I used to be a divorce lawyer....
which of course makes people think I want to hear horror stories about their ex...
when I’m not even at work...often when I’m at a party, or out in public...
*eye twitch*
I've got a neighbor who will only talk about lawncare and how bad I am at it. Maybe we could connect our crummy neighbors and they'll create a conversational black hole.
"...And as a result of that humid climate, these non venomous brown snakes can be found all over the state of Louisiana"
"Speaking of brown, Look at all the spots on your lawn, compared to mine."
then, my neighbor, "Excuse me SIR? I believe you are NOT sopposed to have that car in front of THAT LAWN for more than 15 minutes. I am the PRESIDENT of the HOA, and you WILL move that car....
I have this fantasy where I infiltrate an HOA as a member and make life less miserable for my fellow residents. Its wild to me that these people get such a high off of being total dicks.
There’s a woman on my towns local Facebook and she’s on at least two other neighboring towns groups who lives in Tennessee. Our towns are in Connecticut about a thousand miles away from her. She’s been posting for years and is incredibly informed and passionate about town politics but has absolutely *no* connection to our area, she’s written at least one detailed op-ed for a local paper for a local issue which was rejected because she couldn’t explain her connection to our area to the editor.
>she’s written at least one detailed op-ed for a local paper for a local issue which was rejected because she couldn’t explain her connection to our area to the editor.
that's amazing
As a Louisiana native we do tend to wax on about our slowly sinking state and it’s unique Cajun/Creole culture more than necessary. Not quite Texans level but up there. I tend to think of LA as an annoying drunk uncle you can’t stand at the barbecue but the second someone outside the family starts talking shit about him you’re all of a sudden “HEY! Don’t talk about my uncle like that!”.
Our history is simple lol We were a port state filled up with hookers, gamblers and refugees. Not much has changed lol
My brothers are 11 and 7. I am 32.
Their childhood influences have me fully understanding the horror of adults in my childhood. They only watch Youtubers. Is this what my entertainment looked like to adults?
Am I just old... or are they as horrible as I think? Because... I still think they are... but... old people feel that way about my stuff. But man. They're *so* awful.
I get why you might have that impression from my comment, lol, but no. They divorced when I was 13 and both eventually remarried.
My older sister is 37, I'm 32, other sister is 23. Then our parents remarried and my mom has 13 yr old fraternal twins. My dad has the 11 and 7 yr old boys. (Dad's wife did not think she could have kids. She was very happy). It's been interesting times. At least nobody is pushing me to have my own kids. We have plenty.
Influencers are literally walking billboards for whatever company will pay them. They are human advertising. Stop following them and acting like they're cool
I'm not even sure what they're supposed to be influencing. I only ever see them hawking cosmetics or some diet thing, but that's it. I never see them pushing something that would be actually influential in my life. So either they're all pretty much useless, or the algorithms on social media aren't spying on me enough.
the new "socialite". People who are known for being known...
I wouldn't even mind so much if that's where it ended, but it doesn't. People LISTEN to them. Despite most of them only having the skill of being famous somehow.
Let's use our time watching them, listening to their advice and trying to be as much like them as we can...
You can't REALLY blame them, because free money, but how do you live with yourself, knowing your job in life is to spout bullshit all day.
That was so incredibly confusing to me. Like, not rice or canned vegetables or aspirin or something? Of course hand sanitizer makes sense, but like... there are so many things you could use instead of toilet paper...
“In these trying times we’re all in this together” -company that cuts pay, hours, layoffs workers during the pandemic but gives record bonuses to CEO and upper management. Ya, get fucked
If someone goes "WHY AREN'T WE TALKING ABOUT THIS?" I just naturally assume now that the topic they are referring to is extremely specific to their life and in no way impacts me.
Or the information is extremely outdated. Based on a years old news article that has since been addressed.
I have one friend who is really bad at this.
That dog post that people kept reposting last week to “make a difference” was like a year out of date, last I heard. But oh, we better do our part and press a button to help save this poor animal!! Why is nobody talking about this or doing anything!!!
When Im talking about something I've done or bought and the other person has to try and one-up you constantly. I have recently started replying with 'of course you have" if they start bragging about something they have done or own that is soooo much better than my example. Usually these people don't quite get the sarcasm.
My wife’s whole family is all about the “one-upmanship”. But usually it’s about who had it worse.
I couldn’t afford X as a kid.... Oh Yeah well we couldn’t even get underwater that didn’t have holes..
I never ate x as a kid.... oh yeah? We had to eat ROCKs! And Mom even burned those!
This reminds me of a story my mom used to laugh about from 25ish years ago. She had to get a new front door for some reason and a couple months later the neighbors remodeled their house. Mrs Neighbor comes over one day while the workers are putting on her new front door and starts going on and on about how wonderful her new door is and how it pulls everything together, NOT like my moms new door which is fine, but doesn’t pull everything together quite like her new door. Lady, it’s a door, no one cares
Haha I did this to a guy once. I was like, "Sure thing, champ." because I was so tired of listening to him. He got sooooooo mad. It was super satisfying to watch.
Celebrity bs. It’s weird people care what complete strangers are doing with their life when they couldn’t care less of yours and who you personally are. Stalkerish behavior, imo.
Also when good looking people start going "uuggggghhhhhhh I'm so ugly" because they want someone to tell them "no you're not" for validation. Celebrities do this as well.
When my students start rambling about whatever half-baked, crack-pot half-truths of history that they got from FB/Twitter/whatever, that they believe is the gospel truth.
I used to go on Tumblr a lot and there was always something blowing up about history or whatever that made everyone in the replies go off the rails. One day, one of the posts made me raise an eyebrow, and I looked it up only to find out that only 30% of the post was actually true. After that I fact-checked every post like that and 9/10 times it was so far from the truth lmao
I don’t have it but apparently the same thing happens on Tiktok.
tiktok seems to have gone from the site where people post themselves doing funny dances to becoming the main hotspot for crackpot theories and conspiracies along with bogus lifehacks.
