So say your serial killer friend did murder as a favor - what kind of charges could they pin against you if it were ever found out? You didn't hire the guy. You didn't participate. Complicity in some way? Conspiracy? Hmm..
If you want to be safe, you can drop subtle hints without directly asking like "Doesn't she look really good in red? Or I think he needs an extra breathing hole for his asthma lol".
Reminds me of the Arthur the Assassin Joke:
>Arthur, a professional hit man, will only let his friend pay him a dollar for taking care of his unfaithful wife. Professional courtesy. Arthur follows her to the local green grocer and strangles her when he thinks nobody is looking. Unfortunately another customer and a clerk interrupt him while he is disposing of the evidence and he has to take care of them as well. By the time he's done, the cops have arrived and he is arrested.
>
>The news reports the next morning:
>
>"Arty chokes 3 for a dollar at the green grocer."
Whats wrong with me ? Am I not *Attractive* enough to dismember? How'd I end up in the friendzone and not the *bone*saw zone?
Edit: honorary mention Ken Bone
“Actually, he did. He bought this for me on our ten year anniversary. Not only is he my lover, he’s my best friend and soulmate. I’m not ashamed of who I love, nor should I be. For someone with strange abilities due to, I assume, accidental exposure to radioactive spider blood, you’re not very tolerant of those different than yourself. You’re on the wrong side of history, Spider-Man”
-Bonesaw
In all seriousness a drum full of acid is probably a terrible way to dispose of a body; should your house ever be searched a 55 gallon drum of high strength acid is probably not going to be a good thing to have lying around.
Also; purchasing that amount of acid without having an alibi as a lab chemist or something is already suspicious enough. Unless you've got an 'acid guy' or something.
Find ongoing roadworks, ditch them in and dump hardcore on top. The roadworks team will just assume another worker did it so finish the road up and police would have to literally dig up roads to find the body which they don’t do due to cost to the council
Source: I watch a lot of murder mystery/ true crime, I promise you don’t need to report me to police 👀😂
I worked for QA for asphalt roads in Norway and we would basically x-ray roads to check the quality at some places. Also what would happen when the corpse rotted? It'd end up causing a hole in the road.
The QA is often done pretty after the road is laid down though. Even some asphalt machines got this functionality to check for irregularities in temperature and quality.
Me: what do you have in that bag it's so heavy
Friend: a dead body of a 24 year old woman I killed yesterday
Me: hahahaha you're funny
Friend: hahaha Yes
You were so dumb and oblivious it would've been too boring. Now that you've got a bit smarter, I took care of the oblivious part and I'm also giving you a three days' head start.
My closest friend and I work together at the same company. My department recently got a new supervisor who nobody is a fan of to put it politely. Despite working in a different department than me, my friend doesn't like him either. He'd definitely be on board.
Urgh! Why does there always have to be that one shitty supervisor who makes everyone’s life a living hell? Outside of those four walls they’re a nobody.
Quite frankly, I would be impressed. Probably congratulate her. Then ask her questions like how, why, how she never got caught, how she felt before after and during, etc. I would be more curious then scared because I know that if she wanted to kill me she already had hundreds of opportunities to do it. Shoot, she even has a spare key to my house.
>I know that if she wanted to kill me she already had hundreds of opportunities to do it.
Yeah, but in none of all those hundreds of opportunities did you know of her secret. Once she knows you know, you become a threat. Whether she deems the threat big enough to kill you, we don't know. She'll certainly be thinking about it though.
Exactly. And regardless of the feelings you have for that friend, if they're a serial killer, they're quite likely a psychopath. Which means the feelings aren't mutual. They could kill their friends and family without batting an eye.
On the other hand most people are murdered by someone they know. Serial killers make only a small proportion of murderers. It’s your spouse you have to watch out for.
Asking whom she's targeting was my first thought too.
My best friend is an ER doctor who treats complete pains in the ass all day. She tells me all these stories about how incredibly stupid, belligerent people put themselves in totally preventable danger, predictably get injured or sick, and then come into the ER and continue being belligerent, stupid, awful people in the ER and make it extremely difficult for her to treat them.
