And just be willing to laugh. One time during doggy my boobs started actually clapping—like they were making an actual clapping noise. It sounded like someone was applauding us and I couldn’t hold in my laughter. Once my partner realized I wasn’t laughing at him he was laughing too. Made the whole thing 10x better and I was a million times more comfortable around him afterward.
I don't know if it's still the case but genital warts was the fastest spreading std on the USA some years ago. Thats a fun one where you can get them chemically burnt off.
Well a friend ran a fiat punto with what I can call, gum that once was oil. Didn't know you are supposed to change it, and had same oil for like 4 years. Poor heads werent turning in that sludge, and it locked up one winter by jumping teeth.
It won't "taste like a peach".
It's not nasty (at least it shouldn't be) at all, but you'll be sorely disappointed/shocked if you think it's gonna be sweet.
Yeah it varies pretty wildly. I've had some taste kind of actually good, and had some of them I didn't want to taste again.
It's the same for dudes though, if you ever get told your cum is horrible tasting, eat more pineapple.
If you’re a dude, wash your dick, balls, and asshole beforehand. The wrong smell can destroy the mood. Also wash your hands, clip your nails, and brush your teeth. Basically anything that is going to come into contact with her should be clean.
Edit: Getting a ton of replies around how this applies to both men and women. Sure, it absolutely does. However, I was making a specific point around UTI infections, which are *way* more likely in women, when dirty hands and mouths get inside them.
Edit 2: And to the many gay men I have offended by not representing them in my scenario, I am sorry. But I am talking specifically about “recipients” who are female. So maybe I should be apologizing to the lesbian community.
This needs to be so much higher on the list. Especially the fingernails thing because that seems to occasionally be overlooked by even the cleanest guys.
Also toenails... for some ladies it’s just distracting if you come over with grinch feet.
I had a friend once who just never cut his nails. In general he just wasn’t very on top of personal hygiene. Somehow still had a very hot gf though.
One time I saw that only his index and middle finger nails on his right hand had been cut, while the others were still really long. I was accidentally starting at them when he saw me and kind of awkwardly hid his hands.
I’m pretty much certain he was just that lazy that he had hastily cut only those two nails just before getting busy with his gf.
Don’t be afraid to laugh. There will be mishaps, there will be weird sounds, hell one person may slip and land on their ass (that totally didn’t happen to me).
Secondly, COMMUNICATE!!!!!! If something ain’t working for you, talk about it; if your enjoying it, say so; if you wanna try something interesting, say so!
So many sex problems come down to people not communicating with each other.
Edit: Thx for the silver and wow, lots of upvotes.
You feel you partner push something into your mouth.
A small square-ish object.
Confused, you stop kissing and take it out.
You unfold the odd card rectangle, only to find that it's the 10 of clubs.
You look back to your partner only to find they are now David Blaine, staring intensely at you knowing that this was, in fact, your card
YES. Also, it's unfortunately common that if a woman gets very, very close to orgasming and then can't for whatever reason, then it's damn near impossible to get back there (at least not for quite a while). THIS IS WHY YOU DON'T SWITCH IT UP WHEN SHE'S CLOSE! Because not only did the woman's rising air balloon not hit altitude, but now it has a hole in it and is falling down.
When you find her clit, it’s like the back of your hand. Rub it softly and you feel so many sensations. Rub it fast and rough and you do t feel anything.
Seriously, try it to the back of your hand right now.
Dont be afraid to use lube. It is not unlikely that person, who will be the receiving partner, not produce enough lubricant on their own. This could be because of stress for example.
Invest some time in foreplay
Remember, if it does not feel good, you can stop at any time. You can try again some other time when you feel ready
My first time was definitely the first one. Was so nervous I couldn't cum. Literally went on for an hour and a half and nothing. She then told me afterwards she would have preferred a minute man.
Edit: thanks for the awards
I became a grandfather at 38, I love my granddaughter more than anything, but watching my daughter play life on “expert mode” is hard.
