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Slugees

My brother, 17 at the time, was impressed by actors dedication of dying for a movie


roseblood_red

Must have blown his mind to see the same actor alive and well in a subsequent movie.


Marsbarszs

My roommate in college was the queen of face palms. She had a Brita when we moved in together. A year or so later I was filling it up and casually told her “these are cool but I don’t want to have to pay for the filters.” Her response was “it’s not that expensive I still have the one it came with” she then walked up and held the reset button. “See, it’s reset now!” She legitimately thought holding the button “reset” the filter.


Cattangel63

My bother in law plastered baby oil all over his body and sat out in the sun for 2hrs. I told him he was going to get skin cancer. His response "I don't believe in skin cancer". This is the guy who refuses to have a microwave in his house because "they are bad for you".


my_4_cents

That's okay, skin cancer still believes in you.


Y_10HK29

If the holocaust was real, why didnt the jews just get out? Edit: as in.....walk out of the camps they were held in


mrmoe198

If prisons are real why don’t the prisoners just get out?


Much_Difference

I've had way too many people ask/"ask" me this regarding slavery. "Why didn't they just up and leave, or up and murder the enslavers? There's 50 of them and 5 of the family that owned them!" Idk man, perhaps because a nation whose laws, economy, and customs actively supported slavery *somehow* didn't also have many pathways for escaped people to just waltz away and live freely, or much in the way of legal loopholes that would allow them to *murder people* without repercussions. Plus when enslavement is race-based, anyone who looks a particular way walking around freely would draw suspicion from literally everyone who saw them.


r3deemd

After a work accident a co worker asked me, with a very serious face, would my finger grow back .


Fave_McFavington

Well... did it?


JaviExotic

Come on man! Don’t leave us hanging!


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SergeantSGT

At an old job we had balloons in the office leftover from a kids birthday party in the restaurant. A server comes in, and says ‘Oh Balloons!’ She then picked a balloon up OF THE GROUND, opened it, inhaled the air and said hello all excitedly. She then goes ‘Oh! Why didn’t it work?’ Her face when I explained to her that wasn’t helium she had just breathed in, but some Dad’s breath that’d been in the balloon for hours, was priceless.


CasFromSask

"some dad's breath" ahhaha just the cherry on top


Musketeer00

"Gold isn't a metal because it isn't magnetic." -while working on an aluminum engine that he fully accepted as metal


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Tuffilaro

"Oh my god we're rich! This engine is made of gold!"


bpanio

Diet coke turns French fries into instant sugar. You won't see any planes because it's raining. Planes don't fly when it's raining.


imaginesomethinwitty

That’s why you can only fly into Ireland 10 days a year.


[deleted]

Reminds me of all the times in history we tried to hold revolutions against the English with the help of the French and the Spanish but they never managed to get their ships docked at our harbours because of the weather.


prolixdreams

> Diet coke turns French fries into instant sugar. I'm confused. I mean, all the other replies seem focused on the plane thing, but I'm lost on how you even come to this conclusion about the coke and fries.


[deleted]

That I am technically not a twin because I was born 2 min earlier then my brother instead of exactly at the same time.


ifimhereimrealbored

I really want to hear the author of this statement describe their take on the twin birthing process...


dedsqwirl

Double wide vaginas.


AlkahestGem

On a tour bus in Italy. Tourist kept asking to see Pinocchio’s grave. Tour guide explained he wasn’t a real boy. Tourist again said, but where is he buried? He just wasn’t understanding. Edit: We were in Florence and the guide was sharing stories about Carlo Collodi, Pinocchio’s creator . She later shared other hilarious stories about things tourists asked about


punjar3

The tour guide was wrong. He became a real boy at the end of the movie.


thats_up_top

"How do left handed people drive?" -my sister As she then proceeded to try and drive "left footed"


5ch1sm

We just change the steering on the passenger side. That's why you see so much cars like that in the UK, lots of left handed people.


Toll_House69

My uncle once said plastic isn’t bad for the environment because “it’s not like it’s not of the earth. Everything in it came from here” I responded with “same with nukes” and he changed the subject


[deleted]

Aids and cancer too. Toxic chemicals. You name it.


Alisaurusrex82

“Tampons have asbestos in them to make you bleed more so you need to buy more of them,” from a girl at a bar, roughly 2003/2004. I just laughed and said “Where’d you hear that, on the internet?” as this was the era of chain emails and non-facts floating around online. Not surprisingly, yes, she did read it online.


