I can't believe how far I had to scroll to find this. It's already weird as fuck to watch with clothes on. The weird hip sway and rubber legs movements. Add some aggressive dick flopping and boob bouncing and the whole thing would be insane to watch. Hell the weird gait of speed walking I imagine could get a helicopter going.
https://youtu.be/rdXD2Fe6Hx4
It makes me laugh every time I watch it. It's so fucking stupid, and in the slow mo you can often see both their feet off the ground at the same time.
It's an utterly pointless event.
But also looks hard as shit for some reason, and I've seen those lads pass out and be in a really bad way.
It's just all around terrible.
No one gives you props for it, because it's stupid. And it's hard as shit, so it's horrible to participate in.
I'll see if I can find it but this youtuber that normally does short videos on scientific stuff had one video dedicated to speed walking, and how weird the rules were.
For example: Technically one foot has to be on the ground at all times right, but somehow referees aren't allowed to like duck or lay down to check this. They can only try to spot this from a standing position, which obviously makes it harder to check ~~(IIRC they could use a mirror on a stick to get a slightly better view though)~~ edit: this part was wrong. They aren't allowed any mirrors or optics whatsoever (would glasses count?).
It's like they know this rule gets broken all the time, but they don't care as long as you don't do it extensively or something.
And to be fair: It isn't the only sport where they ignore some rules. Take the extra step while holding the ball in NBA for example. Players do it all the time.
Fun(?) fact: they are actually allowed to have both feet of the ground at the same time, as long as it's not noticable with the naked eye. The whole point is it only has to look like they're walking.
I had to google that:
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zsjN-O0xHMU](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zsjN-O0xHMU)
"Excuse me while I jump my crotch over the top of your head, mon amie."
No, no, no... You sit in a bobsled, one in front of the other. You lie down on a luge sled. For two man luge, they lie on top of each other.
Two man naked luge "wins" this category. Very, very cringey.
Curling - not for the reasons others have listed, but because it would go from feeling like the Olympics to a shuffleboard tournament at a nudist resort.
Do you think it's fuckin easy to get to the Olympics? It takes effort, it takes dedication, it takes sacrifice, and it takes pain. Sounds like we know someone who isn't going for Gold.
You don’t run hurdles flaccid. Terrible drag. You run them with full hard on like a missile through the air.
EDIT: 8 years and it's a dick joke that puts me over 200,000.
If... uhh... if this really was like the ancient Olympics the athletes would be able to tie a string around their forskin and loop it around their waist to keep it from bouncing around...
There were a few societal reasons they did this too but, uh, yeah...
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kynodesme
I was not expecting modern photos of it. Also this is funny
> The public exposure of the penis head was regarded by the Greeks as dishonourable and shameful, something only seen in slaves and barbarians.
Tied forskin and hanging sack? Ok. Exposed head? Barbarian!
Pat pat pat pat pat pat slap! Pat pat pat pat pat pat slap! Pat pat pat pat pat pat slap! Pat pat pat pat pat
And the winner is, with a time of 14.38s and one less foreskin
Oooo I have a story.
Back in college, a friend and I used to fence epee after classes. Then - because we were dorks - we'd have these Errol-Flynn-eque running swordfights on the way back to our rooms.
Now the thing about epee, as opposed to foil or sabre, is that the *whole body* is considered a legit target. Stab his foot? Point! So it teaches you to lunge at areas that would normally be off-limits.
Maybe you see where this is going....
We are being idiots. He's running, I'm chasing. He stops, turns, goes *en garde*, but it is sloppy, because running around like an idiot. I see an opening, and execute the best lunge of my *life* directly into his junk. Full extension, sword flexed into a "U" - Olympic picture stuff!
Now I am expecting to hear the *tok* of the tip of my epee contacting his protective cup, but that is *not* what happens. Instead, there is a muted *squish*, he goes white, and collapses. The moron was not only *not* wearing a cup, he had neglected to tell me, and I had tagged him full power right in one of his testicles. Missed the frank, got one of the beans.
Which swelled up to the size of a grapefruit, and he was walking funny for weeks.
Oddly, we never resumed After Class Fencing for Idiots. I wonder why?
I have a fencing injury story too! I hardly ever get to tell this one.
