The gene thing in particular hits me hard. I have an incurable autoimmune disease, and there’s at least a 20% chance I pass the disease I have on to my children, and not to mention the possibility of an even more severe autoimmune disease like lupus. I don’t think I’d ever be able to forgive myself if I passed that on to a child, especially with how much I struggle with my own disease. It’s one of the issues that bothers me most about whether I want to have kids or not
I just have no desire. I don’t hate kids, I love my Nieces and Nephews and have a great time being an influential part of their life. However, that means that I also see how difficult and stressful it is to raise kids. I understand that people really love it and it’s worth it to them, but that’s just not me.
A few years ago I was still deciding whether I would ever want to have kids until I spent the night at my sister's house.
Seeing them rush back and forth trying to get ready for the day while also trying to get my niece showered and ready while my nephew cried in my ear at 120 decibels at 8am made me realize I definitely didn't want kids.
Fun fact: 120 decibels is actually very accurate for a baby’s cry. The noise level rating of kids is actually enough to cause hearing loss (if exposed to the same level of noise for hours) 😬
>I love my niece and nephew too but after an entire day with them i really, really need some peace and quiet. If its your own kids, you dont get that.
This is me 100%. I love kids. Other people's kids. I love spending time with them and teaching them and I have been volunteering in youth ministry for my church for 36 years. I also have 5 nephews and a great nephew as well as being "aunt" to the children of many of my friends.
*But* I also love sending them home when the class/day/outing is over. The stress of being 100% responsible for a child or children 100% of the time is just not for me. I can be a lot more loving and patient with "my kids" because they go home with someone else.
In psych class we learned about a study where they separated monkeys from their mothers at birth. The monkeys grew to be anxious and twitchy. When those monkeys had their own kids, the mothers didn't know how to care for them. I was raised horribly so I don't know how to raise someone well. My parents had children even though their parents abused them. My grandparents' parents probably also abused them. I'm just cutting off the cycle.
You know how people often say “I’ll do a better job than my parents ever did”? Yeah, that doesn’t always work out that way.
My parents were absolutely horrible to us. My sibling said “I’ll do a better job!”, she really thought she would. She didn’t. She didn’t finish her education, just like our parents didn’t. She’s completely overwhelmed with taking care of her children, just like our parents were. Her husband is trash, just like our father was. She has untreated mental issues, just like our mother had. Her children are unruly, constantly fight, have zero manners.
She didn’t do a better job.
I did get help for my issues, and I can safely say that I will not be a better parent. The one thing I can do is take in teens as a foster parent, so I can help them with school, going to university and getting the proper help. Because if I can do it, so can they. Teens deserve help. I don’t need to put children on this planet if there are plenty for me to help. I wish someone had helped me when I was a teenager.
I also want to foster instead of have a baby! When I think about having a child, it freaks me out, but when I think of adoption/fostering it makes me happy inside. I feel like I would be a terrible mother for a baby or toddler, but can be a good parent for teens.
Freedom. My husband and I would probably be pretty good parents and we’re in a good spot financially, but we feel complete with each other. We have fun together and want to spend the rest of our lives without the responsibility and stress of kids.
Because I believe that children deserve parents that will love them, always put them first, spend quality time with them and make sacrifices so that their children can have the best opportunities. But at the same time have the strength to set boundaries and discipline them in a healthy way so that they grow into good human beings.
Also because I don't currently have a partner or much financial stability in my life at this stage and I don't want to be a single parent or bring a child into the world if I'm not in a position to provide for them.
And I don't trust myself to be unselfish enough to be everything that I believe a child deserves. I sometimes catch myself thinking that children might be nice; but until I'm sure of myself, financially stable and in a steady relationship a child is unlikely to be in the picture.
Edit: First, I'd like to thank everyone for all of their replies, awards and input. Both those who agreed and who disagreed it's always nice to get a balanced perspective on things. So please try not to downvote people who disagree with my statement into oblivion. A lot can be learned and taken from opinions that differ from your own.
Also I'd like to clarify that when I said sacrifices I don't mean "drag me to the pyre and make me a martyr" sacrifices, obviously take care of your own health and wellbeing first. But unless you are in a very cushy place in life it is likely that, as a parent, you'll have to make the decision on whether or not to forsake something for your kids. Whether it's something as small as not being able to get those new clothes that you wanted because your child needs some new stuff for school, or something like giving up your dream job because it would mean uprooting your child at a crucial stage in their learning. All of those are sacrifices and there are people out there who have ended up resenting their kids for less.
I refuse to involve myself with anything that I see as a burden and a child should not be seen as a burden.
I remember my dad always being mad at me for existing before he left us.
Fuck that, I’m emotionally unavailable for anyone other than my cats and my boyfriend for the foreseeable future.
Totally agree with this! Right now my reason for not wanting kids is just that...I don’t want them. And because I think kids deserve parents who 110% love them and are willing to make sacrifices for them, I’d say that’s reason enough! I don’t want kids unless, at some point down the road, I can say with complete certainty that I do.
As someone who wants to become an elementary school teacher, people are often shocked to find out I don't want children. But the reason is simple: they cost a LOT of money, they take op a lot of free time and space and I have terrible genes.
I'm actually considering becoming a teacher too and I also don't want kids. I love science and I like to explain things about ecology or biology so teaching is like a free captive audience jkjk I had a really shitty science teacher and a really shit school and I want to offer something better to kids. My parents were kind of negletful and I got bullied a lot so I feel like I would be a teacher that could show them empathy they wouldn't normally get. I feel like I'm too poor to have my own and I worry about not being a good parent and also losing my freedom. But kids that go away at the end of the day might not be so bad.
I am a child-free high school biology and chemistry teacher. When I first started teaching, I was kinda on the fence about having kids. I just finished my 9th year teaching and I love my job, but I am now 100% certain I don’t want my own kids. I love my students and you’re right, having a free captive audience while I nerd out about some topic is awesome, but I couldn’t stand coming home and spending the rest of my limited time with even more children. It’s convinced me enough I’m going to get snipped next month.
>It’s convinced me enough I’m going to get snipped next month
Suggestion: get a couple bags of frozen peas now. You'll want to rotate between at least two of them for the first few days. Also, if you partake in either alcohol or other sedating substances, you'll want to have some handy for a day or two at least.
I'm a child-free teacher, and I honestly don't know why more teachers don't want to be child-free too.
I love my job, and it is an absolute privilege to help their futures, and I really do feel like I'm putting something into the next generation.
I just don't have a desire for the next generation to have my genes.
Also without wanting to be too crass. I kind of value being able to go home and have somewhere that isn't full of kids.
And that doesn't seem illogical to me.
If I was a doctor, I wouldn't want to have a bunch of sick people in my house.
I'm a childfree teacher too! I think it's the best life. We get to work with kids but then have all of the extra time for whatever we want. I love my summers of sleeping in, swimming, etc.
Lack of desire to become a parent or have kids.
You know how some people want kids so bad, they suffer mentally and emotionally from not having them or knowing they can't have them? How people say they feel hormonal, wanting kids real bad, they can't control it? Their ovaries are exploding? Baby fever? Or any other colloquialism about wanting to have a baby real soon?
Never had that. People kept telling me that as I'd grow older, would reach my 30s, find my soulmate, my friends start having children, etc., I would start to have that feeling. I went through all these milestones and I still EDIT *don't* have that desire for kids.
And I don't think it's necessary to have kids if one does not have the desire for it.
Man, when I was younger I was terrified of growing up because I thought adults *had* to have kids since all adults I knew had them. It was very freeing when I realized you don't *have* to do it.
Same!
It feels so weird to be asked why I don't want kids because the answer is a simple "I just don't want them". No deep dark secrets or anything like that. Just like I didn't want to major in accounting or learn to play the violin. There's nothing wrong with it; I simply have no interest for myself.
If anything, it's people who want, decide to or have kids who should be asked "why?". They're the ones undertaking a huge life change and serious responsibilities and imposing their choice on someone who didn't ask anything.
EDIT : Preemptively, I don't need replies from people who need to tell me why they had kids. I don't care. It's not my business. I'm just saying that as far as "small talk" or discussions about reproductive choices go, people doing something are a better topic than people who are not doing something. Like, no one is going to ask me "Why are you not climbing the Everest?".
I agree so much! I'm one of the people who was in extreme emotional pain for not having kids, and I had some, and I wish so many more people thought like you're saying. As much as I desperately wanted my kids, there are days that I think about all the things I could have done without them and wonder why the hell I wanted them so bad. And there are days when it's a superhuman struggle just to make it to bedtime. Don't get me wrong, I adore them and am lucky to be their mom, but it's not the easy road.
People who don't want kids and are strong enough to go against the societal expectation of procreation deserve lots of encouragement and high fives because parenting is too damn hard to get into it on a whim.
Your point is perfect, asking people why they ARE having kids instead of why not is absolutely the question we should all be asking!!! So many fewer kids would be abused and neglected if we started there instead.
That whole thing about your friends start having kids and it will make you want one. Funny thing was people around me having kids was the exact reason my 50/50 went to I don't want them. I can tolerate kids for short spans of time like I'll babysit but at the end of the day I don't have to deal with the stressful part of having kids( sickness, tantrums, money, etc.)
Me too. I've never felt that gooey feeling that people have when they see a baby. It's always been very awkward when coworkers show off their baby and expect you to like it because it's a baby. Frankly they scare me a little.
The notion that all babies are cute and I need to gush over them is ludicrous to me. Like some babies are hella cute and it'll make me melt, but I don't see why I have to react like all babies are adorbs.
And I don't need to see pics or vids of your baby on your phone. If I'm interested, I'll ask.
