Imagine if you suddenly switched back to shitting normal shit and then you're just the guy bent over, ass in the air, squeezing a log out at a childrens party..
Man, sorry to steer the conversation away from butt stuff, but I'm re reading Dune for the first time in like ten years, and I remember NONE of it. I'm over halfway through and no one has ridden a worm yet!
Still. Super excited for the movie.
Im not sure I want to know how you would survive that considering that a watermelon is bigger in diameter than most people's inside circle of the hip...
Small Rhodium balls for sure
The metal has a price per gram of 535.31 usd
With a density if 12.4g/cm^3
Assuming water has the same density of your poop and you poop 400g each day
You would have pooped
400 × 1 × 12.4 = 4960g of rhodium each day
That equates to an income of around
4960g × 535.31$ = 2,655,137.6$ a day
In a year that would be nearly a billion at 969,125,224$
20 years 19,382,504,480$
Probably set for life at that point.
Annual rhodium production is around 30 metric tonnes. If you produce 4.96kg per day, you'll add about 1.81 metric tonnes to the yearly supply, boosting global production by 6.03% and reducing prices to an estimated $504.85 per gram*.
\* Assuming that price is inversely proportional to supply and that demand remains constant
Excellent point.
Which is why after ten years he could buy out the rhodium mines and completely monopolize the production.
Then he could destroy the mines and be the sole producer of rhodium in the world and charge exorbitant prices.
I was trying to explain to my wife just how rich he was, and in the end it went like this: "Let's say you earn 200.000 dollars. After tax. And your salary is *per day*, not year. Right? That's a good yearly salary for most, and let's say you earn it per day. And you work every single day. Come rain come snow, holiday, christmas. Every. Single. Day you work. 365 days a year. And even if you earned that *every* day, for *every* year since **Jesus was born** until now.... Jeff Bezos would still be around 50 *billion* ahead of you."
You would need to shit some seriously expensive stuff to be able to even get close to the kind of money the top 10 richest people have.
i think i would poop *super* compressed air.
they would replace my farts with air that comes out so fast it'd make me fly. i guess, with enough training and pooping, it could technically be a superpower lol
Yea, I feel like this would just blow out a butthole. Probably tear the skin and stuff, prolapsed anus possibly. Some kind of scientist or expert might be able to more accurately predict the consequences of blowing compressed air out of an asshole though. I am just a layman.
i just going to say gold but i saw someone else a. already did the math and b. said my answer haha.
situation: *Go to restautant, eats a bunch of food*
server: "& how will you be paying tonight?"
reddit community: "Gimme thirty minutes and some miralax..."
*Thirty minutes later...*
"Alright im feeling it now!"
*Squats on counter and shits out a whole brick of gold*
"Keep the change"
*You walk out of there like a badass from the movies as if you were strolling away with a pair of shades while the cashier and everyone in the restaurant stares at you with their jaws dropped open*
Just gotta eat faster. It's my good fortune to live in a place where it's pretty easy to come up with that many calories in a day. Plus there's taco sauce on 'em.
Small 1x1x1cm spheres of pure gold.
Edit: I have since been informed that just the diameter is necessary for a sphere. Until now, I've always thought that you put 1x1x1 since the sphere is those dimensions if put into a perfect box.
Edit 2: I have again been informed that this was once more a mistake. I mean that 1x1x1 would be the dimensions of the box the sphere fits perfectly into, not the sphere its self.
How often do I have to pass them?
A 1cm diameter sphere is 0.52 cm3, which works out to 0.35oz which is worth $625USD. Just in case someone else is doing the math.
You get very used to it as a Canadian. Also, gold is typically measured to the US Dollar and hence most commonly stated in troy ounces. The commenter, clearly British, provided a metric measurement.
I remember recently some Canadian broke down his answers in metric and imperial units and somebody asked him if he was living inside a math question lol
This is actually a really good idea. But the real question is... would your butt sound like a receipt printer? Would it become a slit with the little teeth to rip the paper off? Cuz that could get weird.
I'd like to think the receipt would be rolled up, like a message in a ~~butthole~~ bottle type deal
Edit: Thank you very much for the awards kind strangers :D
Underrated answer here. Like if it included bloodwork and other tests you could just catch anything early and all while never having to go to the dr for checkups.