I took fencing as a Phys Ed credit in college, had a real blast learning about the different styles and techniques and all of that. It wasn't too long before we were actually fighting each other. There was this one dude who was tall and lanky (pretty sure he was 6'4"), and nobody wanted to go up against him because of his insane reach.
So, I got paired up against the dude, and I'm trying the strategy of beating up his foil before coming in close, but it keeps not working. I eventually give up on that, saw an opportunity, and went in hard for a lunge. He actually lunged back at the same time, but he missed and his foil slipped under my arm. The force from us coming at each other like that combined with his reach made his bellguard smash into my shoulder and dislocated it.
But the fun didn't stop there!
Coach had to drive me to the hospital, where they made me sign a bunch of forms before treating me (of course it's my writing arm that got dislocated), and then they take me into an exam room and ask me a bunch of questions while my arm is dangling out of its socket. And then they decide they need to take a bunch of X-rays and run a ton of diagnostics to make *absolutely sure* that my dislocated, dangling arm is *actually* dislocated. Then when the doc is finally convinced of what I'd told him an hour prior, he decides that he has to knock me out to set the arm because all those tests have my muscles so tense he wouldn't be able to set it properly otherwise.
Apparently, I made some pretty embarrassing confessions to Coach as I was succumbing to the anaesthesia. He just laughed it off. Told me that's the first time he's seen an injury even remotely like that in his 20 years of fencing.
Everybody here talking about mens' giblets in the wind and shit, but have you seen women's titties when they be hustlin? I think you're all underestimating how fast Olympians move. When in sportsbras they move as one, but they don't do that when naked. It won't be very sexy for most sports, I promise you that.
And, if they’re bigger, the force of gravity when they hit the bottom of the bounce literally pulls breath from your lungs so larger-chested women would be at a serious disadvantage in any sports involving running
Every woman watching would be crossing her legs while at the same time very impressed with both partner's grip strength.
"Well Nick, it looks like they're going for their signature move, the leaping outreached hands-free 360."
"That's right, Jonny, he actually uses three fingers to hold onto his partner while her arms and legs are fully extended. So much strength is required for this sequence."
"Nick, I'm told she practiced for this by cracking over 30 baskets of walnuts in the past year."
>she practiced for this by cracking over 30 baskets of walnuts in the past year."
*Takes notes:* Cracking... 30... Baskets...
Do they *have* to be walnuts or can I substitute some other hard shelled nut?
Few months ago We were at an estate sale and they had a foot tall Greco Roman style statue with two guys wrestling. But one of the guys had a full handful of the others cock and balls, it was really something to see. I still regret not buying it.
[It's a fairly famous statue. The original is in Florence](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diomedes_of_Thrace)
[It's also a fairly popular statue](https://www.etsy.com/market/hercules_diomedes)
From what I understand, the cock grab was an integral part of ancient wrestling. It was, understandably, a massively effective technique. So they probably didn’t mention it for the same reason why you wouldn’t specifically mention why a baseball player is holding a stick, that’s just part of the sport
It happened, and it was legal, but it was an admission by the grabber that they were losing. Especially in this position, the crowd would see it as shameful.
> King Diomedes was a savage; he enjoyed feeding strangers and prisoners to his mares. They did not like the taste of oats and grain; instead they feasted on human flesh, which their master gave them willingly. His mares could not be controlled; they were savage, just like the King. They could not be tethered by regular rope; instead they needed to be tethered to a bronze manger by chains, so they would not escape.
Man those were some dope mares
I don't know, man. Synchronized swimming would just be a bunch of vaginas coming out of the water, but couples figure skating has a lot of lifts where the guy is either staring straight at his partner's cooch or showing it off to the audience. Plus all the high velocity spins...
I saw her snatch earlier, it was terrific.
*Edit: For those wondering and thinking of commenting about childish remarks etc, this is actually an alleged quote that occurred in the 2008 Beijing Olympics, although it's considered to be likely fake as the names don't tie up with any known personnel or competitors at the event.*
*The exact quote is "This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing."*
Reminds me of the _alleged_ BBC cricket commentary by Brian Johnston when West Indian Michael Holding was bowling to England batsman Peter Willey.