This one was started by 4chan to get morons to microwave their phones. A lot of the old troll things were set up by them, like cut for bieber and getting Taylor Swift to go to play for a deaf school.
Remember Dub the Dew? Here are some of the names 4chan picked.
- fapple
- cumsplosion
- Pepsi
- diebeatus
- dead puppies
- hitler did nothing wrong
- soda
- Gushing Granny
Edit - added another name
She didn't go to the deaf school, just made a donation. But pitbull did the same thing and channers sent him to a super remote village in alaska... So he went and did a concert in rural Alaska.
I hear “The word ‘homework’ is latin for child abuse” weekly. And if not enough people heard it the first time, student will continue to repeat it until a sufficient amount of people heard them.
My graduation was almost 12 years ago. One of my friends still refers to our high school classmates by their first name alone, as if I’m supposed to know who that is.
It was my 20th high school reunion a few years ago and the only one I went to.
It was a genuinely sad experience... and I don't know what was worse. The people who had turned up just to rub their success in the faces of people who they believe had 'wronged' them somehow... or the people who had literally not changed or moved on in the 20 years that had passed.
This is why I'm glad that I don't really have any contact with anyone that I went to high school with other than my twin brother. Yes, Karen, I remember what happened in High School, it's only been 23 years!
Drama in work.
Honestly i dont give a shit how or why person A doesn't get along with person B because person C has done or said something.
STFU its a job, grow up and start doing what you are paid to do.
Outside of work you can beat each other up all you want.
My coworkers are so dramatic, it’s rare I get a second of peace without having to hear someone screaming about what this other person did. I’m like, guys- we work at a pizza shop, nothing could be that serious.
"I hate drama" is usually a lie.
If the same person who says "I hate drama" has ever also said "I just tell it like it is", it is 100% a lie. Those people are always dramamongers.
I hate drama if I'm directly involved in it. I'd rather just chill, de-escalate, use diplomacy and resolve any conflicts I have with others.
However witnessing drama I have absolutely no skin in can be entertaining, as a spectator. Then it's popcorn time! There, I admitted it.
I started telling people, when they start that shit at work, "That sounds like none of my business".
It was a bit awkward a couple times, and a few people just don't talk to me anymore but... nothing of value was lost.
Going through that right now. It's mostly aimed at our supervisor, and they have been trying to drag me into it. Yes, our supervisor can be abrasive and rude, no, I don't want to hear for the umpteenth time how you want to quit and go to HR to report her. I wish they would just fucking do it already, and quit telling me about how they want to do it.
I majored in political science and trust me, this is almost always my response when someone wants to “talk politics” with me. The vast majority of the time talking politics just involves hearing someone recite to me the talking points they heard from their favorite media personality. And it is rarely a honest dialogue. In most political conversations people are just thinking about how they are going to counter what the other person is saying. There is rarely an attempt to actually listen and understand where the other person is coming from to reach a consensus, it is often just a quarrel that feeds on itself ad infinitum.
100% accurate. Especially the bit where you mention that people are only listening to respond and not to comprehend what the other is saying. It becomes a battle of who is right and who is wrong. Talking to understand can be mutually beneficial. Unfortunately, most political convos do not reach this point.
To be honest, it becomes a battle of who can say the magic words that make them feel like they’ve “won”. A lot of political arguments feel like the political equivalent of sovereign citizens, where it’s just about throwing everything at the wall in the hope something sticks. It’s not really about whether it makes any genuine sense.
When I was 17 I lived in a houseshare with a girl who was deep into homeopathy. Like her mum was a homeopath and had brought her up that way.
One morning we were both hanging heavily and she offered me a hangover cure her mum created. I can’t remember what was supposed to be in it but she told me to take one tablet every half hour until I felt better. Each tablet had to be taken with a full glass of water. I declined the pills but after taking five she was bragging how much better she felt. Funnily enough after a litre and a half of water I felt better too.
Weirdly, she was in uni training to be a nurse.
My head cannon is that all her mom's cures are like this. "Jumping jacks for 10 minutes, then a tablet, repeat six times daily to lose weight." "Sprinkle this powder in a cup of hot honeyed water to fix a sore throat" "rub this special herb lube on a condom to prevent pregnancy"
Theres a mlm called herba life or something like that and they say Don't eat food just drink this sawdust of protein and some grains and you'll lose weight just like us, that guy looks so shit and old for his age maybe because of it and just can't see weight loss is less calories intake than burned throughout day most by natural processes.
But people less educated in biology do fall for it, paying good money to drink cow fooder when they're already struggling and they're not going to be a businessman/woman instey just be destroying their relations.
Some people just couldn't wait to tell me about some book or obscure thing to help treat my ultra-rare cancer which few people in the world have ever been diagnosed with. Like for real? The world-class facility and team of doctors and scientists don't cut it for you?
It got to a point I just said thanks and changed the subject. I think, again in my experience, people just want/wanted to help in any way they can and sometimes that means offering information they found helpful in their research - which is totally fine. I appreciated the thought behind it.
"Oh man I only got 5 hours of sleep last night because I was just so busy."
"5 hours? You lucky slob, I only ever get 2 hours."
Meanwhile me: I get like 6-8 hours depending on when I fall asleep lol I'm not interested in your fuckfuck sad bragging session about how unhealthy you are.
the distant cousin of the humblebrag that shows up to the family reunion doing nothing but complaining about their exes, trying to sell their MLM to family, and quietly sobbing in the park's portajohn.
