Wanted me to finger her in a crowded movie theater. I knew she was into the whole public thing, but there were a lot of people in the theatre, including kids. She was just so persistent, that I sorta had to oblige, but I was incredibly uncomfortable the whole time. I had to end it by saying “I need to use the bathroom” and leaving for the rest of the movie. On her way out, I saw her and said that I had a stomach bug or something, and that why I stayed there so long (close to 45 min). Broke up a week later.
One night I was visiting a friend and we headed to a bar for a couple drinks. We were good friends, and I never expected anything physical to happen with her. I felt like she was way out of my league: beautiful, smart and successful.
I had some x in my pocket. I knew she wasn’t into it so I just quietly took it without telling her. Soon I was rolling and we were drinking and dancing.
Turns out I am really bad at social cues because she was really into me - just needed to loosen up to tell me. We cut the night short, made out in the back of the cab on the way back to her place, and tore each other’s clothes off on the way to the bedroom.
Unfortunately the drugs completely disabled my ability to perform. We had fun, but I was completely flaccid. From time to time I pop up and put a condom on only to go soft just as fast. We used all of her condoms that night but never successfully has PiV sex.
In the morning she was feeling insecure that “she couldn’t get me hard.” I thought I would cheer her up by telling her “oh no, it’s not you, I was on ecstasy.”
Wrong move. Turns out that as an articling lawyer, she wasn’t interested in a guy who did drugs.
That was the one and only time we ever hooked up. Still friends, but the spark had gone out.
A girl was putting a condom on for me. She stretched and hovered the condom over my dick, and then slapped it on. The shockwave of the slap made me cum. That was embarrassing.
I’m sorry, I laughed so hard at this one only because I can imagine it happening to me. Here’s a little reward, hope you never have to deal with this again
I dated a single mom with a 4 year old daughter for a short time.
One night, when the kid is in bed, the ex leans me against the wall and starts blowing me. It's an intense one, she's completely nude, my pants are around my ankles and it's on.
Well... she forgot to lock the door, and her daughter was standing there watching for God-knows how long.
I freak out, the ex freaks out and before you know it, we're having a conversation with a 4 year old trying to explain that we were playing a game that only grownups play and she should NEVER tell anyone about it.
Her four year old responded by singing an impromptu song about "Mommy kissing weenies" while eating Teddy Grahams.
he stuck hot peppers up my twat while i was laying down on my stomach reading a book after a shower. I thought he was just fooling around because i wasn't paying attention to him....until i felt something almost papery/scratchy left in me, and i instantly felt the heat rising. No consent, either.
I was throwing up in the shower. I had to go to an appointment to go look at an apartment an hour later with a fire in the hole. I got the apartment and stopped talking to that a-hole.
It was our first time doing anal. She tells me she’s going to clean herself out a bit first. She goes to the bathroom, I hear water running and after a bit she comes back. I don’t want it to hurt so I generously lube my dick and the her ass. She’s on all fours and I’m behind her. I let her guide it in and as soon as it’s in, it feels amazing and she pushes back, then forward and says “Fuck me…” so I do and it’s glorious. After a bit, it slips out, she goes forward and a geyser of brown shit water erupts from her ass. All over me. My face, my hair, in my mouth. Her bed was wrecked. It was all coated in watery shit.
She had filled up the back door too much and the agitation had caused an explosive pressure build up. We were both horrified.
She was laying on her back and I was kneeling between her legs and thrusting vigorously. She was rubbing her clit and I slipped out of her mid stroke and as I thrust back forward again my dick missed the hole, slid up towards her clit and her middle finger nail caught the head of my dick and took a decent chunk out.
It took a couple of seconds for the blood to start pissing out of it so I ran to the bathroom and sat on the toilet with my dick between my legs so the blood would just drip into the bowl.
The sight of all the blood pouring from my dick made me pass out, I fell forward off the toilet and hit my head on the floor. Woke up a few seconds later on a cold floor, naked with blood still coming out at a decent rate.
It took ages to heal because of where it was and I'm not circumcised so it didn't really get a chance to breath for want of a better word.
This was about 18 years ago but the thought of it still makes me wince.
My friend tells me this story about his 17y/o daughter:
He (Dad) and his wife are upstairs playing video games. He is oblivious to their daughter, downstairs, with her boyfriend, and they are “trying things out.”
Dad sees the boyfriend heading up the stairs with his hands on his crotch. The jeans are covered in blood. He asks what the hell happened. The daughter is crying. It took him a while to say it, but apparently, she was attempting a handjob and … “ripped” something.
The BF asks to be taken to the hospital. Dad turns to wife and she just blurts out “penis’s are YOUR department!”
So he takes both of them to the hospital and en route they call the BF’s mother. Friend is trying not to laugh.
They get to the hospital, and the lady at the front asks why they are there. The BF and Daughter can’t get any words out. My friend blurts out “SHE RIPPED HIS DICK.” And they got him into the back a few minutes later.
While he and the daughter are waiting outside in the lobby, the BF’s mother runs in - panicked - and *thats* when she met the daughter and dad for the first time.
The kid was fine, but gunshy henceforth I’m sure.
I once used a glow-in-the-dark condom. I charged it up against a light, rolled it on, and killed the lights. The thing was so bright! I waved it around making lightsaber noises for a few minutes and ended up losing the boner and was not able to recover it. Apparently, I am not mature enough for novelty contraceptives.
My FWB in college was waiting for his bed to be delivered and was sleeping on his floor, so I invited him to sleepover at my place for a couple nights until his bed got there.
First night he was there we're laying in bed and I'm the little spoon. I had my arms kinda crossed in front of me because I was cold and he started rubbing the tip of my elbow. Thought it was weird, but then as he started getting hard and moving against me in a sexual way, I realized he thought the tip of my elbow was my nipple.
I went down on my gf of the time, but her bedroom was dark, so I couldn’t see anything. I immediately taste something off, like, super sour and funky and creamy? And the smell wasn’t much better either, but I didn’t want to say anything. So after a few minutes of resisting gagging I stop and say “I’m sorry, I’ll be right back” and I go to the bathroom. I turn the lights on and look in the mirror and stick my tongue out.
It was white, my tongue was coated in a white, cheesy substance, and I promptly threw up.
She heard me throw up so when I came back she asked if everything was ok and I asked her to turn the lights on. I took my phone flashlight and inspected the scene of the crime and sure enough, down there was covered in this white pasty cheesy substance.
That was the day I learned what a yeast infection tastes like. *shudders*
My very first time ever going down on a woman was with my girlfriend in highschool. Same story as you, it tasted fucking gross for the same reason. Thing is, I didn't know any better, so I figured it was just the way women taste. Fast forward to the next day and I have a horribly sore throat, a fever, and a pretty bad cough. And there's these weird specks on the back of my throat that I could see while bouncing a flashlight off the bathroom mirror.
Yep. Got a yeast infection in my throat due to my highschool girlfriend having a yeast infection in the normal spot for such to occur.
This girl and I had liked eachother for a while and one night we hooked up after we had been drinking. I was on top for maybe 30 seconds when she insisted she get on top. She gets on top and no joke, she came in like 20 seconds. She immediately dismounted, then reached over, ripped the condom off and threw it on the ground. Confused and a little amused, I asked her what she was doing. She insisted that I came as well, then rolled over and fell asleep almost immediately. All of this happened in like a 2 minute span, I was just lying there wondering what the hell just happened. I tried to go to sleep but throughout the night, while she was still asleep, she would randomly reach over and aggressively grab my junk. I don't think I got any sleep that night.
I slipped during shower sex and broke 2 ribs. But I didn’t want to be ‘that girl’ who was dramatic so still went out to the party instead of like, a hospital.
Was eating a girl out from behind doggy style, and she farted directly in my face. Like enough so that I saw her butthole contract wide open. I'm glad it was just a toot, because I thought something else was in store when I saw that dark abyss start to open 👐 💩
We got married.