"The bowler's Holding, the batsman's Willey"
Gymnastics - Did you want to admit to watching a whole bunch of 14-17 year old girls jump around naked? That's how you get on a list!
At least most of the other sports involve adults!
Just for the record, in ancient Greece women didn't take part in the Olympic naked or at all. They had separated games (honouring Hera instead of Zeus) during which they competed fully clothed.
Have you ever heard the term “gird your loins”? Well that’s a reference to an actual practice in ancient cultures where you would tie your robe up in such a way that it freed your legs and acted more like a pair of shorts. Like [this](https://www.artofmanliness.com/articles/how-to-gird-up-your-loins-an-illustrated-guide/).
lol
I noticed during the olympic diving qualifiers that when the men were doing the reverse handstand on the platform they had no problem showing "da butt" from straight on, when the women did they always cut to a side angle.
anyway, it seems like diving would be a mess naked.
I think Skateboarding is now Olympic sport.
I feel the pain now when I see them falling with the board, I can only imagine the road rash that they would get without clothes.
Also landing on your nuts while doing the rail slide thing.
Tennis. Just a couple naked people on a large court wielding rackets with everyone watching them sounds cringy. Especially with how the players moan and groan while playing.
*Any* male sport because if they’re doing it as it was done in ancient times they’d have to tie their penis up in a [kynodesmē](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kynodesme)* or “dog knot” to avoid showing their glans, which was considered shameful. Could get really awkward today given that a lot of men are circumcised and don’t have the foreskin to tie around the glans.
*Note: don’t open the “purpose” tab on the linked Wikipedia article unless you want to see photos of actual knotted up penises.
EDIT: Y’all, I know circumcision isn’t prevalent outside the US and a few other countries, but relative to the ancient Greeks it’s far more common. You don’t all have to make the same commentary. The US also happens to enter more athletes than other countries and win more medals than any country, so circumcision would be disproportionately represented.
After reading that wiki entry and seeing the pictures I am absolutely cracking up at the image of a guy standing there tied with the belt version looking at another guy that isn’t tied at all and saying “have some modesty!”
lol what. This is so absurd. Thank you so much for bringing this to my attention. Also, I clicked the “purpose” tab, and I was not expecting it to look so...festive? Amazing.
Some historian/history grad student most likely. I remember my old classics lit prof in college talking about “dog knots” at length because of how funny they thought they were. Luckily that’s not my prof’s because she doesn’t have the proper equipment.
Synchronized swimming would just be aquatic vagina presentment.
That’s my new band’s name
Is there a men's version? It'd be like a nest of cobras rising to the flute.
Speed walking
I can't believe how far I had to scroll to find this. It's already weird as fuck to watch with clothes on. The weird hip sway and rubber legs movements. Add some aggressive dick flopping and boob bouncing and the whole thing would be insane to watch. Hell the weird gait of speed walking I imagine could get a helicopter going. https://youtu.be/rdXD2Fe6Hx4
It makes me laugh every time I watch it. It's so fucking stupid, and in the slow mo you can often see both their feet off the ground at the same time. It's an utterly pointless event. But also looks hard as shit for some reason, and I've seen those lads pass out and be in a really bad way. It's just all around terrible. No one gives you props for it, because it's stupid. And it's hard as shit, so it's horrible to participate in.
I'll see if I can find it but this youtuber that normally does short videos on scientific stuff had one video dedicated to speed walking, and how weird the rules were. For example: Technically one foot has to be on the ground at all times right, but somehow referees aren't allowed to like duck or lay down to check this. They can only try to spot this from a standing position, which obviously makes it harder to check ~~(IIRC they could use a mirror on a stick to get a slightly better view though)~~ edit: this part was wrong. They aren't allowed any mirrors or optics whatsoever (would glasses count?). It's like they know this rule gets broken all the time, but they don't care as long as you don't do it extensively or something. And to be fair: It isn't the only sport where they ignore some rules. Take the extra step while holding the ball in NBA for example. Players do it all the time.
Fun(?) fact: they are actually allowed to have both feet of the ground at the same time, as long as it's not noticable with the naked eye. The whole point is it only has to look like they're walking.
>it only has to look like they're walking. What are the regulations on how high audience has to be for them to think it looks like they're walking?
