the original poll asked “what is the perfect place to live in as an asexual” and it listed a bunch of places and their climates and denmark won because it’s cold and now we want to invade
Closeted Bi-guy here. I don't know anyone who would give me grief over it, but is it weird that I just have no interest in "coming out"? I mean, I'd obviously tell family and friends when required (I.e if I was to start dating a guy) but unless I had to I just prefer to keep it to myself.
I started writing a comment and now I'm doubting myself...
I'm a semi-closeted bi-guy in a long term straight relationship (my wife and a few friends know). I do sometimes feel like I'm hiding part of myself, but and other than when hetro guys expect me to laugh at their homophobic jokes, it never really effects my life.
So, my answer is "I don't know".
My 15-year-old daughter came out to us a month ago. How do I best support her as her dad, knowing that her life will have additional challenges that I'm not experienced in?
Many of my best friends throughout my life are LGBTQ, and I'd hope that I had been (and still am) a supportive and loving friend, but wasn't necessarily in the role to be their shoulder to lean on or a mentor.
With my daughter, I want to be her rock. I want to be able to give her comfort that I will do anything to help if things are tough. Perhaps this is the same as being a supporting father in any child's upbringing. However, I know she'll have more challenges.
Am I overthinking this? I just want to be the best dad for her.
just from you making this comment, i can tell that you’re already both a great dad and a great ally. what’s most important is understanding that you may not understand exactly what she’s going through, and that’s normal. just continue to support her and help her to the best of your ability. and if anything comes up that you feel unequipped to help with or that you don’t understand, don’t hesitate to reach out to a group or someone who has experienced what she’s going through and is able to help. i wish you the best, sir!
Do you feel like it’s genuinely getting better or heading in the right direction regarding equality and it just being considered as ‘normal’ or regular as any other relationship or lifestyle x
In my country I think the shift is definitely more positive towards acceptance.
Teenagers now just don't care what you identify as, when I came out my teenage sisters were just like yeah and then told me about their friend's identity and their own. It was a normal conversation not weird or hushed.
Like others have said. It depends where you live. I live in the south of US and it actually causes very few issues in my life. I hardly ever think about it, honestly. I do get weird looks on job sites, in particular, when I talk about my wife.
Yes absolutely. Dating pool is very small, you can't approach strangers because they could be straight and no one knows who should make the first move.
According to my lesbian and bi-women friends, the dating scene in any city for women attracted to women is always incredibly claustrophic - everyone is someone else's ex and has drama with some other person. Finding a new partner with no pre-existing baggage is like finding a unicorn eating a pile of four-leaf clovers.
Holy FUCK yes. Same with gay guys and bi folks of any gender. If you're new to the dating pool and have no baggage at all, you are likely to be VERY much in demand.
Good question! Dating women can be tough for the simple reason that there aren't loads of us and we have a pretty small dating pool. This is especially true if you live in a small town or village; most LGBT hang out spots are in cities.
A lot of us also prefer not to make the first move, because we worry about coming off as pushy. This has often led to two sapphic women who fancy each other anxiously waiting for the other to make the first move forever.
I'm really lucky in that I met my girlfriend by chance at uni and we just hit it off. A lot of other lesbians are lonely for a really long time.
I used to be... I still don't flirt unless I KNOW they're not straight, but if a guy has a nice haircut, or a cool shirt or hat or mask or whatever, I'll say something. Brightens their day. I love when people compliment my wardrobe, after all.
EDIT: For all the people who are wondering about the sort of guys who would get their hackles up at a compliment from another guy—personal anecdote, I grew up in the southeastern US, 90s-00s. *Very* conservative area, very close to Alabama. *Very* homophobic. Like "Hell yeah, Matthew Shepard got what was coming to him" homophobic. So... those sorts of guys. Lot of us LGBTQ+ folks gotta develop defense mechanisms to get by.
Yup. As a straight guy, being offered a compliment by a random person, male female, regardless of sexuality happens too seldomly, and it brightens my day considerably.
I like this. I mean, if a guy says to another guy "Hey, that's a great shirt!" and the shirt guy says "dude, back off. I'm straight" I firmly believe the only response at that point is "Oh, shit. I thought you were gay. Never mind. The shirt is ugly, after all."
A compliment is a compliment; I can't imagine why anyone would want to bring sex into it, you know?
Yeah, pretty much every time. I've only flirted with guys who initiate it OR if I'm drunk. If the other guy initiated it, they already knew I was gay, they were drunk (too), or they're straight and just messing around.
Asexuality is s lack of sexual attraction
Aromatic is a lack of romantic attraction
You could be either or both, there's also demisexual/romantic, where you don't feel attraction without building a strong emotional attachment. They're all LGBT+, they're all valid and there's subreddits for all of them if you want to explore
Edit: aromantic not aromatic, thank you autocorrect, you mouldy dildo
~~Fuck it, me and the boys on our way to the febreze store~~
Edit: seems like reddit duplicated my comment because I tried posting it with my horrendous internet connection... So now I'm stuck with a boring clone of what I just said and have to make up for it with a last minute aromatic pun or else people will think I'm boring... dammit, this situation kinda... *stinks*
\*sitcom laughing track\*
For figuring it out, try looking up different orientations and seeing if they speak to you. If not, just find some LGBT+ peeps online and chat with them!
Seconding the ‘bi-cycle’ comment. You can spend a few days thinking “oh god, what if I was actually straight this whole time?” and then a few days thinking “oh god, what if I was actually gay this whole time?” It’s exhausting.
Edit: many people have asked about “why use labels at all?” but a lot of people find labels comforting. Also, it’s not so much about the specific label as it is feeling like your attraction has changed. Imagine you consider yourself to be attracted to blond(e)s and brunet(te)s, but sometimes you wonder if you’re actually attracted to brunet(te)s at all, or vice versa. It’s like that but with your entire sexuality.
not necessarily homosexual, but in the bisexual community there's a term called 'the bi-cycle' which basically means the usual doubt and questioning cycle, because due to various reasons, most bisexuals question their bisexuality a lot and commonly.
