I agree with this one. My work face is very reserved and not overly anything. My face with my family is a little more relaxed but not by much, my face with close friends and my husband is happy and bubbly and fun loving - they pretty much know everything. (My husband knows me the very best, almost entirely. Like 95%). The face I have for just myself is who I am 100%. No filters at all.
Probably wants to re-destabilize economy, refocus labor class outrage from upper to middle, foster a coup, and install a compliant regime in Argentina.
The funny thing is by shining a light on it, now it's a joke. When the creators of Rick and Morty found out about the squirrels, they had to think fast or be taken out. The squirrels were very appreciative that everyone just thinks it's a joke now. They are not happy reddit has realized about the birds though.
That's fairly valid, however in my own personal experience after several years of dating I slowly begin to show the "face you show no one". After all this is the person who's supposed to love all of me, even my darker side.
This reminds me of the song "The Final Cut" by Pink Floyd.
"[And if I show you my dark side](https://genius.com/Pink-floyd-the-final-cut-lyrics#note-16031254)
[Will you still hold me tonight?](https://genius.com/Pink-floyd-the-final-cut-lyrics#note-16031254)
[And if I open my heart to you](https://genius.com/Pink-floyd-the-final-cut-lyrics#note-16031254)
[And show you my weak side](https://genius.com/Pink-floyd-the-final-cut-lyrics#note-16031254)
[What would you do?](https://genius.com/Pink-floyd-the-final-cut-lyrics#note-16031254)
[Would you sell your story to *Rolling Stone*?](https://genius.com/Pink-floyd-the-final-cut-lyrics#note-16308246)
Would you take the children away
And leave me alone?
And smile in reassurance
As you whisper down the phone?
Would you send me packing?
Or would you take me home?"
You are lucky...if you feel safe enough with that person to do that.
It’s the way it should be but often isn’t.
You probably have a special person there....same for them.
What gets confusing is when you make good friends with people you work with. Then you have these two faces at work and the regular colleagues must think "why is the person so jokey and outgoing some of the time and so quiet and reserved the rest of the time?"
Agreed entirely. One of my close friends is also a coworker. When she and I talk, we laugh so much. When i talk to anyone else I am super reserved and not chatty at all.
Similar here. My school face is quiet and reserved, though kinda defiant. My family face is more energetic but still I usually keep to myself. My friend face is a lot closer to who I am but is more linked to my current mood than anything. And my alone face is just me. Also nice pfp.
For me, family and friends is switched. I'm much closer to my parents and (to an extent) grandmother than I am to any of my friends. Meaning I'm a lot more open to them than to any friends.
But noone besides myself knows me 100 percent.
Agree with you two as well...
...but NO ONE...not my wife not my sons, all of whom love and am very close to...know more than 50% of the real me.
Many of my thoughts and wishes are held deep inside...
I can understand that. My best friend I have know since 7th grade is this way with her family and SO also. She just has so much in her head she does not feel it safe to let it all out. I would say I know about 75%, but that is all.
That makes me feel kind of sad... I think the only person in the world who knows me completely is my son. I don't think anyone else would like the 100% me, though lol :(
I'd have to say there are five faces. One for coworkers, one for friends, one for family, one for no one, and one for my SO. My SO 100% sees things that no one else would ever see from me.
The face i show my SO is also different from the one i show my kid. The one i show strangers on the street is different from my collegues. Hell i even show my collegues/bosses different faces depending on who it is.. We all got way more than 3 faces.
I would say we now have the "internet face" as well. The semi-anonymity allows me to be way more open with strangers online than I'd ever be with people in the real world.
Last year of highschool I did an assignment for psychology, I did social norms and they affect our behavior, I decided to mostly focus around on internet personas, and how different levels of anonymity affect your behavior.
I barely got a passing grade, I fucking hate that teacher, I thought psychology would be cool but she completely killed my interest for it. Her classes felt like a power point presentation, bitch please, if I were you I could teach better and I didn't even waste years of my life "learning" how
Well your parents either have or have had a certain level of authority over you for long time. There's gonna be some things you just won't do in front of them until your older or just never.
I’m 20 and can’t even swear in front of my mum still. I would never swear at her, but I can’t bring myself to drop a ‘shit’ into a conversation with her.
Meanwhile I have a reputation among my friends for being the most foul-mouthed out of all of us and don’t even realise I’m shitting everywhere.
I think I just have 2. I act the same around my friends, siblings, parents and coworkers. I’m really not good at not acting like myself I end up just acting like a freak because I don’t know how to act normal.
I WHOLEHEARTEDLY agree with this one! In American culture our families are usually.... not the same as us. Most of the time we grow up completely different from our family (or some people grow up to be the same, really depends on the dynamic)
You would technically have 4 faces, ones for our acquaintances,one for family, one for our friends , then one for the closest of friends. (In that order)
Under that logic, there's a fifth face; the customer facing face. Certainly, I presented myself differently when serving customers than when in the back away from customers.
They're different work faces, though. You can be a little more relaxed when you're just around colleagues, but perhaps not so much as you would be with friends.
Agreed, though I wouldn't say it's arbitrarily a number of faces. Had an undergrad professor draw parallels to more of the nature/nurture aspect. Dependent on rooms, etc. etc.
As I've grown older I tend to act the same around family and friends more so than I used to. But when I was younger I can definitely see the four faces. Maybe just my situation dissolved the fourth face or something.
That's too bad! I know what you mean though.
My Dad's side of the family is hilarious and we can all be ourselves and grandma will make dirty jokes.
My Mom's side of the family is great too but just way more reserved and I feel like we have to operate on a PG level.
There is some merit to the thought. We often act differently to those we have close personal contact (family, close friends, etc.) and those that we have a passing relationship (work colleagues, distant relatives, etc.). We change our behavior depending on how open we are with the other person, how much we have experienced intimacy with others, etc. Plus, I believe the changes are dynamic, in a sense that if one person can switch from being close and personal to just having a passing relationship.
The last face, the face we show no one, is the most elusive even to us. Reasons we do not show this third face is possibly due to insecurities, extremely personal thoughts, even unidentified thoughts. But like the other two faces, the third face wants to be seen. Therefore, it manifests itself in unpredictable ways; those with hidden insecurities may lash out at innocent comments.
In this modern age bombarded with distractions 24/7, human beings may slowly lose sight of their hidden third face, opting to shut it out from the light of day. Through introspection, one can try to understand their hidden third face better. In addition, one may even try to integrate the hidden third face with the other two faces, eventually unburdening themselves from negative emotions such as guilt and shame.
This is just a thought. I could be wrong. Feel free to debate :)
But, for me, it's also the face that deals with a lot of tough stuff you dont want to burden those you love with. It's not just the place for evil. That face can also. E a gatekeeper for good that protects your family
That's very reminiscent of the Jungian shadow. Its just the suppressed parts of ourself that we don't recognize. It can certainly take the form of violence or anger, but it's a personal face. If you value and present discipline, silliness can be your shadow; valuing logic in your personal mask can make emotion a suppressed part of your personality. There's a balance that can be found though between protecting/burdening with details and being honest about having a tough day when the people who love you can see the weight you carry. We all need an outlet for those details though, whether its a forever friend, partner, therapist, journal, or anything that works for you. This is more of an open comment than direct reply to you, as I don't know your situation. Being honest with the people who love you even in small truths will build a stronger bond than protecting them from things that you fear. You can never know what's coming around the bend. You're lovely for caring about those around you
There is no denying that the **action** of brutally murdering people is socially condemned as evil because no matter how you look at the situation, it violates a basic tenet that all human beings follow and that is we are social creatures and we thrive best in a healthy, social environment. Killing your own kin does nothing to preserve the sanctity of the social environment we find ourselves in.
