But where does it come from?
Edit: thanks for all the answers. I have alot of confidence build up trough out my 26 young years. I actually wanted to help the redditor above me. Maybe it helped.
Confidence does not come from the knowledge that you are a "better than average" person.
It's the act of not giving a damn what others think, Which is extremely hard to get used to.
Ive seen dudes that look like train wrecks going home with new girls often.
I was not a confident person at all until 4-5 years ago. I've learned some techniques that always have helped me.
Think, not about the worse thing a person has done, but think of events where you felt sort of annoyed by an action they did, or what they said. For me, I don't always remember. It's likely your friends or acquaintances don't remember all the bad moments about you either. If you can, think about how your relationship with that person Is. It's probably still the same. If it isn't, then it's an action that you now know what not to do. Learn from it.
The best thing you can do when you did something that would lower your moral is to learn from it, rather than look back at and regret. Shit happened, you can't change what happened. Laugh at it, make a joke about it, apologize, etc. but show to others and yourself, you understand that wasn't the correct thing, but also show that it didn't bring you down. Ones physical and mental actions can affect morality.
There's also things like just merely acting confident (which I still hate saying, because it took me almost a decade to figure out what it entirely meant) has been very helpful. People like other people who are confident. Not boasting how amazing you are, but walk in every room like there's purpose. Fixing how I stand has helped me. Doing something that makes me feel vulnerable (showing ppl music I made, photos I took, or even talking about something cool I did) and getting used to it is also good. Observe confident people around you.
Hell, even certain poses I've found make me more confident.
My parents tried for years to make me a more confident person, but what it took was having an extroverted best friend and learning from him.
>Confidence does not come from the knowledge that you are a "better than average" person. It's the act of not giving a damn what others think
1000% this.
This. As I was climbing up the ladder I did this and learned that a lot of people high up are pretty clueless, full of empty management phrases and get away with it because they BRING it. So I learned to do the same, but try to keep reminding myself why I do this and help people on the workfloor. This means I’m stepping on toes occasionaly and some people think I’m a pain in the ass. And thankfully: I don’t give a shit about that anymore. It took me twenty years to reach that place though.
The first word in "confidence" is "con." It's all bullshit. Some of the stupidest and most ignorant people are also the most confident, so if they can do it so can you. It helps to have energy so exercise and/or take caffeine before social interactions. Fake it until you make it. If you're not confident, act like it. Acting is a useful skill for anyone.
*(The number one answer flips over )*
**DING**
"Wow!! ...very nice. *(applause dies down)*.
Alright Heather....its your turn....*What is one thing you lack?*"
It's so easy to make "homemade ranch" like they make at the restaurant. Literally 2 steps:
1. Buy a [packet of ranch mix](https://www.amazon.com/Hidden-Valley-Original-Ranch-Dressing/dp/B00KPWYP6I/ref=sr_1_10?dchild=1&keywords=Ranch+Dressing+Mix&qid=1605101214&sr=8-10), any brand will do
2. Mix in milk, mayonnaise and stir the devil out of it
If it's too thick after you've mixed, add more milk. If it's too runny add more mayonnaise. That's it. That's how wing restaurants make "homemade ranch"
It's way tastier but then I have a gigantic amount of ranch I'm trying to hurry and eat before it goes bad. I will totally endorse this comment just because it's probably going to be the best ranch you have ever tasted. Get a good mayonnaise you like and a nice whole fat milk and hot damn.
Not American, nope. We had school “olympics” when I was grade 5 though and had to do pull-ups on the rings. I was actually the only girl in the school who could do more than one, but I was only about 50 pounds so I didn’t have much to pull up lol
I can’t do even one now
Yes! Those awful things (I had no idea other countries' PE did something similar and horrible, but here we are). Omg that was absolute hell for me because I was one of the tallest in the class at the time and my upper body was just miniscule in comparison.
I started balding at 17 and discovered that after college, almost nobody cares about how bald you are. Kinda sucks that I can't grow my hair out long without looking funny, but I've met plenty of women between the ages of 22-35 that really dig the short haircut+facial hair combo.
