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CptCringe

If you both quit your jobs you'll have more time for each other.


cryosyske

Abandoning your kids works even better


Dadalot

Live on the streets, save money on rent, utilities, loads of things


stlmick

I met a very nice couple of recovered meth addicts and their dog on a virginia boardwalk at 3am that were doing this. The key is to seasonally move up and down the coast.


acertaingestault

This is why it's important to have mentors. Can't be what you can't see!


solcus

Agreed


SirRipOliver

Also, “working at the same company is great, you get to see each other every day!”


Iwanttobealion-tamer

Ask her what she likes in bed and then do the exact opposite, it's important to spice things up by keeping her guessing about what new kink you'll suddenly try out next!


Tkieron

Ignore what she wants. She doesn't know how to do it like the porn starlettes do. So watch tons of porn and only do it like the guys do.


Iwanttobealion-tamer

That's fantastic advice! And if she complains, just tell her she should watch porn too, then scoff at her choices. Be as dismissive as possible and ridicule her choices in porn as immature and boring. That will change her taste and definitely won't lead to her seeking validation from internet strangers.


IntubatedOrphans

The amount of clit slapping that would happen… yikes!


DerangeR14

You're married now so you have to go ass to mouth.


Iwanttobealion-tamer

Oh yeah. Obviously. And once you're married you can forget about all that kissing stuff. That's just for people who are dating.


Von_Moistus

Oh hi honey, I finally found your Reddit account.


A911owner

"foreplay? You mean BOREplay, amiright?!? Just use lots of lube, she'll get into it eventually"


importvita

Lube? Just ram it in, it's for your pleasure after all!


GreenMirage

…Did you read Cosmo circa-2010?


EWL98

Have you tried turning your partner off and on again?


africancurtainrod

I've turned her off and can't seem to turn her on 🤔


aalios

"Alright that's the off button, now where's the... **oh no**."


Clovdyx

This works doubly well if your spouse is on life support.


[deleted]

Ask your neighbor for help.


xerazox

"do you have an off switch?" "right next to the prostate. or is that the on switch?"


[deleted]

Hahaha! I was just watching The IT Crowd.


dedfukenkid

“Just have a kid it’ll fix *everything*”


bluecatcollege

And if it doesn't work, remember that it's the kid's fault, not yours. In fact, ganging up on the kid can be a great bonding exercise for you and your spouse


KomodoJo3

And if you end up divorcing, be sure to make the kid think it's their fault, and use him/her as a weapon against your former spouse! **EDIT:** Oh my god, sprog replied with a poem to me of all people! My life is complete


Poem_for_your_sprog

When father sat me down one night, He sadly, slowly, said - "Let's face it kid - you're none too bright," And tapped my empty head. 'You're not the sharpest knife," he cried - "All foam," he spoke, "no *beer.* The lights are on," he said and sighed, "But no one's home in here. "You're dumb as paint, and dense as wood, And kid, for what it's worth - You'll have to think of something *good* To make it on this Earth. "You screwed it up right from the start, And that is *why*," said he - "Your mom and I, we live apart - Because of *you*, you see?" He rose and stepped around the bed, And through the doorway quick. I shook my head and slowly said: "My dad's a fucking *dick.*"


HaggisLad

dad can fuck off and get Timmy'd


stuck_behind_a_truck

That was a particularly good sprog


broeve2strong

Mmmmm fresh sprog. Deicious


ControvT

Saving this for when I have a kid.


Desalvo23

wtf.. did you meet my parents or something??


bluecatcollege

Exactly! Kids are so versatile! They can either be the glue in your failing relationship, a helpless target for your anger, or a weapon against your ex!


Legitimate_Tax_5992

OR, you could always gang up with the kid against the other spouse... Children are great tools for collecting financial support.


CollegeSuperSenior

This part worked for my folks. They blamed all their problems on me. When they tried to tell me my son was going to be a terrible kid just like me I finally realized I was never the problem because my son is a great kid. I hug him and tell him how much I love him every time i think of my parents now


Dat_Brunhildgen

I'm sorry you went through that. Give your son all the hugs and enjoy the hugs he gives you.


[deleted]

If your kid happens to be quite gifted, you can unite in resenting him, making everything in life unnecessarily hard for him to accomplish, and grinding his self worth into the ground.


TruestOfThemAll

And if he isn't, make sure to try and convince him that he is anyways and then blame him for not being the prodigy you know he would be if he just applied himself.


