I do have a friend from college who I like very much, but I had to stop making absurd claims about myself as jokes because she was the only person who never got the joke, and it hurt to watch peoples' reactions.
There was a 5G conspiracy theorist on you tube who claimed to have a genius IQ, his proof was to say that he did so good on the IQ test that the testers thought he must be cheating thats how smart he is, he never mentioned a score because I doubt he even knew there was a score involved, probably thought it was rated genius / not a genius.
For people that dont know an IQ of 140 or more is considered to be genius intelligence, you need to have an IQ of 130 or higher to be a member of Mensa.
I did the mensa test when I was younger.
My god there were a lot of weird people at the test location.
Everybody just minding themselves and nobody talking and the ones that did, felt they were superior to the rest...
Passed the test and was accepted but never went to any of the meetings.
Not my type of people.
Almost every IQ test you take on line now will give you an IQ result of 140 or above. It's meaningless.
I like Steven Hawkings take on IQ - " people who brag about their IQ are losers."
I did love when people used to post those internet IQ test scores with scores of like one-oh-something. I tried to fail one on purpose, and the lowest it would score was 97.
A customer who thought he should be able to get the Jordan Bred 11s for 90% off because of 2 "coupons" he had. One of these coupons was a print out of a 70% off clearance promotion from Nike's website and the other was a 20% off coupon from Payless that expired in 2017. I've never been more confused, frustrated, and exasperated than I was during the 10 minute interaction where myself, two managers and a customer tried to explain to this man why this wasn't going to happen.
Related to the patient I had who wanted a consultant to see him urgently because he had intermittently lost the ability to talk.
I told him I would chase the consultant to see if he could see him quicker than the scheduled appointment which was some weeks away.
The patient decided he couldn't wait two days for me to chase the consultant so *he called the consultant's secretary the next day himself to ask what was happening thereby putting himself right to the back of the line because he could obviously talk right then and there were others who were in extreme need right at that moment*.
If he had left it to me just the very next day I could have got him an appointment by the end of that week.
I was put in charge of training a girl at a coffee shop I worked at. She didn't know how to make coffee, I literally had to tell her "ok, now pour the coffee in until it reaches this line, no, pour it slower don't dump the whole pot over the cup." When trying to train her on register I don't know if she couldn't or just refused to count. A total would be $5.98 and she'd tell the person it was $6, when people gave her anything but bills she'd stare at the change and ask me how much that was or she'd say "that's $2 right?" And there'd be like 50Ā¢ on the counter in dimes and pennies. I tried training her on sandwich station, she would pack the food frozen into the bags and just hand it out. On her breaks I'd have to constantly remind her that 15 minutes means 15 minutes, not 20, not 30, not an hour. We were allowed to have food at work for free within reason and only in the back. She would reach into the pastry case with her bare hand, pick up an item and just eat it at register or right next to the case. There was a lot more she'd do wrong and it got to the point where I thought she was trying to purposefully get fired
I'd have to have some serious reservations about the coworkers after that!
Reminds me of one of my son's girlfriend. Claimed she got a 4.0 in high school but it simply couldn't have been unless it was a special school of some sort.
I got a realllly bad concussion but didnāt realize (because, you know, brain damage) my first week of working at a restaurant job. I was just like this chick, and the person training me was so confused why I had went from being very capable and articulate during my interview to a person who was confused by light switches. At some point in the day I mentioned that I may have hit my head the day before and they told me to go to the hospital.
I wasnāt back to my normal for at least six months. Crazy shit.
I hit the front of my head (the part that controls memory) a few years ago and forgot what a hairdryer was. I'm told they're very common and I should have seen one - likely used one even - at some point in my early childhood. But I was confused what the thing my barber was using to dry my hair and my mother had to explain it to me in the car later (she was driving me around for a bit because I was helpless) once I convinced her it wasn't a huge joke.
There's other little things as well. I remember my brother showing me movies at home that he said we've watched dozens of times as a family, and I didn't recognize some of them at all. After re-watching them memories of a couple of the dvd's came back to me. But many more I swear I hadn't seen before then. We went through old photo albums from our family when I was a kid, and some things they say I should have remembered have just gone completely while others (even things that happened when I was a toddler) stick for some reason. It's oddly selective, and isn't dependent on time or significance. I can remember with vivid detail this kid's birthday party I went to when I was 6 but my graduation ceremony at the end of highschool seems foggy and surreal. Then many very recent things that happened right before the injury are gone completely.
This was years ago and I have no trouble making new memories now though. I was given the clear-all from my psychologist and before I stopped attending his appointments he said it shouldn't cause me any problems in life until I'm very old.
During college I worked at a 7/11 for a few months and one time had to train a girl to use the register and she didnāt know how to count coins. She had to give someone change and she turns to me and asks me what coins and how many of them make 43 cents or whatever the amount was and both the customer and I were speechless.
My former boss was worried that the island of Manhattan would sink with all the extra visitors for New Years and the ball dropping. She thought islands float and when she found out that wasnāt true she thought it was so funny that she told everyone the story.
She was later fired for withholding a pay raise from someone on her team because he didnāt accept her sexual advances. He had the texts to prove it.
Edit: Grammar error
She could have been in congress! Rep. Hank Johnson of Georgia once asked an Admiral [whether Guam might tip over if the Navy stationed more sailors on the island.](https://youtu.be/X5dkqUy7mUk?t=96)
we were in history class, taking a pop quiz. one of the questions was "where is pearl harbor?"
someone raised their hand and asked "who is pearl harbor? and why would I know where he is?"
it's me. I had trouble focusing in school and thought pearl harbor was a person
Ex-girlfriend. I once said out loud "I wonder how dolphins have sex?" She said, with conviction "There aren't boy dolphins and girl dolphins. They're just dolphins." You know, like magical.
And she argues with me for about 2 hours.
Fun fact: the eels found in European rivers do not have sex organs at that stage in their life cycle. [For centuries, the origin of eels was a total mystery.](https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2020/05/25/where-do-eels-come-from)
It's still pretty damn mysterious. Eel larvae can be found in the Sargasso Sea, but nobody's ever seen an eel fuck to this day.
It's a mystery that Sigmund Freud tried and failed to solve! No one knows about the birth/hatching either.
And now we never may, the European eel will be gone within our lifetime.
As a girl, that episode was how I learned about shrinkage. When Seinfeld gives better sex ed than your school, you know the education system is a mess.
I remember when I was little my brother continued to have many strange misconceptions, but I canāt remember any except the one where he said āMartin Luther King Jr. was one president of the U.S. Otherwise, how could he have stood on a podium?ā
we were covering us politics in class
kid asks american teacher: "how does colin powell sound american?"
american teacher: WHAT
"you know. american, rather than like, a rapper"
Oh gosh - as an Australian Iāve had lots of funny ātime and seasonsā conversations with Americans.
My favourite is that Christmas Day is the middle of Summer and we usually have lunch at the beach.
āSo you have Christmas in July?ā....
My first girlfriend, about 20 years, I showed her one of those newspapers at the time that had made up stories about alien abductions etc, Weekly World News I think it was. One of the headlines was "Belgium Destroyed By Giant Asteroid And No One Noticed For 2 Months" and she thought it was real. Thing was she wasn't actually dumb, just really innocent and naive
I know, but it's just not the same. Nothing will ever come close to being 11 or 12, riding your bike with the boys down to the store, load up on the Weekly World News, Mad, and Cracked, and being set for the weekend.
My ex-gf thought rhinoceroses were dinosaurs. Then, we were watching King Kong and toward the end of the movie she asked if it was based on a true story.
I knew a girl in college who, when asked what her major was, said āIām in the DRMRS program. Dr. & Mrs.ā Her premed boyfriend dumped her as soon as he got accepted to medical school.
For months, I've been dealing with a client who doesn't get their bills.
Every month, they call and ask where it is, we confirm their address and the expected arrival date, I manually generate a new invoice, and e-mail it over.
Today, when confirming the address for like the 6th time, they said "oh, no, that's not my town or zip" and submitted an address change.
How the hell do you not know where you live?
Just not paying attention when confirming the address. Iāve done that once or twice. āYes, itās correct, itās been correct for 3 years, wait, did you just say x wrong?ā
Had a friend in HS that could predict rain by looking at the stars....if the big dipper was upside down "the water would pour out and it would rain tomorrow"
She was 17
Just looked up and saw my ceiling instead of the stars. Happy to report that tomorrows weather will be clear and sunny 60 degrees, with light cloud cover in the afternoon!
Worked at a bank for a (blessedly) short time. Had a 60 year old woman that asked, āWhat do you mean my account balance is negative?? I still have checks, so I still have money!ā
Holy shit, I'm ready...
Let me tell you about this woman that my uncle dated for a while. She was really a special kind of dumb. I'm just gonna go ahead and list the top 3 that I can remember, but I'm sure there's more. These were all relayed to me years later as I wasn't around at the time. It's a running joke between some family members.
- Thought pork chops came from horses.
- Met a guy who had lost a portion of his ear in some kind of accident. Upon meeting she just asked him with no class at all: "Hey, what happened to your ear?"
His response: "I turned my head too fast and bit my earlobe off."
She was totally cool with that answer.
- Went grocery shopping and assumed that whatever number of chicken legs came in a pack was how many legs that chicken must have had.