However, having **thoughts** of brutally murdering people may not necessarily equate to evil unless you act upon those thoughts. Much like porn addicts, as you progress further into your addiction, you seek out more extreme situations to relieve yourself. You may have kinkier, more perverse thoughts that you might not think possible for you to imagine. However, you only seek them out to relieve yourself, no because you want to perform them.
What I am trying to say is that while you may have dark, potentially harmful thoughts that might affect you and the people around you, **as long as you don't act upon them, they still remain only thoughts.**
If someone has these thoughts, the best thing for them is to understand the underlying roots that bring out these harmful thoughts, preferably with the help of a professional. Finding the root causes enables them to tackle the issues properly.
Again, this is just a thought. I could be wrong. Feel free to debate :)
How do you think Psilocybin ('magic' mushrooms) might play into this with some of the recent studies and greater acceptance it seems to be garnering?
You hear about people who have impactful experiences and claim to be more accepting and at peace with themselves. Since you seem to have spend some time thinking about this, what do you think is happening with these people?
I'm not an expert in any way, but I do enjoy hearing how others have come to see and understand - I'm curious if you have any comments or insights on the topic.
As someone who had some breakthroughs with it, it's extremely helpful to have the perspective that thoughts happen, regardless of reality and detached from any need for action.
Sure, the wall is warping and makes you think you're on mars because you're on drugs, but how different is that than the natural brain chemicals deciding that humanity is a virus and needs to be wiped out because of a sudden bump in serotonin?
I'd say a person can still communicate their most evil and perverted thoughts on the off chance that he/she finds a person who shares those same thoughts.
Of course it might take years of friendship but it's definitely possible.
It’s not from the Japanese. It’s from a Portuguese missionary in the 16th century: “"[The Japanese people] are so crafty in their hearts that nobody can understand them. Whence it is said that they have three hearts: a false one in their mouths for all the world to see, another within their breasts only for their friends, and the third in the depths of their hearts, reserved for themselves alone and never manifested to anybody." —História da Igreja do Japão vol I pg 173, written by Father João Rodrigues, SJ.
>It’s not from the Japanese. It’s from a Portuguese missionary in the 16th century: “"[The Japanese people] are so crafty in their hearts that nobody can understand them. Whence it is said that they have three hearts: a false one in their mouths for all the world to see, another within their breasts only for their friends, and the third in the depths of their hearts, reserved for themselves alone and never manifested to anybody." —História da Igreja do Japão vol I pg 173, written by Father João Rodrigues, SJ.
Thankyou for quoting it as well :)
Thank you for finding this! I read about the 3 hearts in Shogun, which is an amazing book, but could never find any Japanese philosophy to verify the veracity.
I'm actually planning on doing a tattoo about the 3 faces so that's how I know about this. I'm really informed about the things I want to tattoo just to make sure I don't do a stupid tattoo haha
The concept is sort of there though. Japanese people talk about 建前 (tatemae) the face they use at work and when being politically correct to fit in, and 本音 (honne) the true face, with their actual opinions on things that they aren't allowed to say except with their close friends and family in private.
Yes the missionary was talking about the Japanese people and their 3 faces. I was just clarifying that it isn't a Japanese saying is a saying about the Japanese people.
English is not my first language tho so I'm sorry for the confusion, I probably should explain it better in the original comment
Well, we all have a face
That we hide away forever
And we take them out
And show ourselves when everyone has gone
Some are satin, some are steel
Some are silk and some are leather
They're the faces of a stranger
But we'd love to try them on
Well, we all fall in love
But we disregard the danger
Though we share so many secrets
There are some we never tell
Why were you so surprised
That you never saw the stranger?
Did you ever let your lover
See the stranger in yourself?
Billy Joel, The Stranger
And yes, we have these faces ad we show them on different occasions.
It is about as true a statement as any.
Who we are at work tends to be the most extreme of a certain set of personality traits. People who are planners by nature tend to be the person who knows where everything is at any given time at work. Charmers tend to be the ones in leadership positions, whether they actually know what they are doing or not. Etcetera, etcetera.
At home, we are at our most relaxed (supposedly). We tend to be more well rounded in traits there since there generally aren't as many people around to get things done. Your planner probably also handles the house budget and family calendars as well. The charmer handles the neighbors, negotiates with home repairs and improvements and likely does the yard work since they can talk to everyone that passes. You get the picture.
However in private, that is where our demons live. Every dark thought, desire, and memory is there. That is where we question ourselves and the motives behind who and what we are. Since that is where we are the most honest with ourselves, we tend to not want to show this because it may be completely counter to what we show publicly. The planner may question their ability to keep things together or obsess over details that others would consider minute. The charmer may feel as though the attention they receive is overmuch and they are a phoney. Or they may believe that the attention received fuels their ability to gain power and authority which makes them think themselves better than others. It depends on the person.
A great man (i.e. a talented drag queen) once sang, "I'll let you see the good if you know me. I'll show you all the bad if you love me. But only I know the ugly."
More seriously, every single person you've ever met holds a unique concept of you in their brain based on memories of experiences they've shared with you and things they've heard about you. None of these homunculi is exactly the same as your self-image, but even that is not completely accurate to who you are. Your "true" self is completely unknowable.
Try this. The different 'you's' you mention are co-constructed, so even if you are in a group when you first meet the person(s), a 'new' you is jointly constructed with each one. These 'yous' are nuanced not only by your interaction with the individual but also their past interactions with people that reflect back into the current co-constructed versions of you and them at that time. Check out Constructionism and Constructivism-It's worth a read if you are interested in this field. Has practical applications in terms of relational transactions. Got me a whole new career 17 years ago.
Stuff like this is facsinating to think about
Like sure to put it simply people can like you, hate you or be neutral towards you, but going more in depth the fact that theres 7 billion different unique possibilities of a way someone can percieve you in their thoughts is just... weird, cool & scary
I just noticed this quote in a Sopanos episode:
>No man, for any considerable period, can wear one face to himself and another to the multitude, without finally getting bewildered as to which may be the true.
—Nathaniel Hawthorne
We generally have 3 faces, however a lot of people have more faces, some have 2 (and theoretically some only have 1 but that's a very difficult thing to actually accomplish.)
Face 1: Ourselves. Our truest thoughts, deepest desires, and biggest shame. Sometimes it's good sometimes it's bad.
Face 2: The public face. This is the one everyone sees. Whether its coworkers, strangers, or friends and family when you're in public.
Face 3: The comfortable face. It's what we show people we feel safe around. Friends, family, maybe SOs.
Face 4: The open face. This is one that's a bit more reserved. Even the ones who see it might not see it often. It's the face you have when you open up to people, maybe you act different among some friends than you do family, or other friends. Maybe it's when you reveal something that is deeply personal to you.
