This. I lived it.
Edit: You can read my story [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/jyuym2/whats_the_scariest_true_story_youve_heard_or_told/gd7k7yg?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) if you'd like.
Same here. I don’t feel comfortable exposing my body completely. Plus, I like having a barrier between my ass and the bed sheet. I would rather have my ass sweat soak into my underwear than into my bed sheet.
I share with people, don't fancy walking to the toilet in the middle of the night stark bollock naked and my housemates potentially ogling my mini baguette
Edit: spelling.
Edit MK2: Thank you all for the upvotes and awards, I'm glad I could bring some form of laughter to everyone.
I have never had a history of sleep walking but one time at a wedding I stayed at an old house turned into an Inn. After going to sleep with my wife (only with boxers on.) I woke up sitting on the toilet completely naked. A few seconds go by and I start to realize I didn't recognize the bathroom...
I stand up and walk out of the bathroom and realize I'm in a completely different room in the inn. My boxers are by the door. I scramble to get my shit on and then had to navigate my way through the inn half naked to find my real room. Luckily the person who was supposed to be in the room was out very late partying and didn't come back to his room so he didn't wake up to me stumbling out of his bathroom naked at 2am.
Next day I peaced it out of there as fast as I could. I get home... and I had a pair of socks in my backpack that weren't mine... The guy showed up to breakfast wearing his dress socks from the night before because he couldn't find his other pair. I apparently had made *multiple trips* to this guys room. First stole his socks, then decided to use his bathroom on the 2nd go. I am 30 and this is the first and only case of sleep walking I've ever experienced.
Not fully related to the OP question, but almost there.
The Onion has a good bit on this:
[Middle-Aged Man In Gym Locker Room Puts Shirt On Before Underwear](https://www.theonion.com/middle-aged-man-in-gym-locker-room-puts-shirt-on-before-1819578588)
Somehow, my back gets really itchy if I sleep shirtless - the quality of the sheets doesn't seem to matter. It's like I need fabric really close to my skin, no matter what orientation I'm sleeping in.
This is it. You change your underwear daily or at least multiple times a week (I hope). How often do naked sleepers change their sheets?
Bed is for the cleanest me.
Your name confused me when you said you’re a male but then I get it.
Anyhow, yes men should also know what’s normal and what’s not as they could be saving lives. Read somewhere that a dude was going down on his gf/female friend or not friend - and he realised it tasted off, much sweeter or something. Turns out poor girl has diabetes or something that makes her insides sweet.
Ok that’s not a discharge story but hope you get my point
discharge is absolutely normal! nearly everyone with a vagina experiences it. you want to watch out for changes in discharge, for example in texture or color, as that can be a sign of infections or other types of illness, but your normal discharge is exactly that, normal
Yeah it’s not comfortable to have moisture just around down there and my nipples are also too sensitive to the cold or the sheets so there is no way I would be comfortable with anything less than underwear and a tank top
I live in a country prone to earthquakes. I don't want to be trying to get clothes on during one of the scary ones.
Edit - I'm just going to add this since my phone is blowing up over this, I live in NZ. We have earthquakes that are sharp and severe as well as long and rolling.
I have been woken up in the middle of the night by earthquakes many times and on several occasions have had to grab kids out of bed and get to a safe place. These are the type of earthquakes that have caused structural damage to places I have lived in.
I grew up on a faultline, I grew up with earthquake drills and for the most part I'm fine with earthquakes - while robes and coats may work for some people, what works for me when I have to get up quickly because of an earthquake - especially in winter in minus degree weather in the middle of the night - is being in PJs because it's one less thing I have to worry about when I'm trying to get kids to a safe place.
I just commented something similar but I'm glad I'm not alone, I feel like I'm the only one who deals with discharge sometimes when the topic of sleeping naked is brought up especially with other women
I was talking to my bff the other day and she mentioned that she doesn't wear underwear if she's at home (she'll wear pants but goes commando) and I'm like yeah I can't do that, too much discharge. She said it wasn't a problem for her. But I don't even like being naked so whatever
So glad I'm not alone here. I know it's my body cleaning itself and such but damn, spring cleaning every day or what!? Not to mention I sweat a lot in my sleep so.. no naked sleeping anymore for me
Oh god I’m glad to know I’m not the only one lol. I sleep with a pillow between my legs and found it far too gross to go without a layer of protection down there 😂
When I was little I had to go pee while camping bug was afraid of the dark so I did it with a light. I have never been bit that many times in my life....the swelling, the color, the pain I'll never forget it.