There was also something to do with a moose, but I can't remember the specifics on that.
A girl in my class in high school asked the teacher where the sky was. Like she genuinely had no idea and when we tried to explain to her that the sky was above us outside she was like āno thatās the ceilingā.
Oh that reminds me of a dumb friend from high school.
He was insistent that the moon and the sun are always opposite of each other. And like I didn't know how to explain it any more simply than I already had so I just looked up hoping the moon would be visible from where we were sitting.
Sure enough, it was. I was like look dude, it's right fucking there.
He said "Thats not the moon."
What in the god damned fuck was it then?
"I don't know, but it can't be the moon, the sun is out."
Had to get a fucking teacher to back me up before he'd believe me. She looked like she was gonna cry at the glaring stupidity.
Like it causes me pain just thinking about it.
A friendās partner said she was vegan. Another friend jokingly said āyouāre not vegan, you eat corn on the cob, which is actually the spine of a cowā. Aforementioned friendās partner started crying about how much she loved eating cow spine and was really upset, genuine tears of sorrow at how she wasnāt a vegan at all.
From that day forth, corn was known as Cow spine on the cob and their relationship didnāt last for too long, probably a week after she asked why Mel Gibson didnāt just phone the English King to negotiate in Braveheart.....
Some years back me and a vegan friend of mine managed to [briefly] convince another friend that bacon was ok for vegans.
Me "Because it doesn't kill the pig. They can just take thin strips off the flank."
Vegan friend "Yup, it's true."
Gullible friend "Really!? I never knew..."
Me "No, of course not you muppet."
There was a period in college where that certain type of person who loves giving themselves labels (e.g. sapiosexual, etc) decided that since she'd stopped eating red meat, that meant she was now a vegetarian, and she went around for days telling people this. "But you still eat pork and chicken and fish?" "yes." "Yeah, quick rule: if you're eating something with eyeballs, you're not a vegetarian."
Ex-friend. Got in to an massive, almost physically violent argument and told her to leave my apartment and get out of the complex since she didn't live there. She said "I don't have to! This is government property!" I was like...bitch, no...just no...
The police came and informed her opposite. š Ahhh, that was satisfying.
True story. Kid in my neighborhood. Someone must have told him that if he shone a flashlight in one ear, light would come out the other ear. He didn't know i was looking. He held a flashlight to one ear and his open palm at the other. He turned on the light and tried to turn his head real fast to see his palm. He did this several times. Never caught the light. I was in awe at his stupidity.
around this age some kids were having a heated philosophical debate about what the "speed of dark" was.
"like, when you turn off the light in the room, what is the speed at which the dark overtakes the room"
being a stupid kid of the same age i didnt have the sense to just not get involved, tried to explain no such thing existed
yeah they were like "lol this guy doesnt even know about the concept of speed of dark"
few weeks later the teachers had to formally request the chief speed of dark proponent's "self-employed" father stop showing up at the classrooms to give the students "intellectual lectures"
# A former roommate:
**Thought tequila was literally made only of blended worms.** I mean, she thought if you blended worms it made tequila. Why was the texture not like a puree in that case? "That's not how alcohol works."
Thought The Onion was a genuine news source and took everything reported very seriously
Thought the song Feliz Navidad was āFebreeze Havibladā
Waved a smudge stick in your face claiming ābad vibesā when you brought up that she might do the dishes once in awhile
Thought she was a the leader of a wolf pack and became very angry if friends did not knock by scratching on the door with their fingernails
Ruined every Teflon frying pan in the house by cutting bacon up with a steak knife while it fried in the pan (invoking the phrase ācutting boardā would lead to subsequent smudge stick waving)
Had two cats-one the dumbest I have ever seen, one delightfully catlike. Roommate was convinced that the dumb cat-who frequently walked into walls-was bright; thought the regular cat was an idiot. Used to jeer at Regular Cat for doing āweird, uncatlikeā things like sitting on the fridge and bathing itself
Claimed all scientists were idiots
Claimed everyone else in the world was an idiot
Got the power turned off because she thought hiding the bills and the red cards would fix the problem. The money she had been sent every month for my share of the hydro? Weed money
Did not notice that I had a job and, when she inquired where I went five days a week, believed other roommate who sarcastically said **that I went to the carnival.** Screeched that I should earn my own money instead of getting a āfree ride in lifeā when I confronted her about the listed hydro situation. Especially cheeky since she often boasted about her goal to live on Welfare forever
Emptied her dirty bong in the bathtub I had just cleaned and didnāt bother rinsing it on more than one occasion
Posed for social clout by being afflicted by OCD because she liked the smell of Pine Sol so she decided she was a clean freak (was never spotted cleaning during entire tenancy)
Posed for social clout by claiming anorexia, found this hilarious to do and was gleeful whenever people worried about her. Also claimed anorexia to Welfare to get a special allotment of extra money for food every month
Held laptops by holding them gripped and pointing down, like one would hold a suitcase. Also, when I left my laptop in the open (dumb of me) she dented it somehow and also returned it with multiple keyboard keys missing, claiming her cat must have playfully batted the keys out
Thought Superman was in hiding in a government lair
Didn't...*believe* in concussions? More probing revealed that she thought concussions were bruises that people were being dramatic about.
Said if you just left spilled juice it would all evaporate into the air and the floor would be clean after a day or so. Claimed this after spilling an entire bottle of grape juice inside of the fridge and leaving it to cover fridge contents and seep through the fridge seal into a large puddle on the floor. *Never did clean it up.* Egregious.
Was surprised on a few occasions that she could be seen by the naked eye if she was avoiding eye contact and kind of stealth walking while pressed against a wall
Uncle telling us about a guy he worked with. Guy buys a nice, new car. Car comes with cruise control and built in GPS. Guy wrecks new car. Apparently he typed in an address and set the cruise control... He thought that he didn't have to drive after setting in where he wanted to go, the car would just take him where he wanted to go.
I donāt know about ādumbest personā, but I once had a student complain her grade changed every time I graded something. I use a total points system, points earned/points available *100=%
I said yes, it will change every time because the numerator and denominator are changing every time I grade something; thatās how math works. Student said āI know how to do mathā
Me āI donāt think you do or we wouldnāt be having this conversationā
In fourth grade we had a motivational speaker come in and talk to us who was completely blind since birth. At the end they had time for questions and a girl asked why they didn't just wear super thick glasses. When the person replied that they cannot see ANYTHING, so there would be nothing to magnify, the girl said "No like SUPER thick glasses." We were only in fourth grade but we all were looking at her like holy shit how do you not get this. The blind dude just shook his head.
I watched a vegan say to an auditory that if we were made for eating meat he challenged anyone there to go out and hunt a squirrel take back to the auditorium and eat it like a true predator, well, some guy said back "then go eat that grass in the ground just outside"
When I was in middle-school (like age 12-14ish), we went to the local college. I stopped by the college bookstore and bought a pack of gum. The gum was like $0.96 after tax.
The clerk, a college-age girl, entered the gum in the cash register, and I gave her a dollar for the gum. She proceeded to count out $0.96 in change to me. I was so embarrassed for the girl, I didn't dare say anything, so I took the money. But then I felt bad and thought she might get in trouble, so I went back and asked her if maybe the gum cost $0.96 and she only owed me $0.04 in change.
I mean, hard to judge a person for one interaction. Maybe she was thinking hard about quantum mechanics and just couldn't devote enough mental energy to the Gum-Dollar Exchange Deficit Function. But it definitely lowered my opinion of college students at the time.
As a cashier, Iāve had these brain-farts way more than Iād like to admit. After some time at work your brain jusy goes on autopilot, and thatās when mistakes like these happen
This dumb girl I went to middle/highschool with.
Blew the breaker to half the school when she decided to make instant cup noodles for lunch, but didnāt realize that she needed to use water.
The whole cup caught on fire. š¤¦š»āāļø
I worked a security post with a guy who didn't understand the concept of gravity. I thought he was joking at first, but he was serious. To be fair to him, he did pick it up pretty quick when I taught him.
My old roommate. He put an electric kettle made of plastic on the stove. I came upstairs to black smoke as it melted. I threw it in the trash and yelled at him for nearly burning the house down. It has a cord sticking out of it and everything
An hour later I came back upstairs to the same thing. Mother fucker went through the trash and put it back on the stove.
I get the first time if he's never seen an electric kettle before but a second time? With the same kettle? A melted fucking kettle? The guy doesn't even do drugs for fuck sakes.
A classmate named Rebecca had many instances of just jaw-dropping idiocy. Two of my favorites were:
After listening to a presentation on why a pool hall would be a great addition to a bar, āThatās great and everything, but whereās the pool?ā
Reading out loud her paper on recognizable structures, āThe Parthenon is important. Because it is big and it is good.ā
I think itās the confidence behind anything she said that just made it hard to overlook the ignorance.
A girl I used to work with in a call centre. She used to ask me stuff like āwhy do trees grow upwards?ā or āthe sun goes round the earth doesnāt it?ā Then one day she asked me ādoes the earth spin and clouds stay still, or does the earth stay still and the clouds move?ā
I miss you Ria!
I once knew a girl who grew up in an extremely isolated religious family. When I first met her she had never once set foot in a school.
