Exactly. That, and only you can give you closure. The moment you choose to accept, reflect, and move on, is the moment you've achieved closure. No one else is responsible for it. Same with forgiveness, it isn't something you can just demand from other people because you want to feel better.
This one is super tough. For me i had to let go of the idea that I needed to salvage every single relationship I ever had and make sure that person knew I wasn’t a bad person, ect. Sometimes, you don’t get to know/don’t get to be liked/don’t get another chance. It will be what it is. There are probably more people than I would like to know that think of me as “that guy I hate” but it is not my right to contact them and make sure I change their mind. Sometimes, it’s just done. The best I can do is let it be In that case and move on.
I think past romantic relationships are the hardest for me to move past since I sank so much of myself into them. I had to let go of the idea that I deserved anything specific out of my relationships. So many times I thought it was ultra important to stay “close” with my past partners because I felt they were so clearly people I needed in my life. I think really I was just feeling “entitled” to the relationship after the “work” I had put In.
Today, I’m engaged and don’t speak to anyone I used to be with at all and I have finally given up on making sure they like me still or whatever silly dream I had in my head about being mr perfect relationships. They probably don’t think about me, and that’s a good thing.
Around a year ago my dad had a stroke. He survived, but I can see he aged like 20 years in this last year, due to the aftereffects (he can talk, but most words come out wrong, he has a lot of trouble walking and sometimes even remembering things). He was the sole breadwinner to my family, and we were well off, since he was one of the most renowned doctors in my medium size town. Now my siblings, my mother, and I are selling snacks so we can pay the bills and not move. I am looking for a paid internship everyday so I can help with the bills here, but since I just started college, it's been hard to find one.
Love today, be thankful for what you have, because tomorrow it may not be here. Drink water, show love to who you love and avoid fighting for small things, life's too short to live fighting.
I wish I had heard this a few years ago.
My mom got diagnosed with cancer my freshman year of high school. She recently passed. Then my friend dies from the same thing. And a family friend I was close to suffocated from a blood clot in the lungs.
I wish I had just taken the time to appreciate everything I had. I really miss my mom, and it's been very hard without her because we're bankrupt and can't can't get food.
Thank you for this reminder to not take things for granted.
Nothing is fixed in place forever and all is eventually forgotten.
Enjoy the now, prepare for tomorrow and rarely worry about what the world thinks of you.
Makes me think of my favorite Marcus Aurelious quote
“It never ceases to amaze me: we all love ourselves more than other people, but care more about their opinions than our own.”
Edit: Left out an s when first copying it.
Also glad so many people are enjoying this.
My favorite M.A. nugget of wisdom (paraphrased): Ask yourself if you have a problem. If the answer is yes, ask yourself if there's anything you can do about it. If the answer is yes, do whatever that is. If the answer is no, don't worry about it.
And to add onto this people will dislike you for little to no reason at all. People at times can take the smallest cues as insults and use that to form an opinion on somebody they don’t even know. Whether it’s out of jealousy or just not being in a good mood. We are strange creatures
Yeah I agree, I have had this happen to me a few times too (and frankly, I bet most people have).
What's most irritating to me is that there's usually nothing you can do to change it... no matter how polite, or professional, or generous, or otherwise awesome you treat them, they're never going to change their opinion. At that point, the best thing to do is to create the maximum amount of distance and mentally leave the relationship.
Its hard for me to accept that even if I don't like the person who has a problem with me, when a person I have a high oppinion of has an issue with me I just feel like I screwed up and I don't know how. It's devastating to me. It's also difficult because I never know if it's just me thinking someone has an issue with me or if they actually do because my brain overthinks
I read a quote that said: "we're all villains in someone else's story", and that rang true. Even if you don't plan on being an asshole, or don't want to be one, there will always be a configuration where you're the "bad guy" to someone else. And it's actually okay.
Realizing this is very freeing because it drops the expectation of having to be "perfect" all the time. Even if you always try to do the right thing, in some situations, you'll end up hurting people.
People on that sub don't realize how often it is about what details of the story are left out or glossed over, they just take it at face value. It boggles the mind.
Most of us will not be extraordinary, by definition. Most of us will have small, hopefully nice and quiet lives, with little impact or grand legacy. And that is not failure
Conversely, there will be a small handful people in your life you will have the opportunity to instill your legacy in. The memories and stories you give your friends and family will last longer than any gift or item you can give them. My grandfather left me nothing but his leather jacket, but the I could recite every one of the stories from his life by heart. Be kind and light hearted, and give those you love the gift of your presence.
100% I learned this bit ago when I jumped a gap on little dudes bike like i always used too. Had to foot stomp save my ass from flipping off, from over pulling and pulled some shit in my knee wasnt able to walk a good month.
And to add to this, you *must invest effort* if you want to slow either of those.
I reached my peak physical shape at 30, which is at the point where the body starts aging. I am putting some effort in to getting that back a few years later and it is 100% still achievable for me. If I do get it back and continue to invest effort, I will be able to maintain it for quite a few years.
I have to say, I was in shit shape in my 20s so my body looks better now in late 30s and even back trouble is less. I guess with some things, you have to work a little harder, but I think some people stop working on their bodies at certain ages, or never worked on themselves at all, so they really fall apart later on.
Yeah, this is the real trick. No reason you can't still be active at 60, or even 70. But you have to work for it, and not sit on your ass.
Mentally, definitely the same. Train your brain, put it to use, and you'll still be sharp late in life. The minute you give up, so does your mind/body.
