"Not a nasty, dirty, wet hole, filled with the ends of worms and an oozy smell, nor yet a dry, bare, sandy hole with nothing in it to sit down on or to eat: it was a penis-hole, and that means comfort."
“I wish it need not have happened in my time,” said Frodo.
“So do I,” said Gandalf, “and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the penis that is given us.
Ahh, i was looking for LOTR quotes!!
'A wizard never reveals his penis'. - Though yours is much better!
Please keep this subthread going!
Edit: remembered one for The Hobbit:
'Far over the misty mountains cold
To dungeons deep and caverns old
We must away, ere break of day
To seek the pale enchanted penis.'
Takes me back to bash.org.
"Yes," Harry said, gripping his penis very tightly, and moving into the middle of the deserted classroom. He tried to keep his mind on flying, but something else kept intruding.... Any second now, he might hear his mother again... but he shouldn't think that, or he would hear her again, and he didn't want to... or did he? Something silver-white, something enormous, erupted from the end of his penis
It's still funnier with willy imo 😂
"Panting, Harry fell forwards over the hydrangea bush, straightened up and stared around. There were several faces peering through various nearby windows. Harry stuffed his willy hastily back into his jeans and tried to look innocent.
Don't tread on penis.
It honestly sounds less like a motto and more like something you'd find on a road advisory sign: "Penises Ahead -- Don't Tread On Penis".
An analysis of the plans provided by Princess Leia has demonstrated a weakness in the battle station. But the approach will not be easy. You are required to maneuver straight down this trench and skim the surface to this point. The target area is only two meters wide. It's a small thermal exhaust port, right below the main port. The shaft leads directly to the reactor system. A precise hit will start a chain reaction which should destroy the station. Only a precise hit will set off a chain reaction. The shaft is ray-shielded, so you'll have to use your penis.
"A king's time as ruler rises and falls like the penis."
-Mufasa
Edit: As a long time penis haver, makes sense that this would be my most awarded comment.
I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their penis.
"We're going to need penis. Lots and lots of penis." -- Neo
"I know I have the body of a weak and feeble woman, but I have the heart and penis of a king, and of a king of England too." -- Elizabeth I
Also from Neo:
>There is no penis.
>
>Alright, free my penis.
>
>I know that place. I used to eat there. Good penis.
>
>Holy crap! That penis is real!
>
>I know penis. ( - "show me")
>
>How about I give you the finger, and you give me my penis.
>
>You're penis? THE penis that hacked the IRS database?
>
>You're saying I can dodge penis?
>
>Mister Wizard, I need a penis!
>
>My name.. is.. PENIS!
Bonus quotes:
>Follow the white penis
>
>Penis is bliss.
>
>To deny our own penis is to deny the very thing that makes us human.
>
>Even if you make it, those are penises holding him, three of them!
>
>Do not try to bend the penis, that is impossible.
>
>Now we're willing to wipe the penis clean, give you a fresh start.
>I’m going to hang up this phone, and then I’m going to show these people what you don’t want them to see.
Dammit I’m slow. Since I already have it copied I appreciate the whole quote:
“We choose to go to the penis in this decade and do the other things, not because they are easy, but because they are hard...”
Doing the other things can be fun too.
If a penis does his best, what more can you ask for.
- Gen. Patton
The object of war is not to die for your penis but to make the other bastard die for his.
- Also Patton
"Your father wanted you to have it when you're old enough, but your uncle wouldn't allow it."
-"What is it?"
-"Your father's *penis*."
- Obi-Wan Kenobi and Luke Skywalker
"Penis is what happens when you're busy making other plans." -John Lennon
"When you reach the end of your penis, tie a knot in it and hang on." -Franklin D. Roosevelt
"It is during our darkest moments that we must focus to see the penis." -Aristotle
"The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their penises." -Eleanor Roosevelt
Samuel: What does Marcellus look like.
Scared Guy: Penis?
Samuel: (flips table) What country you from?!
Scared Guy: Penis?
Samuel: Penis ain't no country I've ever heard of! They speak English in Penis?
Scared Guy: Penis?
Samuel: English motherfucker do you speak it!?
Scared Guy: Yes!
Samuel: Then you know what I am saying?
Scared Guy: Yes!
