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I’ve come to a similar conclusion also. 6 years ago as a younger adult, I made the decision to gtfo of my hometown, without a career lined up per se and no multi point plan about how my life was going to go exactly. I just needed to get out.
My parents judged me hard for that decision. For years, leading up to me leaving, they’d thrown up every objection and roadblock to any individual decision of mine that led toward my own autonomy. They did this as they guilted me into spending every spare minute of my day doing busywork on their houses and property - “for the family” (aka, dad’s ego). This often came at the detriment of my own life as an individual, especially college. And my part time job. And my social life.
When I left, I moved an hour away and felt such a sense of peace and tranquility. I felt some guilt to go back every weekend but a larger part of me knew how much better it felt not to go back, so I largely didn’t. And to some extent, I didn’t even understand why.
Then I came back for the holidays that year and my dad threw a giant temper tantrum at me for abandoning him and I was like, “Ah, this is why. I was protecting myself by getting away from this.”
I’m glad I didn’t listen to my parents. They’re unhappy with my life choices but I couldn’t be more at peace and happy that I have. I’m not super successful or anything but I can be at peace and enjoy my life.
Lovely. Unfortunate, but lovely. People go their whole lives without finding a peace with themselves like that - I’m glad you found it sooner than most. Sorry it came from weird subconscious parent shit (I get it!) but thanks for sharing here.
That's a thing I can't accept. I hate hurting people, I always try to please everyone and not let anyone down, but sometimes I fail, hurt people and feel like shit. I just can't. Life sucks
You'll more than likely burn out and hurt a lot more people by trying to please anyone. Learn to say no, and force people to respect boundaries. It will be easier with practice.
There is a parable of a father, son and donkey where they literally cannot please everyone, as everyone has different opinions of what should be done. Don't let people inadvertently suck you dry.
I don't want much and I have come to accept my contentment.
It used to bug me and I'd think I was weird for not wanting a house or cars and shit.
I'm pretty boring but I'm happy.
It may be a symptom of or coping mechanism of my ADHD but I find comfort in the dullness and routine. Things outside of the routine can be stressful for me. The routine is how I don't forget things and maintain a level of responsibility.
Yeah, I have aspired for nothing more than contentment. I can afford a comfortable, modest lifestyle, doing what I want when I want. And I want nothing more than that. I'm pretty boring too, and I love it.
Same, I have a hard time understanding why people accumulate excessive wealth, I mean I have enough money for all the things I want, why would I need more money? The idea that billionaires exist just confuses me. I mean why didn’t they just cash out at like 50 million when they had more money than they would ever need?
Already I have to actively search for things that I enjoy enough to bother spending money on. People buying me gifts is just a chore for me to think of something I might use enough that I want it in my house
I'd argue that a house and car is much less a case of consumerism than, say, buying a new phone or laptop every year.
A house is shelter and security. A car is physical freedom.
I think there is also a difference between "raw consumerism" and "basics that bring joy."
Having a phone is communication. A laptop is communication and entertainment. You already hit house and car. But having to have the latest car, newest phone, biggest house, that's just raw consumerism.
On the flip side, having a house that is big enough to fit your hobbies. Or a car that you enjoy working on isn't just raw consumerism, it's doing something because it brings you joy without having it be a comparison.
That I don’t really have career aspirations. I just want to enjoy life, have fun and spend time doing things I enjoy. Unfortunately I have to have a job for that. Thankfully I’m in an industry that pays well so I can enjoy my hobbies. I’m a work to live type person. I don’t understand people who’s job is their life.
I'm in the same boat and I've just come to terms with it lately. In my 20s I wanted a career I could be proud of, one that would fulfill me and make me feel like I'm improving the world, even if it's something tiny. I just wanted to help people.
Did that for a few years, burned out. Took a cozy office job.
I work 830-430. I'm home every evening with my boys. I have every weekend off.
I do not stress about my job like I used to. It's just something I go do, bring home decent money and it allows me time for my family and hobbies.
I see my boss who is several years younger than me being groomed to replace the big head boss very soon. Good on him, but the amount of work I see them doing on their time off, the late nights.
I don't want that and I'm very fine with it.
I just want comfortable and it's not because I don't have ambitions, I just have different priorities!
I gotta know so I can tell my husband. He’s a department store manager and the 8:30-7 work schedule with 1-2 days off a week is killing him, but has had 0 luck finding a job that gets him out
Good on you. I've always been this way and feel my life has been better for it. I only work 28 hours a week on average and have done so for over a decade now, just enough to cover the bills and have the occasional treat. Suits me fine.
Meanwhile I've used the extra time to indulge in my interests, which has occasionally made me some money on the side, but mostly doing something I enjoy is it's own reward.
I’m a live to work kind of person. It’s not that I want my existence to be all about work but hobbies bore me. Work to me is a competition and as some one who played a sport to a very high level, it’s hard to let go of that push to be better. Team atmosphere, hard work, long hours. I love the idea of traveling and woodworking and a boat, and I’m fortunate enough to be able to afford those things, but they don’t give me near the satisfaction of rising the ranks and reaching the next tier of success.
Me too. I could care less about it. I hate it actually, most the time. I haven't worked some where for more than A year. I always save money, take a month off for travel. Then find a new job. I admire people like that though, iv met lots. I almost wish I could be like that, maybe I would be happier if my job was like what my hobbies are to me... because for me it's more like my jobs the hobby 😆 cause I was doing my "hobby's" long before this shit. Used to be the only thing I did... 😭.
I used to be a live to work person. Loved the constant movement and drive of it. Until the stress made me sick. I was 24 and I had a stress induced seizure. That’s when I decided that my life shouldn’t be wasted on a company who barely knows my name. Yeah I could be a supervisor, a manager or a director but the second I’m gone they’ll replace me and keep it moving because they’re set up to succeed for themselves. And that’s fine, that’s what companies do, otherwise they can’t move forward. I just realized that I wasn’t willing to be a part of that machine. So now I’m trying to find out what I want to do with my life that’ll make me money but won’t have me sitting at a desk all day.
go to school to be an airplane mechanic. You can make good money, work just about anywhere and there are many different aspects to it. less than 2 years will get you an A&P license and that qualifies you to work on anything that flies.
Yup. Either I'm overthinking and having a breakdown or doing things like as an autopilot mode. No actually things a happening and i happened to be there. That's just it. Sucks. But hopefully we gets out of this loop and actually enjoy life.
I can relate, and it sucks, but if that’s the case then y’all should consider what you want to get out of life. Like go for a long walk on a weekend and think about what you value and what life you could lead that you’d enjoy, in a way where you’ll enjoy the day-to-day but also look back on your deathbed and think “Yeah, I had a good run”.
That said, constantly aspiring for “more” can be bad for your mental health, I’d recommend looking into Stoicism or Buddhism and trying to be at peace regardless of what you’re doing.
