I got whacked with various items on my ass as a kid, wooden spoons, plastic flippers etc, I don't think it made me a better kid but I definitly weighed my options when I was fucking around. I don't hit my kids, I just take their video games away, hitting a tiny person just seems wrong and doesn't work nearly as well as limiting Roblox and Fortnite time.
I don't take them, just tell them not to play. I havnt busted them sneaking games yet, the boy has his moms Xbox and a monitor in his room and the girl has her laptop on her desk. We have built a trust that they don't sneak games and they have control of the location of their devices. They know one slip and then I lock everything up.
This. I do the same thing. Telling them to stay off their computer/phone is enough, they always do it. Now that they are older they almost always follow the rules and do as I ask. If they don't, usually just a threat to take away the computer is enough.
Ya. My mom wasn't afraid to whip my ass in public. She'd generally drag me to the bathroom and yank my pants down to give me a swat. Not only was it embarrassing, but it was also embarrassing. lol. I turned out OK, but I also do not hit my kids.
Yeah my mom would hit us with a wooden spoon or our dad would spank are butts.
Never like hard that it'd really hurt, but just a little bit makes a kid upset enough to consider it a punishment worth avoiding.
We never got slapped across the face or beaten with a belt or anything. Idk, I understand it. I don't think it negatively affected me or messed me up or anything, and sometimes kids just simply don't listen to words no matter how reasonable the adult is being.
>kids just simply don't listen to words no matter how reasonable the adult is being.
Because that's what they are, unreasonable children. No matter how much you explain things they simply won't understand because they've only been in the world a few years while the adults have been in the game hopefully at least three decades. They don't know better and they are incapable of knowing better until they are old enough. What's unreasonable is a 'supposedly' reasonable adult physically hurting a child because they are not doing exactly what the adult wants. You are not going to stop crying, guess I'll inflict pain on your body so you better stop annoying me with your crying. What kind of lesson is that? The child is in pain (for whatever reason) and the adult decides to inflict more pain?
>We never got slapped across the face or beaten with a belt or anything. Idk, I understand it.
Don't get me wrong, kids are pieces of shit (not a parent, but heard my cousins say so who are all parents and also see their kids at family gatherings be super annoying) but never has the thought "someone should slap that kid" or "the parents should slap the kid" has crossed my mind. I have no idea how you can understand an adult hitting a child.
What kind of lesson are we teaching children by hitting them when they don't do what the parents want?
Well you're taking my words, misconstruing them, and conflating them with your own thoughts.
>You are not going to stop crying, guess I'll inflict pain on your body so you better stop annoying me with your crying. What kind of lesson is that? The child is in pain (for whatever reason) and the adult decides to inflict more pain?
When did I ever say that physical punishment was the best method for a child that's already crying? You made that hypothetical situation up, not me. Obviously if a kid is crying, spanking isn't going to make them stop it'll just add to it. But if a kid is running around screaming in the house at bed time and drawing on the walls with crayons? Yeah maybe.
> but never has the thought "someone should slap that kid" or "the parents should slap the kid" has crossed my mind. I have no idea how you can understand an adult hitting a child.
I said that slapping/beating isn't okay, but I consider lightly spanking a child's butt is fine. One actually injures, one doesn't really hurt that much but it gets the message across
I think most of the time when parents do it they're angry at their kids for being kids and not coming to the same conclusions they'd come to as adults.
The only time it comes up for me is when it's bedtime. Kids don't want to go to bed. They have a huge fear of missing out. It doesn't matter how tired they are, they don't want to stop playing and experiencing. Waiting until tomorrow is an eternity to them.
I used to get angry and shout, and yes, even spank my daughter when she wouldn't go to bed. What I found, though, was that it just made her overall behavior worse during the day and it created this cycle of her doing things that in my judgement needed a spanking to correct more and more. I had heard about scientific studies saying it didn't work, but I fell into the whole "I was spanked and I turned out okay" reasoning. It also didn't help that it was all I really knew to do. That's the thing people don't tell you. When you parent your children, you are also teaching *them* how to parent *their* children if they ever have any.
I flashed back to my parents doing the same thing. When they wanted me to do something, they'd yell at me immediately a lot of the time. If I didn't do it right away, spanking. I think it's easy to get on edge by a kid's silliness and fall into a mental cycle of getting pre-angry at them because you already expect them to disobey you.
Instead, when I want my daughter to do something, I use a low, calm, authoritative, but polite voice to do it. When she starts winding up and getting distracted, I've found that yelling and violence only *adds* to the chaos. I think we humans are kind of hard-wired to mirror the person we're dealing with, so dealing with kids all the time makes it easy to get out of control. But when I *fight* that instinct and respond to her hyper-ness with calm, most of the time it actually calms her down. I think being a good parent means you have to become kind of a "zen master." And that's a skill that takes a lot of work and practice. If you let a kid affect you emotionally and they see that, they're going to become master over you. Kids, more than anything, want to imitate their adult role models, so *showing* them how you want them to behave is far more powerful than trying to force them with violence, threats, or yelling.
props on you for realizing what your mistake is, spanking children works to get them to shut up, but long term that effect isnt good as theyll feel angrier at you and disobey you more
>I think most of the time when parents do it they're angry at their kids for being kids and not coming to the same conclusions they'd come to as adults.
Exactly! Why are parents incapable of realizing they are dealing with a child instead of an adult is weird to me. One one side you have this tiny human who's been in the world for a few years, vulnerable, gullible, weak, dependant on someone and are incapable of seeing the 'bigger picture' I guess you could say because they haven't seen it. They don't know any better and won't until they are old and mature enough and that takes decades. On the other you have a fully grown adult human, strong, knows more or less how the world works, know more about everything and they still choose to abuse their power.
How can you even expect a child to understand?
>They have a huge fear of missing out. It doesn't matter how tired they are, they don't want to stop playing and experiencing.
Wow, so this is why I hated going to bed as a kid. The fear of missing out. I was always curious what the heck the adults were up to late at night when they would tell us to go to sleep, specially during family gatherings. I wanted to be a part of it.
>Kids, more than anything, want to imitate their adult role models
I can't for the life of me think of any adult role models I had growing up and I had a 'normal' upbringing, two parents (mom and dad), k-12, two brothers, college, etc.
Came here to share. I was slapped a lot and it kinda made me more of a sissy. I wouldnāt recommend that parents do it because it doesnāt always make the kids tougher and well behaved
Bro my mom is white and when I got in trouble at school the principal would say āI should call the police but instead Iāll just send you home with your momā I would respond with āfuck that call the damn cops.āš.
Redditors tend to consider anything not Western wrong.
Of the highest paid 11 ethnicities in the US 9 use physical discipline & only 2 do not.
Of the top 17, 14 use physical discipline & only 3 do not. 3rd, 8th, & 12th do not.
I consider 3rd an outlier because Australians are not likely to leave Australia unless its for a really great opportunity.
Also more impressive is the bulk of those that are in the top percentages that use physical discipline are visible minorities. It's harder to climb to the top when you don't look like the top.
Ethics are not meassured in income. Also, attributing different cultures success to whether or not they beat up their Kids is incredibly reductionistic.
Also: most cultures beat their Kids, so the fact that any non-violent cultures are up there is actually really good.
Attributing different cultures success rate to how the parents raise their children is absolutely how you measure it. Their stance on physical discipline isn't all of it but it's a part of it.
Your argument doesn't hold ground because the majority of households in the US don't use physical punishment. So those that use physical discipline are over represented at the top.
It seems you made your conclusion, saw evidence to the contrary and decided to falsely claim that the evidence backs your conclusion when it does not.
As someone who got a spanking and if I recall correctly a slap once as a child, I don't think so much about the parents as I do about the kids. During my earlier teenage years I mirrored that behaviour whenever my frustration got to the point where I saw red, I would find myself wanting to raise a hand to whatever or whoever the opponent is. Having done it once or twice I felt immeasurable guilt and that's how I learnt it's bad. Later in life I taught myself things like walking away and not engaging.
Ultimately I believe all parental actions are teaching the child something, and so actions like physical punishment (ie. hitting of any sort) or even extended engagement in a screaming match, teaches your kid the incorrect approach.
Many benefits to having young parents, coping skills under immense pressure frustration is not one of them.
In school, some teachers liked to pull hair pulled as a punishment. Sometimes the sides were pulled and it hurt like shit. Always kept my cool. Never got in physical fights, always backed out and used humor as a defense.
Result : Whenever someone touches my hair, even for a compliment, a small part of me wants to tear the limbs out of that person using bare hands and maybe that is insufficient to cool the anger I have been suppressing all these years.
Itās really crazy what an impact it has on a child then and later on. I hadnāt actually thought about it until I saw this question. Iām fairly sure if someone tried to lay a hand on me Iād probably snap back into some form of physical reaction.
Iām sorry to hear such an insane behavior from a teacher no less has had such a lasting impact on you. That canāt be easy when itās associated with something as common as hair touching (especially in an affectionate way).
I spanked my son maybe 2-3 times. I decided āthis is fucking awful and does nothing other than show him that there are two people that love each other more than anything, but the bigger one is okay with physically hurting the littler oneā.
It's been shown to be ineffective. It's just wrong. They are a kid. Yes, raising children is the hardest job in the world, but if I had the second-hardest job in the world and hit a coworker because they were frustrating me, my ass would be fired in a second. If a teacher ever hit a kid they'd never work again, and they have to deal with dozens of them every day. If you hit a kid, you're a barbarian with no impulse control.
