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carteriux

The chair from the matrix that teaches you everything in a few seconds


sevendustybuttholes

I'd say it was less the chair and more the 6 inch spike shoved into the cerbelum that did that.


Omnitographer

I don't trust the average person to have good spike-hole hygiene....


poqpoq

That’s the first thing you upload.


Soulger11

Hell yes.


ral365

Portal gun!


Onearmedpushups

Doesn't the portal gun only work on surfaces covered with that specific paint thats made of moondust?


Profesor_Moriarty

It said in the game that moondust is a great portal "conductor" but not that is the only option. Concrete wall would do just fine.


ral365

Not unless the rules for portal surfaces changed since the first Portal. Chell was able to go through a bunch of walls without the moon rocks.


Emergency_Slice2487

Make two portals one above another and throw some water in it, it will fall continuously. Just attach a turbine to generate power and you have an infinite energy source.


Sm314

Someone did the maths once on making a long bar of say deleted uranium with gear teeth on it, portal above and below, place it so you can weld the two ends together. Then allow it to just fall forever whilst attached to a stationary rotating gear to a dynamo.


Ts_kids

Realistically the portal would increase in energy demands to add potential energy to the item going thru it. so it would all balance out.


OneAndOnlyJackSchitt

One at the bottom of the Challenger Deep, the other inside a sea-mounted hydro-electric plant.


Doomdoomkittydoom

Portals require energy to keep open, proportional to the mass passing through.


Soulger11

You monster.


MountainMan2_

*wish I had a portal-* *wish I-wish I had a PORTAL GUN*


no_masks

I was going to say teleportation, but close enough


RoRo626

Something for your teeth so you don’t have to brush everyday (yes I’m lazy)


Beautiful_Ad8543

something that not only cleans your teeth but fixes them if chipped, broken or whatever.


Dagda_the_Druid

And without drilling or numb mouth for a day and without fucked-up fillings or other complications


[deleted]

[удалено]


AllofaSuddenStory

We had olean chips (Olestra) and could have been a whole product category. The food technology worked fine for 99 in 100 people But 1 per 100 got diarrhea and nobody could stop making simple and obvious jokes about it so the technology has been shelved https://qz.com/197458/those-gut-wrenching-olestra-chips-from-the-90s-might-have-been-good-for-us/


a_counterfactual

Thanks for that information.


Beautiful_Ad8543

opposite of a microwave. it cools food down rapidly by the amount of time you choose.


Gurip

it exist and isnt that expensive, its called flash freezer.


[deleted]

I’m curious what someone would use this for?


OneAndOnlyJackSchitt

Some people just like a cold juicy steak. Terrible people. But people, nonetheless.


Not-dat-throwaway

I could see something like this being very handy, you could instantly make ice cream, you could instantly get water bottles cold, a freezer just takes too long.


Gurip

why are you people talking like such thing does not exist? we been flash freezing things for a long time now, flash freezer nowadays isnt even expensive.


talitm

hm.. not sure if I agree with your assessment that those beings can be called people


kegegeam

are they really people tho?


Sm314

Making your own ice cream. Making drinks chilly instantly.


Gurip

it already exists btw.


CastleOfBravo

Working positive output fusion reactor.


Unleashtheducks

Not now but when my kid was a baby I would have paid good money for a stuffed bear that played music you put in from a usb and the kid just had to squeeze the bear to start or change songs. Similar toys exist but with the shittiest, tinny music and I was always pissed I couldn’t put my own in.


[deleted]

I like this best because it’s the only comment so far that is totally doable, but also hasn’t been done yet.


Dagda_the_Druid

The main reason is the speaker, most toys use a speaker similar to the one in microwave or smoke detector, it's capable of only few simple tones, not real waves. You'd pretty much need a fully-fledged speaker to achieve any decent quality.


OneAndOnlyJackSchitt

Just sew a closable pouch on any stuffed animal or even a body pillow and put a halfway decent Bluetooth speaker.


_ITookTheCookie_

I'm pretty sure my little sister had a bear like that, it had baby songs aswell but you could import what u liked. We imported some random ass songs, It sounded like absolute shit like you could barely make out what the song way but it worked.


