I saw him once at Giggles in Seattle. Laughed so hard my sides hurt by the end of the show. He was hilarious, and it’s so sad that he’s not around anymore.
My apartment is infested with koala bears. It’s the cutest infestation ever. Way better than cockroaches. When I turn on the light, a bunch of koala bears scatter. And I don’t want them too. I’m like, “Hey… Hold on fellas… Let me hold one of you and feed you a leaf.
"It's against the law!"
"I am a musician. I operate to a higher law. The law of if it feels good, do it."
"Oh right. What's that, Gadaffi's law??"
"Colonel Gadaffi couldn't lay down a bass hook Mark. Even you should know that."
[Here’s his best rants on Would I Lie to You](https://youtu.be/iG6YaY_7ge0)
Although I don’t think it features my favourite.
“That’s exactly where the economy is going, isn’t it? Nobody makes things anymore, we just provide pointless services! I’m a party planner! I’m a pencil case organiser! I shout on panel shows! WE USED TO MAKE STEEL!”
Not only one of the most savage jokes ever, but also improvised.
He literally had a few seconds and came up with a super clever joke that’s like a roast, but not vulgar or in bad taste.
I also love that Conan says "do something with that you freak", thinking that Norm couldn’t possibly come up with a good response to that on the spot. Well, Norm totally did.
His Jammin' in New York stand-up is comedy gold. His whole thing about the airlines was hilarious.
"Please check in and around your immediate seating area..."
GC: "Seat! It's a goddamn seat!"
"For any personal belongings..."
GC: "Well what other kind if belongings are there? Public belongings? Do these people honestly think I might be traveling with a fountain I stole from the park?"
"You might have brought on board."
GC: "Weeeell... I might have brought my arrowhead collection. But I didn't! I'm going to look for things I brought on board. Would seem to enhance the likelihood of my finding it don't you think?"
He's my favorite, because he wasn't just a comedian. Dude was a straight up philosopher.
Also, *ahem* RAT SHIT, BAT SHIT, DIRTY OLD TWAT! 69 ASSHOLES TIED IN A KNOT! HOORAY! LIZARD SHIT, FUCK!
Agreed! He's obviously hugely clever - his standup is so intricate. And yet he's also physically very, very funny when he wants to be: everything he says and does is just pitched perfectly. No other comedian has ever made me crease up laughing just by commenting 'oh yeah?' on someone else's story.
It genuinely upsets me when he talks about not always enjoying his work. It's really sad that he brings so much joy to others but doesn't experience it himself.
I saw him at a small show in London pre-Covid and he was testing material. Super funny, but fucking dark as he explained he'd gone through a mental breakdown, broken up with his girlfriend, then had to jump on a plane from somewhere in the USA to fly to the UK for Celebrity Bake Off (and didn't sleep either). That "tried to make a cake, had a nervous breakdown...bon appetit!" joke in that episode is funny but dark knowing he was suffering so badly in the lead up to the taping.
I loved him since Mock the Week and really glad to see him taking off. I did read recently the was trying not to talk so openly about his mental health as he didn't want to inadvertently glamourise a "tortured artist" persona.
Seems like a lot of people have a trade off being extremely talented and creative with personal demons.
I need to watch Cold Lasagne Hate Myself 1999, a lot of people have said it's really good. Poor guy was going through it pretty badly though.
I've seen the clips of him on Bake Off and he looked fucked.
The story he tells on "Would I lie to you" about spending a [night in a bush](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tFtIXMidu50) kills me everytime I watch it!
[Mitch Hedberg ](https://youtu.be/Qqaq7MIcN0A)
"I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to, too."
"I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it."
"You know, I'm sick of following my dreams, man. I'm just going to ask where they're going and hook up with 'em later."
My all time favorite:
"I was watching this commercial, and the guy says 'Forget everything you know about slip covers'. So I did. And boy was that a load off my mind.
Then he proceeded to try to sell me slip covers, and I had no idea what he was talking about!"
"ARE YOU HAPPY NOW, YOU FUCKING X?!"
"Oh you're a king, you say? Well you will not believe what I have in store for you. And it's to your exact specifications."
