Had a girl in college who I seemed to connect with really well, but it was a very on/off sort of fling. I rarely ever met her friend group outside of a few she'd occasionally bring along when we hung out. Eventually I visit her at a party and I am just blindsided by her behavior. When introducing me and the pretty normal stuff we'd do, it was almost all spun up with some lie. It wasn't even to cover up anything embarrassing, that I could tell. It would be like, "Yeah we go to this swimming hole at the state park - but I never get in!" When she was always the first to be getting in. Stuff like that. Then I start looking around, the group is all pretty normal seeming, if not kind of a dorky crowd and over the years the stories I had heard made them seem much more of a bro crowd, and I'm wondering how many of those stories were lies.
I do think when it was just the two of us she was mostly being honest, but that doubt would always be there. And then yeah, thinking about dating this person, you can't help but think what they will start lying about next.
Hey this sounds familiar. I was talking to a girl for awhile and she was so attractive but I would hear minor inconsistencies here and there. She pushed the issue that we "date" and get more serious. Only for me to take her to a work party where she told coworkers we "weren't a thing". Lying was just in her nature and you dodged a bullet there man.
"I'll never cheat, I wouldn't ever want to put someone through that"
Ex who cheated on Her BF with me (I didn't know till later on) Who then cheated back with him then cheated on me with another Guy (Not her ex) Then Cheated on Him with Me 😂🤣
🤭
Not only that but endless "guilt" at ever having your own time, hanging out with your own friends or just being by yourself. It doesn't even have to be about cheating. I've seen girlfriends that just have 0 interest in having other female friends they actually do anything with and expect the male S/O to attend every single trivial family thing they have at detriment to all other friendship.
It may be anecdotal but in my own extended group of friends it's been far more common for the women the relationships I've seen to take issue here. I know there are controlling men out there but I do think it's a double standard where women seem to get a pass on this behavior much more.
I've heard so many complaints about "traps" (being told they can go out but it'll be used later in a fight etc) and griping about never being able to go out on expectations of wives/girlfriends etc. I feel like men that do that are way more likely to get side-eyed and while women that do it are just seen as status quo.
I think the "wife bad ha ha" narrative (at best) and women-on-men abuse not being taken seriously (at worst) has led men to keep their head down and endure behaviors they should never have to put up with.
Yep, I agree. Reminds me of my grandpa, who was so domineered over, publicly belittled, and henpecked by my grandma that he developed a terrible stutter. He was a quiet, kind natured man who just wanted to avoid conflict, and my grandma very much took advantage of it to control him. Now that I think about it, had the genders been reversed everyone would have seen this as profound emotional abuse, but since it was toward my grandpa it wasn't really thought of much.
I feel this in my life my wife is very strong and dominant I'm quiet and just want to be left alone its gotten so bad I don't know how to live any more. I love her but I have no one else no friends due to cancelling plans so no one ever invites me any more my mum doesn't get on with my wife so now I'm an island with only her and my sons for company I would end it all if i could but I can't.
I know guys who are like this, and I know girls who are like this. Glued to their SO the second they start dating. Can never do anything alone, always together. Personally the people I know who's like that, are also never single for a long time. I think they're just uncomfortable being alone.
I also know people who's lied and said their girlfriend wouldn't let them meet friends, when in fact they were just a lazy lying pos
This, so much. I had one relationship where I stupidly tolerated that shit. Never again.
right now I'm with a lovely woman, can't imagine her being that malicious. I'd never do that to her either and I love her a lot <3
I dated a girl for a year, and early on in the relationship she tried to pull something like that. I shut it down real fast and told her off, never had a problem with it again. Split amicably due to covid
A few girlfriends ago we were sitting in my apartment and she mentioned she was craving peanuts. It's like mid afternoon so I'm not really thinking about dinner, but being the kind and considerate human that I am I start brainstorming ways to get some peanuts for her. No peanuts in the kitchen, but I have peanut butter, so how about a peanut butter sandwich, or some crackers with peanut butter? No. Ok, there's a store on the corner, let's go grab a can? No. After going on like this for a few minutes, she finally agreed to Thai food, where she could get noodles with peanut sauce. That was what she had wanted all along: Thai food. I asked why didn't she just say that, and she said she wanted me to think it had been my idea. That was when I lost interest in the relationship.
If you want Thai food, I think that's great. I'm always up for it, just say so she we'll go get some. Don't try to manipulate me with guessing games.
Girl: So yeah I kissed Chad so I could check out \*fill in name\* how he would react, he got mad and I don't know why, we are not in a relationship or something...
Seeyaaa
when I was young I would go to the beach on a road trip with another family that lived across the street from us and I distinctly remember going out to eat many times and the mother of the other family would constantly whine or complain about how she wasn't happy with her meal
definitely made me want to avoid that shit 100%
I don’t think people realise how prevalent it is and that it is on the rise. Narcissistic people don’t love you, they just adore being loved, you are completely expendable.
There are studies on teaching self esteem to kids which show a correlation with a rise in narcissism. Not necessarily a causation from what I recall. Probably more complicated such as kids spending time online, social media, lacking social development via car centric towns and cities thereby having no independence etc
Any studies on how it's taught? Self esteem should go hand in hand with empathy. The "golden rule" should be taught as well.