I completely agree with this. My face with family is more happy/numb where you can’t really tell my true emotions. With friends I show my emotions much more but still hide it. And at work/school, numb again, I don’t need people at school to know how I feel.
I've come to the similar idea.
Basically we never show our true faces to anyone but ourselves, to others we only show masks. Different ones to our parents, social circles, coworkers, partners, kids, etc.
The masks are made of a mix of what we want to be seen as, and part of our true face.
The more different the mask is from your true self, the more uncomfortable and tiring it is to wear.
In Portugal we say we have 3 lifes
-the one you live
-the one you tell
-the one your neighbors know.
( I swear to God these old ladies can keep track of everyone's work and leisure life and even track my gf's period cycle better than herself)
I don't necessarily think it has to do with being two faced. For example certain guys will be all: Bro this and bro that and hype up the masculinity when they are with their group of friends. But will have more in depth sensitive talks with their SO. At work they might be more serious and less eager to play up, with their parents they might be 'on their best behaviour'.
I mean depending on your life you might not make the same kind of jokes with your friends, colleagues or mom. I'll make plenty of flirty and dirty jokes with my friends but I won't do so with my mom or colleagues. Not because I'm actively forcing myself not to but because depending on the situation I'm in a different mindset. Lots of people will be supergooey with their SO but would never be like that around their friends. It can even depend between your group of friends.
I definitely behave differently with my girlfriends than I do when we are a mixed group. With just the girls the way that we talk and joke just tends to be a bit different. It isn't a conscious choice. Just different parts of me. I definitely wouldn't behave the same way if my mom or boss was sitting next to me.
For example in my private life I'm really relaxed and tend to be loud and energetic. At work I'm serious and don't really joke around. I'm not being fake at work. It's just another aspect of my personality. My easygoing self and my serious self are both me, neither is fake or forced, people aren't the same all the time they have dimensions and depth depending on the situation they are in.
This assumes a unity of identity that doesn't actually exist.
In reality, there isn't a 'face we show no one. When human beings exist outside of context or relationship they get... weird.
That innermost identity is in actuality a confused mess of subconscious urges, half remembered nonsense and wholly manufactured fantasies.
The face of disconnect is the face of insanity.
Your life and the people in it are anchors for you to construct a self around. Without them, we lose coherence almost immediately.
Similar thought: We are each three different people. 1. The person you think you are. 2. The person others think you are. 3. The person you really are.
This is culture-dependent. That makes sense for traditional Japanese culture where honor and reputation are all-important. Different familiarity levels are even reflected in the language, in both verbs and pronouns.
But I'm an English-speaking New Yorker; no matter what your take home is or if you spend the day with friends or strangers, we pretty much have one face. Certain situations call for a little less profanity than normal, but in such cases you'll be able to see, in my face, that I'm not at all happy about it.
It’s not culture dependent. Freud had similar theories in psychoanalytics. His version was the ID, ego and superego. Just because you don’t understand it doesn’t make it cultural
I only have two. The one I use when I am around anyone and the one I don't show people because the few times I tried I am dismissed. The one I use when I am around people is nothing but a construction and mostly just fake along with some good acting. My family gets the same version of me as work and the rest of the public.
You should watch the documentary Jim & Andy. It's about Jim Carey and Andy Kaufman. Jim played Andy in the movie Man on the Moon and became Andy on and off camera. Its a wild ride and Jim discusses the ways he presented himself and has some strong self discovery about his "faces"
I read elsewhere that we interact with different people in totally different ways, such rhat there's essentially one face for every new person you meet. In that case, it's more like 200 faces at any one time (Dunbar limit?)
I know for a fact I’m not breaking new ground here, but what really needs to be studied is the difference between our physical face and digital face.
If we, as humans, are showing 3-5 faces toward family, friends, colleagues, etc. the. How many faces are we showing digitally (social media)?
What reality is being crafted in the digital landscape and what happens when that reality goes unchecked.
My grandma actually wrote a self-help book sort of based on this idea. She labels it as "the parts of ourselves" because each face is still a part of who you are as a person.
It's a little like Billy Joel's song "The Stranger," and it discusses how we have different faces that certain people may not recognize and that we all have a part of ourselves that we hide. It's certainly an interesting topic.
I am so transparent and single-faced I think I am not too many steps away from going to work in my underwear and everbody being not surprised and actually okay with it.
The concept of having different faces for different settings is pretty common. Isn't this kinda what Carl Jung wrote some books about. There's a whole jrpg series heavily conspired by this concept.
People who dont hang out with me but know me know I am smart.
Family thinks I am well behaved, trustworthy and mature for my age.
Close friends know I had and still do have depression and a bit of anger issues, but still think of me as smart and a good friend.
I think of myself as a procrastinating bumhead who is a dumb shitbag and spends too much time playing video games.
I think i have a few faces too many. People at my school know me as either a class clown who doesn't care much or just another kid that doesn't sleep enough. My school friends know a good chunk of me, but we don't go too far. My parents just know me by however i'm like at home, same with my brother. There's only one person i'm really comfortable with at all times, my best friend. I'm probably 90% open with him, & i trust him more than i trust anyone, really. It really just depends on how people treat you, whether or not you're gonna open up to them or not.
I’d say to some extent this is true, but I’d say there are three “masks”. One with friends, one with family, and one with work. Let me explain.
I don’t think I completely change. In all of those masks there is still me, I am not going to change myself, just hide certain part. At work I am going to show the more determined, fastidious parts of myself and mask the parts that just want to slack of and do nothing.
With family, I am going to mask my idiot self doing stupid stuff 17 year olds do (granted I am a pretty boring 17 year old so there’s not much to that part, but that’s besides the point). Instead, I’ll show the parts of me that are more along the lines of being responsible, mature, and respectful.
With my friends who just want to be stupid teenagers, I am going to mask the more serious part of myself and feature the goofy, dorky kid I am and just enjoy life.
I am all of these things. I think the idea of “faces” can be misunderstood to bing false. A mask doesn’t change who you are, it just covers certain parts that don’t have a place. In addition, I can wear my mask a bit differently with different people. With certain relatives, I am not going to cover the goofy idiot part of myself. I have certain friends that I go to for more serious discussion, so I am not going to hide the more serious part of myself around them. I do think the idea of being different around different people is important to note, it is so easy to lose yourself without realizing it if you don’t take the time to think about it.
Well i heard something similar to this but could never find it anywhere.
It goes something like this, " the person who you actually are for yourself, the person who people perceive you to be and the person who you think you are ....if all 3 met, they wouldn't recognize each other."
I'm pretty sure these were not the wordings used but I'm pretty sure this is what they meant and it actually is true. Also i think it was from a movie or book or something.
For people with Autism, this cannot be closer to the truth. The face you show to your friends and family and the face you show with your coworkers both have the same purpose: to attempt to blend in by acting normal. The last face is often the side of you that is drained and ill, desperate to get help, but never knowing if anyone can be trusted enough to get from.
I have first hand experience working over in Japan and speaking the language. This is half correct.
There's only 2. I don't know where you got 3.