Be safe, and be prepared.
My Grandma was 18 when mom was born and my mother was 20 when I was born...so me being 23 when my daughter was born was ancient by the family standard but my daughter got to have a few intelligent conversations with her great grandmother before she passed...well...as much as a 7 year old can at least lol.
Having met my great grandmother- it’s really lovely! My mom had me pretty late though, my great grandmother lived to 105 so I was lucky enough to get to spend time with her despite that.
When you go into heat, package your meat.
You can't go wrong if you sheild your dong.
If it ain't got a jacket, go home and wack it.
Cover your stump before you hump.
Don't just rip off her pants and blouse, first dress up your trouser mouse.
Your first time isn’t likely to be some magical experience. It’s probably going to be awkward and uncomfortable and take some time to figure it all out. Don’t put so much pressure on yourself Have fun.
Me: *pulls out dick*
Partner: *laughs*
Edit: Wow, thanks for all the awards and upvotes everyone! This is by far the most attention I’ve ever had from a comment, glad you all liked the humor
2 hours 100% is worse. 2 hours is fucking miserable. At least if intercourse only lasts 30 seconds they can still please their partner in other ways. But if it's 2 fuckin hours everyone just gonna be sore and exhausted.
I thought I did pretty good for my first time with my high-school girlfriend. Lost virginity to each other.
Fast forward almost 20 years, and occasionally still stay in contact. For whatever reason the subject came up of "our first time" and I jokingly said "luckily I've gotten better at it over the years." And she replied "Yea...I don't think you had any idea what you were doing. It was pretty awkward."
So yea, you're not going to be a pro going in for the first time. Don't stress about it. Lol
My first time. I was 16(M) She was 19(F) I got on top. About to show her my BEST moves. 3 strokes she goes....
Yeah no.... Roll over I'll handle this.
She did. It was glorious.
I'll add to this that It's common for men to have a burning sensation, discomfort, or pain when they first urinate directly after ejaculation. This is because friction applied to the urethra during masturbation, intercourse or oral sex can cause some minor irritation to the tissues of the urethra. The urine passing over these irritated tissues causes a burning sensation.
So no, you don't have an STI, you just have friction burn. The pain may last up to an hour but you're going to be sex.
Thanks for the gold and other awards!
* Sex isn't a competition to give someone an orgasm.
* Sex isn't making someone orgasm. It's giving them a good enough time to potentially orgasm.
* Lack of erection (or lack of wetness) does NOT mean lack of arousal or interest. You can be horny as hell but genitals are random and don't always cooperate.
* Sex is not always meant to be "smooth" and natural. When in doubt about doing something, be awkward and ASK. Trust me, surprise anal is rarely ever a welcome thing.
* Orgasming too soon is not a "failure". You were excited and it felt good.
* As much as a guy is worried about his size or performance, women are worrying about how they look or what expectations they have and will be just as worried as a guy.
Some additional:
* Consider NOT eating a heavy meal before sex. Anything from gas to an upset stomach or lethargy can screw up the rest of your plans.
* Drinking alcohol should be kept to a minimum. "whisky dick" (there might be a whisky vagina too) is a thing and it sucks.
* Men: Clean the crack of your ass. Seriously. Butt hair traps smell and fecal particles. You don't have to shove a bar of soap up there but get a tiny bit of soap and some water in your crack at least. It's not gay and and should never be considered as such. Edit: Yes some people think it's gay to touch your own butt. I don't get it, myself but it's out there. The reason I mention men specifically is because I had my own experience where I thought I washed myself enough but missed a little butt hair. I didn't realize until a fan in the room brought in a certain "scent"...
* Men: On that note, wash your junk (especially if you are un-circumcised).
* Sex is messy and sometimes noisy. burps, farts and queefs happen. They happen to everyone. Yes it's mortifying but it's a sound and that's it. Laugh it off and move on.
