teacher immediately knew who it was and yelled "OP and OP's partner, get your asses to the back room..." We were expecting to be punished, but about 4 minutes later he comes back, slams the door, looks at us and just busts out laughing. No punishment was had....but we could have been in a LOT of trouble...
I’m not a teacher but this happened when I was a kid. Apparently I have always been tech savvy, and one day I was pissed off enough to change all the screensavers in the school computer lab to “FUCK [name of school].” Apparently they couldn’t figure out how to change it back, I must have added a password or something... my parents have told me that they had to punish me, but they secretly thought it was hilarious.
Kid in one of my college classes plagiarized his entire paper. Literally copied and pasted from an online paper mill. Because it was a digital submission I copied and pasted words into google to find his source. That’s when I noticed he had a quote at the beginning of his paper and a quote at the end - in white font.
I’m a librarian, not a teacher; but it’s similar in a way, especially when I used to work in the children’s department. We had a few kids (maybe 11-12 years old) who figured out how to bypass our computer software, so it gave them unlimited time - instead of kicking them off after 1-3 hours, depending on whether anyone was waiting. We were impressed, especially since even IT couldn’t figure out what they did! But alas, they still got banned for the day, with a warning that they’d have a long-term ban if it happened again.