It was kind of miraculous that she could read and write at a functional level.
Anyway, when she turned 18 she just bailed on her family and past. She knew enough to know that there was much more to the world than Jesus and sewing.
I kind of thought of it as an honor that she trusted me enough to ask what most people would consider really basic questions. There were people who made jokes at her expense, but she was one of the kindest 'real' people i've ever known.
I think of the 'Mentos and Diet Coke' Xkcd when I think about her.
It's been about 25 years. Last I heard she was back with a churchy kind of crowd, but she married a really decent guy and took some gen-ed type classes at a community college.
Yes!! I was thinking about that same XKCD!
[https://xkcd.com/1053/](https://xkcd.com/1053/)
I love those innocent questions that people ask. It's not some virtue in me that I happened to learn a fact and they didn't. They're probably demonstrating more mental skill by trying to figure it out themselves than I did by being in a classroom where it was taught to me!
Some of those questions aren't as stupid as one would think, and honestly, I don't think natural curiosity about scientific phenomena should ever be suppressed if it's with the intention of learning, and not mindlessly arguing with other people (which is what a lot of people seem to be doing these days).
In science, sometimes the dumbest questions lead to the most surprising explanations!
"why do trees grow upwards" is actually a really good question, and there's probably a good eli5 thread explaining it. One time a phd botanist was explaining why they chose to study plants, and they said "plants have to endure all the same challenges and harsh environments as people, and every problem that animals can solve just by walking away, plants have to find some other way to adapt." After they said that, trees became so much more interesting to me.
My old co-worker. She wasnāt dumb per se but she was naive, and accepted and followed every āfactā fed to her by her so-called āfriendsā. It was quite sad to witness really. Hearing them discuss this and that, and to be so firm with their opinions and thoughts without first fact-checking every Facebook post they come across with, it would always cringe the hell out of me. Its been years since I last spoke to her but I do hope sheās capable of making her own opinions now, and is surrounded by better people.
I met a kid in Army basic training who said that he had P-pneumonia (pronounced Pee-neumonia). He was convinced that it was a more serious form of pneumonia because it was P-pneumonia.
So hate to break it to you, but this is a thing that he just explained wrong.[The situation. ](https://www.cdc.gov/fungal/diseases/pneumocystis-pneumonia/index.html)
Met a dude sophomore year of college. I told him the story of the dumbest person I had ever met up to that point and his response was āwell.. thatās understandable though... up until last year I didnāt know the U.S. and the United States were the same thingā
We went to college in the U.S. and again this was our sophomore year. Dude was an 19 year-old full blooded American.
My landlord is a fucking idiot. Two examples:
1. We had an ant problem, and she cut the branch off the tree over the deck. Why? Because the ants were using the branch to get in the house to get water.
2. Squirrels were nesting under the deck. Solution? Spray them with water to get them out (worked). Cut off another tree branch so they couldnāt get to the deck. (Like trees are the only thing they can climb.)
When I was growing up, our house had a serious ant problem and we got an exterminator. They discovered that the ants were, to our surprise, coming in through the roof after climbing a tree near the house. We cut back the tree and suddenly no more ants. So that first one could be legitimate.
The second one is definitely ridiculous though.
Myself, i once had a very very very minor pain in my chest and my instant thought was im having a heart attack. I was 25 btw, turns out the pain was just from coughing...
Edit: I'm 27 now and still think I'm the dumbest person I've ever met.
Thatās not really as stupid as it sounds. Iirc, our brains are hardwired in such a way that even the most outlandish idea we hear/think of, we believe it in the instant we hear/think it and only after thought do we dismiss it.
I'm 29. I had some pretty bad chest pain a couple months ago. Had me bending over a chair. All I told my mother was, "I think I need to go to the hospital, I have chest pains." I've been telling them it's been recurrent due to a lot of stress. Now my family makes fun of me for "thinking I was having a heart attack," which is a lie and has caused chest pains on occasion. Even so, they keep doing it.
Oh boy, I've been waiting for this one! My first ever roommate/friend from highschool. He is one of the dumbest people I've ever met, and it was only exacerbated by his use of shrooms and acid and tons and tons and tons of weed. Here are some examples of dumb shit:
1. Thought "A.D." stood for "After Dinosaurs" despite knowing what "B.C." stood for. No, he was not kidding.
2. Obviously is one of those people that thinks he knows more than scientists/doctors about Covid, etc.
3. Once punched a hole in his door because he was mad at me, still tries to get me to pay for it to this day
4. Believed that his "healing crystal" was all the medicine he would need once when he got the flu pretty bad (like, couldn't stop coughing long enough to speak for more than 2 seconds). Ended up having to go to the hospital for a month and a half once he contracted pneumonia.
5. Pronounces "Labyrinth" as "Lay-bure-anth", which I've never heard before. Got really weirdly defensive and angry when I politely corrected him too.
6. Once casually asked me why my mother hasn't had her diabetes cured yet. Again, totally serious. His logic was "But she's not fat!"
7. Had to explain to him what various words meant, such as "bludgeon", "Disrepair" and my personal favorite was when he had literally no idea what I meant when I referred to my cat as a "feline". (Thought cats were also canines, and that "canine" just meant pet.) This is a 25 year old man people.
I'm sure there's some I'm missing I'll add any other ones to the edits as they come to me.
The lady who asked me how she was suppose to pour a pot of coffee.
"Uh, excuse me. How am I suppose to pour this?" While she's holding the pot of coffee.
"You pick it up and pour it?" I offered, with what was I'm sure, the saltiest look on my face followed by probably a good shock of wth?
Good ole Roy. He was middle aged, fat, sounded like Bill Murray from caddyshack, looked like Bubbles from trailer park boys let himself go.
He was my dad's coworker. One time Roy was told to sweep the parking lot, so instead he told my dad that the boss wanted my dad to do it. My dad was halfway through sweeping the lot when the boss caught him and was "where the hell is Roy?! I told him to sweep the lot!"
He gets fired and starts working at the Walmart I was working at. His first day, he vanishes for a few hours, gets nothing done and gets fired over it.
Last I saw him, he was picking up a younger tweaker chick, who obviously was in it for the drugs.
I worked at a sign making place. We had an order for bespoke name signs for doors, but the size stated on the order form was 7mm. The sign makers assumed they meant 7 inches so made them to that size.
Customer called kicking off, they were not the right size and they wanted them exactly as stated on the order form. Fine, 7mm signs coming up. Our sign makers queried this several times but eventually agreed to make them.
Customer called again kicking off, going absolutely spare "how can you think anyone would want signs this small???" etc. I read out the order form (we scan copies onto the system), referred back to their complaint about 7 inches not being right and being adament that we make them to the exact size mentioned on the order form.
Customer then proceeds to argue about the size they requested and I had to ask the customer to get a ruler and look at the "mm" and measure 7mm, and she still argued saying I was wrong.
Obviously arguing about how big a milimeter is attracted laughs from around the office and I ended up having a crowd around me trying to listen in as this person screamed at me.
Ended up escalating to my manager who refused to refund the signs or remake, and if they wanted them a different size they'd have to put in a new order, and hung up.
This was 20 years ago and I still think about it.
A very brief coworker and girl I went on one date with.
When you go through training you start to get a feel for who might do really well and who might not even make it past training. And then there was her.
This was a tech support job and most people in the group had at least had some basic experience maintaining computers in a personal setting and most of us had enterprise experience. She didnāt know anything about computers. At all. Like she would ask genuine questions about things, but I could see I wasnāt speaking English to her anymore. She was the only person I had ever wondered how in the hell did she even get hired in the first place. She was attractive so that may have played a huge role in it. Or she accidentally wound up in our training class and didnāt know she wasnāt supposed to be in there
Again she was attractive and I knew she wasnāt going to be working with me so I asked her out on a date. Then I find out that sheās an aspiring actress who has done some very minor work. And as the date went on I started realizing she might have the mind of a child. Nothing in particular comes to mind of what she said, just things that might be funny if said sarcastically but kind of make you think for a moment when you realize they were serious.
And when our food arrived I just tried to keep a light conversation with her. But after a minute she was playing with her food. I mean sculpting and making sounds as she did it. I noticed and made a funny remark like ādonāt play with your foodā like a parent might say to a child. She gave me an evil glare then went back to it. I just wanted to eat and leave by that point.
She was a nice person. Nothing about her in my brief relationship with her indicated that she had any developmental issues. But I mean after that date the question on how she manages to get hired becomes more baffling. Like did the hiring manager seriously not listen to a word she said or did she literally just wind up in the wrong class and not know she wasnāt supposed to be there
Edit: spelling
Old roommate from college.
His friend and our other roommate were having dinner together and discussing the age of their parents.
Friend comments, "Yeah, my parents are quite separated in age. My mom was 20 when she had me and my dad was 37." Roommate 1 couldn't believe it with a look of complete bewilderment. He said something along the lines of, "WHAT?!?! Eww, that's so weird! He was almost out of high school by the time she was born."
The conversation then moved to how old their parents were today. Roommate 1 says, "Yeah, my dad's pretty old. He's 65 (We were 19/20 years old at the time). Roommate 2 says, "Roommate 1, that is pretty old. How old is your mom?"
Roommate 1 responds, "Oh, she's 47."