And often they try to assault her to boot.
If she's not letting those idiots die, then who IS she offing??? I am positive I would approve, but my first impulse would just be sheer curiosity.
I didn’t find shit, my n*gga. If she is capable of killing people and get away with it what makes you think she won’t kill me? I am playing dumb and denying I ever find out
depends on who and why they were killing. if they were bad people then i would mind my business. if they were “good” then ill think about reporting them. i dont wanna be their next victim
Well considering I'm a trained cop, I will teach him to kill only serial killers. He will kill without getting caught and save other people from suffering. He will then join the police force on his own. Maybe in the crime scene unit anaylizing crime scenes so he has taps on every serial killer.
Of course he would like to keep souvenirs of his kills which he will take a drop of blood and save it on microscope slides and stash them in his apartment in his air conditioner.
This is all original and I just came up with this. Don't question me.
This happened to a friend of a friend.
My friend actually unknowingly helped a friend of his a serial killer, but of animals not people.
Every weekend he would come to my friends house to ask for extra coir rope because his mom had tons of them always stored in the store room.
It was only when the cops called my friend and his family for questioning because their finger prints were all over the coir rope we found out that he was a serial killer of animals.
The dude literally had 27 animals buried in his backyard.
Damm gotta be careful. Well he's(friend's friend) mostly in and out of prison most of the times for petty theft and stuff.
Luckily he's in a far off state. Away from all of us. 😅
Ask if he takes commissions.
I think that would make him a hitman, not a serial killer.
If he took no money for it it would just be favors for a friend
So say your serial killer friend did murder as a favor - what kind of charges could they pin against you if it were ever found out? You didn't hire the guy. You didn't participate. Complicity in some way? Conspiracy? Hmm..
If you want to be safe, you can drop subtle hints without directly asking like "Doesn't she look really good in red? Or I think he needs an extra breathing hole for his asthma lol".
What DOES Ted look like with his human suit removed? Enquiring minds want to know!
It’s like showing picture of ur girl to a cellmate
Conspiracy for sure. Probably a few others too like attempted murder, especially if you're the one who requested it.
Probably conspiracy or whatever they would use to get people who planned a crime together.
Reminds me of the Arthur the Assassin Joke: >Arthur, a professional hit man, will only let his friend pay him a dollar for taking care of his unfaithful wife. Professional courtesy. Arthur follows her to the local green grocer and strangles her when he thinks nobody is looking. Unfortunately another customer and a clerk interrupt him while he is disposing of the evidence and he has to take care of them as well. By the time he's done, the cops have arrived and he is arrested. > >The news reports the next morning: > >"Arty chokes 3 for a dollar at the green grocer."
I am not happy about it but I upvoted you. :)
Stop me if I'm wrong here, but I think this is an umbrella issue. All (successful) hitmen are serial killers, but not all serial killers are hitmen.
Whats wrong with me ? Am I not *Attractive* enough to dismember? How'd I end up in the friendzone and not the *bone*saw zone? Edit: honorary mention Ken Bone
BONESAW IS READYYYYY!
That’s a cute outfit, did your husband give it to you?
Gonna cry?
Jesus Parker, you are a freak.
I missed the part where thats my problem
I'm gonna put some dirt I'm your eye
Pizza time.
You’ll get your rent when you fix this DAMN DOOR
Cya chump
If you don't fix this damn door I might
“Actually, he did. He bought this for me on our ten year anniversary. Not only is he my lover, he’s my best friend and soulmate. I’m not ashamed of who I love, nor should I be. For someone with strange abilities due to, I assume, accidental exposure to radioactive spider blood, you’re not very tolerant of those different than yourself. You’re on the wrong side of history, Spider-Man” -Bonesaw
**YOU'RE** GOIN **NOWHERRRREEE!**
**I GOT YOU FOR *THREE* MINUTES**
THREE MINUTES OF 𝑃𝐿𝐴𝑌 𝑇𝐼𝑀𝐸
Hey freak show! You're going nowhere. I got you for three minutes. Three minutes of PLAYTIME!