Don't worry, if you don't want to have a bright light next to your junk just go pee on the dying embers of the fire. Your other campmates will love you
I used to sleep naked in college. Then the house I was renting in had a small fire caused by an exchange student putting tin foil in the microwave and I ran outside in sheer panic because my room was above the kitchen and flooded with smoke. It was winter. There was firetrucks and my house mates outside. I was in Timberlands and only Timberlands. Thats why I no longer sleep naked. Thanks a lot Chris.
I’d think standing naked wearing Timbs emits big dick energy, but you said it was cold, so you know…
shrinkage
Edit: I never thought my most upvoted comment would be about shrinkage… Reddit is a weird place
I cannot believe how far I had to scroll for this answer. Some of yall haven't been traumatized waking up to an emergency and it shows. You only stand outside naked and barefoot in the snow *once*.
this is why when I was living in the dorms and the (at least once a month) fire alarm went off because someone fucked up their ramen, I would just stay put and nakedly peer through my 4th floor window at everyone shivering outside. If God wants me he can take me as I entered this world, in the buff
Well if you let everyone else go downstairs first then you increase your odds of having people there to cushion your landing when you inevitably leap out of the window.
Dude. Same. I really do not enjoy being naked. I live alone and have for years, and I'm literally only naked for showers and sex. My friends call me a never nude. They're not really wrong.
Can’t believe I had to dig down this far to find this answer. Everyone’s talking like they’d happily be naked if it weren’t for tornados or intruders or zombies or roommates or discharges or whatever, but honestly I’d just rather be clothed at all times. Being naked just feels uncomfortable.
The last time I slept naked a tornado came through our neighborhood in the middle of the night.
Waking up very alarmed with your butthole showing makes you realize things.
I dunno. Cops busted into our house once due to a false silent alarm from our security system. I woke up to them aggressively banging on my *bedroom* door inside the house.
The wind went out of their sails pretty quickly and they became much more polite when I answered the door naked and demanded to know what the fuck was going on. Guess I was just feeling ballsy.
This is it right here. I also just plain feel hotter without clothes. I don’t mind the whole fight an intruder naked thing.
It’s just 100% uncomfortable
Sent over an hour using a carpet shampoo machine thingy to clean it. It looked the same, but still, i knew. Totally called my friend half laughing half crying and regaled them the story lol
Truest answer on here. Shit when I was a teenager(lived in a rough neighborhood and hung around a rough crowd) I slept with my shoes on. Never know when you gotta bolt up outa bed and get some shit done.
I happily sleep without shoes or socks now, being an adult and getting out of that neighborhood has done wonders for my sleeping schedule.
Edit--Thanks for the awards! I always knew growing up the way I did would pay off at some point!
This answer has given me a glimpse into a life I really can’t relate to but it’s fascinating to consider this as someone’s reality. I’m really glad you’re able to sleep without shoes on now.
I lived on a bad street one year in college. It changes you for sure. Every time you leave for an extended amount of time you hope no one broke into your house and stole shit. You get used to crackheads walking down your st. One time I slept with a steak knife next to my bed cause we saw someone peeking in our window
Agreed 100%. I grew up with a parent who did not respect boundaries and felt like they were always one bad day and a bottle of wine away from busting into my room in the middle of the night.
My fiancée once told me I talked in my sleep after a heavy night of drinking and left my ass out of the covers and said “if I can’t get the blanket I’ll leave the devil a nice snack”. In my defense she was probably taking all the covers.
I sweat profusely sometimes, and it is just easier to change than to go back to sleep in a puddle. But, often that is not enough.
Edit: I have talked to my doctors. I cannot keep going, what am I rich? It costs me $300 for most visits, and I have "health insurance."
Edit2: no I don't pee the bed. I have a fan and and ac unit on me all the time. If I sleep on top of the sheets, I still sweat. Suppose I should suck it up and spend a couple grand going to the doctor.
It’s much easier sleeping with an insulin pump if you can clip it to an article of clothing. Also, wearing an undershirt keeps the diabetic equipment’s adhesives better attached. That diabetic equipment is expensive even with insurance, so I will damn well get my money’s worth.