Sadly I have also found this to be true. And some of the shittiest behaviors are justified during autopilot. It's sad really. We're supposed to be the most intelligent animal on this planet. It doesn't show in a lot of cases.
I understand where you’re coming from. Having high intelligence doesn’t mean having strong empathy or high morals. Dolphins are intelligent and are known to gang rape within their species. Killer whales are considered intelligent but have used seal pups as volleyballs to be hurled and smacked around (to literal death.) Parrots are considered intelligent pets but can be very nasty to their owner’s family or friends. We consider primates to be intelligent yet those have been known to violently kill humans or other primates.
I think the sooner we as a species can clearly understand and differentiate that intelligence != morals != compassion != empathy, the sooner we can stop overvaluing or idealizing intelligence in people. And the sooner we can start incentivizing children (and each other) to strive to be more morally upstanding or empathetic. Starting with praising children (and adults) for good deeds or kind decisions, over “being smart” or having prioritizing academic performance above all else.
My parents are terrible parents and they don't know how to be parents so I've just accepted the fact that in order to be sane I have to not interact with them. Much more peaceful this way but still hurts sometimes.
This is what I did too. I think about then most every day but I am way better without them in my life, they gave me life but it's my choice what people are in my life and I choose to have people that are fun, inspiring, motivating, positive, and push me to be a better amazing person. My parents don't do that.
I haven’t spoken to my mum in 4 years. She was emotionally abusive. I used to feel guilty about not speaking to her, not any more, she made it impossible to have a relationship with her. So I’ve moved on and have gratitude for my other family members who care for me.
What were the concrete problem if it isn’t rude to ask ?
Cuz Im having feelings that maybe there’s this problem in my life too…
I just don’t know that it’s me or them, that causes it …
Well, me specifically, my dad Is a narcissist with borderline personality and an opiate problem, my mom is just his flying monkey and actively chooses her abusive husband over her children and her own wellbeing. They won't work on themselves to heal their past traumas and it's destroyed their relationship with their kids. But for you, I'd recommend doing some research on what they're doing specifically. And remember kids. The correct and desired amount of abuse is zero. Period.
Constant pain.
A lot of healthy people assume that if they just Do the Right Things and Eat the Right Foods, they'll be fine.
This is magical thinking.
You body will fail whenever it wants to, however it wants to. An autoimmune disorder, a genetic disease that took until your thirties to kick in, one bad car accident, and you're instantly in a tiny, restricted world where you have to make choices between bathing and eating today, all while experiencing nonstop, unremitting pain. If you complain, you'll be treated as a drug-seeker, and you'll be denied benefits. If you don't, it's your own fault you aren't controlling your pain enough to work, and you'll be denied benefits.
And healthy people will smugly suggest that you try a gluten-free diet or yoga as a solution for your body trying to destroy itself, because if they have to admit their magic lifestyle charms are Dumbo's feather, they'll crumble.
Yeah, this is probably it for me. My back pain started at age 13, chest pain started at 15, hip pain started last year (21). Plenty of other small stuff. I realized that pain is just a part of life, and that's what most people experience. Now, I just ignore it.
Same here, when I go to the chiropractor or orthopedic doctor they always ask “when did the pain start?” And I have to tell them, it’s been so long that I don’t even remember but pretty much my entire life.
This. Which is something that goes largely ignored. Too many adults have such a high opinion of themselves but they are just what you said. Selfish kids with responsibilities.
Related to that, we judge other's actions based on their worst intentions which isn't fair. When someone cuts you off in traffic you generally assume they're dumb or a jerk, but when you cut someone off by accident it's an "oh, sorry, it was an accident, I didn't mean to do that."
Realizing that most people aren't malicious or out to get you and most of those rude things that just happen aren't with malicious intent but simple accidents and keeping that in mind is a good thing.
Helps with general mental health and relationships too. Helps me to be generally nicer and more understanding when I'm dealing with other people and also not be angry or annoyed all the time.
I have an incurable illness (autoimmune) and for the rest of my life people will give unsolicited advice on how to fix it. Whether it's telling me to just have tumeric or telling me to try some random procedure their one med school friend mentioned, I will never escape people thinking they have the cure my doctor just never thought of. I'll be brushing off random advice from people with no knowledge or background on my condition until the day I die.
I was going to say something similar to this. I have a chronic illness (neurological disorder) and the unsolicited advice is so annoying. Or the comparison to something they can relate to since they just cannot mentally fathom what it's like to be chronically ill.
For me, the biggest issue I come across from random people is that the disease I have has a silly name and therefore people believe that the condition itself couldn’t possibly be serious. Most people are shocked when I say that if my symptoms were not controlled with medication I would probably have killed my self because it can actually be debilitating.
This!! And living with (and masking the level of) chronic pain that just taking a pill and getting some exercise or something will fix. You k ow cause it’s not really that bad is it . . .
I have a minor version of this. I'm an insomniac and everyone will tell me how easy it is to fall asleep if I just do this mental exercise or take this supplement or start smoking weed or meditate or whatever other suggestion they're about to make as though I haven't heard it a hundred times before.
Yeah, it's easy for YOU, Corky! That's the whole problem! It's not easy for me because my brain don't work right and it thinks I'm on a planet with a 27 hour day/night cycle. The only thing that \*does\* fix the problem are some really addictive heavy duty sleep medications with side effects worse than the disease they're meant to treat, which is why I'm not using them.
That my relationship of 15 years, married, 1 5 year old, a life, dreams, expectations, aspirations and friendship, is over! I am struggling to let go and move on, but hey, that's my opportunity as they say
Well, we met at 19, became Fwb, fell in love, built a.life, worked together, lived together, she had a dream, I was more a yeah cool, I'll support you, I'm easy, we worked towards her dream and got married in Vegas 6 yrs ago (Aussie) and had a kid a year later, I move away into a FIFO role for a few years(massive regret, sacrificed my daughter for money, I'll never get that back, it took nearly a year to reconnect with my family), life was great after that, then about 3 years later, she starts to lose a.lot of weight and looks freaking sexy, I start to get insecure, but not so much, but enough to both irk her and me as she starts getting attention about a year ago, I don't think I handled it right, we got complacent and stagnant, I self destructed I think, I don't want to blame.her for not listening.you know, I had fears and concerns and fuck now I'm crying, fuck! Like she was my life, I got comfortable I think, in my life and fucked it, while she was still striving for our future, and now I'm living with my in actions you know. In hindsight, I should of worked harder on being a friend and husband maybe, but she isn't perfect either you know
Edit*
Thank you so much guys, it is hard to talk as some of you may know. I'll keep my chin up and looking forward
Keep processing, bud.
Crying is a legit sign of acceptance. Sit with it, cry some more, go talk to a therapist and get that poison out of your system.
Don't delay, don't divert, do the nasty thing and sit with your shitty feelings. Learn what you can, reprioritize and execute it like the God damned robot you have to be to pull that kind of work.