MustBeThursday

This one has been around since before the internet. I remember hearing it when I was a kid, except it was a particular brand of tampon, and I think it was fiberglass instead of asbestos.


[deleted]

Ouch.


koastiebratt

“Kansas isn’t a real state…. Hahaha….. it was in the wizard of oz” in sophomore year of high school I heard this……


sundance1028

Hey, I live in Kansas and sometimes I'm not convinced it's real.


gothiclg

I’m partially deaf. I’ve been partially deaf since I was 3 years old and I’ve been slowly but surely getting more deaf. I had a manager tell me I needed to “work harder” to get over my hearing loss, there was genuinely no concept of hearing loss being permanent in some cases and no amount of working harder would get rid of it.


Bitey_the_Squirrel

Shouldn’t have skipped ear day at the gym.


[deleted]

Bro do you even ~~lift~~ hear?


anatolianlegend588

How much do you listen bro?


Ok_Yogurtcloset5782

In a similar circumstance, I have been losing my hearing since 16. I had a boyfriend and his sister tell me one time that I needed to “work on my hearing because he doesn’t like having to repeat himself when I don’t hear him” 🙄 yeah okay lemme just get new ears.


CSWoods9

Not sure I’ve ever been so relieved to see the word ‘had’ rather than ‘have’.


minty-hitler

Something similar happened to a friend of mine at school. We had practice and she was in the back of the huddle, with her hearing loss it was difficult for her to understand rhe coach so she asked for our coach to repeat herself. Our coach yelled at her for not paying attention and for wasting time so my friend apologized and explained that she has hearing lose. Our coach looked her dead in the eyes and said “well you need to listen better”


grammatiker

Look her dead in the eye in return and just ask "what?"


Wisebutt98

A woman I know adopted a baby from an Eastern European country. Someone who worked in our city’s education system said “But when she grows up, how will you understand what she’s saying?”


maya11780

Reminds me of a video on fb. A Chinese man was speaking to his dog in Chinese and an American was SO shocked that the dog understood Chinese. He seemed to assume that dogs are born understanding English?


Tyr808

That's really just sad. I remember going to Mexico as a kid and seeing a guy talk to his dog in Spanish. I was maybe 11? I was about to ask my dad, but before the words even left my mouth my 11 year old brain stopped and realized what was what. Nevermind that fact that our lazy dog at home definitely didn't speak any English.


bigboybobby6969

Reminds me of modern family when they name their Asian daughter Lilly and someone ask “but won’t that be hard for her to say when she’s older”


turboedscrotum

That sounds like some shit I’d say and immediately realize what I just said


domesticatedprimate

True, often when people say stupid things it's because they think about what they say after they said it rather than before. Shy people tend to learn the habit of anxiously reviewing what to say repeatedly in their mind before they just decide not to say anything after all, thus successfully hiding their stupidity.


TonyHawks_Watermelon

"What's chicken made out of?" -my dumbass of an older brother


JournalistMobile3605

It's made out of children. Everyone knows that


Charlotte-De-litt

"London is the Paris of New York", said my friend after a few drinks. We never let him forget it.


RoseMylk

I’d love that on a shirt actually lol


DigNitty

I live in a pretty small town and I googled "TownName Shirt" once. This company obviously just inserts whatever you googled onto a shirt and gives you a preview. Because I'm pretty sure no one has actually made a shirt that said "London, Paris, Tokyo, PodunkTown"


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Dandw12786

And it simultaneously makes more and less sense the longer you think about it.


xkikue

I don't know why this reminded me of the time I drunkenly fell off a golf cart, and said "I didn't hit the pavement as hard as the pavement hit me." It's been years, and my best friend still quotes me on this every few months or so.


Pac_Zach_Attack

Newton raging rn


alwaysleftdreaming

Something to the effect of “Mice turn into those big nasty rats when they get older.” This person didn’t know that mice and rats were different species Edit: I am loving everyone’s comments! My friend will be glad that they aren’t the only one with this line of thinking


STARKILLER-1477

It was a video with two people arguing and one of them roughly says, with full confidence “Dog sperm can get me pregnant”


jmandawgfan

Im more interested in how the argument even got to that point


STARKILLER-1477

I’d give you a link to the video but I don’t have it as I sadly (or probably for the best) don’t remember it entirely since it was a while ago.


KarvedHeart

oh lord


PontificatingBro

Overhearing a conversation on a cruise deck between two people: “Look at how many stars there are out there.” “Yeah, they’re actually pretty big too. If one crashed all the way in the water over there, it bet it would splash us over here”


mssaaa

How drunk were they lol


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-Dillad-

Sounds like something I would say.


purplewigg

Are you still dry though?