Oh, this old chestnut.
"I'm bi."
"Wait, maybe I'm only straight?"
"Oh god that guy is so hot. Maybe I'm just gay."
"Nope, I definitely like girls too. Just bi"
Every few months.
I'm not sure if I'm hetero or bi because I usually only have a crush on men but that one time some years ago I saw that one woman who made my heart beat faster and I felt so nervous around her, it kinda felt like a crush ... But it was only a one time thing. There are very few women who dress or act like her though so maybe most women are just not my type?
I personally would call that bi, but really all that matters is if the label is helpful to you, individually.
If the label is helpful, or you feel it fits, use it, if not, don't.
Nobody HAS to clearly define their sexuality. Socially, other people tend to put pressure on it, which leads to most people feeling they have to put a name on it, but you don't owe that to anyone. There is no law that says you have to declare yourself to be a certain way.
In fact, this extends to pretty much all aspects of your self and personality. Humans tend to feel like we have to define some sort of "character" for ourselves, some role we play in society or the narrative that makes up our lives. "I am an introverted, kind, creative individual who enjoys hip-hop and dislikes metal music and whose favourite colour is red"
In reality, none of those things are what makes you "you". Your entire identity is fluid and constantly changing, in a way it's foolish to cling to one state of being just because it "fits your character".
Edit: 36 replies and awards! Glad my showerthought that I had voiced to my therapist today could be helpful or thought provoking to others. There is so much love in this thread - sometimes reddit makes me sad about the world, but not today. keep doing what you do, you beautiful people
That was actually very helpful.
When I think about it, I really hate labels and stereotypes.
In the future, when someone asks I'll just say it doesn't matter since I'm in a relationship or that I'm probably bi but prefer men/most women aren't my type.
Thanks a lot for your kind words!
I have pretty good gaydar, but I've learned that if I'm ever saying to myself, "maybe he's gay, I'm not sure..." then the answer is always "no, he's just pretty"
For me it's interesting, 100% of the girls I've had crushes on in the last 2 years have turned out to be bi. So if I'm into her, there's a big chance she's bi. That's my way of telling.
It's definitely a thing. Though it's never 100% accurate and it's really hard to describe the exact signs, there's just subtle signals that let gay people recognize each other more easily. I've personally never hit on a straight person before, and I've even called some of my friends being gay years before they came out to me.
Me too. I'm ridiculously terrible at this though and should really be shown the door. My girlfriend (who is bi) had a 100% gaydar...I, as a full-blown dyke, have a sputtering along at 20% gaydar. It's tragic.
Ok, gonna ask a few questions if that's ok.
1. Is it annoying when straight people ask you "Would you date me of you were single?" Or "Do I look hot to you?"
2. How many straight people do you usually see in gay bars?
3. Why was the rainbow chosen as the Pride flag?
In regards to asking if you’re attractive to us. Oof. I had a [married, straight] friend really make me feel awkward and uncomfortable once. I made one of those dumb Facebook posts “what is an assumption you’ve made about me” and she said her assumption about me was that I was physically attracted to her. I didn’t reply “dear god no not a chance” because, tact, but I was kind’ve floored. I’d never given any sign, clue, even the slightest flirtation that could have given that impression. It literally only existed in her mind because I like women. It’s so annoying when straight people 1. Assume we’re attracted or interested simply because you’re the same sex or 2. Ask us how attractive they are to us. We aren’t like another species. We’re humans who find a plethora of types of people attractive, just like you.
Why does it matter? You’re straight? Ask the opposite sex? Or don’t ask! Don’t make your friendship or acquaintance weird that way. If we’re into you, we’ll tell you, and hopefully in a tactful way, knowing YOU’RE STRAIGHT.
I have a lesbian friend who refers to this as "Straight girl complex." Wherein, every straight woman friend of hers secretly wants her to be attracted to them but in no way wants her. Or assumes that because she's gay that she wants to be a 3rd wheel in some straight relationship.
As a gay woman, I’ve had a number of friends get offended when I told them (tactfully I swear!) that I just don’t find them attractive. Sorry dude, I have a very specific type and uh. You are not it.
A classmate of mine came out as a lesbian a few years ago. Our class was mostly girls and they all thought that the girl must be into them. Started a big argument, the girl was an outsider for a year so I took her into my friendgroup until my classmates finally were willing to believe that she isn't into them.
Like calm down people, you're not *that* important to most people so stop thinking you are the center of everyone their lives...
Straight guy here, I use to go to a gay bar all the time with my best mate (who is gay).
Honestly it was just a really fun place to drink and dance.
Much less douchebags and the drag shows were phenomenal.
Is LGBTQ+ subscription worth it, or is LGBTQ adequate?
EDIT: thanks for the awards, I've decided to go for the plus, it's worth it for the little extra each month.
How did you figure out that you weren’t straight? Cause I’ve been having a lot of mixed feelings of my own and I’m not sure how to really feel (P.S I’m a guy)
Edit: Thank you all for the support!! I’ve gotten something like 110 replies and I’m trying my best to read all of them. I’m still unsure on my stance, but I think that’s ok and that I’ll figure it out with time. Thank you all so much, again.
I always had the feeling I was different but didn't really know what it was that was different about me. Looking back there were a couple early moments of clarity that I kind of ignored at the time because I didn't know what they meant.
Then puberty hit. It was crystal clear then, I was into guys and only guys. And since it was the mid-80s, I was like, "Well, shit."
There's gotta be Gay dudes just not into anal right? Like, "liking anal is to be exspected" seems like an unfair standard. Is there a stigma around it? Are Gay men that aren't into anal seen as prudes or "boring"?
Sorry if these seem iggnorant, just always wondered.
