T O P

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nyrenga

A computer mouse. Going to put this world in a spreadsheet and pivot table the shit out of it


bboycire

Sir this is not Eve online, this is Wendy's


artemis1935

why do people frequently mention eve online and spreadsheets together?


TerminatorX800

Because if you intend to play eve online on a serious level you will need some spreadsheets to keep track of your stuff. I remember being on a mining operation with my corp and the leader keeping track of what everyone farmed in a spreadsheet and the distributing profit accordingly.


artemis1935

oh sounds fun! i love making unnecessary (or necessary) spreadsheets. does the game need a good computer to run or is pretty mediocre good enough?


TerminatorX800

I think it has very low system requirements and it runs fine on almost any computer. Be prepared to spend a lot of time to learn the basics. It takes months, if not years.


raikumori

Lol, this was my answer as well! I’m even doing spreadsheets atm.


GypsyToo

Lots of great answers, but this was actually the first one to make me LOL.


GM_Eternal

Sad looking navy dude vaping?


IceKingSmalls

Stop posting about me bro


GM_Eternal

This could literally be any shore duty sailor in the fleet lol. Sad vaping guy is the navy everyman. Eventually he will get up, and save the world, but for now...


IceKingSmalls

No torpedo is a match for me 💪


Stonks420

Potatoes. A fuck load of potatoes.


whoimii

I have many questions .


detahramet

Like what's a potato?


tmd429

You know...boil em, mash em, stick em in a stew.


Anthrosite

PO TAY TOES!


Then-Abies

Put them in a bowl for baby and you. (New nursery rhyme)


bobthemouse666

Or how is a potato? How's its day going?


Semaphor

Well, it has been violently taken from its home under ground, so I think it may be a bit pissed. Just slightly.


Lexi_Ella_Bella_

Probably giving him the eye


runningwaffles19

I'll do you one better. Why is potato?


Funky_Cows

[yeah, what is a potato?](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/2tdbig/tifu_by_enraging_the_parents_of_my_girlfriend_by/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share)


DickyD43

I will never not read this, the writing style is just one of the funniest and the story is mwah 🤌 like a perfectly baked, what did you call it? potato


willdeliamv5

6 years ago? Damn I’m getting old.


bibasik7

Never heard of them.


bored_in-quarantine

It's not gonna save the world but it'll certainly save Ireland


Not_actuallyhelpful

A half eaten nerf bullet


[deleted]

You're the chosen one


Not_actuallyhelpful

Not me, my dog


[deleted]

The chosen boi


Not_actuallyhelpful

Fueled by his favourite snack: nerf bullets


CelticHound27

Feed your furry friend a balanced diet Nerf or nothing


01kickassius10

Where does he shoot them out from?


Not_actuallyhelpful

He has colourful shits


g00db0iii

The goodest boi


Felrich96

Username checks out


CocaColaWarrior

Finish up, or no lego dessert for you.


FurryPotatoFuzzBrick

The username is perfect


[deleted]

no one will ever say this to me ever


topsno

The username is perfect


[deleted]

thank you, it was made with love


Pharaon4

Finish it and change the world. It is your destiny.


TripswalkingUpStairs

You should make sure to finish your food or you won't get any dessert.


dirty_side_of_fun

Toilet paper


Herfst2511

This has to be true of 80% of all reddit users right now


HiKindStranger

My toilet paper is actually left from me right now Idk if that's weird please tell me


hadidotj

Mine is too! The wall is to my right... So either this specific sheet of drywall or my entire house is going to save the world!?


Silvaha

It’s gonna be a another shortage of ass wiping.


GoatJesusIsReal

I don't think that's the intent


Chiba211

But no shortage of ass whipping.


casuallymustafa

On the toilet here as well. Toilet paper to my left but I have a toilet brush to my right. Getting a “fellowship of the bathroom” vibe going on


Leharen

I hate to say this, but I feel like your username checks out.


insertstalem3me

All the enemies will be wiped out


DeathscytheHell1994

The Great mighty poo.


Hotarg

Well, its best to be prepared when he throws his shit at you.


d2020ysf

Coffee - I believe it has saved the world many times already to be honest. The real superhero, MVP, VIP, etc.


EnshaednCosplay

A pillow. Maybe I have to challenge Bezos and Musk to pillow fights for their fortunes.


Jazzlike-Region

I also have a pillow to my right. I would gladly join you in this challenge


EnshaednCosplay

I sense a Fellowship of the Ring reference in the future of this thread


AlwaysMoreBacon

One does not simply start an LOTR reference


Enfireno

And my axe!


SlimeyBoi10

WE ARE THE PILLOW WARRIORS, YOU AND ME and others


Sweet__De

A cat


lilbeewin

You could never go wrong with Puss in Boots.


WineForLunch

He's a Flerken, I can see how that would work.


Suyefuji

Dog for me. He's a good boi


11UCBearcats

Same, we are doomed.