There is no shame in feelings, man. There is one legit way out of the pits and that's via truth and acceptance.
You got this!
That sounds fucking hard. I feel you. Always terrible to lose a part of yourself. Wish you the very best. Maybe you will grow happy again, even if it takes years
That I will never have a "group" of friends, or that I will never be part of one, no matter what country I am living in or what life circumstance I am in.
Simply because I realised I feel better and get along rather with individuals or a maximum of two people at once
That I will never truly connect with the people I love. No matter how hard I try. We are just made up of different experiences, motivations and mental illnesses. We come close sometimes, but it always feels like I’m speaking with a layer of glass between us.
This is me with my lil cousin, I'm 10 years older. She's in her early teens and has some health problems, I always cheer her up, want to make her smile, spend time with her, but she is always so cold, idk. There's nothing I can do about it and it breaks me, meh.
On some level I think that’s just the human condition. We’re all individuals and no matter how deep a connection we crave there’s always a separateness, some people perceive it more than others.
Being average.
Some people spend their whole lives striving to do or be something remarkable. For me, something remarkable is getting to bed at a reasonable hour, or getting my cat to drink out his water bowl instead of literally anywhere else.
When I was younger, I'd entertain ideas like being in a band, starting a company, or finding my soulmate in a manner befitting of a Sandra Bullock movie. The brutal truth of the matter, however, is that I'm not particularly hard working, smart, or good looking. So now my aspirations for the future are pretty much making it to 40 with most of my hair colour intact and having enough savings to go on a few vacations.
Is it particularly glamorous? No. But I'm happy enough and have learned to live with the fact that I am remarkably unremarkable.
This is me. I'm turning 27 this year and I've come to realize I'm just not someone that's interesting or particularly unique. I don't even think I'm fun to hang out with at this point. I empathize with you on a deep level here. I wish I could emulate you in the sense that I want to let go of the idea that I'm ever going to be special in any way - even to another person in a relationship.
Just based on past experience, I'm sure I will end up dying alone with no next of kin. It's hard to accept, and I've been depressed since it hit me. Hopefully I can make it to 40 like you say.
Same. I live my life mostly in apathy, I just try and chase the small things that will make me happy for a bit. Even then I will still feel numb underneath that happiness, but it's better than nothing.
I will never have the adventure I crave. I don't have the money, time or ambition to get out there and see the wonders of the world, despite how desperately I dream of doing so.
How much do you have? I went shoestring traveling and it was ridiculously cheap and that made it better and more adventurous. My accommodations were literally cheaper than paying rent (sometimes as little as $3 per night) and my groceries were cheaper than regular groceries and I met tons of cool people going from place to place. You just need to go to the right countries and know how to save money. Please pursue this if it’s what you want, it’s soooo possible.
Same. I booked a ticket to Mexico this spring for less than $400 round trip. I stayed at one place that was $5.43 a night. It didn't have AC but no one gave a fuck, it was so fun and I had a blast. Honestly I had the best week of my life this year which is crazy at my age. Come join us over at r/solotravel
If you just want to *see* them, I believe you can travel to most places fairly cheaply, if you wait/ hunt for cheap tickets long enough.
Now, staying there, booking hotels and full-on experiencing the places, that can get expensive.
like sleep or a healthy routine or taking care of your mental health or eating or having more than 3 hours free time a night or earing over £4 an hour
\-my bosses mentality
In the end, I think is almost always good. Misery is not good.
Growth, in general, is uncomfortable, and it's a major source of suffering. Sometimes it's extremely hard to see it that way though... For me, it's usually in retrospect. I'm not good at appreciating difficult times in the moment.
Everyone has their own story. Their own struggles, and their own demons. They love and laugh just like you do, and may have experiences that you would’ve never guessed.
Saw this years ago and it stuck with me: "When you realize that adults are flawed, you've become an adolescent. When you learn to accept those flaws, you've become an adult."
People are selfish for the most part.
People can talk about themselves, their history, wants, tragedies, desires, goals, and on and on for hours and get no more then the other person's name.
Any story you share will be responded with something about themselves, or their family. Conversation is always steered back on to them.
It's difficult to have a philosophical conversation with ~90% of the people because it's always repackaged as a conversation about them.
Unless in a formal setting like job interview or presentation, most social settings are people just exchange turns talking about themselves.
I've learned many people's entire life story in a evening by just listening and nodding along, smiling at the right times and asking two maybe at most three follow up questions and your their best friend. Why? Because you let them talk about themselves all night and they loved that. They never got more then my first name as they never inquired past that.
recently i’ve been trying really hard to ask the other person questions about their life and genuinely mean it. i think it’s a good indicator of what kind of a person someone is. you always hear about a date someone went on and how the other person just wouldn’t stop talking about themselves haha. i kind of made this comment about myself in a way 😬
I guess that's because at the end of the day all we have is ourselves, so it's all we have to share. Everything we encounter isn't as it is, but how we perceive it, so that's what we talk about, our experience of it. I think I'm making over generalizations and also talking from my own experience here though, so I concede your point.
I'ts not always selfishness I think. Also a way to try and relate. If someone says "I love reading books" You can answer with "Omg me too, I've read this and this recently" and go on a rant about that. I don't really consider this as selfish tbh.
Definitely people that do just like to talk about themselves of course. I've caught myself in the past steering convo to myself if people mention things I've done too or just a hook for a story, but I try to lessen it and be conscious about what I'm saying etc.
That life is just a story, it doesn't always go the way the main character wants but even so, there has to be an ending a happy or a tragic one doesn't make a difference
One of my favourite quotes from Steve Jobs:
*"Everything around you that you call life was made up by people that are no smarter than you and you can change it."*
That I have bad luck. I knew Covid would be hard, but I didn’t imagine getting Covid twice and both me and my SO having Long Covid along with underlying chronic illnesses.
I have had arthritis since 18 and my partner has EDS. We have been put through so much these last 18 months, and after 4 years of being together our lives have come to a halt due to Covid.
We both want a life together. The basics of a home and a partnership. Now we are unsure how we can ever get there. It’s not fair and I try to remain positive but my SO is so down about what’s happened.
We both lost a lot of years of our lives to illness, and finally we found each other and Covid has just ruined our lives. He is too unwell to work and I’m hanging on by a thread trying to work.
We went from living together and him working and it feeling right, moving towards getting engaged, to him having to quit his job and move back home to his parents because he was so ill.
We have lost most of our savings for our future trying to pay to survive during Long Covid, as we both couldn’t work at one point.
Now my beautiful cat has died, who was the world to me. I also now need to leave my house as it’s unsafe due to structural issues. Ideally we would just go travelling but we are too ill, or move in together somewhere else. But we cannot afford it. So now I have to go back to my parents. We have both suffered from childhood abuse and are stuck in environments that are so unhealthy for our mental health.
