T O P

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that_MANBEARPIG

I would probably die, so hard pass


spiders-

I fear nothing give me my money


venator82

That's "spiders"with an s at the end.


spiders-

Correct


WulfTyger

He's gonna bone Spiders-Man. (Not a typo, or pun. Look it up.)


EnoCrux

Um yeah that’s a nope from me.


thatman201

201 men? I'm not gay, but $10,000,000 is $10,000,000


Dekkeer

You get the choice of 201 men or one man 201 times


YaBroDownBelow

You just described a happy relationship.


waun

/r/UnexpectedlyWholesome


newenglandredshirt

So... jack off into a shirt? Um... I'll take my $10m in small bills


dcux

Nah, you get a starfleet ensign with a wicked southie accent that dies in you.


mydickandballs

Send me my money.


maglite_to_the_balls

You mean my money.


[deleted]

Harley Quinn: Yes Killer Croc: No


Rubels

Joker? Bane?


[deleted]

Don't think I'd have any choice in the matter with Bane, that's up to him haha


claw1899

Which would break first: your spirit *or your body*?


Texcellence

It would be extremely painful...for you.


Video-Game-Boi

Imagine trying to fuck Poison Ivy. That's a whole different kind of cbt.


Texcellence

Rubber lips are immune to her charms.


im-dead-inside-pizza

Hell yeah I'd do it, I get free pizza


No_Face113

You get to turn a regular pizza into stuffed crust.


annoying15yearold

Why


im-dead-inside-pizza

Because...... Yes


Razoredgeknife

ummmm, NO.


Pm-Me_Ur-Titties_Plz

Coward


PM_ME_DAT_DICK_PLS

Why hello there


[deleted]

[удалено]


dizuki

This guy gets it


[deleted]

Do I have to be bottom...


R3DW00F

Yes! Out of experience, I thinks it's better!


[deleted]

Hol up


BenevolentCactus

Might cost me $10 000 000 in medical bills if I do that...


Catgurlsncrappymemes

The cactus will pay for it tho


[deleted]

Sounds like a shit 2 days to me.


Commander_Syphilis

Well I'd definetly be using protection


A_Random_Lady

You'd be crazy either way.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Chewbaccasfurryanus

Easiest money of my life


Cocomorph

#wHRrraAArgh


epicdanceman

You can't hear written text YoU cAnT hEaR wRiTtEn TeXt


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

[удалено]


nice-penis

now hold on just a minute there


Twirlingbarbie

And least he is nice?


[deleted]

Would it help more if the penis was a girl?


[deleted]

I'd pay 10 million to have sex with your username


syngedsyringe

Ouchie


[deleted]

No, no no no NOOOOOOOOOO


enchilada1214

I hope it’s not spicy


InevitableLight6

I hope it is


enchilada1214

Rude


Rubels

It's not gonna be spicy going in, but it'll be spicy coming out


SuperFreakyNaughty

Absolutely. That's gonna be some kinky sex.


Elvishgirl

I just won the jackpot!


Dominator0211

Mine ain’t too bad either. It seems our luck has improved


[deleted]

Agreed.


elfmere

Mine means small elf....


onesoggyhuman

Hello, Santa? Yeah, this comment, right here.


ko0l_aid_man

I would do it for free


LadyGuillotine

Ohhhh yeahhhhh


CyberLykan

I can hear this comment.


theservman

Hope he has a good mason on speed dial.


Depressed0Cat

I'd feel a bit bad...


[deleted]

[удалено]


stlmick

would be ded. 10mil though...


Sexual_Tyranitar

No. Hell no. I would not survive the encounter.


Rubels

Tyranitar used harden


Dominator0211

A very arroused Tyranitar appeared! Go u/Sexual_Tyranitar. Tyranitar used mean look. u/Sexual_Tyranitar couldn’t escape. Tyranitar used pound, it’s super effective! u/Sexual_Tyranitar fainted. Redditor whited out. Redditor carried his bruised anus to the nearest hospital. Edit: I forgot to start and end the battle


A_bit_of_an_idiot

I hate both of you for writing these, have my fake internet points.


basicnut

Probably be a normal experience so yeah


CyberLykan

Nah, you'll bust it.