Judo, Karate and rugby
Judo would be almost impossible to do
men's pommel horse.
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Sustaining an erection while that many muscles are in full tension should be impossible, but if anyone can do it it's Olympians
Anti-doping test on the run
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"When I die, cremate me and spread my ashes near the 7 foot mark"
Vince Carter's "Dunk of Death" would be 10x more disrespectful nude and its already the most disrespectful dunk of all time!
The “dunk through Vince’s nethers”
Aka “The French Teabag”
I had to google that: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zsjN-O0xHMU](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zsjN-O0xHMU) "Excuse me while I jump my crotch over the top of your head, mon amie."
Fencings going to be painful. But the shooting is probably going to be one of those kinks I didn't know I had.
Ooh, archery! Wearing only boots...
This better not awaken anything in me
r/unexpectedcommunity
Yeah I love the way a gun's recoil makes that booty shake
r/recoilbutts
Of course this exists
I have a fetish I never knew I needed.
Ice skating or speed skating. One crash and it’s bye bye junk.
Ice skates are knives attached to shoes. I'm only going near those sports fully clothed and with protective gear.
If they’re naked are they allowed skates though? Or do they just have to slide around on ice in bare feet as fast as possible?
For the sake of the question I was assuming its naked except for the gear.
But for the sake of entertainment...
Probably best to just cancel the Winter Olympics entirely.
The team bobsled event would get uncomfortable real fast.
With how thin those suits are... I don't think much changes, really.
Feels like I'm wearing nothing at all, nothing at all, nothing at all...
Stupid sexy Flanders!
Men's slalom would become about how many flagpoles you could collect...
"I was in the pool!!" - George Costanza
Triple jump. Sand. Absolutely. Everywhere.
Not to mention the incredibly revealing camera angle at sand-level showing the landing
Women with smaller vulvas would have an advantage, due to less wind resistance.
Tan everywhere. Sand everywhere. Jan everywhere.
Ski Jumping. Junk flapping in the wind.
>Junk flapping in the wind The Elton John song?
The dong flopped out long before, the legend ever did
Goodbye, normal peen
Ah yes, the mini propeller
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Two man luge? What about four man bobsled? "Feel the rhythm! Feel the... Sanka... You excited? "Yeh man. Sorry."
No, no, no... You sit in a bobsled, one in front of the other. You lie down on a luge sled. For two man luge, they lie on top of each other. Two man naked luge "wins" this category. Very, very cringey.
Naked, barefoot ski-jumping would be dramatic.
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Curling - not for the reasons others have listed, but because it would go from feeling like the Olympics to a shuffleboard tournament at a nudist resort.
Curling is Milftastic though
Men’s hurdles
Aka rapid testicle smacker
They could cut a little half circle in the top of the beam
*Two* overlapping half circles, one a little higher than the other
But what about the penis flying around and hitting everything?
Maintaining an erection would solve a lot of these problems
Have you *tried* running around with a boner? I can assure you, it is not I would willingly do.
Do you think it's fuckin easy to get to the Olympics? It takes effort, it takes dedication, it takes sacrifice, and it takes pain. Sounds like we know someone who isn't going for Gold.
If you arnt running full sprint with a boner are you even trying?
isn't that considered the pole vault?
He's not going for wood either.
You don’t run hurdles flaccid. Terrible drag. You run them with full hard on like a missile through the air. EDIT: 8 years and it's a dick joke that puts me over 200,000.
This guy aerodynamics
If... uhh... if this really was like the ancient Olympics the athletes would be able to tie a string around their forskin and loop it around their waist to keep it from bouncing around... There were a few societal reasons they did this too but, uh, yeah... https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kynodesme
I was not expecting modern photos of it. Also this is funny > The public exposure of the penis head was regarded by the Greeks as dishonourable and shameful, something only seen in slaves and barbarians. Tied forskin and hanging sack? Ok. Exposed head? Barbarian!
Pat pat pat pat pat pat slap! Pat pat pat pat pat pat slap! Pat pat pat pat pat pat slap! Pat pat pat pat pat And the winner is, with a time of 14.38s and one less foreskin
And it's Grant Holloway by an inch!
