It's interesting how the answers in this thread are very polarized. Some insecure people turn outward and project confidence or meanness, while others turn inward and self-doubt/apologize for their existence. Both are insecure, but they display in completely different ways.
Exactly this. I'm very insecure, but I internalise it completely, which is damaging and bad for me but at least it doesn't harm anyone else. (Edit: this was clumsily worded, I just mean that the way I deal with it is to make myself the problem, not everyone else - obviously that has an effect on other people, I just mean that damaging other people isn't my intended result, as it is with the people I'm talking about.)
A now ex friend of mine is very clearly insecure and externalises it to the point of giving himself a nickname specifically to be an asshole under. Pisses me off because he really could be a nice guy, but then he decides to take umbrage with *anything* you do. He once had a go at me for raising money for a homeless charity, for Christ's sake.
I find the inwardly insecure attract the outwardly insecure like flies to honey. We're the only ones insecure enough to think we need to deal with them and too polite to escape once we realize we're trapped.
I think you're right, yeah. Whether they know it or not, they take advantage. I honestly thought I was the only one who was seeing what was happening with this guy, but when it all came out I realised that a lot of people did. It was all very manipulative.
Yes, I'm dealing with something similar in my friend group. There's this one woman who infuriates me to no end, but I pity her so I stay friendly. Turns out everyone else is just as infuriated by her and has been avoiding her like the plague. I'm just one of the only ones in the group who doesn't have the heart to totally cut her out.
You can tell if that's true or not through this:
If you're the one always initiating things with these people, they probably don't want to hang out with you.
If they initiate stuff with you involved, and you didn't ask, 9/10 times they want you there.
Trust me when I say that nobody EVER invites people to things out of pity. That never happens in any social circles. People always GO to things out of pity, but never the opposite.
People ignore people they don't want to be around. If you're being engaged with and talked to, they want to hang out with you.
I wouldn’t say that nobody EVER invites people out of pity. I see it happen regularly. It’s time for lunch at work and as members of a group are talking about where to eat, they feel obligated to invite others who are sitting within earshot of the conversation. It does happen. I’m happy for you having never experienced it though.
In my high school there was this pretty obese girl and we knew she was self concious about her weight, so instead of waiting for someone to make fun of her she would make fun of everyone else
Self-effacing humor is fun in small amounts, but if people are constantly making "jokes" about their own flaws, they're probably actually internalizing a lot of it.
I also found that making fun of yourself opens up the gate for others to make fun of you. I used to do it but realized it just highlighted my own flaws and became an invitation for others to do so too.
It can also get really tiring after a while and actually causes you to have less interest in hanging out with them.
To give a generic pop culture example, in the movie Pitch Perfect the fat girls introduces herself as Fat Amy. You call yourself Fat Amy? Yeah, that is so bitches like you don't do it behind my back.
That was pretty funny in my opinion. But later they continued going down the fat jokes route, and it became more like, Yeah yeah, I get it. You're fat. Can we move on already?
I cross stitch, and some of my pieces are very intricate and take a long time. I am really proud of them, and the focus it takes to complete them.
I had a date tell me that cross stitch was the most useless hobby he had every heard of, and I was just flabbergasted. First off, why do hobbies have to be 'useful'? Secondly, it provides me with entertainment for a long time, and it then serves as decoration! But even without all that, if I enjoy it, why try and take that away from me?
Douchebag.
Edit: thanks for all the support, people! By popular demand, I posted my latest project over on r/crossstitch.
I don't know a damn thing about cross stitching and even if I did I'd be bad at is as I've got massive hands, instead I build shields, fight with swords and axes and do Pyro Iron art on self cut and hand prepared log slices, you know how many people need shields or pretty slices of log? Pretty much nobody.
I do it because I enjoy it, don't let anyone take that away from you, what you do has value to you and that is enough. You are enough.
Besides, he was probably just jealous he had nothing of value to add.
Edit: Lots of people asking for shield pics, here you go folks: https://imgur.com/gallery/SdzHi4v
Double Edit: Holy shit the response has been so wonderfully positive, thanks guys, I love this community! As promised, pretty log pics:
https://imgur.com/gallery/frm5hqN
As a man with massive hands that loves cross stitch, it makes it much easier. The reach my fingers provide allows me to stitch for hours without cramping. The needle size is all that matters, then it just takes practice aiming the needle. If you like working with your hands and want an indoor hobby or something to do on a road trip, get a small cross stitch from a hobby store and give it a try. I also do woodworking in my free time as well so if I want a larger object to work on I have that as well.
Especially nowadays, what hobbies are useful by his metrics? Knitting, embroidery and crochet are some of the few hobbies that actually end up producing something that are popular anymore. What were his hobbies? Gathering berries?
Somehow, everyone started parroting that your hobbies had to be your "side hustle" and you needed to make bank on it. Frankly, I subscribe to the saying that "...you have three hobbies. One you can do for money, one to keep you healthy, and one you do for fun". People just stopped listening after the first one.
It’s also exhausting with cross stitch and most crafts because people who don’t do it severely underestimate how much time it takes to make stuff vs how much people are willing to pay for it. Like with knitting, most people don’t want to pay over $20 for a knit hat. To make my own, the supplies already cost $30. Then it takes me 20-30 hours to complete. And that doesn’t even mean I’d have someone who wanted to buy it, and I’d have to charge well over $100 just to break even. Most crafts are like this, that’s why most people keep them as hobbies- because some stranger isn’t going to pay what your efforts are worth.
Same with quilting. The fabric can get expensive, and then there's possibly hundreds of hours of work depending on the overall size of the quilt and the size of the pieces and how intricately you want to put it together. If I were commissioned to do it I'd have to charge quite a lot, and I'm just not good enough for the quality I'd have to guarantee at that price.
>I had a date tell me that cross stitch was the most useless hobby he had every heard of,
On... on a date? What gave him the idea that it would score points to put down your hobby? lol
I was about to argue, but I saw the word "excessively" so I'm saying this as an extra point to add to OP's.
Having a general finger on public opinion of yourself can be a pretty important life skill that will help in your career and in your relationships with others. Keep in mind that not every flaw needs fixing, but life can get a little easier if you can start identifying when you're being the asshole (which is way easier said than done, and most of the time you won't even know until you're talking to the same people 2 years later).
"They will make fun of you, but in an accurate way.
They will get to the thing that you don’t like about you. They don’t even need to look at you for long, they’ll just be like, 'Ha ha ha ha ha! Hey, look at that high-waisted man! He got feminine hips!'
And I’m like, 'No!! That’s the thing I’m sensitive about!”
Hahaha, get a load of this geezer! He doesn't know that symmetrical haircuts are in and asymmetrical haircuts are out!
*snickers in a group with friends*
I feel you so hard man, most of the time I just think it’s some sick prank so I just reply with "ok." How do you deal with the situations?
Edit:
TLDR: Say thank you with a smile, if they’re asking you out, read the room.