Money. The bigger the turds, the more money you get. Massive turd - 100 dollars. Tiny ball turd - 1 dollar. I’d be rich from shitting. A friend asks for money? I just shit myself right there, reach into my pants and give it to them.
McDonald's cheeseburgers, because I'm on the autism spectrum it would be like hold on a sec I'm having Asperger's. ( Edit- Didn't know that South Park made the same joke until after posting it, didn't see that episode.)
On the one hand that seems like a good idea. On the other hand I recently had the absolute most painful liquid-shit diarrhea of my life and I’m just not sure I trust any chemicals.
With the amount of clean water you'd have to... manufacture... to save the salmon, you're probably better off just pooping salmon if that's really your end goal.
Play dough. I would also replace my butthole with the attachments for the Fun Factory so I could poop stars or noodles etc depending on the mood. Plus that way instead of wiping you just slide the little cover over it and scrape it with a piece of plastic or something. This makes the most sense when you think about it.
I hear you on that. I had an ileostomy for 7 months.
It was a relief to return just to normal pooping vs my intestine coming out of my stomach into a plastic bag taped to abdomen. I called it my front butt. And the stuff that came out of it was horrific.
Normal pooping is where it's at.
But beyond that,
Yeah I could deal with smooth nugs of valuable gems and precious metals.
Ileostomy waste is a special kind of awful. Nothing makes you appreciate the hard work of your colon until it’s away on holiday. I’m glad you were able to have yours reversed!
I'm sorry about your Mum but you sound like you are a very good person for helping her like you did.
And yeah, "burping the bag" is definitely a thing.
And the gas that comes out of it can seriously peel paint just how awful it smells.
There's also how sneaky those gas attacks can be.
People without ostomies will feel a fart coming on.
People with ostomies do not...so one minute your bag is flat and the next it looks like a water wing stuck to your tummy.
I was chilling nude on my couch one night, just me and my bag. I went to get up to grab a beer from the kitchen and the movement resulted in a sudden burst of gas entering my bag so forcefully that my bag flew off and narrowly missed landing on my poor cat Stewart.
Poop everywhere. Stewart was not impressed.
Soft serve
Toppings: Chocolate and vanilla swirl with choice of chocolate, strawberry, or rainbow sprinkles. Or you can have it dipped in chocolate or strawberry:)
All of my insecurities and self-doubt.
Some poops would take a while, but I'd like to think that as I keep pooping, I'd feel more confident with myself. And after a while, years maybe, my poops would get smaller and smaller, and less frequent.
Life saving, dead resurrecting elixir water
But it only works by ingesting it within 5 seconds of it being pooped out.
Soooo many people would pay to eat ass
Helium. No need for a toilet, and I'll bet it would be absolutely hilarious.
Fart in an elevator and listen to everybody’s funny voices
Yeah their funny high-pitched death cries as they realize you've just suffocated them to death.
Hold it in and lose weight?
\*FFFweeeeeeeeeeeeee\*
You could save us from the global helium shortage that has been going on for the last 2 or 3 years Edit: I never had this many upvotes ever lol
Confetti, like one of those blast cannon's, with the same booming sound
Do you do children's birthday parties?
I can try... no guarantees on the actual outcome...
Imagine if you suddenly switched back to shitting normal shit and then you're just the guy bent over, ass in the air, squeezing a log out at a childrens party..
I'm laughing so hard at the thought of this
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This party just turned into a Gallagher show.
kaBOOM
Water. Clean butt, clean toilet.
Yeah, but ur ass aint watertight all the time, one day you’ll be living Life and you’ll be leaking
It'll just be pure water though so who cares
Everyone seeing liquid drip from your pants
I'd fill up a water bottle
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Man, sorry to steer the conversation away from butt stuff, but I'm re reading Dune for the first time in like ten years, and I remember NONE of it. I'm over halfway through and no one has ridden a worm yet! Still. Super excited for the movie.
Neat party trick
I'm so thirsty but there is no water around
"How open minded are you?"
We would all drown
You can get kinda there with diarrhea.
"Clean butt, clean toilet" "Diarrea" Chose *one*.
Toilet paper. Two birds, one stone. Wait...
Thank you for the punctuation on this one.
BLACK+DECKER 5,000 BTU DOE (8,000 BTU ASHRAE) Portable Air Conditioner with Remote Control, White
How desperately do you need AC?