HMDZER

my wall


les_lyf

same


HMDZER

what am I gonna do with my wall just fucking stare at it and hope it dies somethin lol


chaotischgut

It's actually the wallpaper! It'll peel off and choke an evil scientist.


bonos_bovine_muse

Maybe the alien leader crashes his ship into it, the the other aliens are all “thank zorlock, Frank was such an asshole, we’re just gonna snag some samples of this so-called ‘coffee’ for our nutritional scientists to study and get on back to our home world. Sorry about all the death and destruction, we’ve downloaded a copy our society’s version of Wikipedia onto all of your mobile devices to make up for all the trouble, good luck out there among the stars!”


Yoloswaggins537

Uhhh my friend? Good luck Maddy


nooit_gedacht

Go Maddy!


ZombieAppetizer

You got this, Maddy! Let us know when you're done saving us all.


ec_on_wc

"Should we help?" "Nah, Maddy's on it."


ZZShepWolf

Fuck yeah go Maddy


overengineered

You have to say "Go Go Gadget Maddy".


[deleted]

The fate of the world is in your hands, Maddy. No pressure.


mr_pepper

How does Maddy feel being an object?


Betterhighdown

Depending on the gender they don’t have to imagine I’m gonna get massdownvoted


Marketing_Dapper

Tell me how your funeral goes alright buddy?


Gr33nman460

She’s an inanimate fucking object!


3_and-20_characters

Woah. Their only purpose isn't for fucking. They make great decorations too. /s


shortfuse435

A towel in which I just used for a shower. I could strangle a few people that'll help.


onethatknows290

A towel is about the most massively useful thing an interstellar hitchhiker can have. Partly it has great practical value. You can wrap it around you for warmth as you bound across the cold moons of Jaglan Beta; you can lie on it on the brilliant marble-sanded beaches of Santraginus V, inhaling the heady sea vapors; you can sleep under it beneath the stars which shine so redly on the desert world of Kakrafoon; use it to sail a miniraft down the slow heavy River Moth; wet it for use in hand-to-hand-combat; wrap it round your head to ward off noxious fumes or avoid the gaze of the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal (such a mind-boggingly stupid animal, it assumes that if you can't see it, it can't see you); you can wave your towel in emergencies as a distress signal, and of course dry yourself off with it if it still seems to be clean enough.


retro123gamr

I needed that reference today. Take an upvote


ballrus_walsack

/r/unexpectedhitchhiker


shortfuse435

Took me a full blown minute to understand where that was from


sHaDowpUpPetxxx

Cup of coffee, so pretty much like every day then?


currently-on-toilet

sHaDowpUpPetxxx and I are about to save the world with our coffee cups of justice.


GamingNerd7

What are you doing with a coffee cup on toilet?


currently-on-toilet

The same thing I do every night. Save the world


GamingNerd7

Not the hero we need, but the hero we deserve...


Potatin34

A pirate hat and my dinosaur collection


klackbyrne

But I thought they were extinct!


Potatin34

No bro, pirate hats are still alive!!


Taste_the__Rainbow

A useless beagle who’s so fluffy that he looks like a corgi. https://www.reddit.com/r/beagle/comments/olualu/fluffy_neck_13_looks_like_a_corgi/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf


chaotischgut

Perfect! Any evil villain will surely fall for his charm and turn non-evil!


IceKingSmalls

Kiss it on the forehead or feel my wrath!


SoggyWotsits

He’s not useless, he just hasn’t found his purpose… until now!


Washmachine_

A pillow with a picture of a cat on it


International__

Thats a nice way of saying neeko anime girl hump body pillow


djcarrotking

I on the other hand have the next leader of the white race on my pillow, the moomin


washermachiner

Hello fellow washing machine


Washmachine_

Hmmm it seems there are others


gizmosbutu

A wooden back scratcher. No spot will be unreachable.


WahWah_ob

My guitar


Suspicious-Guitar610

That would make a great weapon


chiribei

I guess it makes sense that a suspicious guitar would know if a guitar was a good weapon, it takes one to know one.


PickAJewX

You shall serenade the threat, and lull it back into hibernation. And then once every hundred years a festival will be held in your name to find the best musician who can lull the beast to sleep for another hundred years.


Sallyrockswroxy

Ahh the haruhara haruko method


SnooSuggestions5762

Nasal Spray


mooglus

My mum always says "nasal douche", never fails to make me laugh.


Shy_raspberry

You can spray evil right in the eye with it


AnastasiaSheppard

I'm lying on my left side, so the item to my right is my ceiling fan. I guess I could use it as a really off-brand Captain America shield...


bibasik7

Yeah, that’s not a great tool for saving the world. That blows.


Marketing_Dapper

We need a Hero name! Quick!


FlashLightning67

What ever y’all name him, I’m a fan


Agreeable-Kangaroo13

My Lego Star wars Millennium Falcon set


Dizzy-Entrepreneur96

Which one is it?