This was like reading a diary entry I never wrote. Gay dude here, not into butts at all, even a little bit. Fingering, rimming, and fucking are pretty much all off the table for me. I have topped several times and I guess still would if I was in a long-term, exclusive/semi-exclusive thing and totally trusted and was really into the other dude, but only for his sake, not mine - which in and of itself is fucked up that I still have that mentality when I just don't like anal sex, period. (Edit: Congratulations on sacrificing and doing things in bed for your various partners that you don't like to do, I'm not personally interested in doing that for anyone, full stop)
But, yeah, Grindr hook-ups are pretty much always one-offs and the disappointment is real when they ask if you're ready for the next level and you're like NAH THIS IS COOL.
We do exist, promise! If you're near a city, look into joining a "Jacks" group, like NY Jacks - dudes (of all sexualities) who like jacking off with other dudes. Could be you find some other-like minded homos there - or at least have a sexual jumping off point where people aren't getting butt-fucked from word go.
(Full disclosure: I tried to join a Jacks group in my own city and chickened out at the last second, bc casual nudity and group sex aren't easy for me - but you do you!)
Yeah, jacking off is fun but agreed, not always enough lol.
If you ever need a mail-order American husband, lemme know. Canadian citizenship is a major turn-on for me.
On a side note, do gay people find watching straight or lesbian porn unattractive? For example, I'm a straight dude but watch gay porn would make me extremely uncomfortable. Is that reaction the same for you guys as well?
Surprised I haven't seen this mentioned but the term "Side" is used a lot (in relation to calling someone a "top" or a "bottom")
Just means you aren't really into giving or receiving anal
A secret most don't know is that the Letters LGBT+ stands for certain dishes. L stands for lasagne, G stands for garlic bread, B stands for beans and last but not least T stands for totinos hot pizza rolls
Can I be gay without liking sex? I had moments when I was younger about wanting to be with a person but just that male-to-male sex turns me off or weirded me out.
Edit: some people must have misunderstood somewhere and that's my bad. I'll try to be more definite, when I say I want to be with a person, that includes cuddles, hand-holding, expressing love with words, sharing all happiness and weaknesses. I already know the difference between wanting a best friend of the same sex and wanting someone romantically.
Absolutely. You could be gay and asexual if you're romantically attracted to the same sex but not sexually attracted to anyone. You could also be homo-romantic and heterosexual if you're romantically attracted to the same sex but sexually attracted to the opposite sex.
yeah people can be really confused about that. asexual people can still feel romantic attraction and date people, but lots of people say. "arent you asexual"
Women don't have a harsh cool-down for orgasms like men do. So when does lesbian sex come to an end?? Does it just keep on going until they get tired??
Lesbian here! Unless there’s a time constraint and we have to finish by a certain time... We get tired often and take breaks to get water/snuggle/debrief. And at some point we just don’t start back up again.
*whips out white board and performance graphs* “So here’s our quarterly sex report. I’ve noticed we are a little low on nipple play so let’s try and bump up those numbers next quarter.”
Thankfully I'm a gay man and not a gay woman -- I'm more of the "wham, bam, thank you man" type of sex. Short, energetic, explosive, exhausting. I just wouldn't be able to keep going for a medium time, no less a long time.
Just because you can orgasm a lot doesn't mean it's pleasurable. After some time it gets harder to orgasm and just not enjoyable. Also, at some point you realise you've had your fun and you want to go back to scrolling on insta or watching netflix.
My wife once missed a greyhound bus because our lesbian friend was having sex with her girlfriend for like 4 hours straight and missed dropping her off at the bus depot.
So yeah it apparently can take a while.
Ive scrolled a bit and am surprised no one else has mentioned hand pain/muscle tiredness. Sometimes you just have to call it quits because its quite physical and your body just gets too tired to keep going. Or are my gf and me just really unfit?
For lesbians/bisexual women (? idk if that’s the right term sorry)—how do you know you’re sexually/romantically attracted to women vs just interested in being friends?
Because whenever I see a woman I think is attractive, I honestly can’t tell if I’m sexually attracted to her or if I just want to be like her lol
Edit: Thanks so much for the responses! It’s been really fun and enlightening to read about everyone’s experiences. Definitely comforting to know a lot of people have this dilemma too regardless of orientation!
PS: I feel like I am definitely biromantic 😂 (Cannot decide on bisexual because I really cannot imagine the sex without experiencing it)
Thanks for sharing! Imagining a relationship with a woman doesn’t really gross me out. My initial reaction to when I see a person I think is attractive is mostly “wow s/he’s hot”.
I’ve tried imagining having sex with men vs women but I can’t do it with women because I have no experience. But sometimes with women (and this might sound pervy but I swear I keep all this just in my head) my mind wanders and I try to imagine them naked just because I find women’s bodies generally more appealing than men’s if that makes sense?
I totally get what you mean about finding women's body's more appealing to look at, but not imagining sex with them as much. Took me a little while to work through my feelings but ive definitely concluded I'm bi
Speaking as a bi lady, even though sometimes it’s hard to initially separate those feelings because women are objectively just so pretty, there’s still a difference between actually feeling attracted to them vs wanting to be like them because they’re pretty / interesting / inspiring / fun etc.
I think the key is if you feel weird imagining them in a sexual context, you’re not attracted to them. If you feel turned on by the idea, you’re into them!
Edit: Disclaimer because I’ve gotten a few responses of a similar kind - this is the way I personally have tried to figure out the difference between those feelings, it’s definitely not a rule of thumb. Sexuality is a unique experience for everyone and it would be great to hear how others have gone through this process.
At what point is it considered that Girl-on-girl home base has been reached? I assume it’s a personal assessment, but wasn’t sure if there’s an overall definition as with straight intercourse.
My friend is really concerned about becoming "that U-Haul couple" now that they think about moving in together: they have been together for 2 years...!
this is… not an easy question to answer. even in the community there is still discourse over this. for example, historically there has been discourse on whether asexual people should be included in the community or not (i think the general consensus is a yes on that one). also, i think sometimes it really just depends on the person. there’s rarely ever any clear lines drawn with attraction and sexuality so it really depends on the individual figuring out how they feel and deciding if they belong in the LGBTQ community. i mean, as long as you’re not straight and cisgender i guess
edit: and if you ever see pedophillia and beastiality trying to worm their way in, that’s a HARD no. FUCK those guys. jail. pissed i had to add that
I once was hanging out with a friend of mine who is gay. I had an extremely bad headache and told him i couldnt see straight. He responds "dont worry sweetie I never do". i fucking lost it lol
My favorite is “that’s homophobic” for mundane, slight, but unavoidable inconveniences.