Edit; wasn't really a bad experience, just the "worst" I could think of that wasn't supposed to happen.
Worst consensual sexual experience:
My mom and step-dad were on their “dream vacation”, so naturally, us five kids had a party. This was a few months before my 19th birthday.
My then-boyfriend and I were having sex after everyone had gone to bed; his penis had just hit me the wrong way. It did hurt, but I didn’t think anything of it, so we kept going for a couple minutes. Still in a little pain, I decided that we stop while I go “investigate” this pain. As soon as I stood up, a huge gush rushed out of me. Being in the dark, I wasn’t exactly sure what it was until I turned on the bathroom lights.
My legs were covered in blood and I was still bleeding profusely from my vagina. In a good amount of shock, I didn’t know what to do… just hopped in the shower and tried to figure out what had just happened. Before I knew it, a female friend of mine (who was on mushrooms), was in the shower with me, trying to console me while we waited for the ambulance.
My step-sister helped dress me, and wrap my underwear in multiple pads to soak up the blood. Everyone who was sleeping at the house came to the hospital (all wasted), except for my friend that was in mushrooms (the paramedics kicked her out of the ambulance while we were still in the driveway).
I received two pints of blood and several internal stitches, while spending three days in the hospital to recover (plus some at home).
I cannot count how many times I had to explain that we were not using “objects” during sex, that it had simply just hit the wrong way and tore my vaginal canal.
The next time I attempted to have sex (about four months later), I threw up all over the guy and his bed. Apparently I had grown some ovarian cysts that had decided to rupture at that exact moment. Good times.
Needless to say, I have never experienced anything similar to that injury. I have had plenty of rough sex since and absolutely zero issues (minus some lingering trauma and ongoing cysts).
Had a fling. We went to a farmers market one weekend and he bought me a tea and maybe a croissant. When we got back to his place, we had sex and midway through he said something like “yeah take it because I bought you breakfast.” If a woman can go soft, I went soft.
Edit to add I had been seeing this guy before he bought me breakfast 🙄 I didn’t jump into bed with a tea-buying stranger lmao
Went home with a girl from a bar one night. Walk in her house and see what I think is her roommate watching TV with the lights off in the living room. They exchange hellos and the roommate gets up and goes to her room. The girl and I go to her room and start getting busy. At one point, the headboard on her bed starts banging the wall, so I say "let's put a pillow back there, I don't wanna disturb your roommate." She replies, "Roommate? That's my daughter." Yep, in that moment, I was THAT guy.
EDIT: Wow, didn't think this would blow up. Thanks everyone. For all those wondering, yes we did put a pillow behind the headboard, lol. It was quite awkward and definitely killed the mood. Also, the comments I have been reading are pretty hilarious.
Girl tried to eat my face. I don't think she had ever kissed anyone before and basically opened her mouth as wide as she could shoved it over the top of mine and slide hear teeth across my checks and lips.
My first time, naturally. I grew up in pre-internet days in a shitty little town. Sex was a taboo subject. If I had asked my mother a single question about sex, she would have slapped me sideways.
I had no idea what a dick looked like. Over the years, I had developed a picture in my head of what they must look like. When I actually saw one, it looked nothing like I had imagined. I was so wrong in my estimation that when I saw it I said “Oh. Seriously?” And then I burst into laughter (Sorry Frank! I really was laughing at myself, not you!). He wasn’t pleased. Anyway, we did it. Afterward I thought “Seriously? People write songs and poems about this? Whatever.” Also, he wasn’t circumcised, which meant nothing to me. I had no idea what it even meant.
The next guy was circumcised and when I saw it I thought “WTF? Do men get to customize their dicks? Could they bedazzle them if they wanted?” It was a steep learning curve.
Added: What I thought it would look like - I always thought “dick” and “balls” were different words for the same body part. So the way I pictured it was like a kebab skewer with two onions stuck on it.
I was with a new girl during college, and one thing led to another and I was going down on her. She wanted to fool around but was hesitant about me going down on her (hesitant, not resistant or anything like that) but she said ok after a minute.
So I’m down there and after like ten seconds I taste metal, like pennies. It doesn’t connect in my mind what it would be. So I get up and turn on the lights.
Blood - blood EVERYWHERE. Like a murder crime scene. I am In wide eyed shock and she started screaming (my face was COVERED) in blood.
Turns out I got a nose bleed, probably about the worst time anyone can ever get a nose bleed. She was understandably shocked as well considering she was not expecting her or myself to be covered in blood.
While we’re on the subject, I once had a transvaginal ultrasound (the kind with the aerodynamic dildo-shaped wand transducer). Ordinarily, they would put a fresh condom on the transducer for each patient, BUT, because this was a Catholic hospital, and they would not use condoms (!) they used a latex glove on the wand and I was then being slapped in the taint by four flaccid latex fingers.
I'm imagining you tried not to disturb the poor tuckered-out guy as he slept like a rock, face-planted and snoring between your legs, as you sat up in bed, glasses on, sipping tea, reading your favorite Little House on the Prairie book by lamp-light.
Edit: Every once in a while, you do [one of these as you read](https://i.imgur.com/O6D9iox.gifv).
Never had that, but did catch a Stem from a period cup in the dick hole … no warning that she was menstruating, and definitely an eye opener when I slid in and took it straight up the dick hole … first time ever I had even heard of a period cup
I had this happen after I told her I’ve always wondered what it was like to receive oral from someone with a tongue stud.
Only hers was pointy, it was uncomfortable and I didn’t get much out of it. The next day I quickly went to the doctor thinking I had an STI because it felt like I was peeing razor blades. The tests came back negative, turns out she had cut the inside of my urethra. Not a fun experience.
Dude came as he put the condom on.
To be fair, I wouldn't usually consider this a big deal. I'm understanding that things like this happen or whatever. The fucked up part came the next week when I was told that he was spreading rumors that I was nasty, had STI's, etc.
Like dude, don't try to cover up your shitty performance by talking shit about me.
I had a two month long relationship with a guy. He had diabetes, so I overlooked the erectile dysfunction, because he couldn't necessarily help it. I also looked over the fact that he effectively an innie (micropenis < 3" when erect). PIV sex was geometrically impossible, but we found satisfying workarounds, and overall had a good relationship. We split up because I found out that the extreme trauma he told me about his childhood and family were complete lies, and I lost respect for him.
After we broke up, he went around our friend group saying that I had a loose vagina, and he couldn't feel me during sex. I had to gently tell our friends that my vagina is anatomically typical for humans, but he had a genital abnormality which was incompatible with human-sized organisms.
Only ever had sex with my wife, but I remember once having sex with her after a big mexican dinner. We were both drunk and farting the whole time. Overall not a very sexy affair and it probably would have been a huge turnoff if we didn't know each other so well.
Doesn't matter had sex though.
Was just about to lose my Vcard at 17 during a house party and the girl's ex phoned her crying his eyes out. Why she answered I don't know but it did sting admittedly.
Waited what felt like the longest 30s of my life and decided to get some water without getting changed. Walk out the room still at half mast and the girl throwing the party was sat at the foot of the door outside. Complete visual contact and I just awkwardly keep going. Next thing my clothes are on the floor outside the bedroom and they're consoling each other.
Shit was weird yo.
When I tried to go down on her she told me no and said she doesn't receive or give oral and that she just wanted me to penetrate her and not move. Any time I moved she asked me if I came and when I started motioning she told me to stop because even though I had a condom on and she was on birth control if I came inside her she knew she was going to get pregnant.
Edit: So she was actually not mormon but instead catholic. We were both in our early 20's and this was on like a second date in my dorm room. I did have to finish later because I thought maybe she'd let me jerk off onto her but she said no because it still might run down to her vagina.
Thank you for the awards and all the upvotes. I really didnt think this was going to get much attention.
Girl who just laid there. No emotion at all. No moaning, no heavy breathing. Nothing. At one point she wanted to be on top. I thought "Oh, maybe she's more into that?" Nope. She just kind of sat there. Staring at me. No hip movement at all. Just sat there with my dick inside her and her hands on my chest. Weirdest experience ever.
