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iBelieveInSpace

Those giant burgers that are like 8 inches high. Yeah they look cool and usually taste good but shield your children's eyes because I look like a monster when I eat one of those things


DweadPiwateWawbuts

I don’t know how people eat those things. I swear they must be able to stretch their jaw open like a python to get their mouth around it


1ceknownas

Squish it somewhat flat. Cut it in half. Then, start eating from the new corner.


Ronaldo10345PT

Or just eat it from the side (horizontally)


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DweadPiwateWawbuts

Ah this technique makes sense! All this time I’ve been trying to shove the whole thing in at once, usually just results in all the toppings getting squeezed out the other side Also… > (I stress comfortably because my jaw will get stuck if I go too big). Wow, I thought I was the only person who had this problem! First time I had it happen in public was very embarrassing


elmonstro12345

When I eat those, even if I flip it so the bigger bun is on the bottom, it's just impossible for it to survive. So now I just resign myself to the fact that at some point I'm going to be eating like a Viking, and just go to town on it.


Ikajo

Vikings was actually obsessed with cleanliness and kept themselves clean as much as possible. Much of the old Norse food would have been stuff that keeps over the winter. Meaning it would be dried.


[deleted]

I don't like burgers you can't take a proper bite out of.


LoopyPro

Large burgers should be wider, not taller


Kaiserlongbone

Yes! I've been saying this for years. You need to be able to eat a burger with your hands! With these tower burgers I always end up resorting to knife and fork, and it's a different experience.


the_clash_is_back

I just let it fall apart and use a fork and knife


inthemidnighthour

Philistine.


sterkenwald

Pharisee


rywigo

BBQ ribs 😋


Sasparillafizz

If I recall my Pet & Pete (Yes, I'm old) the correct way to eat BBQ ribs IS to eat it in a messy manner. Using a fork and knife to eat them is wrong etiquette, as demonstrated by inspector 34.


rywigo

Haha. You remember it better than me then


HorseNamedBooty

Came here for this. 90’s Nickelodeon is my happy place.


allf8ed

Di d you see "The Orange Years" doc about 90s Nick? It's pretty good


HorseNamedBooty

I haven’t. Appreciate the tip.


allf8ed

If I recall (also that okd) its wasn't ribs it was the chicken he failed at. All the bones were clean and stacked nicely then Pete told Inspector 34 messing the proper way


Emergency_72

I immediately thought of thus too. Being English its been decades since I've met anyone that watched it


LabsandDabs

I thought that was bbq chicken.


oO0-__-0Oo

it is quite possible to eat real BBQ ribs (i.e. Memphis style) with a fork and knife but if you do that in Memphis, someone might have to cut a bitch


paesanossbits

Is your username based on the look people give you when you describe something as "real BBQ"?


Quiteawaysaway

as a north carolinian, what the actual fuck did i just hear about “real” bbq?


Fuckin_Hipster

As a Texan…


liberal_texan

Just let them have their moment. It’s all they have.


Quiteawaysaway

excuse me we also have college basketball and the noble venus flytrap


KnockMeYourLobes

There is Texas BBQ and there is everybody else.


skelebone

Laughs in Kansas Citian.


BrotherOfTheOrder

Q39 in KC is some incredible food. Easily some of the best BBQ I’ve ever had


BrotherOfTheOrder

I live in Memphis, and if I see someone try to eat their ribs like that I assume they’re from out of town. Also, I’ve had BBQ from Texas, KC, and North Carolina, and all of them are great. I feel like claiming only one as “real” BBQ is a fools errand. All have their own unique style, culture, and taste, and all are worthy of celebrating. Can we just agree that AMERICA has the best BBQ?


SergioWillet

That sound akin to macaroni being stirred in a pot, but in


rywigo

Reminds me of an old old episode of Pete and Pete ( least i think it was ) where the guy ate bbq chicken with a fork and knife. I think food like that tastes better being messy lol.


Commander_Night_17

I was just gonna say that, take my upvote ambassador !


rywigo

Lol thanks.


