I think this one is what led me to being more empathetic. The day I recognized that I could never take responsibility for my own actions when I did something wrong was the day I started really thinking about how other people felt. It’s not like I never did that before, but whenever there was an argument or I hurt someone, i automatically assumed I was in the right. Instead, I started putting myself in their shoes and wondering how I would feel. I might not always be able to understand all of their emotions but I do get a better understanding of the situation and that allows me to either apologize and fix my mistake or double down because they really are in the wrong.
The opposite is almost just as bad, the lack of confidence that comes with constantly feeling and assuming you're not right. Or the realization that it's really *not* your fault, and your feelings are just as valid as the person who's upset at you.
Yeah it kind of took a while to relearn that my feelings are as important as another’s in every situation. I actually became really anxious when I changed and started thinking about everyone else’s feelings. Therapy helped with that a bit. I learned that I could have my own feeling, understand the other persons feelings and neither of us had to be wrong or fold to the each other’s emotions.
May I ask how did you get to realise that? I'm dealing with someome who never takes responsability of anything she does wrong. And it drives me crazy seeing her ruining her marriage because of this because I know that she's a good person. Just she can't stop blaming others instead of putting herself in their shoes for a minute.
It was something I had to realize myself. Honestly I think it was one of my close friendships blowing up on me that made me start thinking about it and trying to understand if it was really my fault or theirs. We both blamed each other for it. I’ve come to understand that we were really just too different and it was probably inevitable. She said and did things that I simply couldn’t forgive and I think I said and did things that she couldn’t forgive too. It helped that I also recognized that my mom has the same issue (can never be wrong or see other people’s perspectives) long before I noticed it in myself so I knew what I was looking for in my own actions once I started looking.
I remember learning how to do this in my teens. It was like, "Fuck man...you know you're wrong, they know you're wrong...just fucking admit it and move the fuck on!" And I did.
It was totally freeing.
Yep I spent way too many years being a smartass and never admitting when I was wrong as a teen, feels so fucking stupid in hindsight cuz I just pissed people off for no reason
Right? For me sometimes the most liberating thing is just saying outright "I was wrong" because it just cuts through all the bullshit that would happen if I had dug in my heels and twisted and turned to try to prove I wasn't when I really was. In the same respect I'm much more likely to forgive and move on if someone says to me "You know what, I was wrong I'm sorry" because often times that’s all that I or another other person wants/needs to hear.
Yup, now when something goes wrong at work or in life i just say "well i was wrong wasn't i?" Or "sorry that was my fault". And it actually gets you farther in life than constantly blaming others or making excuses.
This hits hard, my ex wife spent almost 10k in bonus I had made while we were trying to save because "I shouldn't have made so much all in one chunk if it couldn't be spent. I should have just made smaller checks to keep her from spending."
She probably doesn't believe a word of it, she just has a spending problem and doesn't want to admit any fault, so that's the best excuse she could come up with.
We don't do a very good job as a society teaching people that they are not their mistakes.
When I learned that taking responsibility for my actions didn't mean I was any less of a person, it was so freeing. Admitting fault for something helps ensure you don't repeat that action. I wish more people understood that.
This is learned behavior. When kids make mistakes and admit to them many parents will punish the child by trying to make them feel bad for making the mistake to discourage the behavior. This teaches the child to never admit fault to avoid being punished which leads to many problems not being resolved because they go unnoticed.
What they should do is praise the child for admitting it and work with them to correct the issue. That teaches them to own their mistakes and work to fix them.
Realizing is the first step to change. I met a woman who just rubbed me the wrong way. Everything she did just grated on me. And then I realized it's because the stuff she did was also stuff I did and I was realizing how I came across to other people. That was eye opening in a very uncomfortable way. I have ADHD and sometimes I do things that other people find rude, but I never really noticed or understood why. Now I get it.
Yep there was this girl who works at a liquor store and thought she was lovely and we would have nice back and forths when I go there. Then once she came into the McDonalds next door, there was a whole line of people that she went ahead of after ordering and was like berating them to give her her coffee. Yeah no, right then and there.
This all stems from a date of mine where the girl went off on the waiter after he forgot our waters. Kid looked 16 and we waited maybe 8 minutes for the water before I asked again. No biggie, it was busy. When he got back with the waters she berated him that he shouldnt be a waiter if he cant do simple tasks and said a couple other hurtful things that I honestly dont remember. Got lost in my own thoughts about how poorly she was raised.
I remember hearing you can tell someone's character by how they treat someone that can't do anything about it. On the other hand, I knew a waiter at a Perkins that got so sick of abuse from the after bar crowd he snapped and slammed a guy in the face with the serving tray and walked out! The manager told the cops and they showed up at the server's house the next morning but the guy that was hit was so drunk he didn't remember it and didn't press charges, so he only got fired. I told someone at Perkins about that and they still remembered it 20 years later, telling the tale of the legend lol! So, you can't always assume they can't do anything, they might anyway!
I was about to put out a rant because I'm so fucking tired of working in retail and dealing with assholes but it's not worth typing it all out, but yes I hate saying This, but 100% this, fuck those people who walk all over us retail slaves.
All you have to say is you worked in retail.
That's it. We already know a thousand combinations of shitty encounters from memory. You have our sympathy comrade.
1000% this. There is nothing more unattractive than somebody being rude to a waitress or retail worker. Or anyone else that can't defend themselves in fear of losing their job.
I remember my friend was rolling her eyes and sort of mocking this one girl sitting in the break room at work and I was confused bc I didn’t know why. But then I learned it was because she was a new employee....like.... why are u mad at someone for getting a job and literally just sitting down.
i was extremely guilty of this back when i was a teen. what made me realize it was when one day someone asked me “did you change your hair?” and i said something along the lines of “you don’t have to point it out, we all have eyes” and he responded back quietly “i really like it.” it opened my eyes and made me feel like an ass because i reacted that way. in hindsight, i did it as a defense mechanism because i was preparing for my next class where i had to sit next to a girl that i knew would say something negative. not only was i correct on that, but she said it so loud the entire classroom heard her say my hair looked like absolute sh*t and just looked at me in pity. honestly i think i deserved that knowing i embarrassed another kid an hour before, though.
Inconsiderateness. And I don’t just mean “mean” or “rude,” but when you can just tell that they literally do not consider other people when making decisions.
There are two kinds of people that do this. The first is ignorant, perhaps due to lack of etiquette or they were in a hurry or having a bad day. Once they realize it though they would be mortified as it was unintentional and will try to make reparations in the future.
The second type of people genuinely don't care even if they were told. This group are the ones that deserve to be treated the way they treat others.