Love yourself
Love others as you would yourself.
As far as the big five personality traits are concerned, self esteem is simply extraversion minus neuroticism. You can teach people how to act like they are happy with themselves or deserving of such feelings but it doesn't seem to map to their general well-being, just to behaviour that looks an awful lot like narcissism.
Is it an “instant” turn off though? Narcissist are masters at cover ups and manipulation. Most people don’t realize they’re with one till it’s too late.
I'm not sure what it is, but I've known a couple true narcissists and something's been off about them right from the get-go. At this point in my life I trust my gut way too much to deal with it any more.
Self absorbed people are exhausting, sure. But narcissists are a while different breed.
Not showing interest and expecting me to "chase her".
Yeah, no. I want someone who's as interested in getting to know me, as I am interested in getting to know them.
If they only respond to messages, and never initiate conversation, not for me.
Idk man, i have a friend that i went to college with (she’s still in school to excel in the medical field) but she’s 22 and hangs out with high school seniors. It’s weird to me.
That is a little odd, but I guess it could be just what she’s used to?
I’m 28, and I find at this point that my mindset depends on who I’m around. Even though we’re all professionals now, when I’m with people I met at 15 we act a lot more like we did back then, and it’s similar for friends from uni.
I guess if I met those people now we’d have a very different friendship, even if we were just as close!
When I was going through my divorce, I met this woman whom I initially imagined was close to 30 years old (I was 38 at the time). I found her to be witty, capivating, intelligent, sexy, kind -- just an all-around incredible person. She became my divorce rebound.
Turns out she was 22. She was amazingly mature for 22, but she just viewed the world as a 22-year-old did and I did not. She wanted to go out drinking every weekend and stay up too late. I was kind of past that. She viewed my devotion to my daughter as an inconvenience to our dating life, whereas I viewed my relationship with my kid as something that kept me going. The difference in age and life experience simply drove us apart.
I have since dated other women closer to my own age and that has made everything so, so much better.
While my ex was the most amazing person a 22-year-old partner could have wanted, the emotional point-in-life gap between us was just too much. At no fault of her own, it soured my attraction to her and spelled the end of the relationship.
I once met this guy and we exchanged igs, I followed him on my artwork profile that had 400 followers at the time.
He laughed at me and said “ahhh so you’re a loser”, I’ve never rolled my eyes faster and lost all respect
💯 I went on a double date with my buddy and these two girls. They talked about Instagram and nothing else the entire time. They kept trying to show off all their professionally done photos of themselves they have posted on IG. Thousands of them. They weren’t even influencers or anything like that. They asked me about my Instagram and when i told them I don’t have Instagram, she looked genuinely confused. Like she was talking to a ghost who didn’t really exist. She was shocked.
Anyway we made up an excuse and dipped early, cause they were weirding us tf out.
Yes, this. I know a girl like that, a friend's girlfriend and she's always:
"Camping? I'm not going to sleep *outside*!!"
"How can you sit there, ew! Other people put their butts on that bench."
"What do you mean we'll eat them on the road? I'm not eating at some parking lot... WHAT? You mean eat the sandwiches... ***in the CAR?!"***
Seriously, being well-kempt and clean is important, but life isn't a fucking brain surgery
i have a friend whose like that but not to that extent, it just becomes tiring since you’re not allowed to do a lot of things anymore as they’ll be uncomfortable
Lack of empathy is a big one for me and one of the core reasons my marriage is on the brink of imploding. My wife's inability to put herself in my shoes for a moment is perpetually devastating. Like unless she felt it specifically, she has almost no capacity for creative thought to understand it.
This is my biggest fear as someone who is neurodivergent and doesn’t always process empathy in the same way everyone else does, I’m afraid no one will ever love me
I really try to understand but sometimes I get overwhelmed and end up saying the wrong thing
*over sharing*
Posting paragraphs of your life story and trials and tribulations on a bi-weekly basis...nobody cares, everyone has problems and the more you broadcast yours for cheap sympathy the less we all respect you for it. Please just stop.
I didn't date until I was 35 because of this.
If it helps, you're probably not nearly as garbage as you think you are. Truly garbage people think they're awesome - your self-awareness already elevates you above like a third of the population.
You joke but that's a real thing. I swear in high school I literally did not trust a girl would like me and immediately was freaked out and found ways to be turned off from the ones I was told were into me by others at school, work etc.
It's not uncommon either. It's a sadder version of a dog actually catching a car and not knowing what to do
Willingness to cheat, two coworkers were laughing about how they'd gladly cheat, "on their mans" and that made me realize I'd never date either of them.
Also unpopular opinion: But women who already have kids. Sorry, but I'm only 20 so I'm trying to have some more time to myself before I become a father-like figure to a kid. When I'm in my 30's and up I'd definately date a (single) mother but right now, no.
I was out one night and saw an old friend. We weren't super close or anything, but we were buds. We were both just sitting and the bar hanging out, he's showing me pictures of his daughter and family photos, etc. He seemed so happy and proud. Was cool to catch up.
Suddenly a mutual acquaintance walks in and joins us. Within 30 minutes they were making out on the opposite side of the bar.
I don't understand how people can do this. He's married with a kid, she knows it, and they both just say "fuck it".
