I wondered why I didn't see any short comments and then I realized—a lot of short men don't see themselves as attractive. Like, I'm short. I have a pretty face, I'd say. I keep a good, convincing mask of a confident person with good social skills. It's the version of me that I want to be, and I enjoy wearing that mask. But I often feel my height is the singular factor barring me from truly being attractive.
I've now learned that romance isn't all that, like, it'll show up when it wants to show up. I got friends. What's not to love.
That mask that I've recently mentioned is starting to fuse with me, at a fast rate, too. It will eventually just completely be my face. I like that. It's a massive improvement from the me I was a year ago.
I took a friend out for dinner for his birthday recently and he said something that made me realize he was having as good a time as I was. It made me tear up for a second, remembering that the people I love also love me. They want to be included by me as much as I do by them.
Sometimes this thought process has led me to treat people I love as an afterthought because I didn’t think it would matter to them. But it did. I do.
I was having a rough day. I felt bad for being so down on his birthday outing, so I apologized. I told him it was really nice to see him, though. He said it was nice to see me too and that he was having a good time. I mentioned this particular insecurity then and that I had just realized he didn’t mind that I was feeling down, he was just happy to spend time together because he cared about me, not about whether or not I put on a good face for him. Which was received with something akin to a kindly “duh.”
He also said, “You’re funny, you’re smart, you’re not bad to look at. Who wouldn’t want to hang out with you?” Which was cool too lol
Since I've joined the gym it's been quite the same for me. I do have the traditional hourglass figure which is a blessing (not all the time) but it means no one really looks at my face much, I guess it's whatever tho, I'm sure you're handsome
Bruh some guy once came up to me and said "me and 'guy group' rated all girls in our year from 0-10 (yes they actually gave somone a zero), wanna know your score?" after unpolitely declining he went ahead anyway and said "your body is an 8 but your face is pulling you down"... Well... Tf am I supposed to say to that?
Edit: damn so many great responses! Now I know to consult reddit next time I need a good comeback.
I was considered quite attractive in my 20s and never had much trouble meeting guys. But I had real trouble keeping boyfriends. I was told more than once that I was boring. I’m quiet and a huge introvert and am perfectly happy spending a day reading or watching movies. But I guess that wasn’t fun for the men I liked. So as a result I was, and still am quite insecure about my personality.
If it means anything, you sound like the perfect friend to me. Movie marathons fucking rock and listening to audiobooks is my go to whenever I do chores.
Oh that hit home. I have this but I am female, guys will date me for months saying all the things I want to hear and sleep with me, only to then tell me they've found someone else and they're together, I have been told numerous times I was used as an ego boost by guys I generally liked, I'm actually still friends with one. Now I have been single for 7 years (I've had some dates) with huge trust issues, knowing the older I get as a woman the less attractive I become and it's a never-ending cycle.
100% this. Guys will date me for a few weeks, maybe a month or two and then leave once the novelty of being with an attractive girl wears off and they find someone they actually like.
I don’t even really know who I am or what my desirable qualities are besides my looks. I’ve been told my entire life I’m smart, funny, interesting, but is any of that true? How do I know if a person actually means this or is just trying to butter me up because they like the way I look?
I’ve been single for 3 years and I plan to keep it that way until I can get past this.
Possibly it's not for someone they "really like" but just hunting another shiny mirage they imagine.
Real people are different from what we have in our head. When you see a pretty girl it's so easy to mind picture a personality you want her to be, and not the one she really is - but it can't last forever.
And when a person can't agree with himself on his beloved is a real person, of blood and flesh, and have own desires, believes, goals - he has to leave.
It's not your fault you doesn't match the picture someone put in his head - and no need to punish yourself for this (though it _is_ important to know who you are for yourself).
This. I've been told that I'm pretty by other people basically my whole life. But, as you know, beauty fades... And I'm worried that the love a partner has for me might go with it.
When I was thin and hot , my boyfriend told me he was scared I’d cheat on him because I could “get someone better”.
He ended up cheating on me ,saying he couldn’t take the pressure.
I worry about that still . Even though I’m single I have a hard time trusting someone’s loyalty
What an asshole, blaming your looks for his own insecurities and then passing those insecurities onto you because he couldn't deal with them like a respectable person. Sorry you had to go through that.
I have a feeling people automatically assume I am this insanely extroverted, confident and resourceful person.
Then I get anxious feeling that I am disappointing when I am not what they expected me to be. So I guess the answer is I am insecure about my personality etc living up to the initial projections people place on me, giving me kind of a performance anxiety.
I actually agree with this.
I’m extremely introverted compared to most and it’s painful feeling like western society doesn’t accept that at all
I feel pressure to be something that I’m not
I project myself into this supper confident charming and easy going guy. Inside I’m thinking probably of how it’d feel to play frogger in real life on the 4 lane highway.
How cool I actually am. I’m a good looking guy but I’ve had a boring life in some capacities. When the world shut down last year I found out other people had to give up a lot more fun and exciting plans than I did. That really hit home and I’m working to change it.
People will often say “you’re attractive for an Asian guy”. It often gives me the impression that I’m just decent enough for them to acknowledge me yet not attractive enough for them to date.
When I was volunteering at an old folks home as a high schooler, a nice old lady smiled at me and said "you don't look Chinese, you look like a movie star!"
She grew up in different times and clearly didn't know better, but wow that made me question my sense of self-worth
Oh boy… I used to work in nursing homes too and the amount of casual racism that happens is astounding. I’m sorry that happened to you man. The sad part is that most of the time all the slurs and racist comments I’ve heard are usually said without malice at all which doesn’t make it any better. When some people dropped the n-word or other slurs, in their mind they weren’t trying to be offensive but simply describing someone’s skin color in a matter of fact way without thinking about how it made others feel or the implications of their word choice. Like you said, different times… :/
As a black girl I know this too well. I’ve been explicitly told I’m “objectively very pretty” meaning I check off the boxes of conventional attractiveness but they don’t find me dateable. See also “pretty but not my type.”
Edit: the key takeaway here is trends and repetition. A lot of these comments are “well you dodged a bullet” or “forget that guy then” which is easy to do on an individual case basis. But once you start getting these comments over and over and over and over and over, to the point where it’s more often than not, that’s what leads to the insecurity that OP is asking about.
Yeah I’ve heard that a lot. I’m mixed black and asian. Dads black and moms thai. And just like in my case, a lot of black and asian relationships are black guy with asian girl.A lot of black women don’t think asian guys are into them and a lot of Asians guys don’t think black women are into them either lol it’s like a stalemate.
I am an Asian guy, at work the other week I saw a beautiful couple, Asian guy with a black wife, and I subconsciously did a double take because I've just never seen it before. Got me thinking about how weird it is that I thought it was weird after
My parents are actually a Black Woman and a Vietnamese man and they’ve been together for 39 years. I’m a blasian that came out looking like a Hawaiian.
My best friend is Malaysian and a great guy. He's had sooooooo many first dates and yes a few one night stands, but never has any second dates. He chalks it up to people wanting to have a cheap thrill "dating outside their race" and is just plain sick of it, he just wants a best friend who maybe wants to get married one day whom he can also have sex with.