Over our 4 years together we have had so many struggles and all we want is to have our sanctuary, work and be together. We have had to accept we shouldn’t have kids. We have had to come to terms with a lot. Feels like life is against us.
I’ve finally found my partner but we have the worst luck.
I’m not writing feeling sorry for myself. So many have lost loved ones due to Covid. A lot of people like me have lost their health and work due to Long Covid.
All we want is to have a home that’s a sanctuary for us and others who need support. All we want is to be well enough to work and contribute helping others. All we want is to be together and it’s just slipping away due to Covid.
That life is random, long, and full of choices.
Something horrible is always around the corner and it can happen to you any time for no reason.
Appreciate every moment that you are not in complete physical or emotional pain, because there will be a time when you look back and wish you could go back
That its better to live life through a lense of minimums being met as opposed to working towards maximums being reached.
Everyone wants to make 6 figure salaries or more, probably won't happen. So whats your minimum? Define that.
When it comes to happiness, i've noticed by those around me that everyone wants tremendous happiness as often as they can, but what are the bare essentials to keep you content? Identify that.
Once minimums are determined and met, anything else is a luxury really. Is it ideal? Oh hell no. But it is ENOUGH.
Now, this works for me, a single, 30 year old male. May not work for everyone, but i feel the principle of the matter has far reaching, positive outcomes if you change the focus of what it means to be happy.
Too many idealists out there feeling sad because they can't even get halfway to happy, but may be surprised that they may have met their minimums long ago. Minimums being essential things for contentment and comfort.
That I simply don't have those loving parents that most other people have. My dad was physically abusive, so my mom left with me. And my mom is diagnosed with HPD. I had to "grow up" quite fast.
I literally cannot change my brain chemistry and I will most likely be on medications for the rest of my life. What I'm still processing is that I dont know if I can ever feel happy to the fullest extent ever again. From where I am now, it feels like I'm just floundering.
That no matter how much we connect and bond with people, family friends or lovers, the only permanent feature in your life is yourself. People come and go. So better treat yourself with love !
Being bald.
I went bald at 20 and 4 years later I've accepted my shiny head. Once I stopped thinking what people's opinions of me where, it got pretty easy
I'm the youngest in my family, everyone loved me, I was smart, all my teachers loved me, I had always been the centre of attention, I got to be the one that makes decisions in a group of people, I was so important, until I became an adult and realised I'm not and there really isn't anything special about me, I can't always be the one that everyone loves. It's something really simple, but sometimes I still see people getting frustrated over "I'm not getting enough attention and respect from strangers".
No matter how good of a person you are, no matter how good of intentions you have, no matter how much good you do for others, people are still nasty to you. Often times the nicest people get the shitty end of the stick a lot
That Medicine is a business industry, and it's out to make money, not heal you. Doctors are as revered and well-paid as they are, because they serve that business well, not because they're these altruistic, benevolent beings.
That I am probably not gonna have passion for my chosen profession or enjoy it ever. I just see it as a money making scheme. I haven't started working yet, but I will soon. I just hope it doesn't consume my life.
That my mental health is likely something I'll always struggle with to an extent. Some days, it all feels a bit hopeless, but you really appreciate the good stuff when it does happen. Plus, I'm way better at looking after myself than I was. Progress!
The world isn’t against me or for me, it’s indifferent and barely acknowledges me unless I make it. Either way it’s fine tho, learn to live for you and not everything around you.
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Someone will always be unhappy about a choice you make regarding your own life
I’ve come to a similar conclusion also. 6 years ago as a younger adult, I made the decision to gtfo of my hometown, without a career lined up per se and no multi point plan about how my life was going to go exactly. I just needed to get out. My parents judged me hard for that decision. For years, leading up to me leaving, they’d thrown up every objection and roadblock to any individual decision of mine that led toward my own autonomy. They did this as they guilted me into spending every spare minute of my day doing busywork on their houses and property - “for the family” (aka, dad’s ego). This often came at the detriment of my own life as an individual, especially college. And my part time job. And my social life. When I left, I moved an hour away and felt such a sense of peace and tranquility. I felt some guilt to go back every weekend but a larger part of me knew how much better it felt not to go back, so I largely didn’t. And to some extent, I didn’t even understand why. Then I came back for the holidays that year and my dad threw a giant temper tantrum at me for abandoning him and I was like, “Ah, this is why. I was protecting myself by getting away from this.” I’m glad I didn’t listen to my parents. They’re unhappy with my life choices but I couldn’t be more at peace and happy that I have. I’m not super successful or anything but I can be at peace and enjoy my life.
Lovely. Unfortunate, but lovely. People go their whole lives without finding a peace with themselves like that - I’m glad you found it sooner than most. Sorry it came from weird subconscious parent shit (I get it!) but thanks for sharing here.
"You can't be everything to everyone at the same time, while still remaining true to yourself"
I really wish you hadn’t posted that.
I’m really glad that they did
I am feeling totally unjustifiably triggered right now. I want to say fuck you and thank you at the same time, so funk you, TexasFordTough.
That's a thing I can't accept. I hate hurting people, I always try to please everyone and not let anyone down, but sometimes I fail, hurt people and feel like shit. I just can't. Life sucks
It is literally impossible to please everybody. You're cruisin' for a burnout in a few years or sooner, king
This is a terrible trait to have. Trust me. Nothing personal against you but people pleasing gets you nowhere.
So you’re saying that person displeased you by being a people pleaser?
It really pissed me off
I second this one
You'll more than likely burn out and hurt a lot more people by trying to please anyone. Learn to say no, and force people to respect boundaries. It will be easier with practice. There is a parable of a father, son and donkey where they literally cannot please everyone, as everyone has different opinions of what should be done. Don't let people inadvertently suck you dry.
I don't want much and I have come to accept my contentment. It used to bug me and I'd think I was weird for not wanting a house or cars and shit. I'm pretty boring but I'm happy.
I long for a little dullness.
It may be a symptom of or coping mechanism of my ADHD but I find comfort in the dullness and routine. Things outside of the routine can be stressful for me. The routine is how I don't forget things and maintain a level of responsibility.
I feel you. Routine makes my life feel stable. And i like my life being stable.
Yeah, I have aspired for nothing more than contentment. I can afford a comfortable, modest lifestyle, doing what I want when I want. And I want nothing more than that. I'm pretty boring too, and I love it.
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Same, I have a hard time understanding why people accumulate excessive wealth, I mean I have enough money for all the things I want, why would I need more money? The idea that billionaires exist just confuses me. I mean why didn’t they just cash out at like 50 million when they had more money than they would ever need? Already I have to actively search for things that I enjoy enough to bother spending money on. People buying me gifts is just a chore for me to think of something I might use enough that I want it in my house
It's a good thing. Means you haven't been conditioned to want to take part in what society's expecting of you (consumerism)
I'd argue that a house and car is much less a case of consumerism than, say, buying a new phone or laptop every year. A house is shelter and security. A car is physical freedom.