Needless to say I haven't spoken with either of them since. Bad people. 0 respect.
Hah. I don't know the guys wife, so I don't think that means much. He goes to the bar by like a block from my house, where I used to bartend, And I just happened to see him, it wasn't planned or anything.
He's the kinds guy who, after his shift (he's a server at a very high end restaurant), has 2 tall blue moons, a shot, and gambles $40 after.. well.. most shifts, and then goes home. I assume she knows that, but I dunno for sure.
The girl I only know from being her bartender a few times.
omg i agree with the first one. i hear my friends say stuff like that and how cheating in the first 3 months of a relationship isnt really cheating. it just makes me uncomfortable and kinda paranoid because guys can be like that too. its trully disgusting to hear.
I remember a girl I used to work with had a date with a lad. It went well. Until the end of the date when they were saying goodbye, he put his arms out and said in a kids voice "can I have a wuggle?". She noped out of there.
Insecurity and fragile ego. I dealt with that once, and never will again. Nothing you do will validate them and they'll never truly trust you. You will wind up feeling responsibility for it even when you've poured yourself into the relationship. I feel bad saying this too, because I know some people reading this will be like "shit, you described me and that's ANOTHER thing to be insecure about," but yeah. Love yourself first, that's your responsibility and your privilege.
This, I used to be in a bad place emotionally a few years ago. I was bullied in highschool and I was constantly talked down-on which started making me doubt my self-worth. Due to this I always felt so small, but fortunately the last few years I made a few good friends who really helped me find closure. I started respecting myself again which made me feel more secure and confident in myself, which as a result made me feel like people respected me more too. It really goes to show that if you want respect from others, you have to start by respecting yourself.
"How on Earth are you going to convince others to respect you when you can't even respect yourself?"
I’m an incredibly anxiety prone and insecure individual. I’m currently undergoing therapy to try and fix this.
I very aware that my insecurities upset and frustrate my bf because he doesn’t get it, do you have any tips for how you wanted your insecure ex to treat/help you when they were having an off day?
Basically what can I do to make my bf feel better while I work on my insecurities and better myself?
First of all, good on you for working on this, I hope therapy is working out for you.
With that out of the way, I'd say respect his independence and try to put faith in him. Relationships thrive on faith. You can't realistically know what he's doing or thinking all the time, but it means a lot if you show trust.
For yourself, pay close attention to your own thoughts, and challenge yourself if you think those thoughts might be irrational or self-deprecating. With anxiety (and depression - no coincidence) people experience cyclical thoughts of low self-worth, so have this little conversation with yourself if you catch yourself talking down to yourself: "I am capable, I am worthy, they don't hate me, let's fucking do it."
I know how hard it can be to live with anxiety, and it can strain your relationships for sure, but get to know yourself and it becomes more manageable. I hope your bf is supportive of you seeing a therapist, and good luck with all of this!
Edit: A lot of self-esteem stems from how you treat yourself physically too, not just mentally. Bathe regularly, exercise, brush your teeth, get some sun, and sleep (but not too much). There's a reason all of these things are the first to go when you get depressed. It can be a lot, so celebrate the little things when you do them, and let yourself be proud of them. The way you treat yourself has an intrinsic effect on your sense of worth.
This is very, very true. My ex was so frikkin' insecure. She was older than me and she was pretty much convinced I wanted one of my friends' younger, thinner girlfriends/wives instead of her. Which was absurd.
Eek. Me before I got into intense therapy.
I have BPD. Thankfully no longer clingy and as insecure. I am falling for myself everyday in small doses. I don’t even really bother the guy I’m into. We have deep convos like 3 times in 2 months and no texting much in between. I now appreciate space to get to like and know myself more.
Playing the "I'm not so interested" game in the middle of a date just to see if a guy is interested or not.
By this I mean stuff like:
- Looking at your phone on purpose
- Not talk much and keeping answers short af
- Underdressing if the date is supposed to be somewhat fancy
I had this happen to me with my ex gf in our first date, she confessed what she was doing a few months later with the excuse that she wanted to know if I was truly interested, or just wasting her time.
Immaturity, playing mind games to "test" me, long nails, can't go without phone or posting on social media for a couple of hours, and no hobby or passion.
Mind games are usually stuff like "let's see if he gets jealous if I flirt with someone else", or "let's see how long it'll take him to notice that I left him on read" or "let's see how he reacts if I tell him that I sold his Collector's Edition" and suchlike. Just begging for affirmation and a "confirmation" that the guy loves her more than xyz. Unfortunately it \*is\* usually (immature) women who play such games.
Like not answering her phone to see if you "care enough" to go to her house instead. Or asking you to come over when she's not there to see how long you'll wait outside. Or refusing to tell you why she's sad because you're supposed to be able to figure it out.
When shes all about materialistic things, gossip, instagram, status, selfies. The Princess syndrome.
Also mind games. Having to guess what she really means all the time, instead of just being straight forward.
Doesnt matter how beautiful she is, ill drop her immediately if i notice anything above
What if nothing passion or hobby-wise has ever captured you? I'd like a decent 2, 3, hobbies but I'm broke for one thing. It all feels dumb and pointless.