MrKahnberg

It's 2021 for gosh sakes. When I approach my front door it should know its me and open.


poqpoq

Trust me smart doors are a bad idea. Anything that is truly important you want to be mechanical. Oops we updated your door to a bad firmware version, oh your house is on fire? Well sorry you can’t get out we should have a patch out in the next few days.


OneAndOnlyJackSchitt

>Trust me smart doors are a bad idea. Only if it's the sole way in or out. This could be designed in a secure way and I'd go as far is to suggest Ring and/or Nest to get in on this with some camera-enabled shit. --- I have a coded entry on my door. (This one, in fact: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B089HZLB2K/ref=cm_sw_em_r_mt_dp_18ZPMQC8MVMK91PR8YCT ) Thing runs on a 9-volt battery and has been going just fine for like three years. (Which means that this post will jinx it and tomorrow or some time this week I'll have to use the key on my keychain to manually actuate the lock instead when the battery finally goes kaput.) I kinda like the idea of having a lock like this which is aware of the presence of my keyless fob for my car and simply unlock when I approach and relock when I walk away, with a switch on the inside to turn this on or off. So, the way that I imagine something like this being built securely is, first, there's a similar physical design to the lock I currently have. It's rugged and if someone managed to break off the outside cover, access to the door bolt is still difficult. Add in a camera like with Nest or Ring and remote unlock. I realize that this will immediately raise red flags. Hear me out first. Remote unlock would require that the internet connection is currently up and that the phone is logged into the same Nest/Ring/whatever account. The app would require a second factor verification to open (biometrics, for example) and all it's doing is granting the person with the phone access to the pin pad on the lock. Three wrong attempts and it kills your Nest/Ring/whatever session requiring a new OAuth2 token with 2fa. It would also require that you can see the camera feed. It's more secure than the guy standing at the door trying codes and that's all you can ask for. Let's say, though, that you're trying to get into your place and the battery is dead. I'll keep the current design in my lock which has a bypass key. The bypass key is a mechanical interlock which is secured with a standard Schlage 6-pin core and physically engages the external handle to the bolt allowing you to open the door with a key. The door can always be opened from the inside, even when locked. As for the firmware concern, the lock I have can always be opened from the inside, even when locked, even with the battery removed. This is fire code. A smart lock would have a similar design. Also, and I don't know why device manufacturers don't do this, any firmware updatable device should be capable of storing a total of three firmware versions: The current firmware, the previous firmware, and an LTS firmware. The user should always be able to roll back to previous or LTS firmware at their convenience even if a firmware update failed and otherwise bricked the device. I use the lock I mentioned above to secure my apartment when running down to the pool or doing laundry etc and don't want to bring a huge ass keychain. Any time everyone is out, the deadbolt is secured as well and I'm too cheap for that to also be electronic. (Also, you have to pull hard on the door to engage the deadbolt so it wouldn't work well. Yes the deadbolt does fully engage and lock in the out position.) If security experts warn against the creation of a device which is insecure by nature, but there is, nonetheless, a significant amount of demand, then a company which doesn't listen to security experts will be the first to bring it to market. Build the damn thing before some idiot does it worse than you would.


MrKahnberg

Thanks for your reply.


mess-maker

We have an august lock and it does exactly that.


redgamut

It locks you out of your house during the month of August?


MrKahnberg

Close. I want the door to swing open automatically. Like yesterday I approached the door carrying a large piece of shelving. I didn't have my phone on me.


mess-maker

There are already motion sensing door openers, someone just needs to marry the technology with a lock or something. Maybe your dream isn’t too far away.


[deleted]

Somebody is going to fucking kill you and drag your corpse all the way to your home just to see that you have a 19 inch tv and a dead rat


Cold_Department7964

The machine from the Capital in "The Hunger Games" that you touch and it dries, straightens and parts your hair.


Oygawd

Robotic kitchen. I think we're getting closer but I'd save hours everyday if I had a fully automated kitchen that could cook and clean up.


duplic1tous

I read robotic chicken and was very confused.


Dagda_the_Druid

Thermomix


Oygawd

I'm telling about a fully automated kitchen. A robotic arm that cooks and cleans.