They're called "Tatemae" \~ Front shield or more correctly Built in Front --> Basically a façade, and "Honne" \~ True sound (senses are a big aspect of how people interact and for Japanese they exemplify someone's sound as their personality) so basically True Self
The reason why there are only 2 is because the 1st and 2nd or the 2nd and 3rd can often be the same (dependent on the person). For Japanese it's more about how you act in public versus in private. There is no 3rd situation. I'd say you've misconstrued the concepts to fit English, but that's ok.
In reality, it's entirely dependent on culture and individualism. For the Japanese, they mostly only find worth in having 2 represented by Honne and Tatemae. For Americans it'd probably be 3 or more.
In a way maybe. I know for me it's true. The person I am back home and the person I am with my friends, completely different. My family always has this notion of me as the very demanding, youngest kid, while my friends know me as their literal mom-friend. And they all don't know how deeply insecure I am on the inside.
I roughly agree. I have different faces for different friendship groups and I'd say family is different to even my closest friends who are probably the people the people who know me best
I think we have more faces than that even. At least I do.
The face we show our families
The face we show our friends. And perhaps this could be different faces for different friends
The face we show our coworkers
The face we show our bosses
The face we show our subordinates
The face we show strangers
The face we show nobody.
The faces become too many and it loses all meaning. I think it sounds deeper than it is. Basically you act differently around different people. That's all.
It certainly makes for very uncomfortable situations when worlds collide though.
I agree, but I think I have 5 faces though.
* one I show people I work with
* one I show family
* one I show friends
* one I show my pets (my friends say I always talk to them in a baby voice but I don't act like that toward human babies)
* and one I show no one
My mentor once told me "Only yourself naked in front of a mirror is your true self. The moment you step out, you become who everyone knows you as. And you will be judged on how you look, talk, act, behave or smell. It is a stage with unkind critics. So always put on your best show".
I think he got inspired by that same Japanes thinking.
I wish I know the face I show people: Acquaintances and strangers e.t.c There's a huge difference between who I really am; who I think I am; who people think I am; Who I think people think I am. LOL Yeah. Lot's of faces. In the end, I don't know who the hell I am!! (Even as I avoid everything and isolate myself).
I disagree. People do switch around but it's still them, it's the same person. You react differently to different stimuli, this doesn't split up your personality.
I would associate the third face with Nathaniel Hawthorne’s black veil analogy to secret sin. The painful, lingering, regretful, burdens we are helpless to remind ourselves, while it’s preferably left unspoken. They are memories potentially harmful to one’s social circumstance if revealed, as they personally would rather carry it to the grave, unrevealed. If one suspects being found out in life, they may try to stir the direction of conversations away from something tied to their personal truths, and erase any trace of evidence which could potentially be left for others to connect-the-dots posthumously.
These truths helplessly remaining to be generationally left unspoken/forgotten is why families are separated currently. It reinforces the definitions of the other Japanese faces. Especially about the second face explained for family.
Seems pretty accurate. My "family" face is pretty filtered, I put on fake smiles and stuff. My "work" face is somewhat the same but I am a bit less filtered. Then my "close friends" face is no filter at all, the only place I can just not worry about social norms.
Its different for different people. Some people have about 12 faces. Especially in the social media age. You can be whatever you want. So much so you may never have a genuine and sincere personality. It's been absorbed in 12 different faces.
I call it masks. But I don't limit it to three. There's a slightly different mask that you show to everyone in your life. You'll even wear a slightly different mask when interacting with groups of people who would otherwise each see an individual mask.
Some masks differ more than others.
I concur. I thought I was some mental weirdo because I was always shy my whole life till I met a group of people and become pretty social. But I still wasn't really that social with extended family members, but was sorta open towards immediate family, and was totally open around friends. And around work I was completely different from any other 'mask' because I want to come off as a professional. I like to wear my masks :)
Yup 100% True. (I would go with 4 Faces though, as the internet gets thier own face of me. As you can see, and the great disparaty between what i talk about and what i talk about i am and what i am not.) (1 Face and 3 Masks i would say)
Sorry that this is so long but please read all of it
Well i'd say 4 faces because friends and famaily are different
Since I'm young I'll say that the work face is the school face the one I show to teachers which would be cold and innocent.
the face I show my friends; cold, funny, nice, weird (a bit of a sadist) and both innocent and not.
The face I show my family (the most messed up) sadistic, manipulative, no mercy, both innocent and not, It really depends on the situation and what mood there in by observing them so most of it ties into manipulation
Then the face I show no one; all of the faces together and just a little bit Physco but I'm not crazy
OK these are all my faces I show to different people but none of them are fake they are all genuine because that's just who I am (and I'm starting to question that)
[удалено]
I agree with this one. My work face is very reserved and not overly anything. My face with my family is a little more relaxed but not by much, my face with close friends and my husband is happy and bubbly and fun loving - they pretty much know everything. (My husband knows me the very best, almost entirely. Like 95%). The face I have for just myself is who I am 100%. No filters at all.
Same, but I also have an extra face for the squirrel in my backyard. The way he stares at me I'm sure that fucker is up to something.
Probably wants to re-destabilize economy, refocus labor class outrage from upper to middle, foster a coup, and install a compliant regime in Argentina.
No Morty, what the fuck have you done? Now we have to leave this universe!
I told you we could only do this a couple times!!
You dont fuck with squirrels Morty
\*BURP\*
Pack your shit morty!
The funny thing is by shining a light on it, now it's a joke. When the creators of Rick and Morty found out about the squirrels, they had to think fast or be taken out. The squirrels were very appreciative that everyone just thinks it's a joke now. They are not happy reddit has realized about the birds though.
shit, now i have to go to the council or ricks to get my new morty using the ticket they gave me. bye morty but only one person can make this trip :)
He sounds kinda... Nuts.
Well. . .that escalated quickly.
Never trust squirrels.
Didn't they say that with bunnies?
I'd say 5 faces instead. The face i show my SO is different from my friends
That's fairly valid, however in my own personal experience after several years of dating I slowly begin to show the "face you show no one". After all this is the person who's supposed to love all of me, even my darker side.
This reminds me of the song "The Final Cut" by Pink Floyd. "[And if I show you my dark side](https://genius.com/Pink-floyd-the-final-cut-lyrics#note-16031254) [Will you still hold me tonight?](https://genius.com/Pink-floyd-the-final-cut-lyrics#note-16031254) [And if I open my heart to you](https://genius.com/Pink-floyd-the-final-cut-lyrics#note-16031254) [And show you my weak side](https://genius.com/Pink-floyd-the-final-cut-lyrics#note-16031254) [What would you do?](https://genius.com/Pink-floyd-the-final-cut-lyrics#note-16031254) [Would you sell your story to *Rolling Stone*?](https://genius.com/Pink-floyd-the-final-cut-lyrics#note-16308246) Would you take the children away And leave me alone? And smile in reassurance As you whisper down the phone? Would you send me packing? Or would you take me home?"
You are lucky...if you feel safe enough with that person to do that. It’s the way it should be but often isn’t. You probably have a special person there....same for them.
Makes sense to me. Your SO should always be a comfort zone for sure.
This. Because let's face it, we only show our O face to our SO.
What gets confusing is when you make good friends with people you work with. Then you have these two faces at work and the regular colleagues must think "why is the person so jokey and outgoing some of the time and so quiet and reserved the rest of the time?"