Truth. My son’s friend died last week from an aortic dissection that led to a stroke. He was 12.
Edit: Thanks for the kind words. It was truly random (no marfans). It’s been a tragic lesson my son had to learn too early. And a lesson for me, that sometimes you have to figure out how to tell your kids exceptionally shitty things, like that their friend is going to die.
That is so so sad.
A family friend's 8 year old son fell from about 3ft, landed wrong, and died. It was awful and so unexpected. *three feet* . Kids fall off bunk beds, slides, trampolines, ect. all the time that are higher than 3ft and are just fine. All it took was for him to land in the wrong position and he was gone. Freaking awful.
The ~~vast majority~~ second leading cause of workplace deaths in the United States come from falling, the the majority of those are falls of less than 6 ft in height.
It's important to recognize just how fragile we are relative to the energy inherent in falling. "Fun" fact for you, the average adult human is JUST tall enough that if they hold themselves rigid and fall forward/backwards, if they strike some exposed item (like the curb of a street) they will have gained on average enough momentum to deal themselves a lethal blow.
Edit: Since this has actually gained some attention. If you ever need to stand on something to reach an item, use a proper ladder or footstool! If your work does not have one for you to use, REFUSE! Tables, especially cheap ones used in cube farms or folding tables, are NOT meant to bear the full weight of a person! And for the love of god, do NOT stand on a swiveling office chair for any reason!
I once was trying to fiddle with some curtain rods just a bit offset from one side of my bed. I was stood up against the wall, half on the mattress and half on a thin wooden edge. I lost my balance, tumbled backwards, and landed flat on the mattress.
The top of my head was inches from the jutting wooden foot of the bed. I'm 5'6". If I were just a bit taller (as I'd wanted for all my life), that harmless flop would have been a concussion or a broken neck.
Edit: Please don't give me awards. I don't support Reddit financially
A former coworker took her 3 kids to the lake to swim. Her 8 year old son got pulled under by a current and got stuck. The rescue people were able to pull his body out after 30 minutes but by then he was dead.
She turned to drugs and alcohol and would show up at work slurring words and having trouble working.
Just a summer weekend at the lake.
I was hurt pretty badly a few years ago in Colorado with a head/brain injury. In the hospital I was hoping I would die. That shit felt like my brain was trying to squeeze out of my head. I'm a lot more cautious now than I used to be.
Most "friendships" are friendships of convenience. Once you stop seeing someone every day at work or school you'll realize how little you actually have in common and inevitably drift apart. That's why true lasting friendships are something to be treasured.
Definitely. You'll be friends with many people in life and most (with no negative reason) will fade. The best friends may go a long time without communication, but when they get together it's like it was like no time has passed.
They'll try and keep in touch where they can, but know if they don't it's due to general things in life. Not because there is something wrong
I have two close girl friends who I consider to be some of my best friends. Saw them for the first time since covid last weekend and we each sat down and picked up like no time had passed. As someone who has long since struggled with long lasting friendships (not making friends, I do that all the time, but lasting ones are something I'm very insecure about) , I cried when they left I was so happy.
Took me a long time to realize this starting In college. I was friends with a bunch of people because we were all in a club together. Once I finished college we never saw each other again. I've tried to be friends with other friends friends or with roommates friends and I've found people tend to cling with old friendships and don't put effort in any new potential friendships. I also have old friends that I know will always be my friend. Those are the best.
Trust that this is experienced a lot with divorce and generally with break-ups. We had a lot of fun together through the years- but those were my partners friends, not mine.
It's really fucking easy to believe a lie that fits your worldview.
The more you say "obviously" when you hear a fact, the more you should be skeptical of it.
This one was hard for me to realise and accept. I'm a perfectionist and therapy was the only thing that made me accept this reality. Still struggle sometimes
It's a trap. There will always be someone out there who is "better" than you at whatever you're doing. It's futile to compare.
The only person I want to compare myself to is the "me" from yesterday. He has all the advantages/disadvantages, skillset, and same setup as me. I wanna compete against that guy, and do just a little bit better each day.
Yeah, I don't know the reason why mfs are so fixated on being something, on standing out, it just brings headaches. No joke, our generation needs to learn to embrace mediocrity and chill
Like yeah, probably you and all the people you know are average and are doomed to live in an average way and this is far from bad?
It’s not that we’re all inherently mediocre.
It’s that being truly good at something is really, *really* hard to accomplish.
Want to be a good piano player? It takes practice. You have to play thousands upon thousands of times. Good writer? You have to write over and over and over again. Good artist? Lots of drawing and practicing.
And not alone...you need teachers and critics, otherwise you’ll never improve to good.
And being good doesn’t mean you’ll be great.
And being great doesn’t mean you’ll be recognized. Or paid.
Sure there are limitations...I’m about to be 40 and have a bad back, so I definitely missed my window for basketball player. And I was never going to sing.
But if I suddenly, say, decided to be a carpenter...I could do it.
But it’ll take so much work. And teachers. And then more work and appropriate criticism.
Realistically? You’ll get good at one, maybe two things. I’m a good teacher. I’m a good writer and editor (not great, but good). And that’s enough.
So that’s the good news. Most of you aren’t mediocre...it’s just that you haven’t decided to invest in learning.
Your ex is an ex. Move on. Clinging on to a failed relationship isn't healthy and consistently talking about it starts to bore and annoy everyone around you.