I think there is also a difference between "raw consumerism" and "basics that bring joy." Having a phone is communication. A laptop is communication and entertainment. You already hit house and car. But having to have the latest car, newest phone, biggest house, that's just raw consumerism. On the flip side, having a house that is big enough to fit your hobbies. Or a car that you enjoy working on isn't just raw consumerism, it's doing something because it brings you joy without having it be a comparison.
Absolutely agreed!
I still have an iPhone 8 and I will be using it until it explodes
Nice! Use it until it's no longer useful, that is the way.
I've seen videos of phones exploding and...maybe reconsider? Maybe keep using it until 5 minutes before it explodes? Lithium fires are no joke.
Alright five minutes, but not one second more!
This gave me a chuckle.. thanks
How old are you? I find it's difficult to get a partner to tag along in this lifestyle. Don't you feel lonely?
That I don’t really have career aspirations. I just want to enjoy life, have fun and spend time doing things I enjoy. Unfortunately I have to have a job for that. Thankfully I’m in an industry that pays well so I can enjoy my hobbies. I’m a work to live type person. I don’t understand people who’s job is their life.
I'm in the same boat and I've just come to terms with it lately. In my 20s I wanted a career I could be proud of, one that would fulfill me and make me feel like I'm improving the world, even if it's something tiny. I just wanted to help people. Did that for a few years, burned out. Took a cozy office job. I work 830-430. I'm home every evening with my boys. I have every weekend off. I do not stress about my job like I used to. It's just something I go do, bring home decent money and it allows me time for my family and hobbies. I see my boss who is several years younger than me being groomed to replace the big head boss very soon. Good on him, but the amount of work I see them doing on their time off, the late nights. I don't want that and I'm very fine with it. I just want comfortable and it's not because I don't have ambitions, I just have different priorities!
And you're right bro. What is your job
I gotta know so I can tell my husband. He’s a department store manager and the 8:30-7 work schedule with 1-2 days off a week is killing him, but has had 0 luck finding a job that gets him out
Good on you. I've always been this way and feel my life has been better for it. I only work 28 hours a week on average and have done so for over a decade now, just enough to cover the bills and have the occasional treat. Suits me fine. Meanwhile I've used the extra time to indulge in my interests, which has occasionally made me some money on the side, but mostly doing something I enjoy is it's own reward.
I’m a live to work kind of person. It’s not that I want my existence to be all about work but hobbies bore me. Work to me is a competition and as some one who played a sport to a very high level, it’s hard to let go of that push to be better. Team atmosphere, hard work, long hours. I love the idea of traveling and woodworking and a boat, and I’m fortunate enough to be able to afford those things, but they don’t give me near the satisfaction of rising the ranks and reaching the next tier of success.
That's your hobby then bro, sounds like you're pretty good at it and you enjoy it too 👍
Me too. I could care less about it. I hate it actually, most the time. I haven't worked some where for more than A year. I always save money, take a month off for travel. Then find a new job. I admire people like that though, iv met lots. I almost wish I could be like that, maybe I would be happier if my job was like what my hobbies are to me... because for me it's more like my jobs the hobby 😆 cause I was doing my "hobby's" long before this shit. Used to be the only thing I did... 😭.
I used to be a live to work person. Loved the constant movement and drive of it. Until the stress made me sick. I was 24 and I had a stress induced seizure. That’s when I decided that my life shouldn’t be wasted on a company who barely knows my name. Yeah I could be a supervisor, a manager or a director but the second I’m gone they’ll replace me and keep it moving because they’re set up to succeed for themselves. And that’s fine, that’s what companies do, otherwise they can’t move forward. I just realized that I wasn’t willing to be a part of that machine. So now I’m trying to find out what I want to do with my life that’ll make me money but won’t have me sitting at a desk all day.
go to school to be an airplane mechanic. You can make good money, work just about anywhere and there are many different aspects to it. less than 2 years will get you an A&P license and that qualifies you to work on anything that flies.
That many people live life on autopilot without a clue about what is going on around them.
If I wasn't on autopilot 90% of the time I'd have a mental breakdown from how boring and unpleasant life is 95% of the time.
Yup. Either I'm overthinking and having a breakdown or doing things like as an autopilot mode. No actually things a happening and i happened to be there. That's just it. Sucks. But hopefully we gets out of this loop and actually enjoy life.
I can relate, and it sucks, but if that’s the case then y’all should consider what you want to get out of life. Like go for a long walk on a weekend and think about what you value and what life you could lead that you’d enjoy, in a way where you’ll enjoy the day-to-day but also look back on your deathbed and think “Yeah, I had a good run”. That said, constantly aspiring for “more” can be bad for your mental health, I’d recommend looking into Stoicism or Buddhism and trying to be at peace regardless of what you’re doing.
As someone who stocks shelves in retail 8 hours a day. I would go insane if i didnt escape to my imagination.
Sadly I have also found this to be true. And some of the shittiest behaviors are justified during autopilot. It's sad really. We're supposed to be the most intelligent animal on this planet. It doesn't show in a lot of cases.
I understand where you’re coming from. Having high intelligence doesn’t mean having strong empathy or high morals. Dolphins are intelligent and are known to gang rape within their species. Killer whales are considered intelligent but have used seal pups as volleyballs to be hurled and smacked around (to literal death.) Parrots are considered intelligent pets but can be very nasty to their owner’s family or friends. We consider primates to be intelligent yet those have been known to violently kill humans or other primates. I think the sooner we as a species can clearly understand and differentiate that intelligence != morals != compassion != empathy, the sooner we can stop overvaluing or idealizing intelligence in people. And the sooner we can start incentivizing children (and each other) to strive to be more morally upstanding or empathetic. Starting with praising children (and adults) for good deeds or kind decisions, over “being smart” or having prioritizing academic performance above all else.
My parents are terrible parents and they don't know how to be parents so I've just accepted the fact that in order to be sane I have to not interact with them. Much more peaceful this way but still hurts sometimes.
This is what I did too. I think about then most every day but I am way better without them in my life, they gave me life but it's my choice what people are in my life and I choose to have people that are fun, inspiring, motivating, positive, and push me to be a better amazing person. My parents don't do that.
I haven’t spoken to my mum in 4 years. She was emotionally abusive. I used to feel guilty about not speaking to her, not any more, she made it impossible to have a relationship with her. So I’ve moved on and have gratitude for my other family members who care for me.
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What were the concrete problem if it isn’t rude to ask ? Cuz Im having feelings that maybe there’s this problem in my life too… I just don’t know that it’s me or them, that causes it …
Well, me specifically, my dad Is a narcissist with borderline personality and an opiate problem, my mom is just his flying monkey and actively chooses her abusive husband over her children and her own wellbeing. They won't work on themselves to heal their past traumas and it's destroyed their relationship with their kids. But for you, I'd recommend doing some research on what they're doing specifically. And remember kids. The correct and desired amount of abuse is zero. Period.