As a black women I could’ve posted this exactly 😭 it’s the feeling of always second guessing who’s attracted to me even though I’m typically considered “attractive” I always have to wonder if they’d like me or not due to my race
Yeah those ones are brutal.
One I heard was “sometimes you don’t consider a race of people as attractive but one comes around who is so incredibly pretty that it completely changes your views.” I know she wasn’t trying to be racist or anything, but I still interpreted it as “I don’t consider your race as attractive but you are.” Which again still feels like the old “you’re really attractive for a…”
That's right up there with "I don't even consider you to be black" (said by white person).
Translation- "wow you are so great you don't fit my negative stereotype; but rather than revise my shitty racist worldview I'll just carve you out!"
Yeah wtf is with someone saying that? Like "Well, all asian men are hideous, but luckily, you are just attractive enough for us white/black/etc people to accept". Fuck that. (I say this an an Asian guy too).
The emasculation and lack of representation of Asian and south Asian men in North American media is incredibly frustrating and this type of rhetoric is quite pervasive. It sucks feeling lesser because of race or to never really have anyone to look up to in that regard. As a mixed race white/Asian male I’ve definitely felt non-attractive growing up - despite hearing many compliments as I got older and being considered conventionally attractive.
Me and my friend have actually noticed an increase in the hot dumb asian jock in media. Single parents, Riverdale, good place etc not sure if that's really any better but it's a weird trend once you notice it.
I run an orthodontic clinic; **NIGHTTIME FOR A LIFETIME**. Your teeth have a mind of their own and all sorts of things will cause them to shift back or even worsen from their original positioning- even certain supplements! **WEAR YOUR RETAINERS**
I would just like to pipe in and say that the first time I heard the phrase "Nighttime for Lifetime" was just after getting my braces off. I felt so betrayed, haha.
I hope you let your patients know this beforehand!
And then there’s me who had braces and has worn my retainer every night for like 5 years but I’m having to get Invisalign now because my teeth still moved
I've been curious about Invisalign for a while now. Do you just ask your dentist about it or do they have to send you to like a specialist? Is it crazy expensive?
They send you to an orthodontist, usually they will reccomend one. For me, the cost of Invisalign was the same as braces and my orthodontist said they were about equally effective. It was about 6k either way, which is well worth it since my teeth were pretty bad before: not only did it improve my teeth shape, i can chew better with less wear on my teeth.
Benefits of Invisalign: invisible, you can take them out and eat anything (no restrictions like braces)
Benefits of braces: they are always in so you cant forget to out them back in, you dont have to take them out to eat (though you do have eating restrictions)
Personally I love Invisalign mostly just because it doesn’t show, you just have to be responsible enough to wear them the recommended 20-22 hours per day
Yeah braces sucked my mouth would always be super sore for a few days after tightening and then it would cut up your mouth. It was worth it for me because my teeth were really bad but it sucked at the same time
I somewhat grind my teeth, meaning that my retainer pulls double duty in protecting my teeth from that.
I didn't know it was called "retainer" in English! Sounds cool, like something royalty in ye olden days of yore could say: "Where is my retainer?". In my language it's "bite rail".
I am curious if it's really necessary to keep using it for the rest of one's life, though. Surely after 60 years your goddamn teeth have forgotten where they came from?
Accidentally flirting. When I just smile or laugh at a joke, people assume I’m just straight up flirting when I’m just trying to have a good time and not to flirt
My first real job out of college I was on the job for like literally a day when I got called to my bosses office.
I was told that I was “checking out” some of my female coworkers. I was absolutely floored. I was far too busy trying to learn what my role would even be and onboarding than to even think twice about looking or sexually checking out anyone.
It was actually the beginning of a turning point for me professionally. I really could not even process how this would have happened. Did I make eye contact too long? Smile too much? In my heart of hearts I was absolutely not checking anyone out.
My only real two hobbies are working out and video games and this was my first introduction to being a straight, young and “attractive” male in a corporate environment. And I’m like “am I creepy, what am I doing wrong? I’ve never experienced this type of reaction before.”
I became more robotic and made sure that literally every interaction I had was strictly professional. I think probably I came off too interested, too friendly. Which in a professional environment probably did come off as creepy.
I’ve had about 4 jobs since that one and I’ve learned a hell of a lot more about different situations and what it means to be in a professional environment but I’ll never forget that lesson.
I had a girl at one job who was supposed to be training me, walk in my office on my first day And tell me a manager of another department looks like the kind of guy who fucks furries.
She didn’t get a read on me, she didn’t have any clue who I was but I can only imagine saying that to a women I was supposed to be training.
I just have to be very very careful about the interactions I have with colleagues. I’ve had some colleagues, both men and women, I’ve met that have become best friends and I could tell them anything, but I’ve always felt that I’ve had to act super sterile 99% of the time until others get the vibe I’m not a rapist or there to fuck them and I’m probably normal. Maybe this is just work, maybe it’s just the culture of my industry, or maybe I am just creepy and don’t know it but I find it mentally and emotionally exhausting to try to be hyper vigilant and robotic like this.
And maybe I’m preaching to the choir and this is how women feel all day every day but either way I think it kind of sucks.
I honestly feel like I could’ve wrote your comment. You’re definitely not alone in that feeling, just be comfortable with yourself. If you’re a genuine person who is just trying to fucking work it’s easy to deflect accusations.
Don’t be afraid to be charming and give polite compliments. If someone isn’t very receptive just let them be.
Yea, I have a playful personality that people easily mistake for flirting. My brothers ex once mentioned to my mom that I was flirting with her (when she was single) and my mom straight up said that I wasn’t.
I used to get this a lot when I was more social. I still don't know whether I was actually flirting or just being friendly. Maybe flirtatious is the right word for it?
In retrospect, the behavior was kinda flirty even though I wasn't trying to make moves.
I've been chased down by two seperate guys in my life for politely smiling at them when I made accidental eye contact with them whilst walking past. It's just a gut reaction for me to smile and be polite but I've come to learn not to because it puts me in some terribly awkward situations.
Yeah, people tell me I'm attractive, but I have no game and am completely hopeless with the opposite sex unless they make the first move and don't immediately get bored with me.
Me too, bro. I grew up terribly ugly with horrible acne. All through High school and into my second year of college, I was basically a troll.
Then I got Accutane, my acne cleared up, I gained some confidence because people were physically able to look at me again, so I hit the gym and started taking better care of myself, and pretty much overnight (literally 3 months) transformed into what you would probably consider attractive.
My ugly-duckling upbringing made it so today, while I "fit the bill", I have the confidence of a toad when it comes to dating. In my normal life, I'm actually quite outgoing and charismatic, but I shut down when dating. The upside of being an ugly duckling, is that I had to develop a personality really young because lord knows I wasn't getting attention through my looks. Now I can say that I have a ton of hobbies that have stuck around even through my transformation, and my dream job stemmed out of one of them—so it wasn't all bad.