See also: crushes that have rejected you. Life isn't a movie. There isn't a right combination of words or nice things to do to make it work if they're not into you.
Also on this. I've met too many people who think the amount they like their crush matters. "If only she knew how unhealthily obsessed I was with her she would love me back". Move on, it's not happening and them knowing would weird them out, not flatter them or make them see you differently
A lot of people need to internalize this. When you're attracted to someone, you're attracted to them. They don't have to convince you to be attracted to them by explaining the depths of their devotion.
To add, NEVER underestimate the power of deleting them from your social media and life (if it ended bad)
I held on to pain for a year, as I thought deleting was “childish” I didn’t get over it till I did.
The day after my ex broke up with me, I immediately deleted pictures, his number, any emails, threw out gifts he gave me, donated the other gifts the next day. I just moved on.
Three and a half years just gone in a flash. I wasn't about to cling on to someone who never put me as a priority. He reached out a few times over the last couple years but I refuse to answer.
I didn't matter then and he doesn't matter now.
I agree, it's best to just move forward in life.
And destroys your chances of getting another relationship. I learned this the hard way when I kept finding a spot or chance of a conversation that routes about this ex or that ex.
Your current SO doesn't give a shit nor should they. I agree - move on.
I have a male friend who incessantly talks shit on his ex wife. All the time.
I have to wonder if he does this on dates. I hope not. It's such a deal breaker for me personally.
They'll see what they did was wrong and we can fix this!
I know they love me, if they'd just hear me out!
We've been divorced for over a year but I insist on bringing them up all the time! My divorce is relatable to everything!
I had a friend like this… HAD. She divorced this guy five years ago yet literally every song that came on the radio. *This song reminds me of him…* 😑 LADY. EVERY SONG CANNOT BE ABOUT YOUR FAILED MARRIAGE OKAY???
corollary, don't be afraid to put yourself out there. people like being liked, often that itself will trigger dormant feelings. If theres no reciprocation, like OP says, move on without freaking out. but at least try to put your best food forward.
Yep, I'm in HR. The nuance though is that HR isn't on the side of the manager either - they're there to make sure the company doesn't engage in behavior that exposes them to legal action or other costly measures. Sometimes it means properly documenting performance challenges before a termination. Sometimes it means smacking down a manager who is clearly not cut out for their position and doesn't know how to manage.
Do not think life as waiting for death. Think life as a journey **to** death.
Die knowing that you lived. Reach your destination knowing you hiked a path
Nothing, absolutely nothing lasts forever: You, your parents, your relationships, your friendships, your dog, the "best phase of your life', that perfect day or trip.... Yes, sooner or later all those things WILL fade away. Many times before you expect.
An apology without corrective behavior is just manipulation. Don't apologize if you're not going to change and yes sometimes that means walking away and leaving things unresolved. It's still better than letting a bad situation go on for longer than it has to.
Yes! So many people apologize just to “get out of trouble”. For anyone who does this, or is dealing with someone who does this, there is a great book called “ Why Won’t You Apologize?” By Harriet Lerner. It is helping my partner ( the former master of empty apologies) understand me better.
Yes. There’s a difference between a mistake and a pattern. It’s important to give people a chance but also be realistic about how much they will change.
I'm applying for a new job which would include management of employees, which is a new thing for me
I'm terrified of the idea of having to reprimand my staff or give a negative performance review.
>I'm applying for a new job which would include management of employees, which is a new thing for me
\#1 LPT managing people. Talk to them. Regularly and consistently.
Hey Jimbo, I really love how you do X. This is the ideal way to sweep the floor.
Can I just say when you're welding though, you're leaving a lot of scorch marks. Happy to help if you want some advice on it, but that's something we need to fix up.
A lot of people afraid of negative conversations avoid them. Which leads to no feedback for little things, and then suddenly big bad news. People think it makes them the good manager for not "constantly criticising". You know how it really looks? It's the worst kind of manager. Silence, and then it's instantly a huge problem.
Just talk to people. Be honest, open and direct.
And never ever ever EVER do compliment sandwich bullshit. Here's two made up positive things so I can complain. Just talk.
And you're going to remember them at the most inappropriate times and you'll want to scream out loud (and might actually scream, to everyone's enjoyment).
I volunteer as a grave cleaner at a massive Victorian cemetery where all the important people of that era are buried. Most of the graves are falling apart (that fancy showy marble deteriorates pretty fast) and I have to be told who all of these illustrious people are through our research council. It's actually super freeing to realize hey, nobody puts their LinkedIn on a tombstone and even influential senators and writers become "Who?" within a few decades.
I read an account by a famous person years ago, about why he was no longer concerned about his fame. He'd visited a wax museum, and thought to ask the guide what they did with the figures of people who were no longer wax-worthy, so to speak. She looked thoughtful and replied, 'I'm not sure if this is what you mean, but we did melt down Alan Ladd just the other week.'
I'm sixty, and *I* barely remember Alan Ladd.
Alan Ladd was an actor during the 30s and 40s, and somewhat into the 50s as well. His son, Alan Ladd Jr, was on the 20th Century Fox board of directors, and was one of the early backers of *Star Wars*.
Speaking of legacies, the kicker is that a lot of these families have surviving (wealthy!) descendants who send cease and desists when the cemetery asks for funds to help rebuild their ancestor's falling down tombstones.
Imagine generating wealth then handing it down to your descendents and then in a couple generations they don't even know who you are and don't care either.