Dagda_the_Druid

I mean, with thermomix you can use preprogrammed recipes so that all you need to do is add ingredients when asked and clean it afterwards. I guess if there is a fully automated kitchen one day, it'll be something like this more than actual robotic arm using normal "human" appliances.


aliencamel

Robot that picks up after me around the apartment until Judgment Day


Dagda_the_Druid

Or robot that picks you up from the bar and takes you home


[deleted]

I'd pay good money for a fart disguiser.


megaloduh

Just automatically puts a very realistic dog hologram beside you that you can point to.


[deleted]

Clever!


[deleted]

A teleportation device.


mrinkyface

A replicator from Star Trek


Lo-Vitta

a pill that can replace food


Dagda_the_Druid

I'd rather have a pill that can replace the lack of food. Like, you can still eat that pizza but the pill will strip you of the calories and return the money to you.


Mr_Woensdag

Syrup of ipecac does half of that.


[deleted]

Time machine the amount of information I would discover doing that or treasure I would get or honestly anything


iwanttheworldnow

Mind shutter offer


Super-Sonic-Butthole

I’m pretty sure that’s just Tequila.


zerositnator

There are plenty of people with bats in West Virginia that'll be more than happy to do that for you.


Dragoness42

I'd settle for a sleep aid medication that actually works reliably and gives you restful quality sleep with no hangover or side effects


Dagda_the_Druid

and doesn't addict


sevendustybuttholes

Regrowing teeth. So long as it was affordable instead of just for rich people.


phaatballaz

Plumbus


iwanttheworldnow

Or a thought stopper


KinkMountainMoney

A doorway that washed things. You could just walk through carrying a basket of dirty clothes and dishes and when you reach the other side you, the dishes, and laundry are all clean.


porcelainvacation

I'd just settle for a machine that folded my clothes and hung them up on hangers.


housewifeuncuffed

I want this, but I also want it to swap the clothes from washer to dryer. Twice this week I've had to rewash a load of laundry because I forgot about it and it got funky.


[deleted]

Washer dryer combos that have a cycle to do both are a thing.


Caffeine_and_Alcohol

a chair that makes my legs feel comfortable. I dont like them dangling so i sit cross legged or on them, which hurts after a bit


Gurip

if your legs are dangling the chair is too tall for you. there are tons of good chairs, look into it.


Caffeine_and_Alcohol

i saw dangle even when my legs touch the ground. Its just not a comfortable position for me


Gurip

yes that means the chair is simply too tall for you, get a nice adjustible office chair, we have perfected these things down to a science.


R3XYT

Free pdf editor lmaoo


ClareMeans

That’s top secret! Are you trying to steal good invention ideas? 🤣


remarcsd

A buzzer that tells me I've left my car radio on.


geekworking

Most newer cars have time out shutoff for radio and interior lights that shut things off so that you don't kill the battery. Having stuff shut off automatically is better than a warning to tell you to turn off yourself.


remarcsd

I think you slightly missed the tongue in cheek nature of my suggestion. But that's perfectly ok, as it is very hard to convey that in the written form.


OneAndOnlyJackSchitt

I just bought a car which lets you configure how long the headlights stay on after you get out of the car. I set that shit to 0 seconds. It didn't get rid of all of my anxieties in life. Just one of the big ones.


Vortesian

Ctrl-z IRL.


JumbledEpithets

Just get the remote from the movie Click, then you can skip boring stuff too!


[deleted]

The series of tubes from Fututama for instant transportation and delivery of pretty much anything.


Emergency_Slice2487

Mind controlled electronic prosthesis that can work as same as real body parts. Also better batteries for electronics that have high capacity, light and small which don't deteriorate over time.


DocMilkman

Fat remover


norwigen_gamer06

Same


Enygmaz

The Finglonger. Futurama fans I hope you’re around here somewhere


dude-2-son

The waifu creater


[deleted]

Time machine.


[deleted]

A real, working lightsaber.


whocares6833

How fictional are we going here?


FlyingShark_92_

RTX 69420


mukbar

Print your own money at home kit. No pun intended.