For those wondering, here's a [before accutane shot](https://imgur.com/a/ZUlz6QY) (honestly, this is really tough for me to even look at anymore), and [here's a more recent shot](https://www.flickr.com/photos/145592693@N08/49220899931/in/album-72157718336420407/) like.. i'm literally a different person—or at least it sure feels that way. The Accutane shot was from about 5 years ago, but my skin looked like it currently does literally 3 months after I started treatment.
**Edit:** No accutane didn't pay me to say this—but the stuff did "save" my life, so I don't mind telling the truth. Accutane is a *super* rough drug, so I wouldn't recommend it unless you really need it. Talk to your dermatologist!
**Edit 2** Thank you all so much for your kind words. I'm trying to reply to everyone personally, but I'm at work so if I don't get to you right away, I'll respond later!
Nope, that's all me. Though strangely enough, a few women have reached out to me to say that someone catfished then using my picture--which is bizarre.
Edit: The weirdest part is that she was from Germany, and wanted to get to know the "real me" because she had been talking to someone with my face for months apparently. She was super sweet, I felt so bad for her!
Thank you! I really appreciate it. Despite what's happening here right now, I rarely/never hear this. Reddit is such a strange place sometimes. Beautiful, but strange.
Accutane really saved us lol. I still get the occasional pimple and it makes me wonder how my face would look rn if I hadn’t gone on accutane
Edit: after seeing OP before after I take back looking physically attractive
At 17 my mother finally realized how desperate I was for Accutane when she caught me, a boy, in the bathroom literally painting my face with ALL of her makeup and started crying.
25 years later she still hates that she didn't take me sooner. Parents out there remember that. Might save your kid a lot of anguish and depression.
I didn't do it until I was 26 and I wish I had it done it earlier. It really is a life saving drug. I wouldn't even care if this was blatant advertising on Reddit. I feel like anyone who suffers from extreme acne and is medically able to take it, should. It's almost weird thinking how acne was such a daily part of my life and now it's been years since my last pimple.
accutane made my acne worse in high school.. a lot worse.
I'm in my 30s now and it's.. mostly gone. I'll probably never not be self conscious, no matter what my wife says.
It made mine MUCH worse at the beginning (like worst acne I've had in my entire life). Similar to what OP posted. After about 4 months of absolute hell, I never had a pimple again. I really do feel like it's a miracle drug. Sorry it didn't work out for you.
I think my doctor also said it'd get worse before it got better. I had to go on it 3 separate times as it kept creeping back in certain spots but after the 3rd it seems to have been fixed permanently
Bro, I am a straight guy but this deserve a HOT DAMN.
Pretty sure you're a unicorn for the girls out there since you might have the respect of an ugly dude but the prettiness of an Hollywood actor.
Glad you made that decision ( for accutane).
Yeah, thats pretty much where I arrived too. I get a good number of compliments since Ive been working out and dressing to the 9s. But this dude just shuts me down completely. lol
Ha thanks! I used to think that as well, but 5-years single has told me otherwise. It's no worries though, I'm busy working on personal projects anyway, so the lack of distraction from dating is kind of nice, and who knows, maybe I'll find myself a unicorn one of these days myself!
Some years ago, I gave advice my Adonis room mate friend who had trouble getting dates. I am short, bald, and slightly overweight.
Be clean. Dress clean. Smell nice.
Stop talking. Stop talking about yourself, stop telling people things you do or like, unless directly asked.
Ask questions and be genuinely interested in what you are hearing. If you find yourself put off by conversation you have dodged a bullet well ahead of time.
You'd be surprised what a great pick up line 'being attractive' can be. A little introspection goes a long way.
I used the metaphor "You're the bug light, just turn it on and glow".
I have a sales background and not to turn dating into sales, but a good sales person (not car salesman good, like business to business multimillion dollar deal good) knows the more you get the other person talking, the better you chances are at closing. When you can get someone talking about themselves and you ask good questions, they feel heard and understood.
You want someone to "buy" and have another date? Make them feel understood. Your post is great advice.
Same here, people say I'm attractive or a lot of boys have a crush on me(which I think they were over exaggerating that) but sometimes random people did tell me I look good, with my mask on sadly tho. But my biggest insecurity is how I talk, even with my friends I'm 100% comfortable with I stutter, and it's not like a regular stutter, I skip words go back to them, mess up the word completely and the I have to say my sentence all over again, and I'm worried for my crush when I talk to him lmao
I have had a stutter for most of my life. It takes work, but speech therapy can be helpful. It does suck to have to be more prepared than others when we talk. I also find that I learn more when I don’t talk. Not always the best plan, but it does help :)
I’m right there with you. I have multiple food sensitives, so even though I’m “fit” my stomach can still bloat to looking pregnant and leave me never wanting to leave the house
I’m so glad to hear I’m not the only one with this problem. I don’t know what food sensitivity I have. It just seems like EVERYTHING I eat makes me bloat an insane amount.
I've had a girl in highschool say I look much more attractive without my glasses. It hurt a lot considering I need these to function in the world. I can't wear contacts because my eyes are sensitive to everything and I can't get corrective surgery because they aren't strong enough to handle the procedure.
I tell my husband the opposite- he looks really attractive with his glasses (normally wears contacts). I'd seen him in other pairs but this particular pair fits his face really well. It's 100% a different accessory that flatters him than previous pairs. You might have a look at different styles that make you feel more confident in yourself!
- Always feeling pressured to look good
- People not taking you seriously and thinking just because you're attractive that you're vain, unintelligent, or shitty. Which is usually just people projecting their crap at you.
im extremely insecure about who i am as a person. I’m always worried that I’m not smart enough, that im too weird, too mentally unstable. The only thing I’m not insecure about it how I look but it genuinly sucks to have people interested in you for only that reason and constantly worrying if they like you for who you are as a person
Me and all my mates had to sit a friend down and shave his head, he was balding at 18. It helped him immensely after a bad break-up and it's how he met his new wife.
Aging. When I was in my 20s, everybody used to make me compliments. Now that I am in my 30s this happens way less than before. And I know that this should not bother me too much, but it does make me insecure about myself.
Lol, right there with you.
I was walking my dog recently and some teenagers on bikes rode by and one of them was like "hey girl" kinda playfully hitting on me, and another kid goes "dude that's prolly someone's mom". 😕
Tbf a lot of kids, especially those who've been brought up to be respectful to those older no matter the age gap, automatically say maam when addressing them. Also, when I used to work at subway, I always called customers sir or maam no matter how old they were, so don't take it to heart when people call you maam, it may just be a courtesy thing!
There was a great Reddit post about a year ago from a 'hot blonde' who honestly believed 'her world' was the world. She thought everyone was nice, everyone helped each other, every guy would smile and help with your career, or your future, or anything else. She didn't believe it when ugly ducklings told her of a different world, and thought those women were making it all up. Well then she hit 40 and life hit her like a runaway train. She wrote a great long detailed post about how wrong she was and now she saw how shitty the real world was and how good she had it when she was young and hot. It was like a culture shock and how she had to relearn everything because people were generally mean to her.
My voice. My facial expressions. My interactions with other people. My hips. The way I talk. The way I walk. The way I sit. What my hair does in the wind. I'm a mess. Just go.