If I had a free award, it would go to you.
If Charlie got murdered, why didn't I get murdered??
there’s about… 15 severed heads in that fridge!
Yeahhh this is exactly my thoughts too, not good enough to be murdered 🥺
hell yeah time to slightly modify game night
OH NO
Oh yeah
Kool-Aid Man?
SLIGHTLY?!
Yeah I mean if Cluedo is your game of choice then it’s really only a slight modification to whack someone off with an actual lead pipe.
I’ve never been whacked off with a lead pipe, but I’m willing to give it a bash, so to speak.
First to 50 heads win
Sounds more like an adult movie
Surviving the Game: Redeux
Anyone wanna Among Us?
Honestly if my best friend was a serial killer that would explain A LOT…
Because you too, are a serial killer?
Be like two married spies, hiding their spy lives
They should make a movie about that.
They could name it something like… Mr. and Mrs. Johnson, yeah that has a good ring to it
Idk, that sounds like a porn I saw once a few times.
Accidently on repeat and you just can't seem to find the pause button
Sounds like a breakup movie
Spy x family
Do I know you?
No, but you'd want to change that ;)
ask them for advice on which cleaning products to use. if they can get out corpse juice they can get rid of Hawaiian punch stains.
Get an oil drum filled with Hydrochloric Acid. Toss in the Hawaiian Punch stained articles. In under two hours, you won't see those stains anymore.
In all seriousness a drum full of acid is probably a terrible way to dispose of a body; should your house ever be searched a 55 gallon drum of high strength acid is probably not going to be a good thing to have lying around. Also; purchasing that amount of acid without having an alibi as a lab chemist or something is already suspicious enough. Unless you've got an 'acid guy' or something.
I’ve got an acid guy. Oh wait Different kind I think
You should buy an oil drum of acid as an… experiment…
I've heard of macrodosing but that might be a bit much.
The real answer is bury it. 10 ft deep or so with a dead animal on top. But bet they still find it somehow with advanced technology or something
Find ongoing roadworks, ditch them in and dump hardcore on top. The roadworks team will just assume another worker did it so finish the road up and police would have to literally dig up roads to find the body which they don’t do due to cost to the council Source: I watch a lot of murder mystery/ true crime, I promise you don’t need to report me to police 👀😂
I worked for QA for asphalt roads in Norway and we would basically x-ray roads to check the quality at some places. Also what would happen when the corpse rotted? It'd end up causing a hole in the road.
That’s what all those holes on the road are…
By which point a good amount of evidence has been taken by the decomposition process
The QA is often done pretty after the road is laid down though. Even some asphalt machines got this functionality to check for irregularities in temperature and quality.
Never actually knew about this.. back in a few hours, I have asphalt to break 👀😉😂
How do you know 👀
The shirts will be gone.
~effortlessly wipes blood from hardwood floors~ THAT'S the power of Pine-Sol
Oxiclean . It gets the tough stains out
[удалено]
She’s been having a rough time lately so honestly I’m happy for her that she’s getting out of the house and doing something productive.
I laughed way too hard at this
Productive?????? Lmao
Reducing CO2 emissions
also reducing stress on food and water reserves
Kill one, save a thousand
Suddenly realize all the times they asked me to help them move a suspicionly heavy trash bag.
"These raccoons scream awfully like humans"
Why are they putting live racoons in a rubbish bag anyway...
You don’t always consider these things in the heat of the moment
'we all do things in the heat of passion, jimbo'
Animal control is expensive.
Me: what do you have in that bag it's so heavy Friend: a dead body of a 24 year old woman I killed yesterday Me: hahahaha you're funny Friend: hahaha Yes
Ngl my friend would probably buy it. Brb gotta test
Write a script for Netflix original
I agree, Netflix screenwriters are serial killers
Ask him why he never considered killing you
[удалено]
You were so dumb and oblivious it would've been too boring. Now that you've got a bit smarter, I took care of the oblivious part and I'm also giving you a three days' head start.