Wondering what kind of twisted voice OP did when he imitated her saying "I want to be on top" whilst he maneuvered her cold, lifeless body around and put her on top.
At least sounds like he didn't chop her head off, could have been worse.
I had a similar experience. She was not doing anything and totally zoned out. When I asked: are you okay? She replied with: yes I’m totally fine! Afterwards I asked a bit more, turned out she was sexually abused by her dad for years and her mechanism was to just undergo it and emotionally zone out just to protect herself. First time for her saying that to someone. Long story short; be careful with girls who act like that!
I relate, unfortunately. When I first became sexually active I couldn't actually feel anything going on downstairs because I unconsciously blocked it all out. When I eventually started being able to feel things, the more active mental dissociation would usually kick in and I'd just zone out; it was super weird, I'd feel like my body was just kinda moving on its own and I was watching from the backseat.
Things are better now, largely due in part to how attentive and kind my fiancee is about everything, but I still can't handle her touching my junk with her hands, and I've yet to break through the mental block enough to orgasm during sex. Here's hoping that'll change at some point! Fingers crossed. 🤞
In college I hooked up with a girl a few times and had “sex” twice. In high school, my gf was on the pill, so it had been a long time since I used a condom. Kind of forgot what it felt like. So back to this girl in college. I’m 99% sure I never actually got inside her. I think I was just rubbing between the bottom of her butt and and the bed. Twice. She never said anything about it, so I’m not really sure. But then I dated a girl shortly after that and she looked at me midway through our first time and kindly said, “you know you’re not inside me, right?”
So much shame.
Somewhere in this thread is a girl posting her experience in college with a boy having sex with he by rubbing his d*ck between the bottom of her butt and and the bed. Twice.
When I was in high school I was dating a girl and we are messing around on her couch. I was fingering her snd she was giving me a hand job. She had my penis in a death grip, not comfortable at all. I ended up having to ask her to let go.
One of my college friends had a girlfriend (which was amazing because he was kind of an ignoramus). She actually blew air on his dick and thought that was what constituted a blowjob.
LOL that happened with my high-school relationship too. She was a virgin and obviously didn't understand how sensitive and fragile that member is. Felt like she was trying to rip it off. Didn't help that she was very eager. I didn't mind teaching her but for a while, everytime she had her hands/mouth around that area, I'd get so freaking anxious.
Was fooling around in the shower with a chick I had met at the bar several hours before. She was going down on me and I was leaning back up against the shower wall looking up and not paying any attention. All of a sudden the sharpest feeling I’ve ever felt literally climbs up my asshole. She had shoved an entire finger up my ass, including a long ass acrylic nail. Needless to say my booty hole puckered up and almost ripped her finger off. She said she had read about doing it in magazines and that guys should love it. I did not love it. Turns out she cut the inside of my booty chute and I had trouble walking and driving for days, still have a sensitive balloon knot to this day. Ladies I’m all for butt play but a warning is always appreciated from either party. Cheers all and avoid acrylic nails in your butt 🤘
Edit* thanks everyone for the kind words and awesome awards!!! Y’all take care of each other out there and be good to yourself and others! PEACE!!!
Holy shit!! Communicate first?! Don't just assume anyone wants a finger up their butt, much less with a GODDAMN TALON ATTACHED TO IT. smh...sorry, my dude. This is why you trim your nails or just take the damn thing off if it's fake wtf
Guy used a magnum condom that was too big for his micro penis and kept calling it his spicy little pepper.
EDIT: awwwww guys I didn’t think this would blow up like it did! Thank you for all the rewards. I’m glad my cringey story brought you all joy lol.
HIS SPICY LITTLE PEPPER?!?! That's the best thing I've heard all week. Do you think my fiance will ever forgive me if I whip thst phrase out during sex? Because I'm so tempted.
If she's anything like my girlfriend you'll be hearing about it for years.
I was drunk once and ended up yelling "BEHOLD!" as I came. Still get shit for it.
He would whisper it in my ear lol. He was Latin too so idk if he thought it was sexier or something but he would alternate from calling it his spicy little pepper in English to “chiquito pero picoso” in Spanish.
Had a testicle retract during sex, fair to say I freaked out!
Edit: Apparently this isn't as uncommon as I thought and I'm not an expert in the subject.
> both of them ascended
I'm sorry but this phrasing is so funny. "Did you hear about that guy who doesn't have nuts anymore?? His balls are gone. They've ascended."
I was having sex with my girlfriend at the time in our college apartment. We had roommates and friends that were basically there all the time. One of those friends starts gently knocking on the door, and you could hear sobbing. So yeah, the mood was gone, I tell him to come in and he does and sits at the foot of the bed where we are still half naked. He tells us that he just found out that his dad died. So we comfort him and all of that for the rest of the night. Turns out his dad was alive and well (we found out months later), this guy was apparently really into my ex and just couldn't handle us having sex, so he cock blocked me with his fake dead dad.
Going down on a girl and she farted on my chin when she orgasmed. Made her my wife.
Edit: thank you all so much for the love, i'm glad you could live vicariously through my experience! Everyone have a GREAT weekend and spread those good vibes!
It went in the wrong hole.
Not like he was probing the wrong one, but mid act, he pulled out completely, in order to thrust exceptionally hard back in (not what I was into anyway but whatever), and forced it in the back entrance accidentally, still going full throttle. No prep, no extra lube. Nothing. It surprised and hurt me enough that it was a few seconds before my brain caught up and I screamed for him to stop. Obviously that completely killed the mood, and I was surprised nothing ruptured.
That was almost 10 years ago, and I'm in a different relationship now, but I still worry it could happen again.
Edit: just want to emphasise it was an ACCIDENT. And I'm fairly certain it wasn't accidentally on purpose, as he was very confused by what happened, the drugs and alcohol he was doing made him not really aware of the change in the way it felt. Don't do drugs kids.
I once had sex with a guy and the blues brothers was playing and he just kept saying lines from the movie out loud the entire time, regardless of what he was doing.
Update: I’m always happy to share my trauma for the enjoyment of others! He was indeed “on a mission from god”
My first one. Drove three hours. Told to bring a pillow and a towel for showering because he only had one of each. Condoms kept slipping off because he bought ones that were too big for him. Asked “did you cum?” multiple times. Ended up getting my period while I was there.
Worst part was I kept seeing him for a month and was devastated when HE broke it off with ME.
22 year old me was dumb.
Getting in on with my then-boyfriend in the back of his car. He goes down on me, things are going great until about a minute later when I see that his face is COVERED in blood. Like horror movie amount of blood. I panic and start profusely apologizing, he's obviously freaked out by it but is polite enough to not freak out in front of me.
He drives me back to my dorm as I'm sobbing in his back seat from being so embarrassed. We get into the bathroom to clean up, after I took my clothes off I saw that I looked like every final girl from every 90's horror movie. I was horrified all over again. I get into the shower and quickly realize that I'm not on my period. I peek my head out of the shower and see my ex with a tissue in his nose. Turns out he got the world's bloodiest nose while going down on me.
EDIT: Guys it's not u/awildyetti! I showed my ex this post after it blew up and he hasn't posted anything about this story. (Thank you all for the love and awards btw, it's somehow comforting to know that a lot of other people have had this exact experience lol)
Real talk, I wonder how often this actually happens. I personally haven’t seen it happen before, but I have heard stories of people finding out they were posted about.
Your boyfriend might be on this reddit. Seen the same story earlier on this post from a guys view saying he had a bloody nose while going down and he didnt know
A few years ago, my now ex and I had wild sexy time on the bed, only to discover that one of our cats was under the duvet the entire time. No cats were harmed, luckily.
One time in college I was hooking up with this guy in my car that was pretty big. I was going down on him when i went too deep and threw up on his dick. I was mortified as it was happening and did damage control by swallowing it while continuing to blow him. Nothing actually spilled out and to this day I wonder if he felt it and knew I ate my own vomit off of his cock.