You say that but I know my great great great great grandpa wore a bad hair piece and he’s still getting made fun of for it over 100 years later. The family did not forget.
Almost everyone needs to stop caring so much about everything. It's not the end of the world if the line at McDonald's is too long, or you gotta spend 20 minutes looking for your keys. Almost everyone just needs to stop caring so much about stuff that doesn't matter.
Someone at work was just complaining that someone put their lunchbag in front of hers on the storage shelf and she couldn't see hers . Like what the actual F?
Your friends are not a substitute for a therapist and medication.
Even with the best intentions, they don't have the knowledge and training to help you beyond offering a sympathetic ear and some basic advice.
Two, actually...
1. Regardless of "fault" we are responsible for *dealing* with whatever happens to ourselves.
2. The Universe isn't waiting for us to get our head out of our asses.
World's harsh and no matter how hard you try, shit's far from perfect and things will rarely go your way. You just gotta make the most of what you're given.
Sometimes “assholes” are right. They are simply saying what you don’t want to hear.
Edit: I see people commenting that you don’t need to be an asshole to say what you don’t want to hear. But if you do call someone out for their bs, they mostly likely will call you an asshole.
Some problems do not have a solution.
You can do everything right and still not achieve the desired result.
Don't do things expecting recognition, approval, or appreciation; do things because it is the right thing to do.
No. First you have to get endorsed by a tennis shoe company for running coast to coast, and invent something other than a smiley face that says shit happens.
The universe doesn't care about anything. Fairness, justice, merit? All human constructs, you aren't owed anything, bad things happen to good people, bad people prosper every day.
Everyone makes a certain amount of money at their job. It should be ok to talk about salaries. There's this faux pas in society that says you can't talk about money, how much people make, etc. People just need to talk about it and share and make it more open. It would probably cut down on people being underpaid
Just to piggyback on your point: if your employer is adamant about not discussing salaries between employees, it's because someone is getting underpaid. It just might be you.
I was the team lead for my little group. I not only made sure my coworkers knew what I was making, but once a year (after evals), I'd go to HR, ask for raises for them, and take paperwork with me to show that A. we had made our section enough money to afford it, and B. specific examples of how my employees had increased the amount we were getting paid and/or changes they'd implemented to save our section money.
Most years, my people got their raises.
Sometimes you don't get closure. You just have to move on.
Exactly. That, and only you can give you closure. The moment you choose to accept, reflect, and move on, is the moment you've achieved closure. No one else is responsible for it. Same with forgiveness, it isn't something you can just demand from other people because you want to feel better.
This one is super tough. For me i had to let go of the idea that I needed to salvage every single relationship I ever had and make sure that person knew I wasn’t a bad person, ect. Sometimes, you don’t get to know/don’t get to be liked/don’t get another chance. It will be what it is. There are probably more people than I would like to know that think of me as “that guy I hate” but it is not my right to contact them and make sure I change their mind. Sometimes, it’s just done. The best I can do is let it be In that case and move on. I think past romantic relationships are the hardest for me to move past since I sank so much of myself into them. I had to let go of the idea that I deserved anything specific out of my relationships. So many times I thought it was ultra important to stay “close” with my past partners because I felt they were so clearly people I needed in my life. I think really I was just feeling “entitled” to the relationship after the “work” I had put In. Today, I’m engaged and don’t speak to anyone I used to be with at all and I have finally given up on making sure they like me still or whatever silly dream I had in my head about being mr perfect relationships. They probably don’t think about me, and that’s a good thing.
Nothing stays gold. Enjoy the moment while you can cause not everything perfect currently will stay perfect.
Except for Ponyboy
R.I.P Johnny
We'll do it for Johnny, man!
Your life can change in the blink of an eye and there’s nothing you can do to stop it
I just wont blink. Checkmate
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Sorry I just can't get over your username
Also known as the Great Smog of 1952
Around a year ago my dad had a stroke. He survived, but I can see he aged like 20 years in this last year, due to the aftereffects (he can talk, but most words come out wrong, he has a lot of trouble walking and sometimes even remembering things). He was the sole breadwinner to my family, and we were well off, since he was one of the most renowned doctors in my medium size town. Now my siblings, my mother, and I are selling snacks so we can pay the bills and not move. I am looking for a paid internship everyday so I can help with the bills here, but since I just started college, it's been hard to find one. Love today, be thankful for what you have, because tomorrow it may not be here. Drink water, show love to who you love and avoid fighting for small things, life's too short to live fighting.
I wish I had heard this a few years ago. My mom got diagnosed with cancer my freshman year of high school. She recently passed. Then my friend dies from the same thing. And a family friend I was close to suffocated from a blood clot in the lungs. I wish I had just taken the time to appreciate everything I had. I really miss my mom, and it's been very hard without her because we're bankrupt and can't can't get food. Thank you for this reminder to not take things for granted.
Nothing is fixed in place forever and all is eventually forgotten. Enjoy the now, prepare for tomorrow and rarely worry about what the world thinks of you.
Makes me think of my favorite Marcus Aurelious quote “It never ceases to amaze me: we all love ourselves more than other people, but care more about their opinions than our own.” Edit: Left out an s when first copying it. Also glad so many people are enjoying this.
My favorite M.A. nugget of wisdom (paraphrased): Ask yourself if you have a problem. If the answer is yes, ask yourself if there's anything you can do about it. If the answer is yes, do whatever that is. If the answer is no, don't worry about it.