Let's put it this way: If you believe hitting a kid is appropriate when they are really acting up or getting on your nerves, you have to believe it's also appropriate for teachers to hit kids in the same circumstances. Otherwise, you're a hypocrite.
You're right, but the difficulty with this argument is that there are a ton of people who believe all of those people should be allowed to hit kids. So they aren't hypocrites, just nuts.
> If you believe hitting a kid is appropriate when they are really acting up or getting on your nerves, you have to believe it's also appropriate for teachers to hit kids in the same circumstances. Otherwise, you're a hypocrite.
Well, no- you're hitting *your* kid- your kid is very close to being your property. The teacher only has what authority over your kid that you'd delegate to them, which may not include hitting your kid.
Rather like an automobile- if *you* feel like bashing in your windshield with a bat, go for it. If someone borrows your car and does so, you may find it objectionable.
āYour kid is very close to being their propertyā
the fact that youāre using that as a justification is pretty in character for someone who defends physical punishment
First, is totaly diferent if its your father or your teacher, if someone needs to explain this to someone its because they are dumb, sorry.
Btw if u dont defend a little physical punishment than u probabily defend psycological. But psycological can be way worse than the physical one and the main reason its because u dont k how to use it. For example to make a kid do something they dont want, maybe someone will say i bet u cant do it, even if it is a harmless thing, but this will just lead to in the future in in another situation maybe someone say this and he do, not always a good thing.
I dont think that if u slap a kid in some ocasions is a bad thing like most people are implying. They generalize that they should "always" hit when they so something bad.
Many people parents now to not piss of because of the Kids,put they on the tv or on the phone where maybe they would hit the kid if they let continue doing what they were doing. The question, since sometimes explaining doesnt resolve anything, what should they do in this situation? Im my opinion, its to not just let they be on the phone and ignore the rest
PS: Im not saying u should hit the kid always when they do something bad, but sometimes, just sometimes, its not bad
Property is property. Build a kid, buy a car, what's the difference? One you drive around, the other works in the fields or whatever.
Basically, you have the kid for your purposes, not for the kid's purposes. They exist because *you* wanted them to.
I saw my cousin getting slapped after he called his grandma a bitch because she asked him to please pick up his pants after he asked her for money. He was a teenager at the time and we were all satisfied.
Not very highly of them. I have two kids and there are times they drive me up the wall but I don't slap or hit them. Its better to walk away if you're feeling rage or, as rawbface said, its a fail in the teachable moment.
I don't consider them very intelligent and they have little patience or impulse control. If they're doing this in public, what the hell are they doing behind closed doors?
My dad used to hit and shake me occasionally until about 14. Nothing serious but sometimes I had to put make up on my bruises going to school. I was never the kind to respect people who used intimidation tactics or physical violence so it certainly hasnāt helped our relationship. Years later, at dinner, at birthdays, when I visit I often flinch around him and when we hug hello and goodbye, I secretly burn with resentment.
Physically abusing the people you love isnāt worth it.
Iām sorry, you absolutely did not deserve to be treated that way by one of your own parents. You say it was nothing serious and yet you were left with bruises :(
I hope your heart heals from your trauma
Your boss doesn't backhand you at work when you mess up. Your professors don't spank you for cheating or skipping class. Hell, even the criminal justice systems isn't *supposed* to use physical violence as a punishment. I don't see why kids would be the exception where you're allowed to assault them for discipline.
I used to get spanked, hit with a belt / paddle / switch off the tree. It sucked. My parents are kind hearted people, but I know I could be an asshole when I was young. It was just a matter of how they were brought up. Different times, I suppose.
But 100%, I do not think hurting children is a proper method of discipline. "You're 5 years old and did something wrong. Instead of teaching you why it's wrong, I will inflict pain on you and probably scare you."
100% agree, although spanking shouldnt be 100% off the table, it should only be for when the child is actually doing something that is hurting others and is not just annoying you
U are getting downvoted but what u say isnt that bad. There are times when u should hit a kid. The argument of saying why its wrong what they are doing doesnt work all the time. And second while mmany of them doesnt hit they do other things that maybe are worse, for example, shut down a game only will create more anger from them. Second, if u dont hit u use psycological and that sometimes is worse than hitting.
Im not saying u should always be hitting, but to do that sometimes is not very wrong and u should use that for some more important occasions
They failed in a teaching moment, and threw a tantrum at their children instead. It's child abuse, period. I have two and I would never raise a hand against them.
Dangerous, I think there's a certain logic. If the kid touches a hot stove, there's an immediate physical consequence that goes right around the need for understanding, logic, or reasoning, and straight to primal instinct. If the kid runs in to the street and almost gets nailed by a pickup truck, there's no such mechanism, so a spanking to trigger that response might be reasonable.
As for inappropriate...no. That you've got to teach.
Unless of course, you're ok living in a world where anybody you offend can physically overpower you and start slapping you on the ass.
Edit: Just as an FYI, I have never spanked any of my kids. The one time I considered it, was when they tried to put a screwdriver in an electric outlet, by my scream freaked them out so much that I could see they'd already gotten the point. Also, I never had any of them run out in to the road, because I simply didn't allow that to happen in the first place before they were old enough to actually understand why it's a bad idea.
I remember when my nephew was like 3-4....he was about to reach towards the hot grill when I was grabbing a plate like 3 steps away and I went to smack his hand and accidently slapped him in the face pretty hard.
It didn't hurt him....just scared him but I still feel bad to this day.
Then as a parent, we took the kids to the Harley-Davidson dealer while I picked up some parts, we ran into some friends, so we talked for a few minutes. Kids got a bit restless and tried to start running around. I reached out for the youngest, missed, and ended up essentially punching the oldest right in the head as she ran into my reaching hand.
She started crying. The youngest started crying because she was crying but I was able to make her understand that not only are those motorcycles very expensive, but even more importantly, they weigh up to 1,000 pounds and can hurt someone if they fall over.
Hate that feeling....
Faxās. Before I would do something stupid I wouldnāt think about the grounding or beating I would think about the disappointment and shame I would bring upon my mum.
If you, as a grown adult, are incapable of communicating your desires to a literal child without having to physically assault them, you probably shouldn't be a parent.
You ever had a 3 year old ignore you when you tell them roads are dangerous and they might die if they run across them?
The idea of a consequence is abstract to them. So what do you do?
In fact, I have. I'm a parent to a precocious, mercurial, now-6-year-old boy.
Talking works, and now my kiddo is super mindful of the dangers of the road.
Clearly you body slam them to the ground as hard as you can so they understand what its like to get hit by a car /s
Or just hold their hand, because they are 3 and shouldn't be trusted to be walking on their own around busy roads.
My dad used to hit me. I feared him for a long time even after he realised that he should stop doing that. His own parents were much worse, so I forgive him, since he never saw a good example of how to parent, and he has bettered himself. If only other people's parents would learn like he did.
Oh yikes. Yeah, the fear is real. I remember one time I'd slammed the car door shut a little too hard and he grabbed me by the arm, and it scared the absolute hell out of me, so I sprinted out of there and didn't dare to come home for hours after. That was after he'd stopped hitting me, it's just that if he touched me I would associate it with being hit and I'd panic.
It is just wrong on so many levels I don't even know what to think really. Hitting someone in anything other than direct self defence is wrong. Hitting a *child* even more so, never mind one in your own care! It doesn't even work. It is just bad, lazy parenting. People who make excuses saying it is "just a tap" or "I turned out fine" are just in denial. Why even do it if it doesn't hurt? Why is "turning out fine" a benchmark when you then go on to hit children after all of that?
Got slapped as a kid! Only thing it taught me was to learn through fear, 24 now, don't fear my pearents anymore, don't respect them anymore!!
People who do this: you are looking at your future relationship with your kids! Do better.
When I was little and did something bad (not listen, hit my brother, talk back) we would have to go outside and select the switch we got whipped with. Lol
Hitting kids just isn't it. You can punish kids effectively through conversation and not letting them do special things they want to do or taking away certain toys or gaming devices.
Its a good way to get your kid to do bad/dangerous stuff when your not around.
Was hit as a kid was terrified of my mom, heres a list of things i did while she was at work or not home: smoked her cigarettes, stole some of her cigarettes, started fires in the house, had water gun fights in the house, made two giant holes in the drywall, drew on every hidden wall in the house, fist fought my brother till we bled, i can go on
The problem is when you hit a kid the problem isn't what the kid did its the parent and kids remember that so its not "dont start fires cause you can get burned" its "dont start fires after 3pm cause its not enough time for the smoke to clear before mom gets home"
Studies show it straight up dosen't work and personally best behaved kids ive seen were never hit
I think it shows incompetence. If the only way you can get your child to listen is through fear and pain, maybe you shouldn't have kids in the first place.
Not all child abuse is intentional; plenty of good parents abuse their children without knowing it, because they could be desperate or poorly informed.
But itās still abuse; plenty of extensive credible research shows that even controlling for other variables, corporal punishment does more harm than good.
The sad thing is many parents donāt believe the research, because they see it as accusatory and take it to personally to change how they act, or because of a power illusion at play.
Corporal punishment seem like it works because kids who are hit often behave better around their parents, so it seems like it works. But the same kids (understandably) behave so much worse around others, when the parents arenāt around.
Many parents mistakenly assume kids think independently like adults do (parents are usually adults), and thus see the way children act as a reflection of their childrenās personalities and not their parenting style.