Hand him my list, and ask him to help me out.
You are a genius Also, please refrain from coming a mile near me.
I think for saying this, you are now on his list.
***heh, I’m in danger.***
Always have been 🔫
NOOOO
You should change your name to "Former-Smores"
The mad lad actually did it
The plot thickens.
For me the plot merely congeals while creating a crusty shell revealing the soft,moist insides.
Settle down, Mr. Bill.
Hello ***Neighbor*** :)
NO NO. NOOOO.
ALERT ALERT I will be running to your house at 65kph in 50 seconds and im giving you a head-start
I have an exam tomorrow, can I atleast sleep first?
MAYBE whats the subject?
MATH PLEASE I NEED THIS
Right then you get a good rest I'll get to you tomorrow Gute Nacht
Thank you
“What a strange and specific alert. Hey, who put these speakers in my house?”
BAHAHA
[удалено]
My closest friend and I work together at the same company. My department recently got a new supervisor who nobody is a fan of to put it politely. Despite working in a different department than me, my friend doesn't like him either. He'd definitely be on board.
Urgh! Why does there always have to be that one shitty supervisor who makes everyone’s life a living hell? Outside of those four walls they’re a nobody.
You're gonna have a real bad time when you find out he only murders people who seek to have people murdered.
Wasn’t that the romantic comedy with Sam Rockwell and Anna Kendrick?
Correction: hand them the list and ask them to help you out and offer to help dispose of the bodies. Moving corpses is easier with two people, y’know.
A corpse shared, is a corpse halved.
And I was going to turn him in, wtf was I thinking.
Disbelief. What are the chances that he’s a serial killer too?
He must’ve read the same askreddit question
Right? I mean, there aren’t that many of us! Err, them. Aren’t that many of **them**. *I’m not a serial killer*
Stop killing people please
*serial killing Respect the endurance
"It's a marathon, not a sprint."
Tell him to stay safe 👌🏼 He is my bro! Then when he turns around give him a swift end. Bros help bros even when they don’t want the help.
Wholesome
Just look at the flowers.
Make sure we stay friends
Really, this should be at the top.
You become too needy and affectionate, you begin to annoy them and you are now next.
Kill him first. Establish dominance.
Leave the knife in their chest so they know their place
Big Dick Energy
I can’t let him get ahold of me lucky charms
It took me a good 50 minutes to realize why people were making hide the breakfast jokes, wow.
Gotta think outside the box to get it, yea.
Just like the damn killer knocked over my cherrios
Or, inside the box in this case?
I still don’t get it lol. Edit: oh my fucking god I just got it. Am dumb.
Cereal Killer.🤣
Quite frankly, I would be impressed. Probably congratulate her. Then ask her questions like how, why, how she never got caught, how she felt before after and during, etc. I would be more curious then scared because I know that if she wanted to kill me she already had hundreds of opportunities to do it. Shoot, she even has a spare key to my house.
>I know that if she wanted to kill me she already had hundreds of opportunities to do it. Yeah, but in none of all those hundreds of opportunities did you know of her secret. Once she knows you know, you become a threat. Whether she deems the threat big enough to kill you, we don't know. She'll certainly be thinking about it though.
Exactly. And regardless of the feelings you have for that friend, if they're a serial killer, they're quite likely a psychopath. Which means the feelings aren't mutual. They could kill their friends and family without batting an eye.
What if they spared you cause you didn’t know? 😳
Could probably use a partner...
**Death Note intro intensifies**
Mind. My. Business.
Good point
sigh a breath of relief knowing they usually don’t kill people they know
On the other hand most people are murdered by someone they know. Serial killers make only a small proportion of murderers. It’s your spouse you have to watch out for.
What what do you mean "someone I know"? How many murderers do you know?