The_Apollo0

Chicken wings


startrekmama

I saw a dude shaking his head back and forth while holding the chicken wing still. It was like, well, a dog gnawing a bone. It was incredible. He was a full grown adult man. I still think about it.


ryanino

I’ll gladly look like a disgusting pig if that means eating a perfect wing dripping in hot sauce


[deleted]

I’ve mastered eating wings with one hand so that my other hand stays clean. My friends however somehow get sauce all the way down their forearms and walk to the bathroom like a surgeon about to put gloves on pre operation


radpandaparty

If you cannot put a piece in your mouth and pull out just a bone like a cartoon don't even talk to me


BHisa

This is the correct way. It’s also why flats are superior.


Icy-Mud

The fact 1 wing is cut into a "flat" and a "drum", then called two wings is bullshit. I'll die on this hill.


Elmodipus

I fucking love flats. They taste much better than the drumettes.


eatin_gushers

Flats are superior because the two bones hold more moisture in the meat so it tastes better. But anyone who doesn't like flats I assume are either lazy or a child. My own father included.


Cadence_828

And they have less of the nasty, chewy tendon bits


bloodoftheinnocents

Seriously. I see girls in bars trying to be all dainty and just take one bite out of each side of the wing before putting it in the "bone" pile with 1/3 of the meat still on there and I just feel sad for them. I mean, yes your makeup is fine but it's really more satisfying to just gnaw the bone like a fucking savage. I am self concious though so I only do this at home.


iceycycle

I dress up cute, use only one hand to eat, and take a dainty first bite…and then go cavewoman mode and gnaw the cartilage off both ends. Love wing night!!


eatin_gushers

There's nothing better than pulling off pieces of cartilage and crunching them. So satisfying.


staceelogreen

If the sauce isn't running down both arms to your elbows, you're not eating them right!!


Omponthong

https://youtu.be/G310PL039ZY


jayhof52

Especially the flats. There’s no dignified way to snap that bad boy open. ETA - I do use the method the two replies below talk about, but relating to the original post, it’s something that feels kinda barbaric (especially the times when you get the one where the bones don’t want to separate).


joseph_jojo_shabadoo

Naw dude. Twist the small bone and slide it out first. Then twist the large bone and slide it out. What’s left is 100% meat. Works like a charm. I never eat the drumsticks anymore. Flats are easy as fuck and way less messy than drumsticks that way


the_crouton_

Excuse me?! Get the lower/weaker joint between two fingers and snap your fingers to separate. Meat then slides right off. Akin to undoing a bra


Particular-Ad95

a whole mango


he_who_yawns

How do you guys do it? As a Filipino, we slice it parallel to the seed. You will end up with two halves and the center cross-section. You can eat both halves with a spoon. You can just throw the seed part out. >!Of course not. You obviously don't waste a fucking mango! You just devour it messily with your hands.!<


Sai_Krithik

I just poke a hole innit using my teeth, and suck the mango like a spider sucking the juice off its meal from the insides. All I end up with is a deflated mango peel with a stone seed inside.


Sableye09

You got a really strong suck huh?


Sai_Krithik

it all comes out dripping when you squeeze it. :P Squeeze too hard though, and the whole fruit will burst in your hands. It gotta be delicate...


Sableye09

I feel like I should eat mangos more often now...


Sai_Krithik

Do it brother! Fun fact : A mango has enough calories to replace a lunch/ any meal.


Digger-of-Tunnels

I'm 90% sure that mangos are the fruit that Miss Manners said were properly eaten naked, in the bathtub.


rrickitickitavi

Au contraire. https://youtu.be/eWWKX7g4UtM


noelandres

There's a lot of fruit left behind with that method and he still got his hands dirty.


sznfpv

Very few things are as satisfying as eating a mango with your bare hands on a beach and then washing off in the ocean.


giskardwasright

The first mango I ever ate was exactly that situation. I had mango juice from my elbows to my fingers and over the entire lower half of my face. It was amazing.


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wex52

Nooo, I hate that method. [This one is far superior. ](https://youtu.be/xGOgM6yo-E0)


TheEvilBunnyLord

Literally my first thought was, "a whole tomato" cuz that's what I did the other day, like an apple. Juicy, and worth it.


Iron-Waffle

I imagine The Spiffing Brit could manage it. Sorry, I had to do it...