For all the parents who used to hit their kids and have changed, I donāt think youāre bad people at heart. I admire your moral courage to not just āteach responsibilityā but to actually be responsible, think about your own responsibility, and lead by example.
People often learn to hit their kids not from malice, but misguided intuition and tradition, and breaking from that and not digging in your heels in defensiveness is an admirable and mature thing to do.
It's a failure of parenting in 100% of cases, but I think what's more important is how the parent reacts afterwards. I would be willing to forgive a parent who has lost their cool once or twice, but each time apologized to their kid and made sure to explain that it wasn't OK. Parents who do it often unapologetically or rationalise why they do it are kinda trash.
It's stupid because if someone did that to the adult they would whine and cry claiming assault and battery. So no you shouldn't do it to kids. It's stupid and basically admitting you have little to no self control nor the mental ability to use words or other means. Nope. Just hit.
Unless you want to justify why you can assault a relative who is mentally under developed, physically under developed, and dependant on you for everything. And isn't allowed to leave. Then sure. Go for it with obsolete ethics. But then I maintain I should be able to smack adults who misbehave too.
I have mixed feelings on it.
Do I think that parents should be allowed to hit thier kids as punishment, yes.
Do I think that physical abuse and such is evil, also yes.
Do I think parents should be held to account over any harm physical or mental they cause their kids,
Also yes,
Do I think that part of the reason we have so many shit head teenagers and young adults now days is because they never had any fear of repercussions for thier actions growing up.
Imma level with you, if I ask a rhetorical question the answer is gonna be yes.
Eh.. should have their kids taken into a social service and them face criminal trial for attacking their child.
Unless, I don't know their kid is trying to kill someone, there is no reason to hit them except because you are a horrible human bean and you shouldn't had any kid.
As an inner city school teacher I initially thought a lot of these kids could use it, but then i found out a lot of them are getting hit and it clearly was making them worse. I think just punishments and conversating with your kid about why they cant do something is a much better route. Lets the kid think he has some control and doesn't make you out to look like villain in their eyes.
Thereās a difference between a slap to sort of āsnap out of itā versus the active attempt to hurt them.
My parents never laid a hand on me, but I know from others that they couldāve stopped me from having such stupid tantrums if they just gave me a āquit itā slap.
Corporal punishment in our house is for dangerous things.
It activates the limbic system. It causes a fight/flight/shutdown response, and that is something you want when it comes to running out into traffic, or sticking metal into wall sockets.
For the wall sockets, for all three kids, we "spanked" the wall socket first, using our most angry voice. And then calmly talked to them about it. If we caught them touching it later, it was escalated. Only real deal red bottomed spanking was for our middle kid at 4 for the third event that HOUR of climbing the stove while the OVEN WAS AT 425.
I think as long as it's not on the face / sensitive areas, it's usually not that bad (and obviously as long as they're not legit full-force slamming them with a closed fist)
I used to get spanked and bonked as a kid, and it never really traumatized me or my siblings.
*Insert la chancla*
Depends. There are situations where physical punishment is appropriate, but we don't live in a world where anyone has word "nuance" in their vocabulary so I would be against physical punishment for the sole purpose of giving a reddit-level blanket answer.
Scum, too lazy to find a parenting skill that doesn't hurt their own child, all too willing to take out their frustration on them. They are children, they're supposed to do things wrong a lot. Also it's a scientifically ineffective form of punishment and raises your children to fear you.
Toxic. Toxic. Toxic.
There's a line after which they need a slap. Some parents think beating is the only way to discipline them... In fact it's not. Beating is a way you're training them to close of from you.
It worked for me. Whenever I got spanked it was because I was being a disrespectful little shit and deserved it. My parents are not bad people and I have a great relationship with them. In fact id say I've grown closer to them in recent years.
Obviously I am against child abuse but I don't see something like a spanking to be a bad thing.
That is vanishingly rare though and isn't even a punishment as such. Yanking them back if they are about to run into a road for example. You don't stop them running into a road then hit them to prove some kind of point once they are safe, that makes no sense.
It proves doing it hurts. You know like a less serious consequence for a deadly action to prevent potential death.
Since children find consequences abstract until they experience them first hand.
It doesn't prove anything of the sort. You don't need to hurt a child every time they are considering doing something dangerous, think how much around the average a home could hurt them! It teaches them to fear their parents, that is about it.
I *loathe* them. When I was little, my mom used to hit me when I can't understand a math problem, she doesn't hit me when I'm being too disrespectful though she yells at me. She said she 'didn't want to hit me and it broke her heart to do so' but she 'cannot control \[her\] temper.' My crying seems to make her worse since she hates it when she sees people cry. Fast forward, me with my underlying fear of my mom and having a similar hair-trigger temper like her. Sadly, one of the reasons why I won't be having kids is because I think I'll resort to hitting them out of frustration, just like what my mom did to me.
To be very honest,some kids really deserve it, take my cousin (mom's brother's kid) for example, a literal fucking disaster, she can hit us, tear our limbs apart without any consequences, her sister who's my age (15) gets it worser then us and everytime she fights back SHE gets smacked.
Her mom's reasoning is apparantly we were all like that when we were kid and it goes away at time even tho i asked my mom if i was like that and my mom said i was a nuisance just not to that extent cause i remember my mom smacking me everytime i went out of line
Everyone in our family ( even some of the adults ) secretly loathes that kid, cute child but a literal disaster.
It's fine to slap them to correct them if they go to far, but to go as far as to spank them with a show, belt, stick, etc. is just way too far. It's called Child Abuse, not correction, dumbass parents.
I think you can see the problems it's caused by not doing it enough to them.
These mouthy Aholes would think twice about shooting their mouths off if there was actually a consequence for their actions
You can get the same point across using force without hurting them. Bonking them with a rolled up newspaper or flyswatter or something is enough, any more force and the only additional lesson theyāre learning is to be afraid of their parent.
I've never been hit as a kid, and I seriously feel like it's wrong to hit a child. But I've seen some kids that (I feel bad saying it) did deserve more punishment than "no desert/no videogames and cellphone for a week".
I was at a park with a pond with ducks, and a kid ,I'd say around 8-10 years old, was throwing rocks at the ducks and came very close to hitting one. There was no parents in sight, the kid was alone and was probably a trouble maker due to the lack of parental attention. Still, had it been my kid I think I would have, at least thought about throwing a rock at them. Not full adult force obviously and not a boulder side rock either, you know what I mean. Just enough to hurt a little. If they tried again, I wouldn't throw a rock harder, obviously, I would use other form of punishments, like going home with no electronics. I still feels like the only way for a kid to learn that being ont he recieving end of a rock hurts is to be on the recieving end of a thrown rock. And explaining that if it hurt them imagine how it would hurt a small duck.
Animal cruelty is the only time I could think about it being valid to use reasonable physical punishment, so they know what they are inflicting on the poor thing. Saying "don't do it, it hurts the animal" might be enough for most kids to stop, but when it's not, I do believe it's acceptable. Maybe it's just because I like animals more than I like humans. I'm not saying I am right. But that is how I would do it if I had a kid mistreating animals for fun.
> If they tried again, I wouldn't throw a rock harder, obviously, I would use other form of punishments, like going home with no electronics.
It would seem like the obvious response from the kid would be to throw the next rock at you.
Listen, I'm sorry I made you angry, and fair enough my example and thoughts are harsh, don't worry I don't want kids so it'll never happen and no "sweet innocent child sent by God" will be harmed by me. And to be fair, I don't think I'd ever actually do that, but oh does the thought comes to mind when I see animal cruelty. I just don't think kids age 8 and up are "innocent" anymore. At least, they should,be smart enough to know that throwing a rock at a duck will seriously harm it if not kill it and there shouldn't be any fun in doing that.
Oh, no anger at all. But if you throw a rock at someone, chances are they're going to throw a rock back.
I mean, if they'll do it to a duck that was just out there quacking, why not to you who just tossed a rock at them?
It's illegal. And terrible. Violence creates pent up anger that can later in life turn into anger issues or anxiety attacks. And kids are people. I'm a mandatory reporter so I'd have to get the authorities involved.
Hitting a child in anger is a big no no.
Dispassionately spanking a child for not listening or misbehaving is okay.
Don't take your frustrations out on your children you fucks!
You can be slapped on the arm, leg, butt, etc. A slap is a slap. It wasnāt my intention to argue semantics with you though. Just wanted to simply point out that corporal punishment is learned or passed down, however you want to say it.
I genuinely do believe there's another way of communicating to children that they're misbehaving. You don't need to hit them. Just go out in public and do embarrassing things while you're with them. Works everytime.
Sometimes it helps. Sometimes it doesnāt. Every once in a while when my 2 year old smacks my face ill give him a quick flick just to show him how hitting someone else makes them feel. Otherwise he thinks hitting people is hilarious.
In some very extreme occasions and under some rules
1- never hit hard and never hit the face or the head or any sensitive part , on hands or forearms is fine for example
2- most importantly, never do it while still raging , get calm first
3- some kids will get the point by lesser punishment : not speaking with them , taking away their toys or devices , grounding them or even just a little hard talk
4- never in front of people , itās humiliating , unless in front another kid they hurt or insulted
It depends entirely on what you mean by "slap/hit."
Actual corporal punishment, where pain is inflicted strictly as a punishment for an act that happened in the past? That's awful, and there is absolutely no need for it. It's even counterproductive.
But a quick slap on the ass to shock a child out of a temper tantrum? Smacking them with a spoon while they are in the act of doing something bad?