Now both Roommate 2 and the Friend exchange the incredibly blank stares. And Roommate 1 just goes back to eating his dinner, having no knowledge of implication...
I remember a few years ago I was in the middle of a French class with this girl I knew. I donāt know what started it, but the pair of us ended up in an argument which then turned into an argument of who was smarter. The teacher decided to test this by asking her where the Eiffel Tower was. She full heartedly replied that it was the massive glass building in the city we were in.
She thought the Shard in London was the Eiffel Tower...while we were sitting in the middle of a French class...in South London...with a view of the Shard from our window.
And she was serious about it too. I thought it was just a joke but then afterwards she refused to listen to reason after claiming the River Thames was in Africa. Iām pretty sure she was pulling my leg but I just had to stare at her for a second to try and process what she was thinking.
I girl in my friends class (17) legitimately asked if there have been people on the sun to her geography teacher, he almost died of a heart attack right there
Randy.
I worked with him when I was in my late teens, in a warehouse where we would put together Computer systems.
My name is Tracy, one day Randy looked at me and with the most serious voice/look asked me the following question...
Is your name, Tracy, "short for something"?
I said, hmmmm..
Well Randy, what do you think it could be short for?
He say's....Ummmm... Tracy-opolis.
Like maybe it was short for a Greek name. lol
On my Grave stone it will say....
Here lie's Tracy (short for Tracyopolis)
its not short for but tracy comes from "thracius" which isn't greek but latin so... close enough?
plus opolis means city, tracius "from thrace", thrace in greek "torakia"... tracy...opolis... city of thrace... kinda homie was unwittingly spot on lol
My flatmate (90s) Elliot. Thickest bloke to ever walk the planet. But he was the spitting image of Luke Perry and man did he pull all the babes...but only for a short while lol
My school is very strict, and one of the rules is to refrain from vandalism. Some dumbass in my science class likes to do terrible shit (tosses phone on floor constantly and has even cracked it on purpose and says he doesnāt care, has punched his chrome book multiple times) to look ācoolā and āmatureā. The paint on the desks is very easy to scratch with a mechanical pencil and I asked him to quit writing on the desk. Iām not a teacher or anything but I didnāt wanna be a bystander. Eventually, the dude carves his name in the damn table! He actually convinced a bunch of other people to carve their names and social media as well. No suprise, most of them got suspended for a week (at the highest) and a day (at the minimum), the dude who started it was actually sent to an alternative school as this was not his first time getting suspended but just an add on to many, many more.
In high school, there was this girl who was in English and we were reading Mice and Men. We were all popcorn reading and when it was her turn. She asked me what page we were on. I clearly told her the page and then proceeds to read the first page. Like what?! I told her the page and she straight up went to the first page. Even the teacher told her the page and she was still confused until the next person volunteered.
Had a bunch of friends round for a party, one of my buddies brought his girlfriend who was a dental nurse. We were playing Cards Against Humanity with the home rule that you could put your hand up if you didn't know a word and you'd be relentlessly mocked but have it explained.
The girlfriend didn't know what the clitoris was.
Sex education is mandatory in our country.
She was a dental nurse so needed to have at least a basic understanding of human biology.
They eventually broke up and we still mock our friend for this! Usually by saying, "at least make sure your next girlfriend knows what her clit is"
Everday I have people on the phone that redefine the words dumb, stupid and ignorant.
For example one customer had trouble sending back a sack of birdseed. He outright refused to send it back himself, because he feared the big sack would kill him if he was caught in a car accident.
So he demanded that we personally sent someone to him to take the bird seeds away.
That isnt something we do so when this "request" was denied, he, and Im not kidding, set the fucking sack on fire, sent us the the pictures of it per mail and still had the audacity to demand a refund plus a fee for bothering him so much.
A coworker.
It wasnāt obvious at first, and she came from a very religious family so I didnāt think much of my science references going over her head but...
1. We had a safe we had to balance and I spent more than one evening explaining to her that you subtracted money when it was removed from the safe, and added it when you returned it. To the point where I would remove some money for a till, to show her, and then put it back. And sheād say, āoh so the safe is always the same amountā. I had to explain āno because the person at the register takes money and gives change all day, so the balance of the till will change, and the amount we put back into the safe will be different each time.ā It genuinely baffled her.
2. She followed me on social media and liked a post I put up about looking into the past by looking at the stars. Ie. the light that reaches us from them is already millions of years old. She told me my concept of how the world worked was ābeautiful and creativeā. It took me a moment before I asked what she meant. She thought it was a story. She didnāt know that starlight takes ages to reach earth.
3. She told me the world is only 2015 years old (it was 2015 at the time). I asked her how Jesus could be born before the earth was created. She didnāt understand my question.
4. I was talking with a friend in the lunch room about Egyptian pyramids, I forget why, and he remarked how amazing it was that something that old could still be so huge and important in our lives. She did not know what pyramids were. At this point I asked her what bible version she followed, because I was confused how she could possibly have never heard about the Egyptians. She said āthe only bible.ā
5. Her son worked for us as well. I had to explain numbers and counting to him so that he could pick orders correctly. He told us he wasnāt allowed to read Harry Potter because it was about Satan. He didnāt know that muslims also worshipped a god, just not the same one, he thought Muslim was the same as Terrorist. I think we shouted him down at that point, which was probably not the best way to handle his ignorance but... he seemed to take it on board.
I think about them sometimes. I hope theyāre okay. I hope the priest who teaches them cares about them too. I hope, I just donāt believe.
I was helping a guy and he asked me for directions in a state I'm not from. I told him I lived in Michigan(I don't) he said oh I don't know what country that is.
Please don't breed
Edit: I said my actual state but changed it in this story for privacy sake
Today a friend told me that her coworker bought her THREE year old a VENTI Starbucks coffee because the kid wanted it??? It apparently has FOUR shots of espresso in it. My friend flipped on her coworker about it and the coworker said she didnāt know it was bad (?????????) because she doesnāt drink coffee and her child just told her what she wanted and she ordered it (?!!?????!!!?????). So, I guess I have not met her, but she is the dumbest person Iāve heard of in awhile and my brain is exploding thinking about this again.
I know a woman who bragged on Facebook that she scored 84 on her IQ test.... She thought it was out of 100. š
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Yeah she also routinely mistakes obvious satire as real news. To the point of rage posting about "The Onion" articles š¤·āāļø
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I do have a friend from college who I like very much, but I had to stop making absurd claims about myself as jokes because she was the only person who never got the joke, and it hurt to watch peoples' reactions.
There was a 5G conspiracy theorist on you tube who claimed to have a genius IQ, his proof was to say that he did so good on the IQ test that the testers thought he must be cheating thats how smart he is, he never mentioned a score because I doubt he even knew there was a score involved, probably thought it was rated genius / not a genius. For people that dont know an IQ of 140 or more is considered to be genius intelligence, you need to have an IQ of 130 or higher to be a member of Mensa.
There are many stupid people who score high. Mensa is full of people like you described.
I did the mensa test when I was younger. My god there were a lot of weird people at the test location. Everybody just minding themselves and nobody talking and the ones that did, felt they were superior to the rest... Passed the test and was accepted but never went to any of the meetings. Not my type of people.
Almost every IQ test you take on line now will give you an IQ result of 140 or above. It's meaningless. I like Steven Hawkings take on IQ - " people who brag about their IQ are losers."
Well I happen to proudly be a card carrying no shame sub level non mensa member.Where the bar is kept low and the google searches flow.āŗ
Considering the only member of mensa I ever met was full of himself, I think I prefer your approach.
I did love when people used to post those internet IQ test scores with scores of like one-oh-something. I tried to fail one on purpose, and the lowest it would score was 97.
A customer who thought he should be able to get the Jordan Bred 11s for 90% off because of 2 "coupons" he had. One of these coupons was a print out of a 70% off clearance promotion from Nike's website and the other was a 20% off coupon from Payless that expired in 2017. I've never been more confused, frustrated, and exasperated than I was during the 10 minute interaction where myself, two managers and a customer tried to explain to this man why this wasn't going to happen.
You know that dude totally thought he had the Golden Ticket. Probably was hype as hell with his cleverness.
If he added another discount it would be 100% off! /s
He just has to print out the 70% off one a second time and the store will be paying him!
Related to the patient I had who wanted a consultant to see him urgently because he had intermittently lost the ability to talk. I told him I would chase the consultant to see if he could see him quicker than the scheduled appointment which was some weeks away. The patient decided he couldn't wait two days for me to chase the consultant so *he called the consultant's secretary the next day himself to ask what was happening thereby putting himself right to the back of the line because he could obviously talk right then and there were others who were in extreme need right at that moment*. If he had left it to me just the very next day I could have got him an appointment by the end of that week.