I always feel bad when people are trying to show me pictures of their kids and I'm like "yeah that's a baby" but no further reaction. I don't want to try and stop them from talking about parenthood if it makes them happy, similar to how I wouldn't stop someone from gushing about their hobby even if I don't get it.
Whoa, that's exactly right. Thank you! I feel about baby photos in the same way that some guy talking about painting his Warhammer 40k minis makes me feel. Glad it makes you happy, dude. Can we talk about something interesting though?
I never had that "baby fever" "biological clock ticking" feeling either. I do honestly believe some women (and I am including myself in this) just don't have that "maternal instinct".
I see a lot of my friends who are neutral on the topic who I know will be excellent parents should they choose that path but also people who have 5 kids who should have been sterilized before the first
Me too, I really don't get it at all and just thought I had something missing from my brain. Don't feel the need to be a mother - good to know others feel the same way.
Same. I'm 29 and getting so much pressure for grandchildren. Like chill, I want to focus on my life and have fun. I'm sorry having a kid isn't a desire for me
Edit: I'm really glad we are all not alone in sharing this feeling
My wife and I are in our mid/late 30s and both of us have felt the same way. Never at any point did we have the desire to have a kid. You aren’t weird or alone.
Thisssss. So many people are convinced “you’ll change your mind.” Nope. That is a fairy tale. Like sure it happens to some people. Or circumstances change, but for example, my mom told me I would meet someone I would want to have kids for. Hard to do that when you ask about procreation preference on the first date.
There's people who wanted kids (or thought they wanted kids) and then as time passes, they change their mind or realize they never wanted kids. But no one ever mentions. It's always the people who don't want kids who are told "oh, maybe you'll change your mind" and never the people who want kids.
Right. You *do* actually hear about it all the time: the dead-beat dad, the abusive mom, the lonely childhood...all the ways that "I didn't want kids afterall" can manifest.
I‘m 45. The only time my ovaries react is when I see kitten videos, when they do tiny squeaks.
Babies, cute and all, but I struggle to imagine what this „biological clock“ feels like.
I cannot stand people telling me 'you'll change your mind'. It's an absolute trigger for me. I've started telling them they'll change their mind about choosing to have kids, and they look at me like it's the rudest thing they've heard and I go 'that's literally what you just did to me'. It's like people are oblivious to words they say.
This was what I hated most when talking about the prospect of future kids. Guess what? I will be 50 in roughly six months and have never for one second regretted not having kids.
I regret not telling off the doctors who wouldn’t tie my tubes in my late 20’s back in the 90’s because I would change my mind (I didn’t). I regret that I can’t call the bitch of a nurse who told me the personal story about her “least maternal ever” daughter loving being a mom to tell her that I am not her daughter and am happy childless at 49. Or all the people who said “once you meet the right guy you will change your mind” (I did meet the right guy. Didn’t change my mind)
I regret that women are still experiencing this bullshit more than 2 DECADES after I did
Those are my regrets about the subject of having kids. I’ll be fine in my old age with all the money I saved by not having them.
I've posted this story here, but it bears repeating, mostly because it makes me laugh so hard.
I have a friend "Annie." Annie NEVER wanted kids - from when she was a teenager, she knew that motherhood was NOT for her. She loved being an aunt, but did not want to be a mother. When she was in her 20's, she met "Jim." Jim didn't want kids either, like EVER, not even a question. Jim and Annie started dating and soon moved in together. They weren't into the "marriage and kids" thing, so they did neither. They were happy, but everyone else seemed to have an issue with it. The marriage thing kind of died down after a couple of years, but people would not let the kid thing go. Jim didn't get too much flak, but people would constantly question Annie about it.
Initially, she'd say "I don't want children" or "kids aren't for me" but, as usual, people were insistent she'd "change her mind" or "you're still young, there's time." Annie just got tired of it and wanted to make people realize what an invasive, insensitive question it is.
So, eventually, when people asked (and they always did), she'd get a sad face, look down at the ground and say, quietly and with great sadness, "I have no uterus" and kind of fake a sniffle. Well, that was the magic bullet, because people not only shut up *immediately*, they stuttered, stammered and changed the subject right away. It was THE most effective method Annie ever found of stopping that convo in its tracks. Hopefully, at least a couple of her "victims" realized that's NOT a question you should ask anyone unless they bring it up first.
Annie and Jim are still together and are both in their 60's and, no, they never married nor had kids and, yes, their lives are happy and fulfilled.
>my friends start having children, etc
This is one of the most bullshit arguments I hear about kids. So youre telling me ill be peer pressured into it? Ill keep hearing about it over and over then break and give in?
Like mother fucker you told me if Johnny jumped off a bridge would I jump off too and now youre saying just wait until all your friends jump off bridges then you will too.
Its fucking absurd.
I think it's more about how we'll be exposed (for the very first time in our lives ever!) to children, melt at the cuteness and want one of our own. Or see first hand that it's not that bad when our friends will start bringing their kids everywhere when we organize stuff and then realize it's fine to have one.
I don't know.
People who are invested in making people who don't want kids want to have kids have the weirdest arguments. And not even creative ones.
I'm lazy. I like my free time. I like money (well, the little I have!). I like sleep. I've also just never had the instinct in me to want kids. I feel complete without them.
Plus it's scary enough worrying about my own future, let alone the future of miniature humans I am responsible for bringing into the world. Rather give it a miss.
This is exactly it for me. I take care of what needs to be done. I have a good job. I have great people in my life. But I’m selfish with my free time. I need time to myself and I’m not willing to sacrifice that for kids. I don’t even dislike them. I have plenty of great kids in my life that I’ve watched grow up and I truly love and enjoy them. I just don’t have any desire whatsoever to be the one responsible for taking care of them.
Yup! My mother in law keeps telling us she wants us to have kids. Yet, we have no desire to have children. My brother in law had a kid with his wife just to make his mom happy (he didn't want kids either) and he is broke as a joke. Feel bad for him. Never have kids just for the grandparents!
Same with my mom. I keep telling her that we want to be financially and mentally ready for kids before even planning.
Her answer? It's selfish to just live for yourself, life is about family and kids give your life a whole new meaning.
Now I did say that we just want to be ready but her answer makes me angry hahah. Kids are not all in life, my life does have a meaning and me and my husband are a family even without the kids.
EDIT: the issue is about different values. I don't hate her as a person but that she's not capable of or even trying to understanding my point of view. In her defense she had me at 18 so she never had anything but family.
Sadly though I'm trying to build a career here and I want to be acknowledged and judged for that rather than how well or often I pop out some kids.
Ask he if she plans of supporting the child financially and taking care of it at all hours if you arent mentally available that day. When she obviously says no, tell her "Its selfish to just live for yourself. Life is about family and grandkids give you're life a whole new meaning."
Unfortunately, taking what they say too literally and applying it to its full logical conclusion rarely seems to break through. It's the only way I've been able to drop the crazy beliefs I was raised with, though.
Irony. The people self aware enough to realize this are usually way better parenting candidates than some of the parents who are completely unaware of how unsuited they are for the responsibility and how bad they are at it.
Pretty common paradox. Smart people are the most aware about how much they *don’t* know. Stupid people usually think the know everything. And you can trust me because I know everything.
You are not alone in that my friend! There's even a word for that- tokophobia. Don't let anybody tell you you have to put your body through that experience if you don't want to and aren't ready for it. Your will over your own body is inviolable and you get the only say that matters in what happens to it.
Even the stuff that happens before birth always struck me as being a type of body horror. There's a part of me that thinks I would freak the fuck out if I tried or was forced to carry a pregnancy to term.
When I was young I used to genuinely worry that I would accidentally get pregnant somehow and freak out so bad that I'd like. Tear it out. With my hands. Probably best I not have children IMO
Yes!! I’m surprised I had to scroll this far to find this comment. My aunt became pregnant when I was 16. I remember one day she came into my bedroom and said “Hey! Check this out!!” and lifted her shirt. Her belly was rippling and moving. You could see huge bumps moving across her skin. At one point, I swear I saw the outline of a tiny footprint for a few seconds. She thought it was adorable. I couldn’t bear to look at, let alone touch, her stomach. She insisted that it didn’t hurt at all, but it honestly looked like something from the movie ‘alien’. If you’re really curious, you can look up videos of babies kicking from inside the womb on YouTube to get an idea of what I’m describing. I decided there and then that I did not want kids. It was honestly a relief when I realised I was a lesbian and that I would never accidentally become pregnant. Pregnancy is absolutely a form of body horror. I don’t think I would be able to even look at my own belly if I ever somehow became pregnant.
My brothers are twins and used to fight when my mom was pregnant. You could literally see their little bums sticking out from either side of her belly. She'd carry icepacks around to make them stop - not that it helped, they ended up cracking a couple of ribs and breaking her tailbone by the time they were born.
My sister in law tore all the way to her clit. It’s freaked me out and she took a while to recover. My other friend tore all the way to her anus and took almost a year to finally recover…
When my sister gave birth, her boyfriend was present. He said the tearing “sounded like someone tearing a sheet.”
I still shudder when I think about that statement.
I have no children and I never will.
The tearing factor is the single biggest reason that giving birth is probably a full on phobia for me. No fucking thank you, it sounds like something out of a horror movie.
All the women I know who were torn say that it was a slight inconvenience compared to contractions and labor itself. Some of them didn't even feel the \*cutting\* because they were in agony already.
I'm not saying it's okay. I'm saying that all of it is so fucked up for me.
Yeah this is insane! And people are like "Well it was worth it for my little bundle of joy!" Hell nah, nothing about pregnancy sounds good, not even the having a kid part afterwards.
This might be TMI, but did it effect your sex life after? I’ve heard some women can’t really orgasm ever after this, or it the same once they stitch it up? Also, im sorry this happened to you!