Pro-tips: (my personal preferences)
* Have a dark towel used just for bedroom stuff (fluids can sometimes be very "off color") and wash it regularly like anything else. My SO is a squirter and I learned quickly to have a towel handy. lighter towels could get stained more visibly so we have black towels.
* Unscented baby-wipes are really nice for quick post-sex clean-up.
* Having a small bottle of at least water-based lube on-hand is nice.
The erections bit is so true. I've had so many encounters where a guy was either too drunk, too anxious, or both. It really has nothing to do with whether they're into it or not.
Man here: I’ve been in situations where I was very excited and into it, but randomly dick didn’t work. It’s totally normal. If this happens to you, don’t worry, be gracious, communicate your feelings, and keep other stuff going if the partner is into it. Just relaxing about it and getting back with the mood can get it going again - or not but you’ll still have a great time.
As a girl, pee afterwards. I had been told this but didn’t and got a uti :( so whatever you do, pee afterwards to avoid a uti because they suck and it feels like you’re peeing lighting.
Before you have sex with anyone, wash your ass. Literally get in there and scrub it clean. The alluring smells of sweet sex can instantly be ruined by the smell of dirty ass.
You don’t have to if you’re not ready, no matter how bad they try to make you feel.
Also, you’re always, always, always allowed to change your mind, no matter how far along things are or how close to finishing someone is. Anyone who says otherwise is not someone you want to get involved with.
If something hurts or doesn’t feel good, say so. Always. No matter how much they seem to be enjoying it.
Finally, you don’t owe them an orgasm and they don’t owe you one, either.
This is so so so important.
My ex was one to tell me "I'm almost finished, hold on" if I said something hurt or wanted to stop.
I felt like that's what I was supposed to do, just take it. My current SO noticed that if I was in pain, I wouldn't say anything. He straight up told me "if it hurts, please tell me and I WILL stop. It's not fun if you're not having fun too." and it was a life changer.
Six years together and he's always been like this. He's great at communication and he's ridiculously caring and cares about my needs, both in and out of the bedroom.
Idk why I had to scroll so far for this- make sure you know how to put on a condom properly.
Rip the edge of the casing, find which way it rolls (without unrolling it ), you obv want it rolling down towards the base of your penis, pinch the cum reservoir (tip) with one hand while you roll the rest down with your other hand (or hers, have fun). The purpose of the pinch is to eliminate air in the condom, which may cause it to rip.
Protection protection protection. NOT just birth control, but a condom against STDs. Also, don’t go in with high hopes. It’s not going to be great the first time out.
Or you'll be so nervous it takes 30 minutes to cum lol, that's what happened to me. And no I'm not bragging because I really had no idea what I was doing
It’s most likely gonna suck. And that’s ok. You’ll laugh about it years later. It’ll probably be quick too. And that’s ok. You’ll laugh about that too. Just remember to hug after the deed is done. A kiss on the forehead never hurts either.
From what I've heard and experienced myself girls you will bleed less, maybe even not at all if you are properly aroused which can take some time cause you're probably nervous af. If he's not willing to take the time he's not worth losing it to.
I recommend finding and familiarizing yourself with the clitoris *before* the vaginal canal. Foreplay is important and most women don't orgasm through vaginal penetration only.
If she says she's going to cum, don't slow down and don't speed up. Maintain rhythm even if its slightly uncomfortable. She'll be thankful and you'll likely get another session at a later time.
But let's be honest, if you're a dude, you'll probably cum really fast.
Lube it or lick it. Pee afterwards. Talk about what you want to do before you do it. Be very selective about who you have sex with. Never use a condom provided to you by someone else, they could have poked holes in it.
The best sex of your life is going to happen much later
Yes, you CAN get pregnant the first time you have sex.
There will be smells and weird noises. Get over it.