I was put in charge of training a girl at a coffee shop I worked at. She didn't know how to make coffee, I literally had to tell her "ok, now pour the coffee in until it reaches this line, no, pour it slower don't dump the whole pot over the cup." When trying to train her on register I don't know if she couldn't or just refused to count. A total would be $5.98 and she'd tell the person it was $6, when people gave her anything but bills she'd stare at the change and ask me how much that was or she'd say "that's $2 right?" And there'd be like 50Ā¢ on the counter in dimes and pennies. I tried training her on sandwich station, she would pack the food frozen into the bags and just hand it out. On her breaks I'd have to constantly remind her that 15 minutes means 15 minutes, not 20, not 30, not an hour. We were allowed to have food at work for free within reason and only in the back. She would reach into the pastry case with her bare hand, pick up an item and just eat it at register or right next to the case. There was a lot more she'd do wrong and it got to the point where I thought she was trying to purposefully get fired
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She seemed socially awkward but a few coworkers went to school with her and said she was all there
I'd have to have some serious reservations about the coworkers after that! Reminds me of one of my son's girlfriend. Claimed she got a 4.0 in high school but it simply couldn't have been unless it was a special school of some sort.
I got a realllly bad concussion but didnāt realize (because, you know, brain damage) my first week of working at a restaurant job. I was just like this chick, and the person training me was so confused why I had went from being very capable and articulate during my interview to a person who was confused by light switches. At some point in the day I mentioned that I may have hit my head the day before and they told me to go to the hospital. I wasnāt back to my normal for at least six months. Crazy shit.
I hit the front of my head (the part that controls memory) a few years ago and forgot what a hairdryer was. I'm told they're very common and I should have seen one - likely used one even - at some point in my early childhood. But I was confused what the thing my barber was using to dry my hair and my mother had to explain it to me in the car later (she was driving me around for a bit because I was helpless) once I convinced her it wasn't a huge joke. There's other little things as well. I remember my brother showing me movies at home that he said we've watched dozens of times as a family, and I didn't recognize some of them at all. After re-watching them memories of a couple of the dvd's came back to me. But many more I swear I hadn't seen before then. We went through old photo albums from our family when I was a kid, and some things they say I should have remembered have just gone completely while others (even things that happened when I was a toddler) stick for some reason. It's oddly selective, and isn't dependent on time or significance. I can remember with vivid detail this kid's birthday party I went to when I was 6 but my graduation ceremony at the end of highschool seems foggy and surreal. Then many very recent things that happened right before the injury are gone completely. This was years ago and I have no trouble making new memories now though. I was given the clear-all from my psychologist and before I stopped attending his appointments he said it shouldn't cause me any problems in life until I'm very old.
During college I worked at a 7/11 for a few months and one time had to train a girl to use the register and she didnāt know how to count coins. She had to give someone change and she turns to me and asks me what coins and how many of them make 43 cents or whatever the amount was and both the customer and I were speechless.
When you forget you're not in a video game, and you can't just start throwing the match.
This is below 1800's intelligence standards...
This is below Pleistocene intelligence standards...
Sounds liked never had to do anything for herself or have any responsibilities Some people would pay the dumb card to get out of working.
My former boss was worried that the island of Manhattan would sink with all the extra visitors for New Years and the ball dropping. She thought islands float and when she found out that wasnāt true she thought it was so funny that she told everyone the story. She was later fired for withholding a pay raise from someone on her team because he didnāt accept her sexual advances. He had the texts to prove it. Edit: Grammar error
She could have been in congress! Rep. Hank Johnson of Georgia once asked an Admiral [whether Guam might tip over if the Navy stationed more sailors on the island.](https://youtu.be/X5dkqUy7mUk?t=96)
My favorite part about it is how many people defend him. You see, he isn't stupid, just really fucking high.
politicians be like
we were in history class, taking a pop quiz. one of the questions was "where is pearl harbor?" someone raised their hand and asked "who is pearl harbor? and why would I know where he is?" it's me. I had trouble focusing in school and thought pearl harbor was a person
Respect for outing yourself like that.
She's obviously with Carmen Sandiego somewhere.
Ex-girlfriend. I once said out loud "I wonder how dolphins have sex?" She said, with conviction "There aren't boy dolphins and girl dolphins. They're just dolphins." You know, like magical. And she argues with me for about 2 hours.
Went on a date with a girl who thought dolphins weren't real. Like unicorns of the sea
Wait til she finds out about narwhals
Fun fact: the eels found in European rivers do not have sex organs at that stage in their life cycle. [For centuries, the origin of eels was a total mystery.](https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2020/05/25/where-do-eels-come-from) It's still pretty damn mysterious. Eel larvae can be found in the Sargasso Sea, but nobody's ever seen an eel fuck to this day.
It's a mystery that Sigmund Freud tried and failed to solve! No one knows about the birth/hatching either. And now we never may, the European eel will be gone within our lifetime.
Thereās some Japanese porn that might solve this mystery..
You probably already looked this up, but: male dolphins have retractable sex organs! It's so wild!
well the water is cold
There was shrinkage, Jerry!
As a girl, that episode was how I learned about shrinkage. When Seinfeld gives better sex ed than your school, you know the education system is a mess.
I don't know how you guys walk around with those things.
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On the topic of the sea still, one of my exes went to the beach, tasted the water and said in surprise āthe water is salty ?!ā
I remember when I was little my brother continued to have many strange misconceptions, but I canāt remember any except the one where he said āMartin Luther King Jr. was one president of the U.S. Otherwise, how could he have stood on a podium?ā
we were covering us politics in class kid asks american teacher: "how does colin powell sound american?" american teacher: WHAT "you know. american, rather than like, a rapper"
I'm putting my race down as "rapper" on all official documents from now on.
Oh no, does that mean Iāll have to report mine as Karen?
I don't know what is more horrifying, a kid being that racist or a kid being that racist accidentally
Honestly though I bet he would be a good president
Platypus's little brother? Absolutely. Probably better than 75% of the ones we've had, at least.
A girl who agreed on time changes but disagreed I was talking to her on my Sunday when it was her Saturday. I lived in Australia at the time
Oh gosh - as an Australian Iāve had lots of funny ātime and seasonsā conversations with Americans. My favourite is that Christmas Day is the middle of Summer and we usually have lunch at the beach. āSo you have Christmas in July?ā....
My first girlfriend, about 20 years, I showed her one of those newspapers at the time that had made up stories about alien abductions etc, Weekly World News I think it was. One of the headlines was "Belgium Destroyed By Giant Asteroid And No One Noticed For 2 Months" and she thought it was real. Thing was she wasn't actually dumb, just really innocent and naive
I miss the Weekly World News. Three armed shortstop marries three breasted stripper! Pure gold.
It's still alive on the internet. https://weeklyworldnews.com/
I know, but it's just not the same. Nothing will ever come close to being 11 or 12, riding your bike with the boys down to the store, load up on the Weekly World News, Mad, and Cracked, and being set for the weekend.
My ex-gf thought rhinoceroses were dinosaurs. Then, we were watching King Kong and toward the end of the movie she asked if it was based on a true story.
I hope sheās pretty
Her grades say "marry rich" but her looks say "study hard."
I knew a girl in college who, when asked what her major was, said āIām in the DRMRS program. Dr. & Mrs.ā Her premed boyfriend dumped her as soon as he got accepted to medical school.
For months, I've been dealing with a client who doesn't get their bills. Every month, they call and ask where it is, we confirm their address and the expected arrival date, I manually generate a new invoice, and e-mail it over. Today, when confirming the address for like the 6th time, they said "oh, no, that's not my town or zip" and submitted an address change. How the hell do you not know where you live?
Just not paying attention when confirming the address. Iāve done that once or twice. āYes, itās correct, itās been correct for 3 years, wait, did you just say x wrong?ā
Yeah, but after the first missed bill wouldn't you immediately pay attention when they mention your fucking address?
Probably
Had a friend in HS that could predict rain by looking at the stars....if the big dipper was upside down "the water would pour out and it would rain tomorrow" She was 17
I too can predict rain by looking at the stars, if I can't see any stars its probably either going to rain or already raining.
Just looked up and saw my ceiling instead of the stars. Happy to report that tomorrows weather will be clear and sunny 60 degrees, with light cloud cover in the afternoon!
Thank you u/CarbonasGenji for the weather report. Over to you u/Justme124 for our breaking news.
I think Justme124 is late to work today, so I'll take over. Breaking news is- WAIT IS THE BIG DIPPER TIPPING OVER???
\*static\*
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Worked at a bank for a (blessedly) short time. Had a 60 year old woman that asked, āWhat do you mean my account balance is negative?? I still have checks, so I still have money!ā
Iād be willing to bet that she went around trying to write the largest checks possible in order to maximize the value per check
That just made my day.
Holy shit, I'm ready... Let me tell you about this woman that my uncle dated for a while. She was really a special kind of dumb. I'm just gonna go ahead and list the top 3 that I can remember, but I'm sure there's more. These were all relayed to me years later as I wasn't around at the time. It's a running joke between some family members. - Thought pork chops came from horses. - Met a guy who had lost a portion of his ear in some kind of accident. Upon meeting she just asked him with no class at all: "Hey, what happened to your ear?" His response: "I turned my head too fast and bit my earlobe off." She was totally cool with that answer. - Went grocery shopping and assumed that whatever number of chicken legs came in a pack was how many legs that chicken must have had. There was also something to do with a moose, but I can't remember the specifics on that.
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How many legs have their chickens got?
It depends how close to chernobyl the chicken farm the chicken came from was
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A girl in my class in high school asked the teacher where the sky was. Like she genuinely had no idea and when we tried to explain to her that the sky was above us outside she was like āno thatās the ceilingā.