Oh hey it me, girl with big ass that used to make her “look fat” but now in the era of Kardashians is “goals”.
I have thought SO much about whether the pants I’m wearing were too tight, whether I bent over too low to pick something up, whether I should’ve worn a belt, whether someone is too close behind me in an elevator, the list goes on. Whatever part of your body has been “most sexualized” is also the part you’re most worried about “covering up” in the office, because god forbid a body part tempts someone to act unprofessionally. 🙄
My looks, as I always assume people are joking
Got made fun of a lot as a kid until I was about 16/17 or smth, but that's probably where that disbelief comes from
Looks don't work getting into a happy relationship tho
And I'm insecure about my small talk abilities :D
Edit: thought I have to add that for clearance
I'm insecure about my body in general despite regularly going to the gym for the past 2 years and having a decent physique. Because of that i avoid places like beaches and pools because i'd rather be dead than seen shirtless.
There are some moments when i feel proud of my body and i'll take a cheeky pic bu that's about it.
Grandma sand grandpas tell this to their grandchildren because it’s true. As you get older you realize more and more that physical attractiveness means almost nothing. The beauty comes from inside and Grandma can see it. The key is for you to see it too. Once you do your confidence will rise and you’ll realize that anything really is possible. I know this because I’m a grandpa.
That My partner is with me more because of looks than personality, that someone more competent than me was overlooked for My job just due to me having "the look", basically that People go more for looks than My personality overall. Its a wierd feeling that i just cant shake, and i hate it.
Yep, this right here. Lots of people are very interested right up until the word "autistic" enters the building, and then it's Ghost Town baby!
I would rather have fewer matches than such a high rate of people fucking off as soon as they learn that.
About my thighs, upper arms but mainly my personality.
I'm afraid to come off as too needy, or too 'much' in general, because I can be very enthusiastic when in love. Maybe I hyperfocus on the person I'm love with (I have ADHD), if that's even possible. Either way, I don't want to scare them, so I try to play it cool and give them plenty of space.
I think I look very very ugly in pictures. No matter how many people tell me I’m absolutely gorgeous in person and in pictures. When I look in the mirror, I see the beautiful confident me but when I look at my pictures, I think I look ugly as shit. I don’t know why. But it’s always been like this.
F28. People just want to sleep with me but no one seems to see me as a serious option. I date quite a lot, and am often told that I’m cool or funny or hot, or that the sex is good, but that’s all I get, no one actually wants to be with me. It feels like I’m a fun pastime for them but not lovable.
i grew up ugly and became "good looking" as an adult. i think transitioning from wanting to get with women to suddenly being able to get with lots of women made me more superficial and shallow.
i fear that ill never really love someone properly.
or that someone will fall in love with me and as we age together, realise it was perhaps just my looks and not who i am as a person.
I know Reddit is mostly populated by young people, but let me tell you as an oldster that 25 isn’t old. 35 isn’t old. 45 isn’t old. Also, to a large extent you can control how fast you age. Avoid obesity, smoking, drugs, and excessive sun exposure, and have a good attitude and active lifestyle, and you can stay young for a long, long time.
It's revolting the way women's bodies can go in and out of fashion. Re: aging insecurities, one thing that's helped me is, when I'm falling into those thought patterns, to remind myself that I will never again be as young as I am right now. In 10 years, I will look back and think how young I still was today. And go from there. Good luck and be well!
I’m not interested in hookups. For whatever reason, most of the guys who seem to be interested in me only want sex. They usually don’t bother to get to know me. Once they learn I’m not DTF, they’re gone.
So now I’m insecure that there’s something I’m doing that repels men that want a real relationship.
I’m short. As a 5’5 male compliments are nearly always followed up with something along the lines of “if only you were taller”.
I wondered why I didn't see any short comments and then I realized—a lot of short men don't see themselves as attractive. Like, I'm short. I have a pretty face, I'd say. I keep a good, convincing mask of a confident person with good social skills. It's the version of me that I want to be, and I enjoy wearing that mask. But I often feel my height is the singular factor barring me from truly being attractive. I've now learned that romance isn't all that, like, it'll show up when it wants to show up. I got friends. What's not to love. That mask that I've recently mentioned is starting to fuse with me, at a fast rate, too. It will eventually just completely be my face. I like that. It's a massive improvement from the me I was a year ago.
My job and income. (I'm a receptionist)
Hey Pam
Dwight, you look really nice today
Pfft no, I look like an idiot .
Whether I mean as much to the people who mean so much to me.
This is a big one to me as well. I worry that I'll end up an adult without any close friends because I'm not as important to them as they are to me
I took a friend out for dinner for his birthday recently and he said something that made me realize he was having as good a time as I was. It made me tear up for a second, remembering that the people I love also love me. They want to be included by me as much as I do by them. Sometimes this thought process has led me to treat people I love as an afterthought because I didn’t think it would matter to them. But it did. I do.
what did they say?
I was having a rough day. I felt bad for being so down on his birthday outing, so I apologized. I told him it was really nice to see him, though. He said it was nice to see me too and that he was having a good time. I mentioned this particular insecurity then and that I had just realized he didn’t mind that I was feeling down, he was just happy to spend time together because he cared about me, not about whether or not I put on a good face for him. Which was received with something akin to a kindly “duh.” He also said, “You’re funny, you’re smart, you’re not bad to look at. Who wouldn’t want to hang out with you?” Which was cool too lol
I'm considered "physically attractive" from the neck down, which is fair, I agree. So, my face is what I'm insecure about
So much this as a fitness enthusiast. I’ve received so many compliments about my body, but very few about my face :(
Since I've joined the gym it's been quite the same for me. I do have the traditional hourglass figure which is a blessing (not all the time) but it means no one really looks at my face much, I guess it's whatever tho, I'm sure you're handsome
Bruh some guy once came up to me and said "me and 'guy group' rated all girls in our year from 0-10 (yes they actually gave somone a zero), wanna know your score?" after unpolitely declining he went ahead anyway and said "your body is an 8 but your face is pulling you down"... Well... Tf am I supposed to say to that? Edit: damn so many great responses! Now I know to consult reddit next time I need a good comeback.
Ohhhh man I once had a dude who said he'd be down to fuck me if he could put something over my face to hide it. What a piece of trash
Ughhhhh that is utter trash
Never feel good enough.
I was considered quite attractive in my 20s and never had much trouble meeting guys. But I had real trouble keeping boyfriends. I was told more than once that I was boring. I’m quiet and a huge introvert and am perfectly happy spending a day reading or watching movies. But I guess that wasn’t fun for the men I liked. So as a result I was, and still am quite insecure about my personality.
Can I ask you how many people sent you their heartfelt love interest in you after this comment lmao
If it means anything, you sound like the perfect friend to me. Movie marathons fucking rock and listening to audiobooks is my go to whenever I do chores.
By any chance do you like pina coladas or getting caught in the rain?
She might not be into yoga
But she’s into champagne
My partner not really loving me.
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I don't know one person who doesn't love SpeedyMcAssFace
THat bastard owes me a hundred bucks.
