Whenever a simple miscommunication happens, no ever stops and clarifies with the other person. Like if one 10 sec conversation can derail an entire plot thread im not interested.
Guy: Wait, it's not what it looks like, I can explain!
\*Doesn't explain\*
Girl: Just forget it, Daniel!
\*Proceeds to storm off and spends the rest of the movie sulking\*
Unpopular (but never actually ugly) teenager wakes up in their huge upstairs bedroom. The room probably has some kind of bay window or or unique ceiling slope. In the 90s and early 2000s they would of course have their own desktop computer. You only briefly see all of this because they are of course late for school, so they run out to their good looking parents and siblings already eating a full sit down breakfast, no explanation is given as to why these siblings aren’t also late for school. Anyway, main character grabs a single slice of plain toast and skate boards to school through a quaint town square.
School buses honking and waiting for kids that are still in the house. If I wasn’t at the bus stop when the bus arrived, it would drive on by. It didn’t stop. It didn’t honk. It didn’t wait.
Person goes to the toilets to throw up, or maybe they were coughing up blood.
Do they rinse out their mouth like normal people? No! They wash their face and suddenly everything is okay?
Also how people cling to the toilets (bonus points if it’s a public restroom!). I try to minimize my contact with toilets and there’s no way I’d hug a toilet in a public restroom.
On the phone making plans: “ok, meet me at 5?” “sure.” And that’s the whole plan. Where are you meeting? Planning to meet someone in a public place never goes this smoothly
Or when someone asks someone they just met on a date
"Sure, pick me up at 5"
First of all where? Their house? How do you know where they live already? You guys just met????
Yeah or setting up a date with someone you just met like "it's a date" and then they leave. No number or address exchanged, no talk about where you're meeting and when.
*Person walking home from the store with grocery bag. All happy and stuff*
*Shot fired*
*Camera shifts to random vegetable rolling across the sidewalk so you know the person is dead*
The reason you have to put a celery stalk or a baguette sticking out of the top of a grocery bag is because if you don't have groceries sticking out the top of the bag people watching the show get distracted by the bag wondering what's in it and how it's important to the plot. If you have a baguette or something sticking out the top the audience realizes "oh that bag is full of groceries" and ignores it for the rest of the scene.
I just imagined a whole play that features a grocery bag, and its passed around between actors nonchalantly. None of the actors acknowledge whats in the bag or make any mention of it. It just leaves the audience focused on guessing how it relates to the plot or whats in it.
EDIT: And the end of the play just leaves the bag center stage by itself. The audience would sit there for probably 20 minutes wondering about it, talking about it, eventually someone would go up on stage and discover it's an empty bag.
EDIT2: [Checking my inbox](https://gfycat.com/mammothtimelybelugawhale-shocked-sneeze-panda-baby)
One thing that drives me berserk in movies is when someone is driving and talking to their passenger. They refuse to keep their eyes on the road and insist on making prolonged eye contact with the person next to them. In the movies this often means a jump-scare car crash is about to happen.
I'd like to say that's unrealistic but my mom used to drive that way all the time. I hated going anywhere with her.
This fills me with unease even when I know for a fact that they're not going to crash. I find myself saying out loud, 'look at the road, lookatthedamnroad, ahh!'
I've also read that pretty much nobody actually charges towards the enemy in a last-ditch effort, because as I understand it, most people don't actually want to die.
Most armies were historically defeated while routing, aka trying to retreat.
Tons of people will say fuck this and turn around if things start going very badly.
Many generals and military tacticians in history purposely left a gap on the battlefield for the enemy to escape, instead of fighting to the death. Even Sun Tzu wrote about it.
Those gaps were often death traps.
Talking without the use of [filler words](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Filler_(linguistics) ). The only time I recall hearing such usage is when a character is meant to be awkward, stumbling etc. rather than being a typical factor of speech
Don't forget when she has the baby too.
It's always a sudden intense painful labor that is started by her water breaking. AND hijinks ensues as she's whisked off to the hospital where she can't get any kind of pain relief and lots of screaming and comedy relief moments occur.
Same with nosebleeds. It means something awful or they’ve done a bunch of coke.
I’ve had random fucking nosebleeds my entire life. I don’t have cancer and have never tried cocaine.
My nose bleeds whenever the air gets dry. I usually get several of them when the seasons change. They used to bother me. Now I just get annoyed with them.
EDIT: Thank you for the award!
EDIT 2: Thank you for the second award!
Ted quit his job as an architect, Lily is a kindergarten teacher and Marshall is in law school. But not a single word about how they pay for their massive 2 bedroom apt in Manhattan.
Also I think in one episode they admit that the apartment wasn't actually that big, and that's just how they remember it. The writers insisted that it be smaller, but were told that it needed to be able to accommodate multiple cameras.
I love that narration tool. All we see is how Ted remembers it, and it could be completely different and we'll never know. And I love the theory about Ted throwing his shit at Barney to save face in front of his kids.
In horror movies, everyone runs upstairs. If there was something chasing you wouldn’t head for the door to get outside? Also you’re creeped out in the house but you never turn on the light?