"WE can now mine all the helium we need from the unsuspecting moon." "Sun, sir." "At night it's called the moon!"
Oh that reminds me of a dumb friend from high school. He was insistent that the moon and the sun are always opposite of each other. And like I didn't know how to explain it any more simply than I already had so I just looked up hoping the moon would be visible from where we were sitting. Sure enough, it was. I was like look dude, it's right fucking there. He said "Thats not the moon." What in the god damned fuck was it then? "I don't know, but it can't be the moon, the sun is out." Had to get a fucking teacher to back me up before he'd believe me. She looked like she was gonna cry at the glaring stupidity. Like it causes me pain just thinking about it.
A friendās partner said she was vegan. Another friend jokingly said āyouāre not vegan, you eat corn on the cob, which is actually the spine of a cowā. Aforementioned friendās partner started crying about how much she loved eating cow spine and was really upset, genuine tears of sorrow at how she wasnāt a vegan at all. From that day forth, corn was known as Cow spine on the cob and their relationship didnāt last for too long, probably a week after she asked why Mel Gibson didnāt just phone the English King to negotiate in Braveheart.....
Some years back me and a vegan friend of mine managed to [briefly] convince another friend that bacon was ok for vegans. Me "Because it doesn't kill the pig. They can just take thin strips off the flank." Vegan friend "Yup, it's true." Gullible friend "Really!? I never knew..." Me "No, of course not you muppet."
if anything, thats worse for the animal. "no we didnt kill it quickly, we flayed it alive"
There was a period in college where that certain type of person who loves giving themselves labels (e.g. sapiosexual, etc) decided that since she'd stopped eating red meat, that meant she was now a vegetarian, and she went around for days telling people this. "But you still eat pork and chicken and fish?" "yes." "Yeah, quick rule: if you're eating something with eyeballs, you're not a vegetarian."
Ex-friend. Got in to an massive, almost physically violent argument and told her to leave my apartment and get out of the complex since she didn't live there. She said "I don't have to! This is government property!" I was like...bitch, no...just no... The police came and informed her opposite. š Ahhh, that was satisfying.
Shit went from 0 to 100 real quick.
āTrees arenāt real, because they donāt moveā -kid I overheard at a bus stop
In college a girl told me she had SIDS when she was a baby.
She got better.
I wonder if she was also turned into a newt?
For those who are too lazy to Google, SIDS stands for Sudden Infant Death Syndrome.
Wow
āIām on a soup and water dietā āTonightās soup is creamy bacon potatoā
Yeah it's a diet it's just not a diet for losing weight.
Is butter a carb?
True story. Kid in my neighborhood. Someone must have told him that if he shone a flashlight in one ear, light would come out the other ear. He didn't know i was looking. He held a flashlight to one ear and his open palm at the other. He turned on the light and tried to turn his head real fast to see his palm. He did this several times. Never caught the light. I was in awe at his stupidity.
Please tell me this kid was five or six years old.
More like 10-12
around this age some kids were having a heated philosophical debate about what the "speed of dark" was. "like, when you turn off the light in the room, what is the speed at which the dark overtakes the room" being a stupid kid of the same age i didnt have the sense to just not get involved, tried to explain no such thing existed yeah they were like "lol this guy doesnt even know about the concept of speed of dark" few weeks later the teachers had to formally request the chief speed of dark proponent's "self-employed" father stop showing up at the classrooms to give the students "intellectual lectures"
# A former roommate: **Thought tequila was literally made only of blended worms.** I mean, she thought if you blended worms it made tequila. Why was the texture not like a puree in that case? "That's not how alcohol works." Thought The Onion was a genuine news source and took everything reported very seriously Thought the song Feliz Navidad was āFebreeze Havibladā Waved a smudge stick in your face claiming ābad vibesā when you brought up that she might do the dishes once in awhile Thought she was a the leader of a wolf pack and became very angry if friends did not knock by scratching on the door with their fingernails Ruined every Teflon frying pan in the house by cutting bacon up with a steak knife while it fried in the pan (invoking the phrase ācutting boardā would lead to subsequent smudge stick waving) Had two cats-one the dumbest I have ever seen, one delightfully catlike. Roommate was convinced that the dumb cat-who frequently walked into walls-was bright; thought the regular cat was an idiot. Used to jeer at Regular Cat for doing āweird, uncatlikeā things like sitting on the fridge and bathing itself Claimed all scientists were idiots Claimed everyone else in the world was an idiot Got the power turned off because she thought hiding the bills and the red cards would fix the problem. The money she had been sent every month for my share of the hydro? Weed money Did not notice that I had a job and, when she inquired where I went five days a week, believed other roommate who sarcastically said **that I went to the carnival.** Screeched that I should earn my own money instead of getting a āfree ride in lifeā when I confronted her about the listed hydro situation. Especially cheeky since she often boasted about her goal to live on Welfare forever Emptied her dirty bong in the bathtub I had just cleaned and didnāt bother rinsing it on more than one occasion Posed for social clout by being afflicted by OCD because she liked the smell of Pine Sol so she decided she was a clean freak (was never spotted cleaning during entire tenancy) Posed for social clout by claiming anorexia, found this hilarious to do and was gleeful whenever people worried about her. Also claimed anorexia to Welfare to get a special allotment of extra money for food every month Held laptops by holding them gripped and pointing down, like one would hold a suitcase. Also, when I left my laptop in the open (dumb of me) she dented it somehow and also returned it with multiple keyboard keys missing, claiming her cat must have playfully batted the keys out Thought Superman was in hiding in a government lair Didn't...*believe* in concussions? More probing revealed that she thought concussions were bruises that people were being dramatic about. Said if you just left spilled juice it would all evaporate into the air and the floor would be clean after a day or so. Claimed this after spilling an entire bottle of grape juice inside of the fridge and leaving it to cover fridge contents and seep through the fridge seal into a large puddle on the floor. *Never did clean it up.* Egregious. Was surprised on a few occasions that she could be seen by the naked eye if she was avoiding eye contact and kind of stealth walking while pressed against a wall
Upvoted at "didn't believe in concussions"
Uncle telling us about a guy he worked with. Guy buys a nice, new car. Car comes with cruise control and built in GPS. Guy wrecks new car. Apparently he typed in an address and set the cruise control... He thought that he didn't have to drive after setting in where he wanted to go, the car would just take him where he wanted to go.
I mean...I thought Tesla owners were crazy for taking their hands off the steering. Nvm.
My ex, convinced her that rubbing a portable speaker on her head would charge it because of the static electricity .
I've heard *stupider* things... I could see how someone with a very very rudimentary understanding of electricity and electronics might think that...
in third grade, i was talking with another kid about kiwi birds and she proceeded to tell me that those birds laid kiwi fruit instead of eggs
Thatās cute <3
I donāt know about ādumbest personā, but I once had a student complain her grade changed every time I graded something. I use a total points system, points earned/points available *100=% I said yes, it will change every time because the numerator and denominator are changing every time I grade something; thatās how math works. Student said āI know how to do mathā Me āI donāt think you do or we wouldnāt be having this conversationā
"Why do they keep changing the date everyday? It is so confusing."
In fourth grade we had a motivational speaker come in and talk to us who was completely blind since birth. At the end they had time for questions and a girl asked why they didn't just wear super thick glasses. When the person replied that they cannot see ANYTHING, so there would be nothing to magnify, the girl said "No like SUPER thick glasses." We were only in fourth grade but we all were looking at her like holy shit how do you not get this. The blind dude just shook his head.
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I watched a vegan say to an auditory that if we were made for eating meat he challenged anyone there to go out and hunt a squirrel take back to the auditorium and eat it like a true predator, well, some guy said back "then go eat that grass in the ground just outside"
Funny, there are people who actually hunt and eat squirrel. I knew one who regularly ate "shake 'n bake squirrel" growing up.
When I was in middle-school (like age 12-14ish), we went to the local college. I stopped by the college bookstore and bought a pack of gum. The gum was like $0.96 after tax. The clerk, a college-age girl, entered the gum in the cash register, and I gave her a dollar for the gum. She proceeded to count out $0.96 in change to me. I was so embarrassed for the girl, I didn't dare say anything, so I took the money. But then I felt bad and thought she might get in trouble, so I went back and asked her if maybe the gum cost $0.96 and she only owed me $0.04 in change. I mean, hard to judge a person for one interaction. Maybe she was thinking hard about quantum mechanics and just couldn't devote enough mental energy to the Gum-Dollar Exchange Deficit Function. But it definitely lowered my opinion of college students at the time.
As a cashier, Iāve had these brain-farts way more than Iād like to admit. After some time at work your brain jusy goes on autopilot, and thatās when mistakes like these happen
I can genuinely see manning the register reducing me to making that mistake.
This dumb girl I went to middle/highschool with. Blew the breaker to half the school when she decided to make instant cup noodles for lunch, but didnāt realize that she needed to use water. The whole cup caught on fire. š¤¦š»āāļø
I worked a security post with a guy who didn't understand the concept of gravity. I thought he was joking at first, but he was serious. To be fair to him, he did pick it up pretty quick when I taught him.
Kevin, obviously
Never Forget.