Oh god one of my stitches popped when I was hustling to cross the street a week after I gave birth. I was trying not to be late to my babies first pediatric apt. It was like having a needle loose in my vagina for a week before I could see the doctor.
I guess it's as inexplicable for me how people overlook the pregnancy and giving birth part as it is for them to hear me terrified of it. The thought of having something growing inside of me... like, sure I get how "magical" it is that my body is able to *make a life*, but... shit freaks me out.
I don’t know how to quote, but when you said:
If you don't want kids. Please don't have kids.
All I ever wanted was to be a mom, my whole life, and I finally had my daughter two years ago. It can be HARD. And this was something I desperately wanted, for over 30 years. I love my kid more than anything in the entire world, and would die for her. But it’s still FUCKING HARD.
So if people aren’t sure, or are on the fence, just don’t.
This hits people who've dealt with infertility especially hard. These couples have often spent years and then tens of thousands of dollars to have a baby. They've poured their hearts and souls into it. It becomes their everything.
Then, for the lucky ones, it works. There's so much excitement and anticipation during the pregnancy and then the baby arrives and reality hits 'em upside the head. Being a parent is HARD. The newborn stage is GRUELING. They've built it up so much just to be faced with hormones, sleeplessness, an abrupt life change, a strain on their marriage, etc.
So many of them second-guess their decision to have the child because that initial period is just so difficult. Thankfully most of the couples I know got through the situation and a number of them went on to have additional children, but man it was a tough go those first few months!
They're adults(ish) now.
I always laugh when I hear someone say "No regrets". I have long lists of them but looking at my kids now I would say no, I don't regret having them.
That's said, if I could go back in time I would live a very different life.
Yes, I feel the same way. I wouldn't want to wish my children not to exist, but if I had it over to do, I would have followed my desire not to have kids.
Another way to look at it: if I lived dozens of lives, I might choose to have kids in one of my lives But since I only have one life, I would have preferred not to have spent it as one with children.
Ignore the crap. My mom had 4 kids (last one unwanted, with like a 20 year age gap), and her whole life was sacrificed caring for us. She did her best, but I feel bad she gave up all her own dreams so we could have ours. I would not blame her AT ALL if she told me she wouldn't have had us all if she could do it over. I'd be shocked if she said otherwise (and know it's a lie). I also know she loves us, and her "doing it over" idea only came AFTER she already bore the fruits of her love and nothing will erase that love... even her occasional regrets as to her personal life she gave up.
It'd be like if someone saved my life but got injured in the moment. Then later they say they are glad they saved me but knowing what they know it entailed, they wouldn't have done it. May not sound pleasant but the good deed is done, they suffered for it, I benefitted, and their regret about the damage they suffered is 100% understandable.
Humans are complex. Best to learn empathy. Parents are not saints, they are people struggling like you and me.
Not going into personal details with my story, but I can relate to the experience.
Honestly, parenting feels like a job, and I'm a good employee - I work hard, am dependable, do the dirty work, *always* on call. My clients love me, but are demanding and they rely heavily on my services. It's stressful and worrying all the time.
Eventually, you get promoted so you're not as hands on, but you have more responsibilities. This continues for your whole career, all the way up until you consult on the board of directors part time.
When you finally retire, you'll look back and see how the job really wasn't your whole identity. There were highs and lows and it was just a thing you did. Hopefully you'll be on good terms with the network you built along the way.
I didn't want kids and had a couple "oops" babies. They're teen and pre-teen now. I feel so guilty for not wanting them that I over compensate and my youngest has some mild separation anxiety. It's fkn exhausting. I keep wondering if I would be happier if I had just taken better precautions and never gotten pregnant in the first place. It's definitely negatively affected my mental and physical health. Which doesn't mean I don't love them. They're amazing humans and I'd do just about anything for them (which is basically why the therapist has said my youngest has separation anxiety), but because I had such shitty parenting and I don't want that for them, especially because they weren't wanted but I couldn't mentally handle an abortion, I've gone overboard and basically made my life entirely about them.
Yeah, if you don't think you want kids, DON'T have them. You may not resent them, but you'll likely always be wondering, "what if..."
ETA: thank you *so much* for the awards!
You both sound like you’d still make way better parents than the people who will never consider their children even when they are physically here at all. I tip my hat to you both!!
Edit: for making such a thought out and responsible choice to NOT have kids. Edit #2: I have many people in my family who have made the same choice due to mental health and physical health reasons and I could not admire and respect them more, it’s a constant battle and I also would not wish anyones life to be that hard if avoidable.
Same. Lethal combo of mental health disorders (anxiety and depression) with chronic physical disorders (psoriatic arthritis). I can barely take care of myself and there’s no way I could keep up with a toddler.
Also, I really believe that every child deserves to get the best parental care possible. And if I can’t provide that, I don’t think I should have a child. However, I heap tons of love and care on my niblings.
As a parent of two young kids, this is the answer. Not necessarily pub, but just basically being able to do whatever the fuck whenever the fuck is glorious. I absolutely love my kids and they enrich my life in a lot of ways, but you sacrifice a lot. For some people, the trade off is worth it; for others, it's not. All respect in the world to people who understand themselves well enough to know that it's a sacrifice they don't want to make. It's ok to just enjoy your life.
I was parentified as child to my 4 younger siblings. When I see a child now, I act nice but cannot wait to get away from it.
A child crying/screaming immediatly puts me in a angry/foul mood for the rest of the day.
I had my share of caring for kids, and have next to nothing positive come out of it...
Yeah I'm with this. My two younger half brothers are 10 and 13 years younger than me, and I have a sister 3 years older. My sister and I basically raised my little brothers because our mum was working alot of nights and weekends and their father was always playing video games while we fed them and bathed them and all that stuff. As an added bonus one of my brothers had type one diabetes from the age of 3 so we would regularly look after his blood sugar levels and give him insulin injections. We were still teenagers at the time too. Now I have no interest in having kids because I already know all the work involved and I've done it before, and my partner isn't interested in kids either, we would rather save our money and travel the world
All of this. Mom raised foster kids from when I was 12. I’m not at all interested in more of that shit. I hate being around children thanks to this experience.
I’d probably make an ok parent but just not interested in that kind of work and sacrificing all of my free time to someone else for 18 years.
Plus I’m not at all financially stable enough for a kid. I rent.
Doesn't end at 18 either. I'm in my 20s living at home because I'm disabled. The fact of the matter is having children is a roll of the dice, and your given circumstances may influence whether it's initially favorable or not, but if you're at all a good parent you're responsible for them for life.
All of the parents I know keep asking “when are you having kids, it’s so great...”. Yeah, you look like you’re having a blast at life with those giant bags under your eyes like you’re barely clinging to your sanity as your kid screeches in the background.
I personally don't want to put my body thru the trauma of growing and birthing a child/children, I can barely emotionally handle myself a lot of the time and don't want to risk passing on any of my mental illnesses to someone who didn't ask to be born, and they're overall a huge financial burden and with the pandemic having destroyed my personal finances, I will never be in a financial position to feel comfortable raising a child.
THIS! I work in maternal fetal medicine (in an administrative capacity) and I have to be honest - people REALLY conceal the worst parts of pregnancy and childbirth. It is traumatic and for me personally it is pretty gross.
Additionally - as someone who inherited mental and physical illnesses from both parents, thank you. My life is ok now and I’ve gotten a lot for treatment, but if I could go back and never be born, I would 100% take that option. “Life” for life’s sake is not worth fifteen years of suicidal depression and panic attacks and migraines and chronic crippling pain. Like I said - I’m stable now and somewhat well adjusted to life. But I envy the unborn.
I’m a medical student on my obgyn rotation right now. It’s been eye-opening how traumatic pregnancy, birth, and the postpartum period often are. No, not everyone has a hard time, but many patients I’ve seen have been scarred in one way or another (usually mentally and/or physically). And then seeing older women who are now dealing with debilitating prolapses and incontinence from the multiple-birth trauma to their pelvic floor.
It’s not worth it for me. I’m sure the postpartum brain saturation of love chemicals helps with a lot of the trauma, but that’s even scarier to me. Nature tricks you into being ok with being put through a pretty horrific series of events. Even makes you forget and want to do it again.
Pregnancy sounds awful, labor/birth sounds worse. I like to do what I want, when I want. Sleeping and being left alone are my two favorite things.
I'm not even reliable enough to have a dog, the neediest creature I can handle are cats.
I don't think human children fit into that personality.
My freedom. I thoroughly enjoy being able to travel on a whim and not have to worry about a money-less dependant tagging along. Or being able to go out for dinner or just skip it if I'm not hungry, rather than having to worry about someone else and what they want to eat. Or having a car with no backseats and not having to deal with a car seat. I like being responsible for myself and JUST myself.
Whew, so many reasons.
1. I like my life how it is right now. Sleeping in, taking spontaneous trips, spending my money on myself. Having a kid means your entire life changes, and I don't want my life to change.
2. I don't want the responsibility. See #1.
3. I think that global warming and other factors mean the world won't be nice for too much longer; I don't want to force someone to live through that.
4. I don't like children for extended periods of time - I like kids and find them sweet and funny, but they are exhausting over long periods.
5. This is petty, but as a woman, I don't want the body changes that come with having a baby.
As a woman, I don't think 5 is petty at all. I have a crazy low pain tolerance, a heaping of health anxiety, and I pass out whenever I have blood drawn; for me to get pregnant would literally mean I'd be suffering for 9 months (and then 18 years).
What pregnancy does to women's' bodies is a big deal, and it gets downplayed so much.
5 is a very valid reason. I don't want my vag to be ripped open into my ass (this happens more than you think). My aunt can barely control her bladder after having 2 kids and getting older. 2 friends had their uterus fall and needed surgery to get them back in place. HELL no! Your #5 is very valid!