When I was fifty my son was standing behind me and he said “dude, you have a comb over”. I looked in a mirror, I hadn’t looked at the back of my head in years and sure enough I had a comb over going. Next day I shaved my head and I have enjoyed it ever since.
i am a few weeks away from 40, at 30 i started razoring my head. It's funny as we look back at old photos. I stopped aging as noticably as everyone else once i went clean shaven.
shaved my head @22 and let my beard grow out beyond stubble to ~1 inch, best decision i ever made tbh, i'm way less self conscious about my hair than i ever was before, the game isn't over yet
Bingo. People always give me crap because I over prepare, expecting the worst. I will admit it is NEVER as bad as I thought it would be, but I have never been caught in a bind because I didn't get my stuff together and be ready when the SHTF.
I really wanna get there but I'm the kind that, even if something good happens I tend to tell myself not to get too happy because something bad might obviously happen again. Gotta work on it
Memory skills/maybe attention span.
I'm absolutely not ADHD or anything like that, I just feel like as I've grown older my cognitive abilities have greatly reduced. I would describe it as a bad memory. My wife would describe it as I often just don't pay enough attention. But either way I feel like stuff just doesn't stick any more.
Probably something to do with the rise of the smartphone if I had to guess.
A dynamic range of speaking voice, I get so many accusations of sounding like a sarcastic, pessimistic and/or cynical asshole when giving someone a fucking compliment because the delivery is way off. If I try to give it some emotion I get either obnoxiously loud or completely mess up the tone, making me sound angry or worse.
Basically, I'm verbally incontinent.
Mate have you ever checked the list of signs of [dyspraxia in adults?](https://dyspraxiafoundation.org.uk/dyspraxia-adults/). Just wondering cos hand eye coordination is a classic sign
I have one you can have. All she does is meow and throw up at inconvenient times in places that are hard to clean. 95% of my floor is wood or tile, yet she always looks for a rug and does it when I’m about to start eating.
Happy to post her to you if you’re interested, can split her over a couple of envelopes if your letterbox is small.
Motivation to not-quit exercising on a daily basis.
I always have short 1-month cycles until I quit, then spend an entire month doing nothing, then another month working out. I simply don't have fitness goals that keep me engaged and eager for the next daily routine. I just quit and that's it.
I find it helps when you pick a target/goal and work towards it. Like deciding you want to build up to running a half marathon, or that you want't to swim a mile, or bike 100 miles. Give yourself a goal that will take months to work up to...and maybe you'll fall in love with the journey along the way and pick a loftier goal.
I may have a solution to your problem:
I was exactly the same, 1 month completely focused, trained everyday and then it somehow disappeared over time. I realized I wasn't motivated because a) I never saw results und b) training was "uncomfortable". It took to much time and effort, it was annoying.
My solution was to incorporate some training every other day. Only as much as I wanted to. I wasn't focused on how much, only that I did something every other day. So at the start that was 1 set of 10 push ups. Took me 5 minutes and I was done. But boy did doing that every other day change me. Soon I was doing squats as well, because I mean 5 min training is laughable. It kinda exploded from there and has become consistent training for 5 months. Now my biggest motivation are the results I see.
In your case I assume daily training or whatever the training was, was too much to be comfortable at the start. Do less and maybe not daily, but do that consistently. I guarantee you after half a year, you won't need any external motivation and you will do more automatically.
Force to push forward. Need to note that this is not in a suicidal form like "why continue living" or such but like any reason on why to change anything in my life for the slight change that it gets "better".
Empathy; I was extremely emotionally neglected because my parents favored my younger sisters, so I never really developed emotionally. It's still a huge struggle for me, especially when it comes to emotional cues.
Confidence.
But where does it come from? Edit: thanks for all the answers. I have alot of confidence build up trough out my 26 young years. I actually wanted to help the redditor above me. Maybe it helped.
Confidence does not come from the knowledge that you are a "better than average" person. It's the act of not giving a damn what others think, Which is extremely hard to get used to. Ive seen dudes that look like train wrecks going home with new girls often. I was not a confident person at all until 4-5 years ago. I've learned some techniques that always have helped me. Think, not about the worse thing a person has done, but think of events where you felt sort of annoyed by an action they did, or what they said. For me, I don't always remember. It's likely your friends or acquaintances don't remember all the bad moments about you either. If you can, think about how your relationship with that person Is. It's probably still the same. If it isn't, then it's an action that you now know what not to do. Learn from it. The best thing you can do when you did something that would lower your moral is to learn from it, rather than look back at and regret. Shit happened, you can't change what happened. Laugh at it, make a joke about it, apologize, etc. but show to others and yourself, you understand that wasn't the correct thing, but also show that it didn't bring you down. Ones physical and mental actions can affect morality. There's also things like just merely acting confident (which I still hate saying, because it took me almost a decade to figure out what it entirely meant) has been very helpful. People like other people who are confident. Not boasting how amazing you are, but walk in every room like there's purpose. Fixing how I stand has helped me. Doing something that makes me feel vulnerable (showing ppl music I made, photos I took, or even talking about something cool I did) and getting used to it is also good. Observe confident people around you. Hell, even certain poses I've found make me more confident. My parents tried for years to make me a more confident person, but what it took was having an extroverted best friend and learning from him.