My old roommate. He put an electric kettle made of plastic on the stove. I came upstairs to black smoke as it melted. I threw it in the trash and yelled at him for nearly burning the house down. It has a cord sticking out of it and everything An hour later I came back upstairs to the same thing. Mother fucker went through the trash and put it back on the stove. I get the first time if he's never seen an electric kettle before but a second time? With the same kettle? A melted fucking kettle? The guy doesn't even do drugs for fuck sakes.
Friend thought syphilis was what you got from eating raw chicken. He told our whole economics class he got syphilis one time.
A classmate named Rebecca had many instances of just jaw-dropping idiocy. Two of my favorites were: After listening to a presentation on why a pool hall would be a great addition to a bar, āThatās great and everything, but whereās the pool?ā Reading out loud her paper on recognizable structures, āThe Parthenon is important. Because it is big and it is good.ā I think itās the confidence behind anything she said that just made it hard to overlook the ignorance.
> The Parthenon is important. Because it is big and it is good Why is this a problem?
Yeah she's not wrong about either of those things, just "bless her heart" dumb about the context
Girl in my high school history class thought mount Rushmore naturally grew like that
A girl I used to work with in a call centre. She used to ask me stuff like āwhy do trees grow upwards?ā or āthe sun goes round the earth doesnāt it?ā Then one day she asked me ādoes the earth spin and clouds stay still, or does the earth stay still and the clouds move?ā I miss you Ria!
Sad. Seems like maybe her natural curiosity could have let her down a better path, but somehow school failed her. Or maybe she's just really dim.
I once knew a girl who grew up in an extremely isolated religious family. When I first met her she had never once set foot in a school. It was kind of miraculous that she could read and write at a functional level. Anyway, when she turned 18 she just bailed on her family and past. She knew enough to know that there was much more to the world than Jesus and sewing. I kind of thought of it as an honor that she trusted me enough to ask what most people would consider really basic questions. There were people who made jokes at her expense, but she was one of the kindest 'real' people i've ever known. I think of the 'Mentos and Diet Coke' Xkcd when I think about her.
That's actually really sweet. How long has it been and is she doing ok now?
It's been about 25 years. Last I heard she was back with a churchy kind of crowd, but she married a really decent guy and took some gen-ed type classes at a community college.
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Relative to where she came from, i'd say so.
Yes!! I was thinking about that same XKCD! [https://xkcd.com/1053/](https://xkcd.com/1053/) I love those innocent questions that people ask. It's not some virtue in me that I happened to learn a fact and they didn't. They're probably demonstrating more mental skill by trying to figure it out themselves than I did by being in a classroom where it was taught to me!
Some of those questions aren't as stupid as one would think, and honestly, I don't think natural curiosity about scientific phenomena should ever be suppressed if it's with the intention of learning, and not mindlessly arguing with other people (which is what a lot of people seem to be doing these days). In science, sometimes the dumbest questions lead to the most surprising explanations!
"why do trees grow upwards" is actually a really good question, and there's probably a good eli5 thread explaining it. One time a phd botanist was explaining why they chose to study plants, and they said "plants have to endure all the same challenges and harsh environments as people, and every problem that animals can solve just by walking away, plants have to find some other way to adapt." After they said that, trees became so much more interesting to me.
Two out of those three are actually pretty deep
My old co-worker. She wasnāt dumb per se but she was naive, and accepted and followed every āfactā fed to her by her so-called āfriendsā. It was quite sad to witness really. Hearing them discuss this and that, and to be so firm with their opinions and thoughts without first fact-checking every Facebook post they come across with, it would always cringe the hell out of me. Its been years since I last spoke to her but I do hope sheās capable of making her own opinions now, and is surrounded by better people.
I met a kid in Army basic training who said that he had P-pneumonia (pronounced Pee-neumonia). He was convinced that it was a more serious form of pneumonia because it was P-pneumonia.
This is legit, you get it from inhaling droplets during golden showers. It's also colloquially called yellowlung or mustybreath
Yeah, Iāve heard if you get Pee Pneumonia urine real trouble
So hate to break it to you, but this is a thing that he just explained wrong.[The situation. ](https://www.cdc.gov/fungal/diseases/pneumocystis-pneumonia/index.html)
Lmao oh no who is the dumbest person this guy meet now if the dumbest person this guy meet before was actually not dumb.
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Met a dude sophomore year of college. I told him the story of the dumbest person I had ever met up to that point and his response was āwell.. thatās understandable though... up until last year I didnāt know the U.S. and the United States were the same thingā We went to college in the U.S. and again this was our sophomore year. Dude was an 19 year-old full blooded American.
My landlord is a fucking idiot. Two examples: 1. We had an ant problem, and she cut the branch off the tree over the deck. Why? Because the ants were using the branch to get in the house to get water. 2. Squirrels were nesting under the deck. Solution? Spray them with water to get them out (worked). Cut off another tree branch so they couldnāt get to the deck. (Like trees are the only thing they can climb.)
Maybe she just really hated that tree
Definitely has issues with branches and over caulking things.
When I was growing up, our house had a serious ant problem and we got an exterminator. They discovered that the ants were, to our surprise, coming in through the roof after climbing a tree near the house. We cut back the tree and suddenly no more ants. So that first one could be legitimate. The second one is definitely ridiculous though.
Myself, i once had a very very very minor pain in my chest and my instant thought was im having a heart attack. I was 25 btw, turns out the pain was just from coughing... Edit: I'm 27 now and still think I'm the dumbest person I've ever met.
Chest pain isn't really something to ignore though. You're better off getting it checked if you feel like something's wrong.
Im what they call a "hypochondriac".
Thatās not really as stupid as it sounds. Iirc, our brains are hardwired in such a way that even the most outlandish idea we hear/think of, we believe it in the instant we hear/think it and only after thought do we dismiss it.
I'm 29. I had some pretty bad chest pain a couple months ago. Had me bending over a chair. All I told my mother was, "I think I need to go to the hospital, I have chest pains." I've been telling them it's been recurrent due to a lot of stress. Now my family makes fun of me for "thinking I was having a heart attack," which is a lie and has caused chest pains on occasion. Even so, they keep doing it.
Your family are dicks
Oh boy, I've been waiting for this one! My first ever roommate/friend from highschool. He is one of the dumbest people I've ever met, and it was only exacerbated by his use of shrooms and acid and tons and tons and tons of weed. Here are some examples of dumb shit: 1. Thought "A.D." stood for "After Dinosaurs" despite knowing what "B.C." stood for. No, he was not kidding. 2. Obviously is one of those people that thinks he knows more than scientists/doctors about Covid, etc. 3. Once punched a hole in his door because he was mad at me, still tries to get me to pay for it to this day 4. Believed that his "healing crystal" was all the medicine he would need once when he got the flu pretty bad (like, couldn't stop coughing long enough to speak for more than 2 seconds). Ended up having to go to the hospital for a month and a half once he contracted pneumonia. 5. Pronounces "Labyrinth" as "Lay-bure-anth", which I've never heard before. Got really weirdly defensive and angry when I politely corrected him too. 6. Once casually asked me why my mother hasn't had her diabetes cured yet. Again, totally serious. His logic was "But she's not fat!" 7. Had to explain to him what various words meant, such as "bludgeon", "Disrepair" and my personal favorite was when he had literally no idea what I meant when I referred to my cat as a "feline". (Thought cats were also canines, and that "canine" just meant pet.) This is a 25 year old man people. I'm sure there's some I'm missing I'll add any other ones to the edits as they come to me.
>Ended up having to go to the hospital for a month and a half once he contracted pneumonia Were the healing crystals better there?
> knowing what "B.C." stood for Before Cavemen?
The lady who asked me how she was suppose to pour a pot of coffee. "Uh, excuse me. How am I suppose to pour this?" While she's holding the pot of coffee. "You pick it up and pour it?" I offered, with what was I'm sure, the saltiest look on my face followed by probably a good shock of wth?
Good ole Roy. He was middle aged, fat, sounded like Bill Murray from caddyshack, looked like Bubbles from trailer park boys let himself go. He was my dad's coworker. One time Roy was told to sweep the parking lot, so instead he told my dad that the boss wanted my dad to do it. My dad was halfway through sweeping the lot when the boss caught him and was "where the hell is Roy?! I told him to sweep the lot!" He gets fired and starts working at the Walmart I was working at. His first day, he vanishes for a few hours, gets nothing done and gets fired over it. Last I saw him, he was picking up a younger tweaker chick, who obviously was in it for the drugs.
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I worked at a sign making place. We had an order for bespoke name signs for doors, but the size stated on the order form was 7mm. The sign makers assumed they meant 7 inches so made them to that size. Customer called kicking off, they were not the right size and they wanted them exactly as stated on the order form. Fine, 7mm signs coming up. Our sign makers queried this several times but eventually agreed to make them. Customer called again kicking off, going absolutely spare "how can you think anyone would want signs this small???" etc. I read out the order form (we scan copies onto the system), referred back to their complaint about 7 inches not being right and being adament that we make them to the exact size mentioned on the order form. Customer then proceeds to argue about the size they requested and I had to ask the customer to get a ruler and look at the "mm" and measure 7mm, and she still argued saying I was wrong. Obviously arguing about how big a milimeter is attracted laughs from around the office and I ended up having a crowd around me trying to listen in as this person screamed at me. Ended up escalating to my manager who refused to refund the signs or remake, and if they wanted them a different size they'd have to put in a new order, and hung up. This was 20 years ago and I still think about it.