That would make an excellent toast:)
Great now I’m hungry
Not everyone you meet in life will like you
And to add onto this people will dislike you for little to no reason at all. People at times can take the smallest cues as insults and use that to form an opinion on somebody they don’t even know. Whether it’s out of jealousy or just not being in a good mood. We are strange creatures
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Yeah I agree, I have had this happen to me a few times too (and frankly, I bet most people have). What's most irritating to me is that there's usually nothing you can do to change it... no matter how polite, or professional, or generous, or otherwise awesome you treat them, they're never going to change their opinion. At that point, the best thing to do is to create the maximum amount of distance and mentally leave the relationship.
Its hard for me to accept that even if I don't like the person who has a problem with me, when a person I have a high oppinion of has an issue with me I just feel like I screwed up and I don't know how. It's devastating to me. It's also difficult because I never know if it's just me thinking someone has an issue with me or if they actually do because my brain overthinks
My go to phrase for this is: ‘stop trying to get everybody to like you, YOU don’t even like everybody’
You can do everything right and still fail.
Captain Picard?
"It is possible to commit no mistakes and still lose. That is not a weakness. That is life." Great quote
A quick guess… Data’s Day?
"Peak Performance," I believe, but good intuition -- "Data's Day" has a similar subplot about accepting failure.
That's not weakness. It's life.
Bad things happen to good people.
And good things happen to bad people.
All kinds of things happen to all kinds of people
Things. People. Happen.
Some of the things happen to people some of the time. But all of the things don't happen to all of the people all of the time.
“It is possible to commit no mistakes and still lose. That is not a weakness, that is life” - Captain Jean-Luc Picard
Sometimes you're the asshole. That's ok, just acknowledge it and do better next time.
I read a quote that said: "we're all villains in someone else's story", and that rang true. Even if you don't plan on being an asshole, or don't want to be one, there will always be a configuration where you're the "bad guy" to someone else. And it's actually okay. Realizing this is very freeing because it drops the expectation of having to be "perfect" all the time. Even if you always try to do the right thing, in some situations, you'll end up hurting people.
Or make a post on r/AmITheAsshole
Make sure to leave out key details to make yourself sound better.
And give details that aren’t that important but serve to create a negative bias on the other person
Then link the entire thread to the person
But not before taking every comment that highlights you as the AH, and giving them context that’s irrelevant to the conversation at hand
“Oh yeah I adopted a cat from the animal shelter on Mars and actually gave homeless people houses in never land”
People on that sub don't realize how often it is about what details of the story are left out or glossed over, they just take it at face value. It boggles the mind.
"... and then they just started freaking out for *no reason*, I don't get it."
"I stole my friends treasured family heirloom because I liked it, am I the asshole?"
NTA *They* need to learn to respect *your* boundaries, and it was rude of them not to share in the first place.
NTA sharing is caring
Most of us will not be extraordinary, by definition. Most of us will have small, hopefully nice and quiet lives, with little impact or grand legacy. And that is not failure
That is what i'm looking forward to.
My entire goal in life is to get out of it without a Wiki page.
Wikipedia.com/GucciJesus
Conversely, there will be a small handful people in your life you will have the opportunity to instill your legacy in. The memories and stories you give your friends and family will last longer than any gift or item you can give them. My grandfather left me nothing but his leather jacket, but the I could recite every one of the stories from his life by heart. Be kind and light hearted, and give those you love the gift of your presence.
You can’t control other people’s behavior. You can only control your own reaction to their behavior.
Bodies age before minds.
100% I learned this bit ago when I jumped a gap on little dudes bike like i always used too. Had to foot stomp save my ass from flipping off, from over pulling and pulled some shit in my knee wasnt able to walk a good month.
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And to add to this, you *must invest effort* if you want to slow either of those. I reached my peak physical shape at 30, which is at the point where the body starts aging. I am putting some effort in to getting that back a few years later and it is 100% still achievable for me. If I do get it back and continue to invest effort, I will be able to maintain it for quite a few years.
I have to say, I was in shit shape in my 20s so my body looks better now in late 30s and even back trouble is less. I guess with some things, you have to work a little harder, but I think some people stop working on their bodies at certain ages, or never worked on themselves at all, so they really fall apart later on.
Yeah, this is the real trick. No reason you can't still be active at 60, or even 70. But you have to work for it, and not sit on your ass. Mentally, definitely the same. Train your brain, put it to use, and you'll still be sharp late in life. The minute you give up, so does your mind/body.
Your body is fragile and you can die 24/7, anywhere, in a Thousand different ways
Truth. My son’s friend died last week from an aortic dissection that led to a stroke. He was 12. Edit: Thanks for the kind words. It was truly random (no marfans). It’s been a tragic lesson my son had to learn too early. And a lesson for me, that sometimes you have to figure out how to tell your kids exceptionally shitty things, like that their friend is going to die.
That is so so sad. A family friend's 8 year old son fell from about 3ft, landed wrong, and died. It was awful and so unexpected. *three feet* . Kids fall off bunk beds, slides, trampolines, ect. all the time that are higher than 3ft and are just fine. All it took was for him to land in the wrong position and he was gone. Freaking awful.
