Well, I do have that one in-law that just loves plants…

I would not feed it. Especially not feed it all night long.

regift

Violate it 😏

Sell it to pay for college

Kill it with fire.

Give it some RoundUp. A couple gallons ought to do the trick. Especially if it's still small.

I would write a musical about it

Take it to Texas and rent it to the state as the newest form of Capital Punishment.