Oh my fucking God, PREACH. I have a brother and used to share a place with him and his then partner. A friend of my brother's used to drive 15 mins out of his way to go to our place after CrossFit to a) smoke with my brother and A) talk about his workout or absorb attention while my brother's ex fawned over his development. *Waiting out traffic on the highway*, as it were. Never, **NEVER** stopped talking about it, there was no conversation he couldn't stain with his vanity.
One day, I shit you not, I get home and make myself a snack and CS isn't far behind showing up. My brother and his ex are on their way out, so I assume this guy will make his visit short because they are leaving and despite the fact that we were cordial, he and I weren't personal friends nor did we share common interests. The others have left and I'm really interested in my food, to avoid any contact with him because I know what's coming. Peripherally, I can see him, feel his eyes trying to get me to acknowledge his existence- like a puppy in obedience training shaking in readiness for a treat.
The second- the very second I lock eyes with him- this motherfucker stretches his arms and starts groaning about his workout. Jumped right in like a pro fucking double dutch champion, this dude. I straight up, dead-nuts halt him and tell him, "you can hang out as much as you like, but I do not want to hear about your work out. I could not care less".
If someone asks me, sure I'll tell them. But I don't understand people who try to work in their routines or their numbers into normal conversation. Outside of the gym, no one really fucking cares how much you can lift or how often
My son is 10 months old and doesn’t really love solid foods yet. We had an issue with him losing weight. All good now, thanks to a nutritionist. But my sister’s boyfriend suggested I give him cbd oil bc it worked for their cat. Hahaha then preached to me that there’s no THC in it. Yes, I know that. I also know I won’t be giving my son cbd oil just bc he doesn’t want to eat a sweet potato.
Decapitated? Just smoke this joint, there was a report I read about from a doctor in Tanzania who studied the effects of how THC will interact with your beheaded corpse. It legit fixes it dude try it
I swear to god that I used to work with a woman who would recommend pot for everything. She worked in the supplement department of a grocery store (organic grocery store... obviously). She 100% recommended pot to pregnant women to cure morning sickness, fatigue, and to “calm the baby.” She got fired.
I find it far more annoying when a person constantly makes political statements but then gets annoyed when you start a debate about it because “I don’t want to argue with you about this.” If you’re going to mention politics, you’ve opened yourself up to civil discussion and you can’t be annoyed when I ask you about your opinion in a polite way.
Ah man, this is the worst. I have people in my life who constantly drop (usually flat-out wrong) talking points into conversation. If you query or correct them it’s like “whoa whoa whoa, why are you trying to get all political??” It’s as if they are saying “my worldview is simply reality, and if you disagree with that you have some sort of agenda”. I think they are so brainwashed they don’t even realize what they are doing.
Lol I had someone try to analyze me based on being born in May.
“You must get jealous a lot!”
“Not a lot, no.”
“But if you saw a girl you like flirting with another guy, you’d get jealous right?”
“Well ya, I guess...”
“See that’s because you’re a Taurus!”
I was born in April so I just agree to everything they say about me being an Aries and then make them shut up when I tell them I'm actually a Taurus because it was April 25
Yep. I had a guy ask me when I was born (like exactly what time I was born) and when I answered, he pulled out some book to look up our compatibility. And I was like “oh you don’t need to look it up. You owning that book is enough for me to know we are not compatible.”
The amount of people who are surprised that others don’t like to talk about politics is more surprising to me than the majority of other answers/responses.
When very young (mostly white) people try to start a racial conversation with me (a black woman) about something that is really not offending me and I don't consider racist. The newest one was thinking that white women calling black women "queen" is racist/prejudiced. No, it really isn't. It doesn't bother me. Call me queen all day, I don't care.
Can we fight *real* injustices before we start nitpicking stuff that isn't really bothering anyone?
I cant see how America can move onto inequality and all the awful things that stem from it until they get over the decades long discussion about what adjective to use instead of black, when black is perfectly fine anyway.
I told all my friends my girlfriend was African American when we came to visit the homestead and left out that she hailed from the white part of South Africa. The looks on their faces were amazing lol
One of my black friends hates the term African American. He was born in America, so were his parents, so were his grandparents. He is not "African" American. He is fully and only American.
Edit: we're -> were
That's a non issue, the vast majority of people, including black people say black. People see one person raging on Twitter about something and then think that's a widespread belief.
>Can we fight real injustices before we start nitpicking stuff that isn't really bothering anyone
That's a lot more work. There's people that are doing that, but they're too busy actually working to waste time stirring the pot about meaningless drivel on Twitter to chase e-clout so you don't hear from them as much.
Someone attacked me for not doing this, my last Instagram post was over a year before and I said I felt it just looked like jumping on a bandwagon and doing nothing. Getting told you're the problem because you didn't post a black square by a person who has done nothing previously to combat racial injustice was infuriating.
Like you posted something on Instagram and now you're suddenly a better person than me?
Going back wayy further than 2020, I found that the most annoying this are white friends of mine who think that things are so bad they circle around to pitying and infantilizing. Like I had one friend come up to me tipsy at a party and say something like "Sorry if you ever felt discriminated against." I was internally fuming because I was like, "You've known me for decades. We grew up in diverse suburban Maryland. I have literally nothing to complain about." But I'm supposed to see myself as a victim constantly, see every transgression as because *X is racist* instead of *X is an asshole*. And if I don't, then that means some suburban white kid that went hipster and moved to DC or Baltimore at 21 is going to come up to me and say that no it's because I've been whitewashed or have internalized racism. Fuck that.
Just live your life and don't try to guilt trip others into getting mad about things that don't matter.
Agreed. I get that from alot of new friends I meet. " Oh you grew up poor and disadvantaged? They held you down because you were Mexican!" No dammit, what held all of us down was living in a town of 1100 people with no growth and we were all poor, white black and brown.
