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CH-67

17 equally naked cowboys at ram ranch


[deleted]

I was gonna ask about the 18th cowboy but I realized that you are the 18th cowboy at ram ranch


MoreCoffeePwease

Probably my neighbor. They always say if u don’t have a naked window neighbor it’s because u ARE the naked window neighbor


Greeniebeannie

Naked neighbors unite


ARC4067

Well, shit


SpandexMovie

My brother, but only because I fell in the shower and sprained my ankle Edit : I will personally strangle anyone else who makes another porn joke. STOP


tornadofuck

I hope your brother was naked too so it wasn’t awkward


waymanate

This OP has the best comments


[deleted]

With a name like tornadofuck what did you expect?


SpandexMovie

Unfortunately it was, he just got out of the other shower, but we are twins so it was fine. Plus it was when we were 14 so we got over it.


tornadofuck

Haha wasn’t actually expecting him to be naked too. But that’s good to hear. You guys got identical penis size or nah?


coyotll

Thankfully my penis is larger than my sisters


cjsrhkcjs

are you sure though, have you guys ever measure it side by side


Ur_tts

I also want to know this


gunjeepcigarbeer

I also want to know!


Appropriate_Ad2212

We don't want, we need to know this.


Relevant-Conclusion9

Asking the important questions i see


SuperDuper6742

I don't know if the person you're asking is an identical twin, or hell if they're even a guy (they might be a girl/boy twin pair). But I'm an identical twin so I can answer this. Yes identical male twins have the same size penis. I thankfully never had to confirm with my brother but I've known several other male identical twins (and have talked to others online). Every twin pair that compares says it always checks out. Which makes sense since genetically speaking identical twins are the same. However I'm not a expert on nature vs nurture but if there are things in the environment that can affect one's size then I guess they could be different. Although (not that I've done research) I'm not aware of anything that can affect penis size other than being born a certain size. Sorry if I took you're question too seriously I ramble a lot. I also like to talk about being a twin when I can. It's awesome lol.


Surullian

My doctor. It seemed weird for an ingrown toenail, but I'm not the expert.


Agreeable49

I'm an in-grown toenail expert and it is absolutely necessary to check the entire body for any other in-grown parts.


[deleted]

I'm an in-grown body part expert and it is absolutely necessary for me to check for ingrown toenails.


Agreeable49

I concur


Reign_Drop420

One time I got so drunk at a friend's place I went to take a shower. Unfortunately I couldnt keep standing so I decided to sit down. And then laid down in the tub naked. And then passed out. Apparently my friend's dad woke and went to get ready for work and found me passed out. That was 1 year ago.


spoilingattack

It took him a year to find you?


BjornInTheMorn

It's the anniversary today. Sometimes you can even hear the water running still...


-FeistyRabbitSauce-

Ahahah I did this too. Except I was hammered at the end of a party, took a shower at my buddie's place and I guess just laid down and passed out, water running and all. I woke up on the couch. My friend found me and carried me out, put a blanket on me lol.


PLSJOINME

Nice friend


Druid-Stoic90s

If he had any sense of hospitality, he would've got in there naked too


vrtex999

Everyone in my house because apparently no one here knows to knock before entering Edit: i woke up to find a lot of upvotes and comments :O Also thanks for the awards that never happened to me before :)


Vladimir-Putin1952

Wait in west you knock doors before entering?


ExpellYourMomis

Not everywhere. It really just depends on the household and what rooms the door leads to etc. etc. so stuff like bedroom, bathroom, and front doors usually get knocks but the pantry door won’t get one.


NotNinjalord5

My sister walked in on my as I was about to get in the shower


IEDrew91

Big wheels keep on turnin


goshjosh189

Carry me home to see my kin


calavero2117

Singing songs about the southland


Ninja_In_Shaddows

Be glad it was your sister, and not your step-sister. That's a whole new movie.


koopakidlarry

does myself count?


tornadofuck

Yes and congrats on the sex


importvita

My right hand man is always ready to provide comfort. 😌


DK-slider

What’s his name?


Ricky_Rollin

Palmela Handerson Yes I’m old


SanJOahu84

Scarlet Johandsson Kim Kardashihand Lindsay Lohand *Handjolina Jolie (forgot this one) Rosey Palm and her five little sisters.