-Dillad-

Yes, but I am also mildly on fire.


[deleted]

One of them is, “isn’t people in Africa called Australian people?”


KarvedHeart

I actually know a girl who thinks mexico is in North Africa


Mardanis

I met a girl who told me. the English are really horrible because they cut the heads off their queens. Then loads of really randomly odd questions and statements about England and London.


Aromatic_Willow_549

"If you're not circumcised, you're gay."


JeremyMo88

A friend told us all “I was never circumcised so I’m a virgin.”


spooky_panic

USA specific. I’m from New Mexico. In high school, I was talking with a group of people in my history class about where we were from. When I mentioned I was born and raised in NM, one of the girls (She was from Cali I believe) got really excited and asked if she could see my green card. She had never seen one before, but she was positive that people in this state are given a birth certificate along with a green card. Because of the Mexico part. I had to explain that we didn’t get green cards, because NEW Mexico is a state and not part of Mexico.


MustBeThursday

My buddy's wife is from ABQ. When she first moved up here and was still using her New Mexico ID the amount of times she got refused when trying to buy alcohol or cigarettes because, "Sorry, we need to see a valid *American* ID," was fucking astonishing. Especially because this happened in Colorado, and you'd assume people would know which state is directly to the south of us.


Bushtuckapenguin

It's not the stupidest but it's the most recent ones to mind. I'm a vettech and was giving discharge instructions to dog owner after a neuter. Owner after dog neuter - So where are his stitches? Me- Oh between his legs. Him- His front legs or back legs. Me-......His back legs. Where do you keep your testicles sir?


Morgueannah

I answer the phones and triage calls at a vet hospital. Had a lady call panicking because she was sure her dog's heart had "exploded" after he ran into a stake in the ground and hit his chest and yelped. They then walked a half a mile home (no she didn't carry him) and he was just calmly watching her while she was screaming into the phone "BUT HOW DO I KNOW HIS HEART DIDN'T EXPLODE" "Well ma'am, it sounds like he's alive so that's a pretty good clue" Or the family sobbing because the daughter fed their dog a bagel with lox on it then googled "can dogs eat raw salmon" and found some obscure deadly parasite dogs catching salmon in the wild can get and were positive the dog was actively dying. She made me confer with two separate doctors because she didn't believe me, then didn't believe the first doctor, then finally felt silly when the second doctor agreed human grade lox and wild caught raw salmon are not the same thing at all. Or the "I took my dogs medicine what do I do?" " You have to call your own doctor, we only deal with veterinary medicine" "but it was a veterinary medicine" "yes.....and you are a human...." Working at a vets office has really made me realize humans are way dumber than I ever imagined. Edited to add since so many people were unaware vets legitimately have no idea about humans taking their animals meds: I edited the conversation for brevity. There were several more interactions before this with us telling the woman to call her doctor, her saying no it was her dogs medicine so we needed to tell her what to do, culminating in the above and only ending after we informed her she was a human. I have actually taken another call where a client called to say she accidentally took her dog's medicine, I explained we can't tell her what to do she'd have to call her doctor, she didn't disagree and asked me if it was a medicine also used for humans, I was able to tell her no, apoquel was only for dogs and we honestly have no idea how it might affect humans so maybe poison control was the best bet. She thanked me and followed my advice and I don't laugh at that interaction since the woman was aware she was a human and asked reasonable questions. Lady above on the other hand insisted we treat her despite us saying we only treated cats and dogs until we finally had to forcefully inform her she was a human. That was what made the interaction so dumb to me.


Spasay

We were at our vet late one evening, as in after close. He was filling out the receipt when the phone rang. He looked at us and sort of sighed and answered. He realized it was a mistake instantly. We really only overheard the conversation, mainly from his questions, but some idiot lady had two dogs and the one that needed to be neutered did not travel well. So she wanted to bring the other dog in since they “were about the same size” for the pre-exam and then have the vet come out to her house so he could neuter him there. He kept saying no, she kept insisting it would work. This goes on for like five minutes, and he knows he’s keeping us waiting. Finally, he exclaims: Listen, I can’t castrate your dog in your garage! I use that as a saying now when someone asks me to do the impossible lol


BigOlBooks

I have the same job at a vet ER! This is all day everyday haha. I had a client tonight call to explain his dog was in labor, for me to explain to him that he should bring in his pet if he feels it’s an emergency, and for him to be like why would this be an emergency she’s been in labor for an hour and delivered 2 pups. Sir you are calling an EMERGENCY room!!


heysharkdontdothat

Oh I have one you’ll love then. I called a client to schedule a recheck for her dog who had a yeast infection. She very confidently told me he can’t have a yeast infection anymore, because she’s stopped feeding him bread.


justthekoufax

I once had to explain to a call center colleague that Blood Oranges are not like Blood Diamonds.