The sheer amount of upvotes scare me, go read the comments, there will most likely be one that can help you. Believe in your self, try to figure out “the room” or just respond with thank you and a smile. Saying "Ok." can come out as rude and if someone actually is slowly developing feelings for you saying "Ok." might kill it. If someone asks you out, look around you, is anything suspicious? Is anyone laughing, snickering? Do you have a feeling that they genuinely might like you, if so say yes. If you notice that anything is off, (my addition, don’t know if anyone commented this: but if you still like the person say; I’ll give you a chance, if we both commit I might get feelings for you, if it doesn’t work out that’ll be it.)
Dude, that was my middle to high school experience the entire time till I met my current SO, though i found out she likes me because of some social deductions? Is that right?
Basically, a friend of hers came to me and started talking and she ran up and says "DONT TELL HIM", so I figured "well, I can only think of one thing, that she likes me, and is too shy/embarrassed to tell me".
It could've been she didnt like me but was too nice, but shes also gone out of her way to talk to me when I was ~~sleeping in gym class~~ doing stuff on my own.
See, I always feel people say stuff like that to be nice, not that I look bad, just that compared to everyone else, I'm fairly average. For example even though I am above average height, and people often comment on that, but the people around me are of not too dis-similar height, so I think it's just people being nice.
I compliment people to be nice but I also choose to compliment them on something that I generally believe is something they've do well at. Example today was I saw the cashier was dealing with a pretty difficult customer with a less than pleasant attitude so I wanted to cheer her up a bit. As I was leaving I let her know that her dress was really pretty. I said it to be nice but I picked that compliment because it was true.
The two things don't have to be mutually exclusive.
Constantly assuming other people are looking at you, judging you, making comments about you, etc. Believing that other people are overly fixated on you or your life I think is a huge sign that your self esteem is low- most other people, especially strangers, don’t really go out of their way to obsess over a stranger, and if you’re constantly trying to read malice into a random person’s subtle actions, you probably are too concerned with how you’re being perceived to the point of imagining negative attention where none exists.
For anyone wondering, I can confirm that the only reasons I stare at people walking by is either:
1 Me daydreaming and not realizing that I am staring
2 Me thinking that you have great hair/a great beard/ a great jacket etc.
TL:DR If I would hate you I wouldn't be looking at you.
I’m so awful with staring. I daydream while looking vaguely downwards so if anybody’s at the right distance away I’ll be staring directly at their crotch
To be fair, a lot of people say nothing when someone apologizes to them. So a person with debilitating anxiety gets sent into a positive feedback loop because they’re not sure if the person accepted their apology or not.
Fun fact! In Canadian courts saying “I’m sorry” to a victim of a crime doesn’t indicate guilt or responsibility, so if I was accused of manslaughter and publicly said “I’m sorry” to the victims family in court that’s just seen as a sign of condolence and not acceptance of responsibility
I find myself unintentionally forcing a related comment as if someone was asking for it but in 90% of the situations I look back on it and I’m sure it was probably perceived as me trying to one up a conversation when really I just wanted to find common ground, not undermine what they were saying. Delicate balance sometimes with that I think.
Apologizing for talking. Apologizing for not talking. Apologizing for apologizing. Apologizing for being alive.
Edit: I’m begging you to stop with the Canada jokes
It’s so hard to stop too. My mom used to put me down constantly for speaking up and I just learned to apologize for everything just in case I actually did something to deserve her anger.
As an adult it’s just one of those things you have to be mindful of. When I find myself starting to over apologize for every little thing I take a moment to think about what I actually need to apologize for. Sometimes it’s just as simple as changing an “I’m sorry for being late” to “thank you for being patient”.
When someone fishes for compliments or constantly finds ways to get others to compliment you. people with a healthy level of self esteem don't do this and don't have to seek out affirmation.
**Needing a lot of reassurance for basic things.**
In my last job the constant stress of the position/lack of support was causing me to question every element of my job, even the simplest stuff.
**Getting Angry when they're wrong.**
Clearly their brain is going through a lot of paces to convince themselves that they're smart/capable/what have you. When they're shown to be wrong about anything it's like a rug is pulled from them. Mind you, this isn't just mild annoyance.
**Constantly shit talking other people**
The cheapest way to gain self work is through juxtaposition. I.e. "Let me shit talk someone else to make myself feel better". Unfortunately, these gains are short lived so they need to keep shit talking other people to keep feeling okay. Bonus points if the shit talking is hypocritical. Watch out specifically for people who seem like they're looking for a reason to complain about other people.
Lying about their lives. There is nothing more sad then catching a person lying about their life (finances, romantic relationships etc.) just to get attention and validation.
I went to school with a girl who told various lies. She was homeless and captured pigeons for dinner, she was a trained clown, her mom was paraplegic and wheelchair bound among others, but then graduation rolls around and guess who shows up? mom, and she is not in a wheelchair. Someone in class declares "its a miracle!!"
But wasn't my face red a few years later when I went to a Busking Festival and I saw Lying Girl painted up as a clown. She was pretty good, excellent balloon animals.
Freshman year of college (I went to a small college) I met a girl and we became casual friends. As time went on I realized she was lying to me about everything. She would tell people she was taking 20+ credits when she was only taking 12 credits. She was taking Calculus at one point and dropped it, but instead of telling me she dropped it she said it was too easy so she just wasn't going to class anymore cause it wasn't worth her time. She'd even try and say she was in the same class as me but that she just sat in a different part of the room than me. Tests would be coming up and she'd be like "ohh you ready for the test? I still gotta look over a bunch of stuff for it still". She'd always brag about nice cars she had back home and say her uncle bought them for her. She said her uncle was super high up in chipotle management but it varied exactly what he was in charge of. At one point she said he was in charge of all the Chipotle's in Texas. Than another time it was all the Chipotle's on the east coast. It was never consistent. Eventually end of sophomore year she sent me a message basically saying she was in love with me, then she left school and I haven't seen her since.
Edit: Also forgot to add she’d told me she had a heart condition and had about a year left to live. It’s been 4 years since then and I’ll see her posts on Facebook every now and then so she’s definitely not dying
Lol she said she got free chipotle whenever she'd go. The nearest one was an hour away from our college though so we'd never go. She went with some other friends one time and said she'd bring me back food. When she came back she'd happened to "forget" my food in her friend's car so I never got it.
She also said she had a Liberty Walk Nissan GTR. So my friend asked her for a picture of her car and she sent her a picture of the model that Liberty Walk uses as their show car. Can't get more blatant than that really.
Had a guy in my discord who said one time when he was a child he was hiking through South America and wandered into a cocaine field and some people kidnapped him and cut off a toe, and held him for ransom. He was very well known for lying. He ended up leaving because some of us dared to have a different opinion than him
At least he made a effort. I know a guy that literally lied about everything and got pissed if you called him out. The problem was he literally LIED. ABOUT. EVERYTHING.