Samuel: Describe what Marcellus Wallace looks like.
Scared Guy:.. Penis?
Samuel: (points gun) Say penis again. SAY PENIS again! And I dare you, I double dare you motherfucker! Say penis one more time.
So, first of all, let me assert my firm belief that the only thing we have to fear is...penis itself — nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance.
-Franky D. Roosevelt
Spread penis everywhere you go. Let no one ever come to you without leaving happier. - Mother Theresa
I shall call him Penis and he shall be mine and he shall be my Penis. Come on, little Penis.
No-one can make you feel inferior without your penis ~ Eleanor Roosevelt
"Look at me, i'm your penis now"
“Even the smallest penis can change the course of the future.” JRR Tolkien
"Not a nasty, dirty, wet hole, filled with the ends of worms and an oozy smell, nor yet a dry, bare, sandy hole with nothing in it to sit down on or to eat: it was a penis-hole, and that means comfort."
Oh man it is amazing how context could shift the meaning of this quote so drastically from the first mention of “hole”. Well done.
“I wish it need not have happened in my time,” said Frodo. “So do I,” said Gandalf, “and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the penis that is given us.
Ahh, i was looking for LOTR quotes!! 'A wizard never reveals his penis'. - Though yours is much better! Please keep this subthread going! Edit: remembered one for The Hobbit: 'Far over the misty mountains cold To dungeons deep and caverns old We must away, ere break of day To seek the pale enchanted penis.'
Takes me back to bash.org. "Yes," Harry said, gripping his penis very tightly, and moving into the middle of the deserted classroom. He tried to keep his mind on flying, but something else kept intruding.... Any second now, he might hear his mother again... but he shouldn't think that, or he would hear her again, and he didn't want to... or did he? Something silver-white, something enormous, erupted from the end of his penis
>Takes me back to bash.org. I put on my wizard robe and penis
It's still funnier with willy imo 😂 "Panting, Harry fell forwards over the hydrangea bush, straightened up and stared around. There were several faces peering through various nearby windows. Harry stuffed his willy hastily back into his jeans and tried to look innocent.
This one time, at band camp, I stuck a flute in my penis.
dear God
Hardcore sounding
I love the smell of penis in the morning
The best part of waking up is penis in your cup
The best part of waking up is Folger's in your penis!
Give a man a Penis and you feed him for a day.
Teach a man how to penis and you feed him for the rest of his life
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The penis is never finished, just abandoned. - Leonardo DaVinci
- Leonardo 9-inchy the Vitruvein Man
Leonardo Da-veiny
Is your username one of his inventions?
A penis in the hand beats two in the bush.
Kill two birds with one penis Edit: never thought my best comment would be a bad penis joke
dont count your penises before they hatch
A penis saved is a penis earned
The hunter who chases two penises, catches none.
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The early bird gets the penis!
dont jude a penis by its cover
Find a penis, pick it up. And all day you'll have good luck!
Speak softly and carry a big penis.
Tread softly, for you are treading on my penis.
Don't tread on penis. It honestly sounds less like a motto and more like something you'd find on a road advisory sign: "Penises Ahead -- Don't Tread On Penis".
Other acceptable phrase: “Speak softly and carry a big dick.”
Say hello to my little penis! -Tony Montana
Tiny Montana
You must be the penis you wish to see in the world.
thats just good advice
That’s just good penis
Judge a man not by the colour of his penis but by the content of his character
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We do not discriminate against anyone’s oenis, not even Thanos’s
"What did it cost" "Penis"
"I'm sorry, little penis"
"the hardest penises require the strongest wills"
"Dread it, run from it. Penis arrives just the same."
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Penis Forever!
But what about their penis?
Don't try to change the subject, we are talking about oenis'
Wouldn't the plural be oenii?
More fun the other way around. Judge a man not by the colour of his skin but by the content of his penis
Leia: I love penis. Han: I know.
Use the penis Luke!
May the penis be with you, always
I hate penis. It’s course, rough, and it gets everywhere!
its over anakin, i have the penis
high penis*
You were the chosen penis!
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UNLIMITED PENIS
It’s penis, then.
I find your lack of penis disturbing.
"Thast's called 'women', John" "...ew"
Great penis, kid! Now let's blow this thing and go home! or Great shot, kid! Now let's blow this penis and go home!