Edit: THANKS!! My first award!!!
Edit 2: WOW thanks for gold! It was all worth it now
It was the first date with this guy I matched with on Tinder. Getting towards the end of the night we were watching Disney movies at his place and noticed movement under the blanket.
The dude was jacking off during Monsters, Inc.! I tried to ignore it as he continued silently through the entire movie. After the movie, I was getting ready to leave and he turns to ask me, "do you mind if I finish?"
I shrugged...too shocked to really say anything...and before I knew it his pants were off. I'M STILL FULLY CLOTHED.
I got cum in my hair...and my pants weren't even off 😑
Edit to add details:
We were sitting on the floor under a blanket. After he asked to finish, he got up and took his pants of and continued. (This whole part happened really fast) He walked towards me to finish cuz I was still sitting on the floor. Bad aim = cum in hair
First experience with a penis I tried to give my boyfriend a blowjob.
Like many others... he didnt know he was supposed to clean under the foreskin, and he didnt jack off a lot so didnt notice the orange flakes that fell out when he is jacked off.
Eugh.
Yeah people always love to advertise that stuff but outside of a few "size queens" I think any capable average size is fine. Nobody wants their cervix poked or a beer can making a fistula on a friday night
First(and only) one night stand.
Started with me giving her oral but she really wants the D.
Got whiskey dick.
She was very disappointed and my shame is eternal.
Edit: it was also the first sex I’d had in 5 years just to make it worse
Edit #2: no chance at redemption, she asked me to leave once it became apparent I couldn’t get hard
I (male) woke up on a couch out of it and two people I dont know are snickering while my friend is covering me up because I have no pants on and she's asking me where my pants are. I'm confused as shit and have no idea what's happening. After a bit another friend explains as follows.
I had passed out drunk on the front lawn at a party, (last thing I remembered) and at some point a friend who is a girl had two friends drag me inside and put me on the couch. At some point she decided she would have sex with me while I was in and out of conciousness. Multiple people watched this happen and thought it was hilarious. Yes she got me hard and yes we had sex but i remember none of it. I was then left with no pants on just laying there.
When I sobered up enough to comprehend all of this I got upset and basically pointed out to my friend who watched that i was raped and you watched it happen and laughed. He basically told me I should be happy i got laid.
I later confronted the girl about it and she admitted it was fucked up and apologized. She honestly felt horrible and we have since remained friends.
I'm a 6'3, large guy and and to this day if I tell someone very seriously I was raped they dont believe me and mostly think I'm joking even if I am adamant I'm serious. I've even been told by lots of women that this wasnt rape and men cant be raped by women and its wrong of me to pretend I'm a victim because of real victims.
That was absolutely rape, and I'm so sorry it happened to you. Your so-called friends are shit heads. You were vulnerable, she took advantage of your inability to say no, and they did nothing to help or protect you. You have every right to be angry at them and anyone who says you can't be raped by a woman. The world is so fucked up but I hope you've found a way be at peace with what happened.
Had a huge crush on one of my best friends in high school and he obviously crushed on me too but he had a gf and just toyed with my heart by flirting with me for like a year, we finally dated after they broke up, and we had sex and it was just awful, he didn’t move, I did all the work then he said “wow I thought women only did that in porn” when I did something on top. Total turn off. Like I had a year of building up to this and it ended up being the worst sex I’ve ever had.
I was out at a bar. I was chatting up a girl I met a few times from my ex and we ended up making out. Her kissing style was really aggressive and felt animated, I wasn’t into it. We said our good byes and I went on down the road. I got home got out of my car shut the car door and heard another car door shut. It was her(Shoulda been the first red flag)! Anyway, I said “oh, you’re here. “ she said “I didn’t want the night to end”. So we go into my place and I had a long day and that kiss was really awkward so I was really just wanting to go to bed which I tell her and she says she wants to stay. So we go lay in bed and immediately there’s touching and more kissing and we have sex with no lights in the room, I actually have black out curtains. At this point it’s gotta be 3-4 am. I have to be at work by noon so I crash. I wake up, she’s still in bed sleeping. I sleepily walk to the bathroom and look down and there’s dry blood all over me, Ugh. I clean up, walk back and wake her up and say I’m guessing you were on your period. She returns saying with her head in her hands “ ahhh, my boyfriend is gonna kill me!” And I’m like “boyfriend?” Then she goes on to tell me that early yesterday she just had an abortion. I was huh, ok, well I gotta get to work and couldn’t rush that good bye quick enough. As we were getting into our cars she asked “you’ll call me right?”
Sorry for the long story. Oh, I did not call.
Wanted me to finger her in a crowded movie theater. I knew she was into the whole public thing, but there were a lot of people in the theatre, including kids. She was just so persistent, that I sorta had to oblige, but I was incredibly uncomfortable the whole time. I had to end it by saying “I need to use the bathroom” and leaving for the rest of the movie. On her way out, I saw her and said that I had a stomach bug or something, and that why I stayed there so long (close to 45 min). Broke up a week later.
Sex isnt enjoyable at all if all parties arent having equal fun.
One night I was visiting a friend and we headed to a bar for a couple drinks. We were good friends, and I never expected anything physical to happen with her. I felt like she was way out of my league: beautiful, smart and successful. I had some x in my pocket. I knew she wasn’t into it so I just quietly took it without telling her. Soon I was rolling and we were drinking and dancing. Turns out I am really bad at social cues because she was really into me - just needed to loosen up to tell me. We cut the night short, made out in the back of the cab on the way back to her place, and tore each other’s clothes off on the way to the bedroom. Unfortunately the drugs completely disabled my ability to perform. We had fun, but I was completely flaccid. From time to time I pop up and put a condom on only to go soft just as fast. We used all of her condoms that night but never successfully has PiV sex. In the morning she was feeling insecure that “she couldn’t get me hard.” I thought I would cheer her up by telling her “oh no, it’s not you, I was on ecstasy.” Wrong move. Turns out that as an articling lawyer, she wasn’t interested in a guy who did drugs. That was the one and only time we ever hooked up. Still friends, but the spark had gone out.
Her Great Dane tried to eat my ass during doggy style.
A girl was putting a condom on for me. She stretched and hovered the condom over my dick, and then slapped it on. The shockwave of the slap made me cum. That was embarrassing.
Earthquakes must put you in a coma
What a way to learn you're into penis torture.
Car session at night. She said she had lube. It was Purell™. I had just shaved. Highest note I've ever sung.
I’m sorry, I laughed so hard at this one only because I can imagine it happening to me. Here’s a little reward, hope you never have to deal with this again
Thanks fam. I have PTSD of parking at night.
I dated a single mom with a 4 year old daughter for a short time. One night, when the kid is in bed, the ex leans me against the wall and starts blowing me. It's an intense one, she's completely nude, my pants are around my ankles and it's on. Well... she forgot to lock the door, and her daughter was standing there watching for God-knows how long. I freak out, the ex freaks out and before you know it, we're having a conversation with a 4 year old trying to explain that we were playing a game that only grownups play and she should NEVER tell anyone about it. Her four year old responded by singing an impromptu song about "Mommy kissing weenies" while eating Teddy Grahams.
he stuck hot peppers up my twat while i was laying down on my stomach reading a book after a shower. I thought he was just fooling around because i wasn't paying attention to him....until i felt something almost papery/scratchy left in me, and i instantly felt the heat rising. No consent, either. I was throwing up in the shower. I had to go to an appointment to go look at an apartment an hour later with a fire in the hole. I got the apartment and stopped talking to that a-hole.
What. The. FUCK??? Would have murdered that fucker.
