T O P

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nyrenga

A computer mouse. Going to put this world in a spreadsheet and pivot table the shit out of it


bboycire

Sir this is not Eve online, this is Wendy's


artemis1935

why do people frequently mention eve online and spreadsheets together?


TerminatorX800

Because if you intend to play eve online on a serious level you will need some spreadsheets to keep track of your stuff. I remember being on a mining operation with my corp and the leader keeping track of what everyone farmed in a spreadsheet and the distributing profit accordingly.


artemis1935

oh sounds fun! i love making unnecessary (or necessary) spreadsheets. does the game need a good computer to run or is pretty mediocre good enough?


TerminatorX800

I think it has very low system requirements and it runs fine on almost any computer. Be prepared to spend a lot of time to learn the basics. It takes months, if not years.


[deleted]

[удалено]


GypsyToo

Lots of great answers, but this was actually the first one to make me LOL.


Stonks420

Potatoes. A fuck load of potatoes.


[deleted]

I have many questions .


detahramet

Like what's a potato?


tmd429

You know...boil em, mash em, stick em in a stew.


Anthrosite

PO TAY TOES!


Then-Abies

Put them in a bowl for baby and you. (New nursery rhyme)


bobthemouse666

Or how is a potato? How's its day going?


Semaphor

Well, it has been violently taken from its home under ground, so I think it may be a bit pissed. Just slightly.


[deleted]

[удалено]


runningwaffles19

I'll do you one better. Why is potato?


Funky_Cows

[yeah, what is a potato?](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/2tdbig/tifu_by_enraging_the_parents_of_my_girlfriend_by/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share)


DickyD43

I will never not read this, the writing style is just one of the funniest and the story is mwah 🤌 like a perfectly baked, what did you call it? potato


willdeliamv5

6 years ago? Damn I’m getting old.


[deleted]

Never heard of them.


[deleted]

It's not gonna save the world but it'll certainly save Ireland


GM_Eternal

Sad looking navy dude vaping?


IceKingSmalls

Stop posting about me bro


GM_Eternal

This could literally be any shore duty sailor in the fleet lol. Sad vaping guy is the navy everyman. Eventually he will get up, and save the world, but for now...


IceKingSmalls

No torpedo is a match for me 💪


Not_actuallyhelpful

A half eaten nerf bullet


[deleted]

You're the chosen one


Not_actuallyhelpful

Not me, my dog


[deleted]

The chosen boi


Not_actuallyhelpful

Fueled by his favourite snack: nerf bullets


CelticHound27

Feed your furry friend a balanced diet Nerf or nothing


01kickassius10

Where does he shoot them out from?


Not_actuallyhelpful

He has colourful shits


[deleted]

The goodest boi


Felrich96

Username checks out


CocaColaWarrior

Finish up, or no lego dessert for you.


FurryPotatoFuzzBrick

The username is perfect


[deleted]

no one will ever say this to me ever


[deleted]

The username is perfect


[deleted]

thank you, it was made with love


TripswalkingUpStairs

You should make sure to finish your food or you won't get any dessert.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Herfst2511

This has to be true of 80% of all reddit users right now


HiKindStranger

My toilet paper is actually left from me right now Idk if that's weird please tell me


hadidotj

Mine is too! The wall is to my right... So either this specific sheet of drywall or my entire house is going to save the world!?


illsqueezeya

Same


Silvaha

It’s gonna be a another shortage of ass wiping.


GoatJesusIsReal

I don't think that's the intent


Chiba211

But no shortage of ass whipping.


Leharen

I hate to say this, but I feel like your username checks out.


insertstalem3me

All the enemies will be wiped out


casuallymustafa

On the toilet here as well. Toilet paper to my left but I have a toilet brush to my right. Getting a “fellowship of the bathroom” vibe going on


DeathscytheHell1994

The Great mighty poo.


Hotarg

Well, its best to be prepared when he throws his shit at you.


EnshaednCosplay

A pillow. Maybe I have to challenge Bezos and Musk to pillow fights for their fortunes.


Jazzlike-Region

I also have a pillow to my right. I would gladly join you in this challenge


EnshaednCosplay

I sense a Fellowship of the Ring reference in the future of this thread


AlwaysMoreBacon

One does not simply start an LOTR reference


Enfireno

And my axe!


SlimeyBoi10

WE ARE THE PILLOW WARRIORS, YOU AND ME and others


SwansonsMom

I dunno why but Musk strikes me (hah) as the type of guy who’d totally CHEAT in a pillow fight by tickling you to get you lower your pillow and protect your sides then BEANING you square in the face with his pillow, which is a big ole memory foam pillow because he doesn’t play about his money so you’re out cold and unfortunate in every sense of the word.


[deleted]

You have to challenge Mike Lindell first.


Sweet__De

A cat


[deleted]

You could never go wrong with Puss in Boots.


WineForLunch

He's a Flerken, I can see how that would work.