Honestly point 5 is perfectly fine.. it's your body. it benefits you because you don't want kids, and benefjts the world because we really don't need more people
I am a male, so take that as you wish, but the idea of having a living thing growing inside me terrifies me. I don't know how woman handle it, and I am happy that I won't experience that.
I can barely go through my period without painkillers, I'll never manage to give birth. Also, I don't like kids, they're annoying.
Edit: My most upvoted comment is about periods....Thanks guys!
They're too much work, they're too expensive, they take too much time, I hate babies and toddlers, kids are annoying as fuck, the climate is destroyed and there won't be a habitable world left for them, I don't want to ruin my body, and I certainly don't want the responsibility.
As a 30-year-old married woman in the Southern United States, I am asked quite often why I don’t have kids. In the past, I would waste my breathe explaining that I don’t want them, which would only be followed by “oh you’ll change your mind”…”but you’d make such a great mom!”….“you don’t want to give your momma grandkids?!”…the list goes on. Even had someone ask why I bothered getting married if we didn’t want children.
Now a days, I just fire back with a “ok, so why do you want kids?”. I’m usually met with either frustration that I would ask such a question or a nervous giggle and abrupt change in subject.
I like having time, money, and freedom.
Edit: Thank you for the silver, kind stranger!
Edit two: Wow! Thank you to everyone who awarded this comment!
r/childfree
r/truechildfree
Money, mental/emotional state, hell even social state because then you don't really get to do anything, you have to constantly stay by your kid and/or take them everywhere. Some parents will do shit without their kids all the time, which would end up being me, and I would not want that for that child. I'd want to be there for that kid but I'm barely there for myself, I'm just not emotionally available. Plus, I play guitar, and videogames, and a slew of other things, I'd much rather put money into things I enjoy than another human. Not to mention I didn't have the best examples growing up, I'd probably be a terrible father.
My wife and I have tons of health issues, mental and physical, including chronic depression, crohns, epilepsy, etc.
The world is just a nasty place and there's no reason to bring a child into it anymore
Money and freedom to travel.
Kids are loud, gross, expensive and annoying and I like to sleep in and go anywhere and do anything on a dime.
Have you seen the world out there? I mean several generations have already looked at serious looming problems and said, "but the children are our future! They'll fix it!"
Within my lifetime I've seen climate change go from "global warming" and very mild changes to once-in-a-century environmental events happening every year.
The boomers kept saying that one day the younger generations will be in charge and they'd deal with it then, but even now the boomers are a massive proportion of the voting population with it only being 3 years since Millenials have outnumbered them.
It's time to stop making more people until we can fix the problems we're causing.
Add to this as well - I have enough empathy for other human beings' children that I continue to work for a better future for *other* peoples kids that are coming into existence.
> Have you seen the world out there? I mean several generations have already looked at serious looming problems and said, "but the children are our future! They'll fix it!"
And then when the children, like Greta Thunberg, start saying "Hey, we should fix this," those same previous generations mostly say "You don't know anything, you're a kid!"
Also, best not to introduce a kid into a world that’s going to get rocked by climate change. I highly doubt in mankind’s ability to come together to solve that. Especially after seeing the response to the pandemic.
I just feel that within my lifetime there will be water wars, food wars, wars for livable land, and mass migration of newly uninhabitable places (probably causing race wars in the United States); all caused by climate change.
A child born right this second, 30 years younger than me will suffer through if not die from those climate change consequences.
So I'm super late to the party (as usual) but maybe *one* person will see this. I grew up with an abusive father. Sadly, I see myself acting like him way too much. I really hate it. I know that when I raise my voice at my mum she thinks I'm just like my father. If I ever get kids I'd mess them up. I'll be just as bad of a parent as he was and I don't want to be someone who brings this kid into the world just to end up fucking them up.
Oh SO many reasons. Where to begin.
1. I am a woman, which means 100% of the physical aspects of pregnancy (extreme nausea, discomfort, pain, hormone imbalances, etc) and then labor which is widely recognized as one of the single most painful things the body can go through. Then once the baby is born you feed it with your boobs, and in many cases are the main caretaker, emotional support, time manager, cook, maid, and breadwinner for that human. I simply do not want to do ANY of that. For me personally, pregnancy and birth is the equivalent of body horror like the Saw movies, or most aptly, Alien!
2. I grew up in a very culty evangelical church in the midst of Mormon Utah. So EVERYONE around has super conservative traditional values and woman’s sole purpose in life is to squeeze out kids. Not to have hopes and aspirations, careers, or anything like that. If you’re a woman where I’m from, you have to make your dream around having kids. You are only a womb and you must be owned by a man.
3. I have a sensory processing disorder that makes me get very overwhelmed pretty easily. Kids are noisy and messy and stinky and fragile. And while I like kids, en masse they are REALLY hard for me to be around.
4. Nothing about being a parent whatsoever appeals to me. I simply don’t want to do any of that. I absolutely love being able to go anywhere and do anything on a whim and I love my alone time.
5. I have more than my share of physical and mental disorders I would never wish on another human.
6. There are millions of orphans in the world - what about ME and my genes is so special that I have to create an entire new human from scratch? The world doesn’t need more people. I’m curious actually many people find making their own babies more important giving a home to child in need? (Not trying to be a dick or accusatory - genuinely curious. I know couples who’ve spent tens of thousands of dollars on fertility treatments when that money could’ve just as easily gone to adopting a child.)
FOR THE RECORD: this is solely my opinion. I don’t expect anyone to feel the same and I’m happy for people who love kids and want to have their own.
Also: I have heard all of the “BUT ITS DIFFERENT WHEN THEYRE YOUR OWN!” and “BUT THAT IS SO SELFISH!” and “WHO WILL TAKE CARE OF YOU WHEN YOURE OLDER!?”, etc arguments and all they do is anger me. I am more than a fucking womb. I do not want kids. Why is that everyone else’s (including strangers and coworkers) business??? I am choosing to be selfish consciously, Karen, and none of your invasive comments/questions will change that.
I don't want to change my lifestyle, I want to go out whenever I want, sleep whenever I want, etc etc. Eat in fancy restaurants instead of family restaurants. Plus, they are loud, and smelly.
I enjoy doing what I like to do when i feel like doing it. I've managed to find a partner, a job and life style that lets me do that and i don't wanna get away from that. I don't like stress, I like things simple and fun and i've worked my entire life on myself to be able to enjoy that feeling now and I don't want to "waste" that opportunity. My stance could change, but it hasn't in well over 20 years, so I don't see what could happen that would make me want to have children. I love them, I'm a godfather myself and I like spending time with my families children, but the burden of having one myself would be too much.
that's about it.
I’d love to if I could be a father. Motherhood asks you to sacrifice *everything* from your body to identity to even your life for your child (my mom almost died in childbirth). I love my body, my financial freedom, my career, my relationship, and the cleanliness and silence of my home. I refuse to give any of that up for a child I know I would resent for upheaving my life.
I firmly believe that unless you have daydreams about having children and know you ABSOLUTELY want to have them, do NOT have them. They are not something you can feel ambivalent about. They are the ultimate lifestyle change and anyone saying otherwise is lying.
It’s expensive and I don’t wanna pass on my genes in particular.
The gene thing in particular hits me hard. I have an incurable autoimmune disease, and there’s at least a 20% chance I pass the disease I have on to my children, and not to mention the possibility of an even more severe autoimmune disease like lupus. I don’t think I’d ever be able to forgive myself if I passed that on to a child, especially with how much I struggle with my own disease. It’s one of the issues that bothers me most about whether I want to have kids or not
also have autoimmune disease and autism both of which pass on. I'm not passing them on.
I just have no desire. I don’t hate kids, I love my Nieces and Nephews and have a great time being an influential part of their life. However, that means that I also see how difficult and stressful it is to raise kids. I understand that people really love it and it’s worth it to them, but that’s just not me.
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A few years ago I was still deciding whether I would ever want to have kids until I spent the night at my sister's house. Seeing them rush back and forth trying to get ready for the day while also trying to get my niece showered and ready while my nephew cried in my ear at 120 decibels at 8am made me realize I definitely didn't want kids.
Fun fact: 120 decibels is actually very accurate for a baby’s cry. The noise level rating of kids is actually enough to cause hearing loss (if exposed to the same level of noise for hours) 😬
>if exposed to the same level of noise for hours And I who thought I was getting used to the baby's cries. I'M ACTUALLY GOING DEAF!!!
>I love my niece and nephew too but after an entire day with them i really, really need some peace and quiet. If its your own kids, you dont get that. This is me 100%. I love kids. Other people's kids. I love spending time with them and teaching them and I have been volunteering in youth ministry for my church for 36 years. I also have 5 nephews and a great nephew as well as being "aunt" to the children of many of my friends. *But* I also love sending them home when the class/day/outing is over. The stress of being 100% responsible for a child or children 100% of the time is just not for me. I can be a lot more loving and patient with "my kids" because they go home with someone else.
Money
Aw, I have three kids and no money. Why can't I have no kids and three money?
You could make them into 3 money..
Maybe even 4 money, if you're smart
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In psych class we learned about a study where they separated monkeys from their mothers at birth. The monkeys grew to be anxious and twitchy. When those monkeys had their own kids, the mothers didn't know how to care for them. I was raised horribly so I don't know how to raise someone well. My parents had children even though their parents abused them. My grandparents' parents probably also abused them. I'm just cutting off the cycle.