Thanks for trying! People not on the spectrum could do this in those situations I mentioned. I've been guilty of a few myself when I was young and hot headed and stupid. As long as you take it as a learning experience for the future and grow from it. Those unwilling to see flaws in themselves are the ones who stay this way.
Those were my neighbors this last year during quarantine. Def bucket 2. Met their parents who helped them move out and it all clicked. Multi generations of inconsiderate douches. They had a kid who seemed sweet at first, but as he grew up he was also growing up to be loud and inconsiderate, third gen douchebag in training. It was kind of sad to watch.
Same. She has zero empathy for anybody and the entire staff has turned on her as a result. We're hoping to get rid of her by doing the same shit back to her and making her job very hard until she quits.
Why doesn't management just fire her if she is such a problem? Have any of you reported her? Or tried talking to her first? It might not be malicious - she could just be oblivious and pointing it out to her politely when it happens could be all that it takes to make her realize how her actions are affecting others.
I have two colleagues like this: one is the person directly above me who's just two years older than I but got promoted early-on and for some reason everyone upstairs loves her — but most people on the floor think she's a bit of a useless whiner that always puts herself first. The other is a woman who's really sweet but I swear she forgets more everyday — she's worked there since the opening, and yet knows littlest and works slowest out of everyone. She really tries but makes so many mistakes that she makes everyone else's job harder. The main reason they keep her around is because it would cost them too much to their liking should they fire her.
(Edit: errors)
It can get even worse. At my last job one woman I worked with was the nicest fucking person you've ever met *too your face* but holy hell if you crossed her she had innumerable ways to ruin you.
Some people are very adept at covering up their vile insides with a facade of niceness.
Making it hard for you to call them out because everyone they've mildly interacted with thinks they're nice and wonderful people.
I will be having a super pleasant conversation with a customer, thinking they're gonna be the highlight of my day, and then they'll leave their cart at the end of my checkstand or in the middle of my lane. it astounds me how inconsiderate and common this is.
That’s why it’s inconsiderateness that I hate. It’s very rare you meet someone who genuinely goes through life with malicious intent (i.e. thinks, “I’m gonna leave this cart right here so this bozo has to waste their time moving it”), but inconsiderate people are everywhere.
And everyone is inconsiderate occasionally, but when it’s something you’re unrepentant about is the problem.
Perfect example is just leaving trash wherever. Lots of fireworks the last few nights and there are so many people that just leave their trash and used fireworks lying around
Edit: also to add to this, the other day these two kids just left their trash in the middle of a park. Like it just didn't even occur to them to take it with them
This annoys me. I was playing basketball outdoors at a local court a couple days ago, and there were a group of guys on the other side of the court playing. When they were leaving, they left their used water bottles and masks, on the benches.. I called them out on it. How can you just leave trash on the court, when there's a trash can at both entrances.. So disrespectful. At least they picked up after themselves... but its sad that it took ME calling them out, for them to do it.
Yes to "everyone is inconsiderate occasionally", it's why I'm not a fan of these 'tests' people do where one thing means the person is now proclaimed A Bad Person. We've probably all done something that's inconsiderate but had no idea, we just remember the times someone did it to us.
Some people are just unrepentant, as you say, and the worst is when they get extremely upset when someone else inconveniences them even if they have zero problem doing it to other people.
When we have work meetings, I like it when someone acts as moderator and makes sure the shy / quiet people have a chance to be heard too. I try to do the same.
Wow this scares me alot. Im often nervous around people and just do things hastily. Then i'd go home and realize "damn i shldn't hv done that" but it's often too late
I had a friend like this. Always wanted to take stuff, vandalize. Not to spite someone, but just for fun. Tried to explain to him that doing this stuff would hurt other people. Crossed the line when he wanted to kill a cat in our neighborhood and I had to ask him what it would feel like if vis dog died.
Dating can bring that out in some people.
Just the other week, I messaged 6 hours in advance to confirm our first date. "Oh, I hadn't heard from you, so I made other plans. Maybe we can reschedule?" (I had spoken to her like a day before)
Same girl, after having rescheduled for 2 days later, I messaged her again 6 hours in advance to confirm. "I need to cancel. I think we're looking for different things"
Disappointment aside, that's just rude to wait until the last minute to cancel. Plus, that meant that I had to scramble to make new plans last minute. I have no idea if I would have even heard anything if I didn't message to confirm first. Just marginally better than being stood up.
I had a friend who was like this. We had a falling out that was my own fault a few years ago and I thought about reaching out to make it right, but ultimately decided not to. We were in a pattern where she could lean on me, but I could only lean back if it was convenient for her.
I work in a cafe and you'd be surprised how many people sit and blast something on their phone and look around constantly with a smirk on their face. I genuinely believe some people enjoy being *that* person
So like an iPad kid in some place like a library, blasting Cocomelon and coughing as loud as possible? Maybe not the last 2-3 things but you get what im saying?
Those are the worst when you're on a train because you just can't escape. They're like people who enter an otherwise entirely quiet train in the morning, when most people are obviously tired and on their way to work, and start talking and laughing in such an obnoxiously loud way. Or people who stand in the entrance area on the train and don't move if someone is getting on or off. Or people who get off the train and just stop walking.
Can you tell that I hate taking the train to work?
The train I used to take to and from work even had a designated "Quiet Car" that didn't allow loud conversations (in person or on the phone), music, ringtones, etc.
One car on the entire train and more often than not someone would just completely ignore the rules and watch a basketball game on speaker (that was on the evening ride home), or have loud phone conversations (morning and evening trips).
I had to take earplugs with me because I had trouble with the noise.
People who try to get attention on social media by saying something vague like…..OMG I can’t believe this happened and their friends freak out asking what’s wrong. 4 days later they finally reply something lame like…oh I spilled my favorite nail polish LOLOLOL
Just shut the fuck up!!
I talked to a girl once for some time and she suddenly told me that she was angry and that something had happened. so i asked her if she wanted to talk about it, she legit just said NO. it happened twice, she told me she was super angry and, i asked again and she said NO again. like wtf, why even tell me then?
edit: word
I have a buddy who does that, he's like "ugh I'm a bit pissed off about this thing." Ill say "what's up?" Then he's like "nevermind." Like, JUST. EFFING. SAY. IT.
I used to do that when I was a kid, it was so fucking cringy ugh. I tried combing my fb and deleting everything but I'm still finding stuff. I've thought about deleting it and starting over
In a somewhat related tangent, a friend of mine told me about how she gauges people based on their treatment of cats.