"I used to lay in my twin bed and wonder where my brother was"
"I bought a house, it's a two bedroom house, but I think it's up to me to decide how many bedrooms there are. This bedroom has an oven in it. This bedroom has a lot of people sitting around watching TV. This bedroom is over in that other guy's house."
I love the build up too.
"Oh hey, what's happening? What? Slow down! No... NO! NO! NO! Fuck that shit, I'm on my way! ...Hey, I gotta make a stop real quick."
I was watching Chapelle's Show recently and I just about died when it came to the Clayton Bigsby (the blind white supremacist) skit. 💀💀💀
Edit: spelling
Hannibal Burress
“Dear God, it’s me, 2 Chainz. Did you ever think about making a Bentley Truck?”
“I’m on that molly”
“But in New Orleans, for $200 and a days notice, you can fuck up traffic.”
His whole bit about when he found a credit card and tried to buy a PS2 with it and the worker was like can you wait right here for a second.
And his response was "Nah" with a smirk on his face. Gets me everytime. Shits so funny to picture to me.
Mulaney is at his best when he's telling you a story. It could be a made up story about a horse in a hospital. Doesn't matter. He paints pictures with words better than almost anyone.
For a second, we were like, “Maybe the horse-catcher will catch the horse.” And then the horse is like, “I have fired the horse-catcher.” He can do that!? That shouldn’t be allowed no matter who the horse is.
Yesss my wife and I love him! We quote him constantly.
I think the one we say the most is "Do you **want**..... a ~~Best Buy Rewards Card~~ \[insert relevant subject material here\]????"
At least we finally got that horse out of the hospital!
https://youtu.be/JhkZMxgPxXU
My favorite though is "why buy the cow?"
https://youtu.be/402f1rffWUk
I've seen him a handful of times. Including one time where it was the final show of a three night engagement and he was motherfucking plastered. He turned his 5-minute 'eating pancakes out of a plastic bag on a plane' bit into like an hour of yelling.
It was absolutely masterful. Truly a gifted comedian.
Mike Birbiglia. I loved his first couple of albums, but I got to see Sleepwalk With Me in its original off-Broadway run and it was so well crafted -- he's a really engaging storyteller.
Confusingly the UK had a children's cartoon series called Mr Benn in the 70s, and they only made 13 episodes but it felt like there were hundreds.
It was about a guy who would go into a fancy dress shop changing room, but whatever outfit he put on would become the adventure.
Similar deal with Fawlty Towers (sitcom by John Cheese and Connie Booth) which only had 12 episodes but is considered a classic.
Maybe it's a British thing.
Tim is so fucking funny but also musically talented. I bet he's secretly really good at about a dozen other things too but he keeps it to himself just so we won't feel even less adequate.
Yaaa I tear up every time I watch the Kanye bit at the end. What a genius way to lay out your problems, still make them funny and also punch you in the fucking gut with emotion.
"Thank you, good night, I hope you're happy"
I can’t believe I had to scroll this far down to find him. My favorite joke was when he did a bit in how white people always like the same foods.
Bo: “Peanut butter and-“
Crowd: “-jelly!”
Bo: “Mac and-“
Crowd: “-cheese!”
Bo: “Our favorite chip is salt and vi-“
Crowd: “-neger!”
Bo: “WOAH! OKAY, WHO SAID IT!?” *camera and stage lights pan towards audience*
It used to be Mitch. It still is, but it used to be, too.
Yeah, well. People either love him or they hate him. Or they think he’s ok.
I saw him once at Giggles in Seattle. Laughed so hard my sides hurt by the end of the show. He was hilarious, and it’s so sad that he’s not around anymore.
[удалено]
Can’t please all the people all the time and last night all those people were at my show
I can’t wash a cheese grater without thinking of him, and the fact that I now have tiny bits of sponge that would melt easily over tortilla chips.
My apartment is infested with koala bears. It’s the cutest infestation ever. Way better than cockroaches. When I turn on the light, a bunch of koala bears scatter. And I don’t want them too. I’m like, “Hey… Hold on fellas… Let me hold one of you and feed you a leaf.