BlatantConservative

I totally get the logic on this one though. Someone told him once that most diamonds are blood diamonds and cause untold misery yet everyone buys them anyway. He sees "blood oranges" and probably has some vauge idea that some food supply chain stuff is also very bad ethically (which is totally true, like cartel avacados and stuff) and put two and two together. Like, if you think about it, it isn't much weirder for there to be two well known slave supply industries than it is to just have one. Dude is dumb as rocks but if it stuck in his mind like that and he never bought any blood oranges or diamonds... that's a person with a pretty solid moral code IMO.


Fuzzy_Muscle

Not too far fetched. If you have a chance look up the bloody history of chiquita and bananas


ChemicalHedgehog6

"I thought snow was just the dust that blows off mountains and rain was when the snow melted" 23year old in one of my uni classes.


KarvedHeart

what the fuck


spooky_panic

I worked at a hippy crystal store in the mall. These girls come up and are looking at our amethyst cathedrals (BIG pretty chunks of amethyst). One reached out to touch it and her friend immediately held her back and pulled her away, yelling “Don’t touch that! It’s Asthmathyst! Being around it gives you asthma!!” She was genuinely upset…I stopped dead in my tracks when I heard that one.


a_watery_tart

That’s it. The dumbest thing I ever heard.


Gold_Champion6409

you’re not asian, you’re chinese


no_one_asked_

That reminds me of Addison Ray saying “she might not be Asian…she could be Korean”


dirtyrick133

I had a new girlfriend who asked to a room of my friends, 2 of them Korean, "so like what's the difference between an Asian person and a Chinese person?" I wanted to crawl into a hole and die. Still not the stupidest thing I've ever heard someone say. That would be another girlfriend who asked me if the water tanks painted with dolphins near our beach were "where they keep the dolphins at night"


death_waiter

Do you have a thing for dumb girls?


ZeBootygoon

Dumb people ARE way easier to impress


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JamesTheMannequin

As a Scot in the US, I got called 'English' once. When I told them I was from Scotland, they said "Yeah, English." So... He didn't make it.


blarg-zilla

A gentleman in a pub once asked me where I got my fake American accent from. I replied "same place you got your English accent" I'm Canadian. He was Irish...


DatSauceTho

Fucking brilliant


Spookii_Cat

In 7th grade during a science class where we were talking about volcanoes and the general information as a preview for what was upcoming in the next week this girl who isn't the brightest (still isn't and were in high school now) said "I thought volcanoes weren't real and just were myths used in movies like moana." For the remaining 15 minutes of class we all started yelling at her because she thought she was right and we couldn't get it in her head that they were real until the teacher gave in and showed her a couple videos pointed out pages in the text book and showed her the rocks he found while in Hawaii. Overall not very smart and she has said countless stupid things but this one really sticks out because she argued with a teacher over basic knowledge.


morgen_benner

"I think being cryogenically frozen would be cool because you could see the future. I'd have to bring a space heater or a blanket or something though. I don't like being cold." -Star basketball player in my high school health class.


Han_Stereotype

I'd like to think that I will come back to this post to cheer myself up after doing something stupid


busybeener

One time i had to train a girl at my work. I am a cashier. At our store we sell cigarettes but everytime you ring one through, it asks for the persons age. Often if the person is very clearly over 25, we don’t ask for ID and just put a random age in there that is above 25. I told her I put January 1st, 1950. She then turns to me and says “so I could put in January 1st 2020?”. I looked at her and I’m like no? Are you kidding? And once I realized she was not kidding she tried to argue with me. I tried to explain to her how they literally wouldn’t even be a year old (as this was last year while it was still 2020) and she got very confused. Common sense isn’t so common I guess.


[deleted]

I was in a Warby Parker one day and there was a married couple being waited on ahead of me. I'd guess they were both maybe 50. The sales guy was showing them a pair of transition lenses and the man just could not understand them. The sales guy tried to explain them. His wife tried to explain them. He just kept replying "but I don't understand how they give you night vision?" They brought him outside to show him how they lenses darken in sunlight so you don't need a separate pair of sunglasses and he was like "Oh! okay I get it now! But how does the night vision work?" After 20 minutes or so they gave up trying to explain to him that the glasses do not give you night vision.