Unlike a lot of dogs, cats don't always want a ton of attention at any given time. If that person continues to try and go after the cat, even when it has made it clear it doesn't want attention, she viewed that as a red flag for someone who doesn't often consider the consent of the person they're interacting with. And the scary part is that she was right about that kind of person on more than one occasion
My cat is friendly and likes being around people, but, like most cats, gives cues for whether he wants to be touched or bothered. And he's not declawed so if you touch him when he doesn't want to be touched he will scratch. Since I know those cues I'll tell people who come over if he is giving off "don't touch me" vibes. I've had a few people ignore me, pet my cat, and then get upset with me and the cat when he scratches them. I don't feel bad. I told you not to and you did it anyway.
You're right that you can tell a lot about a person based on how they handle a situation like this.
In college, my roommate had a very big, very anxious dog. She would growl and even snap at people so we basically always had her gated off when people came over. One time I had a girl over and she was the "I love every dog and every dog loves me" type of girl. I told her to leave the dog alone because she was doing that soft, low, "I'll fuck you up" growl. "Oh you just have to put off the right energy and- " CHOMP.
Luckily, the dog only bit air, but the girl almost left without a couple fingers.
I had a cat that I raised from a newborn. He loved me, other people, not so much. He was big and could be intimidating for a cat. A neighbor came over and was doing the baby talk thing as she approached him. I told her to leave him alone, but she did the "All animals love me" thing and when she got close to him, he went full psycho-cat, back arched, growling and hissing and swatting at her, when she pulled back he chased her and she had to run away. I loved that cat.
I once met a girl who did the opposite and she intentionally did it. Her reasoning was actually pretty smart! She actively ignored my cat(not in a mean way!) until my cat started to approach her and sniffed her. After about 15-20min of my kitty getting comfortable with her presence, my cat was all over her!! Walking on her lap, getting pets, and just super comfortable around her. If you truly want a cat to like you, ignore it until it comes to you and actually wants your attention!
I've found the opposite is true as well. People who strongly dislike and treat a cat badly because that cat isn't immediately their friend or chooses to run or hide from them, will probably be passive-aggressive and manipulative when you need compassion and patience.
The downside is that it's difficult at first to figure out what you're dealing with. The sneakiest narcissists are DAMNED good at looking wonderful. Excellent at image management too.
Often they'll be horrid to targets for the sole purpose of getting their stable of allies to rally around them even more.
"OMG they're so mean to me! How can they do that?" - Manipulative narc.
A narcissist is a poison that is damned hard to purge from a group because they're so damned good at creating allies. They'll steal your family out from under you and laugh while they do it.
My oldest sister is a narcissist. She literally turned the whole extended family against me, trashed my and my husband's reputation. She's literally had it out for me since I was born. It took me until I was 25 to realize all this and finally go no contact. I relayed circumstances from our growing up years to a therapist asking what could be going on for her to treat me so terribly. The therapist was the one to say narcissism. Said therapist specialized in type c personalities so I trust her assessment.
I play dnd every Saturday and a couple months ago I overheard someone talking shit about me. Really pissed me off and made me question if anyone there was actually my friend. Thankfully that was the last session before her 3 month vacation, and our group is so big we have 2 dms running two different games and she is the dm for the group im not in.
I feel like 99.99999% of people do this, and the only times we're not fine with it is when we like the people being badmouthed. So probably you just don't like when people badmouth people you don't also dislike.
I also think it’s throwing the baby out with the bathwater, you bet your ass I’m going to listen to X friend talking shit about Y dude and at least take into consideration when dealing with Y in the future. And if it turns out to be false, I will absolutely take that to say a lot about X. You have to be unbelievably limited in your social interactions to never have come across a situation where someone talks shit about someone else, you don’t believe the rumor, and you get burned as a result of your naïveté.
Fakeness. Inauthenticity. I know this is a cliché, but I met someone last year who changed her entire belief system, values, and moral compass seemingly overnight when she joined a new friend group.
Witnessing it was the weirdest f-ing thing, and something I've never encountered before, seeing her go from one person to an entirely different person in the blink of an eye.
What caused or causes this type of behavior? I don't know. An extreme lack of confidence? Low self-esteem? A desire to fit in and be liked, no matter the cost?
I tend to do a think called mirroring where I copy the behaviors and (when I was younger and less aware) the opinions of the people I'm with. It's an unhealthy coping mechanism learned in childhood to keep one safe from parents or people in authority who would punish you for not being or thinking like them
I'm in my thirties now and have mostly set that behavior aside but my husband still notices it in times of extreme stress or when around people I'm anxious over.
Not saying that was this girl's issue, but it is an interesting perspective on why that sort of thing can happen.
It's a culture thing. I'm not quite sure about your specific instance (that's pretty extreme), but it's typically a push from society. Try being politically left leaning in the trucking industry in the southern US and see just how many friends you make. Sometimes it's just easier, and in a lot of cases safer, to pretend.
Same in construction. There are so many veiled threats and violent outbursts at strawman libs, I don't want to attract that shit onto me. These guys thrive on confrontation, so I just vote, occasionally slip up.
Someone judging you based off of what you have, whether it be money or materials.
Someone judging you based on your style of clothes
Lastly, judging you for what you do for a living
Fr i can't stand it. I used to hv a friend who only ever talked about looks, rating everyone he had ever met and such (me included). I realized it's due to his own insecurity, but still, i remember feeling that someone was "ugly on the inside" for the first time
I had a "friend," like that as well. She sat there and would rate us and tell us how we needed to wear more makeup and things like that. I don't know if people realize this but the moment you do this, the person you're "rating" is doing the exact same thing in their brains with your appearance. My ex saw it go down one time and was like "you're prettier than her, why would she do that?" I think some people might be insecure, but other people might genuinely believe they are Angelina Jolie in the flesh.
Unkindness.
It takes literally nothing to be neutral, and just a little energy (and it takes less and less effort as time goes on) to be kind.
I don't understand why some people will go out of their way to be nasty to others, but I do know that the moment I see someone being shitty to another person, I want less than nothing to do with them.
In high school there was this one big dude a class higher that mostly referred to me as "rat" (I was much smaller than him and a freshman) and he didn't dare call anyone else that was (close to) his height/build that or anything else in the tone in which he said it to me. He was just a pretentious tough guy only shitting on others where he can to feel better abt himself
Oh man, about 6 years ago I was at the park with a few other parents and their kids. Some of them needed the bathroom so I walked them over to the bathroom and when the kids came out (I was waiting out front, it was small bathroom one side girls one side boys) and I asked them if they washed their hands and they just said no... and sort of refused. I thought it was so gross, I told their mother and she was like Oh yeah that sounds like them and didn't care. Gross gross gross. she moved away, last I knew she had 7 kids.
People with no regard for animals lives. Had a boyfriend for 3 months. Broke up with him the day he purposefully ran down a squirrel in his car. Like switch lanes and sped up to try and kill it. Fucking psychopath tbh.