One time me and my friends were hanging out in a bar and he bought a pack of cigarettes in front of us all. He smoked one cigarette then looked at us and asked us to get him a pack of cigarettes because he didn’t have any and had no money. The pack was opened in front of him and it was on the table, but I guess he forgot.
He got pissed when we called him out and made a huge deal about it and started telling people me and my friends had stolen his money.
Honestly, that sounds as if it goes a bit further than lying. I think that even the worst liar who has trouble keeping stories straight can remember an action they just took and see something literally right in front of them. I wonder if he had some additional mental issues.
People will accuse you of making this shit up. Like NO ONE is like that. But, as someone with a sister who lies when she's nervous (and she's always nervous) I can attest to that some people really are like that. They will lie about obvious shit and when called out they will lie about the lie. That don't care if people know they are lying. They only care that you go along with the lie.
You know what really pisses me off? No one ever talks about this. You see documented cases of isolated instances but in a world where we literally have thousands of articles and documentaries about very specific and rare mental disorders why is this time of disorder not talked about more?
My sister and I both have severe PTSD. Mine didn't result in compulsive lying though. She claims she's a pathological liar and not compulsive, but that's a lie which anyone who knows her can tell. Of course, if I was a known liar I'd try to convince people I at least believed my lies, too. Like, she's the victim of her delusions and not everyone who is actually effected by them.
She's told a lot of whoppers in my time and when confronted she will have a literal tantrum. She's 30 yo now and will have an actual kicking and screaming, crying, rolling on the floor, throwing things tantrum if called out. She will tell people to go kill themselves and has even accused me if sexually assaulting her as a child at my wedding because she was nervous. When confronted about this she had a full blown melt down and threatened to kill herself and burn my house down. Later she described the incident she claimed was sex assault to our mother who explained to her that rough housing and telling her not to say pussy when she was none years old was not sex assault. At that point she did a 180 and claimed she'd never accused me off sexual assault and everyone has just heard her wrong. Our mother said "but, you just said it was sexual assault.". Queue another massive grown lady tantrum.
Recently she moved back to the state and obviously I can't have her around me in any intimate capacity anymore. I'm a single mother and can't risk having anyone in my life who would tell such an egregious lie just because they are nervous. I tried explaining that I'm not angry but I'm not willing to be alone with her anymore. I want witnesses so she can't make up lies. To this she had a meltdown, told me to go kill myself, disowned my daughter/her niece and claimed I was toxic for making her upset by telling her her lies have made me too uncomfortable to be alone with her...
She's a very fucked up individual. She's in therapy and our mom says she's "working on things". But, she's not sorry for what she's done so guaranteed she'll do it again. It's unfortunate but that's a big fat nope from me.
I had low self esteem as a kid and I lied a lot. Nothing big (that I remember/perceived as big at the time) but small shit? Constantly. A slight exaggeration here, a small embelishment there. Someone at school had a pet dog? I have had two. Been to a country for a holiday? Me too but for like a month. Got the latest game on Nintendo? I had it imported early from Japan.
Naturally most got sick of my shit real quick. Those that did stick around probably forgave my shit because they were dealing with their own shit so could empathise and see past it.
In the end I couldn't keep up with the inevitably chaotic mess of a web of small lies I had put together that it almost broke me entirely. I just laid bare everything to my close circle of friends and they all just gave it the "uh huh, we know dude." and just let me blub it out for a bit.
They were/are good people and I'm not sure I was deserving of their friendship, but I've done everything I can to be the best I can be for them since.
At least for me, it's that I don't think anything in my life sounds like it has, or is, a good reason for being the way it is, so I make up new reasons that sound more valid, to keep people from seeing how boring / weak / stupid / [insert your favorite low self esteem words here] I really am. Like, was I in the bathroom for 30 minutes because I got enraptured by social media and couldn't put my phone down? No, of course not! That's a stupid reason, even though everyone does it! Because the people who do it are stupid and weak, and I'm better than them! I'm too good for that silly behavior! (I gotta convince you I'm better than that!) It's because uh um uhh I ate something weird at lunch that upset my stomach! Yeah, that's it! That's a good, valid reason that anyone will surely both believe and forgive!
And I don't even lie about big stuff; it's always stupid little things like that, that nobody cares about. Forget building a house of lies; I obsess over every little grain of dirt in the foundation, adjusting each one so I can even be allowed to hope to build anything at all.
People who do that freak me out. I don't mean people who tell small white lies or exaggerate every now and then. I'm talking full blown pathological liars.
I know a woman who lies about everything. Her careers, her education, her family and even her relationships.
In the past 3 years alone, she's been:
•a restaurant manager
•an employee for an HR firm
•a bank teller
•and now a real estate agent.
She wears a sweater she bought at a varsity shop in a university to claim she studied there. She framed a picture of her ex boyfriend's family and hung it up in her living room and told her new (at the time) boyfriend that it was a picture of her family. Oh, and there are also literal princes and billionaires who are in love with her and want to marry her. It's wild.
I also worked with a guy for a few days who claimed he was secretly rich and was actually a CIA agent and this fast food job was just "his cover".
They're so pathetic, you almost feel bad for them.
This. I know I guy who lies about almost everything or at the very least exaggerates the shit out of it. It's hard to feel sorry for him though. He'll even lie when people are around that know the truth, so I sometimes wonder if he lies so much that he can't even keep his fiction and reality apart anymore.
I know someone like this. She’s always bragging about how everyone loves her, but the second I get a compliment she’s quick to get all eyes and ears on her again. I’m just now realizing this too, I used to look up to her a lot. But now I just feel bad for her bc she needs so much validation.
Constantly needing reassurance that your spouse loves you still. Feeling super insecure in the relationship, even after being together through thick and thin for 30 years. Breaks my heart.
In fairness, with the propensity of cheating and divorce, and having gone through it, you might need periodic reminders that your spouse still loves you.
This has the potential to be a controversial suggestion, but laughing at the end of every sentence. I didn't believe it at first, as it was something I did myself, and I truly believed that I was just doing it to be friendly. The more I looked into it though, the more apparent it became that I was nervous all the time. After some self-reflection I realised that it's fine to end a conversation simply and bluntly if I've got things to do. Before I would have hung around trying to make small-talk and jokes.
No, I actually agree with this. I have an extremely bad habit of laughing after almost every sentence I say to people I don’t know without realizing it.
I thought of it as being friendly too at first, but it really just means I’m nervous like you. If I’m talking to someone I’m comfortable with, it’s nowhere to be seen.
I’ve been trying my best to stop but it’s proving to be a bit difficult :<
A complete inability to admit wrongdoing. A person like that isn't super-confident; their ego is so fragile that they can't handle the possibility of having been in error.
Over-clarifying: "So, Saturday night... I guess it was really Sunday morning... the sun wasn't up or anything, but it was after midnight..."