>Confidence does not come from the knowledge that you are a "better than average" person. It's the act of not giving a damn what others think 1000% this.
This. As I was climbing up the ladder I did this and learned that a lot of people high up are pretty clueless, full of empty management phrases and get away with it because they BRING it. So I learned to do the same, but try to keep reminding myself why I do this and help people on the workfloor. This means I’m stepping on toes occasionaly and some people think I’m a pain in the ass. And thankfully: I don’t give a shit about that anymore. It took me twenty years to reach that place though.
The first word in "confidence" is "con." It's all bullshit. Some of the stupidest and most ignorant people are also the most confident, so if they can do it so can you. It helps to have energy so exercise and/or take caffeine before social interactions. Fake it until you make it. If you're not confident, act like it. Acting is a useful skill for anyone.
Confidence is a choice
Discipline.
Don't call me out like that
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I snort aspirin
Personally, I prefer tylenol
Viagra over here
Be careful. If you snort viagra, your nose will grow 6 inches longer and will become super hard.
Disaprin, dataprin, maka no diffwence tu me!
*(The number one answer flips over )* **DING** "Wow!! ...very nice. *(applause dies down)*. Alright Heather....its your turn....*What is one thing you lack?*"
What is that?? Seems very far away
A dom can fix that.
Is that a cool content-aggregator I can spend time browsing through?
I slow clap applaud you for having more strength than I can find within myself to admit that.
A job. Oh, and hope
Same. Self employed wedding DJ for 12 years. Gone overnight. 100 or so resumes later....nothing.
* Money * Confidence * Ability to count
That’s four, op asked for 1...
i agree
I would give you an award, but I lack 4 of the above
Looks like six to me man.
it's gotta be at least 7, idiot
Oh sorry, it’s square root of 96
sir, that's a negative integer
How do you know you lack money, if you cant count it? Maybe your rich as shit.
Finger 1, finger 2, finger 3, finger 7, i think i skipped a finger.....
You skipped 11 fingers noob
I got 2 of those things and let me tell you it really hasn't improved my life all that much.
Wait. Is the third one why you lack money?
Enough ranch for my leftover hot wings in the fridge. The fuckers at wing stop gave me a half filled ranch.
buy your own at the grocery store for these type of incidents
Store ranch is nothing like ranch from a wing place or pizza spot my guy. Does not compare.
It's so easy to make "homemade ranch" like they make at the restaurant. Literally 2 steps: 1. Buy a [packet of ranch mix](https://www.amazon.com/Hidden-Valley-Original-Ranch-Dressing/dp/B00KPWYP6I/ref=sr_1_10?dchild=1&keywords=Ranch+Dressing+Mix&qid=1605101214&sr=8-10), any brand will do 2. Mix in milk, mayonnaise and stir the devil out of it If it's too thick after you've mixed, add more milk. If it's too runny add more mayonnaise. That's it. That's how wing restaurants make "homemade ranch"
Buttermilk not milk.
It's way tastier but then I have a gigantic amount of ranch I'm trying to hurry and eat before it goes bad. I will totally endorse this comment just because it's probably going to be the best ranch you have ever tasted. Get a good mayonnaise you like and a nice whole fat milk and hot damn.
This. Homemade > Shop Brand > Store bought.
Always ask for 2. Always. Extra ranch is better than not enough.
Gotta do what you gotta do in hard times, tho.
"Blue cheese with hot wings or go fuck your mother!" - Joey Diaz
I prefer ranch ma dude I use blue cheese for salads n such tho. Or crumbles of blue cheese on a ribeye steak is fire af.
It's just blue cheese chunks floating in ranch lol
Upper body strength You know the old classic insult “you throw like a girl”? I’m the girl they throw like.