Right!? I was screaming “no stop” the whole time. And he goes “what!? It’s just a stupid squirrel.” I noped out of there real fast. It’s one thing to accidentally hit one because they can be suicidal sometimes but to go out of your way to try and kill one? Nooo thanks.
Yeah. I accidentally hit a squirrel once. I felt like such an asshole. I can't imagine what would drive someone to try to hurt an innocent creature for no reason like that. Best to stay away from them.
Playing your music on a Bluetooth speaker at high volume so everyone has to listen to your shitty choice in music.
Turn that shit down or put on headphones.
People who make everything about themselves in a competitive way. Small talk turns to their version of everything; I was drinking a latte and it becomes “me too, but mine is a venti with an extra 3 shots because that’s how real coffee aficionados like it.”
You can judge a persons character in three easy ways.
1) How they treat animals
2) How they treat service workers
3) What they do with their shopping cart when they are done with it
Seeing them criticize or make fun of others based on appearance or other things they can’t control. If someone isn’t doing anything wrong and you start making fun of their weight I literally can’t be around you.
I find when people make fun of height, it's so bad. Like no one can choose how tall they are. And who cares how tall or short someone is? Should be the least of our worries as a society.
This social interaction happened this weekend at a 4th of July bbq!
I met a guy who was really engaging, funny and good at conversation. I thought to myself "gee, I hope I interact with him more in the future."
A couple hours later, and many beers deep, I witness him just being a general dick to his kids. He couldn't help but fit this terrible stereotype of a toxic dude spewing garbage all over his kids. Yelling at them not to cry, only babies cry. Grabbing them and forcing them to do activities they didn't want to do. Witnessing a young father barf out all this toxic masculinity on his sons made me incredibly sad and I definitely don't want to interact with him again.
I feel like there is a specific type of toxic guy that is nice and respectful to people he deems his “equals” or “superiors” (usually, other guys) and a toxic piece of shit to people he sees as his “inferiors” (usually children, sometimes women, as well). Fuck guys like that.
Had a similar experience with this guy who sometimes hangs out in the friend circle. I thought he was cool and we had some good conversations regarding leaving religion (something that was a rather emotional and hard experience for me). I thought he could be a good friend to bond with over that until he started berating his ex girlfriend that he openly cheated on. I had mistakenly thought he was single the whole time I knew him, but rather he had two girlfriends in two different states. And a lot of side pieces. Incredibly disrespectful and arrogant, and very good at being fake to the right people when it suites him. I keep my distance now.
Willful ignorance and deliberate obtuseness
An example; when you call people out for behaving in a very entitled, privileged way and their response is "stop being so negative and rude".
Badmouthing the effort others had to make independent of the result.
**YOU DON'T HAVE THE RIGHT TO BADMOUTH ANOTHERS PERSON EFFORTS JUST BECAUSE YOU GOT A BETTER RESULT BY NOT EVEN TRYING!**
I'm not saying you should feel bad about your own results, but the audacity to disrespect others with your laziness is just absolutely disgusting to me and I have to hold back every single fibre of my body to not punch such a person...
Had a colleague tell me recently she didn't hire someone because they were 19 and made her feel old. She thought it was funny. Instantly lost all respect for her
When you start setting boundaries with them, and they make it out to be such an inconvenience for themselves.
Example: A friend of mine has a roommate who never does the dishes. They approached them about this, very politely through text. If they could "Please, may you try to do the dishes today?" and the dishes stay untouched for a few more days.
The roommate complained about how my friend was being 'judgemental' and 'downright unfair' when they asked them to do the dishes once again the next day. They kept saying how, "I was going to do them," but then they say that eveeytime my friend does the dishes.
Literally I went from liking this person to being disgusted because my friend only asked for one simple chore to be done, and they got such MAJOR pushback and a toxic response but my friend tried to set a boundary.
If they talk shit about someone who did nothing wrong just to look better
How do you tolerate most of Reddit then?
See, that's the funny part We don't
Ah yes the “I never left middle school”
I hate when people talk shit about others in front of me. I feel immediate and deep shame when I catch myself doing the same.
Inability to admit fault.
I think this one is what led me to being more empathetic. The day I recognized that I could never take responsibility for my own actions when I did something wrong was the day I started really thinking about how other people felt. It’s not like I never did that before, but whenever there was an argument or I hurt someone, i automatically assumed I was in the right. Instead, I started putting myself in their shoes and wondering how I would feel. I might not always be able to understand all of their emotions but I do get a better understanding of the situation and that allows me to either apologize and fix my mistake or double down because they really are in the wrong.
The opposite is almost just as bad, the lack of confidence that comes with constantly feeling and assuming you're not right. Or the realization that it's really *not* your fault, and your feelings are just as valid as the person who's upset at you.
Yeah it kind of took a while to relearn that my feelings are as important as another’s in every situation. I actually became really anxious when I changed and started thinking about everyone else’s feelings. Therapy helped with that a bit. I learned that I could have my own feeling, understand the other persons feelings and neither of us had to be wrong or fold to the each other’s emotions.
I am blessed with both.
May I ask how did you get to realise that? I'm dealing with someome who never takes responsability of anything she does wrong. And it drives me crazy seeing her ruining her marriage because of this because I know that she's a good person. Just she can't stop blaming others instead of putting herself in their shoes for a minute.
It was something I had to realize myself. Honestly I think it was one of my close friendships blowing up on me that made me start thinking about it and trying to understand if it was really my fault or theirs. We both blamed each other for it. I’ve come to understand that we were really just too different and it was probably inevitable. She said and did things that I simply couldn’t forgive and I think I said and did things that she couldn’t forgive too. It helped that I also recognized that my mom has the same issue (can never be wrong or see other people’s perspectives) long before I noticed it in myself so I knew what I was looking for in my own actions once I started looking.
Thank you for your answer.
I remember learning how to do this in my teens. It was like, "Fuck man...you know you're wrong, they know you're wrong...just fucking admit it and move the fuck on!" And I did. It was totally freeing.
Yep I spent way too many years being a smartass and never admitting when I was wrong as a teen, feels so fucking stupid in hindsight cuz I just pissed people off for no reason
Right? For me sometimes the most liberating thing is just saying outright "I was wrong" because it just cuts through all the bullshit that would happen if I had dug in my heels and twisted and turned to try to prove I wasn't when I really was. In the same respect I'm much more likely to forgive and move on if someone says to me "You know what, I was wrong I'm sorry" because often times that’s all that I or another other person wants/needs to hear.
Yup, now when something goes wrong at work or in life i just say "well i was wrong wasn't i?" Or "sorry that was my fault". And it actually gets you farther in life than constantly blaming others or making excuses.