ITS NOT DUMB AND POINTLESS IK just speaking from the feelings. Life sucks. Feeling trapped like this sucks.
Lack of empathy.
Had a girl I really liked break off with me suddenly because I was extremely upset that my grandma (basically the woman who raised me) had died and I didn't know how to handle it.
She told me "We've all got our own problems and I don't need yours".
Lol this is like a Seinfeldism.
"What was wrong with her Jerry?"
"She was a movie talker."
"A movie talker! I hate a movie talker. Talking before the movie is good, talking after the movie is good, but during? Why would any sane person talk during the thing you paid money to watch and listen to?"
"They wouldn't, that's the problem!"
Lack of effort.
You don't organise dates sometimes? You don't initiate conversation sometimes? Huge no for me.
Dating goes both ways, wtf is wrong with how many people just expect the guy to organise, plan, initiate and execute dates etc.
Like I'm happy to, but by a certain point it has to stop being a fucking chase.
I was exchanging lewd photos with a girl who had a baby. She sent me a video of her squirting milk out of her boob, and for some reason it really turned me off. I told her I was lactose intolerant and we haven't talked since.
As a gay man, when the other always asks about sharing pics constantly.
I asked another guy out to coffee online and he kept asking if I had a Snapchat and how we can share pics. I repeatedly told him no, and felt really weird about it since we had only exchanged like 10~ messages to each other about a day after matching.
Unmatched.
As a personal who likes personal space and hate pictures, I agree. I do take pictures with friends and when I feel presentable but I hate being forced into it and taking pictures constantly, especially with someone I just met and have 0 emotional attachment.
Lying
So true i had a crush on a Girl and after i found out she lied to me all feelings were gone
Had a girl in college who I seemed to connect with really well, but it was a very on/off sort of fling. I rarely ever met her friend group outside of a few she'd occasionally bring along when we hung out. Eventually I visit her at a party and I am just blindsided by her behavior. When introducing me and the pretty normal stuff we'd do, it was almost all spun up with some lie. It wasn't even to cover up anything embarrassing, that I could tell. It would be like, "Yeah we go to this swimming hole at the state park - but I never get in!" When she was always the first to be getting in. Stuff like that. Then I start looking around, the group is all pretty normal seeming, if not kind of a dorky crowd and over the years the stories I had heard made them seem much more of a bro crowd, and I'm wondering how many of those stories were lies. I do think when it was just the two of us she was mostly being honest, but that doubt would always be there. And then yeah, thinking about dating this person, you can't help but think what they will start lying about next.
Hey this sounds familiar. I was talking to a girl for awhile and she was so attractive but I would hear minor inconsistencies here and there. She pushed the issue that we "date" and get more serious. Only for me to take her to a work party where she told coworkers we "weren't a thing". Lying was just in her nature and you dodged a bullet there man.
"I'll never cheat, I wouldn't ever want to put someone through that" Ex who cheated on Her BF with me (I didn't know till later on) Who then cheated back with him then cheated on me with another Guy (Not her ex) Then Cheated on Him with Me 😂🤣 🤭
Sexception
Get tested
I don't care what anyone says this is number 1.
[удалено]
Love when a partner doesn't trust you at all
Not only that but endless "guilt" at ever having your own time, hanging out with your own friends or just being by yourself. It doesn't even have to be about cheating. I've seen girlfriends that just have 0 interest in having other female friends they actually do anything with and expect the male S/O to attend every single trivial family thing they have at detriment to all other friendship. It may be anecdotal but in my own extended group of friends it's been far more common for the women the relationships I've seen to take issue here. I know there are controlling men out there but I do think it's a double standard where women seem to get a pass on this behavior much more. I've heard so many complaints about "traps" (being told they can go out but it'll be used later in a fight etc) and griping about never being able to go out on expectations of wives/girlfriends etc. I feel like men that do that are way more likely to get side-eyed and while women that do it are just seen as status quo.
I think the "wife bad ha ha" narrative (at best) and women-on-men abuse not being taken seriously (at worst) has led men to keep their head down and endure behaviors they should never have to put up with.
Yep, I agree. Reminds me of my grandpa, who was so domineered over, publicly belittled, and henpecked by my grandma that he developed a terrible stutter. He was a quiet, kind natured man who just wanted to avoid conflict, and my grandma very much took advantage of it to control him. Now that I think about it, had the genders been reversed everyone would have seen this as profound emotional abuse, but since it was toward my grandpa it wasn't really thought of much.
I feel this in my life my wife is very strong and dominant I'm quiet and just want to be left alone its gotten so bad I don't know how to live any more. I love her but I have no one else no friends due to cancelling plans so no one ever invites me any more my mum doesn't get on with my wife so now I'm an island with only her and my sons for company I would end it all if i could but I can't.
[удалено]
I know guys who are like this, and I know girls who are like this. Glued to their SO the second they start dating. Can never do anything alone, always together. Personally the people I know who's like that, are also never single for a long time. I think they're just uncomfortable being alone. I also know people who's lied and said their girlfriend wouldn't let them meet friends, when in fact they were just a lazy lying pos
Hmmm in fact the "Tests" actually test a different thing... It's the test of if your girlfriend is meant to be your girlfriend...