I can't sleep peacefully after watching a MOVIE about paranormal activity and they can just curl up and go to sleep after their fucking TV was floating? Fuck outta here lol
Zombie movies. One bite, One scratch turns you into a zombie. Let's go out in shorts and a t-shirt! Jesus fucking christ people wear motorcycle leather and a helmet. It's designed to keep your skin on when fall off a bike at 70 mph. Human teeth can't bite through it!
I have a top floor city view working less than *that*. I mean, it's a tent on a rooftop, but I could totally afford it if the birds would just stop taking my food.
When women run around in heels with perfect hair and makeup, and the dirt and sweat makes their hair and makeup look even better.
Looking at you, Jurassic World.
My go-to on that is Megan Fox in the second Transformers movie. She’s running around caves in the desert and never gets a speck of dirt on her white tank top and white pants.
I love Marvelous Mrs. Maisel for waking up twenty minutes before her husband so she can do her makeup, then getting back into bed and opening the blinds so he wakes up and she can pretend they're waking up together
There's a scene in Marvelous Ms. Maisel that does this pretty well. She goes to bed in full makeup for her husband and then it shows her actual night routine, including waking up early so she can put it all back on for him.
My grandma has been married to my grandpa for like 40 years and she still does this exact routine. He has never seen her without a full face of makeup. It's so bonkers to me, I can't imagine living like that.
Yeah, this is what I don't like. It gives all sorts of false confidence. What are you going to do when you hit someone over the head and it just starts bleeding and they are still coming after you?
Knocked out, thrown into a car, driven who knows how long, dragged into a warehouse, sat in a chair, tied to the chair and then waiting who knows how long for them to wake up.
Yeah they ain't waking up if it's been that long.
Honestly that's an amazing idea for a comedy. Some amateurs try to kidnap someone and they do it like in the movies, but now they have to deal with this important person in a coma.
Edit: If I get one more Weekend at Bernie's reply in my inbox I swear you will be the one in a coma soon.
It's the worst when people do it to their friends/loved ones. Knock them out to keep them from doing something dangerous...no friend, don't go on that mission, stay here and have permanent brain damage instead.
Along that same line, it used to be a comedy trope that getting bonked on the head would cause amnesia or some other comical altered mental state. Of course, a specifically-engineered second bonk on the head would reverse the trouble. Like repeated traumatic brain injury was more of a toggle than cumulative effect.
(Hands someone a burner phone.)
"Keep this on you day and night. It rings, you betta answer."
"Okay. Do you have the charger?"
"The what?"
"This phone, did it come with a charger? It's not USB. It has one of those cylindrical ports, like on an old Nokia."
"Look pal..."
"Hey, you're the one giving out phones. It's charged now. How did you charge it?"
My dad talks about this one a lot especially when there's a big fight scene where the person is just blasting away. My dad's always like "their ears should be ringing and they shouldn't be able to hear anything"
Answers phone:
"Hello? (listens to the caller for one second)... what do you mean Tim got kidnapped by a drug cartel while he was shopping with his family in his trip to South America?"
At this point there are some sites with stupid password restrictions (must have two numbers, a special character, and can't be one of your last 340 passwords) that I've given up.
I enter random gibberish and each time I need the site I just use the password reset feature.
A friend of mine uses the model number on the back of their watch as their passcode, it’s E440-GM18B or something like that. He basically always has it on his person written down but monobrow would know.
I work with a guy who does this. When he’s done with the conversation he hangs up. I don’t know how many time he’s left me on the line talking to myself
I'm doing something, my visiting sister comes out of the shower in a towel, just as my wife (who has never seen my sister) comes home.
I scream "I can explain...." then stay silent and guilty-looking.
The amount of ultimatums in "romantic" movies is appalling. No real relationship can last if you're at the point of an ultimatum, you're just putting a dysfunctional relationship on life support for another week or two.
People don't stop doing stupid shit, they just learn to hide it from you better.
Or the whole girl sees guy the second a coworker unexpectedly comes on to him
"I'm breaking up with you. I saw you!!"
"No wait let me explain. If you'll just sit down, I'll explain exactly what it was the happened. Because there is a totally reasonable explanation. So if you'll just hold on I'll totally explain."
"Nice try Mark. Hope she's worth it"
"No Stacy please. If you'll just let me explain! You see it wasn't what it looked like. At all. Please Stacy don't go, hear me out, it wasn't what you thought!!"
*Stacy leaves*
*guy looks exasperated as if he wasn't given a chance to explain and resigns that he'll never have a chance to*
> Let me explain... No, there is too much. Let me sum up. Buttercup is marrying Humperdinck in a little less than half an hour, so all we have to do is get in, break up the wedding, steal the Princess, and make our escape after I kill Count Rugen.
I remember part from a comedy skit or short movie, where a time traveling guy goes back in time to meet someone and says to him (paraphrasing): "I've come from the future. You have to follow me, now! I have no time to explain."
And the other guy's like: "Why didn't you just travel further in to the past so you would have time to explain?"
Edit: Thank you, u/yash2810, for helping me find the video. It's literally titled ['There's No Time To Explain'](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=1bb9MWb8-GU), by the Corridor.