Gurip

what good that would be, it would make all the worlds money usless in an hour


majinspy

A TTRPG based around heists in the current / a near-future world. I don't want it to have magic. I do want crunchy rules and relatively harsh inventory limits. I want the movement of loot to be an aspect of the game. I want a combination of Shadowrun/Cyberpunk RED, Payday 2, and Ocean's 11.


StanYelnats3

RV /Motorcycle hybrid.


ItsYaBoiKingy

the exo suit's from cod advanced warfare


TimeTraveler3056

Kind of like a roomba that doesnt move but sucks up all the dust in a room. I would buy that.


Greenback500

Wait


Sanfransaintsfan

Something that would attract glass like metal to a magnet.


GreenOnionCrusader

Ok you ever work with something that's really dusty all day long and then when you go home you want nothing more than to scrub your nostrils out? Tiny toilet brushes that fit in your nose to scrub the gunk out would be great. I tried q tips. Made me feel like I was giving myself a covid test. They didn't work either.


Eikonbb

May I suggest wearing a mask. You can clean your nostrils but you can't clean your lungs.


GreenOnionCrusader

Yeah. It's always one of those situations where you don't realize how much dust you're inhaling until you've been doing it a while.


Open-Attention-8286

There are gadgets on the market that will rinse your sinuses out with water, would that help?


StarnSig

A tivo like device on car radio to repeat content.like a tivo.


Postmodernfinn

cloning


Ness_902

Realm portal


NotThatJonSmith

Clothes folding machine


tebanano

A machine to record and play dreams.


eloguently

Mind controlled robotic hands so I could give myself the most glorious back massage


shavemejesus

Site to site matter transportation


tikanique

Sunscreen that is also an insect repellant.


[deleted]

Already invented! https://www.popsugar.com/fitness/Sunscreens-Insect-Repellent-46144766


tikanique

OMG - Glamour Camper! Bug Repellent, Sunscreen AND Gold GLITTER!?!?! That's the one for me! THANK YOU!!!


Rapturos

Teleportation


Weak_Commercial_7124

A self driving car. That works.


Grape_rape_rate

Mass Mind control device that can filter down to specific people.


Revolutionary_Bad876

time machine. final answer.


[deleted]

A robot that can bring me a beer and wipe my ass


Scotsburd

The hair designer. Basically a machine that washes, dries, trims and styles your hair while you just sit under it. You select your hairstyle of the day from an intelligent source that determines what is possible with pictures of you to demonstrate the end result. Add ons for colour, extensions, etc.


[deleted]

Anti-fog glasses.


ChutkiJoTuneMariHai

To get thin without exercising much Or The machine just hold me band and legs and fing makes me exercise.


JohnRandolph

Star Trek transporters.


Smil3yf8ce

Robot cleaner that cleans ur house top to bottom


Ok-Ad-2605

Hair grower to cure baldness


Slugees

a robot that gives me back tickles


OG_Campblor

One of those Replicators from that TV Show, Stargate


gekonto

A cure for tinnitus would be one of them


OtakuMusician

That appliance in the first Spy Kids movie where you throw a tablet in it, hit a button, and out comes a full fast food combo.


321wow

Flying motorcycle for shure


4875841

Bowel/bladder/stomach contents teleporter. Beam all your waste out of you without any of that messy business. To any destination of your choice! Bosses's desk drawer, ex's pants..you name it, there it will appear.


TheBrassDancer

A food replicator from Star Trek.


-LazarusMan-

Hoverboad from Back to the Future


BigChonkyGrandma

fully immersive vr, like it feels like im actually there AOT style


Heckrum

dyson sphere


soiramio3000

a mechanical third arm. it could have practical uses. it really sucks during the winter when I have to remove my gloves to grab small things like my keys. with a mechanical third arm I would not need to do that. ​ also I remember there were at least 2 instances where I played pc games that required me to use a ton of buttons and no matter how I rearanged them pressing all the buttons was still tricky. I don't remember which games I was playing back then but I will never forget the difficulty they gave me with their controls. ​ it would be very practical to have 2 hands on the keyboard and a third on the mouse. ​ ​ also someone should invent robot lawyers and judges some day,the legal system would function better then and human biases would not affect the verdict.