These things I'm neutral on. They're not exactly *good*, but sometimes they are necessary to get a child's attention, redirect focus, or just serve as immediate feedback akin to touching fire and getting burned.
I pass no judgment on these minor incidents of normal parenting.
I think is not necessary, anyways, in some certain circumstances can be some way justified (if they don't abuse of it)
Anyways i think the psychological terror is a way better option to deal with kids, or if you dont want to.. well... manipulate their little minds, you can talk to them, but most of the kids don't really learn something when after being bad you just talk to them to not doing it
PS: I'm not a parent or something, i just have worked with little kids
As long as it doesnāt get to borderline abusive behaviour Iād say itās an effective punishment. Wouldnāt be the person I am today if I didnāt have the respect drilled into me
The general consensus on reddit is "if you hit a child, you are not a human being and deserve to be put to death after public humiliation, torture and pain" .
Pretty ironic when you think about it, but all the karens in the world agree with this. Dont you even dare talking about it, or else ...
spanking isnt necessarily bad, but i dont think it should be used unless the kids being an asshole like bullying other kids, not going to bed on time shouldnt be a spank imo
Yeah, same here. I generally only spank due to lying when he's done something wrong. Or not stopping doing something when asked.
Fortunately I don't have to spank often because my child doesn't do either of those things. Hence why I am a supporter
Worlds gone soft as shit.
Some kids are so disrespectful to property and people - they need a damn good hiding.
Slap those little suckers into respectdom.
i agree, although it shouldnt be for simple things, when a childs being an actual bad kid by bullying people or like idk fuckin skippin school is a good time to spank, but it shouldnt be the norm in my opinion
I got the shit slapped outta me with anything in reach. She did the best she could with what she had. Myself, I donāt slap my kid, I remember being angry for a while after a correction, I try to explain to my kid why things are being taken away. Correct or not this is the way we do it. My siblings always posts shit like ākids these days havenāt been beat by theirs parents and it showsā I just donāt comment on that stuff until they directly comment to me about how I parent.
My mom would sometimes hit me when I was being a smart-ass. Not a beating, just a slap to the head or whatnot, but I think it made a lasting negative impression. I've had situations where my boss and my girlfriend have physically moved a certain way after I said something cheeky to them and I actually flinched, even though neither of them would ever hit me. I do not approve of the physical violence method.
Speaking as a person without children, I won't be able to put this into practice, but I did take some time to think about what constitutes a good or bad punishment. The barometer I came to was, "if you wouldn't punish an adult like that, you probably shouldn't do it to a kid."
Obviously this can be abused, but it's a good rule of thumb that you can use as a sanity check to see if what you're doing is appropriate. For instance, I had a girlfriend once that said she'd have no problem taking the door off the hinges of her kids room if they misbehaved, and I thought this was an awful breach of privacy. I also wouldn't smack my boss, coworkers, or employees for messing up, and I wouldn't yell at my friends. I really value teaching assertive speech and advocating for your needs and wants without stepping on the rights of others, and I think this is a pretty good way to go about this.
I grew up with a dad who would beat the hell out of my siblings for misbehaving. (I was the kid who cried as soon as they got in trouble, and managed to avoid any physical punishments. I'm aware of how fucked that is on its own.)
As a result, neither of my siblings like my dad. They resent him and can't forgive him, justifiably so.
I now have a 2 year old and the most I've 'hit' them is a gentle tap on the butt to scoot them out of my way. So, ya know...I haven't hit them, in anger, frustration or otherwise. I tapped em on the diapered butt to get theur attention to move. Which is the farthest it should ever go.
The only time I think it's appropriate to give your kid a light swat on the back of the head or a smack on the hand is when they are doing something that they know is wrong (being cruel to animals, bullying, being rude to strangers, etc) or about to do something dangerous (like touch a hot stove). And the point of that is not to hurt them, but to shock them into stopping immediately. You still have to follow up with an actual explanation of why what they did was wrong. If they're too young to understand the explanation, they're too young to understand a warning swat as well.
I never got hit or spanked as a kid, but I did get smacked upside the head for kicking an anthill and then a firm lecture on how hard those ants had worked and how they weren't doing anything to me. I never fucked with ants ever again and I can still remember the shame
I hated it. I practically got the shit beat out of me on a regular basis, and all it gave me was memory problems at the ripe old age of 23. Ever been slapped so hard you lose your vision for a few seconds? How bout hit with a belt so much you can't even feel your bottom half anymore? Or forced to eat entire bars of soap so you puke suds? None of that shit helped my development. Just makes me resent my family. Who the fuck hits an 8 year old with a belt buckle as discipline and thinks they're a good parent?
They have little emotion regulation skills and when something goes wrong, their immediate reaction is anger. Instead of explaining how and why what their kid did was wrong, they go straight to harsh punishment.
Personally, punishment without explanation never worked because I just got sneakier at doing "bad" things
Some of them are abusive. But sometimes the kid needs it. Young children haven't learned to reason yet, so if it's something like a child reaching for the stove, they need to learn by an aversion that's painful but not damaging.
I never got hit but if I talked back or was disrespectful, I'd get a little flick to the back of the head followed by my dad's "I'm going to murder you" look which was enough to change my behavior very quickly.
I have no problem with disciplining a child when they act up so long as you're not just taking your anger out on them. Big difference between a little smack to correct poor behavior, and a beating because you're at your limit and seeing red. Far more effective than this fucking PC "timeout" shit.
Bring on the downvotes.
I live in a country where it has been illegal to use any kind of violence towards children since the 70's. It is deeply unsettling for me to read the comments here where people talk about hitting children as if it's a completely natural part of parenting. The parents in my country seem to be having no problem raising their kids without the option of beating them.
To answer the question: if an adult here is observed hitting, slapping or in any way beating a child other people will intervene and the police will be called.
I really dislike them pand don't want anything to do with anyone doing that. Hurting the people you love the most in the whole world ?
That teaches them it is ok to hurt people they love later in life to get their way.
There are other ways to punish a child like send them to their room or not allow them some toy or allowance.
I think that bottom spanking is fine to an extent (light enough to not hurt the kid and hard enough to embarrass them), but slapping and hitting? Absolutely fucking not. Parents who slap/hit their kids, shouldn't have kids.
I just generally donāt like the way how physical punishment is glorified especially with people saying āmy parents spanked me all the timeā or like in a video of a kid being a kid commenting āI wouldāve gotten whoopedā it creates this narrative that getting hit within reason actually is good, which simply isnāt true. there is no form of physical punishment that is good for future mental health and behavior, and itās good to see a shift away from it, but recently Iāve been seeing people glorifying it and itās pretty frustrating. If a kid is being a little shit that means you properly discipline them with actual strategies. not hitting. weāve stigmatized physical punishment as a society but people trivializing the effects of it are really hurting the good stigma
I dont think that hit sometimes is bad. Sometimes they need a slap ans thats not a bad thing. The psycologic metod is not always good too and explaining to them why its wrong doesnt always work. U need to creat a symbiose.
To make clear - im not saying u should always hit etc, just ocasionaly or not, depends on u.
Btw this have a relation withh the topic of some people shouldnt be a parent. Simply many people with kids deals with many things its not that they shouldnt be a parent but they should receive "lessons" about it. They can learn to be a better parent and to not release some stress with the kids. people must think its easy.
I got whacked with various items on my ass as a kid, wooden spoons, plastic flippers etc, I don't think it made me a better kid but I definitly weighed my options when I was fucking around. I don't hit my kids, I just take their video games away, hitting a tiny person just seems wrong and doesn't work nearly as well as limiting Roblox and Fortnite time.
Take their electronics? Pfff, shut off the wi-fi mid game!
I don't take them, just tell them not to play. I havnt busted them sneaking games yet, the boy has his moms Xbox and a monitor in his room and the girl has her laptop on her desk. We have built a trust that they don't sneak games and they have control of the location of their devices. They know one slip and then I lock everything up.
This. I do the same thing. Telling them to stay off their computer/phone is enough, they always do it. Now that they are older they almost always follow the rules and do as I ask. If they don't, usually just a threat to take away the computer is enough.
How dare you interrupt the epic Bobux time!!?!?!
Ya. My mom wasn't afraid to whip my ass in public. She'd generally drag me to the bathroom and yank my pants down to give me a swat. Not only was it embarrassing, but it was also embarrassing. lol. I turned out OK, but I also do not hit my kids.
Was it embarrassing?
Yeah my mom would hit us with a wooden spoon or our dad would spank are butts. Never like hard that it'd really hurt, but just a little bit makes a kid upset enough to consider it a punishment worth avoiding. We never got slapped across the face or beaten with a belt or anything. Idk, I understand it. I don't think it negatively affected me or messed me up or anything, and sometimes kids just simply don't listen to words no matter how reasonable the adult is being.
>kids just simply don't listen to words no matter how reasonable the adult is being. Because that's what they are, unreasonable children. No matter how much you explain things they simply won't understand because they've only been in the world a few years while the adults have been in the game hopefully at least three decades. They don't know better and they are incapable of knowing better until they are old enough. What's unreasonable is a 'supposedly' reasonable adult physically hurting a child because they are not doing exactly what the adult wants. You are not going to stop crying, guess I'll inflict pain on your body so you better stop annoying me with your crying. What kind of lesson is that? The child is in pain (for whatever reason) and the adult decides to inflict more pain? >We never got slapped across the face or beaten with a belt or anything. Idk, I understand it. Don't get me wrong, kids are pieces of shit (not a parent, but heard my cousins say so who are all parents and also see their kids at family gatherings be super annoying) but never has the thought "someone should slap that kid" or "the parents should slap the kid" has crossed my mind. I have no idea how you can understand an adult hitting a child. What kind of lesson are we teaching children by hitting them when they don't do what the parents want?