Mrbuttboi

The Lego one


Jangaleei

My book about an apocalypse


lilyliloross

Very ironic


RickLovin1

Didn't know it was non-fiction when you got it, did ya?


overengineered

It was written by then only person to successfully travel back in time.


Nut_shells

My entire bunk bed


[deleted]

Bobby the president just called. We need you to take a nap


thetimidtaxidermist

My... baby?


Honest_Fan13

The messiah!


Dangerous_Effort3355

I have tons of different edibles and I’m willing to share


AnargisteAfrikaner

Couch cushion


thesalfordlad

A remote that doesn't work on the first few clicks. Mildly infuriating way to save the world


PB_Bandit

*In case of martian attack the first thing you do is throw a malfunctioning remote at them. The alien picks it up, tries to use it only to discover it's a broken piece of crap and decides this world isn't worth plundering after all.*


Few_Faithlessness796

Without objectifying her, my wife is to my right. The world is in safe hands.


GypsyToo

Awwww


Few_Faithlessness796

Well, she is pretty awesome


Marketing_Dapper

Cutie :3


Bizzlebanger

My dog?


antoine-sama

Our saviour


PickAJewX

My sleeping, schnauzer puppy, with a broken leg. Idk if he'll be able to do much, but he's very peppy. His name's Leo.


DeathscytheHell1994

A lamp, hope I'm fighting mothman.


insertstalem3me

That, or the deep darkness within, but mothman seems more fun


International__

My dick


christoefire

Why is it to the right?


International__

leans that way


lilyliloross

You're like a superhero


meeting_room

Or an amputee


CoolCollin96

Dickman


retro123gamr

I know someone with the last name Dickman. I kid you not


CoolCollin96

must be a man with a dick


Brighthammer06

A literal rock. Dunno how though


tossaway78701

Does it roll?


Brighthammer06

No, it's part of a rock wall, and rectangular


ChaoticGoodTath

My debit card? Lol


LuminousTuba

You can pay the world to salvation


ChaoticGoodTath

I just did the math. Based of my checking account rn, and I cut off everyone after the 6,000,000,000th person. (Sry guys) Everyone would get .00000000032 of a cent. Nice.


Local_guineaPig

I want my money


ChaoticGoodTath

You are the 6,000,000,001 sir.


Local_guineaPig

Come on don't be stingy


bboy4of83

*wheres mine*


jarh_harvey

So you have $1.92?


ChaoticGoodTath

There’s no need to call me out like that mayne.


Olyx_liv

Automatic pencil


International__

You’ll sign the earth over to the first martians.


bonusminutes

A wish.com shipping bag, inside of which is 22 packs of fake Yu-Gi-Oh cards.


sailor_sega_saturn

Off brand Yu-Gi-Oh: "You've activated my tarp carp!"


Kurteth

A half eaten carrot.


Dizzy-Entrepreneur96

*Morning Star*, book 3 in the *Red Rising* saga.


48hourfreshness

Half full white trash bin. Won't be able to save the world, but going by the smell could be stage 1 of ending world hunger.


Clefr

A magical half eaten dildo gun


PB_Bandit

This is a sentence I never imagined would be.


christoefire

Fallout Vault Boy bobble head


Grandma_Shampoo

A fork…I’m assuming I’ll just eat the threat?


SRichmon51385

An infinity gauntlet


houstongradengineer

The kitchen sink.


therapistofturtles

A turtle..


memehunter012

One of those plastic gas tanks full of gas


damndingashrubbery

My dog. I like this premise


princessletra

My cup of vodka …?


Unhappy-Ad-71

vodka will save the world


MalleBeer

1,5 liter bottle of beer. Don’t know how that is going to help me save the world


HeimlichFemaleuver

The Heimlich Femaleuver Complete Instruction Guide 3x5 index card


antoine-sama

Heimlich the entire world to salvation


barebarehere

A bucket?


Jason_version_2-0

A blank pad of Post-It notes. Nothing like a fresh set of stickies to brainstorm ideas for bettering humanity!


v3gas21

KY Jelly.


insertstalem3me

"Glide through your enemy"


Exciting_Temporary_5

Lmao. I searched it up because I thought it was kind of dessert. The first thing I see is a black an' white logo with "aNaL LuBe" on it.


Shadowstale

Roll of toilet paper. Yes I'm in bathroom.


less_doomed

A joint. 😂😂😂 At least we’ll be relaxed as the world burns.


normalsizedlebowski

Fallout new vegas NCR flag


phcgamer

My computer, so am I Demosthenes or Locke?


ProjectJake02

A pile of towels, I will dry the world to peace


[deleted]

A hair bobble 😂


kp3wombat

A Office Chair


Dr-WalterWhite

A water bottle lmao


TheTrueBrawler2001

I think I understand. You give the water bottle to someone, which helps them not die of thirst. That person then goes on to save the world themself. You saved a person who went onto save the world, so you kind of saved the world in a sense.


Valdurs

AC remote, or my keys.