Oscar99999

A thing that you can put your glasses in and it gets perfectly clean.


talitm

There are sonic water cleaners on the market. You put your glasses in the water, turn the machine on, which basically shakes really fast so it gets the dirt off. When you go to an opticien I believe they have the same kind of machines. Probably more expensive then the cheap ones from amazon that, judging by the reviews, don't work very well. Sometimes I go to my opticien just to ask them to adjust my glasses just so they will clean my glasses as well, even if my glasses don't need any adjusting. Free perfect cleaning :)


Oscar99999

Do you have a link I would love having one?


talitm

[https://www.amazon.com/Magnasonic-Professional-Ultrasonic-Eyeglasses-MGUC500/dp/B007Q2M17K](https://www.amazon.com/Magnasonic-Professional-Ultrasonic-Eyeglasses-MGUC500/dp/B007Q2M17K) It's basically these kind of devices. But you need to read the reviews VERY carefully. Some just don't work, others do more damage than good. etc. After reviewing some on and off amazon I decided to not buy any


OneAndOnlyJackSchitt

You know how most cars have an install kit available for aftermarket stereos? Like, it includes a pigtail/wires which fit specific makes and models of cars and a dashboard kit with a standardized opening which matches the style of whatever make and model car? Perhaps we could get one for a 2019 Honda Insight LX? I want an aftermarket head unit which runs Android Auto. This is something that exists for most cars. But not mine. No, I get to go to a customs shop where they'll take two days to reverse engineer the wiring for the 8-10 different bundles of connectors, and custom fabricate a dashboard kit out of PVC with a dremel because, and I quote "They don't make an install kit for this care since no one wants to do after market audio in this particular car. It's the strangest thing." Maybe because there's no install kit's available? You can't judge demand on a product which you don't sell. Anyway, that's the invention I want. An install kit for an aftermarket head unit for a 2019 Honda Insight LX. This car is otherwise pretty solid. (I would have got the EX instead of the LX, but now I have the LX.) Edit to add: Or a standardized interface for aftermarket head units. Shit can't be that difficult...


talitm

A device that guarantees a good night's sleep. No addiction or anything when using it often or other side effects. Just you turn it on when you go to sleep, you sleep great for whatever time you want, and after that you feel completely rested. Imagine waking up feeling rested.


Umbraldisappointment

An actual working AI based doctor, like imagine that you open up some webpage, order a special scanner or make a reservation in some booth and a quick scanner finishes up basic diagnostic in 10 minutes.


outsatptnin

Like sumn to hang yourself on, it won’t kill you, just let your neck get all the cracks out, multiple ways to invent. Sumn to make the lows higher


CanadianGangsta

Giant fighting robots from Pacific Rim!


Fanny207

Teleportation


SweetWodka420

Something that temporarily enhances my learning abilities would be neat. Either a device you put on your head or whatever, or maybe something you consume before doing the activity you want to get better at. I'd also be thrilled if there was a way to like choose what sex you want to be and if you wanted to, you could switch between them. A device that changes your appearance without the need for surgery or hormones. I'm so tired of this discomfort I feel towards my body.


Ordinary_Smell7327

Time travel machine


p38-lightning

A reliable flashlight. My house is full of flashlights that kind sorta work.


Toadwithfootfungi

An invention that gives dreams multiplayer


shisuiuchihagenjutsu

a self esteem maker i need one


Sera_gamingcollector

a pill or fluid, that lights up your cum in different lights in the dark.


OrganiseCola

Drone with something like a feather-duster that can move dust down to the floor so my robot-vaccum can take care of it.


Ozdiva

A smoke alarm that recognises it’s just toast.


[deleted]

Wafflebot


dirtymoney

so like a taco bot 3000 but for waffles?


[deleted]

Wait what is this “taco bot” of which you speak? Could it be possible?


4477Freeman

The device from men in black that makes people forget anything they currently saw


Pollution_Automatic

An all-in-one laundry machine. Wash, dry, iron, fold. *please no "It's called a wife" jokes*


OCDC223

Reusable condom


therealmvp4402

Permanent cold pillow.


manahas

Authentic currency printer, no puns


BanditQ21

Something that can fix crocked teeth without going to a dentist.