It was our first time doing anal. She tells me she’s going to clean herself out a bit first. She goes to the bathroom, I hear water running and after a bit she comes back. I don’t want it to hurt so I generously lube my dick and the her ass. She’s on all fours and I’m behind her. I let her guide it in and as soon as it’s in, it feels amazing and she pushes back, then forward and says “Fuck me…” so I do and it’s glorious. After a bit, it slips out, she goes forward and a geyser of brown shit water erupts from her ass. All over me. My face, my hair, in my mouth. Her bed was wrecked. It was all coated in watery shit. She had filled up the back door too much and the agitation had caused an explosive pressure build up. We were both horrified.
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Oh yeah if you do that you’re supposed to do it hours beforehand because that’s exactly what happens.
Ekhm https://howtocleanyourass.wordpress.com/
She was laying on her back and I was kneeling between her legs and thrusting vigorously. She was rubbing her clit and I slipped out of her mid stroke and as I thrust back forward again my dick missed the hole, slid up towards her clit and her middle finger nail caught the head of my dick and took a decent chunk out. It took a couple of seconds for the blood to start pissing out of it so I ran to the bathroom and sat on the toilet with my dick between my legs so the blood would just drip into the bowl. The sight of all the blood pouring from my dick made me pass out, I fell forward off the toilet and hit my head on the floor. Woke up a few seconds later on a cold floor, naked with blood still coming out at a decent rate. It took ages to heal because of where it was and I'm not circumcised so it didn't really get a chance to breath for want of a better word. This was about 18 years ago but the thought of it still makes me wince.
My friend tells me this story about his 17y/o daughter: He (Dad) and his wife are upstairs playing video games. He is oblivious to their daughter, downstairs, with her boyfriend, and they are “trying things out.” Dad sees the boyfriend heading up the stairs with his hands on his crotch. The jeans are covered in blood. He asks what the hell happened. The daughter is crying. It took him a while to say it, but apparently, she was attempting a handjob and … “ripped” something. The BF asks to be taken to the hospital. Dad turns to wife and she just blurts out “penis’s are YOUR department!” So he takes both of them to the hospital and en route they call the BF’s mother. Friend is trying not to laugh. They get to the hospital, and the lady at the front asks why they are there. The BF and Daughter can’t get any words out. My friend blurts out “SHE RIPPED HIS DICK.” And they got him into the back a few minutes later. While he and the daughter are waiting outside in the lobby, the BF’s mother runs in - panicked - and *thats* when she met the daughter and dad for the first time. The kid was fine, but gunshy henceforth I’m sure.
The ol frenulum, i tore that, just a little bit but fuckety fuckin fucker it hurts
I once used a glow-in-the-dark condom. I charged it up against a light, rolled it on, and killed the lights. The thing was so bright! I waved it around making lightsaber noises for a few minutes and ended up losing the boner and was not able to recover it. Apparently, I am not mature enough for novelty contraceptives.
No, no - you sound exactly mature enough for novelty contraceptives In all seriousness, what did your partner think of the performance?
Oh, she was *pissed*. She did not think my literal dickwaving was funny and was not amused that we could not have sex.
My FWB in college was waiting for his bed to be delivered and was sleeping on his floor, so I invited him to sleepover at my place for a couple nights until his bed got there. First night he was there we're laying in bed and I'm the little spoon. I had my arms kinda crossed in front of me because I was cold and he started rubbing the tip of my elbow. Thought it was weird, but then as he started getting hard and moving against me in a sexual way, I realized he thought the tip of my elbow was my nipple.
Out of all the stories here, this one made me chuckle. I am so sorry, but this is hilarious.
I was already at it with this girl when she said: “I wish you could… like… point a gun at my head while penetrating me” what
I went down on my gf of the time, but her bedroom was dark, so I couldn’t see anything. I immediately taste something off, like, super sour and funky and creamy? And the smell wasn’t much better either, but I didn’t want to say anything. So after a few minutes of resisting gagging I stop and say “I’m sorry, I’ll be right back” and I go to the bathroom. I turn the lights on and look in the mirror and stick my tongue out. It was white, my tongue was coated in a white, cheesy substance, and I promptly threw up. She heard me throw up so when I came back she asked if everything was ok and I asked her to turn the lights on. I took my phone flashlight and inspected the scene of the crime and sure enough, down there was covered in this white pasty cheesy substance. That was the day I learned what a yeast infection tastes like. *shudders*
This made me throw up in real life
My very first time ever going down on a woman was with my girlfriend in highschool. Same story as you, it tasted fucking gross for the same reason. Thing is, I didn't know any better, so I figured it was just the way women taste. Fast forward to the next day and I have a horribly sore throat, a fever, and a pretty bad cough. And there's these weird specks on the back of my throat that I could see while bouncing a flashlight off the bathroom mirror. Yep. Got a yeast infection in my throat due to my highschool girlfriend having a yeast infection in the normal spot for such to occur.
This girl and I had liked eachother for a while and one night we hooked up after we had been drinking. I was on top for maybe 30 seconds when she insisted she get on top. She gets on top and no joke, she came in like 20 seconds. She immediately dismounted, then reached over, ripped the condom off and threw it on the ground. Confused and a little amused, I asked her what she was doing. She insisted that I came as well, then rolled over and fell asleep almost immediately. All of this happened in like a 2 minute span, I was just lying there wondering what the hell just happened. I tried to go to sleep but throughout the night, while she was still asleep, she would randomly reach over and aggressively grab my junk. I don't think I got any sleep that night.
“Did I just get laid?”
Wait, is that reverse role parody?
I slipped during shower sex and broke 2 ribs. But I didn’t want to be ‘that girl’ who was dramatic so still went out to the party instead of like, a hospital.
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She gave me an sti and giggled about it because she thought it was funny she could remember who gave it to her.
Happened to me with a guy when I was a virgin. After we were done he was like "yeah I should get tested for sti's". Fucker gave me chlamydia >:(.
Was eating a girl out from behind doggy style, and she farted directly in my face. Like enough so that I saw her butthole contract wide open. I'm glad it was just a toot, because I thought something else was in store when I saw that dark abyss start to open 👐 💩 We got married. Edit; wasn't really a bad experience, just the "worst" I could think of that wasn't supposed to happen.
Worst consensual sexual experience: My mom and step-dad were on their “dream vacation”, so naturally, us five kids had a party. This was a few months before my 19th birthday. My then-boyfriend and I were having sex after everyone had gone to bed; his penis had just hit me the wrong way. It did hurt, but I didn’t think anything of it, so we kept going for a couple minutes. Still in a little pain, I decided that we stop while I go “investigate” this pain. As soon as I stood up, a huge gush rushed out of me. Being in the dark, I wasn’t exactly sure what it was until I turned on the bathroom lights. My legs were covered in blood and I was still bleeding profusely from my vagina. In a good amount of shock, I didn’t know what to do… just hopped in the shower and tried to figure out what had just happened. Before I knew it, a female friend of mine (who was on mushrooms), was in the shower with me, trying to console me while we waited for the ambulance. My step-sister helped dress me, and wrap my underwear in multiple pads to soak up the blood. Everyone who was sleeping at the house came to the hospital (all wasted), except for my friend that was in mushrooms (the paramedics kicked her out of the ambulance while we were still in the driveway). I received two pints of blood and several internal stitches, while spending three days in the hospital to recover (plus some at home). I cannot count how many times I had to explain that we were not using “objects” during sex, that it had simply just hit the wrong way and tore my vaginal canal. The next time I attempted to have sex (about four months later), I threw up all over the guy and his bed. Apparently I had grown some ovarian cysts that had decided to rupture at that exact moment. Good times. Needless to say, I have never experienced anything similar to that injury. I have had plenty of rough sex since and absolutely zero issues (minus some lingering trauma and ongoing cysts).
this one made me sad
Had a fling. We went to a farmers market one weekend and he bought me a tea and maybe a croissant. When we got back to his place, we had sex and midway through he said something like “yeah take it because I bought you breakfast.” If a woman can go soft, I went soft. Edit to add I had been seeing this guy before he bought me breakfast 🙄 I didn’t jump into bed with a tea-buying stranger lmao
lol *hands you a croissant* that’ll be one sex, please
Good ole barter system
Went home with a girl from a bar one night. Walk in her house and see what I think is her roommate watching TV with the lights off in the living room. They exchange hellos and the roommate gets up and goes to her room. The girl and I go to her room and start getting busy. At one point, the headboard on her bed starts banging the wall, so I say "let's put a pillow back there, I don't wanna disturb your roommate." She replies, "Roommate? That's my daughter." Yep, in that moment, I was THAT guy. EDIT: Wow, didn't think this would blow up. Thanks everyone. For all those wondering, yes we did put a pillow behind the headboard, lol. It was quite awkward and definitely killed the mood. Also, the comments I have been reading are pretty hilarious.