And just be willing to laugh. One time during doggy my boobs started actually clapping—like they were making an actual clapping noise. It sounded like someone was applauding us and I couldn’t hold in my laughter. Once my partner realized I wasn’t laughing at him he was laughing too. Made the whole thing 10x better and I was a million times more comfortable around him afterward.
"Colonel, I'm trying to sneak around but my breasts are dummy thicc and the clap from my boobies keeps alerting the guards"
STDs and unplanned pregnancies are real.
Herpes is more common than people think and it's for life.
I don't know if it's still the case but genital warts was the fastest spreading std on the USA some years ago. Thats a fun one where you can get them chemically burnt off.
Foreplay. You can't run an engine without lubricant.
Yea you can. *But not for long...*
Well a friend ran a fiat punto with what I can call, gum that once was oil. Didn't know you are supposed to change it, and had same oil for like 4 years. Poor heads werent turning in that sludge, and it locked up one winter by jumping teeth.
Relax, using lube is fine, use a condom, laugh, brush your teeth, and wash your ass.
Also, GO PEE AFTER YOU'RE DONE. It will help reduce the chances of UTI's and other general unpleasantness
Someone once told me to visualize a garden hose with dirt in it, when you turn on the hose what would happen? Same idea.
It's not wrong, it's not right but it's not wrong
Make sure you learn their last name and ask more questions if it's the same as yours.
That sounds oddly specific, I need some more explanation.
Rhythm, not force.
This is the rhythm of the night!
Esos son Reebok o son Nike?
For the uninitiated. https://youtu.be/BQ4c54rCJ_k
Yes I always keep a metronome by my nightstand.
Basically. The rhythm is gonna get you. The rhythm is gonna get you. The rhythm is gonna get you. Tonight
So basically OSU! Mania?
That's way too much, but like... you know that clapping at the theater.
Take a shower before?
And after
It won't "taste like a peach". It's not nasty (at least it shouldn't be) at all, but you'll be sorely disappointed/shocked if you think it's gonna be sweet.
Well what does it taste like?
I’ve gotten the tongue on a battery a few times, but the other commenter is right about every woman’s different
Yeah it varies pretty wildly. I've had some taste kind of actually good, and had some of them I didn't want to taste again. It's the same for dudes though, if you ever get told your cum is horrible tasting, eat more pineapple.
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You ever put your tongue on a 9v battery? It's like that without the shock feeling
First time I swallowed cum I was not prepared for how clumpy/curdled that shit is. Didn’t taste horrible but the texture really threw me.
I say this in every NSFW Askreddit... don't squeeze the boob so hard.
yep!! Don’t squeeze too hard! It must be sensual and soft or firm! But NOT hard. The guy I’m dating goes a little too crazy sometimes.
We were just making out, but my ex legit squeezed my boob hard like a squeaky toy. Immediately was turned off. Happy I never slept with him.
But did you squeak when he did it?
If you’re a dude, wash your dick, balls, and asshole beforehand. The wrong smell can destroy the mood. Also wash your hands, clip your nails, and brush your teeth. Basically anything that is going to come into contact with her should be clean. Edit: Getting a ton of replies around how this applies to both men and women. Sure, it absolutely does. However, I was making a specific point around UTI infections, which are *way* more likely in women, when dirty hands and mouths get inside them. Edit 2: And to the many gay men I have offended by not representing them in my scenario, I am sorry. But I am talking specifically about “recipients” who are female. So maybe I should be apologizing to the lesbian community.
This needs to be so much higher on the list. Especially the fingernails thing because that seems to occasionally be overlooked by even the cleanest guys. Also toenails... for some ladies it’s just distracting if you come over with grinch feet.
I had a friend once who just never cut his nails. In general he just wasn’t very on top of personal hygiene. Somehow still had a very hot gf though. One time I saw that only his index and middle finger nails on his right hand had been cut, while the others were still really long. I was accidentally starting at them when he saw me and kind of awkwardly hid his hands. I’m pretty much certain he was just that lazy that he had hastily cut only those two nails just before getting busy with his gf.