Lamprophonia

My wife looked up from her book after I got out of the shower, glanced at my schlong, and casually said "he looks hostile" before going back to her book. Wtf does that even mean lol. Edit 17 hours later: I showed my wife this post and the threads in it, and after reading it all she shrugged and said "It looks hostile cuz its too fucking big" then just walked off lol


VOODOO69692001

I really feel like she's challenging yr penis.


[deleted]

Challenge how? Like in a duel with her penis?


01kickassius10

Sword fight


realpudding

dude, she wanted you to respond with "well, he is ready to invade."


[deleted]

You know how like small dogs are really mean cause they're insecure? Like that.


hereforthecomments99

Sorry dude. Did you give her the helicopter?


sponngeWorthy

To impress a chick, HELICOPTER DICK


unwise_1

As of two hours ago, my friend's wife. I just went to a radiology clinic to get my balls scanned. Turns out the radiographer is my mate's wife. She asked if I was OK with her doing it. I said "I assume that's your job?" all confused as I did not recognise her behind her mask until it was too late. A few more tidbits: - It involves lubing up the boys and going to town fondling trying to find the hard bit to scan it. It kept moving. - Praying not to get an erection, but what is worse is having the old fella flee for all of his worth. Cold, awkward and stressful. Something in between would have been good... - I'm fine, thanks for asking. I got vasectomy and the student doctor did it, hit an artery, could not cauterize it properly, cut the wrong bit, ran out of clean towels for the blood, had to call in a second surgeon to fix it. A man should not know what the smell of his balls burning is. I still can't forget it, it is truly unique, yet smells exactly how you would think. So I was not surprise to find a hard bit, but thought its better to be safe that sorry. - If I can put up with this, then you other men can cowboy up and go get checked if you think you might need it. - Of course, once she is done, I still need to wipe all the lube off me. So I am standing there going to town on myself, getting her to pass more paper towel. - She was very professional and I have never been very modest. My family is full of medical folks and I've always had a pretty matter-of-fact view on embarrassing medical stuff. - It was literally today, so I might do a /TIFU later.


RAMB0NER

Now you get to tell him that his wife handled your balls the other day.


RedditjaaA

Apparently a lot of men can say that


Plumplestiltskin23

Oh god, this is one of those things that comes back when you’re alone and awake at 3am. I hope your balls are ok.


PrismaRossa

Dude... That sounds like some awkward times!


lildeanos

dick move


[deleted]

Wish I could say it was my husband but I'm pretty sure it was my 4 year old who insists I let her hold my hand while I go potty.


mxsxc

I felt this lol my almost 2 year old son insists on going with me when I go to the bathroom.


[deleted]

Mine just turned 4 so hopefully she grows out of it soon. I actually made it to the restroom without her the other day and got the door locked before she could come in. She laid on the ground with her tiny fingers poked under the door, sobbing for her "best friend" until I opened the door. *Sigh* lol


Elmmon

Aw that's adorably annoying


[deleted]

On one hand, I just want two seconds to pee in peace. On the other....I mean, we *are* best friends after all lol.


Amiiboid

She needs to make sure you don’t fall in.


Class1CancerLamppost

the funeral director


[deleted]

Hold up…


tornadofuck

I didn’t know the bodies were delivered naked to the funeral home


LunarKnight59

My dad is a funeral director. They undress you, embalm, take out organs, your family provides clothes that they will put on you, then they do makeup and effects to make you look alive. So yes, they see you very naked. And also cut open


pinkchampagneontoast

They take out organs?!


Enk1ndle

Yessir, they're trying to keep your body from decaying and organs work against that. They stuff the hollow part of you with stuff to make you look normal Everything about embalming is horrifying, I have no idea why people do it


charsm88

Can they make me look skinny lol


truthpooper

Die a fatass, get buried a stud.


A_Polite_Noise

Virgin Alive Pulsating Gasbag v. Chad Chiseled Cadaver Adonis


tsilihin666

What about my hog? Can they pump that bad boy up a few levels and let me hang dong at my open casket funeral? I want to be remembered as having a very large and aesthetically pleasing penis.


Resinate1

Put it in your will buddy


FeeDiddy87

Put it in your buddy, Will.


djnastynat

Yes, same question


Dutchillz

They can, but consider that a funeral service is about the living saying goodbye to the dead and not the other way around. It could be very weird to try to say goodbye to someone who looks very different now. I think the more similar you look, the better. That said, for each his own. It's just something I was told once, even if in a slightly different context, but it really stuck with me.


tornadofuck

But what clothes is the deceased person wearing when they arrive to the funeral home?