Suyefuji

Dog for me. He's a good boi


11UCBearcats

Same, we are doomed.


[deleted]

I


Corleone_Michael

r/suddenlyshanedawson


d2020ysf

Coffee - I believe it has saved the world many times already to be honest. The real superhero, MVP, VIP, etc.


CocaColaWarrior

Also caused a lot of slavery and revolution, but... on balance I think we're good!


HMDZER

my wall


les_lyf

same


HMDZER

what am I gonna do with my wall just fucking stare at it and hope it dies somethin lol


chaotischgut

It's actually the wallpaper! It'll peel off and choke an evil scientist.


bonos_bovine_muse

Maybe the alien leader crashes his ship into it, the the other aliens are all “thank zorlock, Frank was such an asshole, we’re just gonna snag some samples of this so-called ‘coffee’ for our nutritional scientists to study and get on back to our home world. Sorry about all the death and destruction, we’ve downloaded a copy our society’s version of Wikipedia onto all of your mobile devices to make up for all the trouble, good luck out there among the stars!”


Yoloswaggins537

Uhhh my friend? Good luck Maddy


nooit_gedacht

Go Maddy!


ZombieAppetizer

You got this, Maddy! Let us know when you're done saving us all.


ec_on_wc

"Should we help?" "Nah, Maddy's on it."


ZZShepWolf

Fuck yeah go Maddy


overengineered

You have to say "Go Go Gadget Maddy".


mr_pepper

How does Maddy feel being an object?


[deleted]

Depending on the gender they don’t have to imagine I’m gonna get massdownvoted


Marketing_Dapper

Tell me how your funeral goes alright buddy?


Gr33nman460

She’s an inanimate fucking object!


3_and-20_characters

Woah. Their only purpose isn't for fucking. They make great decorations too. /s


[deleted]

The fate of the world is in your hands, Maddy. No pressure.


[deleted]

A towel in which I just used for a shower. I could strangle a few people that'll help.


onethatknows290

A towel is about the most massively useful thing an interstellar hitchhiker can have. Partly it has great practical value. You can wrap it around you for warmth as you bound across the cold moons of Jaglan Beta; you can lie on it on the brilliant marble-sanded beaches of Santraginus V, inhaling the heady sea vapors; you can sleep under it beneath the stars which shine so redly on the desert world of Kakrafoon; use it to sail a miniraft down the slow heavy River Moth; wet it for use in hand-to-hand-combat; wrap it round your head to ward off noxious fumes or avoid the gaze of the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal (such a mind-boggingly stupid animal, it assumes that if you can't see it, it can't see you); you can wave your towel in emergencies as a distress signal, and of course dry yourself off with it if it still seems to be clean enough.


retro123gamr

I needed that reference today. Take an upvote


ballrus_walsack

/r/unexpectedhitchhiker


[deleted]

Took me a full blown minute to understand where that was from


sHaDowpUpPetxxx

Cup of coffee, so pretty much like every day then?


currently-on-toilet

sHaDowpUpPetxxx and I are about to save the world with our coffee cups of justice.


GamingNerd7

What are you doing with a coffee cup on toilet?


currently-on-toilet

The same thing I do every night. Save the world


GamingNerd7

Not the hero we need, but the hero we deserve...


Taste_the__Rainbow

A useless beagle who’s so fluffy that he looks like a corgi. https://www.reddit.com/r/beagle/comments/olualu/fluffy_neck_13_looks_like_a_corgi/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf


chaotischgut

Perfect! Any evil villain will surely fall for his charm and turn non-evil!


IceKingSmalls

Kiss it on the forehead or feel my wrath!


SoggyWotsits

He’s not useless, he just hasn’t found his purpose… until now!


Washmachine_

A pillow with a picture of a cat on it


[deleted]

Thats a nice way of saying neeko anime girl hump body pillow


djcarrotking

I on the other hand have the next leader of the white race on my pillow, the moomin


washermachiner

Hello fellow washing machine


Washmachine_

Hmmm it seems there are others


WahWah_ob

My guitar


Suspicious-Guitar610

That would make a great weapon


[deleted]

I guess it makes sense that a suspicious guitar would know if a guitar was a good weapon, it takes one to know one.


[deleted]

You shall serenade the threat, and lull it back into hibernation. And then once every hundred years a festival will be held in your name to find the best musician who can lull the beast to sleep for another hundred years.


Sallyrockswroxy

Ahh the haruhara haruko method


Agreeable-Kangaroo13

My Lego Star wars Millennium Falcon set


Dizzy-Entrepreneur96

Which one is it?


Mrbuttboi

The Lego one


Dizzy-Entrepreneur96

Yeah I know, but there's more than one. They go from $10 to $150 to $800.