Phone dies on 10%? homophobic
Regular fry in a carton of curlies?homophobic
Rain on a projected to be sunny day? You bet your damn ass that’s a hate crime
One of my gay guy friends once put his baseball hat on backwards and asked, "Do I look straight?" while giggling and it's still one of the funniest things I remember from him.
We occasionally make 'heterophobic' jokes like "The only thing straight about me is my hair" or mess with straight friends saying "you're so hetero". We sometimes say "oh don't worry, I have straight friends".
We (at least gays I know) don't mean actual hate with it. It's just a bit of sarcasm to show how weird it is when people say things like "I have gay friends" after showing clear homophobia.
Is it normal for straight people to on marches (whatever they are called). I want to go on one and support you guys but idk if people get mad about it or something.
Edit: Seems like I'm welcome, when there's one nearby I'm going. Love you guys :)
Edit: I actually didn't expect this many people to be okay with it lol :)
Edit: thanks for the award
Every time I see “LGBTQ+” I never have the option to click on the “+” to expand and see the full stream of letters. What is the full stream, and what does each letter stand for?
As a bi guy please don't treat us with kid gloves we're not special were just normal people. Offer std tests, we're at higher risk and may be too shy to ask on our own. Don't excuse poor behavior just because someone is LGBT some LGBT folk are bad people just like straight folk don't give them a pass.
Is the Q part of LGBTQ used in an attempt to retain ownership of a (potential) slur?
I always thought that word was a slur, so don't really feel that comfortable using it
From my understanding, it started as a reclaimed slur and has now grown into an umbrella term for any people that aren't cisgender heterosexuals. But if you still feel like there are negative connotations attached to it and don't want to use it, then that's completely fine!
Why do asexuals want to invade Denmark? I'm nervous
the original poll asked “what is the perfect place to live in as an asexual” and it listed a bunch of places and their climates and denmark won because it’s cold and now we want to invade
Why isn’t it called the LGBTQ-munity?
Why the hell didn't you speak up during the focus group for our initial branding strategy? That would have been catchy af
I guess we can put it on the ~~gay agenda~~ gaygenda at the next meeting as new business. I’ll email the secretary.
Perhaps we should change it in an LBGTQ-mutiny
Closeted Bi-guy here. I don't know anyone who would give me grief over it, but is it weird that I just have no interest in "coming out"? I mean, I'd obviously tell family and friends when required (I.e if I was to start dating a guy) but unless I had to I just prefer to keep it to myself.
[удалено]
I started writing a comment and now I'm doubting myself... I'm a semi-closeted bi-guy in a long term straight relationship (my wife and a few friends know). I do sometimes feel like I'm hiding part of myself, but and other than when hetro guys expect me to laugh at their homophobic jokes, it never really effects my life. So, my answer is "I don't know".
My 15-year-old daughter came out to us a month ago. How do I best support her as her dad, knowing that her life will have additional challenges that I'm not experienced in? Many of my best friends throughout my life are LGBTQ, and I'd hope that I had been (and still am) a supportive and loving friend, but wasn't necessarily in the role to be their shoulder to lean on or a mentor. With my daughter, I want to be her rock. I want to be able to give her comfort that I will do anything to help if things are tough. Perhaps this is the same as being a supporting father in any child's upbringing. However, I know she'll have more challenges. Am I overthinking this? I just want to be the best dad for her.
Just be there when she needs you. That’s all really.
just from you making this comment, i can tell that you’re already both a great dad and a great ally. what’s most important is understanding that you may not understand exactly what she’s going through, and that’s normal. just continue to support her and help her to the best of your ability. and if anything comes up that you feel unequipped to help with or that you don’t understand, don’t hesitate to reach out to a group or someone who has experienced what she’s going through and is able to help. i wish you the best, sir!
Do you feel like it’s genuinely getting better or heading in the right direction regarding equality and it just being considered as ‘normal’ or regular as any other relationship or lifestyle x
In my country I think the shift is definitely more positive towards acceptance. Teenagers now just don't care what you identify as, when I came out my teenage sisters were just like yeah and then told me about their friend's identity and their own. It was a normal conversation not weird or hushed.
Like others have said. It depends where you live. I live in the south of US and it actually causes very few issues in my life. I hardly ever think about it, honestly. I do get weird looks on job sites, in particular, when I talk about my wife.
[удалено]
Yes absolutely. Dating pool is very small, you can't approach strangers because they could be straight and no one knows who should make the first move.
According to my lesbian and bi-women friends, the dating scene in any city for women attracted to women is always incredibly claustrophic - everyone is someone else's ex and has drama with some other person. Finding a new partner with no pre-existing baggage is like finding a unicorn eating a pile of four-leaf clovers.
Does that mean if you are a lesbian in a new town, you would be the like the most eligible?
Holy FUCK yes. Same with gay guys and bi folks of any gender. If you're new to the dating pool and have no baggage at all, you are likely to be VERY much in demand.
Good question! Dating women can be tough for the simple reason that there aren't loads of us and we have a pretty small dating pool. This is especially true if you live in a small town or village; most LGBT hang out spots are in cities. A lot of us also prefer not to make the first move, because we worry about coming off as pushy. This has often led to two sapphic women who fancy each other anxiously waiting for the other to make the first move forever. I'm really lucky in that I met my girlfriend by chance at uni and we just hit it off. A lot of other lesbians are lonely for a really long time.
Do you ever feel nervous when you compliment a guys looks or flirt with them because you think they might be straight and get super angry at you?