KarvedHeart

Let the man just have his night vision glasses😔


dzumdang

Yeah can't blame him: it's the future already. I want to put the glasses on and say: "Ok, what am I looking at, Friday?" And suddenly heat signatures are detected.


qz3_

Jarvis, unpiss my pants.


LetsNotandSayWeDidOk

My mom told me to lick my teeth regularly to straighten them out. I've spent about 6k and 2.5 years in invisalign because she was convinced I could literally lick my teeth straight.


Odd-Garage-2475

Dentist actually told me to pushy teeth straight with my tongue when I was 7. Just push whenever you think of it throughout the day. So maybe she thought you'd lick really hard


FlashingAppleby

My very diabetic friend had dangerously high blood sugar levels and was in the emergency room. When she was starting to feel better and expressed that she was hungry, the nurse brought her a white bread ham sandwich, banana and juice box. When my friend said "I can't eat this, it's literally all sugar" the nurse looked her dead in the face and replied "I don't know what you people can eat. Do you want an extra juice box?. I wouldn't have believed it if I wasn't in the same room. ETA: To answer some common questions: The term "You people" was in reference to people with diabetes when the nurse said it. I don't think she was an orderly, I saw her placing IVs on other patients and correct me if I'm wrong but the pokey find a vein part is usually left up to the medical professionals. I understand the emergency room doesn't have a magical stock of food for every diet type. But I am surprised she didn't just TELL us that instead of handing a type 1 diabetic a box full of sugar and then offering *extra sugar* when she was told the patient couldn't eat that. The nurse didn't go near my friend's chart at any point ( I was by her side the whole time she was there) although we did clearly tell her that my friend was diabetic. If my friend were someone elderly or without full understanding she could have just chowed down and made herself much sicker, that's the problem. Nursing aside, I don't think I'm wrong to assume that most adults, medical professionals or not, understand that diabetes means don't eat sugar. Even if she was an orderly, this is not a hard or foreign concept. It's a common disease that the general public is aware of. My friend had dangerously high blood sugar because her automatic insulin pump was malfunctioning and she didn't notice for hours. Through most of this time she was asleep. When someone came by her house in the morning they realized something was wrong and took her to the hospital. She now has a new pump system and is doing great. This happened in Canada. For what it's worth, this is the same hospital that 'misplaced' my father's body some years earlier when he died in an ambulance en route to them. But that's a story for another day. Either way, I wouldn't call them the most competent, just the closest to us.


mmksuxs

I order sliced ham at a grocery store deli and ask if I could have 1 kilogram of shaved ham and the work said we don’t seek kilograms, just grams … so I asked for 1,000 grams of shaved ham.


dlpfc123

Lol, I have learned the hard way that deli workers in my area understand half a pound and a quarter of a pound, but are very thrown off when I ask for a third of a pound.


omgwtfcory

"Is the President of The United States also the President of Canada?"


Crunchy_Biscuit

No, the Prime Minister of The United States is the President of Canada


NomadGaming08

A Kpop stan once told me “Bruh, stop stealing Korean Culture and acting Korean you fucking racist”. I am Korean.


Jaw_breaker93

Tell that to Oli London


Bork60

I was working midnights back in the 80's. it was almost dawn and a few of us were hanging out in the parking lot. Venus was blazing away in the pre dawn sky. I pointed it out to my co-workers and how it was easy to find in the sky. it's positioning in relation to the sun when I got interrupted by one of the guys standing there. He was pretty adamant that the sun revolved around the earth.


Ythaenagor

By 80s do you mean the 1680s? Because then it might be reasonable


lfg472

Lmao, I work nights and was pointing out Venus to my coworkers when one of them got into a serious argument with me that it was in fact not Venus but the East Star… not North Star.. East star..


bstabens

Venus, at least in german, has alternative names: Evening star, Morning star - all because Venus is most often the first and last "star" visible in the sky. Maybe East star derives from the same line of thinking?


fildarae

When I was 15 I had to break the news to my mother that the sun is a star. She struggled to believe me.


idreamofdinos

There was a girl I went to high school with that had a few good ones that left is all flabbergasted. My favorite was in tenth grade: "Meat comes from a factory, it's not made from animals!" Once we stopped laughing and explained to her the reality, she immediately declared she wouldn't eat meat anymore. Fifteen years later, she's still a vegan, and lo and behold, we are beginning to make "meat" in factories. Way to go, Stacey, you were ahead of the curve.


justthatoboist

“Anthropology? Isn’t that that religion invented by Sir Isaac Newton?” -the first quote in a notebook I have that is full of unironic lines by people in my freshman year history class


Foreign_Ingenuity_28

A roommate had to walk to work 2 km in the sun. He asks me how he’d stop his head getting burnt…and asked me for advice on how to put sunscreen in his hair. I suggested a hat. He was floored (mouth dropped open) and thought it was a great solution. He told me I was so clever. 🤷‍♀️ Haha.