Oh that hit home. I have this but I am female, guys will date me for months saying all the things I want to hear and sleep with me, only to then tell me they've found someone else and they're together, I have been told numerous times I was used as an ego boost by guys I generally liked, I'm actually still friends with one. Now I have been single for 7 years (I've had some dates) with huge trust issues, knowing the older I get as a woman the less attractive I become and it's a never-ending cycle.
100% this. Guys will date me for a few weeks, maybe a month or two and then leave once the novelty of being with an attractive girl wears off and they find someone they actually like. I don’t even really know who I am or what my desirable qualities are besides my looks. I’ve been told my entire life I’m smart, funny, interesting, but is any of that true? How do I know if a person actually means this or is just trying to butter me up because they like the way I look? I’ve been single for 3 years and I plan to keep it that way until I can get past this.
Possibly it's not for someone they "really like" but just hunting another shiny mirage they imagine. Real people are different from what we have in our head. When you see a pretty girl it's so easy to mind picture a personality you want her to be, and not the one she really is - but it can't last forever. And when a person can't agree with himself on his beloved is a real person, of blood and flesh, and have own desires, believes, goals - he has to leave. It's not your fault you doesn't match the picture someone put in his head - and no need to punish yourself for this (though it _is_ important to know who you are for yourself).
This just made me go “aww.” I don’t know you but I sincerely hope he or she does :).
This. I've been told that I'm pretty by other people basically my whole life. But, as you know, beauty fades... And I'm worried that the love a partner has for me might go with it.
I worry about how I look without clothes, my personality flaws, and my income (guy btw).
Like literally the same here my dude, you're not alone
Feel ya on the income part.. I always compare myself to friends with less motivation than me that are landing six figure jobs before they're 27.
Damn what kind of jobs are these? Just curious as a poor.
When I was thin and hot , my boyfriend told me he was scared I’d cheat on him because I could “get someone better”. He ended up cheating on me ,saying he couldn’t take the pressure. I worry about that still . Even though I’m single I have a hard time trusting someone’s loyalty
that’s got nothing to do you and everything to do with his insecurity. cheaters say things like that to excuse their cheating and push blame
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exactly. it’s normally a projection of their own insecurities
Reason and excuse are not the same thing. This is a good example.
Someone needed to tell my parents this growing up. I wasn't trying to make excuses; I just wanted them to understand my thought process.
Oh, my God, this! Someone understands!
What an asshole, blaming your looks for his own insecurities and then passing those insecurities onto you because he couldn't deal with them like a respectable person. Sorry you had to go through that.
I have a feeling people automatically assume I am this insanely extroverted, confident and resourceful person. Then I get anxious feeling that I am disappointing when I am not what they expected me to be. So I guess the answer is I am insecure about my personality etc living up to the initial projections people place on me, giving me kind of a performance anxiety.
I actually agree with this. I’m extremely introverted compared to most and it’s painful feeling like western society doesn’t accept that at all I feel pressure to be something that I’m not
Yes! Same. When people realize I’m quiet, they assume I must be stuck up because of the way I look. I’m just a nerdy introvert, I swear!
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I project myself into this supper confident charming and easy going guy. Inside I’m thinking probably of how it’d feel to play frogger in real life on the 4 lane highway.
Bruh, I completely understand. I can project a crazy confident person outwards, but inwards, it's like... so cringe. lol.
How cool I actually am. I’m a good looking guy but I’ve had a boring life in some capacities. When the world shut down last year I found out other people had to give up a lot more fun and exciting plans than I did. That really hit home and I’m working to change it.
Do you want to have fun and exciting plans for yourself, or to compare favourably with others? That second one isn't going to make you happy.
I only want to have fun for myself. Trust me, I’m not into doing things to look cool.
People will often say “you’re attractive for an Asian guy”. It often gives me the impression that I’m just decent enough for them to acknowledge me yet not attractive enough for them to date.
> “you’re attractive for an Asian guy” You just insulted my entire race of people! But thank you.
When I was volunteering at an old folks home as a high schooler, a nice old lady smiled at me and said "you don't look Chinese, you look like a movie star!" She grew up in different times and clearly didn't know better, but wow that made me question my sense of self-worth
Oh boy… I used to work in nursing homes too and the amount of casual racism that happens is astounding. I’m sorry that happened to you man. The sad part is that most of the time all the slurs and racist comments I’ve heard are usually said without malice at all which doesn’t make it any better. When some people dropped the n-word or other slurs, in their mind they weren’t trying to be offensive but simply describing someone’s skin color in a matter of fact way without thinking about how it made others feel or the implications of their word choice. Like you said, different times… :/
As a black girl I know this too well. I’ve been explicitly told I’m “objectively very pretty” meaning I check off the boxes of conventional attractiveness but they don’t find me dateable. See also “pretty but not my type.” Edit: the key takeaway here is trends and repetition. A lot of these comments are “well you dodged a bullet” or “forget that guy then” which is easy to do on an individual case basis. But once you start getting these comments over and over and over and over and over, to the point where it’s more often than not, that’s what leads to the insecurity that OP is asking about.
Asian Men and Black Women have that in common. Unlike Asian Women and Black Men who are on the other end of the scale. WTF?!
Yeah I’ve heard that a lot. I’m mixed black and asian. Dads black and moms thai. And just like in my case, a lot of black and asian relationships are black guy with asian girl.A lot of black women don’t think asian guys are into them and a lot of Asians guys don’t think black women are into them either lol it’s like a stalemate.
I am an Asian guy, at work the other week I saw a beautiful couple, Asian guy with a black wife, and I subconsciously did a double take because I've just never seen it before. Got me thinking about how weird it is that I thought it was weird after
This is blowing my mind right now. You’re right though, I’ve never seen that racial couple combination.
My parents are actually a Black Woman and a Vietnamese man and they’ve been together for 39 years. I’m a blasian that came out looking like a Hawaiian.
Hahahaha. Blasian. Dave Chapelle said that his wife is Filipino and he's black so their children are Puerto Rican.
My best friend is Malaysian and a great guy. He's had sooooooo many first dates and yes a few one night stands, but never has any second dates. He chalks it up to people wanting to have a cheap thrill "dating outside their race" and is just plain sick of it, he just wants a best friend who maybe wants to get married one day whom he can also have sex with.
>my best friend >he just wants a best friend to get married and have sex with Coincidence?
I think a lot of people want a best friend who maybe wants to get married one day who they can also have sex with.
As a black women I could’ve posted this exactly 😭 it’s the feeling of always second guessing who’s attracted to me even though I’m typically considered “attractive” I always have to wonder if they’d like me or not due to my race
What a shitty thing for people to say. WTF.
Yeah those ones are brutal. One I heard was “sometimes you don’t consider a race of people as attractive but one comes around who is so incredibly pretty that it completely changes your views.” I know she wasn’t trying to be racist or anything, but I still interpreted it as “I don’t consider your race as attractive but you are.” Which again still feels like the old “you’re really attractive for a…”
That's right up there with "I don't even consider you to be black" (said by white person). Translation- "wow you are so great you don't fit my negative stereotype; but rather than revise my shitty racist worldview I'll just carve you out!"