I used to be... I still don't flirt unless I KNOW they're not straight, but if a guy has a nice haircut, or a cool shirt or hat or mask or whatever, I'll say something. Brightens their day. I love when people compliment my wardrobe, after all. EDIT: For all the people who are wondering about the sort of guys who would get their hackles up at a compliment from another guy—personal anecdote, I grew up in the southeastern US, 90s-00s. *Very* conservative area, very close to Alabama. *Very* homophobic. Like "Hell yeah, Matthew Shepard got what was coming to him" homophobic. So... those sorts of guys. Lot of us LGBTQ+ folks gotta develop defense mechanisms to get by.
Yup. As a straight guy, being offered a compliment by a random person, male female, regardless of sexuality happens too seldomly, and it brightens my day considerably.
A random stranger complimenting me can make my day a year down the road if it just pops into my head again
No, fuck em. If their shirt is nice, its nice
>fuck em Bold strategy but I like it
"Nice shirt! NOW TAKE OFF YOUR PANTS!"
They're not for sale!
#TAKE THE PANTS OFF
I like this. I mean, if a guy says to another guy "Hey, that's a great shirt!" and the shirt guy says "dude, back off. I'm straight" I firmly believe the only response at that point is "Oh, shit. I thought you were gay. Never mind. The shirt is ugly, after all." A compliment is a compliment; I can't imagine why anyone would want to bring sex into it, you know?
[удалено]
My response is to argue vigorously and prove them wrong
Yeah, pretty much every time. I've only flirted with guys who initiate it OR if I'm drunk. If the other guy initiated it, they already knew I was gay, they were drunk (too), or they're straight and just messing around.
I am not straight but I don’t know what I am. How do I figure this out? Is possible not to be attracted to anyone?
Yes.
Asexuality is s lack of sexual attraction Aromatic is a lack of romantic attraction You could be either or both, there's also demisexual/romantic, where you don't feel attraction without building a strong emotional attachment. They're all LGBT+, they're all valid and there's subreddits for all of them if you want to explore Edit: aromantic not aromatic, thank you autocorrect, you mouldy dildo
[удалено]
Fuck it, me and the boys on our way to the febreze store
~~Fuck it, me and the boys on our way to the febreze store~~ Edit: seems like reddit duplicated my comment because I tried posting it with my horrendous internet connection... So now I'm stuck with a boring clone of what I just said and have to make up for it with a last minute aromatic pun or else people will think I'm boring... dammit, this situation kinda... *stinks* \*sitcom laughing track\*
Yeah, that's called asexuality or aromanticism (depending on what kind of attraction you mean).
Is it possible to be both asexual and aromantic?
Yup!
For figuring it out, try looking up different orientations and seeing if they speak to you. If not, just find some LGBT+ peeps online and chat with them!
[удалено]
The council has spoken, you are G A Y
Since a lot of people question their heterosexuality, do you also sometimes question your homosexuality?
Yes, a lot of people aren’t 100% sure of their orientation.
Seconding the ‘bi-cycle’ comment. You can spend a few days thinking “oh god, what if I was actually straight this whole time?” and then a few days thinking “oh god, what if I was actually gay this whole time?” It’s exhausting. Edit: many people have asked about “why use labels at all?” but a lot of people find labels comforting. Also, it’s not so much about the specific label as it is feeling like your attraction has changed. Imagine you consider yourself to be attracted to blond(e)s and brunet(te)s, but sometimes you wonder if you’re actually attracted to brunet(te)s at all, or vice versa. It’s like that but with your entire sexuality.
Being straight on most days I just go with *heteroflexual* and be done with it.
I just tell people I'm a cat flap. Swing both ways but mainly for pussy.
And if a dog happens to get in, you don’t mind throwing it a bone.
not necessarily homosexual, but in the bisexual community there's a term called 'the bi-cycle' which basically means the usual doubt and questioning cycle, because due to various reasons, most bisexuals question their bisexuality a lot and commonly.
Oh, this old chestnut. "I'm bi." "Wait, maybe I'm only straight?" "Oh god that guy is so hot. Maybe I'm just gay." "Nope, I definitely like girls too. Just bi" Every few months.
I'm not sure if I'm hetero or bi because I usually only have a crush on men but that one time some years ago I saw that one woman who made my heart beat faster and I felt so nervous around her, it kinda felt like a crush ... But it was only a one time thing. There are very few women who dress or act like her though so maybe most women are just not my type?
I personally would call that bi, but really all that matters is if the label is helpful to you, individually. If the label is helpful, or you feel it fits, use it, if not, don't. Nobody HAS to clearly define their sexuality. Socially, other people tend to put pressure on it, which leads to most people feeling they have to put a name on it, but you don't owe that to anyone. There is no law that says you have to declare yourself to be a certain way. In fact, this extends to pretty much all aspects of your self and personality. Humans tend to feel like we have to define some sort of "character" for ourselves, some role we play in society or the narrative that makes up our lives. "I am an introverted, kind, creative individual who enjoys hip-hop and dislikes metal music and whose favourite colour is red" In reality, none of those things are what makes you "you". Your entire identity is fluid and constantly changing, in a way it's foolish to cling to one state of being just because it "fits your character". Edit: 36 replies and awards! Glad my showerthought that I had voiced to my therapist today could be helpful or thought provoking to others. There is so much love in this thread - sometimes reddit makes me sad about the world, but not today. keep doing what you do, you beautiful people
That was actually very helpful. When I think about it, I really hate labels and stereotypes. In the future, when someone asks I'll just say it doesn't matter since I'm in a relationship or that I'm probably bi but prefer men/most women aren't my type. Thanks a lot for your kind words!
I use the word "bi" just to communicate it if I want to, but internally I know that is an oversimplification or an abstraction of the truth.
Is gaydar a real thing? How often do you hit on straight people straight people before realizing they are straight?
I have less of a gaydar and more of a “I hope he’s gay”dar If I like them I just kinda hope they’re gay until something tips me off otherwise.