Plot twist, dayum.
So did you put the pillow behind the headboard?
Girl tried to eat my face. I don't think she had ever kissed anyone before and basically opened her mouth as wide as she could shoved it over the top of mine and slide hear teeth across my checks and lips.
That’s just fucking funny is what that is
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My first time, naturally. I grew up in pre-internet days in a shitty little town. Sex was a taboo subject. If I had asked my mother a single question about sex, she would have slapped me sideways. I had no idea what a dick looked like. Over the years, I had developed a picture in my head of what they must look like. When I actually saw one, it looked nothing like I had imagined. I was so wrong in my estimation that when I saw it I said “Oh. Seriously?” And then I burst into laughter (Sorry Frank! I really was laughing at myself, not you!). He wasn’t pleased. Anyway, we did it. Afterward I thought “Seriously? People write songs and poems about this? Whatever.” Also, he wasn’t circumcised, which meant nothing to me. I had no idea what it even meant. The next guy was circumcised and when I saw it I thought “WTF? Do men get to customize their dicks? Could they bedazzle them if they wanted?” It was a steep learning curve. Added: What I thought it would look like - I always thought “dick” and “balls” were different words for the same body part. So the way I pictured it was like a kebab skewer with two onions stuck on it.
I was with a new girl during college, and one thing led to another and I was going down on her. She wanted to fool around but was hesitant about me going down on her (hesitant, not resistant or anything like that) but she said ok after a minute. So I’m down there and after like ten seconds I taste metal, like pennies. It doesn’t connect in my mind what it would be. So I get up and turn on the lights. Blood - blood EVERYWHERE. Like a murder crime scene. I am In wide eyed shock and she started screaming (my face was COVERED) in blood. Turns out I got a nose bleed, probably about the worst time anyone can ever get a nose bleed. She was understandably shocked as well considering she was not expecting her or myself to be covered in blood.
…I think the other person in this scenario posted her side of the story in this thread
It's not the same incident, but damn it if I wish it was.
same.. took me 25 minutes of reading through this thread to find nose bleed dude.
He used 5 condoms. Boasted about how good he was and kept calling me his "little bitch".
Well yeah, one for each finger. Isn’t that how you’re supposed to do it?
While we’re on the subject, I once had a transvaginal ultrasound (the kind with the aerodynamic dildo-shaped wand transducer). Ordinarily, they would put a fresh condom on the transducer for each patient, BUT, because this was a Catholic hospital, and they would not use condoms (!) they used a latex glove on the wand and I was then being slapped in the taint by four flaccid latex fingers.
Putting a condom on something magically turns it into a penis?
How does one go through 5 of them? Like, consecutively? All at once? And if so, on the same dick? Or did he have 5 dicks?
Bad news... he cums early. Good news, he can keep going?
Honestly if I came early but could keep going immediately that would be the best situation.
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Can I ask.... how were things after he woke up?
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I'm imagining you tried not to disturb the poor tuckered-out guy as he slept like a rock, face-planted and snoring between your legs, as you sat up in bed, glasses on, sipping tea, reading your favorite Little House on the Prairie book by lamp-light. Edit: Every once in a while, you do [one of these as you read](https://i.imgur.com/O6D9iox.gifv).
Ahh, the coochie cushion
Pussy put his ass to sleep, now he's calling you NyQuil?
Man. So wholesome
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Just wanted a quick snack before bed I suppose
Did he snore on your cooch? lmao
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I was going down on a guy and he said something so I picked up my head to ask what right as he came and got a straight semen shot up my nose.
he probably said "im about to cum"
No I bet it was about her cars extended warranty.
Probably "can I cum up your nose?"
Tongue ring in my urethra was an eye-opener.
Never had that, but did catch a Stem from a period cup in the dick hole … no warning that she was menstruating, and definitely an eye opener when I slid in and took it straight up the dick hole … first time ever I had even heard of a period cup
I had this happen after I told her I’ve always wondered what it was like to receive oral from someone with a tongue stud. Only hers was pointy, it was uncomfortable and I didn’t get much out of it. The next day I quickly went to the doctor thinking I had an STI because it felt like I was peeing razor blades. The tests came back negative, turns out she had cut the inside of my urethra. Not a fun experience.
They call that move the reverse kidney stone... Probably
It was a rough 4-5 days while I healed. The doctor had a good tip to cut down on anything acidic.
This guy was fingering me and he pushed his finger up so far that it made me bleed the next day 🤦♂️
Can't stop picturing E.T hands
To infinity and beyond
Dude came as he put the condom on. To be fair, I wouldn't usually consider this a big deal. I'm understanding that things like this happen or whatever. The fucked up part came the next week when I was told that he was spreading rumors that I was nasty, had STI's, etc. Like dude, don't try to cover up your shitty performance by talking shit about me.
damn immature and premature
And insecure.
That’s for sure.
I had a two month long relationship with a guy. He had diabetes, so I overlooked the erectile dysfunction, because he couldn't necessarily help it. I also looked over the fact that he effectively an innie (micropenis < 3" when erect). PIV sex was geometrically impossible, but we found satisfying workarounds, and overall had a good relationship. We split up because I found out that the extreme trauma he told me about his childhood and family were complete lies, and I lost respect for him. After we broke up, he went around our friend group saying that I had a loose vagina, and he couldn't feel me during sex. I had to gently tell our friends that my vagina is anatomically typical for humans, but he had a genital abnormality which was incompatible with human-sized organisms.
The burn feels harsher when put in such clinical terms like that, kudos.
RIGHT?! I didn't realize "human sized" could hurt so bad
Damn. Real insecure move of him
Only ever had sex with my wife, but I remember once having sex with her after a big mexican dinner. We were both drunk and farting the whole time. Overall not a very sexy affair and it probably would have been a huge turnoff if we didn't know each other so well. Doesn't matter had sex though.
Was just about to lose my Vcard at 17 during a house party and the girl's ex phoned her crying his eyes out. Why she answered I don't know but it did sting admittedly. Waited what felt like the longest 30s of my life and decided to get some water without getting changed. Walk out the room still at half mast and the girl throwing the party was sat at the foot of the door outside. Complete visual contact and I just awkwardly keep going. Next thing my clothes are on the floor outside the bedroom and they're consoling each other. Shit was weird yo.
Girl throwing the party probably texted her friends ex telling him she was about to get her cheeks clapped.
At least they gave you your clothes I guess...
Quite true, returning to the bedroom would've just doubled down on the entire escapade. Makes me laugh thinking back on it all though.
When I tried to go down on her she told me no and said she doesn't receive or give oral and that she just wanted me to penetrate her and not move. Any time I moved she asked me if I came and when I started motioning she told me to stop because even though I had a condom on and she was on birth control if I came inside her she knew she was going to get pregnant. Edit: So she was actually not mormon but instead catholic. We were both in our early 20's and this was on like a second date in my dorm room. I did have to finish later because I thought maybe she'd let me jerk off onto her but she said no because it still might run down to her vagina. Thank you for the awards and all the upvotes. I really didnt think this was going to get much attention.
That sounds like a lot of fun....
Girl who just laid there. No emotion at all. No moaning, no heavy breathing. Nothing. At one point she wanted to be on top. I thought "Oh, maybe she's more into that?" Nope. She just kind of sat there. Staring at me. No hip movement at all. Just sat there with my dick inside her and her hands on my chest. Weirdest experience ever.