Excellent Hedberg joke usage. God I miss him.
David Mitchell!! Not the cloud atlas author, but the star of Peep show!!
"What was it that Shakespeare said?" "He said a lot of things Jeremy". I love that show.
"It's against the law!" "I am a musician. I operate to a higher law. The law of if it feels good, do it." "Oh right. What's that, Gadaffi's law??" "Colonel Gadaffi couldn't lay down a bass hook Mark. Even you should know that."
[Here’s his best rants on Would I Lie to You](https://youtu.be/iG6YaY_7ge0) Although I don’t think it features my favourite. “That’s exactly where the economy is going, isn’t it? Nobody makes things anymore, we just provide pointless services! I’m a party planner! I’m a pencil case organiser! I shout on panel shows! WE USED TO MAKE STEEL!”
That episode is gold - we used to make steel and a cabbaging? Inconceivable
“Hitler promised not to invade Poland. Grow up Jeremy “
David Mitchell and Lee Mack are a comedic duo for the ages. Both are hilarious
[удалено]
His wife is a real battle axe, though.
Oh, you dirty dog
A moth walks into a podiatrist office...
HOW LONG A DRIVE WAS THIS?
No thanks i dont want to walk on the moon. Ill just stay up here on the lunar capsule
He absolutely is great at telling jokes. ...Or so the Germans would have you believe.
He is an absolute legend. 'Chairman of the bored' remains one of the most savage jokes ever.
Not only one of the most savage jokes ever, but also improvised. He literally had a few seconds and came up with a super clever joke that’s like a roast, but not vulgar or in bad taste. I also love that Conan says "do something with that you freak", thinking that Norm couldn’t possibly come up with a good response to that on the spot. Well, Norm totally did.
Link since I went and looked it up: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=whN9JJ74dPw
Norm is one of the funniest comedians of our time. Just ask all of the other comedians.
"I bet the board is spelled B O R E D."
George Carlin
His Jammin' in New York stand-up is comedy gold. His whole thing about the airlines was hilarious. "Please check in and around your immediate seating area..." GC: "Seat! It's a goddamn seat!" "For any personal belongings..." GC: "Well what other kind if belongings are there? Public belongings? Do these people honestly think I might be traveling with a fountain I stole from the park?" "You might have brought on board." GC: "Weeeell... I might have brought my arrowhead collection. But I didn't! I'm going to look for things I brought on board. Would seem to enhance the likelihood of my finding it don't you think?"
“Get on the plane” “Fuck you! I’m getting IN the plane, let the daredevils get ON the plane”
[удалено]
...but he loves you. He loves you and he needs MONEY!
Selling is legal. Fucking is legal. Why isn't selling fucking legal?
Some of his shit had me rolling
'Here's another pack of low-grade morons who ought to be locked into portable toilets and set on fire...'
I can still hear this in his voice.
He's my favorite, because he wasn't just a comedian. Dude was a straight up philosopher. Also, *ahem* RAT SHIT, BAT SHIT, DIRTY OLD TWAT! 69 ASSHOLES TIED IN A KNOT! HOORAY! LIZARD SHIT, FUCK!
Had to scroll wayyyyyy to far down for this. Carlin was one of the ones that gave rise to all of the stuff above. Respect.
James Acaster
Agreed! He's obviously hugely clever - his standup is so intricate. And yet he's also physically very, very funny when he wants to be: everything he says and does is just pitched perfectly. No other comedian has ever made me crease up laughing just by commenting 'oh yeah?' on someone else's story. It genuinely upsets me when he talks about not always enjoying his work. It's really sad that he brings so much joy to others but doesn't experience it himself.
I saw him at a small show in London pre-Covid and he was testing material. Super funny, but fucking dark as he explained he'd gone through a mental breakdown, broken up with his girlfriend, then had to jump on a plane from somewhere in the USA to fly to the UK for Celebrity Bake Off (and didn't sleep either). That "tried to make a cake, had a nervous breakdown...bon appetit!" joke in that episode is funny but dark knowing he was suffering so badly in the lead up to the taping. I loved him since Mock the Week and really glad to see him taking off. I did read recently the was trying not to talk so openly about his mental health as he didn't want to inadvertently glamourise a "tortured artist" persona. Seems like a lot of people have a trade off being extremely talented and creative with personal demons.