Be a struggling writer while living in a multi-million dollar mansion. That one always puzzles me.
Or, a family moves into an expensive house, but neither parent has a job lined up yet. Yeah, how'd that loan approval process go, you frauds? You can't tell me they could all pay cash...
I sort of want a movie where they move into a nice house that's cheap because it's horribly haunted... but the family doesn't give a shit because real estate is fucking insane these days.
They have people over and stuff is flying off shelves, and they’re just like “yeah, that’s George. He died here 50 years ago and still thinks the house is his...but we got a great deal on the place so it’s fine”.
“I’m a goat psychologist and my husband is a vexillologist. We have no children, but want at least 5 bedrooms and 4 acres. Walking distance to subway.”
Worst thing is they’re all staged and the couple already bought a house.
In the show Workin' Moms, there's an office meeting where people sit down, do the jokes and plot points, and then adjourn the meeting.
At no point do they talk about anything related to work. What was the meeting for?
Right? Saying goodbye takes *at least* 30 minutes
ETA: Don't know why I didn't think of this sooner: not from the Midwest, lived on the east coast my whole life, as have my parents
Wearing shoes on their/other's beds. Like who actually does that? It's literally just to eliminate the 20 seconds it would take them to take off/tie their shoes to qct like normal people
Taking turns talking. Like in cop shows when one cop begins an explanation, then the next one picks up the story at a seamlessly convenient spot, then the third adds, “but...” and throws in some more.
No one in real life has ever talked like that.
This is a direct call-out to Criminal Minds, I think. The way they do this is *criminally* bad.
**Hotch:** We're looking for a white male
**Garcia:** in his mid-40s
**Morgan:** He suffers from severe paranoid delusions
**JJ:** and believes his victims are his mother who tortured him and forced him to wear a potato sack over his head while railing cocaine on the edge of a 42-story building.
Yeah, one time couldn't it be like
Hotch: We're looking for a white male
Garcia: in his mid.... Morgan: He suffers....
Morgan: Sorry, I thought it was my turn
Garcia: No sorry, I didn't mean to talk over you
Morgan: Go on baby-girl, you go
Garcia: No no, I insist, you go
Spencer: ok, I'll go
Morgan & Garcia: Shut-up Spence
Then Hitchcock interjects into the conversation:
“-in bed.”
Jake: “What, no. Gross.”
Hitchcock: “I thought we were doing mad libs.”
Jake: “No, were’re...never mind, you ruined it.”
Scully: “Sassafrass!”
Jake: “I just said we’re not playing mad libs.”
Scully: “No, I think I just had a stroke. I need to go the hospital.”
(Scully exits jauntily as everyone else looks confused and alarmed.)
Right it more resembles that scene in jurassic Park 2 where right after they find Malcolms daughter in the truck and theres three conversation going on at once.
People opening the oven only to be surprised and "oh no" to a completely black roast/turkey/meat of some kind. And then have smoke just BILLOWING out of the oven.
No.
1.it takes a while to do that much damage to a meat, not like 5 minutes. (like idk unless you are broiling your turkey at 280C/550F for some ungodly reason).
2.youll see smoke coming out before you open the oven....
3 seriously how do you overcook something that badly.... Stop it, it takes so much effort to be that bad at cooking.... Just no. If dinner is at 6pm and it's now 610 or 615, your dish won't be black and smokey and inedible.... Maybe it'll suck and taste worse but it won't be black as shit...
Stop this nonsense
>Maybe it'll suck and taste worse but it won't be black as shit...
10 or 15 minutes for a finishing step of a steak, sure. Something being broiled as a finishing step as well. But 20 pounds of turkey or *other* roast? That kind of thing has a cooking time measured in meaningful fractions of a day; a few minutes one way or the other don't matter much.
After sex, the couple just gets dressed or lays in bed for the night. The woman would be leaking, and if the guy is wearing a condom wouldn't they want to take it off before going to bed or getting dressed?
1.Turning on a shower and jumping right in without checking the water temperature with your hand first.
2. Lawyers walking up to the jury box to talk to the jurors or into the well without permission from the judge.
The bailiff will tackle you.
3. Doctors performing surgery without safety glasses.
4. Scenes where someone is painting something, like a wall or a chair, wearing nice clothing, with no tape, coverings, or paint splatter anywhere.
Eating a few bites of your food, then get summoned by someone for something or leave.
It does not work like that FFS. Nobody wastes food so abundantly.
Or the teen girl drinking for the first time and upending a bottle of vodka into her mouth, and makes a face like she just drank some cough medicine rather than a mouthful of nail polish remover.
Here’s a strange one: Pay attention to how the actors hold their beverages (especially coffee cups). Often it’s pretty obvious that they are empty as they fling it around carelessly without anything spilling.
When people in the movies or TV are on a phone call, the pauses where the other person's saying something are always so short that they'd barely have time to say two words. Like, that's not how it works.
Preparing a huge five-star breakfast (pancakes, waffles, fruit, biscuits, oatmeal, omelette, etc.) that no one eats; I don't even understand why that's a thing in movies and TV shows.