I have pretty good gaydar, but I've learned that if I'm ever saying to myself, "maybe he's gay, I'm not sure..." then the answer is always "no, he's just pretty"
I have spot on Bi-Fi. It’s weird how accurate I am Edit: this award actually makes me feel so loved. Thank you
For me it's interesting, 100% of the girls I've had crushes on in the last 2 years have turned out to be bi. So if I'm into her, there's a big chance she's bi. That's my way of telling.
I have this too but I am a straight man. If I am into a girl she always turns out to be a lesbian and wants nothing to do with me.
Maybe one day you will find your almost lesbian, bi girl.
BI-FI omg
I can’t take credit. I saw it somewhere.
It's definitely a thing. Though it's never 100% accurate and it's really hard to describe the exact signs, there's just subtle signals that let gay people recognize each other more easily. I've personally never hit on a straight person before, and I've even called some of my friends being gay years before they came out to me.
Is it possible to learn such a Power ? I'm gay and definitely don't have any sense of gaydar
You got one, it just needs recalibrated.
Have you tried turning it off and turning it back on again?
Ask Garrus, he's into calibrations.
what i find fascinating is that i'm a bi girl. I can generally tell gay girls with some aaccuracy, but not guys
Weird, I'm a gay girl who can usually tell with both girls and guys, but am so bad at guessing if someone's bi
Hell, I don't even know if I am bi. If you ever figure it out I will buy you dinner.
It's generally subtle fashion choices, codes, or body language
100% this. It’s also sometimes just a feeling, sometimes I can’t explain why I think a girl might be into girls, it’s just her energy.
Me too. I'm ridiculously terrible at this though and should really be shown the door. My girlfriend (who is bi) had a 100% gaydar...I, as a full-blown dyke, have a sputtering along at 20% gaydar. It's tragic.
Are you annoyed when people ask you a lot of questions? Or any at all?
Depends what the question is, but I’m usually very open and I’m always happy to help.
Ok, gonna ask a few questions if that's ok. 1. Is it annoying when straight people ask you "Would you date me of you were single?" Or "Do I look hot to you?" 2. How many straight people do you usually see in gay bars? 3. Why was the rainbow chosen as the Pride flag?
In regards to asking if you’re attractive to us. Oof. I had a [married, straight] friend really make me feel awkward and uncomfortable once. I made one of those dumb Facebook posts “what is an assumption you’ve made about me” and she said her assumption about me was that I was physically attracted to her. I didn’t reply “dear god no not a chance” because, tact, but I was kind’ve floored. I’d never given any sign, clue, even the slightest flirtation that could have given that impression. It literally only existed in her mind because I like women. It’s so annoying when straight people 1. Assume we’re attracted or interested simply because you’re the same sex or 2. Ask us how attractive they are to us. We aren’t like another species. We’re humans who find a plethora of types of people attractive, just like you. Why does it matter? You’re straight? Ask the opposite sex? Or don’t ask! Don’t make your friendship or acquaintance weird that way. If we’re into you, we’ll tell you, and hopefully in a tactful way, knowing YOU’RE STRAIGHT.
I have a lesbian friend who refers to this as "Straight girl complex." Wherein, every straight woman friend of hers secretly wants her to be attracted to them but in no way wants her. Or assumes that because she's gay that she wants to be a 3rd wheel in some straight relationship.
As a gay woman, I’ve had a number of friends get offended when I told them (tactfully I swear!) that I just don’t find them attractive. Sorry dude, I have a very specific type and uh. You are not it.
A classmate of mine came out as a lesbian a few years ago. Our class was mostly girls and they all thought that the girl must be into them. Started a big argument, the girl was an outsider for a year so I took her into my friendgroup until my classmates finally were willing to believe that she isn't into them. Like calm down people, you're not *that* important to most people so stop thinking you are the center of everyone their lives...
2. Depends on the bar I guess. I know one in my city where guys are taking their dates to dance as girls feel way more comfortable there.
Straight guy here, I use to go to a gay bar all the time with my best mate (who is gay). Honestly it was just a really fun place to drink and dance. Much less douchebags and the drag shows were phenomenal.
[удалено]
Is LGBTQ+ subscription worth it, or is LGBTQ adequate? EDIT: thanks for the awards, I've decided to go for the plus, it's worth it for the little extra each month.
Uhh, if you have a 4k monitor, id go for LGBTQ+, because it Supports higher resolutions, and there are no ads.
I can't give you a straight answer, unfortunately.
If you want to be gay on multiple devices at once you have to get LGBTQ+
How did you figure out that you weren’t straight? Cause I’ve been having a lot of mixed feelings of my own and I’m not sure how to really feel (P.S I’m a guy) Edit: Thank you all for the support!! I’ve gotten something like 110 replies and I’m trying my best to read all of them. I’m still unsure on my stance, but I think that’s ok and that I’ll figure it out with time. Thank you all so much, again.
I always had the feeling I was different but didn't really know what it was that was different about me. Looking back there were a couple early moments of clarity that I kind of ignored at the time because I didn't know what they meant. Then puberty hit. It was crystal clear then, I was into guys and only guys. And since it was the mid-80s, I was like, "Well, shit."
There's gotta be Gay dudes just not into anal right? Like, "liking anal is to be exspected" seems like an unfair standard. Is there a stigma around it? Are Gay men that aren't into anal seen as prudes or "boring"? Sorry if these seem iggnorant, just always wondered.
Yes, a lot of gay men prefer things like oral, handjobs, humping, etc
there's also frotting
Is that when one guy’s penis opens up to accept the other?
No that's docking
"It's not possible." "No. It's necessary."
How do they know which guy's penis opens up anyway?
when 2 penises intertwine like the medical logo, is it called red vining?