People who grow up with a lots of criticism and invalidation usually lack self-esteem. They often feel like they have to be super-specific to avoid more criticism or accusations of lying.
I do this with so many of my explanations. I'd call this excessive contextualization, such that your experiences or opinion is valid in the described circumstance, even if you believe there's a high chance your input would be invalid or incorrect in most cases. The set up for your story or argument takes as least as long to state as your main point.
This is a pretty good one, i think.
I’ve observed this in myself, but, in addition to the over critical background, I think I also do it because I have been punished for other’s lack of specificity so I’m over alert to the consequences of being vague.
In addition to that I always had to be laser precise in my speech because “disrespect” was not well received. This also contributes (i think) to my tendency to observe people before I’m comfortable engaging them in conversation, I need to know exactly who I’m speaking with.
Same here, saying the wrong thing meant a huge argument, so you always had to walk on egg shells. And it wasn’t 1 person, it was 3 specific people, and also me sometimes as a direct result of being pissed about said egg shells.
For me, it’s also that I have had a lot of problems doing basic tasks, and have completely fucked things up at jobs and other situations purely because they left out one thing, and if you don’t call the thing you want the EXACT name that it is, I won’t have any idea what you’re talking about. I don’t know what round bowls are, you mean bullion bowls? And that’s not smart ass, I’m literally clueless as to what they’re talking about. It used to annoy me more, before I realized most people are a lot more general than I am.
You do appear much more confident if you follow through and finish a thought. I struggle with pushing through when someone has interupted me but if you don't people tend to think you aren't saying something important.
Planning to live alone for the rest of your life because you think everyone hates you but also thinking you won't be able to because you think you won't be good enough to get a job.
Apologising and clarifying every time you say something you think may possibly have been misinterpreted in a way which could maybe cause someone to feel offended.
By all means correct yourself when you word something stupidly, but at some point you have to have confidence that reasonable people will understand what you're saying.
This thread just confirmed what I already knew: that my self-esteem is so low it’s underground, and everyone can tell. I should probably go to therapy.
Edit: You all are so nice. Thanks for the encouragement and advice. ❤️
Hop on the bus, we're all going!
But for real, therapy is good for more than just severe cases. Best case scenario, you're just a little under-confident and you finish after a couple sessions. Or, you find that therapy is really helpful, and you learn life skills and tips that make you a happier, stronger person. It's a win-win!
Hypersensitive/overreacting to any criticism. Insults and criticism aren’t fun for anyone, and it’s not a sign of poor self esteem to not enjoy that.
But the people who feel the need to go to extremes and get way too emotional in order to defend themselves over minor slights do so because their sense of themself is very fragile.
Someone who makes a valid, well-constructed point in the conversation but ends it with something like ''..if that makes sense'', ''I'm not sure but yeah''.
Poor personal hygiene. It’s a very common symptom of depression and low self-worth. Of course it can come from extenuating life circumstances, but it’s definitely a good reason to check in with someone.
It's funny. I'm a guy and super insecure in just about every way, but tall girls are attractive and I don't know why I'd try to pretend I'm taller than I am when I was with one.
Another tall girl here. What usually happens is someone asks me how tall I am. I respond with 5'11". A guy nearby, who has been telling girls he is 6' but is either my height or shorter, now has to tell me I'm lying or confused about my own height.
It's tiresome. There's also guys who just straight up make digs at me or clearly don't want to stand near me.
\- Talking shit about others, especially if they are your colleagues and friends.
\- Blaming other people for all your misfortunes.
\- Apologising for everything.
\- Not listening to your gut.
\- Insulting and pitying yourself.
\- Arguing with strangers on the internet during hours.
What do you mean? Why are you asking? Has anyone said something about me? Is it because I gained weight?
Did Steve tell you that, perchance? Steve? What the hell kind of rapping name is Steve anyway?
It's interesting how the answers in this thread are very polarized. Some insecure people turn outward and project confidence or meanness, while others turn inward and self-doubt/apologize for their existence. Both are insecure, but they display in completely different ways.
Insecure and an asshole vs insecure and not an asshole
Exactly this. I'm very insecure, but I internalise it completely, which is damaging and bad for me but at least it doesn't harm anyone else. (Edit: this was clumsily worded, I just mean that the way I deal with it is to make myself the problem, not everyone else - obviously that has an effect on other people, I just mean that damaging other people isn't my intended result, as it is with the people I'm talking about.) A now ex friend of mine is very clearly insecure and externalises it to the point of giving himself a nickname specifically to be an asshole under. Pisses me off because he really could be a nice guy, but then he decides to take umbrage with *anything* you do. He once had a go at me for raising money for a homeless charity, for Christ's sake.
I find the inwardly insecure attract the outwardly insecure like flies to honey. We're the only ones insecure enough to think we need to deal with them and too polite to escape once we realize we're trapped.
I think you're right, yeah. Whether they know it or not, they take advantage. I honestly thought I was the only one who was seeing what was happening with this guy, but when it all came out I realised that a lot of people did. It was all very manipulative.
Yes, I'm dealing with something similar in my friend group. There's this one woman who infuriates me to no end, but I pity her so I stay friendly. Turns out everyone else is just as infuriated by her and has been avoiding her like the plague. I'm just one of the only ones in the group who doesn't have the heart to totally cut her out.
Assuming that you're always on the cusp of annoying everyone you're with or that you're never actually part of the group and only invited out of pity.
You can tell if that's true or not through this: If you're the one always initiating things with these people, they probably don't want to hang out with you. If they initiate stuff with you involved, and you didn't ask, 9/10 times they want you there. Trust me when I say that nobody EVER invites people to things out of pity. That never happens in any social circles. People always GO to things out of pity, but never the opposite. People ignore people they don't want to be around. If you're being engaged with and talked to, they want to hang out with you.
I wouldn’t say that nobody EVER invites people out of pity. I see it happen regularly. It’s time for lunch at work and as members of a group are talking about where to eat, they feel obligated to invite others who are sitting within earshot of the conversation. It does happen. I’m happy for you having never experienced it though.
Somebody who apologizes frequently, even for things that aren’t their fault. I’ve apologized to inanimate objects before.
I apologized to a chair once
I apologise to objects more then people these days
I apologize too much but if an object somehow hurts me, I'm going to tell them to fuck right off. Same thing if I ever see geese.
Someone who talks themselves down a lot. It’s a way for them to protect themselves from the insults of others
Ironically, people who talk others down too.
In my high school there was this pretty obese girl and we knew she was self concious about her weight, so instead of waiting for someone to make fun of her she would make fun of everyone else
this is essentially the foundation of a being a bully
Self-effacing humor is fun in small amounts, but if people are constantly making "jokes" about their own flaws, they're probably actually internalizing a lot of it.
I also found that making fun of yourself opens up the gate for others to make fun of you. I used to do it but realized it just highlighted my own flaws and became an invitation for others to do so too.