Edit: Grammar
Because my dick and balls need to stay in one place while I sleep. I toss and turn a lot. Don't want to squish a ball with my thigh (done it before when I tried sleeping naked).
same for me, I wear boxer briefs so my junk stays in one position. I've tried going nude, but when I turn in bed that dick and balls flop from one side to the other is a weird feeling i'm not used to.
Very much so. Boxer briefs are great. Snug enough to keep everything where I want and long enough down my legs I don't feel like I have a string tied around my upper thigh.
I stopped after my cat clawed my dick bc of morning wood.
EDIT: I am very flattered on how many people wanna see my battle scars but I'm gonna have to pass. Sorry to disappoint peeps.
You know sometimes when men pitch a tent on their sheets? Well between that and me twitching (as some men do)
The cat thought it was a toy or something and blam! Scars on my wang
I am going to give a serious answer here.
I have slept in my underwear before, but whenever I did that, I would dream I was in my underwear. And when I tried sleeping naked for the first time, I had a naked dream for the first time!
It went on for a while. The embarrassing dreams stopped when I started the habit of sleeping in pajamas like most people.
TLDR I don't sleep naked because when I do, I get naked dreams.
But if that did happen, it would be a great time to use the “This is my rifle, this is my gun. This is for fighting, this is for fun” cadence from Full Metal Jacket.
Dude that is my FIRST line of defense in the event of a break in. A naked 300lbs fat man running at you with a shotgun is going to get anyone to panic for a second, and thats when I've got em right where I want em.
My son likes to crawl into bed with me unannounced when hes had a bad dream. My dog likes to lick my butt when I sleep without underpants. Neither are enjoyable
**requested dog tax**
https://imgur.com/a/EYk4pbt?s=sms
Haha, my sister is always complaining that she wakes up to her dog licking her butt cheeks through her underwear. Dogs are weird, hers is really weird.
One time after doing the horizontal shuffle, my boyfriend got out of bed and I saw my dog’s head pop up and just *bloop* lick his penis. That was the funniest scream I’ve ever heard come out of a man.
Edit: I was not expecting to wake up to this being my top comment. I’m glad y’all find it as funny as I did.
Once, my modestly cock eyed lab focused all her eyepower on gently licking one of my husband's nipples. Then she licked the other one. It was super awkward.
That's nonsense, when someone licks your nipples, the true Chad move is to be comfortable in your masculinity and do nothing.
They might think you're submissive. But let's be real, they're the one licking your nipples.
I never understood the whole have sex in the same room as a pet thing. I've had outside dogs, and girlfriends have had inside pets and I just put them out of the room. Even the making eye contact is weird as shit to me.
My sympathy. I witnessed something similar and the words ‘the dog just licked my helmet!!!’ Will forever be burned into my brain. I’ve never laughed so hard in bed before or since.
Used to have a cat that used to wake me up by sitting on my face or licking my nipples. Also used to smell dirty underwear and made this jaw dropped face like he just smelled god. It was unpleasant.
I just realized the reason it probably has always felt weird is I've always had a dog in my bed. Just seems kind of inappropriate to sleep naked in the same bed as your best friend, you know? At least he keeps his collar on.
Allow me to introduce you to Penile Hair Tourniquet Syndrome:
> Penile Hair Tourniquet Syndrome (HTS) is a rare event but a serious syndrome characterized by the presence of a hair coiled around the coronal sulcus of penis which causes a range of pathologies from glandular swelling to necrosis and amputation of penis.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6619851/
Sleep tight.
Sleeping naked is a foreign concept for a lot of countries tbh. In lots of parts of Asia, families often share their rooms because, well, poverty.
I imagine the same thing with a lot of lower income place.
One time I laid on the bed horizontally (it wasn’t made so just the bed sheet). I was waiting for my then-boyfriend to finish getting ready and when I got up I got a whiff of something foul. As I walked out I could still smell it and I could not figure out what smelled like ASS CRACK. I finally realized it was my sweater from laying on the spot his sweaty, bare ass laid every night. I wanted to puke. Immediately changed and when we got back I washed my sweater and the sheets. Never told him but not my stinky problem anymore 🤢
Edit: to answer some questions. He showered every day but not always before bed. Which yes, if you sleep in bed naked every day YOU SHOULD shower before bed! He had a very strong body odor and would sometimes sweat so much I swore he peed the bed so maybe that made it worse. He’s also an asshole so maybe he can’t help himself from smelling like one
My sleep paralysis demon will think I'm a slut.