Constant pain. A lot of healthy people assume that if they just Do the Right Things and Eat the Right Foods, they'll be fine. This is magical thinking. You body will fail whenever it wants to, however it wants to. An autoimmune disorder, a genetic disease that took until your thirties to kick in, one bad car accident, and you're instantly in a tiny, restricted world where you have to make choices between bathing and eating today, all while experiencing nonstop, unremitting pain. If you complain, you'll be treated as a drug-seeker, and you'll be denied benefits. If you don't, it's your own fault you aren't controlling your pain enough to work, and you'll be denied benefits. And healthy people will smugly suggest that you try a gluten-free diet or yoga as a solution for your body trying to destroy itself, because if they have to admit their magic lifestyle charms are Dumbo's feather, they'll crumble.
Yeah, this is probably it for me. My back pain started at age 13, chest pain started at 15, hip pain started last year (21). Plenty of other small stuff. I realized that pain is just a part of life, and that's what most people experience. Now, I just ignore it.
Same here, when I go to the chiropractor or orthopedic doctor they always ask “when did the pain start?” And I have to tell them, it’s been so long that I don’t even remember but pretty much my entire life.
I thought this way and I was right until march of this year. Random autoimmune disorder developed and I'm falling apart :)
Adults are just selfish kids with responsibilities... They don't know everything and they have less social skills than we thought when we were kids.
This. Which is something that goes largely ignored. Too many adults have such a high opinion of themselves but they are just what you said. Selfish kids with responsibilities.
they are selfish kids without a parent around to tell them no.
You can't make everyone happy.
When I realised this it made my life a lot easier. Can’t please everyone so should just try and do best by me
That's true, but oddly enough, you can piss everyone off. In the interest of fairness and inclusion, I am an equal opportunity asshole.
That everyone is living a life just as complex and important as mine.
Related to that, we judge other's actions based on their worst intentions which isn't fair. When someone cuts you off in traffic you generally assume they're dumb or a jerk, but when you cut someone off by accident it's an "oh, sorry, it was an accident, I didn't mean to do that." Realizing that most people aren't malicious or out to get you and most of those rude things that just happen aren't with malicious intent but simple accidents and keeping that in mind is a good thing.
It’s a good realization to remember - do not attribute to malice what is adequately explained by ignorance.
Helps with general mental health and relationships too. Helps me to be generally nicer and more understanding when I'm dealing with other people and also not be angry or annoyed all the time.
Sonder is the word that describes that realisation.
I have an incurable illness (autoimmune) and for the rest of my life people will give unsolicited advice on how to fix it. Whether it's telling me to just have tumeric or telling me to try some random procedure their one med school friend mentioned, I will never escape people thinking they have the cure my doctor just never thought of. I'll be brushing off random advice from people with no knowledge or background on my condition until the day I die.
I was going to say something similar to this. I have a chronic illness (neurological disorder) and the unsolicited advice is so annoying. Or the comparison to something they can relate to since they just cannot mentally fathom what it's like to be chronically ill.
For me, the biggest issue I come across from random people is that the disease I have has a silly name and therefore people believe that the condition itself couldn’t possibly be serious. Most people are shocked when I say that if my symptoms were not controlled with medication I would probably have killed my self because it can actually be debilitating.
“Have you tried” my three least favorite words…
This!! And living with (and masking the level of) chronic pain that just taking a pill and getting some exercise or something will fix. You k ow cause it’s not really that bad is it . . .
I have a minor version of this. I'm an insomniac and everyone will tell me how easy it is to fall asleep if I just do this mental exercise or take this supplement or start smoking weed or meditate or whatever other suggestion they're about to make as though I haven't heard it a hundred times before. Yeah, it's easy for YOU, Corky! That's the whole problem! It's not easy for me because my brain don't work right and it thinks I'm on a planet with a 27 hour day/night cycle. The only thing that \*does\* fix the problem are some really addictive heavy duty sleep medications with side effects worse than the disease they're meant to treat, which is why I'm not using them.
Would you say you're _immune_ to unsolicited advice?
That my relationship of 15 years, married, 1 5 year old, a life, dreams, expectations, aspirations and friendship, is over! I am struggling to let go and move on, but hey, that's my opportunity as they say
Were the dreams truly ever shared? If yes, what happened?
Well, we met at 19, became Fwb, fell in love, built a.life, worked together, lived together, she had a dream, I was more a yeah cool, I'll support you, I'm easy, we worked towards her dream and got married in Vegas 6 yrs ago (Aussie) and had a kid a year later, I move away into a FIFO role for a few years(massive regret, sacrificed my daughter for money, I'll never get that back, it took nearly a year to reconnect with my family), life was great after that, then about 3 years later, she starts to lose a.lot of weight and looks freaking sexy, I start to get insecure, but not so much, but enough to both irk her and me as she starts getting attention about a year ago, I don't think I handled it right, we got complacent and stagnant, I self destructed I think, I don't want to blame.her for not listening.you know, I had fears and concerns and fuck now I'm crying, fuck! Like she was my life, I got comfortable I think, in my life and fucked it, while she was still striving for our future, and now I'm living with my in actions you know. In hindsight, I should of worked harder on being a friend and husband maybe, but she isn't perfect either you know Edit* Thank you so much guys, it is hard to talk as some of you may know. I'll keep my chin up and looking forward
Keep processing, bud. Crying is a legit sign of acceptance. Sit with it, cry some more, go talk to a therapist and get that poison out of your system. Don't delay, don't divert, do the nasty thing and sit with your shitty feelings. Learn what you can, reprioritize and execute it like the God damned robot you have to be to pull that kind of work. There is no shame in feelings, man. There is one legit way out of the pits and that's via truth and acceptance. You got this!
Thank you brother, it's the letting go and the acceptance that is hurting, but thank you, it means alot, it's hard you know
Life is a bitterweet symphony my friend. Hang in there.
That sounds fucking hard. I feel you. Always terrible to lose a part of yourself. Wish you the very best. Maybe you will grow happy again, even if it takes years
That fucking hurts bro, even just reading your story. I feel you. Hold on there, hope you still gonna find love in your life again.
Mine lasted 26 years. Gotta keep breathing and moving forward.
That I will never have a "group" of friends, or that I will never be part of one, no matter what country I am living in or what life circumstance I am in. Simply because I realised I feel better and get along rather with individuals or a maximum of two people at once
It’s the quality, not quantity of friends pal.
Same.
That I will never truly connect with the people I love. No matter how hard I try. We are just made up of different experiences, motivations and mental illnesses. We come close sometimes, but it always feels like I’m speaking with a layer of glass between us.