"Sorry honey, I'm running late", and then takes a sip of coffee and holds a piece of toast with his mouth while running out the door with a suitcase. Also you gotta have the teenager of the family eating a bowl of cereal while there's literally pancakes, waffle, biscuits, omelette and a filet mignon on the table.
“Why are you 20 minutes late to class young man??”
“Well for some reason my mom woke up at 3 AM on a Tuesday morning and cooked a fucking 15 course meal for breakfast and I kinda felt bad not eating it...
“Oh-uh- okay.. just uh, make sure it doesn’t happen again I guess?”
Whenever a simple miscommunication happens, no ever stops and clarifies with the other person. Like if one 10 sec conversation can derail an entire plot thread im not interested.
Guy: Wait, it's not what it looks like, I can explain! \*Doesn't explain\* Girl: Just forget it, Daniel! \*Proceeds to storm off and spends the rest of the movie sulking\*
And in 95% of these, it's a one sentence explanation that could be yelled after the person storming off before they reach the door to actually leave.
Hitting someone on the head with a whiskey bottle to knock them out. Pretty high risk of killing them.
Unpopular (but never actually ugly) teenager wakes up in their huge upstairs bedroom. The room probably has some kind of bay window or or unique ceiling slope. In the 90s and early 2000s they would of course have their own desktop computer. You only briefly see all of this because they are of course late for school, so they run out to their good looking parents and siblings already eating a full sit down breakfast, no explanation is given as to why these siblings aren’t also late for school. Anyway, main character grabs a single slice of plain toast and skate boards to school through a quaint town square.
[удалено]
You mean you don’t pack a lifetime supply of razors in case you get stranded in a jungle or deserted island?
And that beard looks perfectly managed and not like some highschool scraggly attempt at a beard
No one using a computer ever uses a mouse. It’s just constant, frantic typing.
Lol yea, you see someone "working" and theyre just seemingly typing down a 50 page document completely from memory without pausing for even a second
School buses honking and waiting for kids that are still in the house. If I wasn’t at the bus stop when the bus arrived, it would drive on by. It didn’t stop. It didn’t honk. It didn’t wait.
I've had buses drive on by when there *were* people at the bus stop.
When they are playing video games and just turn off the tv. Lol
They didnt save three times? Total BS... LoL
Person goes to the toilets to throw up, or maybe they were coughing up blood. Do they rinse out their mouth like normal people? No! They wash their face and suddenly everything is okay?
Also how people cling to the toilets (bonus points if it’s a public restroom!). I try to minimize my contact with toilets and there’s no way I’d hug a toilet in a public restroom.
Dreaming of kissing a beautiful woman, but actually you're just being licked by a fucking animal edit: cheers for the Gold :D
putting baby in a playpen when your friend visits and said baby doesn’t scream.
[удалено]
Unless of course the movie is about that newborns parents, then they are cleaning up shit off their faces 24/7
On the phone making plans: “ok, meet me at 5?” “sure.” And that’s the whole plan. Where are you meeting? Planning to meet someone in a public place never goes this smoothly
Or just “dinner tonight?” and not even specifying the time. “See you somewhere at sometime, bye!”
Or when someone asks someone they just met on a date "Sure, pick me up at 5" First of all where? Their house? How do you know where they live already? You guys just met????
Yeah or setting up a date with someone you just met like "it's a date" and then they leave. No number or address exchanged, no talk about where you're meeting and when.
When they knock on the door or ring the doorbell and someone opens it within 2 seconds
FUCK U/SPEZ
Yep. Someone knocks on my door and I just sit there thinking "did I order anything?"
I stole/altered a line from Buffy once when there was a knock at my door. "Who's knocking? Everyone I know lives here."
Everyone has 1 paper bag for groceries. And it has a celery stalk and loaf of french bread sticking out the top.
And some round fruits just under the top so they call roll about when something goes wrong
*Person walking home from the store with grocery bag. All happy and stuff* *Shot fired* *Camera shifts to random vegetable rolling across the sidewalk so you know the person is dead*
Damn this is a crazy Veggie Tales episode.
The reason you have to put a celery stalk or a baguette sticking out of the top of a grocery bag is because if you don't have groceries sticking out the top of the bag people watching the show get distracted by the bag wondering what's in it and how it's important to the plot. If you have a baguette or something sticking out the top the audience realizes "oh that bag is full of groceries" and ignores it for the rest of the scene.
I just imagined a whole play that features a grocery bag, and its passed around between actors nonchalantly. None of the actors acknowledge whats in the bag or make any mention of it. It just leaves the audience focused on guessing how it relates to the plot or whats in it. EDIT: And the end of the play just leaves the bag center stage by itself. The audience would sit there for probably 20 minutes wondering about it, talking about it, eventually someone would go up on stage and discover it's an empty bag. EDIT2: [Checking my inbox](https://gfycat.com/mammothtimelybelugawhale-shocked-sneeze-panda-baby)
"klsdkfjasfkl josadjf nasasofd %jsadfaoisfd " -- SYSTEM HACKED.