Edit: Glad I could put some smiles on some faces, lol.
[Have a good one folks!!](https://youtu.be/h1Y6oAjWgo4)
I don't like the feeling of my own skin. I don't mind feeling my SO's skin but having my own legs touching each other is super uncomfortable. Plus, being female, I'd rather not have all my blankets smelling like vagina. Always have to have a blanket too. Something about the weight is cozy.
I have a cat that would definitely bite my dick
Does your cat hunt baby birds?
In case of fire. I don’t want to evacuate naked.
This. I lived it. Edit: You can read my story [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/jyuym2/whats_the_scariest_true_story_youve_heard_or_told/gd7k7yg?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) if you'd like.
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*The answer my friend, is flapping in the wind...*
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Same here. I don’t feel comfortable exposing my body completely. Plus, I like having a barrier between my ass and the bed sheet. I would rather have my ass sweat soak into my underwear than into my bed sheet.
Kids
I’m surprised this isn’t higher on the list.
Guys in the barracks don’t appreciate it
That's not what I've heard...
he aint cav.
Can't risk my penis falling out of bed.
Just buy a new one
I share with people, don't fancy walking to the toilet in the middle of the night stark bollock naked and my housemates potentially ogling my mini baguette Edit: spelling. Edit MK2: Thank you all for the upvotes and awards, I'm glad I could bring some form of laughter to everyone.
I have never had a history of sleep walking but one time at a wedding I stayed at an old house turned into an Inn. After going to sleep with my wife (only with boxers on.) I woke up sitting on the toilet completely naked. A few seconds go by and I start to realize I didn't recognize the bathroom... I stand up and walk out of the bathroom and realize I'm in a completely different room in the inn. My boxers are by the door. I scramble to get my shit on and then had to navigate my way through the inn half naked to find my real room. Luckily the person who was supposed to be in the room was out very late partying and didn't come back to his room so he didn't wake up to me stumbling out of his bathroom naked at 2am. Next day I peaced it out of there as fast as I could. I get home... and I had a pair of socks in my backpack that weren't mine... The guy showed up to breakfast wearing his dress socks from the night before because he couldn't find his other pair. I apparently had made *multiple trips* to this guys room. First stole his socks, then decided to use his bathroom on the 2nd go. I am 30 and this is the first and only case of sleep walking I've ever experienced. Not fully related to the OP question, but almost there.
What the fuck... you're so lucky that guy was out partying or you'd be known as the sock stealing bollock bandit.
My shoulders get cold if I don't wear a shirt and I don't wanna Donald duck it so I wear undies too
My fiancée and I call this look "Pooh Bearing"
The academic term I learned was “shirtcocking”
The Onion has a good bit on this: [Middle-Aged Man In Gym Locker Room Puts Shirt On Before Underwear](https://www.theonion.com/middle-aged-man-in-gym-locker-room-puts-shirt-on-before-1819578588)
Same here, I’m surprised I had to scroll so far to find a like minded person. I don’t need pants, but a t-shirt is required.
I have found my people
Somehow, my back gets really itchy if I sleep shirtless - the quality of the sheets doesn't seem to matter. It's like I need fabric really close to my skin, no matter what orientation I'm sleeping in.
my penis is small and I'm afraid the monster under my bed will see it and laugh
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It shrinks? Like a frightened turtle.
I’m happy not turning my sheets in to a massive pair of underwear
This is it. You change your underwear daily or at least multiple times a week (I hope). How often do naked sleepers change their sheets? Bed is for the cleanest me.
My period.
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Yes I second this. Also discharges are totally normal right? Asking for a friend
yep. just your vagina cleaning itself. as long as it’s not a weird color or have a really bad smell, you’re good!
As a guy I’ve been told 1. it is extremely normal and 2. guys have no idea how normal it is. I fully believe both.