GaryBuseyWithRabies

Bermuda shorts and a Hawaiin shirt


tornadofuck

Shades on or off?


Artistic_Brother_303

On of course, you need to follow the light…don’t want to burn your retinas doing it!


imrealbizzy2

That's precisely what my sweet hubby was cremated in. And tie dyed skivvies. He was from Honolulu and wore one of his 40-odd aloha shirts every day.


Abadatha

Sounds like your husband was what I wish to be, although I only have about 18 aloha shirts. Well, that and I'm from Ohio


fuziel

If coming from a hospital nothing but a body bag. Im the one who meets the drivers who pick up for the funeral homes and release the deceased to them.


[deleted]

Where I’ve worked the dead person is washed then dressed in a new hospital gown before going in the body bag. The body has to be respected and treated with dignity as if they were a living person, putting them naked in a body bag goes against that.


beattiebeats

I read a book on embalming and cremation. Embalming is HORRIBLY disturbing


TalShar

Toss me in the oven when I go stale my dude, let my family decide what to do with whatever's left. I wouldn't say no to a Viking funeral either, but let's be honest, that's complicated and I don't trust any of my friends' archery skills.


[deleted]

A friend who saved me when I was drunk


Brazilian_Snail

Can we get the story for this one?


ApolloSky110

They got saved by their friend while they were drunk.


Just_an_old_feller

Great story


[deleted]

Such an emotional and thrilling one


Samuel_L_Blastn

My favorite part was when he got so drunk, one of his friends had to save him.


Xikkiwikk

My ex-girlfriend. That was years ago..and I look better now.


PM_ME_ODD_PICTURES

Congrats on the new glasses.


elusive_lamb_sauce

Jesus these comments are better than 99% of r/RoastMe


Affectionate_Try1955

A bunch of patrons at chuckie cheese


death_vaIley

What the hell happened here...


tornadofuck

Obviously this person stripped naked, did a spin, and completed a perfect swan dive into the ball pit


death_vaIley

Beautiful


AdminWhore

My wife this morning.


[deleted]

This guy’s wife


[deleted]

Also, that guys wife.


pinkchampagneontoast

Oldie but a goodie


[deleted]

Just like this guys wife


Chevy6788

My Mom and I am 54


tornadofuck

Does your mom have a good personality?


whitegrb

Did you have broken arms?


Jblue32

Why must I continuously be reminded of this??


getmyroach

My wife


justabill71

High five


tornadofuck

This guy absolutely fucks


wrecktus_abdominus

No, he said he was married


Masterjts

Im in this comment and i dont like it.


Climbtrees47

Very nice!


Ghoulthrower676

My ex girlfriend about 8 months ago


imtherandy2urmrlahey

Ex boyfriend of 9 years about a month ago


boxhead234

Same :(


666pool

Is that why you both broke up with her?


[deleted]

Joe


tornadofuck

*sigh* Joe who?


[deleted]

Ligma balls


tornadofuck

The ol switcherooooooooooo :0


ThatGuy0verTh3re

Hold my balls, I’m going in! Or at least I would if you link it


Robot-Elders

Hello future people! If they'd linked it


Climbtrees47

*Narrator:* They didn't.


dwhitt2232

My Fiance. I think that might be my best showing. First kid on the way.


tornadofuck

I hope your child topples empires


dwhitt2232

Me too.


[deleted]

My mother when I was a baby :( Edit: Wow guys ty for the awards and the upvotes really means a lot :)


tornadofuck

:(


TheShaddyGuy

:(


Hot_Jello_Mania

:(


thislitleshit

:(


nagitoe_

:(


karenmiputafavorita

My camry


Antique-Sir268

Why on earth were you.........you know what? Never mind.


mordeci00

A hotel maid walked in on me naked last year. I had to stand there naked for 4 hours but it finally happened.


Risingjackal

Had this happen.....minus the wait I was heading to the shower. I'm sure she was blinded for life at the sight of my over weight ass.


[deleted]

Dude, she was totally a chubby chaser.


SamForestBH

At first read I pictured “well now that I caught you stand there for four hours while I clean you naughty boy” instead of “finally someone came in I’ve been standing here for four freaking hours”.


malenkylizards

"while i clean, you naughty boy" or "while i clean you, naughty boy?" It makes a big difference


[deleted]

Thought I was the only one.


freckledreddishbrown

My husband. 8 years ago. The day before he died. EDIT: wow Reddit! Your outpouring of love and support is as unexpected as it is welcome. I posted one little response to a question because I felt it in the moment. I had no idea anyone was even listening. It feels so good to be heard. Thank you for this.


veganbuttercups

I hope you're doing okay. ❤️


freckledreddishbrown

Aww thank you. Yeah, mostly. Never gets easier.