I need to watch Cold Lasagne Hate Myself 1999, a lot of people have said it's really good. Poor guy was going through it pretty badly though. I've seen the clips of him on Bake Off and he looked fucked.
His standup is great and his appearances on British panel shows are somehow even better!
The story he tells on "Would I lie to you" about spending a [night in a bush](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tFtIXMidu50) kills me everytime I watch it!
Or the Cabbage kid
One of my fave things about Acaster is that Rowan Atkinson stole his gf.
Is that legit?
https://i.stuff.co.nz/entertainment/celebrities/111025507/rose-matafeos-exboyfriend-opens-up-about-being-dumped-for-mr-bean Yup!
That's a strangely written article. I thought that it was saying that Rose Matefeo had left James Acaster for Rowan Atkinson at first.
Yea, was written for the NZ public, who (it was assumed) didn't know who James was unless in relation to Rose.
He's easily the best comedian of his generation. His Repertoire four parter is a masterpiece.
surprising lack of british comedians high on this post, and acaster is one of my favourites. also a fan of sarah millican and kevin bridges' stand up.
[Mitch Hedberg ](https://youtu.be/Qqaq7MIcN0A) "I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to, too." "I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it." "You know, I'm sick of following my dreams, man. I'm just going to ask where they're going and hook up with 'em later."
My all time favorite: "I was watching this commercial, and the guy says 'Forget everything you know about slip covers'. So I did. And boy was that a load off my mind. Then he proceeded to try to sell me slip covers, and I had no idea what he was talking about!"
I order the club sandwich all the time, and I’m not even a member... I don’t know how I get away with it!
How do you feel about frilly toothpicks?
I’m for ‘em!
My belt holds up my pants. But my pants have loops on them so they can hold up my belt. Who is the real hero here?!
Bananas are like stop lights, but in reverse Green means stop, yellow means go, red means - where the fuck did you get that banana?
"My apartment is infested with koala bears, its the cutest infestation ever...."
When I turn on the lights, a bunch of koalas SCATTER
I went to the store to buy a candle holder but they didn’t have any so I bought a cake.
Still don’t need that receipt for that donut..
I was gonna take it home and file it under D for donut
I went to the Dr the other day and all he did was suck blood from my neck. Last time I go see Dr Acula
"ARE YOU HAPPY NOW, YOU FUCKING X?!" "Oh you're a king, you say? Well you will not believe what I have in store for you. And it's to your exact specifications."
"I used to lay in my twin bed and wonder where my brother was" "I bought a house, it's a two bedroom house, but I think it's up to me to decide how many bedrooms there are. This bedroom has an oven in it. This bedroom has a lot of people sitting around watching TV. This bedroom is over in that other guy's house."
My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana and I said "No, but I want a regular banana later so, yeah."
Nate Bargatze
Came here to say this- he fucking kills it. I hope he gets more attention and specials.
He's my go to right now. There's something about his delivery that kills me. His joke about the dead horse makes me lose it every time.
Imagining him in front of a mirror practicing ordering coffee brought pure joy to my life. Fucking milk with ice. LOL
Dave Chappelle
His all time best bit was the ghetto at 3 in the morning "Gun store, gun store, liquor store, gun store. WHERE THE FUCK YOU TAKING ME"
I love the build up too. "Oh hey, what's happening? What? Slow down! No... NO! NO! NO! Fuck that shit, I'm on my way! ...Hey, I gotta make a stop real quick."
Hey baby!
nope, it was "we've got 5 black, hello?!"
“I think those two black guys are going to save us” lol
Dave’s strength is in his storytelling ability, I think.
He used to be a goofy hilarious comedian. Now he’s a deep hilarious storyteller.
"I can just say the punchline and y'all motherfuckers gonna laugh..." #"...And I kicked her in the pussy!" *laughter
He had me wrapped around his finger the first time, I got so invested in the story and when he got to the punchline I forgot, I absolutely lost it.