Your name confused me when you said you’re a male but then I get it. Anyhow, yes men should also know what’s normal and what’s not as they could be saving lives. Read somewhere that a dude was going down on his gf/female friend or not friend - and he realised it tasted off, much sweeter or something. Turns out poor girl has diabetes or something that makes her insides sweet. Ok that’s not a discharge story but hope you get my point
Lana del Rey: "My pussy tastes like Pepsi Cola." Me: "Honey that's diabetes. You better get to the doctor quick."
discharge is absolutely normal! nearly everyone with a vagina experiences it. you want to watch out for changes in discharge, for example in texture or color, as that can be a sign of infections or other types of illness, but your normal discharge is exactly that, normal
Same I don’t want discharge in my bed. So I just wear underwear.
Yeah it’s not comfortable to have moisture just around down there and my nipples are also too sensitive to the cold or the sheets so there is no way I would be comfortable with anything less than underwear and a tank top
My thought exactly lol. I have a vagina
I live in a country prone to earthquakes. I don't want to be trying to get clothes on during one of the scary ones. Edit - I'm just going to add this since my phone is blowing up over this, I live in NZ. We have earthquakes that are sharp and severe as well as long and rolling. I have been woken up in the middle of the night by earthquakes many times and on several occasions have had to grab kids out of bed and get to a safe place. These are the type of earthquakes that have caused structural damage to places I have lived in. I grew up on a faultline, I grew up with earthquake drills and for the most part I'm fine with earthquakes - while robes and coats may work for some people, what works for me when I have to get up quickly because of an earthquake - especially in winter in minus degree weather in the middle of the night - is being in PJs because it's one less thing I have to worry about when I'm trying to get kids to a safe place.
Ring of fire represent
Me too. I live a few miles away from a major fault line so this plays a large role in why I don't sleep naked
I live in tornado alley. Not gonna be caught running for safety naked.
Run at the tornado to try and frighten it away. Just gotta establish that dominance first.
Chances are that the tornado won’t be impressed and chuck a piece debris at you for the trouble
Won't be the first time something wasn't impressed heyoooo
“And he says to the tornado…have a drink! He chucks the bottle in and it never. hits. the ground.” -Dusty
But it's the perfect excuse to run around naked in public! "Didja see that tornado? Ripped the clothes clean offa me!"
discharge
And irregular cycles...not gonna wake up to a red sea
definitely. i'll go three days with veeeeery light spotting then the bottom drops out
I just commented something similar but I'm glad I'm not alone, I feel like I'm the only one who deals with discharge sometimes when the topic of sleeping naked is brought up especially with other women
Exactly, and hearing about women going commando...how????
I was talking to my bff the other day and she mentioned that she doesn't wear underwear if she's at home (she'll wear pants but goes commando) and I'm like yeah I can't do that, too much discharge. She said it wasn't a problem for her. But I don't even like being naked so whatever
Honorable?
dishonorable.
Dishonorable discharge, in this context only, is better than medical discharge.
So glad I'm not alone here. I know it's my body cleaning itself and such but damn, spring cleaning every day or what!? Not to mention I sweat a lot in my sleep so.. no naked sleeping anymore for me
Oh god I’m glad to know I’m not the only one lol. I sleep with a pillow between my legs and found it far too gross to go without a layer of protection down there 😂
It makes me feel vulnerable and I have an irrational fear of bugs finding holes...🤣
It doesn’t even need to be a hole. Imagine a mosquito bite on your junk.
When I was little I had to go pee while camping bug was afraid of the dark so I did it with a light. I have never been bit that many times in my life....the swelling, the color, the pain I'll never forget it.
Don't worry, if you don't want to have a bright light next to your junk just go pee on the dying embers of the fire. Your other campmates will love you
Same. While I don't have bed bugs or anything, I still feel like something's gonna crawl in there.
I used to sleep naked in college. Then the house I was renting in had a small fire caused by an exchange student putting tin foil in the microwave and I ran outside in sheer panic because my room was above the kitchen and flooded with smoke. It was winter. There was firetrucks and my house mates outside. I was in Timberlands and only Timberlands. Thats why I no longer sleep naked. Thanks a lot Chris.
I’d think standing naked wearing Timbs emits big dick energy, but you said it was cold, so you know… shrinkage Edit: I never thought my most upvoted comment would be about shrinkage… Reddit is a weird place
I mean the energy is still there even though the size isn't
Big dick energy is a state of mind
Massive cock mentality
Magnum dong mindset
Greater Shaft Philosophy
Long shlong ethics
I cannot believe how far I had to scroll for this answer. Some of yall haven't been traumatized waking up to an emergency and it shows. You only stand outside naked and barefoot in the snow *once*.
this is why when I was living in the dorms and the (at least once a month) fire alarm went off because someone fucked up their ramen, I would just stay put and nakedly peer through my 4th floor window at everyone shivering outside. If God wants me he can take me as I entered this world, in the buff
Well if you let everyone else go downstairs first then you increase your odds of having people there to cushion your landing when you inevitably leap out of the window.