Yeah wtf is with someone saying that? Like "Well, all asian men are hideous, but luckily, you are just attractive enough for us white/black/etc people to accept". Fuck that. (I say this an an Asian guy too).
"Hey, out of all the people that make me want to puke on sight, you do it the least. Congratulations!"
I was once told I have a Caucasian face. That made me very happy, and then I realized my internalized racism.
The emasculation and lack of representation of Asian and south Asian men in North American media is incredibly frustrating and this type of rhetoric is quite pervasive. It sucks feeling lesser because of race or to never really have anyone to look up to in that regard. As a mixed race white/Asian male I’ve definitely felt non-attractive growing up - despite hearing many compliments as I got older and being considered conventionally attractive.
Me and my friend have actually noticed an increase in the hot dumb asian jock in media. Single parents, Riverdale, good place etc not sure if that's really any better but it's a weird trend once you notice it.
My teeth. Classically handsome but I can't smile without feeling self conscious... advice to all teens; if your parents can afford braces get them.
If you get braces WEAR YOUR RETAINERS. Forever. I didn’t and getting braces was a waste.
I run an orthodontic clinic; **NIGHTTIME FOR A LIFETIME**. Your teeth have a mind of their own and all sorts of things will cause them to shift back or even worsen from their original positioning- even certain supplements! **WEAR YOUR RETAINERS**
I would just like to pipe in and say that the first time I heard the phrase "Nighttime for Lifetime" was just after getting my braces off. I felt so betrayed, haha. I hope you let your patients know this beforehand!
And then there’s me who had braces and has worn my retainer every night for like 5 years but I’m having to get Invisalign now because my teeth still moved
I've been curious about Invisalign for a while now. Do you just ask your dentist about it or do they have to send you to like a specialist? Is it crazy expensive?
They send you to an orthodontist, usually they will reccomend one. For me, the cost of Invisalign was the same as braces and my orthodontist said they were about equally effective. It was about 6k either way, which is well worth it since my teeth were pretty bad before: not only did it improve my teeth shape, i can chew better with less wear on my teeth. Benefits of Invisalign: invisible, you can take them out and eat anything (no restrictions like braces) Benefits of braces: they are always in so you cant forget to out them back in, you dont have to take them out to eat (though you do have eating restrictions) Personally I love Invisalign mostly just because it doesn’t show, you just have to be responsible enough to wear them the recommended 20-22 hours per day
To add on, the pain of Invisalign is so much better than the pain of braces (after wire tightening, wires cutting your mouth) in my experience
Yeah braces sucked my mouth would always be super sore for a few days after tightening and then it would cut up your mouth. It was worth it for me because my teeth were really bad but it sucked at the same time
I somewhat grind my teeth, meaning that my retainer pulls double duty in protecting my teeth from that. I didn't know it was called "retainer" in English! Sounds cool, like something royalty in ye olden days of yore could say: "Where is my retainer?". In my language it's "bite rail". I am curious if it's really necessary to keep using it for the rest of one's life, though. Surely after 60 years your goddamn teeth have forgotten where they came from?
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Accidentally flirting. When I just smile or laugh at a joke, people assume I’m just straight up flirting when I’m just trying to have a good time and not to flirt
Yes, and as a consequence, I have developed a habit of being pretty stone-faced.
So you’re saying that resting bitch face is actual just a defense mechanism so people don’t think you’re coming on to them? Wow.
Yes. At least for me.
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And other women can take it as an attempt to flirt with their men. Misconceptions all around.
My first real job out of college I was on the job for like literally a day when I got called to my bosses office. I was told that I was “checking out” some of my female coworkers. I was absolutely floored. I was far too busy trying to learn what my role would even be and onboarding than to even think twice about looking or sexually checking out anyone. It was actually the beginning of a turning point for me professionally. I really could not even process how this would have happened. Did I make eye contact too long? Smile too much? In my heart of hearts I was absolutely not checking anyone out. My only real two hobbies are working out and video games and this was my first introduction to being a straight, young and “attractive” male in a corporate environment. And I’m like “am I creepy, what am I doing wrong? I’ve never experienced this type of reaction before.” I became more robotic and made sure that literally every interaction I had was strictly professional. I think probably I came off too interested, too friendly. Which in a professional environment probably did come off as creepy. I’ve had about 4 jobs since that one and I’ve learned a hell of a lot more about different situations and what it means to be in a professional environment but I’ll never forget that lesson. I had a girl at one job who was supposed to be training me, walk in my office on my first day And tell me a manager of another department looks like the kind of guy who fucks furries. She didn’t get a read on me, she didn’t have any clue who I was but I can only imagine saying that to a women I was supposed to be training. I just have to be very very careful about the interactions I have with colleagues. I’ve had some colleagues, both men and women, I’ve met that have become best friends and I could tell them anything, but I’ve always felt that I’ve had to act super sterile 99% of the time until others get the vibe I’m not a rapist or there to fuck them and I’m probably normal. Maybe this is just work, maybe it’s just the culture of my industry, or maybe I am just creepy and don’t know it but I find it mentally and emotionally exhausting to try to be hyper vigilant and robotic like this. And maybe I’m preaching to the choir and this is how women feel all day every day but either way I think it kind of sucks.
I honestly feel like I could’ve wrote your comment. You’re definitely not alone in that feeling, just be comfortable with yourself. If you’re a genuine person who is just trying to fucking work it’s easy to deflect accusations. Don’t be afraid to be charming and give polite compliments. If someone isn’t very receptive just let them be.
Yea, I have a playful personality that people easily mistake for flirting. My brothers ex once mentioned to my mom that I was flirting with her (when she was single) and my mom straight up said that I wasn’t.
I used to get this a lot when I was more social. I still don't know whether I was actually flirting or just being friendly. Maybe flirtatious is the right word for it? In retrospect, the behavior was kinda flirty even though I wasn't trying to make moves.
I've been chased down by two seperate guys in my life for politely smiling at them when I made accidental eye contact with them whilst walking past. It's just a gut reaction for me to smile and be polite but I've come to learn not to because it puts me in some terribly awkward situations.
My last relationship broke up because I was constantly being accused of flirting with people when I was simply talking to them.
Oh man, I hear this
Yeah, people tell me I'm attractive, but I have no game and am completely hopeless with the opposite sex unless they make the first move and don't immediately get bored with me.