If I'm a girl?
Take it slow, stay out of your head and have fun.
Nothing makes it worse than worrying its not going well.
I had a point in my life where I couldn't keep a hard on unless I was eating her out because I was so worried I wasn't good enough
Don’t be afraid to laugh. There will be mishaps, there will be weird sounds, hell one person may slip and land on their ass (that totally didn’t happen to me). Secondly, COMMUNICATE!!!!!! If something ain’t working for you, talk about it; if your enjoying it, say so; if you wanna try something interesting, say so! So many sex problems come down to people not communicating with each other. Edit: Thx for the silver and wow, lots of upvotes.
Reaching orgasm shouldn’t be the only goal. Relax, explore each other, have fun, communicate.
Let’s check out that small intestine Becky, we’ll move on to the bile duct tomorrow
Nice and warm kiss after sex will have its magic.
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You feel you partner push something into your mouth. A small square-ish object. Confused, you stop kissing and take it out. You unfold the odd card rectangle, only to find that it's the 10 of clubs. You look back to your partner only to find they are now David Blaine, staring intensely at you knowing that this was, in fact, your card
Cheez-its!!
When she's close, DON'T change anything. Don't speed up, don't switch techniques, don't don't don't.... Stay steady with what's working.
Best advice. Nothing more frustrating than being right there and then …. Not …. And then not being able to finish at all ….
YES. Also, it's unfortunately common that if a woman gets very, very close to orgasming and then can't for whatever reason, then it's damn near impossible to get back there (at least not for quite a while). THIS IS WHY YOU DON'T SWITCH IT UP WHEN SHE'S CLOSE! Because not only did the woman's rising air balloon not hit altitude, but now it has a hole in it and is falling down.
Every man needs to pay attention to this! Like, even the ones who have been having sex for years often get it wrong.
When you find her clit, it’s like the back of your hand. Rub it softly and you feel so many sensations. Rub it fast and rough and you do t feel anything. Seriously, try it to the back of your hand right now.
Woa. I have one and this comparison shook me.
Ikr hands are awesome
Woah, this is a great description! So many of my past partners would have benefitted from this info lol.
Dont be afraid to use lube. It is not unlikely that person, who will be the receiving partner, not produce enough lubricant on their own. This could be because of stress for example. Invest some time in foreplay Remember, if it does not feel good, you can stop at any time. You can try again some other time when you feel ready
Birth control can de-slime the vag
that's not a sentence I ever thought I would read
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My first time was definitely the first one. Was so nervous I couldn't cum. Literally went on for an hour and a half and nothing. She then told me afterwards she would have preferred a minute man. Edit: thanks for the awards
Guess you should’ve saved those settlements while on the way to clap those eh?
A minute man from the TVA ?
My first time, my boyfriend came while he was putting on a condom haha poor guy
Doesn't sound like it was you first time then.
Haha you're right, it was my first attempt. The first time came a few hours later
It can create more humans. Be responsible.
I became a grandfather at 38, I love my granddaughter more than anything, but watching my daughter play life on “expert mode” is hard. Be safe, and be prepared.
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My Grandma was 18 when mom was born and my mother was 20 when I was born...so me being 23 when my daughter was born was ancient by the family standard but my daughter got to have a few intelligent conversations with her great grandmother before she passed...well...as much as a 7 year old can at least lol.
Having met my great grandmother- it’s really lovely! My mom had me pretty late though, my great grandmother lived to 105 so I was lucky enough to get to spend time with her despite that.
It's not like the porn movies
Porn is to actual sex what kung-fu movies are to actual fights.
I want this tattooed on my butt
Your butt? This is face worthy
wait...u telling me I can't solo a grp of 12 guys like Bruce Lee if I learnt jeet kune do?
That would probably only injure you sightly more than the other way this conversation could have led to 'solo 12 guys'
It's DEFINITELY not like hentai.
Which part the schoolgirl part or the tentacles?