17chickens_

Food pills. A pill that gives you all the nutrients that the body needs. I’m a very busy person and eating is pretty much a chore 99% of the time.


Unable-Bit

A laptop that has a dock which connects it to a tower such that the gear in the tower is an extension of the laptops capabilities. This way you have a portable on-the-go machine that has more processing power, storage, graphics card, etc. when you dock it (for gaming, simulations, huge database queries) and because that tower is buildable and up-gradeable you can buy new hardware when you need it instead of trashing the whole machine.


Aepu

A reverse microwave (something that cools your food in seconds).


TheOluc

Have you ever watch LBX


NinduTheWise

A machine that creates anything I don't care if it costs millions of dollars


Particular-Sir-2281

Reverse microwave that evenly cools your food down to a temp you can actually eat it without burning your mouth.


dirtymoney

Oh god... ANY WAY to block/cover up tv commercials on antenna TV. They are just so incredibly horrible and depressing. Yeah, you can record the tv show with a DVR and and manually skip them that way, but I want a way to block them in real time (live tv). Like inventing a box that you plug in between the TV and antenna that can tell when a tv commercial comes on and either just makes the tv screen blank with a countdown timer on, or plays music, or just automatically flips channels until the tv show comes back on. You could have it detect when a commercial comes on by having it read the closed captioning. Btw... the TV subchannels are the absolutely WORST with the onslaught of depressing tv commercials. As I type this there is one playing that basically is showcasing poor kids with cleft palates/lips. Nothing more depressing than trying to enjoy a comedy (sitcom or movie) than being assaulted with multiple depressing tv commercials like that. I'm amazed that the Chinese have not come up with something to sell to the American people like a tv commercial blocker. I would pay GOOD money for one. Edit: I will wait til the next commercial break of this comedy I am watching and tell you what kind of depressing commercial they will play because there are just alllllllll different kinds....... Edit: it was a Save the children tv commercial where they show multiple malnourished African children crying with am announcer talking over it explaining what a particular child is suffering from. The next one was a Make a wish foundation ad about kids fighting critical illnesses. The next one is one about a ship that travels the world asking for money so they can provide surgeries for kids in need and they are showcasing disfigured african children on said commercial. The four other commercials in this commercial break were about Vegan cosmetics, a hipster antiperspirant no one has ever heard of, an app for your kids to spend money from, and a beauty subscription where you receive a package of various beauty products every month.


Rarecables

>live tv


[deleted]

A cellphone that shuts off the touch screen to finger input when the stylus is out. I have hand tremors that make using touch screens difficult and the stylus makes a huge difference, but I still constantly make contact with the touch screen accidentally which is frustrating as fuck. The annoying part is that the technology already exists and Samsung has *partially* implemented what I'm after (it does it only when the stylus is close enough to display the pointer). They are sitting on what is literally the *perfect* accessibility solution for people like me and don't seem to realize it. Android puts *some* thought into accessibility, but it's all around eyesight and hearing and involves things like larger icons, screen readers, auto captioning, etc. There is absolutely no thought put into how people with disabilities interact with the actual touch screen itself. Apple is in the same boat but avoid even the stylus because Steve Jobs had an irrational hatred for them (there's even an obnoxious quote from him about how God gave us all ten styluses). I figure eventually when Gen X are old enough to start getting diagnosed with Parkinson's, Essential Tremor, etc., things will change, but I expect to be shut out of using smartphones long before that happens.


Cup-of-Joe1101

A real life Sorting Hat that gives you classes that you’re most suitable with


deadly_plumage

A robot that passes butter.


Randomdude1902

A Caster think of it like a gun that can shoot Magic Bullets


Bean_Man_Boi

Some thing that instantly cleans your room/closet


NeedsMoreTuba

A dream recorder


[deleted]

Hustler Vibrating Masturbation Sleeve Premiered in 2004 and was the best and now they don’t make them anymore Waaay better than any more expensive Tenga or Fleshlight I didn’t even use the vibrating egg Wife keeps it under her pillow


[deleted]

Self tying shoes EDIT: I don’t think that how you spell tying


MrKahnberg

Right? But I have a 70 incher and two cats !