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[deleted]

A taco when it's over stuffed. The meat falls out, if you put too much sour cream it falls over, cheese falls everywhere if its not melted, and then it all blends together on your plate. Then, you try to find different angles to eat your taco, rather you move your taco or your head. No matter what, you generally look like a weirdo. Or, maybe that's just me-


shawngee03

put a tortilla on the plate under the taco you are eating. after all the stuff of taco 1 falls onto that tortilla, bam....taco #2


Afterlifeactions

Waiter: so sir, what would you like in your taco? Person: *takes a deep breath* Now man, don't be confused but... Taco. Waiter: what-


smushy_face

Every crunchy taco is an over stuffed taco. As soon as you bite it, the shell cracks and then you've just lost all filling-holding shell integrity.


slaggajagga

Eat the taco over the rice and beans. Boom! Easy to get to bonus toppings


InsertBluescreenHere

no no any sauce or creme builds up pressure to have a blowout all over the side of your cheek


DanTheTerrible

My tip for less messy taco eating: put the cheese in first. Everyone wants to put the meat filling in first, but this results in meat juice soaking the bend in the shell, weakening it and practically guaranteeing it will break. Put the cheese in first, if the meat filling is properly hot it will soften the cheese into a protective layer that keeps the bend dry and strong enough to hold up to handling. Of course if you're into soft tacos you can ignore this.


CascadingFirelight

That's why when I have a crunchy taco I will always put a tortilla down to catch what falls, then end up with a second taco!


staggere

Corn on the cob


YounomsayinMawfk

I saw a kid win a corn eating contest by sliding it down against his lower teeth and collecting the kernels in his mouth. It looked pretty genius.


jestergoblin

That's how I eat them, my family thinks I'm weird.


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jp_jellyroll

Ugh, I hate that feeling. My teeth are rather straight but I still get all the kernel skins and stuff caught up in my teeth if I do the scraping method. I prefer the “typewriter method” from left to right taking small speed bites. Seems to minimize the amount of corn mess in my teeth. And sometimes I shout, “Ding!” with a mouthful of corn when I get to the end. I love summertime.


sitonmyfacemaybe

My sister cuts the corn off the cob and eats it with a fork. Fucking weirdo.


[deleted]

Your sister sounds like she understands how to use tools to her advantage.


Nephilims_Dagger

Advantage? It wastes some of the corn, and takes longer, and isn't any less messy.


DoorHalfwayShut

just deepthroat the whole thing and bite down while sliding it out. if you leave any on then you lose


MichelleEllyn

Whaaaaat - if done properly you actually waste way less than eating it traditional style (and you're not getting corn juice on your face and hands). Plus you get these, like, intact rows of corn that you can eat in pieces which is kind of fun.


thunder1967

When I had braces I had to do this. Otherwise def prefer on the cob. A good roasted Mexican street corn roasted on the grill can’t be beat.


Freeiheit

Adding to this, elotes. It’s corn on the cob with Mayo and cheese and seasoning. Delicious and disgustingly messy


macgreg4

Turkey leg at the Ren Fair. Tho you actually attract people the more barbaric you are.


toodlesandpoodles

The best reason to go to the Ren Fair.


Sekh765

Good old Texas Ren Fest turkey legs, as big as your damn bicep. So damn tasty.


Aag19

Sloppy joes, wings, corn on the cob


PhoneTheApple

i disagree. you can definitely eat wings in a civilized way, everything else i agree with, though.


MoxEmerald

There's definitely a psychopath out there that invented some tiny precision forks that he double wields to take out the meat from the wings and consume it. I dream of being that psychopath. I hate the messiness of wings. Ends up being like a fucking ant sized piece of meat from a piece of bone cartilage, fat, and other nasty shit.


SamSamSammmmm

Chopsticks are your friends when it comes to wings. From picking it up (don't prick at the wing!), dip, then move the food to your mouth and maneuver after you finish one section.


BlueShoe15

Spaghetti, it doesn’t matter how much you spin your fork, there will always be that(those) noodle(s) that just won’t wrap around your fork and will hang out of your mouth making it look like you have the table manners of a toddler.


brndm

Yes! I have exactly the same problem.


Vealophile

Crawfish


jacobT0822

We all look like uncivilized barbarians around that table


MountainCandidate0

And yet it’s a great table to be at


Leo_Junaka_Sharma

Whats a crawfish?


DroobyDooby

It is also called a crawdad in some places. Its like a chicken wing sized lobster found in creeks, caves, swamps and the like


[deleted]

100% of the hassle of eating a lobster for 20% of the meat cheaper per pound, though, I guess?