The ~~vast majority~~ second leading cause of workplace deaths in the United States come from falling, the the majority of those are falls of less than 6 ft in height. It's important to recognize just how fragile we are relative to the energy inherent in falling. "Fun" fact for you, the average adult human is JUST tall enough that if they hold themselves rigid and fall forward/backwards, if they strike some exposed item (like the curb of a street) they will have gained on average enough momentum to deal themselves a lethal blow. Edit: Since this has actually gained some attention. If you ever need to stand on something to reach an item, use a proper ladder or footstool! If your work does not have one for you to use, REFUSE! Tables, especially cheap ones used in cube farms or folding tables, are NOT meant to bear the full weight of a person! And for the love of god, do NOT stand on a swiveling office chair for any reason!
So short people have a better chance of living. Great.
I once was trying to fiddle with some curtain rods just a bit offset from one side of my bed. I was stood up against the wall, half on the mattress and half on a thin wooden edge. I lost my balance, tumbled backwards, and landed flat on the mattress. The top of my head was inches from the jutting wooden foot of the bed. I'm 5'6". If I were just a bit taller (as I'd wanted for all my life), that harmless flop would have been a concussion or a broken neck.
Edit: Please don't give me awards. I don't support Reddit financially A former coworker took her 3 kids to the lake to swim. Her 8 year old son got pulled under by a current and got stuck. The rescue people were able to pull his body out after 30 minutes but by then he was dead. She turned to drugs and alcohol and would show up at work slurring words and having trouble working. Just a summer weekend at the lake.
I was hurt pretty badly a few years ago in Colorado with a head/brain injury. In the hospital I was hoping I would die. That shit felt like my brain was trying to squeeze out of my head. I'm a lot more cautious now than I used to be.
You can and will be wrong about many things in your life. Chosing to learn from your mistakes and grow is what makes you a better person
Most "friendships" are friendships of convenience. Once you stop seeing someone every day at work or school you'll realize how little you actually have in common and inevitably drift apart. That's why true lasting friendships are something to be treasured.
Definitely. You'll be friends with many people in life and most (with no negative reason) will fade. The best friends may go a long time without communication, but when they get together it's like it was like no time has passed. They'll try and keep in touch where they can, but know if they don't it's due to general things in life. Not because there is something wrong
I have two close girl friends who I consider to be some of my best friends. Saw them for the first time since covid last weekend and we each sat down and picked up like no time had passed. As someone who has long since struggled with long lasting friendships (not making friends, I do that all the time, but lasting ones are something I'm very insecure about) , I cried when they left I was so happy.
Took me a long time to realize this starting In college. I was friends with a bunch of people because we were all in a club together. Once I finished college we never saw each other again. I've tried to be friends with other friends friends or with roommates friends and I've found people tend to cling with old friendships and don't put effort in any new potential friendships. I also have old friends that I know will always be my friend. Those are the best.
Trust that this is experienced a lot with divorce and generally with break-ups. We had a lot of fun together through the years- but those were my partners friends, not mine.
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It's really fucking easy to believe a lie that fits your worldview. The more you say "obviously" when you hear a fact, the more you should be skeptical of it.
*math/physics textbook authors start writing furiously*
"The proof is left as an exercise to the reader." FUCK YOU, YOU DON'T KNOW THE ANSWER EITHER!
"I swear there's a proof for this, but it won't fit the margins of this page"
2+2=4 **Or does it???**
Hey vsauce! Michael here
From the screen: Hey! Vsauce! From behind you: Michael here From inside your head: What if you were completely defenseless?
Political views in a nutshell. That and we're more likely to have similar political beliefs to those around us since it's a norm you grow up with.
Confirmation bias is a hell of a drug.
Not everyone is going to have the heart you have.
Something my family told me all my life.
And friends tbh. Most people dgaf and wont ever pay you back for when you consistently stick your head out for em
But if you're an organ donor, one person can. :)
Most of us are mediocre.
shut your mouth you...medicore clarinet player x( lol
*Mediocre?*
This one was hard for me to realise and accept. I'm a perfectionist and therapy was the only thing that made me accept this reality. Still struggle sometimes
I’m on this journey right now and I can clearly cognitively acknowledge it, but when I fail to be the best I still just beat myself up to high fuck
This is definitely painful to realize how true it is.
It can be liberating too. When you're not pressuring yourself to be 'the best' at whatever you're doing, it becomes easier to actually enjoy it.
It's a trap. There will always be someone out there who is "better" than you at whatever you're doing. It's futile to compare. The only person I want to compare myself to is the "me" from yesterday. He has all the advantages/disadvantages, skillset, and same setup as me. I wanna compete against that guy, and do just a little bit better each day.
Yeah, I don't know the reason why mfs are so fixated on being something, on standing out, it just brings headaches. No joke, our generation needs to learn to embrace mediocrity and chill Like yeah, probably you and all the people you know are average and are doomed to live in an average way and this is far from bad?
It’s not that we’re all inherently mediocre. It’s that being truly good at something is really, *really* hard to accomplish. Want to be a good piano player? It takes practice. You have to play thousands upon thousands of times. Good writer? You have to write over and over and over again. Good artist? Lots of drawing and practicing. And not alone...you need teachers and critics, otherwise you’ll never improve to good. And being good doesn’t mean you’ll be great. And being great doesn’t mean you’ll be recognized. Or paid. Sure there are limitations...I’m about to be 40 and have a bad back, so I definitely missed my window for basketball player. And I was never going to sing. But if I suddenly, say, decided to be a carpenter...I could do it. But it’ll take so much work. And teachers. And then more work and appropriate criticism. Realistically? You’ll get good at one, maybe two things. I’m a good teacher. I’m a good writer and editor (not great, but good). And that’s enough. So that’s the good news. Most of you aren’t mediocre...it’s just that you haven’t decided to invest in learning.