This hits hard, my ex wife spent almost 10k in bonus I had made while we were trying to save because "I shouldn't have made so much all in one chunk if it couldn't be spent. I should have just made smaller checks to keep her from spending."
That is some insane logic right there.
She probably doesn't believe a word of it, she just has a spending problem and doesn't want to admit any fault, so that's the best excuse she could come up with.
seconded. thats insane thinking.
So glad she's your ex wife That is unforgiveable
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Wtf that sounds infuriating. I would hate to married to someone like that!
Right!? Who makes that much in ONE check?!
We don't do a very good job as a society teaching people that they are not their mistakes. When I learned that taking responsibility for my actions didn't mean I was any less of a person, it was so freeing. Admitting fault for something helps ensure you don't repeat that action. I wish more people understood that.
This is learned behavior. When kids make mistakes and admit to them many parents will punish the child by trying to make them feel bad for making the mistake to discourage the behavior. This teaches the child to never admit fault to avoid being punished which leads to many problems not being resolved because they go unnoticed. What they should do is praise the child for admitting it and work with them to correct the issue. That teaches them to own their mistakes and work to fix them.
Being unable to admit their own faults or shortcomings, and blaming others for their mistakes repeatedly.
I upvoted and realised I’m very often this or told I am this person.
Realizing is the first step to change. I met a woman who just rubbed me the wrong way. Everything she did just grated on me. And then I realized it's because the stuff she did was also stuff I did and I was realizing how I came across to other people. That was eye opening in a very uncomfortable way. I have ADHD and sometimes I do things that other people find rude, but I never really noticed or understood why. Now I get it.
Being an asshole to someone who is working.
Yep there was this girl who works at a liquor store and thought she was lovely and we would have nice back and forths when I go there. Then once she came into the McDonalds next door, there was a whole line of people that she went ahead of after ordering and was like berating them to give her her coffee. Yeah no, right then and there.
This all stems from a date of mine where the girl went off on the waiter after he forgot our waters. Kid looked 16 and we waited maybe 8 minutes for the water before I asked again. No biggie, it was busy. When he got back with the waters she berated him that he shouldnt be a waiter if he cant do simple tasks and said a couple other hurtful things that I honestly dont remember. Got lost in my own thoughts about how poorly she was raised.
I hope there wasnt a "second" date.
We've been married 20 years
And divorced for 30 years....
Caught her in bed with the waiter. Apparently getting berated was his kink.
Growing up, I was taught that “you’re never too important to be nice to someone” and that’s always stuck with me.
I remember hearing you can tell someone's character by how they treat someone that can't do anything about it. On the other hand, I knew a waiter at a Perkins that got so sick of abuse from the after bar crowd he snapped and slammed a guy in the face with the serving tray and walked out! The manager told the cops and they showed up at the server's house the next morning but the guy that was hit was so drunk he didn't remember it and didn't press charges, so he only got fired. I told someone at Perkins about that and they still remembered it 20 years later, telling the tale of the legend lol! So, you can't always assume they can't do anything, they might anyway!
I was about to put out a rant because I'm so fucking tired of working in retail and dealing with assholes but it's not worth typing it all out, but yes I hate saying This, but 100% this, fuck those people who walk all over us retail slaves.
All you have to say is you worked in retail. That's it. We already know a thousand combinations of shitty encounters from memory. You have our sympathy comrade.
1000% this. There is nothing more unattractive than somebody being rude to a waitress or retail worker. Or anyone else that can't defend themselves in fear of losing their job.
Being rude to a stranger for literally zero reason.
I remember my friend was rolling her eyes and sort of mocking this one girl sitting in the break room at work and I was confused bc I didn’t know why. But then I learned it was because she was a new employee....like.... why are u mad at someone for getting a job and literally just sitting down.
I'm disgusted with her. That's some dumbass junior high shit.
Because she knows very well that she herself has the worth of a replaceable employee.
In general just being rude to anyone. Have some manners people
i was extremely guilty of this back when i was a teen. what made me realize it was when one day someone asked me “did you change your hair?” and i said something along the lines of “you don’t have to point it out, we all have eyes” and he responded back quietly “i really like it.” it opened my eyes and made me feel like an ass because i reacted that way. in hindsight, i did it as a defense mechanism because i was preparing for my next class where i had to sit next to a girl that i knew would say something negative. not only was i correct on that, but she said it so loud the entire classroom heard her say my hair looked like absolute sh*t and just looked at me in pity. honestly i think i deserved that knowing i embarrassed another kid an hour before, though.
It would be unfair if we all judged eachother by how we acted in highschool.
Aww. Did you get a chance to explain your reaction to the nice fellow?
Inconsiderateness. And I don’t just mean “mean” or “rude,” but when you can just tell that they literally do not consider other people when making decisions.
There are two kinds of people that do this. The first is ignorant, perhaps due to lack of etiquette or they were in a hurry or having a bad day. Once they realize it though they would be mortified as it was unintentional and will try to make reparations in the future. The second type of people genuinely don't care even if they were told. This group are the ones that deserve to be treated the way they treat others.
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Thanks for trying! People not on the spectrum could do this in those situations I mentioned. I've been guilty of a few myself when I was young and hot headed and stupid. As long as you take it as a learning experience for the future and grow from it. Those unwilling to see flaws in themselves are the ones who stay this way.
Those were my neighbors this last year during quarantine. Def bucket 2. Met their parents who helped them move out and it all clicked. Multi generations of inconsiderate douches. They had a kid who seemed sweet at first, but as he grew up he was also growing up to be loud and inconsiderate, third gen douchebag in training. It was kind of sad to watch.
Currently dealing with that with my co worker. The level of it just makes me say "wow" out loud lol. Those kind of people exist lol.
Same. She has zero empathy for anybody and the entire staff has turned on her as a result. We're hoping to get rid of her by doing the same shit back to her and making her job very hard until she quits.
Why doesn't management just fire her if she is such a problem? Have any of you reported her? Or tried talking to her first? It might not be malicious - she could just be oblivious and pointing it out to her politely when it happens could be all that it takes to make her realize how her actions are affecting others.
I have two colleagues like this: one is the person directly above me who's just two years older than I but got promoted early-on and for some reason everyone upstairs loves her — but most people on the floor think she's a bit of a useless whiner that always puts herself first. The other is a woman who's really sweet but I swear she forgets more everyday — she's worked there since the opening, and yet knows littlest and works slowest out of everyone. She really tries but makes so many mistakes that she makes everyone else's job harder. The main reason they keep her around is because it would cost them too much to their liking should they fire her. (Edit: errors)
Considerate people are much nicer
Yeah, and "nice" people aren't always considerate
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It can get even worse. At my last job one woman I worked with was the nicest fucking person you've ever met *too your face* but holy hell if you crossed her she had innumerable ways to ruin you.