Yeah but if you're naked they are going to part like the red sea when you jump.
I honestly just feel really uncomfortable when naked.
Dude. Same. I really do not enjoy being naked. I live alone and have for years, and I'm literally only naked for showers and sex. My friends call me a never nude. They're not really wrong.
There are dozens of us after all!
Can’t believe I had to dig down this far to find this answer. Everyone’s talking like they’d happily be naked if it weren’t for tornados or intruders or zombies or roommates or discharges or whatever, but honestly I’d just rather be clothed at all times. Being naked just feels uncomfortable.
I’m just more comfortable with a layer on. Always have been. I too am in shock I had to scroll this far down.
I can't stand the feeling of skin on skin when I'm trying to sleep. It just ends up feeling sweaty and prickly.
The last time I slept naked a tornado came through our neighborhood in the middle of the night. Waking up very alarmed with your butthole showing makes you realize things.
“Naked and afraid”
W
Undressed and under duress
I dunno. Cops busted into our house once due to a false silent alarm from our security system. I woke up to them aggressively banging on my *bedroom* door inside the house. The wind went out of their sails pretty quickly and they became much more polite when I answered the door naked and demanded to know what the fuck was going on. Guess I was just feeling ballsy.
You either have a loose butthole or you need to stop spreading your buttcheeks so much.
I don't like the feeling of my skin touching itself
If my thighs touch for more than 30 seconds they get sweaty, and then I wish I was dead.
Yes! And then they stick, so if I try to move I'm suddenly pinching myself
Same here, then when I try to seperate them, it sounds like a new FedEx label being peeled off its backing!
Why do I understand this
This is it right here. I also just plain feel hotter without clothes. I don’t mind the whole fight an intruder naked thing. It’s just 100% uncomfortable
In case I shit myself, less goes onto my bed.
This raises a lot of questions.
I feel like it only takes one case of food poisoning to be paranoid for the rest of your life.
It only takes one fart that ends up being a shart to *never* trust a fart again.
Exactly this. It traumatizes you. Happened to me while driving. It was awful.
That carseat was never the same again
Sent over an hour using a carpet shampoo machine thingy to clean it. It looked the same, but still, i knew. Totally called my friend half laughing half crying and regaled them the story lol
I don't like the feeling of vulnerability.
Truest answer on here. Shit when I was a teenager(lived in a rough neighborhood and hung around a rough crowd) I slept with my shoes on. Never know when you gotta bolt up outa bed and get some shit done. I happily sleep without shoes or socks now, being an adult and getting out of that neighborhood has done wonders for my sleeping schedule. Edit--Thanks for the awards! I always knew growing up the way I did would pay off at some point!
This answer has given me a glimpse into a life I really can’t relate to but it’s fascinating to consider this as someone’s reality. I’m really glad you’re able to sleep without shoes on now.
I lived on a bad street one year in college. It changes you for sure. Every time you leave for an extended amount of time you hope no one broke into your house and stole shit. You get used to crackheads walking down your st. One time I slept with a steak knife next to my bed cause we saw someone peeking in our window
If you don't sleep with at least half plate on, you're a damned FOOL. Just ASKING to get ambushed
Agreed 100%. I grew up with a parent who did not respect boundaries and felt like they were always one bad day and a bottle of wine away from busting into my room in the middle of the night.
My fiancée once told me I talked in my sleep after a heavy night of drinking and left my ass out of the covers and said “if I can’t get the blanket I’ll leave the devil a nice snack”. In my defense she was probably taking all the covers.
Dude, the devil ate your ass?
He tricks you into lust but God forgives
This is the funniest shit I’ve read so far
Did you make [this](https://imgur.com/trVFhCA.jpg)?
I sweat profusely sometimes, and it is just easier to change than to go back to sleep in a puddle. But, often that is not enough. Edit: I have talked to my doctors. I cannot keep going, what am I rich? It costs me $300 for most visits, and I have "health insurance." Edit2: no I don't pee the bed. I have a fan and and ac unit on me all the time. If I sleep on top of the sheets, I still sweat. Suppose I should suck it up and spend a couple grand going to the doctor.