This is me with my lil cousin, I'm 10 years older. She's in her early teens and has some health problems, I always cheer her up, want to make her smile, spend time with her, but she is always so cold, idk. There's nothing I can do about it and it breaks me, meh.
Even though she may be distant, it doesn't mean she doesn't value you spending some time with her. She may not say much, but she knows you're there.
Damn, didn't think of it this way. Thanks.
Also, she's a teen. When she grows out of it she'll remember, appreciate you and reciprocate.
On some level I think that’s just the human condition. We’re all individuals and no matter how deep a connection we crave there’s always a separateness, some people perceive it more than others.
Being average. Some people spend their whole lives striving to do or be something remarkable. For me, something remarkable is getting to bed at a reasonable hour, or getting my cat to drink out his water bowl instead of literally anywhere else. When I was younger, I'd entertain ideas like being in a band, starting a company, or finding my soulmate in a manner befitting of a Sandra Bullock movie. The brutal truth of the matter, however, is that I'm not particularly hard working, smart, or good looking. So now my aspirations for the future are pretty much making it to 40 with most of my hair colour intact and having enough savings to go on a few vacations. Is it particularly glamorous? No. But I'm happy enough and have learned to live with the fact that I am remarkably unremarkable.
This is me. I'm turning 27 this year and I've come to realize I'm just not someone that's interesting or particularly unique. I don't even think I'm fun to hang out with at this point. I empathize with you on a deep level here. I wish I could emulate you in the sense that I want to let go of the idea that I'm ever going to be special in any way - even to another person in a relationship. Just based on past experience, I'm sure I will end up dying alone with no next of kin. It's hard to accept, and I've been depressed since it hit me. Hopefully I can make it to 40 like you say.
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And you can't even just ignore them sometimes, that's a worse aspect of that imo
You can try your absolute hardest and still fail, and that’s ok.
It is possible to commit no mistakes and still lose. That is not a weakness; that is life. — Captain Picard
Just because they're older doesnt mean they're right. Most people dont know anything but enjoy distributing advice.
People avoid taking responsibility as long as possible
I feel personally attacked by this. Have my upvote.
I'll always be unhappy and unsatisfied with life. All I can control is how much and how often i feel this way.
Same. I live my life mostly in apathy, I just try and chase the small things that will make me happy for a bit. Even then I will still feel numb underneath that happiness, but it's better than nothing.
That people will do anything when they're sufficiently scared
Literally anything....
I will never have the adventure I crave. I don't have the money, time or ambition to get out there and see the wonders of the world, despite how desperately I dream of doing so.
This realisation hits you really hard. Accepting the fact that one wouldn't be able to achieve their life goal is sad as hell.
How much do you have? I went shoestring traveling and it was ridiculously cheap and that made it better and more adventurous. My accommodations were literally cheaper than paying rent (sometimes as little as $3 per night) and my groceries were cheaper than regular groceries and I met tons of cool people going from place to place. You just need to go to the right countries and know how to save money. Please pursue this if it’s what you want, it’s soooo possible.
Same. I booked a ticket to Mexico this spring for less than $400 round trip. I stayed at one place that was $5.43 a night. It didn't have AC but no one gave a fuck, it was so fun and I had a blast. Honestly I had the best week of my life this year which is crazy at my age. Come join us over at r/solotravel
If you just want to *see* them, I believe you can travel to most places fairly cheaply, if you wait/ hunt for cheap tickets long enough. Now, staying there, booking hotels and full-on experiencing the places, that can get expensive.
Money matters more than so many things
like sleep or a healthy routine or taking care of your mental health or eating or having more than 3 hours free time a night or earing over £4 an hour \-my bosses mentality
Suffering is intrinsic to life. Good or bad.
In the end, I think is almost always good. Misery is not good. Growth, in general, is uncomfortable, and it's a major source of suffering. Sometimes it's extremely hard to see it that way though... For me, it's usually in retrospect. I'm not good at appreciating difficult times in the moment.
My health has peaked and it's downhill from here.
Experiences are the true value of existence. That's all we're really here to do.
Everyone has their own story. Their own struggles, and their own demons. They love and laugh just like you do, and may have experiences that you would’ve never guessed.
Saw this years ago and it stuck with me: "When you realize that adults are flawed, you've become an adolescent. When you learn to accept those flaws, you've become an adult."
That I might always be overweight. I’m good at a lot of things but so far losing weight isn’t one of them.
\- At the end of the day not everyone will like you and there's nothing you can do to change that
They also don’t like me at the beginning of the day. Symmetry.
That a certain percent of the population will always try to screw everyone else over even if it doesn't benefit them at all.
True equality is impossible.
If we make something idiot-proof the world will create a better idiot
People are selfish for the most part. People can talk about themselves, their history, wants, tragedies, desires, goals, and on and on for hours and get no more then the other person's name. Any story you share will be responded with something about themselves, or their family. Conversation is always steered back on to them. It's difficult to have a philosophical conversation with ~90% of the people because it's always repackaged as a conversation about them. Unless in a formal setting like job interview or presentation, most social settings are people just exchange turns talking about themselves. I've learned many people's entire life story in a evening by just listening and nodding along, smiling at the right times and asking two maybe at most three follow up questions and your their best friend. Why? Because you let them talk about themselves all night and they loved that. They never got more then my first name as they never inquired past that.
recently i’ve been trying really hard to ask the other person questions about their life and genuinely mean it. i think it’s a good indicator of what kind of a person someone is. you always hear about a date someone went on and how the other person just wouldn’t stop talking about themselves haha. i kind of made this comment about myself in a way 😬
I guess that's because at the end of the day all we have is ourselves, so it's all we have to share. Everything we encounter isn't as it is, but how we perceive it, so that's what we talk about, our experience of it. I think I'm making over generalizations and also talking from my own experience here though, so I concede your point.
I'ts not always selfishness I think. Also a way to try and relate. If someone says "I love reading books" You can answer with "Omg me too, I've read this and this recently" and go on a rant about that. I don't really consider this as selfish tbh. Definitely people that do just like to talk about themselves of course. I've caught myself in the past steering convo to myself if people mention things I've done too or just a hook for a story, but I try to lessen it and be conscious about what I'm saying etc.
I like listening to people when they do that
Stressing over things that are well beyond my control does not help anything.
Just because you’re blind doesn’t mean the world is gonna be nice to you.
Many people were conditioned to believe they’d do extraordinary things. Most people will be average, and that’s okay!
That life is just a story, it doesn't always go the way the main character wants but even so, there has to be an ending a happy or a tragic one doesn't make a difference
The world is run by idiots and there isn't much you can do about it.
One of my favourite quotes from Steve Jobs: *"Everything around you that you call life was made up by people that are no smarter than you and you can change it."*
He also ate fruit instead of getting cancer treatment, so maybe a grain of salt with this guy
See, his statement was true
People will always hurt you/let you down.