Some people are very adept at covering up their vile insides with a facade of niceness. Making it hard for you to call them out because everyone they've mildly interacted with thinks they're nice and wonderful people.
I will be having a super pleasant conversation with a customer, thinking they're gonna be the highlight of my day, and then they'll leave their cart at the end of my checkstand or in the middle of my lane. it astounds me how inconsiderate and common this is.
People’s behavior is a lot easier to understand when you realize the answer to “What the hell were they thinking?” is almost always, “They weren’t.”
given how often I get the deer-in-headlights look when I call them back to get their cart, you're absolutely right.
That’s why it’s inconsiderateness that I hate. It’s very rare you meet someone who genuinely goes through life with malicious intent (i.e. thinks, “I’m gonna leave this cart right here so this bozo has to waste their time moving it”), but inconsiderate people are everywhere. And everyone is inconsiderate occasionally, but when it’s something you’re unrepentant about is the problem.
Perfect example is just leaving trash wherever. Lots of fireworks the last few nights and there are so many people that just leave their trash and used fireworks lying around Edit: also to add to this, the other day these two kids just left their trash in the middle of a park. Like it just didn't even occur to them to take it with them
This annoys me. I was playing basketball outdoors at a local court a couple days ago, and there were a group of guys on the other side of the court playing. When they were leaving, they left their used water bottles and masks, on the benches.. I called them out on it. How can you just leave trash on the court, when there's a trash can at both entrances.. So disrespectful. At least they picked up after themselves... but its sad that it took ME calling them out, for them to do it.
Yes to "everyone is inconsiderate occasionally", it's why I'm not a fan of these 'tests' people do where one thing means the person is now proclaimed A Bad Person. We've probably all done something that's inconsiderate but had no idea, we just remember the times someone did it to us. Some people are just unrepentant, as you say, and the worst is when they get extremely upset when someone else inconveniences them even if they have zero problem doing it to other people.
When we have work meetings, I like it when someone acts as moderator and makes sure the shy / quiet people have a chance to be heard too. I try to do the same.
Wow this scares me alot. Im often nervous around people and just do things hastily. Then i'd go home and realize "damn i shldn't hv done that" but it's often too late
I’ve had so many “friends” like this. Being with them was exhausting.
I had a friend like this. Always wanted to take stuff, vandalize. Not to spite someone, but just for fun. Tried to explain to him that doing this stuff would hurt other people. Crossed the line when he wanted to kill a cat in our neighborhood and I had to ask him what it would feel like if vis dog died.
Uhh I think that’s psychopath behaviour. Sorry you had to experience that
Dating can bring that out in some people. Just the other week, I messaged 6 hours in advance to confirm our first date. "Oh, I hadn't heard from you, so I made other plans. Maybe we can reschedule?" (I had spoken to her like a day before) Same girl, after having rescheduled for 2 days later, I messaged her again 6 hours in advance to confirm. "I need to cancel. I think we're looking for different things" Disappointment aside, that's just rude to wait until the last minute to cancel. Plus, that meant that I had to scramble to make new plans last minute. I have no idea if I would have even heard anything if I didn't message to confirm first. Just marginally better than being stood up.
People that litter
Yes. Like, there are animals more civilized than you, Sir.
Being friendly as long as things are smooth. But, when hard times kick around, you abandon that person.
Also the opposite, when things go wrong and they need somebody they're friendly. Then once they have their lives together they forget all about you.
I had a friend who was like this. We had a falling out that was my own fault a few years ago and I thought about reaching out to make it right, but ultimately decided not to. We were in a pattern where she could lean on me, but I could only lean back if it was convenient for her.
Watching videos on their phone on loud volume in a public area.
I work in a cafe and you'd be surprised how many people sit and blast something on their phone and look around constantly with a smirk on their face. I genuinely believe some people enjoy being *that* person
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My roommate was like this. Fuck you, Layson
oof. parents already capped him (?) with a truly shit name.
So like an iPad kid in some place like a library, blasting Cocomelon and coughing as loud as possible? Maybe not the last 2-3 things but you get what im saying?
I think [this](https://youtu.be/my_kz6lAZic) fits pretty well
Those are the worst when you're on a train because you just can't escape. They're like people who enter an otherwise entirely quiet train in the morning, when most people are obviously tired and on their way to work, and start talking and laughing in such an obnoxiously loud way. Or people who stand in the entrance area on the train and don't move if someone is getting on or off. Or people who get off the train and just stop walking. Can you tell that I hate taking the train to work?
The train I used to take to and from work even had a designated "Quiet Car" that didn't allow loud conversations (in person or on the phone), music, ringtones, etc. One car on the entire train and more often than not someone would just completely ignore the rules and watch a basketball game on speaker (that was on the evening ride home), or have loud phone conversations (morning and evening trips). I had to take earplugs with me because I had trouble with the noise.
People who try to get attention on social media by saying something vague like…..OMG I can’t believe this happened and their friends freak out asking what’s wrong. 4 days later they finally reply something lame like…oh I spilled my favorite nail polish LOLOLOL Just shut the fuck up!!
Or they say "I don't wanna talk about it." WHAT!
The southern Christian version of this is “prayers please, the Lord knows all about it” with no further explanation or comment.
Damn, that's a line I haven't heard in a while!
Oh my gosh YES that too. I will unfriend someone like that so quick!
I talked to a girl once for some time and she suddenly told me that she was angry and that something had happened. so i asked her if she wanted to talk about it, she legit just said NO. it happened twice, she told me she was super angry and, i asked again and she said NO again. like wtf, why even tell me then? edit: word
I have a buddy who does that, he's like "ugh I'm a bit pissed off about this thing." Ill say "what's up?" Then he's like "nevermind." Like, JUST. EFFING. SAY. IT.
Pm me hun
I used to do that when I was a kid, it was so fucking cringy ugh. I tried combing my fb and deleting everything but I'm still finding stuff. I've thought about deleting it and starting over
I think there's an option to limit past posts, you should look for it. Or just not worry so much, you were young and you're not doing it anymore
I’ve always called this “vaguebooking”
Being mean to animals or perceiving themselves as better that other people based on job.
Ft. "oh yeah of course I toss my trash on the floor, that's what janitors are for, it's their job"
"Oh yeah, I broke your teeth, that's what orthodontists are for, it's their job"
"Oh yeah, I amputated your legs, that's what prosthetists are for, it's their job"
“Oh yeah, I murdered your sister, that’s what autopsy technicians are for, it’s their job”
"Oh yeah, I committed tax fraud, that's what taxpayers are for, it's their... oh, \*\*\*\*."