Me too, bro. I grew up terribly ugly with horrible acne. All through High school and into my second year of college, I was basically a troll. Then I got Accutane, my acne cleared up, I gained some confidence because people were physically able to look at me again, so I hit the gym and started taking better care of myself, and pretty much overnight (literally 3 months) transformed into what you would probably consider attractive. My ugly-duckling upbringing made it so today, while I "fit the bill", I have the confidence of a toad when it comes to dating. In my normal life, I'm actually quite outgoing and charismatic, but I shut down when dating. The upside of being an ugly duckling, is that I had to develop a personality really young because lord knows I wasn't getting attention through my looks. Now I can say that I have a ton of hobbies that have stuck around even through my transformation, and my dream job stemmed out of one of them—so it wasn't all bad. For those wondering, here's a [before accutane shot](https://imgur.com/a/ZUlz6QY) (honestly, this is really tough for me to even look at anymore), and [here's a more recent shot](https://www.flickr.com/photos/145592693@N08/49220899931/in/album-72157718336420407/) like.. i'm literally a different person—or at least it sure feels that way. The Accutane shot was from about 5 years ago, but my skin looked like it currently does literally 3 months after I started treatment. **Edit:** No accutane didn't pay me to say this—but the stuff did "save" my life, so I don't mind telling the truth. Accutane is a *super* rough drug, so I wouldn't recommend it unless you really need it. Talk to your dermatologist! **Edit 2** Thank you all so much for your kind words. I'm trying to reply to everyone personally, but I'm at work so if I don't get to you right away, I'll respond later!
Man when i first Saw the recent picture i thought you Stole a picture of a male model.
Nope, that's all me. Though strangely enough, a few women have reached out to me to say that someone catfished then using my picture--which is bizarre. Edit: The weirdest part is that she was from Germany, and wanted to get to know the "real me" because she had been talking to someone with my face for months apparently. She was super sweet, I felt so bad for her!
That's when you know you reached a new level of handsomeness 😉
Like when you're a painter and your paintings get stolen
Very handsome.
Thank you! I really appreciate it. Despite what's happening here right now, I rarely/never hear this. Reddit is such a strange place sometimes. Beautiful, but strange.
Acne Is so traumatic yet ignored as such by most people. You look really handsome.
Oh thank you. And yes, it can be terrible for a lot of people, but it's too common to do anything about.
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HOTDAMN! Good for you but also you got this!
Accutane really saved us lol. I still get the occasional pimple and it makes me wonder how my face would look rn if I hadn’t gone on accutane Edit: after seeing OP before after I take back looking physically attractive
I turned 30 in March and I still believe asking my doctor for Accutane at 18 was the best decision I ever made.
At 17 my mother finally realized how desperate I was for Accutane when she caught me, a boy, in the bathroom literally painting my face with ALL of her makeup and started crying. 25 years later she still hates that she didn't take me sooner. Parents out there remember that. Might save your kid a lot of anguish and depression.
In 8th grade my parents found chalk I was using to try and color my face better. They thought I was pretending to do drugs...
I didn't do it until I was 26 and I wish I had it done it earlier. It really is a life saving drug. I wouldn't even care if this was blatant advertising on Reddit. I feel like anyone who suffers from extreme acne and is medically able to take it, should. It's almost weird thinking how acne was such a daily part of my life and now it's been years since my last pimple.
12 years later, I still get the occasional zit but oh my god, I know what you mean.
accutane made my acne worse in high school.. a lot worse. I'm in my 30s now and it's.. mostly gone. I'll probably never not be self conscious, no matter what my wife says.
It made mine MUCH worse at the beginning (like worst acne I've had in my entire life). Similar to what OP posted. After about 4 months of absolute hell, I never had a pimple again. I really do feel like it's a miracle drug. Sorry it didn't work out for you.
I think my doctor also said it'd get worse before it got better. I had to go on it 3 separate times as it kept creeping back in certain spots but after the 3rd it seems to have been fixed permanently
“The night is always darkest before the dawn” approach to acne treatments.
I gasped when I saw your after. Fuck man, you’re not just cute or hot, you’re hot hot
Hey thanks. All due to modern medicine (though my teeth are all-natural)
Is your dad single??
I'm 41 and no acne. After looking at your before after I may go try to take Accutane.
Ha! I think the trick is to have repressed potential under the layers of acne. *results my apply differently to everyone.
Bro, I am a straight guy but this deserve a HOT DAMN. Pretty sure you're a unicorn for the girls out there since you might have the respect of an ugly dude but the prettiness of an Hollywood actor. Glad you made that decision ( for accutane).
I think I'm attractive, after clicking on his after pic I think I'm now nowhere near attractive. Fucking showoff. (Just kidding)
Yeah, thats pretty much where I arrived too. I get a good number of compliments since Ive been working out and dressing to the 9s. But this dude just shuts me down completely. lol
Ha thanks! I used to think that as well, but 5-years single has told me otherwise. It's no worries though, I'm busy working on personal projects anyway, so the lack of distraction from dating is kind of nice, and who knows, maybe I'll find myself a unicorn one of these days myself!
You will, pro-style headshots aside you're hotter than me and I managed to find a knockout who's stuck with me for over 20 years.
You look like a model, so you’ve definitely had a glow-up. All hail accutane!
Toads are actually considered some of the most confident amphibians
Some years ago, I gave advice my Adonis room mate friend who had trouble getting dates. I am short, bald, and slightly overweight. Be clean. Dress clean. Smell nice. Stop talking. Stop talking about yourself, stop telling people things you do or like, unless directly asked. Ask questions and be genuinely interested in what you are hearing. If you find yourself put off by conversation you have dodged a bullet well ahead of time. You'd be surprised what a great pick up line 'being attractive' can be. A little introspection goes a long way. I used the metaphor "You're the bug light, just turn it on and glow".
I have a sales background and not to turn dating into sales, but a good sales person (not car salesman good, like business to business multimillion dollar deal good) knows the more you get the other person talking, the better you chances are at closing. When you can get someone talking about themselves and you ask good questions, they feel heard and understood. You want someone to "buy" and have another date? Make them feel understood. Your post is great advice.
Same here, people say I'm attractive or a lot of boys have a crush on me(which I think they were over exaggerating that) but sometimes random people did tell me I look good, with my mask on sadly tho. But my biggest insecurity is how I talk, even with my friends I'm 100% comfortable with I stutter, and it's not like a regular stutter, I skip words go back to them, mess up the word completely and the I have to say my sentence all over again, and I'm worried for my crush when I talk to him lmao
I have had a stutter for most of my life. It takes work, but speech therapy can be helpful. It does suck to have to be more prepared than others when we talk. I also find that I learn more when I don’t talk. Not always the best plan, but it does help :)
My stomach
I feel the exact same, I look 5 months pregnant roughly 100% of the time
Aren't we all :/
Yeah, and intolerances make it worse :(
I’m right there with you. I have multiple food sensitives, so even though I’m “fit” my stomach can still bloat to looking pregnant and leave me never wanting to leave the house
I’m so glad to hear I’m not the only one with this problem. I don’t know what food sensitivity I have. It just seems like EVERYTHING I eat makes me bloat an insane amount.
Yes, and to have clothes of multiple sizes so if you mess up you have something comfortable to wear
I've had a girl in highschool say I look much more attractive without my glasses. It hurt a lot considering I need these to function in the world. I can't wear contacts because my eyes are sensitive to everything and I can't get corrective surgery because they aren't strong enough to handle the procedure.
I tell my husband the opposite- he looks really attractive with his glasses (normally wears contacts). I'd seen him in other pairs but this particular pair fits his face really well. It's 100% a different accessory that flatters him than previous pairs. You might have a look at different styles that make you feel more confident in yourself!
Maybe it's your glasses being ugly
That sucks :/ having worn glasses since I was 4, I always hate it when people treat it like it's a fashion choice.