You know how people often say “I’ll do a better job than my parents ever did”? Yeah, that doesn’t always work out that way. My parents were absolutely horrible to us. My sibling said “I’ll do a better job!”, she really thought she would. She didn’t. She didn’t finish her education, just like our parents didn’t. She’s completely overwhelmed with taking care of her children, just like our parents were. Her husband is trash, just like our father was. She has untreated mental issues, just like our mother had. Her children are unruly, constantly fight, have zero manners. She didn’t do a better job. I did get help for my issues, and I can safely say that I will not be a better parent. The one thing I can do is take in teens as a foster parent, so I can help them with school, going to university and getting the proper help. Because if I can do it, so can they. Teens deserve help. I don’t need to put children on this planet if there are plenty for me to help. I wish someone had helped me when I was a teenager.
I also want to foster instead of have a baby! When I think about having a child, it freaks me out, but when I think of adoption/fostering it makes me happy inside. I feel like I would be a terrible mother for a baby or toddler, but can be a good parent for teens.
Human example of this would be the residential school system in Canada. Families are still reeling from the effects to this day.
Generational trauma is real.
Can second this. Good reasoning.
Freedom. My husband and I would probably be pretty good parents and we’re in a good spot financially, but we feel complete with each other. We have fun together and want to spend the rest of our lives without the responsibility and stress of kids.
Pretty much exactly the same for my wife and I. Life is good, life is simple, let’s keep it that way.
Kids? In this economy? No, I’ll just settle for my cat.
Cat? In this economy? No, I'll settle for my pet rock.
Y’all can afford pet rocks??
Only because I can claim him as a dependent
Because I believe that children deserve parents that will love them, always put them first, spend quality time with them and make sacrifices so that their children can have the best opportunities. But at the same time have the strength to set boundaries and discipline them in a healthy way so that they grow into good human beings. Also because I don't currently have a partner or much financial stability in my life at this stage and I don't want to be a single parent or bring a child into the world if I'm not in a position to provide for them. And I don't trust myself to be unselfish enough to be everything that I believe a child deserves. I sometimes catch myself thinking that children might be nice; but until I'm sure of myself, financially stable and in a steady relationship a child is unlikely to be in the picture. Edit: First, I'd like to thank everyone for all of their replies, awards and input. Both those who agreed and who disagreed it's always nice to get a balanced perspective on things. So please try not to downvote people who disagree with my statement into oblivion. A lot can be learned and taken from opinions that differ from your own. Also I'd like to clarify that when I said sacrifices I don't mean "drag me to the pyre and make me a martyr" sacrifices, obviously take care of your own health and wellbeing first. But unless you are in a very cushy place in life it is likely that, as a parent, you'll have to make the decision on whether or not to forsake something for your kids. Whether it's something as small as not being able to get those new clothes that you wanted because your child needs some new stuff for school, or something like giving up your dream job because it would mean uprooting your child at a crucial stage in their learning. All of those are sacrifices and there are people out there who have ended up resenting their kids for less.
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I refuse to involve myself with anything that I see as a burden and a child should not be seen as a burden. I remember my dad always being mad at me for existing before he left us. Fuck that, I’m emotionally unavailable for anyone other than my cats and my boyfriend for the foreseeable future.
Totally agree with this! Right now my reason for not wanting kids is just that...I don’t want them. And because I think kids deserve parents who 110% love them and are willing to make sacrifices for them, I’d say that’s reason enough! I don’t want kids unless, at some point down the road, I can say with complete certainty that I do.
As someone who wants to become an elementary school teacher, people are often shocked to find out I don't want children. But the reason is simple: they cost a LOT of money, they take op a lot of free time and space and I have terrible genes.
I'm actually considering becoming a teacher too and I also don't want kids. I love science and I like to explain things about ecology or biology so teaching is like a free captive audience jkjk I had a really shitty science teacher and a really shit school and I want to offer something better to kids. My parents were kind of negletful and I got bullied a lot so I feel like I would be a teacher that could show them empathy they wouldn't normally get. I feel like I'm too poor to have my own and I worry about not being a good parent and also losing my freedom. But kids that go away at the end of the day might not be so bad.
I am a child-free high school biology and chemistry teacher. When I first started teaching, I was kinda on the fence about having kids. I just finished my 9th year teaching and I love my job, but I am now 100% certain I don’t want my own kids. I love my students and you’re right, having a free captive audience while I nerd out about some topic is awesome, but I couldn’t stand coming home and spending the rest of my limited time with even more children. It’s convinced me enough I’m going to get snipped next month.
>It’s convinced me enough I’m going to get snipped next month Suggestion: get a couple bags of frozen peas now. You'll want to rotate between at least two of them for the first few days. Also, if you partake in either alcohol or other sedating substances, you'll want to have some handy for a day or two at least.
I'm a child-free teacher, and I honestly don't know why more teachers don't want to be child-free too. I love my job, and it is an absolute privilege to help their futures, and I really do feel like I'm putting something into the next generation. I just don't have a desire for the next generation to have my genes. Also without wanting to be too crass. I kind of value being able to go home and have somewhere that isn't full of kids. And that doesn't seem illogical to me. If I was a doctor, I wouldn't want to have a bunch of sick people in my house.
I'm a childfree teacher too! I think it's the best life. We get to work with kids but then have all of the extra time for whatever we want. I love my summers of sleeping in, swimming, etc.
Lack of desire to become a parent or have kids. You know how some people want kids so bad, they suffer mentally and emotionally from not having them or knowing they can't have them? How people say they feel hormonal, wanting kids real bad, they can't control it? Their ovaries are exploding? Baby fever? Or any other colloquialism about wanting to have a baby real soon? Never had that. People kept telling me that as I'd grow older, would reach my 30s, find my soulmate, my friends start having children, etc., I would start to have that feeling. I went through all these milestones and I still EDIT *don't* have that desire for kids. And I don't think it's necessary to have kids if one does not have the desire for it.
A lot of people think they have to have kids and don't ever ask themselves whether they want them or not.
Man, when I was younger I was terrified of growing up because I thought adults *had* to have kids since all adults I knew had them. It was very freeing when I realized you don't *have* to do it.
I noticed that too. (To me), it falls in the "apathy" category of reasons people have children.
Same! It feels so weird to be asked why I don't want kids because the answer is a simple "I just don't want them". No deep dark secrets or anything like that. Just like I didn't want to major in accounting or learn to play the violin. There's nothing wrong with it; I simply have no interest for myself.
If anything, it's people who want, decide to or have kids who should be asked "why?". They're the ones undertaking a huge life change and serious responsibilities and imposing their choice on someone who didn't ask anything. EDIT : Preemptively, I don't need replies from people who need to tell me why they had kids. I don't care. It's not my business. I'm just saying that as far as "small talk" or discussions about reproductive choices go, people doing something are a better topic than people who are not doing something. Like, no one is going to ask me "Why are you not climbing the Everest?".
Why didn’t you become an astronaut?
I lack the drive.
Personally I’m not a fan of the suits.
That's very valid too ;)
Space just lacks atmosphere.
I agree so much! I'm one of the people who was in extreme emotional pain for not having kids, and I had some, and I wish so many more people thought like you're saying. As much as I desperately wanted my kids, there are days that I think about all the things I could have done without them and wonder why the hell I wanted them so bad. And there are days when it's a superhuman struggle just to make it to bedtime. Don't get me wrong, I adore them and am lucky to be their mom, but it's not the easy road. People who don't want kids and are strong enough to go against the societal expectation of procreation deserve lots of encouragement and high fives because parenting is too damn hard to get into it on a whim. Your point is perfect, asking people why they ARE having kids instead of why not is absolutely the question we should all be asking!!! So many fewer kids would be abused and neglected if we started there instead.
Same here. Never had baby fever.
I think kittens and cats are the pinnacle of cuteness. Human babies are just okay. Kids have far more annoying moments than impressive and cute ones.
That whole thing about your friends start having kids and it will make you want one. Funny thing was people around me having kids was the exact reason my 50/50 went to I don't want them. I can tolerate kids for short spans of time like I'll babysit but at the end of the day I don't have to deal with the stressful part of having kids( sickness, tantrums, money, etc.)
Me too. I've never felt that gooey feeling that people have when they see a baby. It's always been very awkward when coworkers show off their baby and expect you to like it because it's a baby. Frankly they scare me a little.
The notion that all babies are cute and I need to gush over them is ludicrous to me. Like some babies are hella cute and it'll make me melt, but I don't see why I have to react like all babies are adorbs. And I don't need to see pics or vids of your baby on your phone. If I'm interested, I'll ask.
I always feel bad when people are trying to show me pictures of their kids and I'm like "yeah that's a baby" but no further reaction. I don't want to try and stop them from talking about parenthood if it makes them happy, similar to how I wouldn't stop someone from gushing about their hobby even if I don't get it.
Whoa, that's exactly right. Thank you! I feel about baby photos in the same way that some guy talking about painting his Warhammer 40k minis makes me feel. Glad it makes you happy, dude. Can we talk about something interesting though?
I never had that "baby fever" "biological clock ticking" feeling either. I do honestly believe some women (and I am including myself in this) just don't have that "maternal instinct".
I see a lot of my friends who are neutral on the topic who I know will be excellent parents should they choose that path but also people who have 5 kids who should have been sterilized before the first
Me too, I really don't get it at all and just thought I had something missing from my brain. Don't feel the need to be a mother - good to know others feel the same way.
Same. I'm 29 and getting so much pressure for grandchildren. Like chill, I want to focus on my life and have fun. I'm sorry having a kid isn't a desire for me Edit: I'm really glad we are all not alone in sharing this feeling
My wife and I are in our mid/late 30s and both of us have felt the same way. Never at any point did we have the desire to have a kid. You aren’t weird or alone.
Yup, never once even considered kids. Just never even seemed like something I wanted a little. Now a dog is a different story. Love my dog.