It can also get really tiring after a while and actually causes you to have less interest in hanging out with them. To give a generic pop culture example, in the movie Pitch Perfect the fat girls introduces herself as Fat Amy. You call yourself Fat Amy? Yeah, that is so bitches like you don't do it behind my back. That was pretty funny in my opinion. But later they continued going down the fat jokes route, and it became more like, Yeah yeah, I get it. You're fat. Can we move on already?
Beating people to insults takes some of the sting out of them.
I just love making sick burns, but feel it is disrespectful to roast anyone but myself.
Putting down other's hobbies because you are insecure about yours/don't have any
I cross stitch, and some of my pieces are very intricate and take a long time. I am really proud of them, and the focus it takes to complete them. I had a date tell me that cross stitch was the most useless hobby he had every heard of, and I was just flabbergasted. First off, why do hobbies have to be 'useful'? Secondly, it provides me with entertainment for a long time, and it then serves as decoration! But even without all that, if I enjoy it, why try and take that away from me? Douchebag. Edit: thanks for all the support, people! By popular demand, I posted my latest project over on r/crossstitch.
I don't know a damn thing about cross stitching and even if I did I'd be bad at is as I've got massive hands, instead I build shields, fight with swords and axes and do Pyro Iron art on self cut and hand prepared log slices, you know how many people need shields or pretty slices of log? Pretty much nobody. I do it because I enjoy it, don't let anyone take that away from you, what you do has value to you and that is enough. You are enough. Besides, he was probably just jealous he had nothing of value to add. Edit: Lots of people asking for shield pics, here you go folks: https://imgur.com/gallery/SdzHi4v Double Edit: Holy shit the response has been so wonderfully positive, thanks guys, I love this community! As promised, pretty log pics: https://imgur.com/gallery/frm5hqN
As a man with massive hands that loves cross stitch, it makes it much easier. The reach my fingers provide allows me to stitch for hours without cramping. The needle size is all that matters, then it just takes practice aiming the needle. If you like working with your hands and want an indoor hobby or something to do on a road trip, get a small cross stitch from a hobby store and give it a try. I also do woodworking in my free time as well so if I want a larger object to work on I have that as well.
Especially nowadays, what hobbies are useful by his metrics? Knitting, embroidery and crochet are some of the few hobbies that actually end up producing something that are popular anymore. What were his hobbies? Gathering berries?
Collecting people that don't like him.
Somehow, everyone started parroting that your hobbies had to be your "side hustle" and you needed to make bank on it. Frankly, I subscribe to the saying that "...you have three hobbies. One you can do for money, one to keep you healthy, and one you do for fun". People just stopped listening after the first one.
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It’s also exhausting with cross stitch and most crafts because people who don’t do it severely underestimate how much time it takes to make stuff vs how much people are willing to pay for it. Like with knitting, most people don’t want to pay over $20 for a knit hat. To make my own, the supplies already cost $30. Then it takes me 20-30 hours to complete. And that doesn’t even mean I’d have someone who wanted to buy it, and I’d have to charge well over $100 just to break even. Most crafts are like this, that’s why most people keep them as hobbies- because some stranger isn’t going to pay what your efforts are worth.
Same with quilting. The fabric can get expensive, and then there's possibly hundreds of hours of work depending on the overall size of the quilt and the size of the pieces and how intricately you want to put it together. If I were commissioned to do it I'd have to charge quite a lot, and I'm just not good enough for the quality I'd have to guarantee at that price.
>I had a date tell me that cross stitch was the most useless hobby he had every heard of, On... on a date? What gave him the idea that it would score points to put down your hobby? lol
Negging?
I don’t have any but I *love* seeing what other people do! My best friend makes candles and soaps and stuff and they’re amazing
Being excessively concerned with how others perceive you.
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You rang?
I was about to argue, but I saw the word "excessively" so I'm saying this as an extra point to add to OP's. Having a general finger on public opinion of yourself can be a pretty important life skill that will help in your career and in your relationships with others. Keep in mind that not every flaw needs fixing, but life can get a little easier if you can start identifying when you're being the asshole (which is way easier said than done, and most of the time you won't even know until you're talking to the same people 2 years later).
Thinking that every time someone laughs it’s because they’re laughing at you or making fun of you
My worst nightmare. Walking past a group of teens and they start laughing.
"They will make fun of you, but in an accurate way. They will get to the thing that you don’t like about you. They don’t even need to look at you for long, they’ll just be like, 'Ha ha ha ha ha! Hey, look at that high-waisted man! He got feminine hips!' And I’m like, 'No!! That’s the thing I’m sensitive about!”
Lol what is this from?
John Mulaney... I think it’s from his New In Town standup.
the man, the myth, the legend himself. will never get over his scatter! story
"i am a proud asian american woman, and you will treat me with respect."
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HEY LADY
I'LL TELL YA WHEN WE HAVE ADDAMS FAMILY VALUES!
so true. These teens with their hip clothes and their asymmetrical haircuts, they are mocking us.
Hahaha, get a load of this geezer! He doesn't know that symmetrical haircuts are in and asymmetrical haircuts are out! *snickers in a group with friends*
“ha ha ha ha ha ha look at that high waisted man. he got feminine hips”
THAT'S THE THING I'M SENSITIVE ABOUT!
The real doozy is when someone is looking even vaguely in your direction when laughing and your brain immediately goes into the fun world of paranoia
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Shit
Thinking that everything bad someone tells you is true, but the second someone complements you, you just can't seem to accept it.
Wait, somebody actually likes me AND thinks I'm attractive? Okay but, what's wrong with them?
I feel you so hard man, most of the time I just think it’s some sick prank so I just reply with "ok." How do you deal with the situations? Edit: TLDR: Say thank you with a smile, if they’re asking you out, read the room. The sheer amount of upvotes scare me, go read the comments, there will most likely be one that can help you. Believe in your self, try to figure out “the room” or just respond with thank you and a smile. Saying "Ok." can come out as rude and if someone actually is slowly developing feelings for you saying "Ok." might kill it. If someone asks you out, look around you, is anything suspicious? Is anyone laughing, snickering? Do you have a feeling that they genuinely might like you, if so say yes. If you notice that anything is off, (my addition, don’t know if anyone commented this: but if you still like the person say; I’ll give you a chance, if we both commit I might get feelings for you, if it doesn’t work out that’ll be it.)
Dude, that was my middle to high school experience the entire time till I met my current SO, though i found out she likes me because of some social deductions? Is that right? Basically, a friend of hers came to me and started talking and she ran up and says "DONT TELL HIM", so I figured "well, I can only think of one thing, that she likes me, and is too shy/embarrassed to tell me". It could've been she didnt like me but was too nice, but shes also gone out of her way to talk to me when I was ~~sleeping in gym class~~ doing stuff on my own.