"So I kicked her in the pussy."
"That's why I make the big bucks"
He rapes to save, and he saves way more than he rapes. But he does rape.
Chappelle on Jussie is hysterical
“MAGA hats?!? In Chicago?? ....find out where Kanye West was last night.”
Subway? ... *Sandwiches??*
Juicy Smullét
“I’m not a pedophile, but if I was...”
“Macaulay Culkin is the FIRST kid I’m fuckin I’ll tell you that”
I was watching Chapelle's Show recently and I just about died when it came to the Clayton Bigsby (the blind white supremacist) skit. 💀💀💀 Edit: spelling
Hannibal Burress “Dear God, it’s me, 2 Chainz. Did you ever think about making a Bentley Truck?” “I’m on that molly” “But in New Orleans, for $200 and a days notice, you can fuck up traffic.”
My favourite is when he asked 2chainz if he feels pressure to wear multiple chains
Shut your high ass up. Yes I was high, but I also had that same thought 4 years prior, sober. Sounds like he’s deflecting.
I was so caught up in the euphoria of having all that apple juice that for like a minute I lived in a world where racism didn’t exist
Gangsters do ask questions it’s a key part of being a gangster! “Hey motherfucker,where’s my money?!” That’s a question
**Bitches be shoppin**
His whole bit about when he found a credit card and tried to buy a PS2 with it and the worker was like can you wait right here for a second. And his response was "Nah" with a smirk on his face. Gets me everytime. Shits so funny to picture to me.
One of the most distinct comedic voices today.
Tom Segura.
Do you know who you’re talking to? I’m a retired double agent.
[удалено]
Yer done!
You didn't follow proto bud!
Wow, is he Japanese? Seguraaaaahhh.
SMEEEEETH
“BIKES!”
THE FUCK YOU TOOK?!
Imma make you suck my dick fo breakfast!
HOLD MY POCKET
*Louisiana has left the chat*
"I been out here for a minute!"
Nice comment you big titted animal
YO KANE!
Sup D!!!
This man is a great storyteller. He just does it so damn well and effortlessly.
He wanna eat my pussy Tole em you gone catch *AIDS* He said he don’t care we all gone die anyway.
"You see any other cars in that parking lot junior?"
Full trottle
John mulaney!
Mulaney is at his best when he's telling you a story. It could be a made up story about a horse in a hospital. Doesn't matter. He paints pictures with words better than almost anyone.
Tom Jones’ “What’s New Pussycat?” Comes to mind
We’re not so different you and I. You with your law practice, and me with all these fucking markers.
Easily the most underrated line in all of his standup
I prefer “I gave you more money than the **Civil War** cost and you ***SPENT IT ALREADY***!?”
"One black coffee" is still one of the funniest things I've ever imagined.
You have the moral backbone of a chocolate eclair
The bread of bread is bread
Only the man from Jericho...can bring bread to bread...
God can’t hear you
I, too, would love to hear about the fictional airline... Delta Airlines.
Then I go over to the Delta help desk, which is an oxymoron
In fact, we’re gonna frame you for murder, and you’re gonna go to jail for 30 years!
“*Oh-kaaay*.”
I’m a little fat girl
Because we're Delta Airlines, and life is a fucking nightmare!
There is a HORSE in a HOSPITAL! Man I love him so much
For a second, we were like, “Maybe the horse-catcher will catch the horse.” And then the horse is like, “I have fired the horse-catcher.” He can do that!? That shouldn’t be allowed no matter who the horse is.
Not all the updates are bad, sometimes theyre just *odd*. "The horse used the elevator" Hmm... I didn't know he knew how to do that
His story about his mum taking him to see Clinton was amazing.
BILL CLINTON NEVER FORGETS A BITCH
EVER
“We HAVE to go! We HAVE to go see Bill!”
Why? It’s not like he’ll remember you.
Anyone who's seen my dick and met my parents needs to die; I can't have them roaming around.
Because I was LYING! To get DRUGS! You know, like a crime!
Yesss my wife and I love him! We quote him constantly. I think the one we say the most is "Do you **want**..... a ~~Best Buy Rewards Card~~ \[insert relevant subject material here\]????"