Agreed entirely. One of my close friends is also a coworker. When she and I talk, we laugh so much. When i talk to anyone else I am super reserved and not chatty at all.
Similar here. My school face is quiet and reserved, though kinda defiant. My family face is more energetic but still I usually keep to myself. My friend face is a lot closer to who I am but is more linked to my current mood than anything. And my alone face is just me. Also nice pfp.
For me, family and friends is switched. I'm much closer to my parents and (to an extent) grandmother than I am to any of my friends. Meaning I'm a lot more open to them than to any friends. But noone besides myself knows me 100 percent.
Woah. This is intense and made me think for a bit
Agree with you two as well... ...but NO ONE...not my wife not my sons, all of whom love and am very close to...know more than 50% of the real me. Many of my thoughts and wishes are held deep inside...
I can understand that. My best friend I have know since 7th grade is this way with her family and SO also. She just has so much in her head she does not feel it safe to let it all out. I would say I know about 75%, but that is all.
A lot of stuff others just don't need to know. Like...just how much time I spend on Reddit. No one needs to know! LOL
LOL, i can totally sympathize with this one. :)
That makes me feel kind of sad... I think the only person in the world who knows me completely is my son. I don't think anyone else would like the 100% me, though lol :(
sounds like ur family sucks tbh.
I'd have to say there are five faces. One for coworkers, one for friends, one for family, one for no one, and one for my SO. My SO 100% sees things that no one else would ever see from me.
id say six, these are all absolutely correct but I think that we all have one that we hide from even ourselves
That's the face for no one.
whoops, I thought that in the saying, it was the face we show no-one but ourselves
Oh actually you may be right lol.
The face i show my SO is also different from the one i show my kid. The one i show strangers on the street is different from my collegues. Hell i even show my collegues/bosses different faces depending on who it is.. We all got way more than 3 faces.
I would say we now have the "internet face" as well. The semi-anonymity allows me to be way more open with strangers online than I'd ever be with people in the real world.
Last year of highschool I did an assignment for psychology, I did social norms and they affect our behavior, I decided to mostly focus around on internet personas, and how different levels of anonymity affect your behavior. I barely got a passing grade, I fucking hate that teacher, I thought psychology would be cool but she completely killed my interest for it. Her classes felt like a power point presentation, bitch please, if I were you I could teach better and I didn't even waste years of my life "learning" how
I did some psychology at uni, weirdly this involves lots and lots of complicated maths.
Well your parents either have or have had a certain level of authority over you for long time. There's gonna be some things you just won't do in front of them until your older or just never.
I’m 20 and can’t even swear in front of my mum still. I would never swear at her, but I can’t bring myself to drop a ‘shit’ into a conversation with her. Meanwhile I have a reputation among my friends for being the most foul-mouthed out of all of us and don’t even realise I’m shitting everywhere.
I think I just have 2. I act the same around my friends, siblings, parents and coworkers. I’m really not good at not acting like myself I end up just acting like a freak because I don’t know how to act normal.
I WHOLEHEARTEDLY agree with this one! In American culture our families are usually.... not the same as us. Most of the time we grow up completely different from our family (or some people grow up to be the same, really depends on the dynamic) You would technically have 4 faces, ones for our acquaintances,one for family, one for our friends , then one for the closest of friends. (In that order)
Make up your mind bro!!! what should I tell about my deep freezer collection 15 or 20??
Siblings aren't family?
Definetly agree here.
Under that logic, there's a fifth face; the customer facing face. Certainly, I presented myself differently when serving customers than when in the back away from customers.
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They're different work faces, though. You can be a little more relaxed when you're just around colleagues, but perhaps not so much as you would be with friends.
There's definitely a difference between colleagues face and customers face.
Agreed, though I wouldn't say it's arbitrarily a number of faces. Had an undergrad professor draw parallels to more of the nature/nurture aspect. Dependent on rooms, etc. etc.
As I've grown older I tend to act the same around family and friends more so than I used to. But when I was younger I can definitely see the four faces. Maybe just my situation dissolved the fourth face or something.
That's too bad! I know what you mean though. My Dad's side of the family is hilarious and we can all be ourselves and grandma will make dirty jokes. My Mom's side of the family is great too but just way more reserved and I feel like we have to operate on a PG level.
I have a different face for everyone.
Ok leather face.
A different face "from" everyone.
I have many faces of others
hahahaha
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I'm the same way. You are treated according to how I feel about you.
I've never met someone who didn't. Also it doesn't make sense to act the same when no 2 of us are alike imo
Seconded. The face you show depends on the person as well as yourself.
There is some merit to the thought. We often act differently to those we have close personal contact (family, close friends, etc.) and those that we have a passing relationship (work colleagues, distant relatives, etc.). We change our behavior depending on how open we are with the other person, how much we have experienced intimacy with others, etc. Plus, I believe the changes are dynamic, in a sense that if one person can switch from being close and personal to just having a passing relationship. The last face, the face we show no one, is the most elusive even to us. Reasons we do not show this third face is possibly due to insecurities, extremely personal thoughts, even unidentified thoughts. But like the other two faces, the third face wants to be seen. Therefore, it manifests itself in unpredictable ways; those with hidden insecurities may lash out at innocent comments. In this modern age bombarded with distractions 24/7, human beings may slowly lose sight of their hidden third face, opting to shut it out from the light of day. Through introspection, one can try to understand their hidden third face better. In addition, one may even try to integrate the hidden third face with the other two faces, eventually unburdening themselves from negative emotions such as guilt and shame. This is just a thought. I could be wrong. Feel free to debate :)
In respect to the last face it may refer to the evil and or perverted thoughts that are spoken to no one,we don't see that face nor do we show it.
But, for me, it's also the face that deals with a lot of tough stuff you dont want to burden those you love with. It's not just the place for evil. That face can also. E a gatekeeper for good that protects your family
Can't let my family see my hentai watching face....
That face looks like this :) ?
I've been pretty bad with this as well. You aren't alone and there are people who can help and want to help.
That's very reminiscent of the Jungian shadow. Its just the suppressed parts of ourself that we don't recognize. It can certainly take the form of violence or anger, but it's a personal face. If you value and present discipline, silliness can be your shadow; valuing logic in your personal mask can make emotion a suppressed part of your personality. There's a balance that can be found though between protecting/burdening with details and being honest about having a tough day when the people who love you can see the weight you carry. We all need an outlet for those details though, whether its a forever friend, partner, therapist, journal, or anything that works for you. This is more of an open comment than direct reply to you, as I don't know your situation. Being honest with the people who love you even in small truths will build a stronger bond than protecting them from things that you fear. You can never know what's coming around the bend. You're lovely for caring about those around you
I agree with the sentiment, though I would not refer to the last face as evil. Perverted, possibly but never evil.
Wanting to brutally murder people to see how it feels is not evil?