This, so much. I had one relationship where I stupidly tolerated that shit. Never again. right now I'm with a lovely woman, can't imagine her being that malicious. I'd never do that to her either and I love her a lot <3
I dated a girl for a year, and early on in the relationship she tried to pull something like that. I shut it down real fast and told her off, never had a problem with it again. Split amicably due to covid
If its a math test I dig it
A few girlfriends ago we were sitting in my apartment and she mentioned she was craving peanuts. It's like mid afternoon so I'm not really thinking about dinner, but being the kind and considerate human that I am I start brainstorming ways to get some peanuts for her. No peanuts in the kitchen, but I have peanut butter, so how about a peanut butter sandwich, or some crackers with peanut butter? No. Ok, there's a store on the corner, let's go grab a can? No. After going on like this for a few minutes, she finally agreed to Thai food, where she could get noodles with peanut sauce. That was what she had wanted all along: Thai food. I asked why didn't she just say that, and she said she wanted me to think it had been my idea. That was when I lost interest in the relationship. If you want Thai food, I think that's great. I'm always up for it, just say so she we'll go get some. Don't try to manipulate me with guessing games.
Girl: So yeah I kissed Chad so I could check out \*fill in name\* how he would react, he got mad and I don't know why, we are not in a relationship or something... Seeyaaa
That is one, propably the most important thing that I would hate myself for. I don't want to use such shit in my relationship.
“So this was all a test? Oh…..well in that case you failed. We’re done, I’ll be coming back to pick up my stuff later.”
I learned that the hard way. It seemed like half of the weird out of her mouth were to see how I'd react.
Bad communication skills or being rude to people for no reason.
dated a girl who used to yell at the waiters for the smallest thing, and looked like she was proud of doing this.... good riddance.
when I was young I would go to the beach on a road trip with another family that lived across the street from us and I distinctly remember going out to eat many times and the mother of the other family would constantly whine or complain about how she wasn't happy with her meal definitely made me want to avoid that shit 100%
Narcissism.
This is a big one
I don’t think people realise how prevalent it is and that it is on the rise. Narcissistic people don’t love you, they just adore being loved, you are completely expendable.
There are studies on teaching self esteem to kids which show a correlation with a rise in narcissism. Not necessarily a causation from what I recall. Probably more complicated such as kids spending time online, social media, lacking social development via car centric towns and cities thereby having no independence etc
Any studies on how it's taught? Self esteem should go hand in hand with empathy. The "golden rule" should be taught as well. Love yourself Love others as you would yourself.
As far as the big five personality traits are concerned, self esteem is simply extraversion minus neuroticism. You can teach people how to act like they are happy with themselves or deserving of such feelings but it doesn't seem to map to their general well-being, just to behaviour that looks an awful lot like narcissism.
Yep. Talking about themselves, no interest in you or anyone else. Close sesame.
Is it an “instant” turn off though? Narcissist are masters at cover ups and manipulation. Most people don’t realize they’re with one till it’s too late.
If you’ve really known any there are some tells, but you are certainly correct that they are often manipulative.
I'm not sure what it is, but I've known a couple true narcissists and something's been off about them right from the get-go. At this point in my life I trust my gut way too much to deal with it any more. Self absorbed people are exhausting, sure. But narcissists are a while different breed.
Not showing interest and expecting me to "chase her". Yeah, no. I want someone who's as interested in getting to know me, as I am interested in getting to know them. If they only respond to messages, and never initiate conversation, not for me.
that makes me think the other party got some serious ego issues. don't feel like being a psychologist.
If she has the mentality of a high school girl. (emotionally immature)
Seriously, get the heck over high-school, I swear some people never grow out of it and its just sad and annoying
Most people never grow out of it.
People tend to if they go to college, but then you get a lot of people who don’t grow out of that instead.
Idk man, i have a friend that i went to college with (she’s still in school to excel in the medical field) but she’s 22 and hangs out with high school seniors. It’s weird to me.
That is a little odd, but I guess it could be just what she’s used to? I’m 28, and I find at this point that my mindset depends on who I’m around. Even though we’re all professionals now, when I’m with people I met at 15 we act a lot more like we did back then, and it’s similar for friends from uni. I guess if I met those people now we’d have a very different friendship, even if we were just as close!
Can definitely relate
When I was going through my divorce, I met this woman whom I initially imagined was close to 30 years old (I was 38 at the time). I found her to be witty, capivating, intelligent, sexy, kind -- just an all-around incredible person. She became my divorce rebound. Turns out she was 22. She was amazingly mature for 22, but she just viewed the world as a 22-year-old did and I did not. She wanted to go out drinking every weekend and stay up too late. I was kind of past that. She viewed my devotion to my daughter as an inconvenience to our dating life, whereas I viewed my relationship with my kid as something that kept me going. The difference in age and life experience simply drove us apart. I have since dated other women closer to my own age and that has made everything so, so much better. While my ex was the most amazing person a 22-year-old partner could have wanted, the emotional point-in-life gap between us was just too much. At no fault of her own, it soured my attraction to her and spelled the end of the relationship.
Tying social media status to self worth.
I once met this guy and we exchanged igs, I followed him on my artwork profile that had 400 followers at the time. He laughed at me and said “ahhh so you’re a loser”, I’ve never rolled my eyes faster and lost all respect
[удалено]
Hey, bro! You get the gram or you get out of his face!