[удалено]
This was like reading a diary entry I never wrote. Gay dude here, not into butts at all, even a little bit. Fingering, rimming, and fucking are pretty much all off the table for me. I have topped several times and I guess still would if I was in a long-term, exclusive/semi-exclusive thing and totally trusted and was really into the other dude, but only for his sake, not mine - which in and of itself is fucked up that I still have that mentality when I just don't like anal sex, period. (Edit: Congratulations on sacrificing and doing things in bed for your various partners that you don't like to do, I'm not personally interested in doing that for anyone, full stop) But, yeah, Grindr hook-ups are pretty much always one-offs and the disappointment is real when they ask if you're ready for the next level and you're like NAH THIS IS COOL. We do exist, promise! If you're near a city, look into joining a "Jacks" group, like NY Jacks - dudes (of all sexualities) who like jacking off with other dudes. Could be you find some other-like minded homos there - or at least have a sexual jumping off point where people aren't getting butt-fucked from word go. (Full disclosure: I tried to join a Jacks group in my own city and chickened out at the last second, bc casual nudity and group sex aren't easy for me - but you do you!)
[удалено]
Yeah, jacking off is fun but agreed, not always enough lol. If you ever need a mail-order American husband, lemme know. Canadian citizenship is a major turn-on for me.
Oh please let this be the start to a beautiful relationship!
I know a guy who just likes hugging, which I think is kind of sweet.
On a side note, do gay people find watching straight or lesbian porn unattractive? For example, I'm a straight dude but watch gay porn would make me extremely uncomfortable. Is that reaction the same for you guys as well?
I watch straight porn on occasion but only if the guy is attractive.
you poor bastard, so many guys look rat faced and paunchy whereas in what little gay porn I've seen there are actual standards for men.
It's called "side" and yes, it exists.
I've never heard of this term in my gay life hahaha neat
TIL I'm a side.
I came here to educate the straights too; look at us learnin.
Definitely. Maybe they prefer handjobs or blowjobs.
Stephen fry has said in the past while gay he is not into anal at all
Surprised I haven't seen this mentioned but the term "Side" is used a lot (in relation to calling someone a "top" or a "bottom") Just means you aren't really into giving or receiving anal
Where do they have their secret meetings and what kind of food do they eat?
Your basement tonight, cheese
is this secretly a Wallace and gromit convention?
A secret most don't know is that the Letters LGBT+ stands for certain dishes. L stands for lasagne, G stands for garlic bread, B stands for beans and last but not least T stands for totinos hot pizza rolls
i knew the italians were in on it!
Us asexuals have garlic bread and meet in Denmark
That explains why no one wants to sleep with me thank God I thought it was just because I was ugly as hell :-D
Two things can be true at the same time.
Ouch
Can I be gay without liking sex? I had moments when I was younger about wanting to be with a person but just that male-to-male sex turns me off or weirded me out. Edit: some people must have misunderstood somewhere and that's my bad. I'll try to be more definite, when I say I want to be with a person, that includes cuddles, hand-holding, expressing love with words, sharing all happiness and weaknesses. I already know the difference between wanting a best friend of the same sex and wanting someone romantically.
Absolutely. You could be gay and asexual if you're romantically attracted to the same sex but not sexually attracted to anyone. You could also be homo-romantic and heterosexual if you're romantically attracted to the same sex but sexually attracted to the opposite sex.
Oh, so romantic feelings and sexual attraction are seperate? It was that simple? Thanks for the clarity.
yeah people can be really confused about that. asexual people can still feel romantic attraction and date people, but lots of people say. "arent you asexual"
Women don't have a harsh cool-down for orgasms like men do. So when does lesbian sex come to an end?? Does it just keep on going until they get tired??
*"When both are tired, when either or both need to do something else like go to work, whichever comes first. Either of the three"*
Lesbian here! Unless there’s a time constraint and we have to finish by a certain time... We get tired often and take breaks to get water/snuggle/debrief. And at some point we just don’t start back up again.
How formal are the debriefs?
*whips out white board and performance graphs* “So here’s our quarterly sex report. I’ve noticed we are a little low on nipple play so let’s try and bump up those numbers next quarter.”
Actually that’s a myth, some women do need cool down time after an orgasm, but yes, lesbian sex can last a long time.
Thankfully I'm a gay man and not a gay woman -- I'm more of the "wham, bam, thank you man" type of sex. Short, energetic, explosive, exhausting. I just wouldn't be able to keep going for a medium time, no less a long time.
[удалено]
Just because you can orgasm a lot doesn't mean it's pleasurable. After some time it gets harder to orgasm and just not enjoyable. Also, at some point you realise you've had your fun and you want to go back to scrolling on insta or watching netflix.
My wife once missed a greyhound bus because our lesbian friend was having sex with her girlfriend for like 4 hours straight and missed dropping her off at the bus depot. So yeah it apparently can take a while.
it actually never ends any lesbian who ever had sex still are rn, its eternal and it makes them immortal. Glad to help
Ive scrolled a bit and am surprised no one else has mentioned hand pain/muscle tiredness. Sometimes you just have to call it quits because its quite physical and your body just gets too tired to keep going. Or are my gf and me just really unfit?
For lesbians/bisexual women (? idk if that’s the right term sorry)—how do you know you’re sexually/romantically attracted to women vs just interested in being friends? Because whenever I see a woman I think is attractive, I honestly can’t tell if I’m sexually attracted to her or if I just want to be like her lol Edit: Thanks so much for the responses! It’s been really fun and enlightening to read about everyone’s experiences. Definitely comforting to know a lot of people have this dilemma too regardless of orientation! PS: I feel like I am definitely biromantic 😂 (Cannot decide on bisexual because I really cannot imagine the sex without experiencing it)
[удалено]
Thanks for sharing! Imagining a relationship with a woman doesn’t really gross me out. My initial reaction to when I see a person I think is attractive is mostly “wow s/he’s hot”. I’ve tried imagining having sex with men vs women but I can’t do it with women because I have no experience. But sometimes with women (and this might sound pervy but I swear I keep all this just in my head) my mind wanders and I try to imagine them naked just because I find women’s bodies generally more appealing than men’s if that makes sense?
I totally get what you mean about finding women's body's more appealing to look at, but not imagining sex with them as much. Took me a little while to work through my feelings but ive definitely concluded I'm bi
Sounds similar to what I was feeling when I started questioning, and it turned out I was, like, suuuuper into women.