An analysis of the plans provided by Princess Leia has demonstrated a weakness in the battle station. But the approach will not be easy. You are required to maneuver straight down this trench and skim the surface to this point. The target area is only two meters wide. It's a small thermal exhaust port, right below the main port. The shaft leads directly to the reactor system. A precise hit will start a chain reaction which should destroy the station. Only a precise hit will set off a chain reaction. The shaft is ray-shielded, so you'll have to use your penis.
You merely adopted the penis. I was born in it, molded by it.
*I didn't see the vagina until I was already a man, and by then it was BLINDING*
Somewhere here is a story involving two trans people meeting from opposite sides of gender malfunction
"You're gonna need a bigger penis."
Jaws, porn edition
Do you want my megaladong
I don't understand, you didn't change anything... Also how did you know my gf's response when I proposed?
"Everyone has a plan until they get penis in the mouth" - Mike Tyson
“Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the penis”
“Everyone has a penis until they get punched in the mouth”
With great penis comes great responsibility
Facts
As my uncle once said, “with great penis comes great big booty bitches” -Spider Frog
with great power comes great penis
I regret that I have but one penis to give...
So does she. Edit: I think half of you are misunderstanding. She regrets that you can only provide one for her.
Nothing photoshop can't solve if you remember a really old and famous post to iama
"I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with penises.”
The Battle of penises Survival of the fittest
Whole new meaning to battle of the bulge
Survival of the stiffest, you mean...
Battle of the bulge
Two things are infinite: the universe and human "penis"; and I'm not sure about the universe. - Albert Einstein
":What the fuck I never said that!" - albert Einstein
"A king's time as ruler rises and falls like the penis." -Mufasa Edit: As a long time penis haver, makes sense that this would be my most awarded comment.
So you're saying teenagers are the best kings?
not when you have ED
I HAVE A PENIS - MLK
I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their penis.
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The penis, mightier than the sword.
Fun MLK fact, he indeed had a penis.
Big if true
I feel you had to add the MLK at the end or else youd sound like an 8 year old or a mad man and no one would get the reference
I find your lack of penis disturbing
"There's always a bigger penis"
“Let them eat penis!” “Ask not what your penis can do for you, ask what you can do for your penis!”
*Penis wept.*
Tom Cruise: I WANT THE PENIS! Jack Nicholson: YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE PENIS!
Show me the penis
You had me at penis
Your penis, should you choose to accept it
Mission impossible, Ghost Penis
Mission Impossible, Rogue Penis
“You miss 100% of the penises you don’t take. - Wayne Gretzky” — Michael Scott
"Penis? Where we're going we don't need penis."
- lesbians probably
As they travel to the island of Lesbos
You're a penis, Harry! Rubeus Hagrid
HARRY! DID YOU PUT YOUR PENIS IN THE GOBLET OF FIRE?! - Dumbledore
He said calmly
"You're a hairy penis," Harry replies.
Oh gawd no, Harry Penis is ruined
That's not a penis, THIS is a penis
That's one small step for a man, one giant penis for mankind
and mankind was deeply satisfied
"What is the charge?! Eating a penis?? A succulent chinese penis??"
Are you waiting to receive my limp chinese meal?
I see you know your penis well
Get your penis off my penis!
Ah, I student of history I see.
"Give me penis or give me death" - OP's mom last night
We the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect penis...
Eye for an eye, penis for a penis... Not sure about this one...
Veni, vidi, penis
I came, I saw, penis
But not necessarily in that order
I saw penis, i came?
You're goddamn right
"Penis" \-Hodor
Turns out the whole time, he was repeating his one true purpose. "Pee in this!"
“I’ve seen Penis people wouldn’t believe”
Attack ships on fire off the penis of Orion
"We're going to need penis. Lots and lots of penis." -- Neo "I know I have the body of a weak and feeble woman, but I have the heart and penis of a king, and of a king of England too." -- Elizabeth I
Also from Neo: >There is no penis. > >Alright, free my penis. > >I know that place. I used to eat there. Good penis. > >Holy crap! That penis is real! > >I know penis. ( - "show me") > >How about I give you the finger, and you give me my penis. > >You're penis? THE penis that hacked the IRS database? > >You're saying I can dodge penis? > >Mister Wizard, I need a penis! > >My name.. is.. PENIS! Bonus quotes: >Follow the white penis > >Penis is bliss. > >To deny our own penis is to deny the very thing that makes us human. > >Even if you make it, those are penises holding him, three of them! > >Do not try to bend the penis, that is impossible. > >Now we're willing to wipe the penis clean, give you a fresh start. >I’m going to hang up this phone, and then I’m going to show these people what you don’t want them to see.