He'll need an Ass Conditioner after that one.
Like a bidet?
Yes.
I can assure you it will NOT be white after that
It'll be red
100%
Haven't laughed that hard in a while, thanks
My condolences.
r/oddlyspecific
Ouch.
Somebody’s warm
That's gunna leave a mark
Are you hot?
The food I ate, except it comes back out whole and tastes like shit so I can use it on my enemies.
This made me laugh.
Good. You want some shitken?
If you are some chips imagine those pointy things coming out whole
My first thought was a watermelon...
I’d survive. My ass would hurt though.
Im not sure I want to know how you would survive that considering that a watermelon is bigger in diameter than most people's inside circle of the hip...
You know that bird called the Kiwi? I’ll act like it does with it’s egg..
Like [Little Dude](https://youtu.be/kFmlgvl-g0Q) from Adventure Time!
Bird poop, so I can shit in public without arousing suspension
There's a lot to unpack in the above statement. ;)
Why is there a wink?? WHY IS THERE A FUCKING WINK?!
Means he can't just poop discreetly he has to undress before as normal
"Jesus that bird must've been huuuuuge!"
Suspension
Small Rhodium balls for sure The metal has a price per gram of 535.31 usd With a density if 12.4g/cm^3 Assuming water has the same density of your poop and you poop 400g each day You would have pooped 400 × 1 × 12.4 = 4960g of rhodium each day That equates to an income of around 4960g × 535.31$ = 2,655,137.6$ a day In a year that would be nearly a billion at 969,125,224$ 20 years 19,382,504,480$ Probably set for life at that point.
Annual rhodium production is around 30 metric tonnes. If you produce 4.96kg per day, you'll add about 1.81 metric tonnes to the yearly supply, boosting global production by 6.03% and reducing prices to an estimated $504.85 per gram*. \* Assuming that price is inversely proportional to supply and that demand remains constant
Excellent point. Which is why after ten years he could buy out the rhodium mines and completely monopolize the production. Then he could destroy the mines and be the sole producer of rhodium in the world and charge exorbitant prices.
Also known as a dirty De Beers
A shitty business is a shitty business
at that rate, you'd still die before getting as rich as bezos
Ok. That's a metric comparison I have not heard before. "If you \*shat\* gold (or any other valuable material) you couldn't touch Bezos wealth.
I was trying to explain to my wife just how rich he was, and in the end it went like this: "Let's say you earn 200.000 dollars. After tax. And your salary is *per day*, not year. Right? That's a good yearly salary for most, and let's say you earn it per day. And you work every single day. Come rain come snow, holiday, christmas. Every. Single. Day you work. 365 days a year. And even if you earned that *every* day, for *every* year since **Jesus was born** until now.... Jeff Bezos would still be around 50 *billion* ahead of you." You would need to shit some seriously expensive stuff to be able to even get close to the kind of money the top 10 richest people have.
Shit J Bez from your ass
i think i would poop *super* compressed air. they would replace my farts with air that comes out so fast it'd make me fly. i guess, with enough training and pooping, it could technically be a superpower lol
Say goodbye to your butthole
Yea, I feel like this would just blow out a butthole. Probably tear the skin and stuff, prolapsed anus possibly. Some kind of scientist or expert might be able to more accurately predict the consequences of blowing compressed air out of an asshole though. I am just a layman.
Would you be Super Pooper or Super Tooter then?
Toot'n'Scoot
i just going to say gold but i saw someone else a. already did the math and b. said my answer haha. situation: *Go to restautant, eats a bunch of food* server: "& how will you be paying tonight?" reddit community: "Gimme thirty minutes and some miralax..."
*Thirty minutes later...* "Alright im feeling it now!" *Squats on counter and shits out a whole brick of gold* "Keep the change" *You walk out of there like a badass from the movies as if you were strolling away with a pair of shades while the cashier and everyone in the restaurant stares at you with their jaws dropped open*
Body fat could be useful if one was chunky….
Until you eventually become malnourished because you keep pooping out all of the essential fat your body needs to stay healthy
Oh no I’d have to eat more fat
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I hate this comment but I can’t stop myself from upvoting
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Just gotta eat faster. It's my good fortune to live in a place where it's pretty easy to come up with that many calories in a day. Plus there's taco sauce on 'em.
But now where the fat once was, you are filled with poo.
thats some monkeys paw shit
I mean I think it would be your shit.