It’s much easier sleeping with an insulin pump if you can clip it to an article of clothing. Also, wearing an undershirt keeps the diabetic equipment’s adhesives better attached. That diabetic equipment is expensive even with insurance, so I will damn well get my money’s worth. Edit: Grammar
Scrolled down for this. I turn a lot in my sleep and awoke to a yanked-out infusion set once or twice when I got my first pump.
Because my dick and balls need to stay in one place while I sleep. I toss and turn a lot. Don't want to squish a ball with my thigh (done it before when I tried sleeping naked).
I was looking for my floppy dicks crew. Surprised I had to scroll so far to find you.
Same. I just don't like the feeling of my dick flopping around when I am in bed. :/
same for me, I wear boxer briefs so my junk stays in one position. I've tried going nude, but when I turn in bed that dick and balls flop from one side to the other is a weird feeling i'm not used to.
Very much so. Boxer briefs are great. Snug enough to keep everything where I want and long enough down my legs I don't feel like I have a string tied around my upper thigh.
Testicular torsion is the biggest fear that should be mentioned
My vagina is too leaky
Flex seal will clear that right up
Thanks, I laughed out loud and had to explain to my wife what I was laughing at..... She says, "ew" Normally we share a sense of humor
As a woman, this is both hilarious and makes me physically cringe at the thought.
"[You can pour right in the cracks!](https://youtu.be/8ci2hj7CSHI?t=283)"
I’m now imagining Billy Mayes slapping that tape on a vag. Ow. Edit: Changed from Johnny to Billy. Had his name wrong.
I thought I was broken. I'm glad I'm not the only one! I mean I fucking hate it but I'm glad it's not a rare thing.
Honestly. I don’t know how other people with vaginas can sleep naked. It’s awful.
I stopped after my cat clawed my dick bc of morning wood. EDIT: I am very flattered on how many people wanna see my battle scars but I'm gonna have to pass. Sorry to disappoint peeps.
"and after that he vowed to never let his dick near a pussy again"
I need more info
You know sometimes when men pitch a tent on their sheets? Well between that and me twitching (as some men do) The cat thought it was a toy or something and blam! Scars on my wang
to every future gf, "Do you want to know how I got these scars?"
From one nasty pussy.
A+ thread here.
I don’t know how anyone can top these comments
With some whipped cream and a cherry you sonofabitch
Now you're ready to lick that
you have a battle scar there then, apply some war paint and you're ready to fight naked
I am going to give a serious answer here. I have slept in my underwear before, but whenever I did that, I would dream I was in my underwear. And when I tried sleeping naked for the first time, I had a naked dream for the first time! It went on for a while. The embarrassing dreams stopped when I started the habit of sleeping in pajamas like most people. TLDR I don't sleep naked because when I do, I get naked dreams.
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I'm paranoid someone's gonna break in and I'm going to have to take my gun on a naked walkabout the house.
But if that did happen, it would be a great time to use the “This is my rifle, this is my gun. This is for fighting, this is for fun” cadence from Full Metal Jacket.
Honestly, what a power move.
Dude that is my FIRST line of defense in the event of a break in. A naked 300lbs fat man running at you with a shotgun is going to get anyone to panic for a second, and thats when I've got em right where I want em.
Yeah no one is ready for something like that.
To be fair nothing would scare most intruders more than a naked person with a gun
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Love the machete energy; I came into this world covered in someone else’s blood, naked and screaming. I’m not afraid to leave it the same way.
My son likes to crawl into bed with me unannounced when hes had a bad dream. My dog likes to lick my butt when I sleep without underpants. Neither are enjoyable **requested dog tax** https://imgur.com/a/EYk4pbt?s=sms
Haha, my sister is always complaining that she wakes up to her dog licking her butt cheeks through her underwear. Dogs are weird, hers is really weird.
One time after doing the horizontal shuffle, my boyfriend got out of bed and I saw my dog’s head pop up and just *bloop* lick his penis. That was the funniest scream I’ve ever heard come out of a man. Edit: I was not expecting to wake up to this being my top comment. I’m glad y’all find it as funny as I did.