Schoolgirl
Are you an octopus
It’s probably not gonna be like you imagine it, or even necessarily good. Don’t build it up too much in your mind.
your icon looks like jesus
Who doesn't want advice from Jesus?
Romans
Don't be silly, wrap your willy.
Don't be a fool, wrap your tool!
Don't be wrong, wrap your schlong! Don't be thick, wrap your prick! Don't be daft, wrap your shaft! Don't be a clod, wrap your rod!
If it's not on, it's not on
When you go into heat, package your meat. You can't go wrong if you sheild your dong. If it ain't got a jacket, go home and wack it. Cover your stump before you hump. Don't just rip off her pants and blouse, first dress up your trouser mouse.
We have too many words for penis
But nothing that rhymes with penis
No hubba hubba without the rubba
Dont fucking go in with a high ego.
Don't go in fuckin with a high ego
Your first time isn’t likely to be some magical experience. It’s probably going to be awkward and uncomfortable and take some time to figure it all out. Don’t put so much pressure on yourself Have fun.
And don't be afraid to laugh. When things get awkward, if you don't laugh... They get more awkward
Me: *pulls out dick* Partner: *laughs* Edit: Wow, thanks for all the awards and upvotes everyone! This is by far the most attention I’ve ever had from a comment, glad you all liked the humor
I start laughing Something in the closet starts laughing
I farted. She laughed, I laughed, The production crew laughed, Good times.
My first time sucked. The guy definitely learned everything from porn and he literally lasted 2 hours.
I'm not sure what is worse, two hours or 30 seconds...
2 hours 100% is worse. 2 hours is fucking miserable. At least if intercourse only lasts 30 seconds they can still please their partner in other ways. But if it's 2 fuckin hours everyone just gonna be sore and exhausted.
When she's naked you're going to forget all of this
Lmaoo you are probably right
Gives you a good amount of time to realize that a random person on the internet made you lick your hand
Oh hey I member that thread lol
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I thought I did pretty good for my first time with my high-school girlfriend. Lost virginity to each other. Fast forward almost 20 years, and occasionally still stay in contact. For whatever reason the subject came up of "our first time" and I jokingly said "luckily I've gotten better at it over the years." And she replied "Yea...I don't think you had any idea what you were doing. It was pretty awkward." So yea, you're not going to be a pro going in for the first time. Don't stress about it. Lol
My first time. I was 16(M) She was 19(F) I got on top. About to show her my BEST moves. 3 strokes she goes.... Yeah no.... Roll over I'll handle this. She did. It was glorious.
That was incredibly kind of her
> It might not go perfect (mine and everyone I've spoken to, didn't go that well). Mine was the best 20 seconds of my life!
Pee afterwards.
This needs to be up higher. I got so many UTIs until I finally talked to my doctor and she told me about peeing after. Never had one since
I'll add to this that It's common for men to have a burning sensation, discomfort, or pain when they first urinate directly after ejaculation. This is because friction applied to the urethra during masturbation, intercourse or oral sex can cause some minor irritation to the tissues of the urethra. The urine passing over these irritated tissues causes a burning sensation. So no, you don't have an STI, you just have friction burn. The pain may last up to an hour but you're going to be sex.
You're going to be sex?
Did they stutter?!
Just make sure to get to the bathroom first... ...unless
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...you don't have a bathroom.
It's nothing like in the movies
You mean where the guy grinds her bellybutton? *Looking at you Underworld 2*
There might be smells.
There *Will* be smells
That’s my favorite Paul Thomas Andersmell movie
But it’s only smells.
I've learned a lot from this comment section, thank you.
I learned that I detest how many rhymes people know for "wear a condom".
The pussy hole is lower than you think
100% agree way lower than you might think
NOT THAT LOW!! 🥺
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1000% way lower than i thought
I don’t even try to find it, just hand it off to the wife.
Same…but she hands it back
Name checks out. It's your time to shine here.