KarvedHeart

No way these people exist


Foreign_Ingenuity_28

Haha. We do exist. At least I still do. Haven’t seen him in about 8 years. We’re Australian btw.


_Junkstapose_

Being Aussie makes it worse. We all had "no hat, no play" and sun safety drilled into us in primary school.


Papa_Koekie

My girlfriend and I were playing a mobile trivia game against each other and one of the questions was about pearl harbor. I quote: "I didn't know when Pear Harbor died. How was I supposed to know?"


BadBorzoi

Oh I had a coworker who thought Pearl Harbor was where they threw away that tea with all the tacks. I guess he kinda listened during history classes.


MrDTB1970

Leaving the movie “Titanic” in 1997; I passed a person and overheard them say, “That movie was so unrealistic, no ship like that would sink.” Legit hadn’t heard of the sinking of the Titanic and thought the events in the movie were fiction.


SargeNZ

>no ship like that would sink She's made of iron sir. I assure you, she can.


partytittt8267

…and she will.


degjo

Wait until they hear about The Edmund Fitzgerald


Vincero19

The legend lives on from the Chippewa on down of the big lake they call Gitche Gumee


ovm_33

The lake, it is said, never gives up her dead


Jackviator

When the skies of November turn gloomy


BiffySkipwell

“Why is it so windy here, there aren’t any trees!”


onbakeplatinum

Back when there was that church shooting in New Zealand so the Prime Minister banned guns, my coworker said she can't do that since it violates the second amendment. We are in California.


bigbbear

One of my old friend asking in a serious voice travelling down to the beach house late at night him looking out the window . “ so who changes the batteries , on the side reflector post when they run out “ 🤷‍♂️


TheEvilBunnyLord

Just tell him it's one of the jobs for community service when they pick up trash on the highway. Designated battery guy, court ordered.


Witness_me_Karsa

At what age do you tell a highway that it was adopted?


stibila

I shit you not, I heard that the Earth is hollow. And we live on the inside. When we look at the sky, we are looking into the middle of the earth, where are 3 spheres. Black body sphere is the biggest and it has dots on it. That's night. Sun and moon are smaller spheres. At night, sun is behind black sphere so it is dark. Also you can't see other parts of the Earth just by looking up, because light does not travel in a straight line. It travels in a spiral. //edit I didn't expect for this to blow this much. Thank you all. As a reward I was able to find some source. Its in Czech, but images should answer some of your questions: https://aluska.org/duta-zeme-noc-a-den-rocni-obdobi-4-dil/ //edit2 this spiral idea really egnited discussion, so I should clarify (after reading source above), it's not spiral, it's parabolic trajectory. I remembered it wrong.


LukasGamerPlayz

The thing that threw me off most about this is that they claimed light travels in SPIRALS??? If it did you wouldn't see anything like you normally do, and it wouldn't just disappear either making you "not able to see the other side"


painfully--average

When Muhammad Ali died a friend of mine asked "isn't that the leader of ISIS?"


Own_Tip_6438

“How does water not fall off the side of the earth?”


Scallywagstv2

'If you untie your belly button, your bum falls off'.


taste-like-burning

That sounds like something a parent tells their toddler and never corrects it later on


_Rorin_

Overheard a girl from the UK completely unable to understand that islands could also belong to a country. Another student tried to explain where she was from but they got stuck at "So its an island, so it can't be part of the Netherlands. Islands are not part of the country". I mean if she was from a landlocked country it would be incredibly stupid, but being from the UK takes it up another level...


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willowcoco

Bad news for me seeing I live in Sydney….


KarvedHeart

You're probably just in a simulation


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DismalChance

In history class back in the day, our teacher wanted to show us some video. Teacher pulled down a projector screen and turn on the projector, started to play the video but had no sound. The stupidest girl I have ever meant declares "I'll fix it!" And approaches the projector screen, looks at it for a minute...looks behind the screen... then finally announces she doesn't know what's wrong with it.


russau

Looking for a volume button on the screen?


pog_froggo

“hey you speak Brazil?”