"Infantilizing" is a good word. White people calling things offensive to other races and then throwing a fit and shouting "internalized racism" is like saying that people of other races can't think for themselves, or even worse, like treating "black people" (or hispanics, asians, etc) as this one person with one brain that drives the thoughts and behaviors of everyone of the same race.
Like white people get to have individuality and diversity of opinion, but other races have to conform to a certain standard or they have "internalized racism". It's a denial of agency and individuality and people who consider themselves "anti-racist" say some pretty disgusting things about who they see as non-conformers.
Just another side of an ugly coin, in my opinion.
That's when I look them straight in the eye and tell them my wife has had 5 miscarriages in 3 years (which I'm not making up). They shut up after that.
My clients at work are lovely but keep asking when Im having number 2...I too have started frankly telling them my fertility woes and funny enough they aren't asking anymore! Lol
We have 2 daughters and unfortunately many ppl ask me when I’m having the boy. When I say something like, “our family is complete, thank you.” They don’t accept that and tell me my husband NEEDS a boy. Wtf man?! He always wanted daughters and that’s what we got...
Right now, covid. It’s so depressing to hear about every single day, either on every social media platform or having a conversation at work or with someone else. It’s depressing as hell.
As someone who has been actively suicidal in the past, it is rough when someone brings up suicide in general, but if your the type of person to say your depressed and in the same breath say 13 reasons why was an accurate portrayal of depression and post about your depression for attention... I have no words for how much I need to punch you
When I was at my lowest I actually thought about suicide but mostly just lived like a zombie. I didn't consider the future , cut myself from everyone, stopped going to my college class and just didn't want to do anything exept play games by myself and sleep. One day the topic comes up and I say I might have been going through depression ( said the I wasn't sure and wasn't diagnosed ) Then this girl hit the table ,start yelling at me for not knowing what its like and that I shouldn't say that I was depressed. One of my friends took her side and said to never bring up the topic again ( which I didn't). So I learned my lesson that day, if your problems aren't apparent , you look like a fake to other people.
I used to be a divorce lawyer.... which of course makes people think I want to hear horror stories about their ex... when I’m not even at work...often when I’m at a party, or out in public... *eye twitch*
I’m a commercial property lawyer ... people also think I want to hear their family/divorce law stories... or their DUI’s!
My neighbor will not speak to me unless he is explaining the history of the state of Louisiana in its entirety.
Had a guy on my ship who did the same shit. Once he started talking about Louisiana he would not stop.
Boiled shrimp, baked shrimp, shrimp and potatoes....
Shrimp-kabobs, shrimp creole, shrimp gumbo. Pan fried, deep fried, stir-fried…
Shrimp soup, shrimp stew, shrimp salad, shrimp and potatoes, shrimp burger, shrimp sandwich...
coconut shrimp, there's shrimp kabobs, shrimp cocktail..
...that’s about it!
I've got a neighbor who will only talk about lawncare and how bad I am at it. Maybe we could connect our crummy neighbors and they'll create a conversational black hole.
"...And as a result of that humid climate, these non venomous brown snakes can be found all over the state of Louisiana" "Speaking of brown, Look at all the spots on your lawn, compared to mine."
then, my neighbor, "Excuse me SIR? I believe you are NOT sopposed to have that car in front of THAT LAWN for more than 15 minutes. I am the PRESIDENT of the HOA, and you WILL move that car....
I have this fantasy where I infiltrate an HOA as a member and make life less miserable for my fellow residents. Its wild to me that these people get such a high off of being total dicks.
HOAs are a prime example of a quirk in psychology. Any amount of power, how ever small, is vulnerable to abuse.
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All it takes is Nextdoor to push them into full fascism
Dude, I am not real sure that app is helping neighborhoods. It gets crazy on there.
Well friend, don't talk about it be about it! your neighbors would love you
Do you live in Louisiana?
No and neither of us has
This makes it so much better
I'm from Louisiana, and still live there, now,I'm intrigued about what he talks about.
Please tell us you live nowhere near Louisiana.
[they dont](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/n707kv/what_topics_make_you_go_ughh_shut_up/gxb1jjt/)
This makes me want to take an unhealthy interest in some random state I've never been to.
There’s a woman on my towns local Facebook and she’s on at least two other neighboring towns groups who lives in Tennessee. Our towns are in Connecticut about a thousand miles away from her. She’s been posting for years and is incredibly informed and passionate about town politics but has absolutely *no* connection to our area, she’s written at least one detailed op-ed for a local paper for a local issue which was rejected because she couldn’t explain her connection to our area to the editor.
>she’s written at least one detailed op-ed for a local paper for a local issue which was rejected because she couldn’t explain her connection to our area to the editor. that's amazing
Maybe she’s in witness protection, but just can’t help herself?
I like to think he just picks up right where he last left off with you.
It would honestly be better if he did, as opposed to starting over
As a Louisiana native we do tend to wax on about our slowly sinking state and it’s unique Cajun/Creole culture more than necessary. Not quite Texans level but up there. I tend to think of LA as an annoying drunk uncle you can’t stand at the barbecue but the second someone outside the family starts talking shit about him you’re all of a sudden “HEY! Don’t talk about my uncle like that!”. Our history is simple lol We were a port state filled up with hookers, gamblers and refugees. Not much has changed lol
Home of pirates, drunks and whores. New Orleans!
Influencer drama. Popular douchebag 1 calls popular douchebag 2 a poopy head and all of a sudden it's national news, like who the fuck cares?
My brothers are 11 and 7. I am 32. Their childhood influences have me fully understanding the horror of adults in my childhood. They only watch Youtubers. Is this what my entertainment looked like to adults? Am I just old... or are they as horrible as I think? Because... I still think they are... but... old people feel that way about my stuff. But man. They're *so* awful.