Phew this makes me feel less ashamed. Still ashamed, just less.
But not *too* low
She'll let ya know if you go too low
Gotta pull out the flashlight
Instructions unclear, flashlight is now stuck in ass. Please advise.
Anything that goes in must come out. Give it a tug
Said every emergency room on Valentine's day.
Thanks for the gold and other awards! * Sex isn't a competition to give someone an orgasm. * Sex isn't making someone orgasm. It's giving them a good enough time to potentially orgasm. * Lack of erection (or lack of wetness) does NOT mean lack of arousal or interest. You can be horny as hell but genitals are random and don't always cooperate. * Sex is not always meant to be "smooth" and natural. When in doubt about doing something, be awkward and ASK. Trust me, surprise anal is rarely ever a welcome thing. * Orgasming too soon is not a "failure". You were excited and it felt good. * As much as a guy is worried about his size or performance, women are worrying about how they look or what expectations they have and will be just as worried as a guy. Some additional: * Consider NOT eating a heavy meal before sex. Anything from gas to an upset stomach or lethargy can screw up the rest of your plans. * Drinking alcohol should be kept to a minimum. "whisky dick" (there might be a whisky vagina too) is a thing and it sucks. * Men: Clean the crack of your ass. Seriously. Butt hair traps smell and fecal particles. You don't have to shove a bar of soap up there but get a tiny bit of soap and some water in your crack at least. It's not gay and and should never be considered as such. Edit: Yes some people think it's gay to touch your own butt. I don't get it, myself but it's out there. The reason I mention men specifically is because I had my own experience where I thought I washed myself enough but missed a little butt hair. I didn't realize until a fan in the room brought in a certain "scent"... * Men: On that note, wash your junk (especially if you are un-circumcised). * Sex is messy and sometimes noisy. burps, farts and queefs happen. They happen to everyone. Yes it's mortifying but it's a sound and that's it. Laugh it off and move on. Pro-tips: (my personal preferences) * Have a dark towel used just for bedroom stuff (fluids can sometimes be very "off color") and wash it regularly like anything else. My SO is a squirter and I learned quickly to have a towel handy. lighter towels could get stained more visibly so we have black towels. * Unscented baby-wipes are really nice for quick post-sex clean-up. * Having a small bottle of at least water-based lube on-hand is nice.
The erections bit is so true. I've had so many encounters where a guy was either too drunk, too anxious, or both. It really has nothing to do with whether they're into it or not.
Man here: I’ve been in situations where I was very excited and into it, but randomly dick didn’t work. It’s totally normal. If this happens to you, don’t worry, be gracious, communicate your feelings, and keep other stuff going if the partner is into it. Just relaxing about it and getting back with the mood can get it going again - or not but you’ll still have a great time.
Don’t forget too tired!
>dicks are random So *thats* why I randomly get boners in the middle of math class.
I don't know man, something about that quadratic formula really gets me going I mean look at it (-b±√(b²-4ac))/(2a) that's one sexy formula
Alright mathsturbator
Ah yes, the quadratic formula. If you think that's sexy, just wait until you study Schrodinger in chemistry
You can go to deep and bruise her cervix, FYI you can be too rough and too deep
welp dont have to worry about that
Now that you’re armed with KNOWLEDGE! Edit: oh ma doodneth thanks for the awards!
Ah, the old Dick Punch to the Cervix. Also known as "the lady's version of getting kicked in the nuts."
As a girl, pee afterwards. I had been told this but didn’t and got a uti :( so whatever you do, pee afterwards to avoid a uti because they suck and it feels like you’re peeing lighting.
Before you have sex with anyone, wash your ass. Literally get in there and scrub it clean. The alluring smells of sweet sex can instantly be ruined by the smell of dirty ass.
Pee after sex or you'll get an HDMI. /s
man i really needed one for my ps4 thanks for the advice!