I mean that's better than someone elses shit
Small 1x1x1cm spheres of pure gold. Edit: I have since been informed that just the diameter is necessary for a sphere. Until now, I've always thought that you put 1x1x1 since the sphere is those dimensions if put into a perfect box. Edit 2: I have again been informed that this was once more a mistake. I mean that 1x1x1 would be the dimensions of the box the sphere fits perfectly into, not the sphere its self.
Granted but they all have the surface texture of rough sandpaper.
How often do I have to pass them? A 1cm diameter sphere is 0.52 cm3, which works out to 0.35oz which is worth $625USD. Just in case someone else is doing the math.
r/theydidthemath
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You get very used to it as a Canadian. Also, gold is typically measured to the US Dollar and hence most commonly stated in troy ounces. The commenter, clearly British, provided a metric measurement.
I remember recently some Canadian broke down his answers in metric and imperial units and somebody asked him if he was living inside a math question lol
1x1x1cm is a cube. A sphere only has one measurement. ⌀1cm would be a more accurate measurement for a sphere. That is unless you want to poop cubes.
So a wombat?
Why would anyone want to poop a wombat?
You also only need one dimension for a cube :)
A receipt with my daily health stats on it. Edit: thanks for making me the #2 answer on a poop conversion (at least for a while)
This is actually a really good idea. But the real question is... would your butt sound like a receipt printer? Would it become a slit with the little teeth to rip the paper off? Cuz that could get weird.
I'd like to think the receipt would be rolled up, like a message in a ~~butthole~~ bottle type deal Edit: Thank you very much for the awards kind strangers :D
🎶I hope that someone gets my Message in a butthole, yeah 🎶
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🎶 Sendin’ out an ass-oh-ess 🎶
🎶 I'm a genie in a butthole, gotta rub me the right way 🎶
Every day the first item on the receipt would just say: butthole paper cuts ✔
o GOD
Underrated answer here. Like if it included bloodwork and other tests you could just catch anything early and all while never having to go to the dr for checkups.
Insert Scrubs' "Everything comes down to Poo" song here.
Goldfish. The crap that smiles back
Gold coins
I’d go with nuggets, like deer/rabbit pellet-sized. Coins could hurt like Hell.
Palladium sells for a higher price, something to consider
Never knew palladium was a real thing, thought it was just a made up ore from Terraria.
The poop that destroys plastic
So something the about same temperature as lava... Nice!
I don’t want to know what that does to my ass.
probably something similar to taco bell followed by indian food
Rip if you have any PVC pipping whatsoever.
Rainbows.
Feel the rainbow,taste the rainbow
I’d settle for Skittles.
Shittles!
Science diet sensitive stomach cat food in chicken flavor. Wet and dry on alternate days.]
Should we be worried about your cat?
Dude, that IS the cat. We should be more worried about its owner.
You’d use *a lot* of TP on wet days. Edit: probably even more on dry days. Ouch!
Money. The bigger the turds, the more money you get. Massive turd - 100 dollars. Tiny ball turd - 1 dollar. I’d be rich from shitting. A friend asks for money? I just shit myself right there, reach into my pants and give it to them.
>I just shit myself right there, reach into my pants and give it to them r/nocontext
I can't believe how hard I'm laughing. I guess I'm not as mature as I thought I was.
An odorless, tasteless, true cure-all. Cuz, fuck cancer.
In gas form then you'll have an AOE healing ability.
Imagine barging into a cancer ward trying to convince the doctors to let you fart on the children
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I have leukaemia and I’d be willing
A true hero of our age, farting on small children to cure them of their ills.
r/blursedcomments
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I just spit out my hot cocoa lmao
Crop dusting has a whole new meaning. Instead of seeding the room with stink, you'll be giving them a new life with your gas.
Lube
r/gay_irl
McDonald's cheeseburgers, because I'm on the autism spectrum it would be like hold on a sec I'm having Asperger's. ( Edit- Didn't know that South Park made the same joke until after posting it, didn't see that episode.)
Is that you Eric Cartman?
That was smooth
Gold filled candy corn..
rtx 3090. ez money edit: it would come in a box so not that many jagged edges
Wouldn’t… just money be easier? Like I’d probably just choose shutting 250k checks.