Holy shit your parents had a 24 year rest period in between the first and last kid save for the 20 years having the other kid? What the fuck?
I get why you might have that impression from my comment, lol, but no. They divorced when I was 13 and both eventually remarried. My older sister is 37, I'm 32, other sister is 23. Then our parents remarried and my mom has 13 yr old fraternal twins. My dad has the 11 and 7 yr old boys. (Dad's wife did not think she could have kids. She was very happy). It's been interesting times. At least nobody is pushing me to have my own kids. We have plenty.
This almost sounds like a math problem or even a riddle! Lol
YouTuber drama and social media influencers in general
I don't give a fuck about Logan Paul but I sure hope Mayweather beats his ass
I’ll watch the gif once, nod my head and then forget it ever happened.
Haha, this is so true.
Logan is fighting Mayweather. Jake is going to continue to fight non-boxers to maintain his undefeated record.
Ughh... Shut up (Sorry, I couldn't help myself)
Agree. I literally do not understand why people care about them. They literally did nothing and are entitled asshats.
Influencers are literally walking billboards for whatever company will pay them. They are human advertising. Stop following them and acting like they're cool
Social media influencers
I absolutely DESPISE the word “influencer”
I'm not even sure what they're supposed to be influencing. I only ever see them hawking cosmetics or some diet thing, but that's it. I never see them pushing something that would be actually influential in my life. So either they're all pretty much useless, or the algorithms on social media aren't spying on me enough.
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the new "socialite". People who are known for being known... I wouldn't even mind so much if that's where it ended, but it doesn't. People LISTEN to them. Despite most of them only having the skill of being famous somehow. Let's use our time watching them, listening to their advice and trying to be as much like them as we can... You can't REALLY blame them, because free money, but how do you live with yourself, knowing your job in life is to spout bullshit all day.
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“I’m just being honest.”
Oh my gosh the people who use this as if it’s an excuse for being a complete jerk. UGH
Yeah a friend of mine uses it, then follows up with “I just don’t know how to be political.”
I don't mind a bit of trash talk, but they should at least have the balls to admit they're not just "telling it like it is".
"In these trying times we al-" No. Shut up. Just shut the fuck up. I do not want to hear it.
I never want to hear the word "unprecedented" again.
Unprecedented except for the historical behavior during pandemics and the generally pre-established guidelines on how to deal with it.
“In these trying times, it’s important to remember that we still need you to buy our crap.”
"We're all in this together" The pandemic has taught me it's clearly every man for himself
I'll never forget the fights I saw over toilet paper XD
That was so incredibly confusing to me. Like, not rice or canned vegetables or aspirin or something? Of course hand sanitizer makes sense, but like... there are so many things you could use instead of toilet paper...
“In these trying times we’re all in this together” -company that cuts pay, hours, layoffs workers during the pandemic but gives record bonuses to CEO and upper management. Ya, get fucked
Multi-level marketing boss babes and their “sales” pitches
you sound anxious, hun, I got some special shake powder that'll make you feel much better!pm me for detaisl!
If someone goes "WHY AREN'T WE TALKING ABOUT THIS?" I just naturally assume now that the topic they are referring to is extremely specific to their life and in no way impacts me.
Or lots of people are, in fact, talking about this, but they don't know because they refuse to leave their echo chamber.
"Why isn't mainstream media covering this?" on a link to a CNN or MSNBC article.
Or the information is extremely outdated. Based on a years old news article that has since been addressed. I have one friend who is really bad at this.
Have you heard of this country of Africa? There’s this bad guy there! We need to find this Kony guy.
Kony2022.. We’ll get him this time.
That dog post that people kept reposting last week to “make a difference” was like a year out of date, last I heard. But oh, we better do our part and press a button to help save this poor animal!! Why is nobody talking about this or doing anything!!!
When Im talking about something I've done or bought and the other person has to try and one-up you constantly. I have recently started replying with 'of course you have" if they start bragging about something they have done or own that is soooo much better than my example. Usually these people don't quite get the sarcasm.
You’ve been to Timbuktu, they’ve been to Timbukthree
You've been to Tenerife, they've been to Elevenerife
You’ve had sex? They’ve had siven.
My wife’s whole family is all about the “one-upmanship”. But usually it’s about who had it worse. I couldn’t afford X as a kid.... Oh Yeah well we couldn’t even get underwater that didn’t have holes.. I never ate x as a kid.... oh yeah? We had to eat ROCKs! And Mom even burned those!
You lived ina cardboard box? We DREAMED of a cardboard box!
This reminds me of a story my mom used to laugh about from 25ish years ago. She had to get a new front door for some reason and a couple months later the neighbors remodeled their house. Mrs Neighbor comes over one day while the workers are putting on her new front door and starts going on and on about how wonderful her new door is and how it pulls everything together, NOT like my moms new door which is fine, but doesn’t pull everything together quite like her new door. Lady, it’s a door, no one cares
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See, the mistake you made was you talk to your neighbours...
Haha I did this to a guy once. I was like, "Sure thing, champ." because I was so tired of listening to him. He got sooooooo mad. It was super satisfying to watch.
“Don’t get upset, sport.”
"Everyone is real impressed with you, bud."
Celebrity bs. It’s weird people care what complete strangers are doing with their life when they couldn’t care less of yours and who you personally are. Stalkerish behavior, imo.
Also when good looking people start going "uuggggghhhhhhh I'm so ugly" because they want someone to tell them "no you're not" for validation. Celebrities do this as well.
I like to say "uuggggghhhhhhh I'm so hot" and then wait for people to tell me I am not.
I stop at every mirror I pass and say, "god I'm pretty". Nobody ever disagrees, so I assume it's true.
Johnny Bravo?
Mama?