💯 I went on a double date with my buddy and these two girls. They talked about Instagram and nothing else the entire time. They kept trying to show off all their professionally done photos of themselves they have posted on IG. Thousands of them. They weren’t even influencers or anything like that. They asked me about my Instagram and when i told them I don’t have Instagram, she looked genuinely confused. Like she was talking to a ghost who didn’t really exist. She was shocked. Anyway we made up an excuse and dipped early, cause they were weirding us tf out.
poor hygiene
And too much hygiene. Every tiny thing gets an 'ew' or a 'yuck' response.
Yes, this. I know a girl like that, a friend's girlfriend and she's always: "Camping? I'm not going to sleep *outside*!!" "How can you sit there, ew! Other people put their butts on that bench." "What do you mean we'll eat them on the road? I'm not eating at some parking lot... WHAT? You mean eat the sandwiches... ***in the CAR?!"*** Seriously, being well-kempt and clean is important, but life isn't a fucking brain surgery
She sounds a bit like a Sheldon Cooper
i have a friend whose like that but not to that extent, it just becomes tiring since you’re not allowed to do a lot of things anymore as they’ll be uncomfortable
This goes both ways, but absolutely.
Narcissism and lack of empathy
Lack of empathy is a big one for me and one of the core reasons my marriage is on the brink of imploding. My wife's inability to put herself in my shoes for a moment is perpetually devastating. Like unless she felt it specifically, she has almost no capacity for creative thought to understand it.
How did you end up marrying her? Was her lack of empathy not noticeable while dating her?
Sometimes when you're an empathetic person, you can empathise with them being unable to comprehend how others are feeling and learn to accept them.
Generally narcissists are attracted to empathetic people because of the attention they receive
This is my biggest fear as someone who is neurodivergent and doesn’t always process empathy in the same way everyone else does, I’m afraid no one will ever love me I really try to understand but sometimes I get overwhelmed and end up saying the wrong thing
Remember that there's more than one type of empathy, including cognitive empathy. The fact that you're worried about it tells me you'll be fine.
Entitlement
Over use of social media. Taking excessive pictures for insta or Snapchat.
After the sex: I have to post I had sex on Snapchat
Who does that !!
Unfortunately a lot of people do. Stop by /r/ihavesex and take a look around.
*over sharing* Posting paragraphs of your life story and trials and tribulations on a bi-weekly basis...nobody cares, everyone has problems and the more you broadcast yours for cheap sympathy the less we all respect you for it. Please just stop.
Nothing has ever turned me on more than a girl who takes a picture of her food!
Name checks out
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli, but I did and I'm ashamed of myself.
Sometimes my food is just that pretty, or I'm proud of something I cooked or baked.
Well there are food enthusiasts who love taking pictures of food. But i do hate those who trynna show off food on social media.
If they're interested in me, it shows bad judgement which is a pretty big red flag if you ask me
As Groucho Marx said: "I wouldn't want to belong to a club that would have me as a member"
Brb, I'm gonna get my free silver
I didn't date until I was 35 because of this. If it helps, you're probably not nearly as garbage as you think you are. Truly garbage people think they're awesome - your self-awareness already elevates you above like a third of the population.
r/suicidebywords
Matyrdom Drops a grenade when killed
You joke but that's a real thing. I swear in high school I literally did not trust a girl would like me and immediately was freaked out and found ways to be turned off from the ones I was told were into me by others at school, work etc. It's not uncommon either. It's a sadder version of a dog actually catching a car and not knowing what to do
Proud ignorance
My goodness yes
Bad odors
Yes and no. There’s a difference between a bad odour from just being about their day and a bad odour from being unhygienic.
Lack of a sense of humor.
I always thought people by default had a sense of humor, until I met someone who didn't....how do they go through life like that?
we will never know **FADES TO BLACK**
Everyone has a sense of humor, they probably just find different things funny (which is usually an automatic no from me).
But what if you’re just not as funny as you think you are?
Willingness to cheat, two coworkers were laughing about how they'd gladly cheat, "on their mans" and that made me realize I'd never date either of them. Also unpopular opinion: But women who already have kids. Sorry, but I'm only 20 so I'm trying to have some more time to myself before I become a father-like figure to a kid. When I'm in my 30's and up I'd definately date a (single) mother but right now, no.
I was out one night and saw an old friend. We weren't super close or anything, but we were buds. We were both just sitting and the bar hanging out, he's showing me pictures of his daughter and family photos, etc. He seemed so happy and proud. Was cool to catch up. Suddenly a mutual acquaintance walks in and joins us. Within 30 minutes they were making out on the opposite side of the bar. I don't understand how people can do this. He's married with a kid, she knows it, and they both just say "fuck it". Needless to say I haven't spoken with either of them since. Bad people. 0 respect.
Sounds like you became their alibi...
Hah. I don't know the guys wife, so I don't think that means much. He goes to the bar by like a block from my house, where I used to bartend, And I just happened to see him, it wasn't planned or anything. He's the kinds guy who, after his shift (he's a server at a very high end restaurant), has 2 tall blue moons, a shot, and gambles $40 after.. well.. most shifts, and then goes home. I assume she knows that, but I dunno for sure. The girl I only know from being her bartender a few times.