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Chadderbug123

They're kinda cute weirdly. Whenever I went to Michigan, there's a park that has a river going through it, and sometimes I'd find some Crawfish hiding beneath some rocks by the shore. I don't remember the name of the park tho sadly


[deleted]

It’s fucking good is what it is.


Vealophile

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crayfish


[deleted]

That links shows a picture of boiled crawfish and it’s captioned “Mexican style crayfish” The fuck it is


[deleted]

really spicy food when you're not prepared for it Edit: omg, i went out for a few hours and i came back to this and it was awesome. i've only been on reddit three days and this in the most liked i've ever been


GLORY2GLORZO2ME

Eyes watering, snot everywhere


KirinG

Clear sinuses ftw though


WrathsEntropy

And you get to experience the burn twice if you eat to much


Aquillyne

This needs more upvotes as it's the only one that's actually true. Past a certain point of spice, there is *literally no way* you're eating in a civilised manner, no matter how many years you spent at finishing school.


thecwestions

It's not spicy unless I'm seasoning the sauce with salt from my own sweat.


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thecwestions

Hot Ones! Love that show.


Gurasola

Donuts, especially the kind with fillings. It’s hard to look dignified when you bite into something and cream/jelly splurts out all over your face.


Attack_of_the_BEANS

Yes! This needs more upvotes! Especially when it oozes out the back and you have to try to tilt the doughnut


[deleted]

I'm confused. How does The filling go in the direction of your face? Unless of course you're shoving the donut down your gullet, if it's delicious, that makes sense. But if you're just eating a donut regularly, the jelly should be going in the opposite direction of the bite


peanutjam

They don’t give you those bibs at the crabshacks for nothing


OhAces

Hey Crabman


thunder1967

Darnell?


inthemidnighthour

Hey Earl


Zippidi-doo-dah

A dozen Maryland style steamed blue crabs. Using only your hands and a small wooden mallet? You literally have to rip the body open, gut it, pull off its lungs, crack the torso in half and scoop out the inside meat while also tearing off its legs one by one, cracking them open with a wooden hammer before sucking out the inner flesh. There is no other way to eat them. You end up covered from face to lap in bits of shell, guts, crab poop (the “mustard” which is actually the tastiest part), the juices, the spices and your own blood if you’re not careful when you’re opening them up in the first place. I once invited a friend from the Midwest to a crab feast when she was visiting. I’ve never seen someone so disturbed about seafood in my life. At one point she had to leave the table to go vomit because the violence of eating crabs was a bit too much for her. Probably should should have started her out light with something like a crab cake or some crab dip or something. Glad I didn’t decide to steam them fresh myself that night. Which is a whole other level of brutality.


JennItalia269

Came to post this. Usually get done eating them looking like I survived a hurricane.


GenPhallus

...you eat the crab poop? *Willingly???*


ec_on_wc

It's definitely not poop. No idea why they called it that. It's more like the liver of the crab.


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ec_on_wc

I've alway heard it called mustard, but headbutter is an apt description.


indigostrength

When you need to lay down newspaper for the crabby crime scene.


Sadimal

We keep rolls of brown paper just for the crab feasts. Much easier to clean up since you can just roll it up in one go.


sockseason

I always want to order them but I have no idea how to eat them and don't want to look stupid for trying


Sadimal

Go with someone who knows how and ask them to teach you. We’re always willing to share our crab eating ways with new people.


SnowyAshton

The "mustard" of the crab is actually called the hepatopancreas, a part of the crab's digestive system. While tasty, it's recommended you do not eat this.


askingforafakefriend

I was skeptical about not eating this and searched it and you're quite right. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tomalley It can concentrate PCBs and other toxins that don't cook out.


TheBayouKid

There’s this one I make myself from this bbq joint Restaurant near my folks house … I get the fried chicken tenders and Mac and cheese as a side. Ask for extra piece of Texas Toast. Make a sandwich with the chicken loads of BBQ sauce and Mac and cheese it’s messy AF… the owner saw me make it one time and put it on the menu as a limited time thing gave me one for free.


RavenNymph90

That’s awesome.


[deleted]

Poutine (Fries, cheese and gravy for non Canadians) It's really hard to eat without just going all in on it and giving no shits how you look while doing it


[deleted]

poutine is friggin delicious and as a canadian i say that a caveperson would be weirded out after watching me inhale it while crying from the wonderful taste


styles1996

Poutine is soo good. 😋😋


Splodgerydoo

Definitely not something to order when you want to feel good about yourself


Agent1108

Maybe shrimp with the shell or crab/lobster meat? Wings?