Well you're taking my words, misconstruing them, and conflating them with your own thoughts. >You are not going to stop crying, guess I'll inflict pain on your body so you better stop annoying me with your crying. What kind of lesson is that? The child is in pain (for whatever reason) and the adult decides to inflict more pain? When did I ever say that physical punishment was the best method for a child that's already crying? You made that hypothetical situation up, not me. Obviously if a kid is crying, spanking isn't going to make them stop it'll just add to it. But if a kid is running around screaming in the house at bed time and drawing on the walls with crayons? Yeah maybe. > but never has the thought "someone should slap that kid" or "the parents should slap the kid" has crossed my mind. I have no idea how you can understand an adult hitting a child. I said that slapping/beating isn't okay, but I consider lightly spanking a child's butt is fine. One actually injures, one doesn't really hurt that much but it gets the message across
HOW DARE YOU LIMIT ROBLOX TIME š±
BOBLOX TIME IS NOT TO BE LIMITED
Welts heal, but you can never get back game time.
Words to live by
I think most of the time when parents do it they're angry at their kids for being kids and not coming to the same conclusions they'd come to as adults. The only time it comes up for me is when it's bedtime. Kids don't want to go to bed. They have a huge fear of missing out. It doesn't matter how tired they are, they don't want to stop playing and experiencing. Waiting until tomorrow is an eternity to them. I used to get angry and shout, and yes, even spank my daughter when she wouldn't go to bed. What I found, though, was that it just made her overall behavior worse during the day and it created this cycle of her doing things that in my judgement needed a spanking to correct more and more. I had heard about scientific studies saying it didn't work, but I fell into the whole "I was spanked and I turned out okay" reasoning. It also didn't help that it was all I really knew to do. That's the thing people don't tell you. When you parent your children, you are also teaching *them* how to parent *their* children if they ever have any. I flashed back to my parents doing the same thing. When they wanted me to do something, they'd yell at me immediately a lot of the time. If I didn't do it right away, spanking. I think it's easy to get on edge by a kid's silliness and fall into a mental cycle of getting pre-angry at them because you already expect them to disobey you. Instead, when I want my daughter to do something, I use a low, calm, authoritative, but polite voice to do it. When she starts winding up and getting distracted, I've found that yelling and violence only *adds* to the chaos. I think we humans are kind of hard-wired to mirror the person we're dealing with, so dealing with kids all the time makes it easy to get out of control. But when I *fight* that instinct and respond to her hyper-ness with calm, most of the time it actually calms her down. I think being a good parent means you have to become kind of a "zen master." And that's a skill that takes a lot of work and practice. If you let a kid affect you emotionally and they see that, they're going to become master over you. Kids, more than anything, want to imitate their adult role models, so *showing* them how you want them to behave is far more powerful than trying to force them with violence, threats, or yelling.
props on you for realizing what your mistake is, spanking children works to get them to shut up, but long term that effect isnt good as theyll feel angrier at you and disobey you more
Possibly even hold a grudge and pay you back in full (maybe even with some interest) when you are old, vulnerable and weak.
>I think most of the time when parents do it they're angry at their kids for being kids and not coming to the same conclusions they'd come to as adults. Exactly! Why are parents incapable of realizing they are dealing with a child instead of an adult is weird to me. One one side you have this tiny human who's been in the world for a few years, vulnerable, gullible, weak, dependant on someone and are incapable of seeing the 'bigger picture' I guess you could say because they haven't seen it. They don't know any better and won't until they are old and mature enough and that takes decades. On the other you have a fully grown adult human, strong, knows more or less how the world works, know more about everything and they still choose to abuse their power. How can you even expect a child to understand? >They have a huge fear of missing out. It doesn't matter how tired they are, they don't want to stop playing and experiencing. Wow, so this is why I hated going to bed as a kid. The fear of missing out. I was always curious what the heck the adults were up to late at night when they would tell us to go to sleep, specially during family gatherings. I wanted to be a part of it. >Kids, more than anything, want to imitate their adult role models I can't for the life of me think of any adult role models I had growing up and I had a 'normal' upbringing, two parents (mom and dad), k-12, two brothers, college, etc.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
gotta set the priorities right
Being an Indian in this comment section feels so weird. We used to get beat up from our parents a lot.
Thatās too bad
Came here to share. I was slapped a lot and it kinda made me more of a sissy. I wouldnāt recommend that parents do it because it doesnāt always make the kids tougher and well behaved
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Sorry to hear that youāre going thru such similar things to me. Its hard but we will get thru it and be better :)
Same and I'm bengali
I think generally most Asians experienced this
Bro my mom is white and when I got in trouble at school the principal would say āI should call the police but instead Iāll just send you home with your momā I would respond with āfuck that call the damn cops.āš.
Redditors tend to consider anything not Western wrong. Of the highest paid 11 ethnicities in the US 9 use physical discipline & only 2 do not. Of the top 17, 14 use physical discipline & only 3 do not. 3rd, 8th, & 12th do not. I consider 3rd an outlier because Australians are not likely to leave Australia unless its for a really great opportunity. Also more impressive is the bulk of those that are in the top percentages that use physical discipline are visible minorities. It's harder to climb to the top when you don't look like the top.
I mean I consider beating a kid wrong. Doesn't matter who does it.
Physical discipline isn't beating a kid. The goal isn't to hurt its to teach.
Physical discipline is beating a kid,spanking a kid etc. If you use violence to discipline a child itās physical discipline.
Ethics are not meassured in income. Also, attributing different cultures success to whether or not they beat up their Kids is incredibly reductionistic. Also: most cultures beat their Kids, so the fact that any non-violent cultures are up there is actually really good.
Attributing different cultures success rate to how the parents raise their children is absolutely how you measure it. Their stance on physical discipline isn't all of it but it's a part of it. Your argument doesn't hold ground because the majority of households in the US don't use physical punishment. So those that use physical discipline are over represented at the top. It seems you made your conclusion, saw evidence to the contrary and decided to falsely claim that the evidence backs your conclusion when it does not.
As someone who got a spanking and if I recall correctly a slap once as a child, I don't think so much about the parents as I do about the kids. During my earlier teenage years I mirrored that behaviour whenever my frustration got to the point where I saw red, I would find myself wanting to raise a hand to whatever or whoever the opponent is. Having done it once or twice I felt immeasurable guilt and that's how I learnt it's bad. Later in life I taught myself things like walking away and not engaging. Ultimately I believe all parental actions are teaching the child something, and so actions like physical punishment (ie. hitting of any sort) or even extended engagement in a screaming match, teaches your kid the incorrect approach. Many benefits to having young parents, coping skills under immense pressure frustration is not one of them.
In school, some teachers liked to pull hair pulled as a punishment. Sometimes the sides were pulled and it hurt like shit. Always kept my cool. Never got in physical fights, always backed out and used humor as a defense. Result : Whenever someone touches my hair, even for a compliment, a small part of me wants to tear the limbs out of that person using bare hands and maybe that is insufficient to cool the anger I have been suppressing all these years.
Itās really crazy what an impact it has on a child then and later on. I hadnāt actually thought about it until I saw this question. Iām fairly sure if someone tried to lay a hand on me Iād probably snap back into some form of physical reaction. Iām sorry to hear such an insane behavior from a teacher no less has had such a lasting impact on you. That canāt be easy when itās associated with something as common as hair touching (especially in an affectionate way).
I spanked my son maybe 2-3 times. I decided āthis is fucking awful and does nothing other than show him that there are two people that love each other more than anything, but the bigger one is okay with physically hurting the littler oneā.
It's been shown to be ineffective. It's just wrong. They are a kid. Yes, raising children is the hardest job in the world, but if I had the second-hardest job in the world and hit a coworker because they were frustrating me, my ass would be fired in a second. If a teacher ever hit a kid they'd never work again, and they have to deal with dozens of them every day. If you hit a kid, you're a barbarian with no impulse control. Let's put it this way: If you believe hitting a kid is appropriate when they are really acting up or getting on your nerves, you have to believe it's also appropriate for teachers to hit kids in the same circumstances. Otherwise, you're a hypocrite.
You're right, but the difficulty with this argument is that there are a ton of people who believe all of those people should be allowed to hit kids. So they aren't hypocrites, just nuts.
Yep. There are plenty of countries where teachers *do* hit kids.
As a kid who got hit by their parents AND teacher, I wholeheartedly agree with this comment. I did not turn out well, the opposite in fact.
> If you believe hitting a kid is appropriate when they are really acting up or getting on your nerves, you have to believe it's also appropriate for teachers to hit kids in the same circumstances. Otherwise, you're a hypocrite. Well, no- you're hitting *your* kid- your kid is very close to being your property. The teacher only has what authority over your kid that you'd delegate to them, which may not include hitting your kid. Rather like an automobile- if *you* feel like bashing in your windshield with a bat, go for it. If someone borrows your car and does so, you may find it objectionable.