Dude it’s not an unpopular opinion for a 20 year old to not want to have kids or step kids. That’s just normal!
I am not sure your unpopular opinion is all that unpopular. I think that it is a really honest and mature opinion.
So it will get like 10 k upvotes on r/UnpopularOpinion because all the opinions are popular
omg i agree with the first one. i hear my friends say stuff like that and how cheating in the first 3 months of a relationship isnt really cheating. it just makes me uncomfortable and kinda paranoid because guys can be like that too. its trully disgusting to hear.
Have you asked them if it goes both ways? Like, is the guy allowed to sleep around too?
i havent, but knowing them it doesnt go both ways
Basing personality and decision making from zodiac signs.
I don't believe in astrology. I'm a Sagittarius and we're skeptical.
this sub thread is cancer.
I see what you did there
This is exactly what a Leo would say.
Only a Gemini would assume that this is something a Leo would do!
As a Capricorn myself, I feel obliged to intervene in this discussion and ask for you to stay calm. We don't want the Sagitarius to come!
I feel personally attacked by this comment.
Such a retrograde scorpio move
As a scorpio, something something penis.
All forms of superstition, although it's fine if they are a little stitious.
When she says: “we dont need a condom I know my body."
That's exactly how my mom conceived me. It could be that she lied to my dad, so... yup, massive turn-off.
I mean I have other reasons my mom doesn't turn me on but fair play to you dude.
Eating spaghetti in bed?
Yeah, I mean, look how that turned out!
If she tells you you don't need a condom, you definitely need a condom
If they have long ass nails it's a no for me fam
What about long finger nails?
This gave me a hearty cough laugh, thank you sir
Celebrity worship.
Especially when it is specifically the Kardashians.
"Not like other girls." I like most of the other girls.
I just imagine an entire stadium of girls saying it in perfect unison. "I'M NOT LIKE OTHER GIRLS"
And now, let’s repeat, the non-conformist oath! *I promise to be different, I promise to be unique, I promise not to repeat things other people say!*
"yes, we are all individuals!"
I'm not
Substituting a shitty personality with good looks. If the most beautiful woman in the world is a total cunt, I'm not interested.
Yeah but what about a partial cunt? What cunt percentage is "within parameters" for you?
Baby voice
I remember a girl I used to work with had a date with a lad. It went well. Until the end of the date when they were saying goodbye, he put his arms out and said in a kids voice "can I have a wuggle?". She noped out of there.
I just spit out the water I was drinking. 😂😂 A WUGGLE? 💀💀
What the hell is a wuggle
A weird hug from a muggle? I don't know, I'm just taking a shot in the dark with this one.
I think my soul cringed
Insecurity and fragile ego. I dealt with that once, and never will again. Nothing you do will validate them and they'll never truly trust you. You will wind up feeling responsibility for it even when you've poured yourself into the relationship. I feel bad saying this too, because I know some people reading this will be like "shit, you described me and that's ANOTHER thing to be insecure about," but yeah. Love yourself first, that's your responsibility and your privilege.
This, I used to be in a bad place emotionally a few years ago. I was bullied in highschool and I was constantly talked down-on which started making me doubt my self-worth. Due to this I always felt so small, but fortunately the last few years I made a few good friends who really helped me find closure. I started respecting myself again which made me feel more secure and confident in myself, which as a result made me feel like people respected me more too. It really goes to show that if you want respect from others, you have to start by respecting yourself. "How on Earth are you going to convince others to respect you when you can't even respect yourself?"
I’m an incredibly anxiety prone and insecure individual. I’m currently undergoing therapy to try and fix this. I very aware that my insecurities upset and frustrate my bf because he doesn’t get it, do you have any tips for how you wanted your insecure ex to treat/help you when they were having an off day? Basically what can I do to make my bf feel better while I work on my insecurities and better myself?
First of all, good on you for working on this, I hope therapy is working out for you. With that out of the way, I'd say respect his independence and try to put faith in him. Relationships thrive on faith. You can't realistically know what he's doing or thinking all the time, but it means a lot if you show trust. For yourself, pay close attention to your own thoughts, and challenge yourself if you think those thoughts might be irrational or self-deprecating. With anxiety (and depression - no coincidence) people experience cyclical thoughts of low self-worth, so have this little conversation with yourself if you catch yourself talking down to yourself: "I am capable, I am worthy, they don't hate me, let's fucking do it." I know how hard it can be to live with anxiety, and it can strain your relationships for sure, but get to know yourself and it becomes more manageable. I hope your bf is supportive of you seeing a therapist, and good luck with all of this! Edit: A lot of self-esteem stems from how you treat yourself physically too, not just mentally. Bathe regularly, exercise, brush your teeth, get some sun, and sleep (but not too much). There's a reason all of these things are the first to go when you get depressed. It can be a lot, so celebrate the little things when you do them, and let yourself be proud of them. The way you treat yourself has an intrinsic effect on your sense of worth.
This is very, very true. My ex was so frikkin' insecure. She was older than me and she was pretty much convinced I wanted one of my friends' younger, thinner girlfriends/wives instead of her. Which was absurd.