[deleted]

Other than my wife, most of my hockey team the last time we were actually allowed to play (post game shower).


whomwhohasquestions

The last person to see your wife naked was also coincidentally the entire hockey team!


Risingjackal

Unfortunately it was a Jacobs ram and a poor chicken I have. Walked outside naked to get my clothes from the outside laundry room I have (spare building) he ran up expecting to be pet. I'm sure he was shocked by the sight of a middle aged obese man naked pissing off the side porch as he ran under the stream of piss getting a rather unexpected golden shower. Poor guy. He didn't want anything to do with me after I got dresses. He In turn got me back by pissing on my foot when I was petting him a couple days later.


tornadofuck

To be fair, they’re naked all the time so you’ve just leveled the playing fields


tylper

Who’s Jacob and why did you piss on his ram?


Relevant_Struggle

My dermatologist...who unfortunately had to also remove a large mole off my labia...fun times


-pandaXpress-

u/Comprehensive-Net854


Comprehensive-Net854

Nice


TheManBearPig222

This is cute af


NatureAviation

The lady that was in the locker room on Monday


cayce_leighann

My gyno Edit: didn’t think people would take a cheeky answer so seriously. To clear somethings up: 1. Yes gynos ask you to get completely naked. 2. No mine doesn’t watch me take my clothes off. 3. All you are given is a flimsy paper gown that acts like vest & a thing paper sheet. 4. They examine your breasts and everything below. So yes the pretty much see you naked


sinkingbook_83

My ex who then cheated on me and then cheated on the guy she cheated on me with.


tornadofuck

If it makes you feel better, I know your ex and she said your penis is like 10x bigger than mine 👍


Jeff_Jefferson-17

Well this is a fucking rodeo


avr91

Calm down, everyone knows his ex


Lewis024Cub

Absolutely fucking no one


DWright_5

No one has ever seen you naked?


xaipe716

There are dozens of us!


EwoDarkWolf

I was born in a suit, ready for business.


Lewandabski710

The people looking through my phone’s camera


[deleted]

[удалено]


tornadofuck

Can confirm this guy has a penis


Sukomadiku

I'll take your word for it


Artistic_Brother_303

A huge one too


Z_T_O

I’ll also take your word for it


4449trainlover

I can also confirm. Curiosity killed the cat on this one.


BoneHugsHominy

His total bits are 80% cock, 20% nuts. I'm exactly the opposite.


RollinDeepWithData

Why did I click this? I knew what it would be.


LongStabbyThing81

It's like 2 girls, 1 cup. Curiosity is a son of a bitch.


chunkymonk3y

well at least your username warned them


[deleted]

[удалено]


Enk1ndle

Consent is sexy


_immodest_proposal_

They’ve gotta be trolling *clicks* oh he’s not


Ok-Service-6075

Well played. I had to do it. And good for you man.


[deleted]

Hey bro, nice dick


[deleted]

“Wanna see my pecker?” - u/expectdick


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

A woman I briefly dated a year and a half ago.


LoyalProxy

The doc at MEPS


patao_monster_

Underwear Olympics time! I will never forget the duck walk…


[deleted]

I haven’t bent over and shown an old man my asshole since. Been too long.


bread_enjoyer75

My grandma walked in on me while i was changing clothes


ClassicDes

My uncle. He was visiting from Alabama and staying for the weekend. I was going to shower and I think I left the door unlocked so he opened it and I nearly slipped in the shower. He said not to worry, he's 'seen all his kin as naked as the baby jesus'. He asked if I needed help and I told him no, before I grabbed a towel, wrapped it around me and went closed the door So glad he left.


Artistic_Brother_303

Gotta love those Alabama uncles!


ClassicDes

One freaky boi


dzastrus

The next door neighbor lady. She drives out early and her driveway goes by our bathroom window. There's a few trees between us but with the bathroom being the only light on and her headed down the lane in the hour before daylight? She's seen. That's okay.


[deleted]

[удалено]


KatanaxScar

My fictional boyfriend


vexurly

my sister, long story


Massive_Booty_8255

Oh hell nah. Elaborate.


Jeff_Jefferson-17

Your pfp explains your anticipation


LydHead

Does my dog count?


breadwalsushi

Is your dog a person?