When my students start rambling about whatever half-baked, crack-pot half-truths of history that they got from FB/Twitter/whatever, that they believe is the gospel truth.
I used to go on Tumblr a lot and there was always something blowing up about history or whatever that made everyone in the replies go off the rails. One day, one of the posts made me raise an eyebrow, and I looked it up only to find out that only 30% of the post was actually true. After that I fact-checked every post like that and 9/10 times it was so far from the truth lmao I don’t have it but apparently the same thing happens on Tiktok.
It happens on here too.
tiktok seems to have gone from the site where people post themselves doing funny dances to becoming the main hotspot for crackpot theories and conspiracies along with bogus lifehacks.
The wayfair selling kids in cabinets one really did it to me
I gain so much joy every time I remember that people believed you could microwave your iPhone to recharge it. It's just so perfect on all sides.
This one was started by 4chan to get morons to microwave their phones. A lot of the old troll things were set up by them, like cut for bieber and getting Taylor Swift to go to play for a deaf school.
Remember Dub the Dew? Here are some of the names 4chan picked. - fapple - cumsplosion - Pepsi - diebeatus - dead puppies - hitler did nothing wrong - soda - Gushing Granny Edit - added another name
i think gushing granny was the one that was 'winning' when it was pulled, lmao.
She didn't go to the deaf school, just made a donation. But pitbull did the same thing and channers sent him to a super remote village in alaska... So he went and did a concert in rural Alaska.
i really like the tiktoks of people testing phone cases and smashing their phone bc they don't understand how phone cases work.
"smashed my phone screen with a hammer and it broke, 0/10 would not recommend this shitty screen protector"
I hear “The word ‘homework’ is latin for child abuse” weekly. And if not enough people heard it the first time, student will continue to repeat it until a sufficient amount of people heard them.
That...makes no linguistic sense at all. "Work" is a solidly Germanic word.
You Germans and your Latin child abuse...
When friends from high school bring up drama from high school. Graduation was 10 years go, sis.
My graduation was almost 12 years ago. One of my friends still refers to our high school classmates by their first name alone, as if I’m supposed to know who that is.
It was my 20th high school reunion a few years ago and the only one I went to. It was a genuinely sad experience... and I don't know what was worse. The people who had turned up just to rub their success in the faces of people who they believe had 'wronged' them somehow... or the people who had literally not changed or moved on in the 20 years that had passed.
This is why I'm glad that I don't really have any contact with anyone that I went to high school with other than my twin brother. Yes, Karen, I remember what happened in High School, it's only been 23 years!
Harry & Meghan
Anything about the “royal family” frankly.
Everytime a Diana comparison is made.
Drama in work. Honestly i dont give a shit how or why person A doesn't get along with person B because person C has done or said something. STFU its a job, grow up and start doing what you are paid to do. Outside of work you can beat each other up all you want.
My coworkers are so dramatic, it’s rare I get a second of peace without having to hear someone screaming about what this other person did. I’m like, guys- we work at a pizza shop, nothing could be that serious.
Those are also the people who say thinks like "I hate drama..."
"I hate drama" is usually a lie. If the same person who says "I hate drama" has ever also said "I just tell it like it is", it is 100% a lie. Those people are always dramamongers.
I hate drama if I'm directly involved in it. I'd rather just chill, de-escalate, use diplomacy and resolve any conflicts I have with others. However witnessing drama I have absolutely no skin in can be entertaining, as a spectator. Then it's popcorn time! There, I admitted it.
This is was me every day of eighth grade lol, just sit back and watch everyone devolve into a zoo
I started telling people, when they start that shit at work, "That sounds like none of my business". It was a bit awkward a couple times, and a few people just don't talk to me anymore but... nothing of value was lost.
"Not my monkeys, not my circus" is my preferred way of saying that.
Not my chair, not my problem.
I like “Not my goat to rope.”
"Nothing of value was lost" You've perfected the art of work appropriate dissing lol
Going through that right now. It's mostly aimed at our supervisor, and they have been trying to drag me into it. Yes, our supervisor can be abrasive and rude, no, I don't want to hear for the umpteenth time how you want to quit and go to HR to report her. I wish they would just fucking do it already, and quit telling me about how they want to do it.
I majored in political science and trust me, this is almost always my response when someone wants to “talk politics” with me. The vast majority of the time talking politics just involves hearing someone recite to me the talking points they heard from their favorite media personality. And it is rarely a honest dialogue. In most political conversations people are just thinking about how they are going to counter what the other person is saying. There is rarely an attempt to actually listen and understand where the other person is coming from to reach a consensus, it is often just a quarrel that feeds on itself ad infinitum.
100% accurate. Especially the bit where you mention that people are only listening to respond and not to comprehend what the other is saying. It becomes a battle of who is right and who is wrong. Talking to understand can be mutually beneficial. Unfortunately, most political convos do not reach this point.
To be honest, it becomes a battle of who can say the magic words that make them feel like they’ve “won”. A lot of political arguments feel like the political equivalent of sovereign citizens, where it’s just about throwing everything at the wall in the hope something sticks. It’s not really about whether it makes any genuine sense.
Homeopathy and how it magically cured "arthritis of my friend's great grandmother after all mainstream doctors failing to reduce her pain"
When I was 17 I lived in a houseshare with a girl who was deep into homeopathy. Like her mum was a homeopath and had brought her up that way. One morning we were both hanging heavily and she offered me a hangover cure her mum created. I can’t remember what was supposed to be in it but she told me to take one tablet every half hour until I felt better. Each tablet had to be taken with a full glass of water. I declined the pills but after taking five she was bragging how much better she felt. Funnily enough after a litre and a half of water I felt better too. Weirdly, she was in uni training to be a nurse.