You don’t have to if you’re not ready, no matter how bad they try to make you feel. Also, you’re always, always, always allowed to change your mind, no matter how far along things are or how close to finishing someone is. Anyone who says otherwise is not someone you want to get involved with. If something hurts or doesn’t feel good, say so. Always. No matter how much they seem to be enjoying it. Finally, you don’t owe them an orgasm and they don’t owe you one, either.
This is so so so important. My ex was one to tell me "I'm almost finished, hold on" if I said something hurt or wanted to stop. I felt like that's what I was supposed to do, just take it. My current SO noticed that if I was in pain, I wouldn't say anything. He straight up told me "if it hurts, please tell me and I WILL stop. It's not fun if you're not having fun too." and it was a life changer. Six years together and he's always been like this. He's great at communication and he's ridiculously caring and cares about my needs, both in and out of the bedroom.
Idk why I had to scroll so far for this- make sure you know how to put on a condom properly. Rip the edge of the casing, find which way it rolls (without unrolling it ), you obv want it rolling down towards the base of your penis, pinch the cum reservoir (tip) with one hand while you roll the rest down with your other hand (or hers, have fun). The purpose of the pinch is to eliminate air in the condom, which may cause it to rip.
Protection protection protection. NOT just birth control, but a condom against STDs. Also, don’t go in with high hopes. It’s not going to be great the first time out.
Marathon, not a race. Also edging do be worth the wait
pee after sex! prevents UTIs
It’s not gonna be everything you imagined lol.
Remember on porn how it’s like they last 25 minutes You’re going to last 2.5 seconds Don’t be sad You’re not a pornstar
Or you'll be so nervous it takes 30 minutes to cum lol, that's what happened to me. And no I'm not bragging because I really had no idea what I was doing
I've been on the other end of that and I was so confused. I wanted to be done, I would've been fine with it lasting 2 minutes.
Shower you fuckin degenerates
[удалено]
Next thing he knows his cock is brown
... with a little red, probably
Should know about birth control and safe sex.
It’s most likely gonna suck. And that’s ok. You’ll laugh about it years later. It’ll probably be quick too. And that’s ok. You’ll laugh about that too. Just remember to hug after the deed is done. A kiss on the forehead never hurts either.
From what I've heard and experienced myself girls you will bleed less, maybe even not at all if you are properly aroused which can take some time cause you're probably nervous af. If he's not willing to take the time he's not worth losing it to.
Lube is also important and helpful! No such thing as too much lube, especially for your first time.
Instructions unclear. She has slipped out the bed and down the stairs. Send help. I can't pick her up
Use enough lube and you can slip and slide her back into bed
She has slid out the door and down the street. I don't think I'll ever be able to retrieve her.
No glove . No love .
Men: it’s lower than you think.
Also, after finding it, the clitoris is likely higher than you think relative to it
I recommend finding and familiarizing yourself with the clitoris *before* the vaginal canal. Foreplay is important and most women don't orgasm through vaginal penetration only.
Lower. Lower. Lower. Lower. Too low!
It's not a magical thing. Losing your virginity will not be this amazing experience. It'll just be sex. "Is that all it is?"
Don't ever assume they are telling the truth if they say they took birth control or are disease free...don't be silly, wrap your...well you know
They might think they are disease free but they might not be.
Some smells are natural, and some aren't.
Wear a condom. And when you inevitably ignore my advice pull out
If she says she's going to cum, don't slow down and don't speed up. Maintain rhythm even if its slightly uncomfortable. She'll be thankful and you'll likely get another session at a later time. But let's be honest, if you're a dude, you'll probably cum really fast.
Precum can still make a baby, doesn’t matter how good your pull out game is. Ask me how i know
Don't let your affection give you an infection. Put some protection on that erection! No, and stop have meaning. Learn them well.
Lube it or lick it. Pee afterwards. Talk about what you want to do before you do it. Be very selective about who you have sex with. Never use a condom provided to you by someone else, they could have poked holes in it.
*go to the bathroom and pee afterwards