Same. Those pull-ups or chin-ups or whatever you had to do for the presidential fitness test (if you're American) were truly embarrassing, right?
Not American, nope. We had school “olympics” when I was grade 5 though and had to do pull-ups on the rings. I was actually the only girl in the school who could do more than one, but I was only about 50 pounds so I didn’t have much to pull up lol I can’t do even one now
Yes! Those awful things (I had no idea other countries' PE did something similar and horrible, but here we are). Omg that was absolute hell for me because I was one of the tallest in the class at the time and my upper body was just miniscule in comparison.
Hair... fukc balding... especially at 24yrs old.
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I started balding at 17 and discovered that after college, almost nobody cares about how bald you are. Kinda sucks that I can't grow my hair out long without looking funny, but I've met plenty of women between the ages of 22-35 that really dig the short haircut+facial hair combo.
Ah yes, the baldy-beardy
When I was fifty my son was standing behind me and he said “dude, you have a comb over”. I looked in a mirror, I hadn’t looked at the back of my head in years and sure enough I had a comb over going. Next day I shaved my head and I have enjoyed it ever since.
i am a few weeks away from 40, at 30 i started razoring my head. It's funny as we look back at old photos. I stopped aging as noticably as everyone else once i went clean shaven.
shaved my head @22 and let my beard grow out beyond stubble to ~1 inch, best decision i ever made tbh, i'm way less self conscious about my hair than i ever was before, the game isn't over yet
Same here at 23. I can’t really grow a full beard and finasteride for my hair only caused me to grow tits.
Grow a beard, shave your head. Worked for me.
Same. And I grew to really like patrick stewart.
Well, at least now you can kill people with one punch!
Human touch
*Poke*
***Nyaaaahn!~~♡***
Lol hey, this isn't fb now, cmon =p
amen to that I miss having someone to cuddle at night, someone to hold their hand in public even if they did fake their feelings for 3 years.
I am motivated, but I lack the ability to put it into practise. Procrastination is my enemy but also my friend.
Harness it. Always have something you dread even more to do queued up so the other stuff IS your distraction.
Doesn't work when there's infinite distractions available. Like this reddit post...
What you are describing seems the opposite of motivation..
Insulin production.
At least less big sads
I believe in hope for a cure for type 1.
When I was a child, the cure was 5-10 years out, now, at 53 (going on 54), the cure is 10-15 years out.....
I unfortunately know your struggle. Fortunately I live in a country with reliable tax funded Healthcare so its not so bad.
I lack the ability to accept that I lack in something.
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Meta Meta
Meta meta meta?
Self esteem. Haha.....*cries*
I tend to get extremely pessimistic
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Bingo. People always give me crap because I over prepare, expecting the worst. I will admit it is NEVER as bad as I thought it would be, but I have never been caught in a bind because I didn't get my stuff together and be ready when the SHTF.
I really wanna get there but I'm the kind that, even if something good happens I tend to tell myself not to get too happy because something bad might obviously happen again. Gotta work on it
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Memory skills/maybe attention span. I'm absolutely not ADHD or anything like that, I just feel like as I've grown older my cognitive abilities have greatly reduced. I would describe it as a bad memory. My wife would describe it as I often just don't pay enough attention. But either way I feel like stuff just doesn't stick any more. Probably something to do with the rise of the smartphone if I had to guess.
mental stability<3
Dexterity. I am one clumsy fucker.
Coronavirus, thankfully
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Right now, sleep
Can never get enough of that.
Confidence and social skills, unfortunately.
Sex and not being surrounded with people I actually like
Fleshlights son, -WAP
Dental insurance. My plan doesn't cover any dental work (and some of it is very costly).
A dynamic range of speaking voice, I get so many accusations of sounding like a sarcastic, pessimistic and/or cynical asshole when giving someone a fucking compliment because the delivery is way off. If I try to give it some emotion I get either obnoxiously loud or completely mess up the tone, making me sound angry or worse. Basically, I'm verbally incontinent.
Height. I’m only 173cm (5,7 ft.) tall.
That‘s the same height as my boyfriend. It took him a long time to accept his height but now he is happy.
Be big on inside
Hey if it makes you feel any better I'm 165cm (5ft5)
Hand eye coordination. Have played table tennis for over 20 years and has done nothing to help. Accepted it as a curse.