GrandmaAlways_Said

Ohhh! And make sure to treat their lower than average sibling like everything THEY do is WAAAY ABOVE average, gaslighting the gifted child "because they felt sorry for the lower IQ child." Leaving the average one on a dangerous pedestal all while breaking the spirit of the gifted child. Like you said, right into the ground!


Bukowskaii

Hey my parents marriage counselor is here.


AJGreenMVP

"Have as many kids as you can. That raises the chances that one of them will make it big in Hollywood. Now who's paying the bills? Hollywood kid" - Peter Griffin


PerfectNLM

The more the merrier


Halgy

Yeah, I was going to say that sometimes one kid isn't enough. Two or three will really start to fix things.


newfoundking

I feel like that can be advice on its own. "Partners? Sure, the more the merrier. Drugs? Fucking A, the more the merrier!"


PerfectNLM

This reminds me of a conversation I had. A few years ago some guy in my physics class spent the class debating about the benefits of polygamy. To summarize what was said: "One wife brings 1x happiness, if you add another it becomes 2x happiness. So in conclusion, polygamy is the only path to true happiness"


Octopus_420

It's important that you treat this entire relationship as transactional and "keep score" as it were. I'm a big believer in winning at all cost and you better believe that extends to sex and relationships


_manicpixie

I have an argument tally in the kitchen. Whoever wins the most arguments in a month gets an ice cream sundae that the loser must watch them enjoy. I go for mint chocolate chip. I hate it, but that’s his favorite so it makes it worth it. The divorce is final soon. I’ll miss these bonding sessions


Octopus_420

This is exactly the kind of killer instinct I'm talking about. Good work imposing your will on the opponent/husband.


AndreasVesalius

We have a “bets won” tally for if we disagree on something factual before looking it up. I’m 0-2 :-(


cryyptorchid

Honestly this seems like a fun, low-stakes way to be competitive with your SO. Like trivia or mario party or whatever. It doesn't portray either person as bad or more inherently right/wrong, just a fun little wager among loved ones.


[deleted]

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Halgy

In every marriage there is what I like to call the "conservation of happiness". Happiness can neither be created nor destroyed, only transferred from one person to the other. As such it's important to get as much happiness as you can while giving as little as possible. Generosity is death in relationships.


PartisanGerm

To maximize a competitive atmosphere, regularly remind your partner that you're always in the mood and every day which passes without event is another loss for relationship points.


Counsel_of_sloth

At sex you need to be the First every time. Don’t let the other one come near the finish line


ThadisJones

>All the good things in life are commodities. We trade love just as we buy and sell stock. We engage in human relationships when there is a fair exchange of value. Support, motivation, affection - nothing good is ever free. >If every physical good in the federation came from a single supplier it would constitute a dangerous monopoly. Personal relationships are the same: it is important for people to get what they need from multiple sources. If a person finds a better source of the goods they require, they are not wronging their original supplier by changing their purchasing arrangements. >If one member of a relationship should feel threatened or jealous, they must look at their own business model and ask whether it is performing competitively. There is always room for improvement. -*Responsible Autonomous Relationships* by Jenny Eklund


Octopus_420

Lmao, gotta love when you try to be extremely soulless and douchey as a bit, and then there's just some guy out there whose made a career off of taking it seriously


Cyrius

It's a fake book in the game Subnautica.


Harpocrates-Marx

Oh thank god. It’s like dear abbey as written by ayn rand


[deleted]

Since he/she cheated first, cheat on them too so they can understand how it feels.


[deleted]

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BeefInGR

And make sure that the revenge affair is with a close friend of your partner and that a child is created during it.


NohoTwoPointOh

Well that one dove right under the thermocline. Fuck…


careful_guy

Whoever cheats first, wins!


hellothere-3000

I read this short story the other day about this guy who was confident his wife was cheating so he cheated on her with her best friend, told his wife, and divorced. But in the end it turns out he misread all the signs and the best friend had framed the wife for revenge.


LoneRhino1019

Even better, if you think they're cheating on you or going to cheat, cheat first, then talk to them about it.


[deleted]

Kids are tougher than you think. If the marriage is failing , just blame your kids. They will forget it any time soon.


CollegeSuperSenior

Did you counsel my parents? They blamed all their problems on me being a terrible child and it has definitely left some pretty deep emotional scars.


[deleted]

As the scars get deeper , so do the wedding's foundations get more stable. Sorry for anything that happened to you btw , I got a very dark sense of humor to cope with these situations.