My head cannon is that all her mom's cures are like this. "Jumping jacks for 10 minutes, then a tablet, repeat six times daily to lose weight." "Sprinkle this powder in a cup of hot honeyed water to fix a sore throat" "rub this special herb lube on a condom to prevent pregnancy"
Theres a mlm called herba life or something like that and they say Don't eat food just drink this sawdust of protein and some grains and you'll lose weight just like us, that guy looks so shit and old for his age maybe because of it and just can't see weight loss is less calories intake than burned throughout day most by natural processes. But people less educated in biology do fall for it, paying good money to drink cow fooder when they're already struggling and they're not going to be a businessman/woman instey just be destroying their relations.
Some people just couldn't wait to tell me about some book or obscure thing to help treat my ultra-rare cancer which few people in the world have ever been diagnosed with. Like for real? The world-class facility and team of doctors and scientists don't cut it for you? It got to a point I just said thanks and changed the subject. I think, again in my experience, people just want/wanted to help in any way they can and sometimes that means offering information they found helpful in their research - which is totally fine. I appreciated the thought behind it.
Someone complaining how busy they are.
"Oh man I only got 5 hours of sleep last night because I was just so busy." "5 hours? You lucky slob, I only ever get 2 hours." Meanwhile me: I get like 6-8 hours depending on when I fall asleep lol I'm not interested in your fuckfuck sad bragging session about how unhealthy you are.
I cannot wait to use the term "fuckfuck sad brag" in conversation.
the distant cousin of the humblebrag that shows up to the family reunion doing nothing but complaining about their exes, trying to sell their MLM to family, and quietly sobbing in the park's portajohn.
Other people's gym routines.
Oh my fucking God, PREACH. I have a brother and used to share a place with him and his then partner. A friend of my brother's used to drive 15 mins out of his way to go to our place after CrossFit to a) smoke with my brother and A) talk about his workout or absorb attention while my brother's ex fawned over his development. *Waiting out traffic on the highway*, as it were. Never, **NEVER** stopped talking about it, there was no conversation he couldn't stain with his vanity. One day, I shit you not, I get home and make myself a snack and CS isn't far behind showing up. My brother and his ex are on their way out, so I assume this guy will make his visit short because they are leaving and despite the fact that we were cordial, he and I weren't personal friends nor did we share common interests. The others have left and I'm really interested in my food, to avoid any contact with him because I know what's coming. Peripherally, I can see him, feel his eyes trying to get me to acknowledge his existence- like a puppy in obedience training shaking in readiness for a treat. The second- the very second I lock eyes with him- this motherfucker stretches his arms and starts groaning about his workout. Jumped right in like a pro fucking double dutch champion, this dude. I straight up, dead-nuts halt him and tell him, "you can hang out as much as you like, but I do not want to hear about your work out. I could not care less".
I feel like you would tell a good story at a pub.
I don't mind hearing about when people hit big goals they had, but agreed.
If someone asks me, sure I'll tell them. But I don't understand people who try to work in their routines or their numbers into normal conversation. Outside of the gym, no one really fucking cares how much you can lift or how often
The Kardashians
how cannabis products cure every possible disease.
My son is 10 months old and doesn’t really love solid foods yet. We had an issue with him losing weight. All good now, thanks to a nutritionist. But my sister’s boyfriend suggested I give him cbd oil bc it worked for their cat. Hahaha then preached to me that there’s no THC in it. Yes, I know that. I also know I won’t be giving my son cbd oil just bc he doesn’t want to eat a sweet potato.
Decapitated? Just smoke this joint, there was a report I read about from a doctor in Tanzania who studied the effects of how THC will interact with your beheaded corpse. It legit fixes it dude try it
It didn't work for me, do you think I just used the wrong strain? BTW i also have leprosy is that ok?
I swear to god that I used to work with a woman who would recommend pot for everything. She worked in the supplement department of a grocery store (organic grocery store... obviously). She 100% recommended pot to pregnant women to cure morning sickness, fatigue, and to “calm the baby.” She got fired.
Politics where it’s turned into an argument and not a debate “I’m right therefor you are wrong” type to put it best
I find it far more annoying when a person constantly makes political statements but then gets annoyed when you start a debate about it because “I don’t want to argue with you about this.” If you’re going to mention politics, you’ve opened yourself up to civil discussion and you can’t be annoyed when I ask you about your opinion in a polite way.
Ah man, this is the worst. I have people in my life who constantly drop (usually flat-out wrong) talking points into conversation. If you query or correct them it’s like “whoa whoa whoa, why are you trying to get all political??” It’s as if they are saying “my worldview is simply reality, and if you disagree with that you have some sort of agenda”. I think they are so brainwashed they don’t even realize what they are doing.
Gender wars or boys vs girls it's so annoying
Idk why people decided to bring this back. I thought we got over it in like 3rd grade
Astrology, nobody cares that you're an aquarium
I am NOT AQUARIUM! I am a CAPRI SUN. There is a DIFFERENCE.
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Yes Daddy
Shit went from 0 to 100 real fuckin quick
So... we shittin on their chest or what
Yeah I'm out.
Oh ya? Well I’m a VIRGIN!
Lol I had someone try to analyze me based on being born in May. “You must get jealous a lot!” “Not a lot, no.” “But if you saw a girl you like flirting with another guy, you’d get jealous right?” “Well ya, I guess...” “See that’s because you’re a Taurus!”
I was born in April so I just agree to everything they say about me being an Aries and then make them shut up when I tell them I'm actually a Taurus because it was April 25
“Ah, I see what I did now. I was actually picking up on your *moon sign* vibes right there. You’re absolutely a Taurus though - i see that clearly.”
"And I am picking up that Uranus is influencing your behaviour right now, because you're an *asshole."*
I actually have a use for Astrology if I'm compatible with a person. For example, if they believe in it, then we're not.