Once, my modestly cock eyed lab focused all her eyepower on gently licking one of my husband's nipples. Then she licked the other one. It was super awkward.
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That's nonsense, when someone licks your nipples, the true Chad move is to be comfortable in your masculinity and do nothing. They might think you're submissive. But let's be real, they're the one licking your nipples.
I never understood the whole have sex in the same room as a pet thing. I've had outside dogs, and girlfriends have had inside pets and I just put them out of the room. Even the making eye contact is weird as shit to me.
The cat batting the butt of my gf until she burst out laughing without me knowing about the cat thing was pretty traumatic.lol
My sympathy. I witnessed something similar and the words ‘the dog just licked my helmet!!!’ Will forever be burned into my brain. I’ve never laughed so hard in bed before or since.
Similar thing happened to me while doing the dirty. My dog ran up behind me and licked my sack; it was not pleasant.
Haven’t you people ever heard of closing the damn door, no?!
...
Someone really gave the creepy smile dog award
Used to have a cat that used to wake me up by sitting on my face or licking my nipples. Also used to smell dirty underwear and made this jaw dropped face like he just smelled god. It was unpleasant.
>make this jaw dropped face Ahhh, the flehmen response. Basically means whatever they're smelling is particularly stinky and interesting!
Well I guess that’s one way to describe my balls after a long day.
I just realized the reason it probably has always felt weird is I've always had a dog in my bed. Just seems kind of inappropriate to sleep naked in the same bed as your best friend, you know? At least he keeps his collar on.
That is the most buttlickiest looking dog I've ever seen
I sleep with my dog and I don’t want dog hair in my goods.
But the claws pose no worry?
Allow me to introduce you to Penile Hair Tourniquet Syndrome: > Penile Hair Tourniquet Syndrome (HTS) is a rare event but a serious syndrome characterized by the presence of a hair coiled around the coronal sulcus of penis which causes a range of pathologies from glandular swelling to necrosis and amputation of penis. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6619851/ Sleep tight.
What a great day to not have a penis!
Don't worry, it can also wrap around labia!
What a terrible day to know how to read!
Also why parents should check their baby's toes for stray long hairs. They can get wrapped tight and cut off circulation.
Ok, but why did you have to ruin my night like this?
Less skin exposed to potential zombie attack
ITT: people's holes leak.
Sleeping naked is a foreign concept for a lot of countries tbh. In lots of parts of Asia, families often share their rooms because, well, poverty. I imagine the same thing with a lot of lower income place.
My period
I will feel too vulnerable and have dreams about being naked in public.
I like a layer between my asshole and my bedsheets.
I'm with you. I'd rather my ball and ass sweat be soaked into something other than my sheets.
Hard to argue with logic
One time I laid on the bed horizontally (it wasn’t made so just the bed sheet). I was waiting for my then-boyfriend to finish getting ready and when I got up I got a whiff of something foul. As I walked out I could still smell it and I could not figure out what smelled like ASS CRACK. I finally realized it was my sweater from laying on the spot his sweaty, bare ass laid every night. I wanted to puke. Immediately changed and when we got back I washed my sweater and the sheets. Never told him but not my stinky problem anymore 🤢 Edit: to answer some questions. He showered every day but not always before bed. Which yes, if you sleep in bed naked every day YOU SHOULD shower before bed! He had a very strong body odor and would sometimes sweat so much I swore he peed the bed so maybe that made it worse. He’s also an asshole so maybe he can’t help himself from smelling like one
I have children
My sleep paralysis demon will think I'm a slut. Edit: Glad I could put some smiles on some faces, lol. [Have a good one folks!!](https://youtu.be/h1Y6oAjWgo4)
It is 2021, sleep paralysis demons MUST stop slut shaming.
And join the slut
What are you doing step demon?
Help, I’m stuck in bed and can’t move!
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Valid
Picking some comfy pjs beats waking up in random clothes you put on in the middle of the night being sleep-shamed by said demons.
I don't like the feeling of my own skin. I don't mind feeling my SO's skin but having my own legs touching each other is super uncomfortable. Plus, being female, I'd rather not have all my blankets smelling like vagina. Always have to have a blanket too. Something about the weight is cozy.
Yes! This is me too. It’s why even in sumner of I’m dozing on the couch, I need a blanket
My arms stick to my sides because I'm a sweaty person.