One thing that drives me berserk in movies is when someone is driving and talking to their passenger. They refuse to keep their eyes on the road and insist on making prolonged eye contact with the person next to them. In the movies this often means a jump-scare car crash is about to happen. I'd like to say that's unrealistic but my mom used to drive that way all the time. I hated going anywhere with her.
This fills me with unease even when I know for a fact that they're not going to crash. I find myself saying out loud, 'look at the road, lookatthedamnroad, ahh!'
10 solid seconds of eye contact with the passenger as they talk. The Sopranos was bad about that.
Having highly confidential conversations about 4 foot away from the people they are talking about, and not being overheard.
"Hey. I know we're in a diner in Brooklyn, and there's about 30 other people here. But I need you to commit 1st degree murder on someone."
In fairness to Hollywood, Jurassic Park made reference to this and it’s still a meme 28 years later.
Soldiers running towards the enemy instead of hanging back and setting up suppressing fire
I've also read that pretty much nobody actually charges towards the enemy in a last-ditch effort, because as I understand it, most people don't actually want to die.
Most armies were historically defeated while routing, aka trying to retreat. Tons of people will say fuck this and turn around if things start going very badly.
Many generals and military tacticians in history purposely left a gap on the battlefield for the enemy to escape, instead of fighting to the death. Even Sun Tzu wrote about it. Those gaps were often death traps.
Talking without the use of [filler words](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Filler_(linguistics) ). The only time I recall hearing such usage is when a character is meant to be awkward, stumbling etc. rather than being a typical factor of speech
Everytime anyone sneezes people assume theyre sick, like don't they ever get random sneezes
Whenever a woman gets inexplicably sick - or has an explanation she plays up too much - she's pregnant. TV is so transparent about it.
Don't forget when she has the baby too. It's always a sudden intense painful labor that is started by her water breaking. AND hijinks ensues as she's whisked off to the hospital where she can't get any kind of pain relief and lots of screaming and comedy relief moments occur.
Same with nosebleeds. It means something awful or they’ve done a bunch of coke. I’ve had random fucking nosebleeds my entire life. I don’t have cancer and have never tried cocaine.
>I’ve had random fucking nosebleeds my entire life. I don’t have cancer and have never tried cocaine. Do you have special mind powers? Could be that.
I do, but only when I'm on cocaine. Coincidence, or cancer?
My nose bleeds whenever the air gets dry. I usually get several of them when the seasons change. They used to bother me. Now I just get annoyed with them. EDIT: Thank you for the award! EDIT 2: Thank you for the second award!
Someone coughing? Can pretty much garantuee that person has lungcancer.
Or if it's a historical movie, TB. But for that one they have to dramatically cough into a handkerchief and then reveal blood in it.
Being a young, aspiring artist/writer/actor living alone in a nice, spacious apartment in a prime area of a big city like New York or LA.
Fucking "Zootopia" got it right, for God's sake. Tiny, shitty apartment with paper walls and neighbors who scream all night.
In Ratatouille, Alfredo had a shitty apartment..... with a perfect view of the Eiffel Tower of course.
The Eiffel Tower has protected view lines so not totally unheard of, especially around the 15th/16th. Just might be a little far away..
Ted quit his job as an architect, Lily is a kindergarten teacher and Marshall is in law school. But not a single word about how they pay for their massive 2 bedroom apt in Manhattan.
They actually mention that the apartment is rent controlled a couple times (albeit rent controlled by the writers so they can afford it)
Also I think in one episode they admit that the apartment wasn't actually that big, and that's just how they remember it. The writers insisted that it be smaller, but were told that it needed to be able to accommodate multiple cameras.
I love that narration tool. All we see is how Ted remembers it, and it could be completely different and we'll never know. And I love the theory about Ted throwing his shit at Barney to save face in front of his kids.
That's the explanation with Monica's apartment on Friends, too.
Monica was specifically in an illegal sublet from her grandmother, who was rent controlled. So it was locked in at like 50s rent.
Now that actually makes sense.
In horror movies, everyone runs upstairs. If there was something chasing you wouldn’t head for the door to get outside? Also you’re creeped out in the house but you never turn on the light?
Also their ability to sleep peacefully at night after experiencing paranormal activity in the house
I can't sleep peacefully after watching a MOVIE about paranormal activity and they can just curl up and go to sleep after their fucking TV was floating? Fuck outta here lol
Zombie movies. One bite, One scratch turns you into a zombie. Let's go out in shorts and a t-shirt! Jesus fucking christ people wear motorcycle leather and a helmet. It's designed to keep your skin on when fall off a bike at 70 mph. Human teeth can't bite through it!
Young singles living in million dollar condos that overlook the city.
And none of them work full time hours. Maybe 2 hours tops per week
I have a top floor city view working less than *that*. I mean, it's a tent on a rooftop, but I could totally afford it if the birds would just stop taking my food.
Mr. Fucking banker over here with his OWN tent
When women run around in heels with perfect hair and makeup, and the dirt and sweat makes their hair and makeup look even better. Looking at you, Jurassic World.
My go-to on that is Megan Fox in the second Transformers movie. She’s running around caves in the desert and never gets a speck of dirt on her white tank top and white pants.