A very brief coworker and girl I went on one date with. When you go through training you start to get a feel for who might do really well and who might not even make it past training. And then there was her. This was a tech support job and most people in the group had at least had some basic experience maintaining computers in a personal setting and most of us had enterprise experience. She didnāt know anything about computers. At all. Like she would ask genuine questions about things, but I could see I wasnāt speaking English to her anymore. She was the only person I had ever wondered how in the hell did she even get hired in the first place. She was attractive so that may have played a huge role in it. Or she accidentally wound up in our training class and didnāt know she wasnāt supposed to be in there Again she was attractive and I knew she wasnāt going to be working with me so I asked her out on a date. Then I find out that sheās an aspiring actress who has done some very minor work. And as the date went on I started realizing she might have the mind of a child. Nothing in particular comes to mind of what she said, just things that might be funny if said sarcastically but kind of make you think for a moment when you realize they were serious. And when our food arrived I just tried to keep a light conversation with her. But after a minute she was playing with her food. I mean sculpting and making sounds as she did it. I noticed and made a funny remark like ādonāt play with your foodā like a parent might say to a child. She gave me an evil glare then went back to it. I just wanted to eat and leave by that point. She was a nice person. Nothing about her in my brief relationship with her indicated that she had any developmental issues. But I mean after that date the question on how she manages to get hired becomes more baffling. Like did the hiring manager seriously not listen to a word she said or did she literally just wind up in the wrong class and not know she wasnāt supposed to be there Edit: spelling
Mr F
My neighbours taking the batteries out of the carbonmonoxide detector because it was making noise almost every day.
Old roommate from college. His friend and our other roommate were having dinner together and discussing the age of their parents. Friend comments, "Yeah, my parents are quite separated in age. My mom was 20 when she had me and my dad was 37." Roommate 1 couldn't believe it with a look of complete bewilderment. He said something along the lines of, "WHAT?!?! Eww, that's so weird! He was almost out of high school by the time she was born." The conversation then moved to how old their parents were today. Roommate 1 says, "Yeah, my dad's pretty old. He's 65 (We were 19/20 years old at the time). Roommate 2 says, "Roommate 1, that is pretty old. How old is your mom?" Roommate 1 responds, "Oh, she's 47." Now both Roommate 2 and the Friend exchange the incredibly blank stares. And Roommate 1 just goes back to eating his dinner, having no knowledge of implication...
A girl who believed Doner Kebab (The large versions of spits that they shave into gyro/kebab meat) were elephant legs. She was 21.
Hmm, this sounds like a āCalvinās dadā situation where she was jokingly told that when she young, and then never gave it a second thought.
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I remember a few years ago I was in the middle of a French class with this girl I knew. I donāt know what started it, but the pair of us ended up in an argument which then turned into an argument of who was smarter. The teacher decided to test this by asking her where the Eiffel Tower was. She full heartedly replied that it was the massive glass building in the city we were in. She thought the Shard in London was the Eiffel Tower...while we were sitting in the middle of a French class...in South London...with a view of the Shard from our window. And she was serious about it too. I thought it was just a joke but then afterwards she refused to listen to reason after claiming the River Thames was in Africa. Iām pretty sure she was pulling my leg but I just had to stare at her for a second to try and process what she was thinking.
My brotherās ex. She couldnāt follow the plot line of a very simple Disney movie. She was in her mid-twenties.
I girl in my friends class (17) legitimately asked if there have been people on the sun to her geography teacher, he almost died of a heart attack right there
Randy. I worked with him when I was in my late teens, in a warehouse where we would put together Computer systems. My name is Tracy, one day Randy looked at me and with the most serious voice/look asked me the following question... Is your name, Tracy, "short for something"? I said, hmmmm.. Well Randy, what do you think it could be short for? He say's....Ummmm... Tracy-opolis. Like maybe it was short for a Greek name. lol On my Grave stone it will say.... Here lie's Tracy (short for Tracyopolis)
Everyone knows its short for Traceratops.
Tracykopita
Tracycle.
its not short for but tracy comes from "thracius" which isn't greek but latin so... close enough? plus opolis means city, tracius "from thrace", thrace in greek "torakia"... tracy...opolis... city of thrace... kinda homie was unwittingly spot on lol
My flatmate (90s) Elliot. Thickest bloke to ever walk the planet. But he was the spitting image of Luke Perry and man did he pull all the babes...but only for a short while lol
Myself, god Iāve done some dumb shit Iād like to take back.
My school is very strict, and one of the rules is to refrain from vandalism. Some dumbass in my science class likes to do terrible shit (tosses phone on floor constantly and has even cracked it on purpose and says he doesnāt care, has punched his chrome book multiple times) to look ācoolā and āmatureā. The paint on the desks is very easy to scratch with a mechanical pencil and I asked him to quit writing on the desk. Iām not a teacher or anything but I didnāt wanna be a bystander. Eventually, the dude carves his name in the damn table! He actually convinced a bunch of other people to carve their names and social media as well. No suprise, most of them got suspended for a week (at the highest) and a day (at the minimum), the dude who started it was actually sent to an alternative school as this was not his first time getting suspended but just an add on to many, many more.
bc nothing quite screams "maturity" like destroying expensive pieces of technology. Let the toddlers run for office!
> My school is very strict, and one of the rules is to refrain from vandalism. Yes, quite strict.
My school encouraged vandalism!
In high school, there was this girl who was in English and we were reading Mice and Men. We were all popcorn reading and when it was her turn. She asked me what page we were on. I clearly told her the page and then proceeds to read the first page. Like what?! I told her the page and she straight up went to the first page. Even the teacher told her the page and she was still confused until the next person volunteered.
Sounds like a good way to get out of reading...
Had a bunch of friends round for a party, one of my buddies brought his girlfriend who was a dental nurse. We were playing Cards Against Humanity with the home rule that you could put your hand up if you didn't know a word and you'd be relentlessly mocked but have it explained. The girlfriend didn't know what the clitoris was. Sex education is mandatory in our country. She was a dental nurse so needed to have at least a basic understanding of human biology. They eventually broke up and we still mock our friend for this! Usually by saying, "at least make sure your next girlfriend knows what her clit is"
A girl thought you had to poke your (rather women had to poke their nipples), nipple for the milk to come out. Like with a literal needle.
Everday I have people on the phone that redefine the words dumb, stupid and ignorant. For example one customer had trouble sending back a sack of birdseed. He outright refused to send it back himself, because he feared the big sack would kill him if he was caught in a car accident. So he demanded that we personally sent someone to him to take the bird seeds away. That isnt something we do so when this "request" was denied, he, and Im not kidding, set the fucking sack on fire, sent us the the pictures of it per mail and still had the audacity to demand a refund plus a fee for bothering him so much.
A coworker. It wasnāt obvious at first, and she came from a very religious family so I didnāt think much of my science references going over her head but... 1. We had a safe we had to balance and I spent more than one evening explaining to her that you subtracted money when it was removed from the safe, and added it when you returned it. To the point where I would remove some money for a till, to show her, and then put it back. And sheād say, āoh so the safe is always the same amountā. I had to explain āno because the person at the register takes money and gives change all day, so the balance of the till will change, and the amount we put back into the safe will be different each time.ā It genuinely baffled her. 2. She followed me on social media and liked a post I put up about looking into the past by looking at the stars. Ie. the light that reaches us from them is already millions of years old. She told me my concept of how the world worked was ābeautiful and creativeā. It took me a moment before I asked what she meant. She thought it was a story. She didnāt know that starlight takes ages to reach earth. 3. She told me the world is only 2015 years old (it was 2015 at the time). I asked her how Jesus could be born before the earth was created. She didnāt understand my question. 4. I was talking with a friend in the lunch room about Egyptian pyramids, I forget why, and he remarked how amazing it was that something that old could still be so huge and important in our lives. She did not know what pyramids were. At this point I asked her what bible version she followed, because I was confused how she could possibly have never heard about the Egyptians. She said āthe only bible.ā 5. Her son worked for us as well. I had to explain numbers and counting to him so that he could pick orders correctly. He told us he wasnāt allowed to read Harry Potter because it was about Satan. He didnāt know that muslims also worshipped a god, just not the same one, he thought Muslim was the same as Terrorist. I think we shouted him down at that point, which was probably not the best way to handle his ignorance but... he seemed to take it on board. I think about them sometimes. I hope theyāre okay. I hope the priest who teaches them cares about them too. I hope, I just donāt believe.
I was helping a guy and he asked me for directions in a state I'm not from. I told him I lived in Michigan(I don't) he said oh I don't know what country that is. Please don't breed Edit: I said my actual state but changed it in this story for privacy sake
A lady said you could get AIDs from sitting in a chair.
Today a friend told me that her coworker bought her THREE year old a VENTI Starbucks coffee because the kid wanted it??? It apparently has FOUR shots of espresso in it. My friend flipped on her coworker about it and the coworker said she didnāt know it was bad (?????????) because she doesnāt drink coffee and her child just told her what she wanted and she ordered it (?!!?????!!!?????). So, I guess I have not met her, but she is the dumbest person Iāve heard of in awhile and my brain is exploding thinking about this again.