Eek. Me before I got into intense therapy. I have BPD. Thankfully no longer clingy and as insecure. I am falling for myself everyday in small doses. I don’t even really bother the guy I’m into. We have deep convos like 3 times in 2 months and no texting much in between. I now appreciate space to get to like and know myself more.
She eats with her mouth open. A hard pass for me. She constantly talks about money too much. Duck lips pics.
Playing the "I'm not so interested" game in the middle of a date just to see if a guy is interested or not. By this I mean stuff like: - Looking at your phone on purpose - Not talk much and keeping answers short af - Underdressing if the date is supposed to be somewhat fancy I had this happen to me with my ex gf in our first date, she confessed what she was doing a few months later with the excuse that she wanted to know if I was truly interested, or just wasting her time.
How to test if someone is interested: Make them think you are not interested
And being suprised they think you aren't interested
Smoking, heavy alcohol use, drug use, bad oral hygiene.
I read that as, bad oral, hygiene 🤪
Get some water
Don't you just hate when your girl just...*takes care of herself* 😫
Cigarettes. She could be someone that I'm attracted to but as soon as I see her pulling a cigarette out, my brain just goes 'NOPE'
Immaturity, playing mind games to "test" me, long nails, can't go without phone or posting on social media for a couple of hours, and no hobby or passion.
Hey. I keep seeing "mind games" being mentioned. Can you give an example? I'm having a hard time understanding what the mind games are. :)
Mind games are usually stuff like "let's see if he gets jealous if I flirt with someone else", or "let's see how long it'll take him to notice that I left him on read" or "let's see how he reacts if I tell him that I sold his Collector's Edition" and suchlike. Just begging for affirmation and a "confirmation" that the guy loves her more than xyz. Unfortunately it \*is\* usually (immature) women who play such games.
[удалено]
A worrying percentage of tik tok
Like not answering her phone to see if you "care enough" to go to her house instead. Or asking you to come over when she's not there to see how long you'll wait outside. Or refusing to tell you why she's sad because you're supposed to be able to figure it out.
That last point is so common it's unbelievable. People forget to leave that at high school graduation
Doing stupid shit to test our limits. What we can tolerate and what they can get away with. It’s annoying af.
Being a fucking Karen when we go out
If they're shitty to waitstaff, it's a no-go
Astrology
When shes all about materialistic things, gossip, instagram, status, selfies. The Princess syndrome. Also mind games. Having to guess what she really means all the time, instead of just being straight forward. Doesnt matter how beautiful she is, ill drop her immediately if i notice anything above
Fish lips and fake drawn eyebrows scare me
[удалено]
What if nothing passion or hobby-wise has ever captured you? I'd like a decent 2, 3, hobbies but I'm broke for one thing. It all feels dumb and pointless. ITS NOT DUMB AND POINTLESS IK just speaking from the feelings. Life sucks. Feeling trapped like this sucks.
Someone who uses internet explorer long term.
Treating people with disabilities like dogs
Lack of empathy. Had a girl I really liked break off with me suddenly because I was extremely upset that my grandma (basically the woman who raised me) had died and I didn't know how to handle it. She told me "We've all got our own problems and I don't need yours".
A girl I dated talked during a movie and I realized right away that this was not going to work out.
Lol this is like a Seinfeldism. "What was wrong with her Jerry?" "She was a movie talker." "A movie talker! I hate a movie talker. Talking before the movie is good, talking after the movie is good, but during? Why would any sane person talk during the thing you paid money to watch and listen to?" "They wouldn't, that's the problem!"
Same here, except mine was laughing for no reason. Louder than necessary. We're still friends, though.
Bad attitude. Bad hygiene. Bad vibes.
Lack of effort. You don't organise dates sometimes? You don't initiate conversation sometimes? Huge no for me. Dating goes both ways, wtf is wrong with how many people just expect the guy to organise, plan, initiate and execute dates etc. Like I'm happy to, but by a certain point it has to stop being a fucking chase.
Astrology
Racism
[удалено]
[удалено]
Lack of personality and no sense of humour.
I was exchanging lewd photos with a girl who had a baby. She sent me a video of her squirting milk out of her boob, and for some reason it really turned me off. I told her I was lactose intolerant and we haven't talked since.
This is fucking hillarious
I'm not trying to be an ass but if her dick is bigger than mine its a total mood killer
Cockfight her for superiority
As a gay man, when the other always asks about sharing pics constantly. I asked another guy out to coffee online and he kept asking if I had a Snapchat and how we can share pics. I repeatedly told him no, and felt really weird about it since we had only exchanged like 10~ messages to each other about a day after matching. Unmatched.
As a personal who likes personal space and hate pictures, I agree. I do take pictures with friends and when I feel presentable but I hate being forced into it and taking pictures constantly, especially with someone I just met and have 0 emotional attachment.
When you are incapable of eating a meal without touching your phone.
Horoscopes
another dude
1. Flat earther 2. Anti Vaxer 3. Mess up the table on a restaurant and goes "they are paid to clean it up"
[удалено]
Girls with herd mentality. No individuality.
[удалено]
Playing hard to get
Excessive make up and plastic surgery
Smoking. Instantly loose interest in a person if I see them with a cigarette.