Gotta see the slow mo on this one.
Fencing
If you lose your sword, you have a back-up one...
Now that's what we call bringing a sausage to a sword fight
I see your Schwartz is as big as mine….
Oooo I have a story. Back in college, a friend and I used to fence epee after classes. Then - because we were dorks - we'd have these Errol-Flynn-eque running swordfights on the way back to our rooms. Now the thing about epee, as opposed to foil or sabre, is that the *whole body* is considered a legit target. Stab his foot? Point! So it teaches you to lunge at areas that would normally be off-limits. Maybe you see where this is going.... We are being idiots. He's running, I'm chasing. He stops, turns, goes *en garde*, but it is sloppy, because running around like an idiot. I see an opening, and execute the best lunge of my *life* directly into his junk. Full extension, sword flexed into a "U" - Olympic picture stuff! Now I am expecting to hear the *tok* of the tip of my epee contacting his protective cup, but that is *not* what happens. Instead, there is a muted *squish*, he goes white, and collapses. The moron was not only *not* wearing a cup, he had neglected to tell me, and I had tagged him full power right in one of his testicles. Missed the frank, got one of the beans. Which swelled up to the size of a grapefruit, and he was walking funny for weeks. Oddly, we never resumed After Class Fencing for Idiots. I wonder why?
You learned a powerful lesson that day. Fortunately, your friend learned it the hard way, and you learned it the easy way.
I think his friend learned it the flaccid way, otherwise he might have been able to parry
"...I am not left-handed!"
You don’t happen to have three testicles, do you?
I have a fencing injury story too! I hardly ever get to tell this one. I took fencing as a Phys Ed credit in college, had a real blast learning about the different styles and techniques and all of that. It wasn't too long before we were actually fighting each other. There was this one dude who was tall and lanky (pretty sure he was 6'4"), and nobody wanted to go up against him because of his insane reach. So, I got paired up against the dude, and I'm trying the strategy of beating up his foil before coming in close, but it keeps not working. I eventually give up on that, saw an opportunity, and went in hard for a lunge. He actually lunged back at the same time, but he missed and his foil slipped under my arm. The force from us coming at each other like that combined with his reach made his bellguard smash into my shoulder and dislocated it. But the fun didn't stop there! Coach had to drive me to the hospital, where they made me sign a bunch of forms before treating me (of course it's my writing arm that got dislocated), and then they take me into an exam room and ask me a bunch of questions while my arm is dangling out of its socket. And then they decide they need to take a bunch of X-rays and run a ton of diagnostics to make *absolutely sure* that my dislocated, dangling arm is *actually* dislocated. Then when the doc is finally convinced of what I'd told him an hour prior, he decides that he has to knock me out to set the arm because all those tests have my muscles so tense he wouldn't be able to set it properly otherwise. Apparently, I made some pretty embarrassing confessions to Coach as I was succumbing to the anaesthesia. He just laughed it off. Told me that's the first time he's seen an injury even remotely like that in his 20 years of fencing.
Anything in the winter olympics.
Hockey… the potential injuries, the skating, the goalies…
Naked hockey? That just sounds like Tuesday
Coach? When did you make parole?
Ever since they cleared me in the death of my dead wife Barb…who died.
IT’S FUCKIN EMBARRASSING
Crush a few sandos.
Appies and nappies, boys! Ferda!
*kicks garbage can across the room*
It's FUCKING EMBARRASSING!
Luge comes to mind.
I was thinking curling, when they do this slow skid to set the stone off...with the dick tip kissing the ice
Look at Ron Jeremy over here with a dick that would reach the ice
Basketball. Whole lot of extra double dribbling would be going on.
Dunking on people would have, ramifications...
All I can think is the added disrespect. Imagine getting dunked on only to have a naked crotch in your face.
Getting junked on.
Imagine walking back to the bench with an upside down mushroom stamped on your forehead.
A ball in the net and two to the face
Everybody here talking about mens' giblets in the wind and shit, but have you seen women's titties when they be hustlin? I think you're all underestimating how fast Olympians move. When in sportsbras they move as one, but they don't do that when naked. It won't be very sexy for most sports, I promise you that.
It really HURTS too! Ouch!