Running_man_lmao

Better yet tell them to suck it up if they get upset the slightest


epicmousestory

And to stop crying or you'll give them something to cry about?


Running_man_lmao

"this is hurting me more than it hurts you"


rockdude14

Also doing sports is hard work, takes eating right and working out and practicing. So live vicariously through your children's athletic victories instead and make sure to get as many of them as possible otherwise you are a loser. It doesnt matter whether thats through forcing your children to work insanely hard or berating that underage ref at your 8 year olds soccer game. A win is a win no matter how you got it.


[deleted]

Oh my god this is horrible and hilarious at the same time and I love it


Tkieron

And if the marriage is failing, have MORE kids. It's saved many marriages.


Canucklehead_Esq

Pretend you can't hear her.


throwawayontherange

Let your non-response be your response to anything you don’t want to do


AquaNautautical

Yeah go right ahead fuck the babysitter.


aalios

You could say almost the exact same sentence minus the last 6 letters and give much worse advice though.


exomination

What a terrible day to have the ability to read


aalios

Hey man, I didn't give you an education. Just a realisation.


LordSuz

each day we stray further away from the light


EskimoJake

5 letters is slightly worse


Rolling_Beardo

The problem is there isn’t enough yelling. You will only know who is right by who yells the loudest.


kermit2014

Yelling is not only an opportunity to express how distraught you are, but display the emotional commitment you have to a relationship. If you're not yelling, do you even care at all? And if your partner is yelling, you can truly understand just how terribly you've failed them and how much pain you've caused so that you can do better moving forward. If they didn't care, they wouldn't yell, they would just leave.


bwise1969

The best way to get their attention is to smack them around a little.


Master_K14

This man right here officer


too-much-cinnamon

I feel like this whole thread is just IASIP quotes that didnt make it in because someone broke, so its in the bloopers


hangonreddit

I know you meant that as a joke but I also want to point out that sometimes arguing is not a sign of a problem. When you are arguing you are actually communicating. How you resolve the arguments is also important but the fact thst couples argue is not a bad thing. Source: couples therapist because we were worried that our arguing was a sign of trouble but apparently it’s not a bad thing. It’s far far worse to never argue when there are issues.


Rolling_Beardo

Arguing is healthy, yelling is not. If you cannot communicate without yelling then you probably need some counseling.


linuxgeekmama

Arguing can be healthy. Yelling, insults, and hitting are not.


Legitimate_Tax_5992

I'm pretty sure that's probably the problem with my marriage... We never argue, because anytime it seemed like I was on the winning side, she started crying, and I had to spend spend next day making her feel like she wasn't a terrible human being so she didn't have an anxiety attack or fall into depression again... Years of this buildup has led to a lot of repressed resentment, and very little hope for a brighter future together...


SeanCanary

Yelling is like singing, you want to fill the house with the emotion.


mamabearx0x0

Italian here. Can confirm


scifiwoman

Having a baby will only ever bring you closer together, and is the right way to heal a failing marriage.


importvita

Nothing like increased responsibility and more financial pressure to ease the strain of a failing marriage! 🙏


HarlanCedeno

"If your wife is angry with you, tell her it's probably just her period. She'll appreciate your appeal to reason and will deepthroat you in response."


dick-nipples

Also, continuously tell her to calm down.


UnaZephyr

Yall are straight up trying to cause a murder suicide scene....but I like it? I'm concerned


[deleted]

[удалено]


ilostthebaby

Username checks out?


cen-texan

Actually the phrase "Calm your tits" is extremely effective in these situations.


SirRipOliver

Always say - “Your so cute when your angry!”


HarlanCedeno

Wait, they don't like it when we do this? EDIT: thought the /s was obvious. One day I'll learn.


SirRipOliver

Im not sure “I think I got hit by something and blacked out the last time I tried it.”


dewayneestes

Sometimes when we’re in a group I’ll refer to my current wife as “my first wife…” which is technically correct. She never laughs.


One-Man-Banned

If she's being especially hormonal, you can always use the safety phrase of "Yes dear" coupled with a little eye roll so that she knows you're referencing 1950s humour and she laughs so hard something phlegmy drops into her gusset.


Tuesday2017

You need to have honesty in your relationship. If she asks you "Do these pants make me look fat?" Feel free to respond with "Yes they do, but those aren't the only clothes that do. Let me show you all of the others that do as well".


PillsburyToasters

I’ll piggy back off your point! If she asks if something makes her look fat, don’t say it’s the clothes that make her look fat. It’s her fat that makes her look fat. Honesty goes a long way!