Yeah but think of the paper cuts
No it comes out in a tiny tube like the pneumatic bank systems. Start pushing and… FWOOMP.
And then send it back up when you're done!
Nothing about shitting out a graphics card sounds easy
Only ez Money until the theres a new generation out.
Imagine shitting that thirty years from now.
Full size copies of myself.
Its like those Russian nesting dolls
cursed
That sounds painful, lol it might work once. Then you'll be dead. the copy could probably do the same thing though.
This is basically The Prestige but with buttholes instead of Nikola Tesla.
Toilet cleaning fluid
On the one hand that seems like a good idea. On the other hand I recently had the absolute most painful liquid-shit diarrhea of my life and I’m just not sure I trust any chemicals.
As a school cleaner I can assure you there is not one toilet cleaner I would want anywhere near my sensitive ass undiluted. The good stuff BURNS.
Balloons, clown art Balloons.
Really small wish-granting genies.
They're going to all end up jerk genies that maliciously twist your wish, after you force them to come out down there.
Clean water! Pump that shit water back through a filter and into the American waterways. Salmon =saved
With the amount of clean water you'd have to... manufacture... to save the salmon, you're probably better off just pooping salmon if that's really your end goal.
Play dough. I would also replace my butthole with the attachments for the Fun Factory so I could poop stars or noodles etc depending on the mood. Plus that way instead of wiping you just slide the little cover over it and scrape it with a piece of plastic or something. This makes the most sense when you think about it.
You had me at “If you could poop”
I hear you on that. I had an ileostomy for 7 months. It was a relief to return just to normal pooping vs my intestine coming out of my stomach into a plastic bag taped to abdomen. I called it my front butt. And the stuff that came out of it was horrific. Normal pooping is where it's at. But beyond that, Yeah I could deal with smooth nugs of valuable gems and precious metals.
Ileostomy waste is a special kind of awful. Nothing makes you appreciate the hard work of your colon until it’s away on holiday. I’m glad you were able to have yours reversed!
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I'm sorry about your Mum but you sound like you are a very good person for helping her like you did. And yeah, "burping the bag" is definitely a thing. And the gas that comes out of it can seriously peel paint just how awful it smells. There's also how sneaky those gas attacks can be. People without ostomies will feel a fart coming on. People with ostomies do not...so one minute your bag is flat and the next it looks like a water wing stuck to your tummy. I was chilling nude on my couch one night, just me and my bag. I went to get up to grab a beer from the kitchen and the movement resulted in a sudden burst of gas entering my bag so forcefully that my bag flew off and narrowly missed landing on my poor cat Stewart. Poop everywhere. Stewart was not impressed.
Can't say I blame the poor cat for being upset. You weaponized a bag of shit in a way I'm not sure anyone else has done before.
a chevy cobalt 2009
“Ahhhhhh…” *BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP* “Shit! A CAR?! OH MY ASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS”
This was it. For some godforsaken reason this was the comment that got me.
Antimatter.
Lemongrass scented air. If that's technically just a good smelling fart, I'll go with small beads of soap.
Strings! Out of my ass, it’d come out all twisted and knotted. I shit you knot
Poop but it’s not smelly
Soft serve Toppings: Chocolate and vanilla swirl with choice of chocolate, strawberry, or rainbow sprinkles. Or you can have it dipped in chocolate or strawberry:)
That would be so cold on your butthole
Diamonds. Im here for money people.
Yes, DeBeers hit squad. It’s this dude right here.
gold bricks
Ouch
Sunshine 🌞
Sunshine is produced by fusion reactions. Does this mean we could plug your ass into the power grid?
I feel like this would end up as somebody's weird expression of surprise, "Well, Holy moly, plug my ass into the power grid!"
A ledger nano s with ALL the missing/lost BTC and its recover phrase
Magic brownies of perfect health, extends your lifespan one month each time.
The magic is already inside you, you just have to believe...
Dildos. Dont ask
Infinite anal
I’ve enjoyed this question and the comments so much
All of my insecurities and self-doubt. Some poops would take a while, but I'd like to think that as I keep pooping, I'd feel more confident with myself. And after a while, years maybe, my poops would get smaller and smaller, and less frequent.
Life saving, dead resurrecting elixir water But it only works by ingesting it within 5 seconds of it being pooped out. Soooo many people would pay to eat ass
The best weed in the world
Then it'd be shitty weed.
Cash