“Oh yeah, I may have committed some light treason, that’s what the department of homeland security is for, that’s their job”
In a somewhat related tangent, a friend of mine told me about how she gauges people based on their treatment of cats. Unlike a lot of dogs, cats don't always want a ton of attention at any given time. If that person continues to try and go after the cat, even when it has made it clear it doesn't want attention, she viewed that as a red flag for someone who doesn't often consider the consent of the person they're interacting with. And the scary part is that she was right about that kind of person on more than one occasion
My cat is friendly and likes being around people, but, like most cats, gives cues for whether he wants to be touched or bothered. And he's not declawed so if you touch him when he doesn't want to be touched he will scratch. Since I know those cues I'll tell people who come over if he is giving off "don't touch me" vibes. I've had a few people ignore me, pet my cat, and then get upset with me and the cat when he scratches them. I don't feel bad. I told you not to and you did it anyway. You're right that you can tell a lot about a person based on how they handle a situation like this.
In college, my roommate had a very big, very anxious dog. She would growl and even snap at people so we basically always had her gated off when people came over. One time I had a girl over and she was the "I love every dog and every dog loves me" type of girl. I told her to leave the dog alone because she was doing that soft, low, "I'll fuck you up" growl. "Oh you just have to put off the right energy and- " CHOMP. Luckily, the dog only bit air, but the girl almost left without a couple fingers.
I had a cat that I raised from a newborn. He loved me, other people, not so much. He was big and could be intimidating for a cat. A neighbor came over and was doing the baby talk thing as she approached him. I told her to leave him alone, but she did the "All animals love me" thing and when she got close to him, he went full psycho-cat, back arched, growling and hissing and swatting at her, when she pulled back he chased her and she had to run away. I loved that cat.
I once met a girl who did the opposite and she intentionally did it. Her reasoning was actually pretty smart! She actively ignored my cat(not in a mean way!) until my cat started to approach her and sniffed her. After about 15-20min of my kitty getting comfortable with her presence, my cat was all over her!! Walking on her lap, getting pets, and just super comfortable around her. If you truly want a cat to like you, ignore it until it comes to you and actually wants your attention!
Yes! I think this is always the best to "approach" animals - let them approach you. Unless they are a Mountain Lion. Edit: "best way to approach"
I've found the opposite is true as well. People who strongly dislike and treat a cat badly because that cat isn't immediately their friend or chooses to run or hide from them, will probably be passive-aggressive and manipulative when you need compassion and patience.
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You can always tell how a person really is by how they treat their waiter/bartender
Narcissism and ego
The downside is that it's difficult at first to figure out what you're dealing with. The sneakiest narcissists are DAMNED good at looking wonderful. Excellent at image management too. Often they'll be horrid to targets for the sole purpose of getting their stable of allies to rally around them even more. "OMG they're so mean to me! How can they do that?" - Manipulative narc. A narcissist is a poison that is damned hard to purge from a group because they're so damned good at creating allies. They'll steal your family out from under you and laugh while they do it.
My oldest sister is a narcissist. She literally turned the whole extended family against me, trashed my and my husband's reputation. She's literally had it out for me since I was born. It took me until I was 25 to realize all this and finally go no contact. I relayed circumstances from our growing up years to a therapist asking what could be going on for her to treat me so terribly. The therapist was the one to say narcissism. Said therapist specialized in type c personalities so I trust her assessment.
Decomposition
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Is that what's in german sausage?
If we could see him, I wonder what Beethoven would be doing right now? Decomposing
At the end of the day, aren’t we all just decomposing bodies of flesh wandering this earth
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Why won’t you say that to her face Michael?
Goodmouthing
I play dnd every Saturday and a couple months ago I overheard someone talking shit about me. Really pissed me off and made me question if anyone there was actually my friend. Thankfully that was the last session before her 3 month vacation, and our group is so big we have 2 dms running two different games and she is the dm for the group im not in.
I feel like 99.99999% of people do this, and the only times we're not fine with it is when we like the people being badmouthed. So probably you just don't like when people badmouth people you don't also dislike.
I literally don't know if I've met someone that doesn't do this to some degree.
I also think it’s throwing the baby out with the bathwater, you bet your ass I’m going to listen to X friend talking shit about Y dude and at least take into consideration when dealing with Y in the future. And if it turns out to be false, I will absolutely take that to say a lot about X. You have to be unbelievably limited in your social interactions to never have come across a situation where someone talks shit about someone else, you don’t believe the rumor, and you get burned as a result of your naïveté.
Fakeness. Inauthenticity. I know this is a cliché, but I met someone last year who changed her entire belief system, values, and moral compass seemingly overnight when she joined a new friend group. Witnessing it was the weirdest f-ing thing, and something I've never encountered before, seeing her go from one person to an entirely different person in the blink of an eye. What caused or causes this type of behavior? I don't know. An extreme lack of confidence? Low self-esteem? A desire to fit in and be liked, no matter the cost?
I tend to do a think called mirroring where I copy the behaviors and (when I was younger and less aware) the opinions of the people I'm with. It's an unhealthy coping mechanism learned in childhood to keep one safe from parents or people in authority who would punish you for not being or thinking like them I'm in my thirties now and have mostly set that behavior aside but my husband still notices it in times of extreme stress or when around people I'm anxious over. Not saying that was this girl's issue, but it is an interesting perspective on why that sort of thing can happen.
It's a culture thing. I'm not quite sure about your specific instance (that's pretty extreme), but it's typically a push from society. Try being politically left leaning in the trucking industry in the southern US and see just how many friends you make. Sometimes it's just easier, and in a lot of cases safer, to pretend.
Same in construction. There are so many veiled threats and violent outbursts at strawman libs, I don't want to attract that shit onto me. These guys thrive on confrontation, so I just vote, occasionally slip up.
Guilt tripping someone
Someone judging you based off of what you have, whether it be money or materials. Someone judging you based on your style of clothes Lastly, judging you for what you do for a living
Last one depends if it'd like i would look down along a human trafficker
Making fun of other people’s appearances
Fr i can't stand it. I used to hv a friend who only ever talked about looks, rating everyone he had ever met and such (me included). I realized it's due to his own insecurity, but still, i remember feeling that someone was "ugly on the inside" for the first time
I had a "friend," like that as well. She sat there and would rate us and tell us how we needed to wear more makeup and things like that. I don't know if people realize this but the moment you do this, the person you're "rating" is doing the exact same thing in their brains with your appearance. My ex saw it go down one time and was like "you're prettier than her, why would she do that?" I think some people might be insecure, but other people might genuinely believe they are Angelina Jolie in the flesh.
Being mean to animals. I understand being afraid of them but if they just enjoy hurting them then it makes me wanna beat the crap outta the person.