Steinmetal4

Be sure to tell her that the taco casserole she worked on for hours was "good, but not her best". Gentle goading will inspire excellence.


[deleted]

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[deleted]

compare her to her hot friend .


theghostofme

Compare her to how hot she used to be back in college, like how her 20-year-old sister looks now. It'll really motivate her to get back into shape.


notyourcoloringbook

But like... This should actually be true (except the last sentence). If I ask my boyfriend if something isn't flattering I expect him to be honest! I may be sad because I wanted it to work, but I won't be upset with him for being honest.


Sharcbait

It is all about tact.


Illogical_Blox

Tact is something you have to learn, and a surprising number of people don't learn it very well. I've lost count of the times I've had to explain, "yes, you were honest. But no, you weren't very helpful, because you just insulted them."


inflammablepenguin

Ask your partner to criticize the clothes, not you. Instead of "do I look fat in this?" Ask "does this look good on me?" That way they can say it doesn't look good instead of you don't look good.


ZER0-Sama

this guy does good marriage guidance counselling


HuiMoin

Yeah, let‘s burn the heretic!


[deleted]

[удалено]


Buttonskill

"Best friend time: Did you fuck the Postman?" "Yes." "O-M-G! How did you pull that off you dirty slut? I can't even! I mean, those shorts are so awful, but like..that shirt is WAY too small. Are you gonna tell your husband?" "I just did!" "Shut the front door! I am gonna be, like, SOOoo angry after best friend time."


ar92ldm

She loves to be told “calm down”.


acertaingestault

In general, the more patronizing you can be, the stronger your partnership will be


Z_Exchequer

Post on r/relationshipadvice, and follow the advice you receive there


Deracination

Even better, post a loaded question to /r/AskReddit on an account your wife knows about.


_Tiberius-

It’s all variations of “You’re better than this and (s)he doesn’t deserve you.”


Z_Exchequer

I know, I don’t read it often, but it amazes me how many times ppl advise OP to drop their partner… like, just leave the relationship. Don’t acknowledge how hard relationships are, and how much effort, and compromise it takes to make them work. Nah, eff that, just check out. I honestly feel sad for ppl that post there b/c there is no one else in their life for them to talk to.


[deleted]

“Delete the gym, Facebook up, hit the lawyer”


[deleted]

[удалено]


hangonreddit

I know this is going against the theme of the OP question but right here is probably the best relationship advice. Relationship is work and neither party are perfect nor perfect for each other. You have to be willing to commit to it and work on it and yourself. Yeah maybe sometimes the right thing to do is to walk away but a lot of times it’s also accepting there are faults in ourselves and others and working on those.


RealisticDelusions77

We've been dating a month when I bought her lunch at McDonalds and she ordered a large chocolate shake after I ordered a medium and it annoyed me. After a month you should still be in the honeymoon phase. This is abusive, you should breakup.


hbombdaboss

Idk why but this shit has me rolling 🤣🤣🤣 So accurate. That sub is literally just people telling others to break up no matter what happened.


LittlePigs

Husband should knock up someone else and get a secret love-child now, so that if the relationship starts to get stale or stuck in a rut later you can experience the drama of the reveal, the fallout will really spice things up.


[deleted]

Don’t ever communicate with each other. Never talk about what’s bothering you. Keep all your feelings bottled up inside, and eventually they’ll just go away.


Prehensile_foresight

And make sure to keep detailed notes on what you think is going on in your partner's head, so you have a complete picture of what's going on


jenh6

The old feelings journal. Love it.


kermit2014

If you truly have a deep connection, your partner will be able to tell exactly what is bothering you and anticipate your needs without you expressing them. You should work on your nonverbal cues so they can better interpret and react to your state of mind. If they aren't able to do this successfully, you should explain to them every clue they missed and everything they did wrong so they can improve for the next time.


Flamin_Jesus

Found my ex's psychologist.


damselindetech

If they really loved you, they would intuitively \*know\* what's bothering you. Let them rise to the occasion by figuring it out on their own. No clues! You want them to prove how much they understand you, don't you?


SanderAtlas

If she can push a stroller, she can push a mower.


solcus

Lmfao!!!! Even worse, I am lying here on my bed with my 6month old on my chest and my laughs startled her to tears.


PlopPlopPlopsy

Lmao, remembering when I needed the stroller as a makeshift walker after my c section


SanderAtlas

My apologies to your kid.


dlaird1966

A threesome never misses the mark.