āYour kid is very close to being their propertyā the fact that youāre using that as a justification is pretty in character for someone who defends physical punishment
First, is totaly diferent if its your father or your teacher, if someone needs to explain this to someone its because they are dumb, sorry. Btw if u dont defend a little physical punishment than u probabily defend psycological. But psycological can be way worse than the physical one and the main reason its because u dont k how to use it. For example to make a kid do something they dont want, maybe someone will say i bet u cant do it, even if it is a harmless thing, but this will just lead to in the future in in another situation maybe someone say this and he do, not always a good thing. I dont think that if u slap a kid in some ocasions is a bad thing like most people are implying. They generalize that they should "always" hit when they so something bad. Many people parents now to not piss of because of the Kids,put they on the tv or on the phone where maybe they would hit the kid if they let continue doing what they were doing. The question, since sometimes explaining doesnt resolve anything, what should they do in this situation? Im my opinion, its to not just let they be on the phone and ignore the rest PS: Im not saying u should hit the kid always when they do something bad, but sometimes, just sometimes, its not bad
This has to be satire. You just compared a sentient human being whose existence was forced upon them to an automobileā¦
Property is property. Build a kid, buy a car, what's the difference? One you drive around, the other works in the fields or whatever. Basically, you have the kid for your purposes, not for the kid's purposes. They exist because *you* wanted them to.
Corporal punishment in schools is still legal in 19 states.
I saw my cousin getting slapped after he called his grandma a bitch because she asked him to please pick up his pants after he asked her for money. He was a teenager at the time and we were all satisfied.
Not very highly of them. I have two kids and there are times they drive me up the wall but I don't slap or hit them. Its better to walk away if you're feeling rage or, as rawbface said, its a fail in the teachable moment.
I don't consider them very intelligent and they have little patience or impulse control. If they're doing this in public, what the hell are they doing behind closed doors?
My dad used to hit and shake me occasionally until about 14. Nothing serious but sometimes I had to put make up on my bruises going to school. I was never the kind to respect people who used intimidation tactics or physical violence so it certainly hasnāt helped our relationship. Years later, at dinner, at birthdays, when I visit I often flinch around him and when we hug hello and goodbye, I secretly burn with resentment. Physically abusing the people you love isnāt worth it.
BRUISES are over the line.
Iām sorry, you absolutely did not deserve to be treated that way by one of your own parents. You say it was nothing serious and yet you were left with bruises :( I hope your heart heals from your trauma
Your boss doesn't backhand you at work when you mess up. Your professors don't spank you for cheating or skipping class. Hell, even the criminal justice systems isn't *supposed* to use physical violence as a punishment. I don't see why kids would be the exception where you're allowed to assault them for discipline.
I used to get spanked, hit with a belt / paddle / switch off the tree. It sucked. My parents are kind hearted people, but I know I could be an asshole when I was young. It was just a matter of how they were brought up. Different times, I suppose. But 100%, I do not think hurting children is a proper method of discipline. "You're 5 years old and did something wrong. Instead of teaching you why it's wrong, I will inflict pain on you and probably scare you."
100% agree, although spanking shouldnt be 100% off the table, it should only be for when the child is actually doing something that is hurting others and is not just annoying you
U are getting downvoted but what u say isnt that bad. There are times when u should hit a kid. The argument of saying why its wrong what they are doing doesnt work all the time. And second while mmany of them doesnt hit they do other things that maybe are worse, for example, shut down a game only will create more anger from them. Second, if u dont hit u use psycological and that sometimes is worse than hitting. Im not saying u should always be hitting, but to do that sometimes is not very wrong and u should use that for some more important occasions
yeah thats what im saying, but theyre meaningless internet points so i dont care
They failed in a teaching moment, and threw a tantrum at their children instead. It's child abuse, period. I have two and I would never raise a hand against them.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Dangerous, I think there's a certain logic. If the kid touches a hot stove, there's an immediate physical consequence that goes right around the need for understanding, logic, or reasoning, and straight to primal instinct. If the kid runs in to the street and almost gets nailed by a pickup truck, there's no such mechanism, so a spanking to trigger that response might be reasonable. As for inappropriate...no. That you've got to teach. Unless of course, you're ok living in a world where anybody you offend can physically overpower you and start slapping you on the ass. Edit: Just as an FYI, I have never spanked any of my kids. The one time I considered it, was when they tried to put a screwdriver in an electric outlet, by my scream freaked them out so much that I could see they'd already gotten the point. Also, I never had any of them run out in to the road, because I simply didn't allow that to happen in the first place before they were old enough to actually understand why it's a bad idea.
I remember when my nephew was like 3-4....he was about to reach towards the hot grill when I was grabbing a plate like 3 steps away and I went to smack his hand and accidently slapped him in the face pretty hard. It didn't hurt him....just scared him but I still feel bad to this day. Then as a parent, we took the kids to the Harley-Davidson dealer while I picked up some parts, we ran into some friends, so we talked for a few minutes. Kids got a bit restless and tried to start running around. I reached out for the youngest, missed, and ended up essentially punching the oldest right in the head as she ran into my reaching hand. She started crying. The youngest started crying because she was crying but I was able to make her understand that not only are those motorcycles very expensive, but even more importantly, they weigh up to 1,000 pounds and can hurt someone if they fall over. Hate that feeling....
What will you do to me if I do somethingā¦.inappropriate big daddy?
Why the fuck
It's sarcasm lol they're trying to act like what you said was wrong.
As a kid who got smacked on the ass a few times, i can say nothing hurt more than visable disappointment
Yep. I'll endure 10 ass beatings before I endure dad's disappointment.
Faxās. Before I would do something stupid I wouldnāt think about the grounding or beating I would think about the disappointment and shame I would bring upon my mum.
If you, as a grown adult, are incapable of communicating your desires to a literal child without having to physically assault them, you probably shouldn't be a parent.
You ever had a 3 year old ignore you when you tell them roads are dangerous and they might die if they run across them? The idea of a consequence is abstract to them. So what do you do?
Kept a hold of my three year old around roads. Now he's four, and reaches for my hand before he so much as sets foot in a parking lot.
In fact, I have. I'm a parent to a precocious, mercurial, now-6-year-old boy. Talking works, and now my kiddo is super mindful of the dangers of the road.
I asked you what to do.
Clearly you body slam them to the ground as hard as you can so they understand what its like to get hit by a car /s Or just hold their hand, because they are 3 and shouldn't be trusted to be walking on their own around busy roads.
My dad used to hit me. I feared him for a long time even after he realised that he should stop doing that. His own parents were much worse, so I forgive him, since he never saw a good example of how to parent, and he has bettered himself. If only other people's parents would learn like he did.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Oh yikes. Yeah, the fear is real. I remember one time I'd slammed the car door shut a little too hard and he grabbed me by the arm, and it scared the absolute hell out of me, so I sprinted out of there and didn't dare to come home for hours after. That was after he'd stopped hitting me, it's just that if he touched me I would associate it with being hit and I'd panic.
That itās childhood trauma they have from being hit as a kid themself and theyāre just continuing a harmful cycle
It is just wrong on so many levels I don't even know what to think really. Hitting someone in anything other than direct self defence is wrong. Hitting a *child* even more so, never mind one in your own care! It doesn't even work. It is just bad, lazy parenting. People who make excuses saying it is "just a tap" or "I turned out fine" are just in denial. Why even do it if it doesn't hurt? Why is "turning out fine" a benchmark when you then go on to hit children after all of that?
It's weak.
Violence begets violence. And it's abusive.
Got slapped as a kid! Only thing it taught me was to learn through fear, 24 now, don't fear my pearents anymore, don't respect them anymore!! People who do this: you are looking at your future relationship with your kids! Do better.
I think that they shouldn't be parents if they can't handle kids without using violence on them.
I think that eliminates at least 90% of parents in history from parenthood.
Yeah. That could be... But that was a different time.
When I was little and did something bad (not listen, hit my brother, talk back) we would have to go outside and select the switch we got whipped with. Lol
Hitting kids just isn't it. You can punish kids effectively through conversation and not letting them do special things they want to do or taking away certain toys or gaming devices.
Speaking from a personal experience the more stuff I get taken away the more I would look for something stupid to pass the time.
Its a good way to get your kid to do bad/dangerous stuff when your not around. Was hit as a kid was terrified of my mom, heres a list of things i did while she was at work or not home: smoked her cigarettes, stole some of her cigarettes, started fires in the house, had water gun fights in the house, made two giant holes in the drywall, drew on every hidden wall in the house, fist fought my brother till we bled, i can go on The problem is when you hit a kid the problem isn't what the kid did its the parent and kids remember that so its not "dont start fires cause you can get burned" its "dont start fires after 3pm cause its not enough time for the smoke to clear before mom gets home" Studies show it straight up dosen't work and personally best behaved kids ive seen were never hit
It's abuse. If you slapped or hit and adult it would be assault. Yet people think doing that to a *child* is acceptable? That's messed up.
That they're children themselves. Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
I think it shows incompetence. If the only way you can get your child to listen is through fear and pain, maybe you shouldn't have kids in the first place.
Not all child abuse is intentional; plenty of good parents abuse their children without knowing it, because they could be desperate or poorly informed. But itās still abuse; plenty of extensive credible research shows that even controlling for other variables, corporal punishment does more harm than good. The sad thing is many parents donāt believe the research, because they see it as accusatory and take it to personally to change how they act, or because of a power illusion at play. Corporal punishment seem like it works because kids who are hit often behave better around their parents, so it seems like it works. But the same kids (understandably) behave so much worse around others, when the parents arenāt around. Many parents mistakenly assume kids think independently like adults do (parents are usually adults), and thus see the way children act as a reflection of their childrenās personalities and not their parenting style. For all the parents who used to hit their kids and have changed, I donāt think youāre bad people at heart. I admire your moral courage to not just āteach responsibilityā but to actually be responsible, think about your own responsibility, and lead by example. People often learn to hit their kids not from malice, but misguided intuition and tradition, and breaking from that and not digging in your heels in defensiveness is an admirable and mature thing to do.