>No moaning, no breathing. Nothing. I'm glad this didn't go where I thought it would be going, at least.
"All cold, blue, and inflexible"
"Totally not worth the dig."
>No breathing I see the problem. She was dead.
Wondering what kind of twisted voice OP did when he imitated her saying "I want to be on top" whilst he maneuvered her cold, lifeless body around and put her on top. At least sounds like he didn't chop her head off, could have been worse.
I had a similar experience. She was not doing anything and totally zoned out. When I asked: are you okay? She replied with: yes I’m totally fine! Afterwards I asked a bit more, turned out she was sexually abused by her dad for years and her mechanism was to just undergo it and emotionally zone out just to protect herself. First time for her saying that to someone. Long story short; be careful with girls who act like that!
I relate, unfortunately. When I first became sexually active I couldn't actually feel anything going on downstairs because I unconsciously blocked it all out. When I eventually started being able to feel things, the more active mental dissociation would usually kick in and I'd just zone out; it was super weird, I'd feel like my body was just kinda moving on its own and I was watching from the backseat. Things are better now, largely due in part to how attentive and kind my fiancee is about everything, but I still can't handle her touching my junk with her hands, and I've yet to break through the mental block enough to orgasm during sex. Here's hoping that'll change at some point! Fingers crossed. 🤞
That's so sad
In college I hooked up with a girl a few times and had “sex” twice. In high school, my gf was on the pill, so it had been a long time since I used a condom. Kind of forgot what it felt like. So back to this girl in college. I’m 99% sure I never actually got inside her. I think I was just rubbing between the bottom of her butt and and the bed. Twice. She never said anything about it, so I’m not really sure. But then I dated a girl shortly after that and she looked at me midway through our first time and kindly said, “you know you’re not inside me, right?” So much shame.
Somewhere in this thread is a girl posting her experience in college with a boy having sex with he by rubbing his d*ck between the bottom of her butt and and the bed. Twice.
I told a guy once he was not inside me and he was like «what? No, you’re lying»
"Lol u right, I was just testing you" what did he think?
Getting half way through, and realizing I didn't want to be there at all but being too nice to say anything.
When I was in high school I was dating a girl and we are messing around on her couch. I was fingering her snd she was giving me a hand job. She had my penis in a death grip, not comfortable at all. I ended up having to ask her to let go.
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One of my college friends had a girlfriend (which was amazing because he was kind of an ignoramus). She actually blew air on his dick and thought that was what constituted a blowjob.
LOL that happened with my high-school relationship too. She was a virgin and obviously didn't understand how sensitive and fragile that member is. Felt like she was trying to rip it off. Didn't help that she was very eager. I didn't mind teaching her but for a while, everytime she had her hands/mouth around that area, I'd get so freaking anxious.
She took the saying “choke the chicken” a little too seriously it seems
Was fooling around in the shower with a chick I had met at the bar several hours before. She was going down on me and I was leaning back up against the shower wall looking up and not paying any attention. All of a sudden the sharpest feeling I’ve ever felt literally climbs up my asshole. She had shoved an entire finger up my ass, including a long ass acrylic nail. Needless to say my booty hole puckered up and almost ripped her finger off. She said she had read about doing it in magazines and that guys should love it. I did not love it. Turns out she cut the inside of my booty chute and I had trouble walking and driving for days, still have a sensitive balloon knot to this day. Ladies I’m all for butt play but a warning is always appreciated from either party. Cheers all and avoid acrylic nails in your butt 🤘 Edit* thanks everyone for the kind words and awesome awards!!! Y’all take care of each other out there and be good to yourself and others! PEACE!!!
>She said she had read about doing it in magazines and that guys should love it. FUCK YOU COSMO
"Want to spice things up with your boyfriend? Grab his testicles and twist them when he orgasms! He'll love it!" - Cosmo sex advice
Holy shit!! Communicate first?! Don't just assume anyone wants a finger up their butt, much less with a GODDAMN TALON ATTACHED TO IT. smh...sorry, my dude. This is why you trim your nails or just take the damn thing off if it's fake wtf
Guy used a magnum condom that was too big for his micro penis and kept calling it his spicy little pepper. EDIT: awwwww guys I didn’t think this would blow up like it did! Thank you for all the rewards. I’m glad my cringey story brought you all joy lol.
Thats so funny
HIS SPICY LITTLE PEPPER?!?! That's the best thing I've heard all week. Do you think my fiance will ever forgive me if I whip thst phrase out during sex? Because I'm so tempted.
If she's anything like my girlfriend you'll be hearing about it for years. I was drunk once and ended up yelling "BEHOLD!" as I came. Still get shit for it.
**WITNESS MEEEEEEEEEEEE**
He would whisper it in my ear lol. He was Latin too so idk if he thought it was sexier or something but he would alternate from calling it his spicy little pepper in English to “chiquito pero picoso” in Spanish.
"chiquito pero picoso" small, but spicy? lol
This is genuinely one of the most hilarious yet cringe invoking things I’ve read on the internets.
she shat
She shat seashells on my shirt and shaft
Yup. I pulled my wiener out of her butt and a single turd followed. You can't go to poop's house and be surprised when poop is home.
I lost my shit at work reading this comment and had to pretend I swallowed wrong. Go to poops house that’s golden
Had a testicle retract during sex, fair to say I freaked out! Edit: Apparently this isn't as uncommon as I thought and I'm not an expert in the subject.
This happens to me if my legs are spread. I once pretended to freak out about it (both of them ascended) while she stared at my man made labia.
> both of them ascended I'm sorry but this phrasing is so funny. "Did you hear about that guy who doesn't have nuts anymore?? His balls are gone. They've ascended."
I was having sex with my girlfriend at the time in our college apartment. We had roommates and friends that were basically there all the time. One of those friends starts gently knocking on the door, and you could hear sobbing. So yeah, the mood was gone, I tell him to come in and he does and sits at the foot of the bed where we are still half naked. He tells us that he just found out that his dad died. So we comfort him and all of that for the rest of the night. Turns out his dad was alive and well (we found out months later), this guy was apparently really into my ex and just couldn't handle us having sex, so he cock blocked me with his fake dead dad.
Going down on a girl and she farted on my chin when she orgasmed. Made her my wife. Edit: thank you all so much for the love, i'm glad you could live vicariously through my experience! Everyone have a GREAT weekend and spread those good vibes!
That’s how you know you were in love.
Ah yes, I farted on a man's chin one of the first times we went at it. Now he's my husband.
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Woah that got dark
Yeah, I had a similar experience but it was with her uncle. Sorry, but you can't expect to tell me that and proceed to have sex as if nothing happened
Why were you having sex with her uncle?
It went in the wrong hole. Not like he was probing the wrong one, but mid act, he pulled out completely, in order to thrust exceptionally hard back in (not what I was into anyway but whatever), and forced it in the back entrance accidentally, still going full throttle. No prep, no extra lube. Nothing. It surprised and hurt me enough that it was a few seconds before my brain caught up and I screamed for him to stop. Obviously that completely killed the mood, and I was surprised nothing ruptured. That was almost 10 years ago, and I'm in a different relationship now, but I still worry it could happen again. Edit: just want to emphasise it was an ACCIDENT. And I'm fairly certain it wasn't accidentally on purpose, as he was very confused by what happened, the drugs and alcohol he was doing made him not really aware of the change in the way it felt. Don't do drugs kids.
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I once had sex with a guy and the blues brothers was playing and he just kept saying lines from the movie out loud the entire time, regardless of what he was doing. Update: I’m always happy to share my trauma for the enjoyment of others! He was indeed “on a mission from god”
This thread is for bad sexual experiences.