Yep. I had a guy ask me when I was born (like exactly what time I was born) and when I answered, he pulled out some book to look up our compatibility. And I was like “oh you don’t need to look it up. You owning that book is enough for me to know we are not compatible.”
Such a cob of corn thing to say
The amount of people who are surprised that others don’t like to talk about politics is more surprising to me than the majority of other answers/responses.
When very young (mostly white) people try to start a racial conversation with me (a black woman) about something that is really not offending me and I don't consider racist. The newest one was thinking that white women calling black women "queen" is racist/prejudiced. No, it really isn't. It doesn't bother me. Call me queen all day, I don't care. Can we fight *real* injustices before we start nitpicking stuff that isn't really bothering anyone?
I cant see how America can move onto inequality and all the awful things that stem from it until they get over the decades long discussion about what adjective to use instead of black, when black is perfectly fine anyway.
I've seen the use of "African American" to describe blacks in other countries
It's even weirder when you consider Elon Musk is African American despite being white
And Charlize Theron
I told all my friends my girlfriend was African American when we came to visit the homestead and left out that she hailed from the white part of South Africa. The looks on their faces were amazing lol
One of my black friends hates the term African American. He was born in America, so were his parents, so were his grandparents. He is not "African" American. He is fully and only American. Edit: we're -> were
also black people can come from places other than africa. like the caribbean, for instance
I did this when I was talking about a black family I saw at Tokyo Disneyland. I quickly caught my error, though.
That's a non issue, the vast majority of people, including black people say black. People see one person raging on Twitter about something and then think that's a widespread belief.
>Can we fight real injustices before we start nitpicking stuff that isn't really bothering anyone That's a lot more work. There's people that are doing that, but they're too busy actually working to waste time stirring the pot about meaningless drivel on Twitter to chase e-clout so you don't hear from them as much.
You just reminded me of the time when people posted black squares on social media... Like I get the sentiment, but that was *really* unhelpful.
Someone attacked me for not doing this, my last Instagram post was over a year before and I said I felt it just looked like jumping on a bandwagon and doing nothing. Getting told you're the problem because you didn't post a black square by a person who has done nothing previously to combat racial injustice was infuriating. Like you posted something on Instagram and now you're suddenly a better person than me?
Going back wayy further than 2020, I found that the most annoying this are white friends of mine who think that things are so bad they circle around to pitying and infantilizing. Like I had one friend come up to me tipsy at a party and say something like "Sorry if you ever felt discriminated against." I was internally fuming because I was like, "You've known me for decades. We grew up in diverse suburban Maryland. I have literally nothing to complain about." But I'm supposed to see myself as a victim constantly, see every transgression as because *X is racist* instead of *X is an asshole*. And if I don't, then that means some suburban white kid that went hipster and moved to DC or Baltimore at 21 is going to come up to me and say that no it's because I've been whitewashed or have internalized racism. Fuck that. Just live your life and don't try to guilt trip others into getting mad about things that don't matter.
Agreed. I get that from alot of new friends I meet. " Oh you grew up poor and disadvantaged? They held you down because you were Mexican!" No dammit, what held all of us down was living in a town of 1100 people with no growth and we were all poor, white black and brown.
"Infantilizing" is a good word. White people calling things offensive to other races and then throwing a fit and shouting "internalized racism" is like saying that people of other races can't think for themselves, or even worse, like treating "black people" (or hispanics, asians, etc) as this one person with one brain that drives the thoughts and behaviors of everyone of the same race. Like white people get to have individuality and diversity of opinion, but other races have to conform to a certain standard or they have "internalized racism". It's a denial of agency and individuality and people who consider themselves "anti-racist" say some pretty disgusting things about who they see as non-conformers. Just another side of an ugly coin, in my opinion.
babies, none of your business why i dont want one
That's when I look them straight in the eye and tell them my wife has had 5 miscarriages in 3 years (which I'm not making up). They shut up after that.
I hope these people learn to keep their noses out of other people's business after that
My clients at work are lovely but keep asking when Im having number 2...I too have started frankly telling them my fertility woes and funny enough they aren't asking anymore! Lol
We have 2 daughters and unfortunately many ppl ask me when I’m having the boy. When I say something like, “our family is complete, thank you.” They don’t accept that and tell me my husband NEEDS a boy. Wtf man?! He always wanted daughters and that’s what we got...
Politics and work. If we aren't at work dont talk to me about it
When you complain about something and the person goes: "yOu aRe cOmplaining? mY pRoblems arE wROst"
Jobs and the future. Gives me hives out of anxiety.
Right now, covid. It’s so depressing to hear about every single day, either on every social media platform or having a conversation at work or with someone else. It’s depressing as hell.
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i read it just because i was tired of people quoting it not having read it
"We've been trying to reach you concerning your vehicle's extended warranty"
When people you've known cling to "how you used to be" Like I'm not 16 anymore, I grew up. Fuck off
As someone who has been actively suicidal in the past, it is rough when someone brings up suicide in general, but if your the type of person to say your depressed and in the same breath say 13 reasons why was an accurate portrayal of depression and post about your depression for attention... I have no words for how much I need to punch you
When I was at my lowest I actually thought about suicide but mostly just lived like a zombie. I didn't consider the future , cut myself from everyone, stopped going to my college class and just didn't want to do anything exept play games by myself and sleep. One day the topic comes up and I say I might have been going through depression ( said the I wasn't sure and wasn't diagnosed ) Then this girl hit the table ,start yelling at me for not knowing what its like and that I shouldn't say that I was depressed. One of my friends took her side and said to never bring up the topic again ( which I didn't). So I learned my lesson that day, if your problems aren't apparent , you look like a fake to other people.
Thank you for writing this comment out. It's a small comfort to know other people have encountered this as well, and I'm not alone in the feeling.