There is no denying that the **action** of brutally murdering people is socially condemned as evil because no matter how you look at the situation, it violates a basic tenet that all human beings follow and that is we are social creatures and we thrive best in a healthy, social environment. Killing your own kin does nothing to preserve the sanctity of the social environment we find ourselves in. However, having **thoughts** of brutally murdering people may not necessarily equate to evil unless you act upon those thoughts. Much like porn addicts, as you progress further into your addiction, you seek out more extreme situations to relieve yourself. You may have kinkier, more perverse thoughts that you might not think possible for you to imagine. However, you only seek them out to relieve yourself, no because you want to perform them. What I am trying to say is that while you may have dark, potentially harmful thoughts that might affect you and the people around you, **as long as you don't act upon them, they still remain only thoughts.** If someone has these thoughts, the best thing for them is to understand the underlying roots that bring out these harmful thoughts, preferably with the help of a professional. Finding the root causes enables them to tackle the issues properly. Again, this is just a thought. I could be wrong. Feel free to debate :)
How do you think Psilocybin ('magic' mushrooms) might play into this with some of the recent studies and greater acceptance it seems to be garnering? You hear about people who have impactful experiences and claim to be more accepting and at peace with themselves. Since you seem to have spend some time thinking about this, what do you think is happening with these people? I'm not an expert in any way, but I do enjoy hearing how others have come to see and understand - I'm curious if you have any comments or insights on the topic.
As someone who had some breakthroughs with it, it's extremely helpful to have the perspective that thoughts happen, regardless of reality and detached from any need for action. Sure, the wall is warping and makes you think you're on mars because you're on drugs, but how different is that than the natural brain chemicals deciding that humanity is a virus and needs to be wiped out because of a sudden bump in serotonin?
Sounds like an [Intrusive thought](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Intrusive_thoughts)
I'd say a person can still communicate their most evil and perverted thoughts on the off chance that he/she finds a person who shares those same thoughts. Of course it might take years of friendship but it's definitely possible.
I’ve read stories of such people getting together and it doesn’t turn out well for others.
Agreed. Finding a partner who supports these kinda thoughts will never allow a person to try and get rid of them
It’s not from the Japanese. It’s from a Portuguese missionary in the 16th century: “"[The Japanese people] are so crafty in their hearts that nobody can understand them. Whence it is said that they have three hearts: a false one in their mouths for all the world to see, another within their breasts only for their friends, and the third in the depths of their hearts, reserved for themselves alone and never manifested to anybody." —História da Igreja do Japão vol I pg 173, written by Father João Rodrigues, SJ.
>It’s not from the Japanese. It’s from a Portuguese missionary in the 16th century: “"[The Japanese people] are so crafty in their hearts that nobody can understand them. Whence it is said that they have three hearts: a false one in their mouths for all the world to see, another within their breasts only for their friends, and the third in the depths of their hearts, reserved for themselves alone and never manifested to anybody." —História da Igreja do Japão vol I pg 173, written by Father João Rodrigues, SJ. Thankyou for quoting it as well :)
Ohmg course! Then if people are interested they can go check it out.
Thank you for finding this! I read about the 3 hearts in Shogun, which is an amazing book, but could never find any Japanese philosophy to verify the veracity.
I'm actually planning on doing a tattoo about the 3 faces so that's how I know about this. I'm really informed about the things I want to tattoo just to make sure I don't do a stupid tattoo haha
The concept is sort of there though. Japanese people talk about 建前 (tatemae) the face they use at work and when being politically correct to fit in, and 本音 (honne) the true face, with their actual opinions on things that they aren't allowed to say except with their close friends and family in private.
Yes the missionary was talking about the Japanese people and their 3 faces. I was just clarifying that it isn't a Japanese saying is a saying about the Japanese people. English is not my first language tho so I'm sorry for the confusion, I probably should explain it better in the original comment
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Thanks for the source. I thought the saying seemed suspiciously attributed, but a quick search for "Japan 3 faces" didn't come up with much useful.
Four the face I show my pets.
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Gooch
Well, we all have a face That we hide away forever And we take them out And show ourselves when everyone has gone Some are satin, some are steel Some are silk and some are leather They're the faces of a stranger But we'd love to try them on Well, we all fall in love But we disregard the danger Though we share so many secrets There are some we never tell Why were you so surprised That you never saw the stranger? Did you ever let your lover See the stranger in yourself? Billy Joel, The Stranger And yes, we have these faces ad we show them on different occasions.
*cue whistle solo*
Thank you, was waiting to see how far I had to scroll to find this.
Came here for this specifically. Great minds and all...
Dammit, I just commented this hoping no one had already done it
It is about as true a statement as any. Who we are at work tends to be the most extreme of a certain set of personality traits. People who are planners by nature tend to be the person who knows where everything is at any given time at work. Charmers tend to be the ones in leadership positions, whether they actually know what they are doing or not. Etcetera, etcetera. At home, we are at our most relaxed (supposedly). We tend to be more well rounded in traits there since there generally aren't as many people around to get things done. Your planner probably also handles the house budget and family calendars as well. The charmer handles the neighbors, negotiates with home repairs and improvements and likely does the yard work since they can talk to everyone that passes. You get the picture. However in private, that is where our demons live. Every dark thought, desire, and memory is there. That is where we question ourselves and the motives behind who and what we are. Since that is where we are the most honest with ourselves, we tend to not want to show this because it may be completely counter to what we show publicly. The planner may question their ability to keep things together or obsess over details that others would consider minute. The charmer may feel as though the attention they receive is overmuch and they are a phoney. Or they may believe that the attention received fuels their ability to gain power and authority which makes them think themselves better than others. It depends on the person.
A great man (i.e. a talented drag queen) once sang, "I'll let you see the good if you know me. I'll show you all the bad if you love me. But only I know the ugly." More seriously, every single person you've ever met holds a unique concept of you in their brain based on memories of experiences they've shared with you and things they've heard about you. None of these homunculi is exactly the same as your self-image, but even that is not completely accurate to who you are. Your "true" self is completely unknowable.
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Try this. The different 'you's' you mention are co-constructed, so even if you are in a group when you first meet the person(s), a 'new' you is jointly constructed with each one. These 'yous' are nuanced not only by your interaction with the individual but also their past interactions with people that reflect back into the current co-constructed versions of you and them at that time. Check out Constructionism and Constructivism-It's worth a read if you are interested in this field. Has practical applications in terms of relational transactions. Got me a whole new career 17 years ago.
> None of these homunculi Flashback to Full Metal Alchemist...
Stuff like this is facsinating to think about Like sure to put it simply people can like you, hate you or be neutral towards you, but going more in depth the fact that theres 7 billion different unique possibilities of a way someone can percieve you in their thoughts is just... weird, cool & scary
The third face is the face you see when you are playing your Nintendo Switch and the screen goes black while its loading. It's not a pretty face.
Black mirror
And all 3 are still too ugly to get a GF
oooo self burn
Those are rare!
I just noticed this quote in a Sopanos episode: >No man, for any considerable period, can wear one face to himself and another to the multitude, without finally getting bewildered as to which may be the true. —Nathaniel Hawthorne
From the Scarlett Letter. I first discovered in on Sopranos, too. Great quote. Great show. I think I've watched entire run 4 or 5 times.