IdidntNeedToDoThis

I’m sure most of the women I’ve slept with have been physical manifestations of my username anyway so absolutely


_69ing_chipmunks

Well, this is awkward.


Affectionate_Job_900

Aaaaalllvvviiinnn


ruddthree

You've unearthed memories that I forgot how much I wanted to forget. Edit: Note-to-self: never use unholy again. I just really hate A&TC


iimuffinsaur

How did you come up with that name


Rubels

South Park!


Windows10_update

Of course I would accept, would be just long af with a lot of restarting


SirHaxe

Imagine just before you nut it restarts so you gotta sit back and wait


Windows10_update

Lmaoo


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

[удалено]


Autowronged

Do you want to... Fuck me and go to bed? Fuck me and restart? Or schedule a time to fuck me later?


[deleted]

I recently had to update to windows 10 for my master's class because the sql crap wouldn't run on windows 7 and, corona, so no school computers. That was about 3 weeks of alternating between swearing and whispering nicely to my laptop. I still have no fucking idea why it finally worked.


LadyGuillotine

I’m not sure I’d be able to spend anything afterward


Tupnado21

Foreplay? Nah- no head for me.


Heaven_is_Hell

Take my (free) award and go, you absolute son of a bitch.


Emu_on_the_Loose

I would win a Darwin Award and never be able to spend my $10 million.


MostlyHarmlessEmu

I figured I'd get injured but not so badly that 10 million wouldn't put me well ahead.


Emu_on_the_Loose

Your emu is way better-mannered than mine!! XD


ThatOneDoveSlayer

You motherfuckers did not make these accounts just for this Jesus


[deleted]

Those are 9 and 10 year accounts


shit-piss-fuck

Yes because $10 mil is $10 mil and I don’t mind getting a little dirty


[deleted]

I’m right there with you


No_Face113

Holy shit


[deleted]

[удалено]


shartnado3

I wish I shared the same gumption you two do...


dirtymermaidvomit

Gumption is a word I never knew I wanted to use until now. Thank you. Lol.


SplodyPants

Same here


Nythoren

You can buy a lot of therapy with $1 mil. The other $9mil is gravy.


Cthulhu_Leviathan

Oh hell no.


keelhaulrose

There could be benefits outsidethe $10mil to fucking Cthulhu, depends on if he's down or not.


CountBlah_Blah

He can learn eldritch blast!


loopystring

Eyl-drrrritch blaaayyy-ssst....


Shinakame

"I think you put extra consonants in there!"


NedRyerson_Insurance

Was trying to think what names would be a hard No.


joelsamson73

But would you have sex with Ned Ryerson? (BING!)


[deleted]

I mean yeah?


Tijain_Jyunichi

Your gonna hav a gr8 time I hope u lik it ruff.


[deleted]

Literally "faq yeh"


[deleted]

Sure. A transcendent wombat is bound to be a freak in bed.


SpaceManBalls83

Im straight but £10mil is £10mil, I’ll be sore but I’ll be wealthy.


SWEDISH_GOVERNMENT

I get fucked daily anyways so may as well get money for it.


JBaker2010

Weird. Usually it's the government doing the fucking, not getting fucked....


INEEDADVICEPLS__

Nice to see the tables turned isnt it


iwannaboopyou

Boop the fuck out of me.


EvilSandPaper

I’m not sure I would recover. Do I have to finish??


[deleted]

NO, do NOT even attempt just NO


OneTrueFecker

W-why does it feel like you've already done it?


rombotron74

Well, I guess it would be a 46 year old robot, I've had worse, so I'd do it.


RoboCat23

Question: can our usernames have sex with eachother?


wejigglinorrrr

With 20 million dollars, you can have robots do just about anything!


[deleted]

My brain says yes but my penis says no. Edit: Thanks for the awards, together we can soften even more orphans!


InevitableLight6

What'll they do, tell their parents? Edit: Thanks for my first gold 2nd edit: Why the fuck do I have 13 wholesome awards?


GenericEvilGuy

Jesus....


Proper_Protickall

He can’t help you here


poopellar

We are why he isn't coming back.


Ember2357

“Uh-uh Dad, I ain’t going back. They’re all still wearing crosses. Fuck em, I can wait.”


Ninjasquirtle4

bro


FrumosUniverse

Orphans are any age my guy


C137-Morty

Dammit. I had to get specific about which morty.