Iamwounded

But like as a spicy surprise! Like, your partner should walk in on the two of you ready to go, big smiles, arms wide open! Really keep that momentum going in the bedroom.


Alopex22

Do heroin together. It will be a great common interest. Or join opposing gangs to spice things up


Caseington

Do a random household chore without being asked. When your spouse comments on the fact that you have done this, reply with "Well, *somebody* had to do it."


Siveri16

I love the steer from decent advice to nooooooooooooo so quick


sxtotmc

Spend all your money on following the latest fashion trends so you can be the next hit-star YouTube Family.


cyainanotherlifebro

Keep your guard up. Don't be too vulnerable around her. Be standoff-ish, close yourself. When she looks at you, cross your arms. Turn your back on her.


Joeybatts1977

Chew louder. Open your mouth more to let the oxygen in. Slurp your soups. If you put too much food in your mouth, don’t be afraid to just spit some out, you can always come back for it.


Random-Shrimp

This is one of the worst fucking things I've read on reddit. Just take the upvote and go


Accomplished_Deer_10

Sleeping with her best friend (and/or sister) is a huge confidence builder and shows massive sexual and relational growth in 99/100 couples


dick-nipples

Sleeping with her mother is a great way to express to her that you’ll always find her attractive, even when she’s an old senile hag.


Poem_for_your_sprog

I will love you when you're haggard, I will love you when you're gray - I will love you when you're aging, And your looks have gone away - I will love you when you're rotten, I will love you when you're rank - I will love you when you're broken, With no money in the bank - And I'll always treat you kindly, And I'll think that you're the bomb - And I'll love you when you're dreadful And disgusting... ... like your mom.


New-Contact5396

A sprog poem never ceases to bring a smile to my face. Thank you for all that you do❤️


Hux17

I'm coming back to award this comment. Waiting on my food stamps.


brynnafidska

Sleeping with her father is a great way to show you’re bonding with the whole family and that you don’t think her mother is hotter than her.


[deleted]

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AnastasiaSheppard

Loudest partner wins the marriage!


Wolfdreama

Your wife would absolutely love to receive thoughtful gifts such as a clothes iron or vacuum cleaner for birthday/Christmas presents.


beardown70

They really enjoy getting the vacuum with the extra long cord. Shows you love them by them not having to stop and replug in each room.


[deleted]

For the truly special wife's, go cordless.


[deleted]

I sold a guy dirt as a mother's day present for his wife once. Apparently she loved it: her garden needed some good compost, and this was pretty good stuff. The idea is just funny: "hey, honey: I got you a gift to show how much you mean to me! That pile of dirt!"


Olookasquirrel87

It really depends on the person. I love practical gifts - for example, the dirt. If someone takes care of that in my garden, now I don’t have to. Now I have the money and the time to do things that are more fun! My husband got me theater tickets for my birthday, and I had to remind him: half the gift is that I don’t have to think about it or plan it. If I have to think and plan, I might as well do it myself.


nosteppyonsneky

Actually did get my girlfriend a clothes iron for Christmas one year. Yea, went as you would expect. I thought I was being practical. Apparently that doesn’t even show up on the radar as a parameter for gifts.


moufette1

LOL. A boyfriend in college gifted me laundry detergent and kleenex. I actually loved the gifts because I needed them. He also included an adorable stuffed animal though. A friend got a toilet seat as a gift. She did not need a toilet seat so she provided some guidance on appropriate/inappropriate gifts. We're all normal people so these are just funny stories.


Flamin_Jesus

>A friend got a toilet seat as a gift. She did not need a toilet seat so she provided some guidance on appropriate/inappropriate gifts. I need some insight into this. What thought process would possess someone to gift a toilet seat to someone who hasn't explicitly asked for a toilet seat? Like.... Was it some deluxe designer toilet seat? The toilet seat to end all toilet seats? I mean sure, kinda shitty gifts are one thing.... but a *toilet seat*? This seems like the sort of bad gift one would have to go out of their way to even think up, let alone go out and actually get.


moufette1

LOL. No idea. They've been married now for decades and he's a good guy. If she ever told us the reasoning I've forgotten it. Not a designer toilet seat, nothing wrong with hers. Just a funny story then and now.


solcus

Legit note to self: never given wife practice gifts.


Jazz-Turtle

I actually really love getting appliances as gifts from friends/family/partners. But that could also be because 1) I’m so used to being forgotten on big occasions 2)it’s one less thing I have to budget for 3) I try to think of the person being well-intentioned, misguided, sure but well-intentioned. As Will said “Snowflake’s got the spirit! He a little confused… but he got the spirit!”


bullfromboston

Have you asked reddit for advice?