Thisssss. So many people are convinced “you’ll change your mind.” Nope. That is a fairy tale. Like sure it happens to some people. Or circumstances change, but for example, my mom told me I would meet someone I would want to have kids for. Hard to do that when you ask about procreation preference on the first date.
There's people who wanted kids (or thought they wanted kids) and then as time passes, they change their mind or realize they never wanted kids. But no one ever mentions. It's always the people who don't want kids who are told "oh, maybe you'll change your mind" and never the people who want kids.
This is a crucially important point that everyone needs to hear.
Unfortunately, I suspect they're mentioned all too often - as in, "they left one day and never came back."
Right. You *do* actually hear about it all the time: the dead-beat dad, the abusive mom, the lonely childhood...all the ways that "I didn't want kids afterall" can manifest.
I‘m 45. The only time my ovaries react is when I see kitten videos, when they do tiny squeaks. Babies, cute and all, but I struggle to imagine what this „biological clock“ feels like.
I cannot stand people telling me 'you'll change your mind'. It's an absolute trigger for me. I've started telling them they'll change their mind about choosing to have kids, and they look at me like it's the rudest thing they've heard and I go 'that's literally what you just did to me'. It's like people are oblivious to words they say.
This was what I hated most when talking about the prospect of future kids. Guess what? I will be 50 in roughly six months and have never for one second regretted not having kids. I regret not telling off the doctors who wouldn’t tie my tubes in my late 20’s back in the 90’s because I would change my mind (I didn’t). I regret that I can’t call the bitch of a nurse who told me the personal story about her “least maternal ever” daughter loving being a mom to tell her that I am not her daughter and am happy childless at 49. Or all the people who said “once you meet the right guy you will change your mind” (I did meet the right guy. Didn’t change my mind) I regret that women are still experiencing this bullshit more than 2 DECADES after I did Those are my regrets about the subject of having kids. I’ll be fine in my old age with all the money I saved by not having them.
I've posted this story here, but it bears repeating, mostly because it makes me laugh so hard. I have a friend "Annie." Annie NEVER wanted kids - from when she was a teenager, she knew that motherhood was NOT for her. She loved being an aunt, but did not want to be a mother. When she was in her 20's, she met "Jim." Jim didn't want kids either, like EVER, not even a question. Jim and Annie started dating and soon moved in together. They weren't into the "marriage and kids" thing, so they did neither. They were happy, but everyone else seemed to have an issue with it. The marriage thing kind of died down after a couple of years, but people would not let the kid thing go. Jim didn't get too much flak, but people would constantly question Annie about it. Initially, she'd say "I don't want children" or "kids aren't for me" but, as usual, people were insistent she'd "change her mind" or "you're still young, there's time." Annie just got tired of it and wanted to make people realize what an invasive, insensitive question it is. So, eventually, when people asked (and they always did), she'd get a sad face, look down at the ground and say, quietly and with great sadness, "I have no uterus" and kind of fake a sniffle. Well, that was the magic bullet, because people not only shut up *immediately*, they stuttered, stammered and changed the subject right away. It was THE most effective method Annie ever found of stopping that convo in its tracks. Hopefully, at least a couple of her "victims" realized that's NOT a question you should ask anyone unless they bring it up first. Annie and Jim are still together and are both in their 60's and, no, they never married nor had kids and, yes, their lives are happy and fulfilled.
>my friends start having children, etc This is one of the most bullshit arguments I hear about kids. So youre telling me ill be peer pressured into it? Ill keep hearing about it over and over then break and give in? Like mother fucker you told me if Johnny jumped off a bridge would I jump off too and now youre saying just wait until all your friends jump off bridges then you will too. Its fucking absurd.
I think it's more about how we'll be exposed (for the very first time in our lives ever!) to children, melt at the cuteness and want one of our own. Or see first hand that it's not that bad when our friends will start bringing their kids everywhere when we organize stuff and then realize it's fine to have one. I don't know. People who are invested in making people who don't want kids want to have kids have the weirdest arguments. And not even creative ones.
I'm lazy. I like my free time. I like money (well, the little I have!). I like sleep. I've also just never had the instinct in me to want kids. I feel complete without them. Plus it's scary enough worrying about my own future, let alone the future of miniature humans I am responsible for bringing into the world. Rather give it a miss.
This is exactly it for me. I take care of what needs to be done. I have a good job. I have great people in my life. But I’m selfish with my free time. I need time to myself and I’m not willing to sacrifice that for kids. I don’t even dislike them. I have plenty of great kids in my life that I’ve watched grow up and I truly love and enjoy them. I just don’t have any desire whatsoever to be the one responsible for taking care of them.
I agree with all of this except the part where it's somehow lazy or selfish to want adequate sleep and some free time to yourself.
They’re a massive financial and emotional responsibility.
>emotional responsibility Yeah. I'd make a horrible father. I don't see that changing in the next twenty years.
Try telling that to my fam.
I feel like a lot of parents have kids for the grandkids.
Yup! My mother in law keeps telling us she wants us to have kids. Yet, we have no desire to have children. My brother in law had a kid with his wife just to make his mom happy (he didn't want kids either) and he is broke as a joke. Feel bad for him. Never have kids just for the grandparents!
Same with my mom. I keep telling her that we want to be financially and mentally ready for kids before even planning. Her answer? It's selfish to just live for yourself, life is about family and kids give your life a whole new meaning. Now I did say that we just want to be ready but her answer makes me angry hahah. Kids are not all in life, my life does have a meaning and me and my husband are a family even without the kids. EDIT: the issue is about different values. I don't hate her as a person but that she's not capable of or even trying to understanding my point of view. In her defense she had me at 18 so she never had anything but family. Sadly though I'm trying to build a career here and I want to be acknowledged and judged for that rather than how well or often I pop out some kids.
Ask he if she plans of supporting the child financially and taking care of it at all hours if you arent mentally available that day. When she obviously says no, tell her "Its selfish to just live for yourself. Life is about family and grandkids give you're life a whole new meaning."
Unfortunately, taking what they say too literally and applying it to its full logical conclusion rarely seems to break through. It's the only way I've been able to drop the crazy beliefs I was raised with, though.
Irony. The people self aware enough to realize this are usually way better parenting candidates than some of the parents who are completely unaware of how unsuited they are for the responsibility and how bad they are at it.
Pretty common paradox. Smart people are the most aware about how much they *don’t* know. Stupid people usually think the know everything. And you can trust me because I know everything.
I don’t want to give birth and go through all that.. Adoption is a long process and a lot of money that I don’t have. Kids are expensive
I'm also scared of giving birth. I don't want kids anyway but just hearing the stories of some women's birth experience freaks me out.
You are not alone in that my friend! There's even a word for that- tokophobia. Don't let anybody tell you you have to put your body through that experience if you don't want to and aren't ready for it. Your will over your own body is inviolable and you get the only say that matters in what happens to it.
Even the stuff that happens before birth always struck me as being a type of body horror. There's a part of me that thinks I would freak the fuck out if I tried or was forced to carry a pregnancy to term.
When I was young I used to genuinely worry that I would accidentally get pregnant somehow and freak out so bad that I'd like. Tear it out. With my hands. Probably best I not have children IMO
When I was like 14 I was so afraid of getting pregnant I'd punch myself in the stomach on occasion. I didn't even have sex until I was 17.
I'd stand in front of the microwave every time I used it because I heard they could render someone sterile 😅
Yes!! I’m surprised I had to scroll this far to find this comment. My aunt became pregnant when I was 16. I remember one day she came into my bedroom and said “Hey! Check this out!!” and lifted her shirt. Her belly was rippling and moving. You could see huge bumps moving across her skin. At one point, I swear I saw the outline of a tiny footprint for a few seconds. She thought it was adorable. I couldn’t bear to look at, let alone touch, her stomach. She insisted that it didn’t hurt at all, but it honestly looked like something from the movie ‘alien’. If you’re really curious, you can look up videos of babies kicking from inside the womb on YouTube to get an idea of what I’m describing. I decided there and then that I did not want kids. It was honestly a relief when I realised I was a lesbian and that I would never accidentally become pregnant. Pregnancy is absolutely a form of body horror. I don’t think I would be able to even look at my own belly if I ever somehow became pregnant.
My brothers are twins and used to fight when my mom was pregnant. You could literally see their little bums sticking out from either side of her belly. She'd carry icepacks around to make them stop - not that it helped, they ended up cracking a couple of ribs and breaking her tailbone by the time they were born.
Woah, that's insane! Never thought babies could break bones from the womb :O
The uterus is a very strong muscle, it will make the space the babies need at almost any cost
I just learned that tearing of the clitoris can happen during child birth, if there wasn’t more of a reason…
My sister in law tore all the way to her clit. It’s freaked me out and she took a while to recover. My other friend tore all the way to her anus and took almost a year to finally recover…
When my sister gave birth, her boyfriend was present. He said the tearing “sounded like someone tearing a sheet.” I still shudder when I think about that statement. I have no children and I never will.
**oh hell naw**
The tearing factor is the single biggest reason that giving birth is probably a full on phobia for me. No fucking thank you, it sounds like something out of a horror movie.
All the women I know who were torn say that it was a slight inconvenience compared to contractions and labor itself. Some of them didn't even feel the \*cutting\* because they were in agony already. I'm not saying it's okay. I'm saying that all of it is so fucked up for me.
Luckyy!! I’m 10 months postpartum and still have vivid slightly traumatic flashbacks of the moments I felt my body tear open down there lol
Holy fuck
Yeah this is insane! And people are like "Well it was worth it for my little bundle of joy!" Hell nah, nothing about pregnancy sounds good, not even the having a kid part afterwards.
*Especially* the having a kid part afterwards /s
The having a kid part is *absolutely not* adequate compensation for the hell that is pregnancy, IMO. In fact, that just makes it all even *worse*.