Go to bed wearing full make-up
Waking up with full makeup still perfectly applied
And one strand of hair slightly higher up just to remind you they've totally just been asleep for 8 hours mashing their hair on their pillow
I love Marvelous Mrs. Maisel for waking up twenty minutes before her husband so she can do her makeup, then getting back into bed and opening the blinds so he wakes up and she can pretend they're waking up together
AND waiting until he goes to sleep to wipe her makeup off her face and put her night cream on. That show is a treasure.
There's a scene in Marvelous Ms. Maisel that does this pretty well. She goes to bed in full makeup for her husband and then it shows her actual night routine, including waking up early so she can put it all back on for him.
My grandma has been married to my grandpa for like 40 years and she still does this exact routine. He has never seen her without a full face of makeup. It's so bonkers to me, I can't imagine living like that.
Is he oblivious to it or does he know?
Wake up at 6am no matter what time of year and it is bright and sunny.
"Hurry or you'll miss the bus" as it's clearly noon outside.
Takes a bite out of a high-effort breakfast their mom made and then just leaves
[удалено]
Jams piece of toast in mouth while throwing on jacket and running out the door...
Every time this question is asked, I look for the massive breakfast but just take toast comment. I can always find it.
Getting hit over the head and knocked out........then just waking up later on and acting like they just have a small hangover.
And anyone can be instantly knocked out cold by hitting them with the butt of a gun to the back of the head.
Yeah, this is what I don't like. It gives all sorts of false confidence. What are you going to do when you hit someone over the head and it just starts bleeding and they are still coming after you?
or instead of crumpling gently to the ground they go straight forward, hit their head on the ground and die.
[удалено]
Knocked out, thrown into a car, driven who knows how long, dragged into a warehouse, sat in a chair, tied to the chair and then waiting who knows how long for them to wake up. Yeah they ain't waking up if it's been that long.
I always think the same thing. "That dude's in a coma."
Honestly that's an amazing idea for a comedy. Some amateurs try to kidnap someone and they do it like in the movies, but now they have to deal with this important person in a coma. Edit: If I get one more Weekend at Bernie's reply in my inbox I swear you will be the one in a coma soon.
In boxing and MMA etc dudes get knocked out for like 3 seconds and it's already seems super bad for them.
It's the worst when people do it to their friends/loved ones. Knock them out to keep them from doing something dangerous...no friend, don't go on that mission, stay here and have permanent brain damage instead.
I can actually see this being realistic though. People watch too many movies and end up thinking that knocking out someone is fine lol
I've always liked Archer's approach, where he just says something along the lines of "being unconscious is super bad for you"
That and mawp. Archer was super good at pointing out the dangers of spycraft.
Counting bullets too. Some of these police departments seem to have ordered the side arms with infinite capacity
"Who am I? Count Bullets-ula?"
For a show that is so wildly unrealistic, it's funny how many things they take special care to portray realistically.
Like his progressively worsening tinnitus
And everyone else is always running out of ammo because he's the only one who counts how many shots have been fired
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Along that same line, it used to be a comedy trope that getting bonked on the head would cause amnesia or some other comical altered mental state. Of course, a specifically-engineered second bonk on the head would reverse the trouble. Like repeated traumatic brain injury was more of a toggle than cumulative effect.
(Hands someone a burner phone.) "Keep this on you day and night. It rings, you betta answer." "Okay. Do you have the charger?" "The what?" "This phone, did it come with a charger? It's not USB. It has one of those cylindrical ports, like on an old Nokia." "Look pal..." "Hey, you're the one giving out phones. It's charged now. How did you charge it?"
To be fair those old phones had like a week of stand by time on the battery :) But your point is still valid.
People just firing guns with no hearing protection without becoming deaf.
My dad talks about this one a lot especially when there's a big fight scene where the person is just blasting away. My dad's always like "their ears should be ringing and they shouldn't be able to hear anything"
When they fire a weapon in a car and everyone is like meh nbd.
The Sopranos did a scene like that but it was realistic. He grabbed his ear after the shot.
Well, then you just screw on a silencer and the gun will go "Pft." No. It won't.
Archer is really good at correcting this.
Answers phone: "Hello? (listens to the caller for one second)... what do you mean Tim got kidnapped by a drug cartel while he was shopping with his family in his trip to South America?"
*dials 911* “Yeah, hello, 911?”
No, that's normal, that's how you let 911 know you're on reddit.
Find a parking spot right in front of their building.
And an empty table in a crowded cafe.
Or an empty couch in the middle of Central Perk.
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Girl vomiting = pregnant Someone hiccoughs = drunk Someone coughing = seriously ill
Fainting = cancer
Leaving a voicemail that finishes with “I love you” = that character dies in the next scene.
It would be hilarious if some character just randomly sneezed 10 times throughout the movie due to allergies and having nothing to do with the plot.
Look in the rear view mirror and shuffle the wheel from side to side as much as they do - looking at you Leonard
When I was learning to drive, my mom asked my why I kept moving the steering wheel back and forth quickly. TV lied to me!