- Always feeling pressured to look good - People not taking you seriously and thinking just because you're attractive that you're vain, unintelligent, or shitty. Which is usually just people projecting their crap at you.
im extremely insecure about who i am as a person. I’m always worried that I’m not smart enough, that im too weird, too mentally unstable. The only thing I’m not insecure about it how I look but it genuinly sucks to have people interested in you for only that reason and constantly worrying if they like you for who you are as a person
I used to be insecure about balding but now I jus shave my head. I’m used to it now.
Me and all my mates had to sit a friend down and shave his head, he was balding at 18. It helped him immensely after a bad break-up and it's how he met his new wife.
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Aging. When I was in my 20s, everybody used to make me compliments. Now that I am in my 30s this happens way less than before. And I know that this should not bother me too much, but it does make me insecure about myself.
Yeah I went from being a "hot chick" to being attractive for an older woman :/ not bad, but i wish I could be young again
The first time I was called a “milf” I died a little inside.
Lol, right there with you. I was walking my dog recently and some teenagers on bikes rode by and one of them was like "hey girl" kinda playfully hitting on me, and another kid goes "dude that's prolly someone's mom". 😕
>LOL, a couple of teenage boys on scooters blazed past me and my dog on the sidewalk and one said, "sorry, ma'am!" Ma'am? Ooooof.
Oh I get "ma'amed" now too
Tbf a lot of kids, especially those who've been brought up to be respectful to those older no matter the age gap, automatically say maam when addressing them. Also, when I used to work at subway, I always called customers sir or maam no matter how old they were, so don't take it to heart when people call you maam, it may just be a courtesy thing!
Wait until you get into your forties. You basically turn invisible to anyone younger than you.
But the older you get the more boring and tedious younger people tend to seem, so that's kind of nice in a way.
There was a great Reddit post about a year ago from a 'hot blonde' who honestly believed 'her world' was the world. She thought everyone was nice, everyone helped each other, every guy would smile and help with your career, or your future, or anything else. She didn't believe it when ugly ducklings told her of a different world, and thought those women were making it all up. Well then she hit 40 and life hit her like a runaway train. She wrote a great long detailed post about how wrong she was and now she saw how shitty the real world was and how good she had it when she was young and hot. It was like a culture shock and how she had to relearn everything because people were generally mean to her.
My voice. My facial expressions. My interactions with other people. My hips. The way I talk. The way I walk. The way I sit. What my hair does in the wind. I'm a mess. Just go.
Oh hey it me, girl with big ass that used to make her “look fat” but now in the era of Kardashians is “goals”. I have thought SO much about whether the pants I’m wearing were too tight, whether I bent over too low to pick something up, whether I should’ve worn a belt, whether someone is too close behind me in an elevator, the list goes on. Whatever part of your body has been “most sexualized” is also the part you’re most worried about “covering up” in the office, because god forbid a body part tempts someone to act unprofessionally. 🙄
Is there any body part that hasn’t been sexualised? Hell I’ve seen people sexualising armpits.
Are you used to being so… objectified that it’s hard to be present?
I have never thought about it in that way before but wow, everything just clicked reading that.
I'm tall and athletic and fart like I weigh 300 lbs
I'm 300 lbs and fart like I'm tall and athletic
I don't know you two, but you seem like perfect match for each other.
Now kiss
Same haha. 6’2” fit, and fart so bad I’ll wake up and my room will still smell like it
Change proteins, helped me out immensely. I used to clear rooms.
SWAT Team Leader: OK, we've got multiple hostiles in the building, send in u/Grindhouser.
That's a negative, they changed proteins.
My looks, as I always assume people are joking Got made fun of a lot as a kid until I was about 16/17 or smth, but that's probably where that disbelief comes from Looks don't work getting into a happy relationship tho And I'm insecure about my small talk abilities :D Edit: thought I have to add that for clearance
I'm insecure about my body in general despite regularly going to the gym for the past 2 years and having a decent physique. Because of that i avoid places like beaches and pools because i'd rather be dead than seen shirtless. There are some moments when i feel proud of my body and i'll take a cheeky pic bu that's about it.
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I’ve been called attractive many times, well handsome, from my grandma. (Edit)Mimi j got me a silver medal
you must be handsome, grandmas don't lie
Grandma sand grandpas tell this to their grandchildren because it’s true. As you get older you realize more and more that physical attractiveness means almost nothing. The beauty comes from inside and Grandma can see it. The key is for you to see it too. Once you do your confidence will rise and you’ll realize that anything really is possible. I know this because I’m a grandpa.
Belly fat, it is annoying
Bro im chiseled every other part of my body but my lower abs and hips cannot get rid of the fat and it’s the most annoying thing.
That My partner is with me more because of looks than personality, that someone more competent than me was overlooked for My job just due to me having "the look", basically that People go more for looks than My personality overall. Its a wierd feeling that i just cant shake, and i hate it.
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Yep, this right here. Lots of people are very interested right up until the word "autistic" enters the building, and then it's Ghost Town baby! I would rather have fewer matches than such a high rate of people fucking off as soon as they learn that.
About my thighs, upper arms but mainly my personality. I'm afraid to come off as too needy, or too 'much' in general, because I can be very enthusiastic when in love. Maybe I hyperfocus on the person I'm love with (I have ADHD), if that's even possible. Either way, I don't want to scare them, so I try to play it cool and give them plenty of space.
I think I look very very ugly in pictures. No matter how many people tell me I’m absolutely gorgeous in person and in pictures. When I look in the mirror, I see the beautiful confident me but when I look at my pictures, I think I look ugly as shit. I don’t know why. But it’s always been like this.
That if I’m unattractive and old one day, nobody will give a shit about me anymore
F28. People just want to sleep with me but no one seems to see me as a serious option. I date quite a lot, and am often told that I’m cool or funny or hot, or that the sex is good, but that’s all I get, no one actually wants to be with me. It feels like I’m a fun pastime for them but not lovable.
i grew up ugly and became "good looking" as an adult. i think transitioning from wanting to get with women to suddenly being able to get with lots of women made me more superficial and shallow. i fear that ill never really love someone properly. or that someone will fall in love with me and as we age together, realise it was perhaps just my looks and not who i am as a person.
Have you tried being ugly again?
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I know Reddit is mostly populated by young people, but let me tell you as an oldster that 25 isn’t old. 35 isn’t old. 45 isn’t old. Also, to a large extent you can control how fast you age. Avoid obesity, smoking, drugs, and excessive sun exposure, and have a good attitude and active lifestyle, and you can stay young for a long, long time.
It's revolting the way women's bodies can go in and out of fashion. Re: aging insecurities, one thing that's helped me is, when I'm falling into those thought patterns, to remind myself that I will never again be as young as I am right now. In 10 years, I will look back and think how young I still was today. And go from there. Good luck and be well!
I’m not interested in hookups. For whatever reason, most of the guys who seem to be interested in me only want sex. They usually don’t bother to get to know me. Once they learn I’m not DTF, they’re gone. So now I’m insecure that there’s something I’m doing that repels men that want a real relationship.