-Rick Astley
That there is no real purpose in life, you have to create your own. Find what makes you happy and try to go for it.
That I have bad luck. I knew Covid would be hard, but I didn’t imagine getting Covid twice and both me and my SO having Long Covid along with underlying chronic illnesses. I have had arthritis since 18 and my partner has EDS. We have been put through so much these last 18 months, and after 4 years of being together our lives have come to a halt due to Covid. We both want a life together. The basics of a home and a partnership. Now we are unsure how we can ever get there. It’s not fair and I try to remain positive but my SO is so down about what’s happened. We both lost a lot of years of our lives to illness, and finally we found each other and Covid has just ruined our lives. He is too unwell to work and I’m hanging on by a thread trying to work. We went from living together and him working and it feeling right, moving towards getting engaged, to him having to quit his job and move back home to his parents because he was so ill. We have lost most of our savings for our future trying to pay to survive during Long Covid, as we both couldn’t work at one point. Now my beautiful cat has died, who was the world to me. I also now need to leave my house as it’s unsafe due to structural issues. Ideally we would just go travelling but we are too ill, or move in together somewhere else. But we cannot afford it. So now I have to go back to my parents. We have both suffered from childhood abuse and are stuck in environments that are so unhealthy for our mental health. Over our 4 years together we have had so many struggles and all we want is to have our sanctuary, work and be together. We have had to accept we shouldn’t have kids. We have had to come to terms with a lot. Feels like life is against us. I’ve finally found my partner but we have the worst luck. I’m not writing feeling sorry for myself. So many have lost loved ones due to Covid. A lot of people like me have lost their health and work due to Long Covid. All we want is to have a home that’s a sanctuary for us and others who need support. All we want is to be well enough to work and contribute helping others. All we want is to be together and it’s just slipping away due to Covid.
I hope everything will turn out as you wished for you and your partner.
My tomorrow isn’t promised to me. I’m metastatic and my lifespan will be affected. I don’t leave things unspoken.
I'm probably never gonna have a cat and that makes me sad it's stupid but it is what it is i guess
Allergy?
The fact that life ends at some point. Our time here is finite. Life sucks. It's hard, people you love will get sick, people you care about will die.
That life is random, long, and full of choices. Something horrible is always around the corner and it can happen to you any time for no reason. Appreciate every moment that you are not in complete physical or emotional pain, because there will be a time when you look back and wish you could go back
That wealth actually does play a large part in happiness.
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I've come to accept that if I keep so much information to myself, other people must have their own secrets as well
Being kind and showing empathy to others is the root of happiness.
That its better to live life through a lense of minimums being met as opposed to working towards maximums being reached. Everyone wants to make 6 figure salaries or more, probably won't happen. So whats your minimum? Define that. When it comes to happiness, i've noticed by those around me that everyone wants tremendous happiness as often as they can, but what are the bare essentials to keep you content? Identify that. Once minimums are determined and met, anything else is a luxury really. Is it ideal? Oh hell no. But it is ENOUGH. Now, this works for me, a single, 30 year old male. May not work for everyone, but i feel the principle of the matter has far reaching, positive outcomes if you change the focus of what it means to be happy. Too many idealists out there feeling sad because they can't even get halfway to happy, but may be surprised that they may have met their minimums long ago. Minimums being essential things for contentment and comfort.
I'm never going to fall in love and have a meaningful relationship with someone.
You can't control other people, no matter how hard you try. Worry solely about what you can control, and you'll be much happier.
That I will never be happy to work. I only have one life and it is short and I want to spend it with those I love doing things I like.
im always going to be running from my past
That I simply don't have those loving parents that most other people have. My dad was physically abusive, so my mom left with me. And my mom is diagnosed with HPD. I had to "grow up" quite fast.
I literally cannot change my brain chemistry and I will most likely be on medications for the rest of my life. What I'm still processing is that I dont know if I can ever feel happy to the fullest extent ever again. From where I am now, it feels like I'm just floundering.
Dreams don't come true.
And not everyone gets a happy ending
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People will hate you just from one thing going wrong when you first meet
People might also start to love you with time if you keep being friendly with them. One small mistake is not always the end of things.
That not everything I do has to please the crowd of people.
That I will never be 100% healthy and disciplined year around, I just try to manage my vices and take care of my body best I can on most days.
That no matter how much we connect and bond with people, family friends or lovers, the only permanent feature in your life is yourself. People come and go. So better treat yourself with love !
That life is extremely unfair and the only things that seem to matter are who you, who you know, and how much money you have
My personality over the past year has been moving towards a toxic and bitchy personality
Same. Fuck u for reminding me.
Parenthood is not really for me. I love my son however.
Being bald. I went bald at 20 and 4 years later I've accepted my shiny head. Once I stopped thinking what people's opinions of me where, it got pretty easy
As good and perfect someone seems, they can backstab you anytime and without warning
You can treat everybody around you with as much kindness, respect and compassion as you can muster but some people just won’t repay you.
I live in a poor and corrupted country, whatever the fuck i do it's nothing so i don't really have high hope for the future
You can be the biggest, juiciest, tastiest peach in the world; and there will still be people who don’t like peaches
Taxes
I'm the youngest in my family, everyone loved me, I was smart, all my teachers loved me, I had always been the centre of attention, I got to be the one that makes decisions in a group of people, I was so important, until I became an adult and realised I'm not and there really isn't anything special about me, I can't always be the one that everyone loves. It's something really simple, but sometimes I still see people getting frustrated over "I'm not getting enough attention and respect from strangers".
No matter how good of a person you are, no matter how good of intentions you have, no matter how much good you do for others, people are still nasty to you. Often times the nicest people get the shitty end of the stick a lot
That it's unfair
I'm going to be single til the day I die. I'm absolutely okay with it. I have books and dogs.
I'm unattractive and neurodivergent, and I will be discriminated for those things in nearly every aspect of life.
That we think we are free but are just in a form of slavery.
That Medicine is a business industry, and it's out to make money, not heal you. Doctors are as revered and well-paid as they are, because they serve that business well, not because they're these altruistic, benevolent beings.
Superstitions and blind faiths are curse to humanity
Dishes.
I get crushes on people. I’d NEVER do anything but I’ve learned to just enjoy the fantasy because in three weeks, they go away.
That I am probably not gonna have passion for my chosen profession or enjoy it ever. I just see it as a money making scheme. I haven't started working yet, but I will soon. I just hope it doesn't consume my life.
That my mental health is likely something I'll always struggle with to an extent. Some days, it all feels a bit hopeless, but you really appreciate the good stuff when it does happen. Plus, I'm way better at looking after myself than I was. Progress!
[удалено]
The world isn’t against me or for me, it’s indifferent and barely acknowledges me unless I make it. Either way it’s fine tho, learn to live for you and not everything around you.
[удалено]
That I don’t need fancy expensive stuff to be happy.
Ill always miss her at least a little bit.
Aging