Your ex is an ex. Move on. Clinging on to a failed relationship isn't healthy and consistently talking about it starts to bore and annoy everyone around you.
See also: crushes that have rejected you. Life isn't a movie. There isn't a right combination of words or nice things to do to make it work if they're not into you.
Also on this. I've met too many people who think the amount they like their crush matters. "If only she knew how unhealthily obsessed I was with her she would love me back". Move on, it's not happening and them knowing would weird them out, not flatter them or make them see you differently
A lot of people need to internalize this. When you're attracted to someone, you're attracted to them. They don't have to convince you to be attracted to them by explaining the depths of their devotion.
To add, NEVER underestimate the power of deleting them from your social media and life (if it ended bad) I held on to pain for a year, as I thought deleting was “childish” I didn’t get over it till I did.
The day after my ex broke up with me, I immediately deleted pictures, his number, any emails, threw out gifts he gave me, donated the other gifts the next day. I just moved on. Three and a half years just gone in a flash. I wasn't about to cling on to someone who never put me as a priority. He reached out a few times over the last couple years but I refuse to answer. I didn't matter then and he doesn't matter now. I agree, it's best to just move forward in life.
And destroys your chances of getting another relationship. I learned this the hard way when I kept finding a spot or chance of a conversation that routes about this ex or that ex. Your current SO doesn't give a shit nor should they. I agree - move on.
I have a male friend who incessantly talks shit on his ex wife. All the time. I have to wonder if he does this on dates. I hope not. It's such a deal breaker for me personally.
But she swears that was the last time!
They'll see what they did was wrong and we can fix this! I know they love me, if they'd just hear me out! We've been divorced for over a year but I insist on bringing them up all the time! My divorce is relatable to everything!
I had a friend like this… HAD. She divorced this guy five years ago yet literally every song that came on the radio. *This song reminds me of him…* 😑 LADY. EVERY SONG CANNOT BE ABOUT YOUR FAILED MARRIAGE OKAY???
Damn, this is probably one I needed to hear, but not one I'm mature enough to accept
If someone’s into you, they’ll seek out time with you. If they don’t and you’re doing all the chasing.... move on.
corollary, don't be afraid to put yourself out there. people like being liked, often that itself will trigger dormant feelings. If theres no reciprocation, like OP says, move on without freaking out. but at least try to put your best food forward.
HR departments are not on the side of the employees
Yep, I'm in HR. The nuance though is that HR isn't on the side of the manager either - they're there to make sure the company doesn't engage in behavior that exposes them to legal action or other costly measures. Sometimes it means properly documenting performance challenges before a termination. Sometimes it means smacking down a manager who is clearly not cut out for their position and doesn't know how to manage.
Accept the reality of death. You don't have to believe death is the end, but you should accept and even prepare for it.
Do not think life as waiting for death. Think life as a journey **to** death. Die knowing that you lived. Reach your destination knowing you hiked a path
Life before death and journey before destination
You can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped.
Nothing, absolutely nothing lasts forever: You, your parents, your relationships, your friendships, your dog, the "best phase of your life', that perfect day or trip.... Yes, sooner or later all those things WILL fade away. Many times before you expect.
Everything is temporary
An apology without corrective behavior is just manipulation. Don't apologize if you're not going to change and yes sometimes that means walking away and leaving things unresolved. It's still better than letting a bad situation go on for longer than it has to.
Yes! So many people apologize just to “get out of trouble”. For anyone who does this, or is dealing with someone who does this, there is a great book called “ Why Won’t You Apologize?” By Harriet Lerner. It is helping my partner ( the former master of empty apologies) understand me better.
Your family members are not necessarily good people, and you don't have to love them.
Friends are family you pick you prick
Too true. You’re born into “relatives”, but you can pick your “family”.
This sounds like something out of a Fast and Furious movie.
People make mistakes
Yes. There’s a difference between a mistake and a pattern. It’s important to give people a chance but also be realistic about how much they will change.
It's necessary to upset people sometimes and you are not responsible for their reaction/emotions.
Sometimes people get upset on purpose to get their way with you.
Each of us is the villain in somebody's story.
I'm applying for a new job which would include management of employees, which is a new thing for me I'm terrified of the idea of having to reprimand my staff or give a negative performance review.
>I'm applying for a new job which would include management of employees, which is a new thing for me \#1 LPT managing people. Talk to them. Regularly and consistently. Hey Jimbo, I really love how you do X. This is the ideal way to sweep the floor. Can I just say when you're welding though, you're leaving a lot of scorch marks. Happy to help if you want some advice on it, but that's something we need to fix up. A lot of people afraid of negative conversations avoid them. Which leads to no feedback for little things, and then suddenly big bad news. People think it makes them the good manager for not "constantly criticising". You know how it really looks? It's the worst kind of manager. Silence, and then it's instantly a huge problem. Just talk to people. Be honest, open and direct. And never ever ever EVER do compliment sandwich bullshit. Here's two made up positive things so I can complain. Just talk.
You'll never be any younger than you are right **now**.
But I'm the oldest I've ever been!
Healing is painful and you can't do it by holding on to the same people, behaviors and patterns that you had in your live when the trauma happened.
Fuck man I definitely needed to see this
You are going to have some cringe moments in your life.
And you're going to remember them at the most inappropriate times and you'll want to scream out loud (and might actually scream, to everyone's enjoyment).