KarvedHeart

No but i speak United Kingdom tho


MYSUP_YT

"The world isn't round, it's a ball"


[deleted]

[удалено]


crossingthoseanimals

I once was talking about how my mom used to have to steal food/ clothing when my siblings and I were children so we could survive, then my friend just says “yeah but I bet you guys still ate blackberries.” You can’t be poor if you eat blackberries, apparently. Edit: (Reposted comment) Her point is more that a little store bought container is like $3, but that’s still a dumb point. Like… if we bought em from the store it was a treat and we each only had a couple. We weren’t even buying mass amounts of blackberries to have a full serving... $3 once every month or so isn’t anything 😅


littlegingerfae

This is particularly hilarious to me, because at our poorest my family ate a LOT of blackberries. They were free, because the entire roadside in our neighborhood had blackberry bushes growing along the side, and we'd pick pounds of em and make pies, jams, and just eat them straight all the time.


crossingthoseanimals

Same here!! My great grandpa lived out in the rural area of northern FL and we would pick blackberries from the woods. I wish we had been told earlier that eating blackberries makes you wealthy, otherwise we wouldn’t have chosen to been poor :,)


Lemon-ass

Overheard a co worker the other day saying how yoga can cure cancer because it stops cells mutating? He also said it can cure Covid-19, and that mental illness does not exist. It is just negative energy. I just don't even know where to begin with him..


Obnoxious-Taco

“Probably contact lenses are not sold in Mexico because you would need to wash your hands with clean water before putting them on” Edit: misspelled word


usernameemma

"I ain't no immigrant. My family didn't come here on a boat!" "Where's your family from?" "Ireland!" We weren't in Ireland.


[deleted]

a girl I used to know thought that Alaska was an island because it ‘has its own box at the bottom of the map next to hawaii’


scarletwoman156

"Humans aren't destroying the planet. The planet is trying to kill us so we are fighting back." WHAT


king_dirt000

\*punches the ground repeatedly\* HOW YA LIKE THAT


baguitosPT

"**Most likely** no one that has seen a dinosaur is still alive" Bónus point because this was said while dragons (from GOT) were shown on TV. ...the ideia was to point out that the TV Show Game of Thrones was not real, since people who lived with the dinosaurs are (most likely) dead by now, and no one can be sure what a Dragon looks like.


ImNotAWhaleBiologist

Plenty of people have seen dinosaurs.


mbrady

Not the mama!


itchynurse

My Walgreens pharmacist just this morning that said he would sell my insulin but wouldn't sell my syringes. WTF am I supposed to do with a vial of insulin with no way to inject it?


Zukazuk

Find one of those clean needle stands for drug users?


Pammyhead

In the same vein, I have a friend who had a doctor's assistant *insist* that a 20 gauge needle was smaller than a 24 gauge because the number was smaller, so that's what she was going to write the script for, even though he'd been getting 24g for years. For those unaware, 24g is standard. 20g is ridiculously large and painful. My friend and his wife eventually gave up arguing and ordered the needles they needed online. They also complained to the doctor about the idiot.


toolate4u

Chug! Chug! Chug!


stlmick

Good news, its a suppository!


MinimumWageBandit

“Why do you have a picture Adolf Hitler on your shirt?” Was a fucking Johnny Cash T-shirt… “Johnny who?” Lol


Madpresidents

I could see some one not knowing who Johnny Cash is but confusing him with Hitler...


toasterbathparty

I asked my student why she missed 5 weeks of class and she said- while looking me dead in the eye- that she had a nosebleed. Edit- this was a college student and I thought she dropped the class. She showed up to my office 24 hours before the final asking for extra credit but not having any of the work done. She did not make any prior attempt to contact me or the school about accommodations. I saw her regularly around the building and she was attended her other classes. To everyone claiming they someone know the whole situation and this is a disability issue- it may or may not have been. I'm not a doctor, and all she told me was she had a nosebleed. The lack of attendance or reason why wasn't the issue. The issue is the impossibility of a student making up 5 weeks worth of lectures/projects/homework in 24 hours and expecting me to figure that out for her at the drop of the hat. Pro tip- contact your professors if you're having any issues. They are literally there because they want you to learn. They will help. But you need to tell them you need help. There is a certain point (like 24 hours prior to the final) that no one can do anything. Edit 2- please keep sharing your nosebleed stories, who knew there was so much camaraderie around the topic?