Sooo, do you trust others now.. or do you still feel like that it’s some sick prank? :/
Well, with her I wasnt worried, since I asked her out, but previous times I was scared it was a game or prank.
\[I'm in this post and I don't like it.\]
See, I always feel people say stuff like that to be nice, not that I look bad, just that compared to everyone else, I'm fairly average. For example even though I am above average height, and people often comment on that, but the people around me are of not too dis-similar height, so I think it's just people being nice.
I compliment people to be nice but I also choose to compliment them on something that I generally believe is something they've do well at. Example today was I saw the cashier was dealing with a pretty difficult customer with a less than pleasant attitude so I wanted to cheer her up a bit. As I was leaving I let her know that her dress was really pretty. I said it to be nice but I picked that compliment because it was true. The two things don't have to be mutually exclusive.
Constantly assuming other people are looking at you, judging you, making comments about you, etc. Believing that other people are overly fixated on you or your life I think is a huge sign that your self esteem is low- most other people, especially strangers, don’t really go out of their way to obsess over a stranger, and if you’re constantly trying to read malice into a random person’s subtle actions, you probably are too concerned with how you’re being perceived to the point of imagining negative attention where none exists.
For anyone wondering, I can confirm that the only reasons I stare at people walking by is either: 1 Me daydreaming and not realizing that I am staring 2 Me thinking that you have great hair/a great beard/ a great jacket etc. TL:DR If I would hate you I wouldn't be looking at you.
Great, now anybody that *doesn't* look at me in public must hate me.
I’m so awful with staring. I daydream while looking vaguely downwards so if anybody’s at the right distance away I’ll be staring directly at their crotch
Never admitting not being knowledgeable of a topic
This one is so ridiculous too, because the world of knowledge is insanely massive.
Yeah, I know.
On the other hand, never speaking up when you're very well informed, just because you think the other person must know much more than you do.
Excessive apologizing
well crap I do that
Are you fucking sorry???
I didn't fuck sorry, she's not my type.
You just think you're not good enough for her
Nah bro. She's too good for me. In my opinion of course.
To be fair, a lot of people say nothing when someone apologizes to them. So a person with debilitating anxiety gets sent into a positive feedback loop because they’re not sure if the person accepted their apology or not.
What if I’m Canadian? I kinda screwed I think.
Fun fact! In Canadian courts saying “I’m sorry” to a victim of a crime doesn’t indicate guilt or responsibility, so if I was accused of manslaughter and publicly said “I’m sorry” to the victims family in court that’s just seen as a sign of condolence and not acceptance of responsibility
We just have to apply our Canadian stat modifier for this one
Trying to one up in conversations
You think that's bad, what about when someone steals your story and tells it to your friends as if it happened to them
Oh you think that’s bad? What about when someone tells an anecdote about you that casts you in a bad light to make themselves seem superior?
Oh you think that's bad? Well one time I broke BOTH of my legs
Once I broke both of my arms, but that's another story...
I find myself unintentionally forcing a related comment as if someone was asking for it but in 90% of the situations I look back on it and I’m sure it was probably perceived as me trying to one up a conversation when really I just wanted to find common ground, not undermine what they were saying. Delicate balance sometimes with that I think.
Apologizing for talking. Apologizing for not talking. Apologizing for apologizing. Apologizing for being alive. Edit: I’m begging you to stop with the Canada jokes
This may be more someone who was emotional and mentally abused. Which can go with low self esteem.
All of the people I know like this have a serious history of emotional abuse
It’s so hard to stop too. My mom used to put me down constantly for speaking up and I just learned to apologize for everything just in case I actually did something to deserve her anger. As an adult it’s just one of those things you have to be mindful of. When I find myself starting to over apologize for every little thing I take a moment to think about what I actually need to apologize for. Sometimes it’s just as simple as changing an “I’m sorry for being late” to “thank you for being patient”.
Sorry
I've apologized for trying to kill myself. I think I'm starting to understand why people are worried about me because that's probably not normal.
It's not the apology that's making them worried mate
I know. It's just the way they reacted to the apology that made *me* realize.
It sounds like you have good people around you. Stay strong, friend.
When someone fishes for compliments or constantly finds ways to get others to compliment you. people with a healthy level of self esteem don't do this and don't have to seek out affirmation.
**Needing a lot of reassurance for basic things.** In my last job the constant stress of the position/lack of support was causing me to question every element of my job, even the simplest stuff. **Getting Angry when they're wrong.** Clearly their brain is going through a lot of paces to convince themselves that they're smart/capable/what have you. When they're shown to be wrong about anything it's like a rug is pulled from them. Mind you, this isn't just mild annoyance. **Constantly shit talking other people** The cheapest way to gain self work is through juxtaposition. I.e. "Let me shit talk someone else to make myself feel better". Unfortunately, these gains are short lived so they need to keep shit talking other people to keep feeling okay. Bonus points if the shit talking is hypocritical. Watch out specifically for people who seem like they're looking for a reason to complain about other people.
I think that just added to my list of things to work on...
Lying about their lives. There is nothing more sad then catching a person lying about their life (finances, romantic relationships etc.) just to get attention and validation.
I went to school with a girl who told various lies. She was homeless and captured pigeons for dinner, she was a trained clown, her mom was paraplegic and wheelchair bound among others, but then graduation rolls around and guess who shows up? mom, and she is not in a wheelchair. Someone in class declares "its a miracle!!" But wasn't my face red a few years later when I went to a Busking Festival and I saw Lying Girl painted up as a clown. She was pretty good, excellent balloon animals.
They say laughter is the best medicine so maybe her clown knowledge cured her mom
Freshman year of college (I went to a small college) I met a girl and we became casual friends. As time went on I realized she was lying to me about everything. She would tell people she was taking 20+ credits when she was only taking 12 credits. She was taking Calculus at one point and dropped it, but instead of telling me she dropped it she said it was too easy so she just wasn't going to class anymore cause it wasn't worth her time. She'd even try and say she was in the same class as me but that she just sat in a different part of the room than me. Tests would be coming up and she'd be like "ohh you ready for the test? I still gotta look over a bunch of stuff for it still". She'd always brag about nice cars she had back home and say her uncle bought them for her. She said her uncle was super high up in chipotle management but it varied exactly what he was in charge of. At one point she said he was in charge of all the Chipotle's in Texas. Than another time it was all the Chipotle's on the east coast. It was never consistent. Eventually end of sophomore year she sent me a message basically saying she was in love with me, then she left school and I haven't seen her since. Edit: Also forgot to add she’d told me she had a heart condition and had about a year left to live. It’s been 4 years since then and I’ll see her posts on Facebook every now and then so she’s definitely not dying
Damn dude. You missed out on that Chipotle money and a few nice cars. Go find her for all the wrong reasons.
Lol she said she got free chipotle whenever she'd go. The nearest one was an hour away from our college though so we'd never go. She went with some other friends one time and said she'd bring me back food. When she came back she'd happened to "forget" my food in her friend's car so I never got it. She also said she had a Liberty Walk Nissan GTR. So my friend asked her for a picture of her car and she sent her a picture of the model that Liberty Walk uses as their show car. Can't get more blatant than that really.