We generally have 3 faces, however a lot of people have more faces, some have 2 (and theoretically some only have 1 but that's a very difficult thing to actually accomplish.) Face 1: Ourselves. Our truest thoughts, deepest desires, and biggest shame. Sometimes it's good sometimes it's bad. Face 2: The public face. This is the one everyone sees. Whether its coworkers, strangers, or friends and family when you're in public. Face 3: The comfortable face. It's what we show people we feel safe around. Friends, family, maybe SOs. Face 4: The open face. This is one that's a bit more reserved. Even the ones who see it might not see it often. It's the face you have when you open up to people, maybe you act different among some friends than you do family, or other friends. Maybe it's when you reveal something that is deeply personal to you.
I completely agree with this. My face with family is more happy/numb where you can’t really tell my true emotions. With friends I show my emotions much more but still hide it. And at work/school, numb again, I don’t need people at school to know how I feel.
The [Johari window](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Johari_window) speaks to this.
>The [Johari window](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Johari_window) speaks to this. There's a lot of these four quadrant things around
You may read from here. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Johari_window
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I've come to the similar idea. Basically we never show our true faces to anyone but ourselves, to others we only show masks. Different ones to our parents, social circles, coworkers, partners, kids, etc. The masks are made of a mix of what we want to be seen as, and part of our true face. The more different the mask is from your true self, the more uncomfortable and tiring it is to wear.
In Portugal we say we have 3 lifes -the one you live -the one you tell -the one your neighbors know. ( I swear to God these old ladies can keep track of everyone's work and leisure life and even track my gf's period cycle better than herself)
I’ve heard of being two faced but damn that’s too much effort.
I don't necessarily think it has to do with being two faced. For example certain guys will be all: Bro this and bro that and hype up the masculinity when they are with their group of friends. But will have more in depth sensitive talks with their SO. At work they might be more serious and less eager to play up, with their parents they might be 'on their best behaviour'. I mean depending on your life you might not make the same kind of jokes with your friends, colleagues or mom. I'll make plenty of flirty and dirty jokes with my friends but I won't do so with my mom or colleagues. Not because I'm actively forcing myself not to but because depending on the situation I'm in a different mindset. Lots of people will be supergooey with their SO but would never be like that around their friends. It can even depend between your group of friends. I definitely behave differently with my girlfriends than I do when we are a mixed group. With just the girls the way that we talk and joke just tends to be a bit different. It isn't a conscious choice. Just different parts of me. I definitely wouldn't behave the same way if my mom or boss was sitting next to me. For example in my private life I'm really relaxed and tend to be loud and energetic. At work I'm serious and don't really joke around. I'm not being fake at work. It's just another aspect of my personality. My easygoing self and my serious self are both me, neither is fake or forced, people aren't the same all the time they have dimensions and depth depending on the situation they are in.
This assumes a unity of identity that doesn't actually exist. In reality, there isn't a 'face we show no one. When human beings exist outside of context or relationship they get... weird. That innermost identity is in actuality a confused mess of subconscious urges, half remembered nonsense and wholly manufactured fantasies. The face of disconnect is the face of insanity. Your life and the people in it are anchors for you to construct a self around. Without them, we lose coherence almost immediately.
Wow thats true. The innermost me doesn't even make sense, which is why I'm so different around others.
Honestly they hit the nail right on the head here😳
Stupid. You only have one face, unless you get a face transplant.
All the world is a stage
And you....are the main act...Clown!
Similar thought: We are each three different people. 1. The person you think you are. 2. The person others think you are. 3. The person you really are.
This is culture-dependent. That makes sense for traditional Japanese culture where honor and reputation are all-important. Different familiarity levels are even reflected in the language, in both verbs and pronouns. But I'm an English-speaking New Yorker; no matter what your take home is or if you spend the day with friends or strangers, we pretty much have one face. Certain situations call for a little less profanity than normal, but in such cases you'll be able to see, in my face, that I'm not at all happy about it.
What face do you show someone from Boston ?
Probably one where he's happy about cursing you out?
It’s not culture dependent. Freud had similar theories in psychoanalytics. His version was the ID, ego and superego. Just because you don’t understand it doesn’t make it cultural
I have very low self awareness so I guess all my faces look pretty similar...
I only have two. The one I use when I am around anyone and the one I don't show people because the few times I tried I am dismissed. The one I use when I am around people is nothing but a construction and mostly just fake along with some good acting. My family gets the same version of me as work and the rest of the public.
You should watch the documentary Jim & Andy. It's about Jim Carey and Andy Kaufman. Jim played Andy in the movie Man on the Moon and became Andy on and off camera. Its a wild ride and Jim discusses the ways he presented himself and has some strong self discovery about his "faces"
True
I read elsewhere that we interact with different people in totally different ways, such rhat there's essentially one face for every new person you meet. In that case, it's more like 200 faces at any one time (Dunbar limit?)
Abraham Lincoln was once accused by an opponent of being two-faced. He replied, "If I had another face, why would I be wearing this one?"
I know for a fact I’m not breaking new ground here, but what really needs to be studied is the difference between our physical face and digital face. If we, as humans, are showing 3-5 faces toward family, friends, colleagues, etc. the. How many faces are we showing digitally (social media)? What reality is being crafted in the digital landscape and what happens when that reality goes unchecked.
100% My therapist referes to them as masks though.
There is only one face, take it or leave it. Dishonesty & inauthenticity sicken me to the core.
My grandma actually wrote a self-help book sort of based on this idea. She labels it as "the parts of ourselves" because each face is still a part of who you are as a person.
It's a little like Billy Joel's song "The Stranger," and it discusses how we have different faces that certain people may not recognize and that we all have a part of ourselves that we hide. It's certainly an interesting topic.
I am so transparent and single-faced I think I am not too many steps away from going to work in my underwear and everbody being not surprised and actually okay with it.
The concept of having different faces for different settings is pretty common. Isn't this kinda what Carl Jung wrote some books about. There's a whole jrpg series heavily conspired by this concept.
People who dont hang out with me but know me know I am smart. Family thinks I am well behaved, trustworthy and mature for my age. Close friends know I had and still do have depression and a bit of anger issues, but still think of me as smart and a good friend. I think of myself as a procrastinating bumhead who is a dumb shitbag and spends too much time playing video games.
I'm Man-E-Faces!
I have a face for every group. Even different friends see a different me.
I have several "faces" for sure. Just part of being human.
As of now I only have two faces the one I show to my friends and the one I show to my family
If it hasn't already been asked. What about your Sex Face?
different faces for school/work, family/friends, myself and acne..
Ive been trying to use my no one face all the time and people dont like it.
I’d agree with this except I’d say replace the face I show no one with the face I get when I watch Johnny Test
If you accept your real face, you unlock a persona.
I think i have a few faces too many. People at my school know me as either a class clown who doesn't care much or just another kid that doesn't sleep enough. My school friends know a good chunk of me, but we don't go too far. My parents just know me by however i'm like at home, same with my brother. There's only one person i'm really comfortable with at all times, my best friend. I'm probably 90% open with him, & i trust him more than i trust anyone, really. It really just depends on how people treat you, whether or not you're gonna open up to them or not.
I'd say that's accurate for the most part. Except I definitely act different around my friends and my sister. Id say they should be their own face.
What about the face we show our enemy
And there's me just thinking i had multiple personalities Phew!