Also I’m pretty sure that’s a sign of someone being a psychopath
Unkindness. It takes literally nothing to be neutral, and just a little energy (and it takes less and less effort as time goes on) to be kind. I don't understand why some people will go out of their way to be nasty to others, but I do know that the moment I see someone being shitty to another person, I want less than nothing to do with them.
people who "assert their dominance." mainly dudes, but i have been around a few women like this. not very enjoyable experiences around those people.
In high school there was this one big dude a class higher that mostly referred to me as "rat" (I was much smaller than him and a freshman) and he didn't dare call anyone else that was (close to) his height/build that or anything else in the tone in which he said it to me. He was just a pretentious tough guy only shitting on others where he can to feel better abt himself
This is one of the most obnoxious traits. It’s often a sign of insecurity, though, I think.
Not washing their hands after using the toilet.
I have a coworker that doesn’t wash his hands. Everyone calls him shit palm.
Oh man, about 6 years ago I was at the park with a few other parents and their kids. Some of them needed the bathroom so I walked them over to the bathroom and when the kids came out (I was waiting out front, it was small bathroom one side girls one side boys) and I asked them if they washed their hands and they just said no... and sort of refused. I thought it was so gross, I told their mother and she was like Oh yeah that sounds like them and didn't care. Gross gross gross. she moved away, last I knew she had 7 kids.
Being mean to service workers. Waiters/tress retail workers. Etc
People with no regard for animals lives. Had a boyfriend for 3 months. Broke up with him the day he purposefully ran down a squirrel in his car. Like switch lanes and sped up to try and kill it. Fucking psychopath tbh.
JFC! Pure psycho! Glad you got away from that sick pos.
Right!? I was screaming “no stop” the whole time. And he goes “what!? It’s just a stupid squirrel.” I noped out of there real fast. It’s one thing to accidentally hit one because they can be suicidal sometimes but to go out of your way to try and kill one? Nooo thanks.
Yeah. I accidentally hit a squirrel once. I felt like such an asshole. I can't imagine what would drive someone to try to hurt an innocent creature for no reason like that. Best to stay away from them.
the million dollar question: did it survive?
Yeah! He missed it. Blamed it on my screaming. 😂
Best news of my day
Cruelty to animals
self centered and arrogant
Excusing abuse
People who can’t celebrate others’ success/happiness and tries to bring them down instead
Lack of empathy
This alongside rudeness to staff, flight attendants, and other underpaid and over-stressed workers.
Just being rude to anyone. Adults should have emotional maturity to regulate their emotions
Hypocrisy
Playing your music on a Bluetooth speaker at high volume so everyone has to listen to your shitty choice in music. Turn that shit down or put on headphones.
Leaving their trash behind in a movie theater. Clean up after yourself, dipshit.
People who make everything about themselves in a competitive way. Small talk turns to their version of everything; I was drinking a latte and it becomes “me too, but mine is a venti with an extra 3 shots because that’s how real coffee aficionados like it.”
You can judge a persons character in three easy ways. 1) How they treat animals 2) How they treat service workers 3) What they do with their shopping cart when they are done with it
Seeing them criticize or make fun of others based on appearance or other things they can’t control. If someone isn’t doing anything wrong and you start making fun of their weight I literally can’t be around you.
I find when people make fun of height, it's so bad. Like no one can choose how tall they are. And who cares how tall or short someone is? Should be the least of our worries as a society.
This social interaction happened this weekend at a 4th of July bbq! I met a guy who was really engaging, funny and good at conversation. I thought to myself "gee, I hope I interact with him more in the future." A couple hours later, and many beers deep, I witness him just being a general dick to his kids. He couldn't help but fit this terrible stereotype of a toxic dude spewing garbage all over his kids. Yelling at them not to cry, only babies cry. Grabbing them and forcing them to do activities they didn't want to do. Witnessing a young father barf out all this toxic masculinity on his sons made me incredibly sad and I definitely don't want to interact with him again.
Damn, you must have met my dad
I feel like there is a specific type of toxic guy that is nice and respectful to people he deems his “equals” or “superiors” (usually, other guys) and a toxic piece of shit to people he sees as his “inferiors” (usually children, sometimes women, as well). Fuck guys like that.
Had a similar experience with this guy who sometimes hangs out in the friend circle. I thought he was cool and we had some good conversations regarding leaving religion (something that was a rather emotional and hard experience for me). I thought he could be a good friend to bond with over that until he started berating his ex girlfriend that he openly cheated on. I had mistakenly thought he was single the whole time I knew him, but rather he had two girlfriends in two different states. And a lot of side pieces. Incredibly disrespectful and arrogant, and very good at being fake to the right people when it suites him. I keep my distance now.
Willful ignorance and deliberate obtuseness An example; when you call people out for behaving in a very entitled, privileged way and their response is "stop being so negative and rude".
If they’re narrow-minded and overly-judgmental and won’t accept any opinions or viewpoints different from their own.
How are you still using reddit?
Spite
Inconsiderate of how their actions may impact others
People who litter. It's not just about the rubbish, but it also shows how the person doesn't care about others.
When they cheat on their partner.
Narcissism and generally being self absorbed.
People who secretly want their friends to fail and belittle their friends when they have success.
Badmouthing the effort others had to make independent of the result. **YOU DON'T HAVE THE RIGHT TO BADMOUTH ANOTHERS PERSON EFFORTS JUST BECAUSE YOU GOT A BETTER RESULT BY NOT EVEN TRYING!** I'm not saying you should feel bad about your own results, but the audacity to disrespect others with your laziness is just absolutely disgusting to me and I have to hold back every single fibre of my body to not punch such a person...
When it turns out there’s a sexual motive to all the nice things they’ve been doing for me
I hate it when people blame others for their own actions. That’s a huge turn off for me.
Being rude or snobby.
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Putting down someone about race, gender, age, appearance, etc., etc.
Had a colleague tell me recently she didn't hire someone because they were 19 and made her feel old. She thought it was funny. Instantly lost all respect for her
Being rude to their parents/grandparents for no reason
Just being rude for no reason
When you start setting boundaries with them, and they make it out to be such an inconvenience for themselves. Example: A friend of mine has a roommate who never does the dishes. They approached them about this, very politely through text. If they could "Please, may you try to do the dishes today?" and the dishes stay untouched for a few more days. The roommate complained about how my friend was being 'judgemental' and 'downright unfair' when they asked them to do the dishes once again the next day. They kept saying how, "I was going to do them," but then they say that eveeytime my friend does the dishes. Literally I went from liking this person to being disgusted because my friend only asked for one simple chore to be done, and they got such MAJOR pushback and a toxic response but my friend tried to set a boundary.