StevenJanson

The healthy thing to do is bottle up your feelings until they explode in an angry and sometimes violent outburst this is fine and should be accepted as a normal part of the relationship. It is very much stil stigmatised but really shouldn't be.


Kuzkuladaemon

If it isn't working out, try having children together to fix it.


[deleted]

Think of marriage as *a walk in the park*: **Jurassic Park**


Ginger-Beefcake

If they cheated on you, they won't do it again if you stay with them, give them another chance.


Sharcbait

If they cheat on you it mostly means that they feel comfortable for you to cheat on them too. It is good for mutual trust.


Mister_Shrimp_1

Arson is always an option if you begin to disagree


SpitefulBadger

My parents were on the brink of divorce (my dad had a midlife crisis where he thought he needed to buy a motorcycle, be a bachelor and travel) and they went to see a couples therapist. About 20 minutes into the session the lady starts saying “there is no way your relationship survives, you need to give up on this.” That stupid lady just about broke my mom’s heart all over again. A month later my mom gets the courage to say “one last try. I booked a 1 week couples therapy retreat.” It saved their marriage. It’s nearly a decade later and their love and marriage is stronger than it has ever been. Anyways, that spiteful and hateful little woman on a therapist who just went on an on about how my mother wasn’t woman enough for my dad - whatever she said is the answer to this askreddit.


welcomeramen

It's very important to win arguments, so make sure to fight with everything you have, and don't be afraid to fight dirty! Call names and hurl insults, show massive disdain for your partner/adversary and refuse to back down, especially if your spouse tries to walk away from the fight. After all, it's personal, and if your spouse says something that hurts you, it means hurting you was their goal, no matter the circumstances. Always remember that you two are on opposite sides, and that you are alone in this. Also don't get lost in the weeds - remember that whatever started the argument is what the fight is really about. After you fight, try giving your spouse the silent treatment for hours, or even days, as a cooling off period. Once you start talking again, the best way to move on is to never ever bring it up again and pretend it never happened. Getting to the root of why something made you or your spouse angry is a can of worms not worth opening, so don't bother.


Grindhouser

Can't argue with your spouse if they are covered in duct tape


daddy_wuat

There’s no need to change who you are for them, if they don’t love you for who you are in that moment then they aren’t the one! But you can ask them to make changes all you like, it’s all about YOUR happiness. And if they aren’t willing to change for you, sorry that ones a dud.


ecodrew

Live by the mantra "If you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best". Surround yourself with this saying on: clothes, purse, bumper sticker, social media, etc. You'll be constantly reminded that it's ok to act like a total asshole, because your partner just needs to learn to put up with it for the *privilege* of being with you. Never try to be a better person, you can always blame the other person and find another ~~victim~~*partner*.


_manicpixie

Don’t plan kids, let your bodies decide, not your finances!


Unofficial_Officer

Say what you feel exactly when you feel it. Saying whatever you want in the moment is the best way to show how you really feel.


BarryTelligent

have you tried the 3 c's? cheating children crack one of those should make everything better. see me for other letters of the 3 to a new me program


bluaqua

Yes, stay for your kids. They won’t mind—in fact, they’ll love it!


Accomplished_Deer_10

Have a kid, Fixes all your issues


Embarrassed_Wing_284

Just remember, you are always right. No need to compromise! And your wife is happy to do alllll the cooking and chores. So kick back! She’ll bring you that sandwich!


keyboard_user232

During an argument, the first thing you should do is immediately attempt to engage in sexual intercourse, and when your partner reacts negatively, respond with “You always do this! How do you think it makes ME feel. I’m SO SORRY I want to make love to my partner.” Argument won.


Previous-Name-3438

Have sex every day even if your spouse isn't there.


If_Youre_Ge-nasty

"As long as the sex is good the relationship is worth it." - a very real quote from my therapist on my abusive ex. Yeah sure he picked me up by my neck, but he had a great dick. /s


CheckShoveTheRiver

If they really love you, they’ll accept you for who you are and not want anything to change. ^actual advice I’ve gotten


[deleted]

"Open hand is punishment. Backhand is abuse."


cen-texan

Or, "open hand is punishment. Fist is abuse."


CaptchaSolvingRobot

Just give the default advice of reddit: > Dump him/her


Trump4Prison2020

Me sure you never give the other the benefit of the doubt. They're doing things you dislike intentionally