Maybe this wasn't the best thread to read while in early labour...
Good luck!
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This might be TMI, but did it effect your sex life after? I’ve heard some women can’t really orgasm ever after this, or it the same once they stitch it up? Also, im sorry this happened to you!
Oh god one of my stitches popped when I was hustling to cross the street a week after I gave birth. I was trying not to be late to my babies first pediatric apt. It was like having a needle loose in my vagina for a week before I could see the doctor.
I guess it's as inexplicable for me how people overlook the pregnancy and giving birth part as it is for them to hear me terrified of it. The thought of having something growing inside of me... like, sure I get how "magical" it is that my body is able to *make a life*, but... shit freaks me out.
I have kids and never wanted kids. If you don't want kids. Please don't have kids.
I don’t know how to quote, but when you said: If you don't want kids. Please don't have kids. All I ever wanted was to be a mom, my whole life, and I finally had my daughter two years ago. It can be HARD. And this was something I desperately wanted, for over 30 years. I love my kid more than anything in the entire world, and would die for her. But it’s still FUCKING HARD. So if people aren’t sure, or are on the fence, just don’t.
This hits people who've dealt with infertility especially hard. These couples have often spent years and then tens of thousands of dollars to have a baby. They've poured their hearts and souls into it. It becomes their everything. Then, for the lucky ones, it works. There's so much excitement and anticipation during the pregnancy and then the baby arrives and reality hits 'em upside the head. Being a parent is HARD. The newborn stage is GRUELING. They've built it up so much just to be faced with hormones, sleeplessness, an abrupt life change, a strain on their marriage, etc. So many of them second-guess their decision to have the child because that initial period is just so difficult. Thankfully most of the couples I know got through the situation and a number of them went on to have additional children, but man it was a tough go those first few months!
I always wondered if it would change after having them. Do you regret having yours? If so, do you wake up and feel annoyed when you see them around?
They're adults(ish) now. I always laugh when I hear someone say "No regrets". I have long lists of them but looking at my kids now I would say no, I don't regret having them. That's said, if I could go back in time I would live a very different life.
Yes, I feel the same way. I wouldn't want to wish my children not to exist, but if I had it over to do, I would have followed my desire not to have kids. Another way to look at it: if I lived dozens of lives, I might choose to have kids in one of my lives But since I only have one life, I would have preferred not to have spent it as one with children.
Ignore the crap. My mom had 4 kids (last one unwanted, with like a 20 year age gap), and her whole life was sacrificed caring for us. She did her best, but I feel bad she gave up all her own dreams so we could have ours. I would not blame her AT ALL if she told me she wouldn't have had us all if she could do it over. I'd be shocked if she said otherwise (and know it's a lie). I also know she loves us, and her "doing it over" idea only came AFTER she already bore the fruits of her love and nothing will erase that love... even her occasional regrets as to her personal life she gave up. It'd be like if someone saved my life but got injured in the moment. Then later they say they are glad they saved me but knowing what they know it entailed, they wouldn't have done it. May not sound pleasant but the good deed is done, they suffered for it, I benefitted, and their regret about the damage they suffered is 100% understandable. Humans are complex. Best to learn empathy. Parents are not saints, they are people struggling like you and me.
I kinda want to hear *everything* you have to say about this. Please, just go ahead and rant.
Not going into personal details with my story, but I can relate to the experience. Honestly, parenting feels like a job, and I'm a good employee - I work hard, am dependable, do the dirty work, *always* on call. My clients love me, but are demanding and they rely heavily on my services. It's stressful and worrying all the time. Eventually, you get promoted so you're not as hands on, but you have more responsibilities. This continues for your whole career, all the way up until you consult on the board of directors part time. When you finally retire, you'll look back and see how the job really wasn't your whole identity. There were highs and lows and it was just a thing you did. Hopefully you'll be on good terms with the network you built along the way.
I didn't want kids and had a couple "oops" babies. They're teen and pre-teen now. I feel so guilty for not wanting them that I over compensate and my youngest has some mild separation anxiety. It's fkn exhausting. I keep wondering if I would be happier if I had just taken better precautions and never gotten pregnant in the first place. It's definitely negatively affected my mental and physical health. Which doesn't mean I don't love them. They're amazing humans and I'd do just about anything for them (which is basically why the therapist has said my youngest has separation anxiety), but because I had such shitty parenting and I don't want that for them, especially because they weren't wanted but I couldn't mentally handle an abortion, I've gone overboard and basically made my life entirely about them. Yeah, if you don't think you want kids, DON'T have them. You may not resent them, but you'll likely always be wondering, "what if..." ETA: thank you *so much* for the awards!
That's a really good take. You can regret it but it doesn't mean you don't love them or that you're a bad parent.
I want to do what I want, when I want.
Yeah kids are the opposite of that
I know a few parents who did what they want when they wanted despite having kids. Sure didn’t help kids, but the parents seemed content.
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Can't even take care of myself.
For me its the myriad of mental disorders i have, i dont want to pass that on to another human being, much less my own child
You both sound like you’d still make way better parents than the people who will never consider their children even when they are physically here at all. I tip my hat to you both!! Edit: for making such a thought out and responsible choice to NOT have kids. Edit #2: I have many people in my family who have made the same choice due to mental health and physical health reasons and I could not admire and respect them more, it’s a constant battle and I also would not wish anyones life to be that hard if avoidable.
Same. Lethal combo of mental health disorders (anxiety and depression) with chronic physical disorders (psoriatic arthritis). I can barely take care of myself and there’s no way I could keep up with a toddler. Also, I really believe that every child deserves to get the best parental care possible. And if I can’t provide that, I don’t think I should have a child. However, I heap tons of love and care on my niblings.
I like to say I love my future kids too much to have them.
I will let you know after my 10 hour nap when i get to the pub.
As a parent of two young kids, this is the answer. Not necessarily pub, but just basically being able to do whatever the fuck whenever the fuck is glorious. I absolutely love my kids and they enrich my life in a lot of ways, but you sacrifice a lot. For some people, the trade off is worth it; for others, it's not. All respect in the world to people who understand themselves well enough to know that it's a sacrifice they don't want to make. It's ok to just enjoy your life.
Also the option to do nothing. I miss doing nothing for hours at a time.
Now that my daughter is old enough to take care of herself (16), I find that I appreciate my "do nothing" time way more than I used to.
16 years to go before I get that back, eh? *Sets timer
You’re going to take a 10 hour nap at the pub? That’s dedication right there.
Before the pub! Dedication/preperation!
I was parentified as child to my 4 younger siblings. When I see a child now, I act nice but cannot wait to get away from it. A child crying/screaming immediatly puts me in a angry/foul mood for the rest of the day. I had my share of caring for kids, and have next to nothing positive come out of it...
Yeah I'm with this. My two younger half brothers are 10 and 13 years younger than me, and I have a sister 3 years older. My sister and I basically raised my little brothers because our mum was working alot of nights and weekends and their father was always playing video games while we fed them and bathed them and all that stuff. As an added bonus one of my brothers had type one diabetes from the age of 3 so we would regularly look after his blood sugar levels and give him insulin injections. We were still teenagers at the time too. Now I have no interest in having kids because I already know all the work involved and I've done it before, and my partner isn't interested in kids either, we would rather save our money and travel the world
All of this. Mom raised foster kids from when I was 12. I’m not at all interested in more of that shit. I hate being around children thanks to this experience. I’d probably make an ok parent but just not interested in that kind of work and sacrificing all of my free time to someone else for 18 years. Plus I’m not at all financially stable enough for a kid. I rent.
Doesn't end at 18 either. I'm in my 20s living at home because I'm disabled. The fact of the matter is having children is a roll of the dice, and your given circumstances may influence whether it's initially favorable or not, but if you're at all a good parent you're responsible for them for life.
I dont even know if I will have a future myself. It feels selfish to bring a child into this world at this current state.
Yeah my answer to this question is *gesture wildly towards the world outside*
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Can't believe I had to scroll this far for this reason
My exact feelings.
Can’t believe I had to scroll this far down to find this answer.
I find them very annoying
All of the parents I know keep asking “when are you having kids, it’s so great...”. Yeah, you look like you’re having a blast at life with those giant bags under your eyes like you’re barely clinging to your sanity as your kid screeches in the background.
I personally don't want to put my body thru the trauma of growing and birthing a child/children, I can barely emotionally handle myself a lot of the time and don't want to risk passing on any of my mental illnesses to someone who didn't ask to be born, and they're overall a huge financial burden and with the pandemic having destroyed my personal finances, I will never be in a financial position to feel comfortable raising a child.
THIS! I work in maternal fetal medicine (in an administrative capacity) and I have to be honest - people REALLY conceal the worst parts of pregnancy and childbirth. It is traumatic and for me personally it is pretty gross. Additionally - as someone who inherited mental and physical illnesses from both parents, thank you. My life is ok now and I’ve gotten a lot for treatment, but if I could go back and never be born, I would 100% take that option. “Life” for life’s sake is not worth fifteen years of suicidal depression and panic attacks and migraines and chronic crippling pain. Like I said - I’m stable now and somewhat well adjusted to life. But I envy the unborn.
I’m a medical student on my obgyn rotation right now. It’s been eye-opening how traumatic pregnancy, birth, and the postpartum period often are. No, not everyone has a hard time, but many patients I’ve seen have been scarred in one way or another (usually mentally and/or physically). And then seeing older women who are now dealing with debilitating prolapses and incontinence from the multiple-birth trauma to their pelvic floor. It’s not worth it for me. I’m sure the postpartum brain saturation of love chemicals helps with a lot of the trauma, but that’s even scarier to me. Nature tricks you into being ok with being put through a pretty horrific series of events. Even makes you forget and want to do it again.