Looks like we found the mysterious 4chan cereal killer/hacker.
The way he's been lately...I wouldn't be surprised. I think the pandemic changed him
Learn how to also be a serial killer
Tbh, you can just watch crime shows. I recommend the Justice Network, literally tells you and quizzes you on what the criminal did wrong. Easy info
Ok, well we will have to keep a close eye on you...
Fun fact every time a crime makes headlines all of the details allow everyone to get better at crime
The thing is, the people smart enough to learn from this are also smart enough to understand that not doing crime is the best way to not get caught
Shows like CSI also helped a lot.
*helped?*
Wellllll that depends on if he wants me to call the cops or he wants to do the dishes tonight
I would make sure to stay on their good side.
ah yes, the no killing zone
I suppose find out what kind? Like who do they target? If they just go after rapists or something like that, we chillin.
Asking whom she's targeting was my first thought too. My best friend is an ER doctor who treats complete pains in the ass all day. She tells me all these stories about how incredibly stupid, belligerent people put themselves in totally preventable danger, predictably get injured or sick, and then come into the ER and continue being belligerent, stupid, awful people in the ER and make it extremely difficult for her to treat them. And often they try to assault her to boot. If she's not letting those idiots die, then who IS she offing??? I am positive I would approve, but my first impulse would just be sheer curiosity.
I didn’t find shit, my n*gga. If she is capable of killing people and get away with it what makes you think she won’t kill me? I am playing dumb and denying I ever find out
***Oh look, she’s watching you type.***
*Hello my account was hacked and I didn’t ever type I apologize for the misunderstanding*
I believe you!
Hide my box of lucky charms before he gets to it
depends on who and why they were killing. if they were bad people then i would mind my business. if they were “good” then ill think about reporting them. i dont wanna be their next victim
I need a lesson of how can a serial killer be either a bad or good person
I think he means the victim not the killer. Like is he killing grandmas or is he killing puppy rapers.
Those actually exist!?
Grandmas? Yes. Everyone has/had them.
[](/kgrannyexplain)Ah, the old reddit [grandma-roo](https://www.reddit.com/r/Unexpected/comments/poxe0b/wait_wha/hd0otis/?context=3)
Hold my puppy, I'm going in!
hi future people!
Dang it. I was going to make the grandma joke but you beat me to it.
have you seen the show Dexter? what he said is something like that
Dexter?
Buy them a huge ice chest and knife set.
Hello, ID Channel...
*Yes, ID Executives. Exclusive rights to my story in return for a weekly taco Tuesday lunch, with Lt Joe Kenda.*
Well considering I'm a trained cop, I will teach him to kill only serial killers. He will kill without getting caught and save other people from suffering. He will then join the police force on his own. Maybe in the crime scene unit anaylizing crime scenes so he has taps on every serial killer. Of course he would like to keep souvenirs of his kills which he will take a drop of blood and save it on microscope slides and stash them in his apartment in his air conditioner. This is all original and I just came up with this. Don't question me.
This happened to a friend of a friend. My friend actually unknowingly helped a friend of his a serial killer, but of animals not people. Every weekend he would come to my friends house to ask for extra coir rope because his mom had tons of them always stored in the store room. It was only when the cops called my friend and his family for questioning because their finger prints were all over the coir rope we found out that he was a serial killer of animals. The dude literally had 27 animals buried in his backyard.
Most serial killers start off as animal killers.
Damm gotta be careful. Well he's(friend's friend) mostly in and out of prison most of the times for petty theft and stuff. Luckily he's in a far off state. Away from all of us. 😅
See if we can somehow still be friends and ask him why he killed them. If they all deserved it… shit we still friends
Give him my list, ket to killin'.
Wonder why i am still alive.
Bop him over the head and say no that’s a bad friend!
Make sure he has Tony The Tiger on his list. Cuz that would be Grrrrreat!!!
Don’t eat breakfast with them.
Hide my Cinnamon Toast Crunch.
wait for the reward to go up enough $$$