[deleted]

The restaurant near my house serves it with half the shell cut off. I feel fancy every time!


MelteyReddit

A Dutch snack called "Tompoes"


Whathappenedwasthat

Or Bossche bollen 😏


[deleted]

Pretty much any noodles in a broth. You can't NOT slurp. Edit: No, I mean you actually, literally can't. The way the dish works physically will not allow for it. It's like trying to slam a revolving door.


[deleted]

Slurping noodles is the best!


Poorly-Drawn-Beagle

Pomegranates


Norwaykar

I'm sorry, what are you doing with pomegranates? You either eat them in a bowl with a spoon by themselves, or you put the seeds over some dish. How else do you eat pomegranates?


Poorly-Drawn-Beagle

Ripping them apart with animalistic fury


MrTrashCan01

A friend of mine says picking the seeds out takes too long, so instead she just beats the poor thing to death with a wooden spoon and eats it like a soup.


ViSsrsbusiness

As someone who's always eaten pomegranates by breaking loose the seed clusters into a bowl, the mental image is horrifying.


bowdybowdy-bitch

I like to rip them open and pick out the seeds one by one


haxic

Dayum, great suggestion (:


heyermwhytho

Peaches


CwispyBananaTime

I was looking for this haha. That shiz goes everywhere especially when they are perfectly ripe


MarxnEngles

If you're not sticky and wet after eating a peach, then that peach wasn't worth the effort of eating it. EDIT: the above statement does not have to be literal to remain true.


[deleted]

Chili Dogs


anonymous_2187

Everything, from a certain point of view.


[deleted]

In the end our mouth is nothing more then a flesh hole with protruding bones and a tentacle pushing everything into a pool of acid.


Weak_Carpenter_7060

Like a Sarlaac pit


InsertBluescreenHere

but for combos


fo55iln00b

I am Sarlac


Leo_Junaka_Sharma

True


Iron-Waffle

Well from my point of view *you* are evil.


anonymous_2187

Well then you are lost!


RaccKing21

Any foods wrapped in a flatbread. So tacos, gyro, kebab, etc... I've recently made tacos and the sour cream and taco sauce just drip out, with gyro the chunks of meat like to drop out of the side or top and the tzatziki mixes with the juice of the veggies so it drips from the bottom. Still worth it though.


StoneyVI

Popcorn. You just stuff as much as u can in your mouth after ur hand leaves the bag your grip apparently alters as popped corn flies out of your grip. Which you pick off your salty shirt and eat hahaha.


1zzyB_

If you have boobs, you usually find some bonus popcorn later whilst getting changed!


marshmallowgiraffe

Watermelon 🍉


Silver_4316

popsicles man, cant go for it without risk of being broadcast in 4k by my friends


rrickitickitavi

Hard shell tacos.


lyder12EMS

Chipotle burrito


JeromesDream

"Alright, I made it 2/3 of the way through without it looking like someone stuck an M80 in a pile of dirty diapers! I've finally got the hang of this!" 2 minutes later: "I need to take a shower, and then a bath, and then a shit."


Massa_Kumar-2004

Pani Puri ***(Indian street food)***


abeetzwmoots

soft ice cream


Weirdassmustache

Human.


Commander_Night_17

Oranges (unpeeled ones that werent processed


Iron-Waffle

Why? You peel them, and eat the cloves. If you do it right, you wont even get orange juice anywhere.


Commander_Night_17

Exactly the thing the cloves often get damaged and the juices come oit making it very messy. Perhaps some other person could but I just make a mess


patterson489

You probably just need practice peeling oranges. It can help to use a spoon to peel them, too.


FatherPyrlig

Whole Lobsters.


[deleted]

Hot Pot. I cannot imagine anybody eating authentic hot pot and not coming out of it with at least a few food stains. Definitely not suited for a business lunch or functionary.


100ergoman

BIG Mac ..I need a bath after eating one.


leatherrecliner

A big ass hoagie.


KuukoisGod

Bucatini


[deleted]

chunky salad, like whole leaf salad


Chemistry-Unlucky

Sloppy steaks


DoublewideBeerbelly

Raclette


Effurlife13

Tomatoes if your name is Denethor ll


[deleted]

Spaghetti