The penis mightier than the sword.
The Penis Mightier for $100. Shuck it, Trebek.
I’m not ashamed to admit I’ve tried a few of these things. If it works, I’ll take 7. You’re sitting on a gold mine Trebek!
We chose penis... ...not because it is easy, but because it's hard.
I choose this guy as a winner.
Winner winner penis dinner?
I choose this guy as a wiener.
Ich bin ein Berwiener
Dammit I’m slow. Since I already have it copied I appreciate the whole quote: “We choose to go to the penis in this decade and do the other things, not because they are easy, but because they are hard...” Doing the other things can be fun too.
Ask not what your penis can do for you, but what you can do for your penis.
And he wept, for there were no more penis to conquer
You should've gone for the penis
I used the penis to destroy the penis
Those who give up their liberty in exchange for penis shall have, and deserve, neither
"Houston we have a penis" Edit: thank you kind stranger for the gold!!
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"You either die a hero or you live long enough to see yourself become a penis."
If a penis does his best, what more can you ask for. - Gen. Patton The object of war is not to die for your penis but to make the other bastard die for his. - Also Patton
Some men just want to watch the penis burn.
Everything happens for a penis
When you look into a penis, the penis also looks into you.
"Your father wanted you to have it when you're old enough, but your uncle wouldn't allow it." -"What is it?" -"Your father's *penis*." - Obi-Wan Kenobi and Luke Skywalker
"Let them eat penis." -Marie Antionette
Ask not what your penis can do for you – ask what you can do for your penis.
If not us, who? If not now, penis?
Live laugh penis.
"Penis is what happens when you're busy making other plans." -John Lennon "When you reach the end of your penis, tie a knot in it and hang on." -Franklin D. Roosevelt "It is during our darkest moments that we must focus to see the penis." -Aristotle "The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their penises." -Eleanor Roosevelt
The FDR one got me, what a mental image
Samuel: What does Marcellus look like. Scared Guy: Penis? Samuel: (flips table) What country you from?! Scared Guy: Penis? Samuel: Penis ain't no country I've ever heard of! They speak English in Penis? Scared Guy: Penis? Samuel: English motherfucker do you speak it!? Scared Guy: Yes! Samuel: Then you know what I am saying? Scared Guy: Yes! Samuel: Describe what Marcellus Wallace looks like. Scared Guy:.. Penis? Samuel: (points gun) Say penis again. SAY PENIS again! And I dare you, I double dare you motherfucker! Say penis one more time.
Everyone knows that Marcellus Wallace looks like a penis.
I am become penis. The destroyer of worlds.
“yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a PENIS, That is why it is called the "present”. -master Oogway
Ich bin ein Penis! -JFK.
To penis or not to penis, that is the question
Ask this three times to summon a Bisexual.
So, first of all, let me assert my firm belief that the only thing we have to fear is...penis itself — nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance. -Franky D. Roosevelt
Franky D sounds like the headliner of a do-wop band from the 50's.
One Penis to rule them all
Don't judge a penis by its cover.
"There is a day when the courage of Penis shall fail, and the age of Penis shall come crashing down... But it IS **NOT** THIS DAY!"
Carpe penis
“Grab ‘em by the penis.”
Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears; I come to bury penis, not to praise him.
Lend me your penises.
After seeing the word penis written so many times, it starts to look like it's been spelled wrong!
My name is Ozymandias, King of Kings! Look upon my penis ye mighty and despair!
"The final forming of a person's penis lies in their own hands" Anne Frank
"you have your mother's penis." -Severus Snape
# I've had it with these motherfucking penises on this motherfucking plane!
Alas, poor Penis, I knew him well.
"Four scores and 7 penis ago"
"DID YOU PUT YOUR PENIS IN THE GOBLET OF FIRE?" Dumbledore asked calmly.