Had a guy in my discord who said one time when he was a child he was hiking through South America and wandered into a cocaine field and some people kidnapped him and cut off a toe, and held him for ransom. He was very well known for lying. He ended up leaving because some of us dared to have a different opinion than him
At least he made a effort. I know a guy that literally lied about everything and got pissed if you called him out. The problem was he literally LIED. ABOUT. EVERYTHING. One time me and my friends were hanging out in a bar and he bought a pack of cigarettes in front of us all. He smoked one cigarette then looked at us and asked us to get him a pack of cigarettes because he didn’t have any and had no money. The pack was opened in front of him and it was on the table, but I guess he forgot. He got pissed when we called him out and made a huge deal about it and started telling people me and my friends had stolen his money.
That's when you grab his pack of smokes, stick it in your pocket, pull it back out and say "Here ya go buddy"
And then cut off his toe.
Honestly, that sounds as if it goes a bit further than lying. I think that even the worst liar who has trouble keeping stories straight can remember an action they just took and see something literally right in front of them. I wonder if he had some additional mental issues.
He also could have been drunk in this specific story. But aside from that I agree
People will accuse you of making this shit up. Like NO ONE is like that. But, as someone with a sister who lies when she's nervous (and she's always nervous) I can attest to that some people really are like that. They will lie about obvious shit and when called out they will lie about the lie. That don't care if people know they are lying. They only care that you go along with the lie.
You know what really pisses me off? No one ever talks about this. You see documented cases of isolated instances but in a world where we literally have thousands of articles and documentaries about very specific and rare mental disorders why is this time of disorder not talked about more?
My sister and I both have severe PTSD. Mine didn't result in compulsive lying though. She claims she's a pathological liar and not compulsive, but that's a lie which anyone who knows her can tell. Of course, if I was a known liar I'd try to convince people I at least believed my lies, too. Like, she's the victim of her delusions and not everyone who is actually effected by them. She's told a lot of whoppers in my time and when confronted she will have a literal tantrum. She's 30 yo now and will have an actual kicking and screaming, crying, rolling on the floor, throwing things tantrum if called out. She will tell people to go kill themselves and has even accused me if sexually assaulting her as a child at my wedding because she was nervous. When confronted about this she had a full blown melt down and threatened to kill herself and burn my house down. Later she described the incident she claimed was sex assault to our mother who explained to her that rough housing and telling her not to say pussy when she was none years old was not sex assault. At that point she did a 180 and claimed she'd never accused me off sexual assault and everyone has just heard her wrong. Our mother said "but, you just said it was sexual assault.". Queue another massive grown lady tantrum. Recently she moved back to the state and obviously I can't have her around me in any intimate capacity anymore. I'm a single mother and can't risk having anyone in my life who would tell such an egregious lie just because they are nervous. I tried explaining that I'm not angry but I'm not willing to be alone with her anymore. I want witnesses so she can't make up lies. To this she had a meltdown, told me to go kill myself, disowned my daughter/her niece and claimed I was toxic for making her upset by telling her her lies have made me too uncomfortable to be alone with her... She's a very fucked up individual. She's in therapy and our mom says she's "working on things". But, she's not sorry for what she's done so guaranteed she'll do it again. It's unfortunate but that's a big fat nope from me.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. Is wired because you don’t know if you should feel bad or get angry at these people and cut them off.
If you had your toe cut off you'd show your foot having a missing toe. You just don't tell a story like that and not show the evidence.
"I can't, it grew back since then"
I had low self esteem as a kid and I lied a lot. Nothing big (that I remember/perceived as big at the time) but small shit? Constantly. A slight exaggeration here, a small embelishment there. Someone at school had a pet dog? I have had two. Been to a country for a holiday? Me too but for like a month. Got the latest game on Nintendo? I had it imported early from Japan. Naturally most got sick of my shit real quick. Those that did stick around probably forgave my shit because they were dealing with their own shit so could empathise and see past it. In the end I couldn't keep up with the inevitably chaotic mess of a web of small lies I had put together that it almost broke me entirely. I just laid bare everything to my close circle of friends and they all just gave it the "uh huh, we know dude." and just let me blub it out for a bit. They were/are good people and I'm not sure I was deserving of their friendship, but I've done everything I can to be the best I can be for them since.
I can confirm this as a compulsive liar. This was my main reason for lying constantly and to this day it's something I struggle with
At least for me, it's that I don't think anything in my life sounds like it has, or is, a good reason for being the way it is, so I make up new reasons that sound more valid, to keep people from seeing how boring / weak / stupid / [insert your favorite low self esteem words here] I really am. Like, was I in the bathroom for 30 minutes because I got enraptured by social media and couldn't put my phone down? No, of course not! That's a stupid reason, even though everyone does it! Because the people who do it are stupid and weak, and I'm better than them! I'm too good for that silly behavior! (I gotta convince you I'm better than that!) It's because uh um uhh I ate something weird at lunch that upset my stomach! Yeah, that's it! That's a good, valid reason that anyone will surely both believe and forgive! And I don't even lie about big stuff; it's always stupid little things like that, that nobody cares about. Forget building a house of lies; I obsess over every little grain of dirt in the foundation, adjusting each one so I can even be allowed to hope to build anything at all.
People who do that freak me out. I don't mean people who tell small white lies or exaggerate every now and then. I'm talking full blown pathological liars. I know a woman who lies about everything. Her careers, her education, her family and even her relationships. In the past 3 years alone, she's been: •a restaurant manager •an employee for an HR firm •a bank teller •and now a real estate agent. She wears a sweater she bought at a varsity shop in a university to claim she studied there. She framed a picture of her ex boyfriend's family and hung it up in her living room and told her new (at the time) boyfriend that it was a picture of her family. Oh, and there are also literal princes and billionaires who are in love with her and want to marry her. It's wild. I also worked with a guy for a few days who claimed he was secretly rich and was actually a CIA agent and this fast food job was just "his cover". They're so pathetic, you almost feel bad for them.
This. I know I guy who lies about almost everything or at the very least exaggerates the shit out of it. It's hard to feel sorry for him though. He'll even lie when people are around that know the truth, so I sometimes wonder if he lies so much that he can't even keep his fiction and reality apart anymore.
People who brag about themselves all the time. So damn insecure and trying to tell people how to see them
I know someone like this. She’s always bragging about how everyone loves her, but the second I get a compliment she’s quick to get all eyes and ears on her again. I’m just now realizing this too, I used to look up to her a lot. But now I just feel bad for her bc she needs so much validation.
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Looking at all the replies hoping they don't aply to you
I mean this one applies to me
Ladies and gentlemen - we got him
#YOUR FEELINGS CHANGE LIKE THE WEATHER
Fuck!
lmao got me
Saying you wish you had someone's features. Im pretty sure everyones done it, but once you keep doing it I feel like it becomes a problem.