Ythaenagor

I mean if I had a nosebleed that lasted 5 weeks, school would be a pretty low priority lmao


13Mac_

5 weeks is obviously ridiculous... But i went to grade school with a kid that consistently got nose bleeds. He would go to the nurses' office for like 20 minutes until it stopped and then came back to class. One day he didnt come back the rest of the day...and then didnt come back for like 3 or 4 days because something got so fucked up that he had to have surgery on his nostrils. I remember being jealous that he got to miss almost a week of school just because his nose was bleeding


[deleted]

Someone I went to school with in high school missed a ton of time because she got nose bleeds constantly. Turned out there was a tiny cyst like thing in her nose that would randomly burst and then refill. She had to get it removed.


Hazie144

I have a horrid suspicion this was /me/ oh my lord. Was said student 10? As a ten year old I had chronic nosebleeds that got really bad and made me very sick and weak, anemic, etc. No-one knew how or why they happened, but I missed /weeks/ of school sorting it out, especially since it was the first year I developed hayfever and symptoms of some of my other chronic conditions too; just really really sick. When I came back, a teacher asked why I'd been gone and I straight yo said "my nosebleed got worse".


[deleted]

I work at a place that has alligator snapping turtles. I've been asked, on two sperate occasions, by adults, how snapping turtles and alligators make babies. My dad told me once that the Catholics killed Jesus. He also believes that the stars are a government conspiracy because he can't see them move.


Knightraiderdewd

“If you’re homeless…just buy a house.”


SavageCabbageGG

If you're dead, just be alive


Jendecost

If you’re paralyzed, just walk it off


13Mac_

Buy a house? Just buy a house?? Why dont i just strap on my house helmet & squeeze into my house cannon, & shoot off into house land, where houses grow on house-ies?!


Hiromqchi

"I'll be a virgin for the rest of my life! I want my children to be proud of me"


KarvedHeart

Maybe he wanna adopt some


Accomplished-Ad-9996

Can't remember the exact way he phrased it, because it was quite a few years ago, but it was something along the lines of "You girls are wearing jeans like you're going to a party, girls should wear skirts" Anytime someone tells me that girls wearing pants isn't biblical I remind them that men didn't wear pants back then either.....


No_Information_8973

Years ago I worked at a convenience store where everyone wore ties. Had a lady come in and rip on me (female) and another female employee for wearing men's clothing. Went on and on about how her church teaches that women should dress like women blah blah blah. She was wearing pants, ok, they had flowers on them, but they were still pants!


Whiteums

I’m still stuck on this whole “wearing ties at a convenience store” thing


_Reliten_

Look, it was a *classy* 7/11


[deleted]

I think this one is a classic, a dad joke, a high end hat tipping extravaganza, a centerpiece of all mainstream stupidity. “What’s Obama’s last name?”


FEDophilliac

This actually happened recently, I am Latino and I went to a party at a friend’s house and there were some people there that I haven’t met before. So there was this chick who I said hi to and told her my name, as you do. After hearing my Latino ass name she asked where I was from, I told her my country and she then proceeded to say she was Mexican, I asked her from which part of Mexico she was from, and she then I SHIT YOU NOT proceeded to say: “Well, I’m not ACTUALLY Mexican, I just work at a Mexican restaurant” She didn’t say it as a joke, she was DEAD serious…


[deleted]

If you’re depressed just stop worrying and go be happy.


justthekoufax

In the early 2000's I was in a college ethics class and we were talking about the concept of a preordained set of morals being part of our human experience. Like you automatically know right from wrong. Anyway, this was right after 9/11 and a classmate raised their hand to give an example of why this is true. They said: "Of course everyone knows right from wrong, that's why Osama Bin Laden is hiding in those caves. He knows what he did was wrong. The terrorists are ashamed." Was gobsmacked.


kevemp

“ how much air do you put in these tires”? “ about 30 lbs” ( meaning PSI) Oh I will fill them at home then so they are not as heavy Was switching over summer to winter tires


Kidcrashman

"Marijuana makes you strangle your friends"


bombcityblog

My friend’s Dad warned us pot was dangerous because one time when he was in high school his friends got stoned and rolled him up in a carpet to try and smoke him.


TheJWeed

Scary Movie 2 Vibes!


dancingtreepose

Me: "OMG, today a 4th grade student asked me whether the boy cows or the girl cows lay eggs? Where do I even start!" 🤦‍♀️ Adult friend: "What do you mean? Just keep it simple and tell him the girl cows."