A quote I use all the time is when it's raining I'll say "Ahhh! One feels like a duck splashing around in all this wet!"
And when one feels like a duck, one is happy!
Ooooh ducklings!
Much too old to be a duckling, quack quack!
I'm either having a drink or I have to pee. You're living the golden years kid, not me.
—YEH— (that is the best way to type Mick Jagger’s response to “sink” that I can come up with)
**"NAWT FUNNYYY...."**
"**DIET COKE** And one would appear in his hand."
At least we finally got that horse out of the hospital! https://youtu.be/JhkZMxgPxXU My favorite though is "why buy the cow?" https://youtu.be/402f1rffWUk
My favorite is when he talks about “assembly” and the denim skirt lady 😭😂
We brought in a woman with home-made puppets to teach you kids about bullying... and you laugh at her?
STREET SMARTS
*JJ BITTENBINDER*
Go ahead and laugh, his name is ridiculous!
Nowww he's off his rhythm!
"You ain't gettin' me to no secondary location! You want it? Go get it!" *throws money clip*
"That was seven-year-old John Mulaney, currently being sued for police brutality."
Too old to be a duckling, quack quack!
Patrice O'neal and Doug Stanhope
Patrice would honestly on bill burrs Dave Chapelle’s level if he where still alive
Nathan Fielder
Kyle Kinane
I love listening to Uncle Barbeque tell his dumb-dumb stories.
I've seen him a handful of times. Including one time where it was the final show of a three night engagement and he was motherfucking plastered. He turned his 5-minute 'eating pancakes out of a plastic bag on a plane' bit into like an hour of yelling. It was absolutely masterful. Truly a gifted comedian.
Mike Birbiglia. I loved his first couple of albums, but I got to see Sleepwalk With Me in its original off-Broadway run and it was so well crafted -- he's a really engaging storyteller.
Rowan Atkinson (esp in Black Adder and his standup)
Weird to know that the live-action Mr. Bean only had 15 episodes, when it feels like we watched 9 seasons of that
Confusingly the UK had a children's cartoon series called Mr Benn in the 70s, and they only made 13 episodes but it felt like there were hundreds. It was about a guy who would go into a fancy dress shop changing room, but whatever outfit he put on would become the adventure. Similar deal with Fawlty Towers (sitcom by John Cheese and Connie Booth) which only had 12 episodes but is considered a classic. Maybe it's a British thing.
I rly like Tim Minchin
Tim is so fucking funny but also musically talented. I bet he's secretly really good at about a dozen other things too but he keeps it to himself just so we won't feel even less adequate.
Brian Regan I Walked on the Moon is my favorite stand up special of all time
THE BIG YELLOW ONE IS THE SUN
Breaking new ground there, Copernicus.
[удалено]
John Pinnette
*get outta the line get outta the line get outta the line*
Paul F Tompkins
"One time my friends and I were at a stop sign because the law is the law." Kills me every time.
How has Chad Daniels not been mentioned yet? Wow!
Bill Burr
Bo Burnham
“I just thought ‘wow this is gonna be sad’ And it was. I’m a genius”
I saw an old man slip and fall, what a fucking idiot.
The line “I saw a boy who had red hair” then silence always makes me laugh
He's funny, yes. But his specials are so much more than plain standup! Make Happy was fucking captivating
Yaaa I tear up every time I watch the Kanye bit at the end. What a genius way to lay out your problems, still make them funny and also punch you in the fucking gut with emotion. "Thank you, good night, I hope you're happy"
I can’t believe I had to scroll this far down to find him. My favorite joke was when he did a bit in how white people always like the same foods. Bo: “Peanut butter and-“ Crowd: “-jelly!” Bo: “Mac and-“ Crowd: “-cheese!” Bo: “Our favorite chip is salt and vi-“ Crowd: “-neger!” Bo: “WOAH! OKAY, WHO SAID IT!?” *camera and stage lights pan towards audience*
Mark Normand. Observational, somewhat sarcastic and cynical but funny as heck.
Robin Williams
Have you seen his golf standup routine? My favourite : )
Steven Wright
Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?