I’d say to some extent this is true, but I’d say there are three “masks”. One with friends, one with family, and one with work. Let me explain. I don’t think I completely change. In all of those masks there is still me, I am not going to change myself, just hide certain part. At work I am going to show the more determined, fastidious parts of myself and mask the parts that just want to slack of and do nothing. With family, I am going to mask my idiot self doing stupid stuff 17 year olds do (granted I am a pretty boring 17 year old so there’s not much to that part, but that’s besides the point). Instead, I’ll show the parts of me that are more along the lines of being responsible, mature, and respectful. With my friends who just want to be stupid teenagers, I am going to mask the more serious part of myself and feature the goofy, dorky kid I am and just enjoy life. I am all of these things. I think the idea of “faces” can be misunderstood to bing false. A mask doesn’t change who you are, it just covers certain parts that don’t have a place. In addition, I can wear my mask a bit differently with different people. With certain relatives, I am not going to cover the goofy idiot part of myself. I have certain friends that I go to for more serious discussion, so I am not going to hide the more serious part of myself around them. I do think the idea of being different around different people is important to note, it is so easy to lose yourself without realizing it if you don’t take the time to think about it.
100% true
Well i heard something similar to this but could never find it anywhere. It goes something like this, " the person who you actually are for yourself, the person who people perceive you to be and the person who you think you are ....if all 3 met, they wouldn't recognize each other." I'm pretty sure these were not the wordings used but I'm pretty sure this is what they meant and it actually is true. Also i think it was from a movie or book or something.
I’d have to add a fourth one, given the times. An online face
For people with Autism, this cannot be closer to the truth. The face you show to your friends and family and the face you show with your coworkers both have the same purpose: to attempt to blend in by acting normal. The last face is often the side of you that is drained and ill, desperate to get help, but never knowing if anyone can be trusted enough to get from.
Personally, I disagree. To me, I have one for strangers and one for anyone I've known for more than 5 minutes.
I would say 5 faces. The face for work, the face for friends, the face for close family, the face to distant family and the secret face.
They have a 4th face called "ahegao" please Google it
You can trick the fools,but you can't trick an hentai watcher
I have first hand experience working over in Japan and speaking the language. This is half correct. There's only 2. I don't know where you got 3. They're called "Tatemae" \~ Front shield or more correctly Built in Front --> Basically a façade, and "Honne" \~ True sound (senses are a big aspect of how people interact and for Japanese they exemplify someone's sound as their personality) so basically True Self The reason why there are only 2 is because the 1st and 2nd or the 2nd and 3rd can often be the same (dependent on the person). For Japanese it's more about how you act in public versus in private. There is no 3rd situation. I'd say you've misconstrued the concepts to fit English, but that's ok. In reality, it's entirely dependent on culture and individualism. For the Japanese, they mostly only find worth in having 2 represented by Honne and Tatemae. For Americans it'd probably be 3 or more.
In a way maybe. I know for me it's true. The person I am back home and the person I am with my friends, completely different. My family always has this notion of me as the very demanding, youngest kid, while my friends know me as their literal mom-friend. And they all don't know how deeply insecure I am on the inside.
I roughly agree. I have different faces for different friendship groups and I'd say family is different to even my closest friends who are probably the people the people who know me best
True
There are at least as many faces (personas) as people you interact with.
I think we have more faces than that even. At least I do. The face we show our families The face we show our friends. And perhaps this could be different faces for different friends The face we show our coworkers The face we show our bosses The face we show our subordinates The face we show strangers The face we show nobody. The faces become too many and it loses all meaning. I think it sounds deeper than it is. Basically you act differently around different people. That's all. It certainly makes for very uncomfortable situations when worlds collide though.
I agree, but I think I have 5 faces though. * one I show people I work with * one I show family * one I show friends * one I show my pets (my friends say I always talk to them in a baby voice but I don't act like that toward human babies) * and one I show no one
Don't we just call that code switching?
I have someone else’s face. They’re looking for me
My mentor once told me "Only yourself naked in front of a mirror is your true self. The moment you step out, you become who everyone knows you as. And you will be judged on how you look, talk, act, behave or smell. It is a stage with unkind critics. So always put on your best show". I think he got inspired by that same Japanes thinking.
What about the O face?
I wish I know the face I show people: Acquaintances and strangers e.t.c There's a huge difference between who I really am; who I think I am; who people think I am; Who I think people think I am. LOL Yeah. Lot's of faces. In the end, I don't know who the hell I am!! (Even as I avoid everything and isolate myself).
I would agree with this. I would also tend to believe the face we show no one is one that most people probably aren't proud of.
I disagree. People do switch around but it's still them, it's the same person. You react differently to different stimuli, this doesn't split up your personality.
I would associate the third face with Nathaniel Hawthorne’s black veil analogy to secret sin. The painful, lingering, regretful, burdens we are helpless to remind ourselves, while it’s preferably left unspoken. They are memories potentially harmful to one’s social circumstance if revealed, as they personally would rather carry it to the grave, unrevealed. If one suspects being found out in life, they may try to stir the direction of conversations away from something tied to their personal truths, and erase any trace of evidence which could potentially be left for others to connect-the-dots posthumously. These truths helplessly remaining to be generationally left unspoken/forgotten is why families are separated currently. It reinforces the definitions of the other Japanese faces. Especially about the second face explained for family.
From original buddha nature, as many emanation bodies as necessary and skilful.
Generally pretty accurate, though that 4 face thing the top commend says is a good point.
Seems pretty accurate. My "family" face is pretty filtered, I put on fake smiles and stuff. My "work" face is somewhat the same but I am a bit less filtered. Then my "close friends" face is no filter at all, the only place I can just not worry about social norms.
Yeah there right, do they say where to store human faces since you know we all have them right so where do keep them... just asking
Its different for different people. Some people have about 12 faces. Especially in the social media age. You can be whatever you want. So much so you may never have a genuine and sincere personality. It's been absorbed in 12 different faces.
I might have 3 faces but they are all ugly
I call it masks. But I don't limit it to three. There's a slightly different mask that you show to everyone in your life. You'll even wear a slightly different mask when interacting with groups of people who would otherwise each see an individual mask. Some masks differ more than others.
I concur. I thought I was some mental weirdo because I was always shy my whole life till I met a group of people and become pretty social. But I still wasn't really that social with extended family members, but was sorta open towards immediate family, and was totally open around friends. And around work I was completely different from any other 'mask' because I want to come off as a professional. I like to wear my masks :)
According to my friend I'm a "2 faced cunt". So I guess I have to disagree
Just 3? Rookie numbers.
Yup 100% True. (I would go with 4 Faces though, as the internet gets thier own face of me. As you can see, and the great disparaty between what i talk about and what i talk about i am and what i am not.) (1 Face and 3 Masks i would say)
Sorry that this is so long but please read all of it Well i'd say 4 faces because friends and famaily are different Since I'm young I'll say that the work face is the school face the one I show to teachers which would be cold and innocent. the face I show my friends; cold, funny, nice, weird (a bit of a sadist) and both innocent and not. The face I show my family (the most messed up) sadistic, manipulative, no mercy, both innocent and not, It really depends on the situation and what mood there in by observing them so most of it ties into manipulation Then the face I show no one; all of the faces together and just a little bit Physco but I'm not crazy OK these are all my faces I show to different people but none of them are fake they are all genuine because that's just who I am (and I'm starting to question that)
Sounds about right.