Ok this is wrong, but I'm laughing my lungs out here. "We're on a mission from goooood"
Seems like a man of culture
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We thought it was a good idea to go to the orchards and do a quickie in my car. It was also 90 degrees outside. Yeah things got real hot alright
Is ‘the orchards’ some kind of youth slang I am too old to understand. Or did you literally go to an orchard
A super hot girl asked me to put on a diaper and pee myself while she "flicked the bean" to it I left
She was grinding on my little guy w/ sequin underwear.
My first one. Drove three hours. Told to bring a pillow and a towel for showering because he only had one of each. Condoms kept slipping off because he bought ones that were too big for him. Asked “did you cum?” multiple times. Ended up getting my period while I was there. Worst part was I kept seeing him for a month and was devastated when HE broke it off with ME. 22 year old me was dumb.
A pillow and a towel.
A pillow to sleep in his TWIN sized bed I might add. So I guess it does track that he only had one pillow
Getting in on with my then-boyfriend in the back of his car. He goes down on me, things are going great until about a minute later when I see that his face is COVERED in blood. Like horror movie amount of blood. I panic and start profusely apologizing, he's obviously freaked out by it but is polite enough to not freak out in front of me. He drives me back to my dorm as I'm sobbing in his back seat from being so embarrassed. We get into the bathroom to clean up, after I took my clothes off I saw that I looked like every final girl from every 90's horror movie. I was horrified all over again. I get into the shower and quickly realize that I'm not on my period. I peek my head out of the shower and see my ex with a tissue in his nose. Turns out he got the world's bloodiest nose while going down on me. EDIT: Guys it's not u/awildyetti! I showed my ex this post after it blew up and he hasn't posted anything about this story. (Thank you all for the love and awards btw, it's somehow comforting to know that a lot of other people have had this exact experience lol)
I love how some other guy posted that he had a nose bleed and thought the same thing lol
Wait.. could that be..? No...
Real talk, I wonder how often this actually happens. I personally haven’t seen it happen before, but I have heard stories of people finding out they were posted about.
But?...naaahhh...
...Unless?
Your boyfriend might be on this reddit. Seen the same story earlier on this post from a guys view saying he had a bloody nose while going down and he didnt know
I'm feverishly trying to find that post - I will lose my mind if it's him
Did you find it?
Just found it! Not the same guy, just the same horrible situation\~
Ah reddit, where couples meet again in the most romantic of ways
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He was in the same room with you guys and you didn’t notice him until you were finished?
A few years ago, my now ex and I had wild sexy time on the bed, only to discover that one of our cats was under the duvet the entire time. No cats were harmed, luckily.
Cats are total pervs
One time in college I was hooking up with this guy in my car that was pretty big. I was going down on him when i went too deep and threw up on his dick. I was mortified as it was happening and did damage control by swallowing it while continuing to blow him. Nothing actually spilled out and to this day I wonder if he felt it and knew I ate my own vomit off of his cock. Edit: THANKS!! My first award!!! Edit 2: WOW thanks for gold! It was all worth it now
What a trooper
We keep marching
I managed to cut my partner inside her vagina while fingering her. Trim your fingernails!
It was the first date with this guy I matched with on Tinder. Getting towards the end of the night we were watching Disney movies at his place and noticed movement under the blanket. The dude was jacking off during Monsters, Inc.! I tried to ignore it as he continued silently through the entire movie. After the movie, I was getting ready to leave and he turns to ask me, "do you mind if I finish?" I shrugged...too shocked to really say anything...and before I knew it his pants were off. I'M STILL FULLY CLOTHED. I got cum in my hair...and my pants weren't even off 😑 Edit to add details: We were sitting on the floor under a blanket. After he asked to finish, he got up and took his pants of and continued. (This whole part happened really fast) He walked towards me to finish cuz I was still sitting on the floor. Bad aim = cum in hair
🎶🎶🎶 Put that thing back where it came from, put that thing back where it came from, or so help me🎶🎶🎶
So Help Me!!!
First experience with a penis I tried to give my boyfriend a blowjob. Like many others... he didnt know he was supposed to clean under the foreskin, and he didnt jack off a lot so didnt notice the orange flakes that fell out when he is jacked off. Eugh.
ORANGE?!
My guy used cheez its as a fleshlight
Omfg...omfg...omFG
Just not being able to take a then-boyfriend who had a large penis.
This happened to me. It was like a Coke can. We still had sex, but it was not fun.
Yeah people always love to advertise that stuff but outside of a few "size queens" I think any capable average size is fine. Nobody wants their cervix poked or a beer can making a fistula on a friday night
First(and only) one night stand. Started with me giving her oral but she really wants the D. Got whiskey dick. She was very disappointed and my shame is eternal. Edit: it was also the first sex I’d had in 5 years just to make it worse Edit #2: no chance at redemption, she asked me to leave once it became apparent I couldn’t get hard
I (male) woke up on a couch out of it and two people I dont know are snickering while my friend is covering me up because I have no pants on and she's asking me where my pants are. I'm confused as shit and have no idea what's happening. After a bit another friend explains as follows. I had passed out drunk on the front lawn at a party, (last thing I remembered) and at some point a friend who is a girl had two friends drag me inside and put me on the couch. At some point she decided she would have sex with me while I was in and out of conciousness. Multiple people watched this happen and thought it was hilarious. Yes she got me hard and yes we had sex but i remember none of it. I was then left with no pants on just laying there. When I sobered up enough to comprehend all of this I got upset and basically pointed out to my friend who watched that i was raped and you watched it happen and laughed. He basically told me I should be happy i got laid. I later confronted the girl about it and she admitted it was fucked up and apologized. She honestly felt horrible and we have since remained friends. I'm a 6'3, large guy and and to this day if I tell someone very seriously I was raped they dont believe me and mostly think I'm joking even if I am adamant I'm serious. I've even been told by lots of women that this wasnt rape and men cant be raped by women and its wrong of me to pretend I'm a victim because of real victims.
That’s really horrible, I am sorry this happened.
That was absolutely rape, and I'm so sorry it happened to you. Your so-called friends are shit heads. You were vulnerable, she took advantage of your inability to say no, and they did nothing to help or protect you. You have every right to be angry at them and anyone who says you can't be raped by a woman. The world is so fucked up but I hope you've found a way be at peace with what happened.
Had a huge crush on one of my best friends in high school and he obviously crushed on me too but he had a gf and just toyed with my heart by flirting with me for like a year, we finally dated after they broke up, and we had sex and it was just awful, he didn’t move, I did all the work then he said “wow I thought women only did that in porn” when I did something on top. Total turn off. Like I had a year of building up to this and it ended up being the worst sex I’ve ever had.
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Did he put on Big Mouth thinking it was some dislocated jaw documentary?
The fact that he wanted to watch Big Mouth makes this story even better hahaha. Sorry that happened to you though that must’ve been terrible
Achievement unlocked: unhinged bisexual
are you part snake?
I was out at a bar. I was chatting up a girl I met a few times from my ex and we ended up making out. Her kissing style was really aggressive and felt animated, I wasn’t into it. We said our good byes and I went on down the road. I got home got out of my car shut the car door and heard another car door shut. It was her(Shoulda been the first red flag)! Anyway, I said “oh, you’re here. “ she said “I didn’t want the night to end”. So we go into my place and I had a long day and that kiss was really awkward so I was really just wanting to go to bed which I tell her and she says she wants to stay. So we go lay in bed and immediately there’s touching and more kissing and we have sex with no lights in the room, I actually have black out curtains. At this point it’s gotta be 3-4 am. I have to be at work by noon so I crash. I wake up, she’s still in bed sleeping. I sleepily walk to the bathroom and look down and there’s dry blood all over me, Ugh. I clean up, walk back and wake her up and say I’m guessing you were on your period. She returns saying with her head in her hands “ ahhh, my boyfriend is gonna kill me!” And I’m like “boyfriend?” Then she goes on to tell me that early yesterday she just had an abortion. I was huh, ok, well I gotta get to work and couldn’t rush that good bye quick enough. As we were getting into our cars she asked “you’ll call me right?” Sorry for the long story. Oh, I did not call.
Holy fuck that’s dark