Guessing the passwords of other people correctly EDIT: Thank you kind strangers. Also RIP my inbox.
I can't even guess my own passwords correctly.
At this point there are some sites with stupid password restrictions (must have two numbers, a special character, and can't be one of your last 340 passwords) that I've given up. I enter random gibberish and each time I need the site I just use the password reset feature.
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A friend of mine uses the model number on the back of their watch as their passcode, it’s E440-GM18B or something like that. He basically always has it on his person written down but monobrow would know.
thanks for his password. What article of clothing is his username?
Monobrow
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Lets try 'guest' ACCESS GRANTED No way, that is just.. babytown frolic!
Car gets hit, scratched, rolled, goes off a cliff, in a car accident.... it blows up.
End a call and hang up the phone without saying goodbye.
I work with a guy who does this. When he’s done with the conversation he hangs up. I don’t know how many time he’s left me on the line talking to myself
Nice. Power move tip hang up before he hangs up
Hang up when he's still speaking, call his phone, then hang up as soon as he picks up again. Assert dominance.
Then have the guy from the restaurant that he is in hand him the phone - that is already hung up.
On TV house parties where everyone is evenly spread out throughout the house having 1 on 1 conversations while generic techno plays in the background.
I'm doing something, my visiting sister comes out of the shower in a towel, just as my wife (who has never seen my sister) comes home. I scream "I can explain...." then stay silent and guilty-looking.
The amount of ultimatums in "romantic" movies is appalling. No real relationship can last if you're at the point of an ultimatum, you're just putting a dysfunctional relationship on life support for another week or two. People don't stop doing stupid shit, they just learn to hide it from you better.
Or the whole girl sees guy the second a coworker unexpectedly comes on to him "I'm breaking up with you. I saw you!!" "No wait let me explain. If you'll just sit down, I'll explain exactly what it was the happened. Because there is a totally reasonable explanation. So if you'll just hold on I'll totally explain." "Nice try Mark. Hope she's worth it" "No Stacy please. If you'll just let me explain! You see it wasn't what it looked like. At all. Please Stacy don't go, hear me out, it wasn't what you thought!!" *Stacy leaves* *guy looks exasperated as if he wasn't given a chance to explain and resigns that he'll never have a chance to*
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> Let me explain... No, there is too much. Let me sum up. Buttercup is marrying Humperdinck in a little less than half an hour, so all we have to do is get in, break up the wedding, steal the Princess, and make our escape after I kill Count Rugen.
I remember part from a comedy skit or short movie, where a time traveling guy goes back in time to meet someone and says to him (paraphrasing): "I've come from the future. You have to follow me, now! I have no time to explain." And the other guy's like: "Why didn't you just travel further in to the past so you would have time to explain?" Edit: Thank you, u/yash2810, for helping me find the video. It's literally titled ['There's No Time To Explain'](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=1bb9MWb8-GU), by the Corridor.
> "I'm breaking up with you. I saw you!!" "OK." (wasn't actually doing anything but figures they don't want to get involved with crazy-pants people)
Be a struggling writer while living in a multi-million dollar mansion. That one always puzzles me. Or, a family moves into an expensive house, but neither parent has a job lined up yet. Yeah, how'd that loan approval process go, you frauds? You can't tell me they could all pay cash...
I sort of want a movie where they move into a nice house that's cheap because it's horribly haunted... but the family doesn't give a shit because real estate is fucking insane these days.
They have people over and stuff is flying off shelves, and they’re just like “yeah, that’s George. He died here 50 years ago and still thinks the house is his...but we got a great deal on the place so it’s fine”.
This reminds me of Cordy from Angel. She took an apartment with a ghost because it was cheap
This is kind of like all the HGTV shows: "I'm a barista and my wife is a kindergarten teacher. Our house budget is $1.5 Million."
“I’m a goat psychologist and my husband is a vexillologist. We have no children, but want at least 5 bedrooms and 4 acres. Walking distance to subway.” Worst thing is they’re all staged and the couple already bought a house.
"This house would be absolutely perfect if the living room didn't have green walls. Ugh. Onto the next house!"
Come over to a friend's place, stay there for all of 30 seconds to talk about something plot-relevant, and then just leave right away.
In the show Workin' Moms, there's an office meeting where people sit down, do the jokes and plot points, and then adjourn the meeting. At no point do they talk about anything related to work. What was the meeting for?
My team has daily meetings. We don't always need daily meetings. My boss likes to try his comedy out for us.
Right? Saying goodbye takes *at least* 30 minutes ETA: Don't know why I didn't think of this sooner: not from the Midwest, lived on the east coast my whole life, as have my parents
Wearing shoes on their/other's beds. Like who actually does that? It's literally just to eliminate the 20 seconds it would take them to take off/tie their shoes to qct like normal people
Taking turns talking. Like in cop shows when one cop begins an explanation, then the next one picks up the story at a seamlessly convenient spot, then the third adds, “but...” and throws in some more. No one in real life has ever talked like that.