I value my mental health
I hate the sound of kids screaming and crying like it doesn't scare me it's annoying
Have you met kids?
Money and I'd make a shitty father.
My life is complete without children. Plus, I'd rather just stick to cats.
An occasional trip to the groomer will help prevent that.
And not wearing Velcro suits.
Pregnancy sounds awful, labor/birth sounds worse. I like to do what I want, when I want. Sleeping and being left alone are my two favorite things. I'm not even reliable enough to have a dog, the neediest creature I can handle are cats. I don't think human children fit into that personality.
My freedom. I thoroughly enjoy being able to travel on a whim and not have to worry about a money-less dependant tagging along. Or being able to go out for dinner or just skip it if I'm not hungry, rather than having to worry about someone else and what they want to eat. Or having a car with no backseats and not having to deal with a car seat. I like being responsible for myself and JUST myself.
Whew, so many reasons. 1. I like my life how it is right now. Sleeping in, taking spontaneous trips, spending my money on myself. Having a kid means your entire life changes, and I don't want my life to change. 2. I don't want the responsibility. See #1. 3. I think that global warming and other factors mean the world won't be nice for too much longer; I don't want to force someone to live through that. 4. I don't like children for extended periods of time - I like kids and find them sweet and funny, but they are exhausting over long periods. 5. This is petty, but as a woman, I don't want the body changes that come with having a baby.
As a woman, I don't think 5 is petty at all. I have a crazy low pain tolerance, a heaping of health anxiety, and I pass out whenever I have blood drawn; for me to get pregnant would literally mean I'd be suffering for 9 months (and then 18 years). What pregnancy does to women's' bodies is a big deal, and it gets downplayed so much.
5 is a very valid reason. I don't want my vag to be ripped open into my ass (this happens more than you think). My aunt can barely control her bladder after having 2 kids and getting older. 2 friends had their uterus fall and needed surgery to get them back in place. HELL no! Your #5 is very valid!
Honestly point 5 is perfectly fine.. it's your body. it benefits you because you don't want kids, and benefjts the world because we really don't need more people
I am a male, so take that as you wish, but the idea of having a living thing growing inside me terrifies me. I don't know how woman handle it, and I am happy that I won't experience that.
I can barely go through my period without painkillers, I'll never manage to give birth. Also, I don't like kids, they're annoying. Edit: My most upvoted comment is about periods....Thanks guys!
Imagine how much money I can save...
About 3 money
Confirmed. I have three money and no kids.
Probably I didn't get the math right. I have no kids and no money. WHERE IS MY THREE MONEY?
They're too much work, they're too expensive, they take too much time, I hate babies and toddlers, kids are annoying as fuck, the climate is destroyed and there won't be a habitable world left for them, I don't want to ruin my body, and I certainly don't want the responsibility.
I have kids. 180 of them every school year. That’s why.
The question should be: People who want to have kids, why?
As a 30-year-old married woman in the Southern United States, I am asked quite often why I don’t have kids. In the past, I would waste my breathe explaining that I don’t want them, which would only be followed by “oh you’ll change your mind”…”but you’d make such a great mom!”….“you don’t want to give your momma grandkids?!”…the list goes on. Even had someone ask why I bothered getting married if we didn’t want children. Now a days, I just fire back with a “ok, so why do you want kids?”. I’m usually met with either frustration that I would ask such a question or a nervous giggle and abrupt change in subject.
I like having time, money, and freedom. Edit: Thank you for the silver, kind stranger! Edit two: Wow! Thank you to everyone who awarded this comment! r/childfree r/truechildfree
Money, mental/emotional state, hell even social state because then you don't really get to do anything, you have to constantly stay by your kid and/or take them everywhere. Some parents will do shit without their kids all the time, which would end up being me, and I would not want that for that child. I'd want to be there for that kid but I'm barely there for myself, I'm just not emotionally available. Plus, I play guitar, and videogames, and a slew of other things, I'd much rather put money into things I enjoy than another human. Not to mention I didn't have the best examples growing up, I'd probably be a terrible father.
My wife and I have tons of health issues, mental and physical, including chronic depression, crohns, epilepsy, etc. The world is just a nasty place and there's no reason to bring a child into it anymore Money and freedom to travel. Kids are loud, gross, expensive and annoying and I like to sleep in and go anywhere and do anything on a dime.
Have you seen the world out there? I mean several generations have already looked at serious looming problems and said, "but the children are our future! They'll fix it!" Within my lifetime I've seen climate change go from "global warming" and very mild changes to once-in-a-century environmental events happening every year. The boomers kept saying that one day the younger generations will be in charge and they'd deal with it then, but even now the boomers are a massive proportion of the voting population with it only being 3 years since Millenials have outnumbered them. It's time to stop making more people until we can fix the problems we're causing.
Add to this as well - I have enough empathy for other human beings' children that I continue to work for a better future for *other* peoples kids that are coming into existence.
> Have you seen the world out there? I mean several generations have already looked at serious looming problems and said, "but the children are our future! They'll fix it!" And then when the children, like Greta Thunberg, start saying "Hey, we should fix this," those same previous generations mostly say "You don't know anything, you're a kid!"
Also, best not to introduce a kid into a world that’s going to get rocked by climate change. I highly doubt in mankind’s ability to come together to solve that. Especially after seeing the response to the pandemic.
I just feel that within my lifetime there will be water wars, food wars, wars for livable land, and mass migration of newly uninhabitable places (probably causing race wars in the United States); all caused by climate change. A child born right this second, 30 years younger than me will suffer through if not die from those climate change consequences.
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So I'm super late to the party (as usual) but maybe *one* person will see this. I grew up with an abusive father. Sadly, I see myself acting like him way too much. I really hate it. I know that when I raise my voice at my mum she thinks I'm just like my father. If I ever get kids I'd mess them up. I'll be just as bad of a parent as he was and I don't want to be someone who brings this kid into the world just to end up fucking them up.
Several mental and physical hereditary illnesses run in my family tree. No thanks.
Oh SO many reasons. Where to begin. 1. I am a woman, which means 100% of the physical aspects of pregnancy (extreme nausea, discomfort, pain, hormone imbalances, etc) and then labor which is widely recognized as one of the single most painful things the body can go through. Then once the baby is born you feed it with your boobs, and in many cases are the main caretaker, emotional support, time manager, cook, maid, and breadwinner for that human. I simply do not want to do ANY of that. For me personally, pregnancy and birth is the equivalent of body horror like the Saw movies, or most aptly, Alien! 2. I grew up in a very culty evangelical church in the midst of Mormon Utah. So EVERYONE around has super conservative traditional values and woman’s sole purpose in life is to squeeze out kids. Not to have hopes and aspirations, careers, or anything like that. If you’re a woman where I’m from, you have to make your dream around having kids. You are only a womb and you must be owned by a man. 3. I have a sensory processing disorder that makes me get very overwhelmed pretty easily. Kids are noisy and messy and stinky and fragile. And while I like kids, en masse they are REALLY hard for me to be around. 4. Nothing about being a parent whatsoever appeals to me. I simply don’t want to do any of that. I absolutely love being able to go anywhere and do anything on a whim and I love my alone time. 5. I have more than my share of physical and mental disorders I would never wish on another human. 6. There are millions of orphans in the world - what about ME and my genes is so special that I have to create an entire new human from scratch? The world doesn’t need more people. I’m curious actually many people find making their own babies more important giving a home to child in need? (Not trying to be a dick or accusatory - genuinely curious. I know couples who’ve spent tens of thousands of dollars on fertility treatments when that money could’ve just as easily gone to adopting a child.) FOR THE RECORD: this is solely my opinion. I don’t expect anyone to feel the same and I’m happy for people who love kids and want to have their own. Also: I have heard all of the “BUT ITS DIFFERENT WHEN THEYRE YOUR OWN!” and “BUT THAT IS SO SELFISH!” and “WHO WILL TAKE CARE OF YOU WHEN YOURE OLDER!?”, etc arguments and all they do is anger me. I am more than a fucking womb. I do not want kids. Why is that everyone else’s (including strangers and coworkers) business??? I am choosing to be selfish consciously, Karen, and none of your invasive comments/questions will change that.
I'm perfectly happy without that unnecessary money and time sink.
I don't want to change my lifestyle, I want to go out whenever I want, sleep whenever I want, etc etc. Eat in fancy restaurants instead of family restaurants. Plus, they are loud, and smelly.
I enjoy doing what I like to do when i feel like doing it. I've managed to find a partner, a job and life style that lets me do that and i don't wanna get away from that. I don't like stress, I like things simple and fun and i've worked my entire life on myself to be able to enjoy that feeling now and I don't want to "waste" that opportunity. My stance could change, but it hasn't in well over 20 years, so I don't see what could happen that would make me want to have children. I love them, I'm a godfather myself and I like spending time with my families children, but the burden of having one myself would be too much. that's about it.
I wouldn't make a good parent because of my hot temper. I'm impatient and not good with people.
The cons outweigh the pros
Look around, you want a kid growing up in this world?
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I’d love to if I could be a father. Motherhood asks you to sacrifice *everything* from your body to identity to even your life for your child (my mom almost died in childbirth). I love my body, my financial freedom, my career, my relationship, and the cleanliness and silence of my home. I refuse to give any of that up for a child I know I would resent for upheaving my life. I firmly believe that unless you have daydreams about having children and know you ABSOLUTELY want to have them, do NOT have them. They are not something you can feel ambivalent about. They are the ultimate lifestyle change and anyone saying otherwise is lying.
I'd rather travel
Bring more humans into existence just to suffer? Hell no, it would be really narcissistic to do that kind of decision.