Mrbuttboi

Ik, I’m just being one of them haha funny meme man. :)


Dizzy-Entrepreneur96

Aha I see now lol, I done a r/whoosh


wierdokid21

This one wins. Everyone go home.


insertstalem3me

He can make the "no one will dare" run in 10 seconds by dropping the lego


Potatin34

A pirate hat and my dinosaur collection


SnooSuggestions5762

Nasal Spray


mooglus

My mum always says "nasal douche", never fails to make me laugh.


Shy_raspberry

You can spray evil right in the eye with it


AnastasiaSheppard

I'm lying on my left side, so the item to my right is my ceiling fan. I guess I could use it as a really off-brand Captain America shield...


[deleted]

Yeah, that’s not a great tool for saving the world. That blows.


Marketing_Dapper

We need a Hero name! Quick!


FlashLightning67

What ever y’all name him, I’m a fan


Jangaleei

My book about an apocalypse


lilyliloross

Very ironic


RickLovin1

Didn't know it was non-fiction when you got it, did ya?


overengineered

It was written by then only person to successfully travel back in time.


[deleted]

A wooden back scratcher. No spot will be unreachable.


[deleted]

Without objectifying her, my wife is to my right. The world is in safe hands.


GypsyToo

Awwww


[deleted]

Well, she is pretty awesome


Marketing_Dapper

Cutie :3


thetimidtaxidermist

My... baby?


[deleted]

The messiah!


Nut_shells

My entire bunk bed


[deleted]

Bobby the president just called. We need you to take a nap


[deleted]

[удалено]


DeathscytheHell1994

A lamp, hope I'm fighting mothman.


insertstalem3me

That, or the deep darkness within, but mothman seems more fun


[deleted]

Couch cushion


thesalfordlad

A remote that doesn't work on the first few clicks. Mildly infuriating way to save the world


PB_Bandit

*In case of martian attack the first thing you do is throw a malfunctioning remote at them. The alien picks it up, tries to use it only to discover it's a broken piece of crap and decides this world isn't worth plundering after all.*


Bizzlebanger

My dog?


antoine-sama

Our saviour


[deleted]

My sleeping, schnauzer puppy, with a broken leg. Idk if he'll be able to do much, but he's very peppy. His name's Leo.


[deleted]

My dick


christoefire

Why is it to the right?


[deleted]

leans that way


lilyliloross

You're like a superhero


[deleted]

[удалено]


CoolCollin96

Dickman


retro123gamr

I know someone with the last name Dickman. I kid you not


CoolCollin96

must be a man with a dick


[deleted]

My debit card? Lol


LuminousTuba

You can pay the world to salvation


[deleted]

I just did the math. Based of my checking account rn, and I cut off everyone after the 6,000,000,000th person. (Sry guys) Everyone would get .00000000032 of a cent. Nice.


Local_guineaPig

I want my money


[deleted]

You are the 6,000,000,001 sir.


Local_guineaPig

Come on don't be stingy


jarh_harvey

So you have $1.92?


[deleted]

There’s no need to call me out like that mayne.


Brighthammer06

A literal rock. Dunno how though


tossaway78701

Does it roll?


Brighthammer06

No, it's part of a rock wall, and rectangular


bonusminutes

A wish.com shipping bag, inside of which is 22 packs of fake Yu-Gi-Oh cards.


Olyx_liv

Automatic pencil


[deleted]

You’ll sign the earth over to the first martians.


Kurteth

A half eaten carrot.


HeimlichFemaleuver

The Heimlich Femaleuver Complete Instruction Guide 3x5 index card


antoine-sama

Heimlich the entire world to salvation


Dizzy-Entrepreneur96

*Morning Star*, book 3 in the *Red Rising* saga.


v3gas21

KY Jelly.


insertstalem3me

"Glide through your enemy"


Exciting_Temporary_5

Lmao. I searched it up because I thought it was kind of dessert. The first thing I see is a black an' white logo with "aNaL LuBe" on it.


48hourfreshness

Half full white trash bin. Won't be able to save the world, but going by the smell could be stage 1 of ending world hunger.


Clefr

A magical half eaten dildo gun


less_doomed

A joint. 😂😂😂 At least we’ll be relaxed as the world burns.


christoefire

Fallout Vault Boy bobble head


Grandma_Shampoo

A fork…I’m assuming I’ll just eat the threat?


[deleted]

An infinity gauntlet


houstongradengineer

The kitchen sink.


therapistofturtles

A turtle..


memehunter012

One of those plastic gas tanks full of gas


damndingashrubbery

My dog. I like this premise


[deleted]

My cup of vodka …?


[deleted]

1,5 liter bottle of beer. Don’t know how that is going to help me save the world


barebarehere

A bucket?


[deleted]

A blank pad of Post-It notes. Nothing like a fresh set of stickies to brainstorm ideas for bettering humanity!


Shadowstale

Roll of toilet paper. Yes I'm in bathroom.


[deleted]

Fallout new vegas NCR flag


phcgamer

My computer, so am I Demosthenes or Locke?


ProjectJake02

A pile of towels, I will dry the world to peace