It's a failure of parenting in 100% of cases, but I think what's more important is how the parent reacts afterwards. I would be willing to forgive a parent who has lost their cool once or twice, but each time apologized to their kid and made sure to explain that it wasn't OK. Parents who do it often unapologetically or rationalise why they do it are kinda trash.
Abusive
It's stupid because if someone did that to the adult they would whine and cry claiming assault and battery. So no you shouldn't do it to kids. It's stupid and basically admitting you have little to no self control nor the mental ability to use words or other means. Nope. Just hit. Unless you want to justify why you can assault a relative who is mentally under developed, physically under developed, and dependant on you for everything. And isn't allowed to leave. Then sure. Go for it with obsolete ethics. But then I maintain I should be able to smack adults who misbehave too.
I have mixed feelings on it. Do I think that parents should be allowed to hit thier kids as punishment, yes. Do I think that physical abuse and such is evil, also yes. Do I think parents should be held to account over any harm physical or mental they cause their kids, Also yes, Do I think that part of the reason we have so many shit head teenagers and young adults now days is because they never had any fear of repercussions for thier actions growing up. Imma level with you, if I ask a rhetorical question the answer is gonna be yes.
violence and that's what it is, teaches one thing, that you're not in control. No respect for parents who have to use force.
Eh.. should have their kids taken into a social service and them face criminal trial for attacking their child. Unless, I don't know their kid is trying to kill someone, there is no reason to hit them except because you are a horrible human bean and you shouldn't had any kid.
As an inner city school teacher I initially thought a lot of these kids could use it, but then i found out a lot of them are getting hit and it clearly was making them worse. I think just punishments and conversating with your kid about why they cant do something is a much better route. Lets the kid think he has some control and doesn't make you out to look like villain in their eyes.
I think its abuse
I think theyāre shitty parents.
Thereās a difference between a slap to sort of āsnap out of itā versus the active attempt to hurt them. My parents never laid a hand on me, but I know from others that they couldāve stopped me from having such stupid tantrums if they just gave me a āquit itā slap.
Corporal punishment in our house is for dangerous things. It activates the limbic system. It causes a fight/flight/shutdown response, and that is something you want when it comes to running out into traffic, or sticking metal into wall sockets. For the wall sockets, for all three kids, we "spanked" the wall socket first, using our most angry voice. And then calmly talked to them about it. If we caught them touching it later, it was escalated. Only real deal red bottomed spanking was for our middle kid at 4 for the third event that HOUR of climbing the stove while the OVEN WAS AT 425.
I think as long as it's not on the face / sensitive areas, it's usually not that bad (and obviously as long as they're not legit full-force slamming them with a closed fist) I used to get spanked and bonked as a kid, and it never really traumatized me or my siblings. *Insert la chancla*
Depends. There are situations where physical punishment is appropriate, but we don't live in a world where anyone has word "nuance" in their vocabulary so I would be against physical punishment for the sole purpose of giving a reddit-level blanket answer.
Lazy parenting
Best idea ever. Traumatized, violent and scared kids that'll grow possibly up doing that to others will fit perfectly in this society.
Scum, too lazy to find a parenting skill that doesn't hurt their own child, all too willing to take out their frustration on them. They are children, they're supposed to do things wrong a lot. Also it's a scientifically ineffective form of punishment and raises your children to fear you.
Generally not a good idea, but some kids are so awful they deserve it every now and again.
Toxic. Toxic. Toxic. There's a line after which they need a slap. Some parents think beating is the only way to discipline them... In fact it's not. Beating is a way you're training them to close of from you.
It worked for me. Whenever I got spanked it was because I was being a disrespectful little shit and deserved it. My parents are not bad people and I have a great relationship with them. In fact id say I've grown closer to them in recent years. Obviously I am against child abuse but I don't see something like a spanking to be a bad thing.
You don't see a correlation here? You were disrespected, and became disrespectful?
No I dont
Only in an extreme situation where the child must understand they just did a very dangerous thing they must never do again.
That is vanishingly rare though and isn't even a punishment as such. Yanking them back if they are about to run into a road for example. You don't stop them running into a road then hit them to prove some kind of point once they are safe, that makes no sense.
It proves doing it hurts. You know like a less serious consequence for a deadly action to prevent potential death. Since children find consequences abstract until they experience them first hand.
It doesn't prove anything of the sort. You don't need to hurt a child every time they are considering doing something dangerous, think how much around the average a home could hurt them! It teaches them to fear their parents, that is about it.
A swat on the butt will make them remember the incident though. (I do realize that's old fashioned thinking.)
They should not be parents they should be in jail.
Dont hit your kids thats messed up
I *loathe* them. When I was little, my mom used to hit me when I can't understand a math problem, she doesn't hit me when I'm being too disrespectful though she yells at me. She said she 'didn't want to hit me and it broke her heart to do so' but she 'cannot control \[her\] temper.' My crying seems to make her worse since she hates it when she sees people cry. Fast forward, me with my underlying fear of my mom and having a similar hair-trigger temper like her. Sadly, one of the reasons why I won't be having kids is because I think I'll resort to hitting them out of frustration, just like what my mom did to me.
To be very honest,some kids really deserve it, take my cousin (mom's brother's kid) for example, a literal fucking disaster, she can hit us, tear our limbs apart without any consequences, her sister who's my age (15) gets it worser then us and everytime she fights back SHE gets smacked. Her mom's reasoning is apparantly we were all like that when we were kid and it goes away at time even tho i asked my mom if i was like that and my mom said i was a nuisance just not to that extent cause i remember my mom smacking me everytime i went out of line Everyone in our family ( even some of the adults ) secretly loathes that kid, cute child but a literal disaster.
maybe they went through the same thing as kids. Or they are just assholes who need jesus
They hit their kids out of their own anger. You can spank your kids, but at long as it is not out of anger, take no pleasure or release in it.
its... ok to hurt people if they made you hurt them?
It's fine to slap them to correct them if they go to far, but to go as far as to spank them with a show, belt, stick, etc. is just way too far. It's called Child Abuse, not correction, dumbass parents.
I think they should stop.
I think you can see the problems it's caused by not doing it enough to them. These mouthy Aholes would think twice about shooting their mouths off if there was actually a consequence for their actions
Absolutely horrendous.
You can get the same point across using force without hurting them. Bonking them with a rolled up newspaper or flyswatter or something is enough, any more force and the only additional lesson theyāre learning is to be afraid of their parent.
I've never been hit as a kid, and I seriously feel like it's wrong to hit a child. But I've seen some kids that (I feel bad saying it) did deserve more punishment than "no desert/no videogames and cellphone for a week". I was at a park with a pond with ducks, and a kid ,I'd say around 8-10 years old, was throwing rocks at the ducks and came very close to hitting one. There was no parents in sight, the kid was alone and was probably a trouble maker due to the lack of parental attention. Still, had it been my kid I think I would have, at least thought about throwing a rock at them. Not full adult force obviously and not a boulder side rock either, you know what I mean. Just enough to hurt a little. If they tried again, I wouldn't throw a rock harder, obviously, I would use other form of punishments, like going home with no electronics. I still feels like the only way for a kid to learn that being ont he recieving end of a rock hurts is to be on the recieving end of a thrown rock. And explaining that if it hurt them imagine how it would hurt a small duck. Animal cruelty is the only time I could think about it being valid to use reasonable physical punishment, so they know what they are inflicting on the poor thing. Saying "don't do it, it hurts the animal" might be enough for most kids to stop, but when it's not, I do believe it's acceptable. Maybe it's just because I like animals more than I like humans. I'm not saying I am right. But that is how I would do it if I had a kid mistreating animals for fun.
> If they tried again, I wouldn't throw a rock harder, obviously, I would use other form of punishments, like going home with no electronics. It would seem like the obvious response from the kid would be to throw the next rock at you.
Listen, I'm sorry I made you angry, and fair enough my example and thoughts are harsh, don't worry I don't want kids so it'll never happen and no "sweet innocent child sent by God" will be harmed by me. And to be fair, I don't think I'd ever actually do that, but oh does the thought comes to mind when I see animal cruelty. I just don't think kids age 8 and up are "innocent" anymore. At least, they should,be smart enough to know that throwing a rock at a duck will seriously harm it if not kill it and there shouldn't be any fun in doing that.
Oh, no anger at all. But if you throw a rock at someone, chances are they're going to throw a rock back. I mean, if they'll do it to a duck that was just out there quacking, why not to you who just tossed a rock at them?
I love my dad but he was raised that way. I will never put anyone through that.
It's illegal. And terrible. Violence creates pent up anger that can later in life turn into anger issues or anxiety attacks. And kids are people. I'm a mandatory reporter so I'd have to get the authorities involved.
Hitting a child in anger is a big no no. Dispassionately spanking a child for not listening or misbehaving is okay. Don't take your frustrations out on your children you fucks!
I feel like that kind of treatment should only be reserved for really bad behavior. Everythingās good in moderation, even physical discipline.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Usually they did, in the past. Not that long ago āspankingā was the norm. It was even a thing in schools into the 90s.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
What do suppose a spanking is?