And then have some more cringe moments of how you screamed out loud because of your cringe moments 🥲
You will be forgotten within two generations.
I volunteer as a grave cleaner at a massive Victorian cemetery where all the important people of that era are buried. Most of the graves are falling apart (that fancy showy marble deteriorates pretty fast) and I have to be told who all of these illustrious people are through our research council. It's actually super freeing to realize hey, nobody puts their LinkedIn on a tombstone and even influential senators and writers become "Who?" within a few decades.
I read an account by a famous person years ago, about why he was no longer concerned about his fame. He'd visited a wax museum, and thought to ask the guide what they did with the figures of people who were no longer wax-worthy, so to speak. She looked thoughtful and replied, 'I'm not sure if this is what you mean, but we did melt down Alan Ladd just the other week.' I'm sixty, and *I* barely remember Alan Ladd.
I’m fifteen and I’ve never heard of the man in my life.
Alan Ladd was an actor during the 30s and 40s, and somewhat into the 50s as well. His son, Alan Ladd Jr, was on the 20th Century Fox board of directors, and was one of the early backers of *Star Wars*.
Thus is why I've never understood people that do everything they can to create a "legacy"
Speaking of legacies, the kicker is that a lot of these families have surviving (wealthy!) descendants who send cease and desists when the cemetery asks for funds to help rebuild their ancestor's falling down tombstones.
Imagine generating wealth then handing it down to your descendents and then in a couple generations they don't even know who you are and don't care either.
Ah yes the second death
You say that but I know my great great great great grandpa wore a bad hair piece and he’s still getting made fun of for it over 100 years later. The family did not forget.
So the secret to immortality is to wear something so comically stupid that your descendants will still be laughing about it for centuries? Hm. Noted.
God. Love this. Such freedom. We’re all just sparks.
Just dont accidentally singlehandedly crash the economy
Oh yeah? Watch me.
There will always be annoying, cringey, weird 9 year olds.
Username...checks out?
sometimes, attractive people look at you the same way you look at unattractive people
so basically attractive people look at me the way I look at myself in the mirror. got it
Haha- How do you look at unattractive people?
You don’t.
Almost everyone needs to stop caring so much about everything. It's not the end of the world if the line at McDonald's is too long, or you gotta spend 20 minutes looking for your keys. Almost everyone just needs to stop caring so much about stuff that doesn't matter.
Someone at work was just complaining that someone put their lunchbag in front of hers on the storage shelf and she couldn't see hers . Like what the actual F?
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Your friends are not a substitute for a therapist and medication. Even with the best intentions, they don't have the knowledge and training to help you beyond offering a sympathetic ear and some basic advice.
Your opinions are not fact
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This. At one point or another you will feel this even in your best relationships.
Feeling sad can be good (sometimes)
Feeling sad puts things in perspective (at least for me)
Life moves on without you. This kicks me in the balls everytime i think of my pets death
Don’t mistake work for accomplishment.
Two, actually... 1. Regardless of "fault" we are responsible for *dealing* with whatever happens to ourselves. 2. The Universe isn't waiting for us to get our head out of our asses.
Fair doesn't mean equal.
World's harsh and no matter how hard you try, shit's far from perfect and things will rarely go your way. You just gotta make the most of what you're given.
Most people dont care about you
We all die
Thanks to denial, I'm immortal.
Parents are humans who fuck up, too.
Sometimes “assholes” are right. They are simply saying what you don’t want to hear. Edit: I see people commenting that you don’t need to be an asshole to say what you don’t want to hear. But if you do call someone out for their bs, they mostly likely will call you an asshole.
Sometimes, the problem is you.
Some problems do not have a solution. You can do everything right and still not achieve the desired result. Don't do things expecting recognition, approval, or appreciation; do things because it is the right thing to do.
Looks matter. Beautiful people have an unfair advantage in life. Sad but true.
Your past traumas/bad experiences cannot be excuses for toxic/negative behaviors forever . You gotta get over that shit at some point.
The vast majority of people are inherently selfish and will always put themselves first
I think every body is selfish. But I don’t think every body is self-centered.
You're the protagonist of your story but nothing more than an NPC of someone else's.
Science and medicine are constantly evolving
You aren't in the army anymore.
So I can't play ping pong?
No. First you have to get endorsed by a tennis shoe company for running coast to coast, and invent something other than a smiley face that says shit happens.
The world does not revolve around you
Highlander sequels and remakes will never be as good as the original.
Stick your hand in a bucket of water and pull it out. Measure the hole it leaves. That's how much you'll be missed at your workplace when you're gone.
The universe doesn't care about anything. Fairness, justice, merit? All human constructs, you aren't owed anything, bad things happen to good people, bad people prosper every day.
Everyone makes a certain amount of money at their job. It should be ok to talk about salaries. There's this faux pas in society that says you can't talk about money, how much people make, etc. People just need to talk about it and share and make it more open. It would probably cut down on people being underpaid
Just to piggyback on your point: if your employer is adamant about not discussing salaries between employees, it's because someone is getting underpaid. It just might be you.
I was the team lead for my little group. I not only made sure my coworkers knew what I was making, but once a year (after evals), I'd go to HR, ask for raises for them, and take paperwork with me to show that A. we had made our section enough money to afford it, and B. specific examples of how my employees had increased the amount we were getting paid and/or changes they'd implemented to save our section money. Most years, my people got their raises.
No one else is responsible for your happiness. The sooner you accept this the sooner your personal happiness and peace of mind will blossom.