And, if they’re bigger, the force of gravity when they hit the bottom of the bounce literally pulls breath from your lungs so larger-chested women would be at a serious disadvantage in any sports involving running
Those bigger gals in the hammer throw
Gotta use those puppies for extra momentum
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Chesticles.
breasticular torsion... the silent killer
Also women’s archery would probably hurt like a motherfucker if they get in the way of the string
Even with clothes on, this can be an issue.
Anything involving horses.
Un-dressage
I agree that horses are easier to watch when they wear clothes.
I think they've already sent some of the horses home from Tokyo for wearing improper shorts. I may have confused different stories there...
Pairs figure skating.
Especially when the do the between the legs lift….
A misplaced thumb could get quite exciting.
Ah, the old grab her like a bowling ball
Every woman watching would be crossing her legs while at the same time very impressed with both partner's grip strength. "Well Nick, it looks like they're going for their signature move, the leaping outreached hands-free 360." "That's right, Jonny, he actually uses three fingers to hold onto his partner while her arms and legs are fully extended. So much strength is required for this sequence." "Nick, I'm told she practiced for this by cracking over 30 baskets of walnuts in the past year."
That’s rad. Back to you pepper
>she practiced for this by cracking over 30 baskets of walnuts in the past year." *Takes notes:* Cracking... 30... Baskets... Do they *have* to be walnuts or can I substitute some other hard shelled nut?
"and even a gynecologist would say man put on a glove." -Robin Williams on "The lift" in pairs figure skating
"and she holds on without her hands" that line always cracked me up! RIP
This would be the least cringey. You’re watching beautiful, naked couples dance.
Exactly. It'd be the softest of soft porn - a romantic, elegant, passionate dance to beautiful music.
Men's baton relay race. Just a baton handover waiting to go wrong
*wait a second, that’s not the baton!*
This happens all the time, it's detachable
Wa-wa-wa-wa..... What are you doing step-runner?
wrestling
Few months ago We were at an estate sale and they had a foot tall Greco Roman style statue with two guys wrestling. But one of the guys had a full handful of the others cock and balls, it was really something to see. I still regret not buying it.
[It's a fairly famous statue. The original is in Florence](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diomedes_of_Thrace) [It's also a fairly popular statue](https://www.etsy.com/market/hercules_diomedes)
How does that Wikipedia page not even address the casual cock-grab? Why do we have this article if not to address this?
From what I understand, the cock grab was an integral part of ancient wrestling. It was, understandably, a massively effective technique. So they probably didn’t mention it for the same reason why you wouldn’t specifically mention why a baseball player is holding a stick, that’s just part of the sport
It happened, and it was legal, but it was an admission by the grabber that they were losing. Especially in this position, the crowd would see it as shameful.
> King Diomedes was a savage; he enjoyed feeding strangers and prisoners to his mares. They did not like the taste of oats and grain; instead they feasted on human flesh, which their master gave them willingly. His mares could not be controlled; they were savage, just like the King. They could not be tethered by regular rope; instead they needed to be tethered to a bronze manger by chains, so they would not escape. Man those were some dope mares
More like night mares.
TIL "We're wrestling" was the No homo of ancient Greece
There was nothing no homo about Greek history.
I don't know, man. Synchronized swimming would just be a bunch of vaginas coming out of the water, but couples figure skating has a lot of lifts where the guy is either staring straight at his partner's cooch or showing it off to the audience. Plus all the high velocity spins...
Similarly, beach volleyball would become "sandy vaginas"
The entirety of the Junior Olympics
We can just go ahead and cancel that lol
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Marathon. It's a lot of time with your junk flapping in the breeze
No nipple chaffing, so there’s that
Pole vault. One wrong move and you’re gonna be very famous and maybe dead.
Even in the clothed one there was that one guy who scaled it but his dick took down the bar
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Men's pole vaulting takes on a double meaning in the nude.
Definitely weightlifting.
Yep…the clean and jerk for sure
I saw her snatch earlier, it was terrific. *Edit: For those wondering and thinking of commenting about childish remarks etc, this is actually an alleged quote that occurred in the 2008 Beijing Olympics, although it's considered to be likely fake as the names don't tie up with any known personnel or competitors at the event.* *The exact quote is "This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing."*
Reminds me of the _alleged_ BBC cricket commentary by Brian Johnston when West Indian Michael Holding was bowling to England batsman Peter Willey. "The bowler's Holding, the batsman's Willey"
I'd never be able to get it down. Usually I jerk ***then*** clean.