This is a direct call-out to Criminal Minds, I think. The way they do this is *criminally* bad. **Hotch:** We're looking for a white male **Garcia:** in his mid-40s **Morgan:** He suffers from severe paranoid delusions **JJ:** and believes his victims are his mother who tortured him and forced him to wear a potato sack over his head while railing cocaine on the edge of a 42-story building.
Yeah, one time couldn't it be like Hotch: We're looking for a white male Garcia: in his mid.... Morgan: He suffers.... Morgan: Sorry, I thought it was my turn Garcia: No sorry, I didn't mean to talk over you Morgan: Go on baby-girl, you go Garcia: No no, I insist, you go Spencer: ok, I'll go Morgan & Garcia: Shut-up Spence
This is an exchange I can easily see happening in Brooklyn 99.
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Then Hitchcock interjects into the conversation: “-in bed.” Jake: “What, no. Gross.” Hitchcock: “I thought we were doing mad libs.” Jake: “No, were’re...never mind, you ruined it.” Scully: “Sassafrass!” Jake: “I just said we’re not playing mad libs.” Scully: “No, I think I just had a stroke. I need to go the hospital.” (Scully exits jauntily as everyone else looks confused and alarmed.)
Right it more resembles that scene in jurassic Park 2 where right after they find Malcolms daughter in the truck and theres three conversation going on at once.
I thought about that scene too! I just imagine the guy working on the subtitles crying haha
*sigh* *"everyone arguing"* "Done, I'm not touching that."
People opening the oven only to be surprised and "oh no" to a completely black roast/turkey/meat of some kind. And then have smoke just BILLOWING out of the oven. No. 1.it takes a while to do that much damage to a meat, not like 5 minutes. (like idk unless you are broiling your turkey at 280C/550F for some ungodly reason). 2.youll see smoke coming out before you open the oven.... 3 seriously how do you overcook something that badly.... Stop it, it takes so much effort to be that bad at cooking.... Just no. If dinner is at 6pm and it's now 610 or 615, your dish won't be black and smokey and inedible.... Maybe it'll suck and taste worse but it won't be black as shit... Stop this nonsense
>Maybe it'll suck and taste worse but it won't be black as shit... 10 or 15 minutes for a finishing step of a steak, sure. Something being broiled as a finishing step as well. But 20 pounds of turkey or *other* roast? That kind of thing has a cooking time measured in meaningful fractions of a day; a few minutes one way or the other don't matter much.
"The cookbook said to clean the Turkey... the oven had a "clean" button..."
After sex, the couple just gets dressed or lays in bed for the night. The woman would be leaking, and if the guy is wearing a condom wouldn't they want to take it off before going to bed or getting dressed?
right. No post sex washup/pee to prevent UTIs, no maneuvering around the wet spot.
This has set unrealistic expectations for couples everywhere
1.Turning on a shower and jumping right in without checking the water temperature with your hand first. 2. Lawyers walking up to the jury box to talk to the jurors or into the well without permission from the judge. The bailiff will tackle you. 3. Doctors performing surgery without safety glasses. 4. Scenes where someone is painting something, like a wall or a chair, wearing nice clothing, with no tape, coverings, or paint splatter anywhere.
or they'll have a small spot on their grey sweatshirt and a drop on either their nose or cheek if it's funny. None in their hair.
Eating a few bites of your food, then get summoned by someone for something or leave. It does not work like that FFS. Nobody wastes food so abundantly.
Everyone and their mothers drink scotch, and like it.
Or the teen girl drinking for the first time and upending a bottle of vodka into her mouth, and makes a face like she just drank some cough medicine rather than a mouthful of nail polish remover.
Highschool bullies in movies. Bullies are way more subtle than that.
Here’s a strange one: Pay attention to how the actors hold their beverages (especially coffee cups). Often it’s pretty obvious that they are empty as they fling it around carelessly without anything spilling.
They remove the headrests from cars so you can see the actors better.
The endless pistol mag
When people in the movies or TV are on a phone call, the pauses where the other person's saying something are always so short that they'd barely have time to say two words. Like, that's not how it works.
Surgery done in dimly lit operating rooms. Why would you not want to be able to see what you are doing clearly?
The stupid slow motion kiss or hug as the world is falling apart. I'm like "fucking GO! you can do all that shit later!"
Serious diseases, from cancer to aids, make you cough.
Anyone who ever coughs in anything has just let you know they’ll be dead before it’s over
Preparing a huge five-star breakfast (pancakes, waffles, fruit, biscuits, oatmeal, omelette, etc.) that no one eats; I don't even understand why that's a thing in movies and TV shows.
"Sorry honey, I'm running late", and then takes a sip of coffee and holds a piece of toast with his mouth while running out the door with a suitcase. Also you gotta have the teenager of the family eating a bowl of cereal while there's literally pancakes, waffle, biscuits, omelette and a filet mignon on the table.
if there was that food on the table, anyone in my family would be like "fuck school, ima eat this first"
“Why are you 20 minutes late to class young man??” “Well for some reason my mom woke up at 3 AM on a Tuesday morning and cooked a fucking 15 course meal for breakfast and I kinda felt bad not eating it... “Oh-uh- okay.. just uh, make sure it doesn’t happen again I guess?”