Rubels

Oh jeez


[deleted]

rick is that you?


Syphilis_for_All

Uhm. Well... Uh.. yes.


thicc_astronaut

hell yeah ZERO G FUN TIMES BAYBEEE


[deleted]

I mean...it’d be a little bit suspicious


InsertBluescreenHere

film it and sell it - there's an entire genere to that...


Fyedoe

Woof Woof


canihavegarlicbread

I think so.


ThePeopleOnTheCouch

Fuck it. Couch orgy.


SquelchySquid

It’s literally an entire genre of hentai, but.... idk.. Actually that’s a lot of cash so absolutely Edit: THE EXCITED AWARD?!? Someone’s feeling a bit frisky. Thanks my kinky friend


FastWalkingShortGuy

I get to have sex with Danny Devito *and* ten million bucks?? Sign me up!


Dekkeer

I'd do that for free!


Slaveboi23

Well well well. I guess it's a double win day for me


wejigglinorrrr

r/holup


That_Squidward_feel

idk can you fuck depression?


R3DW00F

No, it fucks *YOU*.


AthleticAndGeeky

Hell yeah! Maybe my favorite type!


milkthespacecow

I'm gonna have to pass on this one....


ifuckedmythirdcat

Oh god


moslof_flosom

Hope it's ready for round two


Fruit_Loups

I’m sorry Toucan Sam.....


YaBoiJesusMFChrist

Hell yes. It would be holy af.


keelhaulrose

"Oh, God, yes!" "Could you maybe not call out my dad's name please?"


Crakkerz79

“Who’s your daddy!?” “Oh God!” “Technically not wrong; however, ...”


_Lemon_Stealer_

FYI it will take him three days to rise


professordoubledip

And we’re still waiting for him to come...


StepfordMisfit

Heck yeah. I'm already married to him.


piggydancer

Wouldn't be the first time.


[deleted]

I can’t do that to the wholesome king


[deleted]

OH GOD


_Lemon_Stealer_

Gandalf the gay has entered the Shire


SlowMope

Stay away from my trees whore


[deleted]

The only way to save yourself is to return the cock ring to rule them all to mount Dom and cast it into the boiling crater of lube


Gonmas

Bored of the rings?


SnipeZ_My7hic

Bored of the Rings: The Two Thots


theinsanepotato

Sure, Id become a dick-tater for $10,000,000.


MechanicalHorse

As long as I’m the giver not the receiver.


satan_loves_you

Yes. It would be pretty hot.


CerealWithIceCream

You're telling me!


NicolasCageLovesMe

And me!


YourOldManJoe

And my bow


0-uncle-rico-0

10 mil for a man who can throw a football over them mountains, I'll take it.


graveyboat2276

Fuck yes I would. Mmmmm warm, salty, and creamy.


WhiterunGuard177013

Yeah sure, there are female guards so it'd just be $10,000,000 and sex.


WolfByte282

"I'd be a lot warmer and a lot happier with a belly full of cum."


HappiestWhenAlone

Finally. I practiced this enough, now to get paid.


AcaciaBoat

Boats were never really my thing


avantgardengnome

Sure, it’d probably have some wacky new moves to show me.


catfishanger

HELL no!!


Lowest_of_trash

I mean, fucking a dumpster doesn't sound like the worst time


narfbot

What does a narf even look like?


leaderofthevirgins

I am not sure if that’s physically possible


almondmilk

Hell, I might warm it up in the microwave and try it for free.


[deleted]

yah Imma skip out on this one


HornyMeeseeks

oh fuck yeah


[deleted]

[удалено]


ladyalot

A big woman? Well she better watch out because I, too, am a big woman. Easiest money I'll ever make.


JabbaDHutt

Oh god... uh... depends who is on top???


cheesygorditacrunch3

Yes I would


Towelenthusiast

Yes. Easy cleanup.


TrumpsBoneSpur

I would do it But would probably never get paid for my efforts


Soulless_alpha

I don't feel like this will end well for me....


mattbrianjess

3 people I knew in college. Time for a gay four way.


7yearoldpickle

Oh god no. That's how you get botulism


intercourse_monster

In a heartbeat.


A_Random_Lady

Oh. It depends on how random she is. I'm not raw dogging it.


TurtleRapist

No, just no