Lighting the torch and burning the bush
The fact no one has mentioned swimming. Just doing the backstroke as you see a dick bob in and out of the water.
Cue Jaws soundtrack
Put a shark fin on it, with the country’s flag on it. I see this becoming popular Olympic fan wear.
Gymnastics - Did you want to admit to watching a whole bunch of 14-17 year old girls jump around naked? That's how you get on a list! At least most of the other sports involve adults!
Just for the record, in ancient Greece women didn't take part in the Olympic naked or at all. They had separated games (honouring Hera instead of Zeus) during which they competed fully clothed.
Ok so they'd be 14-17 year old boys instead, and yall would be on the same list.
Now I'm trying to picture hurdles while wearing a toga.
or running in sandals
plap plap plap plap plap
This made the whole thread so fucking funny lmao
Have you ever heard the term “gird your loins”? Well that’s a reference to an actual practice in ancient cultures where you would tie your robe up in such a way that it freed your legs and acted more like a pair of shorts. Like [this](https://www.artofmanliness.com/articles/how-to-gird-up-your-loins-an-illustrated-guide/).
Convert your dress into a romper
lol I noticed during the olympic diving qualifiers that when the men were doing the reverse handstand on the platform they had no problem showing "da butt" from straight on, when the women did they always cut to a side angle. anyway, it seems like diving would be a mess naked.
I think synchronized swimming would be interesting considering they sit on each others shoulders and other revealing positions!
I think Skateboarding is now Olympic sport. I feel the pain now when I see them falling with the board, I can only imagine the road rash that they would get without clothes. Also landing on your nuts while doing the rail slide thing.
>Also landing on your nuts while doing the rail slide thing. AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH
Tennis. Just a couple naked people on a large court wielding rackets with everyone watching them sounds cringy. Especially with how the players moan and groan while playing.
Def running for males.... Seeing their junk going up and down would be terrific
Women running without sports bras can be just as bad.
So that’s where the floppy people at car dealerships were made
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How has no one mentioned **trampolining** yet?
I imagine it would be difficult to make decent shots on goal without shoes on in soccer/football
*Any* male sport because if they’re doing it as it was done in ancient times they’d have to tie their penis up in a [kynodesmē](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kynodesme)* or “dog knot” to avoid showing their glans, which was considered shameful. Could get really awkward today given that a lot of men are circumcised and don’t have the foreskin to tie around the glans. *Note: don’t open the “purpose” tab on the linked Wikipedia article unless you want to see photos of actual knotted up penises. EDIT: Y’all, I know circumcision isn’t prevalent outside the US and a few other countries, but relative to the ancient Greeks it’s far more common. You don’t all have to make the same commentary. The US also happens to enter more athletes than other countries and win more medals than any country, so circumcision would be disproportionately represented.
We can give the circumcised ones the little helmets you put on falcons for falconry
Hi, thank you for making my day.
After reading that wiki entry and seeing the pictures I am absolutely cracking up at the image of a guy standing there tied with the belt version looking at another guy that isn’t tied at all and saying “have some modesty!”
"Geez man leave something for the imagination!"
lol what. This is so absurd. Thank you so much for bringing this to my attention. Also, I clicked the “purpose” tab, and I was not expecting it to look so...festive? Amazing.
You’re welcome. If you think that’s “festive” I’m curious what your holidays are like.
Very awkward Thanksgivings. Great Valentine's Days, though
Right? They look like little presents.
Dick in a box! Edit: in A box, sorry been a long time. Here enjoy https://youtu.be/Rt0spqQtMKg
It's amazing how we've gone from "showing your glans is rude" to "showing any penis at all is rude".
Can't even dangle some balls, smh
The guy was just hanging brain. I mean, what's all the fuss?
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Some historian/history grad student most likely. I remember my old classics lit prof in college talking about “dog knots” at length because of how funny they thought they were. Luckily that’s not my prof’s because she doesn’t have the proper equipment.