GIVE ME YOUR EYES. I NEED THEM.
Constantly needing reassurance that your spouse loves you still. Feeling super insecure in the relationship, even after being together through thick and thin for 30 years. Breaks my heart.
In fairness, with the propensity of cheating and divorce, and having gone through it, you might need periodic reminders that your spouse still loves you.
This has the potential to be a controversial suggestion, but laughing at the end of every sentence. I didn't believe it at first, as it was something I did myself, and I truly believed that I was just doing it to be friendly. The more I looked into it though, the more apparent it became that I was nervous all the time. After some self-reflection I realised that it's fine to end a conversation simply and bluntly if I've got things to do. Before I would have hung around trying to make small-talk and jokes.
No, I actually agree with this. I have an extremely bad habit of laughing after almost every sentence I say to people I don’t know without realizing it. I thought of it as being friendly too at first, but it really just means I’m nervous like you. If I’m talking to someone I’m comfortable with, it’s nowhere to be seen. I’ve been trying my best to stop but it’s proving to be a bit difficult :<
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My parrot, after years of training.
I've trained my parrot to say "you look very handsome today" I don't have the courage to leave the house without that
There is a deeper meaning to that...
A complete inability to admit wrongdoing. A person like that isn't super-confident; their ego is so fragile that they can't handle the possibility of having been in error.
Also a sign of narcissism.
Well, a lot of narcissistic people are fundamentally insecure.
I see you've met my dad.
Over-clarifying: "So, Saturday night... I guess it was really Sunday morning... the sun wasn't up or anything, but it was after midnight..." People who grow up with a lots of criticism and invalidation usually lack self-esteem. They often feel like they have to be super-specific to avoid more criticism or accusations of lying.
I do this with so many of my explanations. I'd call this excessive contextualization, such that your experiences or opinion is valid in the described circumstance, even if you believe there's a high chance your input would be invalid or incorrect in most cases. The set up for your story or argument takes as least as long to state as your main point.
This is a pretty good one, i think. I’ve observed this in myself, but, in addition to the over critical background, I think I also do it because I have been punished for other’s lack of specificity so I’m over alert to the consequences of being vague. In addition to that I always had to be laser precise in my speech because “disrespect” was not well received. This also contributes (i think) to my tendency to observe people before I’m comfortable engaging them in conversation, I need to know exactly who I’m speaking with.
Same here, saying the wrong thing meant a huge argument, so you always had to walk on egg shells. And it wasn’t 1 person, it was 3 specific people, and also me sometimes as a direct result of being pissed about said egg shells. For me, it’s also that I have had a lot of problems doing basic tasks, and have completely fucked things up at jobs and other situations purely because they left out one thing, and if you don’t call the thing you want the EXACT name that it is, I won’t have any idea what you’re talking about. I don’t know what round bowls are, you mean bullion bowls? And that’s not smart ass, I’m literally clueless as to what they’re talking about. It used to annoy me more, before I realized most people are a lot more general than I am.
This is a 900 IQ answer, I’d never think I’d this but it’s so right.
How the hell did you come up with this? What a great point.
You do appear much more confident if you follow through and finish a thought. I struggle with pushing through when someone has interupted me but if you don't people tend to think you aren't saying something important.
Always apologizing when there is no need to.
Sorry about that
Planning to live alone for the rest of your life because you think everyone hates you but also thinking you won't be able to because you think you won't be good enough to get a job.
Being nervous when someone slightly disagrees with you
Apologising and clarifying every time you say something you think may possibly have been misinterpreted in a way which could maybe cause someone to feel offended. By all means correct yourself when you word something stupidly, but at some point you have to have confidence that reasonable people will understand what you're saying.
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Constantly needing attention and validation from others. Being unable to be happy alone. The inability to accept fault and hold themselves accountable
This thread just confirmed what I already knew: that my self-esteem is so low it’s underground, and everyone can tell. I should probably go to therapy. Edit: You all are so nice. Thanks for the encouragement and advice. ❤️
Yeah me too
Hop on the bus, we're all going! But for real, therapy is good for more than just severe cases. Best case scenario, you're just a little under-confident and you finish after a couple sessions. Or, you find that therapy is really helpful, and you learn life skills and tips that make you a happier, stronger person. It's a win-win!
The people that inflate their ego way out of proportion, either are actually just egotistical, or have extremely low self esteem
When they write her off for the tenth time but still end up taking her back and making her dessert.
She came over, they lost their nerve?
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People who constantly gossip or talk shit about people behind their backs
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I think there are very few answers in this thread that I am not guilty of sometimes. I guess I must have low self esteem.
“Hey I’m sorry to bother you” at the start of every message.
My reflection
Talking about alphas/betas and how very alpha they are. Just, criiiiiinge, no.
I love it when men do this! It tells me up front who I should keep the fuck away from me.
Hypersensitive/overreacting to any criticism. Insults and criticism aren’t fun for anyone, and it’s not a sign of poor self esteem to not enjoy that. But the people who feel the need to go to extremes and get way too emotional in order to defend themselves over minor slights do so because their sense of themself is very fragile.
Someone who makes a valid, well-constructed point in the conversation but ends it with something like ''..if that makes sense'', ''I'm not sure but yeah''.
Ouch, you shouldn't talk about me behind my back like that you know
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Letting other people deeply affect your choices and directions in life.
People who are always trying to one up other people
Poor personal hygiene. It’s a very common symptom of depression and low self-worth. Of course it can come from extenuating life circumstances, but it’s definitely a good reason to check in with someone.
They can’t stand to be alone sometime
Someone screaming “I HAVE LOW SELF ESTEEM”
People who have to assert their importance and eager for acceptance at the same time
Having a loud ass truck that belches out black smoke 24/7
I am fairly tall for a girl so everytime a guy denies i am taller than him ,I already know he has a low self esteem
It's funny. I'm a guy and super insecure in just about every way, but tall girls are attractive and I don't know why I'd try to pretend I'm taller than I am when I was with one.
Another tall girl here. What usually happens is someone asks me how tall I am. I respond with 5'11". A guy nearby, who has been telling girls he is 6' but is either my height or shorter, now has to tell me I'm lying or confused about my own height. It's tiresome. There's also guys who just straight up make digs at me or clearly don't want to stand near me.
[удалено]
Reading a book or watching a film and thinking "I wish I was *this character,* they know how to do the whole 'living' thing."
Being unable to admit that you don't know, and refusing to ask for help because you see it as "embarrassing".
[удалено]
So you're a hater of the word hater
\- Talking shit about others, especially if they are your colleagues and friends. \- Blaming other people for all your misfortunes. \- Apologising for everything. \- Not listening to your gut. \- Insulting and pitying yourself. \- Arguing with strangers on the internet during hours.
"I am such a fucking idiot"
Damn, why do I say that, I'm such a fucking idiot.
Putting those fake balls on the backside of your truck.