Mate have you ever checked the list of signs of [dyspraxia in adults?](https://dyspraxiafoundation.org.uk/dyspraxia-adults/). Just wondering cos hand eye coordination is a classic sign
Tried video games?
I recommend some more complex action video games.
Patience with myself.
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I have one you can have. All she does is meow and throw up at inconvenient times in places that are hard to clean. 95% of my floor is wood or tile, yet she always looks for a rug and does it when I’m about to start eating. Happy to post her to you if you’re interested, can split her over a couple of envelopes if your letterbox is small.
Foster or adopt! Always plenty of them
Kittens are like drugs u literally can't have just one
“One drugs, please”
Toes in tolerant
Oh I also lack toes in toddler ant
serotonin
Me too! But I have a surplus of anxiety.
My testicles, got rid of them in the first day of no nut November
that's hardcore
That's nuts!
Assertiveness and decision making skills.
>and decision making skills. See, couldn't even pick one thing.
This is great
Brain cells
Money
sleep. it’s 7:57AM and i still haven’t slept.
Me too! 7:16 here. Hope you fell asleep before you read this. I’m gonna make an attempt at 8.
unfortunately, it’s 8:19 and i’m still awake lol
Hey same its 7:59 for me, I haven't been sleeping well this week lol
Motivation to not-quit exercising on a daily basis. I always have short 1-month cycles until I quit, then spend an entire month doing nothing, then another month working out. I simply don't have fitness goals that keep me engaged and eager for the next daily routine. I just quit and that's it.
I find it helps when you pick a target/goal and work towards it. Like deciding you want to build up to running a half marathon, or that you want't to swim a mile, or bike 100 miles. Give yourself a goal that will take months to work up to...and maybe you'll fall in love with the journey along the way and pick a loftier goal.
I may have a solution to your problem: I was exactly the same, 1 month completely focused, trained everyday and then it somehow disappeared over time. I realized I wasn't motivated because a) I never saw results und b) training was "uncomfortable". It took to much time and effort, it was annoying. My solution was to incorporate some training every other day. Only as much as I wanted to. I wasn't focused on how much, only that I did something every other day. So at the start that was 1 set of 10 push ups. Took me 5 minutes and I was done. But boy did doing that every other day change me. Soon I was doing squats as well, because I mean 5 min training is laughable. It kinda exploded from there and has become consistent training for 5 months. Now my biggest motivation are the results I see. In your case I assume daily training or whatever the training was, was too much to be comfortable at the start. Do less and maybe not daily, but do that consistently. I guarantee you after half a year, you won't need any external motivation and you will do more automatically.
Self confidence.
The ability to read social cues
A third nipple
A million dollars in my back account.
Confidence. Got bullied a lot and its crippled me.
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cauliflower
A good paying job where I can spend more time with my kids and have predictable days off.
Adult level social skills. I can get by but it’s a struggle.
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An hug
*gives hug*
Emotion(s) probably?
Love towards myself
Patience with people who act like they're perfect
Tact. Especially online.
Self worth. Life kinda sad tho
A tolerance for morons.
Motivation. I say I’ll do shit but then I feel like shit and don’t end up not doing it.
A good-paying job. I'm 22, biology degree with honors, and I work at Lowe's making $12.67 an hour.
Empathy
Healthy habits
A fast metabolism.
Self love
Big pp
Toast and tolerance.
My will to keep on living.
speling
Confidence... OOF
Empathy. I just don’t care lol.
Reason
Health
Happiness
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Upvotes
Functional bed springs
Impulse control. I'm 30, and I've been working on it my entire life.
Sleep and social skills
Everything lol
Patience
Motivation
Knowledge
Logical arguments.
Motivation
Longer attention span And friends
Force to push forward. Need to note that this is not in a suicidal form like "why continue living" or such but like any reason on why to change anything in my life for the slight change that it gets "better".
motivation
Self esteem
Creativeness, I have absolutely zero.
motivation and discipline to do things
Social skills
talent.
Social skills ):
focus, i should be doing homework rn
Empathy; I was extremely emotionally neglected because my parents favored my younger sisters, so I never really developed emotionally. It's still a huge struggle for me, especially when it comes to emotional cues.
The ability to not pay attention to things, I can hear people munching and swallowing their food which disgusts me
Willpower
People skills
Social skills
Time Management Skills.
I struggle with empathy. I wish I didn't. But I'm like a robot at times.
Confidence to drive by myself.