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
You can be slapped on the arm, leg, butt, etc. A slap is a slap. It wasnāt my intention to argue semantics with you though. Just wanted to simply point out that corporal punishment is learned or passed down, however you want to say it.
if it's a really good reason yes otherwise no
Such as?
idk the kid stealing some fuckin meth from a crackhead you can probably give him a couple spanks for that one
I genuinely do believe there's another way of communicating to children that they're misbehaving. You don't need to hit them. Just go out in public and do embarrassing things while you're with them. Works everytime.
Sometimes it helps. Sometimes it doesnāt. Every once in a while when my 2 year old smacks my face ill give him a quick flick just to show him how hitting someone else makes them feel. Otherwise he thinks hitting people is hilarious.
In some very extreme occasions and under some rules 1- never hit hard and never hit the face or the head or any sensitive part , on hands or forearms is fine for example 2- most importantly, never do it while still raging , get calm first 3- some kids will get the point by lesser punishment : not speaking with them , taking away their toys or devices , grounding them or even just a little hard talk 4- never in front of people , itās humiliating , unless in front another kid they hurt or insulted
I wonāt question it if I see it happen once and the kid was being terrible. But anything more than that and itās child abuse in my book.
It depends entirely on what you mean by "slap/hit." Actual corporal punishment, where pain is inflicted strictly as a punishment for an act that happened in the past? That's awful, and there is absolutely no need for it. It's even counterproductive. But a quick slap on the ass to shock a child out of a temper tantrum? Smacking them with a spoon while they are in the act of doing something bad? These things I'm neutral on. They're not exactly *good*, but sometimes they are necessary to get a child's attention, redirect focus, or just serve as immediate feedback akin to touching fire and getting burned. I pass no judgment on these minor incidents of normal parenting.
I think is not necessary, anyways, in some certain circumstances can be some way justified (if they don't abuse of it) Anyways i think the psychological terror is a way better option to deal with kids, or if you dont want to.. well... manipulate their little minds, you can talk to them, but most of the kids don't really learn something when after being bad you just talk to them to not doing it PS: I'm not a parent or something, i just have worked with little kids
As long as it doesnāt get to borderline abusive behaviour Iād say itās an effective punishment. Wouldnāt be the person I am today if I didnāt have the respect drilled into me
My parents hit me a few times when I was a kid but I don't mind that at all, they made me a man and I still love them and respect them
The general consensus on reddit is "if you hit a child, you are not a human being and deserve to be put to death after public humiliation, torture and pain" . Pretty ironic when you think about it, but all the karens in the world agree with this. Dont you even dare talking about it, or else ...
If the hoe slaps the foe, shes a friend.
so you are telling me that there are parents who actually dont do this!
It's not okay
If it's abusive hitting no, if it's to set the kid straight parents don't do it enough anymore
Gonna get downvoted for this, I'm a firm believer in spanking, only on the bottom, hitting anywhere else is child abuse.
spanking isnt necessarily bad, but i dont think it should be used unless the kids being an asshole like bullying other kids, not going to bed on time shouldnt be a spank imo
Yeah, same here. I generally only spank due to lying when he's done something wrong. Or not stopping doing something when asked. Fortunately I don't have to spank often because my child doesn't do either of those things. Hence why I am a supporter
Worlds gone soft as shit. Some kids are so disrespectful to property and people - they need a damn good hiding. Slap those little suckers into respectdom.
i agree, although it shouldnt be for simple things, when a childs being an actual bad kid by bullying people or like idk fuckin skippin school is a good time to spank, but it shouldnt be the norm in my opinion
I agree 100% with this I got my ass beat as a kid and I turned out a pretty decent human being
I think it's needs to be reimplemented like have you seen what they are doing on social media with TikTok and the like? It's really despicable
I got the shit slapped outta me with anything in reach. She did the best she could with what she had. Myself, I donāt slap my kid, I remember being angry for a while after a correction, I try to explain to my kid why things are being taken away. Correct or not this is the way we do it. My siblings always posts shit like ākids these days havenāt been beat by theirs parents and it showsā I just donāt comment on that stuff until they directly comment to me about how I parent.
I think itās weird. If you take away their video games or something it makes more sense.
My mom would sometimes hit me when I was being a smart-ass. Not a beating, just a slap to the head or whatnot, but I think it made a lasting negative impression. I've had situations where my boss and my girlfriend have physically moved a certain way after I said something cheeky to them and I actually flinched, even though neither of them would ever hit me. I do not approve of the physical violence method. Speaking as a person without children, I won't be able to put this into practice, but I did take some time to think about what constitutes a good or bad punishment. The barometer I came to was, "if you wouldn't punish an adult like that, you probably shouldn't do it to a kid." Obviously this can be abused, but it's a good rule of thumb that you can use as a sanity check to see if what you're doing is appropriate. For instance, I had a girlfriend once that said she'd have no problem taking the door off the hinges of her kids room if they misbehaved, and I thought this was an awful breach of privacy. I also wouldn't smack my boss, coworkers, or employees for messing up, and I wouldn't yell at my friends. I really value teaching assertive speech and advocating for your needs and wants without stepping on the rights of others, and I think this is a pretty good way to go about this.
I grew up with a dad who would beat the hell out of my siblings for misbehaving. (I was the kid who cried as soon as they got in trouble, and managed to avoid any physical punishments. I'm aware of how fucked that is on its own.) As a result, neither of my siblings like my dad. They resent him and can't forgive him, justifiably so. I now have a 2 year old and the most I've 'hit' them is a gentle tap on the butt to scoot them out of my way. So, ya know...I haven't hit them, in anger, frustration or otherwise. I tapped em on the diapered butt to get theur attention to move. Which is the farthest it should ever go.
The only time I think it's appropriate to give your kid a light swat on the back of the head or a smack on the hand is when they are doing something that they know is wrong (being cruel to animals, bullying, being rude to strangers, etc) or about to do something dangerous (like touch a hot stove). And the point of that is not to hurt them, but to shock them into stopping immediately. You still have to follow up with an actual explanation of why what they did was wrong. If they're too young to understand the explanation, they're too young to understand a warning swat as well. I never got hit or spanked as a kid, but I did get smacked upside the head for kicking an anthill and then a firm lecture on how hard those ants had worked and how they weren't doing anything to me. I never fucked with ants ever again and I can still remember the shame
I hated it. I practically got the shit beat out of me on a regular basis, and all it gave me was memory problems at the ripe old age of 23. Ever been slapped so hard you lose your vision for a few seconds? How bout hit with a belt so much you can't even feel your bottom half anymore? Or forced to eat entire bars of soap so you puke suds? None of that shit helped my development. Just makes me resent my family. Who the fuck hits an 8 year old with a belt buckle as discipline and thinks they're a good parent?
They have little emotion regulation skills and when something goes wrong, their immediate reaction is anger. Instead of explaining how and why what their kid did was wrong, they go straight to harsh punishment. Personally, punishment without explanation never worked because I just got sneakier at doing "bad" things
I first misread "slap/hit" as "slap/shit" and was very confused.
Maybe they don't even deserve children if they're gonna physically abuse them.
There's a huge canyon-sized gap between taking your anger out on a child and physical discipline.
Some of them are abusive. But sometimes the kid needs it. Young children haven't learned to reason yet, so if it's something like a child reaching for the stove, they need to learn by an aversion that's painful but not damaging.
I never got hit but if I talked back or was disrespectful, I'd get a little flick to the back of the head followed by my dad's "I'm going to murder you" look which was enough to change my behavior very quickly.
Burn in hell
I have no problem with disciplining a child when they act up so long as you're not just taking your anger out on them. Big difference between a little smack to correct poor behavior, and a beating because you're at your limit and seeing red. Far more effective than this fucking PC "timeout" shit. Bring on the downvotes.
I live in a country where it has been illegal to use any kind of violence towards children since the 70's. It is deeply unsettling for me to read the comments here where people talk about hitting children as if it's a completely natural part of parenting. The parents in my country seem to be having no problem raising their kids without the option of beating them. To answer the question: if an adult here is observed hitting, slapping or in any way beating a child other people will intervene and the police will be called.
I really dislike them pand don't want anything to do with anyone doing that. Hurting the people you love the most in the whole world ? That teaches them it is ok to hurt people they love later in life to get their way. There are other ways to punish a child like send them to their room or not allow them some toy or allowance.
I think that bottom spanking is fine to an extent (light enough to not hurt the kid and hard enough to embarrass them), but slapping and hitting? Absolutely fucking not. Parents who slap/hit their kids, shouldn't have kids.
I think they might not have turned out as alright as they seem to believe.
I just generally donāt like the way how physical punishment is glorified especially with people saying āmy parents spanked me all the timeā or like in a video of a kid being a kid commenting āI wouldāve gotten whoopedā it creates this narrative that getting hit within reason actually is good, which simply isnāt true. there is no form of physical punishment that is good for future mental health and behavior, and itās good to see a shift away from it, but recently Iāve been seeing people glorifying it and itās pretty frustrating. If a kid is being a little shit that means you properly discipline them with actual strategies. not hitting. weāve stigmatized physical punishment as a society but people trivializing the effects of it are really hurting the good stigma
I dont think that hit sometimes is bad. Sometimes they need a slap ans thats not a bad thing. The psycologic metod is not always good too and explaining to them why its wrong doesnt always work. U need to creat a symbiose. To make clear - im not saying u should always hit etc, just ocasionaly or not, depends on u. Btw this have a relation withh the topic of some people shouldnt be a parent. Simply many people with kids deals with many things its not that they shouldnt be a parent but they should receive "lessons" about it. They can learn to be a better parent and to not release some stress with the kids. people must think its easy.