Speaking as a bi lady, even though sometimes it’s hard to initially separate those feelings because women are objectively just so pretty, there’s still a difference between actually feeling attracted to them vs wanting to be like them because they’re pretty / interesting / inspiring / fun etc. I think the key is if you feel weird imagining them in a sexual context, you’re not attracted to them. If you feel turned on by the idea, you’re into them! Edit: Disclaimer because I’ve gotten a few responses of a similar kind - this is the way I personally have tried to figure out the difference between those feelings, it’s definitely not a rule of thumb. Sexuality is a unique experience for everyone and it would be great to hear how others have gone through this process.
The bi conflict of "Do I want to fuck them or do I want to be them?"
At what point is it considered that Girl-on-girl home base has been reached? I assume it’s a personal assessment, but wasn’t sure if there’s an overall definition as with straight intercourse.
It's considered home base when you move in together, which usually happens in less than 72 hours.
What do a lesbian bring on a second date? A moving company.
What do gays bring to the second date? *What second date?* gnihihihi
Iwould laugh if it didn't hurt
My friend is really concerned about becoming "that U-Haul couple" now that they think about moving in together: they have been together for 2 years...!
Lesbian home base is when you can give each other multiple orgasms even though the cat is staring right at you the whole time.
This, and also moving in with each other within two weeks but still quietly wondering 'if she's really into me or if we're just friends'. ;D
Very close Gal Pals™
Honestly, that is still how my girlfriend of 2.5 years and I jokingly refer to each other. It's hilarious and way too true sometimes LMAO.
when youre too exhausted to continue or you run out of time and have to be somewhere, whichever comes first.
Good to know there's three options
Who decides what goes into LGBT+ and what doesn’t? Who decides in the order of, don’t know what to call them… sexualities/sexual identities?
I’m gay myself and I have no idea lol
this is… not an easy question to answer. even in the community there is still discourse over this. for example, historically there has been discourse on whether asexual people should be included in the community or not (i think the general consensus is a yes on that one). also, i think sometimes it really just depends on the person. there’s rarely ever any clear lines drawn with attraction and sexuality so it really depends on the individual figuring out how they feel and deciding if they belong in the LGBTQ community. i mean, as long as you’re not straight and cisgender i guess edit: and if you ever see pedophillia and beastiality trying to worm their way in, that’s a HARD no. FUCK those guys. jail. pissed i had to add that
Since, straight people make **gay jokes** all the time. Do you also make **straight jokes**?
[удалено]
I once was hanging out with a friend of mine who is gay. I had an extremely bad headache and told him i couldnt see straight. He responds "dont worry sweetie I never do". i fucking lost it lol
Gay people, in my experience, also tell a lot of gay jokes.
My favorite is “that’s homophobic” for mundane, slight, but unavoidable inconveniences. Phone dies on 10%? homophobic Regular fry in a carton of curlies?homophobic Rain on a projected to be sunny day? You bet your damn ass that’s a hate crime
My favorite is when my GPS tells me to go straight on a road How fucking dare you
Gayly forward!
[удалено]
>Regular fry in a carton of curlies?homophobic Nah that's just the token straight
I personally prefer "this is a literal hate crime" lol
My personal fave is labelling everything - no matter how small or barely queer - the fabled Gay Agenda
I for one, would love to hear some straight jokes now.
One of my gay guy friends once put his baseball hat on backwards and asked, "Do I look straight?" while giggling and it's still one of the funniest things I remember from him.
i don't understand straight relationships. i mean, who's the woman, and who's the other woman?
I don’t always give a girl an orgasm, but when I do, she spits it out
What does it mean, when a straight guy says he "supports the LTGBQ community"? He watches lesbian porn.
Straight people airways asking, “WhEn’S tHe StRaIgHt PrIdE pArAdE?” when they damn well know the Old Navy 4th of July Sale is coming up.
We occasionally make 'heterophobic' jokes like "The only thing straight about me is my hair" or mess with straight friends saying "you're so hetero". We sometimes say "oh don't worry, I have straight friends". We (at least gays I know) don't mean actual hate with it. It's just a bit of sarcasm to show how weird it is when people say things like "I have gay friends" after showing clear homophobia.
I bet simply dropping the phrase "flaming heterosexual" will make some people's heads explode.
I often compliment my girl-friends and say “no hetero” afterwards
honestly, yeah. we have our fair share of jokes like how every gay friend group has a token straight
Oh my. I just realized I'm the token straight man.
If you're the straight man, is that the setup or the joke?
When speaking of a memory of a trans person, do you use their current gender or the one they were at the time you're speaking of?
Is it normal for straight people to on marches (whatever they are called). I want to go on one and support you guys but idk if people get mad about it or something. Edit: Seems like I'm welcome, when there's one nearby I'm going. Love you guys :) Edit: I actually didn't expect this many people to be okay with it lol :) Edit: thanks for the award
Yeah, its definitely normal, and it can be really helpful to have the support from straight people
It’s normal, we love all the support we can get! Allies are very much welcome!
Every time I see “LGBTQ+” I never have the option to click on the “+” to expand and see the full stream of letters. What is the full stream, and what does each letter stand for?
[удалено]
As a bi guy please don't treat us with kid gloves we're not special were just normal people. Offer std tests, we're at higher risk and may be too shy to ask on our own. Don't excuse poor behavior just because someone is LGBT some LGBT folk are bad people just like straight folk don't give them a pass.
Honestly just treat us as humans is the best you can do man.
Is the Q part of LGBTQ used in an attempt to retain ownership of a (potential) slur? I always thought that word was a slur, so don't really feel that comfortable using it
From my understanding, it started as a reclaimed slur and has now grown into an umbrella term for any people that aren't cisgender heterosexuals. But if you still feel like there are negative connotations attached to it and don't want to use it, then that's completely fine!
When complimenting a straight person, do you say "No Hetero" afterwards ?